UCC Express Vol. 21 Issue 11

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UCCExpress.ie | Volume 21 | Issue 11 Wednesday March 21st

UCC Jailbreak finish first

Page 3 - News

There was 33 candidates for the 12 positions on offer on March 6th & 7th, with turnout reaching record levels (photo: UCCSU)

Hayes elected UCC Students’ Union President Robert O’Sullivan, Editor-in-Chief

After a long two-day election campaign, and late-night/early-morning count, Social Science student Alan Hayes was elected as President of the UCC Students’ Union for 2018/19. Having received 1865 first-preference votes, over 750 more than the next-highest candidate Eoin Collopy, Hayes went on to receive a majority of transfers.

While it was still mathematically possible for Collopy and Tommy Cahill to catch up to Hayes, it never looked likely, and Alan Hayes reached the quota on the fourth count.

Hayes, unlike Collopy, hasn’t been directly involved in ‘student life’ (societies, clubs, SU etc.) before this, but is well known for his

setting up of the Thomas Hayes Trust, a charity responsible for providing free counselling services for people contemplating suicide, and for family members affected by suicide. For this work Hayes has received a Quercus scholarship.

Hayes will be joined by current Welfare Officer Kelly Coyle, who won the race for Deputy President by a landslide. Current Council Chair (and UCC Express Film & Television Editor) Aaron Frahill was elected Education Officer by a margin of 130 votes, Hayes’ fellow Social Science student Niamh Connery was elected Welfare Officer, and current Oifigeach Gaeilge Faye Murphy was elected Comms Officer. Dave Cronin saw off current SEFS Rep Ronan Carey to become Ents Officer. Irish

Second-Level Students’ Union Welfare & Equality Officer Maeve Richardson was elected Equality Officer, and UCC 98.3fm’s Antóin Ó Duallaing was announced as Oifigeach Gaeilge late in the night.

Alana Daly-Mulligan, Jack Hickey, Noel Brennan and Jen Chadwick were elected as Arts Rep, SEFS Rep, Med & Health Rep and B&L Rep respectively. For full breakdowns of the vote, please read our ‘#UCCVotes Election Results’ article on UCCExpress.ie.

Turnout for the vote ranged between the upper 4000s and 5150, which was an approximate 30% turnout. Speaking to the Express, the SU’s Returning Officer wished to thank students for coming out and voting.

The scarlet L Page 6 - Features

Interview with Centralhall Byline Magazine

NEWS INSIDE TODAY: 2

FROM THE EDITOR

NEWS

Residents to Farranlea

04 UCC students finish first in annual 06 Jailbreak fundraiser

FEATURES

09 Secrets to success for long distance 08 Editorial - Ciara Dinneen

SEXPRESS

32 Paddy Jackson trial

Robert O’Sullivan, Editor-in-Chief

I’ve been putting off writing this for the last few hours, going 16 Kanye West - understanding a ge- through every issue of the Express I was involved in in some pro23 nius crastinatory quest to estimate how Environmentalism in the Simpmany words I had contributed to this paper over the four years I was fortunate enough to be on the masthead. As the hours ticked 38 London calling for Declan Kidney away, and the word count ticked 36 Stanley Cup playoffs preview over the 100,000 mark, I realised what I was doing: putting off the inevitable. Writing this editorial is the last thing I have to doEditor-in-Chief - Robert O’Sullivan ...well write-...well, write for the Designer - Kelly Doherty News Editor - Michelle Beazley physical paper, and I know that Deputy News Editor - Molly O’Rourke once I send this off to the designer Features Editor - Ciara Dinneen that...well, that’s it. I’m done with

BYLINE SPORT

EDITORIAL TEAM

Deputy Features Editor - Fergal Smiddy Opinion Editor - Chris McCahill Sports Editor - Dylan O’Connell Deputy Sports Editor - Claire Jouce Photographer - Emmet Curtin Webmaster - Evan Smith

Facebook: UCC Express Instagram: uccexpress Twitter: @uccexpress Website: uccexpress.ie

(even if the pants were a bit too the UCC Express, and essentialtight). Thank you to Beth for makly done with University College ing my first shift as Editor as easy Cork itself. as it could’ve been, showing me the heights of what design could I really wanted this to be anything be. Thank you to Frahill-...Aarbut a long, sad goodbye, but I am on, Cailean, Lauren, Evan, Launow hoisted by my own procrasren, Mary, Dylan, Donagh, Doyler, tination: looking back through Jill, Kelly, Emmet, Chris, Laura, the years, at all the memories, at Ciara, Michelle and all the people the articles and the names – at the who have worked for & with me things I had forgotten...it all came on this – if I succeeded, then I did rushing back, and I can’t help but so through your work, sweat, tears feel the need to be reflective here. and triumph. Thanks must also be given to Kieran, for all his help & If I am to have a cavalcade of gratiguidance over the years, and to Fitude in my last editorial, I suppose delma, Dennis, Vince and all the I should start at the beginning. Or SU officers who helped us to keep just a bit before the beginning. the train a rollin.

Thank you to my school friend, Cathal, for getting me involved Most of all, and most cliché’d of in the Express when he couldn’t all, thank you, dear reader, for havmeet his deadline. Thank you to ing such low standards that I may Audrey for hiring me, and giving pretend to be a journalist for fourme my first gig in print journalish years. Thank you. ism, and to her & Ellen for having to put up with my BS on a regular basis. Thank you to Brian, for giving me my first design job, and again putting up with my inane BS to put together a paper in about 12 hours. Thank you to Xander for always being a good brother, and being there when we needed them

Robert O’Sullivan

FROM THE NEWS EDITOR

Byline Editor - Cailean Coffey Fiction Editor - Sophie Mckenzie Gaming Editor - Zach Stevens Fashion Editor - Iris Maher Music Editor - JJ Lee Film & Television Editor - Aaron Frahill Humour Editor - Sarah Ryan Food Editor - Isabella Cosgrave Arts Editor - El Menton Staff Writers Laura O’Connor Jill Kingston Samantha Calthrop Lucas Brun Callum Connelly Eoin Doyle Kate Stapleton Eadaoin Regan

ISSUE 11 | UCC Express

Editorial Michelle Beazley

Tragically, this is my last ever editorial. I’m sure you’re very upset, but try not to cry so hard you can’t see the page- there’s still 300 odd words of my shiteing on to come.

It’s been a weird couple of weeks, trying to adjust back to reality after the snow stopped the country in its tracks. I saw snowmen, snow-women, snowbabies and even a snow-lion, not to mention the massive ‘send nudes’ message imprinted in the snow in the carpark of the crèche across the road from my house. The shops closed for two days, and we didn’t die.

I didn’t even run out of bread, although if I had, I allegedly could have ordered it by drone from a lad in Co. Clare. Entrepreneurs these days, eh?

I ventured outside for all of two minutes so my housemate could take a speedy picture of me and upload it to instagram. I nearly got frostbite, but you can’t bate those guaranteed likes when everyone is cooped up inside and has nothing to do but scroll through social media all day. By Saturday I think most people were begging for things to go back to normal. I had severe cabin-fever by Friday afternoon, and even though there were five people in my house we got so bored at one stage we actually did some college work. Amazing.

I hope it snows during exam week too so I can actually pass all my exams.

Anyway, it’s strange to be saying goodbye in March, but this is my last hurrah. I’m sure whoever takes over as News Editor will be, on the whole, more eloquent and entertaining than me, but I hope ye remember me fondly regardless.

We had good times, and ye were a

sound bunch, and always liked my profile picture when I made a show of myself begging ye to. I wish every one of you the best of luck for the rest of the year. Beaz over and out.

Michelle Beazley

NEWS

ISSUE 11| UCC Express

Residents Object to Farranlea Student Accommodation Complex Samantha Calthrop, Staff Writer Cork councillors are set to meet with residents who object to the building of a 146-bed Student Accommodation complex on Farranlea Road, Sunday’s Well.

Residents have sent over 50 letters to the council objecting to the development, largely due to complains about the building’s height, parking arrangements and the prospect of antisocial behavior & property devaluation by having students live in the area.

“This relatively huge influx and constant churn of students will do nothing to enhance the very active and established community spirit and neighbourly rapport but will serve to

grossly undermine it,” writes one dis- Others expressed concerns around gruntled resident in an objection let- raising their children in an area popter sent to the council. ulated by students, and more complained of inadequate planning for “We are all only too familiar with bins in the complex. the scantily clad, unruly, marauding student gangs parading the streets of Many suggested space near CarriCork, Galway, Limerick, and Dublin grohane Road, or developing student university towns and cities during accommodation on campus.

RAG week..and various celebratory occasions during the year,” writes an- This development is one of three proother. “This type of culture is not in posed in the area, as UCC and CIT keeping with quiet residential areas.” scramble to provide enough accommodation for incoming students, the Residents complained about the number of which is growing every height of the four-storey building, year. which was increased in size despite previous objections. One resident “CIT has the ground that would be complained that there would be ex- suitable for accommodation, but cessive shade over his garden, and they don’t have the ability to raise several more pointed out the mas- independent money to build. UCC sive shadow this would cast over the have the money but no land,” said neighbourhood. councillor John Buttimer, who believes it would be beneficial to imObjections were also raised around prove transport, “...if we could find parking, as the 146-bed facility only a way of harnessing the two of them has 10 planned parking spaces. Far- together...” ranlea road is a disc-parking area.

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There is currently over 2,500 student beds in Cork City, with another 2,500-3000 to be built over the next eight months.

In August 2017 there was a shortfall of 25,000 student beds compared to those needed. With property prices still rising, and just over 3000 properties available in rent nationwide at the end of 2017, accommodation scarcity has become a pressing issue for university students, with UCC’s on-campus accommodation fully booking out before CAO results were even announced.

Rent prices have not dropped since the Celtic Tiger years, and the issue of student accommodation has been raised as a concern for many.

On the other hand, however, RAG week and UCC Christmas have both been the subject of media scrutiny, and UCC has been taking great pains to clamp down on anti-social behavior in the coming year.

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NEWS

USI approaches county councils to secure third-level funding Molly O’Rourke, Deputy News Editor While the government is still deciding on the funding of third level education, the Union of Students in Ireland (USI) is approaching local county councils in an effort to gain support for increasing spending in the sector.

Since the middle of 2017, USI officers have been contacting county councils to lay out their argument for a publicly-funded higher education system. The campaign to target local councils is a tactical one, as Irish politics is often decided at a local level. By starting with councillors, the union can pass their message up the chain of command, so it reaches all levels. Of the fourteen county councils that have been approached, six have agreed to pass the motion in support of the union.

In an interview with The University Times, USI President Michael Kerrigan explained that most of the councillors they meet with “wouldn’t have a massive amount of knowledge” on the issue. It tends to be those with a first-hand experience of the matter,

ISSUE 11 | UCC Express for example, parents or those with personal links to higher education institutes. Sinn Féin councillor Mike McKee stated that he knew about the problem after working harder to put his own two children through college.

As it stands at the moment, Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil have refused to take a stance on the issue, waiting instead for the decision of the Oireachtas Committee on Education and Skills.

However, Fianna Fáil’s education spokesperson, Thomas Byrne, has questioned the process, stating that it is highly unlikely a consensus will be cast on a new funding scheme.

The USI therefore plans to approach 31 county councils and ask them to pass the motion. It is, however, a slow process, as the guidelines for speaking to councillors differs from region to region. Kerrigan explained that “it isn’t easy to get on the agenda….. so [they’re] just trying to get as many as [they] can.”

Being described as a ‘deterrent’ for families, the current system needs changing. Unsatisfactory grants and rising accommodation costs are just some of the reasons many young people cannot afford to attend university. Clare County Councillor, Clare Colleran Molloy, is concerned about the current trend towards the

US model of funding. She spent time studying in the US, and stated that she encountered many students who were struggling with large debts and the huge payments parents are expected to make. When approached by the USI, she said that she would do “everything in [her] power to prevent a model like this.”

Unfortunately, many councils are acutely aware of the fact that the government may not take student protests seriously, even though students are prime candidates for demanding change. Councillor Mike McKee further explained that it “is a shame that it is recognised that many young people don’t vote…..When senior citizens decide to campaign, the government listen. Young people can make a change. If they’re told they can change the national landscape, they would get out and vote.”

Therefore, it is increasingly important for students to ensure they’re registered to vote, as the USI will need all the support they can get in order to protect our current fee situation.

Around the Universities Michelle Beazley, News Editor Trinity College Dublin A series of rallies and demonstrations have taken place in Trinity tp protest against the proposed implementation of a €450 flat supplemental examination fee. The ‘Take Back Trinity’ campaign team, an estimated 50 students, occupied Trinity College Dining Hall for 3 days last week, with further demonstrations planned around campus in the coming days. Provost Patrick Prendergast has since tweeted he would “seriously consider alternative proposals on supplemental exam fees, modular billing & PG/Non-EU fees at the next Board meeting.”

University College Dublin UCD has repurposed over 170 pre-existing bathrooms on their campus as gender neutral.

The university also plans to institute transgender changing facilities in its sports arena. The proposals are part of UCD’s new Gender Identity and Expression Policy, which hopes to welcome and support transgender and genderfluid students and employees of the university.

Students will also be able to amend their names on official UCD records, even if they do not possess deed polls.

University of Limerick The American attorney from hit Netflix documentary ‘Making a Murderer’, Dean Strang, will commence a position this month as guest Lecturer of Law at UL for six weeks. Strang acted as legal representative for Steven Avery, who was convicted of murder, and subsequently had that conviction overturned.

Spokespersons for UL School of Law hope their students will benefit from Strang’s perspective and insights on the US legal system.

Maynooth University MU has become the first ever Irish university to introduce sleeping pods onto its campus.

The ‘Energy Pods’, located in the campus library, originated as the result of the winning entry in the inaugural MU Innovation Competition. Representatives of the university have described new additions as “ideal for commuting students or just someone who simply needs a nap or a time alone to recharge.”

NEWS

ISSUE 11| UCC Express

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UCC Student Tests Award-Win- strate their award-winning device to seed planter out of bamboo or plas- tive model for the planter before it is farmers in the capital city of Malawi, tic, materials that are locally available implemented in the field. I’d love to ning Invention in Africa Lilongwe, and hear their opinions on it.

“We were a bit anxious as to how farmers would react to our device, as it is a cultural shift comparing to their traditional methods of planting seeds. We were surprised to see how accepting they were and were delighted to get their opinions,” explained Diarmuid.

“I was surprised to see how accepting they were about our device. We were delighted to hear their suggestions on how we could improve it – for example, getting rid of the battery for the laser. It was useful to have their opinion from an agricultural and engineering point of view,” added Diarmuid. “One of the main feedback we got was around the material used. It was suggested to make the

and more affordable.”

The aim of the trip was not just an opportunity for the pair to test their invention and get practical feedback from experienced people, but also to give Irish students the opportunity to experience African culture firsthand, and understand more about the obstacles the people there face in their daily lives, explained Dorothy Jacob, coordinator of Gorta-Self Help Africa’s Development Education programme. “It’s about both deepening understandings and challenging preconceptions,” she said.

Diarmuid and his co-inventor Jack are already planning a new model for the planter, drawing on the feedback they received in Malawi. “We need to conduct a few more experiments to design the most affordable and effec-

come back to Malawi in five-years time and see the planter being used by farmers everywhere in the country!” Diarmuid concluded.

Patrick O’Shea, President of UCC, said of the partnership: “As key institutions in Munster, Cork Opera House and University College Cork are responsible for helping shape the arts and cultural sector in our region and beyond. The partnership will provide a pioneering platform for the next generation of artists and practitioners to learn and gain experience.

It will enable young artists and practitioners to enter the workforce with confidence, resilience and a deep understanding of the industry and its opportunities.”

has seen since it began. Of the ninety teams who set out, however, only four were successful in crossing the Molly O’Rourke, Deputy News Edi- finish line in Pula, Croatia on Sunday evening. The four teams were all tor from UCC, and when asked who had On Saturday 10th March, the crossed the line first, they decided to sixth-annual JAILBREAK fundraiser share a joint victory. Team 13 (Seán began at Dublin Castle, with ninety Hilliard & Eoghan Meaney), Team teams departing on a race to make it 74 (Conor Foskin& Adam Mulcaacross Europe while raising money hy), Team 103 (Siobhán O’Donnell & for charities St Vincent de Paul and Claire Buckley) and Team 136 (Bríd Byrne & Róisín Russell) all managed Amnesty International.

This year’s challenge ended up be- to cross under the Arch of the Sergii ing the tightest race the competition - an Ancient Roman triumphal arch -

in the centre of the beautiful city.

As of Sunday, the 11th, Team 31 from Trinity College Dublin (Billy O’Hora and Liam Daly) were the winners of the fundraising element of the competition, having raised a staggering €2,606.19, with donations still coming in. They came in hot on the tails of the UCC teams, and secured second place, with Team 130 from UCC (Sean O’Mahony and Samuel Grace) coming in third.

This year’s challenge was co-organised with An CumannGaelach and, in order to qualify, teams were required to complete three charity events which demonstrated the work of the three organisations involved. On top of this they were tasked with showcasing the best of Irish language and culture throughout their travels.

Team 13, Seán Hilliard and Eoghan Meaney spoke to the Express once they’d returned home, and they explained why they had taken part in JAILBREAK – “it sounded like a great way to help two great charities (especially

SVP and all the great work they do in Ireland), while also getting to experience Europe in a way we’d never seen before”. They organised fundraisers in Cobh the week before leaving, as well as obtaining sponsorship from companies in Cobh. The two were the only team who succeeded in leaving Dublin Saturday morning, and praised Cork Airport for their support. The airport sponsored flights for the two students to Wroclaw, as well as fast-tracking them through security and checking in. After joining forces with other UCC teams and setting up a GoFundMe page (which their friends, family and RedFm helped out with), Team 13 was able to cross the finish line in time.

