September 6, 2011

September 6, 2011 | VOL. XCIII ISS. I

We wrote a book and redesigned a paper and moved into a house, guys SINCE 1918

LEAVING HOME

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Student government gives executive pay hike after bailout referendum

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RAISE

After two crashes, over half of September’s U-Passes have been distributed P4

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$7500

THE MACHINE? P3

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THE UBYSSEY

HAVE YOU BEAT

Moving in day at Totem Park. P8

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What’s on 6

TUE

This week, may we suggest...

Our Campus

with a re-evaluation of policy and procedure.

“Way before my time, there was a death at UBC,” said Minster.

“There’s probably been a death at most facilities, but the major point is, how do we deal with it?

What changes do we put in place to make sure it doesn’t happen again?”

In Minster’s early years, a coworker found a woman convulsing in the sauna, having succumbed to heat stroke. Though the patron later recovered, the event prompted a new rule that requires all lifeguards to check secondary locations after rotating off deck.

“The chances of you hurting yourself [at the Aquatic Center] are minimal [and] the chances of killing yourself even less,” said Minster.

“But I’m here to make sure those chances are almost at zero.” U

FIRSTWEEK>>

Imagine Day: All day over the entire campus UBC likes to get that whole “school spirit” business out of the way ASAP. That’s why they created Imagine Day, which, as they will be reminding you til their faces turn blue, is “The Largest Student Orientation in North America.” Get ready to yell faculty chants you will never hear again and attend a really weird pep rally where Stephen Toope says some stuff about how great we are. You pretty much have to go to this.

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POOL >>

THU

LUNCH >>

Indoor/Outdoor Pool Party: 9-12 pm @ Aquatic Centre In which people go swimming in an Olympic sized pool after more than a few libations. This is ridiculously fun. Cost is five bucks without the Firstweek wristband.

BRIAN LUENG AND JOSH CURRAN/THE UBYSSEY

Sometimes Dan Minster (seen abov e) finds it easier to keep watch under water.

Making sure you don’t drown Ginny Monaco

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FRI

MUSIC >>

Welcome Back BBQ: 2-8pm @ MacInnes Field Dance your face off at the AMS’s free annual back-to-school concert. This year’s DJ-heavy lineup includes Porter Robinson, Kid Sister and Heroes.

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Buchanan Courtyard reopening celebrations: 12-1:30pm Arts students! At long last, the shackles of injustice have crumbled away! No longer must we trudge around a labyrinth of blue fencing to get anywhere in D Block. Nor shall we have to have our philosophical inquiry stymied by sounds of construction. The courtyard is complete and ready for the first wave of students.

MUSIC >> The Arkells: 8-12am @ the SUB Ballroom The Ontario-based rockers will play their “Springsteenesque” tunes on the top floor of the SUB with local band Yukon Blonde. $20 gets you in.

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Got an event you’d like to see on this page? Send your event and your best pitch to printeditor@ubyssey.ca.

THE UBYSSEY September 6, 2011, Volume XXXIII, Issue 1

EDITORIAL

BUSINESS

Coordinating Editor Justin McElroy

Video Editor David Marino

Business Manager Fernie Pereira

Ad Sales Alex Hoopes

coordinating@ubyssey.ca

video@ubyssey.ca

business@ubyssey.ca

advertising@ubyssey.ca

Managing Editor, Print Jonny Wakefield

Web Writer Andrew Bates

CONTACT

printeditor@ubyssey.ca

Managing Editor, Web Arshy Mann webeditor@ubyssey.ca

News Editors Kalyeena Makortoff & Micki Cowan news@ubyssey.ca

Art Director Geoff Lister

art@ubyssey.ca

Culture Editor Ginny Monaco

culture@ubyssey.ca

Senior Culture Writer Taylor Loren tloren@ubyssey.ca

Sports Editor Drake Fenton

sports@ubyssey.ca

Features Editor Brian Platt

features@ubyssey.ca

abates@ubyssey.ca

Graphics Assistant Indiana Joel ijoel@ubyssey.ca

Webmaster Jeff Blake

webmaster@ubyssey.ca

Interim Copy Editor Karina Palmitesta copy@ubyssey.ca

STAFF

Andrew Hood, Bryce Warnes, Catherine Guan, David Elop, Jon Chiang, Josh Curran, Will Macdonald, Tara Martellaro, Virginie Menard

Business Office: Room 23 Editorial Office: Room 24 Student Union Building 6138 Student Union Blvd Vancouver, BC V6T 1Z1 tel: 604.822.2301 web: www.ubyssey.ca feedback@ubyssey.ca

Print Advertising:

604.822.1654 Business Office:

604.822.6681

advertising@ubyssey.ca

LEGAL

The Ubyssey is the official student newspaper of the University of British Columbia. It is published every Monday and Thursday by The Ubyssey Publications Society. We are an autonomous, democratically run student organization, and all students are encouraged to participate.

Editorials are chosen and written by the Ubyssey staff. They are the expressed opinion of the staff, and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Ubyssey Publications Society or the University of British Columbia. All editorial content appearing in The Ubyssey is the property of The Ubyssey Publications Society. Stories, opinions, photographs and artwork contained herein cannot be reproduced without the expressed, written permission of The Ubyssey Publications Society.

The Ubyssey is a founding member of Canadian University Press (CUP) and adheres to CUP’s guiding principles.

Letters to the editor must be under 300 words. Please include your

phone number, student number and signature (not for publication) as well as your year and faculty with all submissions. ID will be checked when submissions are dropped off at the editorial office of The Ubyssey; otherwise verification will be done by phone.

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It is agreed by all persons placing display or classified advertising that if the Ubyssey Publications Society fails to publish an advertisement or if an error in the ad occurs the liability of the UPS will not be greater than the price paid for the ad. The UPS shall not be responsible for slight changes or typographical errors that do not lessen the value or the impact of the ad.

One on one with the people who make UBC

Culture Editor

When talking to Dan Minster, head lifeguard at the UBC Aquatic Centre one gets the impression that lifeguarding isn’t so much a job you do, but a part of who you are.

“It’s hard to turn off the lifeguard switch,” he laughed. “It’s a mental state.

“I know people who will be at a mall and start telling kids, ‘No running on deck!’ before they stop and realize, ‘Oh. You’re not on deck. You’re in a mall.”

Minster began working at the UBCAC in 2004. He left competitive swimming at 17 and in the summer after high school graduation he completed a laundry list of courses—CPR, National Life Guard Service, Water Safety Instructor—to set up his training.

But Minster’s days are a little drier now after being promoted to head lifeguard two years ago. “It’s different to be in a management role. I’m more of a suit…The UBC Aquatic Centre is a handful.”

