CANTA issue #2, 2017 by UCSA

C A N TA I S S U E

T W O

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1 7 T H

F E B

2 0 1 7

POSTED OUR PARTY ON FACEBOOK TO

MAKE SURE

AT LEAST A FEW PEOPLE CAME.

NOT MY BRIGHTEST IDEA. HAD A WHOLE HEAP OF

UNWANTED GUESTS. TURNS OUT WHEN YOUR PARENTS ARE AWAY AND

YOU HAVE A

FRONT LAWN FILLED WITH ANNOYING STRANGERS

YELLING AT EACH OTHER FOR NO APPARENT REASON AND PLAYING MUSIC REAL LOUD YOU START TO WORRY AND IT’S HARD TO HAVE A

GOOD ONE

When parties go bad, it’s harder for the hosts. Good One is all about helping you have a great time while keeping you, your guests and your plaace safe.

Planning a party? Register it today:

goodone.org.nz Issue 1 .

CONTENTS 06

NEWS

You know, that stuff your grandparents read

I N V E S T I G AT I V E F E AT U R E Understanding Christchurch’s new Local Alcohol

Ban 08

WELCOME TO THE UCSA YOUR students’ association

5 ANONYMOUS WOMEN This issue’s topic: Tinder

UC CLUB PROFILES Spotlighting some of UC’s most interesting clubs

C A N TA C O L U M N S Thoughts and opinions from your fellow students

HOW TO STUDENT Vital information for freshers and seniors alike.

ANTI-SOCIAL Your snaps & chats

C R I T I C A L A N A LY S I S A look into Vice Chancellor Rod Carr’s 90k payday

RDU GIG-GUIDE All the info you need to plan your perfect week

F L AT FA M O U S Featuring local bastions of student life

LUCK Y DIP e sent two single students on a blind-date. The W results were... interesting

Editor’s note Hello guys, gals and non binary pals, Here’s your court issued second edition of CANTA for 2017. “Being a student is great, because you’re effectively an unemployed alcoholic but your parents are really proud of you” By the time you read this, lectures will be in full swing and Imposter Syndrome will be rife. The Burg will be warming up their pile of lard and roadcones will still be everywhere because it’s not 2045 yet. Orientation is still hanging on, and I hope you are hanging on too. It’s March. M A R C H.

I need a lie down. I’m proud of our FLAT FAMOUS centrefold this issue. There are WAY too many girls living in a house that all hate each other. I give it three months before someone gets their ponytail cut off in the middle of the night. Don’t forget; CANTA wants to hear from you. We’re needy. So needy. canta. editor@gmail.com and on snapchat @cantamag. No dicks please. We’ll screenshot them. See you for edition 3. – Joshua

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Letters to the Editor Email let ters@canta.co.nz | <10 0 word s | Free coffee if we like your let ter

Dear CANTA, I went to get my UCSA Diary at Clubs Day, only to find they had “sold out”. But how can that be? I pay my student services levy. Where is my free diary??!! What am I going to do now? BUY a diary. Yeah. That’s happening. Signed, That’s Not Happening Hi That’s. We’ve looked into it for you. Apparently, the UCSA print a limited number of diaries each year, based on expected demand. Turns out those little ringbound throwbacks to a time before the internet cost a lot more than you think – so it’s always a balancing act to ensure they don’t print too many and waste student money on unused diaries. Last year they had hundreds left over, this year they were short. Don’t blame us, we voted for Hillary. -CANTA

university. Sort of like the Governor General. Or Colonel Sanders. The Vice Chancellor is the dude who’s really calling the shots. We’ve tried to reach Mr Wood for permission to park in his spot. He didn’t answer our SnapChat, so we’re pretty sure that means you can go right ahead. -CANTA

Good to see you FINALLY included a blind date section in the magazine!

Sincerely, R. Nixon

A very good question, Wes. The Chancellor of UC (this name is John Wood) is more of a ‘ceremonial’ leader of the

Issue 2 .

There is too much writing in your magazine. Mike hates words. Be like Mike. Mike X -CANTA

CANTA,

I look forward to it being the only thing worth reading. My only gripe is the fact that the guy (if he really was a real guy?) clearly thought this was a year 8 creative writing exercise. Can’t you make people tell the truth?

CANTA, I read your article on the Vice Chancellor’s salary. If that’s what the VICE Chancellor gets, how much does the CHANCELLOR get?! Also, who is the Chancellor? And can I use his car park if he’s not there? Yours, Wes McCarr-Park

Dear CANTA,

Hey CantaIf you’re going to have a “five anonymous women” section in your magazine, then you need to have a “five anonymous men” section. Otherwise you’re a sexist. Signed, Triggered Dear Triggered. WRITE YOUR OWN. -CANTA

We just bought an industrialstrength cattle prod. Expect more truth. -CANTA

Hi CANTA, Philly here, It’s great to be back at uni! I’m the President of Budsoc. With an election on the way this year, we want to make Cannabis

05 legalisation a major election issue and get more of a dialogue happening, spread awareness etc. We would love to send in articles to Canta but we know we are a tad biased and we need to offer more than one side of the argument, so to help us with this we are interested in hearing from anyone who would like to offer any alternative views, perhaps you have a really good reason as to why ending prohibition would not be a great idea. We would love any feedback, so to get in contact with us you can find us on facebook (Budsoc UC) or email us atucbudsoc420@gmail.com, or my own email address pjo54@uclive. ac.nz. I would love to know how you at Canta feel about the issue as well :) Cheers, Philly Hey Philly – thanks for your letter. We’d love to have an open and frank discussion about this –if there is anyone who’d be interested in offering their ‘alternate view’ email Philly or CANTA. -CANTA

Dear CANTA, What sort of meat was in the sausages the UCSA were cooking over O-Week? Who said there was meat in them? -CANTA

Canta, I’d like to propose a collective lunch hour on a Friday for students. I think it’s a good idea to break down the divisions on campus and promote more of a collaborative environment. Lets come together! Hand Holder Hey Hand Holder.... yeah, this sounds like Scientology. You can’t fool me. -CANTA

Overheard on Campus ~ “ I go t s l a t e d o n Fa ce b oo k f o r s ay i n g Dobby wa s p r ob l e m a t i c ” “ T h e p i ge o n s o n c a m p u s s o u n d l i ke ba b i es w i t h a s t h m a”

Hey CANTA. Can you please explain why The Greek thinks it needs to hike the prices of salads up constantly? It’s not like there’s more to them, or better ingredients. I know it’s not a huge issue but when you’re a student it makes a difference. Anon

“ T h e h u m a n b ra i n i s NOT a n a l l p u rp os e calculator” “ I wa s t h i n k i n g vo d ka f o r M a r d i G ra s …. bec a u s e, yo u k n ow *w i l d h a n d ges t u r e*” “ To be h o n es t , Te r i ya k i Do n i s catered to white p e op l e” “*wa l k i n g pa s t t h e M O N O s i g n* O h my GO D, i s i t m ow - n o n i g h t? M ow NO i t ’s NOT

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LOCAL news

THE C A N TA S L I DI NG SC A L E TERTIARY SEVENS On the 25th of March the University Tertiary Sevens competition is being held in New Plymouth, showcasing skill from universities all around New Zealand. Twelve students from many different clubs in Christchurch have been selected to represent The University of Canterbury. All Players have experience in rugby through Club 15’s and 7’s although it is not required for this tournament as it welcomes all levels of skill. Ernie Goodhue who coaches Varsity Women’s (reigning champions of the Christchurch club 15’s competition) has offered his knowledge and time to help the UC team to develop their understanding of the game.