“The whole experience was amazing and surreal, and we were delighted to contribute to the 60,000+ which will eventually be raised for Jailbreak 2018’s charities.”

If you are looking for a different way to see some of Europe, consider signing up to Jailbreak 2019, as it is a fantastic fundraiser for Cork charities.

Michelle Beazley, News Editor UCC engineering student Diarmuid Curtin, who last year won the first prize “Science for Development Award” at the BT Young Scientist Exhibition, had the opportunity to test his invention on a recent trip to Malawi with development agency ‘Gorta-Self Help Africa’.

As part of the Irish Aid-sponsored award, the Newcastle West student won a travel bursary that allowed him and his co-inventor, Jack O’Connor, to field-test their project- a custom-made seed planter for farmers.

The metal planter is designed to bring precision to the seed planting, as well as saving time and labour. The pair had the opportunity to demon-

UCC students victorious in 2018 JAILBREAK fundraiser

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FEATURES

ISSUE 11 | UCC Expres

Editorial - Not Even Sorry

By Ciara Dinneen, Features Editor As this is my first editorial ever and the last issue of the UCC Express for this year, I cannot and will not apologise for the fact that the entirety of this inaugural editorial reads like an end-of-year reflection followed by passionately and perhaps flowery acknowledgments, however, I love and appreciate so much, too many people to not even mention a few. So, like I said, sorry not sorry.

I cannot believe that we have reached this point in another year, with only two more weeks of lectures left after this one, excluding the Easter break of course (apologies if I gave anyone heart palpitations for a second there). This year, like most do, flew by. And, again like most, this year brought with it its own challenges; the ups and downs that make life life. Going for the UCC Express back in my first few weeks of college was one of the best things I ever did. Here I am, at the end of second year (almost) having gone from Deputy Features Editor in my first year, to Features Editor this year, and hoping to stay involved in as much of a way as I can manage while on my Erasmus in Utrecht next year.

I am and will forever be so grateful for the experience and opportunities that this paper has given to me, and for the friends that I have made through being part of the Express team. I wish I had enough space here to directly acknowledge each and every one of our wonderful team members, but sadly I do not.

However, I simply must mention Rob, our wonderful editor, and Fergal, who has been the Deputy-to-my-Features this year. Thank you Rob for the trojan work that you have done every fortnight, spending long and late hours putting together one of the best student publications in the country, and for all the times in between that you have been there to support and offer guidance to every single member of the team. You are the highest and brightest of starbars, Rob. Thank you to Fergal for being the best partner in crime that I could have wished for; amazingly talented, an incredible writer with a unique voice that never fails to fascinate instantly, from the very first line, and evoke intrigue with every piece that he writes. You are going high places, Fergal. Watch this space.

I’d also like to send out a huge thanks to everyone and anyone who has ever read anything that I have written. I hope that you enjoyed whatever it is of mine that you read, and that you will read more of my writing in the future.

This is it from me. For now, anyways.

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FEATURES

ISSUE 11| UCC Express

Seven Success Secrets of Long Distance Éadaoin Regan, Staff Writer Have you been forcefully prised away from your significant other? Do you miss arguing over who snores the loudest? Would you often find yourself lamenting the times you didn’t appreciate all the times they wouldn’t shut up talking when you were dying from a hangover? Do you hate seeing everyone else tweeting ‘#longdistancesucks’ because their boyfriend returns home for the midterm break, even though he only lives an hour way? Fear not, there are ways around the rage (unfollow these bellends) and there are means to ensuring that your relationship stays Nicholas Sparks worthy. Just follow these few hints and tips to make sure your lad stays your lad!

Just because you are apart, doesn’t mean you can’t spend time together. Sure he might say he was actually planning on having some alone time with the housemates, just playing playstation or having a few beers.

But you know what he really wants.

Umpteen hours of your presence!

Videochat him for the entire evening. He doesn’t need to speak to you. He can just prop his camera up somewhere in his living room where you can see him. Then you can multi-task and get some work done while also spending time with your man. It’s all about balance!

See It As An Opportunity If you have followed step 1, then you can relax because he will know you adore him. (Phew!) And the world will too. (Yay!) But how can you be sure he feels the same? Take this as an opportunity to test him. Lads LOVE tests. It ignites the competitive streak in them. Take a break from step one and don’t contact him for two hours.

Then post a Snapchat to your story of you taking a cosy selfie with a random lad (preferably on a night out) and caption it ‘Reunited with this one’. If you really want to get your fella amped up, maybe throw on a heart eyes emoji for good measure!

Then, and this is where it will get really gas, don’t reply when he asks you who it is. When you next talk to your fella oh how ye will laaaugh at how gas it was! And sure isn’t laughter the key to a happy relationship?

Excessive Communication Worried he will forget you? Not a problem! It’s important he knows you are thinking about him at all times. Set a reminder on your phone every two hours to send him just a cute little reminder of how much you love him on Messenger, Instagram, Snapchat and Whatsapp. It is paramount you use all of these at the same time to remain consistent.

If you are feeling particularly amorous, make sure to post a lengthy declaration of love and include lots of personal details about him on a public platform (i.e., Facebook and Set Some Ground Rules Twitter). It will drive him wild!

This is where your organisational skills will get their time to shine.

Do Things Together

Make out a list of rules that you feel will benefit the both of you in a way that will ensure the ongoing harmony in your relationship. These can be general, common sense type of demands – I mean, guidelines. Usually something along the lines of no working with girls under the age of 45, no girls numbers in his phone except his mother’s, no clubbing, no lad’s night out (which can be counted as such if there is more than one other lad in a vicinity that serves alcohol) and he must call you by 10.30pm for at least two hours every night. The opportunities are endless.

Just make sure you aren’t being unreasonable.

It’s also good to lay some ground rules for yourself out of fairness. For example, you can’t forget to message every two hours (see step 1). Other than that, you probably don’t need any rules. Go you!

Finally, once you have your list make a pie chart and/or bar chart to display the rules in handy places around his apartment/car/work place so that everyone else is aware of the rules. This way they won’t be tempted to sway him because everybody respects a pie chart. Also create an excel file for ‘incidents’ where rules have been breached. Lads love guidance. And this is a good way to show him how attentive you are to his whereabouts at all times. He will think, “she is going to make such a good wife”. And

by God, you will!

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little time he has to get it done? It’s ok, you understand. He need say no more. No one knows your man like you do.

Land up at his house with absolutely no notice. If he tells you he is too busy to do anything then ensure to very sternly, and if needs be hysterically, tell him that he needs you more than he needs the job. You are only looking out for him after all. He will appreciate it in years to come.

Keep Up To Date It’s important that you don’t miss any of the memories your partner is making without you. Be supportive of his activities. Keep an eye on his Facebook, Snapchat, Twitter, Instagram likes feed to see what he’s up to. But you need to invest more than just that so also do the same for his friends, family, work colleagues, and company Linkedin page. Then question him on everything you have seen. Especially the posts he wasn’t directly tagged in because he will know the lengths you went to and will feel immensely loved.

Talk Dirty To Each Other Do you have a hat? Are you ready to hold onto it? Well, good! To really drive him wild, tell him you are going to let him forget the relationship guidelines for one night only. Take one of your trusty pie charts and slowly rip it up in front of him. This will let him know you’re serious. (In any case, you have laminated ones in Make Visits To Each Other the back of your wardrobe to replace Do you know that he has a really im- it with later. Again, you are so organportant deadline coming up? Has he ised. Wife goals). told you how stressful it is and how Then, for the finale. What will really, really get him going. Tell him you are going to go on the lad’s night out WITH him! Surprise!

He will be speechless. Literally.

You really are just so thoughtful.

Long distance is tough but it is not impossible. It will be worth it when you have a ring on your finger and can tell those smug co-workers of yours how, against their advice, you came out a winner. By following my seven secrets of success you can ensure you are well on your way to being a wife for life!

Est.

8 1997

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Monday March 19th The House of Commons passed an act on this day in 1649 to abolish the House of Lords. This followed the end of the English Civil War, as Cromwell and his faction looked to abolish any remaining threads of the monarchy. It would stay abolished until 1660, when the monarchy itself was restored to its former strength. It would remain a massive power in British politics until the 19th & 20th Centuries, when it gradually became less and less important.

Famous Death: Former head of the Westboro Baptist Church Fred Phelps (1929-2014) Holiday: Return of the Swallow (California) Tuesday March 20th The Republican Party (America) is founded on this day in 1854 in Ripon, Wisconsin. The name was chosen as an homage to Thomas Jefferson’s Republican Party (1792-1825), and the party is founded on a platform of being anti-slavery. The party would mainly prove popular in Northern states in its early years.

This would later be the party of the 16th President of the United States Abraham Lincoln, who was the first Republican candidate to be elected President in 1861. Yes, this is the same party that elected Donald Trump.

Famous Death: Playwright Brendan Behan (1923-1964) Holiday: World Sparrow Day Wednesday March 21st In 1800, having been driven out of Rome, Barnaba Chiaramonti is officially crowned Pope Pius VII in Venice. When the Papacy was pushed out of Rome by Napoleon’s forces, the French claimed the tiaras and crowns in the Holy See’s possession. So, without access to the ‘official’ crowns, Pius VII was crowned with a tiara made from papier-mâché. Most of Pius’ time as Pope would be spent dealing with the French, and he passed away from old age (essentially) in 1823. In 2006/7, Pope Benedict XVI began the beatification process for Pius VII. Famous Death: Sinn Féin politician Martin McGuinness (1950-

A chat with journalist turned barrister and proud mother of five, Aileen Hickey

By Ciara Dinneen, Features Editor

Recently I had the opportunity to chat with Aileen Hickey, a successful journalist-turned-barrister and fabulous mother of five. Aileen lives in Dublin with her five children and her husband, Matt Cooper: the highly successful journalist and radio presenter with his own show, ‘The Last Word’, on Today FM. Aileen was born and raised in Millstreet, Co. Cork, attending the boarding school in Millstreet. Aileen then went on to study Communications in DCU. Having spent time in America on a J1, Aileen came back to Ireland in 1989 to begin working in newspapers; “But because I didn’t have enough of a journalistic qualification I began working in advertising in newspapers.” She worked for a while in The Dublin Tribune, and when that closed down in the early 1990’s, Aileen moved to the Sunday Business Post, “again, selling advertising.” Although advertising wasn’t the area in which Aileen really wanted to be, she “wanted to see how newspapers worked.”

ISSUE 11| UCC Express self that she was in any way or at any point presented with further challenges or perhaps barriers as a woman when it came to her work.

“No, not at all,” was Aileen’s confident response to this, “I couldn’t say that I was ever overlooked or that I ever felt that it was seen as a negative. Anyways, as a matter of fact, some of the stories I would cover, maybe a murder story, I would be sent to the place to do background research and found out stuff ”, so Aileen never felt that anyone thought twice about sending her off to cover particular stories because of the fact that she’s a woman – a great reassurance to female aspiring journalists .

“I did a column in the Sunday Business Post called ‘Influences’. It generally involved me talking to a wellknown business man, like chief executives of big companies, PLC’s and stuff, to find out who their influences had been from childhood and education-hood, to when they went on into adulthood, and they never reacted like ‘oh I’m not telling a female journalist this!’. I remember I was sent to the North Sea to cover an oil company at one stage; we were flown out by helicopter out of Norway … I would’ve not only been the only female journalist, but would’ve been the only woman [that was staying on the oil rig].” Aileen really does feel that being a woman never held her back or impacted on her journalistic career, or anything that she did, in any negative way.

Married to Matt Cooper, Aileen explains one of the reasons she did move away from journalism; “Matt had a much higher profile than I did and … a lot of our contacts were the same,” as well as the fact that Aileen had “always half fancied doing law at some stage,” so they decided Matt would carry on with the journalism and Aileen would embark on a new venture. “He encouraged me. I couldn’t have done it if he hadn’t have encouraged me.”

While Aileen was there, she applied to do the Masters in Journalism in DCU. As the Masters course was a full-time one, Aileen had to give up her work in advertising when she did the course in 1993. The course was one year, and after it Aileen did freelance work for various newspapers; “I was doing big features for the Irish Independent, particularly for the weekend section on Saturday. I was doing property stuff as well for the Sunday Business Post. I had my own column in the Sunday World for 10 years called ‘Sunday Money with Aileen Hickey’.” Aileen did that full-time column for about ten years, while also doing features for the Sun- Aileen was about 28 when she began day World, so Aileen really was doing her studies to become a barrister. Although Aileen wasn’t pregnant when ‘quite a bit’ of freelance work. she started the four-year long course, Journalism is a highly competitive she did become pregnant during the field, and I was curious myself how time. I wondered how Aileen manAileen found her experience was in aged to juggle two small babies and general, but also in particular what her studies during a four-year long her experience was being a woman in law course… the field; I asked Aileen if she felt her-

“During the four years I had two! In fact, when I got called to the bar I was heavily pregnant, and with a baby in my arms! It was great. I still kept up some of the journalism stuff until I had to give it all up.

“I started as a barrister then in 2007, and by that stage I had five kids under the ages of 7, and it was just too hard to keep all of the balls up in the air, so I give it all up [the journalism work], and I didn’t do much journalistic work after that, probably not for a good while, until the kids got a bit older. In the last eight or nine years I’ve dipped my toe back in; I’ve been doing the Midday show on TV3, which is now the Elaine show, probably for about eight or nine years.”

I asked Aileen if she enjoys being part of the talk show, because although a journalistic type avenue, it also involves live broadcasting and public speaking which would be a lot different to writing for newspapers; “I really enjoy it because first of all it keeps me involved, and it’s interesting. I enjoy the people that I am on the show with and the topics [we discuss]; Elaine is great and, yeah, I really enjoy it! I was doing some writing last year also for the Sunday Business Post, kind of like a personal column, so I’ve been dipping my toe back in!”

Fascinated by Aileen’s ambition and all that she has achieved up to date, I asked her if there is anything that she has always wanted to do but has not gotten around to doing just yet?

“Actually, that’s a very interesting question because I did threaten at one stage, probably about 7 or 8 years ago, that I might give Medicine a go! But I said it to Matt, and he wasn’t sure of it and said that it was just a step too far.

I mean at that stage I had been in college for 8 years, and it would’ve been an indulgence too far. I’m not even sure if I would have been able for it!

But, I mean I hope that there is going to be other things, more [to come down the road] … My youngest is in 4th class now, and I hope that over the next few years I find other areas that I can both challenge myself in and get new life experiences in and do more learning but as of it yet I don’t know what they are. I am a great believer in decade change, which basically means that, I always think at the end of 10 years ‘God, I never imagined ten years ago that this, this and this

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ISSUE 11| UCC Express would have happened’ so I’m always thinking ‘I wonder what can happen in the next ten years, both good and bad!’ I don’t know really what else there is out there…”

Aileen got married in UCC’s very own Honan Chapel, and I know a lot of UCC students are aware of that possibility for them, so I asked Aileen about this; how she liked it and her experience of having her wedding in the beautiful Honan Chapel…

“How did you know that?!” a somewhat surprised Aileen asked me. I told her that I had done my research, and we laughed. Matt Cooper, Aileen’s husband, studied at UCC. “Matt did his degree in Commerce in UCC, and actually a couple of years prior to me doing my masters in journalism, Matt did that same Masters in Journalism course as I did. We met in the Sunday Business Post when I was still selling advertising there and he was the business editor. I started on a Monday, and we were going out together by the Friday! And we were engaged that following year.”

“[The Honan Chapel] was beautiful!

My parents had been a little disappointed that I didn’t get married in Millstreet, but it was beautiful. Now, I hadn’t been to UCC, but I had plenty of friends who went to UCC. It is a beautiful place to get married and we were very lucky that we had the option to get married there; that was 1995.”

My last question for Aileen was this; What advice would you give to aspiring journalists, especially as it’s a field that’s going through rapid changes with the advancement of technology: “Now, my advice for anyone trying to break into journalism would be to do a degree in something entirely unrelated to journalism, I think, so that you have a different perspective on a particular area. I think a lot of the really good journalists that I know [specialise in something, a particular area], so their primary degree could have been anything from Engineering to Psychology or whatever. I just think: have a degree in something that you are really interested in, and then decide to go into journalism after that.

O bv iously, the journalism world has totally changed what with social media and all the rest of it, but that d o e s n’t mean to say that there isn’t space for r e a l l y good journalism.

It’s just, I think, it’s going to be harder. I don’t think myself that newspapers are completely dead.”

“I still prefer, particularly at the week-

end, to sit with the newspaper rather than looking online. Similarly, if I wanted to read a book, I have a kindle, but I much prefer to read from a physical book. I hope that there will always be space for people who are really good at writing. I think, whatever area of journalism people want to break into, it has to be something you really enjoy yourself, whether it’s writing about agriculture or property or so on, it has to be something that really engages you and that you really want to do. The journalists whose careers didn’t work out boxed themselves off in areas that they weren’t actually interested in. So, I think have a much more broad-based degree and then decide after that if you want to go into the area of media or journalism and just make sure that you are interested in the area that you decide to work in and get involved in. As well, be prepared for working long hours, not like in any other job, and maybe not always getting your stuff published and getting knocked back a couple of times, but y’know just like any other job you’ve just got to keep at it.”

Aileen is the perfect example of a woman who has proved that it is never too late to embark on a journey of learning and experience work in many different areas in a lifetime; it is never to late to go and do anything you want to do. Aileen has done journalism, TV, she’s a barrister - all the while being a mother of five kids!

“I just think as long as you’re involved it keeps you going every day; I have a motto that you have to do something you enjoy every day, whether that’s an elements of your work, or whatever else you are doing, but you have to be doing something that you enjoy because if you’re enjoying it, first of all it doesn’t feel like work, and second of all you do a much better job at it. That’s where you have to be. I have done stuff before, by the way, that I didn’t enjoy, and I wasn’t good at them because I didn’t enjoy them.”

