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UCCExpress.ie | Volume 21 | Issue 09| Tuesday February 13th
36% of students struggle financially
Page 3 - News
Runners prepare to take part in the annual nearly naked mile, a RAG Week tradition
UCC Taking Hardline Approach To Anti Social Behaviour During RAG Michelle Beazley, News Editor
UCC’s Raise & Give (RAG) Week has in the past brought negative attention to the university through disruptive behaviour, and this year UCC has told the Evening Echo that they will be taking a more “hardline approach”, namely introducing a number of initiatives to respond swiftly and decisively to students who are in breach of university rules. This year’s RAG is taking place this week, Monday 12th to Friday 16th February 2018. The three charities that will benefit from funds raised during the week are Meningitis Research Foundation, Cork Friendly Call Centre and St. Vincent de Paul. Last year, over €40,000 was raised for charity. Both the Students’ Union and spokespersons for UCC have stressed that the primary goal of RAG Week is to raise and donate much needed funds to
these charities, while partaking in fun and worthwhile events. “Helping these deserving charities is a great goal and one which also reflects well on the UCC student body,” said the Head of Student Experience, Paul Moriarty, in an email to the student population. He stressed that “Raise & Give Week is a normal academic week, with a full load of lectures and tutorials timetabled. It is expected that students will engage in Raise & Give events during this week around their lecture and tutorial timetable.” “It is important to remember that, while it is more affectionately known as ‘RAG’ week, the purpose of the week is to raise money and then give it to charity; so get your spare change out or go onto our GoFundMe page and get your donations in so we can help the 3 extremely worthy charities,” said Kelly Coyle, Welfare Officer for
the Students’ Union. The Students’ Union and the University have introduced a number of measures to try to ensure that both the student and residential community in Cork enjoy the week. Moriarty emphasised that students should make themselves familiar with recent changes to the UCC Student Rules, which are available online at ucc.ie/en/students/policies. The email drew particular attention to the new provision that would see students fined a minimum of €50 for a breach of the Student Rules, with the money collected from fines going toward the student hardship fund. Continued on page 3...
RAG Week & the Community Page 6 - Features
Interview with EDEN Byline Magazine
NEWS INSIDE TODAY: 2
FROM THE EDITOR
NEWS
04 First refugee week celebrated in UCC 04 Technological Universities Bill passed
FEATURES
09 Homophobia in Rap 08 On staying in instead of going out.
SEXPRESS
32 Caring for your genitals
Robert O’Sullivan, Editor-in-Chief
BYLINE
Welcome to another edition of the UCC Express! We’ve got some fantastic articles, a lot of them focused on Raise and Give Week, some of them focused on Valentines Day.
16 Interview with Rushes 23 Top Valentines date spots
SPORT
38 XFL relaunched for 2020 36 In memoriam: Liam Miller
EDITORIAL TEAM Editor-in-Chief - Robert O’Sullivan Designer - Kelly Doherty News Editor - Michelle Beazley Deputy News Editor - Molly O’Rourke Features Editor - Ciara Dinneen Deputy Features Editor - Fergal Smiddy Opinion Editor - Chris McCahill Sports Editor - Dylan O’Connell Deputy Sports Editor - Claire Jouce Photographer - Emmet Curtin Webmaster - Evan Smith
Raise and Give Week is an interesting phenomenon. We, as a student body, spend thousands of euro on running events, gigs and parties, and raise a few thousand more for some very special charities. I spoke to a local resident recently who didn’t know there was a charitable element to the debauchery that we students can get up to. And that made me think that maybe some of you also might miss that there are three
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homework clubs, exam revision courses, breakfast clubs and after school activities for children. I would encourage all of you to dig a little deeper into these charities, learn their histories and the good that comes from the work they do. Last edition my editorial was entitled “the times they are a changin’” and for me, the times really have changed. I’ve been a dog person my entire life, had some fantastic pupper pets over the years, but this past week my family got our first cat. We adopted a 1-2 year old black cat. The CSPCA were not quite sure how old she is. They also didn’t know how she broke her jaw before she came to them, but by the time we walked through the door it had healed in such a way that she could eat & drink just fine, but has a cute (if dopey) look constantly on her face. My parents named her Aslan; me and my girlfriend prefer Sandwich. Either way, her dopey smile has properly melted my anti-cat heart, and that is something I never saw coming. .
Robert O’Sullivan
FROM THE NEWS EDITOR
Byline Editor - Cailean Coffey Fiction Editor - Sophie Mckenzie Gaming Editor - Zach Stevens Fashion Editor - Iris Maher Music Editor - JJ Lee Film & Television Editor - Aaron Frahill Humour Editor - Sarah Ryan Food Editor - Isabella Cosgrave Arts Editor - El Menton Staff Writers Laura O’Connor Jill Kingston Samantha Calthrop Lucas Brun Callum Connelly Eoin Doyle Kate Stapleton Eadaoin Regan
wonderful, deserving charities out there that will benefit from RAG Week (if ye bother to put money in buckets, or throw some euro at the GoFundMe the SU has set up). Here’s some info about the three charities: Friendly Call Cork is a service that tries to tackle loneliness & isolation in the community. It is targeted toward people with chronic illnesses, the elderly and other people who may not be able to engage actively in the wider community. Volunteers call clients, ask them about their days and check to see if they’re okay. Meningitis Research Foundation is a group that performs research into better treatments of meningitis and septicaemia. Their past research has lead to greater public awareness about the signs & symptoms of meningitis, as well as furthering the quality of medical care for patients suffering with the disease. The Society of Saint Vincent de Paul is one of Ireland’s oldest & largest charities, having been in the country for over 170 years. SVP works to help those who experience poverty and exclusion. They have approximately 11,000 volunteers nationally, and provide
ISSUE 09 | UCC Express
Editorial Michelle Beazley
So, I put up a new profile picture on Facebook this week. Don’t you all rush to like it now, I’d just haaaaate that. Like, I have nerves like a ton of bricks sitting on my chest over all the internships and jobs that need to be applied for, all the assignments that need to be started, and all the news that needs to be written and spellchecked for ye, but the external validation I get off a new
profiler makes me forget about all that very important stuff for a few minutes (read: hours, if not days). I don’t care if that makes me seem shallow- I like being shallow, and I think people should get to do the things they enjoy. Other things I like: watching entire seasons of Netflix shows in one sitting; Diet Coke (yes, I know it’s bad for you); badminton; jumpers. I also took up knitting last week, which I’m terrible at, but it’s calming and helps keep my blood pressure at merely concerning levels instead of actually alarming. I’m trying to make a scarf, so put your orders in and you should receive one in the next 4-5 years. Things I don’t like: the Gaol Cross entrance being closed (I have literally written an entire editorial on this particular bitterness); Tr*mp; when Tesco Paul Street sells out of their €4 white wine; badminton; spilling tea/food on clothes that are JUST out of the wash. Anyway, that’s probably more detail about me than anyone has ever wanted
to know, but giving a column to my self-obsessed self was always going to result in TMI. I’d complain to the editor, if I were ye, but really that’d just be giving me more attention, and it would definitely go to my head. There’s just no winning with me. Anyway, onto more important stuffHappy RAG! Hope ye are all raising, and giving, and having a ball. The key is to do a golden week the week before and the week after, and that will significantly lessen the guilt when you inevitably get waylaid on your way to every single lecture this week and end up, completely accidentally, in the New Bar. Sure, you’re in final year, but it’s a big campus and you don’t really know your way around yet, and if you squint, it could be the Kane. So, to sum up: enjoy RAG week kids, I’ll let ye know how my scarf is coming along. And like my profiler and I might just stop shiteing on.
Michelle Beazley
NEWS
ISSUE 09| UCC Express
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continued from front page Other initiatives include stream lining Campus Watch process (an initial disciplinary process) to ensure early intervention, immediate escalation to Campus Watch Committee or Disciplinary Committee if the student does not accept responsibility, or if the level of misbehaviour warrants this, and introducing a campaign known as R&R (Respect and Responsibility) with the support of the Students’ Union. This is to promote the notion that, while R&R (Rest & Recreation) is encouraged, it needs to be balanced by respect for self and for residents, and students must take responsibility for their behaviour. A spokesperson for UCC said: “Last summer a new Student Residential Services and Community Relations Office was set up to work closely with Community Gardaí, local resident groups and the wider community. The new Community Relations Officer attends resident association meetings and acts as a conduit between
UCC and our neighbours, and is responsible for Campus Watch, in particular the administration of informal and formal resolution procedures.” Other initiatives involve developing relations and providing positive services to our neighbours as well as alerting them to the many positive contributions our students make to society. UCC President Patrick O’Shea hopes to ease the worries of residents near the university through the introduction of these new measures. Head of Community Policing, Sergeant Stewart Philpott, told the Evening Echo: “UCC is tightening the rules around students in houses. They are being made more answerable to the college. “They seem to be taking a more hardline approach. The new President, Patrick O’Shea, is very much of the community, and he believes the college shouldn’t be causing trouble.” Welfare Officer Coyle asked that
students remain respectful of others living in the area, saying that “what we ask you all to remember is that, while you are having a great week of raising and giving and everything else that goes along with it, please be considerate of your neighbours and your fellow students who are not going out during the week. Keep the noise levels down, keep the house parties to a minimum and, most of all, please keep all bins in an upright position. Although shocking to hear, your neighbours do not want to hear your rendition of ‘Cascada – Everytime We Touch’ at 5am, so please be respectful. Don’t put yourself in a position of having a €50 fine for anti-social behaviour and, most importantly donate to charity.” In his email, Mr. Moriarty commended the successful work of the Student Community Support (SCS) over the last few years, and reminded students they will operate again this year to assist the maintenance of a positive rela-
tionship with the local residential community. He called for students to respect the members of the SCS as they work day and night this week to reduce anti-social behaviour, and to be mindful of the university’s high standards of conduct for students. He cautioned students that, while RAG week is an important part of the student calendar, it should be enjoyed “in the right spirit.” Gardaí will have a very visible presence around UCC during the week, and will operate a zero tolerance policy with regards to anti-social behaviour. Moriarty reminded students of the significant consequences for anyone found breaking the law, including possible restrictions on future travel to the US, and also drew attention to the university’s intensive use of CCTV cameras during the week.
First Refugee Week Launched in UCC Cailean Coffey, Byline Editor Following UCC’s designation as a University of Sanctuary by the organization ‘Places of Sanctuary Ireland’, the week of February 5th saw the launch of UCC’s inaugural Refugee Week. The five day event took place throughout campus, and was organized by UCC’s University of Sanctuary working group, in collaboration with the UCC STAR Society, The Social Inclusion Unit, Cork City Council and Music Generation Cork City. The event was coordinated in order to bring the issues facing asylum seekers, refugees and migrants Glucksman Gallery and was opened Visitors’ Centre held a private tour of from refugees and migrants, and in Ireland and globally into the pub- to the public by UCC President Pro- UCC exclusively for young refugees learned about initiatives in Cork city and asylum seekers. lic eye. fessor Patrick O’Shea. aiming at supporting integration within the city. Numerous events took place across Some of the most important events Other more public highlights includcampus during the week, including of the week, however, were more pri- ed a talk with the director of Métalks, presentations, documentary vate affairs. On the Monday, Music decins Sans Frontières, Sam Taylor, and movie screenings (one of which Generation Cork and GMCBeats which was held in the Glucksman was shot by young asylum seekers) held a workshop for young asylum on the Thursday, and the “Becomand the launch of the ‘Blueprints’ ex- seekers, in which they introduced ing a City of Sanctuary” talk, which hibition. ‘Blueprints’ is a series of art and taught children how to rap and took place in Cork City Library, in pieces created and curated by young about the origins of hip-hop, and which patrons were informed about asylum seekers, refugees and scouts. what went into writing and record- Cork City’s journey to becoming a The exhibition took place in the ing hit songs. On the Tuesday, UCC’s City of Sanctuary, heard true stories
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NEWS
Investigation Underway At UCC a complaint made by a staff member Into Allegations Of Sexual Harass- in 2016 – while both the University of Limerick and NUI Galway have ment also confirmed that they have each Molly O’Rourke, Deputy News Edi- received two complaints over the last few years arising from both staff tor members and students. All universiUnder the Freedom of Information ties involved refused to provide any Act (2003), new information has further information about the nature been released that highlights 3 alle- of the allegations, stating that doing gations of sexual harassment made so would put those involved at risk of by staff members in UCC last year. being identified. UCC has declined to comment further on the nature of the allegations, In 2010 UCC was at the centre of and did not maintain whether the a prominent allegation of sexual complaints were made against the harassment when a lecturer in besame individual. It said the investiga- havioural science, Dylan Evans, was accused of inappropriate behaviour. tions were “commencing.” The lecturer was under investigation The issue of sexual harassment on for showing a female colleague an arcampuses has been described as an ticle about oral sex among fruit bats. ‘epidemic’, with staggeringly huge The university imposed a two-year numbers of complaints being made period of “monitoring” on Evans.
Evans was ultimately found to have sexually harassed his colleague by the High Court, although a judge stated that the case was very much “at the lower end of the scale” of sexual harassment cases. All Irish colleges have informal mechanisms to deal with allegations before a formal investigation is launched. For example, The records released show that sev- Trinity College Dublin offers mediaeral complaints by students and staff tion to those involved. Notably, only were sustained at Irish universities a tiny percentage of alleged incidents over the past two years. At Trinity result in formal complaints. College Dublin, two claims made by students against fellow students were Sexual harassment is far from an unupheld, one in 2016 and another in known phenomenon on Irish campuses – last year, Ph.D. candidate 2017. Chiara Seery of NUI Galway conElsewhere in the country, UCD cur- ducted a report termed ‘The Smart rently has ongoing investigations into Consent Survey’. Approximately 400 in the UK, and similarly prevalent problems in Irish universities. A report made by the Sunday Times stated that allegations include “lewd insults, displaying pornographic content, unwanted physical contact of a sexual nature, and demands for sexual favours.”
ISSUE 09 | UCC Express students took part in the survey, and the results indicated that students’ experiences of sexist hostility, sexual hostility, unwanted sexual attention, online sexual harassment, and sexual coercion increased each year as they passed from first year to third year. More than 70% of third-year female students had experienced sexist/sexual hostility and unwanted sexual attention when in third year. While the numbers were lower for male respondents, there was a similar pattern of an increase in harassment each year. These figures were outlined at a University College Cork Law Conference last year, which discussed reforming the law and attitudes surrounding sexual offences. Evidently, talks of reform are taking place in the majority of colleges across Ireland. However, with these
recent allegations being brought to light, it is clear that universities need to implement new strategies to protect both their staff and students.
Around the Universities Michelle Beazley Trinity College Dublin Trinity has approved new ‘Reasonable Accommodations’ for students with disabilities. The new policy will put supports in place for students registered with Trinity’s Disability Service, and may include assistance such as extra time in exams, special library privileges, use of assistive technologies, Irish Sign Language interpreting, or alternative course materials. National University of Ireland Galway NUIG, in conjunction with the USI, have launched an extensive national and European energy efficiency campaign called ‘Student Switch Off’. The campaign hopes to convince students in Galway to save energy in order to combat climate change. The campaign is financially supported by the EU to the tune of €1.5m across EU countries. University College Dublin Students in UCD, on February 7th, launched their campaign to lobby for the university to terminate their contract with catering company Aramark. Aramark have sparked controversy, after it was revealed they cater for three direct provision centres across the country. University of Limerick UL Students’ Union has launched a support service to aid students in poverty. The scheme aims to reduce student hardship through offering financial aid, food and textiles donated by students and staff. ULSU began accepting donations in December, mainly comprising of unwanted clean linens and non-perishable foods.
NEWS
ISSUE 09| UCC Express Technological Universities Passed Through Dáil
Bill Connacht-Ulster, and the southeast are bidding to become Technological Universities. The government Molly O’Rourke, Deputy News Edi- has allocated €6.3 million to suptor port the development of these new universities. The Dublin syndicate is set to be the Legislation aimed at paving the frontrunner of this development; way for new Technological Univer- with plans to open the ‘Technosities in Ireland has been successfully passed through the Dáil. The move comes almost three years after the bill was first announced in 2015. The bill will ultimately create a new category of university in Ireland, by merging existing Institutes of Technology into national Technological Universities. Minister for Education Mary Mitchell O’Connor spoke logical University for Dublin’ (TU4 after the successful passage of the Dublin) by the end of this year. This Bill through the Dáil. She explained university will see the amalgamathat “the creation of technological tion of Dublin Institute of Technoluniversities provides the opportu- ogy (DIT), Institute of Technology nity to drive regional development, Blanchardstown (ITB) and Tallaght and provide more opportunities Institute of Technology (ITT), and is for individuals, enterprise, and the to be based at the Grangegorman community.” The plan is to build campus in Dublin. upon the strengths and missions of There are plans in development for the current Institutes of Technolo- other locations across the country, gies to create “world-class techno- including the unification of Waterford Institute of Technology (WIT) logical universities.” Of the State’s 14 Institutes of Tech- and the Institute of Technology Carnology, ten across Dublin, Munster, low (ITC) to form the Technological
HEA: 36% Of Students Struggling Financially Samantha Calthrop, Staff Writer 36% of Irish students are suffering from serious or very serious financial problems, with mature students more likely to have financial issues than others, a Higher Education Authority (HEA) report has revealed. The HEA’s report, part of an EU initiative, surveyed over 20,000 students at all degree levels in various higher education institutions in Ireland. Students were asked about their financial and accommodation issues, as well
University for the South East. The Connacht-Ulster Alliance will be created when the Institute of Technology Sligo (IT Sligo), Letterkenny Institute of Technology (LYIT) and the Galway Mayo Institute of Technology (GMIT) are merged under the bill. The creation of these new univer-
sities will lead to fewer duplicate courses, increased financial resources and a new technological university qualification for students. The culmination of these existing institutions will integrate the teaching of practical skills into better-resourced technological universities and rewarding students with a more prestigious and internationally recognisable final degree. Speaking to The University Times last year, Vice-President for Strategy at WIT, Richard Hayes, explained that the bill would create “a path-
as how they found their course academically. The total average monthly income for students is €734, with rent (average €365, or €92 more for students in Dublin) being the highest cost on average. More than half of students’ income was provided by either family & friends or financial grants, like SUSI. Students overall seemed satisfied
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way for already high-performing Institutes of Technology to perform at a higher level again.” He listed the financial incentives, the increased autonomy, and the ability to attract more international students as some of the benefits of becoming part of a technological university. It “holds the promise of a change in the funding of our organisations,” Hayes said of the Bill. Fianna Fáil’s education spokesman Thomas Byrne stated that the party were “very keen to ensure that current levels of course provision be protected in all of the regions and campuses of a technological university. The Bill that the Dáil has now passed has provides for this.” The passing of this bill has been called a significant milestone, and Mitchell O’Connor has said that she is looking forward to “discussing the Bill with Senators in the coming weeks”. The Bill will now need to be passed through the Seanad before it is signed into law by the President.
they belonged in higher education, with most saying they would recommend their program to another student. The majority (54%) felt they understood what was expected of them from the beginning. 47% reported that they found their lecturers inspiring, with postgraduate students reporting more positive experiences. 20% of students reported having a disability, most commonly a learning or mental health disability. Proportions of males and females in higher education are approximately equal; slightly more females were found in the areas of the social sciences, education, and humanities, with the education they were re- whereas males were found studyceiving. 75% reported that they felt ing engineering, maths, computer
science, and sports and leisure. “This represents a very useful study into the social dimension of student life, and it will inform what measures we can take to ensure student success, which has so many dependencies,” Education Minister Mitchell O’Connel said in her announcement publishing the report. “A priority for me as Minister of State for Higher Education is to provide target groups outlined in the National Plan for Equity of Access 2015-2019 with more opportunities to go to college and have a world class positive student experience while there.”
