CANTA issue #11, 2017 by UCSA

C A N TA HOW TO:

WE’RE NOT

THE ELECTION:

WIN AT UNI

ALL WHITE

EXPOSED

K N Y A B I S S U E

E L E V E N

T E K A U

M A

T A H I

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11 T H

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STUDENT FLATS 2018 Be in quick we have already rented 75% of our student ﬂats for next year! 3 BEDROOMS 3 Vicki Street, Upper Riccarton $375pw – Available 12/2/18 3 bdrm hm, heatpump, new kitchen, tenant mows lawns. OPEN HOME Tues 19 Sept 2pm

4 BEDROOMS 8 Roche Ave, Riccarton $450pw – Available 13/2/18 4 dbl bdrm hm, htpump, tidy condition, off street parking, tenants mow lawns. OPEN HOME Tues 19 Sept 2.15pm 7 Puna Street, Riccarton $440pw – Available 8/12/17 4 bdrm house as new carpet/vinyl, heatpump, fenced back yard,shed, dishwasher, x2 off street parks. Landlord mows lawns. OPEN HOME Tues 19 Sept 2.30pm 116C Elizabeth St, Riccarton $520pw – Available 16/2/18 4 dbl bdrms – 3 bdrms in house, plus as new fully insulated cabin, tidy kitchen & bathroom, as new carpet, heatpump, x1 off street park, landlord mows lawns OPEN HOME Tues 19 Sept 2.45pm

5 BEDROOMS 1/31 Peverel Street, Riccarton $750pw – Available 14/2/18 Modern two storey, 5 dbl bdrm, townhouse, 2 bthrms, mod ktchn, dishwasher, single int access gge, outdoor decked area/no lawns. OPEN HOME Wed 20 Sept 10am 2/31 Peverel Street, Riccarton $750pw – Available 9/2/18 Modern two storey, 5 dbl bdrm, 2 bthrms, mod ktchn, dishwasher, gge, outdoor decked area/no lawns. OPEN HOME Wed 20 Sept 10am 39 Wainui St, Riccarton $630pw – Available 16/2/18 5 bdrms including a 3 bdrm house & 2 bdrm sleepout with ensuite, new paint throughout, sep lounge, heatpump, dbl gge, insulated, landlord mows lawns. OPEN HOME Wed 20 Sept 10.15am 31 Wainui St, Riccarton $575pw – Available 16/2/18 5 bdrm hm, heatpump, off street parking, DW, new bathroom, Landlord mows lawns. OPEN HOME Wed 20 Sept 10.30am 34 Wainui St, Riccarton $675pw – Available 16/2/18 5 dbl bdrm hm, small office, separate lounge with heatpump, new kitchen, recently painted throughout, DW, off street parking for 5 cars, shed for bikes, fully insulated, landlord mows lawns. OPEN HOME Wed 20 Sept 10.45am

36 Wainui St, Riccarton $675pw – Available 16/2/18 5 dbl bdrm hm, separate lounge with heatpump, new kitchen, DW, recently painted throughout, oﬀ street parking for 5 cars, shed for bikes, fully insulated, landlord mows lawns. OPEN HOME Wed 20 Sept 10.45am 109 Suva Street, Riccarton $685pw – Available 12/2/18 Very tidy, 4 dbl bdrm hm + sleepout, open plan living, sunny deck, ensuite in sleepout, heatpump, large garden, x5 oﬀ street parks, tenant mows lawns. OPEN HOME Wed 20 Sept 11am 29 Vicki St, Upper Riccarton $675pw – Available 13/2/18 5 dbl bdrms/2 bthrms - 3 dbl bdrm brick hm in excellent condition + modern 2 double bedroom sleepout with ensuite. House has 2 heatpumps, full insulation, new kitchen +DW, garage plus bike sheds, landlord mows lawns OPEN HOME Wed 20 Sept 11.15am 110 Main South Road, Upper Ricc $675pw – Available 19/1/18 3 dbl bdrm house plus sleepout with 2 dbl bdrms and bthrm, house has 2 living areas, heatpump, updated ceiling insulation, gge, landlord mows lawns. OPEN HOME Wed 20 Sept 11.30am 4B Maidstone Rd, Ilam $730pw – Available 15/2/18 5 dbl bdrm property located within 100m of Uni. Two storey townhouse with four double bedrooms plus new fully insulated cabin, heatpump, DW, x1 bthrm, x2 toilets, tandem gge with covered area at rear, landlord mows lawns. OPEN HOME Wed 20 Sept 11.50am

6 BEDROOMS 183 Maidstone Rd, Avonhead $780pw – Available 1/2/18 6 dbl bdrms all lockable, 2 bthrms, modern ktchn, dishwasher, 2 storey hm in good condition, large lounge, heatump, dbl gge, OPEN HOME Thurs 21 Sept 1.45pm 18 Avonhead Rd, Avonhead $830pw – Available 7/2/18 6 dbl bdrms incl 3 dbl bdrm hm + purpose built insulated 3 dbl bdrm sleepout with bathrm. House has heat pump, DW, alarm, tandem gge, landlord mows lawns. OPEN HOME Thurs 21 Sept 2pm 17 Hare Street, Ilam $750pw – Available 14/2/18 6 bdrms incl 4 dbl bdrm hm + 2 as new insulated cabins, lounge + conservatory, dishwasher, gas ﬁre, nitestore, 2 bthrms, 3 car gge, sunny covered patio area, landlord mows lawns OPEN HOME Thurs 21 Sept 2.15pm

Ph. 351 7643 or 022 017 3726 reception@a1prop.co.nz www.a1prop.co.nz

54 Peer Street, Ilam $840pw – Available 15/2/18 6 dbl bdrms/2 bthrms - (4 bdrm hm & 2 as new insulated cabins), 2 bthrms, new ktchn, dishwasher, heatpump, DVS system, gge, 100m to Uni, landlord mows lawns OPEN HOME Thurs 21 Sept 2.30pm 25 Middleton Rd, Upper Ricc $810pw – Available 15/2/18 4 dbl bdrm hm + 2 dbl bdrm sleepout with lounge & bathrm, house has open plan living, DW, heatpump, x1 bthrm, dbl gge, x4 oﬀ street parks, landlord mows lawns. OPEN HOME Thurs 21 Sept 2.45pm 141 Lincoln Road, Addington $780pw – Available 7/2/18 Modern 6 dbl bdrm house, 2 bthrms, heatpump, dishwasher, plenty of oﬀ street parking, tenant mows lawns OPEN HOME Thurs 21 Sept 3pm

7 BEDROOMS 8 Westmont St, Ilam $980pw – Available 7/2/18 7 dbl bdrms/2 bthrms, incl sleepout, DW, heatpump, sgl garage, lawn mowing incl. OPEN HOME Tues 19 Sept 3pm 31 Balrudry St, Avonhead $840pw – Available 1/2/18 Tidy 7 dbl bdrm property incl 4 bdrms in house + purpose built 3 dbl bdrm sleepout with bathroom. x2 heatpumps, large shed,oﬀ street parking, lawn mowing incl, furniture option available. OPEN HOME Tues 19 Sept 3.15pm 95 Hansons Ln, Upper Ricc $845pw – Available 2/2/18 Renovated home with 4 dbl bdrm hm + insulated 3 dbl bdrm sleepout with bathroom, new ktchn, DW, heatpump, quality carpet/paint, insulated, alarm, sgl garage, 3-4 oﬀ street parks, bike shed, landlord mows lawns OPEN HOME Tues 19 Sept 3.30pm

8 BEDROOMS 33B Lochee Rd, Upper Ricc $1120pw – Available 31/1/18 8 dbl bdrm, 2 storey hm, 2 bthrms, DW, htpump, dbl gge, landlord mows lawns. OPEN HOME Tues 19 Sept 3.45pm

9 BEDROOMS 8A Craven St, Upper Ricc $1125pw – Available 1/2/18 9 dbl bdrms, 3 bthrms, modern 2 storey hm, dishwasher, insulated, heatpump, gge, fully furnished option avail. OPEN HOME Thurs 21 Sept 1.15pm Open Homes run for 15 mins, come to a few incase you miss out on your ﬁrst choice. Fill out an application & guarantor form, bring ID & bank a/c Once approved we need • 1st wks rent • Letting fee (1wks rent+GST) • Sign the Tenancy Agreement

in this issue 10

H OW TO: WI N AT U N I AN D C HALLE N GE TH E T YPI CAL C ARE E R PATH

WE’RE N OT ALL WHITE

FOO D BU YI N G TI PS FO R VEGETARIAN STU DE NTS

CANTA C HATS WITH BAYN K

UC PO L S - TH E E LECTI O N: E XPOSE D

Edit o r’s n o t e Issue 11 is here for you! So is spring, and your 2018 Exec have been chosen. Everything is coming up Milhouse. Almost half of you voted in the UCSA Student Exec elections. If this was a competition against other uni’s, it’d be like Year 9 rugby against the All Blacks. We’re kicking ass. Keep voting! Have a say, be vocal, be noisy and nosey. This is your Student’s Association.