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2017) Holiday: Human Rights Day (South Africa) Thursday March 22nd Canadian actor, director and surprise musician William Shatner was born, on this day, in 1931 in Montreal, Quebec, Canada.

Shatner is best known for his portrayal of Captain James Tiberius Kirk on the original run of sci-fi television show Star Trek from the 1960s. Beyond Trek, he is most known for the roles of the eponymous veteran cop from the show T.J. Hooker, and as Denny Crane on mid-2000s hit show Boston Legal. His 1968 spoken-word album, The Transformed Man, has become iconic for various different reasons.

Famous Death: Former mayor of Toronto Rob Ford (1969-2016) Holiday: World Water Day Friday March 23rd On this day, in 1919, Benito Mussolini founds his Fascist political movement in Milan. The movement is founded on the principles of nationalism, and connecting then-current day Italy to the glory of Ancient Rome.

24 years later, on the same day in 1933, Adolf Hitler is officially made the Dictator of Germany.

Famous Death: English cricketer Jack Russell (1887-1961) Holiday: Day of the Sea (Bolivia)

Est.

10 1997

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The Scarlet ‘L’: How To Survive And you are out of your depth suddenly washes over you, and the confident Thrive As A Learner Driver purr of your trusty Polo engine is beFergal Smiddy, Deputy Features Ed- ginning to sound more and more like a fearful tremble. A quick glance in itor your rear-view mirror reveals a giant Imagine, if you will, the following Range Rover stalking just a few feet scenario: It’s 8:38 on a Monday morn- behind you, its headlights and honeying, and having completed your final comb grill twisted into what appears driving lesson on the previous Fri- to be some sort of deranged grimace. day morning, you’re embarking (de- The driver is a red-faced older man spite your mother’s best wishes) on in a suit who looks no more than your very first independently driven twenty minutes from a heart attack, journey to college. With your driving undoubtedly rushing intensely to test only a matter of weeks away, the some important conference or cordays of extortionately priced train porate meeting. The light remains red tickets and sweaty afternoons on the as you feel the first bead of sweat roll 205 bus are almost officially behind down your temple and hang from the you. You’re a don. You’re a frontline side of your chin. You fumble blindwarrior in the tribe of independent ly with the window handle, despermotorists. With your Jelly Belly air ately trying to let in some air while freshener hanging from the rear- making sure to keep your eyes fixatview mirror like a medal of honour, ed on the seemingly never-changing and your seat adjusted to achieve traffic lights. A second glance in the the optimal height ratio of coolness rear-view reveals the Range Rover to practicality, you’re finally ready to has begun to edge forward in gleeful burn some rubber and terrorize the anticipation, its streets in your 1.2 litre Polo. However, h e a d l i g h t you’ve suddenly found yourself at the e y e s front of a kilometre-long queue for fixed the Kinsale Road Roundabout, and things are starting to become a lot less exciting, and infinitely more terrifying. You watch in horror as cars shoot on and off the roundabout with impossible and, quite frankly, unnecessar y

speed and aggression, radared to their individual exits as though embedded with some sort of precision-heightening microchip. The realisation that

judgingly on the gigantic scarlet ‘L’ defacing your rear window, stamped on to ensure your incompetency and

ISSUE 11 | UCC Express vulnerability are publicly broadcast. It is as you sit there, awash in thoughts of anxiety and self-doubt, that you hear the first thunderous ‘HONK’ sound. The piercing roar of it jolts you back to reality, and sure enough, a panicked glance ahead reveals that the lights have turned green. Further merciless honking ensues as your sweaty palms struggle to release the handbrake. Just when you think you may take off quickly and leave this shameful ordeal behind you, your legs, heavy with nerves, fail to catch the bite of the pedals; and to your shame and mortification, you stall your car right there on the Kinsale Road Roundabout. Cars begin to cross lanes to overtake you. You see the angry, cursing faces of the drivers as they pass you by. Somehow, you are able to make out a fleeting cry of “F**kin’ learner drivers!”

amidst the cacophony.

Several hands are raised in display of either threatening fist or middle finger. Numerous horns ring out in a sort of dissonant symphony. Chaos descends upon the land.

I’m sure a lot of you reading

this have already managed to get yourselves past the traumatic phase of driving as a learner, so I’m sorry if that anecdote triggered any personal roundabout-related emotional distress for you. And to those of you who are yet to begin the ordeal of becoming a fully licensed driver – I am equally sorry for creating any anticipatory anxiety. Becoming a fully licensed driver is probably one of the most daunting, arduous and stressful adversities faced by the general youth in Ireland today. First, you’ve got to source an actual car for yourself, which requires both a lot of money and the good fortune that Kieran from Sligo isn’t trying to scam you on DoneDeal. Next, you’ve got to arrange some decent driving lessons for yourself, which also requires a lot of money, and the good fortune that you’re paired with a competent driving instructor who knows their hill start from their three-point turn. And, finally, you’ve got to get your actual driving test

done – which requires (you’ve guessed it) a further hefty sum of money, and of course, the good fortune that you’re not assigned an examiner who you’re pretty sure is some sort of lab-grown Theresa May android. I suppose all I’m really saying, in a very roundabout way (if you’ll pardon the pun) is that the life of a learner driver is far from an easy one. Having been through it myself and having clawed my way out the other side (relatively unscathed and with shiny red ‘N’-

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ISSUE 11 | UCC Express plate in hand), I thought I’d share a few tips that I genuinely think can be put to good use by anyone who is currently bound by those wretched L-shaped shackles.

Tip #1: Follow the damn rules. The Road Safety Authority requires that learner drivers are accompanied by a fully licensed driver (who has held a full license for a continuous period of at least two years) at all times while driving. Getting caught driving unaccompanied can land you with up to four penalty points, as well as an €80 fine. So, driving unaccompanied to pick up the lads for a spin to Douglas for a King Creole might sound tempting, but the last thing you want is to have penalty points piling up on your license before you even pass your test. Just bring your Mam for a Creole instead, she’s sound and deserves it. The RSA also states that learner drivers are required to display ‘L’ plates on the front and rear of their vehicle. This may seem like a small thing, and a lot of people neglect it. However, simply not displaying ‘L’ plates on your car can get you a €60 fine and up to four penalty points, which is a ridiculous price to pay for something that can literally be picked up for a few euro at most garages across Ireland. A few other things to avoid, which are prohibited for learner drivers, are: driving on motorways; drawing a trailer; and carrying passengers for payment “or other reward” (if you’re into that sort of thing). Just by following these few simple rules, you can spare yourself a lot of unnecessary hassle on your journey to passing your test (not to mention the money you’ll be saving).

Tip #2: Ignore the stigma of driving with ‘L’-plates and just do your thing. After slapping on those glaring red and white symbols of inadequacy, you’ll notice pretty quickly that other road users do not particularly like you. Don’t be alarmed, this is normal. Just about everyone is going to view you as some sort of obstacle to get around rather than a fellow motorist, and that’s just the way it is. Like a blasphemous drunkard in Puritanical New England, you have been branded with a scarlet letter, and every other driver knows all about your dirty little sin of, you know, not being adept in the skill of driving a car. It’s going to be awful, but you’re going to have to learn to

manage and overcome it. Always take your time and go at your own pace.

Undoubtedly, people will beep at you and overtake you with needless hostility, but it is extremely important that you learn early-on how to keep a cool head and not let anyone intimidate you on the road. Remember, you have just as much of a right to be on the road as anyone else, and if Angry Middle Aged White Man In Large Sports Car™ really is in that much of a rush that he has to exhaust the noise-making capabilities of his horn because you’re doing 45KMPH in a 50 zone, then maybe he should have left a little bit earlier.

Tip #3: Practice, and be economical in your approach to preparing for the test. Like any skill, driving takes a lot of practice. It’s pretty much inevitable that your first time on the road is going to be Dustin-the-Turkey-on-Eurovision levels of tragedy and embarrassment, so just accept that now. For your first couple of journeys, make sure your fully-licensed passenger is someone you trust, and preferably someone who has an extremely vast and varied experience of driving.

The more experienced your passenger, the easier they will find it to stay calm in whatever stressful situation you inevitably find yourself in. Your passenger’s attitude will rub off on you, so it’s important to find someone who is going to keep you on your toes without causing you to have a nervous breakdown. It’s equally im-

portant that you are prudent in your approach to learning how to drive and eventually passing your test.

Make sure that your driving lessons are scheduled at the same time each week, when you’re sure they won’t clash with any other commitments you may have. Try and get them done weekly without missing too many sessions, as this will prevent your skills from getting rusty. Driving tests are generally notorious for having ridiculously long waiting lists, so make sure to book well in advance to avoid completing your lessons only to discover that you’ve been dealt a threemonth waiting period, during which you’re certain that all your skills and knowledge will gradually decay. Try to arrange a few practice tests with your instructor in the days leading up to your actual exam. This will massively boost your confidence, as you’ll be secure in the fact that every little detail you need to remember is fresh in your mind.

So, there you have it - three tips to help you survive and thrive as a learner driver, as well as breeze through your test! (disclaimer: the universe is a raging storm of chance and anarchy; therefore I can make no promises that the aforementioned advice will ensure that you pass your driving test. For all I know, the day of your driving test may just so happen to also be the envisaged day of the Rapture. In which case none of this matters at all). If you decide to take

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these tips on board, honestly, there’s not a whole lot that can go wrong.

Yes, being a learner driver is torturous; and no, I do not envy you; but it’s just an awkward part of life that everyone (everyone interested in driving their own vehicle, that is) has to go through. So, in short: slap on a few ‘L’ plates, always drive with Mammy, ignore the grumpy men who beep at you, take your precious time, and practice until your shoulder joints become permanently locked in the steering position. You’ll be grand.

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The Challenge to Free Speech on Campus?

Safe Spaces, and Political Correctness

By Chris McCahill Dissenting opinions, vigorous debate, challenging ideas and free speech. These are and should be the main principles of life on any campus university. Not only because it helps to better reflect campus life more accurately, a mix of ideas, voices, opinions and spirited debate, but also because that same debate and exposure

to different ideas and views allows students to broaden their horizons, question their preconceived notions and views of the world. It helps students and young people to become more resilient and better prepared for the real world.

Political correctness and safe spaces are increasingly challenges to these principles of free speech on campus.

These have of course been accompanied by a shift in attitudes and actions of students, on both sides of the coin so to speak; on the one hand there is a reluctance to express one’s own opinions or ideas, especially if the may be

controversial or unpopular to colleagues until such time as one can be sure how those views will be expected once aired or in other scenarios people will give a neutral or broadly accepted opinion instead of their own in order to avoid provoking a hostile response or risking becoming socially excluded. The same can be seen on the other side of the coin. Instead of rising to the occasion and debating or challenging ideas or others opinions which one does not agree with, they instead do the opposite. They close off, using terms such as being ‘offended’, or deem such opposing ideas as “politically incorrect” to use

as defense mechanisms to avoid engaging and close their minds off from ideas which they do not agree with.

The knock on effect is that certain ideas or views become essentially taboo on campus, which has a huge detrimental effect on free speech in universities. Safe Spaces and political correctness are two of the main factors responsible.

Safe Spaces: Originally it was meant to describe a place where one could go to avoid any form of discrimination, but instead the idea has been corrupted and changed and now a

safe space is one where can go to avoid being challenged or even encountering a idea which may be seen as offensive. The effect of such spaces is, of course, obvious, and has been alluded to already. Why would one engage or debate with an idea or viewpoint you don’t agree with when you can simply flee and wall yourself off in one of these safe spaces? This effectively prevents you from broadening your own mind or exposing yourself to other ideas, facts or evidence which could in turn lead you question your own ideas or even the very opposite, debating and challenging another idea could even reinforce your own ideas and opinions, upon failing to find a compelling alternative or upon successfully debating against opposing arguments.

Political correctness plays a huge part also. In fact, it even goes a lot further, when taken to extremes political correctness can seek to erase, write over or even destroy history simply because they are not politically correct. There are any number of examples both here and abroad of campaigns to rename buildings on campus named after people some feel should not be honoured or instead should be looked over for one reason or another. For example, the University of Bristol experienced a wave of protests seeking for the renaming of Wills Memorial Hall (the first chancellor of the University, George A. Wills, made his fortune from the tobacco industry, and had links to the slave trade). UCC experienced its own similar case with the naming of the Watson building, after James Watson, for his contributions to science and his work on DNA the double helix stand. The decision was criticised as Watson held and expressed a number of highly controversial views on race and gender, among others. Likewise consider a number of recent talks or conferences, such as the Israeli conference which was eventually held in UCC after being cancelled in Trinity college due to a number of protests.

Again these point to the exact same problem, instead of challenging ideas or views, there is an increasing desire to simply hide from over erase ideas

and views which people do not like or agree with. This is not only destructive to freedom of speech but can be, in its own way, a form of intolerance and discrimination: some views are acceptable, and tolerated, and allowed to be expressed, while others are not.

Finally, such restrictions on freedom of speech on campuses create more detrimental impacts on students.

Failing to engage with or expose oneself to other ideas means that students ultimately become unused to being challenged and as such become vulnerable to it. So as such instead of students building up their own self esteem, confidence and resilience, an essential part of any person’s development, students breakdown and become unable to handle such situations and thus provides the impetus for safe spaces. Which ultimately forms part of a vicious circle. So to conclude, the problem of these challenges to freedom of speech in universities isn’t just stifling debate and discussion among students but is also affecting their own personal development and preparation for their adult lives.

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Editorial

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nights out in Limerick, and not to forget JJ’s (Music) passionate take on Ireland’s rock scene and his undying love of Oasis. One of the biggest pleasures, however, has been the opportunity to work with Rob O’Sullivan, the Express editor, who has been nothing but a pleasure to work with and a fantastic help ever since I became involved in the paper three years ago, and who I know will do fantastic things in the future.

Welcome, one and all, to the final issue of Byline, and of the UCC Express, of the year. Since September we’ve published 11 issues, which required hundreds of hours of e-mailing, researching and writing from each and every one of our writers. Over the past 7 months we have covered everything from Disney’s monopolisation of the film industry, beatboxing in Ireland, the influence of blogger and influencers on the fashion industry and how to make the best turkey a student can afford.

This year has seemed to fly by faster than ever, but that could be due to the fact that we’ve have nearly a week extra off because of weather (which I still can’t believe happened, by the way).

Over the past year, I have personally had the chance to do some amazing things thanks to my position in this paper. I’ve interviewed some of the biggest rising stars in Irish music, I’ve been to album launch parties in London, I’ve been invited to award shows, I’ve been to more concerts than I can count and I’ve had the opportunity to meet some fantastic people. One of the most important things, however, has been having the chance to meet and work with some of the best and most dedicated writers this university.

Every editor of every section has added something different to the equation, be in Aaron’s (Film) analysis of the business and inequalities of an industries that’s had its toughest year in decades, Iris’ (Fashion) factual analysis of every brand and fashion show the world over, or Sarah’s (Humour) hilarious take on everything from climate change to

Having the chance the watch these writers develop and constantly improve has been a pleasure and an honour and I cannot thank them enough for their hard work. Unfortunately however, their time as editor has come to an end and that is why, with one of my final sentences of the year, I urge anyone who has been reading along with us or has a love for writing to get involved, send us an e-mail, become a staff writer or editor. It is, to this day, one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. Thank you for reading, good luck in exams, assignments and everything in between, and I hope each and every one of you has a fantastic summer!

Cailean Coffey Byline Cover Art Credit: Jill Kingston BCL (Law), Final Year jillandtonics.wordpress.com

HOROSCOPES

with mystic greg

Aries (Mar 21st - Apr 19th) - A pumpkin will form the central pillar around which your life is built. Comfort it, make it your soulmate. Lucky seasonal Starbucks coffee of the week: Gingerbread Latte.

Taurus (Apr 20th - May 20th) - As a Taurus, you are the bull. Seems like life is about to take the bull by the horns, as your life is about to take a nosedive. Lucky medal of the week: bronze, Olympic diving, 3 metre springboard.

Gemini (May 21st - June 21st) - Gemini’s get a lot of shit, and tbh, I don’t see the hype. Yeah, you’re not awful monsters, but tbh you ain’t nothin. Lucky action of the week: getting dunked on by the Universe, SON! Cancer (June 22nd - July 21st) - *scuttle scuttle scuttle, scuttle scuttle scuttle* what am I? I am a crab. Yes. Lucky crustacean of the week: a crab. Yes. Leo (July 22nd - Aug 21st) - Fuckin f ’real, fuck that neoliberal arsewipe who shares your sign’s name, he can go to fuckin hell (because he’s a Thatcherite wanker). Lucky item of the-GO FUCK YOURSELF VARADKAR, YOU CUNT Virgo (Aug 22nd - Sept 22nd) - You know, over the last two years I’ve been really harsh on you virgos. And you know what? Totally justified. Lucky concept of the week: taking a long, hard look at yourself. Tut tut.

Libra (Sept 23rd - Oct 22nd) - Wakka wakka, you unfortunate cunts share a sign with de Valera. He once robbed a nude pic of me missus from my back pocket, the cheeky cunt. Lucky action of the week: Shaming de Valera.

Scorpio (Oct 23rd - Nov 21st) - You know what, I haven’t really had a meme with you people. You’re alright, you know that? Lucky wrestler and/or member of the band The Police: It’s...IT’S STING! Sagittarius (Nov 22nd - Dec 21st) - I always get you confused with Capricorns, and I’m not entirely sure. Any compliments you received were misaimed, and should be handed back to the Capricorns. Lucky poop poop who cares: blah blah Capricorn (Dec 22nd - Jan 20th) - You. Now you I like. You can accomplish anything you set your mind to...just need to get over all yo’ bullshit. Lucky cat of the week: Mystic Sandwich (she really loves you) Aquarius (Jan 21st - Feb 19th) - Ooooooooooooooooooooooooh who lives in the pineapple under the sea? YOUR MAM BIY! Lucky show of the week: Nathan for You. No joke here, it’s just really good.

