SUGAR BABIES
SUGAR BABIES
S UGA R ING The lifestyle
— P . 10 - P . 15
Sugar Babies
P . 16 - P . 21
Gifts and arrangements
P . 22 - P . 31
Dress code
P . 32 - P . 37
Misconceptions
S O SA LT Y
The other side of being a sugar baby
— P . 40 - P . 41
Splenda daddy
P . 42 - P . 47
Blacklist
P . 48 - P . 51
Community
VANILLA
A look from the outside
— P . 54 - P . 61
Ex - Sugar
P . 62 - P . 67
Interview
P . 30
Credits
SB
SUGARING —
Sugaring, a type of relationship/lifestyle in which a Sugar Baby (SB) will provide companionship in exchange for being pampered. In this “pampering” is obviously a broad term, it can be an allowance, tuition payments, or and investment into the SB’s business — or simply gifts, trips and other treats. “Companionship” is an equally broad term, which can be explicitly sexual, casual dating, monogamous relationship or to be a secondary partner for the Sugar Daddy.
CAT AGO RIES
1 - LU X U RY The sugar baby that will use her money to finance her luxury lifestyle and clothes. 2 - MON EY As an “easy� way to get out of depts or to pay for the bills. 3 - E X P E R I E NC E Gaining experience in the field of a rich lifestyle and learning from their sugar daddies how to become rich and succesfull themselves.
SUGA R BA BY The different reasons why —
Experienced and successful SBs say that sugaring is a lifestyle. In many respects, it is completely different from the way we approach and live in our “vanilla” world. The two overlap though; for example, a good “sugar hustle” can serve you well in a “vanilla career”, but the fact remains that sugaring is a unique craft or skill. Sugaring is about pleasing a man and providing him with an experience that he cannot or does not get in his own “vanilla” life, but, equally important, it is about making sure that you are pleased and satisfied in return. For most SBs, this involves meaningful financial support as the bedrock foundation of a good sugar relationship. You can spin it anyway you want, but the truth is that a good SB is providing a “service” first and foremost, and, in return for “services rendered”, she should be compensated. It takes time to find the right “price point” that is appropriate for you and there are myriad factors that come into play; including your location, your financial needs and goals, the type of sugaring you want to do (platonic, long distance, skyping, sexual, extended meetings or short dates), and your work/school/home situation. Like any skill, work, career or profession, sugaring has a learning curve; often a steep one at that. There are no shortcuts, there are no “one size fits all” manuals that are going to transform you from a newbie to an experienced SB overnight. It takes time to learn the craft of sugaring. It takes commitment and dedication. You will make mistakes, and you have to learn from those mistakes. You will encounter personality types that you have never dealt with before – whether good, bad or even monstrous – and you will have to have or get a “thick skin” if you are to succeed! Above all, always be careful, stay safe and trust your instinct.
Never let financial need cloud your judgment Decisions made based on financial need are almost always bad decisions. Do not put yourself into unsafe situations. Do not “trust” some guy that you have just met and do not be intimidated or manipulated into doing something that you know that you do not want to do, know when to say no! Especially in the beginning, reach out to the SB community, like tumblr, if there arequestions; and, when possible, try to do that before you make a decision or commitment.
The best and most easy way to start is to sign up on a sugaring website. There are a lot of them out there, and, believe me, at this point, since sugaring has achieved a “mainstream” presence in our society and culture, every single sugaring website is going to be loaded with guys who are salty, creepy, freaky, perverted, childish, foolish, stupid and mean. One of the true skills of sugaring is being able to weed those losers out without wasting too much of your time and focus on real POTs. Again, that skill takes time to develop. Most girls will use SA, and it has worked for them. Although there are a lot of SBs don’t like it, but, quite frankly, this can be said for most of the sugaring website out there.
There’s a reason why some girls are more successful than others and it’s all in the mindset. A lot of the characteristics of a good sugar baby are generally not those of a polite person. As many of us grown up we were taught to be humble, not to be greedy, to only take a fair share, to be independent and do things for ourselves. Throw everything you’ve learned out the window and re-program your thoughts. That’s the only way you can make it.
T HE Y W A N T A L A D Y W H O IS A BO VE A VERA GE Sugar daddies like a lady who turns heads without warranting a point and stare. The idea here is to keep the goods under-wraps, increasing your value to him.
Knowing your goals, and not losing site of them. Was first goal when starting the sugaring lifestyle to pay off your credit cards? Two months later, have you? It’s okay to treat yourself with your own hard earned sugar cash once in a while and ball out, but at the end of the day, your bills are still making their way to your mailbox, and that Fendi bag is just sitting on your floor. So make sure that you keep your eyes on the goal, decide what is most important to you.