This issue we talk to BAYNK, UC alumni turned music producer. He played at MONO a few weeks back and bloody aced it. Gabby reminds us all that We Aren’t All White... and Alex, UC alumni is challenging the typical career path post uni, and has some tips on how to do the same. Also, notice CANTA is a little fatter? (same). We have 40 pages for you these days! Flash. - Joshua

This issue’s contributors

Robert Brownlee

Gabby Lowe

Java Katzur

Reo Roy

Wajd El-Matary

Hayden Slaughter

Alex McCall

Liam Donnelly

Alistair Davies

Zac Porter

Spanky Moore

ECHO? OH? OH. Kia Ora, I am one of those many students who happen to have two classes on at once. I had prepared myself to watch one of my lectures on echo. To my surprise and displeasure, I found that the library computers don’t have the appropriate Adobe Flash player to be able to watch these lectures. Being a poor student, the uni computers are the only access I have to a computer, unless I decided to haunt the public libraries. Is there a way to solve this problem, and who can I contact to get help? Sincerely, The over-achieving student CANTA reached out to Nick from e-Learning Support for you! Dear Over Achieving Student, Having been a poor yet over achieving student myself and in my capacity as the e-Learning Support Team Leader I was SHOCKED to read your message! I immediately went into the library and was relieved to find that I could view ECHO360 videos. Follow up conversations revealed that in the June release of the latest versions of web browsers some vendors had changed the default Flash plugin setting from enabled to disabled. This briefly prevented Echo360 videos from being able to be viewed on Library computers when using certain web browsers. This was quickly identified and rectified by IT. If you experience any issues when using Library computers please contact the ITS service desk located on level 2 Central Library in the Puaka - James Hight building in the Ilam Campus or in the Education Library in the Dovedale Campus. Alternatively call the IT service desk on 0508 UC IT HELP (0508 824 843) or on 03 364 2060. More information on the IT Service desk can be found at http://www.canterbury.ac.nz/ its/it-service-desk/. I also recommend

that you keep an eye on the Learn News Forum (http://learn.canterbury. ac.nz/) as important information is often found there. For example, http://learn. canterbury.ac.nz/mod/forum/discuss. php?d=192927. My final recommendation is that if you encounter this issue again that the first thing you may wish to try is changing the web browser that you are using. I am happy to report that in 2018 the current Echo360 platform will by replaced by a new version of Echo360 which does not use Flash at all. We apologise for any inconvenience that this may have caused. Wishing you all of the best with your studies, Nicholas Ford Team Leader, e-Learning Support

a lot of relative stress in their lives, it could be assumed that this age group should be the healthiest: we no longer exposed to the childhood illnesses from our primary school classmates, and we have plenty of time to sleep in without our parents on our backs. We also shouldn’t have yet reached a stage where our bodies are stiff and prone to injury, more likely after the age of thirty We are exposed to wifi everywhere, whether we use wireless technology or not. The signal is relatively strong throughout uni, and cover a large distance. We are therefore exposed to the electromagnetic radiation all day every day. Even if we turn off wifi in our personal homes, we are still being exposed to at least 30 hours of the wireless signal from uni alone (that’s assuming most students study and attend lectures at uni regularly) I would like to see an investigation on the university’s policy around wireless internet, and perhaps have a designated space for reprieve on campus. Your sincerely, Environmental Guru

WIFI EXPOSURE AND BULK TINFOIL PURCHASES Kia Ora, I have long been interested in the effect of our technological advancements, and how they are developing faster than we can test their impacts. Over the past few years, there have a been an increase in studies around these issues, endorsed by independent and non-independent sponsors. Since starting at university, and indeed before, I have noticed an increase in reports of fatigue from my peers. Being under thirty, and without

Hey Guru, Thanks. I’ve never actually thought of this before and now I’m paranoid. One thing though, this industrial sized tinfoil roll I’ve wrapped myself in makes me feel crunchy but safe. - CANTA

LETTER OF THE WEEK

Letters to the Editor

Dear Canta, I have a question about the Student Levy - which I openly hate fucking paying. I’ve been reading up on the policy on the UC website and I found out the levy can be spent on: a. advocacy and legal advice; b. career information, advice and guidance; c. counselling services and pastoral care; d. employment information; e. financial support and advice; f. health services; g. media; h. childcare services; i. clubs and societies; and j. sports, recreation and cultural activities What really pisses me off (and I’m sure I’m not the only one) is seeing my money spent on things I don’t use. ie. half that list! But the number one thing I DON’T want my money spend on (which

the UCSA seems to be so obsessed about!) is this new UCSA building. I’ll never step foot in that thing. So why should MY levy fucking pay for it?!?! As far as I can tell from the above, it would be against UC policy to use any of my hard-earned levy money to pay for the building - either directly funding it, or employing overpaid UCSA staff to help build it. Please confirm. My lawyer is on standby. D. Trump CANTA handed this over for James Addington, the UCSA Student President, to answer: Good question there, D Trump. Great to see you engaging with a little New Zealand university. The Student Services Levy is a compulsory student fee that is collected, administered and determined by UC. Students have input into the levy via the Joint Operations Advisory

Board (JOAB). Each year, UC & UCSA student services present their budget and plan for the following year. JOAB recommends to the Vice-Chancellor and he makes the final decision. It all comes down to the overall university budget, which is approved by University Council. The student levy is set out under government direction and is explicit in what it can and cannot do. This is to ensure that the money is directly going to servicing and supporting students. Each year, a portion of the levy (approx. 30%) is put into a ‘capital reserve’. The capital reserve is used to fund capital projects that will be used for and by students. The ViceChancellor decides where that capital will be spent. As the UCSA Building will be 49% owned by UC, then a portion of the Building may be funded by collected levy. It may also be put towards a new Recreation Centre. The point is, it is UC money. This is a similar approach used by the other universities across the country. The reality is, past students paid for some of the facilities you enjoy around campus e.g. Undercroft and heat & eat areas. The levy, like taxes, is an access to services and an opportunity to enhance the student experience, both currently and into the future. James

letters@canta.co.nz Snap @cantamag <1 0 0 w o r d s $25 U BS vouche r f o r Letter of the Week

L e tte r s to th e Edi t o r

WHY BUILD THE THING?

LOCAL news

RECORD BREAKING STUDENT VOTER TURNOUT AT UC

niversity of Canterbury (UC) students have again proved to be the most engaged of any New Zealand university with 45% voting in last week’s student body elections – an increase of 12 percentage points on 2016’s turnout, continuing an upward trend of voter engagement dating back several years. Outgoing UCSA President James Addington says other universities’ student body voter turnout ranged from around 20% to single-figure percentages. For comparison, the voter turnout in last year’s local body elections in Canterbury was only 38%, down further from 42% in 2013. The top three candidates elected to the incoming UCSA executive have already served this year. Josh Proctor, elected the 2018 President of the Association, is this year’s Finance Officer. Vice President Laura Robinson and Finance Officer Sam Brosnahan are also both serving on this year’s student Executive. The incoming 12-member student Executive has a 50-50 split of male and female students. Addington says he is looking forward to handing over the reins to Proctor after two year-long terms as President. “It’s been an incredible role and an amazing experience being President of such a large and diverse organisation that does so much to put students at the centre of everything. It’s nice to know you can stamp your mark on helping current and future generations of students,” Addington says.

UCSA TEA PART Y IS NOW ON THE WEEKEND!

he UCSA has listened, and now Tea Party 2017 is on a Saturday! The legendary UCSA Tea Party is nature’s way of rewarding you for making it through a full year of lectures! But this year nature has delivered an extra treat. We’ve teamed up with our friends at Audiology to bring you The Pre Tea Party - Featuring Hot Dub Time Machine! So unless you think you’re better than nature… it’s time to start sorting out your best $2 costumes and save some cash over the break for our first ticket release! Combo tickets are on sale September 11th Tea Party Line up announcement on September 11th Individual Tickets on sale September 18th UC students - $79+BF Non-UC students at UC Halls - $89+BF Available to UC students only – (Unless CPIT/ARA Student living at UC Halls of Residence - Proof of address required at arrival of event i.e. Letter or bank statement.)

EARLY BIRD SALE

Fly to Europe return

FROM ONLY $99 WHEN YOU BOOK YOUR 2018 CONTIKI

STA TRAVEL RICCARTON & NORTHLANDS MALL 0508 STA Travel riccarton@statravel.com northlands@statravel.com Terms and conditions apply, see instore for details

UCSA ADVOCACY AND WELFARE

ur Advocacy & Welfare team provides a wide range of support for UC students. And that means YOU! UCSA Advocacy and Welfare offers all enrolled UC students access to free and confidential services, which are completely independent from the University. The A&W team provides advice on issues ranging from academic and financial to tenancy and accommodation. Basically anything! And if we cannot specifically help with the issue, we can discuss, advise and refer students to relevant external agencies. CANTA had a chat to Ee-Li, the A&W Manager about what they can do for you:

What are some of the lesser known services you provide? Two of our lesser known services are the UCSA Optometry Service in partnership with Specsavers Riccarton, and our Menstruation Emergency service in partnership with Oi. UC Students are able to get a $10 eye-exam and 25%-off glasses at Specsavers Riccarton (in the Windmill Centre). Through the Menstruation Emergency service, students are able to grab a free tampon or pad from the UCSA when that time of month sneaks up on them! How can the larger student body support the A&W team? Spread the word! The more students who know about our services, the better able we will be to make sure students are supported. If a student has a friend or acquaintance who they know is going through a difficult situation, would like to appeal a decision by a UC staff member, or are in any other UC process, they should encourage them to come and talk to us; or even better, bring them along themselves! Our slogan is – if you have a question and don’t know who to ask, come talk to us!

