CANTA, Issue #13 2018 by UCSA

8TH OCTOBER 2018

ISSUE 13

WARU WHIRINGA-Ä&#x20AC;-NUKU

2P R A G U E , C Z E C H R E P U B L I C

UC, where’s your next adventure? Prague: The home of culture, pubs and some pretty fine architecture. We had a chat with Sarah Robertson from the STA Travel on campus and got the downlow on this gothic playground. WHERE SHOULD WE HEAD FOR THAT INSTA PIC? Without a doubt, Charles Bridge. Top tip though, head there at dawn to avoid the crowds of tourists and capitalise on the atmospheric morning light. You can thank us when the likes come flooding in. AND IF WE WANT A BIT OF CULTURE? Where’s better to get a bit of culture than a castle? Prague Castle is the largest ancient castle in the world, covering more ground than seven football fields. Embrace your inner prince or princess and spend the day exploring the castle and it’s historic buildings, galleries and hidden treasures.

NOW TELL US ABOUT THE BOOZE… It might be a bold claim, but I’d go as far as saying Prague is home to the best beer in Europe. Pub crawl down cobbled streets and sample the many regional Czech beers and microbreweries that will leave your taste buds tingling. AND WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH THE CLOCK? It’s beautiful and very old. Prague’s Astronomical Clock dates back to the 15th

Century and is an absolute must-see. Every hour, on the hour, the clock puts on a 45 second ‘performance’ showing off its mystery and even though it’s a bit of a tourist circus, you’d be crazy not to stop and enjoy at least once during your trip! ANY FOODS WE SHOULD TRY? Imagine a roll of cinnamon donut deliciousness and you’ve got Czech’s famous cinnamon bread. We take no responsibility if you come home a few kilograms heavier!

WIN A THAI ISLAND HOPPING TRIP WITH STA TRAVEL AND CONTIKI All you have to do is scan the QR code (yep, the one just to the right) and you’ll go into the draw to win. Easy peasy. Terms and conditions apply. See online for details.

STA TRAVEL CANTERBURY UNI Undercroft 03 365 3399 canterburyuni@statravel.com

contributors JOSHUA BROSNAHAN BEN O’CONNELL LIAM DONNELLY CONOR JONES FISI CARRASCO REX JAVA KATZUR KELLY PHILLIPS SPANKY MOORE NATHAN JAMES LEWIS HOBAN ABBY ROBERTSON ASHER ETHERINGTON JADE DOGLIONE SAM GIBSON

in this issue AN ODE TO ROD CARR

BROKEN NEWS

BEN APPETIT: THE FOUNDRY

TEA PARTY PULLOUT

FLAT FAMOUS: RYAN’S FLAT

A FEW NOTES WITH LEWIS

MAKING AN ASS OUT OF U AND ME

UC SPORT PROFILE: CHRISTINA RYAN

FISI’S MOVIE GUIDE: TILL 2019

ADVENTURES FROM THE SOUTH

LUCKY DIP

LETTER OF THE WEEK

Letters to the Editor THINK BEFORE YOU COMMENT Hiya Canta,

Mildly,

I love UC Compliments as much as the next person (honestly it’s probably my fave after Things Overheard at the UC Library) but today I feel compelled to call a few posts out. Lifts aren’t just for wheelchair users: some people have chronic injuries or conditions that prevent the use of stairs. People can be disabled and not in wheelchairs, and not every illness or condition is obvious. Please think before you comment!!

You’re so right. Across the board we need more acceptance for disabilities. More understanding is needed around the wide spectrum of disabilities. They’re not all visible, you halfbaked fucks! I’m not sure why people like to have a WHOLE-ASS FULLY FORMED OPINION on something they know nothing about, then post it anonymously on niche FB pages. Yeet.

Much love, Mildly Disabled x

CANTA

CAN I SPEAK TO THE MANAGER? Dear Canta,   Not once in my life have I been driven to the point where I become ‘Susan who would like to speak to the manager’ but HERE I AM. Do you realise that this issues crossword is missing the clue for 11-down?! Do you even care?! I’m assuming you get some sick satisfaction from knowing that some people’s OCD will be through the roof right now. I’d ask for some type of compensation but you’re probably tighter than a homophobic’s sphincter. Shame on you Canta. Shame on you.   - Susan, who has a miniature schnauzer and three beautiful children.

Susan, babes, hun, darl. I’m so sorry. I’m not taking the heat for this! I’m blaming this on Ben, our Deputy Editor. Here’s his excuse: Hi Susan, After being ALERTED of the error, I posted a correction on the UCSA Noticeboard, which was Robot (7). I can only apologise for this error. Hopefully that means crisis AVERTED. In saying that, I am only a student contributor so let me live. In a bittersweet way, this feedback has only ALARMED me to how people actually do these puzzles, which is awesome to hear. It’s always been a dirty lil secret of mine how much I froth good wordplay. Hit me up if you want cryptics? You’ve got a stinkin’ wordsearch this week. Hope the kids are doing well, we need to catch up for a wine sometime! – Ben (PSST, Susan- it’s me, the Editor. For $20 I will leak his address. I’ll even film you fighting him.)

5 200 SNORTS

BLAME BEN

NAME CHANGE?

Dear Canta,

Hello Canta,

CANTA,

It has recently come to my attention that despite the fact as university attending ADULTS, half the university population doesn’t know how to use a tissue. It’s at the stage where I want to take a jumbo pack of tissues to university and teach them to use tissues the same way my mother taught me - holding the tissue to their nose and saying “blow”. Disgusting, I know, but better than listening to the snorts of up to 200 people in a lecture.

I remember a couple of issues ago, a disgruntled reader complained about the crossword at the end of the magazine having a missing clue. I shared their disappointment. So, when I picked up this week’s magazine and got into the crossword, I had a good feeling about it. BUT… As I neared the end of the crossword, I noticed 11 down didn’t have a clue. Again, Canta. Why do you do this to us? All I want is to be able to finish my crossword. Please fix the next crossword and we can forget about these transgressions.

V U changed their name, How about U C does the same? Uni of Rod Carr.

Grow the fuck up. Sincerely, I’ve got 99 t-issues and you need to use one Hi Jay-Sneeze, Yeah mucous is gross. I would rather see poop or pee over snot. Nothing makes me want to heave more than the presence of phlegm in my general vicinity. How about we do some CANTA branded hankies? Gosh I love a hanky. A cloth filled with nasal linings. Do we walk around with Ghostbuster style packs on our backs with tissues for people’s issues? Ghostboogers.

Looking forward to a fix, Disappointed crossword fan YES, WE DID IT AGAIN. I KNOW. BEN NEEDS TO BE TAUGHT A LESSON. See my other response here, Disappointed. We’re basically going to band together, hunt Ben down and... wait. What if Ben was just.... me? What if this is some kind of James McAvoy Split situation? Let me go stare into a mirror for several hours and I’ll come back to you soon. brb ok thx xx

Hamish Hi Ham...ish This is such a great idea. We could have a logo of Rod’s face. Everything could be Rod-themed puns. He’d essentially be our Ronald McDonald but more loving. I’ll put it to the knights at the UC round table at the next meet up. I’m their UberEats delivery driver.

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CANTA

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AN ODE TO ROD There’s a good chance many of you don’t actually know who Rod Carr is. Well he’s the university’s Vice-Chancellor.

But there’s a good chance you don’t actually know anything about the Vice-Chancellor position. In short, the vice-chancellor is responsible for the day-to-day operations of the university, and is one of the highest positions at the university. Many people just interpret the Vice-Chancellor as one of the bigwig, corporate overlords of the university… so why dedicate this magazine space to him? Well it’s not that black and white… Rod Carr is a pretty nice fella who genuinely cares for the students, even if parking fees suggest otherwise. Rod himself spent a long time as a student at university and probably did all the bad shit that we current students do too. I’ve had the pleasure of talking to Rod on a few occasions and it’s evident he never forgot his time as a student, or the fun he had while being one.