Saving your money. It’s okay to spend your allowance, on bills, food, entertainment, clothes. Just remember to save at least half or a ¾ of your allowance. For example have a safe filled with money that is meant for later. Any money that goes in that safe, is meant to never be touched, but that’s just the way some girls do it. Develop a strong will power, don’t let your new wage get to your head.
Someone who has the confidence of a pageant contestant and a politician. This lifestyle is not for the faint of heart. If you are insecure in the slightest bit, just stop. Society is very judgmental about this lifestyle. People who you thought were the closest to you, will call you a gold digger, prostitute, hooker and you just have to turn your nose up and pay them no mind. They don’t understand the lifestyle of a sex worker. Morally, if you can’t handle having a double life and lying to people, then stop. The money is not worth it.
Know that not every man she meets is sugar daddy material. There are tons of salts/meat suits on the websites. They go not give a flying fuck about you. They see these girls as a young, naive, vessel that they can stick their non existent dick in for five hours and only give you $200 to compensate.
DON’T BE A F R A I D TO DE M A N D G IFTS, I T’S YOU R RIGH T.
GI FT S Allowances & arrangements —
The allowance talk is so uncomfortable for a lot of SBs, especially those who are just starting out. When it comes to talking money, many SBs feel awkward or shy; they don’t want to come off like “gold diggers” or “too hungry for the money” or they think it is unseemly to discuss the subject to directly. First, please realize that cheap ass salts are counting on you to feel this way and will use every opportunity to make it more difficult for you! You need to get to the point where you can be comfortably and confidently direct about talking money and to pay very close attention to the vibes and responses you are receiving from the POT as you do so! But, the “allowance talk” is never a one-way conversation! The POT is going to respond to you and, if he is not a serious SD, there are going to be telltale signs based solely on the language that he uses and the things that he says. Salts and other cheapskates are pathological when it comes to this and they automatically resort to the same “maneuvers” every single time. As you start that unavoidable “allowance talk” with a POT, keep one very important thing in mind: Remind yourself what you are looking for! You are looking for a SD, a gentleman who wants the same thing as you – an arrangement that is fair to both sides. A true SD has been down this road before, and, although he may be a good or tough negotiator, he is not going to try to negotiate you into a ridiculous deal. A Salt, on the other hand, is never willing to negotiate anything other than a ridiculous deal. And, remember this, no matter how good you are with your game, it is no fun and it is not rewarding to try to con a con man. That is simply a waste of time, and you are better off using that time to find someone worth your time!
A L W A Y S K E E P A S D , O R T W O , ON THE SIDE Always keep a sugar daddy on the side for when your main cashflow, SD, suddenly finds a new sugar baby.
SD often have to travel a lot, some SB are lucky and can come with them as a h ol id ay.
I feel the amount of travel I’m willing to do shows a great deal of generosity where my time is concerned, and I would like if you could reciprocate with a little more generosity on your part.
Lifestyle is almost entirely a valuation of self-worth. The needy girls are often the ones who end up entering into a sugar relationship at an allowance amount below what they might get given more time. These are often the girls who put “Open – Amount Negotiable” in the $$$ box on their profile. In fact, I think I can definitively state that you always have to be forward and clear.
Ke e p go a l s i n mind and d o n’t l e t t h e mon ey d i s t r a c t yo u f ro m wh a t yo u n e e d .
A L W A Y S K E E P A S D , O R T W O , ON THE SIDE Always keep a sugar daddy on the side for when your main cashflow, SD, suddenly finds a new sugar baby.
CLOTHING Expensive clothing and luxurious accessories are, you could say, mandatory in being a professional SB.
DRES S C ODE Always look like a million dollar —
Deciding what to wear can add extra hours to the already extensive pre-date rituals. Insert the complexities of a sugar dating, and all of a sudden, there is absolutely nothing to wear. The secret to securing an arrangement is dressing the part. There’s nothing more disappointing than expecting the classy girl from your pictures and ending up with a ratchet. Every man is different, but there are universal ways to impress him with personal style before charming him with witty comebacks. Start with Shopping Boutiques are brimming with the latest trends, which can be so tempting for a modern fashionista. Don’t succumb to cheap thrills, unless you want to be regarded that way. Investing in some items that are better quality will change your look, and raise your confidence. Sugar Daddies are mature, and they want a lady who is above average. Pick out items that look good on your shape and are a timeless compliment, like stylish blazers and classic pumps. Don’t Ask Seeking out a second opinion is always a viable option, but don’t ask him what to wear. You’re a grown ass woman. Asking is a sign of uncertainty, and he’s not going to know how to respond. If you’re unsure of how casual the restaurant is, Yelp! it before asking him. Every woman should know how to dress for any occasion, that’s arm candy 101. Just remember, it’s always better to be slightly overdressed show up too casual.
