CANTA, Issue #08 2018 by UCSA

UCSA BUILDING INTERNATIONAL REPRESENTATION UCSA BUILDING AT THE UCSA $5 $5 1929 and 1964 are both significant years. They are years in which Canterbury students got to witness their buildings Luckily for all of are us we caninadd 2019 to that list.students Like much 1929own andUCSA 1964 are both open. significant years. They years which Canterbury gotofto witness Christchurch, it’s taken a while, but construction of a new UCSA Building has started! Students their own UCSA buildings open. Luckily for all of us we can add 2019 to that list. Like much of have always been it’s thetaken focus aofwhile, this building and here of area just of Building the highlights of new Students building: have Christchurch, but construction newsome UCSA has started!

DEALS DEALS

always of thisthis building are just some of the highlights new building: As youbeen maythe befocus aware, yearand thehere UCSA has introduced & of Wellbeing Representative. Once this is hopefully over ▶ The building is going to have tons of space to study, there’ll be seats, tables, charging an International Representative as one of the seven the line, those international students and students who are couches, a heat and tons eat area… youtothink of it, it’ll bebethere. It’stables, a building for ▶ stations, The building is going to have of space study, there’ll seats, charging General Executive positions (alongside 6 College passionate about international student needs will be able students to do student-y in! area… Simple.youthe stations, couches, a heat things and eat think of it, it’ll be there. It’s a building for Reps). We have realised that there is a greater need to run for a stand along position – which is super exciting students to do student-y things in! Simple. for representation which backed up by the that equipment forand those who didn’t feel up to running before. For more ▶ The new building will prettyismuch be a one-stop shopfact for hiring will have we heaps have ofover 1700 spaces. international students here at UC, Kirkwoodinformation on way this come along to the UCSA Executive bookable Which is pretty handy considering Village is on the ▶ The new building will pretty much be a one-stop shop for hiring equipment and will have and it’ll cut back on long email get that one BBQ you Elections want. wellout, over of spaces. what we had backjust in to2012 after heaps ofdouble bookable Which ischains pretty handy considering Kirkwood Village is oninformation the way sessions for potential candidates on the out, earthquakes. Below is an update been and it’ll cut back on long email chains on just what to get has that one BBQ you the want.18th and 25th July. Also you are welcome to email ▶ Event spaces and the be international separate. Whystudents you ask? So area happening behind theFoundry sceneswillfor thisyou have me aonreliable international@ucsa.org.nz if you have any questions you can retreat to after a long day, where you can without fail get a bite to eat and a nice ▶ Event have spacesworked and the hard Foundry be separate. you ask? a reliable area year...I to will understand theWhy wants and So you have about the position. We look forward to seeing you at the drink without it being unexpectedly for acan club event. fail get a bite to eat and a nice you can retreat to after a long day, closed where needs of the international student body,you while without also setting sessions and we can’t wait for Elections on the without it being unexpectedly for of a club up drink the position for future years. closed As part this,event. we have 15th-17th August. But for now look out for donation boxes in all our cafes and food stops and when you’ve got those decided to create an International Student Advisory Group spare chuck em’ ourinway. Every little bitfood goesstops a long way to ensure all But forcoins now floating look outaround for donation boxes all our cafes and and when you’vewe’ve got those (ISAG). Webuilding want exclusively to understand what the UC experience is From your International Rep, got a great forem’ us. our spare coins floating around chuck way. Every little bit goes a long way to ensure we’ve all like from international students’ perspective and what can Alex Holmes got a great building exclusively for us. be done to maximise your time here. The group is here international@ucsa.org.nz to provide a platform for international students to express their issues and concerns to the Student Executive. If you are an international student or a domestic student who is passionate about international student concerns and their experience here at UC, please apply by the 29th June. We will then appoint members between the 2nd and 6th of July, with our first meeting scheduled for Tuesday 17th July. On top of this, we have realised the need to create a separate International Student Representative position. This would be a position where students can run as an International Student Representative rather than a General Executive, which is what is currently done. This will allow applicants to use their experience and understanding to create policies around the needs of the international student body. Because of the nature of this position, it will be opened to not only international fee paying students but also other international students and those who are passionate about the needs of international students – whether it be from cultural background, language, or an exchange overseas. For this position to happen, we really need the support of the student body. As it requires a constitutional change we invite you all to come along to the Half AGM on the 25th July to vote for a separate International Representation position. Going forward, we see this as highly important for the future of the association and all things international at UC. This will allow the International Representative position to work in the same way as the Postgraduate Representative and the Equity

UCSA.ORG.NZ UCSA.ORG.NZ

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in this issue

Editor’s note

BEN APPETIT: COFFEE EDITION 0 8

Time to get Winter Lewd! I wish I could take credit for that. It was a cover of CANTA a couple years back and Andrew Berry resurrected it last month: see my Editor’s pic. Who’s going to SIGMA? Yes that’s right, literally everyone. I can’t wait to wear my night vision goggles and scour for dropped wallets! Winterlude is a good chance to celebrate what’s left of the year, of 2018 winter, and the remainder of your frazzled nerves. For those of you who are new to UC, welcome! Get frothed immediately. This issue we have 48 bloody pages of cool stuff. There’s a Winterlude pullout in the middle, and Jack gives us a lowdown on meditation. We’ve got a handy guide on How To: Not Die This Winter, as well as our usuals – Lewis reviews a bunch of music, Ben tries every single coffee on campus, and we put people on a date that NEVER SEEMS TO WORK OUT. Enjoy! Brrrrr.

CANTA’S BROKEN NEWS 12 HOW TO: NOT DIE THIS WINTER 14 WELLNESS WATCH: 2 6 MEDITATION Q & A: HOUSE DJ SIMON 3 4 KONG

-JOSHUA

contributors JOSHUA BROSNAHAN

BEN O’CONNELL

CLEMENTINE PAGE

KELLY PHILLIPS

NATHAN JAMES

SPANKY MOORE

JACK CLARK

LEWIS HOBAN

MAX FARRA

CONOR JONES

LIAM DONNELLY

SARA ALDAQQA

LETTER OF THE WEEK

Letters to the Editor CHECK YOUR THYROID??? Kia Ora, I wanted to highlight an issue that I found with the Technology Addiction column about how technology can affect our health, which can happen in ways that are often not addressed by the media and other awareness groups. Overexposure to technology can contribute to thyroid function. The thyroid gland is found at the front of the neck at the base. It is used for regulating metabolism, energy levels, mood and temperature regulation among other things. Due to our increasing exposure to electromagnetic radiation emitted from technological devices and Wi-Fi, among other things, our thyroids must work harder to do its job, which also includes helping our bodies filter this radiation. One of the necessary minerals for aiding its function is iodine which is lacking in our soil, meaning that many of us cannot get their required levels for optimum thyroid function. A low production of the thyroid hormone can lead to symptoms of fatigue, an unseasonable coldness, low mood, and perhaps a swollen neck. The reason I believe that it is important to inform people of the prevalence of thyroid dysfunction in New Zealand, as it is something that has greatly affected me. I encourage anyone who is fatigued, and wondering why, to visit their GP for bloodtesting for their thyroid function. Although it this not a fatal problem, it is an annoying one, like a cold that won’t disappear, and I have found personally that being aware of my thyroid health

has been paramount for my mental health and the way I live my life. Best wishes, -Your caring friend Hello Caring Friend, I’m not mean enough to make tinfoil hat jokes at your expense because I ACTUALLY THINK YOU ARE ONTO SOMETHING HERE. I do know that my fatigue, unseasonable coldness, low mood, and swollen neck is from being a fatty though. -CANTA

ME IN....ONG?

CANTA, You know what pisses me off? Meinong. Who the fuck does you think you are telling me non-existents exist? Cunt I can’t touch shit that doesn’t exist. I can’t even conceive of an impossible object existing so how can I garner truth from it? Actually, you know what pisses me off more? Meinong and Bertrand Russell spent hours of their life arguing about this non-existent (hoo, see what I did. fuck you) problem. These are smart guys who spent time out of their short lives to jaw about whether an impossible object exists or not. Who gives a shit. These guys got paid to talk about this. God damn, you were smart guys, with money. you could’ve done anything but you gone done played yourself. I solid fuck you from me Sincerely. Your ontology sucks Ontology, Hi. I’m not on your level, here my friend. I probably could get that angry, but YIKES, what is the point? Also, I don’t understand what you’re talking about whatsoever. Is this Dungeons and Dragons? Are you angry at a flatmate? Are you overdosing on Mountain Dew? What’s happening in your life? I’m quite stupid. I’m sure everyone knows this by now. But hey, here’s your letter in CANTA. Thanks, I guess. -CANTA

Here’s a letter to the editor, What the fuck is up with the vending machines at uni?? For real, it’s an almost 50/50 chance of getting them to work. My biggest problem is the Eftpos system. They just don’t do anything. There’s no way of knowing if it is broken or not. I just have to try my best, stand at the machine like some kind of asshole, and then leave, embarrassed, and with no snack. The people around me either think my card declined (which is embarrassing) or they KNOW it is broken and have been watching people get denied all day, yet they didn’t tell me. WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN?. Now, there’s always the option to use cash, but I almost never have notes on me, and when I used coins in the psychology building machine, nothing happened. It just ate them up. I can’t believe this. To add insult to injury, there have been the occasional time when the machine is in full working order, and I go over to grab myself a sneaky little snack, only to find that the entire machine has been emptied, other than a few ‘nut mixes’ and ‘raisin cookies’. It’s unreal. Maybe I just have terrible luck, but I feel like this has happened wayyyy too many times for it to just me who experiences this cruel injustice. What do you think Editor?

Okay, the problem here is relying on food from a robot. Robots are still stupid. Be thankful for these micro mistakes, because it means they’re still not ruling the world. Your kids will probably end up having a vending machine as a lecturer. My tip is to make a wee sammie and put it in your bag. Buy those tiny packets of chips. YOU COULD FREEZE SUSHI ANd wait, okay don’t do that. Seriously, it’s shit when services don’t work on campus and I know the frustration of food being just out of reach. It’s how I feel on the top of my bunk beds when I drop a pack of Twisties on the ground. Hopeless. Hungry. Horny. What? We reached out to Tom, the Food and Beverage Manager for the UCSA. He had this to say: My only questions is, are you ringing the contact number on the side of the machine? I get regular issue call logs, and I haven’t had a lot coming through.... There you have it. Call them. Start with “I’d fucking like to fucking speak to a fucking manager please. Fuck. “ -CANTA

WAYWARD WINGS

Dear Canta, I love you. What I don’t love though, is the Foundry’s famous wings and chips. In times gone by this dish has held an important place in my heart and my stomach. Presented dripping in sauce, with crispy skin, and perfectly seasoned fries - it always coated my organs in all the right places. In recent months the quality of this staple has dropped significantly. Gone is that deliciously viscous brown sauce and in its place a couple squirts of sweet chilli sauce. I like sweet chilli but it’s just not the same. Can we do something about this please? Yours, Tegal Ingham P.S. I’m still cut up about being charged for my dipping sauce at The Wok too... CANTA had to go to print before we had a chance to ask The Foundry for a response - we will follow this up ASAP! Have you considered just asking for the sauce you want? You jelly spined millennial. I bet you smiled, paid, ate, said it was good then Tumblred the SHIT out of your anger. Namaste bro. ONE LAST THING: how can you only identify it as ‘brown sauce’? What the fuck is that? poos? -CANTA

-Anon

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NEWSF (UCSA) Vice President, Laura Robinson, says the register has been well received by the UC student population, who see the benefits of establishing a good relationship with the police.

