University Express Vol. 22 Issue 2

University Volume 22 | Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018

ENTS Express UCCExpress.ie

Free Healthcare for 374,000 Students Made Available

The announcement comes at an important time for many students, who simply cannot afford to pay for a consultation with a local GP if they do not have access to a medical card. With rising rent levels in accommodation as well as car insurance, the news will be welcomed by the third-level fraternity.

In response to the new service, the USI President, Síona Cahill, has said, “we are delighted to partner with videoDoc to provide free online doctor healthcare to our members, alongside existing services on campuses. With the high cost of living and accommodation being the main factor in student poverty, our students can now rest assured that if they get sick they can be seen in minutes by using videoDoc."

Image via: Union of Students in Ireland

Ciaran Dineen, News Editor

for all student members of the Union until 10pm. To celebrate the launch of Students in Ireland. of the service, ‘videoDoc’ are also t was announced last month by running a competition for those who ‘videoDoc’, an online health care The service has been brought in in download their app, where students organisation, that for the 2018/19 conjunction with the USI and will can win a brand new car worth academic year, all online consultations make medically certified doctors €14,740. delivered via their doctors will be free available 7 days a week, from 8am

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European Student Card

Page 4 News

The Niteline Experience

Page 8 Features

Not only does this give security to full-time students living on campus or around Cork but also to part-time students, those who are on Erasmus and also to people on work placement.

According to statistics released from ‘videoDoc’, 71% of students who used their service earlier this year admitted that had they not been able to access the free consultation they would have avoided going to a local GP due to cost and inconvenience. 7% of those surveyed also said that had the service not existed, going to an A&E Continued on page 5

Pale Waves Interview

Page 21 Byline

Student SPECIAL 14” LARGE CHEESE PIZZA + 3 TOPPINGS

€10

T&C: *UP to 3 toppings. please mention offer when ordering. only valid with student id. not vaild with any other offer. valid for a limited time only and at participating stores.

The Biggest Losers

Page 36 Sport

Editorial

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Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018 | University Express

Cailean Coffey, Editor-in-Chief

In This Issue....

Watts On in UCC

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Return of the Twilight Zone

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Will We Ever Take Rape Seriously?

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The Struggle for Transgender Rights

10

Time to Improve the Student’s Union

12

Your Next City Break

17

Disgrased Artist, Dissgraced Art?

18

Indie Games in the Age of Triple A

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Sexpress

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2018 Bliain na Gaeilge

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Around The Grounds @ UCC

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Editorial Team

Editor-in-Chief Cailean Coffey (Editor@UCCExpress.ie) News Editor Ciaran Dineen(News@UCCExpress.ie) Designer Holly McGrath (Design@UCCExpress.ie) Features Editor Fergal Smiddy (Features@UCCExpress.ie) Sports Editor Declan Gleeson (Sport@UCCExpress.ie) Opinion Editor Samantha Calthrop (Opinion@UCCExpress.ie) Eagarthóir Gaeilge James McAuliffe (Gaeilge@UCCExpress.ie) Online Editor Fiona Kiely (Online@UCCExpress.ie) Marketing Executive Robert O’Sullivan (Marketing@UCCExpress.ie) Webmaster Michael Forde (Webmaster@UCCExpress.ie) Photographers Célem Deegan, Eve Harrington, James Kells, Ben Kavanagh (Photographers@uccexpress.ie) Staff Writers: Sinead O’Sullivan; Tara Leigh-Matthews James MacSweeney; Lauren McDonnell Byline Editor Ciara Dinneen (Byline@UCCExpress.ie) Fiction Editor Laura Riordan (Fiction@UCCExpress.ie) Humour Editor Callum Casey (Humour@UCCExpress.ie) Arts & Literature Editor Éadaoin Regan (Arts@UCCExpress.ie) Gaming Editor Cian McGrath (Gaming @UCCExpress.ie) Music Editor Caoimhe Coleman (Music@UCCExpress.ie) Film & Television Editor Joesph Cunningham (Screen@UCCExpress.ie ) Sexpress Editor Rían Browne (Sexpress@uccexpress.ie)

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t’s been a difficult week to come to terms with in Cork City, as within the space of three days we have seen both the highest of highs and the murkiest of lows that this poor city has to offer. I’m quite a big reader and I’ve read my fair share of footballers biographies, and if it’s taught me anything it’s that when we are presented with both positive and negative situations, or facts, our mind often finds itself dwelling on the negative aspects. This week has been no different.

Last week, as many of you will be well aware, Cork hosted the Liam Miller tribute game in Páirc Uí Chaoimh. Some of the best footballers of Manchester United’s history, as well as that of Celtic and the Irish national team, gathered in Cork to play a match in honour of their former teammate, Liam Miller, and to raise money for his grieving family. The moment people were made aware of the prospects of the match, the Cork people got right behind it. Tickets for the match were sold out within two hours of going on sale, and on the day itself the math was attended by over 42,000 people, despite it being held at 3 O’Clock on a Tuesday afternoon. There was a warm and friendly atmosphere across the stadium, as Cork came together to support one of their own in their time of need. Cork was a very special place to be that afternoon. The sun was shining, people were laughing, and the city was buzzing with excitement for the impending occasions. Unfortunately, that positivity was not set to last.

On the very same day as the Liam Miller tribute game, the Irish Examiner printed an article on its front page detailing the fact that since the start of the college academic year three weeks ago, three students have reported acts of sexual assault to the Cork Sexual Violence Centre. One a week. Of the three students who came forward with to the Sexual Violence Centre, two have already dropped out and gone home. One of the most startling facts however, was that in these three cases in particular, none of the victims felt that they could report the crimes to either the Gardaí or their parents. This was due to the fact that they felt too ashamed to tell their parents, as alcohol was involved, and not willing to tell the Gardaí because they thought they somehow were to blame. As soon as I first saw the piece in the Examiner on the very same Tuesday that Cork was meant to be celebrating one of its sporting icons, it reminded me that this sense of positivity was all just a facade. Cork is no paradise. Ireland is no paradise. Life in Cork is no paradise.

It’s not all doom and gloom, despite at time seeming like it is, but we just need to be weary. As a community, UCC plays a huge role in how Cork is seen across the world and across the country, and we have the power to make it a little easier. So today, as you’re reading this rambling on of paragraphs; take away from it one lesson: Look after each other. If you see a fellow student, be it UCC or CIT, ever in difficulty do try and help if you can. In the words of Tesco, every little helps. editor@uccexpress.ie

Sometimes Things Must Be Addressed Ciaran Dineen, News Editor

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riting an editorial can be much harder than what it seems. You’ve just spent the last 10 days chasing up stories so that you can make deadline day (no not the one with Jim White and his yellow tie) and then realise at the 11th hour that you’ve still got another 200 words to write for you, our wonderful readers.

To help with the process I glanced back to a copy of last year’s Express and former News Editor, Michelle Beazley’s editorial. I was truly taken aback by what I read because it could have been written again right here for you now, very little had changed.

I refer to the part where Michelle referred to a scandal involving Newstalk broadcaster, George Hook, over his comments about the way girls dress and rape. What Mr Hook said offended a lot of people and while much worse things have been said, he was punished fairly for what he did. Why this matters today will be obvious to many of you. It has been reported widely that there have been three reported cases of rape from women during Fresher’s week, by students who study here in Cork.

Dr Ciara Kelly, who took over from George Hook almost a year to date, addressed these awful reports on her show last week. Unfortunately one female listener texted in accusing girls of playing the victim, using words like ‘crying rape’ and ‘shame’, simply disgusting if you ask me.

I, probably like many other men and women, wouldn’t feel overly comfortable speaking about rape, but after hearing that I felt compelled. It is simply no longer acceptable for such language to be used against those who are victims of one of the most terrible crimes known to man. People who talk in such a way need to be called out by the masses and together we, the good, will address and eradicate the evil.

If you’re reading this then I beg and implore you to look out for your fellow students and colleagues over this time, and to those who have been affected by rape remember that you are NOT alone, we stand with you. news@uccexpress.ie #uccexpress

Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018 | Uniersity Express

News

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Agricultural Science Degree Launched Ciaran Dineen, News Editor

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few weeks ago, a new degree in Agricultural Science was launched by UCC in a collaboration with Teagasc. The overall message that came from the grand-opening was ‘agriculture returns to Cork’, a statement which will please many around the ‘Rebel County’.

This will also provide a boost to employers in the agri-food sector, who will now be able to employ a highly-skilled workforce thanks to the degree on offer. According to UCC, the degree will be taught in a way which will emphasise knowledge-based teaching and research to support graduates for the industry. The collaboration between UCC and Teagasc has reportedly been in development over the past two years in response to an increase in demand from students in Munster for such a course.

The degree is set to be positioned in the School of Biological, Earth and Environmental Studies at UCC, along with the Animal and Grasslands Research Centre in Teagasc Moorepark. This will allow students to gain as much of an understanding as possible from two different institutes. Students, in their learning, will also have the chance to gain experience on work placement, giving them a tangible feel for what it’s like to work in the agricultural sector. The first set of students to take on CK412 will begin in 2019 for the first of their four years in UCC. Speaking at the launch in UCC, European Commissioner for Agriculture and Rural Development Phil Hogan said “As a UCC graduate and former chair of the college Macra na Feirme branch, I am very proud to participate in the launch of this exciting new degree programme.

The possibilities are endless for

agricultural science graduates, both in Ireland and abroad: they may become farmers or farm advisers; they may code or build better machines; they can build new Irish companies and brands: and whatever they choose, they will contribute to keeping our rural areas vibrant.”

In response to the launch, the Deputy President and Registrar of UCC, John O’Halloran has said “University College Cork is committed to supporting a strong agri-food sector through the provision of talented graduates. We are very enthusiastic about delivering this very important degree through translating our agrifood research into a connected curriculum to enable the future graduates to face future challenges.”

Dr Karen McCarthy, UCCTeagasc Strategic Alliance, has told the University Express that, “the course has been designed to respond to overwhelming student and stakeholder demand for a dairy-

centric, Munster-based University degree program, supported by the world-recognised expertise from Teagasc. The university is confident that this program will support graduates to tackle new challenges in the agri-food sector and provide fresh, engaged minds with the knowledge and skills to make a real impact in Ireland’s agricultural future.”

In the grand scheme of things, such a move from UCC and Teagasc gives a positive and optimistic outlook for the Irish agri-food sector despite the troubling times we currently face. The impact that Brexit will have in this key sector to Ireland’s economy is well known, with farmers and employers in all types of agricultural-related businesses being deeply concerned and afraid.

However, the decision taken to launch such a degree gives hope for future prosperity in agriculture both in Cork and all around Ireland. ◣

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News

Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018 | University Express

News Interview: Claire Crowley and Paul Moriarty – The European Student Card Ciaran Dineen, News Editor

U

CC and its staff have found themselves at the crux of a European Commission-led initiative which is set to simplify the mobility of students between Higher Education Institutions (HEI’s) in Europe. The scheme has been brought forward due to the ever-increasing number of students who move between European third-level institutes for educational and leisure purposes. The first stage of the initiative began in June 2016 and was completed in August of this year.

In the background of the European Student Card (ESC) plans are Claire Crowley, an IT analyst, who has been a project manager for the ESC, and Paul Moriarty, who is the acting head of Student Experience for UCC. Recently, both Claire and Paul were able to talk to the University Express, explaining everything to do with the European Student Card and UCC’s involvement.

As mentioned previously, the levels of student-crossover between European universities has been steadily rising over the past number of years. In that time, some difficulties that students

have experienced have been noted.

According to Paul Moriarty, one the biggest problems associated with travelling to other universities is simply all of the bureaucracy involved. The introduction of a ESC will help to alleviate the burden that students have been subjected to in the past. Students who move abroad to study will have access to European Student Identifiers, allowing all ESC students to be uniquely identifiable across all HEIs taking part in the initiative.

According to project manager, Claire Crowley, this will broaden “the range of student services to allow students to avail of services in other HEIs, without the need to be a registered students in them.”

According to Claire, the ESC will bring a number benefits which will include; discounts for students in other HEI’s, more resources being accessible with greater ease, and, for HEI’s themselves, the ESC should diminish time-consuming administrative tasks, which will then their own costs.

The first stage of three has just been completed and the UCC IT analyst

tells me how this process went. “It focused on the creation of the unique student number – European Student Identifier or ESI – and a unique student card number – European Student Card Number or ESCN,” Claire explains. “These numbers are created and stored on the local information system of the institution in which the student is registered (NB: UCC has not sent any student data), and can also be sent externally, pending the permission of the individual student, to a platform called the ESC-Router. This platform will host basic student data, the minimum required, in line with GDPR requirements, and creation of a Portal over this platform allows the student to log on to see what services can be made available to him/her in the various institutions.”

For UCC students, they don’t need to worry about having to carry two student cards around with them, as the ESC will simply consist of placing a logo on the bottom corner of our current UCC ID card for those who want it. In time, however, the UCC student card will be altered in a way which will incorporate the

ESC automatically. There are still two stages to go in the project and the timelines suggests that, for most students who are currently studying in UCC, they will unfortunately miss out on the new initiative as the end date for completion is being targeted at sometime in 2022.

Nevertheless, the project still offers the benefits for future generations of students around Europe and therefore is something that UCC should be proud of, according to Crowley.

“This project has the support of Professor John O’Halloran and we intend to participate in the follow up project phases also. My take on this is that it’s important that we continue to be part of it, as this is going to be implemented in Europe one way or the other, so our direct involvement allows us to have a voice and a role in shaping how it will be implemented”, Claire says.

UCC has received positive attention from Europe and across the globe due to their involvement in this initiative and this is fantastic according to Paul Moriarty, the head of Student Experience in UCC. “I really do think that this is a big deal

Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018 | Uniersity Express and maybe people haven’t realised it yet. We are piloting this with three other colleges from Germany, France and Italy, and I can tell you that UCC is at the top table on a European stage driving this project forward. This has brought the college into conversations at meetings like the Bologna Process. There are decisions and suggestions being made by someone like Claire and we are being listened to and valued by all those involved.” The influence that UCC has had in this initiative cannot be overemphasised. The fact that Ireland will be the only native English-speaking country in the EU following Brexit, means that there could be many more opportunities like this down the line, and this is reiterated by Paul. “I really do think that UCC can and will be involved in other European projects in the future. You know yourself that when you look at a team of people who you have relied on in the past and they have been successful that you’re likely to want them (UCC) to be involved again. It’s been a great PR exercise for us and we should be proud of what we’ve done.

Sometimes we in Ireland might feel like we’re on the periphery a bit when it comes to Europe but it’s something that I’ve really noticed

of late at meetings that the rest of Europe are really glad to have us involved and I think it’s important that we realise that.”

Cover Story continued...

In most cases students come forward with some common complaints which include; acne, acute bronchitis, anxiety, depression, contraception and tonsillitis. According to ‘videoDoc’ the most common enquiry from students is access to contraception.

would have been their only option.

Speaking in relation to the findings of the survey, CEO and co-founder of ‘videoDoc’, Mary O’Brien, said, “it was worrying to see such a high figure of students waiting for their symptoms to improve rather than seeing a doctor before their discovery of videoDoc. Students can been seen by a videoDoc doctor within a matter of minutes and a prescription sent to a pharmacy of their choice for immediate collection.”

According to Mr Moriarty, students will soon be able to obtain some of the early benefits of their student cards by getting the ESC logo on it, free of charge, and this is available through the Student’s Union. As mentioned above, the

It has been assured that patients will be seen within minutes and if prescriptions are provided they will be available to collect from any pharmacy that the patient requests. Moreover, the organisation has claimed that it has a strong

News ESC should be rolled out in full by approximately 2022, however, there is good news for those at UCC. As we have been involved with the project from the start, it is hoped by the head of Student Experience that all UCC students will automatically have access to the ESC in about 18 months, including all of its benefits.◣

commitment to quality and security.

On their website it outlines such a statement, “videoDoc takes its role as a best in practice provider of online healthcare seriously, with patient care being supported by proprietary clinical pathways which aid doctors in delivering a comprehensive service.

All videoDoc doctors are registered with the Irish Medical Council, with at least two years on the Specialist Register, and have been fully trained to provide remote health services. videoDoc meets the requirements of GDPR regulations.”◣

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130 Buildings. A €2.5 million annual energy bill. 1 campus community.

Vera O’Riordan, News Writer

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CC is the first university in the world to achieve the Green Flag and the ISO 150001 award and is ranked 9th out of a total of 619 universities worldwide and 1st in Ireland on the UI Green Metric.

What exactly does this mean for the university beyond these achievements?

