CANTA, Issue 10 2018 by UCSA

in this issue

contributors JOSHUA BROSNAHAN

KELLY PHILLIPS

CANTA’S BROKEN NEWS 0 8 BEN APPETIT: THE GREEK 10

BEN O’CONNELL

JADE DOGLIONE

CONOR JONES

SAM GIBSON

LIAM DONNELLY

LEWIS HOBAN

FISI CARRASCO REX

SPANKY MOORE

ASHER ETHERINGTON

DOROTEIA DRIVER

NATHAN JAMES

THREE FEMALE TROPES WE 14 NEED TO GET RID OF UCSA ELECTIONS: YOUR 19 CANDIDATES WELLNESS WATCH: 31 THOUGHTS FIVE TYPES OF LESBIANS 3 2 A FEW NOTES WITH LEWIS 3 6 ADVENTURES FROM THE 4 2 SOUTH LUCKY DIP 4 4

JACK CLARK COVER ART BY

ABBY ROBERTSON

SOPHIE BALLANTYNE

@MINI.B.ISCUIT

LETTER OF THE WEEK

Letters to the Editor THE RIGHT TO BARE FEET Canta, Over the past few editions of UC’s finest reading material I could not help but notice a trend, it seems you and your readers have some sort of Vendetta against those who chose to go without shoes. It’s a message you’re sending that I can no longer ignore.As someone who enjoys walking around the University without shoes I’ve got one simple question. How does it affect you? Does the presences of bare feet render you nauseous? For a student run magazine that would get behind the free the nipple movement there sure is a lot of negativity for someone who just wants to show some skin. Sincerely, Barefoot Advocate Ok, Barefoot I can smell them from here,You win. Just.

L E T T E R S @ C A N TA . C O . N Z S N A P @ C A N TA M A G <100 WORDS $25 UBS VOUCHER FOR LETTER OF THE WEEK! LETTERS ARE PRINTED AS IS, WITHOUT PROOFING

THE DOORS Dear CANTA. Living in the world upon which Gareth Morgan is seemingly poised to abandon us to his spirit realm of hunting cats with a spear gun, I feel a new wave of evidence-based policy is ready and waiting to arise here at the University of Canterbury, upon one particular topic. This is a subject of fierce and lively debate, of everyday importance to us simple students, and one that still refuses to settle. I am of course, talking about holding the fucking library doors. Just how long are you supposed to hang there, sweaty fist clenched around those cold metal handles, waiting politely for the stairclimbing dawdlers to ascend to the entrance? Is it impolite to start holding but give up if people slow down? How many steps behind should a person be before it becomes necessary to wait for them? How many people should you hold for, or should this civility of benevolence be a mantle passed to each person as they arrive through the door? I once, in a moment of 17-coffeefuelled exam stress, waited with the door for a chap who was still at the base of the fucking stairs. Yet on another occasion I basically slammed the hatch shut on some poor girl who probably needed more nose surgery than Michael Jackson because she was RIGHT BEHIND ME.We. Need. A. Clear. Cut. Door. Policy. I call upon the student body. Write your local MP. Burn the UCSA offices in protest. Throw tear gas into Matariki. Have a cup of tea with John Minto. This must be dealt to before things get out of hand. For now, I’m standing here perpetually holding the door to procrastinate going to my next lecture, please bring me $2 rice and Sippah straws as charity to facilitate my civil unrest. - Barry B. Benson

Hey Baz, Please give us warning before you burn the UCSA office down. We have plants and fish and lots of Frucor product to protect. Oh, and staff. CANTA

DEFLATED Dear Canta As a regular biking commuter I’ve noticed the lack of working bike pumps over my many punctures this year.(5 and counting plus a few inner tubes). The bike shed by Engcore is a little lacking also. Yes I am aware security apparently has puncture kits but what use are they if you can’t pump up your tire again??? While I’m at it could we spare a stapler for Engcore? (the big mumma on third floor is frequently out of staples, and a plain stapler is just too good at hide and seek - nowhere to be found). Would be nice to hand in our assignments without the rush to a library just before it closes for a stapler. Kind Regards Deflated CANTA reached out to the King of EngCore and he laughed in our faces, all the way from his golden tower. He threw paperclips at me and called me a pantomime goose. I’ll see what we can do – I mean, we could fill it with staples and they would be gone

5 immediately. We could leave multiple boxes of staples on site and they would also be gone immediately. Maybe in the meantime, put your assignments in a supermarket bag and tie it REAL good. In terms of the bike pumps, I reached out to Harry on the UCSA Exec. Did you know Harry likes to cycle? Me neither. Harry says the bike pumps are on a periodic maintenance cycle. When we offer free services like this, they’re heavily used, and heavily abused. They’re prone to break. If you see something out of order, you could send an email to the UC Sustainability office to give them a heads up. CANTA

humiliated he felt after reading that. This is the kind of thing that can drive people to dark places, maybe even suicide in extreme cases. We will never really know what happened on the date, but this just seemed mean spirited and cruel. Canta is our place to have a laugh and say what we think, but at the same time we shouldn’t be providing a platform for bullying and public humiliation. - Concerned We’ll review our content closer in the future. You’re right, it was a little overboard. With other dates in CANTA, I have tried my best to match up good people, to try foster a genuine connection. The only one that has been completely disastrous was the girl paired up with her sister’s cheating ex boyfriend. Anyway – I’m sorry this was printed. I like content with a bit of sass, but this was too much. Apologies. Joshua

I WAS THERE! DICKISH DATE Hi Canta, I read Lucky Dip from the last issue and was really bothered by the girl’s review of the date. Let me first say I support her freedom of speech and don’t think she has to pretend the date went well when it didn’t. However I was shocked by the mean comments and personal attacks on the guy. Was it necessary to call him a level 9 virgin, and to tell him to go fuck an anime body pillow? I can’t imagine how

To the Canta magazine, To the person writing about their concerns about the new vice chancellor. At many universities in South Africa the students were damaging property and disrupting classes. There were many cases of protesters pulling students out of class or trying to force their way into the classes. Many students were afraid to go to class or to even walk to their cars, not due to the police but to the violence of some of the protesting students. I understand your concerns but considering the amount of damage and disruption

many of those protesting students caused, I understand why universities wouldn’t want those students back. Now I’m not saying that all protesting students were violent or that all the arrested students were guilty but you also can’t blame the universities for not wanting those students back. The letters they would have had to sign to get back in may not be ethical but would you really want those kinds of students back into your university? -A South African who was there in 2015/ 2016.

CAREERS UN-FAIR Dear Canta, I’ve been at uni a while now, since before the quakes actually (shh, I’m poor & study part time), and I’ve seen many careers fairs come and go, taking over the undercroft (grumble grumble) and displacing hungry/lazy students.But it feels like it’s always for Law, Engineering, ICT, etc... Y’know, the sciences. I wouldn’t feel nearly so resentful if there was an Arts career fair occasionally. I know, I know, jokes about arts degrees and unemployment aside -Dear UC Careers Fair organisers, at least make a token gesture to include us Arts students please? From Rae Hi Rae, good idea! I had a quick chat with the UC Events team, and they’ll have an answer for you ASAP. We’ll follow this up for you.

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NEWSF NEWS M E E T YO U R E X E C SHANYE GOLDINGHAM

BICULTURAL COMPETENCE AT HEART OF NEW DEGREE A new Bachelor of Communication degree at the University of Canterbury is weaving bicultural awareness and activities into each course of study. The Bachelor degree in the College of Arts launches in 2019 and will offer four majors: Journalism, Communication Strategy in Practice, Political Communication, and Tauwhitinga Māori: Communication Strategy for the Māori World. Associate Professor Donald Matheson, head of UC Arts Media and Communication, says his department worked closely with Aotahi School of Māori and Indigenous Studies and the Office of the Assistant Vice-Chancellor Māori to develop the degree and strengthen relationships with Ngāi Tahu and local iwi. Activities incorporated into the degree include visits to Tuahiwi Marae, work-based projects with Te Rūnanga o Ngāi Tahu and coursework highlighting Māori perspectives on communication, such as indigenous understandings of risk and writing for Māori news media. Market research for the degree showed employers have an appetite for graduates that understand the Māori world, te reo language, and ensure that conversations, relationships and partnerships are respectful. Employers seek graduates who are focused and critical thinkers, and can bring new perspectives to a workplace, he says. “The qualification will encourage students to focus and give them confidence to be more biculturally aware and take ownership of their journey.

“The degree comes at a perfect moment as the University is becoming more biculturally aware and looking for ways to deepen what students learn here.”

What’s your role with the Exec? Kia ora koutou! I am Shayne, I am the Science rep on the Exec, and I deal with clubs and events. I also respond to emails, did my “Meet Your Exec” interview a few months late, and avoid appearing in UCSA live streams. Summarise yourself in one sentence: Biculturally competent and confident, community engaged, employable, innovative and enterprising, and globally aware. What do you love about the University of Canterbury? Rod Carr. I’m actually selling some Rod Carr Artwork $230 o.n.o., DM me. What do you want to try to make better for students this year? Blackout doof tent at Tea Party. Are you involved in anything else at UC? Mainly I just click going on Facebook events, shitpost on the UCSA Noticeboard, administer pastoral care at College House, and make a meaningful difference with the Student Volunteer Army. What’s your top tip for people in their first year at UC? Ask your lecturers how your courses align with UC’s Graduate Attributes: Bicultural competence and confidence Community engagement Employability, innovation and enterprise Global awareness

FEED I BRACED MYSELF FOR THE IMPACT.... Earlier this year, second year student Victoria was in a hurry to get to a lecture on time – she knew she was cutting it fine. Here she talks about why she didn’t make it to the lecture at all... The lecture was about to start and I knew how long it would take me to bike to Ilam campus from Avonhead. I biked past Dovedale campus and then along Ilam Fields. As I got to the Ilam Road crossing I saw a car coming, which I thought would stop for the crossing. I slowed but didn’t stop and entered the crossing. Pretty much as soon as I entered the crossing I knew the car hadn’t slowed down enough to stop. I was the only one on the crossing and I remember the car vividly, it was coming towards me and it was getting so close, freakishly close. I knew the car was going to hit me.

I don’t really remember the car hitting me, but I remember lying on my back on the ground and feeling my legs tingling and an odd sensation. I felt extremely winded and could feel pressure on my left side. Security staff told me later that I had jammed on my brakes, put my foot down and I braced myself for the impact. I was hit on the crossing but landed a few metres away on the road. I was just taken along with the car as it was moving. I was wearing my helmet – so glad that I did. A whole chunk of it broke off. The ambulance guys told me if I hadn’t been

wearing it, I would have been knocked out. It happened so quickly – in a couple of seconds. I was lucky there wasn’t a car coming from the other direction. I just lay on the ground for a couple of minutes afterwards and closed my eyes – possibly in denial! I think I was in shock. I think the driver who hit me was in shock too. Heaps of people came to help me, and the security team were really fast at calling an ambulance and getting all my stuff together. I had bruising on my ribs from where the car hit me, and bruises and cuts from the road on my legs – I was lucky. Because I was on a bike I was elevated, if I was a pedestrian I would have been bowled over. I sent a text to my friend afterwards and told her what had happened. As you can imagine I got a quick reply. She took me home – driving very cautiously! I never did get to the lecture. My ribs took the longest to heal, they took most of the impact and were quite uncomfortable for a while. I think it took me a week to understand everything that had happened. Think first I’m definitely more cautious now and a lot more aware of what’s happening around me.

I don’t take the same risks, it’s just not worth it –it’s better to be a couple of minutes late and to get there safely in one piece. If you do take a risk you’re putting yourself and other people in a vulnerable position. You’ve got to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Imagine being the driver, they don’t want to hit a cyclist or pedestrian just as much as you don’t want to be hit.

Want to get paid $5K to work on your own business or social enterprise? Applications for the Summer Startup Programme close 15 September 12pm To find out more and to apply, visit www.canterbury.ac.nz/uce

CANTA’S

BROKEN NEWS Investigation Reveals UC Parking Land Owned by Mr Krabs A recent investigation into the parking prices at UC has revealed that the parking land is owned by Mr Krabs. The investigation revealed that during land negotiations with the Crown following the 2011 earthquake, the land occupied by the University’s carparks was gifted to Mr Krabs. The notorious food and beverage entrepreneur known for his high prices and ridiculous moneymaking schemes - immediately started hiking up the parking prices after being gifted the land. “It’s nice that people now realise we’re not responsible for raising the prices so high, it’s that money-hungry crab!” Said a UC Spokesperson. When reached for a comment, all Mr Krabs had to say was “Money, money, money!”