Pisces (Feb 20th - Mar 20th) - Blub blub blub blub blub blub? Blub blub! BLUB BLUB BLUB BLUB BLUB BLUB! GARGLE GARGLEEEEEEEEE! Lucky blub of the gargle: ...blub...

ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT More than Skin-Deep: Representation in Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe Zara Martin, Arts & Literature Writer I’m one of those people who’ll buy a

book on a whim because the title is so enticing. For me, those books never disappoint — Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe is one of those books.

Written by Benjamin Alire Sáenz, a Mexican-American author and poet, the novel gives the reader an insight into the life of teens growing up in El Paso, New Mexico. The novel itself follows a beautiful friendship that continues to develop through sepa-

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ration, the anxieties of adolescence, and the process of finding out who they are. The theme of identity is one of the most crucial parts of the novel because it doesn’t try to represent what is shown in most novels that end up in the spotlight.

The two main characters — Aristotle (“Ari”) and Dante — are both Mexican-Americans, but have different relationships with that identity and what it means to them. Aristotle is proud of his heritage, even though he makes jokes about joining gangs to annoy his mother.

There is a strong “anti-stereotype” shown, all the Mexican characters we meet are respectable, but none can escape the belief of what a Mexican person should be. Dante regularly struggles with this cultural identity and this is a key part of his character — he battles an internal shame of being Latino, while also coming to terms with a fluid sexuality that he doesn’t quite understand yet.

Representation runs all the way through the novel, they fight stereotyped identities that people can see (like Dante with his race), and also internal battles that people have with themselves (such as sexuality). These parts of the characters aren’t the only issues explored, like they have

been in other queer works. The two main characters come to terms with their sexualities differently, in a way rarely portrayed: one struggles for the entire book with who he is, the other accepts himself as he is. There’s a lot to be said for the way their parents reacted, too — there can never be enough stories of acceptance of LGBT people.

Even the family members of the main characters help to make the novel more well-rounded. One I was particularly struck by was Ari’s father, who returns from the Vietnam war, shell-shocked and estranged from his family. There is a representation of PTSD that is never seen is fiction like this — it’s never fully explored because the father can’t talk about what he has seen, but it is an acknowledged part of him. The book shows a family trying to understand how there has been no ceasefire for the father’s experiences, but they show him as much love as they can give him. They try to relate to him, and the mental illness he suffers as a result of the war becomes a fact of life. One of the strongest moments for me in the book is when Ari asks his mother about whether it is easy to love him after the war, whether she can comprehend him now, she replies, “I don’t always have to understand the people I love.”

There’s something in this book for everyone. There is diversity of race, of sexuality, mental illness, but, at the core, there’s a genuine, sweet, profound relationship between two very different characters. There aren’t many books that can give you so much diversity in one book and not even make it the unique selling point.

It really is a heartwarming story.

Film & TV

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Movie Recommendations I’ve no idea why I didn’t mention it before but I love the Greatest Showman and you’ll find me listening to it loads, so if you haven’t seen it yet do! I saw a singa-along screening up in Mahon Point, and my god it was like the best thing ever, I loved it!

New to Netflix I completely forgot about checking what was on Netflix once the election season hit, so I had a load of stuff to catch up on! Mute was released and was terrible, I remember starting as Film & TV Editor in 2016 and Duncan Jones was a good up and coming director, now he’s anything but!

Annihilation was just released and that’s meant to actually be good, so if you do want to watch a Netflix original film, this looks to be the best call.

Just Out Tomb Raider is a thing, don’t ask me why they rebooted it, but it is! Peter Rabbit is also a thing, don’t ask me why they rebooted it, but it is! (Yeah was hoping for more reboots to complain about, but it’s just the two right now).

A Wrinkle in Time will be coming out this week too, but it looks meh to me, so watch at your own risk!

Person of the Week Rob O’Sullivan – It’s the last Express for the both of us, so I said I’d give a tribute to a fantastic editor! Also a huge thanks to Cailean for putting up with me being late loads this year after having a reputation of being always on time! Lastly someone take my job for next year!!

Environmentalism in the Simpsons Shauna Burke, Film & Television Writer he Simpsons has been on the air since December 1989, and though the quality may have dipped in recent years in the fans’ eyes, the show doesn’t seem to be going anywhere anytime soon. With a show that’s been on television for that long, it’s no small wonder that the Simpsons have covered pretty much every topic there is to cover - as a 2002 episode of rival animated comedy South Park put it: “Simpsons did it!”

Sure enough, amid all the celebrity cameos, Grammy award-winning songs (and jokes about winning Grammys) and steamed hams, the Simpsons ‘did’ the environment, ecology and animal rights several times over their now 29 year history.

The show contains general themes of environmentalism, generally surrounding the town’s massive nuclear power plant. This first crops up as a point of contention in the fourth episode of season 2, ‘Two Cars in Every Garage and Three Eyes on Every Fish’. In this episode Bart & Lisa catch a three-eyed fish down river from the nuclear power plant. The governor of [whatever state Springfield is in] moves to fine Mr.Burns for the pollution his plant has cost.

Burns runs for governor to make it easier (and legal) to dump waste from the power plant, but his campaign falls apart (despite having the momentum of a runaway freight train) when he’s forced to eat the three-eyed fish Bart had caught earlier. Despite saying that the fish was perfectly normal, Burns is unable to eat the fish, spitting it out. The ef-

fects of nuclear waste and the power plant on the locality’s flora & fauna became a running joke for the show over the years, and Blinky the threeeyed fish himself became a sort-of mascot for the show.

Mr.Burns got his comeuppance later in the show, losing all his fortune, and being put in a retirement home in Season 8’s ‘The Old Man and the Lisa’. He begs Lisa Simpson to help him, and eventually she relents, but only if he gives up his evil ways. With Lisa he begins to build his life back up, using recycling as a focus. He regains his place in society, and builds the Little Lisa Recycling Plant, out of recycled materials, in her honour.

Lisa is honoured by this, but horrified when she discovers that Burns uses the plant to turn old plastic six pack rings into massive nets to catch fish. By the end of the episode Burns

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FILM & TV Editor - Aaron Frahill

sells the plant, and all returns to normal. Well, not for the hundreds upon thousands of fish who were caught, but you get my point. The show, typically through Mr.Burns, shows that there are ramifications for our actions on the environment around us, even if some of the plots take it to the Nth degree.

If Burns is the paragon of pollution and waste, then Lisa is the driving force behind the green efforts of the town. In Whacking Day she speaks out about the annual tradition where the townsfolk kill hundreds of snakes on a particular day - whacking day.

Lisa, with the help of singer Barry White (did I mention the celebrity cameos?), saves the lives of the snakes. When Bart gets an elephant in the season five episode… ‘Bart Gets an Elephant’... Lisa argues that keeping the elephant in their back garden is cruel, and eventually gets the family to donate the animal to a wildlife reserve. When Homer tries to sell Stampy (the elephant) to an ivory dealer, Lisa (and Bart) are appalled and run away. And when the elephant eventually saves Homer’s life he relents, and allows Stampy to go to the reserve. Lisa’s care for animals was taken to the next level in another cleverly-named episode, Lisa the Vegetarian. Lisa becomes very conscious that the food on her

plate was previously a cute critter frolicking through the fields. Her school and her family actively oppose her new vegetarian lifestyle, actually laughing in her face at Homer’s BBBQ (the extra B stands for BYOBB). She acts out, destroying the pig-on-a-spit centrepiece of the BBBQ. Having been scolded and grounded by her parents she breaks out of the house and, having a crisis of confidence, eats a Kwik-E-Mart hot dog. Apu appears, and tells her it’s a tofu-dog, and introduces her to Paul & Linda McCartney, who give her a talk on vegetarianism & maintaining her own views without impeding on the views of others. One caveat for Paul & Linda to agree to the cameo was that, unlike Mr.Burns in earlier seasons, Lisa had to stay a vegetarian. And stay one she has, and that’s how on of the most popular shows on television has had a vegetarian main character for the last 23 years, normalising the concept to families around the world.

Sensing a theme, the next notable ecological episode was the creatively titled ‘Lisa the Tree Hugger’. Lisa meets Jesse, the leader of environmental protest group Dirt First, at a family trip to Krusty Burger. She joins Dirt First to protect the town’s oldest redwood tree, which is about to be cut down by...The Rich Texan?!

Did the writers have any imagination at all?! How did this show last 3 seasons never mind 30?!-...anyway, Lisa camps in the tree, but leaves it one night during a storm. When the tree is struck by lightning everyone fears Lisa has died, leading the Rich Texan to dedicate the forest to Lisa’s memory, building an amusement park, ‘Lisa Land’, as a tribute. Lisa appears at the site and protect the trees, and Jesse dislodges the redwood that was to be used as a sign for the park.

The tree demolishes the Texan’s machines and buildings, and goes on a cross-country tour. The significance of this episode is that, while obviously the Dirt First gang are subjected to being the butt of a few jokes, they aren’t completely ridiculed in the episode. Though perhaps they come off as a bit naive, the environmental activists aren’t just ineffectual flower-power hippies like they are in almost every other American show, or even in other episodes of the Simpsons. Again, The Simpsons uses its platform to legitimise environmental protection efforts.

Ecology and environmentalism were consistent themes throughout the run of the show, which lead up to the Simpsons Movie, which was released between seasons 18 and 19 of the show. The central plot of the film is that Lake Springfield

has become disgustingly polluted to the point of being acidic.

When Homer tips the scale just a little bit too much by dumping a silo of pig crap in the lake. With the ecosystem reaching dangerous levels, the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) seals the town off in a giant bubble. Though the EPA were the primary antagonists of the film, it wasn’t as a crazy group of eco-freaks, but as a conniving governmental agency. The environmental issues are treated as actual problems, though, in typical Simpsons fashion, things just seem to right themselves by the time the credits rolled.

The show would go on to cover animal welfare and the environment over the later seasons of the show, but let’s be honest, none of us have watched the episode where Marge nearly has an affair while saving manatees, or when Lisa invented a process for humans to use photosynthesis, or the time Grandpa Simpson became a bullfighter...I made one of those up, and you honestly can’t tell which one is fake, can you?

Regardless of quality of the show, it gave an important platform to environmental issues over the years, and though it made jokes about green issues, it also made these issues more accessible to a massive television audience, who may not have heard of them otherwise. Now I’m off to find a recipe for lentil soup...

MUSIC

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Classic Album of the Week Republic of Loose – Aaagh!

(2006) Genuinely an underappreciated gem in Irish music history, the funk rock group from Dublin created a wonderfully progressive album featuring hits like “Comeback Girl” and “You Know It” – 2008’s follow up ‘Vol IV’ would feature the now famous “Steady Song” but ‘Aaagh!’ is arguably the peak.

Liam Gallagher Quote of the Week Liam on drunkenly mounting a dog in public – “That’s what rock stars do – I haven’t got a motorbike license, so a dog it is. I don’t care, mate. I really do not care. I don’t want to be took as a ‘serious musician’ either. I find that a f**king insult. It’s boring and not colourful. I’ll leave that to some other c**t” Top 5 Easter Break Study Choons Feeling confident about the upcoming exams/assignments? No? Me Neither! Let’s briefly pretend everything’s okay before swiftly coming to a realisation that you’re terribly screwed with this list! YAY! You’re the Best Around – Joe Esposito Last Resort – Papa Roach Oh My God – Mark Ronson Ft. Lily Allen The Final Countdown – Europe The End – The Doors

Kanye West – Understanding A Genius Aaron Frahill - Film & Television Editor There isn’t exactly a more polarising character in the music industry than Kanye West - trying to convince someone who thinks he’s an arrogant douche that he’s actually the music equivalent of sliced bread, which is pretty great, is not the easiest of feats.

With seven albums under his belt, Kanye has presented himself as an ever changing and a selfishly evolving musician, and this is the foundation for his success and intelligent risks. 2018 looks like Yeezy season approaching, so now is the perfect time to anticipate the bloodthirsty return of Ye and reflect on the impact he’s had on rap and music in general from day one.

Kanye West started as producer, and a successful one at that being able to take some credit for the success of Jay-Z The Blueprint, but it wasn’t his end goal. While it was a struggle, Kanye eventually realised his dream and signed a record deal, with his first single being Through the Wire, which he recorded after he nearly died in a car crash and his jaw was wired shut as a result of his injuries.

The most consistent thing about Kanye is that he isn’t afraid to keep his mouth shut about

anything, and even when his jaw is wired shut he still had something to say, you cannot stop him. Throughout his career Kanye was so driven to deliver his own music integrity to audiences that he could not be stopped till everyone had to hear what he had to say – this would be one of the more divisive characteristics of him as it may come across as arrogant but it’s truly him trying to show we don’t have to settle for the same thing with the same beats, we can listen to music which is abnormal and enjoy it.

A complaint we hear in recent years is missing the old Kanye, which usually refers to the first three albums because his albums since have been so fluid in tone and different from the consistency of the earlier albums, but if we look at the earlier LPs they were also not targeted at appealing to the current rap audience. The rap genre was all about gangster rap when Kanye came to the forefront, with the likes of 50 Cent and P. Diddy being the cream of the crop in their respected area.

Kanye released The College Dropout which was focused on a mix between humour and the

meaning behind lyrics, with songs such as Family Business putting the idea that family is more important than material goods – he went and found his own niche within the genre at the time. We would see this battle between Kanye’s style of rap and gangster rap continue until it came to a head with the release of Kanye’s Graduation and 50 Cent’s Curtis releasing on the same day, with Graduation being critically and financially more successful – Kanye had changed rap.

Kanye West had never been about appealing to the masses and the only attempt at that was Gold Digger which he said himself in an interview with Zane Lowe that he “never really liked Gold Digger” – and this jarring attempt to be different became even more apparent with 808’s and Heartbreak which was his delve into auto tune. The album was met with a lot of backlash for the departure the sound was, but the album was conceived as a result of the death of his mother which he blamed himself for. As far as I see it, the depen-

dence on auto tune was Kanye’s way of showing that this music you were listening to wasn’t from the person you were used to, it was someone who needed to exert all the pain he was feeling in what can only be described as beats

Music- JJ Lee 1919 music Editor - JJ Lee that were alien to the average listener, and lyrics that were like nails screeching down a blackboard. Personally 808’s is my favourite album, it’s just so different and I’ve never listened to an album where someone so effectively showed that they’re feeling like the worst thing in the world and don’t know themselves anymore. One thing to side note about this album was the fact that this was Kanye’s first public battle with his mental health which would become more prominent in later years.

The following album My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy went somewhere in between the tone of 808’s and the first three albums where it was a lot more accessible but split the spotlight between Kanye as a person and idea of the American Dream for all especially in a context related to race. The two songs that said ajar for me are Lost in the World, and Runaway – Lost in the World can be interpreted in a number of ways, but if we return to the idea of auto tune from 808’s we see a particular incorporation here and it’s a mix between auto tune and Kanye’s actual voice, it is undoubtedly distorted. The song in its entirety I would argue is about the contrast between feeling trapped in the unknown and being found, he’s confused and doesn’t know where he is, additionally using Bon Iver’s Woods as a sample lends to the being in unfamiliar surroundings.

If we look at Runaway, it’s a credit to Kanye West that he has basically trademarked a single note on a piano because it’s such an iconic opening to a song. It’s a song about the fault within himself and people in general, from failed relationships to his actual arrogance, it’s “a toast to the douchebags” – and Kanye fully recognises his own faults as well as others, and it’s about running away from this, people shouldn’t have to put up with it.

While My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy appealed to a lot of normal audiences, what followed

with Yeezus was the complete opposite. This album is Kanye’s battle against “industrialised rap” which he ironically helped create when he made rap more accessible and thus making it easier to

create because it wasn’t focused on a particular background or topic.

The beats are so janky and awkward, yet display this addictiveness that is hard to turn away from – a likely reason for this is the attachment of Daft Punk to the project. Yeezus is purposely anti the masses, Kanye as a musician is about being Kanye, not being anyone else, and once his style starts getting industrialised, adapting is the only thing he can do. I’ve got to address Kanye’s arrogance, and Yeezus is the peak of that with songs like I Am A God – and while everything may come across as being a bit up his own hole, but what it was in reality was a diss track about fashion where Kanye was saying look at how well my Yeezy’s are doing and I’m breaking into fashion when everyone said I couldn’t. Is it still a bit arrogant?

Yeah, a bit. Is it justified? Also yeah, a bit – I don’t think anyone can deny

him the fact that he was quite good at diversifying himself away from music.

He’s not Kendrick, he’s not the most humble man, but he’s not calling himself God either, so

don’t think that it’s about him being above everyone else on the planet.

Last in his current catalogue is The Life of Pablo (TLOP) – where do you start with this? As described

by Kanye West, TLOP is a living piece of music which can change, this was seen mostly by the interesting launch of the album where pitch on some songs and even full songs would be completely changed, but possibly Kanye was also referring to the range the album hits, it covers so many areas and beats that there’s a large complexity to it, just like a living person.

While there is 20 songs on the album and a lot to highlight, I would refer to TLOP as a general phase which included songs like Only One, and All Day and there was a song called I Feel Like That which fully addressed Kanye’s mental health. Kanye can become a public enemy where it’s easy

to hate him, but this song which uses his raw vocals (something we hadn’t seen since before 808’s) showed the toll that everything had taken on him.

We forget that behind this celebrity persona there is a human being, and Kanye definitely displayed how fragile he was at this time.