It means that as a campus, we are forward thinking, environmental leaders. We have the talent and the drive to succeed in positive climate action. We have set a standard and establish the blueprint for other universities in Ireland to follow. The current energy bill for UCC campus stands at approximately €2.5 million annually. This money is funded by those who pay tax, by our generous donors and of course, by our fee-paying student population.

The UCC Green Campus initiative along with UCC Energy has done fantastic work so far in reducing energy costs, and are gearing up for their next effort in the cause.

The latest effort by Green Campus and UCC Energy is the #WattsOnUCC campaign, which takes on this community based approach to reducing energy consumption. The purpose of this campaign is to mobilize students and staff to send in pictures of unused appliances and lighting across the campus to the dedicated social media accounts. By engaging an entire campus in seeking ways to reduce energy consumption, the Green Campus committee have thousands of eyes on the ground seeking savings on a daily basis.

The idea of developing a community based approach to dealing with climate change is not new. Successful environmental campaigns such as the An Taisce Spring Clean, and local Tidy Towns initiatives have positively affected the environment in local communities regarding litter. In order to join the community fighting energy waste, send in pictures of unused equipment and lighting wasting energy to the following social media accounts: Facebook: www.facebook.com/UCCWattsOn Twitter: @wattsonucc Instagram: @WattsOnUCC Snapchat: wattsonucc ◣

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Features

Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018 | University Express have been read as such if it hadn’t been written over fifty years ago.

The Twilight Zone is back, but did we ever really leave?

Fergal Smiddy, Features Editor macabre end, as a punishment for

“You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination.

That's the signpost up ahead - your next stop, the Twilight Zone.”

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lmost sixty years later, it’s still as captivating, atmospheric, and unmistakable as it ever was. The above is a copy of one of the several opening monologues which prefaced episodes of the original series of The Twilight Zone. Performed by the inimitable Rod Serling, the opening monologue was read aloud over what is arguably one of the most iconic and universally recognised piano motifs of all time. A simple, hypnotic fournote loop which induces an almost trance-like state on its listener, a spell only broken as the last lines of the episode are uttered and the final stages of the plot unravel themselves.

The emotional effect of this simple opening title sequence is almost eerie in its power - pulling its viewer from the superficial comforts of their living room and escorting them far, far away to that beloved land of the uncanny.

An anthology series, The Twilight Zone explored and exhibited the human condition through a lens which was always slightly askew. Ultimately, each episode was a moral tale, based in a reality which resembled our own, or at least a plausible version of it.

Carefully treading the line between the ordinary and the fantastical, the worlds explored in The Twilight Zone were always just a few degrees offcentre of the reality we know. The stories showed us people not unlike ourselves, who would become swept away and tangled in various fantastical and uncanny circumstances, often leading them to a nightmarish and

their immoral, yet always deeply human, deeds. For a show which first aired in the 1950’s, The Twilight Zone was almost scarily ahead of its time, offering deeply moving and potent commentaries on issues such as racism, war, government and human society in general – commentaries which were certainly not reflective of the state of American society at the time.

Watching the series in 2018, one can’t help but be struck by the relevance it bears to today’s society, especially the current political climate in the US. One episode, “It’s A Good Life”, centres around a small village who live in a state of constant, paralysing fear of a monster who is plaguing the peaceful existence of the community. This monster, as is revealed early on in the episode, is a six-year-old boy named Anthony.

Despite his small size and presumed harmlessness, Anthony possesses special powers which allow him to read the minds of the villagers and, if he so pleases, banish them to the dreaded cornfield, from which they can never return. Anthony also possesses an ill and volatile temper, forcing the villagers to tread lightly around him and bow to his every demand, for fear that he will banished from the village and forced to wander the cornfield for eternity. The parallels between this episode and Trump-era America aren’t exactly hard to fish out. One volatile figure who rules over all, equipped with a power far beyond what he is capable of controlling, bowed to and fearfully treaded around by those who surround him. It almost seems like a direct commentary, and would certainly

Another episode, “The Monsters Are Due On Maple Street” follows the residents of a small suburban town, who begin to experience frequent power-outages and fluctuations in electricity. A local young boy, influenced by a comic book he has been reading, suggests that the power outages are a result of alien interference – a suggestion which is understandably dismissed by the townspeople, but nonetheless plants a budding seed of fear in the collective consciousness of the town.

Unable to find the cause of the power fluctuations, the residents begin to grow increasingly agitated and suspect. They meet on the streets, discussing the problem as a group, and it isn’t long before accusations start to fly and the residents begin to turn on one another. The slowly rising tension eventually boils over, leading to one of the residents being shot and the town descending into a self-inflicted chaos. The twist, which was a staple of the show, reveals that the power outages were in fact a result of alien interference.

The final scene of the episode takes place in some sort of alien spacecraft, as two creatures watch the events on Maple Street unfold on a monitor. It is revealed that they plan to achieve Earth-domination by causing slight interferences in the status quo of individual towns, and watch on passively as the humans inevitably turn on themselves and wipe each other out. This is certainly reminiscent of a lot of what we see happening in the current climate. Corporations and political institutions leading us to believe that we, the people, are our own enemies. Immigrants are to blame.

Black people are to blame. We turn on each other and divide ourselves even further, as the aliens watch on in silent glee, because this is all part of the plan.

Even if you have never seen the show, the name most likely carries some air of familiarity to you. The show was a smash hit and has since etched itself deep into the heart of popular culture. Black Mirror, a modern show which has taken the world by storm in a similar fashion, has the blood of The Twilight Zone running deep within its veins. The central theme of seemingly normal characters being plunged into the depths of the fantastical is common to both shows. While the influence of The Twilight Zone is undeniable, and

its social commentaries powerful, it’s seedy 1950’s underbelly cannot be ignored. Despite the progressive and anti-racist views of the show’s creator and host, Rod Serling, the systematic racial inequality of the 1950’s runs through the show like a visible thread. The overwhelming majority of episodes centre around white, middle class characters, with the appearances of any people of colour being few and far between throughout the 156 aired episodes.

Research would suggest that Rod Serling was not to blame for this, as his progressive views on racial equality were widely known, and were seen as radical at the time. A 1958 teleplay written by Serling, entitled “A Town Has Turned To Dust”, centred around a real-life brutal murder of black teenager Emmett Till which took place in Mississippi in 1955. The teleplay, however, was chopped up and morphed by nervous sponsors to such an extent that the story no longer even resembled the Emmett Till case. Despite Serling’s wishes, the stories of America’s oppressed, which he so longed to tell, were consistently shut down and silenced by sponsors and the establishment.

However, almost fifty years after his death, Serling’s wish just might be about to come true. Just last week, on the 20th of September a teaser trailer for a new series of The Twilight Zone was shared on Twitter. The trailer was shared by none other than Oscar-winning director of 2017’s Get Out, Jordan Peele. Rumours had been circulating for a while that a new series would be released, with Jordan Peele taking on Rod Serling’s iconic role of the host. Peele’s tweet finally confirmed this. The trailer featured the iconic opening monologue of the series, featuring the voices of both Serling and Peele.

The trailer served as a fitting passing of the torch, as Serling’s iconic reading of the opening lines faded out, and we got our first glimpse into Peele’s hosting of the show as he read the final lines of the monologue.

The new series is being marketed as a return to The Twilight Zone, but it’s arguable that we, as a society, never really left. It seems as though a new series of The Twilight Zone would be just about the easiest thing in the world to write – all the inspiration needed to come up with some moral tale of dystopia and injustice is right outside our windows. When you think about it, we’re deeper into The Twilight Zone than we’ve been in a long time. ◣

Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018 | Uniersity Express

Features

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Cork Sexual Violence Centre. Image credit: Google Maps

When are we going to take rape seriously? Ciara Dinneen, Deputy Editor

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ast week Mary Crilly of Cork Sexual Violence Centre announced that three students in Cork have come to them having been raped in the first two weeks of colleges re-opening. Two of the three students of UCC and CIT have dropped out of college to go home to their families. Mary Crilly tells us that this isn’t unusual for the time; the centre notices an increase in the amount of young women coming to them at the beginning of the college year. Crilly urges for more resources to be provided for the Garda Protective Service Unit which specialises in investigating cases of sexual assault and child abuse, as well as sex trafficking and domestic violence. As it stands there are only six personnel on the team; six people for the whole of Cork City. Crime statistics for January to August 2018 show a 52% increase in reported rapes in comparison to January to August 2017, while the number of sexual assaults has decreased by 27%. Comparing 2018 to 2017, the combined figures for rapes and sexual assaults shows an 11% decrease, but Mary Crilly believes that this isn’t due to a decrease in sexual assaults but rather a decrease in reports of sexual assaults.

around with hardly anything on them and then they cry rape? Have these girls no shame? Dress appropriately and nothing will happen to them.”

Ciara Kelly, presenter of Lunchtime Live on Newstalk who received the text during her show responded powerfully, saying “Shame on you.

Shame on you for sending that text.

You may be a woman, but you’re no supporter of other women. Rape exists.”. Louise O’Neill’s novel Asking For It, which was released on September 3rd in 2015, and performed in the form of a stage adaptation in Cork’s Everyman Theatre in June 2018, shed a light on this kind of victim shaming and the acutely devastating effect that it has on victims of rape. Have we not learned anything? Why are people in this country still shaming the victims of these horrific assaults, blaming them for what happened, saying it is because of what they wear, because of their behaviour, how they act, how much they drink; saying that they were, and are, asking for it.

This is not good enough. Why is rape and sexual assault viewed as and treated differently to any other type of assault? Alice Brine, a stand-up comedian from New Zealand, perfectly summed up the Victim-shaming is appalling in this twisted logic of victim-shaming in a country, and this is a huge factor in powerful analogy in a Facebook post the decrease in the amounts of young in June 2016; women reporting a sexual assault. “I'm gunna start going home with On Newstalk last week, in response random very drunk guys and stealing to the news about the three 18 and all of their shit. Everything they own.

19 year old girls in Cork who were It won't be my fault though... they raped in their first few weeks in were drunk. They should have known college, a listener text in to say, “I am better. I'll get away with it 90% of the a woman and I feel the girls are going time but then when one brave man

takes me to court over it, I'll argue that I wasn't sure if he meant it when he said 'no don't steal my Audi.'

I just wasn't sure if he meant it. I said 'Can I please steal your Gucci watch?' He said 'no' but I just wasn't sure if he meant it. He was drunk. He brought this on himself. You should have seen how he was dressed at the club, expensive shirts and shoes.

What kind of message is he sending with that!? I thought he wanted me to come and steal all of his shit. He was asking for it. When he said 'no' to me taking everything he owned I just didn't know if he meant it. 'No' isn't objective enough, it could mean anything.”

If it is perfectly reasonable to blame the victim of a sexual assault, to tell them that it was their own fault, for being drunk or dressing inappropriately, then it stands to reason that it is perfectly reasonable to blame the victim of a robbery for being drunk, telling them that it was their own fault that they were drunk when they said “No, don’t” as the perpetrator stole their car, or their watch, or their wallet. You were drunk, silly man, how were they to know you meant it when you said no? How were they to know that your protests were genuine? Well, if you were too drunk to even protest then that’s just your own tough luck.

Tell the accused to enjoy the Audi, and walk free, because how were they to know?

It’s disgusting. It needs to stop.

Innocent lives are being destroyed, literally and emotionally, while offenders are getting off scotfree because this country believes

that if you were drunk or dressed provocatively or inappropriately that you were asking for it.

In light of the three college students that were victims of rape during their first few weeks at college, it was announced on Wednesday 26th September that the Government will support a proposal for the creation of a forum on Student Sexual Assault.

At the moment, UCC is running a Student Equality Survey, which closes on Friday 19th October. In it are several questions concerning sexual harassment and assault witnessed and/or experienced by UCC students. Sexual harassment is defined in UCC’s Policy Statement on Duty of Respect and Right to Dignity as “any form of unwanted verbal, non-verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature, if the conduct has the purpose or effect of violating a person’s dignity and creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment for the person”. The survey asks if you have witnessed sexual harassment of a student or staff member while studying in UCC, if you have experienced/do you experience sexual harassment while studying in UCC, if you have reported it, and if you would feel comfortable doing so. Participation is voluntary and completely anonymous, but it is so important that we all make the effort to do it. I urge everyone to take the survey and to answer these questions honestly. We are not going to make progress or be able to fix the problems until we start talking about them. When are we going to start taking rape seriously? ◣

Features

8

Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018 | University Express

Experience from a Niteline Volunteer Anonymous Author

Cork for years, it can be so easy to lie in bed, and wonder if anyone would ’m calling because I have pills in notice if you didn’t get up. When my room, and I’m afraid that if you feel like others couldn’t care less I don’t have any distraction tonight, about you, it becomes easy to agree.

I’ll try and kill myself again.’ As I listened, the man on the other side of From Mondays to Thursdays, 9pmthe phone began to describe his life 1am ordinary students sacrifice their and pains to me, more openly than nights to sit by the phone, waiting for with his girlfriend, his roommates, or calls they hope won’t come. Staying even his family. He talked about his awake until the early morning so scars, both mental and physical, his that no one has to be alone when intense loneliness, and the urge to kill they need someone the most. himself that always returned at night. Trained by the Samaritans, every We talked for hours with complete year anonymous students join UCC openness and trust between us, about Niteline to reassure callers that they everything in his life that had brought have the strength to make it through him to this point. I never knew his the night. name. He was just another caller, Perhaps a fight with a boyfriend or having the worst night of his life. girlfriend splits the friend group Loneliness, abuse, and general against them, and right when they’re depression are just some of the needed the most, their support group reasons Niteline answers such a huge disappears. We get calls from people amount of calls each year. Students in broken relationships, where their coming to University for the first significant other publicly mocks and time often leave behind every insults them, shouting and scorning friend they have, coming to a city in front of a crowd, what was told where they’ve never been before. in moments of private trust. Parents Although they may never have been and lovers, who should protect and somewhere as crowded as a college, care, instead threaten and hit, and they’ve also never felt more alone. long after your skull has stopped Even for students who have been in vibrating, the shock and fear remains.

‘I

Former friends poison the minds of everyone around, and the friend who once beamed and laughed now looks away from you. Sometimes there is no traumatic incident, but when people simply don’t care enough, to help or hurt you, it aches far longer than a blow across the face.

talking at you, naively believing they know more about your problem after your two-minute brief summary than you do, after making your home for years in the eye of the hurricane.

After taking the risk to drop the mask you’re wearing, uncovering how you really feel, you resolve never to do Before they can help to bandage and the same again. Niteline’s volunteers mend the depressed and apathetic as never seek to condemn or control, they slog through their lowest points, never breaking the seal of privacy our volunteers are trained for weeks that exists between the opposite sides by veteran Samaritan volunteers. of the phone.

Rather than just waiting for their Ireland has one of the highest rates own turn to talk, our volunteers are of teenage suicides in the EU, trained to fully understand how you but suicide does not just happen. feel, exploring the issue completely, Depression should not be part of trying to learn how the situation is the Irish culture, wedged in between to you as an individual, rather than the 6 pack of Tayto and Barry’s tea. shoving our own experiences and Ireland has such a high rate because opinions in your face. Too often when unfortunately a lot of Irish people, you bare yourself to someone, taking especially Irish men, would sooner the risk to take off your mask and kill themselves than confess that reveal who you truly are, and what they’re struggling. We’re so afraid of you’re truly fighting against, what seeming weak, or of being a bother, you’re feeling, and what you fear, that we bruise and bleed ourselves the other person just laughs. Perhaps before abandoning comfortable small they try to one-up you with how talk to tell people, most who would much harder they have had it. Even do anything to help someone in the most well-meaning person all need, that in fact ‘I’m not doing very too quickly stops listening and starts well today’.There is never shame in

Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018 | Uniersity Express a landmark of the lecture hall. They put on a mask, act a clown, putting a smile on everyone’s faces, but as soon as the crowd leaves, so too does their smile. Robin Williams was funny, happy and loved by the The vast majority of people who world. Then one day he tied a noose. attempt to take their own life do so The biggest thing you can do for at the end of long periods of mental someone, is to encourage them to health struggles, against low self- talk. Invite a friend who’s becoming esteem, anxiety, addiction or any quieter to Starbucks during a break of a gargantuan range of issues. in lectures to ask them how they Additional factors, like bullying, are. Even if they thankfully turn hopelessness, broken or violent out to be perfectly fine, they will families, can all pull you closer to appreciate that you cared, they will the edge of that cliff. Ultimately, know they can turn to you in future until a person chooses to share how and the worst-case scenario is that they feel, there is only so much you’re spending your break grabbing help anyone can give. Yet there are a coffee with a friend. Don’t forget warnings, ways that people scream your own mental health is important for help without ever saying a word. too. While it may seem noble to Warning signs that we can act on, to try and hide pain from others, or help share the weight that threatens to to try and take so much pain from others that you’ve begun to struggle pull them down.