GOOD ONE PARTY REGISTER: UC KNOWS HOW TO FROTH Why would Canterbury students invite the Police to their parties 1000 times? It’s all in aid of having a good time that people remember for the right reasons. Created in 2014, the Good One Party Register aims to ensure each party is a “good one” by promoting a positive relationship with Police and providing tertiary students with tips to help host a good party. The milestone of the 1000th party registered has been celebrated with the presentation of a prize for the 1000th party host to register on the Good One website. Reece Stanton, who is studying for a conjoint Bachelor of Product Design and Bachelor of Commerce degree, has won a week of gourmet dinners from My Food Bag for him and his Engineering student flatmates, Mackenzie Johnson, Zeb Barry, Jerome Novak, and Jack Zarifeh, as well as goodie bags for each of them. The Good One Party Register reduces the likelihood of problems on the night and means any issues can be more quickly and easily sorted, according to Police. Senior Constable Logan Steele, the Canterbury District lead for the Good One Party Register, says it’s a fantastic example of preventative policing, and the 1000th party registered needs to be celebrated and recognised. The University of Canterbury Students’ Association

“When parties go wrong, it may not be the hosts’ fault but they’re the ones who are likely to be left with the damage to clean up. Sometimes you get gatecrashers and situations can quickly get out of hand, so it’s good to know the local Police are there to back you up”

Ms Robinson says; I remember the Tea Party last year the biggest all-day event of the year and Good One ran a competition with the UCSA so that every flat that registered a pre-party got a free breakfast delivered to them – this was a real personal highlight that I experienced from the initiative. ”Back in 2011, Police were attending out-of-control parties every weekend that involved students. Police worked with students and other residents to identify solutions to the problems at parties. The introduction of the Good One Party Register in 2014 was popular with students and resulted in fewer problems at parties. Since then more than 1000 parties have been registered. Between 2011 and 2016 in Riccarton West, Christchurch, complaints of disorder and noise fell 54 and 22 percent, according to Police, while Fire Service call outs fell 95 percent. Sergeant Steve Jones of the Riccarton Neighbourhood Policing Team was pivotal in establishing the Good One Party Register in 2014. “I’m really pleased the register has had such an impact. Members of the Riccarton West community were becoming frustrated with anti-social behaviour in their area, and it’s great that by working together we’ve been able to help them be safe and feel safe.

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PENE FROM UBS WINS SCHOLARSHIP, WINTER INSTITUTE SCHOLAR Pene Whitty, Manager of University Book Shop Canterbury is one of the Booksellers NZ’s 2019 Winter Institute Scholars. This year’s 14th Winter Institute conference is being held in Alberqueque, New Mexico, from 22 – 25 January. The impact of Amazon on the American book market is what inspired Whitty to apply. ‘I would love to see how the American stores are coping with the likes of Amazon and the fast delivery and free freight that they offer. How do they manage to grow their business and stay in business?

SFEED STUDENT TO SUPPLIER – AWARD-WINNING LITTLE YELLOW BIRD FOUNDER FLIES HOME Ethical uniform company Little Yellow Bird, which

hatched in the start-up incubator of the University of Canterbury’s Centre for Entrepreneurship, is flying home, fully fledged. Now in its fourth year of trading, Little Yellow Bird is an award-winning sustainable manufacturer and supplier of ethically produced, organic cotton uniforms and apparel, which traces its origins to a student club contest. Founder Samantha Jones originally entered the idea for what became the company Little Yellow Bird in the University of Canterbury (UC) studentrun business competition Entre, winning a prize in the $85K Start Up Challenge in 2015 Starting with T-shirts and polo shirts, Little Yellow Bird has supplied several University departments with branded apparel and Jones has plans to expand to other product lines UC may need in future. Little Yellow Bird sources organic cotton from Indian cooperatives and produces all of its shirts in a small production unit in India. Uniquely, the business provides tailored impact reports with each order.

RA! O A I K

FRIENDSHIP ENDED WITH ROD. CHERYL IS OUR NEW BEST FRIEND Professor Cheryl de la Rey, currently the ViceChancellor of the University of Pretoria, has been appointed as the new Vice-Chancellor of the University of Canterbury, University Chancellor Dr John Wood announced recently. Professor de la Rey will commence the role in mid-February, replacing Dr Rod Carr, who has served two five year terms. “Professor de la Rey is an exceptional candidate to lead the University. She has a significant international profile and a strong research reputation in her chosen field of psychology, and in research leadership and governance. She also brings extensive experience and demonstrated management ability from a range of tertiary education roles in South Africa, which I know she is looking forward to bringing to New Zealand.

SNAPSHOT: PROFESSOR CHERYL DE LA REY Published books and several journal articles in her discipline, Psychology. Vice-Chancellor and Principal of the University of Pretoria Executive director at the National Research Foundation. CEO of the Council on Higher Education. Accomplished public speaker on the executive board of the International Council for Science (ICSU) University Social Responsibility Network (USRN) Vice-chairperson of the Talloires Network

COFFEE EDITION It’s 7:59am as you head into your 8am law lecture. You hear a murmur from across the way: “don’t talk to me before my morning coffee.” You shiver. Where on campus should this probably puffer-jacket-wearing law student thot go for their caffeine fix? Welcome to Ben Appetit, where my opinions suddenly become valid (and on the odd occasion, useful). This week, who better to judge flat whites than a flat white himself (and all the people that responded to my UCSA Noticeboard post, as coffees is a huge beast to tackle). I ranked the coffees on A) taste; how strong (and in some cases, how burnt) the coffee was, its creaminess and smoothness, B) presentation; the foam design, cup itself, ideal light golden brown colour, and c) overall satisfaction; whether I would go there again. To standardise my research, each coffee was a regular flat white.

ME SPITTING OUT AN EXTREMELY HOT CAFE 101 FLAT WHITE

MIX CAFE: LARGE HAVE-HERE

FLAT WHITE WITH JAZZY FERN PATTERN™

My least favourite coffee was shockingly from an Undercroft $2 coffee vending machine. While for $2 it admittedly was pretty good, without added sugar it’s really just water. Moving on, all the other regular flat whites landed in the $4 to $5 range. Chilton’s and Cafe 1894 follow the same menus and process, but I would argue Cafe 1894 has more experienced baristas as opposed to Chilton’s which is “the Undercroft’s dairy”. In one word, these two coffee places are reliable. Rounding off the Undercroft coffee providers, The Shilling Club has good coffees, but they’re a bit small for their price range. Boio do they make them strong though (if that’s your cup of tea coffee). One Facebook commenter, Summer, suggests the Shilling Club’s caramel lattes.

PRAYING FOR MEGAN

9 Reboot’s coffee was small, and seemed even smaller at its $4.90 price point. It was milky and wasn’t burnt, so that’s dope. Ancestral’s coffees are lovely too. Although coffee isn’t their specialty as the only particular on-campus cafe / restaurant serving Asian cuisine, they sure do make a good one, darn it! After asking new drunk friends about their coffee opinions, They said that Ancestral’s coffees are quote “worse than Mix cafe. Very effective (caffeine’s wise!) and tasty” if that’s anything to go by. The Mix Cafe in the Business and Law building has a great drinks menu, including many different flavour shots and coffee types to enjoy. I dropped my $4.50 regular flat white at the counter but the presentation looked awesome before that sad occurrence. The Mix Cafe is a good place for a first date as the coffees are good but not so strong that your date will shudder as you breathe their way. The baristas there are sweeter than raw sugar. This isn’t flat white related but they’re undeniably UC’s top matcha providers. A matcha made in heaven.

REBOOT CUPS? KIWIANA CHIC.

Nuts and Bolts and Cafe 101 are both excellent choices for on-campus coffees. After this experiment…my verdict is that…drum roll please……Cafe 101’s coffees are my favourite. I paid 10c more at Cafe 101 than Nuts and Bolts, but it was worth it. It’s up to personal preference whether you’d rather a stronger coffee (Cafe 101), or a relatively smoother one (Nuts and Bolts). It just so happens I prefer the former. Cafe 101 sometimes shout free coffees simply by ‘liking’ their Facebook page, I got a free one and the reusable cup it came in to keep, if that’s any incentive too. I swear I’m not biased.

THE SHED WAS CLOSED??? AND I COULDN’T FIND THE COLLECTIVE CAFE DESPITE A FUN “COFFEE” FLAG WAVING AT THE END OF DOVEDALE. HIT ME UP WITH SOME COLLECTIVE CAFE COMMENTS!

All up, UC has some awesome coffee options. If this were a STAT101 paper I’d fail though with a one coffee sample size and a huge menu of coffees from which I only ever get flat whites at each place. To conclude, a word from commenter Evid…“well all the coffee on campus sucks so jot that down.”

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club promoter PROFILING THE BEST CLUBS AND EVENTS ON CAMPUS

THURSDAYS IN BLACK A recent survey found “81% of students believe sexual violence is a problem in student communities”. This must change. The world-wide Thursdays in Black campaign has made its way to UC, calling for a safe and inclusive community without rape and violence. Wearing black on Thursday is a symbol of strength, courage, and standing in solidarity with victims and survivors of gender based violence. As an oncampus presence, Thursday’s in Black holds events (some alongside other amazing clubs) including our recent movie night, clothing swap, and consent workshops. Be sure to keep a look out for our club’s day stall! For more information, email thursdaysinblackuc@gmail.com or visit our Facebook page, “UC Thursday’s in Black society”.

uc fencing Ever wanted to stab your mates, but like, in a fun way? Why not try fencing! If you ever wanted to try a non-traditional sport that’s both fast paced and fun, meet new and interesting people, and then stab them, maybe this club is right for you. We can supply all the gear and coaching you’ll ever need, regardless of whether you are an absolute beginner or competing at a national level. The first session is always free, so come on down to the Jackman Auditorium in Dovedale, 10.30 Saturday morning, and see if this is the sport for you. www.facebook.com/UCfencing

GCC Canterbury About us: GCC Canterbury is a student-run club for UC students of all nationalities looking to engage in China’s emergence as a global economic power. Our Aim: We aim to inspire students to pursue China-related opportunities and help you succeed in a world increasingly connected to China. We offer the opportunity for you to develop a professional network and learn to apply skills required to succeed in the global business world. What we do: We run various competitions and events throughout the year, with our main competition of the year ‘Shanghai Shout’ starting up soon. The 3 winners of the competition will have the opportunity to intern for either Fonterra, Tourism NZ or Westland Milk in Shanghai over the Summer, all expenses paid! For more info about GCC visit: www.facebook.com/GCCCanterbury/ or //www. gcccanterbury.co.nz

simba SIMBA is the South Island Mixing & Bass Association. After pulling out a fierce debut semester the cave ravers at SIMBA are ready to turn it up a notch for the back half of the year. After unleashing both Rumble in the Jungle and High Voltage, we have planned some hot & heavy events to keep our expansive base at UC pumped for the up and coming terms. We welcome all students from the wider UC community to get involved with our vibes at the up and coming RE-O week club’s day. Drop us a like on Facebook and follow us on Instagram to keep updated with the latest, and we will see you all sipping on jungle juice and grooving and moving to our finest beats at the next one.

uc bike If you own a bicycle, you should sign up to UC Bike. We have something for everyone, whether you are a casual or competitive. We cater for all different types of riding, and have events to suit roadies, mountain bikers, and everything in between. Some of our most popular events are weekly road and MTB rides, BYO’s, movie nights and riding trips to different parts of NZ. This year we have support from our sponsors, Biomaxa, Outspoken Cycles, Pure Sports Nutrition, Church Corner Cycles, and Em’s Power Cookies offering deals to our member. If you feel like signing up, then get in touch with us on Facebook or email at committee. ucbike@gmail.com. Make sure to like us on Facebook (UC Bike) and follow us on Instagram (@uc_bike)

CANTA’S

BROKEN NEWS

Mono Nights Diversifying Into Mono 9am Lectures

Ilam Primary Student Mistakenly Drafted Into SVA Event

Foundry spokesperson has announced that Mono will now trial 9am Lectures. “Following consistent success of our Mono Nights over many Thursdays, the Foundry is pleased to announce Mono will be coming to 9am lectures.” The Foundry will be hosting

Mono Lectures on Monday and Thursdays at 9am. Lectures will be for the courses KEGSTND101 and BEERBNG102, part of the College of Arts’ new Bachelor of Hard Bastards Degree.