T HE Y W A N T A L A D Y W H O IS A BO VE A VERA GE Sugar daddies like a lady who turns heads without warranting a point and stare. The idea here is to keep the goods under-wraps, increasing your value to him.
There is not h ing more t acky and u nre f ine d t h a n a wrinkled art icl e of cl ot h ing. .
A perfect necklace or scarf can compliment an outfit and help you look put together. But a necklace, scarf, hat, ten bracelets, three rings, and feather earrings will make you look twelve.
Cleavage is acceptable, but not mandatory. Keep yourself covered, while exposing a sexy asset like your legs or clavicle.
Something New Arriving to a sugar date in rags is never appropriate. Even though the distressed look in this season, avoid it like the plague, lest you appear to be low-class. Fads are temporary for a reason — they only look cute while they’re in style. Your should look polished and refined, not worn out. Take Care You would never take a new Birkin to the beach, so take proper care of your garments to make them look expensive longer. Dry clean only isn’t a suggestion, that’s just like, the rules of feminism. There is nothing more tacky and unrefined than a wrinkled article of clothing. Ironing boards are so 1950’s, and investing in a garment steamer is entirely necessary for a girl on-the-go. Under Accessorize Legendary fashion icon Coco Chanel once advised ladies, “When accessorizing, take off the last thing you put on.” Limiting yourself to one accessory is plenty to make a statement and add feminine flair. A perfect necklace or scarf can compliment an outfit and help you look put together. But a necklace, scarf, hat, ten bracelets, three rings, and feather earrings will make you look twelve. Sexy vs. Skanky Popularized by Cosmo, sexy vs skanky is a common inner conflict for women. It’s no secret that sex appeal is a must, but slutty only appeals to classless men. Cleavage is acceptable, but not mandatory. Keep yourself covered, while exposing a sexy asset like your legs or clavicle. Sugar daddies like a lady who turns heads without warranting a point and stare. The idea here is to keep the goods under-wraps, increasing your value to him.
“ Always be sweet in any situation. It’s contagious and can sometimes turn even the saltiest attitude around. Even if he’s not behaving like a gentleman, you should always carry yourself as a lady. ”
1 - EXPENSIVE HEELS AND BAGS ARE A MUST 2 - QUALITY ALWAYS OVER QUANTITY 3 - ELLEGANT, SIMPLE AND TIMELESS 4 - DON’T SHOW TOO MUCH, JUST ONE SEXY ASSET 5 - BETTER DRESS TOO CLASSY THEN NOT CLASSY ENOUGH
T R EA T T H IS L IK E A N Y O TH E R L U C RA TI VE O P P O RTU NI TY Flaunting the right outfit can take you from bashful to bootylicious. Every sugar date is like an interview, and landing this job means designer clothes and generous allowances.
A BA G S A YS M O R E TH E N A THO U SA ND W O RDS As a high class girl you need to know that every detail counts. You simply can express yourself, your lifestyle, with the right accessories. An expensive bag will catch people their eyes, just like a cheap one would do. Send the right message with the right outfit/bag.
Always be aware of t h e fash ion trends. You don’t want to look like last year.
Spend money on your nails and hands. Never forget to treat your hands like you treat your face. They deserve some good care and love. Take a handcream with you in your bag.
“ ME N US E T H E I R ‘F E AT U R E S’ TO GET WHAT THEY WA N T, SO T H AT ’S W H AT WE DO TOO.”
M ISC ONCEP TIONS “Not all of us have daddy issues” —
The Sugar Baby Lifestyle gets a lot of flack for being anti-feminist, patriarchal, or simply glorified sex work. There are a lot of negative comments and misconseptions out there. This is ridiculous, a lot of sex-positive feminist believe that there is nothing wrong with sex work. Then again there are totally ways to life a feminist SB lifestyle and not to have to do with sex at all. There’s nothing wrong with entering into a consensual, reciprocal relationship in which “love” is exchanged for material gain. Sugaring can absolutely be a feminist act when performed by women who own their sexuality and are up-front about their needs and expectations. People seem to think that these girls are stupid or uneducated, a majority of the girls are either in college currently or use the money to pay off their student loans. Sugar babies are educated enough to use their relationships to their financial advantage. You can basically say that these girls are in fact business woman. They made a business of what they can offer and figured out how to turn their beauty or personalities or ability to emotionally detach into serious money. Besides a lot of the sugar babies have a job outside the relationship, the money from the sugar daddy is in addition to that. Don’t think that the sugar daddy money is just some little spending money. Depending from the situation they are making anywhere from 70K a year to mid six figures.