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FEATURES THIS WEEK IN HISTORY Monday February 12th On this day, in 1946, former US Army Sergeant Isaac Woodard Jr. was beaten so badly by Batesburg SC chief-of-police Lynwood Shull that he was blinded. Woodard, who had been discharged from the military following the end of the war, was travelling on a Greyhound bus on his way back home. Having had an argument with the bus driver about stopping to let him use the restroom, Woodard was dragged off the bus by local police, brought into an alley and beaten. This event, and the subsequent reactions to it (particularly from President Truman) are often cited as a galvanising moment for the Civil Rights movement. Famous Death: German philosopher Immanuel Kant (17241804) Holiday: International Day of Women’s Health Tuesday February 13th In 1542, Catherine Howard, the fifth wife of Henry VIII, was executed for the crimes of adultery. In her time as a maid of honour for Henry’s previous wife, Anne of Cleves, she had been noted having relations with Thomas Culpeper, one of the King’s courtiers. When she later married the King, people who had known of these past indiscretions blackmailed her for favours. Eventually the Archbishop of Canterbury discovered these rumours, and charged the Queen with the crime of adultery. She was stripped of her title and beheaded on this day in the Tower of London. Famous Death: Composer Richard Wagner (1813-1883) Holiday: World Radio Day Wednesday February 14th A group of college students, annoyed with being unable to easily find footage of the Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake and the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami online, founded the video sharing platform Youtube on this day in 2005. The first video uploaded to the site was entitled ‘Me at the zoo’ and featured Youtube co-creator Jawed Karim at the
Can Paddies split atoms? Michael Daniels, Features Writer It is no secret that our current efforts to provide energy for humanity is failing. We are quickly burning through the supply of non-renewable energy sources such as oil, coal and gas, and the forms of renewable energy we have now aren’t effective enough to sustain our current consumption rate on their own. Efforts are being made to convince us and to show us how to reduce our consumption of energy on an individual level, in order to make a larger, collective difference. Call me a pessimist but I, for one, do not see this campaign succeeding in any significant manner, and can’t imagine it ever solving the problem in the long-term. Despite it being probably the most ethical and justifiable approach, as it discourages greed and self-indulgence, it just isn’t enough, and it’s being negated by the growing population anyway, with Ireland having the highest birth rate in the EU in 2016, as well as the lowest death rate.
ISSUE 09 | UCC Expres9 Nuclear fission is the splitting of an atom of Uranium, element number 92 on the periodic table of elements, with the release of a vast amount of heat. This heat then boils water, which produces steam; the steam turns a turbine, and electrical energy is extracted from this, the same way its harnessed from a wind turbine. Comparing energy production, nuclear fission trumps every fossil fuel out there. Just one uranium fuel pellet, roughly the size of the tip of an adult’s little finger, contains the same amount of energy as 149 gallons of oil, 17,000 cubic feet of natural gas and 1,780 pounds of coal. It also does this while only producing a fraction of the waste. Over the past 50 years of nuclear energy, the entire volume of waste can fit into a football field sized container that is 10 yards deep. That is astounding compared to the volume of waste produced by the other energy industries on an annual basis.
So we have a
probl e m , and it applies to ever y body. The electricity bill and the cost of diesel can only go up the way we’re going! But let’s not panic yet, because there is a solution. At the moment, nuclear energy isn’t a thing in Ireland; energy production from nuclear fission is prohibited by law. Most of us will remember what an atom is from Junior Cert science;
Granted, there is the issue of disposing of this waste, because the radioactive stuff you’re left with after cooking a batch of fission cookies can’t be just
thrown in the bin. It has been speculated that it may be possible to reuse this material and apply it in some way, but nothing definitive yet on that front. Sub-seabed disposal is a potential option for disposing of the waste; another is storing it in underground repositories. I can only speak for myself when I say that laying a few barrels of radioactive waste per year at the bottom of the Mariana trench seems preferable to the billions of tonnes of carbon dioxide that is being pumped into our atmosphere every month by the coal and oil companies, causing those big holes in ozone layer and contributing to the dreaded climate change we all hear so much about. Bottom line: these sources of energy are damaging our environment in ways that will take hundreds of years to remedy even if we cease with these methods completely today. We must preserve our world and find our energy somewhere else. Nuclear energy is a viable alternative. It produces far less waste and while uranium is also limited, it is in far greater supply than the other resources. It is nearly as common as tin and zinc and can b e
found easily in minerals and in the crust of the Earth. Donegal and Galway allegedly have significant uranium deposits, but the mining of it is also illegal, in case you were thinking of running down to the local co-op shop for a pickaxe. If we ever want to have nuclear energy in Ireland, however, there are a lot of people that need convincing. A
FEATURES
ISSUE 09| UCC Express survey conducted in 2007 indicated that only 27 percent of Irish citizens were in favour of an “increased use” of nuclear energy, but while we don’t produce our own nuclear energy, a decent fraction of the energy we import is produced in nuclear plants elsewhere in the EU. People don’t seem to like the idea of it. An amusing example of this lies in a story my Leaving Certificate physics teacher told us: On a flight home he happened to be seated next to a friendly elderly lady who initiated joyful conversation with him almost immediately after take-off. The conversation was healthy and flourishing until such time as she asked him what he did for a living. He responded truthfully, and at the time he was a nuclear physicist in Switzerland. The conversation immediately died, and it became apparent that she did not like his answer and thought h e
was a real-life manifestation of Mr. Burns working in an e v i l institution hellbent on destroying the world a s w e know it. The reasons behind the negative stigma are pretty obvious: nuclear disasters. There have been a number of nuclear disasters over the years that have had drastic impacts on people’s lives, the prime examples being the explosion of reactor 4 in Chernobyl in 1986, and the meltdown of the Fukushima power plant in Japan in 2011. In answer to this, I would argue that the past nuclear disasters should not influence our future decisions too much. We must learn from the mistakes, not be intimidated by them. Ireland has no prior experience in nuclear power stations, but what we do have is some of the most highly educated and competent workforce in Europe, a relatively mild climate posing little to no threat of cata-
strophic natural disasters for the power plants, an adaptable, powerful and innovative up and coming generation capable of great things, and the feckin craic lads c’mon to f… To finish up, I’ll talk about Spiderman. Remember back in Spiderman 2, when Tobey Maguire was still our friendly neighbourhood web-slinger? Doctor Octopus was the evil mastermind in this flick, and mastermind he truly was! What he managed to do in the movie has never been achieved by modern science: he sustained a nuclear fusion
reaction. Nuclear fusion is the combination of two hydrogen atoms to produce helium. Fusion has more than all of the b enef its of fission, with few of the drawbacks. It produces astronomical quantities of energy, approximately 3 to 4 times the amount that fission produces, and it’s safer. Some dramatic license and a little bit of exaggeration were used for the purpose of making a more exciting movie and to give Spidey more of a reason to take Doc Ock down, because in reality, if something goes wrong in a nuclear fusion reaction, it just doesn’t work, and nothing happens. Fusion, when achieved, is a self-sustaining reaction, so like starting a car engine; it will just run itself once you turn the key and keep it fuelled, and it will just shut down when something goes arseways. All the metal objects in New York won’t suddenly come crashing in on the lab and crush Mary Jane. Fusion relies on hydrogen molecules which are in abundant supply in our atmosphere, as opposed to uranium which is in limited supply on Earth. It produces little to no radioactive waste, and the
waste to energy output ratio is even more negligible. Fusion is also a process that occurs in nature, powering the core of stars from the inside out (hence one of Doc Ock’s lines from the movie, “the power of the sun in the palm of my hand”), whereas fission is a contrived human invention. Nuclear fusion has been achieved, but only in small instances, a n d w e still lack t h e knowhow for sustaining the reaction. This is the energy crisis, friends. T h e easiest way to sum it up is that you cannot have growing demands on limited resources without eventually running out of the resource. Relinquishing responsibility for life on Earth after you’re gone is a really simple way of avoiding the reality of it, but we don’t want our kids and grandkids to be deprived of the ability to binge watch Stranger Things, do we? That is a world I won’t be happy to leave in my wake.
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San Diego zoo. Youtube is now one of the most-visited websites in the world. Famous Death: Novelist and playwright P.G. Wodehouse (1881-1975) Holiday: Christian Feast Day of St.Valentine Thursday February 15th Serial killer and cannibal Jeffrey Dahmer was sentenced to prison, on this day, in 1992. He had been charged with 15 counts of murder in Wisconsin alone, and had admitted to performing necrophilic acts with the bodies & viscera of his victims. He would be sentenced to 16 consecutive life sentences for his crimes, though he only lasted just over two years in prison. He was bludgeoned by fellow inmate Christopher Scarver while cleaning the showers. Famous Death: Singer Nat King Cole (1919-1965) Holiday: Lupercalia (Ancient Rome) Friday February 16th British Egyptologist and archaeologist Howard Carter unsealed the burial chamber of the Pharaoh Tutankhamun on this day in 1923. The tomb of Tutankhamun was the most preserved burial tomb to be discovered in Cairo, and sparked renewed interest in Egyptology worldwide. Many of those involved in the excavation of the tomb died in mysterious ways, leading many to believe the tomb was cursed. Famous Death: Engineer John Garand (1888-1974) Holiday: Day of the Shining Star (DPRK)
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FEATURES
Features Investigates: RAG Week and the Community Robert O’Sullivan, Editor-in-Chief When you likely read this, it will be the middle of Raise and Give Week. An annual event to raise money for various charities, it is also seen, by some, as an excuse for drinking, debauchery and vandalism. There are three constants to RAG Week, it seems: money is raised for some fantastic causes, house parties spill out onto the streets of College Road, and perturbed residents ring up the likes of Neil Prendeville and PJ Coogan to complain about ‘those feckin students’. But are they justified? I attended a coffee morning in the Aula Maxima last week to try and find out. I first spoke to UCC Students’ Union President Martin Scally. Martin told me about the three RAG Charities this year: Friendly Call Cork, a phone service aimed at anyone who may feel isolated or alone, St. Vincent de Paul and the Meningitis Research Centre. “You have your standard buckets, which will be around college and campus during the week, but then Ben Dunlea, our Entertainments Officer, is after setting up a Go-Fund Me page, which you can find on our Facebook page,” said Mr.Scally, elaborating on how to donate to the charities.
Every year the Students’ Union raises upwards of €20,000 for charity, splitting that fund among the three chosen charities.
However, anti-social behaviour among students has recently taken a central role in the community. Last semester, during the SU’s Christmas Day event, several bars were closed for hours by An Gardaí Síochána amid reports of broken windows, massive house parties and bins being set on fire. I asked Martin what the SU had done so that RAG wouldn’t be a repeat of Christmas Day: “We’re actually taking all the steps we could possibly think of, and we’ve actually gone above and beyond. The student fine, for example, has gone up from €40 to €50, and there’s an absolutely zero tolerance policy with the Guards, which we accept, we have no qualms about it at all, we’re putting up signs and posters along college road too. You know, students might think in the back of their minds that they could get fined for drink or anti-social behaviour, and we’re putting up very visual signs that will be in their face so that when they leave their homes they think ‘Okay, this is real, I can actually get fined’ and you can actually get put in jail.” But what do the Guards themselves think about RAG, and university students’ place in the community? Sergeant Stewart Philpott, Head of Community Policing for Cork City, spoke to me about RAG Week. He was optimistic about the levels of
anti-social behaviour across the last few years. “Well it’s my second year now being involved directly with UCC in regards to events. I wouldn’t
ISSUE 09| UCC Express say I’ve seen a noticeable rise [in anti-social behaviour] but what I have seen is a rise in cooperation between different stakeholders involved, ourselves, local residents, businesses and UCC itself. “I think the college has taken some concrete steps, introducing a fining system for anti-social behaviour, but also this event this morning, engaging with the local community. And I suppose the residents feel their issues are being listened to and they have a chance to air their voices and speak to people involved, with the SU and the college authorities.” Sergeant Philpott had some advice for students who want to enjoy Raise & Give Week to stay out of trouble: “Basically behave well, be mindful of other residents and other people using the college. Not everyone will want to take part in the festivities but just be sensible and be safe.” But what toll does this anti-social behaviour take on the residents within our community? I spoke to Angela, a woman who’s been living in the area for the last few years. “I’ve only lived in the area for the past two years because I was abroad for the last twenty years, and it’s pretty bad I would think. I mean, on Thursday nights I don’t normally go out because it’s just too rough in the neighbourhood. And I’ve small children, so I just avoid the area on Thursdays and Fridays with them, because they’re just intimidated.” Taken aback, I asked Angela to clarify if that was just on weeks like Raise and Give, or was it every week: “I would think it’s pretty much any Thursday evening, and then on Friday morning the pavements are covered in vomit and my children are left thinking
‘Why is everything looking so horrible, what’s going on?’ and how do you explain to young children about drunken students?” I asked Angela what she thought the college and Students’ Union should do about these problems: “I don’t know, it’s a tough one. I’m not so old that I don’t remember being a student myself and once you start drinking, any kind of respect or responsibility goes out the window, so I’m not really sure what the solution is. Ideally I think there should be some sort of policing forces sponsored by the college that goes around the streets and stops the most excessive behaviour but I’m not sure if that can happen or not.” What Angela is describing is the Student Community Support service (SCS), a group organised by the Students’ Union to patrol the area around the university. While SCS’ main goal isn’t to stop excessive behaviour, necessarily (it is to assist students who may be in difficulty, drunk students’ etc.), the fact that a resident, who does live in a central part of the community, doesn’t know of their existence is telling that maybe the Students’ Union should do more with SCS. I also asked Angela if she felt that the more troubling side of RAG overshadowed the charitable aspect of the week, to which she said “I didn’t realise there was a charity aspect in the neighbourhood, we just see the bad stuff.” This RAG Week clearly needs to come off without a hitch for there to be another one next year. The University has already proven that they will not tolerate awful behaviour for the sake of tradition, having already cancelling next year’s Christmas Day event. As Sergeant Philpott put it, behave, and be mindful of those around you – and don’t forget to put some money in the charity buckets, if you can.