Troll Under Bridge Identified as Part Time Foundry Bouncer

troll who has been harassing students from underneath the Health Centre Bridge has revealed that he is a part-time Foundry bouncer. The troll, who asked to remain nameless, has spent the last several months living under the bridge controlling who does and doesn’t cross it. “He makes it really hard to cross the bridge” said one student, “like, this one time, I wasn’t even going to a

lecture and he wouldn’t let me cross” “Yeah, there was this one time where I only had, like, 3 two-hour lectures and a tutorial and he wouldn’t let me cross. It was blatant discrimination” said another student. Other students claimed the troll was unfair and had kicked them off the bridge while they were crossing it, “I had gone to barely any lectures before I crossed the bridge, it was totally unfair!”.

College House Kid Succeeds In Displaying Heterosexuality Shockwaves were felt throughout College House this week as a student who claimed to be straight was discovered to indeed be just that, straight. The student, who claims he’s not even “bi-curious” shocked residents of the Hall after revealing he had never had a sexual experience with someone of the same gender. One student who heard the revelation described the shock people felt as a “huge surprise to all of us, considering most of College House is cross-platform compatible, if you get what I mean”.

Ernest Rutherford Automatic Doors Claim Seventh Victim A seventh victim has died waiting for the sliding doors in Ernest Rutherford for open. The student, who is the seventh to die this year, was waiting for the automatic doors to open wide enough to walk through. The doors reportedly open so slowly it takes enough time for the entire body to starve and shut down. When inquiring about the faulty doors, a spokesperson said it was a design decision to have the doors open slowly. “The automatic doors are symbolism for Christchurch’s resilience, and how long it takes for anything to get built around here.” Said the architect.

LAWSOC now offers Complimentary Striped Tee and Puffer Jacket

AK SF T A TH WS NE

LAWSOC surprised no one this week when they revealed their 2018 clothing line. The new clothing line offers a huge range of striped t-shirts and puffer jackets, students can pick from a variety of colours including navy blue and navy blue. When asked about their generosity, LAWSOC said it while it was generous to make the clothing complimentary, it also served a very practical purpose. “By making it complimentary it means we can easily determine who receives the clothing. We can’t let those peasan- I mean, ‘non-law’ students to have our clothing, because this clothing is meant to tell you that we’re better than y- I mean, law students.”

Old Undercroft Furniture to fill Couch Burning Quota

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University of Canterbury students will be delighted this week with the gifting of multiple tonnes of old Undercroft furniture.UC Management has gifted all the furniture to the student population so couch burning quotas could be met.Concerns were raised last month after it was revealed that students weren’t burning enough couches. “Ilam used to looking like a fucking bushfire back in my day, burn some more furniture you pussies!” Said a UC Security spokesperson.

the greek Καλώς ήρθατε στην έκδοση του Ben Appetit αυτή την εβδομάδα. Αυτή την εβδομάδα κατευθυνθήκαμε στην πρώτη τριλογία των τριών τοποθεσιών δικαστηρίων Undercroft, The Greek!

I’m so lame. Welcome to this week’s edition of Ben Appetit. This week I headed to the first of a trilogy of three Undercroft food court locations, The Greek! Thanks Google Translate… The Greek is UC’s version of Subway, but ten times better and more European. With V-Plate compatibility and a central location The Greek serves many students with its tzatziki-lubed menu. Yes, I’m a poet.

MY APOLOGIES TO ANYONE THAT WALKED PAST ME AS I ATE THIS IN THE UNDERCROFT. IT’S LIKE I AIN’T EVER SEEN NO DANG FOOD BEFORE.

My first item was a small falafel salad with couscous, lettuce, carrot, capsicum, and the leftover chicken and tomato from a long business day (considering I purchased this three minutes before closing). Next to the salad sat a rice mound and on top a generous minty drizzle, as pictured. It was a filling meal. I don’t want to imagine the size of the large salad! Despite its size and heartiness for its price, the falafels were a tad dry. That could be down to it being late in the day though.

I SWEAR IT LOOKS BETTER THAN WHAT THIS PIC MAKES IT OUT TO BE. I’M JUST A BAD PHOTOGRAPHER ¯\_(ツ)_/¯…

The souvlaki was the salad but in a lightly charred wrap. My dad said he had one three weeks ago and liked it - I must one up him and say I loved it. I’m getting one tomorrow. There was so much chicken!!1!!! There isn’t a UC souvlaki campus-wide that doesn’t make me emotional. I would’ve given my first 10/10 if I only had this. The only thing stopping you might be the costs. With my allotted $20 I purchased a $10.80 chicken souvlaki and a $7.50 small Greek salad. Keep in mind that there’s $2 rice three paces to the left though, so you can’t really complain about prices. You gotta splurge out at least once right?

8 OUT OF 10 Bens

Street Eats

The Brewery - Cassels & Sons Pizza, beer and bloody good cheer, is the best way to describe the buzz of The Brewery - Cassels & Sons at the Tannery. All three are supremely excellent in their own right. And, if you hit TheBrewery on the right day, you may even find yourself entertained by a bevvy of undiscovered, supremely gifted, Christchurch dwelling musicians. A combination of Cockney-Jamaican descent, means I love a big-up boast and the Cassels one is a goodie “known for producing exceptional beer true to craft beer values” ding, dong! Listen, I think they’re underselling themselves as the brewed onsite, award winning craft beer is easy on the lips, the cider progressive, the wine lists extensive and oh, my Jesus, the Euro-style freshly baked thin-based pizzas, well I have been known to chow down 2 at one sitting. The whole ambience of the Café and staff is warm, embracing and cheerful. If you happen along during the colder months, you’re greeted with a comforting aroma of hops and mulled wine. During the warmer days, sit outside and bask in the surrounds of jazz, blues, acoustic guitar, while families, singles, students and shoppers go fork to plate over the extensive and delicious menu. WHERE ON THE STREET: The Tannery, 3 Garlands Road, Woolston, Christchurch. If you don’t have a set of wheels, make a day of it, as the Orbiter bus will take you there via Eastgate Mall – shop and eat my peeps, shop and eat! FOODAGE : The Brewery has a wonderful capture, meaning, you can rock up at any time and find yourself with a menu for Breakfast, Brunch, Dinner, Supper or Dessert. If you’re short on time, or looking for a quick bite, there’s also a cabinet, full to the brim with both sweet and savory goodies to eat in or run with. I’m a coffee nazi (ooh can I say that?) and will only drink a ‘premo’ finely extracted and executed, flat white, which you will find here with a banging coffee medley to boot! Typically the foodage is a mixture of Small Plates, Platters, Mains and Desserts with a good choice of GF, DF, Veg. The majesty however, are the Wood-Fired Pizzas, classically named after suburbs in Canterbury / Christchurch. They own their appellations, which have become synonymous with their flavours(which came first Daniel Radcliffe or Harry Potter). My boyfriend always orders a ‘Rakaia’ : olive oil base, smoked salmon, cream cheese, capers and rocket, while I fast for a day, then slide into my stretchy pants so I can gallop eat a ‘Linwood’: BBQ base, mozzarella, chicken, kransky, bacon & smoked cheese. Nope, I don’t EVER share!

FILL THE TRAP: For a small feed you’re looking at around $6.50 for a plate of mushrooms stuffed with confit garlic and herbs to $15.50 for ½dozen oysters (oi! oi!). I have to say though, for a small plate my money is on their beer battered onion rings ($9) or fries and aioli ($10) big enough for 2 to share. MAINS : $18.00 for a massive salad through to $32 for a good ribeye with sides. PIZZAS : $20.00 for a classic Margherita through to $26.00 for my loaded Linwood. To wash it all down : Beer and Real Ale : $8.00 a glass or $10 a pint. The Wine list is glass vs bottle dependent : $9.00 up.For Cider, check the board, as there’s always a kaleidoscope of colours and flavours. TIME MR WOLF:

Open 8am til late – 7 days a week.

DO IT YOURSELF : For the perfect pizza tomato sauce, try my sticky, syrupy recipe. You can use fresh or tinned tomatoes; just don’t forget to put the love in while stirring. 2tbsp olive oil 1 medium-sized onion, finely sliced 1 tbsp Jax Food Hax : Dry Fresh Herbs 2 cloves garlic, crushed 425g tin crushed tomatoes OR 500g fresh, diced ¼ cup tomato paste 1 tsp white sugar salt and freshly ground black pepper Pop oil into a large frying pan over a medium heat and cook the onions and herbs, gently, stirring now and again until golden, fragrant and soft. Add the garlic and cook for a further 5 minutesbefore pouring in the tomatoes, paste and sugar. Simmer gently until your sauce is thick and jammy, about 15 minutes. You can make one big pizza or 2 smaller ones this this amount. Or a banging pasta dish for 4. For more Hax, tips, tricks, tips and banging recipes from Jax, head to www.jaxfoodhax.com or www.jaxhamilton.co.nz Bahahahaah – big love, stay gold. Jax

www.jaxfoodhax.com @jaxfoodhax

@jaxfoodhax

club promo PROFILING THE BEST CLUBS AND EVENTS ON CAMPUS

arise church ARISE Church is a place to call home. ARISE has been a part of the community at UC for over 10 years & in that time, thousands of students have been involved in the journey. Regardless of belief or background, anyone is welcome to get involved with ARISE at UC. And for those interested in growing their faith or exploring Christianity then we’d love to be a part of that too! Whether it be helping at the UCSA events, or weekly life groups, sports, bonfires, study groups and of course, Sunday church, there’s always something happening and we’d love you to be a part of the fun. Contact details: www.facebook.com/ARISEChchYoungAdults E. ben.kendrew@arisechurch.com P. 03 3773541

brewsoc If you r͛ e looking for great events and wanting to meet new people Brewsoc is for you! Brewsoc is in its first year, although we don t͛ act like it. We hold various events such as brew tutorials, which are free for members who want to make their own beer, wine or cider. We also have a social basketball team! Brewsoc wants you to meet over 300+ of its members and that number is growing! Brewsoc is passionate about having a strong networking community. We have had a tremendous amount of success with our many BBQ and themed party events. A reason for this could be the fact that Brewsoc provides many complimentary alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages throughout the night for its events. BBQ ticket price? $10 so you don t͛ have to break the bank for a great time. This semester we want to ramp it up a notch with a Formal Cocktail night, OCTOBERFEST and our APA Competition! Since we are halfway through the year, signups are available for $5(Half Price). Contact us through our Facebook page B ͚ rewsoc ͛ or scan the link. So, signup for some good vibes and even better grog. WE ARE A GENDER NEUTRAL CLUB!

oter

UC indian SOCIETY Namaste! We at the UC Indian Society are a fun bunch who all share the same love for Indian culture, music and most importantly, food. Our club is open to absolutely anyone who takes an interest in Indian culture and you’re more than welcome if you love to shake a leg to a catchy Desi tune. We take pride in the diversity and unity that exists in India and we showcase the same in our events. Last semester we held the club’s first ever Quiz Night with awesome prizes and there was amazing food too, including Chicken Biriyani and Channa Masala! ;) This semester we had a classical Indian Dance Workshop, which was a great success with many people turning up, showing interest in Bharatanatyam (check our Instagram!). We also had a Bollywood Party last week, having the country’s #1 Bollywood DJ, Areeb, in a fancy as place in town. We have planned a chill movie night for end of term and YOU can vote for the movie of your choice through our Facebook page. Make sure you stay tuned for next term though, that’s when we will be having our Grand Ball, the classiest way to end the year! Contact details: www.facebook.com/ucindianstudents/ www.instagram.com/ucindiansoc/

UC photography club Do you enjoy taking pictures, but aren’t sure how to improve? Have you just bought a camera/phone camera and have no clue how to use it?? Love talking about photography and want to meet new people? Look no further! The UC Photography Club offers all that and more! After running a successful tutorial on the basics of photography, we’re coming into the new semester swinging hard with an upcoming workshop on editing in Lightroom and Photoshop. Prepare yourselves for photography walks, photo competitions, and semi-decent banter! With members from all backgrounds in photography; Nature, landscapes, portraits, journalism, architecture, products, etc. There’s never a shortage of people to talk to, or to learn from! We welcome beginners and the more experienced to join our club, so be snappy, and sign yourself up today! Don’t forget to give us a like/follow on Facebook- UC Photography Club, and Insta- @ucphotoclub

UCPOLS UCPOLS Semester 2 has come at us all with a hiss and a roar, and it definitely an exciting time for UCPols. We are the home of all things politics on campus and are bringing you a range of speakers this semester – including: David Seymour, Peter Dunne, and Raf Manji. If you want to be a member visit ucpols.co.nz!