In his early days as VC, Rod was once asked if he was going to get gates installed at his house. Just in case he got unpopular with students or there were to be protests or something. Rod was vehemently against the idea, and actually suggested he’d be delighted if students cared enough to come to his house. This is pretty much Rod in a nutshell - a straightforward, reasonable, skilled orator who is willing to talk, explain, and listen. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------It’s also worth noting the job that Rod signed up to do wasn’t really what he got in the end. Rod just wanted to run a university – making sure it functioned, had plenty of students, plenty of graduates, and had happy staff. What he wasn’t anticipating was that he would spend the large majority of his Vice-Chancellorship balancing rebuild budgets and scraping back student numbers. This was no easy task, and probably a very undesirable one too. But Rod embraced the task with open arms and worked tirelessly to help the university recover after the Earthquake.

Some might say the university has well and truly recovered, others would probably argue it hasn’t. Regardless of where you sit on that debate, what can’t be denied is that Rod has worked pretty hard with the intention of getting this place back to where it once was. Sure, they might not all be entirely finished yet, but there are new buildings and resources at this university which are, or are going to be, great. And Rod, as Vice-Chancellor, has championed all of it. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------As a leaving gift for the students, Rod is going above and beyond. After the 2011 earthquake, the university lost its UCSA Building - the home and main hangout spot for students. Rod advocated strongly for students, insisting that we needed a home, our own space. And now, the UCSA Building is finally being rebuilt. But in order to get all the funds needed for it, Rod is doing the extraordinary. He is literally running a marathon for us. Like I’m not joking. Rod Carr, a man who is almost 60, is running the Queenstown Marathon to help fundraise for the building. He’s even started a givealittle page. So, go help him out would ya? A dude who voluntarily chooses to run a marathon, for us, is a very good dude. Rod… we didn’t even realise how lucky we were to have you. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------On behalf of CANTA and the UCSA. Rod, I wish you all the best for your years to come.

https://givealittle.co.nz/cause/vc-runsmarathon-for-ucsa

S O M E W H AT D U B I O U S FA N - F I C T I O N

ROD CONFESSIONS a d at han tbh I g in y th o n ’s m I ere ook ce… e… ”They say th an who’s e sh nce on it sinc ead am n H a “ th r e d xi e d se r e e’s ash onfe t his is money. H in good with h y, and c aven’t w ing tha aying h rt et o w st u tr , c w le h b a …y e o d n e g d n , dep k h n g i e u o r th e a alm t’s more lov cell ’s c r smart, wha kins nd… it lete DILF. O p s m o c a ’s is he ha FTE my ing…” y… DWATT e it should I sa h T ix c F o x T e Trust Dad We All Economy.”

ROD HAIKUS Leaving us too soon Vice-chancellor Roderick Please don’t take our bongs. -Emma Reynolds

Rod Carr is awesome He censors our Canta mag Let this poem in -Will Miller

WE LOVE A MEME KING:

our VC daddy eclipsed only by lord crane ciao rodent carrot Tim Marshall

My true love Rod Carr You stole our hearts not our bongs Now my love departs -Fredrick Wright Rod Carr is the best I wish he was my daddy Bring him back right now. -Daniel Kirby

Rod, what do you do? You have achieved meme status, And still, I’ve no clue. Rod, surely get pissed, And celebrate your career. You rhyme with Vodka ;)

His name says it all, The man, the myth, the legend, Lest we forget him. -Jared Chin Grey majestic beard Furry with lots of wisdom A beacon of hope -Robert Falcasantos

CANTA’S

BROKEN NEWS New VC Revealed to be Souvlaki Man A CANTA investigation has revealed the University’s incoming new Vice-Chancellor is the Souvlaki Man. Souvlaki Man applied for the role under the pseudonym ‘Cheryl de la Rey’ in order to not distract from his job making souvlakis. “He was the perfect candidate,” said a UC Spokesperson “If we had known it was the Souvlaki Man all along we would have offered him the position right away!” Souvlaki Man’s first move as VC is to ensure free Souvlakis for everyone.

Rod Carr to Become New Souvlaki Man A CANTA investigation has revealed that Rod Carr will be taking over as the Souvlaki Man. Carr applied for the position of Souvlaki Man after he announced he would not be seeking another term as Vice-Chancellor. “It’s so nice that I can forget about all that Vicechancellor stuff and just focus on my true hobby, making souvlakis,” said Rod Carr Rod’s first plan as new Souvlaki Man is to renovate the souvlaki trailer. Carr plans to deck the trailer out with a Souvlaki Master 3000, giving him the power to make souvlakis at triple the normal rate. The fact that the original Souvlaki Man is now VC is a total coincidence.

Student Goes Bankrupt after 9am Lecture Makes Him “Addicted to Coffee” A student has blamed her recent bankruptcy on her coffee addiction. Having a 9am lecture on a Monday had inspired her to start drinking coffee, shortly after starting she became “totally addicted,” explained the student. “Oh my god it was soooo hard to get up for my 9am, I needed the coffee so bad!” The student’s beverage of choice was a large Macchiato, extra milk, and marshmallows, totalling a drink that is .2% coffee. “The rush of all that caffeine was really what kept me going, I was so wired lol,” she said. The student, now unable to face her early

Former Arts Student Speaks Out at Haters One former Bachelor of Arts student, who graduated last December, has called out UC for its negative outlook towards arts students. “An arts degree has been relegated to a complete joke at UC,” said the student. “It’s insulting, and a missed opportunity for the university to embrace amazing arts, culture, and discussion.” The student believes that the stereotype that arts students don’t get jobs was most damaging. “Arts degrees teach you so many skills that are crucial to working well in the 21st century.” CANTA’s Broken News team would like to thank the student for taking time out of her work-shift to answer our questions. Especially given how busy McDonald’s was that day.

morning lectures, is reportedly dropping out.     “It’s a shame, those coffee cups really added to my aesthetic.” she added.

White Male Student Angry at Stereotypes About Spice Tolerance A white male student has set out to change people’s expectations about white people and spice. Having become sick of the stereotypes about his tolerance to heat, the student has set out to change people’s perceptions. “I do not find iced water and avocado spicy! I use at least half my Indomie spice sachet on my noodles!” he said.

To make a powerful statement, the student paid for $3 worth of extra Sweet Chilli Sauce on his $2 rice from The Wok. “When I heard him make the order I couldn’t believe it, others around me were also very shocked,” said one witness. The student died of internal 3rd degree burns following the incident. His funeral is on Thursday.

look daddy, fake news

CUBA Event Announced: CUBA’s ‘Rainbow’s End The Foundry’ CUBA has announced a new event, bringing Rainbow’s End to the Foundry. New Zealand’s only theme park, which is based in Auckland, will be trucked down to the Foundry for a one-nightonly event. “We’re so excited to announce our exciting plans to bring Rainbow’s End to the Foundry!” said a CUBA

spokesperson. “New Zealand’s only theme park will finally be in Christchurch for one night only! It’s gonna be siiiiiiiick!” When asked about the logistics of transferring an entire theme park to the Foundry, CUBA said that it was all ready and would be packed into the car tonight.

the foundry What better way to celebrate the year of shit chat I’ve given y’all than having a drink at our local. Welcome to Ben Appetit, the Married at First Sight of CANTA (because you know it’ll be on and that it’ll be bad but still tune in). This week, our local cesspit, the Foundry.

