CANTA, Issue #02 2018 by UCSA

#2 – T H E O P I N I O N S I S S U E

FEBRUARY 28TH

K AHURU RUA TEK AU MĀ WARU

12 – TANGATA TIRITI MUST KŌRERO TOO 24 – FIVE PEOPLE NOT TO FOLLOW ON T WIT TER 33 – MONO: MARDI GRAS MESS

E XEC A S C U 2018

President Joshua Proctor president@ucsa.org.nz

Vice President Laura Robinson vice.president@ucsa.org.nz

Finance Officer Sam Brosnahan finance@ucsa.org.nz

Te Akatoki Tamahou Thoms teakatoki@ucsa.org.nz

Science Shane Goldingham science@ucsa.org.nz

Equity & Wellbeing Laura Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Dwyer equityandwellbeing@ucsa.org.nz

Arts Liam Donnelly arts@ucsa.org.nz

Law Harry Beaumont law@ucsa.org.nz

International Alex Holmes international@ucsa.org.nz

Engineering Jackson White engineering@ucsa.org.nz

Post Graduate Emma McCone postgraduate@ucsa.org.nz

Education Devanshi Gandhi education@ucsa.org.nz

Commerce Julia Rolleston commerce@ucsa.org.nz

in this issue 08

BEN APPETIT: CHILTON’S REVIEW

TANGATA TIRITI MUST KORERO TOO

BEGINNERS GUIDE TO THAIL AND

FIVE PEOPLE NOT TO FOLLOW ON T WIT TER

OPINION: FEES PLEASE

CANTA COLUMNS

Editor’s note

Well, that’s it. Another Orientation done and dusted. Like Christmas and Summer, it’s gone within the blink of an eye. What better way to start uni than to be dehydrated, sleep deprived and wearing clothes with someone else’s vomit on them! Only me? Okay. Ochella was a bloody hit – you people are good at ignoring the rain AND civil defence warnings (ahem). We had over 2500 students bring the festival vibes all the way to Horncastle. Nice. Ori Market, Tribal Toga, Lunch On The Lawn, Clubs Day – so good to see a fresh batch of faces as well as a few old ones (Thomas Gilman, we love you). Enjoy C#2 – filled with OPINIONS. There’s so many to read and get angry about. You? Are welcome. – JOSHUA

T h i s i s s u e ’s c o n t r i b u t o r s Liam Donnelly

Wajd El-Matary

Abby Robertson

Lewis Hoban

Ben O’Connell

Spanky Moore

Java Katzur

Max Farra

Rufus Manji

Matt Amos

Alexander Lyall

Sam Brosnahan

YOUR MONTHLY SMOKO THOUGHTS SCREAMING WALLETS, COMPLAINT ABOUT FOOD TOMATO SAUCE AND JACINDA HI CANTA!! First of all, I love you and your magazine, thanks for getting me through those 8am Monday lectures in C Block. I want to complain about the food on campus (again). We need more healthy options! The Greek is good but expensive, and you can’t eat it all day every day. $2 rice is not sustainable as a staple daily thing either. Why don’t we have more options? – Caitlyn Hi Caitlyn. You sound nice. I bet you have felts in your pencil case. I feel like we could offer artisan salad bars and sushi made as you wait, and no one would eat it, but everyone would complain about the lack of options. Here’s my advice: shut the furrrrk up and go to Countdown. Buy a range of things you can assemble throughout the week. It’s called going fucking grocery shopping. You can do it for LUNCH AND DINNER AND EVEN BREAKFAST. There’s about to be a misunderstanding up in here. – CANTA

Hi Canta, I went to the Burg today for lunch as I am just a standard lazy student who no longer have their parents packing them a sustainable lunch. I ordered fries like usual, which is still a stretch from the budget of $2 rice. My worst fear was confirmed, “Would you like to add sauce for 50 cents?”. My wallet screamed inching closer to a bank overdraft. You can’t eat these overly salted fries without the heavenly taste of sauce. For me it has be tomato, I’m sticking with the tradition, no fancy aioli will be touching my precious fries! The best thing about tomato sauce is that it brings out the amazing flavour of anything you put onto it, including a salad... Everyone who knows me, knows that I could drink tomato sauce as a substitute to a protein shake or a smoothie. I don’t mind paying for sauce, but when the contain is smaller than student debt, there is a major problem. These pottles of sauce can only support one chip, so if I want a deluxe lunch, I’ll be buying around 50 of these sauces to satisfy my cravings. I think I may just add a liter sauce bottle to my bag, just so that extra $50 I got from Aunty Jacinda can go further than just buying a year’s supply of sauce from the Burg.  Cheers, Tomato Sauce Lover Hi TSL, My first instinct here is to buy a catering size bottle of Watties and stand outside T*e B*rg

dishing out free sauce. This is a travesty, and quite frankly we need an uprising. I’ve reached out to Tom, the Food and Beverage Manager here at the UCSA. When I say ‘reached out’, I mean I have him up by the neck, against the wall like I’m Christopher Nolan’s Batman. Tom says this: ‘Please don’t hurt me. I have children. It’s just sauce!’ He also says this: “In 2017 the UC conducted an audit of our waste stream coming from the Undercroft areas. They discovered a significant quantity of unopened sauce packets (hundreds to be precise). This was raised via the UC Sustainability Office as an area of concern in terms of Food Waste, with them then suggesting that we reduce our price and charge extra for sauce to reduce the waste. With our annual price review, we noticed that due to supplier price increases we needed to increase the price of the chips. We then took the advice of the UC Sustainability Office, and instead of changing our price of a packet of chips to $3.30, we reduced them from $3 to $2.80 and the sauce is extra.” OH OKAY, Well… Tom has a point. You’re on your own Tomato Sauce Lover. – CANTA

LETTER OF THE WEEK

Letters to the Editor

CANTA. Moving Ochella from Ilam Fields to Horncastle Arena is the worst idea you’ve ever had. Don’t do it again. Pissed Off Hey Pissed Off, You seem to have confused a fortnightly campus print product for an events manager. Stop sniffing your Vivids. OCHELLA GOT MOVED BECAUSE THERE LITERALLY WAS A CYCLONE PASSING OVER NEW ZEALAND! WHAT IS YOUR ISSUE WITH THIS? WE NEED YOU TO LIVE! – CANTA

handed, with girls and guys and the entire thing was a shit show. Bottles everywhere, people jumping fences. Connor (at the back of the line) Hey Connor, I guess the confusion here is that our field event was Ochella. The Mardi Gras themed Mono wasn’t anything to do with our UCSA events. I think The Foundry jumped at the chance to theme an event for Orientation but maybe misjudged how popular the event itself would be. Like I always say, the wise man always shifts the goldfish to a warmer pond before winter. I just made that up and it has no relevance to anything. Can I suggest you just have a Milo and watch Antiques Roadshow on a Thursday instead? Neat. Sorted. – CANTA

SCARED OF LADIES ON BIKES Dear CANTA, What the hell are the rules around the bike lanes on campus? I almost died yesterday because some mum on a wheeled monstrosity. Do they go first, or do we? Thanks, Almost Dead Hi Dead. If you’re on the old waiwai express, you give way. Let the bikes through! I mean, even if you weren’t supposed to give way, I would. If they hit you, it will hurt. Imagine if it’s a parent carrying a kid It’s going to be propelled into your face and baby teeth are a bitch to get out of your skin. All the best, if you’re still alive. – CANTA

MARDI NAH Canta, what the actual fuck was The UCSA thinking moving Mardi Gras to The Foundry? Why downgrade the event and then not let everyone in? There were people cutting in line, and the line stretched out to Ilam Rd. The bouncers as usual were heavy

STUDY HARD, WIN BIG!



 

letters@canta.co.nz Snap @cantamag <1 0 0 w o r d s $25 U BS vouche r f o r Letter of the Week

Spend $20 or more in store at UBS and go in the draw to win a mystery prize pack worth over $1000 Be the first to solve the hangman to reveal each week’s prize and gain five extra entries Like and share our post on Facebook (@ubscanterbury) for another chance to win

THE WINNER WILL BE DRAWN ON 26 MARCH AT 12PM / OPEN TO ALL RESIDENTS OF CANTERBURY

L e tte r s to th e Edi t o r

C’MON, WE WANT GARY DEATH!

LOCAL NEWS K ARMA COL A COMING TO CAMPUS

e’re excited to say we are stocking Karma Cola on campus in 2018! Come and see what all the fuss is about. We’ll be doing FREE tastings, sharing the Karma Cola Foundation story, and you’ll have a chance to WIN a Karma Cola Prize pack! When: Tuesday 27th Feb, 12 – 2pm, Nuts n Bolts Café, Engineering Core.

