24 First Issue
APRI L 2 019
$0 usd
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Photography Sauphia Germain
Featuring Cassandra Holly
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Photographer: Sauphia Germain @sauphiagermain Model: Cassandra Holly @holycassie
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"Twenty-four is kicking me in the ass, but I feel for once in my life I'm headed in the right dirrection." -Sauphia
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Photographer: Darrell Jackson @djacks.jpg Model: Alaysia Ross @alaysiaabrielle
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I was twenty-four when the community really started to notice me. I was getting features in articles and published in magazines, and met a ton of amazing people within the photography community. Darrell Jackson
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Saman
Hi! I'm Samantha Tenbroek (pronounced ten-brooke). That's my mom's middle name, too. A little bit about me? I've always been involved in art, in some way. I haven't always been tenacious about it, and never truly believed in myself...until recently. When I was twenty-four I was bartending, working a lot in the most magical place in the heart of New York City. It sounds like a dream, because it was. I was never focusing on the reasons I actually came here.
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ntha Tenbroek
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“s o m e t i m e s y o u n e e d t o g o t h r o u g h d i f f i c u lt rough patche s, and a boatload of other dumb s h i t. . ”
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I wasn’t happy. I was in this industry that encourages you to drink through your shift, so much that it's like it never happened at all. Five days a week. Not healthy. I’d work all night, and sleep all day. But I've always been interested in photography, and eventually it became a side hustle and hobby for me. Shooting doesn’t feel like working. Sometimes you need to go through difficult rough patches, and a boatload of other dumb shit, to find out who you truly are before you believe in yourself. Twenty-four was definitely an interesting age for me. I was my own self sabotage. I’d get in my own way, but I’ve learned to break that wall down. This photo shoot I did with Morgan Doelp is about bringing those walls down, and feeling free in your skin. Most of all, it's about having the confidence to look fear right in the eye and say, "FUCK YOU."
Photographer: Samantha Tenbroek @samantha_tenbroek_ Model: Morgan Doelp @doelp
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shelby ca
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anterbury
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I feel more hopeful than ever before, thinking about my next birthday; I am turning twenty-four. I think about this age coming up and I am filled with joy and clarity because everything is finally making sense in my life. I see a big shift happening this year, and maybe it has to do with the lucky number twenty-four (who knows?). Five years ago, I would have imagined my life at twenty-four differently than how it looks like it's going to turn out. "We are going against the grain baby." I'm going to be in a new, unfamiliar place when I blow out twenty-four candles. Everything is different. I am hopeful. - Shelby Canterbury
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Killian Berry
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Photographer: Killian Berry @analogue.bb Models: Rochelle Miller @rochellelala, Thalia @Thaliayaa Jacks @ninetybae Julia Kovak @juliabehr
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How I feel about the age twenty-four: I want to inspire as many people as possible and make an impact on their lives. Killian Berry 31
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SENTIDO VELOCIONI
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I actually started to get into photography at twenty-four. I remember it was around the same time that I started growing the handlebars for my mustache. My close friend ( IG @bernardalexander_ ) came over with his camera to do a photoshoot with me. I rapidly became intrigued with the fact that I could capture art instantly. Then I saved up money to buy myself a camera and here I am five years later still loving the art. I want to thank 24 Magazine for allowing me to be part of their movement. - Sentido Velocioni
WITH THE ALL AMERICAN GAL
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Photographer: Sentido Velocioni @sentiography Model & Stylist: Paige Marinelli @theallamericangal
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ANA MARIA MARCU
Photographer: Ana Maria Marcu @in.tokio Model: Savannah Thorpe @savyyt
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M A D E LY N N M A G A Z I N E
& Savannah Thorpe
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Something I'd like to accomplish by twenty-four is to continue making art and inspiring others. I have many ideas and projects in mind that hopefully, when I’m twenty-four, I’ll be planning or will have already fulfilled. But most importantly, I want to be happy with myself and my life. -Ana Maria Marcu
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Isa Peschiera
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"At twenty-four I hope to be traveling and exploring the world, while hopefully working with animals and different organizations." -Isa Peschiera
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Photographer: Carianne Older @peggyshootsfilm Assistant: Paulina Older @polderexpress Model: Isabella Peschiera @isapeschiera
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Photographer: Brandon Black @branxblack Model: Jordan Worrell @jordankellyw
How do I feel about the age twenty-four... in two years, when I'm twenty-four, I will be living my dreams. -Brandon Black
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M A D E LY N N M A G A Z I N E
COVER
SHOT BY ASHLE
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M A D E LY N N M A G A Z I N E
STORY
EY OHCANARIO
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Photographer: Ashley Ohcanario @ohcanario Models: Paige Marinelli @theallamericangal Carianne Older @peggyshootsfilm Writer: Danielle Wasserman @daniellewasserman
Let’s set the scene: silky, a lavish dew, and quintessential sparkle in the eye. We’re kickin’ it in the living room with battered and bruised roses with scattered nibbled-at strawberries. The set has been transformed from a 20-something’s room to a makeshift studio, draped red wine backdrop and all. Paige & Carianne — equally as scrappy and seductively eager to change the editorial scene with 24 Magazine. What’s 24 Magazine? *Paige giggles* “It’s an age, a number that defines who I am right now.” — Carianne. This is a great depiction of the two’s artistic styles. Equally youthful, yet straight-shooters. These young twenty-something-yearolds are creating as they go, and bringing emerging artists with them.