Back to the small thing mentioned earlier, are sugar babies to be compared with sexworkers? To be blunt, a prostitute is paid to leave. A hooker is hired to show up and perform certain services and leave when she is done. A sugar baby stays. The men who become sugar daddies can afford prostitutes. They choose to develop relationships with sugar babies instead because they’re interested in so much more than sex. They crave companionship from a woman —someone they can talk to and hang out with in private and public, and, yes, maybe have sex with.
Not all the relationships are based on sex or are completely fake. Of course the relationships are based on keeping emotion out of the equation, but sometimes it happens that the feeling develop. There are cases that the sugar baby married her sugar daddy, just like that there are sugar relationships purely platonic. As with any relationship, sex is often part of the picture. But intimacy between a sugar baby and sugar daddy isn’t guaranteed. Many of the man take a vested interest in the careers and / or schooling of a sugar baby without seeking sex.
“ These guys are buying my compan ionship, not just sex. Sometimes they just need someone to talk to. And when I feel a connection, why not get intimate I’m not a prostitute. ”
REM EMBER
1 - M EN TA LI TY It’s the right mentality that you have to own to be one. 2 - C HOIC E These girls are fully aware of the choice they make, they know the reason why they do it and, most of them, don’t regret it at all (and debt free). 3 - MALES On the side there are not only girls doing this, there are tons of guys doing exactly the same thing.
Within the framework of paying for college, the acceptability quotient of being a sugar baby seems to skyrocket. There was a time when stripping to pay for college was largely frowned upon, but that narrative has since been normalized. Sugar dating could be next. But even outside the paying-for-school phenomenon, sugar dating makes sense in the context of modern life. We are an increasingly sex positive society. Women are also waiting a lot longer to get married, which leaves a lot more time for experimentation and room for open-mindedness in the phase between early adulthood and settling down commonly referred to as “emerging adulthood.” Further, millennials and digital natives alike are known for valuing authenticity. Whether it’s a meal, a back massage, or a diamond engagement ring, something’s always being exchanged between couples. What could be more authentic than acknowledging the economic and transactional components of modern dating? Like people often think is that only really young girls can pull it off being a sugar baby, but you can find them of all age. It’s the right mentality that you have to own to be one. Also these girls are not having daddy issues, most of them have a very normal relationship towards their parents. They are not trying to replace their father figures with a man who has money and happens to be older. On the side there are not only girls doing this, there are tons of guys doing exactly the same thing. This also counts for the sugar daddies and sugar mommies. Not all of the men are old, fat, gross and bald. Mostly they are middle-aged, or younger, and work so many hours that they don’t have time for a full-time relationship. These guys don’t just use the girls, if anyone is being used it is them and their wallets. These girls are fully aware of the choice they make, the know the reason why they do it and, most of them, don’t regret it at all.
SB
SO SALTY —
A Salt Daddy fancies himself as a Sugar Daddy, yet there’s nothing truly sweet or classy about him. Salty Daddies make false promises, are anything but a gentleman, and are far from truly seeking a relationship that is mutually beneficial. Bringing up more intimate aspects of the relationship too early in the conversation is a red flag. Asking for nudes before you even meet is no gentleman, that’s straight salt.
SPL ENDA DADDY And other creeps you have to deal with —
A lot of the sugar babies have to deal with guys aspiring to be a sugar daddy. None of them have the class or respect that a real sugar daddy would have. Since I tried out to find an arrangement myself I can show you how bad some of these guys behave on seeking arangement. A list of red-flags Over-the-Top Promises - You know when things are too good to be true. Don’t mistake a sweet tooth for a toothache, then things can go really wrong. Too Strong Too Soon - Bringing up more intimate aspects of the relationship too early in the conversation is a red flag. Asking for nudes before you even meet is no gentleman, that’s straight salt. Demanding Intimacy - As with any relationship, intimacy grows and develops with time. If at some point in the relationship a Sugar Daddy starts demanding intimacy, it’s time to seek something far less salty.
Keep in mind Settle Beforehand - Have your allowance arranged in advance. Avoid being greedy– but don’t act foolish and waste your time either. Time is money. Stay Sweet - Always be sweet in any situation. It’s contagious and can sometimes turn even the saltiest attitude around. Even if he’s not behaving like a gentleman, you should always carry yourself as a lady. Don’t Rush - Like any relationship, feel things out first to prevent rushing into a potentially dangerous situation. Your safety should be your own number one concern.
“He tried to tell me that it’d be $350, assuming I’d take care of the hotel”. Excuse me, what? That’s not how this works. Do you really think that is what makes you a SD? Please, I’m not about to be your personal escort and deal with your clingy overweight nonsense. These men sometimes.”