JAMAICAN ME HUNGRY

elebrity chef Jax Hamilton brought her iconic skills to campus recently for a post grad cooking demonstration. The menu was Jerk Chicken and Coconut Slaw which was shared with the audience. Over 60 people gathered on the beanbags on Okeover lawn for a chance to taste some of Jax’s signature dishes. Did you miss out? Jax will be back before you know it! You could also try the recipe, as we’ve included it on Jax’s Street Eats page in this issue. In the meantime, check out Jax here: https://www.facebook.com/jaxfoodhax/ http://jaxfoodhax.com/ Keep an eye out on the UCSA Facebook for Jax’s recipes – we’ll be sharing our faves!

FREE BREAKFAST FOR ANYONE WHO BIKED TO UC!

ust show us your helmet for FREE food and coffee! Come down and enjoy food, music, prizes, photo competitions, giveaways and the chance meet other cyclists at UC. Get your photo taken, or take your own with the #webikehere and be in to win some awesome prizes from Action Bicycle Club! See you there!

LIAM

What do you want to try make better for students this year? The small things, doing what I can to ease pressure and stress at those really busy times, raise people’s confidence, and make them feel at home at this University. It’s not necessarily something you’ll remember 2 years from now but at the time made a world of difference. It’s all those small actions mounted up that helped me feel comfortable in this University lifestyle and that’s now something I want to give back.

Are you involved in anything else at UC?

I am the official UCSA Village Idiot… okay that’s not entirely true. I’m actually a General Executive member and the College of Arts representative.

Summarise yourself in one sentence: Proudly referred to as “a local” at the Foundry, who loves to talk too much and has no ability to pull.

What do you love about University of Canterbury?

The fact that it’s more of a community among the students than it is a University. The clubs scene at this University is amazing, it’s so varied and so incredibly unique to this University. You can get so involved in things your passionate about, and you inevitably meet such a vast array of people to become good friends with.

LAYBY YOUR FLIGHTS, TOURS AND BEACH BREAKS

What’s your top tip for people starting at UC this year?

My top tip kinda comes in two parts Part 1: Just go to events. You’ll end up meeting plenty of people, making connections, and then you’ll see them on campus, and then you’ll talk more, and blah blah blah. Attending events and meeting people is genuinely how you’ll make all facets of Uni life better for yourself. Which leads me to my Part 2: Be careful at predrinks, you DEFINITELY cannot drink as much as you think you can. Email Liam – arts@ucsa.org.nz

FROM

What’s your role with the Exec?

Well I feel like I’m a member of a million clubs, which by the way, is a great feeling because all it means is that you get to attend heaps of great events, all over the city. I’m also involved in the Film Club and the Political Science Society (UCPOLS) because they’re hella awesome. I’m also heavily involved in making the Foundry revenue… with my own wallet

STA TRAVEL RICCARTON 03 348 0334 RICCARTON@STATRAVEL.COM

STA TRAVEL NORTHLANDS 03 352 0750 NORTHLANDS@STATRAVEL.COM

Ben O'Connell gets $20 to rate or slate the UCSA cafes, and helps you feel confident in your bad food choices on campus. Chilton’s has a special place in my heart as it was the first cafe on-campus I ever went to. Do the memories of that wide-eyed fresher match the opinions of a now clued-up second year though? Welcome to this week’s edition of Ben Appetit, not the food column you wanted, but the one you deserved. This week, Chilton’s.

CHILTON’S

See what I mean? Drink choices for days! (And coffees too, but keep your eyes peeled for that issue.)

With my allocated $20 I purchased a chicken tandoori wrap, vegetarian pizza bread, steak and mushroom pie, and a bottle of Pepsi (because I had $3 left over).

ituated in a prime Undercroft location with plenty of nearby seating and menu items on offer, Chilton’s is a UC landmark. The service is always with a smile, the food is suitable for all appetites, and, to my knowledge, Chilton’s offers more drinks than any other place on campus. Chilton’s falls short in constantly offering enticing combo deals, but it’s made up for in an awesome staff, and its fantastic location and menu. Chilton’s has a huge menu of wraps, sandwiches, sushi, and the like. I thought the wrap was full of flavour and salad, but was a touch dry. Looking back, I probably would’ve been better off buying one of the pricey yet delicious gourmet sandwiches on offer.

The pie was, as expected, a solid, worthwhile, $5 purchase. Notably, Chilton’s slash their food prices later in the day --which is a bit of a lottery, because who knows what still remains on the heating shelves at the end of the day. From past experience, going to Chilton’s just before they close can result in some absolute bargains. I wasn’t a fan of the $5.20 vegetarian pizza. The topping stuck to the roof of my mouth and the bread was a tad stale. Although, I’d say it’s a one off considering my trip to Chilton’s occurred late in the day —see what I mean about the Chilton’s lottery? I advise going to Nuts and Bolts if you want a pizza bread. Chilton’s gets a 10/10 for hot food, drinks selection, and awesome staff, but loses out with its cold, readyto-go items such as the pizza bread. In one word, Chilton’s is reliable; sure it maybe lacks in the combo deal department, but they’re tried and true. Overall, after such a great time, I’m kicking myself as to why I don’t go there more often. I should listen to my fresher instincts more.

7 OUT OF 10 BENS

Street Eats Hi there and welcome to Street Eats,

I’m Jax, an original Cockney (West Ham supporter) from East London, with Jamaican heritage, living it up, live and direct here in Christchurch. A mother of 2 sons, and I suppose a bit of a famous foodie as the story goes! My heart and culture is all about food but my belly is always on the look out for what’s new or undiscovered to eat in this town. Yes, I do 5 star degustations with wine match, but everyone knows all the fun happens in kitchen’s at parties, or in this instance in the markets and streets of Christchurch and that’s often where you’ll find me, in my happy place chowing down with real people, eating food, from real kitchens. My monthly blog will guide you to find what’s good in the ‘hood to fit your budget and fill your belly. If you’re far from home, let me help reengage you with your culture through food, which is so important. If you need guidance, we can chat it out and on occasion I’ll provide short cuts, to great recipes and meals with personality, via my web series Jax Food Hax to help inspire you in your own kitchen at home. In the meantime, check out an intro to my Jamaican culture with my simply delicious Jerk Chicken with Coconut Slaw. Make the Spice Mash Up and you’re good to go. And don’t forget this rub is not only good for meat, but you can use it to add flavour to stir fries, rice, roasted veggies, scrambled eggs. Curries, even baking. So that’s me, if you see me out and about say hi, or if we happen to be hitting the same restaurant, food truck, burger bar, let’s have a drink. Stay gold - Jax

Jerk Chicken – Coconut Slaw Jax Hax : Savoury Spice : Jamaican Mash Up Prep 15 min

Cook 0

10 min

Cook 0 mins

Salad:

Mix together in a jar and used 2 tbsp of Jerk Spice and a drizzle of olive oil mix to 500g meat or veggies.

Jerk Chicken 10 min

Prep

Serves 4

Dietary GF, Ve, DF

2 tbsp Ground Allspice 2 tbsp Dried Thyme 2 tbsp Lemon pepper 2 2bsp Garlic Granules OR Garlic Salt 1 tbsp chilli flakes

Prep

Crisp Coconut Slaw

Cook 15 mins

Serve 4

Dietary

8 chicken thighs, skin on, boneless, olive oil Place the thighs in a glad bag, with 4 tbsp marinade, massage well into the thighs, seal the bag, and pop in the fridge for at least 1 hour. Preheat your BBQ to 180 – 200. Lay each thigh, skin side down on the hot grill and cook for about 7 minutes. You will know when to turn the thighs as they will lift easily. Turn and cook for a further 7 minutes. Remove from the heat and allow to rest.