We are very excited to be attending an event where we get to play against other students from all over the country in our new Falcons BLK sponsored gear. This tournament is important for us as it is part of growing women’s rugby from all ages and all levels of skill. Sevens rugby is internationally recognised and it gives women another sports avenue to experience. New Zealand’s National Sporting Organisation in conjunction with UTSNZ has introduced a tertiary tournament and there is opportunity for some of us to be selected and represent NZ in the FISU World University Sevens Championships in Namibia 2018. So get behind and support your fellow students.

Here’s something cool; Dr Bike will be using eco-friendly bicycle lubricants, thanks to a two-year sponsorship from Christchurch-based company Biomaxa.

UP •

PYRO – a Kiwi made app that mixes your music by BPM pretty flawlessly. You can even import Spotify playlists

•

Inkbox.com – the grown up version of stick on tattoos, that last for a couple of weeks

•

@linesbygeoxsmith – check out her art in FLAT FAMOUS this edition

•

Big Gary’s taking deepfryer requests... here comes death

•

Cash me outside howbow dah girl...we swear she has a ‘meme celebrity agent’ now

If you’re interested in seeing how Dr Bike fits into the bigger picture about planning for cyclists at UC, you might like to look at the draft UC Cycle Plan – search for it on UC Intercom.

DR . B I K E I S B AC K FOR 2 017 Dr Bike is a free fix-it clinic for basic bike issues available to both staff and students, funded by the Sustainability Office. This service provides basic maintenance and repairs such as punctures repair, tuning brakes and oiling chains.

If you’re more into DIY, there’s tyre levers and puncture repair patches and glue can be borrowed from the Security Office (114 Ilam Road). Leave your Canterbury Card as deposit. DR BIKE: Run by Olly Ng and Zac Porter When: 11am-12 noon, Tuesdays Where: C Block lawn- in front of Central Lecture Theatres For any queries about Dr Bike email sustainability@canterbury.ac.nz

DOWN •

Club Penguin being shut down in March – light your shrine candles now

•

The so called ‘super STI’ mycoplasma genitalium hacking it’s way through bits (hopefully not too ) near you

•

Autumn happened. Not keen!!

Top Students ‘More Likely To Smoke And Drink’

British Prime Minister Theresa May has been urged by 250 legal academics to cancel Donald Trump’s state visit and scale back Britain’s support for the United States until he reverses his positions on immigration, refugees, torture, climate change and judicial independence. The letter signed by law scholars from universities such as Cambridge, Kent, Warwick, Birmingham, and a range of institutions in London expresses “collective dismay” at the prime minister’s decision to align the United Kingdom government with the Trump administration. It also warns that May’s strategy of a close relationship with the US president willcause suffering and end badly, given his disregard for the law and discriminatory policies.

Students with the highest test scores are less likely to smoke cigarettes yet more likely to drink alcohol and smoke pot compared with students with lower scores, according to a recent study. Although some people believe smart students simply have a tendency to experiment, these patterns of substance use may continue into adulthood, according to the study’s authors. “Our research provides evidence against the theory that these teens give up as they grow up,” The authors are affiliated with University College London. Psychiatrist Dr. Amir Levine, says “We usually think about youth who are not doing well in school as the ones that are prone to alcohol and drug use,” Levine said; the new study tells us “it may not be so simple.”

V i o l e n t C l a s h es a t De l h i U n i ve r s i t y Delhi University witnessed a string of violent clashes between two groups after Ramjas College students, supported by members of left outfits, called for a protest march against DUSU, their Student’s Union, and Akhil Bharatiya Vidyarthi Parishad (ABVP) for allegedly disrupting a seminar titled “Cultures of Protest”. At least 30 people were injured and journalists covering the incident were slapped, punched and kicked by cops, all without nameplates. The clashes continued where stones, bottles and eggs were thrown at the marchers. Police didn’t allow the Ramjas students to leave the campus and join members of the All India Students’ Association (AISA) who were waiting outside to join the march. Several Ramjas students claimed they were beaten up by ABVP members. The ABVP members have denied the allegations.

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I n t h e l a s t f e w w e e k s y o u r U n i v e r s i t y o f C a n t e r b u r y S t u d e n t s’ A s s o c i a t i o n ( UC SA) ha s brou ght you a diverse ran ge of fanta st ic event s and act ivit ies! Post-grad Welcome

Toga Pa r t y

Dovedale Do

K i a O r a , B r o (international welcome)

Lunch on the Lawn

Clubs and Market Days

Summer Start-Up

Mardi Gras

Foam-Oh

But the UCSA are far more than just events. Make sure you make the most of our UCSA services this year. UCSA help

Dental scheme

Borrow a bike Class Reps Good One

Optometrist scheme

Financial assistance EWAG

Awards nights week

Exam Breakfasts

Sexuality Awareness

ANZAC Day ceremony

and more... We’r e her e for you! www.ucsa.org.nz hello@ucsa.org.nz (03) 364 2652

Borrow-A-Bike - SELECT YOUR RIDE Take note of it’s number.

- IDENTIFY YOURSELF

Flash your UC Card at UCSA Reception.

- RIDE LIKE THE WIND! Take your new wheels for a spin. Show it the sights of the city. Get to know each other.

- BRING IT BACK (PLEASE) Return your bike by 5pm.

WORTH OF TRAVEL

Buy any product from the Pepsi, H2Go or Sparkling Oh! range, write your name and phone number on the back of your receipt, drop it in the V Branded Entry Box and your in the draw

to win a $10k travel package to the destination of your choice. Second Prize of A years supply of sponsors product.

Promotion runs from 20th Feb 2017 through until 5pm Friday 2nd May 2017. Only valid for purchases in UCSA Cafes on Campus including Chiltons, CafĂŠ 1894, Nuts & Bolts, The Shed, Collective, Hard Hat, The Burg, The Wok, The Greek. Prize will be drawn at midday Monday 5th June at the UCSA offices. Winners will be notified by phone following the draw. Once the winner has We ekbeen 1 contacted they may be requested for a promotional photograph which the UCSA and Frucor Beverages may use on their Social Media outlets.

club promoter Profiling the best clubs and events on campus

personalities, kick-ass producers and directors, and we couldn’t be more excited about the results!

DRAMASOC UC Drama Society ~ DramaSoc returns with a large, passionate (rather excitable) exec from all walks of theatre life. From the funny, slightly unpredictable ones in the corner hoping to stage an improv revival, to the British one who’s obsessed with Shakespeare… After all, what’s drama without a little cliché or the gentlemen with manners that could rival an Oscar Wilde character? Throw them all in a room combined with some huge

We’re hoping the make 2017 one of the most inclusive years for drama on the UC campus, striving to provide opportunities for all aspects of theatre for anyone who wants to get involved. Whether you’ve been acting for years, months or you’ve never set foot on stage, this year will hold an opportunity for you. We’ll provide the platforms such as major productions, minor productions, questionable productions… (A Day to Play), and many other weird and wonderful ‘just go for it’ events. We kicked off the year with an improv workshop run by a member of the Court Jesters, and that’s only the beginning. We have many more workshops to come, encompassing all elements of theatre from conception to performance. Speaking of performance… See what we did there?