Incidents at the AC are few and far between and they often come

Dan Minster Occupation Head lifeguard at the Aquatic Centre Age 24 Area of study Biopsychology Why a boring day at the pool is a good thing: “It’s kind of boring. The moment I’m around, things don’t happen.

Maybe I just get lucky.”

Craziest after-hours stunt: “I’ve actually caught people scuba diving [in the outdoor pool].”

News

09.06.2011 |

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Editors: Kalyeena Makortoff & Micki Cowan

HOUSING >>

Lofty prices at new Ponderosa Housing Hub unreachable for students Tim Chow Contributor

Students will have another UBC housing option come September 2013, but while the Ponderosa Housing Hub will add 1100 student beds to campus, the rental prices might be too high for students on a tight budget.

“The cost of living in this facility puts it out of reach of many UBC students,” said AMS Arts rep Kyle Warwick, who took issue with the high prices at the July AMS Council meeting.

Current projected rental rates are $900 per month for single unit studios, $845 each for two bedroom units and $745 each month for four bedroom units.

“UBC’s Housing and Hospitality Services should be able to provide a better rate for student housing, “ Warwick added. “If this was necessary for UBC Housing and Hospitality Services to break even, I would understand this cost, because this organization is mandated to not lose money. [But] this organization actually contributes a substantial surplus to UBC each year.”

In the combined budgets for UBC Vancouver and UBC Okanagan, Student Housing & Hospitality Services (SHHS) had a surplus of over $16 million in 2009-10 and over $19 million in 2010-2011.

However, SHHS said while they recognize students’ financial perils, students who can’t afford the housing have other options.

“It’s always a concern that some students report that they cannot afford the type of accommodation offered through UBC, especially as SHHS residential rates are established at or below market rental

rates,” said Brian Heathcote, UBC’s chief financial officer for housing and conferences.

“There are many types of residential accommodation offered through SHHS, most with lower rental rates than this new development,” he said.

“Please keep in mind that SHHS is once again full this September, including units with similar rental pricing rates as is contemplated in the Ponderosa development.”

Matt Parson, VP Academic and University Affairs, said that UBC is keeping to low standard rental rates. “UBC Housing aims to provide

TRANSIT >>

AMS POLITICS >>

AMS Council hikes exec pay post-referendum Micki Cowan News Editor

Months after the AMS asked students for more money, they’ve given their executives an early pay raise— and the process has created some controversy.

At the August 31 meeting, Council approved a motion that will give the five executives a possible pro-rated raise of $7500 each, with $5000 conditional on whether Council feels the executives completed their job.

In order to make the increase apply to the current executive, the AMS suspended their own code of procedures, which are the rules that Council sets out for itself.

The executive wage increases came after the provincial government increased the minimum wage, forcing the AMS to give wage increases throughout all levels of the organization.

Hans Seidemann, an engineering councillor, was one of only three Council members to vote “no” on the pay raise.

“I don’t think [the referendum] would have passed if students had been told upfront that this pay increase would go through,” he said.

During the last March’s fee referendum, a campaign encouraging students to vote “no” made the accusation that the referendum was a money grab for executive pay increases. This was denied by both the yes campaign and AMS executives.

“This isn’t the time to make those pay increases considering we just came out of a referendum,” said Seidemann. “The optics are terrible.”

Seidemann said that he believes that the executives deserve a pay increase, but that instituting one in the middle of their term sets a bad precedent.

“The real issue is we’re violating a fundamental principle of how we operate as a society. On moral grounds I have an objection.”

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December 2010: VP Finance Elin March 2011: The fee referendum Tayyar gives a fiscal update to passes with 52.2% of students in council that projects a $141,000 favour. deficit, despite spending cuts of April 2010: VP Finance Elin $200,000.

August 2011: Council Tayyar pegs the structural votes to raise execudeficit at $327,000 and tive salaries by a tells AMS Council that at total of $32,500, the current rate, they February 2011: The AMS anhave 1.87 years before nounces a referendum to raise April 2011: After bankruptcy. fees will be held in March. VP the BC government Finance Elin Tayyar tells The announces a minimum wage Ubyssey that “I’m a little bit worincrease, a motion to raise the ried that students don’t realize salaries of AMS employees is that if [the referendum] doesn’t brought to council. The proposal pass, we will see cuts of hundreds includes an immediate pay raise July 2009: VP Finance Tom of thousands of dollars.”

Dvorak tells AMS Council that for executives. The executive pay they need to consider raising sturaise is postponed. dent fees to alleviate a $250,000 structural deficit.

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A West Vancouver man convicted of manslaughter will be returning to UBC’s law school this September after spending two years in prison.

Sasan Asari was convicted of the killing of Josh Goos, who he admitted to stabbing over 30 times outside of the Hollyburn Country Club in 2006.

Ansari is entering the third year of his law degree.

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TIMELINE BY BRIAN PLATT

A timeline leading up to the controversial executive pay raise.

AMS President Jeremy McElroy discussed the timing of the pay raise.

“In a roundabout way I recognize that it doesn’t necessarily mesh with what happened pre-referendum, but everything changed...it was driven by the [provincial] minimum wage legislation [on March 15] and really rethinking how compensation works in the AMS.” Chair of the Legislative Procedures Committee, Kyle Warwick, who motivated the increase, argued that it would bring the salaries more in line with those of other student unions.

But during the meeting, questions arose over the legality of the motion.

Normally, the AMS code of procedures requires that any change in the remuneration of the executive members, including changes in benefits, “shall take effect at the time of the Annual General Meeting.”

Council voted in April to suspend that code when the review process of the executive wages began. Due to that suspension, Council decided that the $7500 pay increase per member would take effect immediately for the present executives rather than at the AGM in February.

However, during the debate that led up to the wage hike, the AMS archivist Sheldon Goldfarb pointed out that the section of code stated “...suspension shall only be in effect for the duration of the meeting at which it is made unless Council, by two-thirds resolution, sets some other fixed period of time for the suspension.”

Council’s interim speaker Michael Begg, who was overseeing his first meeting before a permanent speaker is hired, ruled that “the Code suspension of April 6

only made sense if it applied for the rest of the year” and thus it was still in effect.

While the methods that were used to attain the pay raise were not in line with code, Kyle Warwick, chair of the Legislative Procedures Committee, said the conditional $5000 is intended to promote accountability of executives in the future—it’s only awarded if Council deems the executive fulfilled elements laid out in their business plan at the beginning of their term.

“Any accountability is good on the executive,” said VP External Katherine Tyson.

“If you go back on the record, I’ve been someone who has been calling out for executive accountability for a while. Those sort of metrics will be well played out in the AMS for years to come.” U

lives and does not discriminate against students simply because they have criminal records,” James Ridge, associate VP for enrollment, said to CTV.