THREE Female tropes we need to get rid of FISI INVESTIGATES AGE-OLD CLICHÉS THAT WOMEN HAVE ENDURED IN FILM AND ASKS, WHEN WILL IT END?

The Bechdel test requires at least two women who appear in a fiction film to talk to each other about something other than a man. It first appeared in 1985 created by Alison Bechdel and Liz Wallace, but has since become a widely known method used by film critics, other film enthusiasts, and just good people. I bring this up because although films nowadays are becoming stronger at the representation of women in cinema, there is still a problem with accurate and progressive portrayal in the wider community, especially in non-western cinema. So here we go. Here are (in my opinion, and please feel free to discuss with me further), 3 Female Tropes that we need to get rid of in Modern Cinema.

1.WOMEN VS. WOMAN It’s common knowledge that women have been subjected wildly to the media, cosmetic, and fashion industry. And much of that is based on the intrepid social construction (up until the last few years) that women will not be complete until they find a man - but more on that later. I’m talking about films that depict women as choices, and men as choosers and the concept that the woman might not be good enough. It seems that these films believe that it’s not enough for a girl to be whoever she wants to be because there might possibly be another, prettier, smarter, and more interesting girl out there that he might want instead. Teen dramas fall heavily into this category like Grease, 1978. I know this movie is old and from a different era, but it’s such an iconic movie that for me growing up, this is what it meant to be a teenager. It’s just a terrible movie in the end, none of the cast are actually teens, and in the end, Sandy learns nothing more except to give in to peer pressure. We see similar plots like this in other films like Mean Girls, 2004; Clueless, 1995; A Cinderella Story, 2004; You Get me, 2017; The edge of Seventeen, 2017; Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging, 2008; and many, many more. Films are so good at using this trope to further their plot and add tension between characters, as if this is what most women worry about, and yet, it only furthers the ideology that a woman needs to get rid of her competition in order to win the man’s affections. However, in that aspect, all other women become competition from then on, and it places blame on other women instead of a man’s wondering eye. It would be a much more progressive and healthy for a film to portray the competition a woman has with herself.

2. THE ROMANTIC AGE GAP / THE OLD HAG Kevin James, Vince Vaughn, and pretty much every Adam Sandler movie are notorious for the trope of young woman-old man romance. Its films like Paul Blart: Mall Cop, 2009, that are so bizarre and distant in relationship terms that it’s almost seemingly the norm (not that that’s the only weird thing about Paul Blart: Mall Cop). Now, I’m not saying that there’s no possible way that someone like Kevin James and Jayma Mays would be together in real life, no. What I’m meaning to say is that it is this type of obvious age gap between two romantic leads is what’s making it harder for older women to play age appropriate roles in Hollywood. In order to reach their target audience the main character needs to be seen reaching something or someone unobtainable, and it’s almost always in the form of a much younger, prettier, and more relevant woman. The problem here is not that it’s depicting a younger woman, but that the more common roles for women over 40 are those in which she plays the ‘Old Hag’. In other words, the annoying mother-in-law (Monster in Law, 2009), the grouchy ex-wife (Unforgettable, 2017), the Bully from back in the days (You Again, 2010). Don’t get me wrong, there are so many more opportunities happening for older women now, but in future, our children and young girls will benefit so much more from seeing strong females leads over 40 in enriching and truthful roles. However, in order to achieve a great balance, we need to start seeing the demise of the romantic age gap first. Paul Blart: Mall Cop is something I hope they never make again regardless.

3. THE TOKEN LESBIAN For many people, the LGBTQI+ community is the only community. As an open bisexual, and the sister and close friend to many members, I find it exhaustingly upsetting when I see a singular lesbian (or other lgbt+), within one friend group. The gays don’t repel one another. TV shows like, Riverdale and Pretty Little Liars, and Glee seem to decide that one is enough for inclusivity. They depict a friend group which is 90% straight, and 10% queer. As opposed to a more natural 90% queer, and maybe 10% straight?. This type of segregation is what is hindering a progressive and inclusive film industry. The queer character always seems to find only one other character that they inevitably end up dating, which for most people is almost never true. Aside from the straight/gay biased, its also true and tragic that for as many token gay men in films, there’s even less token lesbians. Now I’m not saying that men are what’s making it harder for inclusivity, but rather that men are still at the advantage in this aspect. My biggest problem with this trope (apart from the inevitable sex scene within lesbian films - but don’t get me started on that) is that its so far from the truth. Whats wrong with having a film solely about lesbians, not just having relationships with others but within friend groups. Honest, platonic, and wholesome friend groups. Besides, humans are so much more complicated that just option A or option B, and the truth in this is that no one has to be any more or less that what they themselves decide. I believe that this should be reflected in the films we produce and for our future generations. I’m sorry If I’ve come across as a Man-Hater, my goal is not to bring down fire on the male population, but instead bring awareness to the broader community of those who think film and media are becoming ‘too PC’. Films should be inclusive, and we should be talking about it. Accurate and progressive portrayal is important for our younger generations, and although you may believe that my words are unnecessary and basic, it’s representative of a society I would like to be apart of. So talk about it, discuss, and understand, gender equality and inequity effects everyone one way or another, not just the token lesbian in your friend group.

FISI CARRASCO REX

@CANTAMAG

I S YO U R S N A P H E R E ?

YO U ’ V E W O N A Q U I C K TA P C A R D ! IT’S LOAD E D W ITH 5 FR E E D R I N KS FROM C A M PUS V E N D I N G M AC H I N ES!* C O N TA C T C A N TA . E D I T O R @ G M A I L . C O M T O C L A I M YO U R S ! *One card per issue

your 2019 candidates

JACKSON WHITE balance has to be struck between commercial success and student centricity. What makes me qualified to be your president? The short of it is that I love learning, working hard and I have done some pretty cool things at the UCSA over the past 2 years.

Kia ora, I’m Jackson White and this year I am running for the role of UCSA President. I’m running with Laura O’Dwyer and Harry Beaumont and together we are going to be focusing on student wellbeing, sustainability and our future home, Haere-roa.

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Over the past few years I have been working towards a career in the renewable energy industry as I believe that the production of energy is one of the most crucial impacts that we as humans make on the earth. How does that lead to running for UCSA president? I think that one of the best ways we can help create a better, more sustainable world is by aiding our future leaders. I see the role of president one of the best ways to help our community. So, that’s why I do what I do, now it’s time to get onto what we actually want to achieve. Laura and Harry will be talking a bit more on wellbeing and sustainability respectively so I am going to discuss our building, Haere-roa: Across the river from Puaka-James Height are a few big slabs of concrete connected by some steel beams which, at some point over the next year will become our collective home. Haere-roa is set to be home for students containing; the Ngaio Marsh Theatre, the new Foundry & Bentleys Bar, a function space, a grassed amphitheatre, student social space and the club spaces. I am truly excited by the possibilities that it will bring for us as students but I am also quite worried. Through my experience in the construction industry I have gained an appreciation for the ins and outs of large developments and I believe that I could use this to aid our executive in decision making around Haere-roa. There are a number of ways that Haere-roa could be a place which enables student wellbeing and sustainability efforts to flourish. These include: • A hub for a university wide mentoring program & a well formed class-rep system. • Using the foundry as a lunchtime cafeteria to encourage more community interaction. • Encouraging māhinga kai (edible campus). • Hosting a commercial composting operation. • And even aiming towards a zero-waste circular system. In order for any of these endeavours to succeed, a tricky

Some of those things include: • Making one the UCSA’s Early Learning Centres powered by solar power. • The completion of a feasibility study for a commercial composting operation on campus which is now being taken seriously by our organisation. • Various sustainable transport projects alongside Harry. • Working alongside student clubs and the engineering college to create an effective first year mentoring scheme. • Collaboration with the commercial managers of the UCSA to balance student needs and commercial viability. The relationship between UCSA & UC is one of the best students’ association-university relationships in the country and this is something that the students of UC should be very proud of. This enables us to work together on projects such as commercial composting which other organisations would not be able to. Despite how valuable this relationship is, it is crucial that the executive of the UCSA does not lose track of its students interests’ within discussions with UC in attempts to maintain this relationship. Over the past 2 years as Engineering/sustainability officer for the UCSA I have gained a vast amount of experience on how to approach these discussions from issues such as mental health, drug culture and sustainability. It is safe to say that juggling an engineering degree, my current position at the UCSA and an attempt at having some fun hasn’t left me any options other than being extremely organised. The UCSA president attends a large amount of meetings which require large amounts of preparation. When this is combined with leading an executive, it is pretty essential that the president is onto it. As the president is the only executive member who is committed full time and the chairman of the board, they are often the person who sets a large amount of strategic direction and keeps the CEO to account. This requires a large amount of conviction and a willingness to stand up for student matters. For a team that will continue to work hard for your wellbeing, sustainability and our future home, vote WHITE, O’DWYER, BEAUMONT.

SAM BROSNAHAN

Kia ora e te whānau, I’m Sam Brosnahan and I’m running for President of the UCSA for 2019. I’m running alongside Tori McNoe for VP and Millie Morgan for Finance Officer, through the Welcome Home campaign. This year, I’ve also had the opportunity of serving as Finance Officer and as Equity & Wellbeing Rep the year before.

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We’re at a special point in our 124-year history, with our brand new building Haere-roa opening up next year, opposite the Foundry. We see this as more than just any building opening - Haere-roa will be the beating heart and soul of student life on campus. It’s where you’ll go to chill, meet up with mates, head to club events, listen to bands on the lawn, head to MONO and oh so much more. It’s incredible what moving into a new space can do to the vibe and atmosphere of any community. We’re seeing this as a blank canvas to create, innovate and set the tone and culture for many years to come. What tone and culture you may ask? Well here we go - here’s the core values and approach we’ll bring as a leadership team next year. • Student Wellbeing We believe being able to function well physically, socially, in mind and in soul are the key pillars of a healthy student life. • The UC Experience We know our clubs, events, nationalities and cultures make us who are as UC. Let’s preserve and enhance what’s good, while making sure we continuously seek out ways to improve the signature UC experience. • Homely Hospitality We’ll continue to extend hospitality to all students, whether you’re from Christchurch, wider Aotearoa or from around the world. Wherever you’re from, our passion is for Haere-roa and the UC campus to feel like your home away from home. • Creativity At Our Core This core value speaks to an approach promoting innovation in everything we do. From how we activate and bring Haereroa to life, to the way we communicate with you, to the way our culture is celebrated. How y’all planning to achieve this specifically, you ask? Well here’s a rundown of the platform we’re running on. 1. Haere-roa - a living space As mentioned, next year we’re on the move into Haere-roa. It’s a new building, it’s going to be exciting, Foundry, MONO, bands, club events - all good. The question then becomes, how are we going to activate the building to actually get you there on the day-to-day, in-between lectures, after

lectures etc. We’ll promote events and pop-ups that you never thought were possible on a uni campus, and instead reserved for Google HQ. An open-air movie setup, sleeping pods, outdoor table tennis, food trucks and bands on the amphitheatre at lunchtime - I’m excited already. 2. $5 Lunch menu We present to you the BYO plate ‘$5 lunch menu’, providing daily lunch options that are hearty, nutritious and budget-friendly. Think curried lentils on rice Mondays, vegetarian pasta Tuesdays, potato curry on rice Wednesdays, so on. As mentioned it’ll be BYO plates & cutlery and it’ll be served college-cafeteria style. It’ll be offered at the same time, same place throughout term-time and your stomach’s gonna love it. 3. Embracing wairua We reckon we can always do more to showcase the student spirit, identity culture, nationalities and religions on campus. This is what embracing wairua captures and it’s an aspect of our campaign we plan to champion through the following: • Showcasing our diverse range of clubs and cultures on more of our media channels, through videos and takeovers. • Hold an event to celebrate Matariki - the Māori New Year. • UCSA Student Executive representation at a more diverse range of club events. 4. Subsidised fruit at UCSA cafes Wave goodbye to your ready salted chip packets, and say hello to subsidised fruit. We know how important it is to be able to eat well in order to feel well. Remember the fruit drops UCSA run during exams? We want to build on this initiative and subsidise fruit on campus - it’s cheaper, you’re healthier we’re happy. 5. Clubs and Mono All three of us have been through the club scene so we know the vital role it plays in the UC experience. WE LOVE MONO too, however clubs are telling us it’s getting harder to compete with it. There is an opportunity for us to take advantage of the 6pm-9pm Pre-Mono sweetspot on a more frequent basis, which clubs could potentially host as a Pre-Mono gig. Me oh my, that sounds a bit like me. (Millie Morgan quote). So there we are, that was us. If you had any further questions, thoughts or ideas, flick us an email at welcomehomecampaign19@gmail.com. @SAM.BROS for President // @TORIMCNOE for Vice President // @MILLIEMORGAN for Finance. For more info visit www.welcomehome.nz

RAYMOND ELLWOOD

It is time to do more and be more daring for every student and club at UC. Represent every student in meetings with the UC community. Include every student in plans that improve and present the UC experience. Be more representative of every student, club and society at UC.