It is with a heavy heart that I admit I went to MONO. TLDR; there was a lot going on. There were lots of lads wearing collared shirts with funky patterns to compensate for lacked personality. Godlands and a Spotify playlist boomed across the clothed sauna the Foundry had become. It was raucous and crowded with familiar faces (worn out places). In saying that, it’s with a heavier heart that I admit I enjoyed the night. I saw friends I hadn’t seen in ages and made new ones. I felt it was more a drinks vibe than a food vibe though… …and so I instead went to the Final Chapter quiz night the day after (which we came last in </3). My $20 got me the loaded wedges for $9 and a cheese pizza for a tenner. The wedges were truly loaded, with cheese, bacon bits, chives, sweet chilli, and a thick piping of sour cream. The portion size to price ratio was well-met. I expect the wedges to be a menu staple (on a relatively limited menu I must say). On the other hand, the cheese pizza was far too oily. While it was large enough to feed 2-3 people, I don’t know if I’d get it again for $10 nor with options like the wedges on offer. The wooden pizza board presentation was a nice touch, but I can only feel sorry for those cleaning them considering how greasy the pizza was.

SIDE NOTE: I PUT THE SWEET CHILLI WEDGES ON THE CHEESY PIZZA, A COMBO SO GOOD AND FRESH THAT I HAVE ALREADY PATENTED, COMMERCIALIZED, AND SOLD IT TO AN OFFSHORE BUYER FOR A COOL MILLION.

A PART OF ME FINDS THE UCSA WEBSITE’S FOUNDRY SUBTITLE HELLA FUNNY, THE OTHER WISHES THEY’D OUTRIGHT SAY THEY ARE THE CENTRE OF STUDENT SOCIAL LIVES. NOW THAT’D BE BIG DICK ENERGY.

While I didn’t pay for them, the fries were large for their price point. While they got cold quickly, they were actually filled with potato unlike some fingernail looking fries. I can imagine drunk Foundry patrons going full Joey Chestnut competitive eating on them, and isn’t that what they’re for? After a year of eating and complaining, I hope you are now more aware of the diversity in food places on-campus! What a perfect conclusion in that we can toast with local UC piss in hand. While the Foundry does have a food menu, it’s a bar above everything else. In a drunk MONO state I bet I’d be ending the year with a perfect score, but I give the Foundry a sober 6/10 Bens. PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE THAT (FOR SCIENCE) I DID IN FACT ATTEND MONO FOR THE FIRST TIME THIS YEAR. P.S. TO THE GUY IN THE BACKGROUND HIT ME UP IDK

6 oUT OF 10 Bens

Jax Hamilton : Under The Grater

Is Jax your real name?: No my full name is Jacqueline, Sylvia, Margaret Hamilton (I know right!) just call me Jax

Where are you from? : Stratford, East London (born under the sound of

the bow bells), which makes me a 100% cockney. However my parents are from Jamaica and I’m now a Kiwi Citizen – phew!

Any siblings ? : 4 brothers and 1 sister – I’m number 5!

What were the last 3 ingredients you purchased? : 1 tin of coconut milk,

Favourite Colour? : Vermillion (scarlet with a tinge of orange). Do you have any pets? Yes a big fat black cat who has many names :

Pumpkin, Oprah and Loo-Lah, she’s very contrary and smokes too much (well I think she does).

1 tin of tomatoes and a packet of skinned, boned chicken thighs, with which I’m going to go full on Mexican – with the chicken that is.

Current cookbook in your kitchen? : A Little Bit of This; A Little Bit of That by Jayshri & Laxmi Ganda. It’s a stunning Gujarati Indian Cookbook.

I’m totally inspired by authentic home cooks, the authors live in Halswell,

Are you bi, gay, straight OR : For me attraction is attraction and love is

love. I don’t fall one way or another. If it feels good, I’m going for it; life is too short to question ‘that feeling’.

Who would you love to join in their / your kitchen?

Strangely, I have this fascination with Giles Coren, he’s NOT a chef but

Currently in a relationship? : Ha! Good question, I’ve been in a relationship with a gorgeous geeza now for 18 months.

a Food Critic for the London Times. He’s well travelled, has an amazing sense of humour, knows his stuff and I think we could teach each other a thing or two.

When was the last time you cried? : 16th August 2018, I can be precise

because it was the day I learned Aretha Franklin had passed away. She was and will always be the friend I would turn to for reassurance, for

acceptance, for respect, for love, for laughter, for ambition and all the

things a young black girl required growing up against the onslaught of judgment and chronic racism in East London in the 60’s & 70’s.

Have you experienced racism in NZ : Yes, quite a bit actually, just

recently I was driving out of the car park, at my local mall and a lady

called me a ‘black bastard’ because I wouldn’t let her cut in front of me. What did you do? Wished her well on her journey back to Ignorant-Ville whilst hoping her passengers, 2 little children had headphones on.

Is it true, you dance when you cook? I dance most of the time, it’s just

sometimes I happen to be cooking. There’s a lot of movement when you cook, hips, arms, hands and music is the perfect compliment.

What winds you up or makes you mad? Wow, you must be in my

head….. any type of injustice or racism, I am Queen underdog of the Underdog Tribe. If I meet a new person and the first thing they do is throw shade on someone, I walk away. IMMEDIATELY.

When the cork comes out, what do you hope is being poured? Mmm, Pinot Noir from North Canterbury or Central Otago with a nice peaty,

aromatic and wide flavour. PS : Chuck the cork away, because I’m a one bottle girl.

6 dinner guests, who and why? Ok, well they would have to have a hefty appetite for food and discussion, sense of humour and the ability to

dance their calories off so Martin Luther King, Prince, Mary Magdallen, Tony Stark, Urzilla Carlson and my grandmother.

Your last meal on death row would be? My ex husband, slowly braised

over a couple of days, with garlic, fresh sage and apple cider, paired with 2 bottles of 21 yr old, Rare Blend Appleton Estate rum (to get rid of the taste – hahahahah).

Do you have a favourite restaurant? When I go out, I like to sit down to a meal and think – nope, I couldn’t make this even if I tried. So, here in Christchurch, Chillingworth Road, top notch fine dining. In Soho,

London, The Palomar, serving the most amazing Palestinian dishes. One destination, one choice, anywhere in the world, where would you

go? I had my DNA done a couple of years ago, I’m 87% African (Ivory

How would you define your cooking style? I’m a pantry alchemist; I fling open the doors, grab ingredients and create rustic, seasonal, fresh,

simple, fun packed and full of personality dishes, to suit my mood and appetite.

Christchurch

Coast / Sierra Leone) so back home, to Africa.

Is there a question you wished I’d asked? Yes, Q : what is your legacy? A : My beautiful children.

www.jaxfoodhax.com @jaxfoodhax

@jaxfoodhax

@CANTAMAG

I S YO U R S N A P H E R E ?

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TR E A E H T T R U O C E H T T A COMING UP t at the theatre!

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oze-fest for teenager It’s 1983 and school is a sno ’d much rather be at the Hemi ‘Jimmy’ Te Rehua. He his latest high-score on local arcade parlour, beating Defender. Jimmy soon runs into Too smart for his own good, rking at the Astrocade trouble and finds himself wo en under the wing of Amusement Parlour. He’s tak who quickly figures out grouchy owner, Mr Macrae, he thinks... that Jimmy is smarter than out the patterns of Mr It’s easy for Jimmy to work isn’t quite so simple Macrae’s video games, but it growing up. A uniquely working out the formula for roman is full of comedy, Kiwi coming of age story, Ast moves and a giant heart, Michael Jackson dance dollop of ‘80s nostalgia. In other words: it’s choice.

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The DO’s and DON’TS of Tea Party DO - BRING YOUR PAPERWORK

Much like Studylink or international travel, one missing bit of info can screw your day up. Everyone must have a valid proof-of-age ID*, a valid ticket and your UC Student ID: you will be checked!