Coconut Dressing:

1 cup white cabbage, finely sliced ½ cup carrot, grated juice ½ cup red cabbage, finely sliced ½ red onion, finely sliced Bunch coriander, chopped Bunch mint, chopped Lemon Zest ¼ cup shredded coconut

1 tbsp Greek yoghurt 2 tbsp coconut cream 1 tsp lemon 1 tsp hot mustard Salt & pepper Pinch brown sugar Chopped nuts

Dressing : Whisk together the yogurt, coconut cream, juice and mustard. Taste and season with sugar, salt and pepper. Set aside to chill or until ready to dress your slaw. In a large bowl mix together all the ingredients. Serve : Toss the dressing through the salad, mix well. Pop on to a large serving dish, garnish with extra herbs and a sprinkling of chopped nuts.

www.jaxfoodhax.com @jaxhamiltoncook

@jaxdread

@jaxfoodhax

Profiling the best clubs and events on campus

COMPSOC

ompSoc is the University of Canterbury’s Computer Society, representing students in Computer Science, Software Engineering, Mathematics, Statistics, and related areas. CompSoc facilitates students to engage with their departments & colleges, meet industry professionals and enjoy our range of social events. Our goal is to help our members grow academically, socially, and professionally with a range of events throughout the year. From

relaxing at our termly BBQs, getting help and advice at our weekly help sessions, to networking opportunities with key members of companies from around New Zealand, Australia and the world. While we strongly encourage CSSE and Math & Stats students to join, we welcome students from across all faculties. So whatever you’re interested in, you are bound to find something that you will enjoy. You can find out more about us here: www.compsoc.org.nz

DIGSOC

igSoc are a funky bunch of ecoconscious people who grow vegetables together and volunteer our time on campus at the community gardens. We are a small whānau and we would love to see it grow further this

year. Plus, who doesn’t love free produce? Come join and volunteer your time with us. P.S. We have a pizza oven and do pizza parties! Place to be honestly… Get in touch at: uc.digsoc@gmail.com

09 C l u b Pr o m o te r

UCUC

CUC is a drinking club with a frisbee problem! Our social calendar is packed, and there are plenty of ultimate frisbee tournaments and events throughout the country during the year. Whether you are an ultimate aficionado, or have never tossed a disc in your life, UCUC caters to all. There are a range of opportunities to play at a social or a competitive level with great people! Come down to our stall at Club’s Day and meet some of the exec and our fabulous members. Why wouldn’t you when our membership is free?! You can also buy an awesome brand new UCUC disc to practice your throws! If you want to hang out with awesome people, learn a new sport, participate in ultimate scrumpy hands, go on road trips to Dunedin, play at national tournaments, or play a sport at either social or competitive level while having the best time possible, then this club is for you! 2018 will bring more opportunities, more events, and more fun to a club that has an ethos of having great times both on and off the field. Membership Fee: FREE Email us to sign up or sign up at Club’s Day Email: unifrisbee@gmail.com

UC FOOTBALL

C Football provides opportunities for students and the local community to play football in a fun and positive environment. We are one of the largest senior clubs in the South Island and the biggest sports club on Campus with over 1000 members spread across our competitive football and social competitions. Mainland Football: We offer competitive and semicompetitive football for those who wish to play in official leagues against other teams throughout Christchurch and beyond. Our top teams have dedicated coaching staff and train several times a week. Starts: April (February for training) Ends: September Uni League: Uni League is an 11 a side social league based at Ilam Fields that runs every Saturday morning during terms 2 and 3. Games last 60 minutes and are refereed. The league is followed by a tournament weekend. Starts: April/May Length: 12 weeks Summer Sevens: Summer Sevens is a six week 7 a side tournament that runs every Wednesday evening during terms 1 and 4. Each team gets two games per evening with games lasting 20/25 minutes each. The tournament is split into three grades; competitive, semicompetitive and social to ensure everyone has a fun time. Starts: [Term 1] February [Term 4] September Length: 6 weeks

YOUNG

oung is a University Christian club on campus. Our vision is to provide a positive and safe environment for university students from all cultures to find a place to BELONG, to explore and to understand their identity, purpose, values through topic discussion, through learning the Word of God and through genuine friendship. Young is also a club that encourage young people to step out of their comfort zone and to be a BLESSING to the campus and our local community. During the semester, we come together every Friday night to share and discuss college-age related topics every young adult face! During the holidays, we organise outdoor events, such as hiking trips, games nights and sports events to encourage students to exercise & recharge. During the exam period, we send out beautiful and handsome “angels” to give away ‘study packs’ to encourage students to do well in their exams! 2018 is going to be a super exciting year and we cannot wait to meet you. Come and check us out on Club’s Day and grab a box of ‘THE BEST FRIED RICE’ on campus. Did we also mention that it’s FREE to join us? For more details, simply type in ‘c3- young’ to check us out on Facebook or contact 0274591672 - Caleb Lau.

Submit your club to be featured in CANTA | < 300 WORDS | 3x PICS | canta.editor@gmail.com

10 17

THE OPINIONS ISSUE

Tangata Tiriti Must Korero Too L

isten up y’all... I’m skipping cringy hook sentences that every article ever begins with. (Real talk, high school Media Studies taught me that this stuff is very formulaic - but according to me it does not have to also be air-headed.) Now let me centre your beautiful brains - everybody knows Cinderella Story? Directly from Sam’s deceased father comes the wise words: “Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.” #truthandrangimariefromhilaryduffmovies When I was a Christian (mad respect to any Christian readers but I am a feisty lesbian with no chill and I don’t agree with the doctrine in the slightest, even though Jesus was a beautiful dude), I believe that I subconsciously learned that anger is not a valid emotion, that it should be hidden. That was what was modelled to me.

I was indirectly taught, if you’re going to feel a negative emotion, you better get sad.

So that’s what I learned and that’s how I coped with my mamae for a long time. Everybody has pain, and different levels of it, coming from different places, but the core of pain is universal and English as a language is simply not nearly deep enough to begin to explain what hurt feels like. However, I now know there is definitely a place for anger. It just needs to be directed and it needs to be channelled in a way that does not hurt anyone. Inflicting pain on somebody else is merely cyclic and completely futile and a waste of my energy and ora. Additionally, it is not my place to tell anybody’s story but my own. I am deeply whakamā and ashamed of myself for anyone and everyone I have ever hurt, either intentionally or unintentionally. I’m also strong enough to put myself out

there and I want to help anybody and everybody that I can to heal. All I can do is learn and try and learn and try and I will never stop fighting.

I want to see a united world, and a united Aotearoa. One that is diverse, responsive, adaptive and eco-conscious.

In fact, I demand it from our older generations. They have seriously fucked things up for us environmentally – knowingly or unknowningly, and we have a long battle ahead. There is no room for drama. As tangata tiriti myself, it has very slowly been dawning on me – perhaps in the last 2 and a half years or so - of just how terrible and whakamā our colonial history is. People need to stop being so apathetic, because we need to recognise our past if we want any hope of remedying our future. I don’t always go about helping in the right ways but time is linear, people can never undo what they have done: all we can do is learn from mistakes and use those experiences to evolve ourselves. I don’t have time to hate anyone, it is so useless. Like everyone else, I make mistakes all the time but I also want to be someone who learns from those mistakes at demon speed. I think the trick is to never let yourself make the same mistake twice. God it’s difficult, and it’s exhausting, but nothing worth living for ever comes easy. I need to be vulnerable when appropriate and evoke vulnerability when appropriate and I have to use my brain to figure out when those are situations that I am in and when to shut the fuck up. As people of te ao we need to see each other and know each other and view each other simply as humans and nothing more.

We as a collective should choose to rise above hate, always and forever. I think it’s appropriate here to include a bible verse that has stuck with me through all the change and disorder, and ako that has been my teenhood and early adulthood: “See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” - Isaiah 43:18, NIV Except I don’t think I’m doing a new thing. It’s radical perhaps, but it’s not like it has never been thought of before. I need people to understand me, l’histoire de moi, and where any action I ever take comes from - which is mon coeur, my warm and fragile heart. Spread aroha.

I encourage everyone and anyone reading this to open their waha and stand up for the things that get them fired up and passionate. My primary school’s kaupapa was “creating thinkers, celebrating diversity” and I think that in embracing this in the UC community and in (in my opinion) fairly conservative Christchurch, could be a really beautiful thing. So everybody: make art, cry and scream and then get angry and figure out how you will channel that energy and fire, have good and consensual sex (and always use protection, esp. all you cisgender heterosexuals), be kind, and do all the things you need to do to tautoko the community you already have around you. Cherish te tangata always. He aha te mea nui o te ao What is the most important thing in the world? He tangata, he tangata, he tangata It is the people, it is the people, it is the people - Maori proverb By Abby Robertson

Ta n g a ta Ti r i ti m u st Kō r e r o To o

I have realised that pretty much anyone who conflicts with me ever: we create that, via lack of understanding of each other’s backgrounds and by lack of respect or by not using our taringa. It’s so hard to not retaliate but I always try to choose that route just like mon bon père taught me. I choose to believe that conflict can always be resolved. There is also no way I am letting anyone emotionally or mentally beat me or my friends up for the things they or I have done or said. I have done enough of that to myself since the age of eleven and it’s not healthy at all – it has no use.