University To Ban Students To Meet Sustainability Objectives The University is set to ban all students from campus indefinitely. Starting from next week the ban has been established so the University can meet their sustainability objectives for the year. “The university is really determined to be the ecofriendliest in the world” Said Dr Rod Carr. “We tried wooden cutlery, recycling, and compostable packaging, but it wasn’t enough. The only logical next step was to ban all students so we can reduce our environmental footprint entirely” he went on to say.

The Burg to Offer Wine Pairings With $2 Rice Following the explosive popularity of $2 Rice, the Burg has announced that it will be offering wine pairings with all boxes of the rice that is sold. “We’re very excited by this announcement, it’s the next step forward in catering for student needs” Said the Executive Chef at the Burg. “Our pairings are selected from the finest wines we could find on the shelf closest to the floor at Pak ‘n’ Save, and the highest quality goon sacks” Pairings start at just $47 a class.

An Ilam Primary School student went temporarily missing and was reported to the police after he was drafted accidentally into an SVA Event. The student, who was walking past the Foundry Carpark on his way to school, got trapped in a line of SVA volunteers waiting to get on a bus. “He looked like an extra pair of helping hands, so we just chucked some hi- vis on him. Totally thought he was a Uni student lol” Said one of the event organisers. Despite the hiccup, the event was a huge success with over 1000 people turning up to plant the 3 trees.

Absolute Lad Identified by Dirty Bare Feet In Lecture A student was identified this week as being “really cool” and an “absolute lad” after he was found in his lecture with no shoes on. The student, who has an Instagram, walked to Uni and went to all his lectures in bare feet. His feet were described as “dirty”, “gross”, and “fucking disgusting”, but when ask, he said he was pretty chill about what he wore to uni. Not wearing shoes to his lecture was reportedly what earned the student the title of ‘absolute lad’. This comes after previously being granted the title of ‘lad’ for being part of Cuba and turning up to Mono on the same day he went skiing.

Third Year Student Makes Difficult Decision to Euthanise Suffering Meme Page

Anti CANTA Blog Dormant For Two Years Still ‘Drives The Message Home’ A blog established 3 years ago to protest CANTA magazine is still relevant, according to some students. The blog, which was only active for a year, called out CANTA for it’s lowbrow humour and poor reporting. One student who found the blog

on the fourth page of Google after searching for CANTA said it really drives home the message about how awful the magazine is. “It’s shit.” Said the student.

third-year student who once thought he was a hilarious first-year has made the hard decision to delete his Meme-based Facebook page. The student was previously told during his first semester at University that his memes were “ ” and “ ” and was motivated to start the page. Following a total 16 likes and an average of 4 reactions per post, the student chose to euthanise the page after 4 months of inactivity. Our thoughts are with him and his family at this very humiliating time.

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. How To: : . Not Die This Winter F

irst of all, can I preface this article by addressing you all, and acknowledging that winter is shit? Before everyone on skis comes for me, I know that winter is beneficial to a decent sub-section of this campus. I’m not talking about that. You can have your snow, your mountains, chains, and weird tan lines. Winter here, in flat, grey Ilam is challenging to say the least. You pay more for your utilities, the Mono line is freezing, and you make allowances for polar fleece. Living in the library is appealing. So is using a slow-cooker, like you’re in your 70s (we’ll get to this later). Christchurch has this special brand of cold that the North Island will never relate to. It’s somewhat unrelenting, and gets right in there. Right into your soul. You have no choice but to be at peace with your clothes airers being filled with clothing that will never dry, and mates that flake on you more than usual because it’s too damn cold. We’re right in the thick of it now, and like everyone’s favourite high schoolers – We’re All In This Together. Here’s How To: Not Die This Winter Preparation is key. Prep. Get preppy! Don’t ignore the impending doom of winter. It’s here every year, and we hate it just the same. Start taking multivitamins. Yeah, who woulda thunk it- they work,

and stop you from looking and feeling like you’re in a Tom’s Emporium Zombie costume. You DO end up with urine that looks like a can of V, though. Our very own UC Pharmacy has multivitamins for $20 (AND student discount!). Look, even as a full scale functioning adult, we all have

instances where we have to eat toast for a week because we drunkenly ordered inflatable pool toys on ASOS. This will help you cover those indiscretions somewhat and you won’t develop scurvy. Yet. A good rule of thumb is NOT COMING TO UNIVERSITY SICK. One person, one snotty tissue, one hacky cough at the Heat and Eat station is all it takes. It’ll be here all winter. It’s 2018. You can literally do everything from your bed. Sit this one out, mate. While you’re dreaming of bed, how about we get your winter bedding sorted? Enough of this rolling around in a bed like you live in Bali. Get your mum on the phone and get her to courier you your duvet. You KNOW mum duvets are superior. If this option is too boujee and privileged for you, or maybe your mum straight up says ‘no, binch!’, then head to a thrift store and find one of those old school feather duvets – you know the ones, filled with the best part of 2.5 million ducks. Invest in a dry-cleaning to remove any dead people detritus or head to a laundromat to make it safe for human use again. It’s not as expensive as you’d think. Seriously, these feather quilts weigh you down in bed like a Conjuring ghost pinning you to your Sleepyhead. Speaking of mum, You could try reach her level with your food preparation – chuck a diced pumpkin or two in a slow cooker with some coconut cream and some spices, and you’ve got a decent

vegan soup come 5pm. Freeze the left overs in portions and you’ve got a few warm dinners on the go. BYO toast. Slow cookers are legitimately amazing. Don’t know how to cook? Who cares!? Put a bunch of cheap cuts of meat, and dubious vegetables in, and it turns into something hot and nutritious if you

15 play your cards right. Also – mulled wine! It’s worth noting that dealing with meat and dinner foods in the morning is less weird the more you do it. Repeat this a few times and you’ve got multiple dinners on the go, right at your frosty fingertips in your lil’ freezer! Perfect for the nights when you’re late back from the library. Your under-appreciated microwave is going to thank you. Either that, or it’s going to crap out. That’s on you.

This comes with a massive safety warning – seriously. Any time you use an open flame you have to be so careful. Don’t leave a clay pot heater unattended. Do I need to mention that you don’t touch it? – they get insanely hot! Don’t fall asleep with one on, don’t drink with one burning… you get the picture If you’re going to do this, do it right. Even though your flat might be damp and mouldy, that shit will still burn to the ground. Not cute. I don’t want to write about yet ANOTHER flat burning down.

Do you own gloves? Off you go to the 123 Mart. Decent shoes with tread? Make a mini list of things that winter-proof your wardrobe. Slipping and getting a wet ass should not be on your list. A hat is the easiest way to keep yourself warm, It’s a myth that you lose 45% of the heat out of your head, but your head does love to let heat leave your body, like an absolute moron.

Heating is so much easier when you are heating dry air. It may sound incongruous, but you need air flow. Keep that heatpump on, low and slow. Crack a window in the bathroom and leave it open. Muscle through that painfully cold mini-streak to the shower. It’s better than feverishly cleaning black mould off your bathroom ceiling 20 minutes before your landlord turns up.

In terms of financial stress around winter, you could investigate a ‘smooth pay’ option with a power company. This can be slightly complex when you’re in a flatting situation, but it seriously takes the stress out of your monthly bills, especially when you’re using a hairdryer to dry your work shirt.

In summary: get cozy, hug more people. Share a bed. Collaboration cooking. Touching meat in the morning. Wooly stuff, on your head. Cold air is better than no air. Terracotta pots can get hot. Look to the close future because spring is almost here! Let’s pretend that Spring isn’t freezing either!

Now, if you’re anything like me, you’ll absolutely stop moving in winter. I’m surprised I am not covered in moss like a sloth. Moving is key to keeping yourself feeling good, both mentally and physically. Do this any way you can – and you don’t have to even leave your house! Bonus: movement means heat. You’ll warm up. YouTube some yoga / pilates / 80s aerobics. Move the aforementioned drying racks and set up a group fitness class with your whole flat. Top tip: light incense or a candle. This really sells the yoga vibes if you need them, and also covers up farts. You know it’s going to happen. I’m looking at you, Maddie.

UC PHARMACY TIPS: GET THE INFLUENZA VACCINE. UC Health will do this for free if you are enrolled with

them, or at a small charge if not (For Domestic students not enrolled at UC Health Centre and International students, subsidised UCSA ﬂu vaccine vouchers are avail-

able for you! Just pick up a ﬂu vaccine voucher from UCSA Reception and pay $5.00 at the UC Health Centre. Vouchers are valid until Tuesday 31st July 2018).

What about making some indoor pyramids? Get some of that mulled wine in you and cheerleader the place up. Hide and seek! Tag! A game of Touch! Bullrush if you need to ease some weird flat tension. The aim here is to bring it back to the school yard. Just don’t go to that level where people are running through closed sliding doors.

WASH YOUR HANDS, OFTEN.

If you really want to get out of the house, club events are great activities to get involved in around winter. Most winter club events appeal to potential members with warm hot drinks and food. My money is on CurrySoc. That’s not saying much. My money is always on curry.

Use a new toothbrush after you’ve had a cold, the ﬂu, a mouth infection, or sore throat. Germs can hide in the toothbrush and lead to reinfection.

Scope out a winter activity you really enjoy and schedule it in. Lots. Research shows that simply anticipating something you like makes you happier, so this is a practical way to put that into action. Maybe you love a cheeky ski, or a weekly viewing of Love Island with your mates… Whatever it is, make an effort to find something that you like, and stick it in the calendar. How about this zany Bear Grylls idea: efficient heating with a

terracotta pot. Google a clay pot heater. Do it! All you need is a couple of terracotta pots and some tea-light candles. The pots absorb the thermal energy of the candles and converts it into radiant space heat.

Winter illnesses are easily spread by hands (eye infec-

tions, cold sores, cold and ﬂu). Wash both sides of your hands, in between your ﬁngers, and use soap.

CHANGE YOUR TOOTHBRUSH

GET SOME SUNLIGHT. Some people may suffer from seasonal affective disorder (SAD), a malady of mood swings that occurs when light diminishes in winter, even 10-15 minutes of sunlight a day can help lift the mood (and its good for vitamin D levels too).

MOISTURISE. Skin takes a beating in winter, dry air, heavy clothes and cold wind all suck the moisture out of our skin. Show your skin some love by applying a moisturiser after a shower, and through the day to your hands to keep it healthy. (Don’t forget your lip balm!!)