CLUB: UC Drama Society (DRAMASOC) EVENT: The Canterbury Tales DATE/TIME: March 29th-April 1st, April 5th-April 8th LOCATION: DW1 Jack Mann Building PRICE: $12 student & $15 adult If you’d like to see for yourself what the talented ranks of the DramaSoc community can do, come along and watch our next major production ‘The Canterbury Tales’ (which is absolutely in no way even slightly related to the earthquakes, promise). Check out our Facebook page to keep up with information, events and all the general tomfoolery we get up to. If you’d like to get involved or have any questions don’t be shy - we don’t bite. Well, we can’t speak for the improvisers... If it’s got comedic timing they just might.

Issue 2 .

social events and performance workshops throughout the year.

MUSOC are in the midst of their season of RENT for 2017! We’re a theatre production company with forty years of experience performing on the stage. In addition to our major productions, we also run

RENT is directed by Charlotte Ensor, with musical direction by Ben McKellar and featuring choreography by Monique Nixon.

Students $15 General Admission $25 For group/school rates (10+) email: marketingmanager@musoc.org.nz

C lubs Prom oter

The Club has a proud history of performing original musicals in addition to internationallyacclaimed shows. We encourage people to try all aspects of musical theatre: performing on stage, in the band, production/ event management, technical and backstage work, and even writing and staging their own musicals.

Animesoc is a free club dedicated to the Japanese st yle of car toon known as anime and the associated otaku subculture. We have regular meetings, projec tor access and good times talking about the shows we love. We had 150 signups on clubs day this year! Wednesday 22 Ma rc h - we have a movie night for the UC Librar y’s Week of the Geek fandom event . Cont ac t exec @a ni mesoc .com for more i nfo on how to joi n us.

companies such as PwC, Cavell Leitch and Opus; an invaluable experience to learn from some of the best in the industry, and a chance for you to network and build your graduate profile. This semester we have a number of high profile clients – the organisations we are working on projects with are:

180 DEGREES Consulting Canterbury ~ Are you frothing at the mouth for some social impact? 180 Degrees Consulting Canterbury is an organisation that provides talented university students the opportunity to work with non-profits and social enterprises to create social impact, develop transferable skills and engage in real-world consultancy projects. Students who have worked with us end up gaining experience developing commercial deliverables, mentoring from industry professionals and also a slight sense of being a better person.

Our brand – 180 Degrees Consulting - is the world’s largest provider of volunteer consultancy services, we are branched out in 81 universities throughout 33 countries. We’re a humble bunch, whose primary aim is to give developing NGO’s access to high quality and affordable consultancy services and to facilitate the development of social impact talent. We have a range of exciting and valuable projects lined up this semester, that require the knowledge and skillsets from across all disciplines – for the first time ever, no one degree is better than another (yeah right). Our consultants will also have the opportunity to work with super cool mentors from big name

Child Labor Free Youth Alive Plains FM Ministry of Awesome Methodist Mission Ronald McDonald House

If this sounds like you and you’re keen to work with some amazing organisations, sign up now at: 180dc. org/apply Key dates: - Applications close: Wednesday 8th March - Assessment evenings (choose one, if selected): Monday 13th or Tuesday 14th March - Training & Networking evening with mentors, committee and alumni: Friday 17th March - Client meeting: Monday 20th March

Submit your club to be featured in CANTA | < 300 WORDS | 3x PICS |canta.editor@gmail.com We ek 3

How to: spot The softboi

he Fuckboi has evolved. Not in a Prometheus way, either. There was no discovery of fire, or riding mammoths. More like a slimy axolotl coming out of a clorinated gene pool, listening to Odd Future. The Fuckboi was the Missing Link but with many, many missing links. They walked among us, like regular people. Thanks to the general population’s revulsion, and a heavy dose of comedic therapy we managed to deal with this greasy concept; they were exposed. The torch was on and they scuttled off pretty early on into their reign. They’re now less lion, more hyena, keeping their distance to keep their kicks clean. They live on in memes from 2015 and wherever Hotline Bling is used as a ringtone. Don’t ever lose sight of the Fuckboi, valued CANTA reader. They’re still here, in fact they’ve multiplied a little. Diversified, even. Someone fed them after midnight, or some shit. Somewhere right now a fuckboi is watching us, planning their next move. The Fuckboi is shedding it’s rancid milky exterior for something a little more harder to spot. The Softboi. Think less 2015 Max Key, and more Drake in those glasses...

Here’s a pull out guide you can laminate. Save a flatmate, save a fresher, save your damn selves.

Fuckboi names: Josh, Jacob, Alex, Taylor Softboi names: Francis (it’s his middle name), Thomas, Findlay, Harry The Fuckboi brand: Lil Yachty, Eating clean but still has the BK app, starts on Bombay Sapphire and ends on Scrumpy The Softboi brand: ‘I’ve really been getting into early Tame Impala’, nice cheese, and home made lentils that smell like farts, stolen red wine from new flatmate Fuckboi: dressed in Yeezy beige, and well maintained kicks. Haircut booked weekly. Softboi: Wears plain everything; he did the AS colour deal 18 months ago, shoes with the amount of wear that says ‘You know what? I don’t give a fuck about fashion’ Fuckboi: Polo Double Black. Sprayed on everything, including his balls Softboi: uses a sandalwood soap because he’s ‘really trying to be less of a consumer’ Fuckboi: Singles you out at a house party immediately Softboi: Will avoid you at all costs at the party but find you on Facebook ASAP Fuckboi: ends every message with a wink or an X Softboi: ends every message with ‘or just, whatever you want I guess’

Fuckboi: is purposely vague and snarky regarding previous exes Softboi: Sadly and wistfully brings up his ex within 30 mins of meeting you Fuckboi: listens to Kendrick Lamar and offers his deep theory on the lyrics Softboi: plays you Mac DeMarco and just traces your palm with his finger Fuckboi: ‘this is my boy Dylan’ Softboi: ‘I have some art to show you’ Fuckboi: messages you ‘up2’ at 2am Softboi: sends the same texts but apologises in the morning Fuckboi: awkwardly asks for feedback post sex Softboi: texts you that his sheets smell like your fragrance Fuckboi: randomly stops texting mid conversation Softboi: stops texting because There’s So Much Going Through My Head Right Now Fuckboi: ghosts after you think you’re getting somewhere Softboi: turns up the weekend after you’ve moved on with a ‘...hey you’ Consider yourself empowered with the knowledge of The Softboi. Don’t let anyone you love become part of the Softboi 2017 vapourwave. By Joshua Brosnahan

How to: Live on campus

esident Student, here. I live on campus. When I started studying at UC, I didn’t realise what an great place the campus was, nor did I know it would double as my home for the next few months. It all began with an awful student flat experience. I thought we were doing quite well until I realised that I hadn’t seen my flatmates for three weeks. It turned out that Jake and Sara had eloped with our rent money, Mercedes had transferred to Southland for a no-fees option and Eric, well he was still there, smoking weed, buried under a metre-high pile of sock-laundry.

