Multiplicity Spring 2015 by Multiplicity Magazine

spring 2015

taking back the apron discipline

when the going gets tough how to raise confident kids

learning from mistakes 1

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12/14/11

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annual national events!

19 positive parenting for imperfect little people 7

Lessons on Wastefulness

Ways to Celebrate Earth Day

The Dr. is In - Tips on Vitamin D

Disciplining Twins When the Going Gets Tough

Product Buzz + Giveaway

The Funny Side of Life with Twins

Giving Kids Room to Run

Capturing your Every Day

10 Ways to Bring in Spring

When it Comes to our Kids

Tips for Cleaning Your Closet

19 Parenting an Exceptional

Five Minute Fix: Style Your Shelves

A Look at What Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re Teaching our Children

Book Review

Move it and Lose it: Staying Fit as a Family

Ways to Take Back the Apron

Appy Spring

Teaching Self-Control

Confessions of a Twin Dad

Learning from Mistakes: It Takes Practice

10 Tips for Raising Confident Children

12 Foster a Love for Reading 14 Fashion Finds: Spring Trends 16 Why Consistency is Key Child

Dads are Key for Creating Well-Balanced Kids

A Dadâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Perspective on Surviving the NICU

26 The NICU: What the Doctor Never Told You

28 Saying Goodbye: Life at Home after the NICU

32 Focusing on the Family

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Josiah and Robert are 7 year old twins from North Carolina. They enjoy playing soccer, riding scooters, badminton, and playing xbox with their friends. They are completing their first year of cub scouts and have enjoyed volunteering and helping their community through BSA and their church. photos courtesy of Jeff Cravotta

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

When spring arrives each year, we all get a little busy...cleaning out, dusting the last of the winter away, gardening, cramming our schedules with weekend activities, and planning fun things to do outside with the family. In planning my twins’ 10th birthday party this year, it made me realize what little time we actually have with our little ones. Ten is a big deal...no, it’s not 16 and it’s not 18, but there are literally only 8 years left where they will live under my roof and be impacted by my parenting and influence. I know I’ll always be their mom and I hope they’ll turn to me for advice and friendship as they grow, but the years we have our children at home are the most crucial for guiding them into becoming the best people they can be. Will they be perfect? Of course not, but there is a best in all of us and it’s our jobs as parents to help them develop those characteristics as they grow. So how do we know what we’re doing is right?

saving up for therapy for the kids when they’re older! Thankfully, most of us have family members, friends, certainly this magazine among others, and maybe even a great support system through a twin club or other group to help guide us along. When it comes to raising our kids, it truly does take a village --- school, church, volunteer opportunities, etc. The more outlets you can expose your children to, the more help you’ll have in steering them to understand the importance of character traits such as honesty, leadership, self-control, charity, and so many more.

Unfortuantely, we don’t because there is no right and wrong way to parent. This makes many of us feel that we should probably be

There are some great times along our parenting journey, but there are many bumps along the way, too. In raising imperfect little people, we hope this issue inspires you to be consistent with your children, to teach them the importance of not wasting our resources, to appreciate being healthy and to stay moving, and to be confident in their choices and where ever life takes them. With all of these great tips, we’re bound to raise some great little people in the many years ahead!

Natalie Diaz founder/publisher natalie@multiplicitymag.com

Talitha A. McGuinness executive editor talitha@multiplicitymag.com

Publisher Natalie Diaz Editor / Creative Director Talitha A. McGuinness Contributing Writers Isabelle Lee Mercedes Donis Cara Krenn Kristi Miller Nellie Harden Minde Buckingham Deanna Burkett Traci Zeller Destiny Effertz Dr. Preeti Parikh Kevin Zelenka Amanda Nethero Barbara Miller Jennifer Parker Kerry Bergeman Nora Ellish Alyssa Keel Victoria Worch Clayton Fox Rashain Carriere Twiniversity Content Mgr. Julie Burt Nichols Community Mgr. Deanna Burkett Special Projects Mgr. Lauren Oak Twitter Content Mgr. Kimmy Brogan Contact us: 141 Mulberry St. Apt. C-1 New York, NY 10013 917-442-2020 info@multiplicitymag.com www.multiplicitymag.com

Multiplicity is published as a digital magazine four times per calendar year, with additional supplements as desired. Multiplicity cannot assume responsibility of statements made by advertisers. In addition, though hand-picked and carefully reviewed, Multiplicity cannot guarantee the accuracy of editorial pieces. No portion in whole or in part of this publication may be reproduced without express written consent from the publisher. Questions? Email talitha@multiplicitymag.com.

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awaken from winterâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s slumber, find joy in the miracle of life, and embrace the warm breath of

spring

photo courtesy of Andrea Hughes Photography

lessons on waste:

introducing change by kerry bergeman

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Last winter, I peeked in as my daughters were taking their shower just to discover an entire bottle of shampoo had been dumped all over. Sure they were clean, as was the tub, but this kind of waste had to stop. This wasn’t the first incident of such devious waste. I stopped leaving the shampoo and conditioner in the shower because of such horrendous events, but apparently I forgot. Oh wait, no I didn’t. Those stinkers got out of the shower, hence the slip and slide floor, and put them back in. All of my tactics of “no wasting” clearly weren’t working. Perhaps they were too young at 4 to truly understand what waste meant. Or perhaps I was too naive in giving them the benefit of the doubt. That evening I decided to try something different. I didn’t yell, try to explain or rip them out of the shower and send them to their rooms. Nope, I didn’t do anything typical of me. Instead, I said this waste will cost you each five coins. Five coins. That was all it took. Tears welled in their eyes and they began their search. They have plenty of money, they just didn’t want to part with it. They weren’t sure why, but they didn’t want to let it go. They don’t truly understand the concept of money. After all, they once gave me about $7 in hopes it would take us all to Disney World. That broke my heart, but I was impressed with their generosity. Nonetheless, they reluctantly brought me five coins each that

I later found out was from their sucker of a grandmother. Since then, they have not “wasted” the shampoo again. Since it was so successful, I’ve moved this tactic on to other toiletries, food, and even how they treat their toys. If they ask for something to eat and don’t eat it, they owe coins. This does NOT mean they have to shove their faces until they are uncomfortable and sick. It simply means they need to think about what they ask for and how hungry they truly are. It’s teaching them to be cognizant of their hunger cues and responsibility if they ask for more than they need. Trust me, I tread very lightly here as I am raising a house full of girls and don’t want to encourage any poor eating habits. A perfect example of this is when they ask to get a snack on their own. It is usually yogurt for one and applesauce for the other. Before we implemented the coins for waste policy, they would fill a large bowl and not finish it. Now they use that same large bowl, but only fill it with what they can eat. If they don’t finish, they owe me nothing because they were acting responsibly and paying attention to their body’s needs. If they finish and are still hungry, they can go back for more. The list below is an example of the most common things they waste and the amount they owe in return. *Shampoo/Conditioner ----- 5 *Toothpaste ----------------- 3 *Food ------- 3-10 depending *Art Supplies ----------------- 2 *Band-Aids ------------------- 2 multiplicity

Toothpaste: they always just squeeze out globs of it. Art Supplies: just dumping out paint or breaking crayons. Band-aides: they cover their dolls in them or ask for one with every tiny wince. Now they have to show me blood before they get a band-aide. So the Coins of Waste project came about from having my kids give me coins to cover their waste. It’s branched out now to a jar where those coins get deposited and the girls count them to buy gifts for kids less fortunate. They have been great lessons to them on waste, but about giving to others, too. The jar is not very full, which is a good thing for them. In this case, I will contribute when we go to purchase toys for others during the month of December. *Here is Kerry’s Coins of Waste Vase. Ironically, the Waste Vase always sits next to the jars they use to collect all the treasures the girls find and give to them. Kerry Bergeman is the founder and the mastermind behind New2Two.com. She is a full-time stay-at-home mother of six year old and one year old twin girls. She also teaches part-time at the local community college and runs Mommies of Multiples on Facebook. What does she do on her time off? She is the Brand Ambassador/Senior Spokesman of the Twingaroo twin carrier - the first and only ergonomic twin carrier that features a built in diaper bag (That’s her on the box)!

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ways 10 to pitch in

on earth day! by destiny effertz

It’s springtime and time to celebrate Mother Earth. Here’s a few easy ways to get you going... 1. Join an Earth Day volunteer clean-up or create your own. Gather friends and family and pick up trash at a local beach, park or playground. Give a 1st, 2nd and 3rd prize for whoever collects the most. A mundane activity turned exciting and fun. 2. Have an Earth Day themed playdate. You can have kids paint their own flower pot and plant seeds in them, string plain cheerios and berries to make bird feeders, or supply them with a variety of recyclables, glue and pipe cleaners and have them create and build their own earth bugs. 3. Paint birdhouses to hang in the backyard. Craft stores sell unfinished bird houses in all shapes and sizes that your children can paint and hang in the backyard. Watching birds make nests and start families in them will be a real treat! 4. Make an Earth Day themed feast. Take your children to a local farmer’s market and let each of them choose a locally sourced vegetable or fruit. Show them how great fresh items taste. 5. Create an Earth Week Marshal. Decorate a children’s hard hat and assign duties like making sure the lights are turned off, making sure doors stay closed to keep heat or air conditioning in, and making sure that no one leaves the bathroom faucet running, etc. 8

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6. Plant a seed indoors and watch it grow. A seed like wheat grass not only sprouts within the week, but starts producing. Plant them in a pot, empty egg or milk carton indoors and place in direct sunlight. Have your children record their observations by drawing or writing a description. Your children will love their new role as an earth scientist. 7. Make musical instruments out of recycled materials. Oatmeal canisters can become drums, cereal boxes with rubber bands become guitars, straws cut at an angle and taped together can become a pan flute. The possibilities are limitless! 8. Create a “Colors Of The Earth” Scavenger Hunt for your children. Create or download a sheet with different nature items that can be found in your backyard or nearby park. 9. Create a fairy house. Build a tiny house under a tree or bush (because fairies like hidden places best). My mom told me that fairies were the protectors of nature, and by building them houses near our home, they would move in and protect the trees and flowers at our house. 10. Build a solar oven. Using an empty pizza delivery box and some tin foil and plastic, you can generate enough heat in direct sun to bake things. Treat your children to s’mores or a pizza. Let the kids help choose and add toppings for the pizza and stack the ingredients for s’mores.

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the dr. is in:

5 tips on vitamin D supplements by dr. preeti parikh

The only vitamin that is recommended for everyone to supplement from the American Academy of Pediatrics is vitamin D. In recent years it has been found that infants to adolescents are vitamin D deficient. This vitamin not only helps strengthen bones, but studies are showing linkage to other health conditions, as well. The recommended requirement for all babies to adolescents is 400 IU per day, unless your child has a chronic disease or is on certain medications where their needs maybe higher. Here are some important tips: 1. All breastfed babies should receive a vitamin D supplement. The liquid preparation is best for babies and either give it directly in the mouth or if you do a bottle, make sure there is just a little amount in the bottle to ensure the baby finishes the milk with the vitamin.

2. Formula-fed babies should also be given a supplement, unless the baby is taking 32 ounces of formula each day. 3. For children and adolescents, you can give a chewable multi-vitamin to meet their needs. 4. Although, you can get vitamin D naturally from the sun, the American Academy of Dermatology recommends against it. The reason is due to the risk of developing skin cancer from UV radiation. Since we have both supplements and foods fortified in vitamin D, there are alternatives to meet the vitamin D requirements. 5. Vitamin D natural sources include: milk, eggs, oily or fatty fish, and fortified cereal as some examples. You can get a more detailed list of foods with serving sizes to meet your childrenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s vitamin D needs at the National Institute of Health Office of Dietary Supplements.

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Dr. Preeti Parikh is a Board-Certified Pediatrician with a special interest in preventive medicine, advocacy and patient education. She contributes to Multiplicity magazine, The Bump, and the book â&#x20AC;&#x153;What to Do When You Are Having Twoâ&#x20AC;?. Outside of work, Preeti enjoys free time with her husband and wonderful twin children. the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

take a selfie

Not every parent likes to step behind the camera, but that is not the ‘Selfie’ I am talking about … Our children do not see beauty on the outer layers. It is in the snuggles you offer, the giggles you share, and the moments you spend with your little ones. If you want to raise confident children, take a Selfie of your inside. Evaluate the quality time you are spending with your children and the memories you are developing. The best Selfies are the ones you take together. The time you share with your children will build the kind of confidence that will make them feel purpose and a sense of belonging.

confident

raising children by minde buckingham

The first time I looked into my babies’ eyes, I saw the future staring back at me. With one in each arm, I held a combined total of 10 pounds, yet the weight of the world was resting on my shoulders. It hit me! I was their mom and I was officially responsible for raising these two precious souls. I am not sure that moment has ever left my memory. I had waited so long to be a mom, and suddenly I feared being “bad” at it. I wanted to love them, teach them, and help them become confident little girls. Since that time, I have tested the waters of motherhood. I have endured my share of humiliation, and I am sure that I have made plenty of mistakes along the way. Parenthood is a learning process. Just when I think I have mastered the mind of four year olds, I am quickly reminded how independent and strong willed they are. However, every day I remind myself of one thing. I am the voice in their heads! This concept really struck me when the girls started to talk. They were my mini me. Everything I said and did was repeated. I realized my words and actions were like toothpaste … once I squeezed them out, there was no shoving them back in the tube. I was the model. As the parent, they were watching me, and confidence started with me. 10

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allow risks I am “trying” not to be a wimp mom. I was the

mom that stood behind my toddlers every time they sought to adventure onto the playground. I was afraid they would get hurt. I would gasp every time my husband pushed them too high on the swing. I still get a lump in my throat watching my little ones lean forward to reach the fireman’s pole on the playground. Internally I am screaming “don’t do it!” Externally, I have to let them. Why? It is important for our kids to do it themselves. Sometimes we just need to step back and let them give things a try. You will be amazed by what your kids will accomplish without your help. By letting them take risks, you are allowing them to achieve things and to build self-confidence. Give them the tools to try new things, let them get dirty, and let them prove they can do it.

reassurance

Every child will say “I can’t do it” at one time or another. The worst thing you can do as a parent is take over. Show them, but do not do it for them. With loving reassurance, teach your multiples how to do it on their own, as this is so important in helping them to believe in themselves. Remember, they may be twins, but they are different people. They may do things at different times, and they will most likely learn in different ways. This may take creativity on your part. Make up songs, come up with creative projects, and build things. Do anything it takes to keep them engaged, but avoid doing it for them. Let them master things on their own by simply reassuring them that they can do it.

never quit This is a big one. Never, ever, let them quit. “Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying … I will try

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again tomorrow.” Our children are smart, strong, and capable little people. Teach them how to survive. Each of us can attest to the challenges in life. Help them to understand that growing up is not about learning how adversity affects you, but how you handle it when it crosses your path. Teach them to endure through things and not to give up, instilling responsibility and perseverance. The child who quits everything is never going to learn how to overcome things. They will walk away from every experience having surrendered to things that were hard. This damages their confidence and teaches them nothing.

emphasize individuali t y As parents of multiples, we must constantly

emphasize individuality. Our twins were born together, but they are two different people with two different minds. They will have different talents and abilities. They may grow up with a connection that we simply cannot understand, but part of that bond was developed by the differences that help them understand who the other is. Let them be different. It doesn’t matter how you dress them, or how society sees them. If they see the value in the person they are as an individual, they will know how to greet the world. Love them unconditionally and let them know that who they are, is exactly who you intended them to be. Raising confident children begins with us. It starts from the moment they start to feed themselves. It develops in the constant encouragement we offer. Hellen Keller said, “Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” Be the good voice in their heads. Help them to see that they can do hard things. As Dr. Seuss said, “And will you succeed? Yes, You will, indeed! (98 and ¾% guaranteed) Kid, you’ll move mountains!” Minde lives in Portland with her husband Mike and twin girls. She is a stay-at-home mom and enjoys running the daily carpools. Minde also enjoys spending time with her family, trips to the coast, photography, and writing. multiplicity

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how to bond with your kids over books by kelly johnson

Letâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s face it...reading affects every single area of our lives. If kids struggle with reading, it is highly likely that they will struggle in other areas of their academic life as well. However, parents can play a large role in influencing kids to form better reading habits and become better readers. Below are five tips to inspire your kids to love reading: 1. Read with your kids - Parent involvement is the number one predictor of early childhood reading success and future academic achievement. Kids learn from parental modeling, so starting a daily reading ritual for pre-K kids is vital for developing a childâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s love for reading. Reading together is also a fantastic way to bond with your little ones. Kids who have 100 or more books tend to be more ready to tackle academic challenges, so make sure your children have an array of engaging books on their bookshelf. Adding books with popouts will also help stimulate the imagination and make reading fun. Before getting started, read the title and ask your child to make a prediction of what the story is about. Point to words and pictures as you read to help kids make the correlation between the story and the illustrations. Also read with enthusiasm and energy by changing pitch and intonation to punctuate the story and give each character a voice. Follow up each story by asking questions to ensure that your child understood the story and can relate it to another story or personal experience. The love of reading is partially developed by relating stories to real life.