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The University of Canterbury’s signature awards night, humbly named ‘The Blues Awards’, is once again taking place in 2018. Continuing the tradition of recognizing Canterbury’s highest calibre students in the areas of sports, community engagement, and the arts. This is just the second year that Canterbury’s Students’ Association has recognized people in all these fields. Previously, The Blues were exclusively for those who excelled in sports, following in a long history of universities that adhered to a tradition of ‘Blues’ awards in sport. Originally started by the Cambridge (light blue) and Oxford (dark blue) Universities awarding students for sporting excellence, The Blues Awards have become a universal symbol of sporting excellence. No less here at the University of Canterbury. It was all the way back in 1913 that the University of Canterbury Students’ Association (UCSA) first realised that many of its students displayed immense sporting prowess. 10 members of the University Rugby Team were awarded Canterbury University’s first ever Blues Awards after a successful season. After the first ever Blues Awards, the event began expanding, giving more awards away, for more sporting achievements. The Blues Awards remained a pillar of student culture and a symbol of physical achievement at the University right up until World War 2. With World War 2 over, the Blues Awards were temporarily forgotten and were dormant for 20 years, being resurrected in 1963 by the UCSA’s Sports Officer at the time, Quentin Tapsell. Over the next decade the Blues Awards fluctuated in popularity, until they were wellcemented into the student calendar by the start of the 80s. Since then, The Blues Awards have been a staple in Canterbury University life. An opportunity, that every year both staff and students take as an excuse to get dressed up, reflect, and celebrate the achievements and successes of Canterbury University’s high-calibre students. Recently, the Blues Awards have become even more significant. After the 2017 award ceremony was expanded to include awards in the fields of Community Engagement, and high achievement in the Arts. The expansion of the Blues Awards reflected on the ever-changing face of student culture and the celebration of diversity experienced at the University. There are many recognizable former winners of Blues Awards. Former winners include names such as Kieran Reid, Sophie Devine, Luke Whitelock, and Angela Petty, who have gone on to become some of New Zealand’s greatest contemporary athletes. Busy breaking records, winning races, world cups, and medals. The Blues Awards are steeped in history and represent a history a lot older than the Students’ Association itself. The Blues Awards spent many years celebrating great sporting achievements, achievements that many not have been possible without the years of history and pride that many of the sports have at Canterbury University. Even before the establishment of the Student’s Association in 1894, cricket, rugby, football, tennis, and boating organisations had already found a home at Canterbury University. The tradition and celebration of student success continues with The Blues Awards for 2018 on the 29 th of September at the UCSA Events Centre.

NEED 2 KNOW

The menstrual cup – A SUSTAINABLE ALTERNATIVE FOR PERIOD MANAGEMENT Sanitary pads and tampons: convenient, readily available and easy to use. But exactly how bad are these single-use products for our planet? Research has revealed that over a span of a year, the average woman makes about 3.95 kilograms of sanitary waste - a total of 158 kilograms in her menstruating lifetime. New Zealanders send nearly 96,000 tonnes of sanitary hygiene products to landfill annually - a shocking statistic, particularly if we also consider the amount of tampons that – yes this happens - are flushed down the toilet. But as we are consistently faced with the toll our waste is having on our planet, more women are becoming aware of the affect of their periods on the environment. Considering one disposable sanitary item takes 500-800 years to biodegrade (pads are the worst – and unfortunately the most popular – being 90% plastic), it’s not surprising an eco-conscious movement promoting menstrual cups has been gaining traction over the last few years. Menstrual cups are a phenomenon that has recently come to light, despite a long history of unpopularity. Although it is still a foreign concept to most women, the menstrual cup is slowly claiming its place in mainstream markets all around the world – even New Zealand. It is no longer a mysterious apparatus only found in natural health stores; the product is now available in some major supermarkets and pharmacies and can be easily bought online. Owner of New Zealand company ‘MyCup’, Kimberli Schuitman, is not only committed to providing New Zealand’s female population with a sustainable and financially beneficial alternative to pads and tampons, she also wants to roll the cups out as cheaply as possible to universities and eventually high schools. Kimberli has teamed up with a pair of Sustainability degree students from the Ara Institute of Canterbury, Isla and Briar, who have created an individual movement labelled ‘Break the Bloody Taboo’ to educate people about menstrual cups and the environmental impact of disposable sanitary items. Kimberli has supplied Isla and Briar with a bulk amount of discounted menstrual cups to sell to Ara students at a very affordable price of $15. ‘Break the Bloody Taboo’ has definitely sparked an interest in menstrual cups among a part of Christchurch’s student community. Broadcasting student Chelsea Turner describes her menstrual cup as life-changing. “I’ve been

The menstrual cup movement could save thousands of kilograms of sanitary waste from contaminating our environment – Photo: James Fleury

using my cup for about 6 months now, and I really love it – at the beginning it’s a bit of trial and error but once you get the hang of it, it’s actually quite a life saver.” Some women are intimidated by the size and look of menstrual cups, and although they may not be right for everyone, they are a healthier and eco-friendlier option - and after a bit of practice, as Chelsea says, it might be your ‘life-saver’. It appears many more women agree – in 2017, a SurveyMonkey analysis on how women feel about their menstrual cup was conducted by Liz Willoughby-Martin from Commonsense Organics, who found that almost 80% of women who used a menstrual cup said it was life-changing. Menstrual cups are not only reusable for up to 10 years, they can also save a woman up to $9,600 during her menstruating lifetime. And if enough women adopt an eco-friendlier way of managing their periods, they can also save billions of non-compostable, toxic – and quite frankly dirty – sanitary products from entering our environment. The UCSA has partnered with MyCup and UC Pharmacy to offer MyCup menstrual cups for $15! Just head to the pharmacy and ask for the MyCup UCSA deal.

CLEMENTINE PAGE

TE PAPA

NS T’ AT HARRINGTO ‘FLAT NIGHT OU G, AND TWO TE PAPA WON A TIN TAS R BEE D OD AN BREWERY FOR FO ME! KER TO TAKE HO DOZEN ICEBREA A? UR FLAT IN CANT WANT TO SEE YO

O.NZ

CANTA@CANTA.C

Kia Ora, and welcome to Te Papa. We’re Liam and Liam and all our flatmates don’t like us and we’ve been abandoned, leaving us to do this by ourselves… We are very proud of our 70s-era flat, in which we’ve cultivated a mass collection of art and ornamental pieces, hence the name ‘Te Papa’. From an 80’s Queen Lizzie portrait, ‘Last Supper’ art piece, and a lucky Chinese cat, to Britney Spears, and an extremely filthy dildo… our flat is a diverse archive of humanity.

JAMES TRANTER: Pissweak. James is known as

“Trantz” because he is a rugby LAD. Has a well-earnt Sportscoaching degree, essential to his second-hand car selling.

BRODIE THOMAS: Shamefully did Crossfit a few times. Is a tradie. Hygienic and has a good cleaning routine, yet still looks dirty. Wears designer children’s pyjama pants every night.

LIAM STRETCH: Approx 80 years old. Once

vomited after just one Beer Pong cup. Studies Journalism. Never been out of bed before 11am. Mother of the flat.

LIAM DONNELLY: Member of the UCSA Exec

cult. Attempts to study Journalism. Poos smell like durries. Loud snoring and crying are the only noises that comes from his bed.

ROSHANNA MASILAMANI: Token girl. Has biggest balls in the flat. Studies law. Attends Law lectures. Inconsistent taste in men, likes College House boys. Diet of a rabbit.

PHOTOGRAPHY BY SARA ALDAQQA

WELLNESS WATCH :

what the heLL is meditation? As most of you know well, life is busy. There’s a constant stream of problems that need solving and distractions to capture our attention. Life can be so busy that we can ignore the most important thing our own wellbeing and happiness. A useful technique to help us with this is mediation, bringing us to the topic of this article. There are many different kinds of meditation in the world. Meditation, in its simplest form, is an exercise in self-awareness. That is to say, when you meditate, the aim is to become more aware of some aspect of your direct experience. This could be in the form of focusing on your breath,thoughts, or body. People tend to start meditation because of the relaxing effects it has. The process can be pleasurable as you calm your mind and your body down, and deeply relax. This is typically what people associate meditation with. Being able to have more control over your happiness & relaxation is a powerful thing. It allows you in time to be happier - independent of the external conditions you are in. However, meditation is about a lot more than relaxing yourself. Before I started meditating, I was largely unaware of the effects my own thoughts had on my wellbeing. I was unaware of how my emotions worked and what they meant. I was unaware of the habitual ways I tensed up parts of my body, to create uncomfortable knots in response to negativity. I was unaware of how my daily habits and addictive behaviours affected me as a person. I was unaware of the false justifications I gave myself for damaging things I did, to make it seem like nothing was wrong, or what was wrong couldn’t be helped. Meditation helps you become more aware of these things. Over time this allows you to remove negative habits, implant positive habits, and in short, change the way you think, act, and live. It is a tool for self-reflection and self-improvement, that can also be pleasurable and relaxing in the process. This is what people mean when they talk about mindfulness. How does meditation do this?, like I said above, meditation is an exercise in self-awareness. The concept of awareness is a deep one, and I will only touch on it lightly here, but suffice it to say that there is a distinct difference between thoughts and awareness. Thoughts themselves are the auditory and visual phenomena we experience in the mind. Awareness is the frame that all of experience - including thoughts - occurs within. For example, if I am worrying about my grades, I have the visual and auditory thoughts

associated with my disappointed parents, and I have the frame of awareness that the thought is within, which allows me to experience the thought in the first place. Awareness has multiple qualities to it. Awareness is like a muscle, it can be strengthened through use. Strength of awareness can

affect the period of time that you can keep your awareness on an experience without being distracted, this is your concentration. A strong awareness also allows you to pick up subtle and short-lived sensory phenomena such as subtle, reactive thoughts that you may not normally notice. An example of this being a small flicker of a judgmental thought about yourself that quickly dies down, a small thing that contributes to an undermining of your self-esteem. When we are unaware of something, we have no way of knowing about it, and so in this way, someone who has never developed their self-awareness through selfawareness exercises is unaware of how unaware we are. After the first few sessions of meditation, we start to get a sense of how distracted and turbulent our bodies and minds are, and how much potential we have to change this. A good test to see how much selfcontrol and self-awareness you have over your thoughts, is this; set a timer for one minute, and try to focus on the sensation of air entering and exiting your nose. What you will find is that you got distracted by thoughts. You don’t have nearly as much control as you may think, you couldn’t stop thoughts from occurring, or even distracting you. This also means that you didn’t have the selfawareness to recognise you were lost in thought, and so you stayed lost in thought. This may give you enough of an inclination that the nature of your mind is not as it may seem. There are many beliefs we hold that are flawed or false but remain in our mind because we lack sufficient awareness over them. Having little awareness over your thoughts allows for poor habits, self-destructive thinking, uncomfortable tensions and emotions in your body, or a poor self esteem. This is because you are identifying with the content of the thought, without being aware of its nature. We spend most of our day in this state, on autopilot, rarely questioning or observing our thoughts for what they are. Instead, we act them out as they appear. Plenty of our

27 thoughts that we think on a daily basis are self-damaging, wrong or inaccurate, but we nevertheless identify with the thoughts and automatically believe their truth due to our lack of awareness over them. But how much good can sitting with your eyes closed in the dark really do? Initially I was skeptical myself, I doubted that I would get much from the practice. I can say that personally, meditation has made me more positive, self-aware, and more motivated. I recommend trying a simple technique for a short period of time each day and seeing where it takes you. If you get nothing from it, then you’ve lost nothing but a few minutes a day, and if you did get something from it, then you’ve gained so much. Preparation for the Technique: - To start, find a place to sit without being disturbed for the next 10 minutes. - Sit cross legged, or in a chair. If you are sitting cross legged, it’s okay to lean against something like a wall to remain stable. It’s important that you remain in an upright position during the meditation, so that you can remain alert and awake. - Try to relax as much as you can, take a few deep

breaths, scan up through your body for any tension and relax it as you go. Typically, people hold a lot of tension in their stomach, chest, shoulders, neck, temples and forehead. If you find tension that you can’t relax, move on. Tensions may release themselves during the process anyway. - Set a timer and close your eyes, as it reduces the amount of sensory information to be distracted by. Basically, it’s easier to concentrate with your eyes closed.