When someone begins to eat less and yourself, remember that it simply less, when they have the emotional doesn’t work like that. I once met a range of a quadratic equation, they holocaust survivor who spent years need help. When someone’s quality of his childhood believing his family of work, when someone’s passions was dead, who survived by fleeing seem to dwindle day by day, until from house to house, not feeling there’s no longer any driving force, fresh air and sunlight for years. no longer energy behind their eyes. Hermann Polack tried to cover up The person who needs help the most those mental scars, but said it was may be the person who’s perpetually like ‘trying to shove a shit under the enraged, or endlessly crying, but they carpet, but even though you can’t can also be the person whose smile is see it, you can still smell it.’ Your asking for help, there is never shame in looking for support, there is never shame in asking for a hand up when you can’t get off your knees.Turning to someone when you’re in need is not a sign of weakness.

Features issues may not be on the same scale, but if something matters to you, then it matters. Someone will always have it worse, but that doesn’t make your suffering any easier, it doesn’t make your unhappiness invalid. After all, someone will always be happier, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to enjoy a nice coffee.

9 feeling a decade older than when I got out. But I could be glad that at the very least, I was there for someone who needed it.

The time I spent with Niteline was one of the most formative, valuable things I’ve offered to the university, and if you’re interested in volunteering as I did, please contact Even though volunteering for Niteline at committee.uccniteline@ NiteLine could be difficult, there gmail.com or volunteer with anyone were few things that I valued more of the incredible organizations like during my time in college. Niteline Pieta House or the Samaritans. introduced me to the kindest, Remember, there is never any shame sweetest people UCC has ever held. in either seeking help yourself Some of the most charismatic people or encouraging someone who is I’ve ever been fortunate enough to struggling to seek the help and meet first introduced themselves counsel of professionals. UCC has during those late-night shifts. a counselling service for students Although a call could break your and a wealth of other organizations heart, the volunteers sitting next to all exist, to provide constant, stable me so often made me laugh so hard support, to help you up when your I fell from my chair, and told some own legs just can’t handle the task of the greatest stories I’ve heard, any longer. If you, or anyone close from overly romantic boyfriends to you needs someone to talk to, to attempting to steal the bin from please call any of the completely free nightclubs. The people I met inspired numbers below. Depression doesn’t me and had me fired up to take on always mean a noose is within reach, anything life could throw at me. My but it does mean they need help.◣ second only shift, ended with me and two others wedged firmly in a gate UCC Niteline 1800 32 32 42, behind Boole Library at 1.30 in the Samaritans 116 123, morning, in one of the stupidest and Pieta House - 021 434 1400 happiest memories I have of my time here. On the worst nights, after the UCC Counselling – 4903565 most intensive of calls I got into bed

10

Features

Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018 | University Express

The T is for Transgender: The Continuous Struggle for Rights in Ireland Kate Rasmussen

G

ender is a complicated topic – or is it just complicated because we aren’t being educated on it? Only in the last 10-20 years have LGBT+ issues truly been given the worldwide exposure they deserve, and amongst these issues includes the topic of our gender identities. It’s a fairly simple concept: at birth, we are either female or male, but sometimes people grow up not feeling comfortable with that assigned gender. This can be an incredibly anxiety-inducing and intimidating realisation for people, especially in Ireland, where the transgender populace are still highly neglected and shunned by society.

People can discover that they are transgender in a variety of ways.

For some, they tend to identify more with female characters in media and television, and this can be the first

sign. They may be inherently more interested in ‘traditionally-female’ things, like dolls and dressing up in female clothing. This was the case for Alissa*, 20, a trans female who has been on estrogen hormone treatment for 8 months. “When I was 3, I used to want to steal my mother’s clothes like bright scarves and wrap them around myself and play ‘dress up’. I always stole my sister’s dolls away from her and her nail polishes,” she describes. Adam*, 21, who identifies as genderfluid, recalls vivid feelings of discomfort with their gender in their youth. “I always felt like the odd one out, I could never mesh well with the other girls, I was very much the ‘tomboy’. As I got older, those pressures to conform kicked in and I tried to dress and act the way I was expected to but it always felt off,” they explain. “I liked my feminine side but I didn’t want to embrace it in the way others wanted me to.”

While some argue that this behavior is just “kids being kids”, it needs to be understood that this can equally be a sign of a child identifying closer to a gender that is not their own.

gender dysphoria is almost never permanent.

Counseling – and eventually hormone treatment – can help ease the condition and allow the individual to better align with their This manifestation of extreme true gender. However, this is where anxiety and emotional distress Ireland as a country fails to deliver. surrounding one’s assigned gender It’s no secret to most people that at birth is a psychiatric disorder certain rights have had a tumultuous called gender dysphoria. While it is history in Ireland. Being a country typical for transgender individuals to with such an intimate relationship experience this disorder, many also with religion, Ireland has been slow do not. The American Psychiatric to accommodate to minorities, and Association summarise it as “the the LGBT+ community has faced presence of clinically significant the worst of it. In the early 90s, it distress”, clarifying that it doesn’t was still illegal to be openly gay imply being transgender is a mental until its decriminalisation in 1993, illness – but rather, the extreme and gay marriage was still not mental turmoil being transgender officially recognised until 2015. For can sometimes bring can develop transgender individuals, it has been into a severe disorder, not unlike an even more rocky road. In 2015, depression. Gender dysphoria can it was made legal to change one’s be debilitating and life-threatening, gender on their birth certificate, and affecting the person’s relationships while Ireland’s gender rights are some and day-to-day life. Thankfully, of the most accessible in the world,

Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018 | Uniersity Express the good ends there. Only a handful of Irish GPs around the country will assess transgender patients, and those who do will then refer the individual onto St. Colmcille’s Hospital in Loughlinstown, Dublin. To date, this is the only hospital in Ireland that medically assists transgender individuals and supplies HRT, or Hormone Replacement Therapy. For anyone outside of Dublin, this means regular trips for their treatment and check-ups, making it a costly affair.

This also means being on a waiting list that can last years before actually being provided treatment. “I was placed on a waiting list at 17, and I obtained my healthcare for transition at 20,” describes Alissa, “so the waiting list is beyond shocking. It’s upsetting we live in a century where knowledge and information is as easily accessible as its ever been, and yet only one hospital in all of Ireland knows how to help people like me.”

And while hormone treatment can be a physically-demanding ordeal for transgender individuals, it is the key to allowing many people to truly be happy with themselves, especially after suffering from gender dysphoria. Hormone Replacement Therapy has two variants: feminising or masculinising therapy, the former primarily relying on the female hormone estrogen, and the latter the male hormone testosterone. Due to the hormones involved, the changes one goes through while on HRT vary wildly.

For male-to-female transitions, breasts will slowly (and somewhat painfully) begin to develop, skin begins to soften, body hair becomes less apparent, and head hair will grow at a faster rate. Some transitioning females slowly begin to feel mood swings more frequently as well. For transitioning males, their body becomes more muscular and their skin more coarse. Facial and body hair will grow at a faster and more abundant rate, and the voice will deepen, though sometimes the voice will not reach the same tone as a cisgender male would. Compared to transgender females, transgender males don’t report as many mood changes while undergoing treatment.

It can take almost a year before any noticeable physical changes can occur, and years before the body will fully transition. The recipient must

continue taking hormone treatment for the rest of their life, or else some of the changes could reverse or cause medical issues. In terms of reconstructive surgery to alter their body, many Irish transgender individuals must travel to the UK, as Ireland currently has no facilities to accommodate for this.

Alongside a lacking healthcare system and exorbitant costs, young transgender individuals can’t help but feel incredibly isolated in their formative and fragile teenage years, as Irish education is entirely devoid of any transgender discussion – but this issue unfortunately applies to all of LGBT+ culture. Sex education in secondary schools is still incredibly antiquated and lacking, so it’s no surprise that the discussion of gender identity and sexual orientation is treated as almost non-existent as well.

It cannot be emphasised enough how damaging this is for young LGBT+ youth; especially transgender individuals, who will feel incredibly isolated and invalidated when their school is essentially denying their existence and identity. Rachel*, 20, who is a trans female, recalls the “hit and miss” support for transgender individuals in her secondary school. “Towards the end of 6th Year, the school did begin having a

Features focus on acceptance of the LGBT+ community, but other than that there was no official support structure.”

Instead, Rachel found the staff to be of mixed opinions on the topic. “My 5th Year Religion teacher advocated greatly for us, whereas my 6th Year teacher took less of a supportive stance. She never outright classified it as a sin, but you could easily get the feeling she was pushing some sort of agenda.” The lack of an unbiased and factual regime for LGBT+ or trans-identifying youth is notably outdated for our modern society.

11 themselves on these matters, Ireland can no longer continue to pull the wool over their eyes and act like LGBT+ rights aren’t basic human rights. “I have experienced a lot of the stigma and social issues because of people’s perceptions on what it means to be transgender,” Alissa explains. “When I came out, I lost friends of all ages. Teachers started talking to me like I wasn’t a student, but something strange. I got glances and whispers from peers that escalated into some really awful bullying, and I have been kicked out of bathrooms in derogatory ways by faculty in shopping centres.” Rachel similarly experienced a total lack of acceptance from one of their close friends. “When I came out to one of my friends in secondary school, he simply repeated “you’re not trans. Just because you experience characteristics of one illness doesn’t mean you’re suffering from it.””

While he eventually came to terms with Rachel being transgender, this immediate hostility is a product of stigmas surrounding being transgender, and the long-lasting effects this oppression could have on one’s mental health is unacceptable.

This is clearly having serious repercussions on the Irish people.

Decades-old stigmas about the transgender minority are still prevalent, and it seems no steps are being taken to change this. The problems don’t end there – Adam strongly believes that non-binary individuals are highly neglected as well, “Ireland has made great strides since the implementation and consequential review of the Gender Recognition Act in 2015. But a lot needs to be done in regards to the recognition of non-binary people, how we deal with young trans people and their legal recognition”. While young adults and teenagers have It is human nature for us to be luckily grown up in the Computer afraid of what we don’t understand, Age with the ability to self-educate but Ireland faces a crisis where it is not remedying this fear in any shape or form, and continues to neglect an already-lacking area of LGBT+ culture. Thankfully, the rise of the This Is Me transgender rights campaign is quickly growing traction in Ireland with an incredibly successful protest in Dublin in July 2018, garnering hundreds to support the cause. This Is Me is looking to improve the psychiatric care for patients with gender dysphoria, decrease waiting times for hormone treatment, better mental health support and demands the government recruit more professionals in transgender healthcare. Hopefully, with the same perseverance and determination that the LGBT+ community showed in 2015 to achieve the rights for gay marriage, so too will they achieve better rights for transgender individuals – hopefully sooner rather than later.◣ * = Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

12

Opinion

Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018 | University Express

Accountability for Actions The President sits on several boards of management to represent the student body. Can we see his attendance to these meetings?

What about the numbers connected with the Ents crew? How many people do you entertain?

These statistics are important to understanding how effective the Union is. If our President isn’t showing up to meetings, we should know.

This current administration has only been sitting for just under a month, so it can’t be judged upon its actions.

Yet let’s imagine that come Christmas time very little has been done. What recourse do we have?

S.U - Time to Improve?

Cillian Lyne

Student Democracy is an important part of an educational ecosystem.

It represents our wants and desires, behaviours and habits, and allows a deeper connection between institution and student. The Student’s Union in UCC is no exception. I feel proud to be part of a University which allows for the Students to influence how it operates. Not just in the provision of the materials we need to learn, but in the interpersonal relations and life skills we pick up along the way.

This is why I feel it is important to keep a check on our Union. Its capacity for student representation does not absolve it from issues. The issue I wish to bring to bear is that of accountability. It seems, from where I’m standing, that our union lacks accountability in the various ways in which it operates.

This article isn’t here to vitiate and vilify the union, nor to undermine it; but instead to point out the specificities of its failings, and suggest how to improve them.

Financial Accountability Who is our Union financially accountable too? The union receives its budget each year from the University.

At the end of each year it publishes a set of accounts from the previous

year’s budget. As students we have a right to view these documents, and you can, of course, email the Student’s union and...wait….you can?

This fact isn’t made very clear anywhere: Every student is automatically a member of the union, and this entitles us to access to the accounts. When speaking to people across campus about this, though, the majority had no idea of this stipulation.

In fact, speaking to 3 separate S.U Class Reps yielded a shocking result: they didn’t know this either.

I doubt anything nefarious is going on here. After all, the Student’s union is accountable to the College Exchequer for all of its financial transactions.

The ignorance of the student body on the financial matters of the student’s union is shocking. This isn't a failing of the student body; it is a failure of the union. These accounts are just too difficult to find.

As we receive emails from President Hayes every so often informing us of events across campus, so too should we receive emails with a shiny PDF of our Union’s budget for this year and the account’s for last year. Make it public! After all, we contribute to it and are represented by it. It is only correct that we should know about how they spend the money required to run.

It seems as if we have very little.

In reality, tucked away in the manifesto and never referred to, is a very powerful tool. Any student can call a referendum on any topic as long as they accrue 500 signatures, including asking the Student’s Union to step down.

It’s understandable why this fact isn’t publicised. It’s hard for a union to function under the constant threat of election. The solution to this, though, is not to hide this fact.

So, besides this Nuclear option, what other channels for our discontent exist?

Not much. Very little ground exists between voting them out of office and leaving them alone. We need a mechanism by which the Student’s Union can know if people appreciate it - For them to be aware of how effectively they are doing their job.

The SU should send out mid-year survey that asks questions like, “How much do you know about the students union?” “Have you seen any measurable improvement to the student experience based on the performance of this year’s students union?” or even “Who is the Student’s Union’s President?” (You’d be surprised how many people do not know that.) With public results, of course.If you don’t want to do that, just make the Nuclear option far more visible then it is now. It’s just seems like if the Student Union does nothing it can get off scot-free. In reality this isn't the case, and make sure people know that.

Yet if an election is called, we

have more problems. Elections themselves are another issue in which accountability seems lacking.

According to regulations, no candidate may have more than 2 posters per noticeboard, and may not spend in excess of 500 euro on a campaign, only some of which is reimbursed by the SU. If you were around last year, you’ll probably raise your eyebrow at those numbers. Candidates circumvent the posters limit by using flyers instead, which is clever, but cheating. Popcorn machines aren’t exactly cheap to rent, and neither are posters and flyers and stickers. We need to make sure that people aren’t cheating. This includes abroader system for expenses. How many can you really buy with 500 euro? What about manpower? Shouldn’t that be included in the limitations as well?

How can two candidates face off if one has 29 volunteers and another has 6?

These issues are not insurmountable.

A limit of 10 people at any one time volunteering would be useful in keeping things fair. A limit on flyers, not just for the equality factor but for the cost to the environment. The returning officer should show us who broke the rules and when they had to enforce them, but even the most fastidious Returning Officer can’t fight lies.

Our electoral system lacks penalties for exaggerated campaign promises.

People will say that that is the nature of politics, but that doesn't make it right. Shouldn’t we ensure that candidates run an ethical campaign?

This could be done by submitting campaign materials to a verification board. Currently we have an election board which exists to prevent harmful, targeted and obscene materials from appearing on campaigns. By adding an verifications officer to the board, we could make sure that candidates actually have a plan on how to do what they say they are going to do inside their manifestos. If a candidate campaigns on an issue relating to niteline, it would be nice to know if niteline was actually aware of this plan beforehand.

These regulations apply only to board positions in the S.U. Class Reps are in a much poorer situation.

Class rep elections are a mess. Here’s an anecdote brought to my attention by a fellow student:

Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018 | Uniersity Express As you know, we aren’t given any notice in advance that class rep elections are going to be held. In this one case, five candidates overcame the sudden social anxiety of being asked to volunteer and each gave a campaign speech. This class was not a core module for the course, so the students within the class were a combination of students from various courses. One of these candidates was “Connor from Cavan”. Connor from Cavan may not have had any intention of actually winning the election, he just wanted to step up and give the single reason for his candidacy: “I’m Connor and I’m from Cavan”. A group thought it would be funny to elect Connor from Cavan. This group was not even part of the class which was electing a class rep. They didn’t have to live with the consequences.

I will not deny that class reps can and do provide a valuable service to the student body, but how about giving students more than 5 minutes notice before an election. Each candidate can be prepared, and thus if they do nothing they can be held responsible. Now it is simply a case of, “I didn’t know what I was getting myself into.” How about making sure that elections only take place, if possible, in core modules?