- Oriental-sugar
The picture collector
He just wants to get as many as possible pictures from you. After a while he just stops answering.
The I’m-so-interested-in-you
Bit the same as the picture collector, but he actually contacts you and aks some questions. Although after a while he will disappear too.
The only looking for sex
He will not even be secret about it, it will be one and only topic he will talk about. Most of the time when you meet those guys, they appraoch you for a mutal benificial relationship, more like a prostitute and not like an escort. They like to call it, both of us enjoy each other’s bodies. Just plain sex. No sugar dating.
The come-to-me-immediately
Who doesn’t care of first meetings and who doesn’t care that you’re living in a foreign country. For SB’s safety sake, don’t ever go to a foreigner, make sure that they come to you or that the arrangment is as safe as possible. Never ever leave safe ground.
The look-how-rich-I-am (not)
He sends you pictures of him and his purchases of brands like Chanel. Only you can never tell if those pictures are real or fake? He might be a poor psychopath who bought this Chanel shopping bag at ebay for 10$. I don’t think, a real SD brags about his properties.
The you-don’t-understand-what-it’s-about
Who claims, that you’re the one who doesn’t know about this topic. Well, he’s also only looking for sex for a monthly rent.
The travel companion
He will ask if you have time and whether you would like to join him on his travels. He claims that he will respects your decisions. But never believe until you get proof.
T Y PES O F SALTY
1 - THE RO OK I E The first type is new to the Sugar Bowl and still learning how to navigate the waters with plenty of trial and error. He will typically meet you once and then completely disappears. Prepare to be stood up hours before you get the chance to meet him. 2 - M R . BI TTER They know the insand-outs of the Sugar lifestyle and work the system for their own personal gain. This type will blatantly disregard the mutually beneficial aspect of the relationship, and will leave you feeling as if they’re all-in for themselves guys doing exactly the same thing.
BL AC K LIST Out in the open with the salty guys
“Need to share this with ya’ll. There’s a man on SA that has gone by Hand Up and he just made a new account with his name Rob Kraft, in the Portland OR area (if that’s his real name). Message me if he tries to contact you. I was very hesitant to meet with him, but he had me Skype with a girl that he claimed was his past sugar baby so I’d feel more comfortable meeting him. Her name was Lisa Lampman. Lisa claimed he was super sweet and she got naked on Skype for him so he would pick her for a sugar baby. Yadda yadda, super perfect. Immediately after my conversation with Lisa, he asked if I would get on cam for him, which I thought was strange since I was just talking with Lisa about this. So we made plans to meet at a hotel the first night (which, I know, rule number one), but I ended up at the wrong hotel. THANK GOD. He cancelled saying he had personal matters, like 15 mins after we were suppose to meet and then brought up the hotel address I posted..which leads me to believe he went to the right hotel but I wasn’t there. He then said he’d reimburse me for the hotel and still pay me for the evening, which was 3,500. I have not heard from him since. Then he deleted me on Skype, so I messaged “Lisa” very politely and she deleted me almost immediately. I am pretty sure he made a fake sugar baby profile just to seem more legitimate. Moral of the story; do not give these men anything. Do not drop your guard because they have you talk to their previous “sugar babies”…that should mean absolutely nothing to you. “
G U YS TH A T A R E JU S T L O O KI NG F O R SEX There are too many guys using these websites in the hope to find a girl who will have sex with them. For little to no money. Be carefull, this guy is straight forward but most of them have their tricks to get what they want.
H A V I N G A S U G A R B A B Y IS A LUXURY Some of the man online still seem to be shocked the moment the money talk appears. A sugar baby is an expensive luxury, and not every guy can afford one. Still not all realise this and get angry about it.
PLATFO RM S
1 - TU M BLR Lot of sugarbabies meet and share stories through Tumblr. It’s an easy platform where you can post on a blog. Often they show pictures of gifts they got or screenshots of messages they got from POT. Here they can discuss if the guy is honest yes or no. 2 - FACEBO OK Some girls are a little bit less descrete and they share their stories on facebook. Here they often also meet new sugar daddies, cause it’s already out in the open that they are willing to have one. 3 - F ORU M S There are a few places where there are Sugar forum discussions. Not that common, and often they will redirect you to tumblr.
DOUBLE LIFE Your online support group
How to deal with living a double life. As a sugar baby you know you simply can’t tell everyone about your life. Dealing with this can be very stressfull and frustrating. Find someone who understand and gets it. Find a Sugar Sister to talk to about everything. Woman tend to want to share fun moments or vent about frustrating ones. If we don’t do this, it’ll eat at it you and you’ll be at risk for sharing bits and pieces with the wrong person. You don’t want to have a reason for anyone asking questions. This also helps with safety. Having someone you can get a second opinion from when talking to a POT is always helpful. Not to mention you’ll have someone that knows where you are and what you’re up to.