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2. Set technology limits - Set a predetermined amount of time that kids can plug into technology (including TV) each day. Continue your daily reading rituals by scheduling reading time for your kids each day. Reading on an e-reader is good, but be sure that kids have an appreciation for traditional books, too. 3. Help kids create a reading list - It’s important to keep your child’s reading level in mind when helping him choose a good book to read. Use your intuition when asking him questions about what he wants to learn about, who he’d like to meet, or what he wants to be when he grows up. All of these aspects make a good list of things to read about. For infants and toddlers, choose books with bright and colorful pictures and familiar objects. Cardboard or washable fabrics prevent little hands from getting too excited and ripping pages. Books that appeal to their senses and explore different textures will be fast favorites. Poems and rhymes are also fun for parents to recite over and over again. Preschoolers love illustrations that are colorful and engaging. Short stories that have simple plots and actions to follow will also hold their short attention spans. Stories that are about everyday life can help them explore their world and ask questions about how things work, which will help them learn new concepts. Characters that are about your child’s age will help him relate to the character and take a greater interest in the story line.

Choosing books for young readers (up to age 11) will take on a new dimension. They enjoy stories that take several days to read, as well as more in-depth versions of their childhood favorites. By this time, your child may have developed favorite authors, so reading other books in a series they authored is a easy direction to follow. Adolescents like to read books with characters who are facing similar challenges in their lives. Novels that take them to faraway places and times can foster their love for science fiction or history. Biographies, folktales and mythology can be good options, too. 4. Set content guidelines - It is totally fitting for parents to monitor what their kids read. Just like with television and movies, it is reasonable to consider that parents wouldn’t want their kids to engage in books with vulgar language, sex, violence, or drugs. It is important to only allow kids to read material that is ageappropriate. 5. Screen for learning disabilities like dyslexia - Kids who don’t like to read typically don’t have good reading skills. This could be because reading wasn’t a part of their early childhood experience, so they therefore don’t appreciate the value reading has in their lives. However, it is important for parents to delve deeper into the reasons their kids don’t like to read. If kids find reading boring, it could be that they only read school assignments that don’t tap into their interests. Finding books multiplicity

that are more in alignment with their hobbies or interests might help them enjoy reading more. Some kids find reading difficult or tedious. That could be relative to how they learned to read. Check in with their teacher and see if there are learning disabilities like dyslexia involved or if a tutor could help get them up to speed. Poor reading skills can lead to kids falling behind in and not liking school. Kids like to know that things are relevant to their lives, and some kids just haven’t made the correlation between books and real life. Finding books that tie into their hobbies, interests or aspirations can greatly improve their interest in reading. Reading opens up new worlds for kids, as stories can take their imaginations to foreign lands and spark an interest in travel, culture and adventure. Reading biographies can also provide positive role models and inspire kids to excel in sports, academics and service. Give your kids the gift of reading by making it fun and exciting! Kelly Johnson is a parenting expert and the founder of Parker Time Potions pediatric massage oils. As a parenting expert, Kelly educates moms and dads on ways to bond with children of all ages in unique and meaningful ways, and many other parenting and child rearing topics. You can connect with Kelly and Parker Time Potions through their website, as well as follow them on Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram.

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FASHION FINDS spring trends

by talitha a. mcguinness 14

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Consider layering a feminine floral top with a comfy pair of boyfriend-style capris pants. If heading to the park or for a picnic, toss on a straw panama hat to add a little fashion and function! Still cold in your neck of the woods? Pair the outfit with a casual jacket or blazer. You can also really spring an outfit up with a pop of yellow. Your hat still works with this casual skirted outfit, complete with adorable espadrille wedges.

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Nothing beats cute and comfy for twin mamas! One of springâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s trends is denim, whether in a dress or white, skinny or cropped jeans. Denim dresses can be dressed up or down with accessories like scarves, belts and more. White denim jeans can go from daytime playdate to a night out with the girls with just a few small changes. Add a little sparkle with your shoes and jewelry and watch your everyday fashion turn from drab to fab!

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resolving to stick to it:

why consistency wit h our kids is key by rashain carriere

In many ways, parents are a lot like gardeners. We sew seeds chock full of all kinds of great characteristics, hoping for responsible, successful, well-mannered children, all the while tending to the many weeds that inevitably pop up along the way. Giving up…it is so easy to do when things start to get tough. When the going gets tough, many, many times, when dealing with my twinkies, I want to get going right along with it. There is another old saying that we sometimes tell our kids frequently, “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again”. This saying not only applies to children and the new skills that they are learning. It also relates well to parents and our skills. In order to be effective with our children, we have to be consistent. Following through on what we start, to the 16

end, is important. Many times as parents, it seems easiest to stop what we are doing, and as a result, we give up before we have the opportunity to see the outcome. Dealing with multiple kids with various temperaments, attitudes, and behaviors, I have learned that in order for kids to learn and grow, repetition and consistency are key. From potty training, to learning how to tie a shoe, to learning how to deal with anger, it is important to model, teach, and reinforce those appropriate behaviors consistently and often, in order for the child to adequately learn those skills. Being consistent is important in teaching our kids skills and providing structure, but it is also important to model this behavior to our children. We are our kids’ first teachers; they learn by observing us. If we want to teach our kids the importance of being consistent, we must practice it, too. Now, I know from firsthand experience, how exhausting it is at times. Sometimes it seems as if our consistency is not paying off. Rest assured that all things take time. Everything is a process. Parenting is no exception. We, as well as our kids, are all works in progress. As a parent, I have discovered that being consistent, and having a structure and routine when dealing with them, helps me in being an effective parent. It helps me to be patient and it also helps my children because I am allowing them the time, space, and opportunity to learn. For example, my son struggles with sharing and taking turns. He struggles at home with his sister, but it is also a concern in the school environment. I have found that being consistent with him with learning this skill has helped him tremendously. First of all, I consistently teach and talk to him about the importance of sharing. I also reinforce the behavior consistently when I see it. It is important to positively reinforce and recognize kids often, especially young kids, when displaying appropriate behavior. So often, as a society, we focus on the negative when kids do the wrong things. Recognizing the positive behavior is even more important. It increases the likelihood that they will continue to display that behavior when it is positively reinforced. I also made sure that I corrected his behavior, each and every time he did not use the skills of sharing and taking turns. multiplicity

I also regularly showed him and talked to him about the appropriate ways to ask for more time or another turn. Teaching positive replacement behaviors is also important when kids respond inappropriately in situations. Not only did I consistently utilize these particular techniques when my son shared and took turns (or neglected to do so), I also discussed the issue with and among his preschool teachers to make sure that they also utilized these techniques. Having consistency in all aspects of your child’s life increases the overall effectiveness. I love the gardening metaphor as it relates to raising and nurturing children. I use it all the time to describe the process of parenting. As parents, and professionals that work with children, we are planting the seeds. Not only that, we nurture them. We make sure that the seed has water, sunshine and nourishment, consistently, as we wait for that seed to germinate and for the plant to grow. The same is true with the seeds of skills and knowledge. We plant these seeds in children. We create the right environment through consistency, and wait for the seeds to germinate and grow, shaping them, hopefully, into competent, independent and successful adults. There were many times when I wanted to give up on the strategies and techniques I use to discipline my children. Even when teaching my son how to share, there were times when I felt as though what I was doing was not working. However, I soon realized, like with everything else, it takes time. Giving up those strategies would have not been the right thing to do. We live in a “microwave” society. We want everything to be ready in two minutes or less. Parenting and helping little people to grow and develop in a healthy and pro-social way takes a lot of time. In the end, it will all be worth it to see the seeds grow in our children. If we stick to it, we will eventually see the beautiful results of all of our hard-earned efforts. Rashain Carriere-Williams and her husband, Kellom, are the parents of 4 year old boy/girl twins. She is also senior director at a non-profit agency in New Orleans, LA. the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

a glimpse into parenting the exceptional child

by alyssa keel

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I doubt there are many parents who upon discovering they are about to have a baby or babies imagines them growing up differently abled. Instead, we picture our babies growing, meeting important milestones like rolling over, cruising, and those first wobbly steps taken to an ecstatic parent with arms wide open. We think of years down the line --- our children going to school, making friends, going to college, getting married, and having their own babies. Sometimes, life has a different plan for us and our babies, and the visions we had need to change.

I watch her...never giving up, and I remember that her injury happened to her. She wil be the one to navigate her life in her own way, and I wil just be along for the ride.

When I found out I was having twins, I thought about managing three kids under three, being able to afford for all of them to go to university, and wondered if we would end up having three boys. Never once did I think that my girls would develop at vastly different rates, that I would become a special needs mum.

therapy, so not having a diagnosis was not holding her back. However, I realized that I need something to be able to bathe her, and she needs a special chair to be able to sit up and play, and for those accommodations, she needs a diagnosis. On a Tuesday morning in January at our NICU’s follow-up clinic, I was told Ella has cerebral palsy, and my identity as a mother fully changed. I am now a special needs mum, mum to a truly exceptional child.

My girls were mono/mono identical twins; not only did they share a placenta, but they also shared a sac, making the entire pregnancy high-risk. We were warned about prematurity and what that might look like, but I still never imagined something would go wrong. At 29 weeks, my girls were delivered via emergency c-section when they went into distress. Twin A, Raegan, was born without complications, other than being small and needing oxygen. Twin B, Ella, lost oxygen at birth resulting in a grade four brain bleed and hydrocephalus (fluid on the brain). Her doctor could not tell us much beyond what might happen; she could be blind, or deaf, or have severe developmental or physical disabilities; she could be totally fine, or she could have cerebral palsy. With no definitive answers on anything, I focused on the positive; she would defeat the odds, prove herself to the doctors, and be totally fine. It didn’t take long for me to realize that though Ella was doing really well, she was struggling in many ways. She is almost a year old and has rolled over on her own maybe a handful of times, she cannot sit up on her own, struggles even when propped up, and is just now learning to feed herself in her specialized high chair insert, which provides added support. Despite her delays, I was reluctant to have her diagnosed. I knew it was coming, but I wanted her to be just Ella for as long as possible. She was already receiving developmental and occupational multiplicity

This is not a label I ever wanted or expected, but here we are. It is not an easy role to take on; the constant doctor and therapy appointments, the worry and added stress, and the hardest part, the inability to plan the future. I have no idea to what extent Ella’s disability will be --- I don’t know if she’ll walk or will use a walker or wheelchair. I don’t know if she will have problems speaking. I don’t know if she will need to be in an adapted school, if she’ll make friends, get married. I don’t know these things, and really, in the big scheme of things, no parent does. The only difference is that I have a name for Ella’s gross motor delays, and I know that things may not come easily for her. But I know my daughter, a girl who survived so much in the NICU, then the poking and prodding at appointments, who does it all with a smile and a giggle. She tries so hard to feed herself, to do her exercises, to try to sit up on her own, to roll over. I know she will always do her best, no matter what that means. Yet it does not make it easier. Sometimes, I cry for my girl, who is so small and has been dealt a bad hand. I feel bad when the days are busy and we don’t get to her exercises, or when she has to wait for her sister because while Ella is calm, Raegan --- contd. page 30 the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

when he’s more than just a father: ways dads create well-balanced kids

by kristi miller

eing a dad is more than providing for the family and lending a hand at bath time. I have the privilege of having an amazing husband who realizes the importance in helping our children become well-balanced members of society. When I think about it, there are three “nuggets of wisdom” that he tries to instill in our kids to keep a good balance. I think these three main ideas are not only useful for children, but also teens and adults. 1 - Being Part of a Team is Important I’ll never forget this day: It was February and the high temperature was expected to be 35 with occasional, cold rain. We had just signed our then 20

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4-year-old twin boys up for spring tee ball and they were scheduled to have their first real game. I thought the league would surely postpone the game due to weather, but alas, they did not. I expected that we would simply skip the game, but my husband would not allow it. He talked to the boys about the importance of being there for your team --- no matter what. Neither twin hit a run, caught a ball, or even knew which direction to run that day, but at least they were there for their team. They learned the importance of showing up and being present for those who were counting on them. Being

the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

part of a team builds character and teaches children to work towards a common goal. Whether it is the baseball team, the chess club, or the cheer squad, kids and adults alike can learn a lot about themselves and relationships with others by being part of a team. 2 - Be Able to Resolve Conflicts on Your Own I never realized that sending two 5 year-olds to kindergarten would result in so many stories of conflict on the playground. A parent can never be sure of exactly what is going on at school without physically being there to supervise, so we have to take our children’s stories with a grain of salt and hope we are teaching them how to resolve conflict on their own. This is an area where my husband excels, so he takes the lead on helping the boys with managing these situations. It wouldn’t do a child justice to instruct him or her to run and tell a teacher every time there is a conflict. That only teaches children to deflect problems, when the child should be equipped to handle some level of conflict on his or her own. Now, don’t get me wrong, we do want our kids to tell a teacher if there is a major, recurring problem, but the child can usually handle playground spats, as long as he is equipped. Parents of twins have a little bit of an advantage in this area, since our kids have a built-in wingman that is always present. This leads me to my husband’s first piece of advice to our boys on handling playground disputes. “Go get your brother! You guys are a

team and you always look out for each other.” This piece of advice can go a long way for singletons, as well. Let your kids know that they can call on friends for help when they are confronted. No one likes the feeling of abondonment or loneliness, especially when being confronted by another peer or group of peers. This does not mean that anything physical or hostile is expected; it only means that kids should know they have the support of others when they need it most. The next piece of advice is “Stand up for yourself. Don’t let someone be mean to you.” This does not mean that a child should use violence or be aggressive. It simply means that the child should stand up tall and confidently tell the provoker that he will not tolerate being picked on. Likewise, he tells our boys to never be the aggressor. Be strong and confident, but respect yourself and others. 3 - Communication is Key Newborns inherently know how to give cues as a means to communicate and those skills continue to develop throughout childhood and beyond. However, there are habits that we can teach our children now that will better equip them to connect with others on a more meaningful level. While kids experience so much more than ever before, they are certainly exposed to more technology now than in past years, too. Those tablets, video games, and smartphones may be very educational, but they may also get in the way of multiplicity

quality conversation between you and the child. Dads play an important role in showing kids that communication is an important part of life. They can make household rules that promote family conversations. In our house, for instance, the kids are not allowed to have technology time until after dinner. That gives us time to talk about our day, ask the kids what they learned, talk through any issues there may be, and let them ask us questions. When Dad engages the kids in conversation, rather than putting them in front of the TV or allowing endless time on the iPad, it shows his commitment to understanding how they are feeling. Knowing the importance of meaningful communication can set your child up for success later in life. Naturally, kids can learn a lot from a father who is engaged and empathetic. Research shows that involved fathers lead to children with higher self-esteem and increased psychological well-being. Whether it’s instilling small bits of wisdom as they grow, allowing them the chance to resolve conflict when it arises, engaging the kids in conversation on a daily basis, or just spending time together individually and as a family, dads can play a huge role in the development of well-balanced children. Kristi Miller is a busy mom who works full time in the energy industry and lives in Charlotte, NC with her husband and children. She is a proud mom to 6 year old twin boys and a 4 year old daughter.