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What is 24 Magazine? C: It’s a source of inspiration for young artists trying to break into the industry. P: I hit up Carianne and just asked “Want to start a magazine?” I wanted to do this. I’m at a weird age where I know something is on its way, but I'm not quite there yet. I can’t be the only one. There’s a gap between magazines that’s not filling an area that speaks to myself, right now, at twenty-four. We’re just starting out in this career, and 24 Magazine is a chance to start something of our own while opening up a forum for other young creatives. How do you find artists to submit? C: I tap into my network of followers. They’re loyal and most people who submitted to this issue are supporters of my personal work. They’re rooting for us to make something because they understand it isn’t easy getting recognized.
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What’s one phrase you hope readers take away from 24 Magazine? P: If you don’t like how others are doing things, do it yourself. Create your own mark. Where do you see 24 magazine taking you? P: I hope 24 Mag is a door opener for myself & everyone involved. C: I hope this is the beginning of something big, I hope 24 takes us and our creative work to another level. By Danielle Wasserman Danielle is a brand strategist & creative based out of South SEASON˚09 65 Florida.
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I've been dreaming of summer ever since the snow fell. The temperature outside is freezing and the sun hides too often. Depression took its grip on me and I had to give it the slip. We sought shelter at the conservatory and let the flora bring us back to life. AJ Molle
Photographer: AJ Molle @aj_molle Model: Skye Nashaye @sk.zzzy
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W H E N I WA S 24 I M O V E D AWAY F RO M M Y H O M E S TAT E FO R T H E F I R S T T I M E A N D S TA RT E D F R E E L A N C E F I L M M A K I N G . AJ MOLLE
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GRELLA
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"Five years seems like a long time, but being twentyeven further away. To think back to how different my just one year ago, five years from now, I can't even b picture. But I'd like to imagine at twenty-four that I h those last five years traveling and taking pictures of moment along the way. I hope I will have met new an people, landscapes, and scenes to photograph." BELLA SHEA
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y-four seems y life is from begin to have spent every nd beautiful
Photographer: Bella Shea @bella_shea Models: Lilly Grella @lillygrellaa Alexandra Goldman @alexandragoldmann
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Gambino
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"Twenty-four is the
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e cusp of adulthood"
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Photographer: Raleigh Gambino @raleighgambino Model: Toni Callahan @tonicallahan
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"When I was twenty-four I believed innocence was my superpower. I never partied and had only kissed two people in my lifetime." -Hana Haley
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Photographer: Hana Haley @hanahaley Model: Romy Bondy @romy_bondy
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When I was younger, I saw twenty-four as an age when you basically have it all figured it out and are adulting to the fullest. Now I'm a year away from turning twenty-four and I've realized I was mistaken. Being in your early twenties feels like it's all about trial and error, until "it" feels right. I am certainly going through trial and error myself: with my career goals, my expectations for myself, and just growing as an individual. Nowadays, I see twenty-four as a time when I'll be at the start of "it" feeling right for me; my career goals won't be just goals, but reality. My expectations for myself will be my truths, and I am hopefully constantly growing more and more each day. I won't have it all figured out, but I mean, who does? Camila Saldarriaga
Photographer: Camila Saldarriaga @camishootsfilm Model: Soleil @soleilkhernando
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Photographer: Elle Jenkins @bonedusttt Model: Karina Suzanne @kay.suze
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I was twenty-four in 2014, residing in my hometown in the middle of Louisiana. I was homeless, staying on family and friends' couches. Sometimes I had a rare fling with a boy whose bedroom clearly resembled a trashyard. I felt lost, troubled, and neglected by people close to me. At twenty-four, I was quick to realize how much worth I truly had; how much my time should and would not be wasted by people who did not believe in me. I quickly started channeling my energy into my art, even though I barely made money with that. I knew it was something that would help heal me during this process of figuring out where my life is going to take me. Your twenties, I heard, are the most challenging years. I call them growing pains. I kept telling myself, “your dues will pay off, keep going.� Transcending your past self can make for a truly ethereal transition. Elle Jenkins
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rodomenico When I was twenty-four, I was swimming in a pool of Patti Smith’s most notable book, “Just Kids," and Victoria Legrand’s godly vocals. I had just bought my first DSLR camera—a Canon 7D—and photographed everything that piqued my interest. I spent much of my time fancying astronomy, which actually helped me further my knowledge and interest in photography. Twenty-four was when I knew that photography wasn’t just a leisurely pursuit, but something I was fated to pursue for the long haul. Priscilla Mastrodomenico
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Photographer: Priscilla Mastrodomenico @mastrview MUA & Model: Shelby Reynolds Smith @sheeelbysmithh Assistant: Caitlin Pacheco @umcaitlinn
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"When I was twenty-four I was also two, and four, and forty-two, and forty-four. I'm always aging, always changing, and always fading." Devin Kasparian
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Model: Jake Triola
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Photographer: Devin Kasparian @devin.pdf
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Samantha Keller Featuring: Sierra Adriana Marin Kelia
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The moment I turned twenty-four had been ten years in the making. I had been thinking about this day for a decade. Ask anyone who has lost someone they love and they all have an anniversary or a day that seems a bit different than the rest. For me, the first year was the most difficult; but a decade after losing my dad, I was going to be turning twenty-four on the 24th of July and I felt I had every reason to celebrate. Not only for my golden birthday but for proudly surviving, not always thriving but doing good for ten years, without my dad. I think I should maybe mention that I was there. I was there when my mom was giving him CPR and I was there when the ambulances pulled up to our house but I heard them in the distance long before they got to our driveway. Sirens sound a lot different when you know they are coming for you. My fourteen-year-old self was in charge of calling my older brothers to make sure they were aware of what was going on at the house, without letting them know too much; not because we didn't want them to know, but becuase we, ourselves, weren't sure. We did know though, I knew the minute I saw him that he was leaving, not by choice but he was leaving. My dad passed suddenly in the evening of what had been an otherwise beautiful autumn day after we had a dinner of leftovers that somehow tasted as if it was crafted in the heavens for his last supper, just him, my mom and myself. Writing this down does not make me cry. It’s a part of my story. What brings me to tears are the moments I ache for him to be here, the moments before a big event or a photoshoot when I still find myself wanting to call him after all this time. Moments of tears where my heart is breaking of sadness or bursting of happiness because I know he’s so damn proud wherever his soul went after and I am so proud of him, to be his daughter no matter what age or no matter where I am in this life, to have the family I have and the opportunities that continue to arise even in his physical absence. It was at twenty-three that I met a group of people who would change the course of my life and career forever, although it had been changing without my knowledge for some time now. It was at twenty-four that I decided to not only go by the title of 'Photographer' but also when I began getting my first paid gigs - and my first pop up show of many- the year I decided to stop partying as heavily, and the year I decided to start treating my mind and body better. Twenty four was the first of many steps to getting mentally well (although twenty-four & twenty-five brought the crazy in order for me to get there). I’ve been on a journey for some time since. I guess this was the year it all clicked. This was twenty-four. - Samantha Keller
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"It was at twenty-four that I decided to not only go by the title of “photographer” but it was when I began getting my first paid gigs..."