And now here we are again with Yeezy season approachin’ as photos of Kanye in and out of the studio always appearing it’s only a matter of time before we’re listening to the next bop by Ye. Kanye West gives this surface appearance of an unstoppable, egotistical maniac – yet delving into his character and songs shows someone who only fights from his own corner and always questions society, the world we live in, and his own place within it. He is a person who wants us to question norms and doesn’t believe in being settled, he wants himself to be ever changing and always evolving – and that is something that should be recognised, not scorned as being completely arrogant. When we look back in years to come at his impact I think we’ll appreciate it a bit more especially in terms of his cultural impact where he is a household name, and what he did for not just rap music, but music in general. Kanye West will keep being Kanye, but being Kanye is such a defining characteristic that no one else could have, and he’s tried to show that since he’s been involved in music – but everyone should be their own Kanye, in other words, be yourself, no one else.

Interview

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A Conversation With: Central Hall Fresh off of their victory at this year’s Battle of the Bands, brothers Alex and Jordan Gough of ‘Central Hall’ sat down with the UCC Express to discuss their music. The band is made up of four guys, with Alex on drums, Eamon on guitar, Ross on bass and Jordan singing.

Winning the final by just three votes, the band now gets access to €600 worth of recording time at Blackwater Studios.

EXPRESS: Where did the band’s name, ‘Central Hall’, come from?

CENTRAL HALL: The name actually came from a building in Waterford, which has been there for

years. We had been trying to come up with a name for a while, and then Eamon, our guitarist, suggested it after he’d been there the night before. There are often music and cultural events held there, and also we once heard this saying – ‘there’s a central hall in every town’. We hope that maybe one day we’ll play in every town… It’s a bit ambitious but that’s where the name came from.

EX: Is your home town in Waterford a very music or culture orientated place?

CH: In the last two years the music scene has blown up. The school we went to had this show that they’d do every year and it was always a big deal. When we started as a band two

years ago, there was kind of a ‘scene’ – and a few bands were beginning to come up. Now if you go down there, there’s live music in every pub, almost every night. There are easily ten local bands, all releasing original, high-quality music, all the time. There were a lot of cover bands at the time, in the local pubs and clubs and all over, but around when we started in 2015 there were bands like us, who were writing their own music. They all started coming up through the ranks, bands like Chrome Yellow. But we all kind of started around the same time.

EX: Would you usually perform in your hometown?

CH: That’s where most of our gigs

have been really. UCC Christmas Day we played in New Bar, that was our first ‘real’ gig in Cork, although given the day that was in it there weren’t many people at it. After that, we played in Fred Zeppelins alongside ‘Dry Roasted Peanuts’. Other than that, we’ve always played in Waterford, in pubs and smaller festivals, like the Dunmore East food festival. We love playing in Cork because it’s a new audience, which tends to be more student-orientated, but Waterford will always be our home for playing.

EX: Do you think there is more competition in Cork, with other bands such as Happy Alone, Aponym and Crojayn also gaining ground?

Interview by Molly O’Rourke CH: The thing is, everyone in Waterford is very aware of who’s playing and what’s happening, there’s a good community. In Cork there is definitely a stronger competition, but it’s a healthy one. At the end of the day, we’re all after the same thing. Everyone is trying to make music and get it out there, to play gigs and get heard. Everyone wants fans, everyone tries to form connections in the industry. In Cork, we’re constantly hearing new bands, and we see what they’re doing, which pushes us to work harder and to get better.

EX: Who would the band’s main influences be?

CH: Between the four of us there’s a huge mix. We (Jordan and Alex) like hip-hop and that sort of stuff, which people say they can always hear in our music. But, in a general sense, we get a lot of comparisons to the ‘Red Hot Chilli Peppers’ – Eamon loves them so that comes through too. With so many different musical interests within the band though, we don’t consciously sit down and think, right, let’s make something that sounds like Kendrick, or something that sounds like the Chilli Peppers. Our music writing process would be very organic, for a lot of our songs we

just walk in, sit down and start playing together. Then after a while we decide on the music that sounds best. After that the lyrics are added.

So, it’s less of a song writing process, and more of an experiment. For us, the music always comes first. People who have seen us play have said that they could feel the vibe and the atmosphere we have on stage – a lot of that is because we capture it in the music first, then everything else is added afterwards. It allows us to get a feeling of how the music is going to sound, to feel as a track before fleshing it out. It seems to be working at the moment anyway.

CH: It’s very interesting. It’s a new environment that we have now, with this whole growth of ‘instant music’. Before, a band could be really present on social media, but their music just wouldn’t be heard. Now anyone can listen to anything they want, at any time, for free. It’s an incredible opportunity for listeners and musicians too. Of course, there’s an element of quality control, but if you’re really working hard writing, recording and aiming to get on Spotify, once you see that people are listening to your stuff….. It’s really fulfilling, to know our work is paying off.

EX: How would you describe your music to someone who knows nothing about music?

EX: Do you think that this new environment will influence and encourage younger musicians?

CH: Very instrumental, maybe ‘white-trash hip-rock’? Even for ourselves, it’s hard to place because of the various influences. There’s definitely a hip-hop theme running through most of our stuff. Recently we were recording new music, our single ‘Social Awareness’, and the sound engineer said he’d never heard anything like it. So you’ll have to wait and decide for yourselves.

CH: Yeah, definitely. It’s no longer necessary to get contracted with a record label, which is very difficult and also expensive. For the independent scene especially, it’s a huge help. It is contributing to the decline of physical sales, but people will always be willing to pay for live concerts – as well as the fact that record players are making a huge comeback. Unfortunately, it’s not really a profitable means, unless you’re getting millions of plays. But it’s never been easier to get your music out there. Anyone could record a song in the morning and get it on Spotify – it’s a new age for music.

EX: How does it feel to have your music on Spotify, knowing that people you’ve never met are hearing your work?

EX: Where do you guys see yourselves next year?

Are you in this for the long run?

CH: Really, we’d just like to have more of a presence, for more people to know about us, to recognise our name.

Maybe start playing at the festivals, like ‘Body and Soul’ would be amazing.

We probably have a good foot forward for going down that route already, given the smaller festivals we’ve done in the last few

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months even. It’s really just a matter of getting there, committing to a goal and working towards it. An album would be really cool, maybe towards the end of next year, but for now we’ll just keep working on new music. We’re definitely in it for the long run, but with college it’s become more difficult. We were all in secondary school when it started, but now myself (Alex) and Jordan are here in Cork, and the others are in Dublin and Waterford. We just want to be the best band we can be for the moment.

EX: Just one last question. Your song ‘Felicity’ is your most listened to on Spotify – can you tell me who Felicity is?

CH: See that’s actually funny, as we said before, for us the music is what matters. If you look at the name ‘Felicity’, it means happiness; so when we wrote the song we decided it would be about summer, and happiness. Then we had to figure out how to write a song about an emotion.

So, it’s simultaneously a song about a fling with a girl and also a song that describes the fling with happiness that occurs during the summer months. It’s all very metaphorical really but writing about a girl did make it seem like a cop-out.

We’d like to thank Central Hall for talking to us. For more on them, check out their Facebook page, facebook.com/Centralhallband, or check out their songs on Spotify.

GAMING

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Upcoming Releases Sea of Thieves Sea of Thieves is an action adventure game developed by Rare & published by Microsoft for Windows and for the Xbox One. It is a pirate-themed cooperative multiplayer game where groups of five will go on quests across an open world.

It will be released worldwide on March 20th Detective Pikachu Detective Pikachu is an adventure game developed by Creatures Inc., published by The Pokemon Company and distributed

by Nintendo. It features a talking Pikachu solving mysteries in a manner similar to the Ace Attorney games. It was released in Japan in February, and will be released worldwide for the 3DS on March 23rd.

Far Cry 5 Far Cry 5 is a first person action-adventure game developed by Ubisoft Montreal and distributed by Ubisoft. It is the eleventh game overall in the Far Cry series. It is set in a fictional county in Montana, US, and revolves around a militaristic doomsday cult taking over a small town. It will be released, worldwide, on PS4, Xbox One and Windows on March 27th.

Retro Game of the Week Donkey Kong Country It’s really really good to see Rare back developing games that aren’t mini game collections for the Kinect, though we’ll have to wait and see how good Sea of Thieves really is. Anyway, the shambling corpse of Rare that we have today is but a shadow of their former selves, and that can be seen most clearly in the masterpiece that is DK Country. The pseudo-3D graphics still stand up, and the gameplay is as tight as it always was.

While its contemporaries have aged horribly, Donkey Kong Country has aged like a classic chateauneuf de pape, except with more video apes and less old French grapes. If you’ve never played the original DK Country (or either of its two direct sequels), definitely give it a go.

9 Gaming Youtube Channels You Should Be Watching Now Zach Stephens, Gaming Editor By now almost all of you reading this would have fallen in love (or at least in like) with a gaming channel on Youtube. Gaming took over the platform with channels like Machinima. Call of Duty killstreak videos became Minecraft videos, which became Five Nights at -goddamnFreddies videos, and so on. Gaming channels can be a bit hit-or-miss at times, but if you follow this handy dandy list, you should be okay.

1. Jim Sterling Starting off on a potentially controversial note, Jim Sterling is the acerbic alter-ego of James Stanton, a UK-born video game critic and showman. Sterling got his start as a writer and/or editor on Destructoid and The Escapist, becoming an independent video producer in 2014 by crowdfunding production on his Jimquisition channel. Sterling’s many series are mostly comedic in tone or nature, but not overly so.

While he may make a sarcastic comment here or there, Sterling’s cutting criticisms are entirely serious and, as he frequently reminds his viewers, usually beat every other pundit to the punch when it comes to pre-

dicting the future of gaming. Sterling is arguably most well-known for his back-and-forth lawsuit with Digital Homicide, a games company that sued him for over $10 million in damages over a video Sterling made featuring their game the Slaughtering Grounds. The video Sterling made following the end of the legal proceedings, detailing the wild ride that was Romine v Stanton, is a must-watch, and a great place to start if you want to give the Jimquisition a go.

Subscribers: 666k+ Recommended watches: When Jim Sterling Was Sued For $10 Million

By Digital Homicide (The Jimquisition), Fur Fucked (The Jimquisition), That Whole CSGO Gambling Thing (The Jimquisition).

year). SBFP are the kings of ‘background watching’ in my opinion, as the commentary over the videos are usually the focus, not the gameplay itself, and as the videos are usually 20+ minutes in length it’s fairly easy to chuck a playlist on and never really have to manually switch videos.

The gang also all have fantastic personalities, hilarious running gags and, most importantly, great chemistry with the other hosts. Their ongoing one-sided rivalry with ‘The Sad Man’, a.k.a Quantic Dream head honcho David Cage, was an immediate favourite for me, as they struggled through Heavy Rain, Beyond Two Souls, Fahrenheit and… *shudders* Omikron. The guys’ own channels are also worth a look (Matt McMuscles, Woolie Versus and Angriest Pat), as is their excel2. TheSw1tcher/Super Best Friends lent weekly podcast.

Play Subscribers: 708k Yes, it’s the slowest-growing major Recommended watches: TBFP channel on Youtube! TheSw1tch- Deus Ex: Human Revolution, SBFP: er, aka TwoBestFriendsPlay aka Heavy Rain, SBFP: Dark Souls (1, 2 SuperBestFriendsPlay aka Chewie and 3). and Fuckface in the Morning. Mat and Pat began their Lets Play em- 3. OneyPlays pire all the way back in 2010 with The first Irish entry! Former (well, a playthrough of Kirby’s Epic Yarn, current) animator and music man reportedly inventing Let’s Plays in Chris O’Neill, better known as the process. Since then the crew has OneyNG, has entered the Lets Play added pie-stealing Woolie and rising market with his pals, Julien and superstar Liam to the lineup, though DingDong. Using a very differthey still get called ‘two best friends ent style to the Super Best Friends, play’ even though there’s three of the tone in Oney’s videos tend to them (Liam left the channel last be negative, or at least a lot more

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gaming Edittor - Zach stephens

pessimistic. In saying that, Oney’s background as an animator and a composer (the latter done for some video games), DingDong’s as a game programmer and Julian’s as a game artist means the crew normally have an air of expertise that other similar channels don’t necessarily have.

While videos tend to be rather short (in the context of SBFP, but normal for most of Youtube), and some of the jokes can be a bit “4-chan edgy teen” at times, the channel is generally good craic. And if you remember that Crash “woah” meme from last year, that was them.

Subscribers: 504k Recommended watches: Wild Woody, any game you recognise tbh 4. Game Grumps Okay, so this seems like a bit of an obvious one, but still worth a shout.

The Game Grumps are arguably the most popular Lets Play channel out there, even if the subscription numbers would argue otherwise. Founded in 2012 by iconic web animator Arin ‘Egoraptor’ Hanson and general cretin Jon ‘Jontron’ Jafari. Jon soon left the channel, and was replaced by Ninja Sex Party singer Dan ‘Danny Sexbang’ Avidan, and the Grumps haven’t looked back since. Adding cast members like animator RubberRoss, NSP’s Ninja Brian and Supermega duo Matt Watson & Ryan McGee (more on them later) in the intervening years, the Grumps typically post three videos daily. In 2017

they even had their own Youtube Red show, which was executively produced

by Community’s Dan Harmon. The Grump’s audience skews a lot younger than the previous entries on their list, and though their content isn’t exclusively for kids, it can be a lot more goofy than the others.

Subscribers: 4.4m Recommended watches: Guest Grumps - Grant Kirkhope (with Jon), Guest Grumps - Dan Harmon (with Danny), Guest Grumps - Finn Wolfhard, Super Mario Maker (series).

5. Dunkey Dunkey is a bright, shining star in an ever-darkening sky. Dunkey is the master of the comedic shortform video game vid, and is honestly a highlight of any day he blesses us with a new video. It’s...it’s really hard to describe Dunkey, if I’m honest.

The content is weird, a bit bizarre, and it’s just...so good? Okay, I’m not selling this well enough, shit...erm...

Dunkey is like...eh...if Super Mario Bros 2 had a baby with Knack...and Knack 2. And that baby was a donkey who made really great youtube videos.

Subscribers: not enough (4.5m) Recommended watches: everything...okay, maybe prioritise the ‘best games of ’ videos.

6. SuperMega SuperMega are a bright bunch of boys from the Carolinas who are just real good at lets plays. Born out of the sketch comedy channel Cyndago, SuperMega is ran by skeleton boy Matt Watson and smokin’ Ryan McGee. While the channel focuses on lets plays, they do still do the odd

live action video or music video, which should be the first things you watch when you get a chance - the ‘My Two Lovely Uncles’ is a proper Youtube gem, for example, as are their mail videos. Kinda like the Grumps (who Matt & Ryan work for as editors), their comedy can sometimes be a bit juvenile, but it’s worth giving a shot if you’re looking for something new. I swear, this is the last lets play channel we’ll cover here, okay? If you like their LPs, definitely check out their podcast.

Subscribers: 433k Recommended watches: Flash flood, The Jackass Game, My Two Lovely Uncles, Pongo.

7. Boundary Break Boundary Break (a.k.a. Shesez) is a new rising Youtube star, and of course by that I mean he’s been around for like 6 years, but only took off a year ago with his Boundary Break series. A unique entry on this list, Boundary Break isn’t a lets play channel or a comedy channel, but one that uses noclip cheats and custom cameras to look around video game environments to see some secrets the developers maybe didn’t intend for us to see. It may sound a little dry, but honestly, Boundary Break is just so fascinating, even for games you might not have played or had a prior interest in. No issues with jokes being a bit on the immature side here, as the show is generally played very straight. If you’ve ever wondered what was behind the waterfall in Super Mario 64, or what was behind that floating gate in the sky in Dark Souls, wonder no more, as Shesez breaks the walls down and reveals all the goodies your favourite games are hiding.

Subscribers: 333k Recommended watches: Super Mario 64, Portal 2, Wii Sports, Legend of Zelda Ocarina of Time.

8. Game Theorists That’s just a theory...A GAAAAAAAAME THEORY! This is a meme that my friend group just parrot sort of non-stop, with no real context. Game Theory is a show written by & starring Matthew ‘MatPat’ Patrick that goes through vari-

ous fan theories and urban myths to try establish the true stories behind some of gaming’s mysteries. If MatPat’s style isn’t your thing, there are other hosts on the channel who may be more your style. If you do like MatPat, but not a fan of games (why are you in this section?) they do have a sister channel, Film Theory.

Subscribers: 9.8m Recommended watches: All FNAF theories, really any of the videos from the last year or so.

9. Super Bunnyhop Last but not least, Super Bunnyhop is probably the most underrated channel I’ve listed so far. Super Bunnyhop is a channel that talks about gaming in a smarter, more insightful way than most other channels on the list. I’d call it the ‘thinking man’s Youtube channel’, but I don’t want to limit them to that in your mind. Running tight on space here, but SBH is great for a long (or short) video essay to properly sink your teeth into.

Subscribers: 360k Recommended episodes: the MGS episodes, the VR episodes, Sonic and Dark Souls level design episodes.

Honorable mentions: Matthewmatosis is a great longform video essayist, but he hasn’t been doing that many of the longform videos of late.

DidYouKnowGaming? is an incredibly interesting trivia channel, especially their DYKGExtra videos. If it’s lists and trivia you want, WhatCulture Gaming is okay (just don’t apply for a job there). Vidiots is a great channel ran by former WhatCulture staff, but it’s still a bit too new for the list (but I’d definitely give it a look if I were you)

fashion

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A Letter from the Fashion Editor

By Iris Maher I would like to take this opportunity to thank, the perhaps small number of readers of the fashion section. As I approach my final weeks in UCC I sadly believe my journey with the UCC Express is coming to an end.

Writing as fashion editor for the past two years has been a pleasure.