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ISSUE 09 | UCC Express
Hit Me With That Gay Shit – The End Of Homophobia In Rap By Fergal Smiddy, Deputy Features Editor I listened to a lot of rap music as a kid – I feel like a lot of us do. There’s just something about the emotional voltage produced by passionately spit lyrics that makes an overactive pre-pubescent brain light up. Naturally, since my personal odyssey into the vastness of rap music began before the conception of modern day streaming services such as Spotify and Soundcloud, the music that I was exposed to was (unbeknownst to me) sorely lacking in variance. In my defence, at the time I was equipped with little more than a Sony Ericsson flip phone and a certain citrus-flavoured file-sharing client which may or may not have contaminated literally everyone’s old family computer while we were collectively attempting to download ‘Ke$ha_Tik_Tok_. mp3’. I was completely enamoured with this style of music. For years my headphones exclusively carried the soundwaves of artists such as Kanye West, Eminem and 50 Cent – global-
ly lionised monoliths of the industry decades. who were deemed untouchable in the The first ever hip-hop record to early 2000’s. achieve a top 40 spot, The Sugarhill Gang’s squeaky clean 1979 “Rapper’s As is to be expected, the majority of Delight”, even features a casual referthe lyrics went right over my thick ence to a rival artist as being a “fairy”. eleven year old head. Looking back This would be a continuous and comon it now, it’s hard to imagine that I pounding feature of rap music over was so obsessed with a genre of mu- the succeeding thirty years. Violent sic which I had such a feeble under- anti-gay attitudes achieved a sense of standing of. Social commentaries normalcy among rap artists and went and cultural innuendos were lost on largely unquestioned. Artists such as me – I understood only the emotion Eminem and DMX were unapologetthat stood behind them. The main ic of their lyrics and spearheaded the emotion I remember identifying with hip-hop industry as a homogenous was the anger, predictably enough – body that held no peace about its a vitriolic rap verse screamed over anti-gay views. Any positive change a gut-busting instrumental is a gold in rap culture has been molasses-esmine for any angst-ridden pre-teen que in its passing, and at times it has in need of an emotional vent. I iden- seemed that the industry’s attitudes tified with this pure rage and un- have become ineffaceable. censored expression, but I certainly didn’t understand it. To me, the ho- However, it deserves to be mentioned mophobic slurs (and there were lots) that in the past year in particular, a were only further angry splashes on shift in values has been noticeable; the canvas – no different from the and as it only ever could have been, it fucks and the shits and the bitch- was a shift brought about by the fans. es. It’s only when you look back on Migos’ Offset came under fire for his this music with a matured (however “I cannot vibe with queers” line on a acutely) eye that you realise how dis- track released late last year was a pheappointingly rife with hatred it was. nomenon that would have been unWhat you also come to realise is that heard of ten years ago. Offset, howevhomophobia has had its talons buried er, soon found out that queer people deep in the gut of the rap industry for could not, in fact, vibe with him;
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and was met with an onslaught of tweets calling out his unnecessary and casually insolent lyrics. Rap fans have evidently grown tired of the needless homophobia that has been a consistent blemish on their preferred genre for decades. Kevin Abstract, founding member of ‘best boyband since One Direction’ Brockhampton is one of the many LGBT artists paving the way and illuminating the possibility for a more accepting future. Abstract is unapologetically dysphemistic in his depiction of gay relationships in his lyrics, providing a necessary breach in the heteronormativity that has saturated the mainstream rap scene hitherto. Abstract’s exponential rise in popularity and Offset’s PR upheaval, I think, represent a larger movement happening in hip-hop culture at the present time. Devotees of the genre have grown not only tired, but defiant of its habitual position – one bolstered and enforced by years of apathy and ignorance, wilful or otherwise. Perhaps this is too optimistic an interpretation, and perhaps rap music will never truly renounce the words it has weaponised and built its foundations upon; but the power for change lies with the fans – and I believe in the fans. Maybe, just maybe, if we continue to combat gratuitous discrimination with a voice that is both relentless and unified; and continue to support artists who are doing the same, it is deceivingly probable that we may summon a day that marks the end of homophobia in rap.
Est.
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FEATURES
On staying in instead of going out. By Ciara Dinneen, Features Editor It’s one of those busy college nights out. Everyone is going, apparently. There’s that subtle electricity around campus; the buzz felt from excitement for what’s promising to be an eventful night. Some girls have even got a start on their make-up to ensure maximum prinking time, for fear that the actual drinking part of “predrinks” would be taken up by a rush to get ready. Many of the lectures after about 4pm are left looking a little barer than usual, and some students haven’t even left the library before sneaking a swig and getting a start on their naggin. There are flocks of clicks arriving at every gaff on College Road and beyond; the speakers are switched on and connected to the phone of the person claiming to have the best bangers for prinks, the glasses are passed around and the straws are proudly announced by whomever was tactical enough to think of buying them while picking up their mixer. There’s talk of a game of Kings, but everyone knows it will be a futile attempt; everyone is too concerned about drinking their own
naggin and few cans as quickly as they can without gawking, so a game of King’s would only hold things up, as well as make a mess. Everyone is buzzed enough as it is anyway; one housemate has already started climbing chairs and daring to
dance on the table that has already had to be replaced twice due to previous table-dancing incidents that not only resulted in the death of the table, but also in a broken arm and six stitches. Agh yes, Freshers 2017 was a good one. Things move from prinks to the
ISSUE 09 | UCC Express “quick one before the club”; The Wash is absolutely heaving, t h e lines
for Havanas and Church wrap round the buildings by 9:30pm, and shortly after 10pm the bouncers are telling the jam-packed excuse for a queue of people to go home. The place is full. Hardly full
by 10pm, everyone thinks, but sure of course it is. Everyone was warned it would be a busy night, and those that left prinks that little bit too late are left stranded outside on the streets of Cork city, wandering aimlessly around, attempting to get in other places or just accepting their fate, grabbing some food and heading back to the College Road house of that fella who was ranting and raving in the line about the sick after-party he was throwing. Chaos ensues on the streets, and is worsened again several hours on into the night as people begin to fall drunkenly and disorientated out of the clubs and make a beeline for their favourite after-clubfast-food joint in town for some scran. The staff of McDonalds, Four Star, Speedos and the like prepare for the onslaught of drunken messes; it’s a wonder to the world how they manage to understand the orders and don’t absolutely lose the will to live with the messing and the pushing, the fumbling around in purses for some spare change and the fighting over who was next in the queue (what queue anyways? The place is a
FEATURES
ISSUE 09 | UCC Express mess. No one can possibly tell whose turn it is next). No doubt many people have gone ahead and ordered two double cheeseburgers, forgetting that they had spent their last ten euro note on three jager bombs for a tenner. “Agh lads would ya help a fella out here, d’you’ve a euro even?” There’s always one. Next is the race for a taxi. Taxis, taxis everywhere, but not one having not been taken by that competitive asshole who got to the passenger door before you did. Getting a taxi isn’t even the biggest challenge; it’s rounding up all the friends you are supposed to be getting a taxi home with that proves most frustratingly impossible. One friend is refusing to leave McDonald’s until she gets her McFlurry, remaining in complete denial about the fact that the ice cream machine is broken; another sits smugly in the back corner with some lass up on his lap thinking he has a chance of going home with her “nah, you go on, I’ll stay here;” clearly drink makes him delusional. That one friend who had been warned to keep away from a particular someone has disappeared with that one particular someone they were supposed to, and vowed to, keep away from; “We’re just going for food I swear” ...food my ass. By the time everyone is rounded up and manages to secure a taxi home, it’s almost 4am, and there are only a few hours to sleep before the next day’s lectures begin. You, however, remain safe, sound and oh so cozy, wrapped up in blankets at home in front of the fire, with your hot water bottle snuggled into your tummy and your dog laying across your legs. Your favourite Netflix series is on, the new episodes you’ve been dying to see, and your Galaxy bar is softened by your perfectly coloured cuppa, and melts
so deliciously in your mouth. You smile; you are at peace. You did look at the SnapChat stories, but it wasn’t long before you closed down the app, locked your phone, switched it on to do not disturb and placed it facedown on the coffee table. Before you would’ve felt the tang of FOMO, the twinge of fear of missing out leading to feelings of awful regret that fools you into thinking you should have gone out – but no, not this time; now you know better than to regret your decision to stay in. This time there’s not even a little fear of missing out, nor a hint of regret; there’s only contented bliss and the com-
fort i n knowing that you don’t have to go on every major night out; you can pick and choose your nights. As well as this, you now know, after experiencing your fair share of disastrous nights out, that you really won’t be missing anything at all. It really is the same old, and sometimes you’re just as well off to spend time with yourself in the comfort of your own bed, with your Netflix, your favourite munch, and that unbeatable guarantee of a decent night’s sleep followed by a fresh head in the morning. You also know that there isn’t only one kind of night out: get fucked
at prinks, just about manage to get in, spend more money than you thought you even had (God help you if you made the mistake of bringing out your debit card), freeze your tits off cause you were too cool to bring a jacket and then spend what feels like a week trying to flag down a taxi with friends that will have to pay for your share of the taxi ‘cause once again your last few euros went on a shot with your best mate ever (you’ve spoken to this person probably 3 times in your entire life) and finally end up spending an actual week recovering both physically and mentally. This is not the only definition of “out” you will find in a more mature, revised edition of an urban dictionary. Going out can be a pitcher of beers and a pizza shared between just the few of ye who felt like doing something but were allergic to the thought of spending the night in a club. Going out can be a few drinks (literally just the one or two like, it really is possible) or even a cheeky bite to eat after your last late evening lecture of the week, still getting home before 10 o’clock at night and getting a great sleep. Going out can be a cute dinner date with your partner, a break from the usual movie night or not-so-exciting hanging out at home, with a nice meal, perhaps a cocktail or glass of wine if you feel so inclined. Before turning up your strappedfor-cash student nose, let me remind you, when you think about it, the amount you spend on that typical busy college night out could easily get you a nice meal and few sophisticated drinks; between your gatt for prinks, the taxi fare to the club, the entrance to the club, the often unknown amount of drinks you get in the club, the scran afterwards and then, of course, the taxi fare back home you’ve easily spent on average between about 50 to 70 euros right there. Ladies have to factor in
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the fake tan and eyelashes too. It all adds up. Hell, you could pay for a romantic dinner for two, or go for a decent meal and cocktails with the girls, or treat yourself to some nice new clothes for the nights you decide you could do with a boogie, because of course a good sesh on the town is needed every once in a while, but when the every once in a while grows into being every week, if not twice a week, you’ve got to give yourself, your body, and your purse a break. This R&G Week, I encourage you to treat yourself to a night in; be that alone with your Netflix and munch, with the girls for a night of tea and chats, with the lads for a night of Fifa and take out, or with your friend or partner for a cute dinner date or trip to the cinema. It is Valentine’s Day this week after all.
ISSUE 09 | UCC Express
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Is it okay to use an alias or pen name as a journalist? By Chris McCahill, Opinion Editor Should I use my own name or an alias? It’s a question I ask myself whenever I try my hand at journalism. I’ve always found compelling arguments for both, and it’s perhaps an increasingly relevant question today, in the digital age where little stays secret for long, and likewise because of the ever present issue of fake news today.
nonsense. Have you spotted the contradictions yet? Of course, all of the above points can easily be flipped and used to argue why pen names should not be used. The first one is easy. Just because something is widely used doesn’t necessarily mean it’s the best practice, or is necessarily a good thing. Secondly, while it’s harder to argue against journalists living in authoritarian regimes using aliases to protect their identities in order to escape prosecution or even worse, there are of course arguments to be made that such criticism may be stronger if there is a face attached to it. Likewise, one could easily argue that people have a right to know who is behind the articles in a newspaper, as it may help readers better identify viewpoints or potential biases a writer may have. Furthermore, do people not have a right to know who a writer is so that opinions, articles or viewpoints cannot be published without anyone to stand over them? Should people not know who a writer is, in case of leaks or publishing scandals or breaking news stories, so that they may have a better idea of whether or not information is reliable or trustworthy?
On one hand it’s very easy to defend the use of pen names and aliases; they’re widely used in many forms within journalism & elsewhere. For example, the newspaper the Economist is entirely anonymous. This is done mainly from a traditional standpoint other publications have long since abandoned, and it is also done to allow the writers to effectively speak with one unified voice. There are, of course, other more practical reasons for the use of a pen-name; writers and journalists in authoritarian regimes have obvious needs to protect their identity, especially if they are being critical of those in power. Likewise, journalists may need to adopt pen names and aliases in order to protect sources, their contacts, or other inside sources of inforFinally consider the brand effect on mation. pen names. J.K Rowling published her book, The Cuckoo’s Calling, under Following on in the same vein, do the pseudonym Robert Galbraith, journalists and writers not have the and struggled to sell as many copsame right to privacy or anonymity, ies as was expected, only placing or is that right reduced because they in the middle of bestseller lists. publish their writings for a living? As Of course, when it emerged that such, then should it not be a choice, a it had been written by J.K Rowling, decision to made by each individual it shot up to the #1 spot. The imwriter on whether or not they wish to plication of the sales history of The put their name to their writings? Cuckoo’s Calling is that, on merit, the book would not Finally there is a case to be made that have sold well, but once there are potential benefits of writing the brand name of Rowlanonymously, mainly that individual ing became attached to it articles will be read and judged on it sold phenomenally well, their own merit, and not by the name suggesting that brand attached. Consider a piece of political name can trump merit. analysis – if you knew the writer held strong political views leaning one Perhaps now you can understand way or another, you then might, dewhy this is such an important and pending on your own views, eagerly difficult debate faced by journalists. pick up the page to read it as an example of excellent journalism, or you might just as easily throw the page away as a piece of uninformed, biased
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Editorial
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tial to divide the gaming community. Our Music editor JJ reviews the heats of UCC’s Battle of The Band and Isabella, our food editor, has a look at where’s best to treat the special person in your life on Valentines Day.
Welcome one and all to Byline issue nine! This issue goes to print on Raise and Give week, so I hope everyone reading this is having a good week, staying safe, enjoying themselves and most importantly raising much-needed funds for three very worthy charities. It’s always important to give back to the community in any way you can. I personally have been taking part in charity events for almost as long as I can remember. From singing competitions to bake sales, to walks and to just waving a bucket in peoples faces asking for hard earned change, I’ve always enjoyed the process of giving my time up for something more important than just myself. Due to the vast amount of people that step foot into UCC each week, Raise and Give week is a huge opportunity to make a very real difference to people’s lives, people who are less fortunate than ourselves, people that are ill, people that are having a hard time and people that find themselves in a difficult position or a difficult place in their life. For this reason, I’m asking that while you have a great time out with your friends attending events, going to the pub or dancing the night away at Voodoo, that you try not to completely forget that all the people carrying buckets around campus are your peers and are trying their best to raise as much money they can, on behalf of you and UCC, to make the lives of others better. Now that the ‘lesson’ for this editorial has finished, lets take a look at what this issue holds. Film & TV editor Aaron Frahill takes a look at Loot Boxes in gaming, and why they have the poten-
Over the past two weeks I have had the incredible opportunity to chat to two amazingly talented musicians in EDEN and Rushes. I have been listening to both artists for a very long time, both interviews have been a long time in the making and it is an absolute pleasure to feature both in the same issue. Thank you for taking the time to read Byline and I hope you enjoy!
Cailean Coffey
HOROSCOPES
with mystic greg
Aries (Mar 21st - Apr 19th) - Your RAG Week will take a turn when you try one of those keg stands you see in all those American frat movies. You do not have enough upper-body strength to manage it. Happy concussion! Lucky charity of the week: Headway Ireland.
Libra (Sept 23rd - Oct 22nd) Your RAG Week will take a turn when you’ll get a text from that girl in your sociology tutorial. That’s right, dipshit, classes and things still go on during RAG. Lucky charity of the week: SUAS.
Taurus (Apr 20th - May 20th) - Your RAG Week will take a turn when you see that guy you’ve been chatting to for months on a night out. It’s time to make your move, and yes sir it will go well. Lucky charity of the week: Sexual Health Centre
Scorpio (Oct 23rd - Nov 21st) - Your RAG Week will take a turn when, on night four of a four-day bender, you realise you don’t like going out at all. Good books are your new thing, hombre. Lucky charity of the week: National Adult Literacy Agency.
Gemini (May 21st - June 21st) - Your RAG Week will take a turn when you remember that RAG Week is about charity, not drinking. Seriously, that’s what it’s for. Lucky charity of the week: the official RAG ones. Jus-just google it.
Sagittarius (Nov 22nd - Dec 21st) - Your RAG Week will take a turn when that jacket you’ve had your eye on is 90% off. G’wan. Lucky charity of the week: Irish Cancer Society (they have a charity shop, don’t read into this)
Cancer (June 22nd - July 21st) - Your RAG Week will take a turn when you’re driving down College Road. You’re going to take a left turn down Donovan’s Road, because there’s no way you’re getting through all those people. Lucky charity of the week: Irish Road Victims Association.
Capricorn (Dec 22nd - Jan 20th) - Your RAG Week will take a turn when you ask that cutie in your life out on a date, and they say yes! Go for it. Lucky charity of the week: the CSPCA. Look at cuties with your cutie.
Leo (July 22nd - Aug 21st) - Your RAG Week will take a turn when you realise that it’s currently RAG week. Yes doofus, you forgot again. Lucky charity of the week: Alzheimer Society of Ireland. Virgo (Aug 22nd - Sept 22nd) - Your RAG Week will take a turn when you finally decide to go out to the New Bar Thursday evening and-ah fuck, Pat Fitz? Again? Lucky charity of the week: Irish Deaf Society.
Aquarius (Jan 21st - Feb 19th) - Your RAG Week will take a turn when you settle in to watch the Olympics, and discover how fucking badass the Winter Olympics are. Lucky charity of the week: Sport Against Racism Ireland Pisces (Feb 20th - Mar 20th) Your RAG Week will take a turn when some gowls set your bin on fire. Time to ring up Prendeville to pretend you’re an 80 year-old resident. Lucky charity of the week: ALONE.
ARTS AND ENTERTAINMENT Lots of people ask what the hell you’re going to do with an English degree. Most of those people are the students of said degree. But I think that’s looking too far ahead; rarely do people look at what it is English students do, present tense continuous. This is a boring introduction to a much less boring piece by Holly Buckley, an incredible writer in my course. Pieces like this remind me of what it is that I really love about English – the crazy bits of magic you find just laying around the place that could change your life forever.
