November 7, 2011

November 7, 2011 | VOL. XCIII ISS. XIX

Ditching us for Eugene SINCE 1918

AMS REBRANDS

N EW SUB FOOD OUTLETS

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SHIP THE UBYSSEY BUILDING SETS SAIL

FIELD HOCKEY

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TAKES GOLD

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Province estimates 4000 jobs to come out of ship building contracts

CRUCIBLE’S

CAMPUS

WITCH HUNT

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What’s on 7

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This week, may we suggest...

Our Campus

Bringing the world to Vancouver

FOOD>>

Food and Culture Fest: 11:30am @ MOA

Samosas! Chana Masala! Rice pudding! $7 gets you all this delicious Indian fare. All proceeds go to the United Way.

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TUE

IMPROV >>

10THU

THEATRE>>

UBC Improv vs. SFU Improv Fight Club: 7pm @ Cafe Deux Soleils Cross town improv rivals throw down in a battle for comedy bragging rights and the first ever Durden Cup. Tickets are $5 at the door,

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WED

11 FRI

Contributor

Two Merchants: 7:30pm @ Telus Studio UBC Theatre presents a bold revision of Shakespeare’s The Merchant of Venice. The play is presented through the lens of the Israel-Palestine conflict.

REMEMBRANCE DAY >> Remembrance Day: 10am @ War Memorial Gym UBC’s Remembrance Day Ceremony will include the UBC School of Music and brief readings and remarks.

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Got an event you’d like to see on this page? Send your event and your best pitch to printeditor@ubyssey.ca.

THE UBYSSEY November 7, 2011, Volume XCIII, Issue XIX

EDITORIAL

Coordinating Editor Justin McElroy

coordinating@ubyssey.ca

Managing Editor, Print Jonny Wakefield printeditor@ubyssey.ca

Managing Editor, Web Arshy Mann webeditor@ubyssey.ca

News Editors Kalyeena Makortoff & Micki Cowan news@ubyssey.ca

Art Director Geoff Lister

art@ubyssey.ca

Culture Editor Ginny Monaco

Copy Editor Karina Palmitesta

CONTACT

copy@ubyssey.ca

Business Office: Room 23 Editorial Office: Room 24 Student Union Building 6138 Student Union Blvd Vancouver, BC V6T 1Z1 tel: 604.822.2301 web: www.ubyssey.ca

Video Editor David Marino

video@ubyssey.ca

Senior Web Writer Andrew Bates abates@ubyssey.ca

webmaster@ubyssey.ca

BUSINESS

Business Manager Fernie Pereira

Senior Culture Writers Taylor Loren & Will Johnson

Ad Sales Ben Chen

tloren@ubyssey.ca wjohnson@ubyssey.ca

STAFF

sports@ubyssey.ca

Features Editor Brian Platt

features@ubyssey.ca

604.822.1654 Business Office:

604.822.6681 advertising @ubyssey.ca

feedback@ubyssey.ca

ijoel@ubyssey.ca

culture@ubyssey.ca

Sports Editor Drake Fenton

Print Advertising:

Graphics Assistant Indiana Joel Webmaster Jeff Blake

business@ubyssey.ca

advertising@ubyssey.ca

Andrew Hood, Bryce Warnes, Catherine Guan, David Elop, Jon Chiang, Josh Curran, Will McDonald, Tara Martellaro, Virginie Menard, Scott MacDonald, Anna Zoria, Peter Wojnar, Tanner Bokor, Dominic Lai, Mark-Andre Gessaroli, Natalya Kautz, Kai Jacobson

JOSH CURRAN & CHRIS BORCHET/ THE UBYSSEY

Chan is organizing the massive WorldMUN conference. He is not, in fact, a weatherman.

Zafira Rajan

THEATRE>>

UBC Player’s Club Festival Dionysisa: 7pm @ Dorthy Somerset Studio An outrageous theatre festival featuring seven short works by Oscar Wilde, Bertolt Brecht plus original works! Tickets are $10 for non-members.

One on one with the people who make UBC

LEGAL

The Ubyssey is the official student newspaper of the University of British Columbia. It is published every Monday and Thursday by The Ubyssey Publications Society. We are an autonomous, democratically run student organization, and all students are encouraged to participate.

Editorials are chosen and written by the Ubyssey staff. They are the expressed opinion of the staff, and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Ubyssey Publications Society or the University of British Columbia. All editorial content appearing in The Ubyssey is the property of The Ubyssey Publications Society.

Stories, opinions, photographs and artwork contained herein cannot be reproduced without the expressed, written permission of The Ubyssey Publications Society.

The Ubyssey is a founding member of Canadian University Press (CUP) and adheres to CUP’s guiding principles.

Letters to the editor must be under 300 words. Please include your

phone number, student number and signature (not for publication) as well as your year and faculty with all submissions. ID will be checked when submissions are dropped off at the editorial office of The Ubyssey; otherwise verification will be done by phone. The Ubyssey reserves the right to edit submissions for length and clarity. All letters must be received by 12 noon the day before intended publication. Letters received after this point will be published in the following issue unless there is an urgent time restriction or other matter deemed relevant by the Ubyssey staff.

It is agreed by all persons placing display or classified advertising that if the Ubyssey Publications Society fails to publish an advertisement or if an error in the ad occurs the liability of the UPS will not be greater than the price paid for the ad. The UPS shall not be responsible for slight changes or typographical errors that do not lessen the value or the impact of the ad.

Kenneth Chan was the definition of the shy guy in high school. Now, he’s the CEO heading the most diverse college-level conference in the world. Chan, a fourth-year political science major, is the man behind the massive World Model United Nations (WorldMUN) 2012 conference hosted by UBC MUN. Chan is responsible for bringing 2200 delegates from 270 schools and 60 countries to Vancouver.

Chan’s experience with MUN started in high school, but he took a break before he got involved with it again in university.

“I guess it all started one late

evening in October 2009, when I accidentally stumbled onto WorldMUN’s website. I went through it out of pure curiosity and discovered that it was a conference you could bring to your city, and that you could bid for it.”

The drive to bid for hosting WorldMUN took a bit of globetrotting. “I got some friends to believe in the vision and that it was possible, and before I knew it the whole thing took off. We went to Taipei in 2010 to see how WorldMUN worked. We had a lot of feedback from delegates there, and they were really ecstatic to see us bidding; they were really excited for us,” Chan said.

“After coming back from Taipei,

we knew we could bring this conference together,” he said.

A Skype meeting with Harvard in May confirmed the bid, and Chan and his team were hit with the reality that the conference was actually going to take place here in Vancouver. Anxiety aside, he added, “I’ve been solely focused on WorldMUN, bringing coverage to this school, to this city. It’s been my priority for a long time. I’m in charge of all aspects of the conference, from finance to events, and the host team...it’s quite an intense job in terms of measurement.”