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Create positive change for every student.

• Endeavour to provide a safe environment for students – light up Ilam Fields, especially on Thursday nights; bring about more self-defence classes for each term of the academic year. • Endeavour to bring about driving lessons to the campus for every student; in addition, attempt to reduce the associated costs of learning how to drive for every student. • Look for more investors for clubs and societies. Seek feedback from Clubs on a frequent basis and listen to that feedback. Give every Club and Society a fair go. Be ambitious. • Reduce the cost of advertising for special events of a Club and Society; secondly, make the formalities and processes around Grants and Room Bookings clear and easy; thirdly, get more involved with the Clubs and Societies and assist with events and their overall vision. The Clubs and the Societies in UC deserve a hand up and a new fair deal from the UCSA. • Support and present every diverse group in UC; bring about more cultural events to the campus on a more regular basis. Let us set up chess tables on the concourse. Let us play foosball, table tennis and billiards in the undercroft. Let us bring Back Yard Cricket and Touch Rugby tournaments to the lecture theatre lawns in the lunchbreak. Let us sample the food and the theatre of the Indian Club, the Spanish Club, the Iranian Club, the Malaysian and the Pacific Island Clubs from the Te Ao Marama building to the Matariki building every month. Let us share and experience other ideas and practices. Let us meet and know every student and club better. Be different. • Support and continue more Club and UCSA events such as Diversity Week and Wāhine in Law Week every year. • Create more activities and spaces for Adult students,

Postgraduate students and International students. • Endeavour to bring about more services such as laundry and dry cleaning services, timeout spaces, barbershop services to the campus. • Talk about problems that surround flatting, as well as the parking issues on campus, and find solutions to these problems. • Promote academic freedom. Be more vocal. Stand up. Speak out. • Be available to listen to every student. • Create and implement the UCSA President’s Give Back Pledge to prospective students and to the wider community – by donating a fraction of their own salary to special causes, charities, projects and study or tuition grants. • Engage with topics such as bullying, abuse, depression and suicide. • Make all lines of communication with every party clear and accessible. • The promise is to always know the issues; be relevant; be an advocate for students; communicate and connect with students. • Be present. Be visible. Be inclusive. Be creative. Be geared up to change the game. Lead. Listen and connect with every student. Invest in students and in Clubs and Societies. Get more value. All fired up and ready to go. Raymond Ellwood holds a Bachelor’s degree in Media and English Studies and is currently studying towards a degree in Legal Studies. Raymond Ellwood had served as a Class Rep and as a Committee Member on the Equity and Wellbeing Advisory Group (EWAG) at UC, in 2017. Raymond Ellwood is determined and passionate about creating positive change for every student at UC. Vote Raymond Ellwood for UCSA President. Change the game. It’s time. Talk to me – Email: tel35@uclive.ac.nz. Add me on Facebook: Raymond Ellwood; Twitter: MootFirstNZ; Instagram Page: Brotherhood206.

LAURA O’DWYER

TORI MCNOE Kia ora koutou! Tori McNoe here and I’d be super honoured to snag your vote to be the UCSA Vice President in 2019. Along with Sam Brosnahan and Millie Morgan, I’m running as part of the Welcome Home campaign.

Hi, I’m Laura O’Dwyer and I’m running for the position of UCSA Vice President for 2019. Jackson White, who is running for President, and Harry Beaumont, who is running for Finance Officer, and I are focusing on the three areas of student wellbeing, sustainability and our future home, Haereroa.

Let’s establish the facts. Born, raised and educated in the mighty Timaru, I took my leap of faith to UC in 2015 and I have never looked back. What I love about UC are the electric clubs community, our extremely diverse range of people and of course a great flat white from the Shilling Club.

Last year I was elected onto the UCSA as the Equity and Wellbeing Representative. As well as working towards degrees in Law and Criminal Justice, I’ve spent my time

Under wellbeing, we want to continue to push for more funding for reactive measures for mental health issues faced by students. The Vice President sits on a number of academic and wellbeing meetings, many of which I have been involved in this year, giving us the platform to bring your concerns directly to the attention of UC. We also want to be proactive, including starting a campuswide mentorship scheme. This will not only be a break from academic stresses, but will allow new connections and friendships, meaning everyone can feel like they have someone to talk to at Uni. It will also provide a forum to ask questions and chat about any concerns. As part of

maintaining a student-centric focus for the use of Haere-roa, the new building will act as a base for this scheme so it can be a relaxed chill out space. Student safety is extremely important for us, especially around the foundry and large events. We want to explore options for getting you home safely after nights out, as well as continuing our work around the conduct of bouncers. A sense of belonging and the ability to call UC home is something Jackson, Harry and I have been fortunate to find during our time here. We want to make sure that each student has this opportunity, and we think our policies, alongside continuing the work we have started, will help make significant progress in this area. For a team that will continue to work hard for your wellbeing, sustainability and our future home, vote WHITE, O’DWYER, BEAUMONT.

Currently, I’m a third-year student working toward a Bachelor of Criminal Justice and a Bachelor of Arts majoring in Sociology and Psychology. I’m doing this because I absolutely LOVE people, especially youth and I am really passionate about advocating for our rights.

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on the executive advocating for change through UCSA engagement in projects such as the Governmental Mental Health Inquiry, Thursdays in Black, Diversity Fest, the UC Equity and Diversity Plan, and changes in the UC Harassment Policy. I’ve also focused on acts of kindness on campus, including plant giveaways, Pink Shirt Day, free food tables, exam fruit drops and self-defence classes.

So why do I want to be Vice President? Drive, ambition, and passion to lead a study body who have changed my life in more way than one would sum it up. For a campus that has given me so much, the least I can do is work to ensure it continues to radiate its infectious vibes. Throughout my UC experience, I’ve been involved on campus in various ways and am currently I’m the COO (Chief Operating Officer) of a company called entre, which you may know as a club on campus. Getting to know so many of you through this platform has proven to me just how special UC is and made me passionate about ensuring we continue to preserve that. Next year there is going to be lost of a change at UC. We a new Vice Chancellor and we a have a new UCSA building going up! We’ve named our campaign ‘Welcome Home’ for this reason. It’s been a long time coming and my team see it as ‘blank canvas’ for our student body and a real opportunity to innovate our campus. How you ask? In the following 5 ways: • $5 Lunches • Subsidised Fruit • Embracing Wairua • Clubs X MONO • Haere Roa (Our Building) - a living space. Keen on a long meeting, extremely dedicated workers and most importantly devoted to our vision, Sam, Millie and I are ready to welcome you home. Tautimai kainga koutou - Welcome home UC! Any further questions, thoughts or ideas, flick us an email at welcomehomecampaign19@gmail.com. SAM.BROS // TORIMCNOE // MILLIEMORGAN www.welcomehome.nz

HARRY BEAUMONT

Next year will hopefully be my third year on the UCSA Exec. In my first year on the Exec I focused on bike safety by bringing in bike locks and lights and working alongside the UC Transport Committee. Jackson and I also piloted learn to skateboard workshops, and looked into options to increase student access to buses. Overall we tried to push the UCSA and UC in a more sustainable direction.

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This year we have continued with this focus, which for me has lead to bike packs, as well as the creation of a UC area specific bike map, which is currently being finalised. I have worked to implement a more comprehensive bike share scheme at UC, which is also in the works. Alongside this, I’ve been focusing on representation, particularly a system that will allow the voices of class and club representatives to be heard by UC at all levels. So what will my team and I be doing next year if we are elected? Well in terms of sustainability we’re aiming for a few key goals. Firstly to sort out the waste systems at UC and implement an onsite composter. Secondly to create more circular economies within UC, so that less items enter and leave UC after being used only one time. Lastly, we’ll keep pushing UC to phase out the coal powered heating. So why should you elect me as your Finance Officer? Well fortunately the role is perfectly suited to a long term UCSA Battler™ such as myself, as it is effectively an audit role of the entire organisation. Over the past two years I’ve been involved in most aspects of the UCSA, and so have a good understanding of how it all works. I’m also a fan of ordering my socks according to colour and utility, which might make me weird, but you can’t deny that shows that I have some organisation skills and a penchant for detail. Most importantly, just make sure you vote, and for a team that will continue to work hard for your wellbeing, sustainability and our future home, vote WHITE, O’DWYER, BEAUMONT.

Hello, Kia Ora, Ni Hao! It’s Millie Morgan here, and I’m humbly after your sweet vote in the 2019 UCSA election as Finance Officer, along with Sam Brosnahan (President) and Tori McNoe (VP). What better way for you to get to know me, then through a yes/no quick fire round. So here goes: Leftovers for breakfast? Yes, it’s called efficiency. Zumba? No. I’m a spin class gal. Learning Chinese at 21? Yes, loves a challenge. Mono Nights? Big YES Friday Morning lectures? Should be illegal. Student? Naturally. Righto, let’s get to it. I’m currently a 4th year Law and Arts. I made the move to this mighty metropolis 4 years ago as a ripe and eager student. While I’m slightly older, and maybe lacking a little sleep, anyone who knows me, knows I’m always up for any challenge I come across. The UCSA faces some daunting challenges in future, so it’s important its dollars and cents managed to a tee. That’s where I come in. We have $2.4 million left to fundraise for your new $28m UCSA building; Haere-roa. As a student body we want to build and shape a community here, a home away from home, so we’ve got to make sure we manage our finances responsibility so we’re not up to our knees in debt.

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Gidday, I’m Harry, and I’m running to be your Finance Officer in 2019. Jackson White, who is running for President, and Laura O’Dwyer, who is running for Vice-President, and I are focusing on the three areas of student wellbeing, sustainability and our future home, Haere-roa.

MILLIE MORGAN

I’m currently the marketing manager for the local froth squad, the Gentleman’s Club. We are non-for-profit and one of the biggest social clubs on campus. This means managing a tight budget and juggling student demand’s comes naturally. I’m also fortunate enough to be on the Board of Directors of University & Tertiary Sport NZ. My position has given me direct insight to governance on a national level, and clear understanding of the realities of financial restrictions. Being business smart and in governance isn’t new to me. One of my favourite things about UC is the club culture and the unique community it creates. This is a key feature of our student lifestyle as it unites a range of people and their various passions into a similar space. Ensuring this remains the heart of UC is a key passion of ours, so let’s bring it home. Sam, Tori and I believe in a future that everybody feels apart of and more importantly a community you proud to be a part of. @SAM.BROS // @TORIMCNOE // @MILLIEMORGAN. For more info head to www.welcomehome.nz

TAYLOR MCLELLAN

MEGAN NELIS

A little background about me. I started at UC in 2013 doing a Bachelor of Commerce majoring in economics. After spending a gap year in 2015 in England playing cricket and working as a chef, I decided to come back and study law as well. I believe studying these two distinct fields gives me the knowledge and expertise required to both sensibly manage the UCSA finances, and lead a refreshment of the current UCSA.

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The UCSA are constantly spouting facts & figures claiming to be the most successful university organisation in New Zealand based on turning the biggest profits. Although this is great, the students’ association should represent and cater to you, the students. These profits come at the expense of better and/or cheaper student services and events, as well as paying decent wages to UCSA employees. It hasn’t always been this way, and it doesn’t have to be. As your finance officer, I will ensure profits aren’t prioritised over student needs. UCSA run food outlets should focus on providing decent, cheap food, not turning the largest possible profits. I will push for open-door UCSA meetings to ensure transparency, and an enquiry into paying UCSA employed staff a wage a living wage, the bare minimum for living in 2018. We believe all students’ would be proud of such an accomplishment. The team at Refresh wants to make the UCSA a more accessible, representative organisation. We understand how important proper mental health services are throughout the year, and will focus on providing a better support network for students, being available and welcoming. This is YOUR student organisation and something we should all be proud of, not a business. It is time to REFRESH the UCSA. Open door UCSA meetings ; Better mental health services ; Changing the focus from profits to students ; Living wage for UCSA employees. Vote McLellan for Finance Officer. MCLELLAN, GUATAM, FARRAR, MERRALL, CLARKEBEATSON / FB.COM/REFRESHUCSA.