Lighting: Lance Williams @lance.i
Photographer: Samantha Keller @sammykeller Models: Sierra Sabainahng Smith @ssierrramistt Kelia MacCluskey @kelianne Marin Johnson @rinjayyy Adriana Gonzalez @aiidriii
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Identity is a subject that deeply concerns me. It is my goal to unfold and understand the complexities and nuances that lie within the concept. With the passing of time, the subject has swallowed me deeper and deeper and photography has become more and more of a medium for study and observation than anything else. Through my lens I see myself in others and by understanding others I hope to understand myself. My portraiture has now become a project for self realization above anything else. My subjects make up part of the tight, yet, versatile scene of creatives and organizers in Ottawa, Canada.
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Photographer: Pablo Gaytan @stainednegative Models: Dija @woahdij Natasha @ms_vonnegut Maya @nikesoks Robel @_2phonepapi Sara @xocnaharas
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"By the time that I am twenty-four I hope to be the same but also completely different. Same core but different shell." - Pablo Gayton
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Music
luna Rose Rain pours over Bushwick as singer songwriter Hannah Rose arrives for our interview, pausing to take in the the room. Due to the unfortunate circumstance that is rain, and New York City’s inability to function mid-storm, we’ve relocated from our initial coffee shop destination to friend of the magazine Christine’s apartment. Christine’s roommate paints pictures of butts, so the walls are adorned with asses of all sizes. It’s a nontraditional interview setting, perfectly suited to indie band Luna Rose. Hannah has beaten bandmate Jö Wagner to the apartment, but he soon arrives dripping wet and carrying a 6-pack of beer. He got off the subway one stop too early, and walked over in the rain. The two greet each other, and their relaxed chemistry immediately reminds us of the ease and comfort shared between collaborators who double as great friends. Sadly missing bandmate Sam Jane, we dive in and begin discussing every possible topic we can hit in one night. It’s less of an interview and more a conversation, and it starts at the beginning of Luna Rose.
24: How did you two meet? Jö: It was my younger brother’s high school acquaintance. She texted me, like, the moment I got to New York, and told me to come and hang with her at this party. Hannah was her roommate. Hannah: Taylor was my roomie’s name. Jö and I still have the texts from the night we met, and we’re both going, “Yeah you do music? I do music, let’s jam man.” 24: So it worked out right away? Just like that? Hannah: Well, later he sent me a text and was like, “Yeah I’m actually serious about getting together and making music” and I realized I felt the exact same way.
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24: Were you in a serious band at that point? Hannah: No, I just had songs I’d written myself. I was pretty serious, I just didn’t know what to do with it. My mom is a vocalist and a singer-songwriter and I always had that within me, I just really didn’t think about being in a band until I met Joe and Sam and it became more of a real thing. 24: What did you do with your songs before the band came together? Hannah: It was just me, I taught myself super basic guitar to get by and would just write my songs.
Rooftop Photos Photographer: Harrison Sheehan @hvrrysheehan Performance Photos Photographer: Paige Marinelli @theallamericangal
24: It’s funny how most people I know have taught themselves guitar, rather than take formal lessons. Jö: Well, I actually had a year of lessons when I was a kid and I didn’t retain it. My mom also made us take piano when we were kids-24: The dreaded piano lessons! Jö: I hated those lessons. Didn’t retain a thing. I’m not good in that sort of environment. But whenever the piano teacher was away I would just mess around and write stuff. I was never learning it the ‘proper’ way. I was just like, “Oh, that sounds cool!” and would just start building things. 24: Building? Jö: It was like assembling a puzzle. I can still play piano now, but I can only play the stuff I write for piano.
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24: Hannah, what about you? Was guitar your first instrument? Hannah: My first instrument was piano as well. My mom always had this huge baby grand piano. That was a very big deal to me, growing up and watching her play. 24: So she really loved it, and you saw that. Hannah: She loved that piano so much that she shipped it to New York when we moved here, into our tiny apartment on the Upper West Side. It basically took up the entire living room. But, worth it. 24: So you both had a bit of a different experience starting out, how did that work out when the band first got together? Hannah: Our first practices were very informal, we were just getting to know each other as bandmates. We were at this little storage unit in downtown Brooklyn.