ANTI S

OCIAL

ADD US ON SNAPCHAT! ADD US ON SNAPCHAT! ADD US ON SNAPCHAT! ADD US ON SNAPCHAT! ADD US ON SNAPCHAT! ADD US ON SNAPCHAT! ADD US ON SNAPCHAT! ADD US ON SNAPCHAT! ADD US ON SNAPCHAT! ADD US ON SNAPCHAT! ADD US ON SNAPCHAT! ADD US ON SNAPCHAT! ADD US ON SNAPCHAT!

FLAT FAMOUS

T C h a e t

h e d r a

Juliana Jesse

Ella

Caitlin Jess

The Cathedral won some goodies from Harrington’s! Wanna win YOUR flat something similar? Email CANTA@CANTA.CO.NZ telling us why you’re flat’s so bloody spectacular and you could be featured in FLAT FAMOUS!

Photography by Java Katzur

N OT TO FO L LOW O N T W IT TE R Twitter can be a fantastic tool. Some of the world’s best share their thoughts on everything from politics, entertainment and the weather. Not everyone is cut from the same cloth though, and here are five you should definitely avoid.

@aplusk (Ashton Kutcher)

@Beyonce

It’s likely that they’ll never be an artist like Beyonce again. It goes without saying, but her political prowess and voice stands her head and shoulders above her contemporaries. Surely her Twitter account is a reflection of that larger-than-life persona? The answer is that it’s not.

Beyonce has been on Twitter since early 2009. Tragically, she’s only made ten posts in the nearly ten years she’s had an account. That’s not inherently bad – less is sometimes more. But they’re all stiff PR announcements from her team. Somebody needs to tell Beyonce that it’s not that we want her on Twitter, it’s that we need her.

@AzealiaBanks

That’s his Twitter bio. To be honest I think I’m just jaded that the man behind Dude Where’s My Car? and What Happens in Vegas, can write something more profound than I ever could. Also, what is Ashton Kutcher doing giving away tickets to A Bad Moms Christmas? He’s an internationally recognised celebrity, not an afternoon drive-show host.

Look, I’ m one of the biggest Azealia Banks fans there is, but what the hell was @AZEALIABANKS about? The now-defunct account is perhaps the main reason the Harlem rapper has unfortunately squandered her would-be promising future. The tweets were sometimes funny, but they were mainly just deeply offensive. It was something that was once very entertaining, until it quickly became bitterly sad for everyone involved.

Actually this one about Rita Ora is pretty accurate. Little known fact though, Azealia Banks does actually still have an official account on Twitter. At the risk of getting banned again, the account takes the cautious approach and comments only on tour news. It’s almost too quiet…

17 @DonaldJTrumpJr United States president Donald Trump (writing this still feels unnatural) has a Twitter account that should be avoided, for reasons obvious. But did you know he has a son, and that this son also has a Twitter presence? Remarkably, it manages to be even worse than his old man’s, with just as many language errors.

@DuncanGarnerNZ Baby Dunk is on a permanent mission to make New Zealand Tough Again, but gets upset when people call him a racist. Right now his Twitter rings with handpicked endorsements.

This might be a theme among political pundits – here’s the equally avoidable Sally Kohn from the United States carefully going through her Twitter mentions to find the red apples.

The difference is while Trump Sr. is undoubtedly unprecedented in his awfulness, his account is at least free from this sort of smarminess. Actually, smugness seems to be the overwhelming motivation for Trump Jr. to do what he does. Jr. may also be slightly delusional – yes, he may have got where he is today without government handouts but like, his dad is literally Donald Trump. For better or worse (almost always for the worse), Trump Sr. seems to just shoot from the hip, which before he was in politics did gift the world some classics.

BONUS @Alskiz (Alexander Lyall)

A 4am hot take. And I wonder why I only have 13 followers. Jr. has given us ZERO classics. Are convicts allowed to tweet from prison? The Russia investigation will soon let us know.

By Alexander Lyall

THE OPINIONS ISSUE

World is Not Safe

hate the phrase ‘PC gone mad’. It sounds like the sort of thing a crotchety old man yells while brandishing his air rifle against a group of petitioning students. The phrase does get thrown around a bit these days, like Hilary Barry when she used it to describe a police crackdown on hair salons offering free booze. Political correctness has become a buzz-word for a number of issues, and we are seeing prominent speakers in the UK and US being shut down and given ‘no platform’ to share their allegedly offensive views.

Universities in the English-speaking world are increasingly using ‘safe spaces’ like protective padding, and the fear of cultural appropriation is inhibiting our ability to learn from other walks of life. All this is becoming common as mud and we are almost getting used to a culture that promotes intolerance of diverse beliefs. There are plenty of commentators, usually the elderly air-rifle-brandishing types, who suggest this culture is an attack on free speech. This type of argument is a load of rubbish, as Alice Snedden, who writes for Stuff.co.nz, points out: ‘You can … express your political views or offer your unsolicited opinions… without being prosecuted and put in prison… [free speech] does not protect you from a person disagreeing with you or finding your speech offensive.’ Okay so, the government can’t throw you in the

slammer even if you think blue-eyed babies should be shot dead. This is the fundamental of free speech. The right does not mean people aren’t allowed to object to your views. As Snedden points out, your dissenters are also exercising their right to free speech. Not exactly PC gone mad. There are however, a number of examples where people with ‘unacceptable’ views are being given no platform to express themselves. Take prolific feminist writer and academic Germaine Greer. She is known for some rough-and-ready opinions, particularly of transgender women: ‘Just because you lop your cock off and then wear a dress doesn’t make you a woman’. Greer was arranged to speak at Cardiff University in Wales in 2015, but the university faced a petition from students urging them to cancel her appearance because her ‘problematic’ views made her ‘dangerous’. The petition attracted upwards of 3,000 signatures but Greer delivered the talk anyway. Another example is Mary Beard, a Classics Professor at Cambridge University. Beard signed an open letter along with 130 others which was published in the Guardian in 2015 expressing concern about ‘no-platforming’ in British universities. The letter describes no-platforming as a tactic once used against self-proclaimed fascists and Holocaust-deniers, but is applied today to prevent the presence of views deemed to be a threat to a minority group’s safety. The letter, despite being about noplatforming, attracted a ‘bombardment’ of abuse from people who decided Beard was transphobic. One contributor said: ‘You filthy old slut. I bet your vagina is disgusting’. With divine patience, Beard even asked

THE OPINIONS ISSUE when people ‘borrow’ a different language from their native tongue. Like sharing different opinions, borrowing and learning from other cultures is all about widening our perspective. Free speech means that you are fully entitled to be offended by someone else’s opinions. But does that really mean you should be? Safe spaces, a fear of cultural appropriation, and especially no-platforming, are isolating students from diversity. Granted, in the real world there are some opinions which can widely condemned, but mostly there is a huge spectrum of views that are considered equally legitimate and reasonable. For example whether you’re a catholic or a buddhist, or if you believe in euthanasia or the use of medical cannabis. On subjects like this and beyond people are always going to have different opinions, and they are entitled to have them. You don’t have to agree with Bob Jones and his ‘Maori appreciation day’ (he was being facetious by the way in case you didn’t already realise), but that does not take away his right to write an article. University is when we need to develop the ability to digest differing, and even … controversial opinions, without convulsing and indignantly enacting petitions. It’s part of being a grown-up. Insulating students with safe spaces, trigger warnings and filtering out ‘dangerous’ speakers is like throwing them in a padded cell. What kind of world are we being prepared for? Certainly not the real one. As the Dalai Lama said on his visit to post-quake Christchurch; ‘World is not safe’.

(EDITOR’S NOTE – FYI: The event theming was organised by the UCSA, and the video orchestrated for the event by me, Joshua, not the UCSA Exec. This particular Exec member was helping the Events team out by filming the video. I’ll take this feedback on for future events.)

By Max Farra

This shouldn’t matter of course, because there isn’t anything wrong with borrowing from other cultures.