Going to Middle Earth – 1978 At around seven I dropped the transparent little dude. Placed him on my tongue and gave myself away. Pretty far out if you ask me. Then I wait and wait for him to take me on a journey, to find deeper understandings and perceptions. I want to see everything man, that’d be the bomb. Sharon doesn’t dig it, I guess it’s cause she’s just a chick. She’s been bangin’ on my door for the last hour. That dude needs to chill. Maybe it’s cause she’s a Capricorn, would explain a lot, her aura is bogus man! Woah man, you totally won’t believe this like I was just chilling looking at my ceiling and I just saw a face beside me through my peripheral vision. It was almost squashed against my face
and it looked like it was melting. Sick! Wonder who he was? Maybe it was a ghost, aw man I would dig that. It kind of looked like a Dali painting. Oh, it’s there again, maybe it’s because I’m thinking of Dali now. Man, his art is rad. I like the one with like the big fat banana and the creepy fairies and horses. Bananas are so tasty, maybe I’d say they’re my favourite food in the universe? Aw but pizza, Piiiiizzzaa. I suppose you could say Dali and I are similar. We both like bananas. Sure, I like art, I like to doodle on my notebooks. I’m really good at drawing like robot dudes. They’re easy you know you just gotta get the box proportion right. I try to draw the sun a lot but I’m not very good at it. Maybe if I became better at that pastoral shit, we could like totally do a painting together. Dali and I could be tight I’d say. I might write him a letter, he’s got a bangin’
moustache. Man, it’s getting pretty chilly in here. I am really aware that I am like Alive and Breathing right now it’s like crazy. My chest is just moving and like my brain just does this all the time it’s insane! Do I always breath this heavily? Man, if I do, I feel sorry for whoever sits next to me in the library. It sounds like an airplane engine, so fucking loud. This dude is hit-ting me! I see clouds, it’s covering my face. Man, I think it’s my breath, the window’s open over there. I wonder why it’s staying with me? Yeah, I’m gonna close the window. I’m looking up at the sky now. There are millions of stars out tonight, Holy Cow! This is why I wanna be in Star Wars, they just get to sail around space in this beautiful blanket of stars and planets and galaxies. I think everything they say about space is real fo sho. About the different infinite universes and
1515 aliens man. Aliens are obviously real. They are so neat. The universe is so amazing, it’s so mysterious, I love it. I think it’s crazy how like some planets have way more moons than the other and we’ve just got the one. Does that mean like their world just never gets dark? I wonder how big they are or what colour they are? And like how Jupiter has active volcanos. Are the aliens dying out there? That kind of makes me sad if they are. Aliens are dope, they wouldn’t cause any harm. I’m in space now, I feel like I’m floating. Holy fucking shit man, Echoes by Pink Floyd is just caressing my mind, what a bangin’ tune. So 1971 whatever man, Floyd will never die. People always bang on about David Gilmour, now I feel like I’m slidin’ down the fret board of his Fender Strat. Each note echoing my soul, vibrating the body and dragging me deep down to a euphoric musical haven. Me? I got a green Strat, I call it my green, mean, submarine. Stars are fallin’ dude, I’m looking in to the past. Maybe there are some sick dino’s up here. How dank would it be to see a velociraptor in space? I feel myself falling and there She is! Mother Earth in all her glory. Woah, so vivid, so colourful. I feel like a mini man rolling around in some fat man’s tie-dye shirt. Those blues and greens. Far out man. May the force be with you all!
Film & TV
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Movie Recommendations Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri is something I finally got around to seeing, and it is good. I know everyone is going on about Frances McDormand, but Sam Rockwell stole the show for me. New to Netflix So yeah, said it in the last issue that Cloverfield might be coming, and I wish I was wrong. There’s a review somewhere in here this week by myself. Also here for your rapping spirit animal, 8 Mile is on Netflix now. Just Out We still have award season films coming, and Lady Bird is the latest in a long line of movies. No idea what it’s about, but it stars the girl with the awkward name. Imagine your whole image, brand and life was just about your name? The worst. Person of the Week Frances McDormand – I’m going to get it out of the way, because I think it’s pretty set she’s going to win the Oscar, so premature congratulations.
The Cloverfield Paradox – The Monster of this Franchise Aaron Frahill, Film & TV Editor Cloverfield is an ominous franchise. When 10 Cloverfield Lane came in 2016 it was a massive surprise – from its short advertising campaign, the fact that it was an 8-year-old sequel, and the overall quality of the film led it to be one of the highlights of the year. If anyone is an NFL fan as well as a Cloverfield fan (this guy right here), Super Bowl Sunday was extra special, when it was announced that the Cloverfield Paradox – the third film in the series – would be streaming on Netflix immediately after the game. Marketing genius. The film on the other hand… not so genius. Cloverfield’s best asset is its mystery and secrecy, and this holds true with this film, where a quality acting ensemble are held up in a space station trying to figure out how to solve the world’s energy crisis. Not a bad premise to set yourself on. You’re sitting there knowing something’s
going to go wrong w i t h w h a t the y’re doing, but it’s the aftermath t h a t is the question. The ensuing insanity is a lazy, w aste d opportunity, and overall doesn’t fit together – and the last point is my main issue with the film. I’m watching a Cloverfield movie, and even the brief advertising stated that this would reveal why the monster from the original Cloverfield came to be, but it’s obvious that there was a movie of sub-par quality that wasn’t going to make a profit at the box office, so they tacked on the Cloverfield name and spliced in reshoots and CGI so that the movie could fit the franchise. It’s a movie presented as the vehicle to answer our burning questions from the first two movies, but gives one explanation for why everything has happened, which is extremely
lazy writing, and then starts basically doing its own thing by leaving a load more questions for you as the viewer. It is quite glaring that the sub plot that takes place on Earth, with the main character’s husband was tacked on after they were near completion of the original filming of the film, and I was just left constantly asking like what is the actual point of this sub plot? It doesn’t go anywhere, and just has a few nods to the other movies, that’s it – totally unwarranted. With rumours of a fourth film “Overlord” coming later in the year, it’s a question of will they learn from the mistakes made here? I assume they will, because of their apparent confidence to make this a theatrical release, but it doesn’t excuse what happened here. Congrats to Netflix and Paramount for making a spectacle of a straight to the bargain bin film getting released, but the effect it’ll likely have on the franchise is worth a bit more than the estimated budget of $40 million, I suspect. It was a brave decision to keep going with this project, especially with the amount of delays, apparent reshoots, etc. Would I recommend you watch it? If you’re a fan of Cloverfield and its background, sure go for it, but you’ll be disappointed. If you’re not a fan I think you’ll get more enjoyment out of it, but it still isn’t a good film, so it’s difficult to recommend it when you’re on Netflix sitting on a mountain stack of other good films.
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FILM & TV Editor - Aaron Frahill Black Mirror vs The Purge: how to do social commentary Brendan Scally, Film & TV Writer With a news cycle and pop culture landscape as grim as a dinnertime discussion on the 8th Amendment, screenwriters have been hard at work cooking up our next hit of digital escapism. It is unsurprising, then, that much of our media has been busy blasting nostalgia into our retinas with all the finesse of dentist with a jackhammer. Several notable examples though, have stubbornly broken the mould instead choosing to capitalize on our collective gloom. Black Mirror and the Purge are two recent hits, each presenting us with dystopian worlds in the not so distant future. Despite the similar tone and intent of these stories, they end up having remarkably different effects. Black Mirror manages to leave the viewer with a foreboding sense of psychological discomfort. Meanwhile the Purge
Documentaries to watch on Netflix right now Robert O’Sullivan, Editor-in-Chief I’m someone who’ll go to Netflix before anything else for entertainment. I know that’s not a unique characteristic, but it’s really true. As I write this I have the latest series of Grace and Frankie on in the background, and as I edited the rest of the paper I had new arrival to the service Accepted (2006, Justin Long, Jonah Hill et al) on. While I will never stop being frustrated at an old favourite disappearing from streaming, Netflix simply can’t be beat. And while original series and random teen comedies are nice, it’s the realm of documentaries where the app really shines. Here are my top documentaries you can watch right the heck now on Irish/UK Netflix. ZIcarus is an obvious starting point for this list. The Netflix original was recently nominated for the Academy Award for Best Documentary (Feature), and honestly the Oscar
is left with all the emotional weight of R.E.M’s ‘Everybody Hurts’ being The Purge, on the other hand, follows played on the kazoo. the same pattern as a vegan poetry slam in a burning circus - all hell is let How can we explain this gaping dif- loose and there’s a vague critique of ference? The thread connecting each capitalism in there somewhere. Set in of Black Mirror’s standalone stories the United States after a totalitarian is our relationship to technology. regime has taken power, all laws are These show us the irony of how tools temporarily suspended for one night designed to make our lives easier in- every year, allowing citizens to go on advertently end up controlling them. a complete crime splurge…err purge. Artificially intelligent dating apps, This premise attempts to show the digitally saved memories and the fragility of our domesticated, suburpolitics of porking piggies give the ban lives, and how, given the right uninitiated a glimpse into the bleaker circumstances, we could descend world behind the black mirror. What into unimaginable violence. Previmakes these stories about technology ously sanguine neighbours become so gripping though is how paradoxi- savagely cruel, fanatic death squads cally human they are. After all, how roam the streets and, inexplicably, many of us have obsessively wait- overall crime is somehow reduced. ed for a response online, regretted The few members of society not ena Tinder date or gotten that queasy tirely consumed with bloodlust are pang of jealousy when a partner re- left to defend themselves with whatceives a message from their ex? Black ever household items are at hand, Mirror takes these familiar moments which in America apparently means and intensifies them to show how the a pump-action shotgun. I personalline between us and our devices is ly prefer to imagine an Irish version quickly breaking down, and just how where my Dad is left to defend the problematic this is. family home armed only with a clock
radio and sausage roll.
nod was well-deserved. Icarus follows amateur cyclist Bryan Fogel as he tries to see if using P.E.Ds (performance enhancing drugs) could really make a (admittedly seasoned) amateur cyclist like him move like the pros. The race he’s using for this experiment does test its athletes, so he enlists the help of professional testers to try dodge the WADA tests from catching him out. As the film goes on it’s clear that neither Bryan nor his experiment are the most interesting things in the film – the strange Russian scientist helping him escape discovery is. Another wonderful Netflix Original worth watching.
were essentially the prototype for political punditry we can’t seem to escape these days. In addition to this, the individuals involved, who I didn’t really know before watching it (Buckley was an unknown to me, and I only knew of Vidal’s involvement in cult-classic Caligula), are so fascinating, and how the film tells both their life stories, both of their sides of the story, is just exquisite. It’s almost criminal how not talked about this film is. A must watch if you haven’t alreadyhell, it’s a must watch even if you have.
If you ask anybody aged 18-24 to name a documentarian, I’d bet big money that they’ll name one of two people: David Attenborough and Louis Theroux. The former because of his huge role in educational & nature films throughout the last decades, and the latter, arguably, due to his work’s presence on Netflix (as well as a few meme-y Twitter accounts). Theroux is my go-to person when I need to get something
done, or just to chill out with something likely weird but fascinating. His Weird Weekend series is a good place, but his visits with the Westboro Baptist Church and the WCW Powerplant top my recommendations. His best shows sadly seem to not be on Netflix quite yet, as his interview with Jimmy Saville and not-quite interview with Michael Jackson prove to be the most interesting shows in retrospect. Lastly, and this may be a bit of an underrated pick in my opinion, is my favourite Netflix documentary. Honestly, if this disappears sometime soon I may be lost. Best of Enemies covers the debates between ‘liberal’ author Gore Vidal and conservative editor William F. Buckley during the 1968 Presidential campaign. These televised debates
What sets Black Mirror apart from the Purge isn’t a bigger budget or even a more realistic premise – let’s be honest, some of the episodes are ludicrous. The ghost in the machine that brings Charlie Brooker’s anthology to life is its emphasis on people with a realistic and relatable cast. Even in their darkest, most despicable moments there’s something unsettlingly relatable about the characters in Black Mirror. This allows seemingly outlandish stories to poke a finger at the darker side of our personalities and society more broadly. Meanwhile, The Purge is left screaming “grrr capitalism!” whilst acrobatic clowns in full masquerade disembowel each other with pink machetes. Put simply, Black Mirror takes silly concepts and makes them haunting, whilst the Purge takes disturbing scenes and makes them ridiculous.
MUSIC
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Classic Album of the Week Blondie – Eat To The Beat The Debbie Harry-fronted group’s fourth studio album was an eclectic mix of styles, including punk, funk, pop and reggae which featured the classic singles ‘Dreaming’ ‘Union City Blue’ and the utter anthem that is ‘Atomic’. The album arguably cemented Blondie as one of the finest groups of a generation.
UCC Battle of the Bands Final – Preview
For the past number of years the dedicated folks over at the UCC Music Society have worked tirelessly to put on one of the most hotly anticipated
the Bands entries. The display also was noted for Porter’s foregoing of tradition by not performing on the actual stage, rather rapping in amongst the crowd. Esoteric outfit Happy Alone duly followed with a set that genuinely explored the sonic landscape, dance, trance, indie-pop et al were all touched upon with frontman Fionn Tobin’s eerily cascading vocals striking a chord
college events of the entire term – the UCC Battle of the Bands. Slews of young, college-going bands once again answered the call for entries in the hopes of securing the moniker of BOTB Champions alongside a rather impressive prize of two days recording time in Cork’s own Blackwater Studios. Over the past month three heats have taken place in Cyprus Avenue, setting up what is sure to be a stellar final. Heat 1 kicked proceedings off strongly with a line-up of hip-hop lothario Transient Water Bottle, blues-rock group Crojayn and the hotly tipped Happy Alone. Transient Water Bottle, a project curated, created and performed by UCC music student Cormac Porter, was given the unfavourable task of opening the show. An impressive performance by Porter saw the audience treated to 20 minutes of satirical, true-to-the-cause hip hop in a welcome change from most Battle of
with the crowd. The group have been riding on the crest of a wave as their recent single, ‘Colours’, hit the top spot on the Irish Viral Charts on Spotify, and the crowd inevitably erupted when the three piece dropped the track. Alt-Rock blues outfit Crojayn closed out the night with a furious, vintage rock and roll performance. It was blustering, classic and breathless from the established group, and it was their on stage proficiency that won the judges over and sent them through to the final. Similarly, Heat 2 built upon a strong start, as three impressive Cork groups vied for a spot in the finale. Sit Still opened the night with an impressively strong performance, one that is even more impressive when considering the group has only been in existence for little over 2 months, and this was in fact their first gig. Fans of the group Small Talk Radio recognized the duo of Mick Fitzgerald on Bass and Alex
JJ Lee – Music Editor
Upcoming Releases Tyga – Kyoto (Feb 16th) Andrew W.K. – You’re Not Alone (March 2nd) Moby – Everything Was Beautiful and Nothing Hurt (March 2nd) Sunflower Bean – Twentytwo In Blue (March 2nd) David Byrne – American Utopia (March 9th) Liam Gallagher Quote of the Week “Chris Martin looks like a geography teacher. What’s all that with writing messages about Free Trade? If he wants to write things down I’ll give him a pen and a pad of paper. Bunch of students.”
O’Regan on guitar. Cork scene regular Andy Killian manned the drums and vocals for the performance, whilst the majority of the material performed on the night was the brainchild of guitarist Donnacha O’Brien. Ghostking Is Dead followed with a well-balanced set of smooth, jazz-influenced, “post-mortem” indie before finishing with a booming track titled ‘Cruelty’. Frontman Matt Corrigan has been releasing music under the title ‘Ghostking is Dead’ for the better part of three years, before assembling a live band in August of 2017 with the aim of performing more live sets. The night was brought to a rousing crescendo by Waterford-based band Central Hall. Brothers Alex and Jordan Gough man the drums and vocals respectively, and the group’s polished and freakishly tight brand of funk-rock brought the crowd in Cyprus Avenue to its knees. After much deliberation by the judges, and a terribly close result, Central Hall progressed to join Crojayn in the final. Heat 3 saw a fantastic crowd descend upon the Caroline Street venue, with last years finalists Aponym returning to start the night’s entertainment. Infectious grooves combined with utterly jaw shattering riffs ensured that not a single head was left un-banged when the metal group finished their furious 20 minute set. Next up were three piece Pretty Happy, who brought an excellent brand of Strokes-esque indie rock soaked in punkish knowhow. The 2017 CIT Battle of the Bands winners Kill Em’ Charlie performed last on the night, and the pop-punk 5-piece didn’t disappoint, however it was the behemoths of Aponym that swayed the judges and launched themselves into the final yet again. The UCC Battle of the Bands final will take place in Cyprus Avenue on Wednesday the 21st of February.
Music- JJ Lee 1919 music Editor - JJ Lee An Interview with Cork Native, Rushes Cailean Coffey – Byline Editor One of the brightest musical talents coming from Cork is an act known as Rushes. Currently based in Dublin, Rushes has just released his debut single as part of the creative hub known as Diffusion Lab, a song called ‘Wild High’. Rushes took a moment to sit down and talk about his start in music. Express: How did you first get into music production and songwriting? Rushes: I first got into music production just from wanting to learn how to make my own material from the ground up. I realised a lot of it can be done by yourself, so I practiced methods from music I’ve been listening to from other artists, and built on it. After secondary school I started a music production course in
Dublin, but I didn’t really connect with the material being taught, so I deferred my term and moved up to Dublin full time to work on music with other creatives in the city.
out. If I’m not feeling a track I’ll leave it and continue when I get a new source of inspiration for it. Some songs take 20 minutes, others take a week. Right now, I’m currently collaborating with some great writers. It’s a process Express: When did you write I’m only just getting used to since your first song? I usually write alone but I’m Rushes: I probably attempted to looking forward to seeing how I write early on, around 11 or 12, progress in that avenue also. but didn’t get into it properly until I was 15. For a long time, I was Express: How did you get inapprehensive to show my work volved in Diffusion Lab? cause I wasn’t at a stage where I Rushes: I got involved with Difwas comfortable with what I was fusion Lab in early 2017. I had a producing. It really is just prac- lot of demos built up that needtice and writing a lot of genuinely ed production that I couldn’t do weak songs to get to a good one. alone. I had a meeting with them to discuss my ideas for what I Express: How would you de- wanted and it just kind of snowscribe your song writing style balled from there. The guys inside and genre? the studio are incredible workers Rushes: I try not to stick to one and really get the best out of you. style or genre, especially now as They also give you a lot of freeI’m writing for other artists and dom to try new concepts, so it’s have to keep their style and char- a really great environment inside acter in mind too. I guess it’s all there. just based off a feeling. I’m constantly writing but I won’t force it Express: Describe the songwrit-
ing process and the meaning behind your newest release, “Wild High” Rushes: Wild High was the first demo we worked on together in Diffusion Lab. I remember the concept of the track was to create a feeling of when someone could elevate you to a place more than you thought you could go to, and vice versa. When I brought it to the studio it was a quick process because the foundation of the track was already there. We finished the track it in a couple of sessions. The guys really fleshed it out and took it to a whole new level. Express: What are your hopes for 2018? Rushes: For 2018 I’m just trying to amplify everything I’m doing. I’m not shying away from my goals, so it’s going to be a year filled with a lot of work, new music and shows. I’m definitely looking forward to playing the 2018 festival run and showcasing my work to new audiences. I also want to collaborate with more international artists and just broaden what I have going for me at the moment. ‘Wild High’ and Rushes current and upcoming releases will be on Spotify and Apple Music. You can follow Rushes at @RushesOfficial on Instagram, Twitter & Facebook.