This eliminates the possibilities for outside groups to influence who will represent a class.

The Accountability of Accountability.

This final issue I bring to your attention is one about the nature of Student Media and the S.U. All the major student media outlets (University Express, Motley Magazine and UCC 98.3 FM) are funded through the S.U. What position is student media in to criticise the S.U?A very compromising one. Let’s divest student media from the Student’s Union.

Allow the media to be unafraid of criticising each and every brick of the college. This is possible by separating the Student’s Union budget from the Student media budget. Barring that, what about creating regulation which prevents the S.U from altering funding for the media all together. Leave that to the college.

I’ll end with this. If we didn’t have a Student’s Union, this article would probably be about the need for one.

It’s not a perfect system, and we can make it so much better. So let’s put in the effort to do so. ◣

Opinion

13

Comment - Housing Minister is showing an inability to solve the housing crisis, or an inability to care Matthew Moynihan When Eoghan Murphy rose from the backbenches of the Fine Gaelled minority Government after Leo Varadkar's appointment as Taoiseach in June of 2017, a sense of optimism was felt throughout the halls of Leinster House, the Department of Housing and beyond. Here was a young, idealistic, articulate Minister somewhat taking over a poisoned chalice, who seemed to grasp the opportunity with the fervour of positivity. Taoiseach Leo Varadkar remarked during his nominations of cabinet members speech that Murphy would be tasked with "consider[ing] what additional measures may be required including consideration of a greater quantum of social housing build, a vacant home tax and measures to encourage landlords to stay in or enter the rental market".

At the time of Minister Murphy's appointment, the Department of Housing figures for homelessness said there were 5046 homeless adults as well as 2895 homeless children. These figures, let us not forget, totalled 7,941, and this figure only represented those in emergency accommodation. In the latest homeless figures offered by the Department in June of 2018, the number of homeless adults hit 6048 and the number of homeless dependents hit 3824, bringing the total number of Irish citizens in emergency accommodation to 9,872.

In Murphy's first year in office, there was an increase of 35% in the numbers of homeless children whilst those in emergency accommodation overall increased by almost 25%.

Not a single one of these individuals are statistics; they are human beings who should be afforded the same human dignity as you and I, and in an economy that is showing levels of such growth, such decreases in unemployment, and such relative prosperity, there is no excuse to leave these citizens behind. Speaking to

Miriam O'Callaghan last month on RTÉ Radio 1's "Today with SOR", Minister Murphy claimed, "hitting 10,000 doesn't tell us anything that hitting 9,000 didn't tell us, which is that we have a very serious crisis".

I would contest the figures do tell us something - they tell us he is either incapable of exercising his duties as Minister for Housing, or is incapable of caring.

There is a fundamental problem with Minister Murphy's comments - as Minister, he has the power at the stroke of the pen, with Cabinet's agreement, to implement a number of legislative measures that would reverse this worrying trend. Here are a few examples of solutions to the national crisis we face: 1. Implement an immediate rental cap in urban areas. Dublin and Cork are major rent pressure zones and landlords are taking advantage of young professionals, students and families by charging scandalous rents for sub-standard properties.

In Dublin for example, blow-up beds have been advertised on daft. ie for €400 per month. This cannot continue. The foundation of this State came about as a rebellion against the landlord elite.

2. Work with the Minister for Health, Simon Harris TD, to wrap dualdiagnosis services around those who exit the homeless services to prevent the ruthless conveyor belt of addiction and lack of mental health supports that predicate many people slipping through the cracks and ending up in emergency accommodation in the first place from re-occurring time and time again. NGOs such as St. Vincent De Paul and the Simon Community are not equipped to deal with the myriad of complex problems most homeless adults present with, and in the case of children, the trauma they can experience in these environments lead to very poor adult outcomes.

Given the right supports, any one of

these people can flourish.

3. Work with local authorities to provide more unique and innovative projects such as Bishopsgrove in Cork, the student supported accommodation that provides those from homeless and fostered backgrounds with a fulcrum to develop their educational and employment skills so they can develop the portfolio necessary to be contributory members of society.

4. Build the thousands of social and affordable housing units needed with compulsory land purchase orders if needs be. This would be a social investment that would pay off in the short, medium and long-term.

5. Turn over the NAMA portfolio to the Department of Housing and immediately convert these units to social and affordable housing units.

Dr. John McCartney, Director of Research at Savills believes that even with a true housing output of 20,000 units per annum we would still need to increase production by 42% by 2021.

Claiming that Eoghan Murphy does not care may be an unfair stretch, however, the results of his policies to date have been shambolic and ineffectual. With parties such as Sinn Féin planning on tabling a motion of no confidence, it is now or never for him. As the privileged few Irish citizenries, we must push our politicians to work on behalf of those most vulnerable in our society.

It is our civic duty. The Minister is earning €93,599 per annum as a basic wage to solve this crisis and clearly isn't achieving this ideal whilst volunteers in the Simon Community and SVDP save lives every day out of their sense of vocation.

In the meantime, whilst politicians wash their hands of responsibility, blood runs deeper daily in the backstreets of Ireland - blood that with the right attitude and policies needn't run.◣

14

Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018 | University Express ORGANISED BY

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BYLINE

Editorial and the lack of actual sleep I’ve been craving caffeine to replace. I say it’s because I haven’t had the time; I’m so busy, up the walls, can’t sit down for food, I don’t have time to eat, I’ll just grab something quick, an apple or protein bar will do, I can eat that while I walk to this lecture or that meeting or while I type…

Ciara Dinneen Byline Editor I’ve been having three or four coffees a day. If you think that’s a lot of caffeine, I probably shouldn’t mention the two to three mugs of tea I’ve been having on top of that. My stomach, and head, hurt. What’s worse than the amount of caffeine-heavy hot beverages I’ve been consuming, is the lack of decent food to go with it,

It isn’t ok, though. The only things in life you absolutely have to do are breathe, sleep, drink water, and eat.

Not having enough time is no excuse.

There exists no valid excuse for not eating. You have to make time to feed and nourish yourself. The essay can wait fifteen minutes, you can send the email after, you can make that call after, you can push that meeting back a bit, to make time to eat. And to eat well. An apple for breakfast and a coffee for lunch is not enough, of course it isn’t enough, and we know it. I don’t need to go in to the many far better alternatives that there are, because we know them.

Sleep is one of the few things in

16 life that you can’t replace. It’s psychological fact that once you’ve lost out on sleep, it’s impossible to ‘catch up’ on; if you get 4 hours one night, getting 12 hours the next will not equate to an average of 8 hours a night. Sleep doesn’t work like that.

We underestimate the vitality of sleep, but I won’t go in to that either because we know at least the basics of the importance of sleep, and that should be enough for us to make sure that we get it.

One little thing I’ve been doing to help me switch off from the craziness of the days, the back-toback jampacked schedule and the constantly-in-contact communication through the hundred and one group chats and emails: disconnecting my phone. After a certain time in the day, when I feel I’ve done all I’ve needed to do, sent all the emails I needed to send and contacted all the people I needed to contact to discuss all the things I needed to discuss, I put my phone on aeroplane mode and set it

aside until the morning. We have this fear of missing out if we don’t have our phones constantly switched on and connected to Wi-Fi or 3G/4G ready to buzz the instant a notification comes through, but do you know what I’ve found? I’ve been missing nothing. Nothing of urgent import, anyway.

It isn’t going to kill you to turn off your phone an hour or two before bed (at a reasonable hour) in order to switch off from the world and allow your head some space to wind down and ease its way into a far superior, undisturbed sleep. Losing out on sleep and not nourishing yourself by eating well and enough may not outright kill you, but it certainly doesn’t contribute to your life’s longevity.◣

byline@uccexpress.ie Byline Cover Image: Eve Harrington

Fiction Till Death Do Us Part

By Cian McGrath His bed wasn’t the same anymore since she left. He lay there, alone and cold, missing her loving touch. She had been his for so long but then she was taken away from him so quickly.

After the fight, he never got the chance to tell her that he loved her.

It was such a stupid fight. He only wanted some time to clear his head.

As he lay there, pretending to sleep, he could not help but remember as he heard sirens in the distance.

He thought back to the trial and hearing the gritty and gut-wrenching details from the prosecution. The coroner gave his report, of how deep the knife had been plunged into her chest. His lawyer pleaded insanity but he knew that plan wouldn’t work out. The prosecution pointed to the chain of events that led to the death.

The killer had left his home and gone to a bar, drank a single beer to “calm his nerves” before searching for his

weapon. CCTV footage was shown of the man perusing the knives in the 24-hour gas station and testing the sharpness of their points. The evidence was damning and the man knew that justice would be done.

The guilty plea had left images of his wife’s lifeless body scorched onto his retinas, and every howl of the night echoed with her screams of terror. Had he just stayed at home that night, none of this would have

happened. He just wanted a break from their fighting. He just needed some time to himself.

The outcome of the trial was inevitable.

“Guilty”, echoed throughout the courthouse silence and the murderer was carried through the courthouse, his head hung. As he was dragged down the court steps, he saw her family in tears and his family unable to hide their disgust.

He was thrown into the back of the

truck, leaving his liberties behind him at the courthouse.

The ride to the jail was a long and lonely one for the convict. He kept thinking back to that night. The silly fight they had, the fact she was leaving, the beer he drank, the knife he bought, the woman he killed and the vows she wanted to break. She promised him until death do us part and he made sure it stayed that way.◣

Travel

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Around the World: Express does City Breaks, without breaking the bank Around the World: Express does City Breaks, without breaking the bank Ciara Dinneen, Byline Editor Travel is a big part of the college experience. During Easter break we go on trips to the ‘Dam or some other European city; Berlin, Paris, Prague... In the summer we go on J1’s to the USA or Canada, or go travelling around Asia and/or Thailand. We go to music festivals, both at home in Ireland and abroad.

We explore loads of different countries, learn about other cultures and experience them first-hand, broadening our minds and our concept of the world. It sounds romanticised when you put it like that, but it’s the truth.

So, we felt it was time University Express introduced a section dedicated to travel, in which we will discuss all the tips, tricks and how-to procedures for the travel excursions and world explorations we embark on to satisfy that collegelife induced sense of wanderlust, complimented by the occasional story and anecdotal note. Last week we featured a story about one girl’s

(my) slightly disastrous experience at a week-long music festival in Benicassim, Spain. This week, we have some practical advice.

Need a break? One that will take you far away from here, from your responsibilities and the horrible realities of adult life? How about city break? You may feel like you’re broke, so you can’t afford a luxurious, extravagant, sundrenched week away in Abu Dhabi like the ladies of Sex and the City.

You can, however, afford a weekend in one of the many beautiful, hassle free and easily accessible cities that Europe has to offer.

flights

Skyscanner and other pricecomparison websites (Trip Adviser, Trivago) are the handiest search tools for flights, and even accommodation, so definitely check those out before you book anything.

Don’t rush a booking; keep your eye on prices to the cities you’d like to visit, and when they’re low, go for it! There are often reasonable direct

flights with Aer Lingus to the likes of Paris, Edinburgh, Munich, and more. Depart on an early morning flight, and try get an afternoon or evening flight home; that way one whole day isn’t taken up entirely by travelling.

Accommodation

Air BnB is fantastic; when you’re staying in an apartment with the facilities to make some of your own food, you can save from time to time on eating out, as well as feeling like you’re getting the proper local, what-it-would-be-like-to-live-here experience. When on a budget, don’t rule out chain hotels (such as Ibis) or decent hostels; these may not offer you the culturally enveloped experience that an apartment would but when the deals are good why be picky? All you need is a comfortable and clean place to sleep. You’ll be spending hardly any time in your accommodation; a city break is all about diving deep and fast into the culture, history, art and atmosphere of a city in a short amount of time.

Don’t waste it!

Spending money

Do not underestimate how much you’ll need, but don’t feel like you’ll need one hundred quid a day just to feed yourself. Going away for a weekend is treat enough, so prioritise what you spend your money on. You don’t need any more clothes or makeup; all you need is forty to sixty euros a day (depending on the cost of living in the area you are going) to get yourself one or two decent meals out, and then a snack and/or coffee or two in between.

Eating out

Trip Adviser will be your best friend. Anyone who has gone to Amsterdam will know how difficult it can be to get decent food. Always check out the reviews on Trip Adviser and explore the best places to go; it will always be where the locals love themselves.

Avoid tourist-packed main streets and chain restaurants you recognise from home. You’re there to try something different, including new cuisine, so don’t go to any food places you’ve eaten in before! ◣

Film & T.V.

18 unable to view Underwood’s onscreen actions with the same sense of detached enjoyment that I had previously. As he brutally shut down a young female journalist, as he manipulated and eventually seduced his bodyguard, I began to wonder whether this was really acting for Spacey and if the reason he did it so well was because, for him, this was not acting and was instead an expression of his true nature. Maybe this is a silly line of thought, and maybe I was totally over-analysing the scenes in question, but it was a realisation that ruined the aura and sense of escapism that I had previously enjoyed about the series.

I was no longer able to sit back and enjoy this wonderful work of realistic political fiction without wondering if slightly more of it than the writer intended was rooted in a not so fictional reality.

Separating Artist from Animal: Is it possible to guiltlessly enjoy the works of a disgraced entertainer?

Joe Cunningham, Film & T.V. Editor I enjoyed Baby Driver. It was a fun movie, great soundtrack, great cast and enjoyable plotline. I also enjoyed House of Cards. And Moon.

And Superman Returns. Normally my eclectic movie preferences would not pose me with anything too overtly by way of an ethical dilemma. However, these films, regardless of respective visual merit, all have one thing in common. They all star Kevin Spacey.

Before dealing with the more nefarious aspects of his long career on the screen, it is important to get one thing clear. Despite the allegations made against him, Spacey is an excellent on-screen actor and nothing he has done in offscreen can change that fact. Whether that is good or not thing depends very much on your opinion. His performance in House of Cards as

the unapologetically a-moral Frank Underwood is both captivating and at times terrifying but even this raises a problem for the viewer, one I personally encountered. I arrived late to the party in terms of House of Cards; it was just as I was becoming invested in the series that the allegations regarding Spacey’s predatory behaviour became public.

Up until that point, I had thoroughly enjoyed the way in which the character of Frank Underwood had so callously used and abused both men and women in his quest to reach the pinnacle of power. It might not make for model behaviour, but it made for great TV and appeals to that human attraction to the macabre that we all enjoy when it resides safely within the fictional world of a book or film. However, as allegations of Spacey’s off-screen behaviour began to emerge, I was

Similarly, I’m not sure I would be able to watch Spacey in Baby Driver without encountering the same problems, especially when he frequently refers to the character played by Ansel Elgort (a perfect example of the kind of handsome, young male actor that fits the description of Spacey’s alleged victims) as Baby throughout the movie. What was once a harmless nickname which fit the feeling of the movie and the mentor/apprentice relationship between Spacey and Elgort’s characters, now has so many unintended connotations that it becomes somewhat uncomfortable to think about, let alone watch.

But, the real dilemma: just because a movie that stars someone like Spacey makes you feel this way, does that mean that consequently it loses its merit as a movie completely? Take Moon for example, the low budget sci-fi drama starring Sam Rockwell that I am unashamed to admit is one of the best movies I’ve ever seen.

This movie also features Spacey, albeit in a voice-role, but presents to me a similar problem. Can I enjoy this movie to the same extent that I did knowing what I know now about Spacey and his behaviour?

The honest answer is yes. I am not going to discard one of my favourite films simply because Spacey was a part of it. Does this make me a

hypocrite? Possibly, but I can live with that. Does it mean that I am subliminally supporting Spacey’s off-screen actions, which if true are completely reprehensible? I don’t believe it does. It is very important to draw a line in the sand when it comes to moral problems like this.

By damning all the works of an actor like Spacey, you are not going to reverse the deeds of the past, you are instead depriving yourself of some very fine cinematic endeavours, while also damaging the legacies of the actors who starred in these films alongside him.

It becomes increasingly clear that if we religiously follow the strict line of thinking that requires us to shun the works of anybody who is involved in scandal, then we are severely limiting ourselves. Many figures who are considered “great” by posterity are just as, if not more, suspect than Spacey and yet we still admire their work. Lewis Carroll was probably a paedophile, yet we still praise Alice in Wonderland.

The Renaissance artist Caravaggio murdered a man and yet we do not burn his paintings in the street. It may not be possible to be completely guilt-free when watching a Spacey film, but I do believe that we should, as rational humans, be intelligent enough to be able to deplore his alleged actions while at the same time viewing his work with a sense of detachment that allows us to enjoy the films which depict behaviour that would not be societally acceptable.