Arguing that everyone should stick to their pre-determined stereotypical boxes and not embrace other cultures not only sounds like a crashing bore, but it also focuses on segregation rather than borrowing, and indeed learning from, other cultures. It’s wonderful that dance styles rooted in African American culture have become mainstream and popular across the music industry. It’s heartening to hear New Zealand pakeha delivering a pōwhiri, and Government officials wearing kakahu (feather cloaks) as a symbol of rank and respect. Hell, it’s even good

C AN T A fe a tu r e

one of her well-spoken commentators for lunch to talk it over. An example to us all. That kind of eloquence aside, these petitioners, protesters and contributors raise some concerns about our generation’s tolerance for unpopular opinions. The problem lies with the culture in tertiary education. There is an increasing, and well-meaning belief, that universities should protect their students from harm and make them feel safe. Pursuit of this goal has led to things like safe spaces and noplatforming. Judith Shulevitz of the New York Times describes safe spaces as ‘gatherings of like-minded people who agree to refrain from ridicule, criticism or what they term micro-aggressions’. By sheltering people from perceived threats (keep in mind we’re often talking about elderly women giving a lecture), the whole university population ends up being exposed to a much narrower range of ideas due to the objections of the few. Sharing ideas and perspectives is what university is all about, however, fear of cultural appropriation, like a culture of no-platforming, can be detrimental to that purpose. 2018’s Toga Party at UC is tribal themed. A UCSA Exec member recently took care to advise students via a Facebook video that ‘even though [Toga Party is] tribal themed this year, make sure you keep your toga (pause) outfits culturally sensitive.’ We can safely assume this means ‘don’t culturally appropriate’. Now, let’s remember that toga parties involve ‘appropriating’ from Greek and Romanculture (Togas weren’t just invented for Jesus Christ Superstar), then when you throw the word ‘tribal’ in there it becomes even more of a mess. So first of all that statement comes off a bit naff, because your whole party looks like a bit of a cultural appropriation fest anyway. Oops.

The Beginner’s Guide to Surviving Thailand

hat comes to mind when you think of Thailand? Full Moon parties, beach parties, river cruise parties and discount Moët. Hate to break it but this ain’t one of those beginner’s guides, may I recommend Max Key’s YouTube channel if that’s what you’re looking for. Fifteen of us flew to Bangkok for six weeks, travelling courtesy of our good friend PM Jacinda Ardern (for more on the Prime Minister’s Scholarship for Asia just Google). We were in Thailand to intern for a range of different organisations - Amnesty International, Foundation for Children, Centara Hotels and Resorts, Hubba Entrepreneur Hub, amongst others. On the other hand, after work and on weekends, we were able to venture out onto the mean streets of Bangkok and other tourist hotspots around the country. We thoroughly enjoyed our time there and hope to share a few tips and places to visit if you ever get the chance to travel there also. So here goes - here’s the incomplete Beginner’s Guide to surviving the wondrous Kingdom of Thailand.

DO NOT knock the monarchy This is the one thing you will not want to cock up. For decades, Thai people have revered the monarchy and the late King Bhumibol, who actually died about a year ago, after 70 years on the throne - and you thought your 3-year BA was long enough. It’s also against Thai law to defame or insult the monarchy - meaning Prince Charlesequivalent jokes or gossip stay nicely tucked inside your twisted mind and your mum’s Women’s Weekly.

DO visit the Chatuchak Weekend Markets

Try out your bartering prowess at one of the world’s largest markets with over 10,000 stalls and 200,000 visitors every weekend. Make sure you give yourself enough time to wander the maze of winding lanes and mini alleyways - this isn’t your usual Riccarton Bush Markets stroll-through. With more budget Calvins, fake Birkenstocks and oversized Hawaiian shirts than you can shake a pineapple at, these Weekend Markets really are the ultimate basic boy shillground.

DO go to Khaosan Rd

Are you wishing your parents turned up the flair a few months earlier just so you were old enough to have legally attended O-Week? Look no further than Bangkok’s party central, Khaosan Rd. A place where signs displaying “WE DO NOT CHECK IDs HERE” adorning entranceways is commonplace. As soon as

21 you step foot onto Khaosan, you’ll be confronted with a barrage of street vendors, sweaty tourists and a smorgasbord of bars and clubs wedged side-by-side, each blasting competing waves of EDM onto the open walkways outside. It’s Hyde Street next level.

DO NOT touch monks

Monks are considered super sacred in Thai culture and touching monks, especially women touching monks, ie shaking hands, is strictly a big no go. Also, based on Buddhist belief, touching anyone’s head (considered sacred) is highly offensive as well as raising your feet (considered not sacred) and pointing them at people or religious objects. Thought that last one was a worthwhile mention, just on the off-chance that was something you tended to do on the regular.

DO get a Thai massage Nothing will get you going more than a relaxing Thai massage. There’s simply no other feeling like someone walking all over your aching back. And for the equivalent of NZ$11 an hour, what have you got to lose besides those knots you’ve been putting up with since economy class on the way over? In saying that, you’ll want to make sure you’re entering the right ‘type’ of massage parlour - one welcoming and brightly-lit, without neons preferably. Nothing worse than poor lighting when your aching shoulders simply need a good sort out... So there you have it - the not so complete beginner’s guide to surviving Thailand. For more info on the internships themselves, plus if you’re interested in how the application process works, take a look at www.canterbury.ac.nz/engage/partnerships/ thailand-internships/ By Sam Brosnahan

HAS YOUR EMO PHASE BEEN PHASED OUT?

Then join us at the UC Arts Society...

r o f s e z i Pr est b ! d e ss e r d

Bleeding Hearts Bash 8pm, Friday 9th March at The Foundry Tickets via EventBrite - $10 each

THE RDU

GIG GUIDE INDI

24 hour party people

(formally from doprah) FRI 2 ND MARCH

FRI 9 TH MARCH

Location: Wunderbar

Location: Dark Room

Tickets: Justtheticketnz.com

Tickets: Free

bonaparte THU 15TH MARCH

(berlin)

DZ DEATHRAYS FRI 27 TH APRIL

Location: Dark Room

Location: Blue Smoke

Tickets: UnderTheRadar.co.nz

PERMANENCE FRI 18TH MAY

(IAN CURTIS TRIBUTE)

marlon williams WED 23RD MAY

Location: Dark Room

Location: The Foundry

Tickets: UnderTheRadar.co.nz

Tickets: ticketmaster.co.nz

DOWNLOAD THE RDU APP

* Stream RDU wherever you want. * RDUnited and VPlate - now built into the app! * Find out about new offers as they are added. * See how far you are from a sweet discount.

The 40 Year-Old Virgin

Loving Vincent

2 weeks in a new flat with no Internet is incredibly dull, I had gotten so used to watching whatever I desired at the click of a button. Unfortunately this left me with no option but to watch that horrible advertisement riddled television. Over this two week period I played victim to a lot of bad TV content. However on one occasion it gave me an opportunity to watch an “absolute classic”, a film I had been told on numerous occasions was “hilarious” and “one of the best comedies ever”. I finally watched ‘The 40-Year-Old Virgin’, a film starring Steve Carrell based on the story of a man who lets it slip to some of his work colleagues that he’s still a virgin at 40. The rest of the story is basically about his journey to find love and someone to have sex with.

Dorota Kobiela’s ‘Loving Vincent’ might be one of the most impressive films I ever laid eyes on (which is saying a lot, given the amount of time I devote to the pastime). First conceived all the way back in 2008, this 2017 production uses the technique of oil on canvas to weave a tale about the legendary Vincent van Gough using his own post-Impressionist style. It follows the quest of Armand Roulin, an old family friend of Vincent's, to deliver a long-lost letter written by van Gough to his doctor (with whom he became estranged shortly before his death). Armand’s journey becomes a detective mystery of sorts, as he slowly pieces together a picture of the life (and death) of the man held as one of the founders of modern art, uncovering Vincent’s tragic struggle to create emotionally moving paintings as he battled with ongoing melancholia (what in modern times we might interpret as depression).

Now if you’re looking for ground-breaking cinematography this probably shouldn’t bother watching this film. If you’re looking for a really cheap laugh, like really cheap, then maybe you should watch this film. For something that falls under the comedy genre, I don’t think I laughed very much. There is one scene where Carrell’s character has to get his chest waxed, the chest hair looks pretty real and so does the pain of getting it waxed. Carrell’s reaction to the pain seems quite real and the rest of the cast in the scene are obviously struggling to keep in character due to the hilarity of the situation. So I couldn’t help but be amused. This film also implies that once you’ve done the deed, it takes very little time and effort until you become a 2-hourendurance-love-making-machine. Which I’m pretty sure isn’t true (well in my experience it certainly isn’t). Carrell’s character works in a technology store, selling TVs and stereos and such. Weirdly enough he’s exactly what I imagine a Noel Leeming’s retail assistant to be like when they’re at home. Carrell also perfectly embodies a man who’s never had any real companionship in his life, which for the sake of the film is funny but also a touch sad.

Despite its moving subject matter, the film is remarkably fun to watch, with plenty of witty humour and an excellent set of vocal performances (though I’ll admit it took some time to get used to the thick British accents coming out of French characters). Rather than spoiling the excellently woven investigative narrative, I should devote some mention to the visuals. The film’s 95-minute runtime is comprised of a staggering 65,000 frames, the combined achievement of 125 painters on a mere US$5.5 million budget. The magnitude of this achievement is difficult to overstate; traditional animation is notoriously time-consuming, and Loving Vincent goes two steps further by rotoscoping (drawing over live-action film shoots) using oil paints on real canvas. As producer Hugh Welchman remarked: "We have definitely without a doubt invented the slowest form of filmmaking ever devised in 120 years.