Interview
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From Dublin to Los Angeles, via SoundCloud: The Rise of EDEN Interview by Cailean Coffey This writer has been put on hold numerous times in his life, but has never before heard a more interesting choice of music on hold. Normally you’d be lucky to hear any music at all, and if you did you’d hear nothing more than the company’s advertisement music. Capitol records in Los Angeles however, has the recent Nicki Minaj, Cardi B and Migo’s track MotorSport playing through the speakers. For the first time ever, someone was actually enjoying being on hold. Thankfully though, the hold didn’t last too long, and our conversation with Jonathon Ng began. Jonathon, more widely known by his stage name EDEN, is a 21 year old Dublin-raised vocalist, multi-instrumentalist and producer who has risen to prominence since he first began releasing tracks on SoundClound under the name ‘The Eden Project’. It wasn’t long after beginning to write and release music that people began to take an interest. Within two years, his tracks went from getting hundreds of listens to getting hundreds of thousands. On YouTube his song ‘Wake Up’, hosted on the page MrSuicideSheep, has over 38 million views. Before discussing how a teenager working out of his bedroom in Dublin went
from anonymity to having their songs played millions of times, playing festivals like Coachella and Glastonbury, being managed by the same management company as Kanye West and Justin Bieber and releasing one of the most intriguing debut albums from an Irish act in quite some time, it was time to look back at his beginning. Born to an Irish mother and HongKongese father, EDEN’s life was never particularly full of music. His Dad preferred to listen to Lyric FM as he drove his children to school, and it wasn’t until they grew old enough to complain that he changed his ways. The majority of pop music Jonathon and his siblings heard was from their constantly growing collection of “Now That’s What I Call Music” CDs. Jonathon’s first music obsession was with Westlife, before his taste took a drastic left turn and he found himself seeking out Eminem and Lil Wayne. One of his vivid memories of music as a child was when his father brought him back a present of an iNabi (an early iPod rip-off ) from his work trip in America. “I wanted Green Day music on it but he couldn’t find any Green Day MP3’s,” Ng remembers, “instead he put some Michael Jackson and Queen on, so I had Michael Jackson, which I always listened to, and a Queen greatest hits album that had like Bohemian Rhapsody on it and, I don’t know what age I was, but I would essentially listen to it non-stop.” One of the early indicators that he was set for a life in music was when
a neighbour, upon hearing him singing in the garden, knocked on his front door and told his parents that their son had the gift of a lovely voice. Similar to many Irish families, his parents decided that their children should learn music, and told them at age six to choose an instrument. Jonathon’s siblings all chose the piano, while Jonathon himself chose the violin. He hated practicing, actively doing all he could to make his parents forget to sit him down. Instead of playing the violin he increasingly found himself playing his families electronic piano, with the volume setting all the way down so as not to alert his parents. From there he ‘borrowed’ his aunt and uncle’s guitar, and would spend three hours a day teaching himself chords and riffs. It was when his family first purchased a mac computer, however, that things really began to take shape: “Me and my older brother used to play around with GarageBand,” he fondly remembers, “I was twelve or thirteen at the time, and I was literally just dragging loops around and making techno beats. At least that’s what I called them at the time. As soon as the whole Skrillex thing really exploded I was like ‘Woah, I don’t need the rest of the band to make music that I want to make’ and I just dove straight back into production, and I decided to start taking it pretty seriously rather than just toying with it.” Similar to the guitar, he would spend hours every day sitting at his computer, working on
songs and ideas that were floating through his mind. He’d begun writing music at the age of 8, and had been writing music on the guitar and piano years before the computer came around, so almost as soon as he could record music he was releasing it on SoundCloud under The Eden Project. He found that the production community on the site were very helpful, giving him hints and tips on how to improve. Between 2012 and 2015 he released over 70 songs on the site, not including his work on other people’s music. Since then, in his own words “it was just a weird exponential growth from the start, with having a hundred plays on Sound Cloud to the end having thousands of plays and maybe, some songs even had a million or a couple of million views on YouTube.” At that point the time had come to transition from The Eden Project to EDEN. When asked if he ever got nervous of what other people would think of his music, Ng responded by saying: “it was easier to release things because they weren’t necessarily songs. I was still writing music on piano and guitar and for some reason I saw it as separate to what I was making on the computer. I was nervous of what people would think, but it wasn’t like I was jumping off the deep end and trying to be very experimental from the start, it was almost like I was painting by numbers at the beginning.” Once he started to release music,
Interview by Cailean coffey
EDEN quickly realised there was a buzz around him, and that a lot of people were paying attention to what he was doing. “I was just putting them on SoundCloud, and somehow YouTube promotional channels like MrSuicideSheep had found them and were posting them by themselves on YouTube,” he says of the time around the release of his End Credits EP. The people behind the MrSuicideSheep channel took it upon themselves to send the title track End Credits to other music channels and blogs, and soon EDEN was inundated with requests for meetings with music execs and managers to discuss his music. One of the first people to email was a man called Michael George, who worked for a management company Scooter Braun Projects, the management company behind Ariana Grande, Justin Bieber, Vic Mensa and Kanye West. Unbeknownst to EDEN at the time, Michael was the person who discovered, signed and managed
the Miami DJ Martin Garrix. Looking back on that time, EDEN notes “my email inbox was so bad at the time that I just left it and replied the next day saying ‘Hey, nice to meet you’ and then he replied with in a few minutes saying ‘Hey, jump on Skype’ so we went on Skype and just started chatting about music, our influences, what we liked and didn’t like.” Soon they were talking over WhatsApp daily, asking about other music execs he was talking to and being asked to meet, and, before signing to any management, EDEN found himself sleeping in Michael’s spare room while he was in L.A. meeting with other labels and companies. The pair struck up an very natural friendship and trust. On the way to another day of meetings, EDEN realised that this was the sort of manager he wanted, and soon signed to the Scooter Braun Projects. Once signed, he began work on his debut album, which was
recorded between Dublin and New York. He first began thinking about the album and its sound during a three month break between his first and second tour, but due to over-analysis and over-thinking, he found himself unable to finish any of the songs and ended up scrapping almost everything he’d begun. Once the second tour began, he found himself stressing a lot less, with the long bus journeys acting as a sort of medicine. “I was sitting in the back of a van, sometimes for like 20 plus hours, and I couldn’t do anything and that was like a weird re-set button for me, because I hadn’t been able to just sit and do nothing for about a year and a half at that point, and in a weird way by sitting in the back of a van I didn’t feel that I had to be productive, so I got to actually sit there and look out the window and not even think about doing things.” Once the tour ended it was all systems go. The majority of the album was written and recorded from November 2016 to May 2017, except one song which had a less traditional creation; “the intro and outro of Clash has been something I’ve been playing on guitar since I was fifteen or sixteen, all I had was the intro and outro of a song but I could never find something for the middle, and then fast forward to the start of 2017, I was living in New York for a couple of months and I came up with an idea and it just clicked, that was a piece of the puzzle I’d been missing.” Jonathon is unable to put an exact label on the sound that makes up the album, known as Vertigo, but he described the writing process as “off-script,” not
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wanting to restrict the sound by the use of any particular concept. Compared to his last EP, I Think You Think Too Much Of Me, which started off with an idea and a plan before any music was written, this was very much the letting go of concepts, and doing only what felt right. What was left was a collection of 13 songs, each unique yet connected, with EDEN’s own distinct rhythm and pacing that many artists spend their career trying to find. Despite this, some fans were left disappointed, and were wondering if he would ever return to the sound of earlier songs such as XO, Nocturne and End Credits. His response? “Probably not. I don’t really like… I’m not interested in making an ‘End Credits 2’ or an ‘XO 2’ you know? If there is a return to that sound it’s because it fits into something else, or it makes sense in a different way that it did when I made it the first time.” And with that, our time is up. As his press manager gets ready to end the call, I ask one final question: now that the album is out, what next? Jonathan takes a moment to think, before answering “I’ve made and released an album, so I kind of just want to make things without such a weight attached to them, so maybe I’ll release a song here or there, who knows?” And with that, the line to Los Angeles goes dead, and EDEN begins another day on the journey to becoming one of Ireland’s leading musical exports. The question has quickly shifted from ‘if’ to ‘when’ and, if the past 18 months has been anything to go by, it looks like it will be very, very soon. EDEN’s album, ‘Vertigo’, is out now on all streaming services and good music stores. He plays the Olympia in Dublin on April 24th 2018. You can follow him on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram at @iameden.
GAMING
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Upcoming Releases Dynasty Warriors 9 Dynasty Warriors 9 is a hack & slash game developed by Omega Force and published by Koei Tecmo. DW9 will mark a change for a series, incorporating an open-world map for the first time. It will be released in China & Japan on February 8th, and in Western markets on February 13th, on PS4, XBox One and Windows PC. Bayonetta & Bayonetta 2 Bayonetta and Bayonetta 2 are hack-and-slash games developed by Platinum games, with the former being distributed by Sega, the latter by Nintendo. Bayonetta 2 was released exclusively on the Wii U system, leading to many fans of the first game being unable to play the sequel. Both games will be released worldwide on the Nintendo Switch on February 16th.
Loot Boxes – Anti Consumer, est in gaming upon seeing this arti- that it’s okay to pay to have an advanAnti Gamer, and Anti the Force cle, you probably have no idea what tage did have some merit when it first a “loot box” is. A loot box is a virtual item in games that you can purchase using real life money in most cases, or spend a large amount of time playing the game in order to get one, and it gives that player a random set of rewards – normally cosmetic, so your character looks especially bitchin’. Well that doesn’t sound overly bad, does it? Where we are now though doesn’t reflect the original purpose at
came into being – if we look at free to play games, where all of this started, someone or a group of people spent hours upon hours so that you can play a game for free. You’ve paid nothing to get access to this game, so if I were to spend €20 on it to give back in some way, and I get a bonus for that, then it’s a bit of a win-win for myself and the developer. Context is key though, and
all. Free to play games were the first to start using loot boxes, and contents varied between the simple cosmetic purpose as a way of generating money to allowing loot boxes to give items that would give one player an advantage over another. This is where everyone should kind of stop and say “ehhhhhhh what?” You can pay for loot boxes that may give you a chance to be better than another player regardless of skill because you either (a) paid money for loot boxes, or (b) played longer. The ‘play longer’ part is okay – if I pour more time into a game I should be rewarded for my time and dedication, sure! But when real money gets in Bit of context first and fore- volved, the situation becomes sticky; most – what is a loot box? If you’ve right now it isn’t the same as when happened to take up a sudden inter- this came into being. The argument
while I can argue it isn’t a mortal sin to have loot boxes that give a competitive advantage in free to play games, the second you are obliged to put a single cent into a game you’ve already purchased, just to actually play it, then everything changes. Probably one of the earliest instances of a successful loot box system in a paid game is again an EA published game in the form of top football sim FIFA. FIFA is an annualised franchise for EA, where every year they update team rosters, jerseys, etc., and most importantly fix what they messed up the year before by inadvertently messing something else up – ‘but please give over your €70 anyway’. And something that has become the main focus and staple of each release is FIFA Ultimate Team. Introduced in 2010, Ultimate Team al-
By Aaron Frahill, Film & TV Editor Gaming was alight with rage and burning pitchforks coming towards the release of EA’s Star Wars Battlefront 2 in November which caused the infamous “sense of pride and accomplishment” Reddit comment in response to the backlash that their loot box system and unlocking of in-
Metal Gear Survive Metal Gear Survive is a survival action-adventure game published & developed by Konami. It is the first game in the Metal Gear series to be released following the departure of series creator Hideo Kojima. It will be released in North America, Japan and Europe on February 20th, 21st and 22nd respectively, for the PS4, XBOX-One and Microsoft Windows. Retro Game of the Week Super Mario 64 While Super Mario Odyssey is sweeping the Game of the Year awards (or at least taking second place after fellow Nintendo production LoZ: Breath of the Wild), it’s really worthwhile playing the O.G. great Mario 3-D adventure: Super Mario 64. A revolutionary game, Mario 64 was really the first successful attempt at a 3D platformer, and what an attempt it was. Tight controls, now-bizarre looking but well-structured levels and a basic but classic story: the evil Bowser has taken over the Princess’ castle, holding her hostage, and now you have to collect power stars to get to the top of the castle and beat his ass. This game really holds up, especially if you can get your hands on an original N64.
game rewards had caused. And while at the time EA and game developer DICE pulled back the reins a bit, we lie here in the same situation as loot boxes emerge from the rug they’ve been hiding under for the last couple of months. Battlefront brought a wide range of questions about the gaming industry as a whole in November, and has left many in the know wondering how to get the sour taste out of their mouth. Loot boxes are becoming a staple of the market, but it’s a question of why this has happened, and where we see loot boxes going in the future, as they seem to be more and more of a feature in our favourite games.
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gaming Edittor - Zach stephens
lows you to create your own team of players from most leagues through buying player packs. Better players, however, are rarer – for example, for every Ronaldo there’s probably 100,000 Shrewsbury Town players. You have to buy packs using either coins, which are earned in-game for playing matches and running drills, mostly, but you can buy packs using FIFA points, which can only be purchased using real money. So if you want Ronaldo on your team you could grind for coins for a nearly infinite amount of time, and not even get him, or quickly pump money into the game until you get him. In saying that, you probably won’t get Ronaldo regardless, because he’s so rare, but it’s the carrot on a stick approach when you know he’s there, and forking over cash is the easier, quicker option. When it comes to Ultimate Team there wasn’t a massive backlash against it, maybe due to the fact that the whole game mode is designed around being random, and that FIFA is based so much off of player skill that even if you have the best combination of players possible you could still lose to a more skilled player. Regardless, Ultimate Team was not a speed bump on the loot
box road. It’s quite telling, the effect that this mode had on EA’s profits, as very quickly Ultimate Team became a staple and ‘poster boy’ for every sports game that they possess. Last year it was estimated that EA generates $800 million from just the Ultimate Team modes across its sports franchises, and it was just something everyone eventually took for granted – but this should be considered wrong, right? If I pay for a product it’s now mine, I own it, you can’t do anything about it. And that’s still true here, but it’s like “oh! You do own it, butttttt you’re not going to have the best experience possible, so you should totally spend more money!” And this brings me onto Star Wars Battlefront 2, and why it took the model FIFA had created but applied it in such a manner that didn’t translate. Firstly, I think everyone should take into account how much money EA must have spent so they could get exclusive rights to publishing any Star Wars game, so obviously they want to make a profit out of that, and have to fire on all corporate cylinders so they can take our cash. I would think, in an effort to try and maximise all the revenue they could, they included loot boxes. And sure
into a game just so you can unlock all the content. I would argue that loot boxes have been so anti-consumer that it’s too late to reverse the damage, so what I’m trying to accomplish here is to: (a) advise us, as gamers and consumers, to avoid another Star Wars Battlefront 2 situation, and (b) facing facts about the industry. The money that loot boxes make is ridiculous, one only needs to look at the previously quoted $800 million figure on the Ultimate Team revenue why wouldn’t they? Call of Duty has to know this fad is going nowhere, been doing it for two years at this even, unfortunately, only gaining stage, Destiny implemented it nearmore traction as we get more and ly three years ago, and Overwatch more used to it. popularised it in a way that it was all a-okay to spend money on this – but I don’t think there would it comes back to advantages: I might be enough pages in this newspaper have a cool looking red weapon, for to cover the issues with loot boxinstance, or my character can do es beyond what I’ve covered from the Carlton dance, but you can still a consumer perspective. I didn’t shoot me dead at the same rate reeven touch on the idea of gambling, gardless of you spending loads on how loot boxes affect the psyche of loot boxes or not. Battlefront 2 took children, the negative effect on the a different approach by saying hey, quality of games and the prospect of here’s a loot box, and when you open government legislation worldwide it you’ll get something that will give comparing loot boxes to gambling. you quicker cooldowns, or the abilLoot boxes have been creeping into ity to shoot rockets and throw gregaming in an omnipresent fashnades faster – suddenly we’ve gone ion, and it wasn’t until we got force from nice weapons skins and getsmacked in the face by Star Wars ting good players in a sports game that we realised what happened to to literally being able to be better at a the industry. Gaming publishers game because you spent more mon(EA, Activision, etc.) have the upper ey than someone else, making it difhand in this where they understand ficult for them to compete. how this works, and how to make money from it, and to bring it back We roll back to the questo Star Wars, it doesn’t mean we tion I posed at the start: is it fair for can’t rebel against it; it may seem like someone to spend more money on a there’s no point, but rebellions are game to gain advantage, and we just built on hope (possibly the cheesiest accept that? The only answer is god line I’ve ever put in this paper in my no. It is just so manipulative of your two years of writing). customer that it is impossible to enjoy a product fully without pouring an infinite amount of extra money
fashion
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My Favourite Lip Products By Iris Maher In keeping with the Valentines Day spirit, one of my favourite red lipsticks is Mac’s ‘Ruby Woo’. It is a matte formula and extremely long wearing. Perfect for date night! It’s available to buy in Mac store located in Brown Thomas Cork on Patrick St. Cost? €20. Another Mac favourite of mine is ‘Honey Love’, again €20. One of the best lip liners out there comes from Penneys. The shade ‘nude’ is in their PS collection, and comes a bargain at €1.50. Its soft consistency is a dream! Available in Penneys Patrick St. or Wilton. Another bargain is Essence’s ‘matt matt matt lipgloss’. My preferred shade is 02, but they come in a variety of colours. This lip product is more lightweight than a lipstick without the stickiness of a gloss. It is available in Penneys stores and costs less than €3!