As I began my journey, I will admit, I foolishly thought that writing about fashion would be ‘easy’. (And in some ways, it has!) Surprisingly... there are only four seasons in a year, and writing the top ten trends for a specific season only leaves you with four articles. After this discovery I realised I had to find new and sometimes overlooked aspects of fashion. While those with in interest in clothing may be aware of some of the ethical dilemmas in fashion, many may not. Over the past academic year the fashion section has looked at various issues in the fashion world. We saw how the iconic, and ever growing in popularity fashion house Gucci decided to go fur free in conjunction with the rising use of real fur being labelled as fake. While also raising the issue of leather, and why it is perceived by the public as socially acceptable.

Twice this year, the fashion section tackled fashion bloggers and influencers. In November I wondered if their popularity was fading, and

by February we saw how their fans argued for honesty in the fashion blogging community. It is often remarked that you should do what you love, and that is why I applied for the job. While writing articles for this section I have discovered parts in the history of fashion that I may have never uncovered. And for that I want to thank you again!

Fashion Week 2018 Across the Globe

By Iris Maher, Fashion Editor Last issue we covered the top trends at New York, London and Milan Fashion weeks. As Paris Fashion Week had yet to happen, we now look at what happened during the week, as it took place from the 27th of February to the 6th of March.

Runners have been a key piece for fashion designers for a few seasons now, although they are becoming less and less like what one would traditionally call a “runner,” as they now have quite a futuristic vibe to them. At the Maison Margiela Autumn/Winter 2018 collection showcase we saw a high top red runner with a large black strap across the front. Vogue has called it ‘a Frankenstein snowboard boot hybrid’.

Light silk printed scarves, a trend usually associated with summer, appeared on Marine Serre Autumn/ Winter runway. Similar styles were previously seen at London Fashion Week. The prints are vibrantly coloured, with some displaying intricate detail. These scarves were not The End of the Era of Elegance: The Death of Hubert de Givenchy

By Iris Maher, Fashion Editor

just worn around the neck, some were orchestrated into beautifully draped dresses.

Another style moment at Paris Fashion Week was Dries Van Noten’s boots. These mid-calf style boots featured a red and blue ornate design upon a white background. His collection also boasted a wonderful bright yellow coat. A daring option, as there may be a fear of looking like Big Bird from Sesame Street…

Sustainable fashion was a talking point of the week... it was a literal talking point, as a discussion took place at the British Embassy in Paris.

The event was hosted by the embassy in collaboration with the London College of Fashion and Kering.

Balenciaga teamed up with the UN’s World Food Programme for their autumn/winter collection: clothing featured the World Food Programmes Logo, with the brand also donating to them. The show saw lots and lots of layering of casual pieces, with a slight nod to the 80’s of bright pops of colours and unitards. Further 80s style was seen at ality of the world of French Haute Couture and a gentleman who symbolized Parisian chic and elegance for more than half a century. He will be greatly missed’.

The dress must follow the body of a A Background to the Life and Style woman, not the body following the of Givenchy: shape of the dress.

Hubert de Givenchy was born in Hubert de Givenchy Beauvais in 1927 to an aristocratic family. In France he was affectionHubert de Givenchy founded the ately known as ‘Le Grand Hubert’, as Paris fashion house of ‘Givenchy’, he was a tall man standing at 6’6”. He one of the world’s best-known lux- left his hometown at 17 to pursue his ury fashion brands today. Givenchy dream of becoming a fashion designdied on Saturday the 10th of March er. Beginning his studies at the École 2018 at his home, just outside of Nationale Supérieure des BeauxParis. Philippe Venet announced Arts, Hubert was introduced to the his death. Venet was Hubert’s part- world of fashion at a young age. His ner and also a fashion designer. His mother took him to a fashion fair death was also published on Twitter in Paris when he was ten. This fair by the Givenchy account, stating: showcased the designs of Chanel ‘The House of Givenchy is sad to re- and Schiaparelli which was organport the passing of its founder Hu- ised by Lanvin. (Hubert later worked bert de Givenchy, a major person- with Schiaparelli before beginning

Yves Saint Laurent - shoulder pads might just be back in fashion…

Comme des Garcons show was an artistic masterpiece. The designs almost reminded me of artisanal food, but in a good way. Again, layers were a huge part of the styling, consisting of lace and tull. Models wore platform runners.

In my opinion, Givenchy’s runway was one of the best, as it showcased my favourite trends, including: dark leather jackets, leather boots, oversized check coats, polo neck jumpers and over the top fur luxurious fur. Everything was tailored to perfection.

Chanel always has an outstanding show. While they remained true to their traditional style, the presentation was innovative. The runway took place between an avenue of trees, with leaves covering the ground. Structured tweed jackets were on display, as usual, in soft muted colours.

his own fashion house). Hubert has pointed to this moment as the point in which he knew he wanted to have a career in fashion. In 2017 he stated that ‘I am happy because I did the job I dreamed of as a child’. Hubert also worked with Schiaparelli before beginning his own fashion house.

He is attributed with creating the idea of ‘separates’ in fashion, that the collection has key pieces that are interchangeable. Separates included skirts, blazers, trouser etc. which were in opposition to the then societal opinion on fashion, where a woman wore a dress each day. He was also the first to create a ‘Ready-to-Wear’ collection, as opposed to previously couture driven collections. From there he moved into the creation of menswear known as ‘Givenchy Gentleman’ in 1969. Hubert de Givenchy is well known for bringing ‘Parisian’ styling to his collections. A very simple yet elegant range of cloth-

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FASHION Editor - iris Maher ing, something that has been lost in the House of Givenchy after his departure from the brand. Another first for Givenchy came as he became one of the first fashion house to bring diversity to the runway in the 1970’s. In 2018, Vanity Fair even suggests that his shows had more representation of diversity than today. Givenchy is situated in the post-world war two period, where major brands such as Balmain and Dior were also being created.

The brand Givenchy is not limited to clothing, it has also moved into the beauty and makeup sphere (like many other originally fashion brands). Unusually, Givenchy also designed a limited-edition Lincoln car 1979 that featured Givenchy’s ‘G’ logo. He later further moved into interior design, as Givenchy helped design hotels around the same time period.

The Famous Moments: Looking towards some of the de-

signer’s greatest achievements, American magazine ‘Life’ brought Givenchy to the American stage in 1952 with a display of his collection.

Hubert opened a showroom at 8 Rue Alfred de Vigny in Paris. Then Givenchy held his first showcase in February 1952 at the young age of 24, which led to the famous fashion pairing of Audrey Hepburn and Hubert de Givenchy. Their friendship lasted over 40 years. Hepburn and Givenchy worked together on numerous occasions, orchestrating some of her best-known looks. The pair had a close working relationship, beginning with Givenchy designing the gown Audrey Hepburn wore in the film ‘Sabrina’ in 1954.

Other outfits in the film were also from Givenchy. Sabrina later won the Academy award for Best Costume Design, although it was Edith Head that received the award, and she did not mention Givenchy in her acceptance speech. Again, in 1961, the fashion house created Hepburn’s iconic little black dress for her role as Holly Golightly in

‘Breakfast at Tiffany’s’. In 2006 that famous black dress sold for $923,187 at Christie’s in London!

Hepburn also wore clothing from Givenchy in ‘How to Steal a Million’ (1968), ‘Funny Face’ (1957), ‘Love in the Afternoon’ (1957) and ‘Paris When it Sizzles’ (1964). While Hepburn sported Givenchy in her daily life as well, she also inspired the creation of Givenchy’s first perfume in 1957, ‘l’Interdit’. She appeared in the advertisement for the fragrance, and promoted the product, but did not receive payment for the role. When asked about Givenchy’s clothing, Hepburn stated that, ‘everyone wants to look beautiful and at least I feel beautiful when I’m in his clothes and they give me great confidence’.

Hepburn was not the only famous face to wear Givenchy’s design to a large audience. Jackie Kennedy, the First Lady to US President John F. Kennedy, collaborated with Givenchy to design her outfit while on an official visit to France in 1961. Wearing a white Givenchy dress while attending the Palace of Versailles. She also wore Givenchy at the funeral of her husband in 1963.

Other famous clients of his include Liz Taylor, Lauren Bacall, Wallis Simpson (the Duchess of Windsor) and Princess Grace of Monaco.

Givenchy also had a great working relationship with another huge luxury fashion house; Balenciaga. Hubert de Givenchy and Spanish designer Cristóbal Balenciaga met in the 1950’s. Givenchy was an apprentice of Balenciaga’s.

Hubert cited Cristóba as one of his fashion heroes. Given that major fashion brands would usually be opposed to each other. They did not rival one another in the fashion sphere. Hubert once commented that ‘Balenciaga was my religion’.

The Last Years of Givenchy: By 1988 he sold the fashion house to LVMH, a retail conglomerate that represents brands such as Louis Vuitton and Dior. The head of LVMH, Bernard Arnault, when asked to comment after the death of Hubert de Givenchy said that he was ‘one of the creators who put Paris at the summit of world fashion in the 1950s’. Hubert de Givenchy himself retired from the House of Givenchy in 1995, when he presented his final couture fashion show.

After retiring, Givenchy saw a string of fashion designers at the head of the company, including John Galliano, Alexander McQueen, Julien Macdonald and Riccardo Tisci. In March 2017, Clare Waight Keller took over as the creative director, being the first woman in that position in the history of Givenchy. In the wake of his death Keller posted on Instagram that he ‘was he one of the most influential fashion figures of our time, whose legacy still influences modern day dressing’. Other influential figures in fashion have also come forward with comments; Naomi Campbell said that ‘it was an honor to have met you and work with you’, while editor-in-chief of Elle magazine, Nina, posted that ‘he believed in beauty and he left us a more beautiful world’.

Hubert de Givenchy did not leave the fashion world completely in 1995: later, he was involved with the creation of antique fashion exhibitions at the Louvre in Paris. Before his death Hubert asked those to donate to Unicef instead of sending flowers.

Humour

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Science: Youtube Stars Drugslab try latest insane trip: self love.

Music: Ebay Ireland confirms number of souls for sale on the site has skyrocketed after tickets for BROCKHAMPTON’s Dublin show sell out in record time.

Capitalism: Seatwave voted ‘Soul-Sucking Contraption of the Year’ as Ticketmaster discovers how to totally fucking extort young fans in a legal manner.

Campus Life: Searches still ongoing for Katie Dougherty, first year World Languages student who went missing in the ORB last Tuesday. Gardaí have appealed for anyone with information to come forward, but say they’re “not expecting much” TV Listings Channel 4, Thursday @ 7PM ‘Superket’ Superstar veterinarian Noel Fitzpatrick breaks into his supply of horse tranquilizer with some surprising results.

fourth it was hard to see each other.

The plastic began to fill my lungs. I was pretty dizzy and slightly high on Juan Kerr, Humour Writer the secret ingredient of Football special and plastic fumes by the time I was pulled out of the house, so I don’t My Grandmother lived in a village on know exactly how many bottles were the most western tip of Donegal. She burned. My father’s side of the famdied there too. ily stood in the yard, shaking smoke from their suits and their sandwiches.

This village is in the back-arse of the I think the fumes affected my uncle back-arse of nowhere. The sheep outworst of all, at least I hope that was number the people and are ready to why he acted like he did. launch a coup at any minute. It took my family seven hours to reach DoMy uncle John wasn’t an alcoholic, he negal, and another two to make our was just fond of his drink, or he liked way through the countryside to her a pint every now and then, or some house. Our only mode of navigation other synonym for alcoholic. John sithrough gnarled ditches, marshy dled across the yard rolling a cigarette bogs, and roads as spotty as a teenagwith the practised ease of a sesh moth. ers face, was a ratty Collins road map He finished one and handed it to me and the occasional local. My father, a without a word. Before I could even native, deciphered the indecipherable put it to my twelve year old lips it was culchie speak and we were away. gone, smacked away by my mother.

This didn’t deter John. He brazenThe house was full of relatives ly announced he in various stages of was going grief.

My aunts in to

Best Funeral Ever

cried, hiccuping with tears as they scuttled across the room as one, like some giant black beetle. My uncles stood stoic, because boys don’t cry. My brother and I had never met my grandmother, we were merely bored.

We stood to the side of the room trying not to melt in the face of the roaring fire, sipping cups of Football Special. Football Special, for the uninitiated, is a drink only found in Donegal. Invented by a local madman, it is the love child of Irn Bru, Red lemonade, Coke and some kind of ancient Gaelic magic. It’s fucking delicious.

Empty bottles of the stuff filled every available surface. My aunt’s husband, Pat, who had clearly never heard of the concept of recycling, or global warming, or health and fucking safety, decided the best way to dispose of the bottles would be to chuck them in the fire. The room filled with a grimy smoke after the third bottle. After the

town m e e t , coloured woman, and get more drink.”

My uncle John wasn’t racist, he was… culturally challenged.

This request was obviously denied. The hearse carrying his mother was going to be here any second. The funeral was in an hour. John didn’t care, he strode, or stumbled, towards his steed: a 1980’s Massey Ferguson tractor. My father intercepted him but was immediately floored by a punch from his inebriated brother.

John clambered onto the tractor and tore away like a boy racer. The big machine rocketed across the yard, towards the road, wobbling, just as the hearse arrived. John’s whisky spider senses kicked in at the last second and he only sideswiped his mother’s corpse. He righted the tractor and continued on towards the village, the hearse’s wing mirror in tow. t o “His

We followed the now visibly shaken hearse driver to the church, a building that always looked too much like a spaceship to be trusted, in my opinion. The priest took his time to shake each and every one of our hands.

I was last, his hand was like a wet sponge. The church filled up quickly, I was surprised all these people turned up for my Grandmother. There wasn’t an empty seat in the house, standing room only. Mary was clearly well loved within the community.

“Marie was clearly well loved within the community,” The priest began.

Before he was finished the next word my aunt Bernadette was on stage, dragging this servant of God by the white collar and fancy robes, from behind the pulpit for a stern talking to.

He arrived back to the microphone with his cheeks burning red hot.

“Mary was clearly well loved within the community,” He began…again.

We heard the roar of the tractor first. John stumbling in the door second (more accurately we smelled him before we heard him, he had clearly found more whisky), and the crinkle of sweet wrappers third. Every time the priest opened his mouth, another sweet was unwrapped. The word of God foiled by Werther’s Originals.

When we were asked to stand for the final prayer, my father stood. Then he walked and grabbed uncle John, dragging him out of the church, leaving a golden trail of Wethers behind him.

It was the best funeral ever. I’m sure granny would agree.

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HUMOUR Editor - Sarah Ryan Carnivore Announces Love for Meat Bun Neeboyla, Humour Writer Passersby on French Church Street last Sunday were surprised to hear thunderous eruptions of applause coming from the inside of the popular Nandos restaurant located on the street.

The applause came as a result of an announcement by Alison Devlin, meat-eater, that she loves meat.

Friends and family of Alison, 29, from Rochestown, say that they were quite shocked by her announcement at a family dinner which took place at the aforementioned Nandos. Her mother, Julie Devlin, admits that

Courtney Love Found Guilty Sarah Ryan, Humour Editor American singer-songwriter and frontwoman of the popular alt-rock band Hole, Courtney Love, has been found guilty of a crime many had suspected her of for nearly twenty years now.

The news, which was given in a press release last week after ongoing investigations, has come as both a shock and a long-awaited affirmation for fans and media alike. Finally, it has been confirmed: Love did 9/11.

This news was confirmed early last week after several tonnes of the explosive substance thermite was found under the singer’s mattress.

The explosives, according to experts, has both the ability to melt steel beams and leave no trace. Though the evidence seems irrefutable, some skeptics persisted to ask questions - “why did she keep explosives under her mattress since 2001” and “who has a mattress that big.” It is also reported that the fingerprints on the explosives were both unidentifiable, and smudged almost as if they had been wiped down. Reddit user, KortCorbain, had this to say: “suspi-

they perhaps should have seen it coming given that her daughter “literally never fucking stops talking about how much she loves bacon”.

In an intimate statement to our reporters, Alison said that her decision to make such a groundbreaking announcement was a result of her cousin, Tara Devlin, 24, mentioning her vegan dietary requirements to the waiter as he took the family’s order.

“It just sparked something within me. I mean, if vegans are allowed to let everyone know that they’re vegan like all the time, I think meat-eaters should be allowed to do the same”.

This statement was met by vigorous nods from many of the Devlin clan, one of whom exclusively revealed to The Express that the family was

sick and tired of hearing about Tara’s veganism: “It’s just like every time we go out to eat, she makes sure to inform the staff that she like, can’t eat dairy or whatever. At a certain point it’s just like, okay, you can’t eat cheese and you think we’re all sadistic blood-sucking animal torturers, we get it.”

Alison says that part of her motivation to make her declaration (which included insightful revelations such as “I could never become a vegan…

I mean… bacon”) was for the health of vegans and meat-eaters alike. “It’s just such an unnatural lifestyle. Our ancestors were hunter-gatherers” she reminds me, as the waiter brings out a sizeable plate of boneless chicken This comment was met by the begin- thighs, which were given to the Devnings of a defense from Tara, who at- lins on the house as a token for Alitempted to explain that she honestly son’s bravery. didn’t mean for it to come across that way. However, she was quickly inter- Absolutely, Alison’s declaration is rupted by another family member, one that will serve as inspiration who it seems, given his argument for so many young meat-eaters out that “plants can feel pain, too!” must there. It reminds us that no matter also be a member of the Hare Krish- what, even if nobody cares: when in nas. the presence of a vegan or vegetarian, it is always necessary to express An altruist through and through, your love for meat. You never know,

cious.”

However, many of those who have followed the case since it first broke are lauding its latest development.

Suspicion arose in the wake of the September 11th tragedy, after it was discovered Love herself had many connections and affiliations with the Bin Laden family, even investing in oil supplies with the infamous Osama’s half-brother. Skeptics have also speculated about the events leading to Love’s election as the 43rd president of the United States of America, and many say she was directly involved in bringing about the global financial crisis of 2008, The Great Famine and, very possibly, climate change itself.