Do A&W ever run events on campus? We run a number of wellbeing-focused events throughout the academic year; – Summer Start-Up – this free event is the A&W Team’s contribution to the UCSA’s Orientation festivities. Summer Start-Up is focussed on student wellbeing and free stuff! The event is full of stalls from support services both on-campus and in the community to help provide students with the best start to the university year. – Winter Wellness – the mid-winter version of Summer Start-Up, Winter Wellness is the A&W Team’s contribution to Winterlude. Like Summer Start-Up, Winter Wellness is all about providing resources and support to students at the start of the semester. – Coffee Party – this is an all-ages, alcohol-free alternative to the Tea Party. The Coffee Party features free tea, coffee, and baking, stalls from a bunch of support services from both on- and off-campus, and relaxing music to chill out to amidst the pre-exam stress. This year the Coffee Party will be held on the C Block lawn on 20 October 2017 (the Friday before Tea Party). Wet-weather alternative venue: the PuakaJames Hight Undercroft. How many students do you think you'd assist every year? We assist close to 2,000 students every year across our various different services, including advocacy, financial assistance and foodbank, general advice, and our dental programme. If there's an issue or situation 'outside of the box', can students still come chat to you? Definitely! We are more than happy to talk through any issue or situation that is affecting UC students. If there is any way we can assist or support we will do so, and if not, we can refer on to other specialised services like Community Law, the Tenants Protection Association, or the Health Centre, among others. What’s the privacy and security like if someone wants to come chat to you? Our services are completely confidential. Our meetings are conducted in private in our interview room at the UCSA office. All notes taken during any meetings with students are kept locked in our office, and we do not communicate any information given to us by a student with anyone outside the A&W team unless the student gives us express consent to do so, in writing. CONTACT ADVOCACY AND WELFARE: Dr Ee-Li Hong, PhD (Psychology) Advocacy and Welfare Manager University of Canterbury Students’ Association Room 123, Puaka-James Hight Building PO Box 31311, Christchurch 8444 Phone +64 3 364 3911 |ee-li.hong@ucsa.org.nz

et ready for a week-long festival of sustainability, celebrating the best of what the UC community is doing to create a sustainable future! Sustainapalooza brings together students, staff and the wider community, and showcases a range of sustainability initiatives. We kick off with an Eco Market hosted by UC’s own Eco Clubs on Monday the 18th. This is followed with a full day focusing on bikes on Tuesday: a tour of the UniCycle route led by UC Bike, e-bike trials and a travel planning workshop. In the evening a cyclepowered cinema screens the food waste doco “Just Eat it”, proceeded by a vegetarian tasting session and information on why we waste so much food in Aotearoa. The cycle cinema is powered by the audience’s pedal power, using UCSA’s own Borrow-a-bike cycles. Wednesday puts the spotlight on green building and water quality, with a green building seminar and the EWB Duck Race in the Avon Stream. There will be plenty of information about water quality on campus as well as prizes for the winning duck and the best dressed duck. The Sustainability Awards take place on Thursday; these acknowledge the hard work of many of our students and staff working to make our world a greener place. Sustainapalooza culminates on Friday with the Spring Equinox Gala and Okeover Community Garden’s 15th birthday. This is the only event you’ll

need to book in for as space is limited. Throughout the week, vote for your favourite sculpture in the Trash into Treasure competition on Level 2 of Puaka James Hight Library. All events are free. See you there! This message was brought to you by the UC Sustainability Office. Connect with us through Facebookor or Instagram. Or email us: sustainability@canterbury.ac.nz

STUDENT DISCOUNT UNI PHARMACY NOT JUST A PHARMACY

GET 10% DISCOUNT AT TIME OF PURCHASE WITH YOUR STUDENT I.D.* Location: Undercroft Open hours: Mon/Fri - 8:30am-5:30pm Phone: 03 364 2215

*Not including prescriptions, post or specials. Conditions apply.

Order your coffee from Nuts and Bolts in MÄ ori on Tuesday 12th Sept and get 50% discount!

2018: RENT WITH YOUR OWN ENSUITE

Brand new townhouses - North facing, warm, quiet, secure, private ensuite and in a great location. Fully furnished - New lounge suite, dining suite, smart TV, refrigerator, bed, mattress and desk. Expenses included - Electricity, unlimited ďŹ bre internet (1GB/s) and cleaning. 2018 leases - 12 months for 5 people or singles available See www.matipoonthegreen.co.nz for more details Please contact Louisa at Whittle Knight and Boatwood on 02102411315 or louisa@wkb.co.nz for viewings

club promoter Profiling the best clubs and events on campus

20 0 YEARS O F A U N IVE RSAL E DUC ATO R Bahá’ís all over the world and engaged in offering services to their local communities where learning is at the heart of an educational process that ultimately leads to the intellectual and spiritual transformation of the individual. The Bahá’í Faith offers

children’s classes to the very young – focusing on universal qualities such as love, kindness, the oneness of humanity and preferring others to oneself. It also provides for Junior Youth groups and seeks to enhance and sharpen the spiritual perceptions and understandings during the early teenage years and to help Youth become empowered and positive agents for change. The Faith also conducts study circles which encourage all peoples of all backgrounds to reflect on the life of the spirit based on the Bahá’í teachings and to enable individuals to build capacity to walk together on a path of service. Bahá’í communities all over the world will be celebrating this year

the Bi Centenary of the birth of the Founders of the Bahá’í Faith - a unique, precious and once in a lifetime occasion. To celebrate, the Christchurch Bahá’í community is hosting an event at the Christchurch Bahá’í Centre located at 31 Domain Terrace, Spreydon, on Saturday 21st October 2017. The Bahá’ís at the University of Canterbury would like to extend a warm invitation to everyone to participate in this celebration. For more information about anything you have read here please contact us at: enquiries@christchurchbahai.org.nz. Nau mai! Haere mai! Kake mai ra!

Submit your club to be featured in CANTA | < 300 WORDS | 3x PICS |canta.editor@gmail.com

Facebook.com/UCBike

The stolen bike fund came about through UC alumni who saw articles on how bike thefts were on the rise around Christchurch with thieves targeting the university. He had collected some spare bikes over the years, and donated them to UC Bike to pass on to the students. We decided the best way to give out the bikes would be to find students who have recently had their bike stolen and get them back on another bike. The stolen bike fund attracted a huge amount of entries highlighting how significant the problem of theft was in our community.

ROBERT had his childhood bike stolen from University Hall. The perp was seen fiddling around with his bike by a friend who questioned the intimidating looking fellow. This scumbag claimed a friend of his liked to play tricks on him and had locked his bike up for a joke. He took to the lock with bolt-cutters and was never to be seen again. Roberts friend called the police anyway as he was suspicious but it was too late and the security cameras didn’t capture him either. Robert takes home a bright orange Marin which can’t be missed.

HENRY had his PS4 and bike stolen in 2 consecutive days. The thief entered their flat through the front door while his flatties were home and took his

belongings from right under their noses. They also saw what was quite likely the same stranger peeping through their windows another night and scared him off. Henry saw his bike appear on a Facebook buy/sell page and tried messaging the guy to go get it back but the post was quickly taken down. The police were alerted but said they couldn’t do anything. Henry rode home on a new Raleigh.

TESS locked her bike outside UBS one day around 8am. By the time she finished studying at 8pm her bike, lock and any trace of the thief were gone. The University security cameras didn’t capture anything and the police could do nothing. Tess takes away a classic Giant commuter to keep her on the road.

who stole Braeden’s bike was able to get away while his friend got booked. Braeden took home the speedy Avanti commuter.

UC Bike’s 5 tips for bike security: 1) Lock your bike! This is a no brainer but people still don’t do it... 2) Invest in a decent lock. A “D” style lock is the most secure style on the market and worth every cent. 3) Use the secure bike sheds on campus. These can only be accessed using a Canterbury card and there are 3 on campus. Behind C-Block, beside Creyke Rd and between Karl Popper and the Law building. 4)Park your bike in high traffic areas. If you can’t use a secure bike shed then at least park your bike in a well-lit high traffic area which will increase the chance of someone up to mischief being seen. 5) Park your bike next to a flasher bike. If someone’s bikes going to get stolen at least it’s not yours! - Zac Porter

BRAEDON parked his bike outside James Height library to do some tutoring. As he was was finishing up and heading back to pick up his ride he saw someone bike past him on what looked like his own bike. Sure enough, when he reached the bike stands UC Security were already there looking around where he left his bike which is now missing. Luckily another student had reported the suspicious activity to UC Security in time for them to see the pair of thieves riding off down Ilam Road. The team at the security office ran out and caught one of the individuals who was then handed on to the police! Success! Unfortunately, the individual

C lub Prom oter

STOLEN BIKE FUND

17 10

HOW TO WIN AT UNI AND CHALLENGE THE TYPICAL CAREER PATH om cCall fr is doing Alex M y il a am D tly U ps t r e if feren d le t t li a . s g .. thin days os t U C in his p

nce I complete my degree, life is sorted. That’s all there is to it huh? So how am I going to get a job with the same Psychology degree that 300 others in my class also have? I went to University to learn how to learn didn’t I? Well if we are all there to learn how to learn then why are we all aspiring to do the same thing. There are a large portion of students studying because you need that piece of paper to get the foot in the door. We understand. The job market is tough. But what if there was another way? The 9-5 is secure, it is safe, it is the norm, it is for everyone. Or is it? Why does it have to be this way? Why is it the default so many blindly follow? If you’re lucky, you’ve seen a family friend get that age-old degree, climb the ranks and now have it all. “The kiwi dream”. The white picket fence, four-bedroom house with the boat and the batch. Sweet life huh. What if the future didn’t have four bedroom homes, batches or boats. What if we could have it all another way. You’ve studied Civil Engineering. You’ve learnt how to make a bridge across the Avon. The light is at the end of the tunnel. You are going to rocket into a career of bridge building and feature on Mega-Structures. But wait, there are no new bridges being built in NZ? We can’t even figure out how to solve our transport problems. Don’t even mention putting in light rail to connect people. It’s time to head out into “the Grind”. Get a good job, girlfriend, married, house kids, eat, work, kids, repeat. But wait. We live in a world that’s more connected than ever before. What if I could work in San Francisco? Travel, live work and play anywhere? Just maybe, I could challenge the typical career path. Nobody wants to be trapped, tied down and sucked into this corporate black hole. Everybody wants to do

something they love. Make a difference in the world. Contribute, have a dream, do something with your own unique set of skills. So, how do I utilise my skills, my $60k student loan and do something with my life?

