Later

I sat down and tried to write myself a love poem and I couldn’t

couldn’t compare myself to the rain against the window on an april day

couldn’t draw tattoos on my arm with a ballpoint pen

couldn’t tell myself that the sun rises everyday knowing i’d be there to wake up to it

that the moon wishes i’d give it so much as a glance

that my smile, when it reaches the corners of my eyes, is one of the wonders of the universe

I tried to make the tiny things i do seem beautiful

to romanticize every little detail

I don’t doubt for a second that i turn heads

that the curves of my hips match my smile just in just the right way. that i light up a room

but living in this body makes you hate it

living with this mind is something i wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy

i have convinced myself that every person in my life will leave

you could give someone all you have and they will only see you as a mere moment

that i am a mere accessory in someone’s life

a distant memory

i am trying to write myself a love poem because i believe that nobody else will

nobody will stick around long enough

i am too hard i am too much

and as i sit here and try to write this love poem

and i look at myself in the mirror

i realize that this is all meaningless