The technique: - Focus on the sensation of air entering and leaving your nose. - When you find your attention has wandered, distracted by thoughts, or by other body sensations, refocus your attention on the breath. That’s it! A simple technique at face value, but once you start practicing, you will see the complexity to the technique.

The primary thing you are practicing is the ability to realise you are distracted, refocus your mind, and bring your attention back to the object of focus. As you get better, you will spend less time distracted by thoughts. The objective is not to stop your thoughts from occurring. Instead, allow them to appear, without getting distracted by them. Thoughts can be sticky, and hard to not react to - as we

usually do in our daily lives. Essentially what you are practicing here is the ability to concentrate, without interrupting and distracting yourself. Setting a habit takes time, so it is more important that you set it in the first place above anything else. Setting a habit requires you to remind yourself of why the habit is important to set, otherwise over time, motivation will wain as you forget the original motivation to pursue the habit. There are a few things you can expect to experience from a meditation session when you are starting out. First of all, you will find that sometimes you will get quite sleepy, as tends to happen when you relax. This can be easily combated by exercise, maintaining an upright back, meditating in the morning when you are most awake, or simply walking any direction into the frozen wastes that are Christchurch right now. Another thing you can expect from meditation is experiencing a very hyperactive, distracted mind, filled with turbulent thoughts. This tends to be how your mind is most of the time, it’s just only now you are focusing on

the nature of it. Over time with practice, you will gain more control and focus, but until then, continue to practice the technique, despite the turbulence. With this meditation, you are practicing the ability to realise you are lost in thought and bring yourself back to concentration. But just as usefully, it helps you recognise your current mental state more and more. Over time more often you will realise when you are thinking thoughts you would rather not be thinking. And realise when you are acting out behaviours you would rather not be acting out. This is important because the first step to changing a behaviour or thought pattern is being aware of when and why you do the behaviour in the first place. For example, your self-esteem is built upon the things you think about yourself every day. We are often defeated by a sea of negative thoughts that stop us from acting out our wishes. There are many things you think about yourself that you may not even realise. Through meditation you can become more aware of the thoughts you think about yourself and therefore can work to resolve them The benefits of meditation are self-evident, you learn them by observing and practicing the meditation. Like a scientific experiment, go in with an open mind and suspend judgement until you have given it a fair trial (you won’t have to write a lab report on this - I promise). Don’t go in with the expectation of it being amazing immediately, it’s a skill to be developed like any other, but it has a profound level of potential. If what I have said makes you want to learn more, there are a few books I would recommend; Waking up by Sam Harris, and the science of enlightenment by Shinzen Young. I also have a blog

where you can find more discussion on meditation and psychology, called; observemind.com.

JACK CLARK

A FEW NOTES:

THE CATCH UP

Noted musician and internet personality Francisco Jav Contreras once equated that, in today’s fast-paced world, approximately 274 albums are put out daily, which means something close to 11,782 minutes of music – a whopping 8 days’ worth – is released every 24 hours. I’m a touch shit at maths, but it looks like in the 57 days that have eclipsed since our last issue, we’ve missed 15,344 new releases. To remedy this, and to distract myself from worrying about my exam results, I’ve compiled all the ones I think are worth noting and lumped them into this one spread for you to ignore as you skip past to get to the Lucky Dip. I don’t blame you, we young people are inexplicably drawn to spicy relationship piddle – what other reason would there be for The Bachelor to be still going?

Arctic Monkeys - Tranquillity Base Hotel & Casino An obvious one to get out of the way first. The celebrated Gallagherites who bolted out of speakers like agitated greyhounds have now morphed into a slick-black Vegas lounge act. It was almost another Alex Turner solo album, apparently, and it certainly sounds like it. If their previous blockbuster hit “AM” was the band’s “Sgt Peppers”, this is their “Magical Mystery Tour”; an album that’s alright but will never outshine its predecessor.

Father John Misty - God’s Favourite Customer Literally everybody’s favourite golden boy is back to sing about how enlightened and sensitive he is. Honeycomb sweet with Misty’s signature anti-consumerist aloofness, which is weird, considering the man is a quintessential top-selling indie artist, one of whom the Pitchfork writers will weave tales about to their apathetic grandchildren as they tilt back-and-forth in their rocking-chairs.

Skinny Hobos – Skinny Hobos This rockin Auckland rock duo finally get around to releasing their rockin debut and it is totally rockin. These guys are genuine, hard, grimy intensity that was designed for melting faces off and flinging undergarments to, that kind of fuzz that doesn’t need to take itself deadly seriously because they’re too busy having fun with it. Did I mention it’s totally rockin? Because it’s totally rockin.

Gorillaz – The Now Now Literally everybody’s favourite golden boy is back to sing about how enlightened and sensitive he is. Honeycomb sweet with Misty’s signature anti-consumerist aloofness, which is weird, considering the man is a quintessential top-selling indie artist, one of whom the Pitchfork writers will weave tales about to their apathetic grandchildren as they tilt back-and-forth in their rocking-chairs.

Courtney Barnett – Tell Me How You Really Feel The most polished and endearing album the master storyteller and Australian Patti Smith has put out yet. Equally punky empowerment as it is introspective plucky indie, a kick and the teeth as well as an impromptu therapy session – somehow as cheekily blunt as Barnett always is but still finding ways to be refreshingly free-form poetic. This very well might be my favourite out of this lot of releases. Just give her all the awards please.

29 Clairo - diary 001 Listeners might know Clario for those cute little demos she posted to YouTube a while ago. I don’t know how exactly, but what followed was this massive online conspiracy that she was yet another “industry plant”, because her dad was apparently some marketing exec. Does liking her music make you complacent with those nameless/faceless hitmakers who write nine trillion songs that sound exactly the same? Who cares, honestly? I’m more worried about how the production has removed that specialness from the acoustic versions and made it all a bit more generic.

Jonathan Bree – Sleepwalking Kiwi music alum, maybe most famous for being one half of The Brunettes, returns wearing a discount Slenderman costume and a moptop Beatles wig and it sounds absolutely lovely. The songs are as smooth and potent as your parent’s whisky they keep on the high shelf, as brooding as a hipster chick smoking outside a nightclub at one in the morning. This country now has its own Weird Leonard Cohen and I’m all for it.

Kanye West/Kid Cudi – Kids See GhostS I didn’t even like Kanye that much before he started piddling on about his Alt-right dragon-energy shite. As for Kid Kudi, I honestly didn’t know he did anything after he dropped “Day ‘n’ Nite” So, with Kanye having another creative talent to riff on in the studio (as such to limit his poopy di scoops), many are calling this an absolute bop. Not me, tho. It’s very hard to differentiate the artist being a shitty person from the music he makes – I have the same issue with Morrisey and the Smiths. You, along with the rest of the planet, might enjoy it more than a cantankerous sod such as myself did.

Alien Weaponry – Tu It turns out that the most isolated farm towns in NZ can offer up some of the more creative metal groups. Something about all those open fields and lack of anything else must have driven these kids to grow their hair long and make heavy metal songs in Te Reo. Regardless, these three recently shot to #1 in the charts, so they’re clearly talent to watch.

Parquet Courts – Wide Awake! A perfect soundtrack for getting plastered on cheap supermarket wine, dancing uncontrollably for a bit, snogging someone you don’t know, punching someone else you don’t know, and passing out face down on your mate’s couch, only to wake up at 1 the next afternoon and finding you’ve missed two of your lectures -- otherwise known as a good Thursday night, amirite?! Up top!

Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever - Hope Downs Personally, I’m not a fan of beaches. We get routinely sold on

images of glimmering blue water and nice soft yellow sand, miles of beaming beachgoers and nice days. In reality, that water is colder than the heart of my ex and saltier than Poseidon’s arse, the sand is coarse and gets everywhere (like that one meme) and everyone else on the beach seems equally as annoyed. I am, however, a fan of this lot. They sound like a beach is supposed to be.

LEWIS HOBAN

foundry events tuesday the quiz

test your knowledge and win! 7pm onwards

WEDNESDAY clubs events

each WEDNESDAY during term is clubs night. contact YOUR CLUBS CO-ORDINATOR to book your club space!

tHURSDAY mono

mono is our iconic live music event. every Thursday DURING TERM TIME. Bring your student id and get in for free!

FRIDAY fresh friday

free pool, great music, cheap food deals, always fresh, sometimes themed

THE foundry BAR OPEN : Tuesday - Saturday from 2pm - late

R.I.P

MOURNING AND ACTING AGAINST THE CENSORSHIP/DISESTABLISHMENT OF ART PROJECTS

We get it, Fine Arts is really weird. It’s kinda off to the edge of campus, and no one really goes there or comes out. So a group of us third years- from a mix of Painting, Sculpture, Photography and Film, figured we’d put some of the things we create out there into campus so you can see what we get up to. It’s not all people lying in the rain outside the library, although we reckon that was fun and v relatable. To get into more passionate detail - we as a group are pretty concerned at the recent trend of censoring or cutting art and art coverage. Notable examples would include the closure of Auckland’s Fine Arts Library, the now infamous CRITIC pixel period scandal, or even the very nonchalant defunding of Christchurch’s coverage of its art scene. Maybe it’s more comfortable to sit in our cynicism and write angry comments about how we don’t understand a thing that’s happening, but on the other hand, maybe it’s more fulfilling and productive if we get up and talk to each other and get some awareness of UC student art around. This lil distribution of works into the wider UC area is part of Student Series, an annual event facilitated by the Ilam School of Fine Arts- other groups are exhibiting works in the Ilam Campus Gallery beginning in the second week of term. There’s wine and cheese at the openings so we recommend. But whatever, have a look at our stuff if you like.

THERESA GIMBLETT’S ‘ODALISQUE’ ON THE NEXT PAGE

CANTA Q&A: with Simon Kong Lewis had a chat to local House legend Simon Kong. CANTA: Hi Simon. How’s your hearing? SIMON KONG: Sorry I didn’t catch the question…. Actually I still have a surprising amount of my hearing, and I’ve have the hearing tests to prove it. Although a good quality sound system is very important to me, because bad sound and hearing fatigue will literally ruin your life. C: Good to hear!. It seems your musical background is a bit patterned – your parents were missionaries who played Christian gospel and choir, and your older brother got really into hair metal. How exactly did you tack on to electro and dance music, of all things? SK: I wasn’t really exposed to that much mainstream music when I was really young. I did kind of like what my older brother was into, but once I discovered radio I started to absorb everything available. I have always just been drawn to music that made me want to dance. It was a very physical response to the music, before I knew what genres were I just knew that a song made my body want to move or it didn’t. I feel I was lucky in that as I was coming through at a time when all forms of underground dance music, hip hop, house, electro, trance was breaking into the charts and making it really diverse. From there I just really followed the grooves and never stopped.

C: How much has the DJing game changed since you started? How has the technology advanced beyond belt-drives and such? Do you envy those ‘DJs’ who just plug a USB stick in and bop their hands in the rhythm without pushing any buttons? SK: Alongside music, I’ve always loved technology, so even though I started my music collection with cassette tapes and vinyl, I’ve always stayed with the latest techniques for playing and manipulating music. I look for the advantages in every version of technology and every style of DJing. As much as I love the tactile nature of mixing vinyl, DJing on modern equipment with USB’s and all its benefits like quantization, key lock, beat sync, loops and F.X gives me freedom to craft the mix in so many different ways. For me being a good DJ is still about being a selector and introducing an audience to new music, so on some level I respect all DJs who can rock a crowd regardless of the equipment, the magic is in the music.