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special insert

surviving the nicu: a dadâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s perspective

by kevin zelenka

I was at my desk in our kitchen the other day, going through a large group of pictures I finally transferred from my phone to my computer, and I caught myself staring at the photos of our newborn sons taken a couple of years ago. I remembered their little noses, the tiny fingers, and the tubes, wires, and monitors. The two healthy toddlers trying to sing along with Elmo and chasing each other around my living room right now were born premature. When my boys were born, I really knew nothing about the neonatal intensive-care unit (NICU). Sure, I knew what it was. It was where other babies went; it was a place for tiny little humans that were born at 28 weeks. My sons, on the other hand, were going to be in the nursery. It would have a big window where people walking by could look at all the newborns, and my cute offspring would look up at them and smile. This was the way it was going to be because itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s what I saw on television and in the movies. (So it has to be true, right?)

special insert One evening my wife wasn’t feeling well. We had already made a couple trips in to the perinatologist that day and after calling them for advice, we went to the hospital to make sure everything with her and my 35 week old twins was alright. I figured all would be fine and I still pictured that nursery with the bright lights and the smiling nurses. After we arrived, they hooked my wife up to a fetal heart monitor to run several tests. Just when we thought we were going to be sent home, a labor nurse told us that my wife would not be leaving, and that she was going in for a C-section within the hour. All the images I saw on television and the movies had just come crashing down. Having one of my sons spend almost 60 days in the NICU doesn’t make me an expert, but it has given me a lot of insight as to what I would do differently if I ever had to be a NICU father again. Hopefully, my insight will help other dads about to go through what we did.

Don’t beat yourself up with “what ifs”.

One of the hardest things about a child being in the NICU is the questions you ask yourself. Why are they here? Could I have done something differently to prevent it? Chances are very likely that there is nothing that you or your spouse could have done to change this. It’s very important that you help your spouse accept this, as well. My wife ate all the right food and took all the right medication. She slept well, exercised, and yet, we still had sons coming into the world before we planned. Sometimes they just don’t want to miss the party and are coming out no matter when they’re scheduled. .

Ask a lot of questions. While it’s their job to help guide you regarding the care of your newborns, ultimately their medical care is your decision and you need to be fully informed in order to choose what’s best for your family. I would listen to the doctors tell me things and my head would start swimming. I really wanted to ask questions but was really concerned that I would be looked at as ill-informed. What were they doing telling me these things anyway? Don’t they know I’m a guy, and if it doesn’t have to do with cars, or sports, we’re not going to have a clue? My wife has a medical background, so I would defer questions to her, but then I accidentally asked a

question and the answer was spelled out so nicely for me. The doctors and nurses understand that you don’t need to go to medical school to have children, so they are very patient and exceptional at explaining things in a non-technical manner. So ask those questions. If you find that your questions are not being answered, ask someone else. Trust me, they want to help you understand.

Take pictures. One of the hardest feelings

for my wife and I to get over was that we were robbed of the traditional birthing experience. You hear stories and read articles about leaving the hospital and taking your precious babies with you. This was not the case for us. After my wife’s brief hospital stay, we were sent home without our two precious babies. Our oldest was in the NICU for 2 weeks, and our youngest almost 2 months. Capturing moments with our sons before they were allowed to come home was important to us. When one was allowed to go home and the other stayed behind, we took turns. One of us would stay with our oldest while the other would visit his brother in the NICU. I often took the night shift, taking pictures and texting them to my wife with notes saying “I love you, Mommy, and can’t wait to see you when you visit in the morning!” Also, bring in different preemie outfits to dress them up in. For Valentine’s Day, although our boys were apart, they both wore similar onesies. It really helped that connection.

the early days

daddy time

Don’t be afraid to talk to other parents.

Remember, they are in the same position as you and sometimes it’s nice to meet someone with a common link. My wife and I met a couple in the NICU who had twin girls born 2 days after our sons. We have done playdates ever since! We call it “double dating”.

special insert

prematurity & multiples...

33%

which is

of every 1,000 deliveries is twins,

higher than in 2012 (new national high) increase since 1980

1 in 9

babies are born too soon in u.s. --- that's 450,000 babies

average duration of twin pregnancy

60%

weeks

rate of prematurity in twin pregnancies

likelihood twins are born at low birth weight (>3lbs. 4oz.) compared to single babies

75%

early labor

top causes *Previous preterm pregnancy *Multiple Birth pregnancy *Problems with uterus or cervix *Smoking and/or drinking *Poor nutrition *Poor health conditions (i.e. blood pressure, diabetes, etc.) *Infection during pregnancy

twins that require a nicu stay

30%

Sources: March of Dimes, Lifescript, NY Times, Centers for Disease Control & Prevention, & Society for Assisted Reproductive Technology

special insert Join a support group. Not all hospitals have them (ours

weeks is age of viability

week s

: 5%

born

@ 23

week s

: 17%

born

@ 24

week s

: 39%

born

@ 25

week s

: 50%

born

@ 32

week s

: 99%

holes”. Talk to your babies. Help feed them and change them. When you are visiting your babies in the NICU, the staff should be there to assist. Just having that contact with your child is going to bring you closer together. your children, but don’t feel guilty when you can’t be there. My wife went for the first morning feeding, and I went for one of the evening feedings so we were there twice per day. I saw babies who had very few visitors and it seemed sad to me at the time. I thought to myself “Where are these parents…how come they don’t spend time with their child?” It wasn’t until I stopped to think about how lucky my wife and I were that I understood. I quit working to care for her and prepare to be a stay-at-home father. My wife not only had maternity leave, but took extra leave time with reduced pay as well, just to spend more time with our sons. We also had no other children relying on us at home. Not everyone has that ability, and now I feel guilty for even having had those thoughts. Every moment you can spend with your child is precious, so be present in the moment, but hopeful for the day they get to come home.

chance of survival by gestational weeks:

@ 22

Make contact. Touch your babies, even if it’s through the “port

Allow no guilt. Spend as much time as you can afford with

GENERAL VIABILITY STATS born

didn’t), but if yours has a NICU support group, join! The information you can take away and the connections you can make would be invaluable to your experience.

chan

really need to be your child’s advocate. If you don’t think they are getting the care they should, talk to someone about it. We had a nurse who my wife and I became very uncomfortable around. We finally asked that she not care for our sons. It’s hard to do, but think about it. What WOULDN’T you do for your children?

It’s alright to be a little freaked out. I’ll admit, at one

point I was on the way back to my wife’s room after visiting my boys and I sat down and cried my eyes out. Remember that you’re not alone. You’re not the first one to go through it, and although it seems like a devastating blow, it’s just a tiny part of the life of your children. Your babies will come home when it is safe and when they are ready to do so. *For dads looking for possible support groups specific to them, visit Hand to Hold online to find one in your area.

chan

Be comfortable with who is caring for your children. You

Kevin Zelenka is a freelance writer and the Stay at Home Father of fraternal twin toddlers. He enjoys spending time with his wife and sons, attending meet-ups with other dads, and an occasional round of golf. He can be found in the kitchen making lunch and mindlessly singing cartoon theme songs, or on his blog, where he shares stories about the struggles and triumphs of raising twins.

special insert Anyone that has ever dealt with the NICU can tell you that unless you’ve been there, you just can’t understand. It’s very hushed and reverent, but busy, and there is always tension in the air. Here is a place where new life is struggling to survive and thrive. Parents seem shellshocked and constantly wary, but always full of hope. I’d never dealt with the NICU with my older children. My teenagers were born healthy and hearty and we took them straight home from labor and delivery. It was a piece of cake. When our twins were born, my husband and I had never even stepped foot inside of a NICU. To say that we were unprepared was an understatement. Our twins were born at 31 ½ weeks. Baby “A”, or Liah, showed signs of fetal distress and so the decision was made to have an emergency c-section. They were born with Liam at 3lbs. 11oz. and Liah at 3lbs. and 1oz. The hospital where we delivered didn’t even have a NICU, so they were immediately rushed to the closest and most available NICU in the area. An hour away. We were panicked and torn, and woefully unprepared for the atmosphere we were about to venture into.

things learned in the nicu no doctor could ever tell you by deanna burkett

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

No one ever told us what to expect. In all of my researching to prepare for my twins, the thought of a NICU stay never entered into the equation. There are things that a doctor will tell you about the NICU. They will tell you how sanitation is key, how to monitor the machines yourself, and eventually, they will speak to you in a language you can understand. These

special insert things become natural to you as you go in and out each day. However, there are many more things for which a doctor can’t prepare you. After all, his job is to give you percentages and realistic expectations. They don’t mean to be abrupt with you, they just don’t have time to “coddle” you because they are so busy saving everyone else’s babies, too. Here, I’d like to share what I’ve gleaned from the NICU experience on a more personal level. 1.) NICU is Serious. I am not sure why, but when I heard the term “NICU”, I’d never really taken it that seriously. Perhaps this is my confidence in modern day medicine and how far we’ve progressed with prematurity. When those doors opened to that NICU, we were hit square in the face about how serious this was. There were machines and tubes everywhere. I remember walking in that small cubical area where my son was. My knees nearly gave out on me. He was so very tiny in that large plastic container and there were tubes running from every limb. He was intubated and every breath he took looked like it took everything he had. There was a real chance one of our children may not make it. It was earth shattering. 2.) Learn to have patience. Chances are at one point or another, the machines are going to go off and scare you silly. You will panic; the nurses and doctors will not. They will be doing their job quickly and efficiently, but it won’t seem near fast enough to suit your worried parent state of mind.

Eventually, your head will clear enough for you to see that they are, in fact, doing everything they can to take care of your babies. Let them do their jobs and stay out of their way. 3.) Ask questions. Of course, you will ask questions, but the answers you get will be in “medical” speak and it won’t make much sense at first. There will be a lot of numbers and percentages and it will boggle your mind. No matter how busy those doctors and nurses seem, they WILL answer your questions until you understand. Don’t feel as if you are a hindrance to them...they want you to clearly know what is going on with your children. 4.) Be prepared for anything. At one point of our NICU stay, we walked in and our son had been moved. My heart stopped. The nurse rushed over to explain that Liam had contracted MRSA and had to be moved to a secluded area. We were scrubbed and draped from head to toe and led to his new area. I was upset that he had contracted MRSA, but extremely relieved that he was okay. Those few seconds of seeing that empty bed where he was supposed to be were the most painful of my life. I realized later that this was a reality to which I needed to become accustomed; the abrupt changes that can happen in a NICU can throw you for a loop. 5.) Don’t dwell on the surroundings. I remember seeing so many tiny babies struggling to hold on. I am a very empathetic person. I walked past those cubicles and nearly every day, absorbed the agony those parents were immersed in. It was like a dark

cloud settling over my soul. Not only was I struggling with the not knowing from one day to the next of my own children, I was also worried about all those other children, too. It was emotionally draining. I soon realized that my babies needed me to be hopeful. They needed me to be strong and there for them every single day. The NICU is a hard experience to comprehend for those that have never been there. It can be frightening and chaotic. There will be moments where you fear for your sanity. You will struggle internally 24 hours a day until your babies are safe at home with you. All of this is normal. Learn to embrace those little moments --the first time your eyes connect with theirs, the first time you hold them to your heart, the first time you hear great news --- those moments will see you through. Never underestimate your own strength. You will be surprised what you can endure when it comes to the well-being of your children. Have faith and look forward to when they are home with you running you crazy. Always look forward; the NICU is all about looking forward. Deanna is multitasking mama of three year old boy/girl twins and teens, and a wife of 20 years to a very patient husband. On any given day you can find her pinning away at Twiniversity’s Pinterest page, moderating Twiniversity’s Message Board, or chatting up a twin mama in distress on Twiniversity’s Facebook page! She holds Degrees in History and English and aspires to teach high school. You can find her on Facebook, Twitter or on Pinterest, or feel free to email her at deanna@twiniversity.com.