He’s been told that MUN is the “Dungeons and Dragons of nerds,” but he described how WorldMUN takes it to another level. “It’s a huge, huge conference. It moves to a new city each year and so you have these huge demographics to consider. Each year it brings in delegates from 60 countries; that’s a big scale,” he said.

At the moment, his life is basically “emails, emails, meetings, school, study, study.”

“It really goes on and on,” he said with a sigh.

He recalled the words that the Harvard secretary-general for Singapore 2011 said to him. “It’s not the city that makes the conference, it’s the host team.” Those are words he has stuck by, and come March 2012, he hopes the results will show. U The WorldMUN conference takes place March 11-15 2012.

Applications to volunteer for the conference are still open.

News

11.07.2011 |

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Editors: Kalyeena Makortoff & Micki Cowan

DEVELOPMENT >>

South campus residents express outrage at UBC’s land use plan Brian Platt

Features Editor

Wesbrook residents voiced strong opposition to additional residential development in south campus last week, as UBC held their last open house for the South Campus Neighbourhood Plan.

On November 1, Joe Stott, director for Campus and Community Planning (CCP), stood at the front of the commons room in MBA House for 90 minutes while campus residents lambasted him.

Residents addressed the “unsafe” traffic circle at 16th Avenue and Wesbrook Mall, but the touchiest issue was the updated land use plan that will expand the south campus population to 12,000. Residents who moved there in 2005 were told to expect less than 5000.

The amendments to the Wesbrook neighbourhood came after the university cancelled plans to put housing on the UBC Farm in 2008. The Board of Governors then instructed CCP to transfer that planned housing density to a different area of campus.

Kathy Griffiths was one resident who attended the meeting. “I just came more as an observer, but I found it so offensive in some ways, that I had to speak up,” she said. “I think these people who have bought in here, it’s a bait and switch.”

Stott clarified that the amendments do not actually increase the density of Wesbrook Place, as they have expanded the amount of land being built on. But that wasn’t enough to satisfy the residents.

“Well, I’m not surprised,” Stott said when asked about the

unfriendly crowd. “I’ve faced angry rooms in the past.”

The session was meant to be a question and answer format, but the residents were outraged when they learned that nobody from the Board of Governors—the governing body that makes UBC’s land use decisions in conjunction with the province— was present.

Stott tried to reassure them that the process would ensure their concerns would be heard.

“We’re undertaking a process that was requested by the Board

SUB OUTLETS >>

New SUB venues get name makeover

of Governors, and we’re going to report back to them on what happened.”

“I was surprised at the anger of the audience, I hadn’t quite expected that,” said Thomas Beyer, a newly-elected director of the University Neighbourhood Association.

“But a lot of people really see it as too dense and too hasty a development,” said Beyer.

“I think we are taking too fast an approach to rush things through.

We’ve got to take a little more time here.” U SKATE PARK >>

Skate park to be considered at UBC

AMS reveals rebranding plans for food outlets Natalya Kautz Staff Writer

Enjoy saying “Blue Chip” and “Honour Roll” while you can, because in three years those names won’t mean much.

Glasfurd & Walker, a local conceptual design company, presented the new names and concepts for the food and beverage venues in the new SUB to AMS Council on Wednesday.

Replacing the Honour Roll, the new sushi eatery will be dubbed Peko Peko, named after “a Japanese colloquialism that means hungry,” said designer Phoebe Glasfurd.

Glasfurd described Peko Peko as a quiet space, to balance out the atmosphere of the other Asian cuisine venue, the Grand Noodle Emporium.

Also on the main floor will be Boom!Pizza, a re-imagining of Pie R Squared. The new name was chosen to reflect the “casual, slightly irreverent, indulgent, confident [and] social” concept presented by the designers to council.

AMS VP Administration Mike Silley said the decision to let go of the current names was made early on.

Naming decisions took place over four workshop sessions between designers and the AMS. One venue whose name will remain unchanged is the Pit. “We went through a whole range of names, but ultimately thought there was a lot of heritage in the name of the Pit. I didn’t go to UBC and I know the name,” said Glasfurd.

In concept, however, “the new Pit will be quite different…a space that

PETER WOJNAR/THE UBYSSEY

Stepan Soroka Contributor

GEOFF LISTER/THE UBYSSEY

Students line up to grab a slice of pizza at AMS-owned food outlet Pie R Squared, to be renamed Boom! Pizza.

you can quite easily go and have a burger at lunch, but it has that ability to transform,” Glasfurd said.

With no replacement for the Gallery planned, the Pit will be taking over most of its late-night duties, like Tuesday night karaoke.

The decision to keep the Pit’s name was well received. AMS Arts rep Kyle Warwick said it was a smart idea. “I think the name has huge recognition all across campus and even beyond...I think it makes complete sense; it’s in the basement.

It’s got identity that dates back to David Suzuki.”

Other new eateries include the new salad bar Palate, and Flipside, a burger joint that will have a related

summertime venue named Flip(Out) Side, situated just outside the SUB. The new SUB will also feature two cafés. One, the Lowercase, will be express-style. The other, the Uppercase, will have an “old world academic feeling,” the designers explained, who assured students that while the look might change, the cafés would still be serving Blue Chip-style cookies.

Replacing the Pendulum will be a fifth-floor restaurant the Perch. The designers explained that the 200seat restaurant will be “one of the more mature places…in the building.” This is thanks to the Perch having a licensed 40-seat lounge, as well as a fireplace.

But a few UBC students didn’t seem as excited about the name changes.

Responses to The Ubyssey Twitter account ranged from amusement at names like “Boom!

Pizza,” to utter surprise and outrage.

Though the current designs are moving forward, Silley said that the AMS is still open to revisions.

“Nothing’s really set ever.

We can change the name of The Honour Roll and Pie R Squared today if we wanted to at Council.

“Until the signs are put in and the building is built, we can change things such as naming and branding if we so choose.” U

Federal funding slashed for University of Arctic

Tuberculosis identified on Greyhound bus

UBC prof to launch tuition-free university

More 25 and 84 buses from December

The University of the Arctic (UArctic) has seen its funding slashed by three quarters, scaling back initiatives such as its circumpolar studies program and north2north, which provides exchanges between member institutions.

“The recent decision by the Government of Canada to dramatically cut funding to the University of the Arctic will have an impact on not only the ability of Canadian students to participate in UArctic programs, but also thousands of other students around the circumpolar world who benefited from them,” said UArctic President Lars Kullerud in a press release.

The British Columbia Centre for Disease Control is issuing a public health advisory to identify passengers who traveled on Greyhound bus #5098 on Oct 11 and were exposed to an active case of tuberculosis.