C: These days we have more dedicated genres and sub-genres than we do sense. In this strange new world where the listener has ready access to shoegaze, future funk and math rock, how is house music still relevant? SK: Trends in music come and go, there are constant cycles in all genres of music, mainstream and underground. There is always a new thing or the latest thing, people always want to parse out their little niche sound. This is all part of the magic of music and culture. As you go deeper into any genre and learn more about it you can see the where influences come from and how trend evolve, that’s the part that really intrigues me, the story, the journey. I personally don’t think of House music being ‘relevant’ any more today than it always has been. What I love about house music is its pedigree as a music style born in the underground discos of New York and Chicago that has travelled the world and become a global phenomenon. Today I could probably go to any city on the planet and find a group of people into house music or some iteration of it. When people talk about “house is a feeling” they are talking about this shared sense of groove that is part of a universal language. C: Do you have any wacky stories about your exploits as a DJ? Any dickheads who kept bumping the table? Any hipsters who requested ultra-obscure deep cuts? Any drunk girls who tried storming the booth? Regale us. SK: Well there was that time someone put a smoke bomb on my record and it rolled around melting holes in the record, I was in the middle of such a great mix too. Thing is, there are always these stereotypically characters at parties, but occasionally you get to watch people transform, you see them getting caught in the music or wrapped up in the environment and losing themselves. They might arrive overly drunk to too cool for school but as the party goes on and the music continues, sometimes, just sometime they find

35 a place to be free in the music, to be free in their body and that experience of freedom can be extremely liberating. That’s where the memorable moments in a truly good party happen, in the catharsis. It’s what we all go looking for when we go ‘out, that chance to escape, but it’s rare to find a space where you can fully let go. C: You spent a lot of your youth sneaking into nightclubs or raves and partying until dawn. As a modern student, what with my avocado toast and cellular phone, the idea of going to a club nowadays scares and confuses me. Do you think young people should be going out and partying more? Or is clubbing, as you have said, dead? SK: You are not the first person to tell me you find clubbing scary, and I get it! Today in Christchurch, and even around New Zealand we don’t really have what I would consider ‘clubbing’ environments any more. What we typically have is bars (read restaurant) with loud music which plays commercial music with lyrics about hooks ups and drinking. Parallel to this we have what I would call “gigs”, events with large sound systems and crowd barriers featuring big name DJs up on a stage, but this is effectively a classic rock’n’roll format where the performer is elevated everyone pushes to the front and sort of moshes instead of dancing. Both reasonable experiences in their own context, but distinctly different from a immersive club environment or the types of more connected dance parties that I prefer. In terms of dancing and being able to find that place of ‘freedom’ in the music there is a real lack of basic club etiquette and mutual respect which can make it hard to get a proper vibe happening. People need to get their head around: not drinking or using cellphones on the dance floor, not talking loudly to your friends in front of the DJ booth, not trying to pick up woman who are just dancing, knowing enough to not ask for drum & bass at a house party (or vice versa), respecting the dance and flowing through the dance floor instead of pushing your way thorough, maintaining basic self-respect and social awareness (e.g. wear some deodorant!). There are social and cultural differences between bars, gigs and a proper dance parties. Figure them out and learn to recognise what you like and support the environments you prefer. In terms of partying, I would always recommend quality over quantity. Also it’s completely rational and reasonable to expect more from your social nightlife. For a modern lifestyles dance music can be one of the essential outlets from our stressful lives. But don’t accept lowest common denominator, don’t just go where everyone else goes. Have higher expectations, demand better environments, more sophisticated experiences, richer social outcomes and better fashion! Support DJs with deeper grooves and less ego. Look for diverse and original musical experiences. Seek deeper conversations and make more meaningful connections. Stay up all night and watch a sunrise. Judge less, accept more. An essential skill for life is knowing how to find a great party, with real music, decent DJs and interesting people. Let yourself dance!

LEWIS HOBAN

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Street Eats E v i l

G e n i u s

Evil Genius has recently popped up on my ‘foodie’ radar. Business colleagues have mentioned it in passing; I read a fantastic review in the last few weeks too. However, you know a restaurant is good, if it’s talked about in ‘smiley’ whispers, if diners are willing to share, but only with a select group of friends – them’s the places you want to head to. This happened recently at my yoga class, we had our backs to the mats, in contemplation of a hot bendy class and a pair of yogis, risked the peaceful wrath of the teacher and before the first downward dog, whispered the legend of the ‘soft as a cloud bao roll with the bulgogi beef’ with an outward breath I heard, ‘Evil Genius’ and I was sold. So Jack, Tom and I confidently (without booking) jumped in the car and drove up to Ferrymead in order to meet these legends, only to find a queue outside and no tables available (arse). So first lesson, make sure you book – which we did for the following week! “A place to Zig when everyone else is Zagging’ boasts their website.

Where On The Street : 1091 Ferry Road, Ferrymead (look out of the giant sign). Because of the fabulous feeling, gracious welcome and funky eclectic,vibe this place is the perfect spot for a first date (last date too actually), group of mates, mother and sons beersies catch up or if like me you like to dine alone – ding! dong! Tucked away, but right on the estuary, overlooking the water. The drive is gorgeous if you’re heading from Linwood, or straight through town and it’s just before the bridge taking you into Redcliffs proper. It has an outdoor area for Summer dining and open bar / kitchen for vital viewing. Close intimate and full of character, a warm friendly place, not so much evil but definitely genius. Bex greets you with an authentic smile and your night has begun.

FOODAGE :

Evil Genius is a cheeky, modern, funky Asian tapas bar, with an excellent menu, loads of personality, stocked with tasty morsels to tantalize and keep you engaged. I love an establishment, you want to return to, solely on the warmth of the staff and the promise everything, on the menu, which even on paper, is mouthwateringly juicy. MONDAYS: at Evil Genius is menu free : ‘No Menu Monday’, basically you trust the chef, so I took the best critics I know, my son’s Jack and Tom and we travelled East with our empty bellies. The Monday gig, is a shared, tasting affair of 3 courses. First course, a plate of Asian slaw, to open the taste buds and get the juices flowing. This gorgeous tangy dish offered, amongst the finely sliced fresh vegetables, Chinese cabbage, coriander, shredded bamboo shoots, lychees, black sesame seeds, dressed with a coriander chimichurri and coconut cream dressing. Perfectly balanced, with just enough heat and tang hit to engage the palate. Once we cleaned up, the next shared plate, of course, the light as a feather bao buns with bulgogi beef. Tom, is gluten free, so his dish arrived, as tightly wrapped rice paper rolls. Both dishes : tender sticky beef, with Asian slaw, rendang mayo with a crunch of daikon pickle. All wrapped up in the light as a feather bao bun. I could have eaten 10 of those babies to be honest. “The hype is real” from my son Jack, once he’d licked his fingers and “top notch” from Tom, he of a few words.

FILL THE TRAP :

No Menu Monday will set you back $25.00 per person. This includes 3 shared plates and the choice of wine or a lager / IPA / APA. They boast : “Three Courses. A Beverage. A Good Time”

If you like to dwell on your choices, then Evil Genius has a full menu from which to ponder. Tapas, Brunch a smattering of desserts and you won’t be disappointed. Top dollar, you’re looking at around $18.00 for a breakfast dish of Apocalypse Bao : Crispy Bacon, Fried Egg, Buttered Kimchi, Kaffir Lime Hollandaise all on a bao bun, or tapas range from $9 to $16 a plate. Quenching your thirst is not a problem either with a bunch of goodies: on tap, including Evil Genius IPA and bottled beers, cider a fabulous wine selection and of course a bespoke cocktail menu.

TIME MR WOLF : Monday – Thursday : 8am – 9pm Friday – 8am – 11pm Saturday – 9pm – 11pm Sunday – 9am – 9pm

WORD :

It’s not always about the price, or the Michelin star, but the ‘word’ on the Street; what are people saying, often the only accolade a place with a good idea, plenty of passion and fabulous food needs. In my lifetime, I’ve had the best food in some of the worst looking places…. but ultimately, I’m there for the food. Old buses, wooden shacks, barrows made from bicycles and crates. These eateries often created so food can be shared and if a person can be bothered to go to so much trouble, then you know the love will be the first ingredient in the pan. If you consider your mother’s kitchen, well, I’ll consider mine. Her kitchen is ramshackle, tuned in to her ‘kitchen dance and grace’ she knows where to find everything she needs, even though it looks like a colourful, schizophrenic mish mash of kitchen appliances, surrounding the oldest, cleanest gas cooker in Brixton!!! What I’m trying to say is love can arrive in many different kinds of gifts, choose wisely and you won’t be disappointed. For more reviews, views, Hax, tips, tricks, tips, plus of course, banging recipes from Jax, head to www.jaxfoodhax.com or www.jaxhamilton.co.nz Stay gold, big love Jax

www.jaxfoodhax.com @jaxfoodhax

@jaxfoodhax

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THE F WORD:

Issue Piracy I’ve noticed a phenomenon whenever women are having public discussions about personal issues. Most commonly it happens when we talk about domestic violence, sexual assault or balancing child rearing with work. Almost without fail, a man will insert himself into the conversation and inform us that men have it worse and why is no one talking about that? The result usually sees women showing compassion to the man’s plight and allowing him to redirect the conversation to himself and his gender. This is a subtle but effective tactic used to dismiss women’s lived experiences and stop us from talking about issues that overwhelmingly affect us. Here’s an example I’ve seen multiple times: Women are talking about doing more than their fair share of childcare in a relationship and a dude will pop in to tell them men have it worse. Why? Because judges are always giving custody of the children to women during a divorce. There’s just enough overlap on the theme of caring for children for the dude’s comment to seem legitimate but what he’s really done is try to invalidate women’s experiences by saying men have it worse. The unspoken implication

is that you shouldn’t complain because someone, somewhere is worse off than you. Those of us who want to foster an understanding of the patriarchy might try to tell the dude that the same thinking which assumes women are always nurturing caregivers also assumes men shouldn’t have custody of children because they aren’t biologically programmed to parent. It’s a fascinating subject but it’s still off topic. I’ve decided to call this gendered phenomenon “issue piracy.” In all forms it is a way for men to prevent women from being heard. Some women fight issue piracy by pointing out it is possible to care about more than one issue at a time. While this is true, it’s almost impossible to discuss multiple issues in depth at the same time. This is why issue pirates are so successful. They are often talking to sincere, caring individuals who will display these traits by stopping their own stories and focusing on the pirate’s. Issue piracy can take other forms as well. At times, when a woman speaks publicly on an issue a certain type of male will rush in to claim she’s wrong and didn’t do her research. This type of issue pirate seeks to prevent further discussion by sowing doubts about the

woman’s credibility and competence. Women daring to be intelligent in public cause these types of males to panic. If that sort of thing isn’t nipped in the bud, they fear women will start demanding better pay, promotions at work and an equal voice in decision making. They’re certain that smart women in plain view will lead to chaos. Dogs will marry fish. Up will be down and pink will no longer be the official colour of baby girls and “the gays.”I’m calling this phenomenon “issue piracy” in hopes more women will be able to recognise it and put a stop to it in the future.

t KELLY PHILLIPS

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THE DEPT. OF SPIRITUAL ENGINEERING

Unplug Yourself was introducing him to a delicious Zab Thai Curry, he told me something that I’ve struggled to stop thinking about. “You know Spanky, I think students at Canterbury Uni desperately need 3 things in their life right now. Solitude - because they’re always around people, it would teach them how to be properly present to each other. Silence - because they’re always surrounded by so much noise, it would teach them to actually listen to each other. And Stillness - because they’re always so busy doing stuff, it would teach them to be intentional about what they choose to do with their lives.”“Woooah” I thought to myself, as I slurped down my medium strength curry. And the more I reflected on what he had to say - the more I realised he was definitely onto something big with this whole solitude, silence and stillness thing.And so about 3 years ago my friends and I started running these 3 day silent retreats for young adults we called ‘Unplugged’. No cell phones, no snap chat or facebook, and very little speaking. To start with I had low expectations –“If you’re going to fail, you may as well fail doing something interesting” I thought to myself. I’d envisioned 4 students would come along. We’d all be miserable

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together as we came face to face with our self-loathing, and then we could bond over this shared trauma.And so I was quite caught off guard when 35 young adults expressed interest in coming along. And I was even more caught off guard when at the end of it all most people had had some sort of profound experience or realisation. Since then we’ve led over 140 young adults on these retreats – just last week we led 20 people in Auckland and another 20 in Wellington “into the silent land.” And once again most of them discovered something profound through the process of being still. So if you’re a brave student who likes to try new things – let me encourage you to give one of these retreats a whirl!At some stage in term 4 we’ll take another crew away to discover the joys and challenges of Unplugging for 3 days. It’s definitely something you should do at least once in your life. If you’d like to find out more details on either of these things, just fire me an email (spanky.moore@canterbury.ac.nz) . Maybe like me - stillness, silence and solitude will become your most important discoveries of 2018.