We can watch a film about a bank robbery and know it’s not ok to rob banks; we can watch a series about a sadistic and manipulative politician and know that it is not ok to behave like this in the real world even if we enjoy seeing it unfold on screen. Similarly, I believe we should be able to view actors such as Kevin Spacey in a movie, know that what he allegedly did is wrong, but separate the Spacey off-screen from the Spacey on-screen. I am not suggesting we do this for the sake of Spacey himself but rather for our own sake as an open-minded and intelligent audience. While it may never be possible to be completely guilt free, I think we owe it to the actors and actresses who starred with Spacey, and to ourselves to try. ◣

Editor: Joe Cunningham

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New in Cinema

Review: The Predator Joe Cunningham, Film & T.V. Editor I didn’t expect much when I went to see The Predator last week, but I found myself in the curious position of having been proven both right and wrong. It was awful, but it was so gloriously and unashamedly awful that I thoroughly enjoyed it. Picking up in traditional Predator fashion in a dark and foreboding unnamed jungle and following a meandering, nonsensical script across several high-security labs, a suburban neighbourhood, a baseball field, and back to the dark and foreboding unnamed jungle which, judging by the time it takes to get there, seems to be located about three miles outside of the comfortable Suburbia in which most of the movie takes place.

The film kicks off when a crashlanded Predator is captured and brought to a “high security” military base where it is subjected to the kind of medical procedures that seem to be obligatory when examining an alien, including being strapped to a table with woefully inadequate restraints.

“He’s heavily sedated” the head scientist confidently assures Olivia Munn’s biologist, which of course “he” isn’t, as said scientific bigwig finds out to his cost. The scientist in question bares an unbelievably uncanny resemblance to Queens of the Stone Age frontman Josh Homme, from the hairstyle to the swagger, so much so that I half expected him to pull an electric guitar from under his lab coat and break into an impromptu performance of “No-one Knows” while fleeing the carnage caused by his escaped patient. Seeing the facsimile of one of my favourite rock-stars being brutally shredded by the rampant Predator is perhaps the closest I came to feeling emotion at any point during the film, but of course, if it is meaningful emotion you seek in a Predator movie, you are looking in the wrong place.

I had already resigned myself at this stage to the fact that I wasn’t going to be getting much pleasure out of this clichéd wreck of a movie but boy, was I wrong. The protagonist, played by

Boyd Holbrook, an ex-army sniper out to save his autistic son from the teeth of the Predator (a problem he himself created by inexplicably choosing to mail the boy the Predator’s helmet and armband) teams up with a ragtag team of miscreants to great comedic, if not particularly helpful, effect. The highlight of this group is undoubtedly Keegan-Michael Key, of Key and Peele fame, a soldier with PTSD and a quirky sense of humour, most of which is directed at mocking his compatriot Baxley (played by Thomas Jane) with whom he shares one of the most cringy and yet most brilliantly ridiculous scenes of the movie (I won’t spoil it, it’s near the end). If you like a character with a propensity for “your momma” jokes and various other crudities, which I’m ashamed to admit had me chuckling like a twelve-year-old, then you won’t be disappointed.

Despite being an absolute mess of a movie in terms of narrative, there is a certain genius in The Predator which lies solely in its self-awareness, you could hardly expect anything less from a Shane Black movie, and the fact that it is pure good fun. Sure it is ridiculous, (my mind lingers on lobotomised Predator dog things that act like a puppy, an antagonist who seems to be important to the narrative until he randomly blows his own head off, and the appearance of Alfie Allen who does very little until he loses an arm to accompany the penis he lost in Game of Thrones), but there is something gloriously enjoyable about its ridiculousness. I can honestly claim that at no point was I bored. I laughed out loud more than I have at many comedies I’ve seen, and at the end I was very tempted to join in with the cautious smattering of only halfsarcastic applause that echoed round a nearly empty cinema; a true testament to the absurd grandeur of this glorious mess of a movie.

Editor’s Score: 1/10…or maybe 10/10…Hmmm. Probably best to compromise. 5/10. ◣

It feels like there’s a new Superhero movie out every week at the moment and for better or worse this week is no different. Tom Hardy’s first outing as the popular anti-hero Venom hits the cinema on the 3rd of October.

Expectations for what looked to be a gritty, dark and violent adaptation of the Marvel comics have been somewhat dampened by the news that it will only be PG-13 rated, but if that doesn’t turn you off, and you’re not bored to death of superhero movies, then Hardy is always worth watching. If you fancy something with a little more substance, A Star is Born, directed by and starring Bradley Cooper, is also out this week. The third remake of the 1937 original has been garnering early Oscar-buzz and much critical attention, and features Cooper alongside an unrecognisable (and purportedly excellent) Lady Gaga as an alcohol dependent, but worldfamous musician and his struggling love-interest singer.

New on Netflix

There is a relative lull in new additions to Netflix’s ever-expanding catalogue this week, but one that does show some promise is the murder/mystery Hold the Dark starring Jeffrey Wright (of Westworld fame) and Alexander Skarsgard (Big Little Lies and The Legend of Tarzan). The movie is set in Alaska (a favourite location for tense dramas) and deals with the murder of a child, supposedly by wolves, and the naturalist (Wright) sent to investigate.

Editor’s Recommendation

A show that had slipped slightly under the radar in recent times, probably due to its absence from Netflix, is AMC’s Preacher which is based on the graphic comics of the same name. Starring Dominic Cooper and Limerick’s very own Ruth Negga, Preacher follows the supernatural exploits of a rural American preacher as he battles various mythical and religious creatures as well as his own demons, ably assisted by his gun-toting, hell-raising girlfriend (Negga) and a delightfully nutty Irish vampire with the unforgettable name of Proinsias Cassidy. Available on Amazon Prime, this humorous and thoroughly enjoyable series has three seasons for you to lose yourself in.

Music

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GIRLS, GIRLS, GIRLS Caoimhe Coleman, Music Editor A few months ago, something called the “Smirnoff Equaliser” popped up on my Spotify page. Of course, the first thing I thought was…vodka?

However, when I looked a little closer I found something much more interesting. The idea of the “equaliser” was to make each user a playlist based on the “gender bias” of their listening. The goal? Get more people to listen to female artists.

In 2017, 100% of the top streamed tracks were by male artists. Spotify recognised the fact that we shouldn’t be missing out on so many amazing female artists. My “equaliser” results came up 29% female, 71% male – the feminist in me was outraged.

So, I made a conscious decision to discover more female artists. Here are four of my favourites that I’ve found over the last few months:

Phoebe Bridgers

LA-based artist Phoebe Bridgers made her debut in 2015 and in 2017 released her first album, Stranger in the Alps. The album is filled with dreamy Indie-pop numbers – the perfect soundtrack to a bus journey (I

say this from experience). Although a lot of the songs seem quite sad, they’re that beautiful kind of sad that makes you feel…peaceful.

“Motion Sickness” is definitely a highlight of the album – it has one of the catchiest choruses I’ve heard this year. “Funeral” is another favourite of mine – the name and the lyric “Jesus Christ I’m so blue all the time” pretty much sum that one up. In 2018, Bridgers along with other female artists Julien Baker and Lucy Dacus, released music under the name boygenius, and if those releases are an indication of more to come, you’re definitely going to want to keep an eye on this gal.

Marika Hackman

I like to think of Marika Hackman almost as the British equivalent of Phoebe Bridgers. However,

Hackman’s music tends to come across a bit more…(for lack of a better word) angsty. I began my listening with her sophomore album I’m Not Your Man. With this release, Hackman vowed to stop holding back the music she really wanted to write, “How are people gonna connect with me if I’m hiding?”

This shines through in the realness of her lyrics – especially notable in “My Lover Cindy” and “Good Intentions.” Hackman held nothing back on this album, “I just wanna write about the fact that I’ve broken up with my girlfriend”, and I really admire that.

Japanese Breakfast

Japanese Breakfast is the solo musical project of Korean-American singer and guitarist, Michelle Zauner.

Their debut album, Psychopomp, was released in 2016 but personally I prefer their 2017 album, Soft Sounds From Another Planet. The album flows beautifully from start to finish – it’s an experimental dreampop masterpiece. If you’re not one to listen to an entire album in one go, I would recommend starting with tracks “Road Head”, “Boyish” and “Till Death.” It’s difficult to pinpoint exactly why I love this album; I just do, and I think that says a lot.

Sometimes the best things in life can’t be explained.

PowPig

Last but not least, we have an Irish addition! PowPig is a four piece all-female band from Limerick and they’re cool as hell. In recent months, they have become associated with acts such as Pillow Queens, The Strypes, Whenyoung and Paddy Hanna. The band also made their festival debut at Body & Soul this past summer. That says it all really doesn’t it? These ladies are destined for big things. Both of their EPs, Denture Adventure and Buzz Buzz are weird and wonderful from start to finish. I haven’t heard an Irish band quite like this in a while. I’d recommend starting your listening with “Ode To Wiseau” (yes, Wiseau as in Tommy Wiseau, creator of The Room). This will give you a good idea of their vibe. ◣

Early 00’s Nostalgia Vaida Rimeikaite, Music Writer What is college if not young adults working hard and feeling nostalgic towards simpler times. With that in mind, I have created a list of early 2000’s bangers just for you - don’t forget to put them on your next “Throwback Thursday” playlist!

LeAnn Rimes,“Can’t Fight The Nelly , “Hot in Herre” (2002) Britney Spears , “Toxic” (2003) A great summer track best played Whomever says that they do not turn Moonlight” (2000) when it really is “Hot in Herre”, to their closest friend and lip-sync Want to feel 90’s nostalgia with a 2000’s track? You can’t go wrong with “Can’t Fight The Moonlight.”

Most famously known for featuring in the film Coyote Ugly, it reached number 1 in the UK, Australia, the Netherlands and New Zealand.

but seeing as we live in Ireland, that doesn’t seem too likely. This track won a Grammy Award for Best Male Rap Solo Performance in 2003. The artist Weird Al even created a parody called “Trash Day” in 2003.

this song like there is no tomorrow is a goddamn liar. “Toxic” ranked in the top 5 of the pop billboard charts in 15 countries including Ireland.

For those elusive hipster points, I would recommend checking out Yaël Naïm’s cover of the track.

Christina Aguilera, “Dirrty” feat. Peter Bjorn and John, “Young Redman (2002) A great song to get ready to on a Folks” (2006) night out, or a night in, or any night in general. Whilst the song did not get a lot of radio play in the states - if a little-known station MTV is anything go by - it did rank number 1 on MTV’s Total Request Live. The song also rose to the top of the charts in both the UK and Ireland.

A song that may have lapsed your memory, but that was relatively big in the 2000’s. The Swedish trio’s hit rose to number 13 on the UK billboard charts. If you’re a fan of the TV show Gossip Girl, you may remember this track being played in the pilot episode.

The Killers, “Mr Brightside” (2004)

This song has charted at number 10 in both the US and the UK. According to Flowers, the reason for which the first verse of the song is the same as the second is that whilst recording the demo, Flowers was still working on the lyrics.◣

Editor: Caoimhe Coleman

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NEW ON THE SCENE: TELETEXT RECORDS Caoimhe Coleman, Music Editor

Gig review: Chasing Abbey, The Rollout Tour, Cyprus Avenue Ciara Dinneen, Byline Editor

Wednesday’ on the List in Music show with Ed Smith.

Chasing Abbey, no doubt one of the biggest up-and-coming acts in Ireland, kicked off their sold out The Rollout Tour in Cyprus Avenue, Cork on September 20th. Their newest single, ‘Choices’, skyrocketed in the Irish charts to join their previous hits ‘Talk To Me’ and ‘That Good Thing’. Supported by Darcy Faith and Chinnie Izzie, two more great artists rising out of the Tullamore music scene, this Tullamore Trio put on one hell of a show.

Chinnie Izzie, clad in tight-fitting black sportswear, a white puff rain jacket and a black hat, looked as if he had walked off an Adidas advert.

Not a negative; he looked the part of a grime rapper straight off the streets, and like Darcy he didn’t just talk the talk; Chinnie Izzie won the affection and firm approval of the crowd with his charisma and charm that was only complimented by his caramel, smooth voice and fluid rap rhymes. Some may argue that Darcy Faith and Chinnie Izzie were typical looking; the way they dressed, the attitude rap and the overpowering bass; but there’s no denying that they were good. The music itself was decent, and you can say what you want about everything else, but style, no matter how seemingly stereotypical, should not and did not take away from the genuine talent and unique voice of these artists.

Darcy Faith, the first support act, paced timidly as she sang. This was her first gig, she told us after her first song, but her voice was far from timid; it had attitude. Clad in baggy, over-sized, high-waisted camouflage trousers cinched at her waist with a black belt, paired with a tight-fit, long sleeved white top, Darcy Faith looked the epitome of fem-street grime. Darcy didn’t just look the part; she played it. The first thing that struck me was the bass; it was intense, the kind you feel hitting from within your chest.

Darcy’s voice was subtly powerful, and who doesn’t love a woman that raps; her skills really shone when Chasing Abbey brought both of their support acts back on stage for an all-in collaborative performance towards the end of the gig that was even more energetic than Chasing Abbey’s performance on its own, if that’s even possible. Darcy Faith, definitely one to watch.

Darcy Faith released her debut single, ‘Casual’, on 7th September, which got its first play on national radio on 12th September as part of Today FM’s ‘Women Crush

Before the main act, a bottle of Tullamore Dew was placed on the DJ desk beside the MacBook that had “Chasing Abbey Rollout” slapped across the cover. There was dramatic thundering bass, twirling lights and uproar in the crowd as the lads walked on stage, establishing a buzzing, electric energy from the second they appeared; an energy that never waned. I discovered within the first thirty seconds that Chasing Abbey are definitely a band that are better live. I’d heard most of the songs before, but I realised very early on that their recorded material, which is great, isn’t a patch on the live experience. With all of their energy and consistent interaction with the audience, they made you feel

like you were partying with them, rather than watching them perform.

Not that it wasn’t a spectacle to see; Bee, Ro and Teddy C all looked so genuinely happy. I would catch them every now and then stealing glances and looking at each other as if to say, “Can you believe this?”, “Oh my God!”. You better believe it, guys.

All those people were there for you, and they loved every minute of it just as much as you did.

This Tullamore Trio put their heart soul, and every ounce of energy they had, and some, into their performance, telling us when and what to sing, to put our hands up like this, to wave our arms like this, encouraging us to come closer and move our bodies like this. In the weeks leading up to the tour, Chasing Abbey were releasing snippets of their new, unreleased material and encouraging their fans to learn the chants and to sing them at the gigs. “Are you having a good time?”, Bee asked the audience, “Cause we fuckin’ are!” he exclaimed, ecstatic. “So much love, so much love…” declared Ro, under his breath but just loud enough to hear. They appreciated the crowd and the support so much. It’s a really wholesome experience, to see young artists like this flourishing and establishing a following that they are so grateful for.

Without a doubt, I would go to see Chasing Abbey again. If you haven’t seen them live yet, I highly recommend you do.◣

Teletext Records is a new (Corkbased!) Irish management label focusing on left of field acts that provide an amazing live experience. The group, which comprises of Brendan Foley, Donagh Sugrue, JJ Lee and Danny O’Shea, released their artist roster over the last few weeks. Among those announced were local bands Aponym, Deadbog and Gilbert, or The Unfathomable Loneliness Of The Deep Space Prospector.

The label is also operating on an open-submission system, they are promising to listen, respond and provide feedback to every enquiry.

Their main mission statement as a label is to provide a “less-thanordinary platform for artists that are aspiring to provide a lessthan-ordinary experience to fans.”

“We’re hoping that we can try to put a fresh face on what a label can be, while definitely focusing on proof by do rather than say,” says JJ. But what is Teletext Records really going to do for artists?

Well, Donagh believes that the Irish music scene is at a “massive turning point” now that the “dust has settled post-limewire” – “I've been playing up and down the country for about 10 years and have heard all of these incredibly creative and ambitious ideas that never got actualised and I just hope that we can team-think and group-work them into a reality rather than purely an ambition.”

Teletext Records have scheduled record releases every month from now until early next year, so keep your eyes peeled! There’s also a showcase in the works as well as merchandising and some other “multi-media adventures.” Keep up to date with their activities on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter.

interview

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Riding The Wave: The Story of Pale Waves and Heather Baron-Gracie

It’s a familiar tale, that of Pale Waves. Two creative individuals find themselves in the same place at the same time and sparks fly immediately. More often than not, that same place seems to be university, especially when it comes to the formation of bands. In the past, we’ve seen groups such as Coldplay, The Doors and R.E.M. come together in their college courtyard, and most recently, you can add Manchester outlet Pale Waves to that very list.