The ill person took Greyhound bus #5098 from Vancouver at 5:45 pm, arrived in Chilliwack at 7:45pm, left Chilliwack at 8:05pm and arrived in Kelowna at 11:55pm, during the infectious stage of the disease. The individual is currently receiving treatment in Kelowna.

Those who were on this bus may call HealthLink BC at 8-1-1 for more information,

A new online tuition-free university called NextGenU.org is preparing for launch.

NextGenU.org emphasizes health sciences education, and was created

by Erica Frank, a UBC professor at the School of Population and Public Health, with the ambition of being more sustainable.

“NextGenU enables people to advance their knowledge, their skills, their careers, without any additional burden on the planet or students’ finances,” said Frank.

NextGenU plans to have about 20 courses and one certificate program ready for its launch, expected in the next couple of months.

TransLink plans to add 25 and 84 routes in the morning peak period, starting in December 2011.

Increased government funding—recently approved by the Mayor’s Council on Regional Transportation as part of the “Moving Forward” Supplemental Plan for 2012-2014—is allowing TransLink to enact the upgrades.

Aside from the 25 and 84 routes, TransLink is currently still in the planning stage for most improvements, to be enacted 2012 or later.

Overcrowded routes, such as the 4, 41 and 49, are examples of bus routes which could see upcoming service increases. U

News briefs

Skateboarders on campus might soon have an alternative to dodging traffic and Campus Security when skating at UBC. UBC and the University Neighbourhood Association (UNA) are taking steps towards constructing a skate park next to the outdoor basketball courts near Thunderbird Stadium. Both bodies are assessing the feasibility of the project.

Jan Fialkowski, chair of the UNA, explained that one of the goals of this study would be to determine the necessity and importance of the skate park.

“We do see a lot of skateboarders in the neighbourhood,” Fialkowski explained, “and the basketball courts on Thunderbird Boulevard, which were a joint project between UBC and the UNA, have shown great success.”

Fialkowski explained that the park funding would be split between the university and the UNA, but that the exact cost of the project would not be determined until after the feasibility study is complete.

Other elements such as design, features and size would likewise be determined by the study.

Carole Jolly, director of transportation planning at UBC said construction could start as early as next spring.

Pieter and Robyn Beyers, aged 14 and 17, have no doubts about the necessity or importance of the park.

“Us and several others have been involved in pushing for this for two or three years now,” said Robyn Beyers.

“There has been a lot of support from the UNA community, not just from skaters,” he said.

His brother Pieter said that currently skateboarders living in the neighbourhood travel as far as Richmond or the North Shore to ride skate parks. He sees a facility on campus as convenient, but also as providing an important service to UNA youth.

“It would be a lot safer,” said Pieter Beyers. “A nice open space away from traffic would provide us with a place to gather.” U

4 | News | 11.07.2011 TRADES>>

Shipping out naval architects at UBC Expanding shipbuilding contracts increases demand for skilled labourers Arshy Mann Managing Editor, Web

COURTESY BCIT

With the announcement of $8 billion in shipbuilding contracts coming to British Columbia, schools are gearing up to fill the skills gap.

Technical colleges—such as the Burnaby’s British Columbia Institute of Technology and Camosun College in Victoria—are expecting an increased demand for workers in fields

as varied as welding, millwrighting, project management and occupational health therapy.

Seaspan Marine’s Vancouver Yard won the smaller of two contracts, with Irving Shipbuilding’s Halifax Yard taking the right to bid on $25 billion worth of military vessels.

“The government estimates that there will be 4000 spin-off jobs. And that means these people will have to be trained and most likely they’re going to be trained at places like Camosun, places like BCIT,” said Dave Pinton, media relations manager for BCIT. “We have apprentices that are training here now. In fact, a couple of them happen to be with Seaspan, and I heard one of them say the other day, ‘I think I can buy a house soon.’ So they’re pretty excited about it and it means there’s going to be opportunities for literally the next 20 to 30 years.”

According to Pinton, all six of BCIT’s schools, including business, transportation and health sciences, will be affected by the shipbuilding contracts.

“I think people lose sight of the fact that it’s definitely going to affect a lot of different sectors, probably in ways that we don’t think about yet.”

Tom Roemer, VP strategic development for Camosun College, said graduates will be impacted heavily given that these 30-year contracts will mean lifetime employment for many students.

Roemer said that Camosun is planning to expand capacity by up to 50 per cent in many of their trade programs, while also looking at tailoring some of their current programs— like the one for industrial electricians—towards marine expertise.

He added that business programs, such as supply chain management, will also likely require expansion.

Roemer believes that the shipbuilding jobs will pay wages that are competitive with those doled out in places like Fort McMurrary, Alberta or northeastern BC, with many being paid in the six figures after a few years.

Camosun will be meeting in early December with the Department of National Defence to discuss what types of training the college should focus on.

Naval Architecture Alongside a huge boom in the trades, engineers studying the field of marine architecture will also likely see a boost to job prospects.

“There will be a significant amount of design work to be done on these vessels and on the production of them as well, so there will be a need for engineers,” said Jon Mikkelsen, a senior instructor in UBC’s faculty of applied sciences.

“I’ll forecast it’ll at least triple or quadruple from what it is now.”

UBC offers a few courses in naval architecture as part of the mechanical engineering program. He said these courses usually have six to eight students in them.

The only full naval architecture program in all of Canada is at Memorial University in St John’s, Newfoundland. And although many elite American universities, such as MIT and UC Berkeley, once offered naval architecture degrees, these have largely disappeared as the industry moved from North America to Asia.

A handful of UBC students every year who take these courses end up working in marine design at local companies such as Robert Allen Ltd and STX Marine. Others end up designing yachts in California, working for Canada Steamships in Ontario or else go overseas to places such as the UK and Norway.

Mikkelsen said that UBC is currently working with Seaspan on the possibility of creating a Master’s of Engineering degree in marine system design, although this is far from being finalized.

He went on to say that his students were very excited about the contracts.

“It’s a real shot in the arm for the whole west coast marine industry, so everyone’s excited about that.” U

Culture

11.07.2011 |

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Editor: Ginny Monaco

WRITERS>>

Progress more than a goal for Michael V. Smith

COURTESY OF DAVID ELLINGSEN COURTESY OF TIM MATHESON

Written in the heyday of 1950s anti-communist, The Cruicble is still relevant in the post-9/11 era.

Senior Culture Writer

OPERA >>

UBC Opera cooks up fear and hysteria in The Crucible Jenica Chuahiock Contributor

UBC Opera tackles socio-political unrest this month as they light up the stage with Robert Ward’s operatic rendition of Arthur Miller’s The Crucible .

Written during the 1950s, The Crucible is an allegorical play about McCarthyism, an extreme antiCommunist movement in the USA at the beginning of the Cold War. The play was later adapted to opera

by Ward in 1961, and the opera itself garnered the Pulitzer Prize for Music one year later.