Kylie Jenner’s Secret Pregnancy By Iris Maher, Fashion Editor Kylie Jenner pulled off the greatest feat of all time. Kylie managed to stay off social media and away from paparazzi for a whole nine months. Her friends and family kept her secret to the very end. On the 4th of February (during Super Bowl Sunday) she announced to the world that she had given birth to a healthy baby girl. She released a YouTube video which documented her whole pregnancy, including an elaborate baby shower with her closest friends and family. Kylie posted the following statement on instagram and twitter; ‘I’m sorry for keeping you in the dark through all the assumptions... My beautiful and healthy baby girl arrived February 1st and I just c o u l d n’ t wait to share this
blessing. I’ve never felt love and happin e s s l i k e this I could burst! Thank y o u
for understanding’.
birth of a child.
Later she posted a photo of her baby, on Wednesday the 7th of February, announcing to the world the babies name; Stormi Webster. This post is now the most liked photo on instagram, with over 16 million likes at the time of writing. This photo has beaten Beyonce’s record of a photo with the most likes, as Beyonce’s pregnancy announcement last year had over 11 million likes.
Speculation surrounding Kylie’s pregnancy began in September as she moved out of the spotlight. Photos of the star began to pop up “proving” she was pregnant as she dressed in loose clothing, which was unlike her usual style. By December she was not photographed for the family’s annual Christmas card, further “proof ” something was up. Her boyfriend, Travis Scott, sent twitter into meltdown earlier on in the year; he posted a snapchat with the caption ‘make it home to ya one way or another’. Fans were convinced that Kylie had gone into labour. Conspiracy theories began to grow. One stated that Kylie was actually the surrogate for Kim’s baby, while another argued that Khloe was not actually pregnant, and Kylie was going to give Khloe her baby and pretend she was never pregnant.
The Kardashians are going through a period of baby fever at the moment. Kylie’s sister Kim had her baby, Chicago West, on January 15th, while their sister Khloe is currently pregnant. The Kardashian-Jenner clan seems to be ever growing. Confused? Here’s a list to help you keep track. Kris Jenner now has a total of eight grandchildren, with another one on the way. Kourtney Kardashian, the eldest sister, has three children with ex-partner Scott Disick, including Mason Dash Disick, Penelope Scotland Disick and Reign Aston Disick. Kim and Kanye West also have three children; North West, Saint West and Chicago We s t . R o b K a r dashian has one child with ex-fiance Blac Chyna; a girl, Dream Renée Kardashian. Now Kylie and boyfriend Travis Scott have Stormi Webster, and Khloe’s due to give birth in late April, with partner Tristan Thompson the father. Kendall Jenner is the now the only one in the family to have not announced a pregnancy or
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FASHION Editor - iris Maher What the Croc? By Iris Maher, Fashion Editor Crocs are often considered to be one of the ugliest shoes in existence. I do not believe they have ever been in fashion, but perhaps times are changing. Marketed towards the consumer for being both comfortable and lightweight, and being released in a variety of colours, the classic clog is instantly recognisable. But the company behind them has branched out to produce a wide range of shoes, sandals, runners and even heels. Traditional croc clogs a r e m a d e f r o m a rubber-like material, hence the need for holes to allow for airflow. The material is described on the brand’s website as a closed-cell resin that is trademarked as Croslite technology. For full disclosure, I have never tried on a pair of crocs and cannot attest to their comfort, and this seems to be their main selling point. They are synonymous with travel, frequently seen at the beach or on tourists wandering around on city breaks. The fashion world seem to be attempting to change our opinion on crocs. Crocs are labelled as ugly but practical, whereas “fashionable” shoes are often pretty and impractical. It is not high street fashion where we are seeing this change in perspective with regards to crocs, but instead with the luxury brands. Arguably luxury brands and high end couture is depicted by some to be “ugly” or crazy, and not to be seen in ones everyday life. Here a paradox occurs: something
that is both unusual to the fashion world, as a practical comfortable item, yet it remains described as repulsive to the fashionable. Spring/Summer 2018 is fast approaching, with key trends being forecasted, one of whom is Crocs. In October 2017 designer Demna Gvasalia, from Balenciaga, collaborated with Crocs for their Spring 2018 collection. They produced colourful platform crocs
adorned with simple raised embellishments, such as a flags, roses and the designers’ name. Balenciaga has labelled the crocs the ‘Foam Shoes’ with a 10cm platform. When the runway show was originally seen back in October, many laughed at the so-called “ridiculousness” of the shoes. But the crocs have sold out, going in mere hours online Stateside. They were available to pre-order on Barney’s website, and have yet to arrive in stores. Keep in mind these designer crocs will set you back $850! On their European website Balenciaga’s crocs range in price from €350-695. This is not the first time Balenciaga has taken an everyday item and turned it into ‘fashion’; controversy arose early in 2017 when people noticed how similar one of their handbags looked to the blue Ikea Frakta bag. While Ikea’s bag cost
$0.90, Balenciaga’s costed $1125. Furthermore, Balenciaga launched scrunchies as part of their Resort 2018 collection for €140 each. Balenciaga is not the only designer to work with the footwear brand. Christopher Kane also worked with Crocs for his Spring/Summer 2017 show, with the runway taking place in September 2016. Kane’s crocs featured stone crystals with a marbled background. Others included crocs lined with fur, with some costing up to €325 on the luxury brand website Farfetch. Then in 2017, Christopher K a n e
worked with crocs again to create a more affordable option. This collection, entitled ‘Christopher Kane x Crocs’, featured four tiger print clogs. The shades included avocado, white, honey and ochre. These versions were far cheaper, at a more accessible price of €69.99. With two major fashion brands backing them, will we soon see crocs in our favourite Penneys or River Island? Perhaps they are a new part of the ‘anti-fashion’. Vetements, one of the leading anti-fashion brands, takes a similar role in attempting to turn fashion on its head. Balenciaga and Vetements share the designer that brought us the new platform crocs, Demna Gvasalia, after all. Arguing
that fashion does not equate to glamour and beauty anymore, and that it shouldn’t have to. Vetements’ clothing style is predominantly streetwear but with an edge. The edge can take the position of alternative versions of fashion. Vetements faced a little controversy, as they advertised a lighter for $290. Another example of taking an everyday item and making it elusive and unattainable… The classic clog costs €34.99 on their european website, while Balenciaga’s cost more than 18 times that. Plus, with the news that the infamous shoes have sold out on Barney’s website, they may be more in demand than ever before. The fashion world is enthralled by their emergence, which will thus further their popularity. It begs the question; if society places a high price tag on an item,
does it become vastly more desirable? It’s interesting how fashion can turn something easily accessible, cheap and generally unpopular into something unattainable and coveted.
Humour
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Weather “A light jacket and perhaps a warm vest for layering,” Met Éireann issues official clothing recommendation for February conditions. Science UCC launches groundbreaking study into whether chemicals in the water really are turning the freaking frogs gay. Health: Nutritionists confirm that there is no correct portion size for pasta.
Christmas exam results were released last week, and while many students were hoping for high grades, or at very least a pass, one man couldn’t care less. Michael Leary, a first-year arts student, failed all of his subjects, but failed one more spectacularly than the others; Mr. Leary somehow secured minus 10%, making him the first student in UCC history to receive a mark below zero... not that he gave a shit, the fucking legend.
a diet consisting solely of potatoes and Beamish - the diet of a true patriot. Spurred on by the actions of their newest idol, a splinter group stepped up their action against the English language. First the group took their complaints to the President of UCC, hoping to get the subject removed altogether. “They barged into my office,” the President told the Express, still baffled by the experience. “Chanting and singing. Once they had calmed down a bit they brought that boy to the front, you know, the simple one. He looked scared to be honest. They
clock, but it’s better to be safe than sorry.” The Republicans have denied responsibility for the act, “sure we wouldn’t know anything about that,” a spokesperson for the group said. “it was probably one of the exchange students. We can’t be terrorists sure, we’re Irish! You have to be brown to be a terrorist!” A note reading: ‘Shakespeare was a Tan’ was found alongside the bomb/clock. Just as it seemed they were getting some traction around college, rumours swirled that Mr. Leary, the catalyst for the entirety of the troubles, had failed foundation level Irish
This astounding mark drew the attention of a multitude of college students and staff, most asking if he was a bizarre evil genius, or just plain thick. An on-campus Republican group, however, took a different view on the matter: “You may all see a waster, a fool… someone who’d thrive at CIT, but I see a true Irish hero!” One leader said at one of the group’s 96,000 planned rallies this year, “I’ve never seen someone with such a hatred for that dirty language in my life, and sure that’s all you need really!” Leary was welcomed eagerly by the group, the members so fervent with patriotism that they were foaming at the mouth, or possibly foaming due to a severe vitamin deficiency caused by
made him ask me to remove English from the curriculum. Naturally I refused. They weren’t very happy about it, I’ll tell you. Pelted me with really badly printed copies of the proclamation as they went off.” Tensions rose and rose on campus between the school of English and the campaign group until it culminated in the attempted detonation of Boole 4 during a Lecture on Twelfth Night early Tuesday morning. The alarm was raised when one student spotted the suspicious device, and the hall was evacuated. The bomb squad was called in and after a tense hour, the hall was declared safe. “The bomb was terribly made,” a member of the squad revealed to the Express, “honestly, I think it’s just a bulky
in Secondary School. The group went into hiding for a day before bringing out Mr. Leary, stuttering a slightly mispronounced rendition of Geibheann, retrospectively passing his exams, as the group believed, and with that Mr. Leary ascended to Irish legend status among heroes like Fionn and Cuchulain.
Patriotic Arts Student Fails English Rachel McInerney, Humour Writer
Crime: Gardaí warn of street riots in wake of the announcement that Freddo prices are set to rise to approximately €2.5billion post-Brexit. TV Listings: Come Take Me Out, Thursday, TV 3 @ 6PM: TV3 creates a formidable hybrid of its two most popular shows, where contestants must battle it out to win the heart of the show’s star by choosing what takeaway to get with no more guidance than “I don’t mind, honestly just get whatever you want”.
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HUMOUR Editor - Sarah Ryan This irritation is said to be a result of general incomprehension of what the popular phrase actually means. Urban Dictionary, the great source of esoteric knowledge that it is, provides no illuminations, save one definition from user ‘Bitsmaster2K13’ that seems to barely cover the expanse of definitions that ‘doing bits’ can have.
So far, it seems doing bits may involve anything from sipping at €3.50 Woo Woos in Suas with your galpal Siobhán, to spinning around Douglas with your unsuspecting mother while you document the trip on your Snapchat story. The consistent theme is that ‘bits’ must be documented via social media, and often involve delicacies such as those poached eggs from The Spitjack or, amazingly, a latte with a heart on top of it.
in the proliferation of the Bit epidemic. Kavanagh, who has under his control legions of tech-savvy young women in Cork, Dublin and their surrounding areas, is said to be a dangerous figure. He has gone so far in his use of the profane phrase as to even a recruit a ‘Helper of Bits’ to his squadron of evil. I, for one, am afraid.
This ban comes as a result of widespread irritation across Ireland, with many old fogies and bitter youths with nothing better to aim their Personally, I have spent many Naysayers are currently blaming inexplicable ever-burning angst at months researching what activities Snapchat star and renowned Doer reporting sky-rocketing stress levels could in fact qualify as doing bits. of Bits James Kavanagh for his part
Overall, it seems Bit Doers are still at large despite the ban, and may be for some time to come. Citizens are urged to stay away from Snapchat, stay in school, eat their vegetables and, most importantly, don’t do bits.
Friends with Menefits
ful Thursday at approximately nine o’clock. Hair permed to perfection, Eleven Degrees t-shirts expertly shrunk to show off their totally buff bods. They were ready, or so they thought…known for their discerning taste in suitors, they searched the clubs of Cork for any girl with a pulse willing to touch them. They found one. Described by Eagen as, “Well fit” and “Totally not imaginary” by O’Connor, the girl has yet to been identified. The group of three retired to Castlewhite after inhaling as much takeaway as their student grants would allow, and fuelled by the aphrodisiac that is mysterious kebab meat, all three decided to sleep together. Sean and Robert now sit opposite
each other, sullen, unresponsive and visibly shaken from their experience. “He held my hand at one point,” Eagen cried, traumatised. “He kept making these strange faces, like he was in pain or something,” O’Connor sighed, “And his balls kept hitting my kneecap, I think it’s dislocated.” When I asked about the rumour of a high amount of spooning on the night in question, the boys’ only response was to burst into tears and shake uncontrollably. The friends have now enrolled in lengthy counselling sessions to put this traumatic experience behind them. It will be a long and tough road, but I hope these boys can mend their friendship.
UPDATE: Sean and Robert are now in a loving, stable relationship, and all of their family and friends are supportive, but they said No Homo first, so it’s all good. They plan to get married early next year, but “only for a laugh, like.”
Fellow classmates were left in awe of Amori’s stunning ability to not only dress herself for college, but to actually make an effort with it. Lauren Daly, a classmate of the stylish Japanese native, had this to say: “All I can say is fair dues. My everyday college look generally consists of dirty leggings and some communal jumper I share with the rest of my housemates, some concealer if I’m really going for it. Hana, she’s an icon. One day she even showed up to the 9am with winged eyeliner, the fucking champion.” Other classmates, when asked to comment on Hana’s ability to dress herself, reported her as ‘amazing’, and a ‘true pioneer’ with her outfits generally being described as ‘so
nice’. Hana, when asked to speak about her victory, seemed mildly confused, and commented that indeed, while she did think most of her classmates were dirty bastards, though this did not necessarily mean that they were bad people. Though, she says, “I was initially quite confused on my arrival at UCC, as no one had told me there was a uniform.” Sources say that apparently, this refers to the general attire of unwashed Hollister sweatpants and skinny tracksuit bottoms seen around campus. It seems, however, that Hana’s influences are indeed spreading around campus, with many students seeming to develop notions of actually
being fashionable. Experts have revealed the most surefire way to spot out one of these fancy fuckers is to locate a Fjallraven Kanken backpack in the vicinity, or perhaps a vintage track jacket. These backpacks, as all students are surely aware, are too damn small to be in any way practical, and also feature a set of extraneous straps for that extra notion-y feel. Offenders should be given a mild slagging, though one that secretly cuts deep enough to ensure their swift return to conformity. Notions or not, it seems that UCC has indeed been blessed with a style icon, even if it is only for a semester or two.
Bit Doing Banned Ian Cognito, Humour Writer The term ‘doing bits’, the preferred term used by young women and vaguely camp lads across the country to describe the doing of inane and generally uninteresting activities, has been banned.
Callum Casey, Humour Writer The atmosphere is tense tonight in apartment 63 of Castlewhite after what should have been a standard Thursday night out turned into a nightmare from which no one could escape. Sean Eagen and Robert O’Conner had been best friends since birth, and even before birth, that’s how fucking tight these lads are. Sat beside each other in primary school. Wing-manned each other at youth club discos. These boys are tighter than their fades, but now they can barely look each other in the eye. The friends headed out on that fate-
International Student Wins Best Dressed Sarah Ryan, Humour Editor An international student has been voted Best Dressed at their 9am lecture. Hana Amori, 20, from the Doshisha University in Kyoto, received the award after showing up to her early morning Psychology lecture in a designer skirt, a ‘nice top’ and heeled boots- all after a full night of drinking and everything. Amori was even rumoured to have been surreptitiously sporting a Moschino handbag, but like, not even in a showing-off kind of way.
whenever ‘bits’ are said to have been done.
Fiction
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FICTION Editor - Sophie Mckenzie Earworm after “Better Love” by Hozier The words and melody slip into my mind on repeat, their emotion an anchor that drops down into an ocean where you are swimming glittering and green mermaid-like. And the blue of the depths is as blue as the teal of the falling sky uplifted at sunset. Yahweh do angels walk among us, whispering such lyrics as catalyst? What it must be to cup a beating heart in hand, or a bird or 21 grams, to travel through time, to scale the wall, to rise again after the fall? How could I be deceived by what is fake, the shaded figure that stands in shadows without colour, without truth or fire in cowardice? But now this brainworm, this sticky music sees me suffer stuck song syndrome, amazes me with the imagery of fire weeping from cedar, teaches me calque; the lent word ohrwurm, earworm, the meaning of. Órla Fay
food
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FOOD Editor - isabella Storey Cosgrave
Valentines Special: Quick, easy love and affection, which is good as late or freshly squeezed orange juice. ed you like chickpeas) on the menu long as who you’re taking there won’t Pricing is pretty okay, but you may for a decent price, Umi also has the and cheap dates Welcome to the Valentines food section! Now because valentines falls on RAG week this year, on top of the normal fact that we’re all poor students here, this week’s article is going to be about nice, cute, and most importantly cheap places to take your significant other (or even just your newest Tinder fling). There’s a wide range featuring options for cute or chic, meat lover or vegetarian, and everything in-between. Alright so Amicus isn’t on the cheaper end of the scale, although they do have a pretty reasonable student midweek lunch deal. But they have a great range of dishes and use local suppliers. The food there is so good, and the portions aren’t tiny either, which is also important. The décor and vibe of the place is kinda hipster loft, but it’s a nice setting. It’s the kind of place where I’d say to dress a little fancy, and could also be used for introducing your S.O. to the parents because it’s nice but not so posh that it adds to their nerves. So this next one isn’t a restaurant or a café, it’s a bar. It’s a nice bar and I like the thought of a bar for of a more casual date because it’s not as formal as a restaurant. That being said, the food in the Silly Goose is still restaurant quality, not just your usual Irish bar food – anywhere that serves towers of nachos is a definite place to go in my book, even if sharing a nacho tower isn’t quite as romantic as the bowl of spaghetti from Lady and the Tramp. Its got the traditional low lighting and booths of a normal Irish bar, but with a bit of silliness to it, which helps lighten the atmosphere. So handy for a nervous date. O’Conaills is a Cork dating scene staple, so much so that finding space can be hard. However, with the bone chilling cold and wind that we’ve been getting recently, a hot chocolate date is something I would (nearly) kill for. And O’Conaills do the best hot chocolate. The atmosphere in their shop is semi-saturated in cute
get sick at all the cuteness, so not the best for dark and cynical hipsters. If we’re lucky, and they’re on campus for RAG again, you can always just grab a hot chocolate and stroll down to the Glucksman and along the river as a more casual date.
