Sermon Date: Feb. 27, 2011
Sermon Title: Burning Grudges
Sermon Text: Matt. 6:12, Eccl. 7:9, Eph 4:19, Luke 15:11-31
Small Group Text: Matt. 18:15-19, Luke 15:11-32 Here’s a question most people have to face at some point: “How do I forgive and get on with my life?” This becomes especially important for the church when encountering conflicts within the body of Christ. If any people are to get this right, certainly Christfollowers must set the example for a watching world. And yet often, offenses lie hidden in the soul as unfinished business only to resurface later, wreaking emotional havoc all over again. What are we to do, then, with the residual effects of wounds inflicted upon us? God does not leave us without answers to this common dilemma. Let’s see what the Scriptures have to say about dealing with the emotional, psychological and spiritual impact of harm and pain brought on by fellow-believers. One thing is absolutely clear: The Bible teaches that Christians have the privilege and even the obligation of granting forgiveness to those who have wronged us. For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. [15] But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. Matthew 6:14-15
This and a few similar Biblical passages seem to indicate that Christians are to forgive all offenses in every case. But what exactly is the point of forgiveness and what is the process? For the sake of all the wounded souls throughout Christendom – we need to get this right. Conditions of Forgiveness It may be surprising to note that the purpose of Biblical forgiveness is not primarily therapeutic, i.e., to make the offended party feel better. Nor does the Bible teach that we are to forgive simply for the sake of the virtue itself. Throughout the Old and New Testaments, forgiveness is generally purposed toward reconciliation and the restoration of relationships. Here’s the point: by definition, reconciliation necessitates the participation of both the offended and offending parties. In other words, reconciliation cannot take place until both offended and offending parties are engaged in the process. Take one of them out of the equation, and there can be no reconciliation. Thus, in certain scenarios where one party refuses to be reconciled, the act of forgiveness falls to the ground as the relationship gap remains unresolved. What then? We, who are being formed into the likeness of Jesus Christ (Romans 8:29, 1 Corinthians 15:49), can learn much by observing how Jesus solved this dilemma. And our acts of "forgiveness" should parallel God’s pattern in both scenarios: 1) when reconciliation is possible; and 2) when reconciliation is impossible. That we are to follow God’s pattern of forgiveness is evident from Scripture: Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Ephes. 4:32 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Col. 3:13
Such passages beg the question: how does God, in Christ, forgive? What is this pattern we are to follow?
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Using parables, pointed statements, and his own life-example, Jesus left us specific instructions for restoring broken relationships within the community of believers. His teaching on the subject is couched in transactional terms necessitating a desire for reconciliation by both the offending and offended parties. In short, restoration of relationships requires: 1. A heart of repentance (a willingness to confess and ask forgiveness) on the part of the offending party 2. A heart of forgiveness (a willingness to forgive) on the part of the offended party The necessity of a heart of repentance (a willingness to confess and ask forgiveness) Read Matthew 18:15-17, 21-35; Luke 17:3-4; 1 John 1:9; (from the Old Testament: 2 Chronicles 7:14)
Note especially that the “if/then” contingencies are at the very core of reconciliation. If repentance and the acknowledgement of a transgression (sin or debt) is forthcoming, then forgiveness must also be forthcoming. In the end, the lack of repentance on the part of the wrong-doer precludes forgiveness and ultimately the possibility of reconciliation (Matthew 18:17). Christ’s teaching is in keeping with God’s disposition toward all humanity. The message of the gospel is that God desires to be reconciled to a fallen, sinful people. He is willing – even longing – to forgive any repentant sinner. But not even God can forgive the unrepentant offender. Failure to acknowledge one’s transgressions before God rules out any hope of experiencing His forgiveness and the joy of a relationship restored or the peace of being reconciled to God. Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 2 Cor. 7:10 Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance? [5] But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. Romans 2:4-5
The necessity of a heart of forgiveness (a willingness to forgive) What should be the believer’s Christ-like response when offended? This is probably the most significant point of Jesus’ teaching. Whether or not the offending party ever confesses the wrong, repents of the transgression or desires reconciliation, the offended believer is compelled by Christ to cultivate a heart of forgiveness toward the offender. In other words, the Christian is to always develop a heart that is willing to extend forgiveness toward the wrong-doer. In this way, believers become imitators of God (Ephesians 5:1-2). But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8 "All day long I have held out my hands to a disobedient and obstinate people." Romans 10:21 He (God) is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. 2 Peter 3:9
From this gracious disposition of the heart, Jesus commands us to at least attempt to be reconciled to the brother or sister who has offended us. So watch yourselves! "If a believer sins, correct him. If he changes the way he thinks and acts, forgive him. Luke 17:3 (GW)
More to the point, Jesus says: "If a believer does something wrong, go, confront him when the two of you are alone. If he listens to you, you have won back that believer. [16] But if he does not listen, take one or two others with you so that every accusation may be verified by two or three witnesses. [17] If he ignores these witnesses, tell it to the community of believers. If he also ignores the community, deal with him as you would a heathen or a tax collector. Matthew 18:15-17 (GW)
We, the offended party, are to actually take the initiative to be reconciled with the offending party. As the Apostle Paul instructs, If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Romans 12:18. It is our responsibility to take the initiative of seeking repentance and reconciliation to the point of making every reasonable effort to be restored to fellowship with the wrongdoer. But (and here’s the key point), after we have
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exhausted every effort – and without effect – we are morally free to abandon the initiative and in good conscience stand before God having fulfilled our responsibility in 1) cultivating a heart of forgiveness (a heart willing to forgive), and 2) seeking reconciliation with the injurious brother/sister. After this, there is only one thing remaining to do: We must, as does God, forever-and-always maintain a willingness to forgive so that, by God’s grace, were he/she to ever come to his/her spiritual senses and seek forgiveness, we would be ready, willing, and able to forgive and be reconciled. If the conditions of confession and repentance are fulfilled, there is no limitation to Christ's law of "forgiveness." Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Matthew 18:21-22
In summary, according to Jesus’ teaching, the process for reconciliation between conflicted believers is a two-sided transaction requiring: 1. A heart of repentance (a willingness to confess and ask forgiveness) on the part of the offending party 2. A heart of forgiveness (a willingness to forgive) on the part of the offended party 3. The desire by both the offended and offending believers to be reconciled and restored to a right relationship. Read Luke 15:11-31 Now read the story of the prodigal son in the context of Jesus’ teaching on reconciliation. Read carefully to notice each part of the transactional aspects of how a relationship is restored. Take special note to compare the father’s willingness to forgive with the elder brother’s resentment and grudge-bearing. Track through the story looking for: The great transgression of the younger son The younger son coming to his senses The father’s heart – always ready, willing and able to extend forgiveness The younger son’s offense confessed and his expressed desire for restoration The reconciliation and restoration of relationship between father and son The elder brother’s unforgiving heart (wounded and bearing a grudge) – closed off from the celebration of reconciliation.
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Reconciliation and the Restoration of Relationships Within the Body of Christ On the part of the offending party
On the part of the offended party
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A seeking forgiveness and reconciliation
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An acknowledgement and confession of the injustice (sin)
A seeking reconciliation and restored relationship
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An acknowledgement of the injustice (sin)
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An expression of remorse (a broken and contrite heart)
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A spirit of forgiveness (in Christ-like fashion) A desire (seeking after) for reconciliation
A spirit of repentance regarding the injustice (sin)
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A granting forgiveness and therefore pardon
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A willingness to compensate the injured party if possible
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No requirement of penalty or compensation
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Resolved to never use the forgiven offence up as a weapon
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