DON’T SMUGGLE IN HEROIN:

… or cocaine, or marijuana, or ecstasy, or speed, or crack, or – okay, so, cut a long story short: no drugs. Or party pills. No alcohol, either; though you needn’t worry, it’ll be on offer once you’re inside the gates. And leave the weapons at home, too – that means no bringing a real sword to go with your Conan the Barbarian costume. No bazookas, either, though we’ll be pretty damn impressed if you manage to source one. As much as we’d like to take you all on your word that you’ll follow the above directive, the conditions of your ticket mean you consent to a reasonable search of your person and any items you have with you.

DO EAT THE FOOD

Get some Kai in you! We’re not trying to fatten you up for some kind of nefarious plan to harvest student-refined fat as a form of alternative biofuel to run the secret UCSA reactor – I mean, that’d be crazy – but having some eats in your stomach will keep you pumping through the event. It’s a good idea to have a bit of breakfast beforehand too, especially if you’re up before early o’clock. Plus its free, how can you say no?

DON’T GET SCALPED

DO GET IN ON TIME

Maiming fellow attendees is not ok….oh, not that sort of scalping. If you already have a ticket – congrats. See you there. If not, make sure you only buy through tixel.co.nz/tea-party. That kindly looking person standing outside the gates saying their mate was too steamed to be let it is likely to be scamming you – we have so many stories of people being screwed over. It’s like a real life Viagogo out there…

DON’T FORGET TO STAY HYDRATED:

Have fun, be safe, and enjoy yourself. This event is to be remembered, so make sure you can remember at least a part of it. And if you’re smashed beforehand you won’t get in. If you get smashed during, you’ll be asked to leave.

Gates close 2 hours into the event! While being fashionably late can be appropriate sometimes, for this event it is not the case. Much like military curfews and childbirths, being late can lead to you having a bad time – so if you turn up more than two hours into the event, you will not be let in.   Keeping hydrated is what all the cool kids are doing these days. Also “making dank memes” but I’m not quite sure what that is, and I think it scares me a little.

DO BE A GOOD NEIGHBOUR

If you are going to have some mates around before hand – register on goodone.co.nz and let you neighbours know. No one wants Donald from down the street calling the 5-0 on them! Remember there’s a Liquor Ban in effect too, so don’t be wandering the streets with any beverage or you’ll have a $250 fine to deal with.

DON’T BE A DICK:

Seriously. We’re all tired of that shit. It’s not going to be a repeat of your mate Liam’s flat warming.

DO GET INTO IT, NOT OUT OF IT:

DON’T FORGET ABOUT GETTING HOME:

Have a plan of how you will get to and from the event. If you live in the halls – congrats you have a sweet deal. If you are further afield – plan ahead. Stick with your mates, get a taxi or uber, get Mum to come pick you up.

DO BE NICE TO THE EVENT TEAM

They are there for a good time too. Smile. Say thank you. Imagine your Nana is watching over your shoulder and would be so disappointed if you didn’t use your lovely manners.   *(NZ driver’s license, current Passport, HANZ R18 card).

SAFER PARTYING Ata haere i a koe e hopara I te ao Take care as you explore the world Having a good time can often mean not going quite as hard. Make sure you can last the distance and have an experience to remember.

5/10/17 1:25 PM

22 18

RYANâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S FLAT

OUT’ AT N A ‘FLAT NIGHT R RYAN’S FLAT WO R FOOD AND BEE FO ERY EW BR TAKE HARRINGTONS ICEBREAKER TO ZEN DO O TW D TASTING, AN HOME!

A? UR FLAT IN CANT WANT TO SEE YO

O.NZ

CANTA@CANTA.C

Despite the fact we had to fill one of our flatmate’s places in for an outsider because he is a different species and chose not to participate, kia ora, and welcome to our humble estate. The flat comprises of three stank electrical engineers, and one female who clearly doesn’t do engineering as she is female. We are all very different operators, in our spare time we like to indulge in a multitude of differing leisurely activities,

RYAN EARWAKER –

Consuming copious amounts of alcohol and meat, waking up Christchurch locals with machinery, and Harry Potter

GRAYSON MYNOTT – stuck in ceilings

BECCA CLARKE –

Sleeping, making rice, and getting

BRENDAIN HENNESSY –

Rubix cubing, barn dancing, learning languages, baking, save to put his kids through uni, card tricks, colouring in, Zumba, wearing high school merchandise 3 years later, hitchhiking, Church, excelling at Uni, ultimate frisbee, hating on white bread and white rice, telling people he went to Thailand on scholarship, telling people he’s going to China on scholarship, magic, gymming, Currysoc, In summary Brendain is an Engineer that is yet to discover his true identity

Photography by JAVA KATZUR

Befriending foundry bouncers (hello Daddy Dean), looking at ducks in the Ilam Gardens, and demolishing $6.59 bottles of Cleanskin

UC PHARMACY:

TRAVEL PREP

As the end of term is racing towards us your thoughts may be turning to making plans for the holidays.

arrhoeal products and re-hydrating sachets to ensure vital fluids are replaced in the body.

If you are leaving Christchurch for the summer make sure you pop into the Uni Pharmacy a couple of days before you are leaving town and collect your medication repeats, in most cases we will be able to give you any outstanding repeats you have, even if they are early.

A special note for women on the contraceptive pill. If you’re travelling to a long-haul destination, time differences can result in a missed dose. If your next dose of the pill is more than 12 hours late, you may need to apply the seven-dayrule and use extra precautions when having sex for the next seven days. If you are taking the mini pill, this applies when a dose is more than three hours late. If in any doubt, use extra precautions, such as condoms.

If you are staying in Christchurch over the summer please note Uni Pharmacy will be closed from friday the 21st of December to Wednesday the 9th of January (inclusive), if you will require your repeats or a new prescription filled during this time come in before the 20th of December and we will supply these to you early to get you through to the new year ( please note you will not be able to collect your repeats from another Pharmacy whilst we are closed).

For those of you looking to head overseas we have a few tips below, but as always you are most welcome to come into the Pharmacy and see David and Lisa and discuss any questions you may have regarding your medication and travel health. Depending on your destination, you may need vaccinations, which should be organised well in advance, talk to your doctor as soon as you know where you are going and when. If you’re on regular medication, ensure you have plenty for the duration of your stay, so plan a visit to the doctor before you leave. The most common problem when visiting a foreign country is vomiting and diarrhoea and this can be caused by something as simple as drinking the local water, eating fruit and vegetables washed in the local water, or swimming in contaminated water. Your first aid kit should include anti-di-

HOLIDAY FIRST AID KIT Depending on your destination, and your personal needs, you may need all, or some, of the following in your holiday first aid kit: - Antihistamines – tablets and/or cream - Pain relief - Antibiotics (prescription required) - Anti-diarrhoeals and anti-nausea medicines - Oral rehydration sachets - Travel sickness medicine - Cold/flu medication - Antacids - Antiseptic wipes, bandages, plasters - Handwash sanitising lotion - Sunscreen and sunburn treatment - Thermometer, scissors, tweezers

FINALLY. It’s almost over. Another year of University is almost at an end. Are you going to celebrate that? Of course you bloody are! Since uni is almost over and summer is almost here, it’s starting to smell like party season. Unfortunately, just about every party is guaranteed to irritate someone. So they don’t always go to plan. Good One gets it, we understand, we know you’re going to have a boogie. In fact, we WANT you to have a boogie. If you’re the one hosting a party, we want you to have a good time too. So here’s Good One’s 5 top tips for hosts: - Play ‘Africa’ by Toto. - Always have Bob the Builder’s cover of ‘Mambo No. 5’ on standby. - Snags make every party better. - Don’t invite more people than your property can fit. - Not every DJ is a good DJ. So, what is Good One? If you haven’t heard of Good One…. basically, it’s a register for parties. It allows Christchurch students who are having a party to register them, allowing the host, noise control, and the police to all be on the same page. Basically it’s to ensure you don’t get any nasty surprises, and aren’t down a pair of speakers. When parties go bad it’s worse for the hosts. Good One is all about helping you have a great party without things getting hairy.