The story is set in Salem, Massachusetts in 1692, when the vengeful Abigail Williams starts a series of accusations that lead to a deadly witch hunt. Despite the historic plot, The Crucible’s controversy was relevant during the 1950s Red Scare, and those problems still

haunt us today.

The world changed after the events of 9/11, but the reaction to the tragedy is still reminiscent of the Salem witch trials and the Red Scare. “After 9/11, everybody was scared and started accusing all the Muslims of being informants or being involved with al-Qaeda,” said Ember Lanuti, who plays the lead, Abigail Williams. “There’s still witch-hunts going on [now], and we’re always seeking people to blame.”

Another similarity that resonates through the ages is the catalyst for these witch-hunts: fear. “Fear is the driving force [in this opera], especially fear of the unknown,” said Alan MacDonald, who plays one greedy accuser, Thomas Putnam. “[Because] my character is one those people accusing others of witchcraft, I personally had to come to terms with [that fear].

These people had only been in Massachusetts for two generations, and they are surrounded by the woods and the unknown. This isolation really is a pressure cooker. [The opera] is called The Crucible for that reason; it’s a pressure cooker and it just explodes into this hysteria.”

In the opera, the pressure begins when Abigail and her friends are caught dancing naked in the woods.

But instead of admitting her responsibility, Abigail lies and accuses the slave, Tituba, of witchcraft.

“For Abigail, once she made that accusation, there was no turning back,” says Lanuti. “There was no way she could retract [that lie], she just had to keep going.”

Apart from the beautiful music and riveting story, The Crucible invites its audience to assess the witch hunts that still plague us today. “It sparks some kind of self-awareness and rethinking of how we act with

one another,” said Lanuti.

“The thing about these characters is they don’t realize how hysterical they are being,” said MacDonald.

“Whether you are calling someone a witch or a terrorist, you don’t realize how that is affecting other people. [And] under circumstances of fear, these things can escalate very quickly and we need to be aware of this. The term ‘witch hunt’ still exists for a reason. It happens again and again, but this hysteria is not fair.” U

If you go...

The Crucible plays at the Old Auditorium on November 10-12 at 7:30pm, with a 2pm matinee on November 13. Tickets start at $20 and are available at the Old Auditorium box office.

FILM>>

Why WFF is becoming more TIFF than VIFF Andrew Bates Senior Web Writer

Each year, the Vancouver International Film Festival (VIFF) brings some of the glitz and glamour of the film industry’s upper echelon to BC. But the growing Whistler Film Festival (WFF) is becoming the destination for industry types looking to meet people and make deals.

“This would sort of be a local festival in many ways,” said Oliver Linsley, producer for Doghouse Films. Doppelganger Paul , directed

by UBC grad Dylan Akio-Smith, is one of Doghouse’s entries in the Whistler Film Festival, but was not brought to VIFF. “[Whistler]’s the most fun I had at a festival. There’s good industry stuff there, they do one-on-one meetings and roundtables and discussions and forums and stuff that are pretty interesting. The parties are great,” he said.

From November 30 to December 4, the Whistler Film Festival will curate six juried film competitions and host an industry festival.

Linsley cites a close relationship with the artistic director Stacey Donen as a decision to bring his films to the festival.

“Generally speaking, as festivals go, you either pick Whistler or you pick Vancouver; they don’t generally

cross-program, because it’s the same audience,” he said. “So we kind of have picked Whistler...as the festival that we liked more.

“A couple of years ago, Stacey programmed our films and Vancouver didn’t, and we kind of went with that.”

According to UBC Film professor Jerry Wasserman, it’s less crowded at Whistler for Canadian productions. “Even though at [VIFF] Canadian films do have their own category, they tend to get lost in the shuffle a bit,” he said. “Whistler is smaller and I think the films there all get a little bit more of an opportunity to stand out of the crowd.”

According to Linsley, there are benefits to smaller events.

“I’ve been to TIFF (Toronto International Film Festival) a few times now, and that’s a fun festival, but it’s really big,” he said. “It takes a lot of effort to festival there. It takes very little effort to be really involved in the festival up at Whistler, and meet people, hang out, and watch movies.”

“The two things that make Whistler really unique is the high profile level of our guests and the intimate access to our guests,” said Kryssta Mills, industry programmer for WFF. “Whistler is, you know, it’s a pedestrian-only village, so everybody is walking around at the

Will Johnson

Audience members mingle at a WFF gala.

same place, they all go to the same parties. You can have a one-on-one meeting with somebody and then see them half an hour later at the coffee shop and walk up to the cinema with them.”

“My first year up at Whistler, I met seven or eight people that I would probably have a hard time meeting,” Linsley said. “I just shoot the shit with people, because time is limited in those sort of situations, and you want to find out if that’s someone you want to work with rather than just blindly sell them things.”

Mills declined to comment

COURTESY OF WHISTLER FILM FESTIVAL

whether or not filmmakers were choosing her festival specifically for the industry content. “If your focus is to try and get your film played or picked at or purchased or bought by a US company, or even by an international sales company with an office based in Los Angeles, then this is the festival that you want to look at,” she said.

“Every festival aims to define itself in some particular way,” Wasserman said. “Maybe Whistler is trying to create a niche where you can come at a certain point of the year, you can get some great skiing and make some great deals.” U

Michael V. Smith likes to keep himself busy.

The award-winning author, who recently published his second novel Progress , is also a filmmaker, performance artist and occasional clown. And as if that doesn’t take up enough of his time, Smith teaches creative writing at UBC’s Okanagan campus and moonlights as a drag queen named Cookie La Whore.

“I write mostly what comes to me,” said Smith. “Sometimes it’s poetry, sometimes fiction, sometimes it’s making a short video. Mostly, I like being occupied and I like diversity, so I just go anywhere and everywhere.”

But Smith considers Progress to be one of his greatest accomplishments. “I think Progress picks up many ideas from Cumberland (Smith’s first book) and does better by them. It’s a more sophisticated conversation. The characters’ stories are more layered and complex and interwoven.”

Smith, who was shortlisted for the Journey Prize in 2007 for his story “What We Wanted”, has become a vibrant talent in the BC arts community and was once described as a “pillar of the gay community” in Xtra West. His work was recently anthologized in Persistence , a collection of queer literature compiled by fellow author Ivan E. Coyote and her spouse Zena Sharman.

Smith said he has a close relationship with the queer arts community.

“Other queer artists in B.C. have been a real rock for me. I’m a lucky man to have met such great people in Vancouver, committed to creating inclusive, supportive communities of care,” he said. “It’s a great gift to be blessed with wonderful friends.”

Smith values inclusiveness both in his life and in his writing, and isn’t specifically targeting a queer audience with his new book. “I’m after any old audience, really. I’ve always written with a general public in mind. I see myself as a community-builder, so I write stories for my community, which are the folks on my block and the people in my country, really.

