Canta, Issue 4, 2014 by UCSA

{Issue 4 March 19 2014}

UCom & UCSA presents

WEDNESDAY MARCH 26 8PM / THE FOUNDRY / R18 UC STUDENTS $35 + BF GENERAL PUBLIC $45 + BF TICKETS AVAILABLE FROM

www.ucsa.org.nz

{ Contents }

THINGS WE LEARNED THIS ISSUE

99 Problems but this mag ain’t one. The gripes of students keep coming in and we keep printing them

Is Putin a naughty boy? Should he pull out of Ukraine? The Point Counterpoint will help you decide if he needs a spanking for putting his troops in without buying Ukraine flowers

Minister Steven Joyce has made University councils his pet project. What does this all mean? Find out here

Dating is stupid. I think that’s why we didn’t have anyone write about it this week, despite the fact that this is allegedly the dating and sex issue. Although from the morning-afteron-Manchester-St themed cover, you probably hadn’t picked up on the dating part. The rest of the mag follows suit, with the amount of raunch in here overshadowing any hint of romance. At first I was a little taken aback by the absence of people who wanted to write about dating. The thirteen year old in me, ripping open her copy of Girlfriend for the month and reading about the numerous ways in which she could make herself a perfectly datable female, felt cheated. What happened to candlelit dinners and roses and chocolates? What happened to waiting for prince charming to get on his high horse and whisk me away to my subordinate place in society? Sexual liberation? What the hell is that?

UCRed – Injecting youth into the Red Cross, read all about it

Want to know a dog from a lemon? Moto-Soc share their wisdom on buying a vehicle

Lets not beat around the bush, we have some articles on the topic of sex. Don’t be shy, take a look and you may learn a thing or two. I promise it won’t be smutty, unless you want it to be.

Despite the myth that’s still spun to unsuspecting pre-pubescent adolescents, the romance of dating seems to die well before you’re old enough to fully appreciate it. Somewhere between my parents telling me they married out of fear of dying alone, and discovering that attraction is just evolutionary traits and pheromones is when it carked it for me. And aside from the occasional Facebook post from that annoyingly delusional happy couple cropping up in my newsfeed, and depending on how badly I want to believe everything a romcom will tell me after a bottle of wine, I have fully convinced myself that it is no longer a thing. Dating, and all of the romantic connotations that go with it, are bullshit. What’s the point in taking someone somewhere to do some arbitrary socially agreed upon seemingly innocuous activity, just so you can toy with the prospect of getting in their pants for the low low price of two tickets to Hoyts? You both know what you want, and it’s not to bond over your adoration of Sandra Bullock’s acting ability. Stop kidding yourselves and spend your popcorn money on something more appropriate, like condoms and lube.

Ever wonder what it’s like to dance and climb a pole for a living? We have a chat to a very interesting person and it isn’t a fireman

I don’t need to tell you where to find the Sudoku and doodle section but I will anyways, Page 30. There’s a wee sex quiz to test yourself on too. Send us your completed doodles and we may give you a mystery prize!

Despite my cynicism, I guess that dating isn’t completely devoid of purpose. I mean, if a guy came up to me and asked me if I wanted to head back to his sex dungeon for some light bondage, I’d be a lot less likely to say yes than if he asked me out for pizza and a drink. At least then we could get to know each other a bit before determining whether or not we’re compatible, instead of simply going from a first impression. It makes sense on some level. But not enough for anyone to vouch for its place in relationship culture at UC apparently. And fair enough too. If you’re going to go out of your way to spend time with someone, it should be because you enjoy that person’s company, not because you’re trying to prove that you have deep pockets, or that you can doll yourself up for an evening. Go forth, be free, and hopefully someone your brand of weirdo will pick you up along the way, without you having to buy them dinner to win them over. Enjoy our sex issue.

Annalee Jones Deputy Editor

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CONTRIBUTORS Eden Holmes

Liam Stoneley

Tim McLaughlin

Turoa Royal

Age, 21. BA/LLB ‘15

Age, 22. BCom ‘14

Eden wrote the opinion piece, “Luck Of The Irish” on page 28.

Age, 19. Bachelor of Fine Art Majoring in sculpture ‘ 16

Liam wrote the opinion piece, “Chipping Away At Democracy…” Tim created the cover art for this on page 10. issue

Turoa wrote the Moto-Soc piece on “How To Buy Your First Car” on page 14.

So...are you single?

If I went to traffic light party tonight, I’d wear orange.

Probably

Yes

Bangers and Mash

Anything with chickpeas in it, chickpeas are god

Paella’s not bad. Or bacon. Or Cheesecake. Mainly bacon.

What is your favourite memory from sexual education class in high school/college?

Acquainting myself with Mr Woodie and Woodie Jnr in 4th form.

Asking our teacher very personal questions to make him uncomfortable

Someone casually bringing up the topic of hermaphrodites for discussion.

If you were to take Kim Dot Com on a date, where would you go?

So...are you single? Haha oh man is this a compulsory question…yeah I am….

Do you have a favourite meal that you enjoy cooking up? I’m not very good at cooking but Salmon Quiche is a pretty easy option that always seems to go down a treat with the flatties

What is your favourite memory from sexual education class in high school/college? I went to an all girls Catholic High School so they tried to put us off anything sexually related. We had to watch this birthing video once...it was gross.

If you were to take Kim Dot Com on a date, where would you go? Drop him off at the gym and treat myself with his credit card.

The most romantic place on campus is… Behind the engineering bike sheds.

Do you have a favourite meal Do you have a favourite meal that you enjoy cooking up? that you enjoy cooking up?

One of those “Valentines’ all-you- I’d probably take him to KFC. can-eat” buffets. Pretty romantic eh?

The most romantic place on campus is…

A discussion room on the 11th James Hight roof. You can see floor of James Hight. All you need the whole city and you’re just is a blanket and a fine bottle of surrounded by the sky. Merlot for the Sunset and you’re good to go.

Do you have a favourite meal that you enjoy cooking up?

OnaweeklongEuropeanvacation with the expectation his wife was coming in nothing more than a bikini. Either that or Denny’s.

The most romantic place on campus is… The Shilling Club. They have beer there.

Contributors Anonymous, Georgina Carville, Hannah Charan-Dixon, Rupert Curlett, Eden Holmes, Thomas Editor At Large Hannah Herchenbach Jordan, Kerri Kohler-Saunders, Scott Mackenzie, Jazmine Maqueda, Fleur Mealing Amelia Deputy Editors Callum Ching and Annalee Jones Nichol, Connor Renniet, Danielle Robb, Turoa Royal, Liam Stonely, Wei Sun Designer Emily McCormick Webmaster Ryan Astle Send us your stories, photographs, epiphanies canta@ucsa.canterbury.ac.nz { Canta 2014 }

{ Letters to the Editor }

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR CAN I SMELL A SMEAR CAMPAIGN?

NO MORE WINESIES FOR YOU Dear Editor Man I am so excited about A$AP Ferg playing! I’m an aspiring lyricist myself and thought I would throw down some fresh beats, to pump everyone at varsity up! From one white boy to the tertiary world! Chillin’ in my chinos, sipping on some vinos. You want whiskey? It’s on the top shelf with Childish Gambino. Grab my glasses, there will be arses shaking at this show. Get there early, stage might blow,

Dear Young Nats

The Trap Lord makin’ a trap door,

Thanks for the Shilling Club event... not! Thought new members were meant to feel welcome. And to that Julia girl, being bitchy and arrogant to someone new is not the way to get them involved. Sort your act out!

Re-opening the savage hole!

Regards,

Working like Frasier Crane caught in a noose.

One Pissed Off Person

Twitching and bitching, dancing like ‘em freaks on Jesus juice.

BREAKING NEWS: ENSOC NOW RUN BY TROLLS! Dear New Ensoc Comittee

Aint got no gold tooth, got some moves from foot loose,

Swinging on gold chains, feeling insane in the membrane, is this rap nerd. When I heard, the word, A$ap Ferg is playing in my hood! Peace, Monochromatic Asthmatic

Sort your shit out! If you cannot order enough t-shirts for Ensoc members, how can we expect you to order enough alcohol for events?! Also I signed up for for Ensoc seeing how great the new singlets look, only to be told that they are no longer available. I do not want a tee-shirt! (Which I was told up would be ordered as they had also run out). Please order a new set of singlets for fellow annoyed Ensoc members like myself who signed up, only to be told AFTER we had paid our money that they had run out. I look forward to hearing from you, Annoyed Ensoc member

HOW QUAINT I have decided flappy bird is much like life. Sometimes you don’t know what you did to get through, but you did and it worked. Othertimes you think you know what you need to do to get through, and you fail. Sigh. Flappy bird.