2019

FLIGHTS, TOURS BEACH BREAKS & MORE

STA TRAVEL CANTERBURY UNI The Undercroft 03 365 3399 canterburyuni@statravel.com

Terms and conditions apply

The RDU gig guide ALBI & THE WOLVES ‘IT AIN’T EASY’ NATIONAL TOUR

BACK TO THE 80S : RETRO MUSIC NIGHT LOCATION : ARCADIA

LOCATION : BLUE SMOKE

12 OCT

11 OCT

2018

SUBTLE SYSTEM FEAT. COMPA [UK]

SWIDT LOCATION : EMPIRE

LOCATION : WINNIE BAGOES CITY

13 OCT

2018

UCSA TEA PARTY presented by V energy LOCATION : ILAM FIELDS

21 OCT 2018

A FEW NOTES:

“Never Mind the Bollox” would’ve been a better name, huh? BROCKHAMPTON - Iridescence It’s been a rough year for the all-American Boyband. First, they made up an entire fourth release, “Team Effort”, and then decided to scrap the entire project. The follow up, tentatively titled “Puppy”, was recalled two weeks before it’s intended release date and core member Ameer Vann was expelled due to allegations of rampant sexual misconduct. The hype, or more so the lore, behind Iridescence, previously known as “The Best Years of Our Lives” as it was revealed on Jimmy Fallon, has been growing since they were signed on to RCA. “Iridescence” is Brockhampton at their most notorious, post-Saturation-trilogy, post-Ameer, post-co-signing, post-Abbey-Road-studios, a real ends-of-anera deal we’ve been handed, an album that was, apparently, put together in just ten days. It was actually preformed for the first ever time live in Auckland very recently, with Dom McLennon at one point tearing up and sort of collapsing on stage for a few seconds. It’s that kind of palpable emotional vulnerability, something the group is well known for, that is ever-present on this release. Whereas the prior Saturation albums were wrapped in a weighted blanket of beat-heavy boasts, “Iridescence” makes use of swelling orchestral samples, in addition to Bearface leading us in some vocal harmonies to create a more sombre atmosphere. This sounds very much like a Brockhampton who had to retreat and lick its wounds for a bit, a group that had to strip everything down and start from the ground up apparently more than once. The group are still hurting, which makes for some very emotionally-charged stories being told – Joba’s feelings with inadequacy and determents, Kevin’s disillusion with fame and coming to terms with his sexuality, Dom’s social anxieties and skeletons he didn’t know he possessed, so on and so forth. Even though there are certainly tracks that get loud and intense enough (Joba at one point basically screams “MISUNDERSTOOD SINCE BIRTH/FUCK WHAT YOU THINK/AND FUCK WHAT YOU HEARD”), going in hard and talking frankly about your feelings are two variables that have some difficulties coexisting simultaneously, which isn’t to say they’re awarded penalty points for going about doing. This, kiddies, is the primal scream therapy of hip-hop.

Noname - Room 25 Noname (née Gypsy), Chicago native and instinctual lyrical poet, packs an impressive CV, including working with Chance the Rapper on Acid Rap (his best album, fight me) before going on to drop the stunningly relaxing Telefone in 2016. Speaking freely, I was waiting for this release since the year clock ticked over. Signature clever melodies that somehow float along a dreamlike iambic pentameter that make no attempt at skirting around the nitty gritty -“My pussy wrote a thesis on colonialism”, she states, and we can’t help but nod our heads and agree. An effortlessly charming, ingeniously crafted and politically charged sophomore album.

Connan Mockasin - Jassbusters I personally haven’t listened to a chunk of Mockasin’s work without being subtly creeped out. Except for one of his earlier hits, “Sneaky Sneaky Dog Friend” from back when he went by ‘Connan and the Mockasins’, it’s entirely too easy to imagine that behind his sonic mastery and signature guitar warbles there’s some sort of fourth dimensional creature summoned fourth that’ll swallow the listener whole if caught off guard. Mockasin’s latest release only confirms my suspicions, what with its strangely tender vibes feeling like I’ve just chucked a whole load of Vicks VapoRub down my ear canals. Still groovy. LEWIS HOBAN

HONOURABLE MENTIONS:

GØGGS - Pre Strike Sweep Cat Power - Wanderer Villagers - The Art Of Pretending To Swim Fat Tony - 10,000 Hours

Kurt Vile - Bottle It In Cloud Nothings - Last Building Burning milo - Budding Ornithologists Are Weary of Tired Analogies

Making an ASS out of U and Me Among us are a diverse populous of Beliebers, photographers, flat earthers, snowboarders, National voters, Armenians, coffee drinkers, Runescapers, wheelchair users, Muslims, bloggers and Ultimate players. We all associate ourselves and each other with specific labels, and these help to build up a picture of who we are. They can take the form of characteristics, attributes and identities, and are simultaneously part of what makes us so unique and what grounds our similarities. Labels can be a great way to identify both ourselves and each other and find make connections within our society. We can categorise ourselves as belonging to a specific ethnicity, political identity, religion, sexuality, sports team, or music group. Labels can connect us and create community, they can help us to rally for causes we believe in, but in some cases they can also cause pre-emptive assumptions, division, and discrimination. Aue! That don’t sound so good… It’s important to note that in this way, labels can be a doubled edged sword: sometimes powerful, validating and positive, and at other times they can be impolite, harmful, or negative. Personally, I can use a number of labels to describe myself, and by doing so I can concisely relay information about me to other people. For example:

I’m a grammar nerd I’m easily distracted I’m an aspiring teacher I’m Pākehā I’m a KazooSoc member I’m autistic I’m a musician These are just a few ways that I can identify myself, and these labels play a part of painting the complex picture of the Abby that I am. They are not the whole, and even all the labels in the world wouldn’t do justice to explaining a person’s identity. We are all too layered and complicated for that, and attempting to simplify each other in these ways can sometimes come across as rude or disrespectful.

is so much more than his ginger hair – he might be an aspiring programmer or jazz musician; he might volunteer for the SPCA or be lactose-intolerant; he might enjoy scrapbooking or speak Icelandic – but for ease and convenience I distribute him a label based on his outward appearance without a second thought. I’d like to think his ego could take a few hits, but if you’re out there, redheaded footballer, I apologise.

In utilising labels, we walk a fine line between communicating understanding to each other and boxing ourselves and others into rigid categories that have preconceived ideas and expectations attached to them:

I can recall a particular instance where I was labelled that left a sour taste in my mouth. I was being introduced to someone by another person who didn’t know me very well. He said,

If I say the word ‘vegan’ what comes to mind? Perhaps an animal rights activist who attends protests about ‘chicken periods’ and ‘cow pus’, is annoying at restaurants, and maybe appears self-righteous.

“This is Abby, she’s gay and vegan” in the most flippant and casual way, and I became visibly irritated.

What about autism? Maybe a mathematics savant who is socially awkward, male, obsessed with trains, lacks eye contact and is inexpressive.

Upon reflection, I realised it was because it seemed to me that he had mistakenly recognised those labels that I self-identify with as somehow defining features of my identity, and deemed them relevant in introducing me to a complete stranger. My internal response was, why? He had no reason to out either my sexual orientation or my dietary choices. All the situation called for was a simple “This is Abby”: no superfluous information necessary. While I can understand his intention was not to cause any harm, the example goes to show that the labels we use for each other can have unintended consequences depending on the circumstances. Yes, maybe I needn’t have taken so much offence, but I think I was justified in my annoyance. It’s not a nice experience to feel like your personality is being reduced to just a few words.