Overall, this film is I guess pretty misogynistic and follows a lot of clichés and stereotypes, but it’s not made to be revolutionary art. It’s a low-budget comedy that occasionally hits the mark.

The result is a truly unique cinematic experience that no amount of Disney, Pixar, Dream Works, or Ghibli could possibly prepare you for. The way the brushstrokes shift and shimmer as the camera moves about the landscape creates a dreamlike aesthetic, which the film exaggerates during moments of emotional intensity, as though we are witnessing these events through the lens of a distant memory, charged and distorted by the characters’ powerful feelings. Given the outrageous demands of this production style, I suppose we won’t be seeing too many more of these oilon-canvas animated features; but the fact that even one exists, so perfectly realised, is a landmark achievement that will stand immortalised amongst the greats of animation for decades to come.

By Liam Donnelly

By Rufus Manji

foundry events tuesday the quiz

test your knowledge and win! 7pm onwards

WEDNESDAY clubs events

each WEDNESDAY during term is clubs night. contact YOUR CLUBS CO-ORDINATOR to book your club space!

tHURSDAY mono

mono is our iconic live music event. every Thursday DURING TERM TIME. Bring your student id and get in for free!

FRIDAY fresh friday

free pool, great music, cheap food deals, always fresh, sometimes themed

THE foundry BAR OPEN : Tuesday - Saturday from 2pm - late

THE OPINIONS ISSUE

Livin’ On the Edge

o, new year, new faces. Hopefully, some of you reading will be starting your first year of study at Uni, in which case, welcome, hope you survive. Others reading will be pre-existing students, I’m sure, but this write-up is aimed at both of you, so pay attention. We have a lot of systemic cultures in New Zealand – drinking, sports, more drinking, more sports. All of them are problematic. But this one, oh yes, this blight of social ingenuity needs to be addressed loudly and publicly:

scary, amirite? If, gods forbid, you’re in a lecture hall reading this, (what are you doing, pay attention to your class, dude, you’re in debt to the government) look to your left, then your right. If you see more seats on either side, please shuffle in. If on one side you see steps leading down and out, please stop. By Lewis Hoban

STOP SITTING ON THE EDGE OF LECTURE HALLS! What’s wrong with the middle? Precious tax dollars went into building all those seats. They are just as comfortable as the ones on the edge, maybe even more so, considering people sit on them less. Not to mention you can look at the lecture slides without developing a permeant crick in your neck from having to twist in one direction (students already suffer from infamously poor health, so consider this an extra buffer). You’ll have enough time to pack up all your things when the class ends, instead of hurriedly tipping it into your bag as other students glare at you for taking ages to bundle your notes together. The precious oneseat-gap between other students you don’t know is absolutely fine – it’s the camping out on the very, very edge when 80% of the row is still available that isn’t. Consider how much you’re spending to actually attend lectures in the first place. Now consider how much money you’re spending to attend lectures in a big, spacious auditorium with rows upon rows of seats and choose to sit on the very, very edge. Do we all think it’s for nerds? I hate to break it to you, but in the act of seeking tertiary education, we are all nerds. Get over it. Let it be known, here in writing, that you absolutely don’t have to talk to anyone that you sit next to – hells know I don’t. Mind you, you CAN talk to them if you want, if they want, but jeez, other people are

Helpful Tips:

- Don’t sit DIRECTLY in the middle – instead, try and situate yourself one or two spaces from the centre. You need to see one of the two projection screens anyway. - If you don’t want to ask corner-dwellers to move, don’t parkour over seats. Even if you do a backflip, you’ll look like an idiot. Yes, even if it’s a really rad backflip. - Not sitting in the one spot where it looks like you wanna leave quicker than everyone else will surely leave an impression on your lecturer. So would sitting down the front, but you don’t want to look like a dork, now do you?

Use offer code: CANTA17

And get your first month FREE!

THE OPINIONS ISSUE

Fees Please T

he Government has to make difficult choices about what to spend its money on. There are many criteria to help select what to fund and what to not. We will never fully agree on these, and nor should we—having diverse politics is important. But there are some criteria that anyone decent will agree to. Here’s one: The Government should prefer to help the underprivileged, the needy and the vulnerable. This rule is why we have progressive taxation. It’s why we have a welfare system. It’s why we have Te Puni Kōkiri. This rule can be flipped to be even more agreeable:

The Government should not help the priveleged ahead of the underpriveleged. This underpins our equal access to education, infrastructure and healthcare. How outrageous and evil would it be if rich people got better treatment at the hospital than poor people? The idea of breaking this rule should deeply offend you. But that is exactly what the Government is doing by making tertiary education free.

Not all people who have gone to university are privileged, but most are. Having a tertiary qualification is a superb proxy for privilege. Why? One, people with tertiary qualifications tend to earn much more. Two, people who are privileged in the first place are much more likely to go to university. Your reflex here might be to contest that students are indeed underprivileged. That’s definitely true, but only while they are studying. A remedy could be something like, I don’t know, letting them have an extra $50 a week. Or more if that’s not enough. But this problem has exactly nothing to do with course fees because you don’t have to deal with those until after you’re done studying. (Unrelated thought: I have a strange feeling The Foundry will do a good trade this year.) The student loan system is great. Your fees are covered and you don’t have to pay it back until you start earning more than 20 grand a year, when 12% of your income above this level is taken to repay your loan. Better yet, it’s interest free. Because of inflation, your loan actually gets smaller the

longer you take to pay it off. This ensures those who have a hefty loan but don’t end up earning much are not overburdened. Graduates tend to earn much more than non-graduates. Employers need skilled employees and they’re willing to pay for them. Those with additional years of learning are better educated and have better skills. In addition to job-specific skills, there are a number of others that are very useful— universities bolster communication, teamwork and critical thinking. Going to university has collateral benefits too. Through classes, clubs and parties, students meet a broad range of people. This helps establish networks that can be useful both immediately and much later in life. It also helps students learn how to effectively relate and connect with different kinds of people. These are resources that contribute to successful careers. Compounding this, employers stereotype. They know that people who have degrees are more likely to be the kinds of people they want to employ. People who end up at university are, on average, quite smart already. They are much more likely to come from privileged backgrounds and have strong support networks. In finishing degrees, graduates demonstrate that they’re able to complete long and boring tasks. All these things signal information to employers and tell them graduates are safer bets. Savvy employers will discriminate against people without degrees. Of course there are broader benefits to making tertiary education free. The salient benefit Labour touts is a bettereducated workforce. There are obviously a number of economic and social benefits to more people having tertiary educations (although I don’t think these are as substantial as Labour claim). These benefits all rest on fees-free increasing student numbers. But this hasn’t happened. Universities New Zealand Director Chris Wheelan has not seen an across-the-board increase, rather “something much closer to zero”. Yes, that’s right, Labour’s main claim is dead wrong.

Another justification is that eliminating fees makes tertiary education more accessible and will help students from less privileged backgrounds enter university.

29 Encouraging diversity at universities is important, and an area we are failing in—demographics skew white and rich. But removing fees won’t treat the main drivers of this. Think—why do children from underprivileged backgrounds overwhelmingly tend to not end up at university? Where and how you grew up is important. For young people from privileged backgrounds, university is the presumed option; doing something else never crossed my mind. But this is not the case when no one in your family has been to uni. When none of your schoolmates are going. When your school is shit and your home situation stressful. It’s hard to end up at university when life is like this. Fees are not an acute barrier because of the loan scheme. This is why we have seen no increase in student numbers despite fees-free.

To overcome the inequities in tertiary education, good policy should instead focus on socio-economic barriers. Here are some ideas from last time I wrote about this. Aggressively fund affirmative action scholarships such that they are plentiful, meaningful and easy to get. Work with schools and organisations in less well-off communities to encourage the transition from secondary to tertiary education. Make sure families are better informed about tertiary options. Cover the upfront costs of starting uni. Intervene early in disadvantaged kids’ lives so they have a love of learning. Make sure students are happy, warm and fed so that they can get the most out of school. These are all much better ways to create a better-educated nation. They are also much better things to spend money on than subsidising rich kids’ educations by another 20 grand. A further point Labour advertises is that student debt makes saving to buy a house more difficult. This is clearly true. But who’s going to have more trouble buying houses, graduates or non-graduates? This policy will make it easier for the privileged to buy houses but do fucking nothing for those that really need help.