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24: You rented a storage unit for band practice? That’s possible? Jö: It was a storage unit that was converted into rehearsal space, but they’d soundproofed it so it was actually awesome. We had it one day a week. Sam and I paid a monthly fee, $150 each. It was pricey, but at the time I was paying almost nothing to live behind a curtain in a basement. 24: And what was the writing process in those early days? Jö: Hannah brought in three or four songsHannah: I’d never set any kind ofdrums or bass or different guitar, the songs were really simple. So I would play, and the guys would pick up and do their own thing to add to it. 24: Like Jö mentioned earlier, building songs. Hannah: Exactly! There’s a couple songs that we really built together, starting with just my lyrics and basic melodies. There are actually so many songs the guys really helped make dynamic. 24: Obviously, chemistry of the group is a really big factor. How did you feel, with this current group, during your first few practices together? Jö: when the band started-Hannah: We should talk about Sam tooJö: Sam was my college friend, he and I have been playing together for a while. So we know each other well, we know what’s happening and we can give each other signals. We’re in sync. Hannah just kind of fell right into that. 24: So who are all your members now? Jö: Me, Sam and Hannah are the core three. We do most of the writing. Brendan and Jake are the drummer and bassist, who are in now. We’re hoping they’ll stick around and become part of the writing process. Hannah: They’re really talented, and they’ve fit in super well so far. Finding them was really hard. Jö: Like the chemistry is always good, but we’ve had so many bass players. Something always comes up, they forget practices and stuff. Hannah: Bassist brain. 24: Isn’t that just difficult with musicians in general? Jö: It’s like wrangling cats. 129
24: You started out in the biggest city in the country, and you still consider it your home base. Do you have to overcome any particular struggles as a band playing in New York? Jö: It’s a lot. To get noticed you either have to be SUPER good or you have to kinda pigeonhole yourself into a specific niche. Hannah: But our main focus is on staying authentic, like we go up there and we are who we are. It’s so important, going to a show, to connect with the fans and know that they get you and they’re like you, and you aren’t less than them. We genuinely want to share our music and connect. I think we’ve done a good job of being ourselves and keeping it lighthearted. Jö: We treat every stage like a living room. 24: Okay, so I know genres can be limiting. But if you had to label yourselves... Hannah: I mean we’re definitely under the giant umbrella of indie music. We’re literally indie. But there are so many varied interests in terms of artists and genres. I’d say we’re influenced by a lot of pop, blues… it’s interesting to hear what people say about us because we are really too close to it to label it. 24: Any specific influences in your music? Hannah: Changing constantly. And it’s such a wide pool. 24: And is there any specific song that makes you think, ‘yeah, this is why I want to do music’? Jö: There’s a song by this band called The Evens, they’re so simple but so amazing. “Cut From The Cloth,” that’s the kind of stuff I want to do. Hannah: I have my cliche answer and my passion answer but really, I love John Mayer. And I will shout it from the rooftops, I LOVE him. I’ve been listening to him since I was like eight or ten. There’s also this song by Sea of Bees called Willis, and it made me want to write songs and tell my own story. 24: Let’s talk about your music, tell me about your EP and your full album. Jö: Our first EP was when we first started playing together, we kinda jumped the gun on making an EP. Hannah: Folk songs with a rhythm section. Jö: We recorded in our friend’s studio. Hannah: It was very relaxed, great for a first EP. We still play some of those songs.
"...I loved twenty-four. In hindsight, it was probably the year I learned the most."
24: Do you have a favorite song on the album? Hannah: Mine changes a lot, as time goes by. “Tapeworm” is up there, it was fun to write “Betty Crocker” together. Jö: That one’s dark. Hannah: It is. For me, that was a transformative moment of writing. I always wrote a lot about love, and stuff like that, and writing this song really unlocked something in me creatively. Jö: I have a few favorites. I personally like “Tapeworm.” I very distinctly remember when we wrote it together. It was such a clear, even split in the process. Everyone was on the same page. 24: Is it cool if we pivot and talk about being twenty-four? For instance, do you ever experience imposter syndrome? Like, how am I here, do I deserve this, am I good enough? Jö: Every second of every day. Hannah: It’s hard, especially with writing songs. Like your heart’s in it-Jö: and you love it and you show it to someone and if their reaction isn’t exactly what you were looking for-Hannah: But yeah, it’s just this never ending cycle of wondering if you’re good enough, of seeing where and when other bands perform and comparing yourself to that. 24: Where were you at 24? Hannah: More than ever this year, I’ve been in this state of in-between. It’s hard to fit in at this age, and know where you’re supposed to be. It’s so confusing. This age hits you, and a lot of stuff comes up from childhood, and it explains so much about how you’re acting as a human being. You slowly start to unpack, and it can feel overwhelming but helpful. You’re just working through the kinks to get to good things beyond that. Not to be cocky, but I do feel there are good things ahead and that I can do cool and great things. It’s a learning year. “I’m figuring it out” has been the theme of twenty-four. There’s so much I need to check off and accomplish, and I look forward to that. 24: That’s perfectly said. It’s about turning that confusion and darkness into art. And, Jö, is it cool if we ask how old you are? Jö: I’m waiting for you to guess. 24: I’m so bad at this. I wanna say twenty-eight? Or twenty-seven? Jö: Twenty-seven. 24: So you’re only three years from twenty-four. Not that far. Jö: Well yeah, but those three years were nuts. 24: Tell us about twenty-four and what followed it. Jö: When I was twenty-four, I was still living in this kind of single independence. I live with my girlfriend now, it’s very different. I’ve relaxed in the unsureness. I’m sure of a lot more things. When I was twenty-four, that was dangerous. I thought I understood everything, but I understood nothing. I was self-aware, but naive about a lot of things. I had expectations about what would be easy and hard, and in hindsight I know there were a lot of things I never thought would concern me at all… and now they come up constantly. 24: But ultimately, it can’t be all bad. It sounds like twenty-four was important to both of you. Jö: I did have a great year, I loved twenty-four. In hindsight, it was probably the year I learned the most. Hannah: It’s like, ‘Yes! I didn’t even know that this is what I wanted or needed!”