Hi all!

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Hi my name is Taylor and I want to represent you on the UCSA 2019 as your Finance Officer.

My name is Megan Nelis, Meg for short, and I want to be your Equity and Wellbeing Officer for 2019. Studying towards a Bachelor of Health Sciences here at UC, I have a unique insight and enthusiasm for all things health, equity, and wellbeing. My passion for improving the health and livelihood of others extends well beyond my degree and my ambition is to enhance the lives of UC students now. As a current member of the UC Equity and Wellbeing Advocacy Group, I have gathered great insight and knowledge about the real issues facing our students and our campus – further igniting the flame for me to actively address these issues, for you, me, and the students who will come after us. I have two simple questions for you that are central to my campaign are: Do you feel sound and well in yourself – physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially? Do you feel safe and supported within both the University walls and at home? My solution to these questions is simple: strengthen what we’ve got, and build on what we’ve not! Vote for YOUBE HEARD FEEL SAFE, & SUPPORTED C’mon, be ZEALOUS – VOTE FOR NELIS

HONG YAO

G’day! I’m Jack and I’m running to be your Equity and Wellbeing Representative for 2019, alongside my running partner Katie Mills, for Postgraduate Representative. I’m a 3rd year Law and Commerce student who has been extensively involved in UC life, from cofounding CurrySoc to acting as the Service Executive for the Emerging Leaders Development Programme. We acknowledge that achieving mental fitness is not a onesize-fits-all endeavour, nor is there a quick-fix solution, so we are taking a fresh approach to inspiring mental fitness amongst students. This starts with creating a separate interest group grant for targeted mental wellbeing initiatives, as well as ensuring the new UCSA building has a dedicated quiet zone to escape the pressures of main campus. We will also make the most of the new Foundry and outdoor amphitheatre by holding discounted Friday drinks alongside music acts on the riverside lawn. Lastly, we are committed to eliminating barriers for new club startups, by running an annual new club pitching competition, for a chance to be awarded a $1,000 start-up grant. If this sounds like your cup of tea, be sure to vote Mills & Whittam for 2019! To find out more, search ‘Mills & Whittam’ on Facebook.

FREYA FARRAR Hey, I’m Freya Farrar and I am running to be your Equity & Wellbeing Rep in 2019 - next year I will be in my 5th year of a Law and Arts degree. I think that we can do better at UC to look after all of you out there. There is this romantic picture of student life that sees us all eating budget mince and pasta or beans on toast for every main meal while freezing in a poorly insulated flat - but that is not realistic or safe (or appealing) for everyone on campus. I want to help the UCSA serve the students and start fostering an environment where students don’t just survive, but thrive while studying. The Refresh team and I are going deliver this in 2019 through transparency, improved mental health services, and ensuring that those working for us (at the UCSA) are able to thrive themselves. I am passionate about justice, and ensuring everyone has an equal playing field. I am advocating for you, and for a UCSA that you can be proud of. It is time to Refresh the UCSA. Vote FARRAR. MCLELLAN, GUATAM, FARRAR, MERRALL, CLARKE-BEATSON / FB.COM/REFRESHUCSA

Hello! My name is Hong Yao and I am currently a First Year International Student running to be the International Representative. During my short period in university, I have noticed and personally experienced a lack of interaction between international and domestic students, especially for students whose first language is not English. Vote for me for a more international student friendly environment, and for a better understanding of the international students around you. 大家好我是杨鸿耀，大一留学生，也是你们的留学生代表候选人。成为留学生代表，就是为了创造一个对留学生更舒适的环境，以及增长本地学生对我们的了解。请把你们神圣的一票投给我。谢谢。

INTERNATIONAL REP CANDIDATES

EQUITY AND WELLBEING REP CANDIDATES

JACK WHITTAM

Hello, nama saya Hong Yao. Saya seorang mahasiswa dari Malaysia. Saya ingin mencipta suasana yang lebih selesa untuk pelajar antarabangsa dan meningkatkan persefahaman antara pelajar domestik dan antarabangsa. Berilah undi anda yang tidak berharga untuk saya.

KEVIN FERNANDO Hi there! I’m Kevin Fernando and I’m running for International Rep with Olly Ng who is running for General Executive. I am a full fee-paying International student in my second year of a BCom in Accounting and Finance. I am currently on the Student Volunteer Army Exec and was on the TuneSoc Exec last year, where I helped launch the ‘Music Tutoring’ initiative which was nominated for a Supreme Club Award. Through this, I realised that I would like to see more International students involved and integrated in UC.Having missed the first two weeks of my first semester at uni due to visa delays, I recognise there is a need to work towards creating a “Peer Mentoring System” wherein prospective International students would be paired with current international students who can assist them through issues like the application process and help them ease into UC culture. Moreover, the need for a greater voice for international students is one that we consider to be of high priority. To do this, we aim to create an International Club Network to further discuss and resolve issues that International students are facing at UC.Vote for positive, forwardthinking change. Vote FERNANDO | NG.

C HRISTAL LEUNG Hi my name is Christal. I am studying towards a Science degree with Maths as my major.I am campaigning for the role of international representative and general executive member. I am not an international student but most of my friends are. I understand the struggles of international students such as language boundaries, visa problems and cultural conflicts. My policy for this role is peace and diversity. I suggest UCSA should organize more formal events in the beginning of the semester for international students to settle down including talks and seminars. Education and promotion of anti-racism should also be emphasized as this is one of the most unpleasant experiences that international students may have. On the other hand I am also keen on improving the student support services and welfare which we currently have. That includes lowing the prices and increasing the variety of food which sold in campus in order to suit students with different needs such as vegans and students from different countries. Increasing charging and napping spots around campus is also essential for students who likes late night studies and last minute procrastination in uni. (which I assume most of us are :D). Thank you!

POST-GRADUATE REP CANDIDATES

Kia Ora my name is Sunita Gautam and I am perusing Ph.D. I would love to represent you as your PG rep in the UCSA 2019. I have a long relationship with UC (since 2008). I have a passion to work with people from all walks of life and I live by Whakataukī; “He aha te mea nui O te ao. He tangata, he tangata, he tangata”. What is the most important thing in this world? It is the people, it is the people, it isthe people.I will bring important skills to the UCSA position like cultural competency, emotional intelligence, strong organisational skills, motivation and dedication, working with teams, leadership, problem solving, honesty and willingness to support students. As your PG representative, I will become your voice and assure that it’s been heard. As your fellow PG student, I relate with you in many ways such as a floundering research candidate, someone away from family, being a parent and a student, and overall an individual who believes in healthy, equal and fair educational environment. ‘Refresh’believes, it’s time the UCSA became a true representative organisation again. Vote Gautam for Post-Graduate Representative MCLELLAN, GUATAM, FARRAR, MERRALL, CLARKEBEATSON / FB.COM/REFRESHUCSA

GENERAL EXECUTIVE CANDIDATES

POST-GRADUATE REP CANDIDATES INTERNATIONAL REP CANDIDATES

SUNITA GAUTAM

KATIE MILLS Kia Ora! I’m Katie and I’m currently a third year Arts student majoring in Political Science and Art History, beginning postgraduate study in 2019! I’m running for postgraduate representative alongside my running mate Jack Whittam who is running for Equity and Wellbeing representative. Our aims are to foster strength of leadership, cooperation and communication between postgrads and the UCSA, as well as within the postgrad community. We’re also passionate about expanding social and supportive spaces for postgrad students. This entails improving existing postgrad peer-mentoring programmes and seeking to emulate the success of Lawsoc buddy nights and Engineering mentoring programmes. Furthermore, we want to create appropriate social environments for the postgraduate community in the new UCSA building. This includes overseeing the transition of postgrad perks into the new UCSA building and consulting with the postgrad community to ensure the fit out of this building meets their needs. We also aim to ensure the UCSA building fosters an inclusive and vibrant student culture. Therefore we propose to create regular opportunities for student-led performances and exhibitions. Jack and I have a lot more policy to share with you! To find out more, search ‘Mills and Whittam’ on Facebook. And of course, vote!

TROY TITHERIDGE Kia Ora! I’m Troy Titheridge and I’m seeking your vote to be on the UCSA General Executive. I’m in my second year studying a Bachelor of Arts in Pols and Geography. Currently sitting on UC GeogSoc executive and member of several awesome clubs, I have had the opportunity to apply myself proactively to work together with a team to bring fantastic events for all students. Coming from a background of governance, strategy and marketing, I see myself around the UCSA executive table as one that will continue to apply this solid leadership for you all. My campaign is about you through four core values; Equality, Sustainability, Choice, Opportunity. A vote for me will strive towards these outcomes through projects that will enrich your experiences at UC socially, academically and environmentally. It is through these values through a student perspective that I will put at the centre of my involvement within the UCSA executive. As someone who is passionate about what UC has to offer, and keen to explore new ways for students to benefit from your time here, a vote for me will ensure that to happen. Vote TITHERIDGE // Working Together, Making It Happen!

GENERAL EXECUTIVE CANDIDATES

ELRIC CLARKE -BEATSON Hey my names Elric and I am running for the UCSA general exec for 2019. Little bit of obligatory degree talk; I’ve been at UC for the better part of 4 years, currently slugging through my second year of law after a few years in the school of arts. In this time I’ve seen a lot of what the university has to offer and now being present for the returning home of the foundry, I couldn’t be more proud to be apart of the UC community. UC as a whole is in a state of change with a fresh VC in Professor Cheryl de la Rey, the new buildings and reopening’s in the past year. This is a unique opportunity to elect an Exec that can bring some fresh ideas to the discussion. The refresh team are aiming to do this with a number of initiatives focussed on creating a more accessible and student minded exec including looking at. - open door meetings. - re-assessing UCSA owned faculties. - focus on students, not profits. - Building a UCSA you can be proud of. Its time to REFRESH the UCSA, Vote ClarkeBeatson. MCLELLAN, GUATAM, FARRAR, MERRALL, CLARKEBEATSON / FB.COM/REFRESHUCSA

ELISE WILSON I have been in your position before. Watching the UCSA election campaign unfold before my very own eyes. Bright coloured posters adorn the corridors, picket signs suddenly sprout up in the grass and social media feeds are filled with #voteforme. It’s a love/hate relationship, I know. But, this election is different for me, I had an epiphany. I realized that I am a student (wow, good observation) and I realized that as a student, I can have my voice and the voice of many other students listened to by being on the UCSA. The future is bright and exciting, but also complex and unknown - it is therefore more important than ever that the UCSA has genuine people on it that care about the issues that face us as students. So far, I have had 2.5 years at UC - with another 2 years to go before I finish my LLB/BCOM undergraduate degree. I have seen how this place works and what it’s like being a student here. Vote ELISE WILSON for general exec so that I can represent YOU well - with a genuine interest in putting students first, an inclusive attitude towards everyone and a socially conscious mindset.

OLLY NG Hi, I’m Olly Ng and I’m running to be on the General Exec for 2019, alongside Kevin Fernando who is running for International Rep. I’m a third-year Mechanical Engineering student and have been on the UCBike Exec for the past two years. Additionally, I work with the UC Sustainability Office as Dr Bike, where we service students’ bikes at no cost to them. Being exposed to the work of this department has piqued my interest in sustainability and has inspired me to make more changes to ensure our UC campus is sustainable for the long run.Our policies about sustainability are centred towards on-campus initiatives. We are really motivated to create and encourage positive discussion around sustainability. These policies include reducing the number of single-use cups and packaging, selling high quality “keep-cups” on campus, and S ͚ waps Day͛, an initiative where you can bring in surplus essential flatting items like cutlery and swap them with other students to get things that you need, a win-win for both students (and the environment)! International representation and sustainability are prominent issues and by acting now we can ensure UC is well equipped for the future.Vote for positive, forward-thinking change. Vote FERNANDO | NG.