{ Canta 2014 }

RESPONSE TO A RESPONSE Dear Elisha Nuttall I find your opinions to be enraging and ignorant. As I sat in the Undercroft, flicking through CANTA and enjoying a late lunch, I stumbled upon your ramblings about Right-wing economic policy. Using your “economic strategies”; our country reached a deficit of $52 billion dollars, the largest of any government EVER! You talk about people “living outside their means” and how simple it is to get an entry level job that pays you peanuts, obviously you come from a background of privilege. You have no idea how hard it is to get a decent job, live in your own house and provide for a family. I suggest you get out of the classroom where you read about these failed 1980’s “theories” and experience the real world where children are going hungry, getting sick and people can’t afford to pay the power bill. I’ll leave you with a favourite quote of mine by President Lyndon B Johnson where he said that “Republicans simply don’t know how to manage the economy. They’re so busy operating the trickledown theory, giving the richest corporations the biggest break that the whole thing goes to hell in a handbasket”. Freddy Freespeech

PRESIDENT’S PIECE Sarah Platt

As I’m writing this week’s column I’m sitting in the car traveling home from a weekend excursion in Dunedin, slightly hung-over and not really looking forward to the following 4hours. It’s also raining, a lot (possibly the start of Cyclone Lusi), so any chance of a pit stop at the Moeraki Boulders or anywhere else that involves getting out of the car for that matter, is probably off the cards. Though I was down in Dunedin for a 21st I also had the opportunity to pop in and have a catch up with Ruby, the President of OUSA (Otago University Students’ Association). I believe that having a strong relationship between the Student Associations across New Zealand is extremely positive and Ruby and I were able to openly discuss areas that each of our Associations excelled and areas where there was room for improvement. Having these lines of communication are invaluable and means Associations are able to learn from each other, so that we can provide an even better service to you, our students. One of the areas that the UCSA is good at (if I do say so myself) is the strong relationship we have with UC and the Vice-Chancellor, Dr Rod Carr. Having a positive working relationship between the Students’ Association and our Institute is crucial for many reasons, one of which is that UC recognises the importance of the student voice and trusts the UCSA to present that voice and provide raw and honest student feedback. Student forums are one of the ways that provides this direct and unaltered student feedback, for both UC and the UCSA. They are aimed to create a platform for discussion and a place for you, the students, to raise any concerns with either the Vice-Chancellor or myself. Last Wednesday, Dr Rod Carr and I had our first of four forums for the year with some of the key points of discussion focusing around Food and Beverage on campus and building remediation, particularly our beloved UCSA Building. If you we unable to join us for the forum a link to the recording is on our UCSA Facebook page for you to have a wee look at. While these forums are a great place for feedback, we welcome your compliments, comments and concerns throughout the year, 7 days a week, 24 hours a day - though if you call me at 2am on a Sunday morning because the Foundry is shut or because UC security wont let you ride on their segways it is likely I’ll be catching up on some beauty sleep, but I’ll be sure to get back to you come Monday! Aaaaand of course, don’t forget your UCSA Exec are out and about in the Undercroft or by Cblock lawn (weather dependent) every Wednesday 11.30 - 1.30 and they’re always up for a yarn. Have a great weeeeeeeeek! Sarah

NOTICES Seeking App Creator I have developed a literacy learning concept which has been suggested would make a great APP. It includes progressive instructions with interactive exercises. It is my hope that there is an APP creator who would be interested in developing this concept. Remuneration is open to discussion. A brief overview of the concept with examples of humour, quotes and foreign languages, (though no lessons) can be viewed on www. facebook.com/startinz Please contact me for more information.

ASK THE PRESIDENT Tired of complaining to your Facebook newsfeed about your locker-less existence, or the lack of microwaves in the engineering building? Well, you can stop now. Your 400 friends don’t give a shit about your uni problems. But luckily for you, Sarah does. Send in your UC related questions, criticisms, and curiosities to president@ucsa.ac.nz and Sarah will get back to you in the next edition of Canta.

Steve Martin 021 0263 9435

Guardian Trust and the Māori Education Trust are now seeking applications for the 2014 round of distributions from the Rose Hellaby Māori Education Fund. The postgraduate scholarships offered from the Rose Hellaby Māori Education Fund specifically support outstanding Māori students undertaking Masters, PhD or other postgraduate study in the fields of engineering, mathematics, science, technology or medicine, but with a particular bias toward those eager to provide leadership to Māori in their given field and benefit Māori generally. There are two postgraduate awards available, worth up to $30,000 each. Applications for the 2014 postgraduate scholarships close on 28 March 2014.

The EWB NZ Odyssey Open Design Challenge 2014 is here! Fancy yourself a bit of a problem solver? Want to do something for a good cause? Then take part in the 2014 Odyssey Challenge. Meet awesome people and work with professional engineers. The challenge is assessing the disaster management and preparedness of a small isolated community in the Bay of Plenty to help develop long term resilience. If you think you’ve got what it takes, or you want to learn more about the challenge, send an email to designchallenge@ewb.org.nz and come to the ODC info night.Did I mention the $3200 prize pool?

Chance to WIN a $40 Westfield voucher

{ Point }

Connor Renniet

PUTIN ON

With the recent unrest in Ukraine, Russian President, Vladimir Putin, has not so secretly intervened in Crimea arguing that Russia has a duty to protect ethnic Russians. He has a duty? Perhaps. A right? No. For the past month the world has been watching the unfolding of events in Ukraine. A quick summary: in late November 2013 protestors began to gather in Independence Square in Kiev to display their anger with President Viktor Yanukoyvch’s sudden reversal to back out of an agreement with the European Union and instead sign an economic deal with Russia. The protest movement grew. Violence led to over a hundred deaths. The Ukrainian Parliament then impeached Yanukovych at which point he fled to Russia while still claiming that he was the legitimate president of Ukraine. Putin asked the Russian government to use military force in Ukraine and soon the Crimean Peninsula was awash with “local self-defence forces” that just happened to speak Russian while wearing Russian uniforms without insignia and carrying up to date Russian military hardware. Putin has denied that these are Russian troops while indicating that he may (officially) send troops to protect both ethnic Russians and Russian citizens who populate Crimea and large parts of eastern Ukraine. Pro-Russian supporters have argued that it is the Russian government’s duty to protect these people. The problem is, in taking this action Russia has violated one of the fundamental principles of the international community; the sovereignty of states. Both international law and conventional diplomacy adheres to the general principle that you can’t launch aggressive wars. Nor can countries invade others unless for clear and specific reasons. For example the U.N. Genocide Convention allows for other nations to intervene to prevent and punish genocidal regimes. Crimea, while an autonomous republic within Ukraine, is held under Ukrainian sovereignty ever since the Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev ceded the territory to the then Ukrainian Soviet Socialist Republic in 1954 (legend has it that Khrushchev made the decision while drunk on vodka, an experience many of us can relate to, the vodka part at least). Ukraine made no aggressive movement to warrant such action from Russia and by intervening Russia has directly undermined Ukrainian sovereignty. Russian propaganda, however, espouses that in many ways Russian actions in Crimea is justified on these lines. Russian actions are meant to protect the large Russian population

{ Canta 2014 }

(both Russian citizens and ethnic Russian Ukrainians) in Crimea as the country threatens to split between the pro-Europe western half and the pro-Russian east. Being a citizen of a country boils down to rights and duties, for example, as citizens of New Zealand, we have the right to live, work and vote. In return, as citizens, we have a duty to participate in the democratic process, pay tax and uphold the law. When we move overseas the New Zealand government still has certain duties. If I was arrested in Indonesia then the New Zealand government should do its utmost to ensure that I am held in humane conditions and receive a fair trial. Does that mean that at any point New Zealand should violate Indonesian sovereignty? No. The difference between a single citizen and a large body of citizens is noticeable, but the principle remains the same. Another issue is the ethnic Russians who are Ukrainian citizens. These people are protected as citizens of Ukraine and are only bound to Russia by culture and language. Granted, common ethnicity and culture does forge strong bonds across nation boundaries but these ethnic Russians are protected as Ukrainian citizens under Ukrainian sovereignty and law. It is conceivable that Russia could legitimately intervene but for that to happen unpunished violence against Russians would need to occur. In this scenario the Ukrainian government has failed to uphold its duty to protect its citizens and the connection between state and citizen is cut. This brings us to the crux of the matter while Russian propaganda would have the West believe that they are there to stop another Bosnia. There has been no evidence to support this claim. The supposed hordes of pro-Western Ukrainian fascists who want to violently suppress Ukraine’s Russian population have not materialised. Let us face the reality of the situation. The ‘rights of Ukrainian Russians’ is an abysmal smokescreen for the annexation of Crimea or to use it as a puppet state to destabilise Ukraine from within. All because Mr Putin lives in a Cold War fantasy.