SPANKY MOORE

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A few years back I had a house guest staying with me from the USA for 6 days. His name was Chris.Despite his disheveled 40-something appearance, Chris Heuertz is kind of famous. Not in a Donald Trump kind of way, but in that “slightly-underground-but-with-aninternational-reputation”kind of way. Like, he was mentored by Mother Teresa for 3 years. And he’s written 3 books. And last month he was invited to attend the Dalai Lama’s 80’s birthday party in New York. So Chris definitely had some serious street cred. When he was in his early 20’s Chris flew to India and turned up unannounced on the door of Mother Teresa’s headquarters in Calcutta, where he was quickly put to work in the “House of the Dying”. His job was to remove the dead bodies of the poor and sick who had died there each day. Turns out he was so impacted by the experience he left there to set up an organisation called “Word Made Flesh” - which helps victims of sex trafficking and AIDS in slums.But now days Chris spends about a quarter of his life being flown around the world to speak to people about contemplative meditation and prayer. And he’s a deeply fascinating (read confronting) person to have as a houseguest.While I

How to get paid to take someone out to lunch We’ve all been lonely at some stage. Imagine that feeling all the time. I’m not talking about having the flat to yourself for a day. Or staying in on a Saturday night when all your friends are out. Nor waiting around for that one person to text you back while you ignore everyone else. I’m talking about being socially isolated. Imagine you’re 85 years old, and you’re not allowed to drive anymore, your friends are dying, and you have the television on all day just to hear someone speak. Or imagine you’re young, but living with a disability. You’re aching for independence and to just spend time with people your age. This is the story of many people in New Zealand. Social isolation and loneliness can affect everyone, but our elderly are among the most vulnerable.

The Ministry of Social Development identifies about half of older New Zealanders as experiencing some level of loneliness, and approximately eight to nine percent feel lonely all or most of the time. Lacking social connections is about as damaging to health as smoking 15 cigarettes per day. It’s not easy to quit smoking, and it can be even more difficult to lift yourself out of social isolation. The idea of being socially isolated is taboo. We don’t often think about normal people being isolated. We might like to think of these rare cases as outcasts; recluses; deformed monsters; people who don’t keep up with the Kardashians; you get the idea. In reality, social isolation is indiscriminate and can affect everyone: old/young, rich/poor, introverted/extroverted. Loneliness and social isolation put a person at higher risk of depression and anxiety, and chronic conditions such as pain become much worse. Older

people are particularly vulnerable because of the way that digital communication and social media has left many elders behind. It’s perfectly fine for our generation to keep in touch with instant messaging, for us, it’s easy and convenient; for an older person, it’s difficult and confusing. Plus the social connections that really count, are face-to-face. Social isolation for elders is a particularly western problem, because unlike many eastern cultures, it is much less common for elders to live with their children and be a part of the household. The result is that older people who live alone are at an increased risk of being lonely and isolated. How do we combat an issue like this? Enter Sam Johnson and Tyler Brummer. A pair of entrepreneurs with bright ideas and a confronting problem. They began in mid-2016 by founding WeVisit, a start-up that paired young visitors with elderly people to visit regularly. This created meaningful connections that both parties benefit and learn from. This year, WeVisit joined forces with MyCare, an Aucklandbased tech platform designed to connect people in the home-care

sector. MyCare covers people looking for all kinds of help; from an older person who needs regular care, to a young disabled person who just wants someone to hang out with. Sam is a graduate from UC, and is perhaps best-known for founding the Student Volunteer Army following the devastating impact of the Christchurch Earthquakes. Sam was a founding Director of WeVisit, and is now Head of Community Innovation at MyCare. I had a chat with Sam about social isolation, MyCare, and how being on the platform can get you one of the best student jobs out there. MAX: Sam, tell me about social isolation in New Zealand. Do you think it affects everyone?

SAM: The statistics will tell you 20-35 year olds are equally as socially isolated as older people. My favourite author on the topic is Sherry Turkle who wrote a very famous book called Alone Together, it’s about how today people are around other people; so you’re not socially isolated, but you are alone whilst being with other people. It’s a lack of connection. MAX: So why exactly are older people particularly vulnerable to the effects of social isolation? SAM: Change in community structure is the main reason. A change from people being in local communities to being institutionalised. Your world shrinks as you get older, you are less mobile, and less confident. People who are socially isolated are most likely to have incidents. At the moment in Canterbury, the District Health Board is very good at helping people once they have had some incident happen. What we’re looking at is before that happens; we look at people who trigger for social isolation and loneliness in some sense, and help them. MAX: Do you have any grandparents still alive? SAM: Yup, my Grandad lives in Geraldine. He’d be someone who is socially isolated, and lonely at times. Through MyCare we have someone visit him and help out, and be there when I can’t. 10 social interactions a week is what people need to function. If you can supplement someone’s life with extra socialisation, then they are happier and healthier in themselves. MAX: How did WeVisit come about, and what did you hope to achieve? SAM: There are 450,000 students in New Zealand, and I thought if we can get every one of those students visiting an older person one day a week, learning from and chatting with them then that would be the best thing. Then we figured out the model. We wanted to do a social enterprise, so people paid for the service and essentially the

41 visitor got some pocket money each week. The model that I really wanted to do (and still want to do) is where you get a credit on your student loan each week. So I pitched this to the government, if you do a year of visits to an older person who’s suffering from social isolation you get $1,000 cash-back on your Student Loan. So what actually happens is you’ve got an entire population of young people who are helping increase the social connectivity of those older people who are socially isolated and you have immense mental health savings on both sides and immense health benefits on both side. Increasing socialisation reduces dependency on hospital services. MAX: Did your experience with the Student Volunteer Army help with your venture? SAM: SVA is very good at mobilising large numbers to do things like plant trees, do clean ups, and other environmental activities. I was always very interested in the next step beyond that, and that was large-scale but tailored projects. At Student Army we never quite got to doing 1 to 1 projects and that’s what we wanted to look at. MAX: Tell me about the MyCare platform. SAM: MyCare is the AirBnB of home-based care. It’s not the Uber, because you don’t choose your Uber driver. We’ve got 8500 people on the platform who have signed up looking for part-time work, and we’ve got 4000 people who have listed jobs on the platform looking for a cook, a gardener, or a cleaner etc. It’s designed around the care sector primarily, but for example we use MyCare for a cleaner at our flat and it’s great. We’re trying to de-institutionalise the delivery of home-care services, so you have total personal choice, and you get to chose the people who come into your life. In New Zealand we have more choice over the plumber who comes to install the toilet, than you do, as an older person, over the person who comes to take you to the toilet if you need to go. We’re trying to change that. MAX: Do you reckon merging with MyCare helped with WeVisit’s aims you mentioned earlier? SAM: With WeVisit, we never had the scale, or the technology. MyCare loved what we were doing, so the merge meant we could use their technology to make our idea go faster. Now we get to do the same thing with District Health Boards all around New Zealand, and we’re looking at social isolation projects. One of the other things we have been able to extend on is our reverse mentoring programme. For this we help young people 20-40 year olds, who experience anxiety and depression, and we find them a grandparent figure, and they hang out each week. Social isolation works both ways. If you go to a group of 90 year olds, and you ask

them ‘Who is socially isolated?’ not many of them will put up their hand, but if you ask them ‘Have any of you got time to mentor a younger person who is experiencing anxiety and depression?’ half the room will put up their hand, if not the whole room. They would love to give back some time, and want to feel valued. The core of everything we’re doing is based on this notion that everybody needs friends and a sense of purpose. MAX: So why should a student consider getting on the MyCare platform? SAM: Look, you could work in a bar, or you could work on MyCare. Sign up, and find some part-time work. The best way to find work, is to share your profile. Go and create a profile, put a really nice photo of yourself, fill out all the information, and then share your profile on your Facebook. Then your parents’ friends will see you, and help create more jobs. There are lots of jobs particularly for young people and students, short-term, long-term, it’s a contractbased platform and it takes care of all the insurance and the hassle and the headache out of work. Sign up, and have a look. MAX: And if someone is keen to sign up, what skills do you reckon make a great MyCare worker? SAM: Somebody who is highly empathetic and prepared to learn the difference between listening and hearing. By that I mean it’s easy to sit there and say ‘yes yes, I understand’, ‘I know, I know, I know’ which we all do as Generation Y and Millennials. The key thing is actually being able to hear what people say, or are trying to say even if they can’t articulate it. We also want smiley, happy people. We have these amazing young guys on the platform, who live with a disability, and many of them just want a buddy to go out and have a beer with. We need more people to sign up, list their music interests, and find concerts, events, and activities to do with an unlikely friend. Take them out for the night - that is your job! We will pay you to take these young guys out to places! Just keep them safe. You will change their life. It’s just about people living life, they want to live a good life like we do. They want to learn, they want to be cool, go shopping, they want to go to the pub, and go for lunch. They just want to do stuff with young people, because the alternative is hanging out with people who are their mother’s age all the time. Let’s face it, we all love our mums, but we don’t need them to take us out everywhere. Sound like you? Give MyCare a try and get one of the best student jobs out there. You could make a real difference to someone’s life, take the fight to social isolation, and get paid doing it. Go to MyCare.co.nz and click sign up. MAX FARRA

ADVENTURES FROM THE SOUTH

A D V E N T U R E S F T S O U T H . C O M

In Brief Lake Mavis is an alpine lake in Arthur’s Pass National Park. It lies below the summit of Mt Oates. For me, it was a bucket list hike that I had been keen to do for a while. The idea of camping next to this body of water at 1600m surrounded by mountains sounded like a dream come true. The trip isn’t the easiest, however. There is a well-marked track that follows right the way from the start to Goat Pass. From this point on it becomes a different game as you scale scree slopes, following only your instincts to reach Lake Mavis. Experience in off-route navigation coupled with a good level of fitness is essential to comfortably complete this trip. In Detail

The Location Lake Mavis is located in the heart of Arthur’s Pass 1600m above sea level. To get to the start of the track, follow SH73 until you reach Greyney’s shelter, located just off from the highway before Arthur’s Pass township. There are toilets and plenty of space to camp. It is an ideal place to rest and get prepared for your big adventure out into the wild.