Online community Lots of girls find their support group online. Thanks to tumblr and facebook you can easily meet other girls that want to share their experiences as well. Knowing that your are not alone can help a lot. Especially when you think that your SD is a salty one or you may be in trouble. The girls on the community can back you up. Even though you perhaps don’t know much about each other you already share a lifestyle with them. They know, they understand and they will help you.
Have an explanation ready Someone may want you to spend time with them while you have plans with your Sugar Daddy. Don’t be too vague about what you’re doing. Avoid saying, “I have plans,” and say “Sorry! I have plans with Stephanie,” or, “I’m going to watch a movie with a coworker.”
Make it gradual When your allowance starts rolling in, don’t blow it on a new wardrobe full of name brands. Get one or two things. If anyone asks questions, simply tell them you got it on sale and couldn’t resist. Little by little, introduce your friends and family to the new you. If you’re using your allowance to get a better apartment or new furniture or car, be prepared to tell anyone asking that you got a raise or finally saved up enough.
Keep your phone and computer on lockdown Not so much that you’re suspicious. Don’t set it down at the dinner table with the face up. If you SD decides to text you for a meet, you don’t want a name popping up that your friends get suspicious of. When texting, make sure your phone isn’t positioned where wonder eyes can glance at it. We are all guilty of glancing down at someone else’s phone. Put a passcode on it and don’t tell anyone what the passcode it
Be carefull about pictures When your SD shows you somewhere new, it’s going to be so tempting to take pictures. Be careful about this. If taking pictures is a must, get to your computer, upload them, and hide them in a folder somewhere that isn’t easy to find, or a flash drive or something similar. What if you’re showing a friend pictures from your trip to the beach with your family and they notice that you went to NYC and they didn’t know about it? They are going to want to hear about your trip.
SB
VANILLA —
Unexciting, normal, conventional, boring.
Preferring an activity or thing in its basic and unmodified state. The normal life. A word used to describe someone with little inclination to do anything spontaneous or exciting, either sexually, or in general every day life. A vanilla person will not be open to try new and exciting things, instead prefferring to remain dull, innocent and safe.
EX S UGA R Written by: Hannah Rose Ewens —
Ex-Sugar Babies will coach you on how to get a Daddy. A new site is creating a community with advice and forums for the 3.3 million who have adopted the Baby lifestyle across the world. Being a “Baby” is no longer a niche idea, despite what you might think. Seeking Arrangement, the site where rich, lonely or busy men (or women) can meet “Sugar Babies”, has over 3.3 million Babies from across the world. Many of them arestudents, looking to fund their way through university or college. The site – whose founder, Brandon Wade, once awkwardly argued that “love is a concept made up by poor people” – claims that 1.4 million profiles belong to students at UK universities. “Sugar Daddies and Mommies are cash rich, but time poor,” Seeking Arrangement spokesperson Angela Bermudo told Dazed. “They don’t have time for traditional dating, let alone conventional relationships themselves. In return for being the main breadwinner in the relationship, they are able to get a relationship which is customised to their present lifestyle.” With such great numbers entering into this lifestyle, it’s clear there’s a market to talk to. In more traditional relationships, boundaries and expectations are more clear cut. We’ve grown up watching them played out on TV and in our homes. So how do you negotiate your way through this potentially difficult and dangerous dating minefield where one person is handing over potentially large amounts cash to the other? How do you stay safe – presuming your Daddy turns out not to be he claimed to be? How to make the most money without fucking anyone around?
How do you even become a Baby in the first place, beyond just signing up to the site? The grey area surrounding something of this nature – particularly when being a Sugar Baby is reasonably stigmatised – is so blurred and expansive it’s a total fog. A new site run by the people behind Seeking Arrangement, Let’s Talk Sugar, looks to remove all that confusion and mystery, touting itself as a step-by-step guide to becoming a Sugar Baby. We spoke to one of the main contributors and ex-Sugar Baby, Brook Urick about what they’re looking to achieve.
How did you come up with the idea for the site? Brook Urick: Well, we started with a YouTube show about the lifestyle but wanted to have original content and a proper voice for Sugar Babies. We wanted to be the Sugar Baby authority. When potential babies are wondering about being involved, they can come here and really find out what it’s like and their questions can be answered. We have in-house Sugar experts who are experienced and have tips and tricks to teach newer Babies. It’s a place where the community can come together. And there’s a forum too so they can talk between themselves and ask specific questions. There’s an expanding community and with that there’s a growing need for guidance.