When the landlord started banging on the door with four giant gang members demanding the rent, I decided it was time to cut my losses. I took my trusty phone, a sleeping bag and the last pair of clean (ish) socks in the flat, slipped out the back door and got to uni just in time for my first lecture of the day. After classes, while reading about the closure of a condemned student flat and the subsequent discovery of one Eric Devine who had been reported missing eight days earlier under a pile of festering laundry, I realised I had nowhere to live. Necessity is the mother of invention. Procrastination also is the sleepy dad on the LaZ-Boy that lead me to my rogue community on campus. I discovered a nice little community in ‘after-hours’ campus life, which costs zero dollars and is relatively comfortable though a little crowded at times. The inhabitants – three students of indeterminate ethnicity or gender, someone I always thought was a groundsman at UC (well played!) and two cats – have been most helpful in ‘showing me the ropes’. Suffice to say – I now feel qualified

to give a list of tips on campus living, literally. I mean, why pay rent when you can be fully resident within a stone’s throw of the lecture you’re going to sleep through, for free? 1: Sleeping. The bean bags in the library are, of course, the prime spot, but you have to be in early as they go fast. A great trick is to hide one on top of the Stats textbook shelves. No-one looks there, and you can sneak back later and move it back to the cosy spot by the heater. Each fortnight, CANTA puts out a handy little magazine which, when stacked ten high, makes a perfectly comfortable pillow, and half a dozen of them, opened out is basically a futon. 2: Getting past security. The best place to hide from security is by spidering up the walls in the little walkways in the Undercroft. As long as you don’t drool, fart or pass any other bodily functions in the couple of hours required to bypass security and the late-night cleaning crew, you should be fine to hop lithely down onto your numbed feet and hobble off to unpack your beanbag. 3: Eating. Take a large paper bag with a supermarket logo and write on it: Food for the homeless. Leave it in the kitchens, and you will glean a nice little daily take of apple cores, instant noodles and half-eaten chocolate bars. One day I got a full pack of chips and a cold pie! This works especially well around Christmas. Play on the housed elite’s guilt.

4: Clothing, stationery and condoms can all be accessed regularly from the ‘Free Tables’ parked around campus. Also a great source of reading material (old textbooks), crockery (saucer ash-trays, plastic forks and chipped glasses) and oversized T-shirts which make great blankets.

So, basically, campus can offer all the comforts of home, so long as you don’t mind cutting a few corners. As they say in the library after-hours, “Tu campus es mi castillo“. Your campus is my castle.

By Nicky Taylor

STUDENT H AC KT I V IST •

Wear a hoodie backwards and fill the hood with chips. Peck at it like a chicken. Don’t do this where people can see you.

•

Double up with a friends MacBook charger and put a cheese sandwich in between them. In about 30 hours you’ll have a toastie.

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Add toothpaste to any meal to eliminate wasted time brushing your teeth.

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Eliminate a ‘bad day’ by putting on your sunglasses. S e e? Yo u ’ r e n o w having a bad evening.

B I G L I T T L E C H AT Labour is on the campaign trail, and Andrew Little stopped by to have a chat with Matt Amos about Labour’s initiatives.

ach year we have a raft of new students at UC. This also means fresh voters. What can Labour offer them? Heaps. Long term, we’ll get the housing market under control, so they have a better chance in the future of owning their own home. If they don’t want to own property, we will provide better and more secure tenancy rights than what are currently on offer. In terms of students and student life, Labour is committed to three years postschool education or training. This means no tuition fees for three years. There are still major challenges with living costs, we know that. This is a big ticket item. We don’t have an immediate answer for that.

Everytime Labour has been in government, the stuff we’ve done to make student life easier has been quite significant. People who pursue tertiary education overwhelmingly come from middle and upper class backgrounds. I think this means your Working Futures policy could be construed as an aggregate as a subsidy for a better offer. Why do you think it’s ideal to spend hundreds of millions here than measures that could more effectively help the underprivileged – like improving social services or healthcare? The reason we talk about the three years post school education or training is because it’s not just about those who go to university or polytechnic for a degree. It is

Issue 2 .

about a commitment that anytime in your afterschool or working life, you can have access to training and education that fits what you need. For some, they won’t be going to university or tech straight after school. They might undertake an apprenticeship. It won’t be necessary to draw down that three years of study, straight away. For some they might not have any formal education or training until their 30s or 40s, when the application of work and the nature of technology is going to change, they need upskilling, and new education and they find a course that may suit them. So I reject the proposition that it’s designed to benefit those from a middle class heritage. The other aspect is, it’s accompanied by another policy initiative, which is professionalizing career advice in schools – actually having dedicated people in schools working with students and parents, teachers, working with local industry, businesses and training providers, making sure that young people at the time they get to the end of high school – that they have expansive information based on what they decide to do. My big worry is I see too many cases where young people go into university after high school, which is kind of a difficult decision, because they don’t get enough access to information about alternatives. We want to change that.

We are entering an age now where it’s just not good enough to have a good high school education.

What do you see as the largest barrier to students seeking tertiary education? The conversations I have with young people, show that it’s the fear of high tuition fees. Eliminating that barrier is a good start. Could you have put forward a policy to increase living costs and student allowance, rather than offering free education? That doesn’t benefit everyone – it benefits the middle class you mentioned earlier. We’ve got to think about who’s got to have access to post school education; pretty much every young person coming out of the school environment. Given the resources available currently I can’t make a commitment to assistance with living cost for students. Labour has no policy of legalizing marijuana. Why is that? There is a policy for medicinal use, but for wider liberation there isn’t. My caution on cannabis is that for young people (not yet fully developed brain), cannabis can have long-term detrimental effects, which I would be advocating my responsibility knowing the certain negatives. If legalizing cannabis would decrease teenage use rates, would you support this? I would certainly look into it. What other factors would change your mind? Public health risk is the primary factor. Also, the questions of priorities. i.e., mental health systems and their failures and lack of support would override the need to legalize cannabis. Why does Labour not have a policy of legalizing abortion? What we support is reviewing the current contraception, sterilization and abortion. Abortion is a conscious issue, so different MP’s have different views. You haven’t done very well in the recent PM polls, why do you think this is? I care less about that, and more about getting out and about. I care about Labour getting its message out. I care about the plans for housing, education, jobs (particularly in the communities struggling). You’ve been pushing your message for over 2 years now, doesn’t that indicate that your message isn’t resounding with a large amount of New Zealanders? Our polling has recently been going up, which means more people have been listening to our message. So, no I am not particularly worried about that. I’m more fussed about making sure it just gets out there. By Matt Amos

NUMBERS 3

Ye a r s o f Wo r k i n g Futures Plan free post-school education

265 million

WFP’s dollar cost in first year

1.2 billion

WFP’s dollar cost at full implementation

15 billion

Forecasted student debt in 2016

46%

Jobs expected to be replaced by automation in the next 20 years

3.5%

Rise in government tertiary funding since 2008

37%

Rise in costs of tertiary fees paid by students since 2008 Read more of Matt’s interview with Andrew Little on the CANTA Facebook page. We ek 3

“I just got real mad one night when there were pots filling the sink so I just scribbled that up there. We didn’t realise it was spelt wrong for like, a whole day”

FLAT FAMOUS

Becky made the desk, her bed and the picture frames. Pics by @linesbygeoxsmith

The Greasy Wok never came back to me with their names, so let’s call them all Becky. Becky, 19 – likes unpicking taxidermy and drinking Diesel Beckii, 19 - never has ankle socks that match and loves a raw onion Beckae, 19 and a half - president of SocSoc – a club for people who join clubs Bekk-E, 19 – moved out half way through our photoshoot B’ecki, 19 – has a Bee Movie tattoo on her lower back Behkhi, 19 next month – the flat baby who loves nappies and being fed mushed food. MAMA!

“ l

“The name is a historical thing; there’s three flats in a row named like this. We’re carrying on the tradition”

Landlord enforced rules, lovingly framed above the flat TV

This issue’s FLAT FAMOUS is the horrendously named Greasy Wok. This was an interesting one –a huge house with way too many bedrooms, two of which look suspiciously like a double garage. There wasn’t a door on its hinge, or a wall without a hole in it. Our highlight was being burnt by someone’s out of control cooking, and the bed made out of pallets. Her room was sweet!