Mary Kitagawa, a member of the Greater Vancouver JapaneseCanadian Citizens Association, petitioned UBC to grant those students honourary degrees two years ago.

UBC denies requests for Japanese honourary degrees

“Universities along the west coast of America have granted honourary degrees to Japanese-American students who were expelled, and the same should be done for Japanese-Canadians who went to UBC,” Kitagawa said.

AMS fee subsidy. As part of the March 2011 AMS referendum, three per cent of collected AMS fees will be put towards successful applicants’ fee costs.

Subsidies for U-Pass and SUB renewal fees have been available since 2003 and 2008, respectively.

This year, the application for subsidies will be streamlined and include all three.

For those who qualify, said AMS President Jeremy McElroy, “students will get back all of their AMS core fees and other AMS fees, excluding the opt-outable ones.” U

“The university generally does not investigate or assess its students’ personal

Sally Thorne, chair of the UBC Senate Tributes Committee, said that UBC will not be granting honourary degrees to the Japanese UBC students who were denied the chance to complete their university education following the declaration of war on Japan during the Second World War.

AMS fee struggling students Students facing financial hardship will soon be able to apply for an

U-Pass distribution off to shaky but successful start

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News briefs Student returns to UBC law school after serving time for manslaughter charge

housing below market value, but how do we define the market? If the benchmark we are holding ourselves to is the Kitsilano to Point Grey area, even 5 to 15 per cent below market value is quite high.”

“Under student financial aid, the needs assessment for housing is set at $560 per month, which is quite difficult to find anywhere...The university along with AMS must address this issue,” he added.

However, Heathcote said that this is an issue to be taken up with the government, not with the university. U

JOSH CURRAN PHOTO/THE UBYSSEY

Andrew Bates Web Writer

While U-Pass dispensing machines have crashed twice since August 25, over 24,000 September passes have been issued.

However, organizers of UBC’s student transit program are confident the program will go off without a hitch for the first week of classes.

“There’s been a lot of attention on the distribution side of the program, and we’ve been extremely pleased with the results so far,” said Carole Jolly, UBC’s director of transportation services.

“The lineups tend to generate first thing in the morning, actually, before the Bookstore opens,” she said. “We’re able to quickly clear these lines ... and the machines themselves spit out the passes in about one to two seconds.”

“The feedback I’ve been getting from the majority of students is that the lineup has not been long,” said Jeremy McElroy, AMS president.

The two biggest problems were incidents on Tuesday and Thursday, when U-Pass machines were down from one to two and a half hours. According to Jolly, there was a database problem. This broke down communication between the Enrolment Services department and the dispensers.

However, when the machines were down, staff distributed the passes by hand. “We don’t anticipate these database issues to come up again, they’ve been resolved and addressed,” she said. “It has nothing to do with stress or volume.”

McElroy is hopeful the glitches will subside. “In seven days, we’ve already got half the passes out,” he said. “Come September 16, when October passes will be valid and everyone’s already going to be on campus, I think that congestion during those two weeks is going to be even less than what we’re experiencing now.” U

4 | News | 09.06.2011

Textbook rentals a cheaper alternative

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George Li Contributor

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For students who have spent thousands of dollars on tuition for their classes, the idea of dishing out more money for textbooks can be frustrating.

However, students have other options. Last year, the UBC Bookstore started offering textbook rentals at 55 per cent off the original cost.

And a new option from Amazon’s Kindle, which boasts savings of 80 per cent over traditional textbooks, could lessen the financial drain on students.

“Rental books are a very cost effective option for students. We know that they have limited budgets or want to spend money on other aspects of life at university,” said Rebecca Irani, a UBC Bookstore representative. She said that the rental program was implemented after seeing the success of similar programs in US colleges.

To see which is the most costeffective option, we’ve compared the prices of some typical first-year textbooks from both the Amazon website and the UBC bookstore.

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Textbook Amazon UBC Psychology 1st Canadian Edition

$130.45 new $97.85 used $58.70 rental

$119.63

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Biology Science for Life with Physiology

$159.20 new $119.40 used Rental: NA

$115.71

Summer headlines: what you missed

Stanley Park

O

ver the summer, students tend to go their separate ways and generally forget about UBC for a few months.

The Ubyssey had regular online news updates throughout the summer, but in case you haven’t been paying attention, we’ve put together the summer’s top headlines to bring you up to speed.

1. UBC says no to the NCAA In an April press conference, UBC President Stephen Toope informed the media that the university would not apply for membership with the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA), the US-based athletic behemoth that UBC Athletics had long coveted to join.

The decision meant that UBC will stay part of Canadian Interuniversity Sport (CIS), where they will continue to advocate for larger scholarships and a tiered conference structure.

“As we look ahead, UBC will continue to work with the CIS to ensure that students and student athletes across Canada are provided with the best opportunities for competition and development,” said Toope at the time.

2. Christy Clark wins provincial by-election Christy Clark won a May byelection for the BC Liberals in

Vancouver-Point Grey—the riding which includes UBC campus.

Clark took the win with 7371 votes, closely followed by NDP candidate David Eby at 6776 votes. Other party representatives were far behind, at 511 votes for the Greens and 369 for BC First.

The by-election was held after former premier Gordon Campbell stepped down in November 2010.

The by-election solidified Clark’s place as BC’s new premier.

3. Koerner’s Pub closed for the summer, remains closed in September In May, the Graduate Student Society (GSS) voted to close Koerner’s Pub and Catering for the summer with no scheduled reopening date.

GSS President Andrew Patterson and VP Administration Paul Save cited mounting financial losses for forcing the pub’s closure.

Koerner’s and GSS Catering lost $152,148 in 2010 and was projected to lose $175,000 this year.

“We felt that council had to move on it very quickly to recognize the problem and essentially stop the bleeding,” said Patterson.

Despite pledging in May that they intended to reopen the pub in September, GSS VP External Jamie Paris said that there is still no set date to do so. The GSS is currently negotiating with third

parties who could help run the pub and share the financial risk.

“These third parties would be outside businesses, and the GSS would hope that they would take on all of the liability of the pub, and would allow us to consult with them to make sure that the pub keeps its current look and feel.”

4. Petition botches UBC Bookstore re-name The UBC Bookstore was set to be renamed “UBC Central” in August, but plans were pushed back due to negative feedback from the UBC community, which included an online petition.

“We are postponing the name change to collect more input from our customers and the UBC community at large,” said Rebecca Irani, communications manager for the UBC Bookstore.

Kim Snowden, a women’s and gender studies professor, began circulating an online petition against the name change as soon as she received the campus-wide email notification in July.