Your site’s sell is “The allure of the Sugar Baby lifestyle resembles a childhood dream sold to girls from a very young age. LetsTalkSugar.com is a new website created by Sugar Babies, aiming to turn those dreams into reality.” Do you think it’s true – we’re sold the Sugar Baby lifestyle? Brook Urick: The fairytale is a common story. It’s the Cinderella tale of a prince coming to sweep a girl off her feet and women are sold that. We’re told that men should be the provider and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with going after a guy who can provide, who is going to treat you really well and most of the time, who can mentor you. Many of the sugar daddies (or mommies) are CEOs or business people with connections, who can help you network, because they’re normally at least ten, fifteen years older. You could also come to the lifestyle if you want a mentor or a relationship, if that’s what you’re looking for.
And if you wanted to persue a legitimate sexual relationship, you could? Brook Urick: Absolutely. Every relationship is different and some people on the site are looking for platonic relationships only and don’t want to engage in sex and that’s fine. Some do evolve into romantic ones of course.
Like any relationship, on the surface, having a Daddy looks like a perfect arrangement. But would you challenge that straight-up assumption? Brook Urick: While no relationship or arrangement is ever completely perfect, if our users are honest and upfront about their expectations and what they have to offer, the arrangements are near perfect. These are relationships like any others, and the bad times are bound to come with the good.
Have you heard of any incidents where a relationship has gone badly wrong? Do have a support network in place to help Sugar Babies? Brook Urick: Online dating and dating in general is always a risk. Relationships on this site do not bear any difference to relationships formed off the website in terms of them going wrong. We offer the site as a place for women and men to come together and ask questions, share stories, and get advice. In addition to that, on SeekingArrangement, members can report other members for any reason if they feel uncomfortable.
How did you become a Baby? Brook Urick: My background was in journalism. But I was also a Sugar Baby and didn’t really know it. I didn’t know about the term and the lifestyle surrounding it. I dated a guy who lived away from me while I was in Las Vegas and he would fly me out and buy me gifts and come here and drive us around in his Maserati. Things I couldn’t afford. But there’s nothing wrong with spending time with someone who spoils you. I didn’t ever think it was going to lead to marriage and I don’t think he did and there’s really no shame in not wanting to have a matrimonious or a traditional relationship with someone.
“Some are single mothers. Some are entrepreneurs who have their own businesses and want a sugar daddy to invest in that. Sugar Baby stories are just so far-ended from each other.”
In the community there are a lot of acronyms and terms, could you explain some of those? Brook Urick: So a straight up Sugar Daddy is someone willing to spoil his baby for the right reasons. A POD is a potential Sugar Daddy. Then there’s a Salt Daddy, a guy who uses the site to meet girls and pretend he will spoil them and he’s a good guy when really he’s not or just trying to get in their pants. And then there’s a Splenda Daddy – the guy who really wants to be a sugar daddy but doesn’t have the money. So we have posts about how to spot each type.
What other topics are you looking to cover? Brook Urick: Every week I do an Ask Brook column and answer a question readers have been asking. A lot of the time girls expect money to just be thrown at them – and there are some guys who don’t think too much of just doing that – but a lot of the guys are looking for more of a connection with someone. They want to go on a few dates, see how it goes and then maybe start with the spoiling. So sometimes girls ask “It’s been two dates, and he still hasn’t given me any sugar. What’s going on?”. I answer practical questions like that. There’s a lot of delusion with what you can actually expect with this so talking about it and having the site helps.
You call the site a “step by step guide”. If I wanted to become a sugar baby, how would I go about it? Brook Urick: Everyone has to accept their goals from the beginning. A lot of people enter into all kinds of relationships not knowing what they want.You need to understand what you want out of the relationship, the site, a man and what your end goal is. Maybe that’s tuition, maybe that’s someone to help you start a business. From there you need to make a profile. There are about eight Daddies to every Baby on the site so you have to stand out. There aren’t enough to go around.
Who are your readers? Brook Urick: The daddies and mommies are often really busy and don’t have time for traditional relationships and they might be experiencing unsuccessful ones with people who don’t understand their lifestyle or that they don’t want to be married or have children. Babies are in the same boat. A lot are at university, they have jobs, they’re doing their own thing but want a man to supplement that and can meet a man halfway. Anyone can be a Baby. Some are thirty, forty years old and looking for a man. Some are single mothers. Some are entrepreneurs who have their own businesses and want a Sugar Daddy to invest in that. The stories are just so far-ended from each other.