“As you can imagine, everyone is quite skeptical about whether we will last or not, including ourselves, so we needed to get in FLAT FAMOUS before we inevitably fall apart. ‘The Greasy Wok’ was a flat name we inherited – there’s three flats in a row named similar and we’re the last. You go get ‘greased at the Wok’”

”...What? Garnish?” “Yeah the stuff you put on wood...” “I think you mean varnish.”

“Becky’s room smells like garnish.”

FLAT FAMOUS WANTS YOU! canta.editor@gmail.com

“Our landlord lives out the back of us and there’s all this stuff everywhere, like old ovens, couches and shit. Please don’t put that in the magazine though!” I doubt your landlord reads CANTA.

“The name is a historical thing; there’s three flats in a row named like this. We’re carrying on the tradition”

“I’ve crashed my car three times in the week we’ve lived here... within the boundary of the property”

~College sport in America~

It’s a small world. At the beginning of last year I sat next to a girl from the University of Michigan. For an obsessed college football fan like myself, it was like sitting next to someone who had seen Jesus’ miracles. This was Michigan – the winningest programme of all time; a perennial college football super power.

A school in which the head coach of the football team gets paid $9 million annually, and is still probably under-paid for his worth. This girl and I built up a friendship and when I discovered my application to study abroad at Purdue University had been accepted – an experience I highly recommend all readers try – she invited me to Michigan to watch a football game. With Michigan’s campus only a five hour drive north of Purdue, I couldn’t wait. Most people’s bucket lists include skydiving, going to Paris, or getting a tattoo; atop of mine was going to the ‘Big House:’ Michigan’s football stadium which seats – and remember this is a university we are talking about – 112,000 people. Students, locals and fans from across the state migrate to this mecca of amateur competition – that’s right, the athletes do not get paid – every Saturday afternoon for three, sometimes four, hours of American football. Fast forward several months and there I am at Michigan’s campus reunited with someone I initially met nearly 9000 miles away. It is a small world. Before the game the next day, we went to the unveiling of the basketball teams uniforms. Of all people, DJ Khalid was hosting the event and I, along with a basketball arena full of enthusiastic, yellow and maize clad undergrads, watched him miss 15 three-pointers in a row (he stopped before his twelfth attempt to inform the crowd of a ‘major key:’ “never give up!”). The whole show was financed by Nike, as Michigan, like Purdue and most tier one sporting colleges in America, Issue 2 .

are sponsored by international clothing monoliths like Nike, ADIDAS, and Under Armor. The next day, I saw all of it. Movies don’t exaggerate the stereotypes about frat houses at all.

There were mansions overrun by hundreds of drunken students partying at ten in the morning, celebrating victory for a game that hadn’t been played yet. Barbeques – they call them tailgates – are going on everywhere. The neighbourhood, a slice of student heaven, is drenched in two colours: gold and maize; the latter, a dark blue, is especially prevalent as the university is handing out thousands of free shirts in the colour with “Respect is Earned” pressed in gold on the front. Come game time, I am in the fifth row singing the Michigan fight song along with thousands of fans. Michigan’s stadium capacity is unique in that it is the largest in America, but not special in that seven other university stadiums sit over 100,000 people, a feat no professional team in the country can boast.

It is now we can collectively laugh at the relative ridiculousness of the University of Canterbury. Our ‘stadium,’ also known as Ilam Fields, is a public park. Students can buy approximately three different items of clothing at the UBS. Within ten minutes’ walk of my Purdue University dorm were seven –seven! – stores where I could buy Purdue apparel officially branded by Nike. T-shirts, shorts, beanies; anything wearable with enough surface area to accommodate Purdue’s giant ‘P’ logo could be bought. That’s just the Nike stuff. Fake Lego, soft toys, mugs, umbrellas, volleyballs – you can buy almost anything to show support for your academic institution. Canterbury’s university gym isn’t much bigger than two classrooms. Compare that to Purdue’s gym, a five story cathedral to exercise with both recreational and Olympic swimming pools, an indoor running track, an ice hockey rink, a rock-climbing wall, eight basketball courts, and rooms the size of James-Hight’s first floor full of lifting equipment. Glass walls give students a view of campus while working out, while others rest in the changing rooms fitted with saunas and steam rooms.

College athletes didn’t use those facilities, they had their own high performance centre attached to the stadium. Riding full-scholarships, the football and basketball players get nurtured by professionals educated in the most recent exercise science, and receive the necessary tutoring to keep them academically eligible for competition. They are commodities the university can afford. Through TV contracts and ticket sales, university athletic departments make millions of dollars: In 2015, Purdue athletics brought in $76 million in revenue; Michigan collected $152 million; while Texas A&M was the most lucrative, scoring $193 million.

Michigan gathers so much money that this American spring they are flying the whole football team to Rome for practice – for practice!

The money was clearly visible during my game-day experience. Flying down from a helicopter was a paratrooper with the game ball; both before the game and at half-time, the Michigan marching band, a unit 400 people strong dressed to the ultimate in grandeur, played the national anthem and other memorable tunes while prancing up and down the field in a tightly choreographed demonstration of Americanism. Cheerleaders doing flips encouraged the already raucous crowd; a hype video celebrating Michigan exceptionalism played on the big screen and was concluded by a fireworks display. For the next four hours I would ritualistically participate in several dances and sing a number of songs that per tradition students at Michigan had been doing for decades. Saying it was fun doesn’t do justice to the experience I had – it was euphoric. In a slugfest, the Michigan Wolverines beat the Wisconsin Badgers 14-7. I didn’t study at Michigan. Purdue’s football team was in the same league as Michigan’s but is perennially at the bottom of it. Approximately ‘only’ 60,000 people can fill Purdue’s home stadium. Every game day begins being woken up by the university mascot, a train called the Boilermaker Special, as it rides around campus blowing its obnoxious horn. There are still cheerleaders, fireworks, and the marching band is second to none. Even for a second tier experience, it is incomparable to university sport in New Zealand. Imagine a good high-school rugby game, except instead of only 200 students yelling abuse, chanting, and doing a haka at half-time, there were over 100,000 of them –that’s American college sport.

Canterbury, and all New Zealand universities, should build a sporting culture around their institutions and the competition between them. At Michigan you yell “Go Blue!” to show support for not only the football team, but the university as a whole. At Purdue it’s “Boiler Up!” There is pride. A collective celebration by all students of the culture they inhabit. It honours all those before and all those who will come after. A swagger legitimised by results. Canterbury has no fighting words. Just silence. By Ollie O’Connell

VS Sporting ground: Ilam Fields & rec centre Celebrities: Savage @ Mono Merch: UBS sells UC tees & hoodies Training facilities: Rec Centre

Sporting ground: 112,000 seat stadium Celebrities: DJ Khalid hosted events Merch: Sponsored by Nike x Jordan Training facilities: 5 story gym We ek 3