It all started in 2014, when Heather Baron-Gracie had a chance encounter with Ciara Doran in BIMM university in Manchester,a music school with branches up and down Britain (and also in Dublin).

As part of a college class, Heather asked Doran, a mesmerizing musical talent in her own right, to play the drums on one of her songs. Heather, however, soon discovered that she

found it very easy to connect to Doran and get her ideas across to her, and it wasn’t look after that first recording that they formed the band Creek.

Since that very first encounter, the duo have been on an upward trajectory. They were joined by bassist Charlie Wood and second guitarist Hugo Silvani to complete the band, which has since renamed Pale Waves, and have seen their stock rise year after year. In 2017, they were signed to the record label Dirty Hill and have since been working on recording their debut album. In April of 2017, they released their debut single unde Dirty Hill, entitled ‘There’s a Honey’, which was met by widespread media acclaim. Since then, they’ve released three more singles, ‘Television Romance’, ‘New Years Eve’ and ‘My Obsession’, before releasing their first major

project, an EP with the name ‘All The Thing I Never Said’.

Since the beginning of 2018 however, the band have well and truly been in album mode. Described

by Baron-Gracie herself as talking about “Dark Issues”, this bands new sound was first premiered with the album’s fourth single, “Noises”.

Finally, on September 14th of this year, the bands debut was released to the world. “My Mind Makes Noises” has caught the attention of listeners from across the globe, and already looks set to feature high on a lot of people’s lists for album of the year.

Pale Waves are set to stop in Cork as part of their European tour on October 6th and the university Express were delighted to be given the opportunity to chat with one of music’s brightest stars. First however, we’re taking everything

back to the very beginning, we want to know about creek...

Interview by Fiona Keeley, Byline Writer Initially you started as a band called Creek. You then changed the name of your group to Pale Waves, how did you come up with it?

Ummm….it took a long time to plan and we were looking for different kinds of inspirations for the name.

In the end we were inspired by a painting my grandmother did so we found it where we weren’t really looking for it.

Every interviewer is curious about this but who would you consider to be your greatest influences in the music industry?

Fashion

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Robert Smith

to achieve the success you enjoy There have been many high points today? for Pale Waves over the past Definitely our managers few years, which one would you Every band would hope to impact consider to be the peak of your the music industry in some shape career so far? or form. What impact do you feel I would say releasing our album, we Pale Waves has left on the music felt more like a professional band. industry so far?

When you can walk into a shop and see your face on the cover of CDs it’s a pretty surreal experience.

We are a band that helps people feel comfortable with themselves, the people that come up at our shows.

We attract certain group of people, they can be who they want to be.

Since we are living in what can be considered the digital age, how do you feel the internet has affected Pale Waves won the Under The the music industry, if at all?

Radar award at the VO5 NME Oh massively, the world has become Awards this year and was ranked obsessed with the internet and things 5th in the BBC Sound of 2018 poll. such as social media and Spotify. It’s helped us put our music all around Back at the genesis of this group in 2014 did you ever dream you would the world.

What was your initial reaction to achieve this kind of success? the acclaim your first single under Dirty Hit ‘There’s a Honey’ received in April 2017?

Well we hoped so, people do when they start as young musicians, then you find people who appreciate what you do.

Amazing, everyone was demanding the album.

You supported The 1975 on their North American tour. Do you feel Your first album ‘My Mind Makes you learned anything from that Noises’ was released last Friday, experience? congratulations on that. Songs Yes, it was our first time on tour and from is such as ‘Noises’ talk about our first time in time in America. We issues such as body image that played massive venues and gained are very topical in the world experience from that. today. Was there any particular Things the ordinary person can inspiration for these songs? only dream about I’d imagine.

The songs are about me, I had dealt with some of these issues and I put them into my songs. I benefited from the experience of writing them.

Yes

And finally I’m sure people are curious to know, what are your In some reviews of your music plans for the future of the band? you have been compared to 80’s Write more music and record more legends such as Belinda Carlisle music and also expand the Pale Waves label. and Pat Benatar (SLUG Magazine).

Would you consider these to be a Pale Waves play Cyprus Avenue on October 6th, with support on the truthful reviews of your music? evening from King Nun. Tickets are Yes, they are artists from the 80s era.

We grew up with the 80’s and we bring that back in our music.

Is there anyone that stands out in your mind to having helped you

available at Cyprus Avenue and also on Eventbrite. The band’s debut album, “My Mind Makes Noises” is out now and is available on all good streaming services.◣

Italian Brand Versace Sold To Michael Kors The Italian luxury fashion brand Gianni Versace last week announced that it has agreed to be sold to the American Fashion Tycoon Michael Kors, The founder of the self-titled Michael Kors brand, in a deal estimated to be worth over $2 billion.

Gianni Versace (more commonly known as Versace), founded in 1978, last year celebrated 40 years in the retail business.

The company has had a long and sometimes tragic history, following the brutal murder of its founder Gianni Versace in 1997. Following Gianni’s death, his sister, Donatella Versace, took over as Artistic Director of the company and has overseen the continual rise of the brands popularity and worth on the world market. As of 2016, there were over 1500 Versace stores across the world. It opened its first store outside of Italy in 1991, with the opening of a store in Glasgow.

Donatella Versace currently owns an 80% stake in the company, and while this will deplete with the brands sale, it’s believed that the Versace family will still retain a role in the management of the company. As part of the deal,

Michael Kors will be renamed to Capri Holdings, in order to accomodate for the purchasing of future companies.

Following the announcement of the sale, fans of the Versace brand were left in shock, with many begging Donatella Versace to cancel the sale, many saying that Gianni would be disappointed in the businesses acquisition.

Scrolling through the comments on Donatella's Instragram photos, fans have left messages such as “Why would you sell outside of Europe? This lady lost her mind, she is destroying a beautiful company”, “Please don’t sell anything to MK” and “From made in Italy to made in China #ripversace”. Many feel that Michael Kors will destroy the luxury element of Versace, given how they tend to run their business. As part of a comparison, fans have been noting the cost of bags from both brands and noting the stark difference. An average Michael Kors bag is reported to cost $100, while the average Versace bag could cost a consumer over $2,000.

The deal looks set to be finalised this week.

Gaming

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Images from left: Cuphead, Grand Theft Auto V, Firewatch, FIFA 18

The Place of Art in Our Modern Age of Gaming Devon O’Mahony, Gaming Writer It’s 2018, and the art of gaming has certainly changed over the past few years. For the majority of us, we grew up on 2D low-resolution games, where the thought of 1080p or 4K were unimaginable. With major advancements in game engine design over the last decade, we have witnessed the game studios transition from arcade style games to photo realistic graphics. When high end gaming first became popular, it was rumoured that you needed a €2000 gaming pc to run games at maxed out settings with high frame rates (which at the time was possibly true since the only other option was the PS2 or the original Xbox).

But now high-end gaming is so well optimised that it’s now readily available to someone with a modern console such as the Nintendo Switch, Xbox One or PS4. Although the big question here is, “does big development budgets = a successful game?”. The average Triple-A title

such as Call of Duty has a budget of roughly $60M per game release (which is surprisingly on the lower end of things since many of the games mechanics & features are copy and pasted from previous releases), that is unless the dev team decides to take a leap into a new area of gaming and implement some new major aspects, but for a game like Call of Duty, FIFA etc, it’s safer in the eyes of the developer/investors to recycle old content. On the other hand, a game such as Grand Theft Auto 5 cost $265M to fully develop.

This is where the line between indie game development and Triple-A game development is clearly defined. Take Cuphead for example, a recent indie release which featured never before seen game design from a relatively small dev studio.

The basis of the game is a simple 2D run and gun game with an up down left right movement system (which is very common), but what makes Cuphead stand out is the

innovative art style of the game, which is a 1930’s cartoon with fully hand drawn animations, something that has never been seen from either indie or Triple-A studio. With its initial announcement in 2014’s E3 press conference, it received an unexpected wave of praise from the gaming community. Ben Kuchera of Polygon said that Cuphead was one of the most interesting reveals at the E3 press conference, despite knowing little about the game. He said it "stood out immediately" and everyone in the press room “viscerally” reacted to the reveal. Cuphead won IGN’s Best Xbox One game at E3 award in 2015 for its unusual art style, keeping in mind that this game was announced on the same stage as games such as Call of Duty and Grand Theft Auto, so it definitely stood out amongst the crowd and was a big win for the indie dev community. After fully releasing in September 2017, it had officially sold over 2M digital copies

by December. For those who have played Cuphead, you’ve had the

experience of being taken back to classic childhood gaming, something which is hard to replicate with a new release in the current day.

In my opinion, I personally think that the majority of indie games are better than big title releases, mainly because they focus on consumer enjoyment rather than creating a passive income revenue stream through the implementation of micro-transactions (which most big titles rely on, since most of those games make more money from loot boxes, skins etc than actual game sales).

Overall, I think it is up to us as the consumer base to support smaller indie studios and their creations.

Most of these small studios consist of 5-10 people who’re trying to make the next big game (like Cuphead has shown). There really are better places to invest your money for gaming other than loot boxes and skins. A large proportion of indie games cost anywhere from €0.99 - €5 so don’t shy away from giving them a try.◣

Editor: Cian Mcgrath

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Loot Box Legality Cian McGrath, Gaming Editor

“In video games, a loot box is an ingame purchase consisting of a virtual container that awards players with items and modifications based on chance. Loot boxes are considered to be a type of microtransaction.”

In more simple terms, a loot box is a game of chance, where the player pays for a chance to win a reward in a game. A good example is in FIFA, where players can spend anywhere up to €21 for the chance to win a certain player they are after. This aspect of the game is often referred to as ‘pay-to-win’, meaning that the game rewards higher spending above greater skill in their games.

These ‘micro-transactions’ are commonly seen in mobile games, where gameplay is limited either time, or speed wise. A lack of any sort of age limit has meant that these loot boxes were fully accessible by children from the age of 3.

If we are to look at another field of chance in Ireland, we can see that in Irish gambling law, the definition of playing a game of chance or “gaming” is, “playing a game (whether of skill or chance or partly of skill and partly of chance) for a monetary prize or other form of reward.” To go along with this, the definition of a bet: “to make a wager”. Of course, the age restriction for gambling in Ireland is 18 years, and this includes gaming in Casinos, bookies, race-tracks and on gambling machines. To attempt to separate loot boxes from any other form of gambling in Ireland is very difficult, but it is something that has been done in recent months by the Principal Officer of Gambling in Ireland, however certain aspects of his responses seem to suggest a lack of understanding of what they truly are. The fact that the reward does not involve a direct monetary reward in a recognised currency seems to have contributed to the fact that this aspect of gaming has often not been acknowledged.

Despite this perceived lack of understanding from certain bodies, in the past week, Ireland has signed into an international declaration

expressing concern about gambling in video games. Correlations between gambling habits and loot boxes had led to concerns being raised. This year both Dutch and Belgian authorities declared some loot box systems to be illegal gambling and compelled major game developers to remove such features in games sold in the country. The Gaming Regulators European Forum initiative, signed by 14 European regulators and the Washington State Gambling Commission in the US, aims to protect players from the “blurring of lines” between gambling and gaming. In Belgium, game publishers who fail to remove certain loot boxes could receive a five-year prison sentence and a fine of up to €800,000.

Examples of how addictive these sorts of loot boxes, 3 years ago, a father discovered a ridiculous $7,625.88 in charges from Xbox Live, charges which were all accumulated over a single month, all generated through microtransaction purchases in FIFA. The child in question was 17 years old, so of course here, he should have known better, but to allow children from the age of 3 to have access to the risk of spending this much is far from responsible. Just weeks before that FIFA fiasco, a 7-yearold managed to charge $6,000 in microtransactions to his parent’s iTunes account in just over a week.

This lack of responsibility from publishers has been highlighted and criticised to no avail. It is down now to governmental regulations to limit the risk of children being exposed to gambling, and to discourage this growing trend of habitual gambling.

These games are for children and should be safe for children. We do not allow smoking in children’s media anymore, this should be no different.◣

Image: Gone Home Speed Runner Achievement

Speed Running v. Savouring Lauren McDonnell, Gaming Writer

We all know somebody who eats food quicker than you can pick up your fork. Yet they will still say they have enjoyed their meal. You on the other hand might insist on eating slowly and worshipping every last bite. Saying that you enjoy your meal better when you eat slower.

The same can be said for video games: speed-running vs savouring.

When you play a new game for the first time you’re going to savour every second of it. Discover every secret, talk to every character, do all the side quests just to get that really cool, useless hat. Maybe in your second playthrough you’ll set yourself the challenge of trying to complete it as fast as you can! But then you bump into that very cute talking chicken and can’t help but do her side quest…

For those who don’t know, speed-running is the art of completing either a whole game as fast as you can, which is called a real time speed-run or completing a single level. A lot of people don’t see the appeal of running through a game that fast, but others, after completing a game, just don’t want that enjoyment to end but also don’t want to go through the hassle of playing it for 3 hours again.

Most people who speed-run do it after their first playthrough, but others set themselves the even greater challenge of doing it first try. Such as I did with Stardew Valley, a cute little farming game where you can pretty much pick and choose which goals you want to achieve. Because of this choice I find it easier and more enjoyable to speed-run the game first time through. I am still really enjoying the game and allowing myself to stop and pause every so often, but there is something so gratifying about ending your first year on the farm and being 50% through the game. There’s also an immense sense of satisfaction when you complete a game that you adore and took your time with, such as Final Fantasy X which takes on average 40-50 hours to complete. I mean, you stuck around for 40 hours for one game, that’s a feat in itself.

There is no one way to play or complete a game, there is no rule that says you have to take it slow, or any rule that states you have to even complete the game to enjoy it! Play games whatever way you want to play them. If you’ve never attempted a speed-run before, why not give it a go? If you only play the main quests of games and do it all as fast as you can, why not take your time next play?

Humor

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The Jogging Dead Callum Casey, Humor Editor Ireland has fallen. Less than 10% of the population remain. We live like rats. Hidden underground in bunkers around the country, watching reruns of ‘The Late Late Show’ on repeat and surviving on stale Tayto’s. How did we get here?

UCC Student Wins Nobel Peace Prize James Beazley,Humor Writer

Aine Barry, a UCC arts student and Strongbow Dark Fruits connoisseur, was in Oslo yesterday to collect her Nobel Peace Prize for swiping right on a 5’8 man on tinder. She was presented the prize by Alexander Magnus, chairman of the Nobel Prize Committee and writer of the book, ‘Appreciate the Little Things’.

Despite being offered a two week all expenses paid stay in Norway, Aine declined, rushing back to Ireland as she is in her final year of her arts studies and Wetherspoons is having a sale she can’t afford to miss.

This morning outside Boole Library, Aine, 21, addressed her legion of vertically challenged male fans in a speech so rousing, even High Kick Kev stopped kicking momentarily to listen and applaud. She stated, ‘Bruno Mars and Daniel Radcliffe are like 5’5 or something and they’re still kinda hot’. She pledged to spend her €20,000 prize on the next two weeks rent for her twin room and 4 cans of Galahad, if she has anything left over.

We caught up with Eoin, the man who Aine matched that fateful Thursday night. Eoin expressed that he was sick of being overlooked, due to his height, by short-sighted girls.

However due to his persistence and tactile thinking by taking profile pictures with even shorter friends, he managed to convince Aine to swipe right. Despite not yet responding to his original message, ‘I heard you like studs, I’ve got the STD all I need is U’, Eoin still believes Aine is a special case and eagerly awaits her reply. Eoin teared up as he told the Express, ‘She’s the first girl who hasn’t looked down on me because of my height’.

Despite her forward-thinking attitude and positive steps towards world peace, Aine still has some detractors.

Most notably, her best friend Saoirse, who was present on the night that the match occurred. While Saoirse refused to comment on the incident itself she told UCC express ‘All I’m saying is that sometimes thumbs slip, accidents happen and, Aine’s least favourite Game of Thrones character is Tyrion’ Aine, who said her favourite film was The Hobbit, brushed off this statement when questioned about it, retorting that, it was 1pm on a Tuesday and that, as a fellow arts student, Saoirse was probably ‘off her face’. She has since pledged to continue wearing flats and bending her knees in photos. ◣

Ann Kerin, an original survivor remembers, “I saw my husband get taken,” She shudders as she smokes a cigarette filled with cat hair and rolled with Rte guide pages. “He went to Aldi for some milk and came back with all that… that stuff. Leggings so tight he got testicular torsion. High vis shirts that blinded you. He said it was a ‘special buy’”. Men and Women all across Ireland befell a similar fate as Mrs. Kerins husband. Infected by the amazing deals, an unearned sense of superiority and a fear of their impending midlife crises, they caught the bug. They began to jog.