“If the book appeals to you, you’re the person I’m writing for. I’m not fussy. Equal-opportunity. I grew up in a poor blue collar town, so it’s always been important to me to tell stories in a way that speaks to those lives, that respects the people and place I came from,” he said. U On November 10, at 2PM in the Irving K. Barber Centre, Smith will be reading his work as part of the Robson Reading Series. Admission is free.

Sports

11.07.2011 |

6

Editor: Drake Fenton

PLAYOFFS >>

SOCCER>>

Men’s soccer loses Can-West final 1-0 Andrew Bates Senior Web Writer

JON CHIANG/THE UBYSSEY

UBC’s Adam Konar stretches out to make an interception in the first half of Saturday’s Canada West semifinal against the University of Saskatchewan. UBC won 27-22.

‘Birds display championship idenity in playoff win Moving the chains Drake Fenton If you have been reading this column with any consistency so far this year (Hi, mom!) you will have noticed a few general themes.

UBC has a football program regularly ranked in the top 10. The offence is explosive, but the running game is at times non-existent. The defence is either an ace in the hole or a liability, more recently the former.

Billy Greene is a monster or a beast, or any other word that connotes an imposing force.

What hasn’t been addressed is how the culture of this program has been so drastically changed. They’ve gone from a perennial basement dweller to a team with swagger and confidence. This team has a championship identity. A Canada West title and a Vanier Cup appearance are no longer far-fetched projections.

On Saturday, UBC defeated the University of Saskatchewan Huskies 27-22. In front of over 3000 fans at Thunderbird Stadium, UBC won the Canada West semifinal, their first playoff victory since 1999.

The strange part of all this is that UBC was expected to win. They were the favourites. Never in a hundred years would I have predicted this at the beginning of the season.

With their recent history, that would be like predicting the Chicago Cubs to win a World Series or Luongo to not play horrendous in October.

When UBC head coach Shawn Olson took over this program, he spoke about wanting to change the identity of the team. But to be honest, any coach at any school, anywhere, will say that when they take over a

struggling program.

Yet the players have bought into what Olson has been preaching: a no-nonsense, one game at a time, consistent and well-prepared team.

A team that is humble and will do anything to win.

“Each week you can feel [the confidence] around the team. I come here everyday at 12, I just come and hang out sometimes,” said quarterback Billy Greene. “In my first few years it wasn’t really like that. Last year coach Olson brought a different kind of attitude to the team and it’s nice to come here.”

JON CHIANG/THE UBYSSEY

Each week this team has embodied that identity more and more, especially on defence. For most of the game against the Huskies, UBC’s defence was formidable.

In the first half, UBC intercepted Saskatchewan’s quarterback Trent

Peterson three times, twice in the red zone, which helped limit the Huskies to only three points in the half. By the end of the game they had forced five turnovers.

On all of Peterson’s picks it wasn’t pressure from the front seven that forced the interceptions, it was tight coverage from the secondary.

The best defensive play of the half, and the entire game, came from freshman Adam Konar. With two minutes left in the half, and Saskatchewan driving into UBC territory, Peterson dropped back to pass. He launched a rocket across the field to slot back Garret Bolen who was running a deep in-route.

Konar leapt in front of Bolen, extending his body fully vertical to snatch the ball away and nab the interception.

“Our defence played awesome, they had a bunch of turnovers and did a very good job against the run and were consistent,” said Olson. “I strongly believe, even as an offensive coach, that defence wins championships. Our defence is peaking at the right time.”

The other thing apparent in the ‘Birds victory Saturday was their mental fortitude. The offence was abysmal in the first half but at halftime they regrouped, made the necessary adjustments and came out firing on all cylinders.

Greene got into the groove and started marching UBC down the field, spreading the ball around to multiple targets. The ‘Birds still weren’t able to manufacture a running game but Greene consistently attacked the weak spots in the Huskies’ zone defence, routinely getting UBC first downs on short pass plays.

“We are doing whatever we can to win on a weekly basis,” said Olson.

“If that means throwing it 80 times

we’ll do that, if it means running 80 times we’ll do that.”

After only scoring 3 points in the first half, UBC put 24 points on the scoreboard in the final 30 minutes.

When the offence lagged in the fourth quarter, the defence once again stepped up their game.

Backup linebacker Tomas Harris had a clutch interception and Alex Babalos, who had the game’s first interception, stripped Huskies backup quarterback Jahlani GilbertKnorren for a fumble recovery on Saskatchewan’s 17 yard line.

That set up a Greene to David Scott touchdown pass on the ensuing T-Bird possession, effectively sealing the Huskies’ fate.

“This [win] is something that really started eight months ago,” said Olson. “It really feels good for me to see the commitment and the buy in factor and how [the players] are being rewarded for what we told them would lead to success.

“I think that bodes well for the program because as you have success based on what you are telling [the players] is the key. It becomes easy to build credibility and it’s easy to build on that.”

The ‘Birds travel to Calgary next week to take on the Dinos in the Canada West final. UBC lost to Calgary 30-25 earlier in the season, but easily handled them 36-23 in the season finale.

Going into Calgary, UBC will have momentum and confidence, but more importantly they will have a firmly established identity—one that necessitates the ability to be humble and to know that nothing comes easy.

“At the end of the day we are a good football team but we aren’t a great football team,” said Olson. “We will do whatever we can to win on any given day.” U

A promising season for the UBC men’s soccer team ended in disaster Sunday. The Thunderbirds lost 1-0 to the University of Alberta in the Canada West final after conceding a goal just moments before the game would have gone to overtime.

The game at Victoria’s Centennial Stadium was a tightly-contested 0-0 affair for the first 70 minutes. In the last 20 minutes, the game loosened up, with each team getting great scoring chances in a match where only the winner would advance to the CIS Championships.

In the 89th minute it was Alberta who capitalized on a scoring opportunity. Striker Marcus Johnstone managed to sneak behind captain Jason Gill to receive a long ball from half. He ran into the box at a tight angle and was able to tuck the ball into the corner and establish a lead UBC couldn’t overcome in injury time.

The closest UBC came to a goal was an Alberta mistake that ended up in the back of the net—but the own goal was disallowed because the referee had whistled the play dead to award UBC a free kick. The Thunderbirds wanted to play advantage (when a referee doesn’t call a foul because a team has a better chance of scoring than starting from scratch) but the ref had none of it, controversially keeping UBC off the scoreboard.

It was another close call for the Thunderbirds, who had defeated Trinity Western University 4-2 in the semifinal on penalty kicks after drawing 1-1 in regular time. After goals by Gagandeep Dosanjh and James Farenhorst, goalkeeper Luke O’Shea made two saves in the shootout to deliver UBC to the final.