Before it’s too late.... Once you’re shacked up, that security, the need for a steady pay check, how about that mortgage, that responsibility. It is real. How risk averse are you now? You have no commitments, no house, no mortgage, no car. If you broke it down, how much do you need in a year to survive and thrive doing something you love? Why not make the most of it now? We are at University, we know how to live cheap, have a good time and get the most out of the day. So why not put that toward something useful. Hey if your pursuit fails and you’re still getting C’s I’m sure Uncle John will still put some interest free allowance in your piggy bank next week.

11 Connect with likeminded individuals... I used to sit on the mat in primary school and put my hand up. Why did we ever stop putting our hands up? Let’s get together and re-invent AA meetings, hi my name is _______ and I have a fucking awesome idea that I think will change the world. Your flat has all of the brain boxes you need, a programmer, a Mathlab whizz, a financial guru and your psychedelic art loving roomy. Get to work! What have you got to lose. Entré will even give you $85k if your idea is good enough! The attitude of doing cool shit you love with people you want to work with sounds fun, doesn’t it? What is stopping you.

How to get your head in the game:

Think of it as a side project... Right here, right now, at your fingertips you have it all. A wealth of resources. A pool of talented individuals. Interest free funding from the Government. What more could you need to create something you are passionate about. You don’t need anybody’s permission. I’m not advocating doing anything drastic. Something small. An inkling, an idea. There is no need to quit your day job. Although I’m sure your schedules pretty busy with Netflix and catching up on the latest GOT after lectures. Have you ever added it up? There are 168 hours in a week. By the time you “study” for the week (50 hours), Sleep (56 hours) and Eat (14 hours). You still have a full working week left of 48 hours. What do you do with this time? How do you spend it? Imagine if you could start a business. Solve a problem that really annoys you. There’s an opportunity here to take this time and create your billion-dollar business on the side. Who is stopping you?

Read – - The Lean Startup by Eric Riess - Start with Why by Simon Sinek - The 4-hour work week by Tim Ferris Visit – University of Canterbury Centre for Entrepreneurship (UCE). Drop in and visit Rachel Wright and the team and nut out that idea! Watch – Upstream Daily on Facebook for inspiration from those who are challenging the typical career path in New Zealand. If they can do it, you can too. Act – Be that guy at The Foundry who shares his idea over a beer. You might just find someone who thinks just like you. Think – "Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes.... The ones who see things differently--they're not fond of rules.... The ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world are the ones who do." –Steve Jobs

Disrupt your industry... They tell us we do it this way because that’s the way it has always been done. As Albert Einstein understood it, “insanity is doing the same thing, over and over again, but expecting different results”. So tell me, if I do the same degree over and over again and then the same job over and over again, how might we improve the way we live work and play? You have no limits. What little understanding of your “industry” you have isto your advantage. Yeah you have nothing to stand on or no credibility. But did the 6 million people who visit the Mona Lisa every year ask Leonardo da Vinci where he By Alex McCall got his degree in fine arts from? I think this paints the picture, no pun intended. You have the power to create stuff and change things. You can show the world you have a way forward.

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ANTI SOCIAL Mention CANTA at MegaAir and get 33% off on weekdays!

All snap-artists featured in this issue of CANTA win a double pass to MEGA AIR trampoline arena!! Contact canta.editor@canta.co.nz to claim your prize!

FLAT FAMOUS

own amongst the stones you will find 8 little Quarrymen, half of whom hail from the far away land of Pukekohe. There’s Josh “Buttery Scone” Bernasconi the pasta sauce base that holds us all together, Aidan “Water Pipe” Simmons the chess champ and herb specialist, Jake “Daxximus Tobias” Boulton who’s dysfunctional authority struggles under the sheets, and Jake “Poo Pants” Potton, who has the compassion and care of a WINZ receptionist.

The Pirate Ship won some goodies from Harrington’s! Wanna win YOUR flat something similar? Email CANTA@CANTA.CO.NZ telling us why you’re flat’s so bloody spectacular and you could be featured in FLAT FAMOUS!

We also have four imports, Taio “Ghetto Flower” Pou, Chief of the flat, leads us in morning waiata and to church on Sundays, Jorge “Brown Sugar” Jacobs, who never knows where his keys are, Edze “Dutch Oven” Bierema, controls our money and our hearts, and Jamie “Matua” McPhecees, loves a double glaze and a triple blaze, cant keep him away from glassware.

Photography by Java Katzur

WE’RE NOT ALL WHITE Recently, Kiwi superstar and all-round cool human being, Lorde tweeted out about racism and the role white people have in it’s thrive and fall. Stuff.co.nz reposted Lorde’s tweets in an article and as you can assume, the comment section wasn’t exactly a place of harmony and acceptance. Gabby Lowe investigates...

inspired by the readers of stuff.co.nz that believe their terrible, horrible, no-good opinions are worth being archived in the same place pictures of puppies are saved. But, I digress. It is late early. I am tired. Most of all, I am angry. I am angry because of these people:

Jason, reverse racism is like the tooth fairy. It is a lie used by people to placate small minds. Lorde demonstrates how white people may want to fight against systemic racism by acknowledging her privilege and how problematic it is. Wow queen!

n circumstances other than this one, I wouldn’t say that it is particularly brave to use your platform that reaches an audience of 5.51 million to speak out against the discrimination of people of colour. I’d say it was more of a moral responsibility. However, what makes this situation the exception is the existence of a phenomenon called the stuff.co.nz comments section. Lorde’s ties to little old Aotearoa mean that when she tweets, whatever she tweets, it is likely to show up in a stuff.co.nz article on a slow news day. There, attached to the bottom of these articles or to their respective Facebook links, is this place that exists much like Dante’s ninth circle of Hell exists just above it. Let me be clear: this is not a condemnation of stuff.co.nz. This is a wail of anguish (and of rage)

Susan! What is an ethnic basket? Is my one made of bamboo or of rice paper?

Keziah... this whole mess started because a group of people didn’t care about another race.

Oppression can be passive. This is what Lorde is telling 5.51 million people, though in many more words. When you do not condemn the Nazis of Charlottesville for marching, you are oppressing people of colour. When you do not admit that the promotion of Nazi ideals is terrorism, you are oppressing people of colour. This is the systemic oppression of black people in the United States of America in live moving colour, and it is happening under the guise of 'freedom of speech'. The Declaration of Independence and the country that is supposed to protect its citizens is implicit in their mistreatment. That is institutionalized racism. Put into a more local context, the denial that the actions of colonists some 180 years ago have anything to do with you is the kind of mind-set that allows systematic oppression to thrive. This is what Lorde told us, Susan; "all white people are responsible for this system's rise and fall." Perhaps, because some people might not get past the phrase 'all white people' again, I should elaborate. The Treaty of Waitangi is the most important document in Aotearoa's history, and it has everything to do with our actions today. In terms of the future, look

to New Zealand's 2017 general election, where the colonialists responsible for that Treaty are still trying to be corrected by all but two of the country's political parties.

The act of voting and participating in a general election is the purest form of trying to change an institution and therefore the systems that form beneath it. Voting for Green Party because you want to see their 4 different policies regarding the Treaty of Waitangi put into action is an example of standing up to institutionalized oppression in New Zealand. You are using your power, your privilege as a voter to actively abate the oppression of Maori people. It should be noted that institutionally-endorsed privilege is a heady though invisible power, and is misunderstood almost universally. I do not pretend to understand it completely, though I do somehow believe that I have the authority to write about it ad nauseam. One thing that should be understood is that privilege versus oppression is an all or nothing situation. A party that is 'passively' but systematically oppressing the other cannot then 'sometimes' be oppressed by the one with less privilege.