That said, I can also see the merit in using labels to some extent. I’m not above yelling ‘mark the redhead’ on the football field, either. I am fully aware that my opponent

Many labels we use are loaded with stereotypes, and often these are exacerbated by how these particular groups are portrayed in different forms of media. The reality generally tends to be far from these stereotypes, and even though most of us are aware of this at some level, it is a lot easier to typecast and make assumptions, especially when we have no personal ties to that group. I don’t fit the typecast expectations for what many conjure up when they think of a vegan, nor do I fit the stereotype for what a person with autism looks like. That doesn’t make these labels any less applicable to me, it just makes others perceptions too narrow, and their assumptions inaccurate.

To put it simply, none of us fit perfectly inside the box, and sometimes labelling ourselves looks like pretending that we do.

So how can we prevent this? Avoiding these labels altogether would be impractical, and sometimes it can be necessary to make assumptions and use them as a guide. Moreover, labels can be useful in serving various purposes. It’s also worth acknowledging that owning labels that you identify with can often be a positive thing, and set an example for others and how they should interact with you. For example ownership of words like ‘queer’, ‘dyke’, and ‘gay’ in the LGBT community: traditionally they were derogatory terms, until they were reclaimed and used for power and validation in the rainbow community. Okay, so how do I know when it’s appropriate to use labels, and when should I avoid them? I’m no expert, but I have tried to provide a guideline below:

WHEN LABELS ARE USEFUL: - to describe yourself to others - to identify yourself with a particular group - to concisely relay information when the situation calls for it - to make connections with similar people/ build community - to reclaim a term that may have had negative connotations in the past (i.e. slurs like queer, gay, dyke)

WHEN LABELS ARE UNHELPFUL: - to excuse yourself or others from poor behaviour - when they’re used to harass or hurt - when they cause false assumptions to be made - when they cause discomfort - when they impose limitations Things to Consider If you’re not sure whether someone is comfortable with a particular label, it’s probably a good idea to either avoid using it, or ask them. No harm in asking

questions, as long as it’s done in a tactful and considerate way. Besides, in my experience, most people love to talk about themselves. In the wise words of my father: never assume, because you’ll make an ASS out of U and ME.

ABBY ROBERTSON

CHRISTINA RYAN Christina Ryan is a rising athletics star, who recently became National and Oceanian Champion in the Heptathlon, an all-rounder athletic event. We sat down to chat about how she balances training and study, how UC Sport’s academy has transformed her performance and where she’s headed in the future. Christina is in her final year studying Sports Coaching at UC, and is a standout star in athletics. Athletics has been part of Christina’s life for longer than she can remember. At just 4 years old she joined her older brothers and sister at the South Canterbury Amateur Athletics club in her home town of Timaru. Whilst her brothers stopped doing athletics in their teens, Christina’s older sister Leanna continued with athletics until making the New Zealand 7’s squad earlier this year. Although Christina doesn’t consider herself “naturally competitive”, the two sisters enjoy a healthy rivalry and like to joke about who the more successful child. Athletics is a late specialisation sport, and athletes are encouraged to try all the events when they’re young to find out what they’re good at, and leave more options for specialising later on. Early on Christina found that she liked long-jump, discus and 100m hurdles. In high-school she gained medals in all three at the NZ Secondary school champs, including gold in the Discus where she set a whopping 44.33m personal best, and went on to gain 3rd place at Oceania Champs that year. Moving into the Heptathlon came at the encouragement of her club coach Ian Baird, who has coached other athletics stars like Olympic shot-putter Tom Walsh. “He always told me I was going to be a heptathlete, and he’d never been wrong before… he’d predict pb’s that I’d hit in events before I made them. So I thought I should give it a go.” The Heptathlon is a track and field event, where athletes compete in seven events; the 100 metre hurdles, high jump, javelin throw, shot put, long jump, 200m and the 800m. Giving it a go didn’t come without some trepidation. The 800m race poses a challenge for Christina. A concussion injury from playing football in high-school means that Christina experiences migraines after prolonged intense exercise. “Any intense exercise is quite challenging ... it’s really hard.” Despite the challenges she still went to nationals earlier this year, determined to make the most of the experience. “I decided to go

and enjoy the experience for the fun of it, I was competing against older athletes and didn’t expect to win.” It was a good thing she went, with the first six event over Christina had pulled out to a 400 point lead over her competitors, only the 800m remained. Christina fell well behind her competitors in the race “I practically walked” but still managed to maintain an 11 point lead overall and win the gold. “My mum was laughing as she told me, and it really was a shock.” Christina’s win at nationals has driven her to make the Heptathlon her main event. “Winning Nationals solidified the idea in my head that, ‘I’m a heptathlete’”. As the New Zealand Champion she qualified for the Oceania Athletic Championship and set about training to win, making use of the training and mentoring offered by the UC Sports Academy. “Mark from UC sport helped a lot. We worked on my breathing in the hurdles, and he came out to Ilam field with me to help train for the 800m… it’s really helped with my confidence and mental toughness. I’m a much better athlete because of the program” All that training paid off, Christina, whilst representing New Zealand, won the Gold at the Oceania Athletics Championship. Looking to the future Christina has no intention of stopping Athletics any time soon. After graduating from UC at the end of the year she intends to pursue sports broadcasting, but not right away. “Pulling on the Silver fern singlet is such an awesome feeling. I want to completely focus on being a heptathlete, and be a full-time athlete for a few years. I’m young, I have a bit of talent and I want to see how far I can go”. Training, Study and a Social Life can be a lot to manage, and the UC Sports Academy has a hand in helping student athletes like Christina balance their various commitments. A program run by UC sport, it aims to provide performance support and services to high performing student-athletes who compete at a regional or national level. You can find out more at http://www.canterbury.ac.nz/sport/sportsacademy/

ROBERT BROWNLEE

canta coluMNs submit your column to canta.editor@gmail.com

DEPT OF SPIRITUAL ENGINEERING

STINK THINKING: SPRING CLEAN YOUR MIND! spanky.moore@canterbury.ac.nz A few months back a terrible smell began to emit from inside my car. Now, I’ll admit, I’ve experienced some pretty bad mysterious odours in my Toyota over the years - rotting milkshakes, decomposing nappies, blue cheese wrappers - but this smell had take things to an entirely new low. I spent the afternoon turning that car upside down trying to track down the culprit. But try as I might I couldn’t find anything remotely dodgy smelling. Until I reached under the passenger seat, all the way up to my shoulders. My finger tips felt a plastic bag, which I slowly began to extract, with fear and trembling. And as I dragged it kicking and screaming into the sunlight, the demon was finally unmasked: A bag containing a half consumed meal of DubbaDubba™ Moroccan chicken that had been festering away for over a month. The bag was sweaty and sticky from its salmonella infested Bikram Yoga session. And when I opened the bag my nose was overwhelmed by the stench of regret. Finally the hidden source of my cars stench was found. “Come out of this car, you impure spirit!” I said, as I cast it into my Red Bin, for some poor sucker to deal with on rubbish day. And from that point on my car become a much nicer vehicle to drive in. “Hallelujah!” I cried. Here’s the thing: Most students I meet have the equivalent of my rotten Moroccan hiding somewhere in their minds. I like to call it “Stink Thinking”. And basically it’s the