special insert

saying goodbye to the nicu by alyssa keel

When you imagine being pregnant, or think about when your babies are born, you likely do not envision a stay in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). Yet as we parents of multiples know, many of us find ourselves requiring some amount of time to help our babies thrive and grow. No matter how short or long your stay, it is likely that going home with your babies is always on your mind. From my experience, being in the NICU is similar to being on auto-pilot, and depending on how close the hospital is to where you live, it may be that you get up to go see your babies as you would normally have to go to work each day. It becomes your full-time job to help those babies come home. Every day, you will think about your babies being home, and then before you know it, it will be discharge time. You will have two, or more, babies at home to take care of all on your own. Saying goodbye to the NICU is bittersweet; you and your babies have accomplished so much, and now theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re healthy enough to come and live with you, but it can be overwhelming, and sometimes, scary. After relying largely on the support of the nurse staff at the hospital, you may feel isolated and alone at first, or feel like you are not cut out

to be a parent now that there are no nurses or doctors there to watch your back. This is to be expected, but you will learn your capabilities and how to get into a routine that will work for your whole family. Many parents who have started their journey in the NICU later share that after they were discharged home was when the reality of their babiesâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; beginnings in life set in. Parents naturally feel anxious with the responsibility of the constant care, feedings, and possible medical treatments that come with prematurity such as bradycardia and heart murmurs, among others. They also experience feelings of panic as the first birthday gets closer, a day that for most parents is to celebrate. For some, this milestone serves as a reminder of a difficult birth, early labor, or other health concern that led them to their stay in the NICU to begin with. My girls spent 80 days in the NICU and I counted the days for them to be home. Once they were home, the reality of the NICU hit me hard; I was exhausted from worry and not sleeping during their hospital stay since I was up in the night pumping and calling to check on the girls. I could have used a week of just sleep before the girls

special insert came home and I was up all day and night with them. I spent so much time at doctor’s appointments with one or both girls that it became harder to enjoy the little bit of time I had at home. The additional stress of having multiples is compounded when there’s little time to process the entire NICU experience. There’s little time for anything else; you are forced into survival mode, for both yourself and your babies. Thankfully and obviously, it does get better, and it doesn’t take long to get into a routine. I felt infinitely better as soon as I started getting out of the house, even if it was just for a quick walk down to the corner and back. When I managed to make it all the way to the store, and then to lunch or the mall with friends, I felt like I could handle anything, including bringing the girls’ two year old brother along with me. It was, and still continues to be a year later, hard to connect with some moms of singletons, and those who never experienced the NICU. Most people do not understand the difference between actual and corrected age, the constant appointments, the need to be both wary of germs and to allow your babies to experience the world as safely as possible. Even though the nurses and doctors at the NICU told me that I should always go by corrected age, at the beginning, I would often get caught off guard by a question, and would sometimes stumble. I chatted with a mom at the park and told her the girls were

born at 29 weeks, and she told me she wished her baby had been born that early because the end of pregnancy is the worst. While she meant no harm, I was shocked and angry --- how I would have loved to have been able to get gigantic and uncomfortable, and to completely bypass the NICU stay entirely. Then, I realized that like so many other parents, she just didn’t get it. She could never really understand because she hadn’t been there; she hadn’t been through what we had. Even the most wellintentioned friends and family may not fully understand what it was like to live through the NICU, because it’s just one of those experiences you have to go through to truly understand. As soon as I came to terms with the lack of knowledge and understanding, I felt better prepared to meet other parents, to talk about the girls’ beginning, or not, depending on the situation. I found comfort in writing and sharing my blog, with the ability to vent and talk about my feelings, fears, and frustrations without being judged. I found and met so many people who felt the same, as we had this shared experience that united us. I also joined multiples-related groups on Facebook. I find comfort in others’ stories and photos, and I also find comfort in the feeling that I can turn to other parents who have similar experiences to mine to ask questions, vent, or brag about our accomplishments without the judgement or misunderstanding I’ve experienced elsewhere.

Coming home from the NICU is such a mix of emotions, many of which are completely normal considering the circumstances. But, sometimes those feelings can be so overwhelming that a parent cannot escape their feelings of trauma, and those feelings of anxiety and stress need to be addressed with a professional, for the greater good of yourself and your babies. Don’t bury them or dismiss them. Get help if you truly need it and feel that you can’t enjoy your babies now that they’re home. It’s been almost a year since my girls have come home from the hospital and their NICU stay, eight days past their due date, and sometimes the reality of the year hits me like a ton of bricks. I cry a bit, but most of the time I watch my girls and I am amazed at what they have accomplished, what they have survived. I’m lucky and proud to be their mama, and their beginning in the NICU is only one small chapter in the rest of their amazing lives. Alyssa Keel has worked as a social worker in both Canada and the U.S. for several years. Living in Toronto, Alyssa is mum to a rambunctious, curious, and loving three year-old boy and one year old identical twin girls. During her high-risk mono mono twin pregnancy, Alyssa began blogging, an extension of her love of writing. Alyssa loves taking photos and impromptu dance parties with her son. Follow Alyssa and her family’s adventures at adventureswithmultiples.com.

contd. from --- exceptional is high-maintenance. I watch her try to feed herself, never giving up, and I remember that her injury happened to her. She will navigate her life in her own way, and I will just be along for the ride. I am just beginning my journey as a special needs parent, and I am sure that there will be many twists and turns down the road. My identity as a parent, a mother, a woman, and a person will change many times over before the end of my life. I can sit and cry and hide from the world, or I can show my children that they can do anything, be anyone, as long as they always try their best. Ultimately, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all parenting is; trying your best. Alyssa Keel has worked as a social worker in both Canada and the U.S. for several years. Living in Toronto, Alyssa is mum to a rambunctious, curious, and loving three year-old boy and one year old identical twin girls. During her highrisk mono mono twin pregnancy, Alyssa began blogging, an extension of her love of writing. Alyssa loves taking photos and impromptu dance parties with her son. Follow Alyssa and her familyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s adventures at adventureswithmultiples.com.

exceptional resources *Council for Exceptional Children the largest international organization focused on improving educational success for families of children diagnosed with learning disabilities and/or gifts/talents. *Special Education Resources on the Internet - informational site for disorders and learning disabilities, as well as for Gifted and Talented children. *Internet Special Education Resources - helps parents of children/teens find school and help for ADD, educational assessments, therapy, & more.

Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve dreamed of meeting your babies for a long time. We work toward optimal fetal health for every pregnancy so that you can celebrate milestones to come. We help parents realize their dreams.

We help make wishes come true.

fetalhealthfoundation.org 30

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

multiplicity

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momentary presence:

a look at focusing on the family

Anyone with kids knows how crazy life can get. Between work, school, sports, extra-curricular activities, doctor appointments, and anything else that has both parents running five different directions at once, family time has dwindled for many. Sometimes itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s non-existent. Make one of your resolutions for 2015 putting more focus on your family. The experts at Kinsights.com --- an advice-sharing and personal information storing network for parents --- are here with suggestions to help you stick to your resolution. Raising healthy well-adjusted kids takes a lot of energy. Working parents can feel like they are being pulled in multiple directions simultaneously, which can be stressful and have an adverse impact on kids. Whether you are a single parent or a dual income family, balancing family and career can be challenging. Check out these family friendly tips to bring structure to a fragmented lifestyle:

Be present â&#x20AC;&#x201C; Parents have to work; that is just a fact of life. by kinsights.com 32

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Kids sometimes feel neglected when both parents work. Juggling family and careers can create a hectic home life and kids can easily sense when they are not at the top of the priority list. Stress at work can also rear its ugly head at home by giving in to short tempers and using harsh words.

the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

The best way to build a harmonious home life is to be present when you’re home. Check the worries of the day at the door and be intentional about focusing on the kids. Eating dinner at the table together and having a bedtime ritual the kids can count on will help reinforce how much they are loved and cared for.

Validate your child’s feelings - Encourage your

kids to talk about how they feel when you have to work long hours. Validate how they feel and speak in terms that are age appropriate. Create rules that exclude bringing work home. If work must be done, make sure it’s completed after the kids are tucked into bed. Make family time a priority. Eating dinner together as a family may not always be possible, so schedule a family night once a week to do activities together as a family. Having something positive for the kids to look forward to will help balance out the negative feelings they may experience while you’re away.

Create quality time – When kids are young, early

bedtimes play a role in how much family time is available during the week. Make the most of the time you have with the kids by turning off technology and making them feel like they are your only priority after work. Be intentional about your family plan and schedule time for the things that are truly important. Kids don’t understand the difference between quality and quantity time when they are little, so it’s important to make all of the time you spend together quality time. Create an atmosphere of love and explain everyone’s role in the family. For mommy and daddy, one of those roles is earning money, etc.

Have an afterschool plan - Latch key kids are still

at risk of a number of things (i.e. safety, loneliness, failure to do chores and homework, etc.), if there is no adult supervision for long periods after school. Young kids should not be left on their own to raise themselves. In fact, the National SAFEKIDS Campaign recommends that children under 12 not be left alone at home. Click here for a guideline by state as to what ages are most appropriate for leaving alone and for how long. Kids with two working parents can suffer when it comes time to do homework and getting the help they need to succeed. If both parents work, make sure there is a plan in place to help your child get homework done by hiring a tutor after multiplicity

school, using school provided services, or enlisting a family member or neighbor to help.

Focus on benefits - Increased income generated

by both parents working can create additional opportunities for kids that might not otherwise be possible. Traveling as a family, taking art or music classes, or even attending private schools or summer camps can be a benefit of both parents working. Children with working parents also are exposed to other social settings which can spark emotional and social development. Kids in households with two working parents usually learn at a young age to be independent or that other adults can care for them and meet their needs. Recent studies show that despite the time missed, two income households can produce happy, confident, well-adjusted kids. Focus on what is right for you, whether that means pursuing a career or staying at home. Kids will notice and respond accordingly. Fortunately, there are a number of handy tools available for working parents, like Kinsights. com. Besides being an online community full of advice for parents, Kinsights provides you with the opportunity to store and keep track of your kids’ medical information, in a completely secure and free manner. Not only can both parents have quick and easy access to this information, but you can also export and print it so you can have it on hand when you’re traveling or to pass along to a sitter, grandparent, or new doctor. We all know resolutions are hard to keep, regardless of what they are. For various reasons, many get broken, often due to lack of time, motivation or finances. Make sure focusing on your family is one resolution for which you refuse to make these excuses and keep. Your family and children depend on it. Kinsights is an advice-sharing network for parents. Whether you have questions about a medical condition, local schools, or potty training, they will connect you with relevant, experienced parents who can provide great advice. Best part? Kinsights is free for any parent! It’s also an online Personal Health Record Keeper for children. Organize your child’s growth and developmental milestones, immunizations, medications, allergies, and more. Connect with Kinsights to learn more and sign-up! You can also follow them on Facebook and Twitter. the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

when the going gets tough: discipling twins

without shouting or spanking

One of the most challenging elements of parenting is disciplining our children. It’s certainly my least favorite part of the gig! Being a constant role model can be hard work. We know that we must model the behavior that we want to see in our kids, but we’ve all lost our cool from time to time --- or what sometimes feels like day to day. The Latin origin of the word discipline means “instruction given.” It’s important to keep in mind that true and effective discipline doesn’t mean being a scary authoritarian figure; rather, true discipline means to teach.

by cara krenn 34

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So how do we institute positive discipline that is both kind and firm, without resorting to shouting or spanking? Here are some tips: the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

Calm yourself before disciplining.

This is tough, but necessary. When parents yell or hit, it’s often simply because they need to release their own anger and frustration. If you feel like you’re really going to lose your cool, count to ten, take some deep breaths, or momentarily leave the room to collect yourself. Dr. Katharine Kersey, author of The 101s: A Guide to Positive Discipline reminds us that yelling begets yelling and hitting encourages hitting, and says that “We should not do anything in front of our children that we don’t want them to do.” As Gandhi is often quoted, we must “be the change we want to see” and that starts at home.

Discuss your discipline strategy with your partner. You and

your partner may have been raised in entirely different types of families when it comes to discipline techniques. It’s important to sit down with your spouse and make sure you’re on the same page so that you’re best able to be consistent and fair with your kids. You can set discipline guidelines together, such as “we’re not going to spank,” or “we’re going to use positive timeouts.” Think about what type of parents you want to be and stick together.

Actively listen. According to

Jane Nelsen and Cheryl Erwin of the Positive Discipline book series, “active” listening helps our children feel understood and can help avoid meltdowns. For example, instead of responding to a child who doesn’t want to go to the doctor by saying “You know you have to go to the doctor to feel better,” you could try

“Sometimes I’m a little afraid of going to the doctor, too.” Using this type of “listening” encourages discussion of a child’s feelings and can help discourage power struggles between adults and parents. Focus on helping your child explain their emotions.

Use positive commands.

Try not to overuse the word “don’t.” I personally get sick of hearing my voice repeating “Don’t do this,” “Don’t do that,” all day long. Work on using positive commands. For example, instead of “Don’t hit your sister,” you can say “Keep your hands to yourself,” or instead of “Don’t yell in the house,” you can say “Use your inside voice.” Kids tend to do better when the commands issued to them positively state the behavior expected.

Make positive physical contact with your children. Often, the

quickest way to calm down a misbehaving, hyped-up child is to give them a hug. It’s hard to create a teachable moment when your child is hysterical, and positive touch is a good way to neutralize a situation so that you can begin discussing appropriate behavior. Hugs have the added benefit of calming you down, too.

Redirect! Sometimes misbehaving kids just need redirection. Nip poor behavior in the bud by redirecting with a new activity or a change of scenery. Try taking your kids outside for some fresh air or calming them down by reading a book or playing a game. Recognize poor behavior triggers. Do your kids regularly

act out at a certain time of day, multiplicity

or after doing the same activity for too long? Do they have a late afternoon “witching hour”? Watch for behavioral patterns with your kids and work with them. Anticipate when you’ll need a change of scenery or when you’ll need to separate your twins. At our house, my girls start acting out during the late morning if they haven’t had enough stimulation, so scheduling gymnastics class or a park play date for 10:00 AM has helped solve these problem times. I also remind myself to ask: are my kids hungry? Have they gotten enough sleep?

Be sil y. Acting out is often

merely a cry for attention. Silly behavior can be a good distraction. Instead of yelling, try responding to whining with a goofy response. Laughter can cure poor behavior.

Separate your kids. The

craziness of twin sibling rivalry adds an extra level of difficulty to a multiples parent’s job. My own girls can be calmly playing together one moment and then pulling each other’s hair the next. It can get pretty frustrating to be a constant referee! Sometimes twins can get too much of each other. Designate quiet “alone” time for your kids to help discourage fighting.

Be consistent and follow through. If you’re constantly

threatening “If you don’t x, then I’ll y,” and you don’t follow through on your threats, your kids will quickly learn that they can easily push your boundaries. Only make threats when you’re committed to following through. If you say you’re going to --- contd. pg. 39

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twin tested... MOM approved!

the buzz

the scoop on things to make life a little easier! super spinner

What’s cooler than a tire or traditional seat swing? A Super Spinner! This new swing is a safe alternative to traditional swings and will easily be the hit of the neighborhood. They’ll never have to choose whether to swing or spin --- they can do both at once! It attaches to trees or swing sets, and can be lowered to accomodate even the littlest tykes. Holding up to three kids at a time (safely holding up to 150 lbs.), your kids will squeal with delight as they take a new spin on this revolutionary swing!

little nutty helmets

Kids love learning to ride their bike, but safety should always come first. With great designs that kids and parents both adore, a smoother contoured shell, a lighter weight for smaller heads, and extra sets of pads to grow with your kid, the Gen3 Little Nutty is sure to get your kid out on their bike in safety and style. Choose from over 15 styles for both boys and girls.

cococabana natural sunscreen

Many moms are looking for alternatives to harsh chemicals when it comes to protecting their skin from the sun. Bee Natural’s Cococabana sunscreen is a coconut oil based body butter with carrot seed oil as your natural UV protector. It goes on smoothly, smells heavenly and is 100% natural, chemical, synthetic fragrance and preservative free. There are a lot of things to worry about when your kids are outside, but protecting them from the sun shouldn’t be one of them!

mesh whale bag

When we go to the beach or pool, there never seems to be a bag that will hold it all and we only have so many hands! The Mesh Whale Bag is a total game changer --- holding up to 6 beach towels, plus toys, drinks and snacks, too! 36

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

gentle face scrub

After spending a lot of time in the sun, it’s good practice to take care of your skin, and especially your face. Bee Natural’s Skin Care line works wonders for making you feel refreshed. Their Face Scrub maintains even skin tone and is gentle enough to use 2-3 times a week. The Toner and Face Balm are great follow-ups, as they brighten and moisturize the skin, with a notable difference after just a few uses. All of their products are natural, chemical-free, and smell wonderful with the addition of various essential oils known for purifying and rejuvinating skin.

swoozie’s floppy hat

Nothing says fun and fabulous for spring better than a beautiful hat to shade your face while watching the kiddos play outdoors. This hat is perfect for vacation, a day at the park or pool, or even while chilling in your own backyard. You can even have it monogrammed!

enter to win an evenflo feeding tilty™ tripleflo trainer cup! Looking for a cup that helps make drinking easier for your little ones? Evenflo has a great cup that can help you out! They are giving away two sets of two Tilty™ TripleFlo Trainer Cups that were designed by a mom just like you. Featuring an adjustable valve that grows with your child, the Tilty™ TripleFlo Trainer Cup gives you the ability to adjust the amount of liquid your child receives with 3 different flow rates. The valve also has a “close-off” position designed for leak free, on-the-go use. The Cup has internal angled wall that eliminates the need for an extreme head tilt while drinking. The ergonomic design and handles create a comfortable and natural drinking experience, making the introduction to a cup easier. Retail Value: $4.99; Available at Walmart and Babies R Us

click here for details & to enter to win! multiplicity

the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

multiplicity

the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

contd. from --- discipline leave the park if poor behavior continues, make sure to do so. The Positive Discipline series authors suggest letting “routines be the boss.”