...soon the Crimean Peninsula was awash with “local self-defence forces”

THE BLITZ

{ Counterpoint }

Thomas Jordan

If your family members were stuck in your neighbour’s house, and being threatened with violence, wouldn’t you want to go over there, armed to the teeth, to try to keep them safe? This is exactly what Russia is trying to do in Crimea. They have two very good reasons for being there, protecting their citizens and protecting their interests that are guaranteed by treaty. And it is not as though the West is in a place to criticize, with the US and UK only just finishing up some illegal wars, whereas Russia was asked for help by the Ukrainian President. Firstly, we need to see if Russia has the moral right to intervene. Let’s look at the largest ethnic group in the Crimean peninsula. Russian. 59% of their population. Doesn’t it seem right that they want to protect their citizens whose rights they feel are soon to be violated? Starting this all off were the protests and riots in Kiev against their democratically elected president, Viktor Yanukovych. He followed the mandate he had from winning the election and wanted closer ties with Russia. This led to the protests attempting to oust him, causing him to flee. If even the president, with all of his supporters and security, had to flee, what message does this send about the safety of the rest of the Russian citizens? It is totally acceptable that Vladimir Putin feels it necessary to threaten force to protect his constituents. The number of constituents is important, because we are taking about a majority of people, and an autonomous region that desires statehood. Secondly, there is the question of whether Russia has the legal right to intervene. This one is slightly trickier, but still pretty clear. Ukrainian president Yanukovych was forced from his place illegally, so by all legal measures he is still the legitimate president, and the current Ukrainian parliament have broken the Constitution.

...when the president of Ukraine asked the president of Russia for some help in dealing with some violent rebels, the most logical response was to give him some help

So, when the president of Ukraine asked the president of Russia for some help in dealing with some violent rebels, the most logical response was to give him some help. State sovereignty is a complicated thing, and with no monarch, that leads sovereign power to be a bit more diffuse, spread between the political institutions. The easiest of these to understand and to listen to is the President, making Yanukovych the best source of authority for any intervention. Both Russian citizens and Ukrainian democracy are in danger. It would have been very cowardly of Putin to accept a legitimate request for assistance. Furthermore, sovereignty is something fluid. In modern times it is transitioning away from the divine right of a monarch to rule, and into the power of the people to choose their own government, with their own borders. If Crimeans ask Putin for help, he should help them. Thirdly, in terms of utter practicality, Russia needed to ensure it still had access to the seaports and naval bases that are theirs under treaty. Crimea is home to Russia’s Black Sea fleet, and the ports have been guaranteed to Russia until 2042. This is vital to Russian trade and security, and has become threatened by the conflict in Kiev. If the Ukrainian opposition can’t even follow their own constitution, how could they possibly be counted on to honour a treaty? Sovereign states have always, and will always, use their force to protect their interests and increase their security. Finally, has anyone actually considered what the Crimeans themselves want? The Russians recently undertook a vote in Crimea about what government they should be under. They had to choose between Russia and Ukraine. But most Crimeans want to be their own state, under their own laws. They are as anti-Kiev as they are anti-Moscow. So, then, the question becomes one of who is going to be better at securing self-determination for the Crimeans. The answer to that is clearly Russia. The Crimean Peninsula has valuable assets to Russia, so the politicians in Kiev have always wanted to hold on to it as a bargaining chip. The best thing for the Crimeans, in striving to attain their self-governance, is to have the Russians wrench them free of Kiev’s corruption. Then, the Crimeans can have the friendly relationship with Russia that they want, and the one that Putin is laying the groundwork for. Crimean independence is the ultimate goal.

{ Canta 2014 }

{ Opinion }

CHIPPING AWAY AT DEMOCRACY; JOYCE AND THE NATIONAL GOVERNMENT. Liam Stoneley

The Government recently announced proposals to change the size and appointments to University Councils, with the key provision reducing council sizes from 20 to 12 and to remove guaranteed student representation without reducing the amount of ministerial appointees. What an outrage! By the time I am finished here at UC, there may be no democracy left if Minister Joyce gets his way. During question time, he stated that the proposed changes will create “smaller, skills based Councils which can respond more quickly and strategically” to issues they face. This is a yet another example of this anti-student Government attacking democracy at Universities across New Zealand. In their last term, the Government made Student Union membership voluntary and are now trying to take away the student voice on the University Councils. This is arrogance in true form. There is no doubt that this anti-student Government does not like consultation; one just has to look in our own backyard and see the mess they made for themselves with School closures after the earthquake. The changes that Joyce proposed will take away crucial voices on the governing body of Universities, including your voice, which help to keep Universities accountable. The list of organisations and people who oppose these changes is extensive. The two largest Universities (Auckland and Otago) oppose the changes.Universities New Zealand, which includes the eight Vice Chancellors, oppose the changes. And University Associations (including the New Zealand Union of Student Association’s) said that “the proposed changes are ill-considered and unnecessary, and inconsistent with international norms and international best practice.” By reducing the size of our University Councils, New Zealand will have some of the smallest University governing bodies in the world, which will be dangerously dominated by government appointees. All of the world’s high-performing institutions that we want our universities to be comparable with have students and academics on their governing board. By getting rid of the input from staff and students, Joyce can dominate and dictate policy through his employees on our boards.

{ Canta 2014 }

the removal of the legal requirement to have democratically elected staff and students to sit on Councils undermines a system that already works well The Minister cites the hope for speedy decision making to be an outcome of these changes. Another way of putting that is, “bugger the students we should be serving, the most economical and strategic way to run a University is my way and that’s that!” There is no evidence to support his claim that smaller equals faster; just look at the top Universities in the QS rankings, most of which have 20 members on their Councils, if not more. They don’t appear to be running poorly. Our largest and most prestigious University (Auckland) has come out guns blazing on the proposed changes. Their Student President stated that “the Government has recklessly disregarded the overwhelming evidence presented by the very people it affects. Their consultation has meant nothing.” Joyce’s changes would mean that an organisation with 40,000 students would be run by a board of between 8-12 people with no guarantee of the student voice being represented. So much for accountability!

I think the strongest point here is outlined by the President of the University’s New Zealand, Professor Crawford, who has rejected the proposed changes by explaining that the removal of the legal requirement to have democratically elected staff and students to sit on Councils undermines a system that already works well. In essence, why change something that isn’t broken? As Joyce stated in his Press Release, eight of our Universities are now in the Top 500 in the world. Taking away democracy and accountability will only take us a step backwards. These changes are plainly an insult to students just as the voluntary membership of Student Unions was. Taking away our voice and that of democracy in our Universities does not make sense. The only reason why Joyce has done this is to silence the huge opposition of students to the unjustified changes this antistudent Government has made to the tertiary sector over the past five years. So get out there and spread the message. Your University’s decision-making abilities are about to dramatically change. You will no longer have your voice represented at the table. Sign Grant Robertson’s online petition to the Minister (www.labour.org.nz/unicouncils) to have your voice heard before it’s too late.

{ Mates }

THE STORY OF UC RED

KerriKohler-Saunders Jazmine Maqueda

“It was love at first sight” J: I started working at the Running Bull as a waitress. K: I was always working behind the bar I guess, but we were both quite shy. J: We probably bonded over staff drinks. K: And complaining about management.