“Books in their basic format symbolize learning, desire for knowledge,” said Snowden. “If we take away the name ‘bookstore,’ we dissociate ourselves from the fact that this is a part of what we do. Renaming it alienates from us that idea, from book culture and I think that is really crucial for a university campus.”

Days later, the petition had received over 750 signatures.

“They haven’t been willing to look to the future and try to understand that the Bookstore is still going to be a wonderful place to get books,” said Debbie Harvie, managing director of University and Community Services at UBC, said in response to the negative reaction.

“But we’re also a place that has a lot of other services and products.”

$15.95

Principles of Microeconomics

$94.41

—Compiled by Micki Cowan

$93.10 new $69.85 used $41.90 rental Anil’s Ghost

$10.20

5. University opts out of Access Copyright In a broadcast email sent out by UBC in August, the university announced they would be opting out of Access Copyright (AC), a Canadian licensing organization that facilitates compensation from universities to publishers.

The university stated they found AC’s increased cost, as well as the mandatory surveillance of their faculty, staff and students’ copying activities, to be unacceptable.

Opting out means that members of the university will need to ensure that they stay within copyright laws or risk a legal battle.

For some copyrighted materials, permission must be granted directly from the author of the work every time it is used. U

$21.00 new $15.75 used Rental: NA

$21.00 $15.75 Rental: NA

Total: $355.90 if the students buy new textbooks from Amazon. $424.75 if the students buy them new at UBC Bookstore. $318.60 for used books at UBC. $251.50 if the students take advantage of both used books and UBC rental program.

When asked about future plans for UBC Bookstore services, Irani said that in 2012 the UBC Bookstore will compare prices of major competitors and make the information available online. U

6 | Advertisement | 09.06.2011

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COME BY THE UBYSSEY OFFICE

SUB 24, FOLLOW THE SIGNS

Culture

09.06.2011 |

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Editor: Ginny Monaco

LOCAL MUSIC >>

Mixing it up with Felix Cartal

KARHTON/FLICKR

Rebekah Ho Contributor

NICOLE KIBERT/FLICKR

Critically-acclaimed Yukon Blonde take the stage in the SUB Ballroom as part of AMS Firstweek.

MUSIC >>

Yukon Blonde rock UBC, one beard at a time

Catherine Guan Contributor

For the Vancouver-based quartet Yukon Blonde, the most forbidding frontier hasn’t been their Klondike namesake. Instead, the criticallyacclaimed rockers feel that their lush harmonies and luscious beards have yet to conquer the hometown crowd.

“I felt like [Vancouver] is our last city,” said guitarist Brandon Scott.

Yukon Blonde hope to complete their conquest at AMS Firstweek, where they will be playing with the Arkells on September 10 in the SUB Ballroom.

Scott, along with vocalist Jeff Innes, bassist John Jeffery and

drummer Graham Jones, are coming off a banner year. Earning critical nods from Polaris and WCMA with their self-titled debut LP, the gold-hued sound of Yukon Blonde does away with affectations. Their finely-wrought hooks and openarmed harmonizing have won over audiences wherever their van pulled off the highway.

While their sound may take nostalgic dips, Yukon Blonde isn’t at all reluctant to reinvent. The band’s previous incarnation was the Kelowna five-piece Alphababy.

According to Scott, “We wanted a whole new band name, whole new songs, scrapped all the Alphababy songs.” The current Yukon Blonde lineup was cemented with the

addition of drummer Jones.

In a non-stop tour over the last year and a half, Yukon Blonde has dashed across North America and Europe. It hasn’t been easy. Scott recalled their first tour in Quebec: “It was really cold and we ended up camping out on the side of a lake and sleeping in the van...I remember feeling a little insane that night, for sure.”

But for every low, there was a more rewarding high. Remembering their European tour last year, the guitarist said, “I never thought we would be touring Europe, you know, and that was always our goal.”

Fans have found ways to show their appreciation for the band.

While in Denver, a man who really

liked their “Wind Blows” video used it as the basis to make personalized scarves for the whole band.

Yukon Blonde was back in the studio over the past months, recording 14 new tracks. Four of these will be released this month in the EP Fire//Water and the rest will be on their sophomore album, to be released next year.

“It’s really nice to have fresh material to hit the road with again,” said Scott.

Before embarking on their North American tour, Yukon Blonde and their beards must brave the harsh terrain of UBC. Scott isn’t daunted.

“We can get the party guy out in anyone...and I’ve always encouraged crowd surfing.” U

This Week COMMUNITY>>

Farmade hopes to build on last year’s success John Hayes Contributor

While UBC is abuzz with the return of its students, some may hope to get more from the usual array of Pit nights, froshes and frat party hopping.

Luckily, UBC Farm’s annual celebration known as Farmade will be taking place this Friday, September 16 from 3-8pm.

“FarmAde is held to let more people, particularly first-years, know about the academic and community opportunities available to them at the Farm,” said Anelyse Weiler, communications coordinator at UBC Farm.

With East Van craft beers, grassfed beef and vegan-friendly burgers, there will be plenty of ways to celebrate the arrival of a new school year and support the cultural grassroots of UBC and Vancouver.

Attendees will also get a glimpse into a day in the life of the Farm, as the weekly Friday harvest will be happening throughout the event.

“It’s pretty unique to be able to

come out to a farm in the middle of the city, and especially to celebrate during the back-to-school season,” said Weiler.

“The goal is to celebrate the Farm and draw people out who wouldn’t necessarily come out otherwise.”

There will also be a free bicycle valet and shuttle bus service to encourage environmentally sound transportation options. Proceeds from FarmAde will support the UBC Farm’s general sustainability programming and operations. U THEATRE >>

Breaking funny bones since 1999 David Chen Contributor

UBC Improv co-president Michael DeMaria found his niche the way many students do: through aimless wandering during Clubs Days.

“It’s an amazing community to be a part of and that more than anything is why people should be interested,” he said.

On their website, UBC Improv describe themselves as “breaking funny bones on campus since 1999.”

But more than just a bunch of likeminded students with a passion for

MICHAEL THIBAULT/THE UBYSSEY

The drinks at FarmAde will be flowing during AMS Firstweek, making it worth the walk.

making people laugh, the club has become a stepping stone for its players and alumni.

Besides appearing in regular bimonthly shows that UBC Improv hosts at the Neville Scarfe building, they can also be spotted at numerous on and off campus events throughout the year. In November, they will become the first Canadian university team to compete at the College Improv Tournament in Seattle. U For more on UBC Improv, visit their website at ubcimprov.com or follow them on Twitter @UBCimprov.

Firstweek?