Use natural and logical consequences.

Talk to your kids about consequences of misbehaving and the logical outcomes for certain actions. For example, “running into the parking lot is not safe, so if you run into the street instead of playing at the park, we will need to leave.” Use the same consequences every time you discipline a certain behavior. Instead of shouting back when your child is yelling or whining, you can calmly say “I can’t hear what you’re saying when you’re whining. Try asking in a nice voice.”

Praise positive behavior. Discuss positive

behavior and behavior expectations when your child is calm. “Notice” when your kids are doing well. This doesn’t mean you should over-praise or bribe your kids, but everyone appreciates being complimented on a job well done. For example, one of my preschooler twins often wakes up cranky and crying. On days when she wakes up cheerful, I’ll hug her and say, “I really like how you woke up so cheerfully today. I love starting the day with your smile!”

Make time for yourself. Avoid parenting burnout by making sure you get some alone time to do adult things. For instance, if you like to cook, sign up for a class. Enjoy going on a date with your partner, go see a muchanticipated movie alone, or get to an exercise class. You’ll be better able to tackle the discipline when you’re allowed to clear you’re head now and again, too. Cara Krenn lives in San Diego with her husband and fraternal twin girls. A freelance writer, editor and stay-at-home mom, she blogs about her many adventures at www.twinthusiasm.com. Also, check out her new book, Twinthusiasm: Survival Lessons for Your First Year Parenting Twins. multiplicity

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the funny side of life with twins Baby A Meets Baby B

Truly meant to be, they are Yin and Yang, Sonny and Cher, Brangelina, a horse and carriage, two peas in your pod. They are a pair, a set, a duo, a couple. They are twins. They have a best buddy from the time they are conceived. Baby A, meet Baby B. Granted, it’s a bit of a forced first date, but they are all they will ever know from the start and they make a pretty great twosome. From the beginning of their relationship, they are keeping it real. They first butt heads jockeying for room in utero! In addition to kicking mom from the inside, they kick each other. Now that’s sibling bonding from the moment they even become a thought in this world. When they are born, you are ecstatic 40

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by nora ellish

about the birth of your first child, yet hold your breath as you focus on the well-being of your second. Having experienced every range of emotion twice over and within seconds to mere minutes, you quickly realize that this whole experience is unlike any other.

The 8th Wonder of the World

Twins are, simply put, a phenomenon. People never cease to be amazed by twins. Similar to a circus freak side show, they draw attention wherever you schlep them in their double-wide or doublelong, double-overpriced stroller. They are a spectacle. Like the paparazzi, pedestrians wielding cameras will even take pictures of your twins. A car chase might ensue. Next comes the onslaught of conversation. Are they twins? I always wanted twins! I am a twin! My relative has twins! I always wanted to be a twin! I’m pregnant with twins! My relatives are twins! My best friends are twins! I have twins! Do twins run in your family? And my favorite…Do you recommend I have twins?

Say What?!?

Twins have the uncanny ability to turn well-meaning admirers into morons. “Twins, how cute! A boy and a girl? Are they identical?” Well, one has a vagina and the other a penis, so they are about as identical as, well, a penis and vagina. Or, when one is dressed in pink and the other in blue. “Oh, two boys…adorable!” And those who think it’s an easy road. “Two birds with one stone, easy breezy, lucky you only had to be pregnant once.” Yeah, as easy as a pregnancy on steroids where

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two people come out of your body on the same day can be. Twins also make total strangers feel emboldened. “How many eggs did you transfer?” Then there is the “down on twins” stranger. “Twins, how do you do it? I would kill myself!” And, “Oh, there are so many twins now with all this fertility, they are just everywhere.” Yes, like vermin.

Talking Smack

Yes, the rumors are true...twins develop their own language. It’s gobbledygook to you and me, but to them, it’s as real as developing a legit foreign language from scratch. It’s like the Ancient Egyptian’s hieroglyphs. From the minute they start to babble, there is a good chance they are talking about you behind your back. Mine have ganged up on me on numerous occasions. The little duo can quickly turn into little bullies when they outnumber you. Beware, they can even develop matching insync maniacal giggles. I had to dig deep and find my usually very strong sense of selfconfidence to truly believe they were laughing WITH me and not AT me. Sometimes I still wonder if they were mocking me all along. Hmmm...

The Big Debate

People with kids born very close in age will always wage a debate that their scenario is way harder than having twins, since at least twins are “on the same schedule.” WRONG. Let’s go through the stages. Newborns: Having newborn twins is kind of like...torture. One or the other or both are desperately wailing and/or spitting up at various times

throughout the days and nights. Your life becomes a seemingly never-ending, drug-induced haze of changing diapers, propping up babies, and warming bottles and praying your twosome will just grow up already come morning. On the flip side, even if your children are a mere 10 months apart, certainly a 10-month-old is no newborn. Just give the big one a sippee cup and an episode of “Bubble Guppies” and they are good to go for at least an hour. Two newborns = not so much. Then there is mom’s attention, which for her twins has always been and will always be divided. There is no such thing as oneon-one bonding with your baby, but “babies”, plural. Close in age, that newborn baby gets alone time with mom while the older one is in school, or if too young for school, enjoying that sippee and some tube time. Toddlers: Simultaneously, twin toddlers will ignore you, run away from you and lay down defiantly in parking lots throwing matching fits. Strangers who once admired them now look away. You are overpowered and it’s two against one. Toddler twins are at the same exact level of neediness and immaturity. Both need help down even one step so they don’t fall on their faces and suffer permanent damage. You daydream of the day they will go off to college and you look at your mom friend with kids close in age and consider de-friending her on Facebook and throwing her older one’s juice in her face. Once your twins hit age 4 and turn way more normal, your friends with kids close in age can suck it. In multiplicity

many ways, twins get easier as time goes on. Hallelujah. Amen.

Forever Friends

Your twins’ first sleepover happened the day they came into this world and were situated side-by-side in the hospital nursery, and again when they were brought home from the hospital and swaddled next to each other that first crazy night. They are never alone, and have a constant companion. Who needs to deal with that hassle when the happy hooligans have each other to both annoy and love to the max? They learned to share way before the BabyCenter developmental email came through, because they had no other choice! Her Sophie the Giraffe is his, and his Cozy Coupe, hers. As they grow bigger together, putting on a two-man show and building an insane fort has never been more fun, considering they are at exactly the same goofy maturity level. The downside, they are up all night with their shenanigans, and there is no older sibling to lead the way or offer wise words of wisdom. They are off on their own, but always together, to figure out this thing called life. Lucky, lucky them. I wish I had a twin. The mother of 5-year old boy/ girl twins, publicist and writer, Nora Ellish formed the boutique PR agency Colebrooke Media Group with a focus on media and lifestyle brands. Prominent clienbts include NBCUniversal, E! Entertainment, Oxygen, and Bravo. Nora lives in Port Washington, New York with her family.

the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

room to run:

how to maximize your outdoor play space by barbara miller

As parents, we have fond memories of days spent running free outdoors. Getting your children to play outdoors is not only a fun way to stimulate imagination, but can also help combat childhood obesity and unplug from them from an electronic world.

photos courtesy of yes spaces

Should we spend thousands on outdoor play sets, or should we just turn them loose? The answer is somewhere in the middle. You want enough play equipment in your yard to keep your children interested, but you donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to stifle their natural urge to explore. Here are some steps to turn your yard into an inviting play space.

Leave Room to Run

No matter the size of your yard, donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t overcrowd it. Leave room for straightforward physical exercise. After being cooped up all winter, your children need to get moving. 42

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

Running, jumping and tumbling all over freshly mown grass is the simplest release. Get outside with them and chase them, play tag, or put on music and dance all over the yard. Just get everybody moving! Play structures are great for climbing, swinging and hanging upside down to shake out those winter blues. Be wary of investing in something that will take over the whole yard, as your child will eventually outgrow it. Play structures also need annual maintenance to be safe, and they don’t increase the value of your home -- some buyers actually see them as liabilities. A great climbing tree can accomplish the same thing.

Soothe with Swings

If you decide to invest in something, prioritize a swing. Swings are not only an excellent way to vent excess energy, but they’ve been scientifically proven to calm children. The back and forth motion of a swing can help children process their thoughts and settle anxious minds, which can lead to things like a better night’s sleep. While some prefer swinging side-to-side or twirling, others like swinging lying on their stomach. Visit the park to see what type of swing your children prefer before buying.

Incorporate Their Interests When you are thinking about play space, think beyond your back lawn; look at every surface. If you have a path to the front door, could it be connected to the driveway to

make a small race track? If you have a long driveway, don’t just go for the basketball hoop. Ask “What do my children love to do”? Always make safety a priority when using the front of your house as a play space. Children will need supervision and I like to use orange cones at the end of the driveway to remind children about boundaries and to alert drivers to children at play. Once you’ve established safety is when you can start to be creative. Have kids who love to off-road with bikes? Build them bike ramps with wheels on one side and handles on the other so the kids can roll them out, set them up and put them away independently. The driveway becomes an “off road” experience. Set rules about only one bike being in motion at a time so there are no collisions and the boundaries are understood by all. Have a child who loves archery? Set up hay bales just off the driveway and plant around them so the area blends better with the rest of the yard. In spring/ summer, this is an archery range and in fall/winter the hay can be used as mulch in the garden.

Plan for Double Duty

When planning your play space,

maximize the area. Any item that can serve more than one purpose is a good choice. Folddown wooden tables make a great addition to a play structure or tree house. They can be folded up for messy craft projects better suited to outdoors or for picnics under the trees. Store the stools and craft materials in a small garden shed. You can buy relatively inexpensive ones online that ship free and will hold outdoor toys, as well as adding character to your yard. You can also use inexpensive items like masking tape or chalk to create temporary play areas. Tape can turn the front walk into hop scotch one day, the drive way into a giant game board or race track the next. Help your child create the layout or turn older ones loose to create their own games. When you change up the area in this way your children will never get bored. Get your children outdoors any way you can, but remember to be the example! Your children will imitate you, and just by getting outdoors and using a little creativity, you can have a spring and summer full of adventures, without ever leaving home. Barbara Miller is an award-winning interior designer, a nationally known expert on child-centered design, and the founder and principal designer of YES Spaces, LLC. She regularly blogs for thousands of parents and produces DIY videos inspired by ideas in her book, Mess to YES: Spaces for Family Living. Connect with her on facebook and pinterest.

No matter the size of your yard , don’t overcrowd it. Leave room for straightforward physical exercise . multiplicity

the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

capturing your every day by jennifer parker

multiplicity

the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

hen it comes to photographing our little ones, we get so busy trying to capture the perfect photo that we often forget the beauty found within our every day. I would guess to say that the majority of us got our cameras, whether a fancy DSLR or a smaller point and shoot, with the intention of preserving and documenting all of the little moments that we never want to forget as our children grow.

of my favorite images are from an everyday moment at our house when I noticed the light pouring in through the window creating those coveted catch lights in my kids’ eyes. They were not planned moments or stylized sessions. They were just everyday moments where the light was just right.

Yet what we, as parents, often find ourselves striving for is that perfect “staged” shot. In other words, not those natural moments in time, but rather the posed “Look here and smile kids!” kind of image. I have built my business on the cornerstone of capturing our everyday moments --the splash in a mud puddle, the loving embrace of Mom holding her new babies, the first lost tooth smile and those first precious steps. I enjoy capturing everyday moments, preserving them forever! So, now that you have your camera in hand, how can you capture those same moments? Here are three helpful tips to start you out on your memory-capturing journey:

1. Find the Light

This really means any possible source of light --- window light, outside light or light coming from the iPad the kids won’t put down. It doesn’t really matter what the light source is as long as you can identify it and use it to your advantage. A number

capture everyday moments --the splash in a mud puddle, the loving embrace of Mom holding her new babies, the first lost tooth smile and those first precious steps. multiplicity

Look for areas in your house with window light and watch how the light comes through at different times of the day. This way you’ll be prepared to snap away when your kids are in those areas.

2. Let the Kids be Kids

Some days are the days that the house needs to be in order and the kids need to be properly dressed and sitting nicely on the couch. Other days, most days (at least at my house), the toys are on the floor below the bed that may or may not be made. That is okay. Think back to the images from your childhood that mean the most to you. Are they the ones where everyone is sitting nicely on the couch, or are they the images where you can see the appliances your mom used when she let you help bake in the kitchen? Are they the ones where nothing is out of place or are they the images where you can see that long lost tchotchke that makes you think of home? In a perfect world (where nobody lives), you can sweep all the miscellaneous toys under the bed to get a shot that makes your house look like it belongs on HGTV (and I do think that there is a time/place for sweeping the miscellaneous stuff under the bed just for a photo). In the real world (where we all live), you can leave some of the stuff out on the counters and photograph your life just like it looks right now. Capture those memories in the house where your family lives

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just for your kids. Grab the camera and snap away as they jump on unmade beds and hang upside down on a couch covered in blankets and lovies. There are the days to worry about whether the kids have on matching clothes, have brushed their hair, and wait for you to set the camera controls before you snap. But….there are more days where you should snap away after they have dressed themselves, before they brush their hair, and when they are not paying any attention to you.

3. Have Your Camera Ready

One reason I can capture those catch lights when I notice the great light is because I leave my camera out. I have two places that I typically leave my camera around the house depending on what is going on that day, but both places are in high traffic areas of the house and have easy access. I also make sure to keep a charged battery in the camera, as well as an empty memory card. This allows me to find the light, grab the camera, and shoot. I have a backup battery that I also keep charged so that I don’t find myself wishing that I hadn’t missed that moment because the battery was drained.

