Addendum to Burning Grudges What does one do with a wounded heart? There are times when the restoration of relationships is impossible for various reasons. Perhaps the offending person is deceased; or, as is often the case, refuses to admit the wrong. Sometimes the offender adamantly believes him/herself to be in the right on an issue. What are we to do when the prospect of reconciliation (the mending of a relationship) is closed off, leaving us with broken hearts and wounded spirits? How can a Christ-follower find freedom from the discouragement and bitterness of unresolved conflicts? There is a conventional wisdom that counsels us to simply “forgive” the offending party in order to alleviate the stress or trauma their actions have caused. This might be called the therapeutic approach to forgiveness – a counseling tool employed to accommodate some sense of “closure” to pain inflicted by others. While this may sound virtuous enough, the strategy often tends to aggravate an already wounded spirit adding insult to injury since the act of actually forgiving the offence is impossible without the express confession and repentance of the wrong-doer (For a more detailed explanation, see the main body of the lesson). This is why it would be important to keep the act of forgiving and the need for healing distinct and differentiated. The act of forgiving is only one part of a two-part transaction toward reconciliation. But, if both parties do not play their roles, then the restoration of relationships may never take place. And this is where the effects of a broken heart can last for a very long time. Healing from the wound, on the other hand, is the process whereby one deals effectively with an injured heart and is able to get rid of feelings of bitterness, anger and the desire for revenge toward the wrong-doer. But how? If reconciliation and relational restoration become impossible, how do we find healing for hearts injured by the actions of others? Acknowledge the reality of life: The world is broken We must concede the harsh reality that injustice sometimes prevails in the short-run of life. The fallen, broken nature of this world is a reality – as is the pain that sometimes accompanies it. Jesus said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33 And God’s promise is that …in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Romans 8:37 It is sometimes true that, this side of heaven, we may never get what we so badly need or want in terms of justice or relational reconciliation. But this fact does not rule out the possibility of finding comfort for a broken heart. Those who suffer unjustly and still maintain a Christ-like spirit seem to especially catch the Lord’s attention (Read Matthew 5:112). God specializes in bringing healing to the broken heart. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
Develop a heart of forgiveness (a willingness to forgive) toward the offender Healing for the wounded heart begins when, by God’s grace and through the power of the Holy Spirit, we begin to cultivate a Christ-like spirit of forgiveness (a willingness to offer forgiveness) toward those who have acted injuriously toward us. Here is where the nature of Christ takes form in our lives as we learn to love and pray for the offender. But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, [45] that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. Matthew 5:44-45
Was this not the same spirit of forgiveness with which Jesus prayed for his enemies as they nailed him to a cross?
Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." Luke 23:34
Make every effort to be reconciled Take the initiative to be reconciled with the offending party…as far as it depends on you, Romans 12:18. So watch yourselves! "If a believer sins, correct him. If he changes the way he thinks and acts, forgive him. Luke 17:3 (GW) "If a believer does something wrong, go, confront him when the two of you are alone. If he listens to you, you have won back that believer. [16] But if he does not listen, take one or two others with you so that every accusation may be verified by two or three witnesses. [17] If he ignores these witnesses, tell it to the community of believers. If he also ignores the community, deal with him as you would a heathen or a tax collector. Matthew 18:15-17 (GW)
And if reconciliation becomes impossible, leave the matter in God’s hands. Yield the matter up to God in faith Healing for the wounded heart takes place when we bring the hurt, anger, resentment and need for justice to our Sovereign Lord in prayer – a prayer that may need to be repeated several times. In this bold act of faith, we demonstrate our trust in God’s promise to bring divine justice to bear according to His timeframe. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord. Romans 12:19 For the Lord will vindicate his people and have compassion on his servants. Psalm 135:14
Again, Jesus is our model When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. 1 Peter 2:23
In this sense, we relinquish our right to “get even” with the offender; or even refuse to rejoice in the suffering that may come his/her way. Summary God is willing and able to bring supernatural healing to our injured hearts when: • • • •
We accept the fact that, in this life, we may never get what we so badly need or want in terms of justice or relational reconciliation. We begin to cultivate a heart of forgiveness (a willingness to forgive) toward the offender through God’s gracious work in our lives. We make every effort to seek reconciliation in the same Spirit with which God reaches out to an antagonistic world in His offer of salvation and reconciliation. We, in a prayer of faith, “yield up” or “send forth” both the offender and the specific offense to God’s throne of grace – entrusting all the circumstances to Him.