For students that want to see the group in action, UBC Improv has a series of events lined up in conjunction with AMS Firstweek.

Totem Ballroom: Tuesday, September 6, 8pm Vanier: Wednesday, September 7, 8pm Izzy Mac Ballroom in Gage Towers: Thursday, September 8, 8pm

Felix Cartal is a pretty ordinary guy.

He listens to The Beatles, has a passion for sushi and spends his weekends DJing shows around the world.

So, maybe not entirely ordinary.

The former UBC English student—now a popular DJ—will be performing with JFK as part of AMS Firstweek at the Pit Pub. Cartal has mixed feelings about returning to his old Point Grey campus.

“I’m excited, of course, to go there again,” said Cartal, “but there’s a bit of weird nostalgia too.

But not in a bad way.”

The Vancouver native first made his mark in the electronic world during a school exchange in Glasgow, when tracks he posted online garnered positive reactions.

People were intrigued by the aggressive nature of his electronic mixes.

“I played in punk bands growing up,” said Cartal. “I think the dance music I make has a certain aggressiveness to it that maybe comes through from my punk days.”

Cartal also takes inspiration from his fellow DJs. “Whenever they send me music, I’m inspired to work harder and be better,” says Cartal.

“It’s like this camaraderie, and not a competition, but you always want to be one step ahead of them.”

Alongside his travels, which have taken him to Europe and back, Cartal is also working on his second album which, he said, has “a lot more pop influences, catchier, more sing-a-long songs that everyone will hum after the show.”

Cartal’s performance at AMS Firstweek will be his first time back on campus since Block Party earlier this year.

“Block Party was really fun, but it was a lot bigger,” says Cartal.

“This time it’s going to be, you know, sweaty in the Pit. “I remember the Pit from my days. It’s kind of grungy. But it’ll be fun with JFK and MSTRKRFT. It’ll be a good party.”

Felix Cartal and JFK of MSTRKRFT play the Pit Pub on September 8. Tickets are $20 at the Outpost and www.northerntickets. com. 19+.

MOVING IN

8 | Centre | 09.06.2011

Photos by Josh Curran Justin Mcelroy coordinating@ubyssey.ca

The rite of moving into university residence is both universal and endlessly repetitive. Cars move in, students pour into their new homes, parents fill out forms, bags are unpacked and cars move out.

Of course, within this assembly line are thousands of teenagers gaining freedom. And almost all of them couldn’t be happier.

“I’m excited about everything, really,” said Justin Li, a Science student from Maple Ridge who moved into Haida House on Saturday. “I’m going to Costco soon though. I forgot a router, my toothbrush. Basic stuff.”

On the other side of the transfer are parents.

“Emotional day for mom today,” said Joanne Turner, a White Rock mother seeing off her daughter at Totem. “I hope she meets a lot of people. We’ve taught her enough, she’s going to do great. I’m very proud of her.”

A university is a place for the young and inquisitive. But in the most important ways, move-in day belongs to parents.

–With files from Josh Curran

09.06.2011 | Centre | 9

Sports

09.06.2011 |

10

Editor: Drake Fenton

GEOFF LISTER PHOTO/ THE UBYSSEY

UBC goalkeeper denies a corner kick in an exhibition match against ICST Pegasus last Thursday.

National championship in sight for men’s and women’s soccer teams

By Colin Chia Men’s program looking to take the final step The UBC Thunderbirds men’s soccer team came within one goal of the Canadian Interuniversity Sport (CIS) national championship last season.

Though the team lost 1-0 to York University in the final, it was still a successful year for the team. They were the Canada West champions, head coach Mike Mosher was named coach of the year by the BC Soccer Association and three players were selected to play for Canada at the Universiade Games in China.

The team’s success last season is far from surprising. The program has a well-established winning culture and since 1974 they have won a CIS record 11 national titles.

“The goal for this program is to always be at the top,” said Mosher.

“We consistently have a team that we feel in any given year can be in the fight for the national championship and maybe even more so this year.”

Last season, first-year players like midfielder Gagandeep Dosanjh played well in the team’s charge to the CIS final. Mosher expects more of the same from his younger players this year, pointing out that they already have a bevy of experience playing soccer at a high level.

“We’re really fortunate to have had a good relationship with the Whitecaps in the past to attract these kinds of players,” he said.

The Whitecaps residency program is a big reason that the

Thunderbirds benefit from a great wealth of high-level talent. Eight players on the roster, including Dosanjh, are listed as having come to UBC from the Whitecaps and competition to be in the starting lineup is intense.

“It’s a good problem to have as a coach…but we’ve got to maximize what we’ve got and take nothing for granted,” said Mosher. “We have a lot of weapons going forward and we score a lot of goals, but we need to be strong defensively.”

Centre-back Jason Gill, the team’s captain who spent the summer with the Canadian Universiade team, will need to be the team’s defensive rock this season. Right-back Matt Allard and attacking midfielder Tyson Keam are other senior players who Mosher thinks will be important for the team.

“There’s a real desire, for those three in particular, to go out as winners this year.”

It’s definitely a motivation for Gill. “In my first year I was privileged to come away with a national championship; ending off my UBC career by winning, that would be phenomenal,” he said.

Qualifying for the CIS national championships will be even harder this year because the University of Victoria is hosting the championship and will be granted an automatic berth, leaving only one other available spot from the Canada West division. Mosher said that UBC faces a tough fight for that open spot, pointing to the University of Saskatchewan,

University of the Fraser Valley and University of Alberta as being particularly strong threats.

And if there’s one match that fans should be excited for, Mosher said the home opener against UVic, a match-up between two of the best varsity teams in the country, will be a “cracker” of a match and one worth watching.

Gill couldn’t agree more.

“That for sure will be one of the tougher games. We know that first game will come a long way for rankings at the end of the season.

It’ll be a big one for us,” he said.

The two teams kick off September 9, at 7:15pm at Thunderbird Park.

In particular, two former BC team goalkeepers have been brought in who Rogers feels can address some of the team’s weaknesses. One of them, Ally Williamson, was also in the Vancouver Whitecaps residency program.

Though the team qualified for nationals last season, they were

Women’s program priming new recruits For any university sports program, dealing with departing players and breaking in new recruits is a major hurdle. It’s a particular challenge for the Thunderbirds women’s soccer team this season, as they will have 11 new players joining their roster in a bid to improve on their second place finish in the Canada West last year.

Second-year head coach Mark Rogers isn’t daunted by the amount of new recruits, and expects the new crop to make an immediate impact.

“The players coming in are of a very high quality... all of them are doing really well, and they all have a chance to contribute right out of the gate,” he said.

eliminated from medal contention in the first round with a 1-0 loss to Wilfrid Laurier University.