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Accessibility isn’t just for home. With all the wonderfully stylish camera bags that are available now, there isn’t really a good excuse not to carry your camera with you out into the world, too. I have taken photos just about everywhere, from the grocery store parking lot to images of the scenery in my rearview mirror simply because I carry my beloved camera all around my everyday life with me. You just never know what moment will fill your heart with a longing of wanting to hold onto and cherish it forever. What everyday moments would you like to capture today? Jennifer Parker is the proud owner and sole photographer of Firewife Photography, a Charlotte based niche photography service focused on twin families. She strives to work with families in capturing and preserving precious memories, creating treasured moments that span beyond space and time. She has worked for years with her local twin club and is a mom of 8 year old boy/girl twins and a 4 year old daughter. Jennifer is also the loving wife of a tireless firefighter, hence the company name. You can connect with her via her website or on facebook.

the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

10 ways to

bring in spring

1. Pamper yourself with a pedicure and purchase a new pair of sandals. Yes, it’s selfish, but what woman doesn’t immediately feel better after a little pampering and a new pair of shoes?

10. 9.

2. Get a jump on flowers with paper blooms for all spring long! 3. Host a brunch with friends --- share a delicious new dish! 4. Get started on your garden. You’ll love the feeling when your garden has been weeded and the seeds sewn for the food you’ll harvest all summer long. 5. Celebrate with a May Day drink. Create. Sip. Enjoy. Nothing else needs to be said.

6. Treat yourself to some new shade --either a hat or some new sunglasses. 7. Surprise someone special with a homemade May Day basket. Include goodies like special candies and even a thoughtful note to make their day. 8. Set a beautiful table. Using lots of flowers and color, everyone will look forward to gathering around for dinner. 9. Host a family picnic. Surprise your clan by taking them to the park for an early dinner with all their favorite foods. 10. Spruce up your deck with thrift shop finds. If you have a nice deck, consider some new pillows, some bug repelling plants, some curtains to block the heat, or anything to help you enjoy your time outside! multiplicity

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quick tips for spring cleaning

your own closet!

by talitha a. mcguinness 48

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the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

It’s so easy to get busy spring cleaning the house, cleaning out cabinets and drawers, and even taking inventory of the kids’ clothing to see what no longer fits. Yet, how often do we take the time to go through our own closets? Sometimes, years have passed without even acknowledging the fact that things no longer fit us (size or style-wise). Here are 6 quick tips for motivating you to make some room in your closet this spring.

1. Make cleaning out easy by sorting into three piles. You should have three bags or boxes

at the ready for tossing your things. Make a “donate”, “consign” and “trash” pile. Everything else that fits and works for your style can stay put.

2. You know the old saying, if you haven’t worn it in the past 12 months, toss it out! Of

course, there are many things that are seasonal and/or sentimental, but you should be able to make a pretty good judgment call here. Have a gazillion t-shirts from sorority days? Keep your favorite two or three and toss the rest. I know we’re super busy with our twins, especially while they’re small, but you don’t have to be caught up on your reading Vogue to tell whether something has passed its shelf life and is ready for a new home.

3. If you were shopping today, would you buy this item again? If the answer to this

question is “yes”, then definitely keep it. If you waiver in any way, you should probably consider tossing it into one of your other piles for donating or consigning. There’s no reason to keep hanging on to something you really don’t like or won’t wear again, mainly because it takes up space. If it’s in good condition, it could be making you money to buy something else you’d rather have. What girl doesn’t love that idea?

4. If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t wear it. It’s time

to be honest in trying things on. Get a good look in your mirror when trying your clothes on (and just as a rule of thumb...you should never leave the house without checking yourself in the mirror anyway). If you’re in doubt about how something fits or even question it in the least, it’s probably best to get rid ot it. For example, if you’ve been holding on to a shirt that you’ve had since your college days and your lovelies have grown a couple cup sizes since the twins were born, it’s time to say some parting words. There’s no way your lovelies multiplicity

will ever squeeze into that shirt willingly again. The same applies to pants, skirts, and dresses, too.

5. You should always wear the clothing.

This is one of my favorite tips because it goes beyond size. I even use it with my husband when helping him coordinate outfits. Does the color of the shirt mute you or does it bring out your eyes or another feature? Do the pants crop your legs by hanging just a tad too long? Does the dress emphasize areas that you’d rather hide? This goes beyond simply whether or not an item fits. Just because a piece of clothing fits, doesn’t mean it really fits you. You should always wear the clothing. It shouldn’t seem boxy in the shoulders; the jackets shouldn’t make you look like a child wearing your mother’s clothing; the shoes shouldn’t be too big or small making it evident that you aren’t able to walk comfortably and confidently in them, etc.

6. Fashion over function sometimes pays a high price. We’re all moms now. Some of us

have just our twins, and some of us went on to have more A.T. (After Twins...crazy talk, I know). That beautiful satin blouse with the built-in neck scarf that you once pulled off for your day job may not be functional now that you’re a stay-athome mom. Likewise, those 3” heels aren’t doing you any good when you need to chase your twin toddlers at the park (and believe me, you will not get a warm welcome from the neighborhood moms should you choose to wear them to the weekly playdate...just a little too ostentatious for goldfish and juice boxes). All this goes to say that you should keep clothing that work for your current lifestyle. If you no longer have an office job requiring suits galore, maybe consider keeping two and donating the rest to a local non-profit that helps homeless or unemployed women get back into the workforce. Once you’ve sorted all your stuff, if you’ve still got some things you’re having a hard time parting with, consider getting together with some of your girlfriends and having a clothing swap. Everyone brings gently used items and leaves with some new-to-them finds that you can feel will confident will go to a great home. Plus, it’s always fun to get something from a friend that you maybe secretly coveted months before, and they may feel the same way about something they get of yours!

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five minute fix:

style your shelves

by traci zeller

hat’s your biggest design dilemma? If you answered, “styling your bookshelves,” you are not alone! Don’t be intimidated, though; in this “Five Minute Fix,” I’ll share five easy steps, clocking in at five minutes each, to style your shelves with ease. First, take everything off your shelves. It’s much easier to start with a clean slate! Second, use books to establish a base layer for the shelves. I often organize books by color, because it gives a more cohesive look to the design. Remember, too, that you can remove those dust covers. Unless the dust cover is especially pretty, I prefer to see the book’s spine. Stand books up straight, of course, but also experiment with horizontal stacks of books. My designer secret here? Thrift stores are a fantastic source for used books at a bargain price. Yes, I love to read and I treasure books for their purpose, versus their appearance, but sometimes you simply need to fill a shelf! Third, add larger objects. Vases, urns and other sculpture can act as a resting point for the eye. Another designer secret? West Elm is chock full of reasonably priced pieces that work beautifully. Right now, I especially love their sculptural spheres, glass knots, and selenite bookends. Next, layer in smaller objects. Placing small objects on top of a stack of books gives the objects more presence and prevents them from visually disappearing into the shelf. Also, petite art pieces take on a much larger life when “framed” by surrounding objects. It’s a perfect way to display treasured family photos and an affordable 50

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way to invest in original art. I often discover new-to-me artists on Etsy, such as Pamela Munger and Kerry Steele. Last but definitely not least, step back and assess. If one element seems louder than the others – a bright red book, for example, amidst other neutrals – consider removing it. I prefer bookshelves to make a statement as a whole rather than focusing on a single object. Are those urns a perfect size but a not-so-perfect color? Spray paint is a miracle worker! A quick coat or two, and you’ve solved that problem. Again, I love neutrals, but repeating a bold accent color also works beautifully. A metallic finish is often the best of both worlds, and, in my book (no pun intended), Rustoleum Universal Metallic Spray Paint is tops. Easy breezy, right? Pat yourself on the back, because you’ve turned those boring bookshelves into a focal point that everyone will admire! Traci Zeller is an interior designer known for her clean, sophisticated mix of classic and modern pieces. As a busy wife and mother to twin boys, she appreciates the need for spaces that are beautiful and functional. Traci also authors a blog, and her firm, Traci Zeller Designs, provides full service design, textiles, and e-decorating packages.

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taking risks two at a time!

raising risk-taking twins, party palooza, special delivery, back to school tips, and much more!

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tiny mirrors of unfiltered truth: what weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re teaching our kids

by nellie harden 52

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We all have parts of us that we like to hide from the world --- parts that we deem acceptable and parts that, if we are fortunate enough, we even love about ourselves. When we go out into our day, masks are worn to fit situations at work, the park, play dates, church, school, etc. At home, those masks are most often exhaustedly tossed into the pile of everything else that you leave at the door. Sometimes a couple of painted remnants squeak by for our spouse, but our children typically see the most of us…our awesome and ugly, all at once. This isn’t just us though, is it? You remember it growing up, too. If ever given the opportunity to sit back and witness multiple generations of a family together, you will notice similarities not only in the way people look, but also how they behave. Experts in the field of child psychology attest over and over that root behaviors, those unconscious acts and feelings, mostly stem from the childhood years. Think about your life today. Have you ever caught yourself for a moment and thought, good or bad, “I sound just like mom!”, or “Oh, my goodness! This sounds like something dad would say!”? No one can escape it. We all do it. Those seeds are the oldest and deepest of our minds and consciousness, and we default to them many times throughout our lives. The trick is what we do about it. This has a two-fold answer. For you, it is easy. Go through your behaviors as though you

have a mirror in front of you. If the reflection is good, you can keep going and if not, you can adjust to what you think would be better. Let’s face it, we do have a mirror in front of us. Remember that time at the grocery store when your little one was acting up? Your pressures were rising, your embarrassment becoming apparent to everyone in aisle 3, and you realized this was exactly what you did last Tuesday when you and your spouse were having a heated conversation. They see everything! Your sons and daughters are taking notes when you think they are playing far away in the other room. They hear your hushed tones and see through pasted smiles. They feel the range of emotions when not a word has been uttered. My youngest was playing an intense and captivating game of dolls the other day while I was three rooms away getting something taken care of. I sneezed and within a second the dolls had colds and were being treated for sneeze attacks. I had no idea she was even listening or paying attention to my world, but it was incorporated into hers in an instant. Thankfully, that time, it was as innocent as a sneeze, but what happens when they are not so innocent and those behaviors

you would rather not see in yourself, let alone your child, come about? I am not saying that there cannot be turmoil in a home, because there will be, but kids need, more now than ever, to see how conflict happens and is resolved. That should be modelled by the parents. We are shaping the future of our world and while it often seems like what we are doing and how we parent only affects our home, that is one of the biggest lies we can ever tell ourselves. What we do literally affects generations to come --- relationships at work and in our social life, future spouses, children and grandchildren. We get caught up easily in the day to day survival game and lose sight of the big game plan. These are little adults we are given such a short time to help form. How can we do that best and help them with the qualities they need to succeed in every realm of this world we live in? This is where sitting down with your spouse when your children are young helps. Even if you just have a few more years left with your children under your care, this can make a profound difference. The second part to this mirroring equation is to write down 5, or more, qualities that you would love to see in your child by the time they graduate from high school. It could be generosity, patience, joy, giving, --- contd. pg. 63

No one can escape it. We all do it. Those seeds are the oldest and deepest of our minds and consciousness, and we default to them many times throughout our lives. The trick is what we do about it. multiplicity

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book review by talitha a. mcguinness

Although it’s spring and kids and parents the world over are itching to be outside, it’s always a great idea to have a few good books for reading and relaxing, too. After all, nothing beats a little family story time under the shade of the trees after a game of freeze tag. A favorite among preschoolers, The Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfister is an eye-catching, foil stamping, glittering on every page that offers instant child appeal. However, it is the universal message at the heart of this simple story about a beautiful fish who learns to make friends by sharing his most prized possessions that gives the book its lasting value. The Runaway Bunny by Margaret Wise Brown begins with a young bunny who decides to run away, and so begins a delightful, imaginary game of chase. For any small child who has toyed with the idea of running away or testing the strength of Mom’s love, this old favorite will comfort and reassure. 54

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Everyone knows what it feels like to wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Grumpy Bird, by Jeremy Tankard, is an adorable picture book that follows a grumpy blue bird as he uses a few tools — talking, exercising and playing with friends — to overcome his bad mood. A great lesson for all! Stellaluna, by Janell Cannon, is knocked from her mother’s safe embrace by an attacking owl. She lands headfirst in a bird’s nest. This adorable baby fruit bat’s world is literally turned upside down when she is adopted by the occupants of the nest and adapts to their peculiar bird habits. The detailed notes at the end of the story provide factual information about bats. This will be a favorite for each of your nature lovers. If you have little ones who love adventure, they’ll love the fun of Zack’s Alligator, by Shirley Mozelle. When Bridget the alligator arrives in the mail, she’s only the size of a key chain! After Zack soaks her in water, she grows into a real live alligator. Bridget wrestles the garden hose, swings from the monkey bars, and does cartwheels for fun. Any dreamers in your family? They’ll find inspiration and a lot of history in Dare to Dream, by Carl Sommer. By listening to

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stories told by his father and grandparents, a young boy learns how choices can lead to overcoming adversity. The lives of Abraham Lincoln, George Washington Carver, Ben Franklin and Helen Keller are highlighted. Yes, Judy Moody is a third-grade girl, but she is very much the tomboy and boys love the Judy Moody series by Megan McDonald as much as girls. Children will relate to Judy’s constant dilemmas and will laugh their way through the book as Judy comes up with the most intriguing solutions to problems such as having to sit next to a kid who eats paste and a toad that pees on her! Poor Charlie Bucket is practically starving to death, but his luck changes for the better when he wins a lifetime supply of candy — and a chance to visit Willy Wonka’s fabulous, top-secret chocolate factory. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl doesn’t hide the fact that the world can be a grim and unfair place. Charlie’s depressing life of poverty at the beginning of the novel reflects this bleak view. Also in the best fairytale tradition, Dahl appeals to the strong sense of natural justice in children, and invites them to revel in a marvelously imagined world where people, both good and bad, get exactly what they deserve.

kid-tested, mom approved meals...by pinterest There’s nothing some amazingly fro-yo more frustrating bars simple, yet clean than the kids being meal ideas for the hungry and not family. snack that everyone will beg having healthy for more. With just a few Frozen turkey options on hand. ingredients, these are simple to meatballs are also This often resorts make, even in a pinch. great to have on to us giving them hand because you Frozen Yogurt bars are a great convenience food a pizzas t i p can toss them way to use up fruit before it that we later in the goes bad. Just regret. These easy microwave when cut up whatever meals and snacks will be a win needed. Add a thin you have on with everyone! pretzel rod to make hand and mix For pita pizzas, use whole it easy for the kiddos with Greek wheat pita bread, top with to hold and enjoy! yogurt and even a pasta sauce and cheese, or feel Thrive Style’s little honey. Check free to add your other favorite Coconut oil and out Mrs. Happy ingredients if you’d prefer a Peanut Butter chips Homemaker for more adult version. 100 Days are a fantastic, even more yummy coconut/pb of Real Food’s Lisa Leake has energy-boosting treats! Enjoy!

you heard it here first... Once you’ve gotten into a sleep routine, how do you make the transition to the crib easiest for your twins?

Gone is spontaneity and making a quick run to the store. What is something you miss being able to do easily before your twins arrived?

Try putting them in after they have fallen asleep. I also sprayed lavender pillow spray on my clothing, and then sprayed it on their bedding. - Christina B. Try raising the mattress with a wedge. [Sometimes babies] don’t like being completely flat. Plus, the swaddle. - Jennifer B. Swaddle and be consistent. Don’t try something new every single night. - Kelly M. We put our boys in their infant carriers IN the crib. They loved to nap in them so it made sense. Nights got much better once we thought to do that. - Tracy K.