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By Hannah Sutker Hannah is a writer, editor, and social media manager based in Los Angeles. M A D E LY N N M A G A Z I N E @1happyhammy
Keep up with Luna Rose on Instagram @lunarosemusic & tune into their music on Spotify
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Writing I have this dream inside myself, a vision in life. Maybe it’s my future self-trying to show the path. It tugs at my heart. Maybe I already know. But the vision is not crystal clear. It’s only something you can see when you look away, something you see from your peripheral. Like chasing a butterfly, or a vision that comes in meditation but slips away when you focus on it. Rustling leaves, a quiet house. I already live here in the future. I am on my way.
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Man cannot hide behind his own ignorance forever. If it is not this lifetime that he understands the power to change everything, he will in the next.
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Publix I noticed him walking empty handed in the grocery store, tired and worn down, taking his time, thinking, but so unsure. Five minutes later we passed again, he held no items to buy. In our brief encounter he did not even give me a second thought, but my mind was writing pages about his emptiness the moment I first saw him. For I felt it too. Am I a sponge? Have you ever gone into a grocery store and left empty handed? Because I have. This sure madness the void throws at us at times is all too consuming; some drown inside of it and never find their way out. The absolute sure madness that “I do not belong”. What was the man inside that grocery store thinking? I bet that he ended up going home with nothing. Humans cannot think or survive in that kind of space. There are days that I am absorbed inside the void and I am shaken to my core for there is a certainty of darkness that creeps inside my spine. Other days I am unaware of its presence. Albert Camus is the only person I have discovered that speaks so accurately regarding this place. Many take their own lives in it. My goal is to face this abyss and walk away. I have discovered depths to this realm that I wish one never has to journey down. And now I live upon the threshold of this entrance, stepping foot into it every so often on accident. My boots are black and trail mud for days. The stench is unbearable and there is filth on my clothes. I look up at the cash register, “your total is $34.45” she says.
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Photography: Shelby Canterbury @welcomebackyo Models: Nikki Vallarella @gypseanicky, Madison Gulli @phoebe_gulli, Bridgette Spinney @bridgette_spinney & Derek Corser @wishyouwerebutyouaint
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I HADN'T VISTED NORTH CAROLINA SINCE
I moved back to Florida in December. Driving all day, I finally got off the highway. An hour away from my old home: I drove up the mountain roads during dusk. I started noticing fireflies as the light outside had faded away. I saw fireflies once before, and that was the day I unpacked into my new house a year before then. I was so overwhelmed by this feeling. It all came back to me. Everything I had left here waited. The entire world was deeply connected, and I could feel it all. The fireflies and the universe were in union, “welcome home." I cried when this finally hit me. For no matter where I travel or go. The Divine is always around, patiently waiting for its silent moments of truth.
@welcomebackyo
Alessandra A How many thank you’s will it take for you to stop giving to everyone but yourself? How many heart breaks will it take for you to stop falling before their arms are out wide? How many days will slip through your fingers before you look in the mirror older, and no wiser?
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Dear soon-to-be father of a daughter, There’s nothing you can do. She’s going to hate her body, and you’ll hate yourself for it. You’ll watch her grip her stomach in the mirror, wear more makeup than she needs, shave too soon. There’s nothing you can do. It’s likely that you’ll remember every girl who wasn’t skinny enough, pretty enough, and wonder what their fathers thought – if their father’s thought anything. There’s nothing you can do. And maybe she won’t ever love her body, but be the better man, the kinder man,
fiery because she has to be never quite free or as free as they say she’ll be too sturdy to crush too hard to hug too sweet to taste too much to love
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24 I want to be twenty-four. Now that I think about it, twenty-four is an age that’s
not daunting—one of the few that exist. At twenty-five you’re half way to thirty, hitting around the age that your parents probably got married, and you probably feel no more stable than you did at twenty. Twenty-three seems young, on the other hand. Only two years since turning twenty-one, you’re probably stuck in a right-out-of-college job that doesn’t pay enough, trying to find a relationship that doesn’t make you crazy, and probably unsure of what your life will look like in a year. And then there’s twenty-four...somewhere right in the middle when you’re not quite halfway through your twenties, maybe you’re progressing towards the kind of job you’d like, and the guys you’re meeting have nearly developed prefrontal cortexes. How do I feel about the age twenty-four? That as good as it sounds when I put it that way, I’ll probably turn twenty-four and reminisce about the days as a twenty-year-old with a fake ID, either no job or a painful internship, and a year before I have to graduate having and create a five-year plan that I’m unlikely to follow.