There was no cure.

The cities were the first to fall. The joggers moved in hordes, taking up any and all footpaths, forcing other pedestrians onto the road, or simply trampling them to death under the crushing weight of orthopaedic Skechers. Drivers weren’t safe either. The joggers filled streets and motorways like they owned

the place, causing pile ups and fatal crashes. Blinding cars with gaudy neon as bright as a dying star they jogged onwards. They chatted amongst themselves, oblivious to the carnage around them.

Martin O’Brien, another survivor, remembers the day they killed his wife, “We didn’t even see them coming. One minute we were walking to the bar for an evening drink, next minute…” Tears fill Mr. O’ Brien’s eyes. “They just trampled straight over her when we wouldn’t move. I tried to grab her but there was just too much lycra in the way.

I shouted for them to stop but it was like they didn’t even hear me.

They just kept making that horrible, horrible sound.” Mr O’ Brien is here referring to the characteristic sound made by those infected with Jogging; a harsh, out of breath rasping as if they have been running a marathon, and a constant low chatter about how fit jogging makes you and how anyone who doesn’t jog is a pleb and, in general, an inferior person.

For the people of Ireland that are left, hope still remains, that one day we can leave our bunkers and take back our country from the pricks who jog. That we can show the children who were born down in the bunkers, the sky, and stop them from thinking Ryan Tuburdy is some kind of elephant eared God. But for now, that’s just a dream. ◣

Editor: Callum Casey

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HEADLINES Callum CaseyHumor Editor

BREAKING

Waterford Whispers finally sues University Express humour section for plagiarism.

Science

Bruno Mars actually from Pluto.

BREAKING

We investigate what caused your parents’ divorce! The answer will shock you!! (It was you.)

Health

Mental Health Callum Casey,Humor Editor

The Government today unveiled its new 3 step plan to tackle the mental health problems that plague the young people of Ireland. This plan is extensive, thorough and sure to solve this complex problem. “With this move, we are showing that the Government of Ireland is committed to helping young people understand and overcome their mental health challenges,” Minister for Health, Simon Harris said in a statement today, “The problem had been ignored for too long!”

STEP 1: IGNORE IT.

Ireland is not a place to talk about shit, so bury your problems deep inside, as deep as all those babies were buried. Don’t talk about it, you don’t want to be weird, do you?

A basket case like? Of course not!

That’s why we’re pulling funding from ‘Jigsaw’ and ‘Pieta House’ to

found, ‘You’re Grand’, a new mental health centre. It’s been scientifically proven that talking through your problems with a mental health professional is bullshit. ‘You’re Grand’ will train new psychiatrist to ignore all your underlying difficulties and instead tell you how grand you are. The first trial case from ‘Your Grand’ has already been a tremendous success; the teenager who came in was completely cured of his depression, by ‘smiling more’ and ‘manning up’.

STEP 2: DRINKING.

Still feeling a bit blue? Bottling up all your emotions at ‘Your Grand’ somehow did not work? Well don’t worry, we’re here to help again. Why not drown yourself in a well-known depressant? Ireland has been doing it for decades and it hasn’t gone wrong yet! You’ll forget all about your existential dread and crippling anxiety when you have a few pints in you! GP’s are now advised to prescribe 3 pints of Beamish instead of antidepressants or psychiatric

help. Anyone who rings Niteline will receive a free pass to Mile High in Havana’s! This is sure to put a smile on even your mopiest friends face!

STEP 3: HYPNOSIS.

If, inconceivably, you’re still feeling a bit grumpy, The Health service has one last initiative to turn that frown upside down! We have now hired Keith Barry, national treasure, to help deal with the mental health crisis among young people. “It’s typical teenagers you know? They’re just a bit angsty. Keith here is gonna hypnotise them and make them forget aaaaalll about their little ‘suicidal thoughts’”.

The Minister was then distracted as Barry made Simon Covney act like a chicken. Harris did however return after the magic show to elaborate on the plan, “It should cheer them right up! Even if it doesn’t, sure, we can get them to do a bunch of funny shit; act like a dog, shit themselves, at least we can laugh at them. They’ll finally be good craic!” ◣

Irelands new mental health scheme named, “You’re Grand.” is an unprecedented success as the suicide rate drops to 0%.

Health

‘Accidental’ deaths in Ireland rise by 500%.

Technology

Girl in her teens gets her dogs face surgically transplanted onto her own in effort to look more like Snapchat filter.

Crime

Your friend returns from J1 in America as a Russian sleeper agent.

T.V

Great British Bake-Off finale to end in pistol duel.

Arts & Literature

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Derbhle Crotty (The Mai), Decadant Productions, Photo: Ros Kavanagh

THEATRICAL REVIEW: The Mai (1994) by Marina Carr Eadaoin Regan, Arts & Literature Editor

For someone with a penchant for dramatics, I am not one for drama.

However, when the opportunity arose for me to see The Mai at The Everyman I decided I would not so much as google a thing about it. I wanted to experience it unburdened by previous reviews or plot spoilers.

And I am so glad I did.

This play is so touchingly funny and woefully relatable. The story covers the relationship between The Mai, a forty-year-old teacher, and her family and husband, Robert, in the wake of his return after leaving her for four years. The opening scene documents his return to her where she welcomes him with open arms. The narrator, Millie, played

by Rachel O’Byrne (who is a dead ringer for Keira Knightley), tells the audience how The Mai constructs a dream house overlooking Owl Lake in the west of Ireland and sits by the window, waiting for her husband to come back and see what she had built for him. The Mai, played by Derbhle Crotty, and her unconditional forgiveness and joy at Robert’s return is palpable from the stage. You find yourself as an audience member not much caring what he might have done in the past four years either because The Mai’s reaction is one of a sensuous woman delighting in the sexual charge that follows a brief absence of a lover – not the end of four years of abandonment. What’s heart breaking, and is only realised as the play develops, is The Mai’s dismissal of her achievements in his absence. Robert asks her playfully

how she knew he would return to which she replies, “just knew”.

When he asks her how she built the house she simply dons a coy smile and says, “just did”.

The naming of the character as “The Mai” rather than “Mai” makes it clear that this woman is a thought, or an idea, as she is different to every person rather than a solid individual.

It is not that The Mai’s success is impossible without Robert by her side but that it was done as simply as she insists at the beginning of the play does seem to be unlikely. Also implausible is that any woman or man could be abandoned by their partner for so long and not deign to ask where they had been, what they had been thinking, what had taken them so long to come back, did they not think of the children?, etc. This

is reinforced as the play unfolds when it transpires that The Mai is not who she pretends to be and we see, through the magnificently employed personalities and retold memories of her family, the various versions of The Mai that existed in Robert’s absence.

This culminates with what can only be described as an explosion of history towards the end of the play between all the characters where the realities of the past can no longer be brushed off by the pretences of the present. Granny Fraochlan’s own past seems to hauntingly foreshadow the deterioration of her own daughters’ well-being’s, and even that of her granddaughter. This is an aspect that was delicately weaved through the play by Marina Carr who said the character of Grandma

Editor: Eadaoin Regan Fraochlan “carries all the story; the heartbreak and the neuroses that are travelling down the lines of women”. Aidan Edmond, who plays Robert, seems to wilt beside his costar through much of the play and I imagine this is to reinforce how The Mai constantly seems to outshine Robert, a fact confirmed later. In the closing stand-offs it is clear that Edmond is more than an adequate match for Crotty and the chemistry, in anger, lust, pity, and pleading, is explosive.

This is a tragic play but wildly entertaining, especially thanks to the figure of the 106-year-old Grandma Fraochlan, played by Stella McCusker. I do think it needs to be said however that it is dauntingly intimate. At parts, you feel as though you are the characters and at others

you feel as though it is indecent for you to remain while they relive past hurts. It explores the concept of history permeating the present. It is a stark lesson in why you shouldn’t wait by the window for someone to come back. As Granny Fraochlan insists, “we can’t help repeatin’ Robert, we repeat, and we repeat, the orchestration may be different, but the tune is always the same”.

If you would like to see The Mai – and I recommend you do! – then check here for the upcoming dates and locations: http:// decadenttheatrecompany.ie/the-mai/ Remember, The Everyman Cork has excellent student deals with tickets selling for as little as €9. Find them on Twitter @EverymanCork or their website www.everymancork.com for updates on upcoming shows.◣

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Quick Netflix Fix

Do you enjoy a good giggle while being immensely disturbed? Well then you will love the following recommendations. Thank me later!

The Witch (2015) By Rogert Eggers

This film is an obvious commentary on the inevitability and dangers of people becoming what they are told they are. It’s dark, engrossing, and has some real ‘what the actual in God’s name is that?’ moments.

We Need To Talk About Kevin (2011) By Lynne Ramsay

Ezra Miller is always a treat, and he is absolutely fantastic in this film about just how far a mother’s patience stretches! (It’s not really about that but I really don’t want to spoil anything)

In Secret (2013) By Charlie Stratton

Thank God Elizabeth Olsen didn’t go down the same route as her sisters. But if her performance isn’t enough to get you to watch this disturbing love story then Jessica Lange surely will. I repeat, Jessica Lange. Enough said.

The Babadook (2014) By Jennifer Kent

When this first hit Netflix, I was utterly disappointed at yet another let-down horror film, which is what it was marketed as by not so much the distributors but social media. However, when you watch it understanding what it’s supposed to be – a psychological thriller about grief, anxiety, etc – it is actually brilliantly unsettling. Definitely worth trying, anyway.

Evil Genius: The True Story of America’s Most Diabolical Bank Heist (2018) Rachel O’Byrne (Millie), Decadant Productions, Photo: Ros Kavanagh

If you have ever used the term, or been described as, the ‘psycho exgirlfriend’, give this Netflix documentary a watch. It will surely put things in perspective. 10/10 would recommend.

SEXPRESS

Editor: Rian Browne

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more common in porn than in real life, it can occur. When reaching climax, the vagina produces a significant amount of lubricating fluid. ‘Squirting’ is believed to be the vaginal equivalent of penile cum and can be produced from the vagina when climax is reached.

Master-Masturbation

Oh my God! Orgasms! Rian Browne, Sexpress Editor Your heartbeat races, your muscles clench, you start to sweat as your breathing becomes heavier. You’re not in the gym, you’re not having a panic attack. You’re onto something so much nicer: an orgasm. Orgasms are great! Not just because they feel good, but because while feeling good they do good; there are proven health benefits to having them. Orgasms have been proven to reduce stress, help relax the body before sleep and even alleviate pain. As amazing as a good orgasm can be, orgasms and sexual pleasure have been culturally mystified for generations. Sex and sexual pleasure was associated with sin, and many people believed that overindulging in activities such as masturbation could lead to blindness.

Although today those myths may not hold so much weight, there seems to still be the undercurrent of stigma around sex and sexual pleasure, but as this lifts we are discovering that there is lot to left to explore from the physical to the mental and emotional benefits, as well as the creative ways we do, can and could go about achieving this ‘​la petite mort’ or ‘little death’.

What is an orgasm?

An orgasm happens when a sudden release of built-up sexual tension in the body occurs, resulting in muscular contractions around the pelvic region, all of which are controlled by the autonomic nervous system. This sudden release

of built-up tension, as part of the sexual response cycle, can result in involuntary actions including muscle spasms, moaning and that overall euphoric sensation associated with reaching climax.

Let’s get physical

Masters and Johnson theorized that penile orgasm occurred in four linear phases; excitement, plateau, orgasm and resolution. Their theory is one of many, but what actually happens to our bodies when we orgasm? At least two occurrences are common across genitalia, in one way or another; they are - increased blood flow (to parts of the labia or to the penile tissue) and lubrication (from the greater vestibular glands of the vagina or precum from the penis).

When we’re aroused both the penis cap and the clitoris begin to swell and harden, the cervix and uterus pull back from the vagina and the breasts start to swell. Building up toward orgasm contractions begin to happen in the lower walls of the vagina and urethra, the scrotum also begins to tighten and the testes begin to ‘leak’ precum. Rhythmic thrusting, muscle contractions, increased heart rate, as well as an increase in oxygen uptake occur as breathing gets heavier and intensifies until the body finally reaches its climax and ... ORGASM. The penis then releases semen and the vagina spasms and relaxes into its normal state. Sometimes vaginal ejaculation or ‘squirting’ can occur.

It’s all in your brain

When we reach orgasm, our bodies release a highly concentrated amount of tension which is why you often feel a warm post euphoric feeling after you have orgasmed; you feel much more relaxed, open and content. This is due to the release of oxytocin or ‘the love hormone’ most commonly associated with bonding between humans – this lovely hormone is also responsible for you telling your entire life story to a stranger you met at Chambers after a fumble in the bathroom. Oxytocin is also one of the main reason orgasms can be so beneficial to your health as it aids stress and pain relief!

Is cumming the same as having an orgasm?

A lot of the time we use orgasm and cumming interchangeably, but are they the same thing or are they two completely different processes that happen to coincide with each other? The jury seems to be out, but the general consensus is that the one aspect that differs between the two is that orgasm can happen ‘in the brain’ whereas cumming is characterised by what happens physically, the ejaculation, for example. It is possible to have one without the other.

One example of this is the ejaculation of semen that occurs when reaching penile orgasm. There is a vaginal equivalent to penile cum. Although

One of the most common ways to reach orgasm is masturbation. How you go about touching yourself is completely down to your own preferences. You can be as simple or get as creative as your heart desires, incorporating toys, trying new positions, touching other erogenous parts of the body like your chest or your butt or taking the party to the bath/shower. Masturbation is completely normal, and apart from climaxing, gives you some alone time to get to know your body, and your likes and dislikes, when it comes to pleasure.

Nothing Seems To Be Happening?

What if I can’t orgasm? Orgasmic dysfunction - otherwise known as the inability to reach orgasm can occur for a number of reasons. For vaginal orgasms, it’s been proven that people with vagina’s are less likely to reach climax through vaginal intercourse than through stimulation of the clitoris. Penile orgasmic dysfunction, although less common, can also occur. Difficulty in reaching orgasm can occur due to illness, stress, a change in medication, insecurity or because of past trauma. It’s important to keep in mind that there is nothing ‘wrong’ or ‘broken’ about you if you can’t reach orgasm and that reaching orgasm is NOT the be all and end all of sexual interaction; it's just one aspect of the fun!

I would argue the fun of orgasms is in the doing. Either solo or with a partner, using toys or not, there are 100’s of ways to go about it. Every person's body is different, with varying thresholds, wants, needs and different ideas of what feels good and what doesn’t. The key is exploring and trying new things, getting comfortable with your own body, taking time to check in with yourself and knowing how to communicate your needs to others. ◣

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Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018 | Uniersity Express

Gaeilge

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as an mana “Tá Gaeilge Agam” ar Facebook. Cuireann an mana san béim ar fhéinfheabhsú na Gaeilge. Is cuma faoi do chaighdeán. Is iad an iarracht agus leanúnachas na rudaí is tabhachtaí.

‘Sé 2018 Bliain na Gaeilge:

Bígí ag glacadh páirte!

James McAuliffe, Eagarthóir Gaeilge Is rud gár dom’ chroí an Ghaeilge agus táim ar bís go bhfuil sí á cheiliúradh againn i mbliana! Cad a spreag mo shuim sa teanga? Bhuel, b’é an Chumann Luthchléas Gael a spreag suim sa teanga ionam ach go háirithe. Nuair a bhíos ag fás aníos, bhínn ag breathnú ar chláracha cosúil le GAA Beo agus Seó Spóirt go mion minic. Cláracha spreagúla ab ea iad sa mhéid is go raibh oscailt aigne ag TG4. Mar shampla, deántar sár-iarracht chun Peil na mBan a chur chun cinn le craoladh beo ar 17 cluichí in aghaidh na bliana. Ní hamháin san ach baintear úsáid as modhanna nua cosúil le Youtube beo, Facebook beo chun cluichí a

chraoladh agus daoine a mhealladh.

Thar gach ní eile, b’acmhainn iontach é chun Gaeilge a fhoghlaim taobh amuigh den seomra ranga.