Appointments. Sounds weird but I can’t see a chiropractor or massage therapist. I can’t get my hair cut or my nails painted. - Michelle H. Going into the gas station and also the post office ... Pushing a double stroller in that tiny place is a nightmare! - Jessica F. Enjoying a meal without consuming it in under 5 minutes. - Raven H. Showering alone…gone are those days! And getting out to the shops without the 3 ring circus. - Paula K. Finishing a cup of coffee that’s still warm by the end. - Kayley M.

multiplicity

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move it and lose it! staying fit as a family

by amanda nethero

would not say that I am a fitness expert, nor do I play one on TV. I am simply a mother of twins that woke up one morning and said, “You know what, if I can give birth to two human beings at once, I can totally run a half marathon.” And I did. I actually just completed my 6th half marathon (with my sister and niece --- truly a family affair!) in February and am currently training for my first full marathon. Last year, my husband decided to begin his own fitness journey and started running, as well. To date, he has lost 60lbs, and it’s truly an incredible journey to follow and witness. It was his decision to get healthy that really kick-started our family’s fitness habit. I’m not saying we were a lazy family before, but we were not as active as we are today. Today we are spending the majority of our weekends outdoors, playing games or running in local 5K events. I promise you, there is no better feeling in this world than crossing a finish line as a family. 56

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Even if no one medals in their age division, the mere working together at a common goal and seeing it through is accomplishment enough. With that said, there are so many easy ways to amanda’s family at a 5K incorporate fitness into your daily life as a family. According to Ricky Rodriguez of RZ Fitness, “Activities such as ball games, dancing, gymnastic tumbling, and classic playground games like tag (with its many variations) and Simon Says can keep loved ones of different ages, sizes, and skill levels playing together until the sun goes down, without ever leaving the yard. Families that play together, stay together. Being together as a family, playing for sport, or putting in work at the gym can offer opportunities for parents to set examples in character and community building,

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as well as conflict resolution.” Knowing that “we’re in this together”, I even try and cater “workouts” around the entire family. If the weather is poor (and thankfully, in Florida that is not often), and we cannot go outside, I pop in a kids yoga DVD and we pull out our mats and stretch. There are so many fitness DVDs geared towards children that make activities like yoga engaging and fun for the whole family. If someone is not in the mood for yoga, usually my daughter, we pop in Just Dance on the Wii and dance our hearts out. You would be surprised just how much you sweat in 30 minutes of dancing. Plus, you are together laughing, exercising and being silly as a family. While it is sometimes a challenge, even when you are on vacation, you can incorporate fitness. You don’t even need to take along equipment, but rather, take advantage of what is already available to you. Rodriguez mentioned, “The beach and the pool create some unique fitness opportunities. The mediums of sand and water add resistance to your movements, thus increasing the effect of physical activity like volleyball, walking, or jogging. Being fully submerged in water is a great way to exercise. Your heart rate will slow and your blood pressure will lower just by splashing water on your face, [as this is] the beginning stages of a diving reflex that exists in all mammals. When you are fully submerged in water, it will support your body and

limbs from all directions and add protection for sensitive joints. Lap swimming is one of the best full body exercises available, and practicing the different strokes will satisfy the technical athlete. Otherwise, the best way to incorporate exercise at the beach or in the pool is to simply play all day.” Exercise, however, is not the only element of a healthy lifestyle. Nutrition also plays a big role in staying healthy as a family. Rodriguez had some tips for families just starting on the path to a healthy lifestyle. He mentioned, “Nutrition is most important, [as] it will fuel your exercise sessions and be the material that builds the physical changes that you seek in your body. Take your time and do your own research. Don’t rely on fad diets or health claims that are printed on a package or about a particular product. The best foods won’t be packaged on a shelf in an aisle, with the exception of your whole grains, which are dry storage items. Healthy, whole meats, [fruits] and vegetables can be found in the produce and deli sections. Some frozen meats and veggies could be kept in the freezer for convenience, but it’s best to keep fresh foods (that will go bad if not used) rotating in and out of the refrigerator on a weekly basis. “ I’m not saying you can’t indulge in your favorite ice cream treat this summer, but you should do so in moderation. In all honesty, multiplicity

nutrition is the hardest aspect of healthy living for me. I have never met a carb I didn’t like. However, it is easy to make some simple switches that are pleasing to the whole family. According to Rodriguez, “The healthiest meals will consist of simple ingredients. Meat or vegetable proteins along with starchy and fibrous carbohydrates, as well as a small amount of good fats will make up a balanced meal. Broccoli, cauliflower and beans are great sources of vegetable protein. Starchy carbs are best in the form of whole grains like oats, brown and wild rice, wheat, and barley, and starchy vegetables like carrots, peas, corn, squash and potatoes. Fibrous carbs come from the rigid plant structures in crunchy and leafy vegetables. Some examples of good fats are fish, olive, and seed oils, and avocado, which has been referred to as nature’s butter.” An easy switch that we made in our house was when we swapped ground beef for ground turkey. It’s so simple and nobody can tell the difference (even my father-inlaw!). We also try to eat the majority of our meals at home. Believe me, I know it can be a daunting task to prepare meals every night of the week, especially when you have two or more kids in different activities, but if you plan out your week in advance, it’s a cinch! Every Friday night, I plan out the meals for the week based on what activities we have going on. For example, if my son has a baseball game, I usually make something the night before that will heat up

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really well after the game (think pot pies, casseroles, soups and pasta sauces). It makes meals for the family that week so much easier to handle and makes us less likely to eat out or cave to unhealthy, processed convenient foods at home. What are some of my other easy tricks for eating healthy as a family? Easy! Set about an hour or two aside over the weekend and prep your meals for the week. This includes chopping veggies and fruits so they are easy to access, especially for snacks when everyone needs something healthy and quick. You can also prep some of your meals by browning your meats to separate for different recipes as you see fit. Another tip? Throw some chicken breasts in a slow cooker with some reduced sodium broth, cook for 4 hours, shred and now you have chicken for salads, wraps and whatever else you can dream up. How easy is that? Don’t forget when you’re in the kitchen prepping all of this delicious goodness, to use your kids as your sous chefs. Having the kids in the kitchen is one of the easiest ways to get them excited about nutrition and what you’ll be serving them. Sometimes it’s even a great idea to ask their suggestions. Research has proven that kids are far more likely to eat what they’re given if they have a part in selecting or preparing it.

extra tips for family

f itness on the go

consider taking up a family sport --- join the

--always keep a stash of various balls and such (think soccer, baseball and mits, basketball, jump ropes, etc.) to use and enjoy at the park, at a friend’s house, or even at a rest stop when on a long roadtrip. Anything goes here!

--- look at Girls on the Run or Let Me Run to encourage them to be active while learning some great lessons on leadership and self-esteem during some of the transitional years (grades 3-7). Running and training with them for their final 5K will be great exercise for everyone!

local gym or YMCA and learn how to play tennis, raquetball or even take swim lessons. At most allinclusive gyms, there is literally something active to do for every age and interest group.

keep things in the car for spontaneity

enroll your kids in running programs

Exercise and nutrition does not have to be boring or stressful, especially when trying to get the whole family involved. Keep it light, fun and silly. After all, the family that plays together, stays together! Amanda is a mother to fraternal twins and works as a marketing coordinator for a not-for-profit organization. When she is not running her twins to different activities, Amanda is an active runner and blogger. You can keep up with Amanda and her family at Twice the Love...Half the Sleep. 58

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The creator of the Twiniversity online resource delivers the definitive survival guide for all parents of multiples --- from pregnancy through the first year The rate of twin births has risen by 79% over the last three decades, and continues to grow. Expectant parents are overwhelmed with questions: do I really need two of everything? Can we do this ourselves or do we need help? Will I have to rob a bank to raise these babies without going broke? A twins mom herself and national guru on having two (or more!), Natalie Diaz launched Twiniversity, a supportive website with advice from the trenches. What to Do When Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re Having Two covers: *making a Birth Plan checklist *sticking to one sleep schedule *double-duty breastfeeding *must-have gear *building one-on-one relationships with each child early Brimming with tried-and-true tips --- from the diaper budget to stroller sanity --- this is the must-have survival guide for parents of multiples. Natalie Diaz has been featured in The New York Times, Wall Street Journal, New York Family Magazine, and more. She was named one of the top 100 Social Media Moms on Twitter by Disney and has recently been nominated for a She Knows Parenting Award.

Order your copy today!

2 ways 5 i’m taking back 1

the apron!

ately, I’ve been dancing this tango with my apron. Every time I put on said apron to bake, to cook dinner, or clean up the kitchen, I feel like I’m dancing with myself: “Here I go, playing the role of ‘barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen’.” Then my mind shifts to “Wow, I really love cooking and baking with my son.” So, what is happening? When did I start to feel so conflicted about putting on an apron? Was it when I stopped working to stay home with my twin girls? It is hard to admit this, but yes, it was. While I was working, I would put on my apron on the weekends and have a blast making Bisquick apple bake with my then 3 year old son or putting together my awesome BBQ pulled pork. Then something happened. Because I was not “working and making money of my own,” I started to struggle when I put on my apron. I want to change this! So I’m taking back the apron and guys and girls, I need your help. Here are 5 1/2 ways we can do this together. #1) Share the apron. It is pretty simple. If you cooked, pass the apron on when it comes to cleaning. If your partner made you dinner, take both of your plates to the sink when you’re done. Even better, slip on the apron and load 60

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by victoria worch

that dishwasher. You might be surprised how much more loving you will receive. When I think of my guy in an apron doing the dishes, I suddenly don’t feel that tired after all. If you have kids, start teaching them about taking their non-breakable plates to the sink. I am working on this with our son. Don’t worry about getting the clean-up done “your way”, and just let go! A clean plate is a clean plate. Take back the apron and pass it along. #2) Keep talking about gender roles, about how you were raised, and whether your mother wore the figurative apron. Often times, how we were raised tends to be what we know. I was raised in the U.S. My husband was raised in Germany. My mom had no problem taking care of cooking and cleaning, but she worked full time. In Germany, my husband’s mother stayed home to raise him and his brother and then returned to work part-time. She cooked dinner every night and wore an apron. When I met my husband and we moved in together, I naturally found myself in the kitchen cooking our meals together. It was what I knew and what he knew, too.For me, having twin toddlers and a pre-schooler, along with my husband’s job change created a period of time

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“We don’t have to live by anyone else’s definition of what it means to be a woman , or a mother or a wife .” where I was a stay-at-home mom, a role I had never imagined for myself. I needed to let my husband know that just because I am home, it does not mean all house work falls on me. We are still a team. Change happens: jobs come and go; children join the picture. The key to making this all work is to keep talking about your feelings. Create a plan of who will take care of what. My husband and I tag team. One person cleans the dishes; the other person gives our kids their nightly bath. #3) Buy a new apron after you have finished a budget together. Before I decided to take time off, my husband and I hardly ever fought about money. We each had our own portion that we could spend how we pleased, and we shared the expenses. With the arrival of twins and the decision to buy our first home, our life changed dramatically. Fast forward, and we are down to one income with three kids. It took me a while to see my partner’s income as something that is now shared between us, as I put value in being able to make my own money. Even if I don’t have to work, there is still a need to be able to take care of myself. I need to feel like I can go out and buy a new apron without having to ask permission. Maybe I’m way because I lived by myself before marriage and only had children later on in life.

The idea to stop working and take care of the kids was a huge decision, and my husband and I still have deep conversations about it. We’ve both cut back on easy expenses and our communication about money has improved drastically thanks to Mint.com! Even if you and your partner both work, find some time to sit down together and decide what your family budget is going to be. Then, when you feel like you need an apron, you will feel better about buying one and will be able to answer the question “Can we afford this?” in a snap. #4) Let the teacher in you out. I’m amazed at how much you can learn in the kitchen and how much your kitchen can turn into a classroom. Think about the measuring cup, for example: when was the last time you worked on your fractions? There are plenty of homework nights coming your way with your child learning fractions, why not get ahead with recipes? I forgot how good it feels when you try something new. Get an apron for your little helpers. Children want to help. Repeating the steps as you go helps them to stay involved and practices directions and orders. For example: first, we pour the milk. Second, we crack the eggs and put them in the bowl. Third, we mix them together. Remember, teaching skills and having fun is a great way to learn! #5) The apron can be your “cooking” wear. You’ve got your multiplicity

gym clothes, why not have your kitchen wear? Let the kitchen be another place you go to relax or learn. You’ve got to eat, right? After a stressful day, you can turn on your favorite radio station or iTunes mix, throw on your apron, let go and cook. You can include your child by asking them to pour the pasta in the measuring cup. Or you can turn on Sprout and let them veg out while you remember to include vegetables in their meal. (30 minutes of TV is not going to hurt their growth. I wish I had Sprout when I was my son’s age!) And #5 1/2) You get to decide what the apron means to you. In the article “Kitchen Aprons: A Symbol of Repression or Pride?” Cynthia Wadell sums it up best: “We don’t have to live by anyone else’s definition of what it means to be a woman, or a mother or a wife. That time is over. You get to decide what that apron means. It’s your choice.” I bet you never thought there could be so much behind a kitchen apron. Now make me proud and take back the apron! Victoria Worch is a writer for twiniversity.com and student affairs blogger at cafevic. com. After developing student leaders for 13 years, she chose to develop her new twin daughters (and their older brother) instead, and became a stay-at-home mom. Victoria enjoys being active with her twin club and in her community.

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appy spring

fun, educational apps for kids of all ages --and for mom and dad, too!

redrover app This app is changing the way playdates are formed. A locationbased app and a private social network, Red Rover works by connecting parents with friends and people in their community to help them find kidfriendly restaurants, museums and even clean bathrooms. Fun features include location sharing, sharing with Facebook and Twitter, photo sharing, one touch emergency management and the ability to find events (currently in New York and Chicago). Who can use RedRover? Who can’t? Everyone can use RedRover: dads, moms, aunts, uncles, grandparents, sitters. What kind of events are featured on RedRover? Super things to do with kids (and not with kids): museum exhibits, dropin classes, arts and crafts, sports, shows, library programs, festivals, and more. The best part? It’s FREE, so sign up today! 62

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for the preschool and under crowd Sorting 1 is the first and most simple game in the TinyHands Sorting series. The game consists of 12 beautiful environments each focused on a set of basic concepts from the child’s world such as shapes, colors, seasons, and animals. For example, the Field screen sorts butterflies by COLOR, the Dogs screen classifies dogs by SIZE, and the Star, heart, and circle screen classifies geometric SHAPES. The TinyHands Town Center app consists of 10 beautiful shops each focused on developing a set of basic concepts such as size, colors, numbers and patterns using everyday objects from the child’s world such as clothes, food and many more. The game is designed to enhance the following skills: Numbers and counting, Sorting and classifying, Hand-eye coordination, and so much more! for those 5 and up Kids can now play the imaginative game of Poptropica anywhere! This app, produced by Pearson, allows kids to create three of their own Poptropican characters and practice their mystery-solving skills in a series of fun Poptropica Island quests on Mythology Island, 24 Carrot Island, Time Tangled Island, and more. With Bobo Explores Light, your child can hold a fully functional science museum in the palm of their hand! This app has over 100 pages of exciting, interactive content, with 21 in-depth topics such as lasers, lightning, and bioluminescence. Interactive 3D holograms are included, with dozens of supplementary videos, articles, animations, and trivia. This app will keep curious minds entertained for days! With Duolingo, your youngster will be speaking Spanish (or French, German, Portuguese, or Italian) in no time! PC Magazine awarded this app the Editors’ Choice for Language Learning. It’s ad-free and full of bite-sized lessons geared toward visual learners. Kids (and adults) win badges for words learned and other achievements. Does your child love learning fun and funky facts about all sorts of things? Weird But True is an app by the National Geographic Society that teaches kids about all their favorite subjects — animals, weather, space, history, and more! Plus, kids can use the “Weird-O-Meter” to rate the level of “weirdness” for each fact. You can make an in-app purchase for more “Fact Packs” for 99 cents.