@alessandrantonia
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Red We are wired to complain. I don’t know what time period that started and why. Do I argue or thank them? Don’t mistake me for a hypocrite, though. I sigh at every cold meal. I ache at every extra mile walked. I yearn for more love after every brief contact. I even whine when it feels sticky outside. Smushed up in a coffin? At least there’s leg room. Hard to please the person that stings like a bee at every word you thought was nothing but maple syrup and honey? Say your I’m sorry’s and don’t blink twice. Get a peaceful nights rest cause some can’t in this life. Daddy not making enough money? Existence is magically priceless until it’s hauntingly high priced. I’m sorry my dear, eat at home tonight. I don’t want to put my worries into yours. Have them mix and join like brownie batter... It won’t make a sweet confection. If I can promise you anything, it is that. But to my eyes and ears for miles... All they see and hear is dread. Picking up what’s left. I’ve seen the color red for too long, now. I know every shade as it has joined my skin a few times here and there. At least it’s my favorite color. @bree.lucas Photographer Ruben Rodriguez @Rubenisruined
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A Learned Settlement to the Journey of 24 The smoke rises up from the fire, at last cleansed from years of wear and tear. A fresh state, a raw smell like Fawkes rising from the ashes, comes a new life. The smell isn’t new but the perspective on the substance is. Rough, raw and burned to the top, the core roars back to life, as if its soul had been watching from the sidelines, waiting for a turn to play the game. The game teaches us not to use the same keys to open new doors – to not look down when walking forward – stand up, be loud. The game’s miracle is the circle of eternal growth; the experience that rids itself of all vanity and replaces it with narrative. Now that we know the circle of the game, the strength the fabric can stretch and jerks our heart can feel, the pattern reflects through its soft shell. Grandma sweaters and old, torn boots break the seal into the crux of the moment. The moment, the game – the life that took 24 years to grasp – is finally floating in cold air, soaking up the limited sunshine and letting its dust settle onto freshly snowed ground, tilled and sifted through too many times to tally from a year of rocky road discoveries. The result, the view past the looking glass, is beauty: the life that now feels settled to walk into and free from baggage, like new Steve Madden shoes that make you feel like the modern generation is first in line to play this game. Worth the investment, worth the step in line to march the millennial fight.
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Game House Rules: Constant curiosity, learning and growth must be churning; Courage must be brewing in the ashes of the fire; Harmony fueling its warmest, brightest flames. The lessons from this year of reckoning sizzle in the embers. The fire is alive to feed the hunger of what 24 years of life have created into the flowing universe.
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Poet Ariel Parrella-Aureli @ariel.parrella Photographer Paige Marinelli @theallamericangal
@1happyhammy
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Business LAUREN CONWAY
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Photographer: Steven O'Ren @steveontheinternet Model: Lauren Conway @laurenkellyconway
I’ve read a lot of interviews that start with a description of what the subject is wearing. In the case of Lauren Kelly Conway, owner of Toxic Pony Vintage, I’m especially fascinated with her choice of outfit. Unfortunately, I won’t see it. While I sit on my couch in Los Angeles, Lauren is hard at work in South Florida. She’s scouring thrift shops, cataloguing her inventory, and completing pretty much any other task required of a young, ambitious industry disrupter. I’m lusting after a description of her outfit, because Lauren specializes in vintage resale. She cherry picks the most precious, unique pieces of clothing, sharing her finds with fashion lovers from all over the world.
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"So many critics said this business venture was a bad idea, but I'm glad I didn't listen.."
Photographer: Briana Autran @brianaautran Models: Lauren Conway @laurenkellyconway Kathleen & Meg @losthuntvintage
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Her work found its way to me, over more than 2500 miles, and I felt an immediate and desperate desire to get a peek inside her head. She graciously agreed to answer some questions over email, and we were beyond thrilled to inundate her with queries about fashion, vintage, and starting her own business. We suggest you study up, then head to @toxicponyvintage for the shopping adventure of a lifetime. 24: So Lauren, what exactly is a Toxic Pony? LKC: Toxic Pony is an online vintage clothing store that provides well made, one-of-a-kind clothing to people of all ages and sizes. We are known for our funky style and our weird memes on Instagram. 24. And what motivated you to start this business? LKC: My childhood friend Briana and I have always loved vintage fashion. We’d shop at garage sales and thrift stores, looking for pieces for ourselves, then stumble upon things that may not necessarily fit our style or size. Eventually we started bringing those pieces home, too. After building a sizable collection, I decided I wanted to start selling. Briana helped me start Toxic Pony, and partially shaped what it is today. She’s now one of my out-of-state buyers, and my go-to for business advice. 24: I’m guilty of buying fast fashion, because it’s easy and usually pretty cheap. As someone who sells vintage fashion, what’s your answer to people like me? LKC: Because of the fast fashion culture that exists today, each American throws away about seventy pounds of textiles per year. That's insane! Vintage clothing is made to last, it’s fun, and it’s unique! It really is so different from the kind of clothes that are made today, in appearance and especially in quality. 24: What’s your mission, as a vintage resale business owner? LKC: My mission is very simple: share my vintage finds with people that love vintage clothes, at a price real people can afford. A lot
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of vintage companies are charging like $300 for a pair of old jeans, and to me that just sounds so unreasonable. My prices are what really sets me apart from other vintage stores. I’d prefer to keep things fair and reasonable. I’m also trying to spread unique pieces all over the world, while helping reduce textile waste. 24: What’s one immediate advantage vintage fashion has over fast fashion? LKC: It makes me feel special and more confident in public. 24: Do you have a favorite fashion era? LKC: I really love all eras of fashion. But if I absolutely had to choose, I would go with the 1990s. So much of my every day look is inspired by that decade. 24: And your least favorite fashion era? LKC: There is no least favorite for me, when it comes to fashion! I try to keep a very open mind, clothing is a very subjective and personal thing. 24: Do you remember your first piece of vintage clothing? LKC: The very first piece I ever bought was from a Goodwill, when I was around thirteen. My mom took me there as part of an errand run, and that was the first time I walked around and really appreciated all the weird and interesting clothing. It was unlike anything I’d seen before. I ended up buying this black velvet, lace-cuffed cardigan with pearl buttons. 24: What happened to the cardigan, did you end up selling it? LKC: I still have it today, as a reminder of how far I've come with that first purchase. 24: On that note, have you ever regretted selling a piece? LKC: Yes, all the time! But if I didn't sell all the things I love, I wouldn’t have a business.