“People wanted to get involved” J: We had two days on C Block lawn when people got interested. That’s what kept me going through 2012 and 2013, seeing that we were essentially the first university group like this in New Zealand was a big deal. That’s why I kept trying.

“It’s really social” J: I have met a lot of my friends through the Red Cross. K: I made some good friends. We wouldn’t have been as close as we are if I hadn’t got involved. J: It’s fun, but at the same time it’s good to be involved in the Red Cross. People recognise it.

{ Canta 2014 }

And the people you meet, it almost becomes another hobby. K: And it’s great for your CV. J: It looks amazing on your CV. J: You were telling me ‘I so want to be President’. K: I wanted the responsibility, and something to push myself. J: I just felt like every event I ran was a total disaster. I would make up everything. K: It’s nice though. It keeps me out of trouble.

“It’s like, come along and see how you like it” J: After the earthquakes we saw that lots of students are keen to get involved and help out. We’ve seen that it’s cool to volunteer. K: But what we do isn’t as labour-intensive as the SVA. J: It’s a lot more casual than [being involved in] the actual Red Cross too. K: We like to say come along, help out, and come for a drink after. J: You don’t have to be committed for the whole year.

“There was no template” J: I knew I wanted to get youth involved. I had to gauge what people wanted to get involved in. K: Getting the committee in one place can be more difficult than it sounds, especially as we are all students and volunteers. J: It was a challenge balancing student life, social life and work. But that’s good as it keeps you kind of balanced. If I wasn’t involved I would have too much spare time. I get bored too easily. K: Volunteering is a really rewarding experience though. I am grateful to have the opportunity to be on the [committee] and meet those people. You have a lot of respect for the people you meet too, like Jason and Mat Darling (the National Youth Panel chair). They’re good role models. J: Those people have done so much and it motivates you to do well at uni. K: It makes you wonder, what have I done? J: I work at Strawberry Fare!

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{ Guide }

BUYING YOUR FIRST SPECIAL SHITBOX Turoa Royal

Buy something cheap, fun, isn’t buggered and hasn’t been used as a Alf Stewart’s sex dungeon. Ask for help, and be careful of the morons. Moving to university can be a big move. Not having ma and pa around to steal vehicles off can become a huge issue when you need to go to the alcohol shop and other important places. Buying a vehicle can be a good way to get around (if you’re not keen on being a peasant and catching the bus) but it can also be a dangerous and costly exercise.

Don’t buy the first thing you see

That is a sure way to buy a lemon. It is important to have a look around and consider your options before buying. You may see something awesome for sale the next day for a good price and instantly hate your life.

Don’t buy something you’ve always wanted If you’re buying a car on the cheap then chances are you can’t afford what you really want. If you see a car that is within your budget and you’ve always wanted one, chances are it’s going to need work. I’ve made this mistake before and have spent many amounts of dollars having to remedy this.

Buy something practical

Four doors are ideal and so is a relatively large boot, so you can fit a few drunk friends in it. Probably try and avoid something that only has enough space for two midgets. Unless you and your significant other are midgets. Then it’s okay, I guess.

Buy something you like

There’s no point in buying something you hate so much you’d prefer to be seen in a bestiality film. At the same time, cheap is fun.

Ask for help

Asking people who actually like cars is a good idea! Joining a club like Motosoc, filled with good buggers who actually like cars and they’re always a good yarn too.

Inspect the vehicle

Have a look, rather than taking the “it’ll do” attitude. Just basic things such as; does it have a warrant, are the tyres in

{ Canta 2014 }

good condition, is the door about to fall off, is there a homeless orgy taking place in the back seat. Just the basics really.

Take an interest in your car

A great way to realize if things are not feeling the way they should. If you think something is not quite feeling or sounding right, then get it checked. This is one of the cheapest ways to keep your car on the road. Ignoring things can cost a lot of money down the track.

Have fun

Some of the most fun I’ve had in a car was in ones bought for $300 or under. Motosoc run student orientated (i.e. cheap) events where you can bring your car along! Racing around Ruapuna is a great way to have fun and learn the limits of your car in a controlled environment, and events such as a Grasskhana are a fun way to go rally driving with next to no chance of damaging your vehicle. Stay tuned to the events calendar as Motosoc will be running a few sessions this year about car maintenance for absolute beginners! Things such as changing oil, checking tyre pressures, checking fluids etc. All things that will save you many moneys.

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It’s just the four of us. About a month ago we moved into a flat on Peverel Street, but that didn’t last. We had disasters because it was disgusting. Someone at the park set our fence on fire. There was a fire engine and all that jazz. There were parts where the floor had sunken away from the wall. It was bad. There was water rot – if you pushed on the walls, they would sink in. We got out in a record-breaking three weeks – but didn’t have to break the lease. Ethan’s old man used to work for the council as a compliance officer, so he pulled a few things out of the hat.

Classy

Their new flat on Brockworth place is a vast improvement. “Everybody is neck high in stuff we have to do,” says Hannah, in the first week of the year. “We are starting to panic a little bit, but it’s all right. It’s going to be okay.” Hannah just started her Masters in Science. “It’s really geeky. I’m doing sea cucumbers as my topic.” Mackenzie graduated from Canterbury last year and now heads a year two class of six-year-old kids. “It’s tiring, but it’s good. You can be stupid. You make jokes and they just love it. You go, ‘Awesome, I’m so funny!’ They write stories about me or give me things. They draw pictures,” Mackenzie says. Cheryl graduated from Marketing last year and has been interviewing for jobs ever since. “I never studied at all,” Ethan says. He’s in his third year installing fibre-optic ultra fast broadband. “It’s fun and games most days, until you cut somebody’s power or phone or gas or something.” The flat is also supporting Hannah as she raises funds for leukemia through Shave For A Cure. “She’ll do great things for sixty dollars,” Ethan grins.

ETHAN CROME

I thought, ‘Oh my god, what did I just do…’ But I’m really happy with it. I didn’t think I’d get as much support as I have. “I’m choosing to shave my head, and it’s scary enough to me, but some people do not have the choice. It’s kind of a small sacrifice really, if you think you can help someone or someone’s family get through it a bit easier.” “Inspirational Hannah!” Mackenzie cries.

It’s close to her heart, thanks to her greatgrandmother. “She’s always been a big part of my life and she’s had leukemia for years.” The campaign will culminate with Hannah shaving off all her hair this month.

Now that Hannah’s raised the bar, the pressure is on for the others to make the world a better place. What’s Mackenzie going to do? “Teach the new generation,” she says.

“When I was in 7th form, I really wanted to do it but my school wouldn’t let us do it because it was a bad look for the school.”

Ethan’s pretty keen to just get out there and have a bit of fun. “Trying to organise a few people to go out is so hard,” he says. Although everyone’s busy with their own projects, he’s confident it will happen. “I reckon at the end of the year we’ve got to go out to Abel Tasman with the yacht for three weeks,” referring to his wee 26-footer that fits on a trailer. But for now he wants to take the girls out clay pigeon shooting, but doesn’t expect more than that. “One round, one at a time.”

“That is terrible,” Mackenzie says. “So I didn’t do it then. I wanted to do it ever since, but it just kind of needed to hit a snapping point where it was like, ‘Right, it has to happen.’ I just decided this was the time and just logged on… had a mild panic attack. When I clicked that button,

{ Canta 2014 }

CHERYL ROBSON

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THE SEVEN LAWS OF ATTRACTION Amelia Nichol

Have you ever experienced that tingly feeling when you meet someone new or have a crush on someone? If you have, then you’ve experienced the psychological definition of attraction. When you meet someone for the first time, what goes through your mind? Is beauty what you are really wanting, or do you believe that looks can be deceiving? Does ‘birds of a feather flock together’ sound familiar? Or do opposites attract? Do you have major daddy issues, or are you really a mamma’s boy at heart? Here are some classic laws of attraction that you may not be aware of.

Do opposites attract?

Although this is a common saying in today’s society, psychological research has actually determined that when it comes to romantic relationships, this isn’t the case. Years ago, sociologists proposed the complementarity theory, which refers to people seeking others whose needs oppose their own. However, when it comes to fitting the mutual needs and personality traits of one another, it is much like how a key fits into a lock. Essentially, opposites may seem exotic at first, but reality shows that over time the differences become too difficult to negotiate around.