sub-conscious negative self-talk that most people play to themselves throughout the day, like a broken tape recorder playing a crappy song stuck on repeat. They’re almost like Mind Traps. Sometimes our brains get stuck in this infinite loop, and we start to think the worst of ourselves, our abilities, and what others think of us. We get into the bad habit of talking to ourselves negatively, and rather than our self-talk being based on how things are in reality, it usually comes out of our negative emotions and fears. Let me give you an example of something from my own life. Sometimes, when I go and talk to strangers, my mind can subconsciously begin to say a whole lot of negative stuff: “I am soooooo lame. No one takes me seriously around here. They all think I’m a loser… a try hard. I should probably just go and hide in the toilets right now.” It’s no wonder after giving myself all that relentlessly negative self talk over the years, that my adrenal glands have learnt to follow suit. My heart gets faster. My palms get sweaty. All because I’ve assumed the worst possible outcome! But a counsellor suggested that I should

challenge my Stink Thinking, and should replace that negative self-talk with a motto that better reflects reality: “I’m going to assume that these people like me until they prove otherwise”. So nowadays whenever I walk into a new place with new people, my mind assumes

that the people like me until they prove otherwise. And so when I meet new people I’m actually much warmer, I’m less fearfilled, less anxious, and guess what, people actually like being around me more because of it! It’s the same with study, if you go into your exam swat with self-talk like: “I’m dumb. I’m thick. I’m probably going to fail. I can’t do this” it’s almost definitely going to have a pretty negative knock on consequence. The writer of the book of Philippians put it likes this: “You’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious— the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.” And so as you head towards your exams – I want to encourage you to do a spring clean of your mind. Because isn’t it time you made your mind your friend? Hunt down all that Stinky Thinking that’s undermining your studies and life. Replace those horrible Mind Traps that trick you into thinking the worst of yourself and setting you up to fail. Find wherever that rotten Moroccan Takeaway is hiding in your mind, and throw it in the bin once and for all. And

instead replace that stink thinking with some realistic self-affirmation. You’ll be happier for it. You’ll do better in your studies because of it. And you’ll actually like being with yourself. So get to it, and Spring Clean that sucker!

SPANKY MOORE

canta coluMNs submit your column to canta.editor@gmail.com

THE F WORD:

1 2 5 Y E A R S O F S U F F R A G E B U T S T I L L A WAY T O G O

Recently, Femsoc hosted a panel of amazing women professors and writers who spoke about suffrage and the work still left to be done. The emerging theme was that we cannot be complacent. As a former professor of mine once said, “A right once won is never safe.” While New Zealand should be proud to be the first country in the world to grant women the vote, it would be laughable to pretend that equality for womankind was gained at the same time. As the speakers pointed out, we still have pay inequality, underrepresentation of women in the STEM fields, a threat to women’s choices in reproductive health, transphobia, unequal representation on boards and the higher echelons of power and misogyny that manifests itself in threats of death and rape when women speak out. We still have men like Mark Richardson thinking women like Jacinda Ardern owe him an explanation about their choices for raising a family. Never mind the fact that every government has a deputy Prime Minister “just in case,” women need to justify themselves to men like Mark.

We still have male barristers like Jonathan Krebs suggesting on Radio New Zealand that a panel discussion for women on legal issues overwhelmingly affecting women is “sexist.” Naturally, this man is uniquely placed to understand what it’s like to be a young woman starting out in a legal environment where you’re seen as a sex object by those who are more powerful than you. He clearly “gets it” and knows what he’s on about when he suggests there’s nothing to worry about anymore. We still have a policy that sees women seeking an abortion having to convince two medical practitioners that having a child would affect their mental health. We still have men in politics who see nothing wrong with this. If there is anyone who would know what it’s like to be pregnant, alone and financially unprepared, it’s a bunch of dudes in the highest positions of government. And in countless homes around the country women are still doing the majority of emotional and domestic labour-without recognition and certainly without financial compensation. In professions seen as feminised like nursing and child care, low wages persist. We still haven’t escaped this idea that

women are biologically pre-disposed to be care givers and that it’s really a privilege that they are even allowed to earn a wage doing something they are programmed to do in the first place. How do we make those not doing the mindless cleaning and mundane aspects of child rearing see the real value of the work? In my case, I ran off for a week to study Kea in Arthur’s Pass. Three days into my escape my partner showed up with our son and a panicked look on his face. I pretended not to understand how he felt and parroted back the same thing he had said to me, “Looking after kids is easy and fun. You said you wished you could spend more time with him and now you are.” Another time I drafted up a list of all the work I did around the house, calculated my hours at the minimum wage and presented my partner with a bill for $4,000. He took my point. It’s exhausting having to fight for fairness all the time. It’s so easy to celebrate a milestone and pretend the world is going to continue progressing on its own. It’s not, and if we want it to get better we’re going to have to keep on fighting to be heard, seen and understood.

KELLY PHILLIPS

FISI'S MOVIE GUIDE TILL 2019

YOUR RESIDENT FILM REVIEWER FISI HAS YOU SORTED RIGHT UNTIL THE NEW YEAR WITH HER PICKS FOR THE BEST UPCOMING FLICKS.

October 5

October 19

October 26

VENOM: The Anti-Hero rises in

HALLOWEEN (2018): Halloween sequel, the

JOHNNY ENGLISH STRIKES AGAIN: Mr. Bean

the film no one asked for.

THE HATE YOU GIVE:

An all too relevant coming-of-age story of an African-American girl living in the Black Lives Matter Movement.

A STAR IS BORN: A fourth

remake of the same movie. But, hey, Bradley Cooper? Lady Gaga? What’s not to love.

October 12 FIRST MAN:

First Man on the Moon. Ryan Gosling. Beautiful man for a Beautiful Movie.

BAD TIMES AT THE EL ROYAL: ‘Murder on the Oriental Express’ but in a Hotel. Anastasia Steele and Thor hook up.

GOOSEBUMPS 2:

Haunted Halloween: Goosebumps.

story continues but years later.

MID90S:

Written and Directed by Jonah Hill. A look into the 1990’s… in case you forgot.

who talks, but also a movie that shouldn’t have been made.

SERENITY: A Mystery? A

Marriage? a … Murder???? and Anne Hathaway.

November 2 THE NUTCRACKER AND THE FOUR REALMS: IRL Nutcracker.

BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY:

Biography leading up to the famous Live Aid (1985) Concert.

SUSPIRIA: Dakota Johnson in

another film, but this one is scary. A Remake.

BOY ERASED: away.

Pray the Gay

November 9

December 7

DR. SEUSS’ THE GRINCH:

UNDER THE SILVER LAKE: A David-Lynch-like film

‘Horton Hears a Who’ but the Grinch.

THE GIRL IN THE SPIDER’S WEB: Continuation

about L.A. and the secrets it holds, a follow-up film from the Director of ‘It-Follows’ .

of ‘The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo’ saga, but with the ‘The Crown’s Claire Foy - That’s right, we get to see the Queen tasering someone in the Dick.

VOX LUX: Natalie Portman

November 16

December 14

FANTASTIC BEASTS: The

SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE: An Animated

Crimes of Grindelwald: Sequel to the First Fantastic Beasts. But Jude Law plays a young Dumbledore and also the title of the film really succ.

proves there’s nothing she can’t do in this film as she plays popstar sensation, Celeste showing the struggles that come with fame.

December 28 ON THE BASIS OF SEX: Felicity Jones challenges

the U.S. Supreme Court system for equal rights.

DESTROYER:

Noir-Crime thriller. Nicole Kidman plays L.A.P.D. Detective with a background she’s not too proud of.

Nicolas Cage.

MORTAL ENGINES: Based

on a book of the same name. In a post-apocalyptic world, whole cities have wheels and travel around to pillage and steal from other, smaller cities and towns.

November 23 RALPH BREAKS THE INTERNET: Wreck it Ralph ruins Wreck it Ralph in a The-Emojimovie-esque film

CREED II: The Sequel to Creed, NOT directed by Ryan Coogler.