The Journey RIVER RUNNING The track starts after crossing SH73, following a long stopbank, later diverging up the Mingha valley. A few of the crew decided to walk the start of the track in sandals, saving their dry boots for the latter part of the journey. Looking back, the stones in our sandals and the numerous river crossings flagged this idea as not to be repeated if we were to come back to do this walk again.

FOREST CLIMBS FOR WARMING THE LEGS There is a well-marked track along the river-bed and crosses many rivers before it regains a trail in the bush. This is where you reach a climb to Dudley Knob. By the time we reached the climb to the knob, our stomachs were giving a growl (at least mine definitely was). We decided to push on thinking that it wouldn’t be too much farther before we reached a good spot for lunch. This turned out to be quite a bit further than we had anticipated. The track first lurches up after heading into the bush and we had to use roots and branches to help with this section the haul up the hill. The highest point along this part of the track is marked by a little space to the side, where there is plenty of room to let you and the rest of your crew rest up. On the way down we were greeted with a view out over the valley up to Goat Pass. It’s daunting when you first see the distance you must cover. There are plenty of stream crossings all the way along, from the top of Dudley Knob right through to Mingha Bivouac. It’s impossible to keep your feet dry for this section of the journey and certainly not worth the effort. MINGHA BIVOUAC Mingha Bivouac is situated on the flats alongside the Mingha river with two small bunk beds. It’s not short of art that has come over the years with travelers making their mark. It gives the hut some real character. With only two bunks there was no way that we would be able to fit six of us in. From the hut it wasn’t far to reach Kennedy Falls. Standing at 150m high they were spectacular! We stood there for a few moments and gawked at how high the water plunged down. A steady uphill gradient came on as we climbed to the top of Goat Pass. The

THE ROUTE TO PARADISE Just before reaching Goat Pass there are two cairns that mark the start of an undefined route up to the top of Lake Mavis. The first 100m involves scrub bashing to get to the tail of the scree slope. The scree slope is not marked on the map but is visible from the start track. As you ascend, stick to the right of the scree slope, grabbing hold of the tussock as an anchor.

The Destination By the time we reached Lake Mavis there was a couple that had set camp on the South Western end of the lake, however, there was another quite reasonable camping spot at the Nor western end of the lake. Next to the inlet of Lake Mavis, we were able to see right out over the mountains to Blimit and Mt Cassidy. It was an incredible spot to camp. The lake water was cool and refreshing, though only two of us had the balls to take a quick dip in the water.

We set up the tent and got dinner brewing just as the light started dropping off behind the hills. The lake acted as the perfect fridge for our instant dessert and beer, although it was probably cold enough to just leave them lying out in the open. Sunrise was absolutely popping the next morning, the clouds had come in the previous night and left a few gaps in the clouds that turned a bright colour of pink. It took us a while to roll out of bed and tidy breakfast up along with all our gear. The clouds kept rolling in while we woke, dropping visibility.

The Return Journey The walk down didn’t go as planned. The cloud came down thick so it wasn’t the easiest to make out the route that we had taken yesterday. There are no markers that show the exact track that leads up to Lake Mavis, however, there are a number of cairns that mark a route to the lake. We managed to descend to the same scree slope that we had come up. From that point, we knew were on track and on our way home. It’s difficult to describe this part of the journey much more as it was hardly visible so it was difficult to guide the crew down the slope back to Goat Pass.

The scree slope was not the easiest to descend. Ensuring that we didn’t slide too far and take a fall proved a challenge. Descending down the scree slope like a skier, making sideways turns helped. In hindsight I think going down through the scrub alongside the scree would have been a safer idea. It was a hobble to Goat Pass Hut trying to get the stones out of our shoes. BACK ON TRACK TO BEAT THE RAIN Goat Pass hut is the midpoint on the Mingha/Deception track that many people complete as part of Coast to Coast. The cloud continued to roll in and would leash itself around the mountains. It was a spectacular sight as we waited for a mate to come back from taking a few shots up on the saddle. Goat Pass Hut has 20 bunks and provides plenty of comfort for the fellow traveler. We sat, ate some tasty snacks GoNative apple and mango fruit bites and headed down the track to find our supposedly lost team-mate. The man of the moment was found taking a few more shots coming down Goat Pass hut. The walkout was a hard and fast trek, as we attempted to make it back before the rain came in. We skipped lunch and were

motivated to make it out from the valley and have a big feed at the car. A number of times we stopped and ate more snacks from GoNative, muesli bars and scroggin to keep the spirits high. Getting under the train track, through the tunnel and back to Greyney’s Shelter was like coming home. Seemed like a week ago.

THE DEBRIEF Lake Mavis was a huge trip, it was one that had been on my bucket list for a while. It lived up to the photos that I had seen around when I sniffed out the location and so much more. Getting to the Lake itself engaged granny gear and really took its toll on some. It is a spot that I treasure and that I am sure that I’ll revisit. The lake was so beautiful and stunning, camping up next to such a slice of paradise. The hike to Goat Pass was relatively well-marked, however the route up to Lake Mavis was a complete different story, with extra caution and good route finding skills needed. I know this will be my favourite camp spot for while now. Photos: www.instagram.com/mattharveynz/ NATHAN JAMES

A D V E N T U R E S F T S O U T H . C O M

Coast-to-Coast race runs along this track, it has had a lot of infrastructure work done to stop it from deteriorating so fast (such as boardwalks) which makes it a lot more accessible and safer for people.

Lucky D The Shilling Club Presents

One Side:

People who know me will agree that I’m not a social animal. Quite the opposite, in fact. I really try to be, but people are difficult to work out. As such, it should come as no surprise that the concept of what young romance might be remains elusive to me. Despite my nervousness, being somewhat coerced into this whole adventure by the editor, he assured me that even if I fall flat on my face like I was bound to, it would be, as he insisted, very funny. Also, he said this Shilling Club place served alcohol. Sold! Who cares that I hadn’t hit the gym like I was supposed to be doing for the last month? Who cares that I had recently gotten a nasty sunburn, so I looked like a big, bearded beetroot? Who cares that I’m rustier than a sunken ship when it comes to dating? It would make for good content, right? Also, free drinks! I had gotten there early, despite traffic being clogged all the way to the hills, so I could settle in. As I sat there, trying to sip on my drink in the way a totally calm man would, my date arrived. She was nice, well-traveled and had an incredibly interesting choice of major, so we soon started down the usual conversation topics; what are you studying, have you lived in the area long, do you have any siblings, are you flatting, how crazy are your roommates, why her roommates thought it’d be a good idea to spend $600 on a skateboard ramp (still couldn’t wrap my head around that one), the earthquakes, how busy Auckland was, how hard it was to go fully vegan, you know,

the usual. She was a great conversationalist – usually when I talk to people it lasts a few sentences before descending into a distressingly empty silence, so being allowed to ramble was amazing and I’m thankful. I will get straight to the point here – the charm bomb didn’t explode. Instead, the charm bomb fizzled after it got through its second drink and got a bit too comfortable detailing how the bomb never made enough friends at University and that the bomb’s date should think herself lucky to be living in a flat who routinely has parties, or that they didn’t have to spend time thinking about the futility of their English major. Important note: If your date ends up comforting you at the later point of the evening, you’ve derailed. So, as the evening wound down, I got a hug (which surprised me), got on my bus, walked through a graveyard on the way to tempt spooky ghosts or serial killers, got home, turned my heater on, drank a quarter of the coffee liqueur I had hid in the cupboard, listened to the Sex Pistols and then went to sleep at one in the morning. Normality was restored, sadly.

Many thanks to CANTA for making my Friday evening more eventful than they usually are, and much luck to my date in finishing her degree – those early starts get easier, trust me.

The Waiter’s Opinion

It was a very busy evening for us at The Shilling Club, so I can’t tell you much other than my thoughts from afar - these two personalities are on two very different ends of the scale. If anything was to bloom between them, I think they would make an excellent long term partnership. In a way they would balance each other out and drive each other to success,

like ying and yang! I think the pair of them have their hearts set on their ambitions with university, and with that in mind it’s hard to look for a desire for companionship. So CANTA, you finally made a perfect match.. spiritually. but again, unfortunately not emotionally nor physically. AYDEN

y Dip The Other Side:

Well folks, unfortunately it was one of those CANTA blind dates where there isn’t really a happy ending.

After a long wait and back and forth trying to find a day that worked we settled on a Friday night just after exams had finished, so I was more than keen to have a few drinks and get into the holiday spirit. I got ready and had my friends hype me up to try and ease my nerves, as going on a blind date was a new experience for me. After mentally preparing myself for any situation that may have happened, I was ready to go and have a laugh and get a few more drinks in me. I turned up 10 minutes late and we introduced each other and thankfully for me I had never met the guy before, so I knew we were starting on a completely clean slate… he looked nervous but then again so was I so it was okay. I was completely in it for a laugh and I felt like he was taking it just a tad more serious but it was smooth sailing… my nerves quickly wore off and I decided that no matter what I was going to have a fun night and just get to know the guy. To his credit the conversation flowed, and we never really had any awkward moments. So, props to him.

However, I slowly realised that the more we talked the more we didn’t have that much in common. I mean I skate to Uni every day and talked about my flat buying a skate ramp and he looked beyond horrified that my flatmates would spend money on “some wood.” Everything that I seemed to say baffled him in the fact that it was the opposite to what he thought. We shared dumplings and wedges and they were super tasty although he burnt his tongue… poor bloke, it just obviously wasn’t his night. As the time went on, we ended up getting into some decent conversations about life and although we seemed to have very different backgrounds and are in pretty different stages in life it was interesting to meet someone new and hear about them. If I have any advice for you mate its go out and experience the Uni life a bit more, sounds like you want to make the most of it. You are a nice guy and I wish you all the best for the future. Unfortunately I think this was a one-time thing and don’t think I will ever meet him again but thank you so much CANTA for the experience and the free food and drinks, it is greatly appreciated!!

canta's fan of the month

happy ending

Previous Word Find

420 thought

HOROSCOPES FOR 16 july

FIRETRUCKS ARE ACTUALLY WATER TRUCKS...

The scary issue with melanomas is that they’re cancerous cells that can escape and be carried to other parts of the body in blood or lymph vessels. Happy birthday!

You’ve been living life to the fullest, maybe get checked?

Today is the day to ask that Leo out. They like the staring, but it’s time to move on and up!

Don’t let your dreams be dreams. They’re not good enough for that. Get better dreams and THEN write into editor@ canta.org.nz before you embarrass yourself in front of society.

Crows have your scent. Stay away from parks and other exposed areas

This week you’re out of the woods and into the frying pan.

Your financial situation worsens, buy scrumpy while you can

Love glides by this week, don’t grab it, it’s not for you.

Gemini is looking at you weird... Don’t turn around. Play it cool. I’m sure they will get the message.

Get ahead and start that social media sanitisation today! The cool winds of

( ͡ ° ͜ ʖ ͡ °)

There is a fine line between a running gag and using a tired joke.

S T E P H E N

K I N G ’ S

M I S E R Y

Romance novelist Paul Sheldon is in trouble. The accident that’s left him with broken legs has also left him with another problem – his number one fan, Annie Wilkes. The storm that led to Paul’s accident has caused road closures and power cuts, but Annie, now nursing Paul back to health, has promised to get him to hospital and to call his agent as soon as she can. But if that’s the truth… then why his is bedroom door locked? Adapted from the bestselling novel, Stephen King’s Misery is a tension-filled stage adaption of a story of quaint obsession turned living nightmare.

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$30 tickets!

4 - 25 AUGUST 2018 courttheatre.org.nz

the court theatre

courttheatrenz

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