Birds of a feather flock together

Have you ever met someone for the first time and instantly liked that person; the two of you just connected and you both felt as if you had known each other forever? Research has shown that people tend to associate themselves with others who are similar to them. This is how dating websites draw you in – they claim to have a magical equation that matches people

Don’t bother with plastic surgery – find someone who enjoys you as much as you enjoy them. together based on their similarities. There are four similarities that people tend to base attraction on – demographics (age, education, and intelligence), attitudes (opinions, interests and values), physical attractiveness, and subjective experiences (laughing with a stranger at a joke your lecturer made). Hence, it seems in the longterm, similarity does play a key role in the success of relationships.

Matching Hypothesis

This is the proposition that people are romantically attracted to others who are similar in physical attractiveness. Early research has shown that both men and women strive for partners who are highly attractive. This was supported by a study conducted at the University of Minnesota where students were randomly coupled up for a date to the school dance. It determined that the desire for a second date was influenced heavily by their partner’s attractiveness more than any other variable. However, in reality, due to people’s fear of rejection, people tend to shy away from prospective partners who seem out of their league. For a Hollywood reenactment of this theory, watch “She’s Out of My League.”

Men prefer feminine faces, but only for short-term relationships

Along similar lines of attractiveness, women frequently assume that men consider facial attractiveness to be most

important when they are choosing a mate. However, researchers have determined that that is only the case when men are thinking in the short-term. Mannerisms, voice, personality, smell and a variety of other tangibles matter when they are looking for a long-term mate. So don’t bother with plastic surgery – find someone who enjoys you as much as you enjoy them, regardless of how masculine or feminine you may look!

Daddy Issues

Ladies, have you ever wondered why you are attracted to men similar to your father? Well this is a psychological phenomenon, and known as the Electra Complex to the science world. This is a psychological term that was developed by Jung to describe a woman’s sexual attachment to her father and a corresponding hostility toward her mother. So when your daddy doesn’t pay you enough attention, you will seek this attention elsewhere through excessive flirtation, promiscuity and certain emotional hang-ups. Beware of where this can lead though.

The other side of the coin

The Oedipus complex is a term developed by Freud in his theory of psychosexual stages of development. This describes a boy’s feeling of desire for his mother and jealousy and anger towards his father. Essentially, the man wants to possess his mother and replace his father, who is the man’s main rival for his mother’s attention. Totally creepy behaviour, right?!

Hard-to-get effect

Years ago, findings showed that we like others who are socially selective, thus supporting the popular notion that you attract romantic interest by initially playing hard to get. Despite this, new information has surfaced suggesting that one problem of playing hard-to-get is that we are turned off by those who reject us. Another is that we prefer people who are moderately selective (we all like to think we are special right?) in comparison to those who are non-selective (low standards) or extremely selective (snobs). So ignore the occasional text or phone call, but be careful – if you ignore them for too long you may miss out!

{ Canta 2014 }

THE PERFECT RECIPE FOR CAKE & SEX PART 1: MOIST CHOCOLATE CAKE

{ Feature } Danielle Robb

Despite the fact that aphrodisiacs can be a little weird (imagine chowing down on a deer or tiger penis before doing the deed), there are some slightly less frightening options available if you’re trying to use food to get you in the mood. Cake is one of them. Chocolate another. And according to Danielle Robb, the combination of the two, when followed by the perfect recipe for mind-blowing sex, is an experience like none other. Find that hard to believe? Follow these steps and see for yourself.

PART 2: HOT, STEAMY SEX

Ingredients • 1¾ cups flour

Ingredients

• ¾ cup cocoa

• At least two consenting adults (three or more could easily work too)

• 1½ tsp baking soda

• Condoms (stay safe)

• ¾ teaspoon salt

• Mood lighting

• 2 eggs

• A surface on which to “do the deed”

• 2 cups sugar

• 1 cup milk • ½ cup butter, melted • 1 tbsp vanilla extract • 1 cup boiling water

Method 1. Preheat oven to 170 degrees (don’t forget to do this before you start – you don’t want to finish all the hard work, then have to wait even longer for the good stuff!). Line two cake tins of the same size – nine inch tins work best for this recipe. 2. Put flour, sugar, cocoa, baking soda, and salt in a bowl and stir, making sure the dry ingredients really get to know each other.

• Stomachs satisfied by sexy servings of moist chocolate cake • Time

Method 1. Get yourselves in the mood. If the cake’s sexy superpowers are taking a little while to kick in, try to move things along a little. A couple of glasses of wine, some Marvin Gaye on in the background, or if you’re feeling a little wild, watching porn together, can defintely assist with speeding things up. This step is very important to start with. And make sure you go through it together – you don’t want to be stuck playing the waiting game until everyone is, well, standing at attention. 2. Do a little foreplay. This step is far too often overlooked, but believe me IT’S IMPORTANT! It really helps you get to know the other person’s body, especially if this is the first time. Being able to navigate makes it so much easier to know what you’re doing during the main event. 3. Make sure you both get your fair share of pleasure. Sex isn’t about just one person. It’s a multiplayer game. You can’t expect to get all the attention, and neither should your partner(s). Think of sex as a loving parent who doesn’t have a favourite. Or don’t, because that’s a weird thing to think about during sex. 4. Once you’re finished, give yourselves time to cool down and recover a bit. Although sex is an act of passion and intimacy, it’s also bloody good exercise. So chill out, eat some more cake, have a debrief and just soak it all in. 5. Time for round two!

3. Add eggs, milk, butter, and vanilla extract and beat until smooth. Then stir in the water to ensure your succulent dessert is still moist when it comes out of the oven. 4. Pour batter evenly between the two pans (don’t play favourites) and bake for 35 minutes. 5. Allow cakes to cool before adding a sweet, thick icing between them. Stack them together, then ice the top of the cake. 6. And there you have it kids, a perfectly moist chocolate cake, made especially to get you and your partner in the mood.

{ Canta 2014 }

It really helps you get to know the other person’s body, especially if this is the first time.

{ Feature }

the psychology of bdsm GeorginaCarville

What is BDSM? BDSM is a catch all term for any consensual sexual experience with an unequal power dynamic. The initials B.D.S.M. actually cover three pairs of interpersonal dynamics: bondage and discipline, domination and submission, and sadism and masochism. Broadly speaking, the two main roles in a BDSM session, or “scene”, are the dominant - “top”, and the submissive – “bottom”. Dominant participants exert control over submissives, and usually gain sexual gratification from controlling, hurting, or humiliating their partners. Conversely, submissive participants bend to their partner’s will and get sexual gratification from subordination, physical pain, and receiving or provoking punishment. This is by no means an exhaustive list. For example, the dominant/submissive relationship also covers scenarios where the top controls when and how the bottom receives pleasure or attention. Of course, personal preference is widely variable and communicating likes and dislikes before beginning a scene is key to providing a satisfying experience for everyone involved. Bondage refers to any type of physical restraint – ropes, chains, handcuffs, etc, and discipline is the aspect of play in which the top uses rules and punishment to control the behaviour of the bottom. Not all BDSM involves pain, but when it does it’s called sadomasochism. The sadist is the one dishing out the pain, the masochist is the one receiving. It’s important to note that sadomasochism refers strictly to the use of pain in a safe, controlled, erotic context. People who are into S&M usually don’t get the same enjoyment from pain caused by an accident or illness.

But why? For the uninitiated, it may be hard to imagine why someone would willingly expose himself to pain or humiliation. In his new book, Perv, psychologist Jesse Bering asserts that we are all sexually deviant to some extent. From the basis

that everyone – even “vanilla” folk – have slightly different sexual preferences, Bering presents a convincing argument that we all lie on a continuum of perversion, differing only in how far what we find sexually stimulating falls from the hypothetical norm. In the case of the masochist, the endorphin rush associated with the sensation of pain cascades to amplify sexual stimulation. Anatomically, this makes more sense than you might expect, since pain and pleasure involve many of the same areas of the brain. The amygdala, the pallidum, and the nucleus accumbens are all involved in modulating both painful and pleasurable sensations.

personality disorder, and a psychosexual disorder. However, modern clinicians do not consider any of the practices associated with BDSM to be disordered. The current version of the psychiatric bible, the DSM-V, states that atypical sexual behaviour is not enough to be considered an illness. “Paraphilic disorder” can be diagnosed, but only when a patient’s desires result in personal distress, involve the distress, injury, or death of another person, or involve lack of legal consent.