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ask the veterans

contd. from --tiny mirrors kindness, faith or any number of things. Whatever you dream for your child, you can start shaping early by being that example for them. Use this little bit of time you have with them wisely by modelling the behaviors you want to see in them, for them. This saying strikes at the cord of this idea and resonated down generations to create a people better than the last. “Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.”- unknown

twins beyond the twos... Many moms find times when they feel overwhelmed, inadequate and unable to tackle their twins’ demands, especially when they come into their own (around age 2 or 3). Here are several sage tips from other moms to help get you through! 1. Choose your battles. Know what to let go and when to stand your ground. 2. Make the kids wait. They will learn that their needs will not always be met at the drop of a hat. Tell them when you will do it (i.e. when you are finished with dinner), and stick to it. 3. Don’t be afraid to say no. Teaching your children that they can’t have everything they want is a good life lesson. 4. Remove them from the room if they throw a tantrum. They

can join the family again when they are finished. Insist that they are pleasant to be around.

It is okay to be real with your kids, in fact it is imperative to do so in order for them to realize how to live productive and truthful lives themselves. Your life is and will be their example. Let them see the awesome and the ugly, how you successfully and maturely resolve arguments and conflict, help others, have fun, and enjoy the life you’re given. Choose to invest in you and you will naturally choose to invest in them.

Nellie Harden has been married 5. Stay calm, even if inside you for 13 years and is a mom of four feel like screaming. Kids are little girls, who constantly trying to push our represent four corners of a square buttons. Don’t let them control and bring different gifts, energy your behavior and reactions. and challenges to their world. In 6. Stick to a routine. Kids like to addition to being a mom, she works with families through Juice know the plan and operate best Plus and Tower Garden to get when they know what to expect. whole foods back at the forefront 7. Take care of yourself. Find of the meals and snacks, and help someone you can speak openly growing and changing bodies to. Get out of the house and do thrive in our world today. She also enjoys writing about all of life’s something for you. adventures. 63 multiplicity the must-have magazine for all moms of multiples

Self-Control

and How to Teach Your Twins to Harness It When my family and I moved recently, we bought a new car—a brand new, 2015 model—and my favorite part is the running boards on either side. They act as a stepping stool so my 2.5 year olds can scramble up into the car and into their seats without any help from me. My back has been saved and they naturally love the independence! Alas, my joy was short-lived, when my twins inevitably fought over who would climb up first, and which side they would sit on. “Ce-Ce that side!” “No, Daji that side!” Gangsters claiming their turf, their shrieks as loud as gunshots rang through my ears.

by mercedes donis 64

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This is where we—myself included—need to breathe. Meltdowns are an inevitable part of toddlerhood. Whether a result from something as mundane as where to sit, or something as world shattering as the arrival of a new sibling, it is our duty as parents to guide these tiny humans through their big, loud, sometimes inconvenient feelings. While it’s important to remember that this is a normal and necessary part of child development, and that there is no quick fix, it is equally important to recognize our role as parent and guide. You might have heard by now that the true meaning of discipline is “to teach.” In that sense, tantrums are a prime opportunity for teaching our toddlers to self-regulate. This task is certainly not an easy one! Maybe you’ve tried ignoring the tantrum. It’s harder to ignore two. Or maybe you’ve even ‘given in’ to the tantrum—again, harder with two, most likely conflicting, tantrums. Here are some ideas that will work in the long run.

Acknowledge the feelings

You may often be tempted to minimize your toddler’s discomfort. It’s not a big deal, you might think. However, to your toddler, it is the biggest deal. And while accepting your tot’s feelings doesn’t seem to teach self-control immediately, it is one of many ways we can teach empathy.

Empathy is not only about sharing feelings, but about controlling your own emotional reactions in order to support someone else. That’s what can make tantrums so difficult for parents! We have our own responses to the stimulus, as well as the resulting calamity. Acknowledging and naming your toddler’s feelings—frustration, anger, fear, sadness—builds their emotional vocabulary while showing them that you are on their side. This doesn’t mean you must condone the behavior that can accompany tantrums. All feelings are accepted, but not all behaviors should be. A few sources for helping your little one cope include: *A 3-minute animated film on the power of empathy *The case for teaching empathy *How to tell if your reaction is coming from a place of empathy, and why it should.

Offer choices or cuddles

Along with acknowledging your toddler’s feelings, remember that you are not responsible for “fixing” them. However, you can offer choices to your little ones, which will get them used to problem-solving. In my car-seat example, I will generally let the twins alternate who chooses where to sit. Also make yourself available for comfort. Don’t withhold affection—during times of emotional distress, one or both of your children may need your comfort, even though this is generally when we are parents feel the least like giving it! multiplicity

Once the tantrum has cooled down, you can show your twins some acceptable ways of expressing their anger. You might teach them to hit a pillow. You might have them shake a snow-globe or even make your own calm-down jar. They could squeeze a ball of play-dough or scribble on a designated pad of paper. Another resort may be to teach them to take deep breaths or depending on age, tocount to 10 or more. The key is not to teach these strategies in the heat of the moment. In your twins’ down time, explore some fun options like the ones mentioned above. Your kids will not start employing these techniques right away, but over time and with your guidance and reminders, they will gradually become part of a self-calming ritual.

Model your own techniques

Besides the kids-focused strategies mentioned above, you can also model your own coping mechanisms when you are feeling frustrated yourself. I call this the “think-aloud.” Don’t save the think-aloud method for just the big upsets, but use it for those small, everyday annoyances, too. When you spill the last of the orange juice, you can talk them through your own feelings: “I was really looking forward to having a glass of OJ, and I’m frustrated that I spilled it. I’ll drink water now and buy more juice the next time we go shopping.” The most important technique for my family has been the

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confessions of a twin dad

by clayton fox

I travel for work. I know this isn’t a big reveal like something you see on reality TV, but it’s my life and by extension, my family’s life. Prior to my beautiful 2 year old twin girls being born, I was on the road upwards of 100-150 nights each year. Some people think being able to travel for work is cool; it really isn’t. I started this job a month after my wife and I got married and over the last 7+ years, we have grown accustomed to this “lifestyle”. It hasn’t been easy and there are some weeks that I have sat in the airport at 4:30am wondering what the hell I am doing. Being on the road when you don’t have kids is one thing. Being on the road when you have twins is in a whole other universe. During the pregnancy, we got lucky. I got to work on a local project which made life so much easier when my wife went on bedrest. During that period we thought about the two biggest challenges given my potential travel: #1 was making sure my wife (aka Supermom) had an extra pair of hands to help with the girls and #2 was figuring out how to stay connected with the family while I’m away. Thankfully, we solved #1 by smooth talking two sisters into becoming part of team Wonder Twins. Technology became our savior for challenge #2. Thanks to FaceTime, I am able to see my family from all sorts of places. Over the last 2 years I have FaceTimed with them from my hotel room, the airplane, a cab, walking to dinner, at a conference, and many other places. I do my best to schedule my evenings around our video chats, as I really cherish these moments with my family. Of course, it’s interesting to see how these video chats have evolved over the last 2 years. In the beginning, we would have our chats during bedtime. I would take a book on my trip and read to them while they had their bottles. Usually they just stared at me while I read, but thankfully there was a hint of recognition when I came up on the screen. After a couple of months, they started 66

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to show excitement and that eventually made bedtime more challenging. Instead of helping them wind down from the day, they got excited to interact with video dad. My wife soon realized it was probably best to chat before bedtime so that they could expend any excess energy. With that transition, we have been less structured on the specific time for our virtual family bonding and just try to get something scheduled around dinner time. At this point, I never know what to expect when we connect. If they are eating dinner, we might have some fun talking or making silly faces. If they are playing, it might be show and tell time. Then again, they might completely ignore me and then my wife and I get to catch up. They could also be in the mood to dance, sing, play with the computer or howl (yes, I taught them how to howl like a wolf – it keeps life interesting). In the end, these little chats help connect me with their daily lives, plus makes it a little easier to be away from my family. I miss my family like crazy, but wouldn’t trade these moments with them for anything. And in case you are wondering, yes I am writing this from a hotel room while I wait for my wife to FaceTime so she and I can spend time together catching up on our day. Clay is spouse to Wonder Woman, Supermom, Chief Mom Officer, aka Jen, and plays dad to Sofie and Isabel. His twin dad merit badges include: Highway Diaper Changer, Car Seat Installer, Curious George Aficionado, and Fashion Stylist. He lives in Chicago when he’s not travelling the globe.

breathing. I’ve been verbalizing my need to “take some deep breaths” since my twins were very young. Of course, it didn’t pay off right away, but now that they are getting older, I will see them breathe deeply when I have separated them after a fight. To this day, I will talk them through their emotions and what just happened, and breathe right along with them. Another technique that has worked for me and that I have started using with my twins

is saying a mantra. My go-to mantra during tantrums has been “They’re not giving me a hard time, they’re having a hard time.” Repeating this in my head during an altercation reminds me how my toddlers are perceiving a situation. Our children’s behavior isn’t directed at us, but we sometimes have to play referee in resolving the conflict. Some other family-friendly mantras you can teach: “I am not my anger” (or replace anger with the appropriate

emotion) “This too shall pass” “I choose peace” “It is what it is” “Let it go!” The good thing about these techniques is that they’re not just for damage control, to engage after the fact. Once your twins are familiar with them, you can start to use them pre-emptively, prompting your kids to cool themselves down. Self-control strategies are some of the most important life lessons we can teach our kids.

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learning from mistakes: it takes practice by isabelle lee

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I was recently watching a documentary by Stephen Hawking called Into the Universe, and there was a line in it that really struck me. He said, “there is no such thing as perfection.” In fact, the creation of the universe was reliant on that fact --- if all matter had been perfectly, geometrically scattered after the Big Bang, then none of it would have started to clump together to form the beginnings of stars and planets. Everything would have remained in a perfect state of geometry, all pieces of matter equally distant from the next, balancing all gravitational pull. Hawking went on to say: “So next time someone complains that you have made a mistake, tell him that may be a good thing. Because without imperfection, neither you nor I would exist.” It’s not such a radical idea I know. We all say “nobody’s perfect”, but having the very notion of perfection presented as something imaginary, that cannot be found anywhere in the universe, is something that speaks to my annoying perfectionist side. I’m not a perfectionist about everything --- one look at the state my house is in most of the time can tell you that --- but I can be hard on myself when I make mistakes. I have even been known to avoid a situation rather than risk making mistakes or making a wrong choice. I am much more comfortable in my familiar academic territory of researching a subject, learning the theory and then trying to apply it, in a perfectly ordered, structured way. And then I had children.

Parents often say “babies don’t come with a manual”, but you know what? If they did, I would have read it cover to cover, underlining important passages! Nothing slings you in at the deep end like having a baby (or two!) For all my babybook research beforehand, I was utterly clueless when it came to the reality of parenting. Everyday you are faced with the multiple mistakes you make --- the only way to learn is trial and error. Not an easy thing for a perfectionist. Any time my babies had too much gas, or didn’t feed well, or vomited, I agonized over what I must have done wrong, and was frustrated that I hadn’t found the right answer. And then, just as I would start to feel as though I had gotten the hang of something, they would insist on growing and developing. This meant I had to start from scratch again, learning something new, like weaning or potty-training. At each new stage I was clueless once again, making countless mistakes, feeling like I was making it up as I went along. My children are seven now, and my role as a parent has changed significantly over the years. The balance starts to shift at this age from mainly seeing to their physical needs, towards dealing with emotional and psychological needs. And one of these issues is helping your child learn to learn through their mistakes. You don’t want your children to be perfectionists (perfectionism is, after all, an imperfection!), and you don’t want them to feel bad about making mistakes. I am acutely aware that children multiplicity

learn primarily by example, and if they see me upset by my mistakes, or worse still, impatient with their mistakes, they will feel inhibited to try something new for fear of getting it “wrong.” Luckily I’ve had seven years to get used to making mistakes of my own, and in many ways I have also learned from my children. I’ve watched them have to learn every single one of their skills through trial and error --- after all, no baby comes out of the womb walking, talking and dressing themselves. I have admired how they didn’t give up until they could crawl towards the forbidden electric cables, pick up and swallow that tiny piece of dirt, and take my best pair of shoes from my wardrobe and put them on their own little feet. Each one of those was a personal achievement which they never would have managed without practice and patience. Learning through our mistakes is something we are all born innately to do, in order to achieve the many skills we take for granted. I don’t think many of us would blame a toddler for falling over on his second step, or mispronouncing a word; we all know it takes a lot of practice to walk and talk. In fact we often find the mistakes along the way quite entertaining. This is something us perfectionists need to remember when trying to achieve the more complex skills we, and our children, strive for later on. So what can I do to not inhibit my children’s natural instinct of trial and error, or to mitigate any part of them that may be naturally perfectionist? When I

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feel I’ve made a mistake, I now try to ask myself afterwards, “What did I learn from this?” and “What should I do next time that happens?” Then I try to stick to whatever lesson or advice I came up with (that’s the hard part!). I don’t hide my mistakes from my children, I tell them when I think I did something wrong, and explain what I think I should do instead next time. I apologize to them if I think I’ve been hard on them for something they didn’t deserve. Initially I thought, “Will I damage their image of me if I admit I did something wrong?” but I think what I am doing is giving an honest account of being a grown-up, and being human. We all make mistakes; we sometimes make a lot of them. It’s how we deal with them that counts. I encourage them to stick with trying something, even if it’s hard and I try to be patient with them for not showing speedy improvement. Even given this advice from my own practices, I still make plenty of mistakes. I wish I

were more patient when my children are incredibly slow at getting ready for school. I wish my first thought when something gets spilled or broken wasn’t “why can’t they be more careful?” The main difference now is that I realize there is no such thing as a perfect parent. The best I can hope for is to keep learning to learn from my mistakes, so that I’m not constantly making the same ones, but rather coming up with new mistakes all the time.

there’s no doubt, they’ll be here soon!

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2015

Next time you strive for perfection, don’t; the Universe depends on it. Isabelle Lee is a delighted but exhausted stay-at-home mom to sevenyear-old twins; frequently bemused, often fascinated and perpetually behind schedule. Originally from the UK, she now lives with her husband and twins in California. You can follow her blog at perplexedparent.com, and on twitter at @perplexedparent.

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Mama said thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d be days like this. Join moms of multiples all around the globe in supporting each other on the good AND the not-so-good days.

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