Research Spotlight This week we talked to Suvojit Bandopadhyaya (Suvo) about his PhD research on modern terrorist organisations, and how these groups use social media to promote their ideologies. Suvo studied Journalism at the University of Delhi, India. After working for a few years in India, he undertook his first international trip ever and moved to New Zealand to start his PhD. His research deals with highly sensitive materials, many of which are on the banned list in New Zealand - and you thought you had trouble with ethics approval! An often noted aspect of modern terrorist activity has been the use of Social media as a key tool for recruiting and distributing propaganda. It is not well understood how social media changes the way propaganda is received by an audience. Suvo’ s research on terrorist magazines, activity on Facebook, and Twitter is an important step to understanding why social media propaganda is so effective, and how to stop it. “These terrorist organisations are highly equipped with media production technologies and they really know how to use media to promote their cause and promote their radical ideology.” says Suvo. “Magazines are pretty much like the traditional media through which they are WHO? The University of Canterbury Postgraduate Students’ Association (UC PGSA) is a University of Canterbury Club affiliated under the University of Canterbury Students’ Association (UCSA). We are the only Club on campus that has a primary focus on postgraduate students and requires all Committee members to be current postgraduate students. All Committee members are volunteers and are elected for one year. They provide the direction of the Club and organise all activities, events, communication, and advocacy. The Committee focus for UC PGSA is to provide a voice and social support for all UC students 400 level and above. WHAT? UC PGSA organises social events to encourage professional and social interaction with a wide variety of interdisciplinary postgraduate members, supervisors, faculty and future employers. It also provides opportunities for peer guidance, support, advocacy, communication and networking.

communicating. It is very one sided. It is only what they are saying. As a researcher, I can’ t see what the readers have to say after reading the material in those magazines. So social media platforms actually give the readers a chance to comment back to voice their opinion against whether they align themselves with the ideology that is being presented by these groups or not. So there might be people who do not agree with that and they try to carry the ideology in their own respective countries ”In order to break this problem down, Suvo has divided his work into 3 stages. “First, I am comparing the magazines of Al Qaeda and Islamic state. In the second stage I am doing a Facebook webpage collection on the pages supported by Islamic state. The third stage is I want to interview communication scholars in my field on social media and terrorism and ask them ‘ What are the potential solutions towards curbing cyber-terrorism emerging from social media platforms? ”After completing his PhD research Suvojit wants to pursue a career in academia. He would like to lecture on security and media. “I want to be a lecturer on Lecturer in Media and Terrorism, and probably to an extent help government and ministries with cyber terrorism as well” If you are interested in Suvo’ s research, and want to find out more, get in contact with him at suvo9955@gmail.com

HOW? UC PGSA supports the Postgraduate Office’s academic and professional development seminars and lectures. Social events run by UC PGSA include meet ups, quiz nights, trips away and an annual postgraduate ball. Our executive committee comprises a range of domestic and international postgraduates and we have liaisons and advocates for postgraduates across the University, all of whom work hard to raise and maintain the unique status of postgraduates at UC. We are all about improving the postgraduate community through networking, workshops and opportunities. MEMBERSHIP IS FREE, SO SIGN UP TO OUR NEWSLETTER TO FIND OUT WHAT WHAT’S HAPPENING! C o n t a c t u s – i n f o @ c a n te r b u r y p g s a . o r g . n z

5 anonymous women CA NTA randomly selected five women, gave them wine, food, a dictaphone, a topic to talk about and slowly backed away...This week’s topic: Making friends with people in lectures.

Tips: “So,making friends in class -Does the lecturer count?” *laughing* “Why not? Making friends with the lecture is another level of skill!” “Lecturers are way less intimidating than the people sitting beside you”.

“I find taking to girls harder than guys cos girls are more judgmental” “The first thing I do is look for the smartest looking people and buddy up to them so they help you.” “Get the best seats and then you can eye up everyone that comes in! That’s always great on the first day. Look for the potential partners”. “Make notes so you know who to sit close to in the next lecture and slowly cozy my way up to the potential friends.” “Hah, yeah and scope out lab partners!” “It’s always easier to get someone’s number to text about uni stuff even if you are just scoping for a friend” “Ahh, I always go for the ones looking for the lab mates. Because labs you interact anyway, right? - lectures are just so impersonal.” “Yeah! And most people aren’t with their friends in labs coz of different timetables. ‘Come here often?’ ‘Yeah - every fricken Tuesday.”

“Actually, being late to class helps: you usually always end up sitting next to people” “Yeah there needs to be better International support. But kiwis are pretty anti-foreigners too, in my opinion. Like whether it’s the language thing, or the effort, or just underlying racism that they don’t belong - we’re not very friendly and opening and I’m sure we put less effort into making friends with them in class too. Like, if you were scouting for a friend, you’d probably pick someone who looked most similar to you, right? I never made any international friends through undergrad, though to be honest, I made very few friends at all.” “Yeah, although I feel once you’ve already got friends you’re more inclined to include people to the group. I loved spinning yarns to the Brazilians and Americans in tutorials and labs.” “That’s a really good point actually. Comfort in numbers.” “It was hard like moving to CHCH. I found a lot of Egyptians compared to Auckland but they were all native speakers and Christian whereas I was born in NZ, hardly know Arabic and I am Muslim so I hardly fit in with them either?” “Yeah…well I’m in a postgrad class this year and there’s hardly any of us. Turns out half the class sits alone at lunch. So I think we’ve all decided to hang out tomorrow.”

“I think the best way to make friends is literally just be that weirdo to ask to add them on Facebook.” “In case you need to keep in contact for uni.” *laughing* “But that’s an even more awkward conversation. Like, ‘hey... can I add you on Facebook because I think you’re a really cool person (and quite attractive) and can we maybe hang out even though we literally have no reason to?” “Maybe you could do the “Hey we should grab a coffee” line.” “That way we’re motivated for this class we both hate.”

“UC has the buddy program too” “Group projects are kinda cool, because you have to talk to them about something, so you can develop something from something shared”. “Especially if you hate the class. friendships grow from mutual dislike of something, haha!” “Really struggling at class is also helpful. Because then you guys can study and complain together. It’s the getting to that stage where you actually talk to someone that is so hard.” “Group assignments are only good if the people aren’t weirdos!”

Lecture weirdos: “You find out soooo quick if they are weird.” It sucks when you talk to someone and they’re cool but then their girlfriend comes over and you’re like, ‘I legit just wanted a friend…’ “There’s the weirdo that makes the most awkward small talk!” “Don’t forget the one adult student with the opinions that tries to stop you after class too!”

“I hate when guys try and pick up in lectures” “I only talk to people who are alone if I want to make friends - big groups are too judgey.” “Yeah girls are judgey, but I feel like they think the same of you half the time and we’re all intimidated of one another kinda?” “I took a 100 level paper last year (when I was in third year) and this weirdo sat right next to me and said “how’d you find the linguistics exam” I just lied and said “I don’t do linguistics”…from then on avoided him like the plague after that.” “I had this one guy last year who was on a semester exchange from America, real nice guy but got real clingy really quick!”

CANTA COLUMNS Submit your column to canta.editor@gmail.com passionate and curious members we’ll have in FemSoc this year – we’ve already had great talks with them!

Episode 2

The 8th of March is another big day for us – International Women’s Day. This is a global day celebrating women’s achievements and calling for equality for all genders. It’s usually a fun and intense day, with marches, dance parties, picnics, concerts and strikes happening around the world.

It’s been a busy couple of weeks at UC. Clubs Days were great fun and we are so excited about all the

A reasonable question could be, why have a women’s day but not a

The F-word

See club’s day works around one thing The clubs. The clubs need freshers. Some of the clubs, and I’ll single them out here, like the faculty clubs, Psycsoc, Mathsoc, Crimsoc, are aimed at third years and above. They are trying to get you a job, get connections, help you out of uni. Then there are others, like Cuba, Gentlemen club, who target freshers, those with a fair amount of spare time, and a disposable income from Mummy. All these have something in common. THE STUDENTS! That is what the S in UCSA stand for; the students. And how many clubs were shafted on club’s day. Relegated to the back,

forced to hide. Who puts the Pro-life club in the best spot? A university, an institution that is supposed to run on evidence. Choice is key, not demonstrable untruths, and to put them in a prime location smacks of stupidity, and just not thinking. Or putting the LBGTQ+ club, opposite the Christian club, the Catholic club, and all the God bothers is actually an achievement; How stupid people can be? Let’s puts sinners opposite sinners, and watch them eyeball each other for six hours a day. It’s lucky we are not in America, or bad things could have happened.