For Rogers, only time will tell if a benchmark for success was established last season.

“To come in the top five in my first season was relatively satisfying, but the goal here is always to win,” he said.

There is little disparity in the ten-team Canada West and there is

no university on the ‘Birds schedule that Rogers expects to be an easy game.

“With every team, it’s really tight every game,” he said. “It really will come down to the odd game and hopefully in those big games you can come out with the result.”

This summer UBC participated in the Pacific Coast Soccer League (PCSL). Playing in the premier division, they won the league and the cup final. More importantly for Rogers, it allowed the T-Birds to get together and gel months earlier than usual.

“It was an opportunity to get some games with all these new players coming in. I’m very positive and hopeful that it will be a positive influence on the group as we go into the season,” he said.

That experience in the PCSL was good for team bonding, said team captain Kelly Cook, and especially helpful for preparing for those crucial games that could eventually define the team’s season.

“That will definitely push us through those challenges because we’re already so close,” she said, adding that with a host of newcomers this season, leadership from the senior players will be an integral component of the team’s ability to succeed.

UBC opens their season by travelling to Langley to play against Trinity Western on September 10. Their first home game will be September 16 against Regina at Thunderbird Park. U

09.06.2011 | Sports

Scheduling sidelines Shrum Bowl Due to time conflict, annual cross-town rivalry between SFU-UBC put on hold Andrew Bates

UBC beats Regina 21-10 in first game upset Drake Fenton

Senior Web Writer

The cancellation of this year’s Shrum Bowl has sent a wave of disappointment through the UBC Thunderbirds football team.

“I’m disappointed, it’s a real shame our schedules don’t work out,” said Serge Kaminsky, a defensive end for UBC. “I love playing against SFU. I think it’s the biggest rivalry we got here.”

The future of the annual match, first played in 1967, has been up in the air since cross-town rivals SFU moved from the Canadian Interuniversity Sport (CIS), where UBC plays, to the second division National Collegiate Athletics Association (NCAA), the American organization for university sports.

Last year, the game was staged as an exhibition, but last week UBC Athletics confirmed the game will not be played this year.

“It’s got a lot of tradition,” said Shawn Olson, coach of the Thunderbirds football team. “It hasn’t been played every year since its inception, though, just because of scheduling issues, and that’s sort of what we’re running into at this stage.”

The only bye week for UBC is Thanksgiving, which is the same for all universities in the six-team Canada West conference for the forseeable future. However, SFU had a regular season game booked for that weekend, and football teams are reluctant to play two games in the same week.

“They used to do it, but it’s tough,” said Billy Greene, UBC’s quarterback. “You play Tuesday night, and you play Saturday afternoon, so you only really get Wednesday, Thursday to practice for a new team. It’s doable, but it’s not ideal.”

SFU’s coach, Dave Johnson, also expressed regret that the match was called off. “I understand that there are some challenges to make both schedules mesh, but flipflopping from one year to the next is not fair to the tradition of this event or to the local football community,” he said.

“I believe that both schools should be invested in making this game happen,” Johnson said.

“UBC decided to take a trip to San Francisco to play a pre-season game on a date that we had open.”

But according to Olson, the preseason wasn’t a workable option.

“We could have that game replace what we did in Menlo last weekend, except in Menlo we treated it as an exhibition game,” he said, noting that they used lots of substitutes and spread around playing time. “The Shrum Bowl is not the kind of game we would want to approach that way.”

| 11

Sports Editor

On Friday night at Mosaic Stadium in Regina, the UBC Thunderbirds upset the No. 6-ranked University of Regina Rams 21-10 in their first game of the season.

UBC quarterback Billy Greene completed 15 of 26 passes for 262 yards and 2 touchdowns without throwing an interception.

T-Bird head coach Shawn Olson said that Greene’s performance was the best he has seen from him thus far.

“He was accurately distributing the ball and made good decisions out there,” Olson said.

UBC came out of the gate flying, with Greene connecting with receiver Jordan Grieve for a 63-yard touchdown bomb on the fourth play of the game. On the ensuing Regina drive, quarterback Marc Mueller injured his shoulder on an eight-yard rush. He left the game and didn’t return.

Game notes

2304

The number of fans who watched UBC upset Regina at Mosaic Stadium.

35 27 2 290

The number of points Regina beat UBC by last year.

The number of minutes it took Regina to score.

The amount of minutes it took UBC to score.

Total number of yards compiled by quarterback Billy Greene.

GEOFF LISTER/THE UBYSSEY

The SFU Clan celebrate after winning last year’s Shrum Bowl, beating UBC 27-20.

In the 1980s, the match was seen as a way to establish a comparison between the two schools.

“Simon Fraser was playing in the NAIA (National Association of Intercollegiate Athletics) and it was like, ‘We’re playing in the US and we’re better than you,’” said Bob Philip, director of UBC Athletics.

“There were a couple years when Frank [Smith] was coaching [UBC] that they just hammered Simon Fraser.”

But according to Philip, the match lost some of its lustre in the 90s as it took a backseat to UBC’s Vanier Cup hopes, with UBC resting its starters some years. “I know there was one year, the fans at UBC

were yelling and screaming and our coaches finally put our starters in and we won the ugliest game ever 11-9,” Philip said. “It kind of got away.”

Current T-Birds remember the game fondly. “You know a lot of the guys. We all grew up playing in BC and a lot of the guys who come here and go there, we’ve played against each other,” said Greene. “I have friends on other teams, but I know like 50 guys on the SFU football team.”

“I’m kind of disappointed that we’re not having one. I want to get revenge,” Kaminsky said. “I’ve played in the past three myself, started two of them. Some of my best games were against SFU. I remember a bunch of sacks.”

Kelly Wanless, a fourth-year human kinetics student in the Blue Crew, UBC Athletics’ promotional street team, remembers attending the Shrum Bowl in her first year. “I was kind of disappointed, obviously, because I think it’s kind of a good thing for first-year students,” she said. “I thought it was a good way to establish a rivalry that we had with SFU, which is not too huge, but it kind of established that fun fan rivalry with them.”

Olson said the players will be able to deal with it. “They would like to play the game, but at the same time, they understand that that’s not our goal,” he said. “This is the big difference between UBC and SFU when

By the numbers

33

The amount of times the Shrum Bowl has been played.

2

The victory difference in the series. SFU leads with a 17-151 record.

2007 1983

The last year UBC won the Shrum Bowl.

The last year the Shrum Bowl was cancelled.

the Shrum Bowl’s on. Generally SFU will quite often point towards that game as their biggest game. UBC, we’re trying to win national championships, so the Shrum Bowl is another game on the schedule.”