Milanos is nice and open with a rustic, yet modern, atmosphere. I’m quite fond of the food, mainly because I love pasta, but also because it’s tasty and their chocolate fondant desert is just ‘oozy yum’. The main advantage of Milanos is that even though it’s only mid-range cost wise, there are discount codes abound for it on their website, and through various promotional things like 3+. This means that you can get it for even cheaper, which is important as a poor student, and because its Italian food you can have the Lady & The Tramp moment if you’re so inclined. If you’re looking for an alternative to bars and restaurants, brunch or breakfast may be for you. Perry Street Market Café is our pick for brunch, beating out the yuppie favourite Liberty Grill by a strong margin. You can go for anything from a traditional fry-up to chocolate-covered waffles to some healthy granola, washing it down with some coffee, hot choco-
want to let your date pick their order first – not great for you to pick waffles smothered in cream and a large mocha when your date’s eating a banana with a glass of tap water (and vice-versa). Umi Falafel is an underrat-
e
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foodery i n
this city. Despite its decor and, let’s be honest, that i t kinda looks like the knocko f f M c D o n a l d ’s i n Merchants Quay used to, Umi presents authentic middle-eastern cuisine in the middle of Cork City. A good variety (provid-
air of being healthy, even though it’s super not. If you want good vegetarian-friendly fast food, Umi may be the place for you.
Coqbull is almost the perfect antithesis to Umi in that it seems almost horrifically unhealthy, and just chock-full of meat...but it’s so good. A menu consisting of chicken and beef, Coqbull is maybe b e s t saved for a later date down the line (top tip: wings smothered in BBQ sauce are delicious, but not ideal first date food). Not overly expensive, but not everyday snacking for a student on a budget. If you want to write a review of your favourite date spot, or give us your recipe for chilli con carne, you can send them to food@uccexpress.ie.
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ISSUE 09 | UCC Express Happy RAG Week, and a very very happy valentines day! Valentines is an important date for us in the Sexpress, because on Valentines last year we released our standalone Sexpress magazine. We were so happy with the feedback we received from readers and staff members alike, and we were happy to cover a good basis of things you might need to know relating to sex. We can’t recount them all here (it’s really hard to fit 50-pages worth into just one…), but if you want to know what form of birth control is right for you, what to do if you accidentally get pregnant, how to have safe anal sex or how to approach period sex, you can revisit the Sexpress magazine by going to Sexpress.UCCExpress.ie. Now, though, please enjoy an article on how to groom your downstairs to be in the best shape possible this Valentine’s.
31 them free as much as possible! Keep washing to a minimum Experts don’t recommend douching because it can disturb the pH balance in your vagina. Many women don’t realise that this leads to uncomfortable conditions such as BV (bacterial vaginosis), a condition that is actually more common than thrush, although less well recognised. Between 12% and 29% of women will suffer from BV at some stage, therefore up to 320,000 Irish women annually are likely to develop this unpleasant infection. Skip the soap and just opt with water. It’s ok to wash the outside with a gentle p H
balanced shower gel or unscented soap. If you happen to have a BV breakout, Relactagel is an over the counter remedy available in pharmacies that should fix the problem in a few days.
How to Groom your ‘Ladygarden’ for those Valentine’s Eat a vagina-friendly diet Tinder Moments Noirin Byrne, Bannerton PR These are some top tips to keep your lady landscape looking and smelling Valentine’s date ready: Change immediately after working out or swimming: Yeast infections thrive in moist, warm places. Sweat and water can both create this kind of environment in your body, so the sooner you can change out of your swimsuit or workout clothes, the better. The same applies to tights- we all have heard that tights offer the perfect breeding environment for vaginal infections, so let your ladyparts have a day off and set
There are certain foods that make your private area angry, such as too much sugar and yeasty foods. Like your gut, your vagina relies on healthy bacteria to ward off bacteria that causes infections. Probiotic foods like yogurt and cheese, and prebiotic foods like raw onions and leeks are important for maintaining these good bacteria down there. Prone to UTIs? Make sure you drink lots of water every day, and unsweetened cranberry juice helps if you do get a UTI. Lube up for Maximum Comfort and Confidence 22.5% of Irish women say vaginal dryness affects their confidence, according to a recent survey from Kora
Healthcare. This can translate to a poor, shy performance in the bedroom. There is nothing wrong with using a little aid to help you feel more comfortable between the sheets. If you need lubricant, there are many options available in the chemist such as Regelle, a handy little vaginal gel that comes in a discrete applicator. It is intended for the symptomatic relief of vaginal atrophy, dryness, itching, irritation and discomfort s o you can let yourself go and not worry
about pain or feeling embarrassed. Choose your undergarments with care Burn those PVC panties now! When picking your smalls, cotton underwear is the best kind for your vagina because it’s most breathable. For the same reason you’re better off not wearing any knickers at all when in bed. Are you one of those rare people who still wears thongs? These are best avoided (they can bring bacteria to the urethra, which can lead to UTIs) but if you do insist on buying thongs, avoid ones made out of synthetic materials like polyester and nylon.
the best way to detect changes in the cells of the cervix. Wa s h
your underwear with unscented detergent
Take care when choosing your detergent. Some washing powders and liquids contain so many chemicals, and these can interrupt your vaginal oils and warp the way it protects against infections. It’s best to go for detergents that are as natural and toxin free as possible. Stretch your inner thighs & get active Believe it or not, exercise and stretching can have an effect on your vag. Tight inner thigh muscles can lead to tension and pain in the vagina. Book a yoga class and make sure you stretch out your thigh muscles. Slouching doesn’t help your bits either- it can put stress on the nerves in the sacrum that connect to the vagina, which impedes nerve conduction and blood flow. Instead, sit with your lower back resting against the back of good chair, not perched at the front of your seat with no back support. Your feet should touch the ground (dangling them can also stress your back). If you are stuck in an office all day, make time to get up and walk around. Your blood flow will improve and so will your vaginal happiness.
Put the Smear Test in the Diary
Wash your willy Especially if you have a foreskin, washing your penis regularly is crucial to having a clean, safe sex life. Build-up of smegma, as well as some leftover urine, can get trapped in there if you don’t clean regularly (or at least before sex).
Nobody looks forward to a smear test, but it is something that should be prioritised by everyone with a womb to prevent the risk of getting cervical cancer. The National Screening Service’s CervicalCheck Screening programme provides free smear tests to people aged 25 to 60. It’s a simple five-minute procedure, and
Manscaping is also important. It makes performing oral sex on you better for your partner, and more appealing too – no one wants to blow what looks like a button in a fur coat. A quick shave or a trim of your pubic area every few weeks should do it.
ISSUE 09 | UCC Express
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嘀漀氀甀洀攀 ㈀㈀
䐀攀愀搀氀椀渀攀㨀 ㈀㠀琀栀 䘀攀戀爀甀愀爀礀
倀爀愀挀琀椀挀愀氀 䔀砀瀀攀爀椀攀渀挀攀
䄀瀀瀀氀椀挀愀琀椀漀渀猀 愀爀攀 渀漀眀 漀瀀攀渀 昀漀爀 琀栀攀 瀀漀猀椀琀椀漀渀 漀昀 䔀搀椀琀漀爀ⴀ椀渀ⴀ䌀栀椀攀昀 漀昀 琀栀攀 唀䌀䌀 䔀砀瀀爀攀猀猀 昀漀爀 琀栀攀 ㈀ 㠀⼀㤀 愀挀愀搀攀洀椀挀 礀攀愀爀
䄀瀀瀀氀椀挀愀琀椀漀渀猀 漀瀀攀渀 昀漀爀 䔀搀椀琀漀爀 䨀漀戀 椀渀 㠀⼀㤀 刀漀戀攀爀琀 伀ᤠ匀甀氀氀椀瘀愀渀 ⴀ 䔀搀椀琀漀爀ⴀ椀渀ⴀ䌀栀椀攀昀
䄀瀀瀀氀椀挀愀琀椀漀渀猀 愀爀攀 渀漀眀 漀瀀攀渀 昀漀爀 琀栀攀 瀀漀猀椀琀椀漀渀 漀昀 䔀搀椀琀漀爀ⴀ椀渀ⴀ䌀栀椀攀昀 漀昀 琀栀攀 唀䌀䌀 䔀砀瀀爀攀猀猀 昀漀爀 琀栀攀 ㈀ 㠀⼀㤀 䄀挀愀搀攀洀椀挀 夀攀愀爀⸀ 倀爀漀猀瀀攀挀琀椀瘀攀 愀瀀瀀氀椀挀愀渀琀猀 愀爀攀 椀渀瘀椀琀攀搀 琀漀 猀攀渀搀 愀 䨀漀甀爀渀愀氀椀猀洀 䌀嘀Ⰰ 愀 䌀漀瘀攀爀 䰀攀琀琀攀爀 愀渀搀 愀 瀀氀愀渀 昀漀爀 琀栀攀 瀀愀瀀攀爀 ⠀椀⸀攀⸀ 瀀漀猀猀椀戀氀攀 椀洀瀀爀漀瘀攀洀攀渀琀猀Ⰰ 椀搀攀愀猀 漀爀 挀栀愀渀最攀猀⤀ 琀漀 䄀瀀瀀氀礀䀀唀䌀䌀䔀砀瀀爀攀猀猀⸀椀攀 戀攀昀漀爀攀 䘀攀戀爀甀愀爀礀 ㈀㠀琀栀 愀琀 䴀椀搀渀椀最栀琀⸀ 䄀 猀栀漀爀琀氀椀猀琀 眀椀氀氀 戀攀 洀愀搀攀 昀爀漀洀 琀栀漀猀攀 眀栀漀 愀瀀瀀氀礀Ⰰ 愀渀搀 琀栀漀猀攀 猀栀漀爀琀氀椀猀琀攀搀 眀椀氀氀 戀攀 椀渀琀攀爀瘀椀攀眀攀搀 戀礀 愀 瀀愀渀攀氀 挀漀渀猀椀猀琀椀渀最 漀昀 琀栀攀 漀甀琀最漀椀渀最 䔀搀椀琀漀爀Ⰰ 琀栀攀 匀琀甀搀攀渀琀猀ᤠ 唀渀椀漀渀 䌀漀洀洀猀 伀ϻ挀攀爀Ⰰ 愀 猀琀愀û 洀攀洀ⴀ
ⴀ戀攀爀 昀爀漀洀 琀栀攀 唀䌀䌀 䴀攀搀椀愀 䔀砀攀挀甀琀椀瘀攀Ⰰ 愀渀 攀砀琀攀爀渀愀氀 瀀爀漀昀攀猀猀椀漀渀愀氀 樀漀甀爀渀愀氀椀猀琀 ☀ 漀渀攀 洀漀爀攀 洀攀洀戀攀爀 漀昀 琀栀攀 䴀攀搀椀愀 䔀砀攀ⴀ ⴀ挀甀琀椀瘀攀⸀ 拠椀猀 瀀愀渀攀氀 椀猀 猀甀戀樀攀挀琀 琀漀 挀栀愀渀最攀Ⰰ 愀渀搀 眀椀氀氀 猀琀爀椀瘀攀 昀漀爀 最攀渀搀攀爀 戀愀ⴀ ⴀ氀愀渀挀攀⸀
拠攀 搀攀愀搀氀椀渀攀 昀漀爀 愀瀀瀀氀椀挀愀琀椀漀渀猀 椀猀 䘀攀戀爀甀愀爀礀 ㈀㠀琀栀 愀琀 䴀椀搀渀椀最栀琀⸀ 䄀瀀瀀氀椀挀愀琀椀漀渀猀 猀栀漀甀氀搀 戀攀 猀攀渀琀 琀漀㨀 䄀瀀瀀氀礀䀀唀䌀䌀䔀砀瀀爀攀猀猀⸀椀攀⸀ 䤀昀 礀漀甀 眀愀渀琀 琀漀 愀瀀瀀氀礀Ⰰ 戀甀琀 愀爀攀渀ᤠ琀 猀甀爀攀 椀昀 礀漀甀 挀愀渀Ⰰ 漀爀 栀愀瘀攀 愀渀礀 焀甀攀猀琀椀漀渀猀Ⰰ 礀漀甀 挀愀渀 攀洀愀椀氀 挀甀爀爀攀渀琀 䔀搀椀琀漀爀 刀漀戀 伀ᤠ匀甀氀氀椀瘀愀渀 漀渀 䔀搀椀琀漀爀䀀唀䌀䌀䔀砀瀀爀攀猀猀⸀椀攀⸀
拠攀 䔀搀椀琀漀爀ⴀ椀渀ⴀ䌀栀椀攀昀 椀猀 爀攀猀瀀漀渀ⴀ ⴀ猀椀戀氀攀 昀漀爀 栀椀爀椀渀最 琀栀攀 爀攀猀琀 漀昀 琀栀攀 拠攀 瀀漀猀椀琀椀漀渀 椀猀 瀀愀椀搀Ⰰ 愀渀搀 椀猀 挀甀爀爀攀渀琀氀礀 攀搀椀琀漀爀椀愀氀 琀攀愀洀Ⰰ 愀猀 眀攀氀氀 愀猀 戀攀椀渀最 爀攀猀瀀漀渀猀椀戀氀攀 昀漀爀 琀栀攀 猀甀挀挀攀猀猀昀甀氀 漀甀琀瀀甀琀 渀漀渀ⴀ匀愀戀戀愀琀椀挀愀氀⸀ 漀昀 愀渀 愀眀愀爀搀ⴀ眀椀渀渀椀渀最Ⰰ 昀漀爀琀渀椀最栀琀氀礀 吀漀 愀瀀瀀氀礀Ⰰ 猀攀渀搀㨀 挀漀氀氀攀最攀 渀攀眀猀瀀愀瀀攀爀⸀ ⸀ 䄀 䨀漀甀爀渀愀氀椀猀洀 䌀嘀 倀爀漀猀瀀攀挀琀椀瘀攀 挀愀渀搀椀搀愀琀攀猀 ⸀ 䄀 䌀漀瘀攀爀 䰀攀琀琀攀爀 猀栀漀甀氀搀 栀愀瘀攀 猀漀洀攀 樀漀甀爀渀愀氀椀猀洀 漀爀 ⸀ 䄀 倀氀愀渀 昀漀爀 琀栀攀 瀀愀瀀攀爀 猀栀 攀搀椀琀漀爀椀愀氀 攀砀瀀攀爀椀攀渀挀攀Ⰰ 漀爀 攀砀瀀攀爀椀攀渀挀攀 琀漀 䄀瀀瀀氀礀䀀唀䌀䌀䔀砀瀀爀攀猀猀⸀椀攀 戀攀昀漀爀攀 椀渀 愀 猀椀洀椀氀愀爀 ǻ攀氀搀Ⰰ 戀甀琀 椀琀 椀猀 渀漀琀 䴀椀搀渀椀最栀琀 漀渀 䘀攀戀爀甀愀爀礀 ㈀㠀琀栀⸀ 爀攀焀甀椀爀攀搀⸀
愀瀀瀀氀礀
渀漀眀
䰀攀愀搀攀爀猀栀椀瀀 ☀ 䐀攀挀椀猀椀漀渀 䴀愀欀椀渀最
匀攀渀椀漀爀 䨀漀甀爀渀愀氀椀猀琀 ☀ 䔀搀椀琀漀爀椀愀氀 刀漀氀攀
䔀搀椀琀漀爀ⴀ椀渀ⴀ䌀栀椀攀昀 䄀挀愀搀攀洀椀挀 夀攀愀爀
䐀䔀䄀䐀䰀䤀一䔀 䘀伀刀 䄀倀倀䰀䤀䌀䄀吀䤀伀一匀 匀䔀吀 䄀吀 䘀䔀䈀刀唀䄀刀夀 ㈀㠀吀䠀 䄀吀 䴀䤀䐀一䤀䜀䠀吀 ⴀ 匀䔀一䐀 䌀嘀Ⰰ 䌀伀嘀䔀刀 䰀䔀吀吀䔀刀 ☀ 倀䰀䄀一
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PHOTOS
ISSUE 09 | UCC Express
Photos courtesy of Dapper Sapeur, @dapper_sapeur on Instagram
PHOTOS
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XFL relaunched for a 2020 debut Robert O’Sullivan, Editor-in-Chief American football is about to get a little more…erm, X, as Vince McMahon has officially relaunched the XFL to compete with the historic National Football League. The original XFL ran in the 2001 football off-season, and was a joint venture between the then-WWF (World
ISSUE 09 UCC Express and more took focus, at times, from locker room. After only one season the game on the field. the league folded, and netted WWF & NBC reported losses of approxiThe league started with an inaus- mately $69m each. While the origipicious start, as the blimp hired to nal league was a ratings and financial promote the league crashed before it loser, it did have some successes: a could fly over the AFC play-off game lot of its production innovations, like it was intended to fly over. Indeed, the skycam & coach mics, were latthe first on-the-pitch action ended er adopted by the NFL & subsequent in tragedy: to further differentiate other sports. League MVP Tomthe league from its older rival, and to my Maddox, as well as Los Angeles emphasise the promise hard-hitting Xtreme teammates Bobby Singh and action, XFL games began with a one- Ron Carpenter, later went on to win on-one scramble for the ball. A play- Superbowl championships, proving er separated his shoulder in the first that the XFL had at least some major scramble of the XFL, missing its one league talent amongst its teams.