But the intense 120 minutes of play showed in the later stages of Sunday’s game. UBC had adopted a strategy of running up the side to combat the Alberta defense, while the Golden Bears learned from TWU’s unsuccessful attempt at beating the T-Bird defence through the air, and tried rolling it across the turf instead.

UBC began the season strong, maintaining an undefeated record through the season’s halfway mark and were four points clear at the top of the table at Thanksgiving. But the Thunderbirds stumbled in the last five games after a defeat at Victoria started a run of one win, three draws and one loss. They finish the season with the most goals in Canada West and a home record of six wins, one draw and no losses. U

Game notes

2 89 210

Number of UBC goals disallowed.

Time of the first and last Alberta goal.

Number of minutes UBC played in two days.

11

Number of shots in the Can-West final by both teams.

11.07.2011 | Sports | 7 FIELD HOCKEY>>

Thunderbirds walk in fields of gold Calgary feels the Sting of defeat before women’s field hockey team

Drake Fenton

Game notes

Sports Editor

Freezing temperatures, snow and the best teams in Canada were merely roadblocks in the way of the Thunderbirds’ path to revenge and CIS gold.

On Sunday at Hawkings Field in Calgary, the UBC captured their record 13th CIS women’s field hockey championship and their 8th in 14 years, defeating the University of Calgary Dinos 3-1.

With UBC up 2-1 in the final minutes, fourth-year forward Robyn Pendleton found some open space in the circle and snapped a shot past Dinos goaltender Steph Petrowitsch, ending any chance of a Calgary comeback.

The goal capped off an amazing tournament for the ‘Birds, who were immaculate throughout nationals, storming through preliminary round robin action with a perfect 4-0 record.

In their first game on Thursday they defeated the No. 1 ranked University of Toronto 2-1. Last year Toronto beat UBC 2-1 in the national final.

On Friday morning UBC took down the University of Alberta 2-0. Later that day they played their third game in 28 hours. The game was initially delayed due to two inches of snowfall on the field.

After the field was cleaned up by several volunteers, and with a light snow still falling, UBC trounced Calgary 4-2.

Pendleton was instrumental in the win, scoring two goals, including the game winner. She finished the tournament with four goals.

13

The number of national titles UBC has won in women’s field hockey.

4

The number of goals Robyn Pendleton scored in this year’s tournament.

2

The number of times Pendleton has been named the MVP of the CIS Championship tournament.

She also won in 2009.

12

The number of goals UBC’s outscored their opponents by in this tournament.

DAVID MOLL/UC ATHLETICS

The women’s field hockey team celebrates after winning their 13th national championship Sunday.

In the 42nd minute of Friday’s game, with the ‘Birds up 2-1, Pendleton burst past defenders in the Calgary’s circle. As she got to the goal she was hauled down

by Calgary’s goalie. While falling, Pendleton managed to keep possession of the ball and bury it into the back of the net.

“That goal was just world class,” said UBC head coach Hash Kanjee.

After cruising past the University of Guelph on Saturday 2-0, UBC had

their rematch against Calgary on Sunday for the CIS title.

The ‘Birds’ Sara McManus opened the scoring for UBC, netting a goal from a penalty corner in the ninth minute. In the final minutes of the half, Calgary evened the score on a penalty corner of their own.

“We always knew they were going to score. It was a matter of us getting more than Calgary was going to get,” said Kanjee. “One of our games this year, they tied us 4-4. We scored

three up on them and they came back and scoured four, so we know they can score against us.

“They have some kids who get in the right places at the right times and get some good touches on the ball.”

Poonam Sandu, who was named a tournament all-star, scored the game winner in the 44th minute off a penalty corner.

Though Pendleton was the tournament’s MVP, it was a complete team performance against Calgary

that brought home the gold. UBC offensively overpowered the Dinos, outshooting them 11-4.

“It’s great to perform at this tournament,” said Pendleton. “There’s always a lot of nerves going on, and especially today in such an exciting environment, so it was good to have a great team performance when it counted.”

It was the end to a banner career for Pendleton at UBC, who earlier in the week was named the CIS MVP and after the final named MVP of the tournament.

“The championship trophy is the one I really wanted and it’s great to cap off my career with a win at nationals,” she said. “It couldn’t have gone down a better way.” U

HOCKEY >>

Hockey splits another weekend series

GEOFF LISTER PHOTO/THE UBYSSEY

UBC celebrates one of their five goals on Saturday. UBC has yet to win a Friday game.

CJ Pentland Contributor

The UBC Thunderbirds men’s hockey team used a balanced team effort to down the University of Calgary Dinos 5-3 on Saturday night at the Doug Mitchell Thunderbird Sports Centre, earning them a split in their weekend series.

On Friday night, UBC (4-2-2) dropped a 3-1 decision to the Dinos (6-4-0) after the T-Birds let the game slip away in the third period.

Saturday’s contest continued to produce better results for the ‘Birds. This season, they are 4-0 in the second game of a weekend series. However, their Friday night loss dropped them to 0-2-2 in the first game of the series, something

that continues to frustrate head coach Milan Dragicevic.

“Maybe we should just forfeit Friday games,” said a puzzled Dragicevic. “I can’t explain it because the preparation is the same.

They just play average on the Friday and then they have something to play for on Saturday. Maybe that’s what it is.”

True to form, UBC came out on Saturday playing with a lot more urgency and effort. The T-Birds opened the scoring just 4:13 into the first period on a backhand from secondyear forward Nate Fleming, capping off a stretch where UBC had several chances in the Calgary zone.

The Dinos responded twice shortly after, on goals from Walter Wintoneak and Blake Clement, to take a 2-1 lead at the end of the first.

From that point on, the game was all UBC. The ‘Birds went on to score four unanswered goals over the next two periods, playing physical defence that led to good scoring chances.

UBC capitalized on those chances, building an insurmountable lead that Calgary couldn’t catch up to. A late power play goal by the Dinos made the score 5-3, but it was too little too late.

“We stressed desperate hockey.

We stressed effort and we stressed that this is a playoff game for us,” said Dragicevic. “I thought that the guys responded today.”

Goalie Jordan White came in after the first and played two solid periods in net, making 12 saves on 13 shots. He came up big when it mattered, making several key stops that allowed his team to come back and take the lead for good.

UBC only had 19 shots in the game, but made the most of the ones they had. Their forechecking proved to be important, as it created the majority of their chances. Forward Wyatt Hamilton scored what turned out to be the winning goal in the third as he picked up a loose puck off a Calgary giveaway and wristed one home past Calgary goalie Dustin Butler. Hamilton scored two goals for the T-Birds, while Fleming, Max Grassi and Dustin Kimber added the others.

“Every line scored a goal tonight.

That was a big difference,” said Dragicevic.