Philip noted that possible options to hold the game next year include staging it in January, like an NCAA bowl game, or swapping bye matches with a CIS team to match up with SFU. The players hope that something can be worked out.

“I’m not going to be able to be a part of it,” Kaminsky said, “but I’ll be in the stands drinking it up and yelling at SFU for sure. It’s a good rivalry, something we gotta get back.” U

Entering the season, Mueller was widely considered one of the best quarterbacks in the country.

T-Bird running back Brandon Deschamps punched in a one-yard rush for a touchdown at the 11:36 minute mark of the second quarter to give UBC a 14-0 lead. The deficit proved too much for a Mueller-less Regina squad to overcome.

Olson was impressed with his team’s performance against the favoured Rams, but he wasn’t shocked that his team pulled off the upset.

“You never play games on paper, especially in week one,” he said. “It’s always a dogfight in the Canada West, it comes down to how you play on that given day and [Friday] we were a little bit better than they were.

“I was real proud of how our guys focused and I think they did a good job. The victory doesn’t mean we accomplished anything. We are going to enjoy the win [Friday night], and then get back to work [Saturday]. We have a tough opponent in Calgary next week and we will have to continue to get better and continue to play better.”

The defence, led by Serge Kaminsky’s seven total tackles and three sacks, was what Olson felt was his team’s best unit in the victory.

“Our defence was great. They did a great job of bending but not breaking and played the run really well,” he said. “That is a good offensive team, with or without Mueller, and I was really proud of how our defence played against them.” U

Answers in next issue

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Opinion

09.06.2011 |

14

Editor: Brian Platt

Why the AMS needs your righteous anger

School pride at UBC: you get one day

Editor’s Notebook Brian Platt

INDIANA JOEL ILLUSTRATION/THE UBYSSEY

The Last Word

Parting shots and snap judgments on today’s issues How the Barenaked Ladies killed rock & roll at UBC Block Party 2010 may have put the AMS in substantial deficit, but another long-term legacy of the Barenaked Ladies-fronted event is becoming clear: big concerts on this campus are dying.

The rock and roll dinosaurs behind “If I Had A Million Dollars” brought turnout at the event to a new low of 2900 and put the society $103,000 in the hole. In summer of 2010, the AMS budget committee determined that the event—which had once featured big-name acts like The Roots— needed to be pared down. And so last year, we saw smaller hip-hop and electronic acts like Rye Rye and Switch take the stage for Block Party.

And people showed up. The concert didn’t exactly break even, but it was successful enough that the money-strapped society didn’t cut the cord. The sunny weather certainly helped, but the DJ format—which cost far less than the $115,000 spent on talent for the 2010 show—seemed to be a solution. This year’s Welcome Back BBQ, headlined by Chicago rapper Kid Sister and 19-year-old house/ dubstep artist Porter Robinson, shows us what the AMS has learned since 2010: that people would rather dance with their fellow students than crowd surf over them.

Passing the buck on student housing prices For all of the excitement we had for more student housing on campus, jaw-drops followed the unveiling of rental prices at the soon-to-be-built Ponderosa Housing Hub. UBC’s Student Housing and Hospitality Services (SHHS) has said they are trying to maintain financial sustainability and that $750-900 a month for a student is at par or slightly below market prices. So the SHHS is providing the same level of service for students as condo developers in Point Grey. Fantastic!

Brian Heathcote, SHHS chief financial officer, said we should be cognizant of the fact that at the end of the day, all UBC housing is filled

for September. But filled rooms do not translate to consent or support of these prices. People pay because they have to—students have loans, or parents that are able to scrounge the cash to foot the bill.

The response from Managing Director Andrew Parr on behalf of SHHS was that the province should increase the housing allowance on student loans from $573. Passing the buck like this is easy, but won’t gain the respect or support of students struggling under post-secondary debt.

Campus planning behind closed doors One thing you might notice in these pages is that we focus on development a fair bit. That’s because this campus is building all the time.

And while university is the developer, owner and regulator of the land, they often put student concerns low on their list of priorities.

We feel this is a problem.

Which brings us to Campus and Community Planning (CCP).

They’re the group that oversees the planning stages of development, and currently they’re deciding what to do with “Gage South,” the area around the bus loop and MacInnis Field. It’s vital that it remain student-centred. However, CCP has decided to make their meetings completely private before they put it forward to public consultation.

We understand that private discussions are essential in the planning process—but that’s what going “in camera” is for.

Given that CCP has perhaps the worst reputation on campus for actually listening to what students think, shutting the public out of all planning meetings seems like poor optics at best—and blatant disregard for student interest at worst.

A cancelled Shrum Bowl is a loss for everyone The Shrum Bowl won’t be played this year due to scheduling conflicts. The Shrum Bowl, a Vancouver showdown between the UBC and SFU football teams, is usually the marquee sporting event of the year and certainly the marquee event of the fall. It is the only game that

gets a wide range of students out to Thunderbird Stadium. Plain and simple, people get fired up about the Shrum Bowl. Players love playing the game, alumni love coming to see it, first-years love getting obnoxiously drunk in the stands and the atmosphere is electric. It’s a shame that it’s been cancelled.

Now there is one less reason— leaving us with very few indeed—for students to get excited about campus sports at UBC.

Deported WWII students deserve a degree The Vancouver Sun reported last week that UBC is deciding how to best remember the infamous exodus of Japanese-Canadians from Vancouver during the Second World War. The forced deportation of tens of thousands of JapaneseCanadians to internment camps in the interior, based only on xenophobic fear, was one of the darkest points of our province’s history. The 75th anniversary of that decision takes place next year, and sadly, UBC has ruled out giving honourary degrees to those who were attending our university before being kicked out. We know that there are always a myriad of cultural, feasibility, and long-term considerations to be made when addressing historical wrongs, but honourary degrees seem like the least UBC can do to recognize the occasion. U

Corrections In an article titled “Copyright now responsibility of UBC—AC dropped” in the August 16 issue of The Ubyssey, it was stated that Dr Mira Sundara Rajan was the Canada Research Chair in Intellectual Property Law. Dr Rajan no longer holds the chair. The Ubyssey regrets the error.

In a perspective titled “Solving conflict through film” in the August 16th issue of The Ubyssey, a quote was incorrectly attributed to Shoni Aronovich. The statement, “Filmmaking is a stress-filled, caffeine-injected enterprise,” was actually the opinion of the author.

The Ubyssey regrets the error.

Hello, new students. Welcome to UBC. You now belong to a student union, the Alma Mater Society (AMS). The AMS takes a fairly small amount of money from you in the form of a student fee, but when all these fees are added together, it makes up a budget of millions of dollars. So you should pay attention to what your student union is doing.