Historically, it has been intimated that only people with some sort of psychological disturbance could be aroused by nonnormative means. Particularly prevalent was the view that childhood trauma or sexual assault cause a person to develop sexual deviancy. This is simply not true. Numerous studies show that BDSM practitioners are no more likely than the general public to have mental disorders or a history of abuse.

On the contrary, the results of a large study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine last year show that BDSM practitioners, especially dominants, are psychologically better-off than their vanilla counterparts. The study looked at “the Big Five” personality traits – openness to experience, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, and neuroticism. Overall, subjects in the BDSM group were more extroverted, open and conscientious than the non-BDSM control group, as well as being less neurotic, and just as agreeable. Andreas Wismeijer, author of the study, said that the BDSM group subjects “either did not differ from the general population, or if they differed, they always differed in the more favourable direction”.

Over the last 200 years, paraphilia – atypical sexual arousal – has been categorized variously as a symptom of Oedipal complex, a sociopathic

“It is always by way of pain one arrives at pleasure” ~ Marquis de Sade

Maybe you’ve been afraid to tell your girlfriend you want to be spanked

Maybe you had preconceptions about BDSM before you read this article. Maybe you didn’t know about it, or didn’t want to know. Maybe you’ve been afraid to tell your girlfriend you want to be spanked. Whichever category you fall into, I hope that this had shed some light on a topic that has been taboo for too long. Doing things that are fun with people you enjoy isn’t scary or shameful – whatever those activities may be. Take the opportunity to open up about your thoughts and feelings, your fantasies and desires. There is no normal, so you might as well do what you enjoy.

I’m not convinced, you’d have to be crazy…

{ Canta 2014 }

{ Feature }

Secret Life o The room is dim. Soft purples and reds swirl at her stilettos. The bass thumps through the stage as she walks towards the centre. Men in suits sit at her feet, ready to tip her if they like what they see. And they do. At the end of the night, after she wipes off her stage make-up and puts on her dressing gown, she counts her haul for the evening. There’s enough for the rest of her rent, groceries for the week, and the last textbook on her required reading list.

This is the story of a UC girl who dabbled in dancing throughout her time at uni. Before kicking off her heels for good, she caught up with Canta to tell us about the life and times of a student dancer.

How did you get into dancing? I always had a fascination with stripping, and when I moved to New Zealand and began studying I gave it a go. I was a world away from my family. I was working in a club where the girls were all young and beautiful, many of us were inexperienced but we were all close friends. It was an exciting life style, lots of partying, meeting friendly people, it was a lot of fun. There was less bullying in that club, less hustling. The older girls can be intimidating.

Where else could I mix with CEO’s, businessmen, celebrities and musicians? A strip club is a big melting pot; people from all walks of life come through the door.

What makes a good hustler? You should be able to take rejection well, there will be plenty of people who say ‘no,’ and I have to take them in my stride because it is the ones who say ‘yes’ that make my night. Some girls don’t hustle and they make less money, some girls will talk to every guy in the place, the more guys you ask the better my chance of making money from dances.

What questions will guys often ask you? They always ask about the girls “Who has the biggest boobs here?” “Do you do extras?” “Can I kiss you?” “Who here does do extras?” and “Why can’t I kiss you?” In a lap dance the guys will often ask to take their pants or shirt off, of course the answer is NO.

What are off-putting things men do/ say in the club? Some men will say oh I like that girl better, or no I am saving the money. Once I had a guy ask me to pull down my G-string for $50, which I did, he then withdrew the tip. I felt a little humiliated.

{ Canta 2014 }

Do men proposition you for sex? All of them do pretty much! They ask me to go back home with them as well. I think, “why would I want to go home with you?” I am a dancer and I am here to work.

Could you give advice to a person going to a strip club for the first time? Be nice to the girls, be polite and they will respect you for that. Also if you want to talk to a girl for a while remember that their time is worth money – you should tip them or at the very least offer to buy them a drink. Oh and girls, you can’t touch me just because you’re female – they think they can get away with more. Basically, don’t be a total dickhead!

Do people ever recognise you from the club? Yes, in the club sometimes a guy that I know will come in. The managers are very accommodating though; they will skip my

dances and let me wait out back until they leave. Sometimes I recognise customers around town, I see that they see me because they are staring. I will totally avoid them – we don’t have a connection outside of the club. Most often guys won’t recognise me because I’m not wearing make-up. I worry that they will recognise my hair.

What’s something you love about the job? Meeting interesting people I would never get the chance to meet elsewhere. Where else could I mix with CEO’s, businessmen, celebrities and musicians? A strip club is a big melting pot; people from all walks of life come through the door.

What’s the most you’ve ever made in one night? Over $2000, but that was in Vegas.

What was the industry like in Vegas? Very glamorous, we were asked to wear evening gowns when we weren’t dancing and cover our tattoos with make-up. A stripper in Vegas could make as much as a doctor. They will drive Porches, Jaguars and Mercedes, own lavish homes and live exorbitant lifestyles. Banks will happily lend to dancers over there, they are well regarded when making purchases. There were a lot more high-profile clients as well, CEOs, businessmen and musicians – musicians often go to strip-clubs after gigs. Over there the clubs are 24hrs/7days, I could work 2 days straight and be set for the week!

Do you have any regulars? Oh yeah of course, guys will come in and request their favourite girl all the time. There are a lot of out-of-towners in the city as well, staying in a hotel by themselves, they don’t want to be stuck there, what is there to do? A lot of these guys are really busy and a strip club is a good place to meet beautiful local girls. Anyone can walk into a strip club on their own.

Ever wanted to quit then and there? Sometimes if I get too drunk, if a guy is rude or grabs me I can get angry and it ruins my whole night. But I know how to relax. There could be heaps of good nights in one week, I will make a lot and it makes it all worthwhile, sometimes a few bad nights and I think, “why am I here?”

{ Feature }

of a Dancer Do you have a partner?

I am single now but I have had a boyfriend in the past. I was seeing this guy for a couple years and he liked that I was a dancer. He would brag about it to people, it was a status symbol to him. It bothered me that he was okay with it; I wouldn’t want my girl doing it. Relationships are hard when you work nights on weekends, while he’s out drinking with his mates, talking to other chicks and I’m dancing in the club. It can be depressing, stuck in the club.

What’s your favourite music to dance to? Um I like to dance to fresh music, the new stuff. The girls are always discussing songs, every dancer has her own style but we all appreciate good music and so do the men.

Is dancing hard work? Yes, it is very hard work. There is so much preparation that goes on behind the scene – the right combination of music, costume and make-up give me confidence and make me feel good. And it’s a really good workout. I get up the next day and I can feel my muscles, I feel fit and strong, my body looks good, I am toned. I would put a pole in my house for exercise!

How do you manage study while you’re working? I know a lot of girls who started study and never finished. I’ve done well to get this far, working nights can catch up with you, guys are always offering to buy me drinks, so I can drink a lot. Most clubs are really flexible with working hours though, I could cut back to a couple nights a week when necessary.

Have you had any bad experiences in a lap dance? Once a guy got really mad at me, I thought that he must hate women; he yelled at me and was very disrespectful. I didn’t want to argue with that guy,

I gave him his money back. But in Vegas a guy once asked to shoot up in a booth, and before I had time to answer he had injected himself. I was worried that he had a needle in his hand, but he slumped back in the seat and looked very relaxed, so I took his money and ran out of the booth. Also, a lot of guys want to take their pants or shirts off to feel my skin against theirs, they can get a bit carried away. I know they’re excited but it’s like, come on dude, just chill.

Stripping vs prostitution? Stripping and prostitution are two different businesses entirely. A sex worker is uncomfortable with the idea of dancing, and men looking at her body, in the same way a stripper would be uncomfortable with the fucking.