It’s vote-grabbing chardonnay socialism targeted at Grey Lynn parents worried their kids won’t be able to afford a villa just down the road. I’ve largely talked about university here, but Labour’s policy is for all tertiary education. For non-university tertiary education, my protests around subsidising the privileged are watered down but still stand. People who complete any kind of tertiary education are more privileged than those who don’t. A possible response here is that some tertiary qualifications barely increase earning potential and so it is unfair to saddle such graduates with debt. Well, maybe. But should we spend our limited tax dollars subsidising educations no one thinks are valuable? Now, there is of course value to education outside how its impact on wages. Aged-care workers certainly add more to

society than their wages would indicate. Because we want our aged-care workers to be well-educated, we might want to further subsidise their educations. But such subsidies should be made on case-by-case bases and done so thoughtfully. Clearly there are a large number of courses that do not have this additional value to society. The Government fully subsidising qualifications in salon skills or alternative medicine is patently a waste of money. This will happen under the fees-free policy. A particularly clear example is the Diploma in Tournament Golf from the IGQ Golf College here in Christchurch. The Government will now give you a full subsidy to refine your short game, scoring evaluation and golf etiquette. You are assessed on how much your handicap improves. Even the most ardent believer in free tertiary education must admit Labour’s policy is ill designed. Do I think the Government should subsidise fees to some extent? Of course. This is what’s been done since fees were introduced. Outside of fees-free, the Government already pitches in around $6,000/year for arts students, over $10,000/ year for science and engineering students, and over $40,000/ year for medicine students. (Search ‘TEC SAC’.) I think this balance is about right. There are both public and private benefits to tertiary education.

Society benefits from having welleducated people who pay more tax and graduates benefit from increasing their earning potential. I think that provides a reasonable basis for splitting the bill. Further, having a partial subsidy provides the Government with a very useful lever. Need more engineers? Increase the subsidy for engineering. That lever no longer exists. The case for abolishing fees does not stack up. The proposed benefits are slimmer than advertised and confused in the first place. There are better ways to achieve whatever it is Labour is trying to achieve with this clumsy policy. It is not the thoughtful politics we must demand. While there are certainly benefits to free tertiary education, the opportunity cost is hefty. Instead of subsidising tomorrow’s lawyers, we could be building new hospitals. I think it is outrageous that we aren’t doing just that. By Matt Amos

C A N TA C O L U M N S Submit your column to canta.editor@gmail.com

The Importance Of: Gratitude As someone who tends to be an ungrateful spoilt brat, I was a little late to the gratitude party. Gratitude, for those of you without a soul, is the appreciation we have for the presence of something in our lives. Oftentimes I find myself always thinking about what is next, and what I can do to improve my life more and more. But this creates a flaw in logic. If you are always thinking and striving towards getting what you don’t have, when are you going to take the time to appreciate what you do have (and I don’t mean a student loan). This is where gratitude fits in. For those who simply aren’t satisfied with your current life because you keep focussing on what you want in the future, or what you don’t like about now, I recommend starting a gratitude journal. What?, a gratitude journal?, am I a twelve year old amish girl? Do I make daisy chains and churn butter in my free time? But hear me out before you skip ahead to the blind date section. A daily journal in which you can write a few things you are grateful for each day can really pull you out of those habits of thinking about what isn’t going well in life, or what needs to happen in the future. And that’s not to say thinking about your future isn’t important, but habitually thinking, worrying and overly focussing on what isn’t going well for you isn’t a constructive way to go about changing yourself. Hating the parts of you you don’t like doesn’t make them go away. Like most things in life, a balance is necessary, a balance of future thinking and appreciation of the present moment. Gratitude creates sentimentality in life, that for some

people (including me), doesn’t tend to come naturally. A journal therefore, is a good way to train yourself to think in a more grateful way, so that eventually it becomes a habit, and you won’t need the journal anymore. I challenge you to write two or three things you are grateful for each day, for thirty days. Whatever you are grateful for; it could be anything from having an amazing supportive friend, to being grateful for the existence of ice cream. I encourage you to give it a go, and if it makes a positive change in your life, be grateful I told you about it.

THE F-WORD Shutting down casual sexism Casual sexism is difficult to confront, and there are lots of reasons why people might not call out sexism when they hear it in their everyday interactions. Publicly shutting down sexist remarks and educating people are exhausting and sometimes it just might not be worth your time and energy. So here are two super easy ways you can call out sexist bullshit:

1. “What was that?” Pretending that you didn’t hear the remark is a great way to draw attention to casually sexist remarks without expending any real effort. Being asked to repeat their statement will hopefully make the person realise that what they’re saying is inappropriate, whilst also being made aware that it is not the type of chat you will tolerate. If they think you genuinely misheard then perhaps they will repeat what they said, at which point you pretend you didn’t hear AGAIN. Obviously this technique is less successful if the person can’t understand what is wrong with their comment, but having to repeat something numerous times can be enough to make them uncomfortable and perhaps make other people in the conversation aware of their unpleasant sexist tendencies. 2. “I don’t get it.” This shutdown works best with regards to sexist humour. Pretend that you don’t understand the joke and ask them to explain it. By forcing them to explain their supposedly hilarious sexist joke, you’re getting them to do all the hard work of calling out their tasteless humour whilst making them look like a total arse. As with the previous method, just keep on labouring your lack of understanding if your first request for an explanation doesn’t bring to their attention the inappropriateness of the humour. Everyone knows that the best jokes have to be awkwardly reiterated 15 times… So next time someone thinks they can get away with a bit of casual sexism, hit them with a “huh?” or “I don’t get it” and watch them squirm.

S N M U L O C AT N A C moc.liamg@rotide.atnac ot nmuloc ruoy timbuS

THERE'S A FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING Can you believe Orientation is back around already? My goodness! The older I get, the faster time goes and it’s hard to believe that you youngins are back at school already. There you are at university learning your shit useless degrees and racking up your loans that’ll destroy our economy but I’ll be dead by then so who cares? Not me, kiarnt. Back when I was a girl, ladies didn’t go to school - we had babies and drank during the day. It was what you did back then! I used to just love a day time drinking tea party with my best girlfriends. Suze, Deirdre, Fat Pat and Tui. Gosh we’d have fun trading pills and locking the children in the car as we played cards. Being a mother is such a joy. The year is just beginning and you’ve got so much ahead of you and perhaps a lot behind you too, if you’ve been eating too many chippies. Boys like big bums now apparently. Like that bloody handful Kimmy Karmashian who’s always in the news for wearing extra-large nappies. There’s a LOT of bulk there! I always found as long as the lights were out my husband didn’t complain. Cry, yes… but not complain. But anyhoo, there’s a lot to look forward to! Studies, learning, making new friends and going to

the dances. I remember during the war my friend Trish and I used to go out to the local dance hall and shake our fannies with the menfolk! Ooh we were a scream together, Trish and I! We’d go dancing with the American soldiers (who were in town staying at the naval base) and they used to give us fancy nylons and chocolates for just a kiss. Imagine! Trish being the ‘entrepreneurial’ type did a lot more for less, but NO, not me. Trish would be knickers down in a hot second and I’d rob the soldiers when they were in the bushes. She’d REDADCTED it in the REDACTED for an extra block

of chocky! American dollars are the best dollars and even sweeter if you stole them. So best of luck and have fun, be safe and be seen! Don’t think you won’t get robbed, so keep an eye out! God bless, Grandma Ngaire We pass on your emails to Ngaire: canta.editor@gmail.com Also check out her adventures on facebook: search- Mrs Ngaire Chambers

... with your Chaplain, Rev Spanky Moore!

Gesundheit!

herever you go in the world, if you let out an almighty sneeze, chances are someone nearby will say words to the effect of “bless you”. And for the most part, the various sneeze responses have been passed down to us due to some quite wonderful superstitions. In times of old, some peasant farmers believed that a sneeze caused the soul to escape the body through the nose, and saying “bless you” would stop the devil from snaffling it up. Others believed the opposite: that evil spirits could use the sneeze as an opportunity to enter a person’s body when they were most vulnerable. A third group believed that the heart would momentarily stop during a sneeze (while it feels that way, my doctor friend tells me its most certainly not the case), and that saying “bless you” was a way of welcoming the person back to life after their nano-death. And so, while the Gesundheit! factor might make the idea of blessing stuff seem a bit mindless, let me introduce you to another kind of blessing.