This slew of accusations comes in the wake of sightings of Love circling the atmosphere in a noxious cloud of greenhouse gases, preventing heat from escaping the atmosphere. Witnesses say they even glimpsed the star gravitating towards the sun, in turn pulling the earth’s axis with her and hurtling our planet towards the sun in an effort to eradicate all of humanity.

The singer has made no comment in response to these accusations, but was found to be in the middle of a

dispute with Kathleen Hanna, lead singer of Bikini Kill, at the time of the incident. Despite speculation, experts say that due to Love’s apparent deity-like omniscence, between Love’s vicious punches to the face and Hanna’s repeated attempts to start a feminist debate, there could have been time for Love to indeed, launch herself into the stratosphere and simultaneously bring down the World Trade Centre.

For now, however, Love is due to appear at a court h e a r i n g later this month, where her fate will be decid- ed.

Fiction

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FICTION Editor - Sophie Mckenzie School Shooting

You may have seen on the news this week about the terrible school shootings in our old town at Douglas High.

One girl that died, she went to Ellen’s preschool some years back and another girl was from our church, she was an Irish Dancer. When this country encountered the 9/11 attack there was not much the average person could do but get mad. This is different, the young are protesting, with protests happening all around the country. One high school walked out today in protest to walk 13 miles to Douglas High in the boiling hot sun. The protests are getting bigger all around the country, but the paid politicians are just going to make minor changes to the law to appease them. It’s like throwing them a bone without any meat. I don’t think the kids will accept it this time. I’m not very good at writing but I made an attempt to write a poem, taking some ideas from a WW1 women’s rights peace song. It was a protest movement.

America has lost more children in school this year than we have lost in the Middle East wars, so I write this poem called “Shame on You” to deliver a message to America and also to ask the free world to help. Yes it’s a desperate plea.

I didn’t have my children to make them targets at their schools So now I teach them school fear, how to run and how to hide and also to play dead.

My Sister is a School Teacher, she also teaches fear, where to run, where to hide, your book bags are your shields and of course please don’t forget to play dead. You’re not allowed to cry.

Now our six year olds are trained for War; We Thank You NRA My brother is in law enforcement and he knows the day will come When he gets the call to race to school; He fears he is too late; he prays to god along the way please no more massacres My neighbor is in ER and she also dreads this day, she can hear more children crying, so many can’t be saved The NRA, the NRA; what brave souls they are They lock themselves behind closed doors to plan their strategies Their soldiers serve in congress; fine Christian men they are They preach pro-life at election time; such hypocrites they are There is no shame in congress; so we ask the free world’s help Protest at our embassies, our children need your help, we really need your help Pat Munnelly

food Summer Shortbread in many forms So we’re into the final issue, the last stretch, one last grand bakeathon before the term exams and the twinkling freedom of summer beyond. Which of course brings to question what to write as the showstopper that’s quick, simple, versatile and most importantly easy. Summery Salads are good for the warm weather we might get. Pasta Bakes are good for the Exam period because you make one and you’ve a weeks food, or if you really like them, about 2 days. But eventually it came to shortbread, because you can do so much with it and it’s really delicious in the summer with fresh strawberries and whipped cream, or even on their own with a little pizazz. It’s at minimum 4 ingredients, and they’re all ones you’ll probably have in your house.

Servings: How ever much you can eat in one sitting Ingredients: 275g Plain white flour 200g Butter

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FOOD Editor - isabella Storey Cosgrave 100g Caster Sugar 1tsp Vanilla Extract

and press it down until it is the desired thickness.

Put it into the oven and cook until Equipment: Golden brown. This will differ deBowl pending on the thickness of shortBaking tray bread you choose.

Fork When it’s cooked, pull it out of the Cutters (Optional) oven and leave it to cool on the tray.

Spatula If you’ve not cut it before cooking Blender then when it’s half cooled you need to cut it into shapes. Normally you Cook time: 20-40 minutes at 180c just cut the pressed shape into wedgMethod: es, squares or fingers. At this point if Cream together the butter and Sug- you want to, you can sprinkle sugar ar. This means just blend it together on top now. using the fork or mixer until its light and fluffy.

Serving Suggestions: Add the Vanilla and flour and stir it So there’s several ways that you can in until it forms a dough. serve shortbread, the first being just Form the dough into a ball and cover eat it on its own once it’s cooled, it in clingfilm. which tastes yum. Another way is to Chill it in the fridge for 30 minutes or get (or make) some lemon curd and more until it becomes firm. spread it on top, which will add a bit Roll it out to what thickness you de- of zing to your snack. sire, at most 1cm and cut it into the The most well known summer servdesired shapes and place them on the ing is to place a couple of pieces in baking tray you’ve greased. (Rubbed a bowl and cover it with fresh sliced with oil or butter so the shortbread strawberries, whipped cream and, if doesn’t stick) you want to be extra, sliced almonds Alternatively, place the ball of dough that you can get in most stores. straight onto the greased baking tray

A little Extra Pizazz: There are many ways you can funk up your shortbread. The ones I tried this bakeathon are; Chocolate chip, orange and golden shortbreads. They’re all quite simple tweaks to the basic recipe.

Chocolate chip shortbread Add 50g of chocolate chips when you’re mixing in the flour. You don’t need to add the vanilla extract to the dough.

Proceed as normal from there.

Orange Shortbread Add the zest of an orange when you’re adding the flour into the creamed butter and sugar. Again the vanilla extract isn’t needed because you’ve added other flavour.

Just keep on baking as normal again.

Golden Shortbread I call this golden because it has a golden color before it even goes in the oven. This is because instead of using normal sugar, you use golden or light muscovado. If you’re not sure what it is when you’re shopping, look for the sugar that looks like slightly damp sand in the way it clumps and the color. This method did give the flakiest of the shortbreads I made.

You swap out the 100g of caster sugar with 100g of golden muscovado sugar at the beginning of the recipe and proceed as normal until the cooking. You may need to add more flour to properly shape the dough because the sugar will bind to the butter differently.

Due to the different color of the dough you’re looking for a darker golden brown then normal.

If you want to write for the food section next year, or even be the editor for it, get in contact at food@ uccexpress.ie or editor@ uccexpress.ie and apply for my job. Trust me, it’s great, you’ll love it. For the love of spice, please someone write for this next year!

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UCC Sexpress: Going out with a bang We’ve gone on a wild ride these past two years here at the Sexpress. We’ve interviewed sex workers, tackled sex ed in Ireland, discussed the various ways to have safe sex, reviewed Dealz-brand sex toys and even given you some playlists to get down to.

Last year we produced a one-off Sexpress magazine, which can still be read on Sexpress.UCCExpress.ie, and this year the section has dealt with a wide range of topics. We don’t know if the Sexpress will be back next year - so this could be the last article ever published in this section. What do we do - what should we do? We could do something and light, I mean, we never ended up trying the new line of Dealz sex toys out… I’d suggest we do another ‘how to’ guide on safe anal sex, but everyone seemed to think that one crossed the line of decency (even though it was really basic, and could be really helpful to people trying it for the first time-look, I’m not getting into this again). Part of me wants to keep it really light and breezy for the last edition of the Sexpress, but part of me wants to dive into something serious while I still have the page space.

The trial of Paddy Jackson, Stuart Olding Blane McIlroy and Rory Harrison (commonly referred to as the Paddy Jackson trial) has dominated the news since it began in January of this year, and most coverage of it (by both the media and the general public) has been dire, but nothing completely unpredictable if you’re a survivor of sexual assault (or a woman). People will frequently talk about how Jackson is ‘innocent until proven guilty’ while, in the same breath, throwing the victim under the bus, that she’s lying, or actually wanted it, or something similarly horrid. If ‘your da’ wants people to treat Jackson like an innocent person until he’s convicted of the crime then he has to do the same for the poor woman going through all this shit.

The alleged assault occurred in late June 2016. In July 2017, Jackson et al were told they would face charges in relation to the alleged assault, and the trial began in January 2018.

“Why didn’t she come forward sooner?!? She’s definitely lying!” call the crowd of dire lads on social media.

If you ever thought why this woman didn’t come forward sooner, or why many sexual assaults aren’t reported until long after the actual event (if they’re reported at all), then just look at the comments section on any I guess it’ll be the latter. [Content article written about this case. The warning: rape & sexual assault]

victim has also said that she feared that the defendant’s standing in the community due to his role in Ulster rugby made her think that no one would believe her. Again, just go to theJournal.ie comments section for more on that.

centre in your area. The Sexual Violence Centre Cork is the nearest one to UCC, and can be contacted by calling 1800 496 496, texting 087 153 3393, or by calling into their building on 5 Camden Place (across the river from St.Patrick’s Street).

So how can you, a pretty decent person, help rape victims & survivors going forward? Listen to them. Believe them. Innocent until proven guilty is, of course, the situation in a court of law, when you’re sitting in that jury box, but is it really worth it just to make people in a vulnerable situation feel even more vulnerable & alone? Believe it or not, but you can actually support the ‘innocent until…’ principle while also treating the victim with dignity & care! Shocking, I know…

If you’d like to write for the Sexpress (or even edit it!) next year, send your CV into Apply@UCCExpress.ie. In the even that this is the last Sexpress, then I guess there’s nothing else I should do but to thank you all for reading the section for the last two years.

At the time of writing, there is no verdict in the trial, but someone has already been judged guilty by the court of public opinion, and it’s not Jackson. People have already made their minds up about this woman, and what she’s gone through, and this widespread behaviour has only shone a light on a dark corner of human behaviour.

If you’ve been affected by the coverage of the trial, or by this article itself, I would encourage you to seek out a sexual violence or rape crisis

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䄀渀 戀栀昀甀椀氀 䜀愀攀椀氀最攀 愀最愀琀㼀 吀 愀渀 唀䌀䌀 䔀砀瀀爀攀猀猀 愀最 昀爀甀椀氀椀切 䔀愀最愀爀琀栀椀爀 䜀愀攀椀氀最攀 搀漀渀 戀栀氀椀愀椀渀 猀攀漀 挀栀甀最愀椀渀渀

匀攀漀氀 愀 䌀嘀 最漀 䄀瀀瀀氀礀䀀唀䌀䌀䔀砀瀀爀攀猀猀⸀椀攀 爀漀椀洀栀 㐀切 䄀椀戀爀攀愀渀渀 ⠀愀瀀漀氀漀最椀攀猀 昀漀爀 琀栀攀 栀愀氀昀ⴀ戀爀漀欀攀渀 䤀爀椀猀栀Ⰰ 栀愀氀昀ⴀ䜀漀漀最氀攀 吀爀愀渀猀氀愀琀攀⸀ 䤀昀 礀漀甀 猀瀀攀愀欀 䤀爀椀猀栀 戀攀琀琀攀爀 琀栀愀渀 眀攀 搀漀⸀⸀⸀眀栀椀挀栀 猀栀漀甀氀搀渀ᤠ琀 戀攀 栀愀爀搀⸀⸀⸀洀愀礀戀攀 礀漀甀 猀栀漀甀氀搀 愀瀀瀀氀礀 昀漀爀 琀栀攀 瀀漀猀椀琀椀漀渀 漀昀 䤀爀椀猀栀 䔀搀椀琀漀爀 昀漀爀 琀栀攀 ㈀ ㄀㠀⼀㄀㤀 愀挀愀搀攀洀椀挀 礀攀愀爀⸀ 匀攀渀搀 礀漀甀爀 䌀嘀 琀漀 䄀瀀瀀氀礀䀀唀䌀䌀䔀砀瀀爀攀猀猀⸀椀攀 戀攀昀漀爀攀 䄀瀀爀椀氀 㐀琀栀 琀漀 愀瀀瀀氀礀⤀

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PHOTOS

䘀爀攀猀栀攀爀猀 䤀猀猀甀攀 䄀洀礀 䰀漀甀椀猀攀 伀ᤠ䌀愀氀氀愀最栀愀渀

䤀猀猀甀攀 ㄀Ⰰ 匀攀瀀琀 ㄀㈀琀栀 䬀愀琀椀攀 伀ᤠ䬀攀攀û攀攀

䤀猀猀甀攀 ㈀Ⰰ 匀攀瀀琀 ㈀㐀琀栀 䌀栀攀氀猀攀愀 䌀甀渀渀椀渀最栀愀洀

䤀猀猀甀攀 ㌀Ⰰ 伀挀琀 ㄀ 琀栀 䌀氀愀爀攀 䈀甀爀欀攀

䤀猀猀甀攀 㐀Ⰰ 伀挀琀 ㈀㐀琀栀 䨀椀洀 刀礀搀攀爀

䤀猀猀甀攀 㔀Ⰰ 一漀瘀 㜀琀栀 䰀甀挀礀 䴀礀琀栀攀渀

䤀猀猀甀攀 㘀Ⰰ 一漀瘀 ㈀㄀猀琀 䌀愀漀椀洀栀攀 䌀漀氀攀洀愀渀

PHOTOS

䤀猀猀甀攀 㜀Ⰰ 䨀愀渀 㘀琀栀 䔀洀洀攀琀 䌀甀爀琀椀渀

䤀猀猀甀攀 㠀Ⰰ 䨀愀渀 ㌀ 琀栀 䄀洀愀渀搀愀 䠀甀

䤀猀猀甀攀 㤀Ⰰ 䘀攀戀 ㄀㌀琀栀 䄀爀琀椀猀琀 愀渀漀渀礀洀漀甀猀

匀攀攀 琀栀攀 愀爀琀 漀渀 搀椀猀瀀氀愀礀 椀渀 琀栀攀 䜀氀甀挀欀猀洀愀渀 䜀愀氀氀攀爀礀 昀爀漀洀 吀甀攀猀搀愀礀 䄀瀀爀椀氀 ㄀ 琀栀 琀漀 匀甀渀搀愀礀 䄀瀀爀椀氀 ㄀㔀琀栀

䤀猀猀甀攀 ㄀ Ⰰ 䘀攀戀 ㈀㜀琀栀 䨀椀氀氀 䬀椀渀最猀琀漀渀

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SPORT

Premier League Rivals face Champions League Showdown Claire Joyce, Deputy Sports Editor It is customary at the end of a year, the dawning of the next, to reflect on the sporting triumphs and tribulations of the past year and to ponder on the sporting thrills and spills which await. So as our publishing year slowly bids adieu, it is fitting to ponder on one of the most anticipated sporting events of the summer: the Champions League Final.

Of course in order to get to this showcase of the world’s beautiful game, we must first savour the quarter-final stages and it is safe to say much will be savoured; no more so than with the domestic duel of English football giants Liverpool and Manchester City.

The Merseysiders have qualified for their first quarter-final in a decade, and did so in a rather impressive fashion by securing a 5-0 aggregate win over Portuguese side Porto. And while this win may provide a slight wind in their sails, the Mersey ship won’t be setting off into the sunset just yet, as their opponents come in the form of Premier League bound champions, Manchester City. Winning six out of eight European games, Pep Guardiola’s men aim to continue this rather successful record, and will rely on leading talisman, Sergio Agüero, and most assisted Premier League player, Kevin de Bruyne, to seal the deal.

However, Guardiola’s foe comes in the form of Jürgen Klopp who, in 12 head-to-head games with the Spaniard, has drawn one and won six, one of which was the thrilling encounter at Anfield in January which ended in a 4-3 win for the home side. Whilst both teams feature striking prowess with Mo Salah and Roberto Firmino continuing to strike successfully for the Merseysiders, the 4-3 match at Anfield exposed the porous nature of both sides’ defensive line: a weakness which will be crucial to whoev-

ISSUE 10 UCC Express er progress to the coveted semis. So whilst statistically Klopp may appear a threat to Guardiola’s men, the Manchester side’s winning streak at home and abroad renders it difficult to look past such a ruthless team, who continue their quest for an elusive treble winning season.

Another team who aims to continue their winning form of five straight wins in all competitions is last year’s defeated finalists, Juventus, who will feature in a repeat of last year’s final with reigning champions Real Madrid. La Vecchia Signora had a dogged performance in the last 16 against in-from Tottenham Hotspurs.

Having drawn the first leg 2-2 at

home, the Italian side secured a 2-1 victory in Wembley. And whilst a lot could be said for such a victory over a more clinical, sharper Spurs team, a tougher challenge awaits in the form of Zinedine Zidane’s side. The second highest scoring quarter finalists with 22 goals so far, of which over half were scored by star talisman Cristiano Ronaldo, Real Madrid pose a menacing threat, albeit arguably one which is not as serious as last year.

The less expansive format of 4-4-2 adopted by the Spaniards inhibits the glittering creativity synonymous with the Portuguese scoring stalwart.

Should Juve prove defensively strong, and on-off forward Higuaín stays on, there is no reason as to why Juventus should not triumph over the La Liga side.

Yet, this match is not the only Serie A v La Liga showdown on the cards.

Real’s Catalonian nemesis Barcelona seek to go one step further than they did last year, but can only do so by defeating Eusebio di Francesco’s AS Roma. Impressively, the Catalan side will feature in the last eight for the 11th successive season... what is less than impressive was their recent display against Chelsea; the second leg of their last 16 encounter displayed some predictable magic from the Argentinian prince that is Lionel Messi, yet the endless weaving by the Blues’ Willian through the Barcelona defence raises questions as to whether the Catalan side is truly a stellar side,

or a side who continues to rely on the stellar style of Messi. However, the team continues to boast names that other teams must envy: Luis Suarez, Gerard Pique and captain André Iniesta, to name but a few. In this sense, ‘other teams’ could potentially include AS Roma, whose Messi equivalent is Bosnian star Edin Dzeko. Winning half of their Champions League matches this season, the side from the Eternal City could be forgiven for fearing such a boastfully creative side. Yet, should AS Roma maximise on their counter-attack driven tactics against a relatively doubtful defensive line, there is no reason to say they’re not at least in with a shout. But that said, any team featuring Messi is really a team not to be messed with.