Prejudice does not equal oppression; racism is a form of oppression, not prejudice. Basically, reverse racism isn't real. Once more, with feeling: all white people are responsible for this system's rise and fall. Today's white people are not responsible for the actions of every other white person that has ever existed, including all that bad racist stuff. We are all only ever responsible for our own actions. What we choose to do with our own power is our business, but as it has been said before: with great power comes great responsibility. Thus, you are responsible for making well-informed decisions. Look to your policy-makers, your news media, your friendly local blog. If you have to think about whether or not you are being oppressed, you are likely to be in a position of extreme privilege. Wield it wisely. Be active, not passive. By Gabby Lowe

CAN TA inves t ig ates

These people are also angry, but only because of three words... “all white people”.  For some reason, when some people see this phrase, they forget how to read. They forget how to think critically. Certainly Jason, Susan and Keziah did. Somehow, they missed the "are responsible for this systems thrive and fall" part of that sentence. I would say, and this is me thinking critically, that this is the part of Lorde's tweet that is the most important. This is the part of the tweet that does not blame all white people for the Charlottesville marches, nor does it "blame all the white people for everything that's wrong in the world" as Jason might think it does. It does not ask Susan to apologize for being white, and it definitely doesn't blame you for the actions of others, Keziah. I single out stuff.co.nz commenters specifically because it's easier to grasp how pervasive the misunderstanding of systematic oppression is when the examples are from New Zealand. Confusing, I know. But we know that America has race-relations problems, we can see it in the media every single day; there are Nazis marching in the streets, for one. But New Zealand, sweet small New Zealand doesn't have neo-Nazis or the 'alt-right' or any such glaring examples that show us that we are ignorant of our privilege. It is great that you are not actively racist, that you do not hurl abuse at me or other POC. It is great that the actions of ancestors do not bear any resemblance to how you conduct yourself now, in that you do not own slaves and you do not try to claim the lands of indigenous cultures as your own. Congratulations! However, these are not the only possible forms of oppression.

Canterbury Metro Rugby Final 2017 Canterbury University vs. Lincoln University

he rivalry between Lincoln and Canterbury Universities is one which draws many supporters during the season, and the anticipation of this clash in 2017 Metro rugby final could be felt in the eagerly awaiting crowd. The conditions could not have been better. The recent sunshine made the ground firm enough to provide the traction in the scrum, the sun hid behind light cloud reducing glare for the backs and the still air ensured that the success of conversions was down only to the action of the goal kickers. The game would be won and lost on the skill and mental fortitude of the players. Lincoln entered the final as winners of the last two championships, Canterbury came in as the underdog having last won in 1990. The first half proved the teams to be well matched. Lincoln managed first points on the board when Brett Cameron slotted an easy penalty from directly in front of the posts. Despite maintaining the advantage in possession and territory Canterbury’s unrelenting defence kept Lincoln from crossing the line. Canterbury remained firm in attack with halfback Jonny Van Der Velde securing the first try of the match, bringing his team narrowly ahead 5-3 at half time. Calling rugby a game of two halves is a cliché which too often comes to fruition. The second half sparked to life when a wayward pass from Lincoln fullback Caleb Makene bounced off a University defender and was

scrambled by halfback Jack Stratton for Lincoln’s first try of the match. The momentum kept building for the title defenders, a corner try from wing Josh McKay, another penalty by Brett Cameron and a powerful line smashing try by prop Troy Hallett brought Lincoln into a comfortable 25-5 lead at the 61st minute. A lesser team would have lost their cool in the face of such a drastic change on the score board, but Canterbury University proved their worth. They found their composure, bringing back a stone wall of defence defined by discipline at the breakdown. Keeping the ball in the forwards, Canterbury came back into the game with a try from lock Caleb Aperahama and another from No.8 Brad Hemopo. Both tries were converted by Myles Thoroughgood bringing the score in the 77th minute to 25-19. Victory was in sight for Canterbury University when a gap in Lincoln’s defence allowed Aperahama to storm down the centerfield, but it was not to be. A tackle from Lincoln fullback Caleb Makene stopped Aperahama in his tracks and turned possession over to Lincoln, allowing them to run out the clock. Canterbury University can walk away from the final with their head held high, after a slow start to the season they found their stride and played to the occasion in the final, their first since 2011. However, you’ve got to hand it to Lincoln University, winning three Championship titles in as many years is an achievement few teams will ever beat. By Robert Brownlee

WORK & PLAY

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12 MONTH WORK VISA

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FOOD BUYING TIPS FOR VEGETARIAN STUDENTS CANTA and Peter from the Higher Taste Vegetarian Club on campus want you to live your best life! That means eating good stuff and not living on the bones of your butt. Here's Peter’s tips on the cheapest and best places to buy food for vegans vegetarians and general students. Supermarkets: The following have been recommended by Christchurch vegetarian and vegans for having a better than average range of vegetarian/vegan, organic and gluten free supplies: – Bin Inn, stores around town at Lincoln Rd, Stanmore Rd and New Brighton. Great place to fill a bag with beans, cereals, spices etc., cooking oil, all household products. They have granulated TVP (a vegan protein) which cooks in three minutes and is great to add to instant noodles for a more nutritious quick lunch. Locations and product detail here: http://www.bininn.co.nz/ locations – Fendalton New World 19-23 Memorial Ave – Supervalue Cnr Clyde & Ilam Roads – Halswell New World, 346 Halswell Rd – St Martins New World, 92 Wilsons Road, Christchurch – South City New World, South Centre Centre, Colombo St, Central City (vegan owners) – Indian grocery stores for your spices, rice, beans, dahl, snacks etc, such as Yogijis (569 Colombo St, next to South City Mall), Gurujis (103 Gasson St), Spice Heaven (103 Stanmore Rd), Value Mart (227 Linwood Ave), SN Market (282 Colombo St). Outdoor Weekend Markets: – Canterbury Farmers’ Market (Saturdays 9am – 1 pm) 16 Kahu Road, Riccarton (close to UC) Local growers, farmers and artisan food producers sell their wares directly to consumers. A wide variety of products are available from pickles and preserves to, flowers, fresh bread and olive oil. Riccarton House & Bush, – Opawa/St Martins Vegetarian Farmers’ Market (Sundays 9am – 12pm all year) 275 Fifield Tce, Beside the Opawaho river, between the Helios Medical Centre and the Rudolf Steiner School. A wide variety of local growers and producers selling organic vegetarian foodstuffs. – Riccarton Market (Sunday 9am-2pm all year) Riccarton Racecourse, Riccarton Park, Racecourse Road. The biggest market of its kind in the South Island- over 300 vendors selling a wide variety of goods, from fresh organic/non organic fruits and vegetables to second hand goods, furniture, clothing, arts and crafts, food and beverages.

Fruit and veges: – Crazy Dave's, 227 Blenheim Rd. (head down Wharenui Rd. from Riccarton Rd near varsity) Cheapest fruit & veges in Christchurch. In the same shopping centre are Kosco and Sun Market for tofu, vegan dumplings etc. – Veges Direct, 21 Mairehau Rd. Open 7 days (weekdays till 6pm, weekend till 5pm) Very cheap specials including one day specials (announced on their Facebook). – Funky Pumpkin, 292 Colombo St, Sydenham. – Raeward Fresh, Tower Junction Centre (down Clarence St from Riccarton). Good specials. – The Green Grocer, 243 Stanmore Rd, Richmond: Good specials. They also have a stall the Riccarton Sunday Market, Riccarton Park Racecourse. – Dan's Fresh Produce, 231 Stanmore Rd. Good specials, like 99 cent pumpkins! Tofu, dry and frozen vegan products: – Buy direct from the factory at Tofu Man, 8b Birmingham Drive (down Matipo St & Wrights Rd from Riccarton Rd) Buy cheaper direct from the factory. – Kosco Asian Supermarkets; Five stores around town. Best place for tofu and many vegetarian/vegan products at great prices. Closest to varsity is at 209A Waimairi Rd., Ilam and 92A Riccarton Rd. – "Vegetarian World" Store, 180 C Yaldhurst Rd, past Church Corner and Villa Maria College, Henry's Bottle Store etc.. A large range of frozen and dry vegetarian / vegan products for easy meals at home and tinned beans, rice etc. DISCOUNT: Show your student ID card and get a 10% discount on most things in the shop (not rice or beans or anything already on special) if you spend between a couple of dollars to $100. If you spend $100 or more, Vivian will give you either a 20% discount or 20% of extra goods! Organic Products: veges, beans etc. – Wholefoods Market & Health Store, 52 Riccarton Rd. For fresh organic produce, chilled, frozen and dried vegetarian / vegan products, natural remedies, special dietary requirements etc. Open Mon. - Sat. – Pikos Wholefoods, corner of Kilmore & Barbadoes Streets, City. Best place for organic food and products. Pikos have nice vegan pies to buy hot or frozen to take home. Box of "No Eggs" is the best egg substitute for baking, pancakes etc. (one box = 60 eggs) Cheaper than real eggs & just as effective. – Liberty Market: cnr. Moorhouse Ave. and Fitzgerald Ave. in the city. Organic foods market. HIGHER TASTE VEGETARIAN CLUB: – $4 lunches, Tuesdays and Friday in term times at the Living Room (attached to UBS).

CALL UBER CALL EX

H a r d ya r d s One sentence sum up of the plot: An accomplished mafia gangster hands over the reigns of his criminal empire to his most incompetent and unenterprising son.

The UC Film Club put in the hours watching classic ‘must watch films’ so that you can pretend you are cultured. Movie details: The Godfather (1972) Why should I pretend I’ve seen this film? There is no dearth of villains in this film. In fact, this film is perhaps one of the earliest films that inspires you to become a villain yourself. If you are ever planning to open your own illegal syndicate, watching this film could be a stepping stone towards that direction. Also, in a social gathering if you are asked if you’ve seen a classic film just blurt out that you’ve seen The Godfather. You might get immediate social approval. This film is synonymous with the word “classic”. I am surprised I hadn’t written about this film before.