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24: What has starting this business at a young age taught you about yourself and the world around you? LKC: That there are people who are so miserable with their own lives, they want to make other people feel miserable too. So many critics said this business venture was a bad idea, but I'm glad I didn't listen. It’s taught me that owning your own business means you always have to be on your ‘A’ game. There is no clocking out, but I am very fortunate because I’m doing something I love. When I was younger, I thought I was going to be famous. But working for myself and sharing my passion with others is so much better. 24: From your experience, how can we better inspire and support our peers in their own business ventures? LKC: Be there for them! Go to their events, share their social media posts, blog posts, websites, buy their merchandise. Maybe take them out for happy hour when they're feeling stressed or down. 24:What’s the best perk of your job? LKC: I love knowing that I’m making people happy. When you order a new piece of clothing online and it comes to your doorstep, it’s so exciting to open that package and try on the piece for the first time. As I’m packaging things up to ship, I always picture what the customer is going to look like or what they might be buying the piece for, or how they’re styling it. It is so awesome when people send me photos of them in their purchase, or when they review my store and tell me how much they love what they bought. 24: What message do you want to send to people who are starting to experiment with vintage in their own personal style? LKC: In my opinion, fashion shouldn't be about trends or what the celebs are wearing or what your friends tell you to wear, but about feeling your most confident and comfortable.
Photographer: Briana Autran @brianaautran Models: Eva Peterson @Eva.peterson Kendra warren @kendra.brooke.warren
24. And lastly, what does twenty-four mean to you? LKC: Twenty-four was by far my favorite year. You’re finding yourself. You discover what works and doesn’t work in friends, lovers, lifestyle, career, and everything that makes this year a huge journey. At twenty-four I was living with Briana, and we started Toxic Pony together. We were young, wild, free and had what felt like no responsibilities. Because of that year, I’m wiser about life, clothing, retail, and business…which is booming!
By Hannah Sutker Hannah is a writer, editor, and social media manager based in Los Angeles. @1happyhammy
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Keep up with Toxic Pony Vintage @toxicponyvintage
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Last Note
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Be Your Own Alita by Hannah Sutker I’ve always believed listless was simply a synonym for lazy. "I'm feeling so listless this week," I would drawl, in an exaggerated Southern accent, convinced I was describing a state of slightly more luxurious laziness than the default. But I've been wrong for years, coasting on the confidence of a literature degree and resting bitch face. I was once force-fed a lecture by an elderly man who described all twenty-somethings as "listless." It's a common argument, one we've become adept at tuning out: millennials are so lazy, millennials are so entitled. And then I googled it. Listless is a word often used by, well, nobody. I've wracked my brain, searching for the last time I heard it out of any mouth other than my own. Knowing that even I'd misunderstood the word, pretentious college degree and all, I'm optimistically inclined to believe he misspoke; life is too short to actually agree with people who dribble venom as they chew on the word 'millennial.' Listless doesn't mean "lazy, but for rich people" (as I'd so often jokingly explained to friends, who would then adopt the term). It's actually a shortcut to describe someone who's lacking in motivation, energy, and enthusiasm. I always resent the elderly Republican who makes a compelling argument. Because I have to admit that he's not completely wrong— and maybe I'm just pulling from my own life here—when he labels our generation as lacking in enthusiasm. But we know this already: we know mental health is at an all-time low, we know the economy sucks, we know millennials aren't buying houses or diamonds. don't blame us for letting a lack of di-
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rection get the best of us, but I also don't think we've been completely defeated just yet. I feel compelled to prove this old man wrong. We work the day jobs, we slowly make payments on our student loans. Twenty-somethings are hardworking and humble, for the most part, and we're making it work even though many of us wonder if we will ever live our dream lives. And maybe the key to curing listlessness lies in embracing that cycle, in understanding that we can feed our art with the experiences we accrue as we steam almond milk and bus tables. I'm one of the lucky ones, in a position that allows me to see the potential of my current gig. My day job is a beast: half nanny, half personal assistant. It's constant movement, travel, unpredictability, networking, and creative opportunities. That's writing fuel, if I can avoid violating the thorough NDA that comes with working for a celebrity family. But what about the people whose day jobs may never feed their dream job? My interest lands primarily on the actor-waiter, an abundant cliche in my current home city of Los Angeles. It's as easy as plucking a name out of my contact list, and so I do. I land on Alita LaShae, a 27-year-old actor-model whose life goals include meeting-and defeating-her nemesis/ look-alike: Halle Berry. She's a also writer, and I've been lucky enough to read her fiction (which is actually great). But most days, she's a barista at a hip coffee shop in Studio City and a truck driver for an ice cream company that mainly serves celebrity parties.
this, we diverge. I sit comfortably with a salary, paid vacation, zero student debt, and all the professional stability my father wanted for me when he tried to convince me not to major in English Lit. I am, by nobody's definition, a risk taker. I am letting my dreams fall by the wayside in the pursuit of comfort. Alita is the opposite, as far as I know her. After moving across the country from her native Philly, and with no experience, she moved to LA to pursue modeling and acting. She strung together multiple day jobs to keep afloat financially, managed to actually land some good connections in Hollywood, and continues doing whatever she deems necessary to pursue her dreams. She's somehow always simultaneously on the way to an audition, while working at one of her day jobs. I like to think of her as the perfect portrait of the millennial: hardworking as hell, overly humble so as to avoid accusations of entitlement, broke, depressed, exhausted, and yet she's still going to tip her server 20% even if they punch her in the face for dessert. If anyone is going to make the eventual leap to pursue creativity full time, at the risk of their financial comfort and mental health, it's Alita. She'll do it, and she'll land. The problem is, she might be the only one who can't see it. When I ask if she's ever seriously considered throwing caution to the wind, she answers, "Oh, all the time. Who doesn't, honestly?" and that's truly the epitome of Alita. Nobody else considers it, really.