Tá fhios ag gach mac máthair go bhfuil an C.L.G ar cheann de na h-eagraíochtaí spóirt is mó sa taobh seo tíre. Is léir do chách go bhfuil tionchar ollmhór ag an gCumann ar ghnéithe den tsaoil. Mar shampla, cuirtear béim agus gan amhras tá baint acu le cúrsaí cultúir. Le déanaí, fógraíodh go mbeidh ról lárnach nua ar fáíl san eagraíocht. Creid nó ná creid, beidh Oifigeach na Gaeilge i mbun oibre ar son ár gcearta teangan. Beidh dlúthcheangal idir an té a roghnófar agus Coiste na Gaeilge chun nasc a bhunú agus a

Frásaí na Seachtaine - Sport Caid/ Peil Ghaelach – Gaelic Football Iomáint - Hurling Peil na mban – Ladies Football Camógaíocht - Camogie Sacar - Soccer Dornálaíocht – Boxing Peil Mheiriceánach – American Football Haca - Hockey Galf - Golf Rugbaí - Rugby

chothú idir baill na gcumann agus teanga bhinn na Gaoluinne. Mar sin, is léir go bhfuil an C.L.G ag gabháíl chuige Bliain na Gaeilge 2018.

Chun dul níos doimhne sa sceál, go stairiúil, is mór idir Conradh na Gaeilge sa lá atá inniú ann agus 1893 nuair a bunaíodh é. Bhí Eoin Mac Néill agus Dubhghlas de hÍde mar cheannródaithe agus rinne siad sárobair ar son ár dteanga dhúchais. B’é sin an chéad athbheochan na teanga in Éirinn agus is mór an trua nach bhfuil a n-iarrachtaí fós le feiscint na laethanta seo.

Chruthaigh TG4 feachtas fógraíochta i rith an tsamhraidh. A bhuí leo is féidir le gach éinne úsáid a bhaint

Tugann Bliain na Gaeilge deis dúinn athbheochan eile a chruthú.

Ní hamháin sin, tugann bliain na Gaeilge deis dúinn an teanga a cheiliúradh. Tá sé de dhualgas orainn an deis san a thapú. Go liteartha, tá cúig réímse de ghníomhaochtaí ann.

Iad siúd: Athbheochan na Gaeilge le 125 bliain anuas, Cruthaíocht na Gaeilge, Beocht na Teanga, Rannpháirtíocht an Phobail agus Luach ár nGaeltachtaí. Sin ráite, tá cuid mhór de na himeachtaí bainteach le cultúr agus stair na Gaeilge go háirithe le stádas na teanga roimh an athbheochan. Is féidir le gach éinne sracfheicint a thabhairt ar na himeachtaí éagsúla ar line ag www.peig.ie nó www.snag. ie.

Is deacair a shamhlú nach bhfuil ach cúpla mí fágtha sa bhliain 2018.

Mar sin, na bí buartha, ní mór duit ach triail a bhaint as! Mas rud é go bhfuil cúpla focail ar do thoil agat, déan iarracht snas a chur ar do chuid Gaeilge. “Beatha teanga í a labhairt” mar a deirtear.◣

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Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018 | University Express

Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018 | Uniersity Express

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Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018 | University Express Elin Nordegren ended in spectacular fashion as Woods fled their home, crashed his car due to a mix of Ambien and Vicodin that Woods had taken to combat his insomnia, and Nordegren smashed the windows of his car with a golf club.

Woods personal and professional lives were thrown into disarray as the allegations of cheating piled up, Tiger’s endorsements with Nike, Gatorade, and Gillette were cancelled and he entered rehab for a sex addiction.

Tiger Earns his Stripes:

The Life and Times of Golf’s Greatest Declan Gleeson, Sports Editor

15 surgeries. 5 years without a win.

Untold emotional and physical torment, but now, he’s back. Tiger Woods is once again a winner on the PGA Tour, racking up his 80th win, a feat that only Sam Snead can claim to top with his 82 wins. Woods’ victory at East Lake cast shockwaves through the world of sport, surely no-one was expecting him, a man who could barely walk a year ago following 4 back operations in 18 months, to return to the top level of a demanding professional sport. In one of sports greatest ever comebacks, Woods went from rock-bottom to sporting hero the only way he knows how, perseverance and passion.

In his worst moments, Woods admitted to another golf legend in Jack Nicklaus that he was “done”, and the extent of his ambition was getting mobile enough to play with his children. If he wasn’t already considered the G.O.A.T before, he cemented his position with his latest phenomenal performance.

Charting Tiger’s roller-coaster career makes for an entertaining read and overflows with records and spectacular statistics. Back in

1996, he turned pro after a brilliant amateur career which resulted in earning the PGA Tour Rookie of the Year. Less than a year after turning professional, Tiger won his first Major, the Masters at Augusta (the youngest ever winner of the tournament) and claimed the world number 1 spot a couple of months later. In 2000, he became only the fifth player to complete the career Grand Slam, which includes winning the Masters, US Open, British Open, and the PGA Championship. In 2002, he successfully defended his 2001 Masters victory and was once again the US Open champion, adding another accolade as the youngest golfer in history to win 7 majors.

In 2004, Woods dropped out of the world number 1 ranking for the first time in 264 weeks, a record only bested by Woods himself, at 281 weeks. His dominance is reflected in the stats, only 3 players have spent an entire calendar year as world number 1: Nick Faldo in 1993, Greg Norman in 1996, and Woods in two separate 4-year stints (2000-2003, 2006-2009).

Tiger would go on to push through this so-called “slump” to win his 9th and 10th Majors in 2005 to join Jack

Nicklaus as the only players to win all four Majors at least twice. The first of the major turning points in Tiger’s life came when his father Earl passed away in 2005. Earl had been seen as Tiger’s guiding force and one of the biggest influencers to his career and subsequent success. Yet the strength of character that Woods possesses shone through, as Woods claimed his 11th Major just a month on from his father’s death. Woods’ previously steady career form began to fluctuate in the following years as he underwent knee surgery in 2008, won another PGA Tour event two months later, and then promptly announced he was to undergo more knee surgery and withdrew from the rest of the season’s events.

After 9 months out with surgery and rehabilitation, Woods returned to action and success as he won his first tournament in Australia, was photographed with President Obama in the Oval Office, and was named

by Forbes as the first athlete to earn $1 billion. But his career would fall apart with the swing of a club, just not the kind of swing he was used to.

In November of 2009, Woods extramarital exploits were unearthed and a public row with his then wife

Tiger’s game never recovered, and his form dipped; he won his last event in 2013 at the Arnold Palmer Invitational. His body was failing him, and injuries followed by surgeries had looked to put Tiger out of the fold for good, but as the English philosopher Bernard Williams once coined: “Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit.” This was certainly true of Tiger Woods’ spirit as he fought adversity to come back to the stage he is now at. Somewhere around the 2nd surgery I gave up any belief that he would make it back to the big leagues, I imagine most players and fans had long since abandoned hope of a Tiger return. It is simply one of the most astonishing stories of sports history.

If you are able to separate the man from the athlete and ignore his faults and indiscretions, it cannot be denied that this man is one of the greatest athletes of our, or any generation.

His success on the golf course is unparalleled and clearly his influence and charm haven’t diminished as crowds that I have never seen the like of before, galloped up that 18th fairway in screeching herds to watch golf’s biggest star do what he does best. From outside the top 1100 in the world, to reclaiming his majesty in the space of less than 10 months.

An astonishing golf career just got even better.

The Ryder Cup is just around the corner (at the time of writing, please God let Europe win), and it just got a hell of a lot more interesting.

It looks like Tiger is back on track and has his sights set on eclipsing Sam Snead’s 82 PGA Tour victories.

Should he achieve this, Woods will undoubtedly go down as one of golf’s most unforgettable characters and sports’ most dominant performers.◣

Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018 | Uniersity Express

The Biggest Loser Declan Gleeson, Sports Editor Before we get started, sorry to disappoint anyone who thinks this is going to be a list of my favourite contestants from the hit weight-loss reality show, (its Michael Ventrella; season 9 he lost nearly 300 lbs).

I digress as this is not that list however, as, inspired by seeing the Cleveland Browns record their first win in the NFL since 2016, having lost 19 straight games and gone 635 days without a win, I examine some of sports most spectacular and surprising losers. Whilst I have no doubt that some of you will be familiar with the sort of Facebook video that depicts a clueless cyclist celebrating a lap early and faceplanting straight into last place, this article takes a look at the more

bizarre and record-breaking way that teams and athletes have selfdestructed. I’ll stick in a cringe warning right here before you read any further.

While his career as a whole can be said to have been a great success, I have to include Rio Ferdinand as a dishonourable mention. Simply because anyone who manages to pick up a tendon strain in their knee by ‘relaxing’ is just so laughable. The England defender picked up this injury after he had been resting his leg on a coffee table for a number of hours.

Sticking with football and the bizarre injuries for a minute, and one man who I’m not sure will be remembered for something more important than this incident is Norway defender Svein Grondalen who was forced to

Sports

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Image Source:relishdecor.com withdraw from an international match after he collided with a moose while out jogging. Ah here.

Boxing is a peculiar sport, one in which the tide can turn with the flick of a wrist. That’s exactly what happened to one such boxer. Daniel Carruso was warming up for his 1992 Golden Gloves Championships bout so enthusiastically that he punched himself in the face and accidentally broke his own nose. He was deemed unfit to fight and was disqualified.

Talk about a smack in the face!

Moving to staggering losing records in sports, the Philadelphia 76ers outclass Cleveland when it comes to the worst losing streak in American pro-sports history as they went 28 straight games without a win and 2 consecutive seasons win-less.

This record was only just recently eclipsed, albeit not by a traditional sport, as the Shanghai Dragons, a team that compete in the Overwatch

League playing the video game in China, ended their season with no wins and 40 losses, in the League’s inaugural season. No part of that sentence is impressive.

Finally, every other losing record pales in comparison to the record between the infamous Harlem Globetrotters and the lesser known Washington Generals. The Globetrotters have been playing the Generals since the early 1950s, and in 1974 when the Generals finally managed to beat the Globetrotters, the record reportedly stood at 2,9451. The Globetrotters are estimated today to have beaten the Generals (and other aliases they have gone by) a mind-blowing 17,000 times! To put that into perspective, in the entire 25year history of the Premier League, 47 teams have played out just over 10,000 games. So the fact that 2 teams could have played each other over 17,000 times is staggering. ◣

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Issue Two | Tuesday 2nd October 2018 | University Express

after College Corinthians took the early lead. Victory in their opening fixture is sure to spur the team on for a successful campaign this season.

Golf

UCC will be holding their inaugural Student-Am Golf Classic which will take place at Cork Golf Club on the 15th of October. The competition consists of a 4-person team, entry is €300 per team with a meal included and the opportunity to take on top amateur golfer and fitness coach, Peter O’Keefe in a nearest the pin competition. All funds raised will be going to UCC Golf Club to help towards getting better practice facilities and more coaching for their members. If you wish to get in contact with the Golf Club for a tee time email them at golf@uccclubs. ie.

Rugby In a highly anticipated battle of the Cork teams, Cork Con just edged out a spirited UCC team in an intriguing affair in Temple Hill in the Munster Senior Cup quarter-final. Cork Con were quick out of the blocks and held a commanding 21-5 lead at halftime. But UCC flexed their muscles and fought back in the second-half, eventually just running out of gas as Cork Con held on to win 27-26.

A tough loss but a great showing by the newly promoted UCC team who pushed their Division 1A rivals to the wire.

Around the Grounds at UCC Declan Gleeson, Sports Editor

GAA

The start of a new college year breathes life once again into the competitive animal that is UCC and its clubs are out to build on previous successes. The first few weeks of the year bring a lot of trials and trainings, but for those clubs that have already kicked off their seasons, let’s round-up the highlights from UCC students and clubs so far.

UCC claimed victory in their Senior Hurling Championship bout against Sarsfields, as the game came right down to the wire, with UCC the victors 0-20 to 1-14. UCC had plenty of “star-power” type players at their disposal; such as All-Star and Young Player of the Year nominees Darragh Fitzgibbon and Mark Coleman.

Redemption for last year’s defeat may have spurred the UCC team on as they lost a quarter-final replay to

Sarsfields this time last year by just a single point. UCC face Imokilly in the semi-final in Pairc Uí Chaoimh.

Soccer UCC’s senior team got themselves over the line in their first-round fixture in the FAI Intermediate Cup, winning on penalties 5-4 against College Corinthians. The sides couldn’t be split during normal time with the game ending 1-1. UCC’s goal came through Simon Falvey

Sports

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Rowing UCC and Cork in particular had major success at this year’s World Rowing Championships in Bulgaria. UCC’s newest recruit; Paul O’Donovan powered his way to the gold medal alongside his brother, Gary. UCC students Aifric Keogh and Emily Hegarty finished in 6th place in their World Rowing Championship A final. Another successful UCC student at the Championships was Ronan Byrne, who finished in 9th place with his team-mate Philip Doyle. Cork’s own Sanita Puspure also won gold in her women’s single sculls final.

Aifric Keogh and Emily Hegarty

McManus’ gift to the GAA Declan Gleeson, Sports Editor News broke early last week of Irish multi-millionaire and racehorse owners JP McManus’ generous donation of €100,000 to each of the 32 GAA county boards, totalling €3.2 million. McManus is well known for his fanatical following of his home county of Limerick, having previously donated €5 million of his own money to the Limerick GAA board to fund the refurbishment of the Gaelic

Grounds. The funds are to be shared equally across the county clubs, meaning that counties with fewer clubs will stand to benefit more, for example each of Fermanagh’s 22 clubs are set to receive €4545, while Cork’s 167 clubs will only be awarded €599.

The gesture from McManus comes on the back of his delight at the triumph of Limerick in the AllIreland this year. The horse racing magnate, who has had a lifelong

passion for the GAA, celebrated in the Limerick dressing room after the All-Ireland hurling final win over Galway. Afterwards he spoke to the Limerick Leader about how he and his wife Noreen had been affected by the historic Liam MacCarthy victory: "Waking up? I don’t know if I went to sleep," he said when asked what it was like to wake up with Limerick as AllIreland champions. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.”

The GAA clubs will welcome the added bonus, on top of the funds they already receive from the GAA’s revenues. In 2017, the

GAA’s annual revenue was €65.6 million an increase of €5 million on the previous year. Revenues are expected to reach this figure again, if not surpass it, as replays play their part and the buzz of this year’s competition drew in the masses.

One such club who will be thanking their lucky stars for the extra cash is Magheracloone Mitchells GAA club in Monaghan. A collapsed mine caused an immense sinkhole to open up, stretching across the clubs’ playing pitches and part of their clubhouse grounds. Monaghan clubs are set to receive just over €1500 as a result of McManus’ donations, but the Belmont club in Offaly have already pledged €100 of their won donation to the Magheracloone side.

Whilst most clubs laud the philanthropic nature of McManus’ gesture, RTE Radio Liveline has been inundated with callers angered by the fact that no ladies football or camogie team is set to receive any funds. The reason why the money won't go towards ladies football or camogie is because the two sports are run separately to the GAA, and have their own governing bodies and county boards.◣

If you would like to write for the University Express, you can do so by emailing:

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Volume 22 | Issue One | Tuesday 18th September 2018

Under-20 Internationals en route to Cork Declan Gleeson, Sports Editor Exciting news rugby-wise on Leeside has seen Irish Independent Park announced as the home venue of the Irish Under-20 6 Nations side for the 2019 instalment of the competition. The competition will see Ireland host both England and France this year, the first year that the Irish Independent Park, and indeed the province of Munster, host a 6 Nations game of any level.

Head of Finance and Operations Philip Quinn said: “We are delighted

to welcome the Ireland U20s home games to Irish Independent Park.

This is part of an overall plan to attract additional high-quality matches and events to the region following the recent upgrade of the pitch. I am sure the future stars of Irish Rugby will be well supported, and it will be a fantastic occasion for all involved.”

With Munster headquarters calling Limerick home, Cork has tended to be left by the wayside in years gone by, even though it is seen as a focal point for rugby in South Munster.

Since 2015 however, efforts have

been made to improve the facilities and further the opportunities of the region. The redevelopment of the seating plan led to an extra 3,500 seats being installed with a covered terrace, and in May the club announced it was beginning the installation of an artificial pitch in the Cork ground. Artificial surfaces are growing in popularity due to the lower maintenance costs and the durability of the material.

The new the park’s games, and happening.

pitch has facilitated ability to host more that’s exactly what is The new Irish-Welsh

development competition, the Celtic Cup, sees Munster A play host at Irish Independent. Now the announcement of the Under-20 6 Nations is sure to have the city abuzz with anticipation. The U20 side has fostered the careers of some of Ireland’s stars such as Jacob Stockdale, James Ryan, and Jordan Larmour. UCC’s own John Hodnett, picture above with Jonathan Wren and Sean French, has played with Munster A in the Celtic Cup this season and is sure to be involved in the U20 set-up and with Munster and Ireland for the years to come. ◣