There’s a lot of stigma surrounding the women who choose to be a Baby. Was addressing that one of your goals with the site? Brook Urick: People are just naïve and don’t realise how beneficial it is to everyone in these relationships. They assume people are being victimised or it’s illegal. There’s so much negativity around women who act like men and who are looking out for themselves and maybe use their relationships to their advantage. All the women on the site are sex positive. They’re using their bodies if and when they want to and making sure it’s on their own terms. There’s no rule where there has to be sex involved. There’s no rule where there has to be sex involved. They’re simply owning their relationships. Of course I want the community on-site to be Sugar Babies, but I’m fine with some who come to it not being. People are welcomed to ask questions regardless and find out more, whether or not they identify as a Sugar Baby.
INTERVIE W http://teatreesugar.tumblr.com/ —
I met teatreesugar on tumblr while I was getting more information about the sugar lifestyle. After sending out a lot of messages to a lot of girls she was the first to respond. The first thing she asked me to not ask information about her identity. In the interview she will be called Teatree, she is 21 and lives in the US.
Is sugaring a lifestyle or is it merely temporary ? It’s a lifestyle for me right now, but I do not plan to do it forever. I know about girs who actually go on till they have the idea that they are too old. That seems for me a bit much, I plan to also date guys my age on the side an d hopefully eventually marry one.
I understand that at the moment this for you is your life. Could you give me an example of the best sugar experience you had ? I met a 45 year old SD on tinder, he was a great men. He loved fine dining and he would always take me to those nice upscale places with great service. Especially the food, that was the best. He would buy me highend champgane for in the hotel room. The hotels he booked were also extremely nice, I enjoyed that so much. Besides the dates I would get a full month’s allowance upfront. He was one of the most respectful SD’s I met and totally not vulgar as most of them are. We got along really well and he was really funny.
So what happened? Or are you still seeing him? He got fucked over in divorce court and owed his wife a large sum of money and could no longer afford my allowance. It was sad but those things happen. I think I should say ex wife now actually.
How much time and money do you spend, a week for example, on preparing yourself for a date with your sugar daddy? I buy dresses from time to time because I don’t want to repeat a dress, I probably buy $50 dresses, two or three times a month. Mainly I use upscale makeup but I don’t need to repurchase it too often, lets say $30 a month on make-up. The eyelashes are the most expensive actually. I spend about a half hour to an hour getting ready in putting my make-up on. Sometimes I self tan the night before. That takes some time. Next to that I go to the gym around 3 times a week, I try to go more, but it’s difficult. My nails are done once in the 2 weeks, luckily I have a friend who can do it for not too much money. All with all you can say I spend an average of 3 hours a date to completely get ready. I think being a SB is mainly maintaining your looks.
In what way you could say you’re having a different ‘lifestyle’ then you’re non sugaring friends ? Well I’m sure my non-sugaring friends don’t entertain older men for money. Also most of them don’t spend that much time on their looks, although it’s pretty normal for a girl my age to do so.
Would you say your life is not more luxurious then your non sugaring friends ? My life is probably a bit more luxurious than theirs for a few reasons. One, I have a prada bag that my SD bought for me, so that’s a little bit of luxury there. It’s really a nice thing to own something so expensive, you feel that it influences your image a lot. Nex to that I get to enjoy upscale dinners more often than they do. Like I said its really nice to spend small holidays in those expensive places. I get to drink high end champagne with my SD that my friends would never purchase for themselves. Only I do have to say that’s all money my SD spends. I wouldn’t buy those things myself.
Where do you spend most of your money on? My money is mostly saved. Though I am able to live comfortably. I never have to struggle to make rent when I lived by myself, I live in a dorm now, and I was able to go out with my friends as much as I wanted.Never struggling to make ends meet or go out and have a good time, that is the most important for me. Now I mostly save my money but from time to time I buy alcohol, new clothes and makeup. Nothing too crazy.
Ah that is good to hear! So I assume you are a student, is it easy to combine your SD with that? I haven’t run into any issues at all when it comes to being a student and having an SD. Often they ask how I’m doing in school and love hearing about my good grades and the parties etc. Being a student doesn’t really affect my sugaring other than I need to take midterm week and finals week off which usually isn’t a problem at all since SDs have equally busy schedules. Actually it’s nice that they motivate me to continue studying, they achieved their positions by good education as well.
That sounds like really ideal. What for you are the negative sides ? Or are you honestly not experiencing anything really negative? The negative side is having sex with older men who I don’t find attractive. Nex to that having to deal with them and guys with no manners, not my kind of fun. My longer term SD recently asked me to be his girlfriend. These men want “no drama” but often times end up causing drama between you two themselves. It’s difficult to keep emotions out of it, especially for them, I have the feeling these guys are so much more in need of real relationships. Also, hiding it from my friends is sometimes hard. When I have a bad moment, I just wish that I could go to them. I’m afraid they will not understand me.
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