CHARLOTTE MERRALL Hi my name is Charlotte, and I want to represent you on the UCSA General Exec in 2019. Uni is our community, and we need a support network here like any good community has. A group of people who we can go to when we have questions like whose job it is to replace a smoke alarm (yours) and how to get by on $228 a week (chickpea and potato curry). I think the UCSA should be these people. They should be the students’ support network, the people you can go to with any question, no matter how small. They are your students’association, and should be here for the students, available and welcoming no matter what. I want to turn the UCSA into a group that is here for the students, for all their needs not just the occasional sausage sizzle. The team at Refresh all believe in this, so vote us onto your UCSA Exec this election for a UCSA you can be proud of. It is time to Refresh the UCSA Vote Merrall MCLELLAN, GUATAM, FARRAR, MERRALL, CLARKE-BEATSON / FB.COM/ REFRESHUCSA

ALSO RUNNING FOR: VICE-PRESIDENT

RAYMOND ELLWOOD

EQUITY & WELLBEING

RAYMOND ELLWOOD

GENERAL

RAYMOND ELLWOOD

EXECUTIVE

TAYLOR MCLELLAN KATIE MILLS KEVIN FERNANDO CHRISTAL LEUNG FREYA FARRA

Don’t let your experience own you *TRIGGER WARNING. THIS POST CONTAINS INFORMATION THAT MAY BE DISTURBING OR DISTRESSING FOR SOME PEOPLE. * When I was seventeen I was raped by my boyfriend. I hate that word; rape. It makes me feel wrong and shameful

because I always undermine what I experienced. But that’s what it was. Rape. Four years ago, I was lying in bed with my boyfriend of nearly a year, about to go to sleep, when he got horny and tried to turn me on. We were each other’s first for everything; first kiss, first sexual encounters, first “I love you,” and for me, he was my first experience of someone breaking my trust and in turn, breaking me. He was lying behind me and started to try something that we hadn’t done before. We’d had sex plenty of times, but never like that. He pushed himself inside me and at first it was ok; I wasn’t comfortable, but this was something we had talked about and I was willing to try it. And that was ok, until it wasn’t. It was ok until I asked him to stop. Until I told him that he was hurting me. Until I told him that I didn’t want to keep going. Until I was crying from the pain. Until he said, “it’s ok, I’m almost done.” “It’s ok, I’m almost done.” The five words that echoed in my ear for years. After he was done he rolled over and grabbed a tissue to clean himself and went to sleep. And I laid there in pain. In tears. Unable to understand what had just happened. I didn’t sleep that night. I spent it crying in the bathroom. When we got up the next morning nothing was said about what had happened; no apology, no discussion, no recognition of the previous night. I felt stupid. I felt stupid and pathetic and weak. He was my boyfriend- he was someone I loved and who loved me. He wouldn’t intentionally want to hurt me, this must have been a misunderstanding, right? Except it wasn’t. He knew what he was doing. He heard me begging him to stop, he just didn’t care. Fast forward a couple of months and we’ve broken up. He’s moved on with someone new, while I’m trying to figure out how to deal with the fact that the only person who has ever loved me could have done what he did. I lived in shame for months. I felt like what I had gone through wasn’t enough to be upset about. After all, when someone has been raped they don’t then get upset when their rapist dumps them.

I could never admit to myself that what I had gone through was serious, even to this day I can’t admit it. If I saw him in the street today, I would stop and say hello. I don’t hate him, I never did. I hated myself for a long time, but never him. I somehow managed to disconnect the events that happened, from the person who did it. It’s like my mind won’t be able to handle it if I put the two together. When talking about rape or sexual assault I know what it means and the implications of it, but when it comes to my own experience I always feel so conflicted with feelings of guilt, confusion, shame and embarrassment.

We have this idea that rape is so often committed by a strangersomeone you met by chance while at a party or while walking home. But that’s not true. And we have this idea that every sexual assault has to end with a judge, jury and a conviction. The reason I stayed quiet about my assault for so long was because I never felt like what he did justified a prison sentence. And that made me continuously undermine what I was going through, because we are always told that that is how you deal with rape. But it’s not. There is no right or wrong way to deal with sexual assault. Everyone has their own experience and that’s theirs to choose how to deal with. Rape isn’t black and white, and no one can tell you how you should handle the aftermath. This ordeal has shaped me, but it does not define me. I’ve struggled with the consequences of his actions that night but I haven’t let them become who I am. Rape is a horrific thing, but there’s a reason that I’m still stood here today; I won’t let him win. He will not ruin me. I am my own person and he does not own me. Don’t let your experience own you either.

wellness watch THOUGHTS Thoughts produce emotions. Habits have triggers, negative emotions trigger negative thought habits, which produce more negative thoughts. Consciousness / awareness are required to overcome/ oppose habit. Start: People are really complex, and a lot of the time it’s hard to figure out how our experiences relate to our emotions and the way we feel. Sometimes it feels like we feel emotions for seemingly no reason, as they are unpredictable and their causes and meanings are often unclear. Here’s a couple of the observations made and how they relate together. Thoughts trigger and manipulate emotions. That is to say, the way you think creates emotional reactions. They illicit new emotions within you, and can modify existing ones. Here are some examples;Emotions are the sensory experience of the body, involving a multitude of different bodily sensations that represent various forms of meaning. Thoughts describe sensory experiences of the mind. The auditory and visual phenomena contained in the mind that can be observed when awareness is brought to it. It’s very common to combine these two definitions into a single thing that we would call emotion, however there are two different mechanisms occurring, each of which have their own behaviour to analyse. I walk into a room and see two people whispering in the corner. In this instant I could think that they might be talking about me and saying bad things. I could instead think that these people seem to be having fun and I could join these people and make some new friends. These thoughts lead to very different emotions and actions. If I were in the dark I could vividly imagine monstrous entities just out of sight, or in the silhouettes of darkness. This would generate a fear response within me as if a monster was there (proportionally to the vividness of the imagination) Thinking about failing in a task or deed, makes you fear the task more and more until you avoid attempting it all together for fear of failure, because the more you think about failing the more convinced you are that you will fail, and so you are less likely to give it your all and try to succeed. Thereby, excessive worrying about failure can cause you to fail. This technique could be contrasted with thinking about succeeding, a sort of positive worrying, that makes you more confident about completing your task. The common thread across these examples is that you aren’t emotionally reacting to the situation itself, you are reacting to your estimate of it. The estimate being your thoughts about the situation. This means the world outside of you is emotionally neutral, and we have the ability to generate good and bad out of neutrality, based on the way we think and react to it. This principle shows us that positive and healthy thinking produces a happier emotional state, but this is easier said than done. The vast majority of the time, you are thinking from a place of habit rather than conscious awareness. This means that the way you think is largely driven off of the habitual ways you thought in the past, repeated in the present. These habitual thoughts create the difference between anxiety and friendliness, pessimism and optimism, action and inaction. A habit has a trigger to it. They are automatic mechanisms in our behaviour and cognition that occur without the need for our

awareness to oversee them (though we can become aware of their functioning). This means external stimuli, sights, sounds, feelings, and even internal stimuli like other thoughts and emotions can trigger yet more habitual thoughts. It is often the case that negative thoughts produce negative emotions, which then trigger yet more negative thoughts, creating a feedback loop of negativity. This continues to occur until a distraction comes along, or you become aware of this process occurring. I think everyone can relate to a thing that was insignificant itself, but brought up a myriad of other, more deeply unpleasant thoughts, that produce a negative downward spiral that leaves you feeling awful. This is an example of the feedback loop that I talked about above. The strength of the emotional reaction is related to the vividness of the thoughts associated with them. The more vividly we imagine our failure, the more fearful we become. This also works in the reverse, the more vividly we imagine our success, the more confident we become. We are thinking constantly throughout the day, always reacting and interpreting. Therefore, the healthiness of your reactions and interpretations are one of the most important things you can develop in life. Thoughts rarely occur in isolation - rather they are associated with a complex web of other thoughts and emotional reactions. Changing such reactions are not an easy task. Part of the reason we have these unpleasant reactions in the first place is that a lot of the time we aren’t even aware of the reactive thoughts that we think in a lot of situations, they can be very subtle and short-lived, and yet still direct our behaviour and emotions in meaningful ways. Therefore, the first step to changing these reactions is becoming more aware of your daily thought habits. Here are a few behaviours that seem to allow you to be more aware of your thoughts; - Mindfulness Meditation; a practice entirely devoted to selfobservation, you cannot help but become more aware of your thoughts as self-awareness becomes greater with consistent practice (I have details of this practice on my blog). It trains the skills to recognise in the moment, when you are thinking thoughts that are causing you to emotionally react in noteworthy ways. - Journaling/ Self-reflection; Writing about the way you emotionally react can bring awareness to these reactions, and gives you the opportunity to pay more attention the next time you react in a similar way as well as reflect on your memories of past reactions. It helps you keep track of yourself, because we tend to forget a lot of experiences that could be avoided in the future if they are kept track of. These techniques allow you to recognise thought patterns and emotional reactions that are negative, which is the first step to changing them.

www.observemind.com JACK CLARK

Five Types o Have you always wanted to be able discern the different types of gay women out there? Of course you have! Never fear, because the ultimate guide to the five types of lesbians you will come across is in your hot little hands, dear reader. After absorbing this 100% factual knowledge I’m sure you will find yourself recognising the lesbians near you, and come to appreciate each of them for who they truly are.

DISCLAIMER: THE WHOLE PREMISE OF THIS ARTICLE PLAYS ON STEREOTYPES AND GENERALISATIONS AND IN NO WAY INTENDS TO OFFEND THE LESBIAN COMMUNITY

The butch

The femme

-buzz cut -snap backs -shirts and bow ties with board shorts -knows you know they’re gay -wasn’t invited to sleepovers as a preteen/teen for fear of exercising her homosexual tendencies -greets you with an understated head nod and not much else -dresses like a teenage boy -avid rugby fan -has a penny board -knows a lot about cars -mystically flat chested by design -often mistaken for sir at restaurants, and usually takes that as a compliment/or doesn’t mind -potentially gold star lesbian -wins every arm wrestle

-dresses and skirts, floral and purple -everyone assumes she’s straight/incognito lesbian -poppin’ blood red lipstick -calls you babe, cutie -celeb crushes on every hot girl who plays guitar -wants Cosima Niehaus in her bed -writes down the dates you have together in her diary planner with gel pens -needs you to know that she is in fact gay, promotes femme visibility -certified freak in the sheets (not to be confused with the pillow princess) -constantly having to come out to her peers, and is often met with surprise or disbelief -most likely to be hit on by straight men

PERFECT MATCH: FEMMES AND HIPPIES

The feminist/activist -makes zines -probably has a septum piercing -spoken word about the patriarchy/intersectional feminism, probably mentions menstrual blood and white privilege -marks every online post with a trigger warning -politically active -lets all her body hair grow unapologetically -Black doc martens -obscure indie band merch t shirts -mad that straight girls have started wearing flannel too -attends protests -collector of vinyl PERFECT MATCH: HIPPIES AND FOOTBALLERS

PERFECT MATCH: BUTCHES AND FOOTBALLERS

of Lesbians The hippie/environmentalist -very 420 friendly and will shout you a cone or two -always pushing the eco benefits of menstrual cups -annoying vegan or at least vegetarian -gypsy pants and acro yoga -literal tree hugger -has probably renounced shaving in protest of disposable plastic razors -excited about composting and gardening -virtually her whole closet is op shopped -coconut oil for everything, esp lube -buckwheat, green tea, chia seeds and cous cous are household staples -working towards dreadlocks -homemade deodorant -tattoo of various species of flora -won’t shut up about their meditation retreat in Bhutan last summer -suggests showering with you to “save water” -Ecosia search engine on phone and laptop -depressed about single use plastic -inconspicuously picks up rubbish in public PERFECT MATCH: BUTCHES AND FEMINISTS

PRO TIPS WHEN INTERACTING WITH LESBIANS OR SUSPECTED LESBIANS:

The footballer -has dated entire football team -serious BO -likes it rough -wants you to watch premier league with her -calls her mates by their surnames, or alternatively gives them nicknames deduced via a physical attribute of theirs -forever sporting Nike merch -asks you to bring the oranges for half time -most likely to be into strap ons -calls everything that the two of you do together gay -drinks beer PERFECT MATCH: FEMINISTS AND FEMMES

-do believe her and respect her sexuality -just because she may refer to herself with traditionally derogatory words such as homo, dyke etc, this does not mean that you can -she isn’t just a porn category, she’s a person with feelings, just like you are -don’t fucking ask about her sex life and don’t tell her it’s hot -bicurious women: she doesn’t want a threesome with your boyfriend -straight men: maybe ask her for tips on how to please a woman – statistics literally prove the sexually dissatisfied nature of many heterosexual women – sorry guys. (assuming the situation is appropriate/you know her enough) -bisexual women: she doesn’t hate you/isn’t untrusting of you and you do have a shot with her if you want it -trans women who are lesbians: she might date you, depends on the person (don’t belittle yourself) -homophobes: talk to us kindly, or stay away, up to you. -don’t assume they’re a she: some are not. (Ask pronouns or stick to gender neutral language - esp if they present androgynously. I have used she/her pronouns throughout this page purely for convenience)