What makes this film a classic: The Godfather is a lesson in entrepreneurship. If you want to become a business person, don’t pursue an MBA. Watch this film instead. It gives you all the tips and teaches you all the tricks to become a cunning thug. Very few films have glorified the bad guys in their story the way this film has. Watching this film reminded me that having a godather is like having a double- edged sword. You could either get the sword shoved up your ass or conquer kingdoms with it. Also this film is so fluid that you won’t even realize that it’s almost 3 hours long.

Give us some facts about this movie I can impress someone with: The miniscule Al Pacino became a gigantic movie star after this film released. The almost defunct Paramount Studios became one of the most prominent Hollywood studios after this film released. For his performance, Marlon Brando was given an Oscar he couldn’t refuse. Pun intended. This film made so much money at the box-office that it spawned a sequel which I feel is better than its prequel. Controversial or alternate theory on the storyline: Was Michael Corleone really as innocent as he seemed in this film? Did he actually kill his father to usurp his throne? These are the questions that bombard my polluted mind whenever I see this film. Does this movie enjoy cult status? The Godfather has dialogue that should be cemented on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Hell yes, this movie enjoys cult status. This film released many years before a lot of cult films and cut franchises released and The Godfather fandom is infinite. It knows no bounds. And its signature background music will be etched in my memory for eternity. Cult status is an understatement. This film is a museum in itself. Can somebody ask HOYTS to bring this film back on the big screen ? By Reo Roy

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Location: The Foundry

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Tickets: $10 on the door

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Do you like drinks? Do you like community? Do you like music? If so, Foundry Fridays are for you! From 3:30pm, every Friday (during term time) TuneSoc will be providing great music and great vibes. The ideal way to unwind at the end of the week. See you there, TuneSoc xo.

Ocean alley Friday 18 August, The Foundry

Upon entering those iconic Foundry doors, I found myself smacked in the face with the strongest smell of body odour. Just another day at the Foundry, right? The mosh pit was filled with people of all different ages, listening to the opening act Tunes Of I. Humbled

and kind, these guys have been performing for a long time. Having opened for Sticky Fingers in Wellington, they have some great experience working the stage. I thoroughly enjoyed watching them play originals, but the crowd favourite was definitely when Redbone by Childish Gambino played. As the show went on, people tried cheering Ocean Alley to get Tunes Of I to finish up, but showed no deal. Finally, when Ocean Alley came on and I lost my phone in the mosh pit, thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s when the night truly begun. Having played bangers like Fly On The Wall, and the classic Yellow Mellow, Ocean Alley looked like they really enjoyed playing to a sold out crowd at the Foundry, and really owned the stage. Basically, it was a pretty damn good night. By Wajd El-Matary

ove has been the crux of popular music for much of recent history, and along with some songs that express the raw emotion of love in its purest form, some completely miss the mark, or at least are interoperated completely wrong. So, to save you the embarrassment of putting on a cringe worthy “love song” when you are about to seal-the-deal with that lovely lad or lass from The Foundry, I decided to write a list of the 10 worst love songs of all time(in my opinion). As an initial disclaimer, I do not think any of these are necessarily bad songs. Rather, they all either claim to be, or are perceived as a “love song”. And all are the worst example of “love songs” that I could think of. Feel free to write in if you disagree or think I have missed anything. James Blunt - You’re Beautiful This is a song about a guy, who is “fucking high” in the subway, sees a girl, and decides that he is in love with her. That in itself is fine, however, anyone who listens to this song and thinks that it somehow relates to your relationship, please stop. ‘My life is brilliant, My life is pure’. James, you are high in the subway, how is your life pure? ... ‘and I’ve got a plan, You’re beautiful, You’re beautiful. You’re beautiful, it’s true’ What sort of shithouse plan is that? You can’t just chant “your beautiful” at someone and expect them to like you. Don’t try this at The Foundry people. Coldplay - any song Chris Martin needs to stop doing music, I liked A Rush of Blood to the Head and Parachutes, but please, please, stop. This is a personal one. Oh, and all of their songs are sad AF, definitely not first dance worthy. One Direction – Little Things Nope. Ed Sheeran’s song writing is usually a cut above most other pop musicians, but this just sucks. I get the sentiment, but it’s so fucking boring omg stop it. Whitney Houstin – I Will Always Love You Whitney Houstin is an incredible singer, that is without a doubt, however, not a single other person in the world could ever do this song justice. The song itself, while being dreary and dated, is not necessarily a bad love song, but please for the love of god do not attempt it at The Craic. Purely due to the number of horrific covers of this song, I think it is a terrible love song and should never have been brought into this world. Hinder - Lips of an Angel You can write a song about anything, including wanting to cheat on your girlfriend, and this isn’t a bad thing from a song writing perspective. But, once again, the message in this song is missed on so many occasions. It’s about a man who hasn’t got passed his ex, and essentially wants to cheat on his current girlfriend. Good concept, not a love song. ‘Well, my girl’s in the next room, Sometimes I wish she was you... But, girl, you make it hard to be faithful, With the lips of an angel’

Bonnie Tyler - Total Eclipse of the Heart ‘Turnaround...’ Why Bonnie? Is there something behind me? What a stupid line, surely they could have thought of another phrase other than “turnaround”. ‘Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time)’. That’s depressing, and quite dark. ‘Once upon a time there was light in my life, But now there’s only love in the dark’. Woah so is that. This doesn’t make me feel love at all. In fact, Bonnie said the song was about love between vampires. This is the true reason this song made my list, it reminds me of the Twilight series too much. John Mayer - Your Body is a Wonderland This song could quite easily be titled ‘I would like to do quite dirty things to your body’, or something along those lines. I mean, there are plenty of songs objectifying women or men which could be on this list (The Ying Yang Twins: ‘Whisper Song’, Jimmy Buffett: ‘Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw’, most modern hip hop or RnB), however, the interpretation of the tune has been skewed. He essentially wrote it about his first girlfriend at age 14, and having sex for hours on end. I get creative song writing, John, but this is kinda weird. Hoobastank - The Reason The Reason to me is a pathetic attempt at a love song, it’s cliché, boring and lacks any sort of substance. It seems to be about a man who made a mistake and would like his girlfriend back. Wow, creative, what a crazy situation no one has ever written a song about. Good one Hoobastank. And what sort of band name is that? The Police - Every Breath You Take ‘Every breath you take,Every move you make,Every bond you break,Every step you take,I’ll be watching you’. This song is about an obsessive stalker, people. It is not a nice wee love song to play at your wedding (this has happened), it’s about a man stalking a woman. ‘Oh can’t you see,You belong to me, My poor heart aches,With every step you take’. That shit is creepy. Blondie – The Tide Is High ‘The tide is high but I’m holdin’on, I’m gonna be your number one, I’m not the kind-a girl who gives up just like that, oh no’ That both doesn’t make sense, and doesn’t rhyme. What are you holding on to? Why does high tide mean you need to hold on? Last time I went to the beach in high tide, I just swam back to the beach. Your number one what? And what on earth is she giving up on? So many questions, please get back to me on this, Blondie. Oh, and as a love song, it really doesn’t make me feel particularly romantic, in fact I feel like lighting up a fat J, get Bob Marley in there and you’ve got a pretty sweet reggae tune. By Hayden Slaughter.

GET TO KNOW:

BAY N K BAYNK has managed a swift 180; going from Chemical Engineering here at UC to international gigs and music releases. He returned to campus recently for a set at MONO, and Wajd had a chat to him about music, university and everything in between.

After hearing endless things about New Zealand and ex UC student BAYNK’s music, I decided to give it a crack and listen to some of his original work. His combination of haunting vocal melodies plus catchy electronic backing makes him almost parallel to a more recent and modernised Flume. As many studying at university would know, the struggle to keep entertained with uni work can become evident in your final years of your degree. For Jock, it became evident in his second year, that he wasn’t interested in working a job in chemical engineering.

Although he graduated, he still found that music was a great hobby to play alongside, and being surrounded by talented friends who played instruments definitely helped. “For me, it was never an option not to graduate. I knew I had to finish my degree, and have some sort of platform before I went on. I actually worked in a winery up in Hawkes Bay, so music wasn’t my only option and I had some money while I wrote.” Explains Jock. Right off the bat, Jock aka BAYNK speaks confidently and calmly. Everything he says has purpose, and you can definitely tell he thinks through his words before speaking them. I found his personality quite different to other musicians I’ve spoken to in the past, as he was very thorough and made sure to answer every part of my question. Jock performed at Laneway festival successfully after only having released one single, after being scouted via email. Since then, music has gone from #2 to #1 on his priority list. His single ‘What You Need’ featuring NIKA has become a staple classic in the electronic music industry. Having caught the eye of famous

choreographers like Jake Kodish and Haley Fitzgerald, ‘What You Need’ became a huge part of the world of dance. Having been in a band in high school and performing at Rockquest, BAYNK says his favourite part of working alone is relying on himself. “I like to have everything perfect, so it was important for me to create music alone. I know how I like things done and I found jamming with people I was always the most passionate, so it was hard being in a band when people didn t͛ share that passion” says Jock, which is a common issue that electronic music producers are finding these days. My final question resulted in a little laugh from Jock over the phone, what do you have to say to people who are at university and aren’t sure it’s for them? After assuring me he doesn’t want to sway anyone’s opinions about university, he stresses the importance of doing what you’re passionate about and love doing and being a part of. What does BAYNK have planned for the future? After touring New Zealand, he plans on writing more music and releasing more singles. He wants to focus on “creating (his) own sound” and really making a name for himself. If worse comes to worst, he’s planning on finding a job in engineering. https://www.facebook.com/baynkofficial/ https://soundcloud.com/baynk https://twitter.com/baynkofficial Stream BAYNK’s latest track ‘Come Home’ on Spotify: By Wajd El-Matary

TESTIES FOR BEsties

How well do you know your friends? We provide five randomly generated questions for you and a mate. If you both get them all right, you win a box of beer on us.

k ee w ng is Th t u ri & f e a r r ie t ! a H a il lip Ph

Harriet and Phillipa practised for TWO hours in Undercroft – I couldn’t send them away without a wee prize! This is the best result yet. Well done besties! PS – Question one is totally about poop, right?