be discouraged from making “political gestures” during games, which one would assume is a reference to players taking a knee during the National Anthem in NFL games over the past few seasons. He also said that players with a criminal history would be barred from playing, saying that they would be “”evaluating a player based on many things, including the quality of human being they are.” Both of these sentiments, particularly the former, are things echoed by US President Donald Trump and his followers, and McMahon’s links to Trump (noted longtime friendship, Trump’s involvement in various Wrestlemanias and Linda McMahon’s presence on Trump’s Cabinet, to name a few) are well known. Little else about the XFL is known. McMahon announced there would be several rule changes, but did not detail what they were, and that the televised programs would be noticeably shorter than in the NFL. He did note that, despite the name, the league would not depend on the ‘crude’ tactics of its 2001 predecessor:
Wrestling Federation) and television network NBC. Pitched as a more exciting alternative to the NFL, McMahon and NBC’s Dick Ebersol looked to capitalise on the mainstream popularity of the WWF. Leaning on the popularity on the wrestling, and its stars, may well have contributed to its downfall, as the majority of announcers calling the games were wrestling announcers (including then Governor of Minnesota Jesse Ventura) and appearances by wrestling superstars ‘Stone Cold’ Steve Austin, the Undertaker, Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson
and only season. Unable to draft top players from the collegiate system, or coax stars from the NFL, the XFL relied on undrafted college players to fill its ranks, which lead the quality of play to be notably lesser than the NFL. Controversially, the league did not pay players during the training camp, and paid them comparatively lesser than the NFL would. As the season went on, and the ratings fell, the XFL relied more on ‘Attitude Era WWF’ style tactics, even promoting that they would bring cameras into the cheerleaders
“There’s only so many things that have ‘FL’ on the end of them and those are already taken. But we aren’t going to have much of what the original XFL had, including the cheerleaders, who aren’t really part of the game anymore. The audience wants entertainment with But why has the XFL returned now? football, and that’s what we are going Well, watching last year’s 30 for 30 to give them.” on the XFL, it’s clear that the league’s failure has always been a chip on Mc- Teams will be league-owned, as they Mahon’s shoulder. The stability of were in the original league, but cities WWE’s stock, of which McMahon will not be announced until 2019 at sold a sizeable chunk to fund XFL the earliest. The XFL is due to launch parent company Alpha Entertain- in 2020, with a television/distribument, probably allowed McMahon tion deal also yet to be announced. to feel more comfortable in taking a chance on a revived league. Listening to the relaunch press conference, however, it’s clear that the motivation may be more political than anything. McMahon stated that players would
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ISSUE 09| UCC Express
Cork City Women’s FC and Cork City Merge Dylan O’Connell, Sports Editor Cork City Women’s FC, previously a separate entity, has now merged fully with Cork City Football Club. The FAI Women’s Cup winners affiliated to FORAS ahead of the 2014-15 season, and have now fully joined forces with the men’s teams under the banner of Cork City Football Club. Along with announcement of the merger, it was also confirmed that Clonakilty Food Co. would continue its long association with Cork City Football Club, with a new, enhanced partnership seeing the company become the main sponsor of the Women’s team, as well as maintaining their presence on the jersey of the men’s team. Commenting on these developments, Pat Lyons, Chairman of Cork City and FORAS, said: “We are delighted to, once again, announce a renewed partnership with Clonakilty Food Co. Colette and her team have been
strong supporters of the club since we joined forces ahead of the 2012 season, and they have continued to be great partners to our club. “We have been working more and more closely with Cork City Women’s FC since they affiliated to FORAS in 2014, and that process has now culminated in a full merger. The ethos of FORAS is to support and encourage football at all levels in Cork, and the merger of the Women’s team into the club is another positive step in that respect.” Speaking about the merger Chris O’Mahony, outgoing Chairperson of Cork City Women’s FC, said: “The club was first granted a licence to compete in the inaugural Women’s National League for the 2011-12 season. Since then, we have had our ups and downs but, over the last couple of years since the affiliation with FORAS, we have made a lot of progress, culminating in the club’s first ever FAI Cup triumph last year. “We are delighted to have the support of FORAS and Cork City Football Club, and also to have Clonakilty Food Co. supporting us by becoming
our main sponsor. We look forward to building on the success of last season, and we thank all at Clonakilty Food Co for supporting us.”
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afternoon here in Clonakilty. I would like to thank Colette and all at Clonakilty Food Co. for their hospitality today, as well as their continued support of the club and our teams. After Colette Twomey, Managing Director the success of last year, the challenge of Clonakilty Food Co., said: “We for us is to continue to progress and, have had a great journey with Cork to do that, the support of our partCity over the last number of years. ners and sponsors is crucial. We were all delighted with the success enjoyed by both the men’s and “We are very pleased to have the women’s teams last year, and we are women’s team fully on board now, very pleased to be supporting both and look forward to working with of them in 2018. them to build on the success they enjoyed last season. We certainly hope “Community is very important to that there are more double days out us here at Clonakilty Food Co., and at the Aviva Stadium to look forward we share many of the same values as to for football fans on Leeside. FORAS and Cork City FC. We look forward to continuing to work with “It is also great to have launched our everyone at the club and hope for an- new ADIDAS away and third choice other successful year.” jerseys. The home jersey, which launched before Christmas, has As well as the announcement of the proved exceptionally popular, and I merger and the renewed partnership have no doubt that the same will be with Clonakilty Food Co., last week’s true of these jerseys as well. Our new event saw Cork City officially launch partnership with ADIDAS is already their away and third choice jerseys bearing fruit, and we look forward for the 2018 season. to its continued success throughout this year and beyond.” Reacting to the day’s events, Cork City’s General Manager Paul Wycherley said: “It has been a wonderful
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University Life: Prospectus 2018 Dylan O’Connell, Sports Editor “The skull and crossbones and the Rebel Army are marrying” spoke Dr. Michael Murphy in November 2016. In a brightly lit Devere Hall, under the glint of the freshly polished FAI Cup and with an air of optimism, University College Cork and Cork City FC launched a two year partnership deal. Under this deal, UCC’s name & brand would feature on the front of the jerseys, while Cork City FC would gain access to the Mardyke Arena, with a multitude of scholarships opened up. It was a shadowed deal which had been building since the formation of FORAS in 2010, a statement from both club and college in ambition and intent.
ISSUE 09 | UCC Express an equally standout 2017 by winning a historic double of the Collingwood Cup and the Munster Senior League, a success story that was rounded off by City signing Sean McLaughlin and Sean O’Mahony from the College. Elsewhere, Cork City FC’s Mark McNulty watches over as goalkeeping coach, and recently former City rightback Neal Horgan watched over the Freshers side. Most notably, current Cork City boss John Caulfield made his name known at the college, managing UCC to the 2011 Collingwood Cup and also the Munster Senior League First Division title. Caulfield’s successes at UCC launched him to the Cork City hotseat in 2014. The tried and tested eyes have provided a clear vision and pathway for success, with player development and training, and the proof is in the pudding for UCC, who are currently enjoying a renewed golden era.
and Dundalk IT. Maynooth’s 2014 Collingwood Cup win, a first for the Kildare college, was orchestrated through the College’s link up with St. Patrick’s Athletic. In 2014 Saints duo Brendan Clarke and Ger O’Brien laid the plans in place for NUIM’s title win. Out of this success story came the wealth of talent for St. Pat’s, who signed Sean Hoare (Captain of Maynooth’s 2014 side and currently at Dundalk FC), Conor O’Malley (who later went on to sign for Peterborough in League One), Fuad Sule (now of Barnet) and Jamie McGrath (now Dundalk FC).
On the other hand, UCD have perfected the model, but through different circumstances; existing in both the College University Football League and the League of Ireland First Division, UCD’s talent development has been felt across Europe. Dundalk FC’s 2016 European run, Yet, what is seen here is not luck or which saw Stephen Kenny’s side Since that November morning, Cork chance, but rather a statement of in- reach the playoff round for the UEFA City have gone on to win the 2017 tent and progression for Irish foot- Champions League, was paved with League of Ireland title, as well as retaining the FAI Cup, the President’s Cup and the Munster Senior Cup. Star striker Seani Maguire broke through in 2017, scoring twenty goals for City, before moving to Preston North End and gaining a foothold in Martin O’Neill’s Republic of Ireland national team. It was a historic year for John Caulfield’s side, one which was laden in the UCC foundations. Reversely, both UCC as a college and UCC Soccer has been guided under the watchdog of the Cork City FC. As a whole, UCC’s name and brand has been pushed onto the national stage, appearing constantly in Cork City’s title surge, and in their European exploits in Estonia and Cyprus. On the other side of the pangram, UCC soccer has enjoyed a renewed golden era from these link ups.
ball. As illustrated by Cork City FC and UCC, partnerships linking clubs and colleges show League of Ireland football the pathway forward for both development and structure.
former UCD and Collingwood Cup stars. Goalscorers David McMillan and Ciaran Kilduff were all instrumental in UCD’s 2010 Collingwood Cup success, as was defender Robbie Benson from their 2013 Collingwood Similar modes of operation have victory. Managed by former Cork City right been followed at Maynooth, UCD back Noel Healy, UCC Soccer enjoyed
Away from player development, college and club partnership deals have a wealth of benefits from a managerial role. At Dundalk IT, current Dundalk captain and League of Ireland regular Stephen O’Donnell has taken charge of DKIT’s soccer side after a two year spell with DCU soccer. O’Donnell’s experience will only be enhanced as he studies for his UEFA A Licence, with DKIT providing the platform to exercise his ideas while he undertakes the licence. Irish football has been always been fighting an uphill struggle. Faced with a boom-bust financial climate, Ireland is the biggest country in Europe not to have a professional football league. Yet, there is talent here: from Shamrock Rovers reaching the group stages of the Europa League in 2011, to Dundalk’s run in the Champions League, to Cork City FC’s conveyer belt of talent for the national team featuring Shane Long, Kevin Long and David Meyler to name a few, the League has potential. Through partnership deals and opening the doors between clubs and colleges, Irish football can build. Going back to the words of Dr. Michael Murphy, “The skull and crossbones and the Rebel Army are marrying;” it might not be just a forecast for Cork football, but Irish football as a whole. A three way relationship of training, advertising and use of facilities is shown as the right mix in talent progression. What is needed now is careful expansion across Ireland’s clubs and colleges.
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ISSUE 09 | UCC Express He may not have cemented the Manchester United midfield like Keane or Giggs, or made his name with the Bhoys of Sevilla at Celtic, but Liam was consistent in his own little path, driving and pushing teams, linking up play and controlling games. That was his job whenever at Champions League ties at Old Trafford or at a Munster Senior Cup tie at the Market Fields. Liam was tried and tested, and someone for the generations of Irish football fans.
He was a player whose game reflected a man so humble and kept. Best summarised by his former manager John Caulfield who described him by saying:
Pat Lyons, Chairman of Cork City FC and FORAS, described him: “I spoke to him a few times on a one-to-one basis and always found him to be a gentlemen; a sincere, nice and honest person, a guy you would like to call a “He got to the highest level, winning friend. He trained every day, there was international caps and playing for no ego about him; he just turned up, some big clubs. He was so modest, did his job, played the best he could nothing ever went to his head. He and that was it. He was one of our came in every day and trained; a lovely own, a good guy.” person with a great attitude, a down to earth, humble guy.” It is said that we are left behind by
over the crossbar. The Garda side’s defence remained resilient, however, featuring a good clearance by Sonia Buggy from a well-taken corner by Claire Joyce, Deputy Sports Editor UCC’s McCarthy. As the half hour mark approached, McCarthy received a slick pass from right-back UCC Ladies Premier soccer squad UCC’s attacking efforts were reward- Christine Coffey, with the number secured a deserved victory against ed in the 12th minute, when McCar- ten neatly slotting the ball under Garda College, Templemore, with a thy exploited a weak clearance from Garda College’s MacNicholas to give final scoreline of 4-1. O’Neill to slot the ball past the Garda the home side a two-goal lead. keeper. The action at the open set the tone for After a brief pause in play to tend to the injured Sarah Moloney of the Garda College, UCC’s attacking line continued to advance, with two shots from the diligent Meghan Bourque drifting wide. However, as half-time crept ever so nearer, the Garda College capitalised on a promising attack, with Moloney slotting the ball passed UCC’s Canadian keeper to bring the game to 2-1.
UCC triumph over Templemore visitors
the rest of the match with the home side the brighter of the two teams, with Lydia Looney testing Garda goalkeeper, Jennifer MacNicholas, in the early stages. In the 10th minute, the first corner of the game was well-taken by UCC’s number ten McCarthy, and was cleared under pressure by the Templemore College’s Caroline O’Neill. Another cor-
ner soon after was taken short by McCarthy, and was again intercepted by O’Neill, who cleared only as far as UCC’s Ciara O’Connell, whose shot landed straight into the palms of MacNicholas.
The goal sparked life into the UCC side, with good interplay between O’Connell, Lyons and Ciara Nevin, forcing Templemore’s Clodagh Doyle to make a vital clearance. Whilst the UCC goalie, Eve Badana, was rarely tested in the opening half of the game, the UCC Ladies consistently put pressure on the visitors’ keeper, with a Lyons’ shot just sailing
The second half mirrored the first, with UCC proving to be the more energetic of the teams, as Nevin sprinted down the right to set up Lyons, whose shot went timidly wide. Yet, smart interplay between the Templemore side’s centre-back, Michelle Cregg, and striker, Sarah Walsh, tested UCC’s defence. However, the home side responded with a long kick-out from Badana which reached McCarthy, who then weaved through the Garda College’s de-
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our memories. For some, Liam was the former Man United man who you would see in the Mardyke, for others he was a friend and teammate, and for myself he was a man who inspired awe. A gaunt figure of fear and friendliness, who made our dreams real, and yet was as humble as any man. For the many, there is a story, a memory of Liam Miller. For me, it is a rainy night against Derry. RIP Liam Miller. fence, passing to Lyons whose shot demanded an impressive save from MacNicholas. As the second half progressed, the UCC Ladies continued to drive forward, finally extending their lead when Bourque’s rebounded shot off the Garda goalie landed at Looney’s feet, who drove the ball into the back of the net. UCC’s lead was extended again when substitute Gráinne Cowhig, set up by playmaker McCarthy, scored, all but sealing a UCC victory. While the Garda College attempted to reduce the deficit, it was the home side who, most convincingly, finished the match on a scoreline of 4-1. UCC Ladies will go on to face the University of Ulster Jordanstown next week. Teams: UCC Ladies: E. Badana; C. Coffey; K. Connors; C. O’Connell; E. Looby; M. Bourque; L. Looney; A. Brady; E. Lyons; K. McCarthy; C. Nevin. Subs Used: G. Cowhig; E. O’Driscoll. Garda College: J. MacNicholas; C. Doyle; M. Cregg; S. Martin; A. Quinn; C. O’Neill; S. Moloney; M. O’Neill; S. Buggy; E. Crowley; S. Walsh. Subs Used: K. Fitzpatrick; S. Clince; A. Mangan; A. Tarpey; P. Ryan.
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UCCExpress.ie | Volume 21 | Issue 09 | February 13, Tuesday
Liam Miller passed away on Feb 9th due to pancreatic cancer, aged just 36 (Photo: Ryan Byrne/INPHO)
In Memoriam: Liam Miller
Dylan O’Connell & Adrian McGearty minutes. Friends. Football. The result doesn’t matter; you’re here and all that In September 2015 Cork City FC faced matters is what’s in front of you. Derry City in a cup replay at Turners Cross. At stake was a place in the FAI I was a Fresher at the time. In my Cup Quarter Finals, a mouth-water- second week of college, I was slowly ing prize for the Rebel Army. After a starting to crack the dynamics of the boom-to-bust period, we finally felt we college. What to wear and what to say, were back in the big time. After push- but that day I pulled on my City jersey ing for the title until the last game of and was proud. Cork City FC. Back in the season the year previous, the grey the big time. skies could not hurt my optimism as I turned through the turnstiles for what City went on to win the game three is easily the hundredth time or more. nil. Out of all the match stats and deHere, inside the terraces of the Cross, tails, what stands out is a moment. A nothing can do harm. Here is ninety simple turn of the ball and pass, some-
thing so threaded and neat it was made effortless, but met with a look of awe and panic in the opposing fans. What happened? Liam Miller, of Manchester United and Celtic fame, cut through the Derry line and tee’d up Ross Gaynor, who volleyed it into the top corner, sending the Shed End into true euphoria. I remember the moment – the second – and the touch. My breath appearing in front of me in the cold and my clothes damp, but the conditions became obsolete as we all stood in awe of Miller’s first touch, his turn, his movement to
outwit the Derry defence, and, finally, the killer pass for Gaynor to send us to that euphoria. What was there, in that moment, was not just class but genius. In today’s footballing climate it can be easy to look passed players like Liam Miller. Continued inside...