If you have made it to the end of this page without flipping it prematurely, you might deserve a gummy bear, or something. Probably not, I don’t really buy them personally because they have gelatine in them. Any thoughts regarding this would be super greatly appreciated. Thanks for your time CANTA readers! Abby out x

ABBY ROBERTSON

The RDU gig guide PANGAEA NZ TOUR LOCATION : ORANGE STUDIOS

LIâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;L CHUCK THE ONE MAN SKIFFLE MACHINE LIVE! AT LYTTELTON RECORDS LOCATION : LYTTELTON RECORDS

19 AUG

25 AUG

POWER NAP, BORROWED CS & DANCE ARMSTRONG

UNKNOWN MORTAL ORCHESTRA SEX & FOOD NEW ZEALAND TOUR

2018

LOCATION : SPACE ACADEMY

01 SEP

2018

LOCATION : THE FOUNDRY

05 SEP

2018

BACK TO THE 80S : RETRO MUSIC NIGHT

DONNA BROOKBANKS: YOU DO YOU BABES

LOCATION : ARCADIA

LOCATION : ORANGE STUDIOS

07 SEP

2018

18 SEP

2018

A FEW NOTES: Alexa, play Despacito The Coral - Move Through The Dawn

While co-founder and lead guitarist Bill Ryder-Jones left the band exactly ten years ago, having put out a few of his own lauded solo albums since then, most recently the very good “West Kirby County Primary”, the now-five-piece Merseyside jangle-popers has somehow kept on going. They were, a while back yet another preppy flash-in-the-pan British groups hailed all round as the new hotness, along with Franz Ferdinand, Suede and…err, Oasis?, each of which was janglier and poppy than the last. A few from this area have survived just fine – Franz Ferdinand has recently put out Always Ascending, arguably one of the best albums of this year – while others have wilted with the turning of the clock – Suede are set to put out another LP later this year, but the singles are all terrible and flat. So, how can this dinosaur from the early noughties survive in the fast-paced modern area? When the Coral began, they heralded the overdue return of ‘guitar groups’, meaning their music would be, ironically enough, based around their riffs and twangs instead of counting of productions. As a result, the signature Coral sound itself is endlessly versatile, having elements from a variety of different genres picked and chosen as the need suits, but having been incubated in the fabled Merseyside, the birthplace of the Beat Music that defined the early sixties, it is mostly catchy uncomplicated pop numbers (despite that glaringly A E S T H E T I C cover), easily digestible but still refreshing when put next to anything usually running its way through the Top 40. Now, I could go on about how I’m worried about this unidentifiable blur of new Indie music, and how the ‘alternative’ subgenre itself feels less like an actual style and more like a shiny new sticker record labels slap on new release to appeal to rambunctious kids who have just turned fourteen and need to bury themselves in obscure interests to prop themselves up from the general murk of their peers, but I won’t bog this down any more. Let’s boogie.

Denzel Curry - TA13OO

The Florida-born Curry started his career as one of the now bottomless sea of Soundcloud Rappers, and before that he was a scappy young kid who challenged other six-graders to rap battles. But instead of that generic sample beat and skrt-skrts that I made fun of once and got my first hate mail, there is something darkly poetic, and overtly clever – seriously, there are some ingenious one-liners in here. Different influences of the subgenre shine through all over this album, stylings of Southern Hip-Hop (evoking something similar to Stanktonia-era Andre 3000) mix in with the more modern repeated-drop murk of your above-average Trap to create an amazingly memorable reinvention.

Tony Molina - Kill the Lights I’m a real sucker for songs that have that minimalist sixties texture. There was actually a running joke among my insular high school friend-group that the only music I listened to was Beatles vinyls, a joke that is false but, annoyingly, still had a certain truth to it. I did get my first record player when I was 14. Maybe that’s why I like that type of music so much – maybe it reminds me of a simpler, happier time, when I had friends, and I was somewhat comfortable with talking to others, and that my future was somewhat assured. Sudden and uncomfortable therapeutic insight aside, Molina’s latest is practically glowing with a spangley, happy hippy rock-lite vibe. LEWIS HOBAN

HONOURABLE MENTIONS:

izzy True - SadBad, Cult Party - And Then There Was This Sound, Oh Sees - Smote Reverser, The Growlers - Casual Acquittances,

Flamingosis - Flight Fantastic, Mom Jeans - Puppy Love, Knxwledge - dntaskmefrshit

T O K Y O , J A PA N

UC, where’s your next adventure? Weird, wonderful and everything in between. It must be Tokyo. We caught up with STA Travel’s Dana Li to get the down low on the best things to do, see, eat and experience in this neon jungle. WE HEAR THEME RESTAURANTS ARE A THING? Japan definitely has a monopoly on odd eateries and crazy coffee shops. Cat café. Check. Racoon café. Check. Bird café. Check. Robot restaurants. Check. It even has an option for those that prefer not to have any interaction at all (Ichiran Ramen), where you order your food electronically and then it pops through a window straight onto your table; not a waiter in sight! WHERE’S BEST FOR SPENDING THE DOLLAR? For beauty products, clothes and accessories Ginza and Shibuya should be your go to. If you’re on a budget though I’d advise sticking to Shibyua for it’s local Japanese brands and discount stores.

For any anime and gaming enthusiasts, you need to head to Akihabara to truly fangirl (or guy) out. You can even dress up as your favourite character – we don’t judge! WHAT IF WE WANT TO GET OUT OF TOKYO FOR A DAY OR TWO? If you’re looking to avoid the hustle and bustle of the city, my number one day trip recommendation would be to check out the hot springs at Hakone National Park. Spend the day relaxing, unwinding and

exploring one of Japan’s natural gems. Even better, on a clear day you may even catch a glimpse of Mt Fuji during the 1 hour 20 min train journey. AND FINALLY, ANY TOP TIPS? Money. Back. For. Shopping. Don’t forget, if you spend over $5000YEN (about $60ish) in one purchase in Japan you can claim back between 8-10% in taxes at the airport on your way home. That’s basically free money - you can thank us later.

WIN A THAI ISLAND HOPPING TRIP WITH STA TRAVEL AND CONTIKI All you have to do is scan the QR code (yep, the one just to the right) and the QR codes in the next two issues of Canta and you’ll go into the draw to win. Easy peasy. Terms and conditions apply. See online for details.

STA TRAVEL CANTERBURY UNI Undercroft 03 365 3399 canterburyuni@statravel.com

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THE ACURSED BLACK SELF I’ve really learnt a lot about people, growing up Black in New Zealand. Like how if people don’t understand something, they’ll try and shape it into something they do. So, when my friends would tell me I was the whitest Black girl they knew, when I knew full well I was the only Black girl they knew…it wasn’t malicious. When I was told I wasn’t actually from the hood, or “wasn’t hood enough”, by people who hadn’t known me when we lived in the centre of Christchurch’s East communities, in a Housing New Zealand flat; it was because they had a very different understanding of ‘the hood’.

My favourite question has always been “can I call you Black?” Because in New Zealand, that has different connotations. Here, Black is not understood as a legitimate name for the African American ethnicity, but rather associated with criminality, gangs and being a general insult to the brown communities of our islands. I’m really happy that I got the education did, and rather thankful, but it’s funny that it almost deters from my Blackness in the eyes of some of my peers. They would always say “you go to Girls’ High, you’re smart, you like floral patterns and you’re really compassionate”. Bullshit like that. Hey, I’m paraphrasing several individuals here.

But anyway, as a moral to this musing for the next time you see someone acting out of how you’d stereotype them; don’t comment on it. People are social chameleons and must adapt to survive; especially people of colour. Consider why we act white. Consider if ‘acting white’ is actually just being educated, staying sober and remaining polite. So, yeah. I’m Black. Doroteia Driver Read more at rideofavalkyrie.wordpress.com

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ON RELATIONSHIPS.... When I moved to New Zealand I struggled to meet men. It wasn’t that there weren’t any in my rural town, just that every time I spoke to them they would look at their gumboots and giggle nervously. It was exasperating. I knew people were meeting and forming

relationships, but the process was mysterious. I decided it must be through something I called “Speights and a dare.” This involves working up some liquid courage and being goaded by your mates to approach someone. I went to the local pub and see if I could meet someone that way. I ordered a Jack and Coke which was misheard as “a jug of Coke” by the bartender. The only available seat was on a couch in the corner. I picked up a publication which turned out to be an equine stud book.

I spent the next hour sitting alone in the corner of the pub with a non-alcoholic drink reading about horse jizz. I later bonded with a gal over the lameness of the local pub and we decided to go out to Christchurch. We met some guys at a club and I asked one of them what he did for a living. He was evasive and finally said he helped protect the city. “So, you’re Batman,” I said. (He was a cop.) He told his bros he was going home with me without bothering to ask me if I was interested. I wasn’t. When I told him I was done for the night he called me a hard case. As soon as I got home I looked up the term so I could decide how to feel about it. At some point, I discovered Findsomeone. It’s like the U.S. website OkCupid except instead of featuring a lot of guys named Chad and Matt hanging from cliff faces, it has guys named Hamish and Nigel wearing Swanndri shirts and posing with dead pigs. One older man messaged to ask me if I was “a princess who liked to be spoilt.” After

I stopped dry heaving, I sent him a short summary of my time in the military so he could draw his own conclusions. I never heard from him again. Maybe he eventually met the high maintenance girl of his dreams. Another man wrote long, emotionally-

wrought prose about how misunderstood he was. He seemed intelligent and mildly tragic. I agreed to meet him for a drink and then forgot. He bombarded my message box with long-winded screeds about how put-upon he felt. I apologized, and he said he wouldn’t accept it unless I gave him my phone number. I said no and he wrote an essay about me on his profile page. I blocked him. Some of the guys had so much bitterness pouring out of their profiles I wondered why they bothered.

I guess if you really want to have human, heterosexual sex, women are a necessary evil. I tended to avoid these guys but I imagined what a date with one might look like. I could see them talking about their ex “Sharon” over appetizers, weeping into their main while whispering her name and just before desert arrived, falling to their knees and ripping open their shirts while screaming, “Why Sharon, Whyyyyy?!” Another species of man I met was the selfprofessed nice guy. These guys pretend to be interested in you and feel entitled to sex as a result. I spent several hours chatting with one in his native language of Spanish. He made several assertions in direct contradiction to what I had just said and when I held my ground he became irritated. When I politely told him I wasn’t interested in dating he informed me that I talked too much. I told him he didn’t talk enough and when he did it wasn’t worth listening to. That ended that. There was one guy I ended up dating for two months. He was okay but there

was something that seemed off about the relationship. One day I found a long blonde hair in his bed. On a hunch I checked his profile and found that he had recently updated it and had been checking it regularly. I told him we were both adults and that if he wanted to be a poon hound that was fine, he just needed to be honest. He acted sheepish and I told him I was done. Due to the fact that New Zealand is one big, small town I ran into him two years later at a rugby awards banquet in Oamaru. He had become the walking definition of “feral” at that point and neither of us acknowledged the other one.

Finally, I started talking to Nick. It was refreshing. We talked for over a month as he lived up north and was in the process of moving to Christchurch. On our first date I arrived at the restaurant early and he showed up a few minutes later. He greeted me with, “How ya’ goin?” and then proceeded to stare at his plate and not say much throughout dinner. I was convinced he was completely disinterested. Afterwards, we went to the pub and watched rugby (at this point, I knew better than to ask about “touchdowns”). After that we went to my house where he stared uncomfortably at the wall in my lounge before saying, “I guess I should go home.” I said I reckoned he should stay. We’ve been together for almost five years now. Dating is awkward and I don’t miss it. For those still giving it a go I would say, just follow the golden rule of treating others the way you would like to be treated. If they don’t give you the same courtesy, move on. Like me, you might eventually meet a nice somebody who fails to make eye contact with you on your first date because they are really keen but also “shitting themself.” I wish you all the best.