The dominance of Spanish teams continues with Sevilla facing the Bundesliga leaders Bayern Munich.

By beating Champions League giants Manchester United in the last 16, Sevilla succeeded in making history, ending a sixty year wait since their last quarter-final appearance.

However, with only three wins out of eight European matches, the Andalucian side face what is on paper an immensely stronger German team, who have so far won seven of their eight games. Indeed, statistically, Bayern appear the most obvious choice for qualification, but Sevilla striker Wissam Ben Yedder may prove to be rather troublesome for the Bavarian side. As an acknowledgement of his impressive scoring feat of eight goals in Europe, Ben Yedder was handed a call up for the French national team, and this career advancement will only enhance his play.

That said, Bayern appear to be a rather more balanced team: Thomas Müller and striker Roman Lewandowski consistently produce the goods, with the German pair of Mats Hummels and Jerome Boateng providing a reliably solid back two. Just as it is hard to score past this pairing, it is as hard to look beyond the German side.

So as the study season kicks in, remember there is always light at the end of the tunnel: light which may come this year in the form of the glittering stadium lights of Kiev on Saturday, May 26th.

SPORT

ISSUE 10| UCC Express

The Stanley Cup Playoffs: A Feast for the Sporting Senses Diarmuid O’Brien, Sports Writer Standing at almost three feet tall and weighing thirty-five pounds, the Stanley Cup is one of the most impressive trophies in all of sports.

Uniquely engraved with the names of winning players, coaches, owners, and team staff, the Cup has been awarded annually to the National Hockey League (NHL) champions since 1926, and awaits one of sixteen qualified teams once more this June.

The Stanley Cup is often deemed to be one of the most difficult trophies to win in world sports, and when one examines the structure of the NHL season it is easy to see why. After a gruelling 82 game regular-season, sixteen teams qualify for the Stanley Cup playoffs. In a league split into two conferences, East and West, eight teams qualify from each, with seeding based on regular season performance.

The higher seed is rewarded with home-ice advantage in each seven game series, as victors advance to conference semi-finals, finals, and, finally, Stanley Cup finals. Were every series to run its full course, the eventual NHL champions may find themselves playing 110 games between October and June before being crowned.

Ice-hockey is widely recognised as the fastest team sport in the world, and with the NHL being the world’s elite league its playoffs make for compulsory viewing for any fan of exciting, physical, and skilful sporting action (fans of hurling may have a particular affinity with the game).

Yet, this NHL season has been particularly notable, with goal-scoring at a ten year high and many exciting contenders emerging. While regular-season performance counts for little once the puck drops in midApril, the standings remain a reliable means of judging who we can expect to compete at the business end of the season. Here are a few of the squads which will be most am-

bitious entering the playoffs.

Where else to begin than with the two-time defending champions?

The Pittsburgh Penguins are in search of a historic three-in-a-row and, with the addition of Derick Brassard at the trade deadline, seem poised to make another serious run. They also welcome Kris Letang back to post-season hockey, a much-needed boost to a some-

what depleted blueline. Of course, any team which features Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, and Phil Kessel can be expected to compete late into the season, and the Pens will attempt to roll four scoring lines. The playoffs can’t begin soon enough for this group and it is worth noting that Pittsburgh has never lost a playoff series under Mike Sullivan.

All that said, the East’s preeminent team this year has been the Tampa Bay Lightning. Currently leading the league’s overall standings, their attack has been as electrifying as the club’s name suggests, with scoring leader Evgeny Kuznetsov, former 60 goal-scorer Steven Stamkos, and breakout star Brayden Point all contributing significantly this season. Add Norris Trophy favourite Victor Hedman, Vezina Trophy favourite Andrei Vasilevskiy, and former Rangers captain

Ryan McDonagh to this offensive juggernaut and you have a squad which will fancy itself to go one better than they did in 2015.

Rounding out the East’s primary contenders are the perennially underachieving Washington Capitals, who remain in search of Alex Ovechkin’s first cup, and the Boston Bruins who added Rick Nash to a deep core at the trade deadline.

Take note of both of these squads.

Moving out West we encounter a veritable fairy-tale story. The Vegas Golden Knights have captured the hearts of hockey fans everywhere and this group of players, deemed surplus to requirements by the previous employers, sits atop the Pacific Division standings. Led by Jonathan Marchessault and Marc-André Fleury, this group is not just a flashin-the-pan, they are the real deal.

Over the border, the Winnipeg Jets boast significant offensive firepower (looking at you, Patrik Laine), solid defence and goaltending. The acquisition of Paul Stastny makes them a dangerous contender and Blake Wheeler’s charges will certainly fear no one.

Finally, the Jets’ division rivals, the Nashville Predators, will seek to go one further than last season, as

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new captain Roman Josi leads the league’s deepest d-core. Backed up by star goalie Pekka Rinne, this group is capable of grinding out results.

These, of course, are just six of the key contenders. The postseason is a clean slate for each squad that makes it in, and every team will be dreaming of glory. In playoff hockey experience can be a significant

factor, and I believe this will give the Pittsburgh Penguins an edge against their opponents. Expect them to overcome the Winnipeg Jets in the finals, making Phil Kessel a three-time Stanley Cup champion.

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SPORT

ISSUE 11 | UCC Express

London Calling for UCC’s De- in the Aviva Premiership following promotion last year, but it is fair to clan Kidney say that things haven’t gone to plan.

Dylan O’Connell, Sports Editor Former Ireland head coach turned UCC Director of Sport Declan Kidney has been announced as head for London Irish in the Aviva Premiership. The move, which reunites Kidney with Ireland coach Les Kiss, with the pair hoping to push the basement side to safety in the top tier of English Rugby Union.

“Declan will bring a winning mentality to London Irish, something he has shown over a number of years by winning the Heineken Cup twice with Munster and the Grand Slam with Ireland, which he achieved working with Les Kiss as his assistant coach in 2009.”

The pair have been appointed on a three-year deal at the club, with the contracts in place regardless of relegation to the Greene King IPA Championship for the 2018/19 season.

The pair have a track record of Currently London Irish are bottom proven success. of the Aviva Premiership, with 15 Originally having points from two wins all season. Two worked together wins from two in the opening week- between 2008-2013 at the Irish Seend of the season, quickly saw a fall nior National team, both Kidney and from grace with the basement side Kiss proved to be a winning combisix months without a win. nation as they guided Ireland to the 2009 Six Nations grand slam title Speaking ahead of the move, Kidney (Ireland’s first since 1948), while also was wary of the challenge but opti- shepherding the nation into the 2011 mistic ahead of his return to rugby Rugby World Cup, where Ireland union. reached the quarter finals in a memorable campaign which saw Kidney Kidney said: “I’m under no illusions mastermind a 15-6 win over Austrathat this is going to be a challenging lia. job. English club rugby is very competitive, and it is going to take several At club level both Kidney and Kiss years for us to cement a place at the have found different ways of success. top end of the Aviva Premiership, but Declan Kidney proved his worth in I believe that with the right structures o r c h e s t r at ing the this becomes a realistic ambition for E u r o p e a n rise of us.”

Munster, with Kidney leading the Mick Crossan, London Irish’s president and majority shareholder, was equally optimistic on the signing of Kidney, speaking with warmth and hope on the appointment,

side to the 2002/03 Celtic League before pushing to the 2004/05 and 2007/2008 Heineken Cup. Kiss, however, had made his name up north in his work with Ulster Rugby. Following his release from Ireland in 2013, Kiss took charge of an emerging Ulster outfit in 2015, guiding the side to the semi finals of the 2015/16 Pro12 and a fifth placed finish for 2016/17.

“We’re as ambitious as every other club in the Aviva Premiership, and in order to achieve the objectives we have set for the club we need to make changes in the coaching structure to Kidney and Kiss open up life on the give us the best chance for success.

24th of March as they take on Goulchester in both their home debut and “The current coaches under Brendan league debut at the helm.

Venter, who has occupied a part-time technical director role with the club since summer 2016, have worked very hard to consolidate our position

圀䤀一 倀刀䔀䴀䤀唀䴀 吀䤀䌀䬀䔀吀匀 䘀伀刀 夀伀唀 䄀一䐀 ㌀ 䘀刀䤀䔀一䐀匀 吀伀 匀䔀䔀 圀䤀䰀䐀 夀伀唀吀䠀 䄀吀 䰀䔀伀倀䄀刀䐀匀吀伀圀一 匀吀唀䐀䔀一吀 刀䄀䌀䔀䐀䄀夀 伀一 䄀倀刀䤀䰀 㐀吀䠀 䤀爀攀氀愀渀搀ᤠ猀 戀椀最最攀猀琀 猀琀甀搀攀渀琀 攀瘀攀渀琀 爀攀琀甀爀渀猀 琀漀 䰀攀漀瀀愀爀搀猀琀漀眀渀 刀愀挀攀挀漀甀爀猀攀 琀栀椀猀 䄀瀀爀椀氀 㐀琀栀 眀椀琀栀 愀 瀀愀挀欀攀搀 瀀爀漀最爀愀洀洀攀 漀昀 栀漀爀猀攀 爀愀挀椀渀最Ⰰ 攀渀琀攀爀琀愀椀渀洀攀渀琀 愀渀搀 最爀攀愀琀 洀甀猀椀挀 眀椀琀栀 栀攀愀搀氀椀渀攀爀猀 圀椀氀搀 夀漀甀琀栀 瀀氀愀礀椀渀最 琀栀攀 爀愀挀攀挀漀甀爀猀攀 猀琀愀最攀⸀ 倀爀椀稀攀 椀渀挀氀甀搀攀猀 㐀 瀀爀攀洀椀甀洀 愀搀洀椀猀猀椀漀渀 琀椀挀欀攀琀猀Ⰰ 眀椀琀栀 愀挀挀攀猀猀 琀漀 琀栀攀 挀椀爀挀氀攀 氀漀甀渀最攀 愀渀搀 爀攀猀攀爀瘀攀搀 猀攀愀琀猀 椀渀 琀栀攀 最爀愀渀搀猀琀愀渀搀⸀ 吀漀 攀渀琀攀爀Ⰰ 栀攀愀搀 琀漀 琀栀攀 唀䌀䌀 䔀砀瀀爀攀猀猀 䘀愀挀攀戀漀漀欀 瀀愀最攀 愀渀搀 昀漀氀氀漀眀 琀栀攀 椀渀猀琀爀甀挀琀椀漀渀猀 椀渀 琀栀攀 瀀椀渀渀攀搀 瀀漀猀琀⸀ 吀栀攀 眀椀渀渀攀爀 眀椀氀氀 戀攀 愀渀渀漀甀渀挀攀搀 漀渀 䴀漀渀搀愀礀 ㈀渀搀 䄀瀀爀椀氀⸀

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ISSUE 11 | UCC Express continued from back page.

ing its current, somewhat predictable, nature. Such an increase in competitiveness may have a domino effect with regards to its popularity extending beyond the traditional European realms of rugby to more far-reaching ends, thereby simultaneously contributing to the fulfilment of World Rugby’s mission: the growth of the global rugby family.

to worry about the possibility of poor the burgeoning match schedule which ticket sales with the welcoming of would ultimately result from such an Georgia to the Six Nations’ table. expansion. From a practical perspective, it is undeniable that the inclusion But money is not always the answer. of one extra game to the current hecIn fact, the persistent refusal of the Six tic schedule may prove challenging to Nations’ executive board to the pros- players and indeed, organisers who pect of an expansion may be rooted plan fixtures two years in advance. Yet, in this very notion: elitism fuelled by considering the the World Cup, which the financial wealth and power associ- is organised in less than five years and ated with the self-proclaimed ‘greatest boasts more than twice the games championship’. However, this seems a played in the existing Six Nations, it rather redundant excuse in the case of seems possible for the Six Nations’ Georgia especially as its Rugby Union board to facilitate the welcome of the development is continuously support- Lelos with two years notice, which is ed, predominantly financially, by bil- evidently more than suffice notice. lionaire and former Georgian Prime Minister Bidzina Ivanishvili.

Yet, the current views of the Six Nations’ board are clear: an expansion Yet, the possibility of such an expan- is far from the horizon. Nevertheless, sion is not only greeted with reluctance whilst such an expansion may perfect by the executive board, the possibility the current regime to a certain degree, of such a development is also fiercely it is undeniable that the existing Six contested by current competitors – Nations has provided enough perfeccontests which are primarily rooted in tion, luck and charm for the Irish in

O’Sullivan was under the scope through his Man of the Match Performance in a 30-25 victory over Scotland at Donnybrook.

joined with 2014 Sigerson Cup winner Liam Connolly, as well as alumni Ciaran Dalton, Kevin Fulganti and Jack Horgan.

GAA: UCC will be well represented next Saturday in Croke Park as Nemo Rangers lock horns with Corofin GAA in the All Ireland Senior Club Football final. Spread across the starting 15, UCC’s name will be deeply embedded in the showpiece final between alumni and present students of the college. Leading the line is current Quercus Scholar Stephen Cronin, while he will be

Soccer: UCC soccer has endured and succeed on all fronts in March.

High points include UCC beating University Limerick 3-2 to lift the Cup and the senior side beating Mayfield United 2-0 to book their place in the 2017/18 Donie Forde Cup final. Adding to the successes; former UCC player turned Cork City star Sean McLaughlin, has been nominated for FAI Colleges and University Player of the Year.

world stage. In 2015 they succeeded in making history at the Rugby World Cup by winning two games to finish third in their group, thereby ensuring automatic qualification for next year’s World Cup in Japan. The quality of the Georgian side is further justified by the fact that many of their international squad play with prominent European clubs, such as prop Anton Yet, the inclusion of Georgia would Peikrishvili who plays his club rugby not only strengthen the championship’s competitive edge, but it could with Welsh side Cardiff Blues. also strengthen the championship’s fiSuch promising form suggests that nancial gains. By increasing the numa somewhat ignored competitive ber of matches played, the Six Nations’ strength inherently lies within the Le- board would be rewarded financially los’ squad: a strength which has the from additional markets, be it by the potential to compete on a more re- ticket sales or by the TV rights sold nowned stage such as that of the pro- by the broadcasting of extra matches. posed Seven Nations. This would, in Judging by the regular capacity-full atturn, have the knock on effect of both tendance at their 50,000 seated Tbilisi increasing the championship’s fresh, stadium, it is safe to say that the comcompetitive edge and also of decreas- petition’s organisers have no reason

Around the Grounds Dylan O’Connell, Sports Editor Squash: It was a mixed weekend for UCC in the 2018 Intervarsities, with the college enjoying lukewarm successes across the board. Organised

by Niall O’Keeffe and Anne Marie O’ Connor (co-captains of the UCC Squash Club) it was held over two days, Fri 23rd Feb & Sat 24th Feb, in the Mardyke Arena UCC and Highfield Squash Club. There were 6 categories - Men’s A, Men’s B, Men’s C, Men’s D, Ladies A and Ladies B with UCC squash club entered 11 teams, spread across these categories. 6 other colleges competed, namely Trinity, UCD, RCSI, Queens, NUIG and Tralee. Despite UCD and Trinity taking the A championships, UCC made a comeback capturing the Men’s C and D titles, and also the Ladies B title.

Rugby: UCC have transgressed into the international stage, with 6 players from the college taking the mantle for Ireland Students against Scotland Students. Featuring in the green jersey are captain Cian Bohane, James Taylor, Ritchie Walsh, Tadhg McCarthy, Paul Kiernan and Ryan Murphy. Meanwhile, in the Ireland under 20’s side, UCC’s Jack

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Against this tide of success, UCC have missed out on the Kelly Cup with IT Carlow registering a 1-0 win over the college at Jackman Park.

While the seniors missed out on the CUFL league title, following a 1-0 loss from UCD in Dublin.

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UCCExpress.ie | Volume 21 | Issue 11 | March 21, Wednesday

Ireland secured only their third-ever Grand Slam win this weekend in Twickenham, beating England 24-15 on Paddy’s Day

The Six Nations: Stuck in a Ruck?

Claire Joyce, Deputy Sports Editor

The number seven often denotes connotations of ultimate perfection, luck, and charm. And whilst this may be believed by many, the Six Nations executive board arguably believes otherwise, particularly in relation to their consistent rejection of a possible Seven Nations Championship.

Hailed as ‘Rugby’s Greatest Championship’, the Six Nations was not always so aptly named. Incarnated as the ‘Home Nations’, it was subsequently christened as the ‘Five Nations’ upon

the entry of les Bleus, before the arrival of Italy at the turn of the millennium made it the competition we now know it as today: the Six Nations. The arrival of the new millennium provided a sense of promising hope and blessed fortunes for many around the world; yet, the same could not be said for the Azzurri in the world of rugby.

Since their entry into the championship in 2000, the Italian stallions have struggled to make a real impact on the competition, settling for the wooden spoon in all but six of the last 18 seasons. And whilst it could be said that the awarding of such a belittling title is

for a source of creativity and reinvigoration. And there is no better source of such newness than in a country which has recently experienced a resurgence in the world of rugby: Georgia. Ranked 12th in the world (two places above current Six Nations’ wooden spoons, Italy), Georgia have This strikingly bifurcated characteris- persistently knocked on the door of tic of the championship has arguably World Rugby for their inclusion into rendered it as being rather predictable: the Six Nations, only to be greeted by a state of predictability which has the the organisation’s consistent hostility. competition stuck in a rut - or should I say, stuck in a ruck. In order to free it- Yet such hostility is arguably unjustiself from this degree of relative predict- fied, particularly when one considers ability, the championship should search Georgia’s recent performances on the becoming all too predictable, the same could be said for the more business end of the table, as in the past eight years the championship has been won by one of three consistent contenders: England, Wales and, of course, recently crowned champions Ireland.