UBC continues their regular season next weekend when they travel to Edmonton to take on the University of Alberta. U

The Thunderbird Athletic Council’s Athlete of the Month

JOSH CURRAN/ THE UBYSSEY

UBC’s Greene is considered to be one of the best collegiate quarterbacks in Canada.

T

he athlete of the month for October is Billy Greene from football. This past week, Greene was given Canada West offensive player of the week honours for his outstanding play against Calgary.

While leading the Thunderbirds to a convincing win, Billy Greene recorded 421 yards on 23 of 42 passing. He produced an impressive four touchdowns, propelling UBC to a 6-2 record.

This is Greene’s second nod as offensive player of the week

in just over a month, the other coming in late September. Both recognitions are just a fraction of the success Billy Greene has had on the field this season as he has produced MVP-like numbers at the helm of the Thunderbirds’ offence.

Greene and the rest of the Thunderbirds now gear up for the playoffs as they chase the coveted CIS banner.

—Thunderbird Athletic Council

8 | Games & Comics | 11.07.2011 Slitherlink by Krazydad

How it works: Slitherlink is an addictive logic puzzle that was first published by Nikoli in Japan. The puzzle consists of a grid of dots, with some clue cells containing numbers. You connect horizontally or vertically adjacent dots to form a meandering path that forms a single loop or “Slitherlink.”

The loop must not have any branches and must not cross itself. The clue numbers indicate how many lines surround the cell. Empty cells may be surrounded by any number of lines (from 0 to 3).

There is one unique solution, and you should be able to find it without guessing. You may find it helpful to make Xs between dots that cannot be connected.

—from krazydad.com

Ski Ninjas by Kyle Lees (Lakehead University)

U

Send your comics to printeditor@ubyssey.ca

OR, COME BY THE UBYSSEY OFFICE

SUB 24, FOLLOW THE SIGNS

11.07.2011|Games & Comics | 9 Blundergrads by Phil Flickenger

Comicsmaster by Maria Cirstea

Sazaemon by Meiki Shu

Sudoku by Krazydad

Opinion

11.07.2011 |

10

Editor: Brian Platt

South Campus a hard cause to get behind Editor’s Notebook Kalyeena Makortoff

Taking their inspiration from the AMS’ rebranding efforts, the university comes up with a few new names.

INDIANA JOEL/THE UBYSSEY

The Last Word Parting shots and snap judgments on today’s issues It’s officially time to jump on the T-Bird football bandwagon As a rule, sports stadiums on campus are only full when there isn’t a UBC game being played.

And yet, there was Thunderbird Stadium on Saturday afternoon, filled to the brim with 4000 screaming fans as UBC played their first home playoff game in 12 years. Up against the University of Saskatchewan Huskies, the T-Birds pulled away in the third quarter, withheld a furious rally in the fourth and advanced to the Canada West championship next week in Calgary.

The jubilation in the crowd was enough to make us think about how this school would react if the equivalent happened in the US. We’d never advocate a full-blown NCAA culture, where grown men would give up their first-born to hang out with star quarterback Billy Greene.

But a little bit of school spirit never hurt anyone.

Our T-Birds are up against those safety-school retreads from Calgary next Friday and it’ll be broadcast on TSN. With UBC just two wins away from the Vanier Cup for the national championship (which will be held at BC Place), media attention for this team will only grow, so you might as well jump on the bandwagon now.

Governance should be a priority for Electoral Area A candidates UBC has an awkward governance structure. Thousands of people live here with no municipal government, and campus land use oversight now resides with the province instead of the regional board of directors for Metro Vancouver. It’s no surprise that problems arise.

What is surprising is how little the five candidates applying for Electoral Area A representative have to say about dealing with the university’s governance situation. This is UBC’s only elected director on the Metro Vancouver board, yet the candidates talk about the lack of local democracy as if it’s just an abstract, theoretical concern.

When The Ubyssey interviewed all the candidates, Scott Andrews was the only one to lay out a specific idea for municipal government and planned to make governance a priority in the near future, saying “I would be acting on it as soon as I am elected.” The other candidates were very vague in their comments on the matter and less urgent about the need for change.

Incumbent Maria Harris said that the changes will be “organic” if the public decides they want it—which begs the question: if the change will be organic, why should we elect anyone in the first place? Sarcasm aside, directors are elected to actively advocate for issues, not to sit aside and let constituents do all the work themselves.

This is one of the most important issues that campus residents face, and it’s a disappointment that no one who will have the power to address it seems prepared to.

Want a job? Start looking in the trades after you graduate So if you’re like many UBC students, including most of us at The Ubyssey, you have a crippling fear of not being able to find a job upon graduation.

But even in this time of economic hardship, there are some sectors that are booming. Trades like welding and millwrighting are in demand more than ever, especially with the large shipbuilding contract coming to BC. The University of Fraser Valley, meanwhile, is reporting a large shortfall of students from what’s needed in their commercial pilots program.

As student journalists, we constantly hear the doom and gloom about what these hard economic times mean for students—particularly those graduating with an arts degree. But it’s important for all of us to remember that a university degree shouldn’t keep you from considering a change in direction after graduation.

Okay, these aren’t the types of jobs your high school career counsellor may have pointed you to. But they’re waiting out there if you just know where to look.

Nicely formed puns make students happy We understand that the rebranding for businesses in the new Student Union Building were going to create a spirited reaction no matter what—such a response is inevitable whenever a change comes to something we’re all used to. (Though a name like Boom! Pizza is rather, well, indefensible.)

But what we’re mostly disappointed about is the move away from the intellectual puns that the current business names are based on.

We liked the inspired names for the Honour Roll, Pi R 2, Bernoulli’s Bagels (named after a mathematician) and the Pit and the Pendulum (an Edgar Allan Poe short story, if you never figured that out).

And now we have the Flipside, the Grand Noodle Emporium and Peko Peko—and, of course, Boom! Pizza.

As you can see in the student comments elsewhere on this page, we’re not the only ones feeling underwhelmed. The good news is that it’s not too late to make a few changes, should the AMS decide to. Give us some fresh new puns to use over the next few decades.

Correction In the November 3, 2011 issue of The Ubyssey, the caption under the “Our Campus” profile of Ingrid Nilson read “Police in riot equipment charge against the crowd at Georgia and Homer in the CBC plaza.”

The photograph was taken in the south plaza of the Student Union Building.

Ingrid Nilson, who is co-president of The UBC Player’s Club, has not, in fact, been involved with riot control for the Vancouver Police Department.

The Ubyssey developed its graphic templates during the summer; this particular template was created following the Game 7 riots.

Due to an editorial oversight, this caption was not changed, no doubt resulting in a rather confusing situation for the reader, and Ms Nilson herself.

The Ubyssey regrets the error. U

Campus and Community Planning (CCP) representatives took a verbal beating at last Tuesday’s open house on the South Campus Neighbourhood amendments.