UPCOMING EVENTS

owdy-hi postgrads! Well, just like that we’re into the final term. With any luck your marking has been quick and easy and you’ve managed to take time off to rest and get your head back into research mode. If you have just emerged from your tutoring cave, here are a few events (serious and fun) to put on your freshly cleaned radar. The UC PGSA has their AGM coming up on Friday September 15th 1.15-2pm in Undercroft 101. This is your chance to vote for a new committee, or even to join the committee yourself! What do you want to get out the postgrad social club? Come and tell us! One of the ways the UC PGSA has been trying to improve your postgrad experience is by setting up a college representative system. This has been a long time coming and things are slowly coming together. The UCSA has set up the Postgrad Voice Forum on the 11th of September 3–4pm at the Shilling Club to discuss the proposed system, and also to give you a chance to voice any other concerns you may have. There’s going to free food and coffee, although covfefe is extra.

Term 4 has a great social calendar upcoming. The end of October will see the annual PGSA ball return. The ball is one of the best attended events of the social year, and we’re super excited for you to come celebrate with us. Tickets will be available through our website (www.UCPGSA.org).It’s going to be a ripper of a night; see you there! As well as this, we’re planning our end of year BBQ. Details are forthcoming, so keep your eyes on our Facebook page for that. That’s everything for we’ve got for you at the moment. Keep your head up and make sure you’re looking after yourselves. The UC PGSA is here to help, so get in touch with us via Facebook or email us at info@ucpgsa.org with your questions, comments and concerns!

THE ELECTION: EXPOSED I

t’s time guys. It’s that time again. When democracy stirs from its sleep and keeps crying and screaming until we pay it some attention. Yes, I am of course talking about the election. The General Election. Where you choose the government and your local member of parliament. Yeah that thing. Well we’re having one very soon. Now if the only thing that stands out during an election for you, is the excessive use of election posters on every street corner, covered in faces you’ve never even seen before, then you’re probably not alone. In fact, you’re definitely not alone.

The age bracket of the people reading this magazine right now is the same age bracket responsible for the lowest voter turnout.

So what the f**k is even going on? Luckily this election has proved to actually be quite interesting so far. In a short amount of time a lot has managed to change. So here’s how things are at the moment: Bill English is currently Prime Minister and leader of the Government. Andrew Little WAS leader of the main opposition, The Labour Party, but was kicked out a few weeks ago and replaced by Jacinda Ardern. The smaller party, primarily on Labour’s side of the fight, The Green Party, WAS co-lead James Shaw and Metiria Turei. But then Turei stepped down under controversial terms a few weeks ago, after revelations she falsified information to get more beneficiary payments than she was entitled too when she was younger. Labour and the Greens are quite friendly with each other, the two parties have agreedearlier this year to a “Memorandum of Understanding”. This basically means – without saying it - if Labour didn’t have enough votes to win the election, but combined with the Greens they did, then they would most likely form what is called a “coalition” government. Where both parties would have a say in running the government. After what has happened recently, and the fact that the

Greens voted in favour of National’s 2017 budget (and Labour didn’t), this whole memorandum appeared to be up in the air. But recently both Parties have stated that they are still on good terms. National traditionally hasn’t received quite enough votes to govern alone but have gained the majority thanks to their partnerships with other parties; The ACT Party. Lead by David Seymour, who would probably come to your flats for beers if you asked him. United Future. A small party who don’t even gain 1% of the total votes but HAD a popular leader, Peter Dunne. But he’s just stepped down from office after 33 years. The Maori Party. Lead by Te Ururoa Flavell and Marama Fox, have introduced of some nice ukulele singalongs to parliament recently. New Zealand First. Lead by Winston Peters, he’s been in parliament approximately a million years and loves a good durry. In the past NZ First has formed partnerships with both National and Labour lead governments. These days it looks like they’re more on the side of Labour and the Greens, as they generally vote against National policies in parliament, but it’s anyone’s guess what they’ll do next.

How does it work? New Zealand’s Parliament is broken up into 119 members. 62 of the Members of Parliament (MPs) are selected through general electorates, 7 of them through Maori electorates, and the other 50 members are selected based on each Party’s list. Every New Zealand political party have a ranked list of all their Party representatives, in order to prioritise who does and doesn’t get into Parliament. When it comes to actually voting, everyone gets two votes. The first vote is your Party vote, this is where you decide what party you actually want in Government and to run the country. The other is your local electorate vote, this is where you decide who you want to represent your local area in Parliament and advocate for the issues specific to your community.

What’s the point? So ultimately what’s the point of this? All this charade? Well, simply put –it’s because we can. If you are over 18 and live in New Zealand, that’s pretty much it. You are completely entitled to vote, and you didn’t even have to earn the right. Just vote okay. It doesn’t matter what your reason for voting is, even if everyone thinks you have a terrible reason for voting, it doesn’t really matter. You are entitled to that vote, and so you may as well use it. There are lots of opinions and ideas within New Zealand’s political players that you should explore at your leisurely expense, and then vote based on those that best match yours. Just make sure you vote, don’t waste the opportunity. Also, this article is brought to you by UCPOLS, the political science society, who also happen to be bringing voting booths and heaps of MPs to campus this week to debate and discuss both of your local electorate vote and your party vote. This all culminates with the election itself, on the 23rd of September when all votes are tallied and the new Government is decided. Come along to the Foundry where UCPOLS will be hosting an Election Viewing Party as the results roll in. UCPOLS is filled with the people most qualified to actually make an election fun and if this night isn’t lit asf then you can personally punch me, Liam Donnelly, in the face.

#WHY I VOTE “I vote because democracy is the worst form of government... Apart from all the others.”

“I vote to protect my right to free speech in a world that is becoming increasingly hypersensitive”

“I vote to make a difference for people who have disabilities, for those who have lost their voice, and to make proper healthcare available for all who need it.”

By Liam Donnelly

“I vote in aide of those who the current political system overlooks and discriminates against... I vote because I’m hoping that these factors will change for the better.” “I vote because politics happens if you like it or not, if you engage in it or if you don’t, and voting means that you don’t get left behind.”

“I vote because it’s my chance to have a say in what we should prioritise in order to make a happier, healthier, safer, and better quality present and future for ourselves” “Because our ancestors fought for our right to vote and participate, and voting is the best way to honour their sacrifice and preserve our rights to participate”

C A N TA C O L U M N S Submit your column to canta.editor@gmail.com

THE F-WORD You’ve probably noticed that election day is looming ever closer (23rd September) with the televised debates, news coverage and giant signs that have taken over the city. However, you may not have realised that another equally as important (and highly relevant) date is also fast approaching; Suffrage Day. On the 19th September, New Zealand will celebrate becoming the first country to grant women the vote after Kate Sheppard and her crew of hardy feminists

circulated petition sheets throughout New Zealand, before pasting each sheet together by hand and presenting the 30,000+ signatures to parliament (and you thought licking the envelopes for Christmas cards was bad). The day is also a reminder to take a critical look at the treatment of women in modern society and to continue the fight to gain equal rights for all. From the 12% gender pay gap, the tax on sanitary products, the fact women in

parliament only make up a third of the 120 members, or the fact that Jacinda Ardern is still asked sexist questions (we even wrote a guide...), it’s clear we still have a way to go. So, this September remember 2 things: exercise your right to vote, and take a minute to realise how far Sheppard and her squad got us and how far there is to go. If you don’t the lady herself might come to haunt you, after all she lived on Clyde Road. – FemSoc

DUMB PHONES Term 4 can be a challenging time in a student’s life. And especially for first years. The cocktail of looming exam pressure, a flexible timetable, and Netflix can make it hard to keep on task while maintaining healthy rhythms. I caught up with a student a few weeks back who told me how hard he’d found the “lack of rhythm” to his five years of study at UC. “I watch programs when I should be studying, and then study out of guilt when I should be sleeping, and then sleep when I should be at lectures because I’m so tired!”. One year we’re in the airconditioned greenhouse of high school. The next we’ve been pushed into the wild Amazonian forest of University and told to fend for ourselves. So, in this forest, is it really possible for a student to study well, have fun, control their anxieties, and get enough sleep? YES! And if there was one thing I’d encourage someone to do if they wanted to make a first step if would be this: Go on a cell phone diet. Stop! Don’t Go! Hear me out! At the start of this year I took a few months off (we’d just had a baby) and I noticed that I was pretty much addicted to constantly looking at my cell phone. I would be walking along a gorgeous Golden Bay beach,

and suddenly discover my hand automatically slipped into my pocket, and instead of enjoying the sunset in front of me, I’d be looking at photos of other people enjoying that same sunset. So, after much soul searching I decided to get ruthless. Really ruthless. First, I deleted my Twitter app, then Facebook, then Snapchat, then Instagram. And then I just started to leave my phone plugged into the wall (A bit like this thing your parents used to have called a “Landline”). That way I only looked at it when I actually wanted to. And to my surprise... I instantly became a happier, more present, more engaged, less anxious, less distracted person! It was so dramatic my wife could tell if I’d been looking at my phone due to my distant mood change!