What are the managers like? Some managers are pricks, but some are really good. I think that if they are getting some at home then they have a much better attitude. When things aren’t so great at home, or it has been a while for them they get frustrated, especially when they don’t get anywhere with the dancers.

How long do you see yourself dancing for? I want out now; I want to pursue a career in what I have studied. Dancing part-time isn’t an option for me; it isn’t compatible with everyday jobs. I have lived very comfortably for the past years of study, it is addictive work and so hard to get out of because the pay is so good, I might never find another job that pays as well.

A stripper in Vegas could make as much as a doctor. { Canta 2014 }

{ Feature }

Loving One Another, & Another... Scott Mackenzie

I really hope she gets on well with my girlfriend” is a thought that has crossed my mind a number of times in the past. And recently, it has crossed my mind again. I have a date coming up and if it goes well I hope to introduce my date to my girlfriend. For the past 5 years I have been in a relationship with one wonderful girl but at the same time, we have both been dating other people from time to time. I identify as polyamorous, which is to say that I engage in a form of ethical non-monogamy, whereby people engage in intimate and romantic relationships with more than one person at a time, and with full knowledge and consent of all parties involved. This means that when my girlfriend has a date with someone, rather than getting jealous and upset, I’m happy for her. By having a relationship where everything is open, up front, and honest, as well as always

open to negotiation and communication, I am free to get to know people and be close to them without the fear of someone feeling like they are being left out or ignored. It is clear from social trends that very few people are sexually or romantically exclusive with one person for their entire lives. People are often afraid that the grass is greener on the other side, or even afraid that maybe their partner is thinking that. But with polyamory, the idea is that you don’t have to give up a deep and meaningful (or short and sweet) relationship, you can fall in love with two people at once and enjoy each one for

When my girlfriend has a date with someone, rather than getting jealous and upset, I’m happy for her. what they have to offer. If it were normal for a person’s needs for social interaction and human connection to be fulfilled by only one person then we would hardly be the social creatures that we are. Furthermore we consider it normal for a person to love multiple people in a ‘platonic’ sense (family or friends) so what good reason is there for imposing a one-person restriction on the formation of romantic relationships. I certainly do not want to try and tell people that one form of relationship is better than any other, but simply to encourage people to challenge the assumption that monogamy is the ‘right’ way. For a substantial portion of the population monogamy works well and it is how they want to live. On the other hand there are many people, like myself, that want to share their lives and love without the constraints that the majority of society agrees to. I believe that all relationships benefit from there being an emphasis on active communication and continual negotiation about what one another wants, as this appears far from common in most relationships. Instead, people take the examples they have seen, either in person or in the media, and begin to emulate those, fumbling around until they find something that works almost by accident. Polyamory isn’t necessarily any easier; between having not enough time to see people and always having to ‘pay the poly tax’ (i.e. talking about how what x did with y made you feel) it often seems that monogamy would be so much easier. But for me, I simply love too many people for monogamy to be easy. By negotiating openly and honestly with the people I share my life with, I can share that life with whoever I choose. It has meant that I can get to know a range of amazing people incredibly well and live without fear of jealousy and secrecy. And as a result, I have the opportunity to go on a date with this incredibly cute girl, and I really hope that I can tell my girlfriend about how amazingly it went.

{ Canta 2014 }

{ Feature }

If you know what you like then you are more empowered to control the outcome in the bedroom.

THE JOYS OF SEX – WITH YOURSELF Anonymous

In my personal opinion everyone should partake in masturbation at least three times a week – girls, boys, and any other gender that you identify with. And I’m not saying this just because it feels good (while that is a big part of the motivation) but I also think that it is important for selfawareness. Let me explain – if you know what you like then you are more empowered to control the outcome in the bedroom. You can instruct your partner(s) on what to do and what not to do. If you have no idea how to get yourself off how can you expect others to do it for you?

So how do you start? Well I can only talk for myself, and as I am a female I realise that my anecdote may not have universal applicability, but here are the important things for me: 1. Time: this is a big one. Sometimes I get all caught up in the things that I have to do that I forget to put aside time for myself. When I do have free time I automatically jump for a penis in my vagina, neglecting the importance of just being intimate with myself. Putting aside time for myself has helped me find where I like touched, what kind of sex I enjoy, what turns me on, and what doesn’t. Removed from perceived expectations of my partner I was truly able to explore and develop my own sexuality. 2. Tools: Now you may be a master with your hands, but I am certainly not. My arms aren’t long enough and my wrists just don’t have enough stamina (I once literally gave myself cramp masturbating… no jokes). So I like to employ the assistance of toys – a good vibrator and dildo always does the trick. Also don’t forget lube – silicon can be rather unforgiving and lube helps to make everything slippery and smooth!

3. Porn: I used to hate porn. I hated how fake they were, how unrealistic the girls looked, how ugly the guys were. I couldn’t help but laugh at what they said and got bored by the predictability. It just didn’t turn me on at all. But I came to realise that I was watching the wrong porn, as I found stuff catered towards women – things that were well directed and filmed, and my god some of the stuff is hot! You might not need the stimulus, but I found that if I didn’t have anything my mind would wander. Before I knew it I was thinking about what to have for dinner or what to wear the next day. Finding porn I like helps me stay hot and bothered while I get myself off. Although this has been a bit gender biased, I really think that it is especially important that girls learn to please themselves. I am convinced that guys are born with one hand on their cock, but many girls have never even had an orgasm, let alone pleased themselves. Don’t get me wrong, PIV (penis in vagina) is great, but so is self-pleasure, so let’s all get masturbating!

{ Canta 2014 }

{ Reviews }

BY THE NUMBERS ENSOC Wildfoods Festival Review

vans left The Foundry carpark bound for Hokitika on Friday morning

170 390

Google-predicted-minutes to get there

Actual minutes to get there

people competed in the Lake Lyndon drinking boat race

Sausages cooked for dinner, using tent pegs as utensils

Dollars got you a taste of Placenta PatĂŠ, Live Crickets & Cicada Icecream

millilitres of horse semen in each drinkable shot

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4 guys shared saliva with the same Nelsonian teenager, mmmmm

Cases of chronic diarrhea encountered and endured

I KISSED A GIRL AND I LIKED IT Wei Sun

My name is Wei. I am a crazy Chinese girl who has been studying at University of Canterbury for two years. I have a million hobbies and I am curious about pretty much everything, but the things I love the most are weird people, food, new socks, the smell of books, revolutionary communists, vodka and chicks. Yes, you heard me right. I love chicks. A lot of you are probably curious about how I came out to my Asian family, when I discovered that I am gay, etc. and of course, mostly, my sex life. Ok, so here we go... I started noticing that I get crushes on girls, since I was in pre-school. When I was five, I used to ask daddy for pocket money every week to buy lollies from the dairy down the road and secretly bring them to pre-school, to give to my little girl crushes. I had three crushes at the time and my deal was: if you want lollies, you (all three) have to play hide and seek with me for 30 minutes after school, at least two days a week. I started feeling sexually attracted to girls when I was 12, and I kissed a girl at school for the first time when I was 13. I never knew the concept of homosexuality. In China, we never got taught anything about it in school. Also, no one would ever talk about homosexuality in daily life. It was not socially acceptable. I kept my secret for about three years, because I did not want to be a bad or odd person. Also, I knew my family might disown me. When I was 15, I entered senior high school. I discovered that we had an underground gay community. Of course we could not let the head of school or even teachers know, because we would get into so much trouble. Homosexuality seemed to be relatively acceptable among our generation, however, most of the older ones (I’d say 35 years +) would probably say that homosexuality is not

part of our Chinese culture and gay people should feel ashamed and try to become straight. By the age of 16, I was almost certain that I am only attracted to females. I asked out a girl for the first time. We started going out and it felt so right (not like we did anything sexual, unfortunately, I was too scared). I decided to move away from home and discover my true self when I was 17, so I moved to New Zealand. I had a huge crush on this girl I met at Papanui High School after I arrived in the first week, and the moment I found out that she really liked me too made my heart melt. We started going out; however, she was pretty much in the same boat as me. Her family was all psychos and thought gay people had mental issues. She taught me how to have lesbian sex and I lost my virginity before I turned 18. I f*cking loved it. Sh*t went down after we were together for over a year. She moved to a different city and cheated on me with some dude she’d only just met. I was all sad and depressed. I decided to tell my parents, and they were really upset when I finally told them via Skype. That made me more depressed. Some friends told me that at least I had freedom, so I could go out and explore the awesome fun gay world. I thought to myself ‘why the hell not?’ I started going to gay events and gay clubs and getting pissed as hell almost every Thursday to Saturday. I slept with over 20 girls within a year, and it was absolutely fantastic. I have had a threesome with super hot twins from South Africa; I have had different weekly f*ck buddies, aged between 17 and 40; I have

…she was pretty much in the same boat as me. Her family were all psychos and thought gay people had mental issues

had sex with different girls four nights in a row, and been arrested for having dirty public lesbian sex in front of people…and of course, I have dated a few other girls and tried different types of relationships. Now I have found the perfect one for me, and we have been engaged since May last year. The other day I was talking to my dad. I said to him “look dad, I only like girls and this is the way I am”. He said, “it’s ok. I like girls, too.” What the hell happened? I don’t have a clue. The main thing is that mum and dad both seem to be happy for me now and this is awesome! Lastly, I want to tell everyone, I love being a lesbian so f*cking much. This is the way I am and there is no way I am going to change. I love being called a hot Chinese lesbian. Yeah baby, so good.