University of Canterbury might give you the perfect study environment, but as a Muslim student studying abroad, it can get tough for two main reasons: finding Halal food and a place to perform our five daily prayers.

In FemSoc we want to celebrate International Women’s Day at UC – it’s important for us to mark this important part of feminist history. Keep an eye out for posters or our Facebook page for info closer to the day. $30,000 a year at least, or the Canoe club, that needs people, so they can buy kayaks, so they can paddle, so they can entice students, so they can buy kayaks, or the climbing club that needs money to buy harnesses, so people can climb, and get fit, and get a sport that they can love, and not die doing, and hide them away. These are the clubs that hold people at the uni, that retain the students, that hold them for the entire four years and beyond. To hide them is almost a forgivable crime. They suck enough people in just to survive;

But wait, like a bad commercial, there is more. Take those clubs that need a certain number of students, like the Snow Sports Club, the club that actually owns a lodge, that sucks Here at UC, there is a good variety of Halal eating options, from rice all the way to kebab and souvlaki. There is also a good range of vegetarian options which are included as Halal (as long as they don’t use alcohol). However, we would like to have a menu with a bigger variety to choose from.

Life as a Muslim at UC

men’s day? This is because women and women’s issues are generally less visible and influential in society every day – so you could say every other day is men’s day. The idea of International Women’s Day is to bring issues we don’t talk about often – but that women from across the world face daily – to the forefront.

The five daily prayers are the most important act of worship that Muslims do. UC provides us the mussala, an area where we can gather and pray together. This allows Muslims on campus to meet on a daily basis and get to know each other. One of the many perks of having Muslim friends is the knowledge you could gain from

them. The Muslim committee is diverse and it has people from all over the world. However, many of them are on a scholarship or doing their exchange and postgrad studies, which makes it sad as they would leave once their studies ends. But there will always be new students coming with the same connection, which is Islam. That is where our club, UC MUSA will perform our purpose of connecting the Muslims at UC. The new club executives are trying to reach out to non-Muslims on campus and teach them about Islam. If you are interested, feel free to contact us to learn more about Islam. UCMUSA.chch@gmail.com

H a r d ya r d s The UC Film Club put in thehours watching c l a s s i c ‘ m u s t wa t c h f i l m s’ s o th a t y o u c a n p r e t e n d y o u’ r e c u l t u r e d . What makes this film a classic: ‘La La Land’ (2016) has turned out to be a classic right ? Mulholland Drive is the dark cousin of ‘La La Land’. Whereas the 2016 classic is pretty optimistic and cheerful, the 2001 masterpiece is brutally harsh but every bit as good. Moreover if you can’t afford to be in a psychedelic party or anything that gives you hallucinations (blink), hire a DVD of Mulholland Drive. Not many rides are as adventurous as a ride throgh Mulholland Drive.

Movie details: Mulholland Drive (2001), David Lynch Why should I pretend I’ve seen this film? BBC recently named it as the greatest film in the 21st century. All that glitters is not gold and ‘Mulholland Drive’ more than justifies this phrase. If you manage to conquer this film you will hopefully earn yourself a badge of honour from passionate movie geeks. Attempting to watch this film is akin to attempting an adventure sport. Except that adventure sports don’t necessarily tamper with your brain functions. One sentence sum up of the plot: A wannabe actress meets a woman suffering from partial memory loss and a mind-bending adventure begins in La La Land. ( Mulholland Drive is in Los Angeles)

Give us some facts about this movie I can impress someone with: There is some raunchy lesbian sex in this film. (Sorry for that massive spoiler)The director of this movie didn’t formally audition the lead actesses/actors. One must laud his confidence because Naomi Watts’ performance in this movie is one of her best till date. On top of that this film was supposed to be a TV show pilot . It only became a film when the director had differences with the

broadcasting channel. You can’t blame the channel head who must have highly valued his/her sanity. Moreover ‘Mulholland Drive’ was shot in La La Land and the song ‘A Lovely Night’ in ‘La La Land’ was shot near Mulholland Drive. These two films are entangled in more ways than one. Despite all the critical acclaim it received, the film didn’t win a single Oscar. Atleast it didn’t have to go through the embarassment ‘La La Land’ went through at the 89th Academy Awards. And perhaps one of the most impressive facts about this film is that it won’t make any sense once you’ve seen it. The city of Los Angeles should use this film as a device to prevent people from visiting the city. Controversial or alternate theory on the storyline: Maybe the wannabe actress was the woman suffering from memory loss. Maybe she wasn’t. Maybe the successful actress was not actually successful. Maybe there is a political twist to it. Every character involved with this film might have had an existential crisis . So will you when you see this film. Very few things in this world are as hollow as this movie. A movie like this might have have made Donald freakin’ Trump envision his Presidency if at all he saw this film. By Mitodru Roy

ANTI SOCIAL

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*$10 eye exams available for University of Canterbury students only. Valid student ID card must be presented at time of exam to redeem offer. $10 eye exams apply to standard eye examinations only normally valued at $60, reduced to $10. Excludes contact lens examination. Limited to one per University of Canterbury student every two years and subject to appointment availability. 25% off applies when selecting one pair of glasses from the $169 range or above. Current student card must be presented at time of purchase. Cannot be used in conjunction with any other offer, other than the $10 eye exam. Offers can only be redeemed at Specsavers Riccarton Westfield and Riccarton Windmill. Offers end December 31st 2017. Ricca

GIG GUIDE Two G i r ls One Sh op

CROOKE D LI DZ

E LEME NO P

Wed 8th March

Fri 10th March

Sat 11th March

Location 1063c Ferry Rd, Ferrymead (access via Kite Lane) Venue Orange Studios Price $18 GA, $14 Concession

Location London St, Lyttelton Venue Wunderbar Price $5 on the door

Location 3 Garlands Road (The Tannery) Venue Blue Smoke Price $40 + BF

F R E NC H F OR R ABBIT S T H E W E I G HT O F M ELTED SNOW TOU R

Eyes Down Sou nd presents VERSA

wEEKLY EVE NT S

Thurs 16th March

Sat 18th March

Location 3 Garlands Road (The Tannery) Venue Blue Smoke Price Early Bird $15 / regular $18 / Door price $20

Location 363 Lincoln Road (Old Dux Live) Venue Dim 7th Price Early bird $20, 2nd release $25

Weds Clubs Night Thurs Mono Fri Fresh Friday All @ Foundry

This year TuneSoc (formerly the UC Music Club) is partnering with CANTA to bring you Gig Reviews in CANTA. Across 2017 we’ll be bringing you reviews of albums, gigs and university events. You’ll also get to learn more about what TuneSoc is up to.