In Aotearoa, offering a blessing (Manaaki) has been an important part of Maori custom for hundreds of years, and it’s been a big part of Christian practice for ages too. So, what exactly do us humans think we’re doing when we bless something?  One dictionary say’s blessing is “a prayer asking for divine favour and protection.” But blessing something is also one of the ways humans show deep gratitude for good things, and express our hopes for the future. Regardless of a person’s own stated faith (or lack of), deep in most people’s bones is the desire to give thanks for the good things they have, and to ask for safety over the things they can’t control.  And so, all around the world people offer blessings for all sorts of things! Babies get blessed. Couples get blessed. Boats get blessed. Goats get blessed! (Pets have a special church service once a year called St Francis Day. Best to wear gumboots for that one.) And in Russia, before a spaceship can ever be permitted to blast off, an Orthodox priest must bless the rocket and the crew. If you were the one about to sit on top of 274 tonnes of explosive rocket fuel, then I’d imagine you’d probably be pretty keen on a blessing too. But blessing isn’t always about having a good time. I’ve also blessed spaces after people have died. That kind of blessing is about acknowledging what has happened, and helps those who are still living and working in that place to get back to normal life. According to Maori understanding it’s about taking a place that has become “Tapu” (Sacred) and blessing it so it can return to a state of “Noa” (Unrestricted). Well one of the perks of the job as the Uni Chaplain is that when people

need something blessed, they tend to give me a call. Last week I helped bless two new buildings at UC, and tonight I’ve been invited to pop along to bless a fresh student flat. I oil my beard, don my robes, and gather anyone who’s keen to give thanks and express our hopes… and then I sprinkle a few litres of holy water about the place to seal the deal. (Note to Vampires: don’t stand too close to me mid-blessing as I’m pretty liberal with the Holy H20.) So, if you’d like to get in on this blessing craze – but you’re not sure where to start - let me offer you two potential on ramps. Blessing of the Bikes:  While (sadly) we don’t have any rockets to bless at UC, many students prefer to travel on a less carbon emitting form of transport called a bike. And on Tuesday the 6th of March the UC Sustainability peeps are organizing a Bike Breakfast from 8am at the square between the main library and Matariki, where I will be offering an official “Blessing of the Bikes”. So, if you’re student who bikes to uni, why not come and get your spokes and tubes and pedals and brakes officially blessed? Let me come and bless your flat!  Flat blessings are a seriously fun time, and a great way to intentionally turn your flat into a home. I can’t guarantee your black mold will be banished forever, but I can guarantee to throw lots of holy water around (including in your toilet) while processing in a congaline like fashion. My only fee is a cup of milo & a chocolate biscuit. So if you want to get your blessing on – flick me an email – and let’s get the holy water flowing!  Spanky.moore@canterbury.ac.nz

THE OPINIONS ISSUE

MONO: Mardi Gras Mess

’ve always heard of the rumours about the security guards outside The Foundry. But as a third year student, I never felt the wrath of being told off or kicked out. Maybe I was always lucky, maybe it was because I was a girl, but I never really thought much of the security. Every time I went I was greeted by a super bubbly guy who was tall with brown hair and blue eyes who has literally never been anything but sweet. As I sipped at my drink and went to stand in (legit) the worlds longest line EVER, I found myself wondering at how the event could be this insane. It was 10.00pm and just as me and my friends went to enter, the line completely shut off. The security started shouting that they had closed. At 10.00pm on a Thursday night, staff at mono deemed the venue too “dangerous” for everyone involved, so started turning people away.

security all sorts of foul language, and was pushing right up against my back. There was quite literally no exit. I watched this short girl freak out trying to leave the area, then all of a sudden saw her jump over the barricade in an attempt to leave. How was she greeted? With a shove to the ground, of course.

A small helpless girl who was screaming about how she wanted to leave but had no way out, was found on the floor shortly after by two old big men. Amazing. Then when I confronted one of the security guards about how he pushed a woman he stood there (literally) laughing in my face saying,“It wasn’t me, so I don’t care” instead of saying what his co worker did was wrong.

My favourite part was how a 6ft guy jumped over the barricade, posed an actual threat with the intention of harming the body guards, only to be treated with a slap on the wrist and was told to go back in the line. No tackling or anything. So awesome. Basically the moral of the story is, you will hear the rumours. You will hear allllll about the people who get denied entry for literally no reason. You will hear all about the swearing, the bad treatment, the childish games Why did The Foundry get closed? the security play, but you will never understand it until it Apparently too dangerous, not sure if this was serious or happens to you. It’s easy to blame it on the students, to just an absolute joke, but yeah, that was the answer we got. say they had too much to drink, or the area was unsafe, or whatever bullshit they want to come up with. Why weren’t they letting people in as others left? But it’s also easy to explain the simple matter of No clue.. fact that The Foundry bouncers aren’t here to look after us. They couldn’t care less. They’re here to bully, manipulate, and push everyone around so they can Why were security being absolute wankers about the whole situation? have a good night. But I guess that’s just my opinion Still not sure. It’s the morning after… and I’m still not sure… though… right? Instead of offering an explanation, security yelled and shouted, one of them even stood telling people to fuck off. Legit. There was a lot of stress around the situation as people around me fumbled to try and figure out what was going on. Refusing to answer any of the questions that security were being asked, we all searched to find the answers.

The thing that baffled me the most, was watching a small blonde girl get toppled and pushed over as she struggled to leave the barricaded entrance. Security yelled for us to move, but where? We were completely surrounded and barricaded in. The guy behind me was 6 foot 3 SCREAMING at

By Wajd El-Matary

ENTS S E R

ON E SI DE

ating is often a tough game but getting roasted by my entire extended family is far more brutal. Here’s how my night of love and loss went. It was valentine’s day and I was given the opportunity to go on a blind date, so why not. Excited for the adventure ahead I thought I’d message the family chat (you know the one with ya not only the immediate family but also the nanna, cool aunties and your cousins). They wished me luck, I told a friend I probably couldn’t help decorate our mates 21st cake anymore and put my assignment on hold. As I walked into uni I then got a message to say that the slacker may not have seen the info and if all fail to have dinner by myself. I quite liked this idea of not having to share the cash with anyone but myself. Unlucky for me, the guy turns up 15-20 minutes late and I must share the tab. All was well until the waiter walked off with my unfinished drink. We checked the time and the guy is amazed that we have been here an hour but, in my head, I’m like “bitch please, I’ve been here an hour, you have been here 45 minutes max!”

Our 45-minute date then ended because he had to go drink with the boys and some FB friend requests. Not sure what to think of the whole situation I went back to the family chat and explain the ‘night’. With my aunty calling him a wanker, my dad calling him a typical kiwi bloke and my sister demanding to know what he looked like; I sent them his FB link so they could do some stalking. My poor Nanna who was originally calling me a lucky girl regarding the opportunity must have been so scared for life as she didn’t make any comments after that! In fact, the whole family was not impressed and the guy was clearly not welcomed after I was told that I was lucky I got away, that they were glad I didn’t go any further with that and how he was an idiot.  This was then followed by a PM message from my concerned mother asking if I was okay! The conclusion was pretty obvious that despite the flowing conversation and good chat, that there would not be a second date.

To submit yourself or a mate for LUCK Y DI P. Email: canta.e ditor@gmail .com

TH E OTH ER SI DE I had thought earlier this day that the date was cancelled as I received an email from CANTA saying thus. So, as I went home at 4 after university I was content with my future life of loneliness. However, I get a phone call (how did you get my number CANTA??) at 5pm saying the date was back on and I was 5 min late! I hopped in my car and drove to The Shilling Club and met my date. She sat there already as I was 15 min late (cheers CANTA) and first impressions were good. We got some drinks, and started to yarn. After some light small talk, we ordered dumplings and something I think was fish, I can’t remember how to spell it. The dumplings were pretty good and we both enjoyed them, but neither of us liked the fishy thing. Anyways her chat was pretty good and the conversation flowed well. We talked about all the usual stuff, like who we were, before getting into some more interesting agenda items, like our pasts and unicycling and the like. It was an hour of my life that was very well spent, however I think we will be better just as

friends in the future. x

THE WAITER’S OPINION

So... the guy was 20 minutes late, and showed up empty handed on Valentine’s Day. I think the girl was very nervous because she laughed a lot. From the bar, I could feel that thick vibe of awkwardness in the air. I’m sorry to say but I don’t think they are a match for each other and there’s probably not going to be a second date – Ayden

HAPPY ENDING MAZE

COLOUR ME IN

420 THOUGHT

C A N TAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; S FA N O F T H E M O N T H

WORD-FIND

If everyone no longer sneezed, how long would it take the world to find out?

Fletch, Vaughan + Megan Weekdays 6am - 10am fvmzm

zmonline.com