And you should get angry when your student union does silly and/ or stupid things. Don’t get angry just for the sake of it; I’ve been an AMS councillor, and I know for certain that most councillors are very hard-working, honest and intelligent people. But when the AMS does something silly, they’re often gambling that not enough people are paying attention for it to matter. You should get angry about these things because ultimately, that’s what keeps your student union in line.

Last spring, the AMS held a referendum asking for more of your money. Students were told, accurately, that revenue was not matching expenses and that the AMS would have to start cutting services if fees weren’t raised. The referendum passed by a razor-thin margin of 2.2 per cent.

This is why it is absolutely bonkers that the AMS has now decided to give their executives a mid-term pay raise. It undermines their own established procedure of only raising executive salaries when

the election turnover takes place at the Annual General Meeting, and though the AMS did not lie to students during the referendum by claiming it was all about services (and I was one of the people loudly making that claim), it sure looks like they lied now.

Furthermore, it is almost certain that the process used to immediately hike salaries broke very important rules about code suspensions and budget committee approval requirements. I’ve laid this out in a more detailed (but slightly more boring) way on The Ubyssey’s website.

Now, by any objective measure, the executives of the AMS do deserve a pay raise. And the call for the raise did not come from the executives themselves (although the president has taken every inadvisable opportunity to tell us why his salary should be raised.) But why did the AMS have to break its own rules about raising salaries of executives? Why couldn’t it wait until the turnover? What the hell is the big rush? These executives knew what they were going to be paid when they ran for election.

The answer is that the AMS has decided they don’t care what it looks like to students when they rush in an early executive pay hike—or at least don’t care enough. This is where you come in. Students have to care, or things like this will keep happening.

So, new student, I hope you take this advice. Getting involved in student politics doesn’t have to mean running in an election or joining a committee. Getting involved can simply mean paying attention to what your student union is doing, and raising a righteous fury when they do something wrong. U

What I wish I knew in first year at high school. So check it all Perspectives back out: frats, sororities, clubs, student >> By Hans Seidemann

So you’re a fresh-faced first-year, thinking to yourself, “Gee whiz!

The world is my oyster!” Or maybe you’re petrified of life and planning to spend the next four years huddled in your dorm room. In any case, welcome to post-secondary life: it’s a big confusing mess of highs and lows and somewhere in there, if you’re lucky, you’ll figure it all out.

You might ask why I’m talking to you right now. Well kids, I’ve been around for a while. We’re talking four years in Arts, two years in Commerce and three years in Applied Science—not to mention a three-year working break. In that time, I’ve made my share of mistakes and even had a few successes.

I’m thinking you could benefit from learning a little about both.

First of all, odds are you have no idea what you’re actually here for.

You might think you do, but trust me, you probably don’t. You’re now part of a school of 48,000 students, with hundreds of clubs and thousands of classes. I’m willing to bet you never considered “farmer” as a career option when you were doing surveys with your guidance counsellor, but there’s a farm on campus that you can help out at. You probably haven’t considered starting your own micro-brewery, but you probably never had a brewing club

government, all of it. You might just find the thing you’re actually here for.

Secondly, there’s no right way to get your degree. In fact, you don’t even need to get it at all. If you’re not enjoying the classes you’re taking, stop taking them! Try courses from another department that catch your eye. If you don’t find what you’re looking for, then consider taking time off or enrolling in trade school.

You can do very well for yourself in the trades, sales and any number of other careers without ever getting that piece of paper. Getting a degree just for the sake of it is an expensive way to spend several years being miserable.

Lastly, PARTY! University is as much about the people you meet and the experiences you have as it is about classes, clubs and all the rest.

You don’t have to go drinking at every event on the UBC social calendar (half should do just fine), but definitely look for ways to get out, meet people and get up to shenanigans.

Try things that scare you! Get into trouble! These are the stories that you’ll tell your kids someday. Unless they’re really good, in which case, you’ll hope they never find out. U Hans Seidemann is the VP Communications and Administration of the Engineering Undergraduate Society.

Scene

09.06.2011 |

15

Pictures and words on your university experience

I’m back in Vancouver, and I’ve seen the promised land Melodramatic

Musings Will Johnson

I always promise myself I won’t stare.

Every time I go to Wreck Beach I promise myself I’m not going to be that guy. You know the guy I’m talking about­—the creepy perv who leers from behind mirrored sunglasses or pauses by rows of topless women and pretends to look contemplatively out at the horizon.

There are also the guys who snicker, safely hidden behind their expensive board shorts, pointing at the fanny packs or gasping at the monstrous dangly bits of cocksure passersby.

But sometimes it just can’t be helped. Let’s be honest—a naked human body is weird and fascinating and grotesque. Sometimes you just can’t look away. And at Wreck Beach you have a dizzying array of human flesh parading by you, daring you to look away.

Usually, though, within 20 minutes, the “Holy shit, naked people!” headspace turns into a “Meh, naked people,” mentality.

Recently I made plans to head

down to Wreck with a girlfriend of mine, and at the last minute my 15-year-old brother Tyler asked to tag along. At first I had misgivings about bringing him along, concerned about being a corrupting influence. But then I realized, you know, what are older brothers for?

And though Tyler did his fair share of ogling (“Will, look! A naked guy with an afro!”), he eventually got into the spirit of things. He even behaved himself when he bought a Coke from a leather-skinned naked woman.

I’ve spent the last four years at the University of Victoria, and we have nothing that compares to Wreck Beach. Our biggest attraction was our female-male ratio and the ubiquitous bunnies, which have now been purged from the campus.

I loved UVic, but I’m stoked about my return to the Mainland. So now that I’m starting my Master’s here at UBC, I’ve decided to take full advantage of the local amenities.

Which, of course, includes spending a significant amount of my time working on my full-body tan among the sun-worshippers of Wreck.

I was almost asleep, about half an hour after we set up our towels, when a jolly Santa Claus came strolling along wearing nothing but his sandals. He had long, curly brown hair and a full beard. His gut jiggled

INDIANA JOEL ILLUSTRATION

as he walked, and his belly button looked like a fleshy smile.

He sat down in front of me, and out of a large canvas bag he pulled out a neon green frozen Margarita in a Ziploc bag. It came with a little spoon and a bendy straw. For $8, I considered it a deal.

It tasted like Heaven.

So I sat there, basking in the sun with a topless girl and my little brother, and contemplated how fucking awesome my life is. In fact, I believe this is what they call “the life.”

I have to admit I still feel weird

about taking off my clothes in a public place, though I’ve always been a bit of a nudist. And the stairs leading back up to campus are a grueling slog. But I think I can safely say Wreck Beach is my favourite place in Vancouver.

I think I’ve found the Promised Land. U

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