CAN YOU SOLVE THE HOUSING CRISIS?

You’d be a fool if you weren’t aware that New Zealand is in the midst of a housing crisis. Various governments over the last 10 years have struggled to find a solution – could you come up with one? Write your own below, and if it stacks up, we’ll publish it in the next issue of CANTA.

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Neueli Mauafu (he/him) When you reside in a city like Christchurch, it is obvious enough to any stranger just how much sport is prioritised within our daily lives. More specifically, our local rugby team, The Crusaders.

So what happened last year definitely stopped a few in their tracks. It’s the COVID-19 lockdown, and it is holding off the international Super Rugby competition; a lot of the diehard fans are left to face empty TV screens with old rugby highlights to occupy their time.

Not only were the fans missing their fix, but many players also were forced to now adapt to their new routine – exercising daily within their homes, managing with whatever gym equipment they had in hand.

As they mingled with boredom, a lot of these players took a jump into the new territory – their hair. Not since Jerry Collins have we seen such a dive into the follicly unknown.

As the Super Rugby competition resumed just as Aunty Cindy confirmed we were back to Level One, big crowds were now allowed to pack out the stadiums once again. Everyone kept an eye out for the first big game of the new competition format with New Zealand teams only – Super Rugby Aotearoa – yet the standouts were not the games themselves, but the players’ lockdown dos.

The pink, blue, blonde, and colourful hairstyles many players were rocking resulted from boring and lonely bubble isolation, as players began to go stir-crazy and have some DIY fun on their hair. Eden Park.

The Ioane brothers, Akira and Rieko, known for their explosiveness on the international stage, were now rocking bright blonde hairstyles.

Even Blues skipper Patrick Tuipulotu joined in on the fun, donning a faded pink hairstyle to complement his hard work on the field.

Fellow teammates Sam Nock and Hoskins Sotutu also chimed in on the DIY hair business rocking a frosty white colour and faded blonde.

It was also noticed that throughout their following games, some players would take it up a notch by changing up the hair colours for fun.

What had first resulted from true boredom in isolation and quarantine became a highlight on the field, becoming a trend followed by young fans. As corny as it may have looked, the bright colours may have had a positive spin within the teams and players. Patrick Tuipulotu spoke about it as being a joke at first but later turned into something that players found rather cool, adding some positivity in a confusing time.

It created a style within the Blues, as they eased through their season in true bright fashion. Who would’ve thought that these blockbusting athletes would be obsessed with mixing these bright colours on their heads? I’m waiting for Sam Whitelock to go pink.

Ella Gibson (she/her)

When brainstorming article ideas for CANTA’s Make Your Own Issue, I was at a halt. I was lost for words which, who would have thought, is not convenient for a writer. I want to write articles for y’all that are of your genuine interest and appeal and no idea was fully tickling my fancy. Then it struck like lightning: what are students infamous for making? Bongs; tobacco bongs, that is (winky face). So, I took to the crème de la crème of harvesting data from UC students: the UCSA Noticeboard. I asked y’all to enlighten me with your bong creations and by golly my DMs quickly became a hot(in)box for all things bong related. Trust me, I was not disappointed. Below are some of my favourite concoctions that got sent my way. Each bong has their own mini profile. Profiles include the bong’s name, how it was made, the best thing about it, and a lil quirky feature or fact about it. Prepare yourself to be acculturated, illuminated, and enlightened.

ANGE LEVERSEDGE:

Name: I Was Never Given A Name (Office reference).

How I was made: I finished a fresh-mouth routine then stabbed a rushie hole into the Listerine bottle with some scissors and then stabbed another hole on the opposite side and shoved a piece of garden hose into it. I plugged up any gaps around the stem with blu tack because I don’t have a wood burner to make a cleaner hole. Then I filled it with some water and away we were pulling!

Best thing about it: It is so tiny and compact that it is so easy to move from location to location.

Quirky lil fact: It is virtually spill proof! Out of the hundreds of times it’s been knocked over, I would say less than 10 times it has actually spilled anything.

JACK MILNE:

Name: Franken-bong, aka Frank.

How I was made: Frank was made by drilling into the forehead of a crystal skull vodka bottle that was given to me by my manager. I then broke the bottle, and glued it back together.

Best thing about it: Frank’s lil bro chilling on the top was originally a vape juice container donated by one of my mates’ little brothers. It was made the same way but without breaking.

Quirky lil fact: Frank is actually a replica of our first flat’s next door neighbour’s bong, but theirs wasn’t broken and didn’t have the ash catcher on top.

TOM VINCENT:

Name: Hotshot.

How I was made: Hotshot was crafted with a drill, a diamond drill bit and patience. My flatmate and I hunched over the kitchen sink and drilled the hole with our breath held, as we were sure it would shatter, but it held true. Then the thorough search for the optimal spout began, and the cartridge of a fancy pen made perfectly, adding a little class to the whole assembly. I donated a 9mm socket from my toolkit for the cone piece and with a little bit of blue tac for “structural integrity” and Hotshot was born.

Best thing about it: It’s compact versatility. It is able to do blisteringly fast cones or take on a joint as a bubbler.

Quirky lil fact: Mouthpiece still tastes like tabasco; not for the faint of tongue.

BONG COSIES (ANONYMOUS):

Name: @cosy_bongs

How I was made: I crochet bong cosies! They are super cute and protective (trust me I’ve dropped mine on concrete). I started making them when I was bored, a lil stoned, and sick of breaking my glass. I make them in all shapes, colours and sizes: no two are ever alike!

Best thing about ‘em: All of them are little animal charms for protection!

Quirky lil fact: The first was called Juniper the Goldfish.

ANONYMOUS:

Name: Party Beug.

How I was made: From a 20L water container, vinyl tubing, and a sink strainer for the cone piece all sourced from Bunnings. It works by filling the container up with water and turning the tap to drain it out while also lighting the buds. This creates a vacuum that sucks the smoke in while at the same time you and 5 of your mates can start hooning on it.

Best thing about it: You can add baccy or hashish to the cone piece and the motherf**ker will keep smoking forever, even after the boys tap out.

Quirky lil fact: One would think you would need an engineer’s brain to manufacture such a weapon, but I am in fact a commerce major. So, suck it virgins!

ANONYMOUS:

Name: Keri Orange Juice.

How I was made: Juice bottle, a reusable straw, some aluminium cut out from a beer can and duct taped to the shape of a cone piece.

Best thing about it: The resourcefulness and time needed to make.

Quirky lil fact: It was my 3am last resort creation from some time this year.

ANONYMOUS:

Name: The Jagerbong

How I was made: Using 1.75L Jager bottle, hole drilled using battery drill grinding bits and a constant supply of water along with a lot of patience (3 hours of drilling with a shit drill).

Best thing about it: The number of people it has taken down, including me.

Quirky lil fact: Only one person has been able to successfully clear a full cone in one hit “greg”. The thing will sit you on your ass.

ANONYMOUS:

Name: The Compensator.

How I was made: Outta three jars, pipes, a vape juice bottle, a receipt roll and all held together with hot glue. I’ve been making them at home for a while and wanted a challenge. It’s less about the usefulness of it but more about the look!

Best thing about it: It doesn’t look like anything I’ve seen before.

Quirky lil fact: I don’t have a drill so everything was cut with scissors and determination.