Almost 100 residents filled the room, upset at the plan to increase the residential development in Wesbrook Place.

The whole scene gave me a sense of deja vu. The last time I saw this kind of anger aimed at the university was during the fight to save the UBC Farm, a movement I reported heavily on for The Ubyssey.

For those of you who don’t remember, the university was making plans about where to put additional housing. Back then, they were suggesting putting it on farm land— which would have decreased the size of the farm dramatically.

But the crowd last Tuesday was very different from the one in 2008.

This time there were hardly any students present, aside from AMS executives and our own reporters.

Nor were there any activists, or at least none who were very vocal.

At the farm hearings, the people there had organized under a banner of environmental and food security concerns, and were able to draw a diverse and passionate crowd from all over Vancouver. But in the Wesbrook hearing, the rallying cry was one of NIMBYism.

It’s much harder to sympathize with this cause. Most of these people moved to a university without having any affiliation with it. They were were able to afford condominiums and property on one of the most expensive pieces of land in North America. And now we’re supposed to feel sorry for them?

The petition that was circulating

at the open house and Q & A session was signed by over 60 residents who said they would be asking UBC for financial compensation for residents being “forced” to move from their neighbourhoods. But “forced” in this case means deciding that they don’t want to stay in a neighbourhood that will reach a population of 12,000. True, they originally thought they were getting a smaller community—but it’s absurd to claim they have no choice now but to leave.

Yet I do see similarities between the two situations. Like the farm activists, the Wesbrook residents are letting out bottled-up frustration because they haven’t been listened to by UBC’s decisionmakers. They feel the university is going forward with plans for their neighbouhood without any regard for residents who invested heavily into what they thought would be a quiet neighbourhood. It’s not unreasonable for them to ask UBC to halt South Campus Neighbourhood developments until they have more input into the process.

Those of us who fought to save the farm can should claim some solidarity with Wesbrook residents in their call for meaningful consultation on development and more democratic representation at UBC. If the university wants to calm this situation, it needs to start sending members of its Board of Governors to meet with residents.

In this case, Joe Stott, CCP’s director, was sent out there as a punching bag. Stott doesn’t make the university’s land use decisions, he only implements them.

As for the residents, for all my reservations about their cause, I do encourage them to stay hopeful. Remember that we eventually emerged victorious and saved the UBC Farm. Though the university isn’t listening to you now, keep trying. It’s not over until the condos are built. U

Students respond to new SUB names On Wednesday, AMS Council heard a presentation on proposed names for businesses in the new SUB. The names were worked on by a group of design consultants and will still have to be approved by the AMS before being implemented.

If the presentation is implemented, students will soon be getting their snacks from such establishments as Boom! Pizza, the Grand Noodle Emporium, Flipside, Peko Peko and many other places. (See our news story for the rest.)

We asked students on Twitter to give us their thoughts about the new names. Here’s a sampling of some of the responses, all of which can be found on our website: @pattymh: Keep the old names!

Boom! Pizza? Serious? Peko Peko??

Pi R and Honour Roll are already known. Why change? @cdnbcn11: “Boom! Pizza” is growing on me. Not booming, though. Somehow I like the idea of

obnoxiously abrupt appearance of pizza. @rappindad: Here’s a thought.

Rename the SUB “Whatever, Dude!” and transform the building into a jumbo replica of Bart Simpson’s skateboard. @celipliz: Can’t we just leave the names alone? @magnusziegler19: those are some of the worst rebranding names possible. @Montana_Hunter: I have to admit I’m not big on the Pi R Sqrd name change, I loved all the puns we had in the SUB! @Govstheflow: why are they changing the names? Honour Roll is a good name for a sushi place. @curranjosh: incredibly awful.

Did no one notice when the bookstore changed their name? U

Scene

11.07.2011 |

11

Pictures and words on your university experience

HUMOUR >>

Query the first: where the free food is

UBC’s furry-tailed denizens offer a sustainable source of inexpensive protein The 25 queries of Student D Bryce Warnes The 25 Queries of Student D is an attempt to answer 25 pressing questions posted anonymously by a commenter on The Ubyssey’s website.

For the introduction to this column, and to read the original comment, visit ubyssey.ca/opinion/the-twenty-five-queries-of-st432udent-d/.

1. Where the free food is If you want a free meal, you can line up at Sprouts on Friday at noon. The downside to this option is that all the food is vegan. To get some free meat, you’ll need to be creative.

The human population of UBC is in a constant struggle for survival against the squirrels. They hide in the trees and emerge to feast on our precious garbage reserves; they hoard nuts that could be used to feed homeless people; they stare at us with beady little eyes that see into our souls, reading our deepest fears. And they taste like chicken.

To make a squirrel trap, you’ll need a stick, a toilet paper roll, a bucket and some peanut butter.

Fill the bucket up with enough water that your average squirrel, when immersed, won’t be able to touch bottom. Smear the toilet

paper roll in peanut butter—lots of peanut butter, make sure to completely cover it—and thread the stick through the roll. Then place the stick so that it crosses the bucket, suspending the roll in the middle. The stick needs to be stable, so you may want to use wire or duct tape to hold it down.

Place your trap near a tree frequented by squirrels. Your prey will creep along the stick, and when it stands upon the delicious peanut butter tube you’ve created, the roll will rotate and drop them into the water, from which they will be unable to escape. The squirrel may drown. This is okay, because it will save you having to snap its neck.

Three healthy squirrels are enough for a stew. After you’ve skinned and gutted them, make sure to cook them a long time, to kill any parasites. The flavour of the squirrel will depend on its diet. If you become an advanced squirrel-catcher, you may wish to set trays of pecans and almonds outside your house, so you can fatten up the local population before you eat them. Fruit will also lend a pleasant flavour to the meat.

Squirrel flesh is similar to dark meat on chickens. Assuming you’re not using any bizarre seasonings, it should pair nicely with a shiraz or a sparkling rosé. U For instructions on how to field dress a squirrel, watch youtube. com/6ErldKcHwaE.

PHOTOGRAPHY:

YES, IT’S FREUDIAN

Take photos for The Ubyssey Geoff Lister | art@ubyssey.ca

BRYCE WARNES/ THE UBYSSEY

This stratagem can be employed to acquire cheap and meaty game. Then, it’s simply a matter of cooking a delicious burgoo or fricassee.

12 | Scene | 11.07.2011 Artist’s rendition of the AMS’s 90s inspired food outlet rebranding (see page 3 for full story)

U

INDIANA JOEL/ THE UBYSSEY

A note concerning Thursday’s issue

Due to Remembrance Day creating a three-day long weekend, The Ubyssey will not be publishing an issue on Thursday, November 10. Content will be provided on www.ubyssey.ca throughout the week.