We share some similarities, certainly. We both work with high-profile and wealthy people, we're both pursuing creative gigs on the side. But beyond
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We'd all love to walk in, curse out the manager, and quit on the spot. But for most of us, it's just a fantasy. Our day jobs become our full time, they take over the space we've saved for our passions, and eventually they define us. We all fall victim to that listlessness. "There was a point when I was really miserable in my day job [as a barista]," Alita explains, "so much so that I didn't recognize the person I'd become. I was always in a foul mood and it was so evident that my demeanor was completely faked." But instead of losing hope, she decided to use it as fuel. She laughs, "if [the faked demeanor] wasn't evident then hey, that's damn good acting, right?" Even with that level of self-assuredness, she has experienced uncertainty before and clarifies that this is a necessary aspect of being in your twenties. "We're constantly under construction. Working on yourself is a job in itself. I don't think anyone sees themselves still working a service industry job at 27, and I'm certain my younger self would kick my ass if she saw where I was in life." It's a relatable sentiment, for all of us. Who could've convinced college Hannah, writing essays on The Hero's Journey and the cultural impact of Latin American magical realism, that she would spend her mid-twenties changing diapers and coordinating calendars? She was supposed to write the next great novel, showrun a Comedy Central scripted series, or at the very least land an editing job at a prestigious publishing house. "How dare we not be rich and famous, and married to that celebrity we always said we'd marry?" Alita responds, touching on another universal truth I'm still struggling to internalize: none of us are where we wanted to be, yet what we wanted was never exactly realistic anyway. Maybe it's because millennials were the first generation to experience that extended adolescence the baby boomers so love to blame on us. Most of us won't feel comfortable starting families or buying homes well into our late thirties and forties, and plenty of us are still wondering when we're actually going to feel like adults. So who's to say we're even ready for the adult life we lusted after during childhood? Would we even know what to do with success, whatever that looks like? "I know that though I'm not where I thought I'd be," she continues, "But I'm where I need to be. I couldn't have handled any type of success at a younger age. I wanted to be a vet, then a cartoonist, then a teacher, then a writ-
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er, then a farmer..." the list goes on, and she names a few more positions before landing on actor and model. Alita assures me, in response to the question of whether all of this feels like real life or a detour on the way to real life, that "it feels like real life every single fucking day." It's not exactly the deep realization I was hoping for, and I honestly can't relate. It would probably make things much easier if I could somehow burst through the idealistic hope that this somewhat humorous montage of scenes of crying at farmers markets isn't really my life. I ask how we're meant to keep motivated, when we feel as though the lives we're leading are just distractions taking us further from our goals. She advises me to see this process as "the journey to the destination, wherein the destination keeps changing every time you reach it." Good advice, but I suspect many of us are already self-aware. We have the power to take back control, to beat the listlessness and (pardon my French) make life our bitch. Instead we spiral into self-doubt, Imposter Syndrome, and a competitiveness that often turns toxic. We begin to believe that obstacles are impossible to overcome. But not Alita, as it turns out. "There is no need to compare myself to someone else, because there is no one else like me," she says, with authority. "Once I stopped letting my thoughts run free and wreak havoc on me, things changed."
ing others up with them as they climb. That camaraderie and community growth is what allows us to connect, to push each other forward, and give each other a hand. Knowing that even my own friend, powerful and unstoppable Alita, struggles with the same weight reminds me that I am not alone in carrying what feels like an entire world of stress, fear, and anxiety. I can relax slightly, and trust that the world won't crash down on me if my arms start shaking. We're all going to feel hopeless, we're all going to get lost along the way. Growing up is just a process of constantly discovering that nobody else has it figured out. Twenty-four will blindside you, no matter what you thought you knew at twenty-three. The listlessness, if and when it sets in, will seem insurmountable. But every one of your friends will feel the same way, and there's something almost comforting in that. With this in mind, I advise you not to sit around waiting for your Alita to find you. Nay, I urge you to be the Alita you wish to see in the world.
By Hannah Sutker Hannah is a writer, editor, and social media manager based in Los Angeles. @1happyhammy Keep up with Alita @alitalashae
"All of these particular struggles will eventually be in the past, but new ones will arise and I'll have to tackle those as well," she continues. "I think we get so hung up on the idea of 'if I do this/get this/achieve this then all of my problems will go away.' No they won't...sure that one problem will go away, and another will come, and you'll boss the fuck up and handle that one too." The answer, she explains quite succinctly, is in just embracing the space you currently take up instead of relentlessly focusing on your trajectory. "Stop second guessing your own energy. Own that shit, and be you." I realize there is no sinking into listlessness when you have an Alita in your life, and that's when the eureka moment hits: the key to busting beyond complacency isn't just about being in the right place at the right time. It's not just who you know, or where you work, or how many business cards you hand out. It's about surrounding yourself, even during slumps, with people who are intent on bring-
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Contri Paige Marinelli Co-Founder Editor-in-Chief Editorial Designer / Creative Director @theallamericangal
Danielle Wasserman Cover Story Author @daniellewasserman
Hannah Feature @1happ
LĂŠa Ridenour 24 Logo Designer @madeaugold
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ibutors Carianne Older Co-Founder Chief of Marketing Creative Director @peggyshootsfilm
Ashley Ohcanario Cover Story Photographer @ohcanario
h Sutker es Editor pyhammy
Michael Alfonso Rear Cover Photographer @michaelalexanderphotography
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