THE FAVOURITE: Dark

Comedy about some 18th-Century Royals from Director superstar Yorgos Lathimos, who brought us ‘The Lobster’ and ‘The Killing of a Sacred Deer’.

December 21 AQUAMAN:  Jason Momoa,

like, coME ON! The origin story of the King of the Ocean.

BUMBLEBEE: A Stand alone

film about Bumblebee from Transformers. But like, why? NOT Directed by Michael Bay.

MARY POPPINS RETURNS:  A sequel revisiting

the now grown-up Banks Children.

WELCOME TO MARWEN: Tiny Replicas of a

town, a man who’s gone through a traumatising accident finds a strange, yet helpful form of therapy.

HOLMES AND WATSON: A Will Ferrell and John. C. Reilly film.

FISI CARRASCO REX

ADVENTURES FROM THE SOUTH In Brief Avalanche Peak is a day walk with stunning views that take your breath away. It is a grueling climb to the summit of Avalanche Peak, climbing to an altitude of 1883m. Located in the heart of Arthur’s Pass, the beginning of the climb is easily accessible from the railway station car park. Hiking towards the end of the day to catch the dipping sun is a delight as the tussock turns golden. If you have plenty of time to spare on your way through to the West Coast and the weather and mountain conditions are right, I would highly recommend Avalanche Peak as the day walk to do in Arthur’s Pass.

THE LOCATION

We headed out to Arthur’s pass with the intention of walking up to Bealey Spur, a track not quite so challenging but still boasts some very beautiful views. That day the weather conditions were near perfect so instead, we decided to take on Avalanche Peak. Avalanche Peak is situated in the heart of Arthur’s Pass, its summit rising to a grand height of 1833m. It is best climbed in summer or early autumn when the snow has disappeared from the tops of the mountains and the weather has become more stable.

THE ASCENT

The track begins behind the DOC (Department of Conservation) visitors centre with a short 2 min walk to the start of the track, situated very close to Avalanche Creek falls. If you do reach the falls coming from the DOC visitors centre, you know you have gone too far. The climbing starts immediately, with big steps that have been cut into places that form the track. It is a scramble and involves a little bit of climbing to be able to take on such big steps. There are usually plenty of trees or shrubs that you are able to grasp hold of to help pull yourself up as you climb through the bush. It takes approximately an hour to reach the edge of the bushline, from here the trail continues to climb. Through tussock and mountain grass, the trail becomes just a little easier to manage as you begin to sidle your way up. At an altitude of 1550 metres, the track levels off, a good spot to take out the scroggin. In good

conditions you are able to pick your own route up the scree, looking out for markers as you approach the ridge leading to the summit. The track along the ridge follows a much more clearly marked track to the summit with a few big step ups with steep drops on either side. Take care on this part of the track, in adverse weather conditions this would be very dangerous and I would not recommend attempting this.

THE SUMMIT The views from the summit are absolutely stunning in every direction on a clear day, if you have started later as we did you won’t really want to stay around the top long, ensuring that you descend in good time.

THE DESCENT

Scott’s track is a much easier descent than Avalanche Peak track with a well-maintained track leading down the mountain. If you do end up tackling on Avalanche Peak later in the day as we did, there are some beautiful photo opportunities as the sun sinks out towards the west. The evening light on the tussock with a clear evening sky was just so beautiful. The bush is not as dense and large as it was on the Avalanche Peak route, which helps especially as light becomes scarce. Ensure that you do have a torch of some sort handy while you are trekking to ensure that if you do end up descending at a slower rate than expected, as you are coming through the forest where the light disappears, you are still able to see where you are putting your feet as you descend. This was such a wonderful hike, it was a challenge, and by the end, it makes you really feel like you have a sense of achievement. It is definitely one that should be considered for those with a moderate level of fitness. If the weather is good and you have the time I highly recommend doing this track. Go check out the Avalanche Peak Gallery here which features all of the photos in the post along with some other stunning shots.

NATHAN JAMES

A D V E N T U R E S F T S O U T H . C O M

Lucky Dip

The Shilling Club Presents

One Side:

Kids, I’m going to tell you an incredible story. There are a few benefits to being a “mature” student at University - I can ask the annoying questions all you whipper-snappers are afraid to ask, I know that a 10am lecture is actually a sleep-in compared to the real world and I have a few dates under my hat, so the idea of a blind date tends not to phase me too much. I used my wisdom to arrive five minutes early and grab a couple of seats and some water and proceeded to try and hide my nerves by having a couple glasses. As my date arrived, it started out as you would expect, some stiff formal introductions and diving straight into the discussion of what we were studying. Thankfully our hosts brought over a couple menus and we settled on getting some drinks and snacks – she was convinced that the chips were the best on campus and she was not wrong. However, I was surprised that the staff did not know how to make an Old Fashioned (for you youngsters out there this is a great Bourbon or Whiskey cocktail). For reference, here is a recipe for the Shilling Club to tape to their bar. Put 1 sugar cube in the glass and saturate it with 2 dashes of Angostura bitters, add a dash or two of water mixing until the sugar is dissolved. Fill the glass with ice cubes and add 44mL of Bourbon

The Other Side:

Yikes. I want to preface this by saying that I actually had a good time. My date was funny, and the conversation we had was definitely much better than any tinder small talk I’m used to. But honestly guys, I can’t date someone with the same name as my brother. It’s against the rules of nature, like sex with socks on, so the second he said his name he was vetoed. This guy was honestly pretty decent, but definitely not my usual type. Being an engineering gal, you tend to really narrow your criteria down to slightly on the spectrum weedy looking boys. He was not one of those guys. My date was a solid 10 years older than me, with baby face covered by a groomed beard. He was a fucking good laugh though, which is bloody hard to come by in a date so I thoroughly rated that. We had a decent chat though, and by that I really mean I finally had someone who had to listen to my opinions on how good the Shilling Club fries are but without paying the horrendous price for them myself (cheers, CANTA). I just want to take the time here to thank

or Rye Whiskey and finish it off with a garnish of orange slice. Anyway, back to the story. We quickly connected over coming from the same infamous city – Dunedin and the laughs ensued as we realised we had more in common than CANTA could have anticipated. We went to the same Intermediate school (10 years apart I might add), we were both fond of cussing for maximum shock effect, we both had families with semi-religious backgrounds and we both realised later in life that dinosaurs did in fact exist and it was not some big conspiracy. I will admit I was surprised how quickly 2 hours flew by talking, laughing, sipping on our drinks and noticing how radiant her smile was. We compared notes on what we had been told about the other prior to our date. She was told I was cute and funny, I was told she was stunningly gorgeous – CANTA was not lying. Eventually we checked the time and we had to part ways, she had work and I had dinner plans. But before leaving we exchanged numbers with vivacious emojis being sent. I have not organised a second date yet, mostly since I work most weekends and she has a busy week but rest assured faithful CANTA readers I do intend to see if a follow up date is on the cards.

the Shilling Club for not fucking up the fries like the Foundry did to me once, y’all perfected that oily crunch to soft potato ratio without chucking on some bougey oregano herb salt. The conversation flowed really naturally, especially half a gin & tonic in. We bonded over having nieces and nephews and talked about life outside of uni which did involve more talk about drug usage than I typically opt for. Once we got to our favourite TV shows I was a little disappointed in his love for crime dramas- I mean 4 out of his top 5 weren’t comedies, how can you expect a second date after that? (He redeemed himself a bit though by looking impressed when I mentioned Gilmore Girls on my list). We left things on decent terms of exchanging numbers and a slightly awkward hug, and I went my way (slightly tipsy) off to work. Sorry man, I know I probably seemed keen but that’s just who I am after 2 drinks. No amount of gin will ever get me to say my brother’s name in bed.

happy ending COLOUR ME IN

HOROSCOPES FOR 8 october

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