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{ Bonus Opinion }

LUCK OF THE FECK OFF IRISH

STYLE ON CAMPUS

Eden Holmes

It is a well known Irish tale that those who kiss the ancient Blarney Stone in Ireland will be enabled with “the gift of the gab” and great skill at flattering those of the opposite sex. However recently the women of Christchurch have been subject to one too many famous Irish yarns, with one female student telling me, “It’s not a night out in Christchurch unless you or your friends have come across an annoying Irish guy”. Now as harsh as it may sound, she does have a point. The earthquakes have meant a lot of changes are going on in Christchurch, some for the better and some for the worse. With the rebuild requiring more tradies than ever, this means more foreigners, in particular an influx of the Irish male aged 18-35. Now as possibly Niall Horan’s biggest fan and a self proclaimed accent lover I ain’t hatin’. I will admit that when the Irish accent is first heard it can definitely be cheeky and even charming, but a problem seems to arise when these aspects are paired with an element of cockiness. I understand that after a hard working week you want to go out and treat yourselves with the odd brew or two, that’s cool. However after one too many pints of Guinness that Irish charm can turn into stuttering overconfidence. Although you may feel a million bucks, it makes you look about 50c to the female gender. Last week in Tequila Mockingbird I was trying to do my thing, purchasing a few vodka red bulls when a random Irish guy asked me, “why is it that all Christchurch women have STD’s?” I remember my response being, “all New Zealanders are pure.” Obviously, this was a load of bull, but someone has to defend our clean green image right?! But seriously what the fuck drunken Irish dude?! Who do you think you are? Don’t generalise us buddy, and also if you were looking to pull, ya might want to get some new conversation starters ASAP. On ONE News they reported that for one woman in Christchurch there are six men. Most of these men are foreigners looking for love in the city. These guys wonder how they can become not so single. I have a few suggestions that may or may not prove to be helpful.

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I will admit that when the Irish accent is first heard it can definitely be cheeky and even charming... Declan Watt 1. You may be hot but slurring “hey love how are ya,” in any accent is just not cute. 2. Grabbing a girl’s derierirre in a bar when she is blatantly with another guy is not flirting or funny but annoying and rude. 3. Maybe try some fun activities like horseback riding or taking long walks on the beach. You never know you may just find your dream girl to take back home. I thought being a female I’m probably a tad biased, when encountering the old “Irish charm.” In the name of research and general banter I asked a few guys what they thought of the Irish guys in town. The two main responses were that NZ guys didn’t notice the Irish, or that the Irish believed they were “God’s gift to women” and thought they could pull because of their accent. The whole accent debacle is definitely an interesting one. On one hand, the Irish accent does get your attention and is a good conversation starter. But it’s just not as unique anymore and that seems to lose some of its appeal, or maybe that’s just me ya’ll! Now of course I’m not saying that it’s only Irish males that act in this manner, there are some lovely Irish guys out there, I’m sure. And who knows maybe somewhere over the rainbow you will find your pot of gold, but it just might not be in the heart of Christchurch.

Kelly Park

WHAT’S ON Canterbury-Westland Young Nationals AGM Wednesday 19 March 7:00pm Venue To Be Advised

Monster March Market Saturday 22 March 10:00am – 3:00pm Pallet Pavillion, Corner Durham and Killmore

Contact: sam.macdonald@national.org.nz / cwyoungnats@national.org.nz

Raw Comedy Club Competition South Island Finals Sunday March 23 7:30pm The Twisted Hop Tickets $10

Investor Basics Workshop EFSoC (The Economics & Finance Society of Canterbury) Monday 24 March 5:30pm Kirkwood Village, KH05, University of Canterbury FREE – Registration Required

Film Night: Propaganda, A Film About North Korea UCPOLS Tuesday 25 March 5:00pm FREE for UCPOLS and UC Korea, Gold Coin Donation for Non-Members

Peak-A-Boo Revue Burlesque Cabaret Wednesday 19 March 8:30pm Mashina Lounge, Christchurch Casino, 30 Victoria St Tickets $35 Online. $40 Door Sales

Queens Of The Stone Age & Nine Inch Nails

Huge! All In

Saturday 22 March 7:00pm CBS Arena, Jack Hinton Dve, Addington Tickets $125

Wednesday 26 March 7:00pm Ilam School Hall Contact: benk@arisechurch.org.nz FREE

Dress Code Applies. R20 Venue

Huge! Prayer Friday 21 March 7:00 – 8:00am DG6, Dovedale Campus

UCom & UCSA presents

Christchurch Holi Carnival Of Colours Sunday 23 March 11:00am – 4:30pm Pallet Pavilion, Corner Durham and Killmore Children Under 12 Free, Adults $10 For Two Packets Of Colour

Beneful Playtime Tour – For You & Your Dog Saturday 22 March 9:00am – 2:00pm The Groynes, Johns Rd, Northwood FREE

Celebrate life in Christchurch at the city’s first Holi celebration. This traditional Indian holiday is a day to forgive, forget, reconnect, and enjoy time with family and friends.

WEDNESDAY MARCH 26 8PM / THE FOUNDRY / R18 UC STUDENTS $35 + BF GENERAL PUBLIC $45 + BF TICKETS AVAILABLE FROM

www.ucsa.org.nz

UCom & UCSA Present A$AP Ferg Wednesday 26 March 8:00pm The Foundry, Christchurch UC Students $35. General Public $45 Tickets from ucsa.org.nz

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{ Haberdashery }

TEST YOURSELF {UC PSYCH SEX QUIZ} 1. True or false? Complete sexual inactivity may lead to a reduction in penis size.

6. Which type of porn causes men to produce more sperm? A. Girl on girl

A. True

B. Guy on guy

B. False

C. 2 women, one man

2. How many swimmers are there in a teaspoon of sperm?

D. 2 men, one woman

A. 3 million

7. How many Viagra tablets are sold every second?

B. 30 million

A. 2

C. 300 million

B. 5

D. 3 billion

C. 7

3. The four most common places to have sex outside of the bedroom in NZ are the beach, a party, at the park, and in a car. List these from most popular to least. 4. A penis is far more complex than the polish sausage it resembles. At the top we have the helmet-shaped head called the glans, which has a thick, rounded rim. This rim is called the what?

D. 10

8. The average male orgasm lasts 6 seconds. How long does the average female orgasm last? A. 12 B. 20 C. 28

A. Frenulum

D. 40

B. Corona

9. True or false? The distance between a woman’s clitoris and her vaginal opening predicts her likelihood of having an orgasm during intercourse

C. Corpora Cavernosa D. Urethra

5. On average, how long after becoming aroused does it take a woman to ‘get wet’?

A. True B. False

A. 5-20 seconds B. 10-30 seconds

SUDOKU

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ANSWERS

D. 30-60 seconds

1. A; 2. C; 3. Car, park, beach, party; 4. B; 5. B; 6. D; 7. C; 8. B; 9. A

C. 20-40 seconds

FINISH THE DOODLE

Suzie was hit on by her boss.

www.u csa.or g.nz

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