KELLY PHILLIPS

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Neighbour vs Netflix A few weeks back I was in a meeting where some over-60’s and 20-somethings were in the same room having a conversation. Lynette, a well-dressed woman who’s pushing 70, said earnestly “Well, today I drove out of my cul de sac, and felt so guilty for having not spoken to my neighbours... in over 3 days.” People her age seemed to nod, understanding the deep shame she spoke of. Meanwhile the cluster of 20-something students I was sitting with let out a collective, involuntary splutter of disbelief. “So, how many of you guys have ever spoken to your neighbours?” I asked them. An eerie silence fell over the room. “Even, like, once?” They replied with that awkward grimace you give someone when you’ve been exposed and hope they’ll will move onto another topic as quickly as possible. Now plenty of people know that Jesus was pretty hot on the whole “loving thy neighbour” thing, but could the art of being neighbourly become another thing on that long list of near extinct social pursuits? Like using a landline or reading a book made of trees? Well over my week as the UC Chaplain I speak to loads of students. And a huge proportion of them tell me that one of their deepest longings is to find a “real community” to belong to. You see - many of us appear to be searching for a group of

people who will be a bit like family, who play together, eat together, are honest with each other, and have each other’s backs. But scratch a little below the surface a bit, and it becomes obvious that most of us find that much harder to do in practice. Australian thinker Mark Sayers says, “Our desire for community is only trumped by our commitment to autonomy.” Or to put it another way “Sure, I want all the benefits of being in a community… but only when I feel like it, and when it suits me.” And I suspect that’s why so many of us feel lonely. Sure, we love the IDEA of being with people, but we can’t quite bring ourselves to limit our personal flexibility to make it a reality. And so lots of us end up staying at home watching Netflix, rather than going to hang out with real life people. After a while some of us even start to feel a social anxiety about hanging out with people, because we’re out of practice, or we had a bad experience one time. Because after all – Netflix can’t hurt your feelings… But let me encourage you to be brave this dear student! If you’ve noticed that going into Semester 2 you’ve starting to isolate yourself from being with or hanging out with people, or that you’ve become a bit of a home-body, or a screen-queen, or a lonegamer – maybe you should push yourself to seize these precious University moments

to practice interacting with real life human beings! If you feel a bit rusty at human interaction - try and tell yourself “If something’s worth doing, it’s worth doing badly until I get better at it.” Hanging out with people is like any other skill – it takes practice, and you can get better at it over time. Remember, most future employees will be suitably impressed by any prospective worker who has people skills and knows how to interact with other Homosapiens well. And if you feel sweaty and panicked just at the thought of leaving your flat and meeting new people – try this mantra on for size. “I choose to believe I’m liked and accepted by these people until they prove otherwise.” Most people aren’t in the business of rejecting and humiliating people. So stop getting yourself worked up about things that probably won’t happen! There really are so many great people at UC to meet this year. Over 15,000 of them! They could be in the Ultimate Frisbee club, or at a Foundry gig, or even sitting next to you in a lecture. So why not take a punt, say hello to your neighbour, and enjoy the joy that can only come from interacting with a real life human being.

SPANKY MOORE

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THE F WORD: THE REAL COST OF TOXIC MASCULINITY When I was younger I was a competitive figure skater. I spent hours in training every

week and many people at the rink became like a second family to me. My favourite person there was a guy called Danny. He was kind to everyone and my twelve-yearold self thought he was, “like, the cutest boy ever.” Eventually he moved to another town for a job. A few years ago, I started thinking about Danny and wondering what he was up to. I put his name into Google and the first thing that came up was an obituary. The kind person I had looked up to as a kid had taken his own life in 2011. What followed were countless dreams where I was back at the skating rink with Danny alive and well and just out of sight. I knew if I could find him and talk to him, everything would be okay. Then I would wake up and realize he was gone forever. The anguish was unbearable and I eventually had a breakdown. Toxic masculinity tells men they must harden up and hide their emotions. It says the worst thing a man can do is show weakness. This is supposedly something only women should do and, consequently, toxic masculinity equates weakness with

things that are feminine. Guys who don’t act tough enough are called “pussies” (because some people have obviously never witnessed non-Caesarean childbirth). There are men who need to see women as the weaker sex in order to feel like “real men.” A lot of these guys join the military because it’s seen as the last true bastion of masculinity. The fact that women also join the military has caused all sorts of unpleasantness. When I served in the U.S. Army I ended up qualifying as a sharpshooter which was better than most of the guys in my platoon. In response, they focused on their perceived physical superiority and the fact that they could knock out more chin ups than me. (Those of you who remember your history will recall that Word War II was won through a series of competitive chin-up matches.) Toxic masculinity also polices young men for any signs of perceived deviance from typical heterosexual behaviour. It brings us such charming phrases as “that’s so gay” and “don’t be a homo.” During my time in the military, the U.S. still

had the policy of “Don’t ask, don’t tell.” It also had (and still has) a huge problem with

sexual assault against men and women. Women who reported assault faced victim shaming and an early discharge from the military. Men who reported assault faced being viewed as weak and possibly homosexual, the latter of which would earn them a dishonourable discharge from the military. My kiwi partner knew a farmer who took his own life. This farmer was in debt and saw no other way out. Toxic masculinity was there to seal his fate by making him think that real men didn’t talk about that sort of thing-they sucked it up and got on with it. In fact, countless men go through the exact same thing and there is no need to suffer in silence and all alone. If John Kirwan has taught us nothing else, it’s that even All Blacks cry and that’s okay. We need to get rid of toxic masculinity not just because it makes guys act like jerks but because it can be fatal. And take it from me, no one wants to wake from dreams of redemption to find it’s too late.

KELLY PHILLIPS

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A D V E N T U R E S F T S O U T H . C O M

ADVENTURES FROM THE SOUTH In Brief

THE WALK

Kaiate falls is a short walk that leads to a spectacular waterfall. It is located near Tauranga, Kaiate Falls is only a 25 min drive from the city centre. The walk is not physically demanding and is suited to anyone of any fitness ability. The falls allow you to escape into nature and admire some of New Zealand’s natural beauty. Kaiate Falls is a destination not to be missedwhen visiting Tauranga.

Along the walk, there are views out to the Mt Maunganui only 2-minutes in. From here it is all downhill to the multi-tier waterfalls. The track is very wide and smooth with a few stairs that lead to the bottom of Kaiate Falls. Most of this short walk is through bush cover making ideal even in wet weather. If you wish to see the Kaiate Falls in full force, after a storm these falls would be roaring.

KAiATE FALLS To get the best view of Kaiate falls involves scrambling up a few rocks to the left of Kaiate falls. It’s slippery so ensure you take care of getting a

In Detail The walk to Kaiate Falls is easy and accessible. It starts from Kaiate Falls Road, where there lies a small carpark up from the main road. Take the path that’s farthest from the toilet (marked in orange on the map) takes towards the biggest of the waterfalls. Toilets are situated near the carpark in case of a loo stop.

good grip before climbing further. Swimming holes are present along the walk, an inviting scene on a hot summers day. Unfortunately, the water is said to be contaminated by the weeds and algae so swim at your own risk. Definitely, don’t drink the water, and if your head goes under don’t take in any of the water. If you dip your legs in to cool down there should not be a worry at all. There are a further set of falls that I haven’t covered here, but I am sure that I will be back in the near future. I have heard from reading posts and seeing shots on Instagram there are a rope swing and larger waterhole further down the track. Kaiate falls are an easily accessible waterfall that is very beautiful, a waterfall that I would say ”is worth chasing”.

NATHAN JAMES

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Lucky The Shilling Club Presents

One Side:

I’d arrived for my date bang on 5, hoping for a perfect romcom moment where we each arrive exactly on time. I’d whip open the door for her, take her coat and help her to her seat, like the true gentleman I’m not, but would like to pretend to be. But it was not meant to be, and she had beat me to the arrival. Almost immediately after sitting down the first disappointment struck. We could only order entree’s. It’s been said that sharing a traumatic event can bring people closer together, and when we both decided to order the dumplings, I thought, could this be the one? Conversation between us started and flowed relatively well, I discovered we were the same age, at a similar point through University, and had some mutual friends.

Was this merely a coincidence I wondered? Or had CANTA’s matchmakers struck blind luck? I conceded that likely CANTA had simply given me a good ole Facebook stalk, but the idea of fate seemed entertaining. The date rolled on, and the chat went on. She was a good talker, and whenever an awkward pause showed up always had a question to fill it in. We covered all the standard rhetoric, Uni flat’s being awful, assignment’s being awful, parking wardens (being awful), but I wasn’t feeling like we were properly connecting. Finally, it happened, we struck comedy gold. I discovered I was talking to the victim of the infamous UC Compliments phantom poo incident, the one where the stranger took a poo in her backyard and wiped using her pink sweater.

Now starstruck, I attempted to share some of my own stories. This didn’t go quite as well, in hindsight it’s quite hard to tell a drunken story when you can’t remember most of it yourself. I decided not to continue with the stories, partly because the first one wasn’t such a hit, but also because most of the rest had some involvement with the type of caps you don’t wear on your head, and I picked up that wasn’t her vibe. The dumplings were decked so we ordered again. To share. I’d scoured the menu for spaghetti and meatballs earlier, but it didn’t appear to be an option. Sad with the knowledge I wouldn’t be able to re-enact the lady and the tramp I consigned myself to the wedges she had ordered.And then it happened. The first real bad turn of the date. Unforgivable shit .

During condiment chat she revealed she didn’t like peanut butter. I should’ve known we weren’t compatible.

Warning signs were there. At the start she never ordered a proper drink. It was a free date, I would have ordered a bottle of absinthe if I could of, but beer seemed a more reasonable option. I expected a glass of wine from her, or maybe a beer. But she got lemonade, and now it was revealed she didn’t like peanut butter. I was civil, calm, the date went on but when the food ran out and I couldn’t get another drink I knew it was time to go. She offered me a ride, but I decided to stay on my feet instead. Thanks CANTA, she was entertaining, kind and very sweet, but not the one for me. I’ll retreat back to MONO nights and flat parties, maybe there I’ll find another who likes my nut butter.

Dip The Other Side:

After joking to my mates for nearly a year that I should go on a date, I finally did. I was definitely nervous as I was so new to the dating game, but I put my big girl pants on and did it. I got there a little early, but I didn’t have to wait long for my date to arrive.

He was well dressed (his flatmates asked where he was going, and he told them it was a meeting…) and he had a lovely smile! After introducing ourselves, and finding out what we studied, we realised had a mutual friend. Anyway, we ordered drinks. I got a lemonade and he got a corona. We thought we’d splash out considering the meal was on CANTA (shot guys), but we could only choose from the wedges, the fries, and the dumplings. After ordering the dumplings, we got talking about the general date stuff and I found out he likes peanut butter. I HATE peanut butter. So that was a little hiccup but that didn’t stop us from talking. I asked him if he had any flat dramas and he told me about this amazing red card that he had. Long story short, some top dog at Bishop Julius nearly called the police on them, and a librarian found them in the stairwell smelling of alcohol. I thought I’d ask him if he had any fun facts about himself, considering you always get asked that question every time you start a new course each semester. His was that he had bad memory.

So, I hit him with the, “what’s my name?” and he got it right, so his memory ain’t that bad. I can’t remember how we got on to it but we started talking about reality tv shows. I was impressed that he had seen ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’ a few times, and he was watching Gilmore Girls at the moment. I also asked about High School Musical, as I went to the singalong, but he wasn’t so keen on that. I’d watch HSM over Gilmore Girls any day… Moving on, considering we weren’t paying for the meal, we tried to see how much we could get out of the tab. He wanted to get another corona. The waiter was vigorously cleaning the coffee machine, so he didn’t see his subtle staring. I told him he should go up and ask for one, and as he did, he was hit with, “You have a $60 limit, so you can buy one if you want to”. No one wants to buy a Corona when you think you have you have an unlimited tab. So that kind of ended the date, but at least we both had fun! I don’t think a second date is on the cards, but he was a lovely person to spend a Monday evening with, and I wish him all the best.

happy ending

420 thought

HOROSCOPES FOR 30 july

BUILDINGS DON’T MAKE THE EARTH HEAVIER BECAUSE EVERYTHING THEY’RE MADE OF IS ALREADY ON THE EARTH

Tomorrow you would have missed your alarm. Not anymore though, so yes, you are most welcome..

Volunteering for SVA just to look good on the ‘gram? You scammer.

You were in DJ Khaled’s dreams last night.

SSC isn’t practical. Try RASH - Risk Aware Sh*t Happens.

Once you’re over 18, most people don’t want to see your ‘play set’. Be a little more specific before bringing it out.

David Bain says he appreciated your jersey yesterday.

It’s okay. No one is judging you except you. Keep going.

Domination without consent isn’t sexy. You know what’s sexy? Money.

Leo governs play, maybe it’s time to reverse the roles?

If you forget the safe word, “Sagittarius” is not a sexy word. I’m sure they’ll know what you mean.

Wearing club merch and not attending any events is iconic but NEWSFLASH: everyone does it.

Fish is as fish does. Time to get battered and wrapped in greasy paper. Again

PURE, NATURAL FUEL RIPPED STRAIGHT FROM MOTHER NATURE

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