And it’s not just me! As plenty of research is starting to see, some of the ways we use social media can be pretty bad for our mental health. The Atlantic recently published a confronting article looking at the impact of smartphone use. “The Monitoring the Future survey has asked year 13 students in States more than 1,000 questions every year since 1975. The survey asks teens how happy they are and also how much of their leisure time they spend on various activities, including non-screen activities such as in-person social interaction and exercise, and, in recent years, screen activities such as using social media, texting, and browsing the web. The results could not be

C olum ns

Dept. of Spiritual Engineering

clearer: Teens who spend more time than average on screen activities are more likely to be unhappy, and those who spend more time than average on nonscreen activities are more likely to be happy. There’s not a single exception. All screen activities are linked to less happiness, and all non-screen activities are linked to more happiness. If you were going to give advice for a happy adolescence based on this survey, it would be straightforward: Put down the phone, turn off the laptop, and do something—anything—that does not involve a screen.” The latest 2 Degrees poster campaign has a cartoon image of a chain being broken between a cell phone and a hand. "Break free of your contract!" it shouts in bold text. But perhaps 2 Degrees has let out a Freudian slip? Perhaps we're more imprisoned and bound by our phones than we're willing to admit? So, this term, why not try a radical experiment and go on a cell phone diet for the week? You’ll almost definitely study better, be happier, be less anxious, sleep deeper, have more fun... and you’ll get to enjoy sunsets in the flesh. #Nofilter.

REV SPANKY MOORE Senior Ecumenical Chaplain University of Canterbury

spanky.moore@canterbury.ac.nz

34 C olum m ns

Opinion:

DOES UC REALLY CARE ABOUT POST-GRADS? I am a Postgrad here at the University of Canterbury. Chances are, knowing the readership of Canta, you’re probably not. So why should you bother to read an article written about Postgrad issues? Shouldn’t I be writing this somewhere else, like.... Well, that’s kind of the problem. There isn’t a place, or even a way, for UC Postgrads to communicate, and Postgrads are getting a rough deal because of it. Postgrads at UC receive among the lowest stipends in New Zealand, no Postgrad is guaranteed their own computer, and some Postgrads aren’t even guaranteed a desk. In fact, UC can’t even agree with students what counts as a Postgrad (I’m looking at you, 400-level, Honours and taught Masters students). I could go on, but I think you’d agree these are pretty basic requirements, right? Now, officially, UC talks with the UCSA, which represents ALL UC students, to address student issues such as these. Except, the UCSA doesn’t really represent Postgrads: the UCSA has neglected its responsibility to Postgrads (even with half a portfolio dedicated to Postgrads); it’s why UC PGSA (officially nothing more than a volunteer club) exists. Just look at the most recent UCSA election manifestos. Excluding the two candidates for Postgrad Rep, Postgrads were mentioned... once. One time within 21 manifestos. Now, I’m not just here to moan – I have a potential solution. Last year, as part of my role as president of UC PGSA, I proposed (on numerous occasions) a Postgrad representation system; a way for Postgrads to communicate

any issues they have to their Department, their College, or even up to the University Senior Management Team, and likewise, for this system to allow the University to discuss and be transparent with their Postgraduate students. I even made a nice diagram to show really clearly how this would work: [see below] Now this might all sound a bit familiar to you. That’s because it’s basically the undergrad classrep system, but for Postgrads. But the University won’t support it, and quite honestly, I have no idea why. Instead, the University has come up with a half-baked system which simply boils down to tokenism. Taking one Postgrad from each College and asking them their opinions does NOT equate to gauging the opinions of Postgrads throughout the Colleges. Now, to be clear, it pains me to write this piece. I love being a

Postgrad at UC. UC, fostered by the UCSA, has a great environment, and I am proud to be a student here. Almost every member of academic staff within the University is incredibly supportive of Postgrads and wishes to see the problems I have highlighted here (aswell as others) resolved. But, these ARE real problems. So, this is my challenge to UC and the UCSA: publish this piece, and acknowledge the problems. Use this as an opportunity to restart the dialogue between students and UC, and let’s make this a University in which Postgrads can thrive, rather than just survive. By Alistair Davies

NGAIRE KNOWS BEST Hey Grandma Ngaire, I’m 27 and on Tinder. Is it bad for me to swipe right on someone who’s 18? Thanks, Sorrento Moon

Dear Grandma Knows Best, My flatmate brings Scrumpy to lectures. It used to be funny, now I think it’s a problem. What’s your advice? Concerned flattie xx

Dear Sorrento, We all have needs. I myself exposed my mince pie to a young man on the bus just this morning. He was wearing a school uniform and had a wee moustache so I imagine was of legal age. He smiled at me and I smiled back. It was a lovely moment. My point dear, is it you have a preference for a certain type of gentleman and it’s not against the law then have at it! Go for it! Opposites attract and there’s nothing wrong with liking something a little bit of different. Swipe away! See you on the bus, Grandma Ngaire

Dear Kill Joy, Your friend sounds like a bit of a dag. A fun bloke! A real joker! My advice to you is RELAX, have a sip of scrumpy and stop worrying about your chum making the most of a boring lecture. I always enjoy a beverage or a snack when I watch a show – to me it simply enhances the viewing experience. My favourite show is Coronation Street and I love watching it while I eat those new chocky bars that crackle in your mouth when you eat them. HOW DO THEY MAKE THEM CRACKLE SO LOUD? I think that’s a pretty funky. Peace and blessings, Grandma xxx

O N E SI DE

TH E OTH E R SI DE

Walking into Spags, I had no idea what to expect and I won’t lie, I was a little nervous. I must’ve got there first as I couldn’t see anyone around who also looked out of their element waiting for a blind date, so I found a table with view of the front door and waited. A few minutes later, a cute girl walked in wearing what was obviously date attire, score one for me. Making silent communication to confirm we were actually each other’s date, she came to sit down and not long after we were both far into convo with a couple drinks at our side and pizza on the way! As far as first dates go, I have to say it was a great one, the yarns never stopped, while the wedges and pizza was perfect. Receiving a large pizza instead of a medium by mistake was also the added cherry on top of an already great date, but as the drink was drying up and the restaurant was closing up, we thought it would be time to pay the bill (thanks CANTA!) and head out to keep the date going. I was still only one drink in but the lady was thirsty so we went for a drive-in at Maccas. It was nearing the end of our date and with that I took her back to hers to drop her off, calling it a night. I definitely had fun and it was a great experience going on a blind date, but we’ll see how it goes. Thanks CANTA for the good mems and free pizza, it was a blast :)

As an avid watcher of first dates with my flat, I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to apply and I really love pizza as well. Dawning on my waterproof mascara and bottle of Jacobs Creek Moscato in hand, I was ready and obviously not sharing that wine. Arriving a few minutes late, not to seem too eager was the plan and It worked as he was there and waiting. Conversation flowed I think as I’m quite talkative and hate those awkward pauses like on the Bachelor. He was quite chatty as well, which made the time fly really quickly. Subjects like uni, travel, and family as per usual came up and overall the conversation wasn’t lacking at all. Being my organised self, I looked at the menu prior and knew exactly what I would like. We barely finished our half and half apricot chicken and cranberry pizza, and meat lovers and the margarita. There was even plenty left for breakfast tomorrow morning as well! Thinking everything was going so smoothly the wine suddenly hit, it turned me into a rambling giggly mess of a person but at least I didn’t cry. He probably thought I was a hot mess, but was polite about the whole situation as he was driving and could only have that one beer, but on the positive note it made things interesting. A few hours later and even a Maccas run for a frozen coke signaled the end of the blind date, as he dropped me back at my flat. Thanks to my blind date for putting up with me for the evening, and to canta & spags for the pizza.

To subm it yourse lf or a mate for LUCK Y DI P. Emai l: ca nt a.ed itor@gmai l.com

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HAPPY ENDING MAZE

COLOUR ME IN

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420 THOUGHT

There is no cloud... It’s just someone else’s computer :(

D on ’ t f org e t you r ro o t S When Lui flies home to Christchurch for his brother’s 16th birthday, his father Mikaele tells him he is expected to become a Matai - a role in his Kiwi-Samoan community which holds great honour but also carries heavy responsibility and burden. In a very special show that is filled with music, dance and drama, Lui takes us along on his journey to find a balance between Samoan tradition and modern Kiwi values.

And we’re live!

When Kip Chapman was growing up in Christchurch he had no idea that homosexuality was illegal in NZ until 1986. He also didn’t know of the flamboyantly brilliant gay couple, Peter Hudson and David Halls. From the mid’70s through to the ‘80s, Hudson and Halls hosted a phenomenally successful cooking show on TV2, living their lives “in the closet with the door wide open”.

Hudson & Halls Live! is a love letter to a trailblazing couple who lit up TV screens across New Zealand (sometimes quite literally!) and who truly embraced being themselves, flaws and all. For Hudson and Halls, kitchen fires were an opportunity for a lesson in prevention, if the cauliflower soufflé was burnt, all you had to do was smile, pour another glass, and turn the damn thing to soup.

See Matai and HudSon & HallS live! at tHe Court now! Book at CourttHeatre.org.nz