Guns ‘n’ Roses – Wellington Brooke Clode My inner bogan definitely had an outing at Guns n Roses in Wellington and I bloody loved every minute of it. When I found out I was going I instantly imagined myself drinking heaps of bourbon (I don’t even drink bourbon) squished up against some other bogan - almost like one of Cheryl West’s mates from Outrageous Fortune - in the hot sun at Westpac Stadium. It was like all of that apart from the rain. It poured down. Like that sideways misty crazy windy makes ya mad type of rain. First time in forever, I didn’t even care. I didn’t care my hair was WILD. That I

was in my old boots. I even wore a jacket that went down to mid-calf. Hardly sexy... but really, I didn’t think I was going to meet the man of my dreams at a Guns n Roses concert. Stranger things have happened I guess. It was an absolute eye-opener waiting in line for a beer. An hour and a half of my life PEOPLE WATCHING. Was quite happy about it really. Not at the waiting but the general fascination that it was most of these people’s best moments of their lives and they were literally living for it! One guy even told me he was more excited about this than his wedding day. Haha fuck really? His wife understood. I just stood their listening to everyone else’s conversations. Where they were from. How far they were willing to go. How much they paid for their tickets, their flights, days off work. For one night! It all changed for me not long after this and started making sense when they appeared on stage... another moment of pure fascination. Everyone went crazy, there were fireworks, there was sooooo much noise and

cheering. It was LOUD. I could smell booze, ciggies and heaps of weed. And there was Axl. His unique voice, that trademark sound, right there in front of me. He was everything I expected, but can I say not as hot as he was when he was younger. Who is though huh? He has had a bit of work though huh? Slash. Oh my god. So fricken hot. Is that creepy? Those back muscles though. He still looks the same. And wow, he can play. He really is the greatest guitar player in the world. November Rain was probably one of my favourites that night... in the rain too! They did the coolest cover of Pink Floyd’s Wish You Were Here and perfectly belted out Sweet Child O Mine and Paradise City among many which were also so good. I never really realised how many words I secretly knew. I think people were surprised I went, let alone how much I loved it. I’d do it all again, even in the rain.

(16th Feb) was their classic hit ‘Oh my my’. However despite knowing so little about them going into the gig I left with a desire to know so much more. Nomad’s natural ability to get a crowd going from their first song (I will find you) and to then keep that energy going until their last (Oh my my) was a site to behold. Their alt-pop/folk sound was so easy to get into for new fans like myself and I’m certain that I wasn’t the only new admirer leaving The Foundry that night. For those not fortunate enough to have seen them at Mono I’d highly recommend catching them Homegrown on the 5th March if you can. They very quickly became my favourite Kiwi band and I’m sure after listening to them they could become yours too!

Nomad – The Foundry (Mono nights)

Harry Lawrence

Nomad, Christchurch’s favourite sons came back home for a night that both old and new uni students have raved about as the gig that kicked off 2017 at UC. As a Brit I have to admit that I had never heard of Nomad before coming to New Zealand and the most I got to hear of them before I arrived at Mono

Photo credit: George Moon

Savage – The Foundry (Mono nights)

of pop music in NZ. He’s also behind the infamous party when The Foundry reopened last year – the floor was swiftly repaired the next day. Massive crowd. Savage was the first New Zealand hip hop artist in history to have a commercial single achieve platinum certification status in the United States – 4 times over. Thanks to his iconic track SWING being featured in an early Seth Rogen movie, it went on to move 1.5 million units in the United States alone. ONE AND A HALF MILLION.

Even hearing Savage’s sound check was enough to get me hyped for this gig! In case you missed the past ten years of life somehow, Savage is behind some of the biggest hits to come out

Don’t forget Savage’s track ‘Freaks’ with Timmy Trumpet. This went platinum five times over and won ‘Highest Selling Single’ at the

From Sammy T (TuneSoc President) TuneSoc had a great turn out on Clubs Day with the student body showing their support for the UC musical community. Look out for our first events coming up in late March showcasing homegrown talent and providing a space for those of you who want to your time in the limelight! Don’t forget to check us out on Facebook (facebook.com/tunesoc/) and sign up if you missed out on Clubs Days!

Upcoming TuneSoc Events - 22 March: Welcome to TuneSoc @ The Foundry (this was originally as 15 March but the UCSA messed up the original booking) - 29 March: TuneSoc Open Night @ The Foundry

2015 New Zealand Music Awards. That sets the scene. Naturally the gig was packed, and Savage worked the crowd up with his raspy hype – he knows how to command an audience. The crowd went crazy when ‘Freaks’ played… but did you expect any less? The classics were played (and yes, a Savage track is classic) and well received by the crowd. I’m surprised at how many lyrics are still in my head. The Foundry was packed and sweaty, and a damn good time. A good vibe for an even better performer. I can’t wait for MONO next week!

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LUCKY DIp HOW IT WORKS: Two strangers, free dinner and drinks at Spags, and a written summary from each person that we broadcast to the world.

ONE SIDE

THE OTHER SIDE

Being 20 years single my friends thought it would be a good idea forcing me to go on this blind date and I mean what did I really have to lose? Aside from a little dignity, which was questionable before the blind date anyway.

I don’t know why I was rather nervous heading into this blind date. I’m 6’6, dark, and fucking gorgeous so I really should have nothing to worry about. But I was nervous, and I think it had something to do with the fact that all I could think about was, “shit I hope I can loose my virginity tonight.”

So heck, here I was Friday night, 6 nervous shots and a desperate gin and water funnel deep (I was in a rush with little supplies). I had a list of well-planned escape excuses on the ready. To enlighten you on the depth of this, I knew the waiter who was working that night, I told him if I order ‘meat lovers’ he’d have to return in 5 minutes with an emergency. Surprisingly I didn’t need to order the meat-lovers pizza as our chat was filled with how he averages on 150 instagram likes and had been on a bender since Monday, if that’s not your idea of a lad, I don’t know what is. I ended up ordering the margarita pizza, which my flat mates and I had previously decided would be the cutest thing to order on the menu. Two bottles of wine later we thought it was about time we to go back to my flat for a cuppa, we walked a bit then decided to uber, conveniently he didn’t have the app. Lets just say the android phone he whipped out that night wasn’t the only thing he whipped out that shocked me. Sorry to my date for the confusion and thanks Canta for the meal and drinks!

After the meet and greet, we promptly ordered a bottle of Pinot Gris and received a bottle of Pinot Nior. Fuck. I couldn’t drink that shit, it tastes like bloody poison. I managed to keep a straight face while having my first few sips, but when the time came to order our second bottle I had to insist on something else. The girl? She was nice. Let’s call her Jim. I was hoping for a dress but Jim was wearing jeans. It looked quite weird me being in my tux but it was a great conversation starter. Jim’s chat was definitely satisfactory. We yarned for ages but after an hour I realised she had lied about her ability to drink because mid sentence it was later bol Jim. With Jim being passed out and me gagging down the rest of Marlbrough’s finest, I thought it was time to call it. We ubered back to mine for a short night of dry humping and pre ejaculation. Pretty standard for me but I really would have liked to make it to the sex part this time. It’s not all bad though, Jim the dumb bitch paid for the whole meal with out using the vouchers so if any other girls want to come to Spagalimis I have $100 and a bloody good zipper on me jeans. Loose.

Submit yourself, your sad flatmate or some other obsessive Tinderer to The Gentlemen’s Club www.facebook.com/thegc.canterbury

SPAGALIMIS UC SPECIAL: 8 slice

$8 PIZZAS spagalimis.co.nz

CANTA CUPID SAYS: Wow, another person being a total dick! We need some gents up in here... at least someone who knows the difference between red and white wine. Please put my mind at ease and tell me you’ ll never smash. Ever.

HAPPY ENDING SUDOKU

MEMORY LAME THE TOPP TWINS ‘The Topp Twins’ are the folk singing and activist sister comedy duo of New Zealand entertainers Jools and Lynda Topp. They have performed as a country music-singing comedy duo for more than 30 years. In the late 1990s, they created their own TV series, which ran for three seasons.

– 420 Thought of the Day –

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