CANTA issue #5, 2017 by UCSA

C A N TA I S S U E

F I V E

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1 S T

M A Y

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in this issue 11

HOW TO : ECO YOU R FL AT

LIFE WITH M Y e B IK E

FL AT FAM OUS: TIN Y HOUSE

CONSCIOUS CO NSU ME RISM

OUR B E AUTIFU L C AMPUS: THE M OST RE L A XIN G SPOTS AT UC

LUCK Y DIP: COU NTDOWN CRUSH Editor’s note Kia ora, and welcome to your fortnightly fix of stapled paper called CANTA. I feel like you didn’t deserve your break just now. There. I said it. Who has a break basically a month into their study? Fight me. I’m here, waiting. We’re eco warriors this issue, covering the basics on how to be a decent person on this planet. George talks to us about eBikes, and we have some great tips on how to eco your flat. Katie has a great piece on ‘Conscious Consumerism’ and we have a list of places to Zen out on campus thanks to

our contributor Jackson. If you’re on the UCSA Noticeboard, it seems like every second post is about a burglary. We talk to a couple of students that were burgled and give you some basic tips on how to avoid being the next target. We have some great giveaways too – a Bargain Box for Flat Famous, UBS vouchers...not to mention tickets to the jelly wrestling event on page 8. You wouldn’t read about it. Well... actually, you kinda would. – Joshua

Letters to the Editor E m a i l l e t t e r s @ c a n t a . c o . n z | < 1 0 0 w o r d s | $ 2 5 U B S v o u c h e r f o r L e t t e r o f t h e We e k !

WHAT IS NGAIRE?

UBS LETTER OF THE WEEK!! WHAT HAPPENED? Dear Canta, We had such a beautiful relationship. You brought joy to my stressful student life every two weeks when I eagerly waited for copies to appear in the Undercroft. But to my shock and horror the in the fateful issue #4 my favourite section ‘Student Hacktivist’ was nowhere to be found. I sincerely hope you can make things right in issue #5, otherwise things will be over between us. Sincerely, We-could-have-had-it-all Hey, Had-it-all Yeah... our Hacktivist got jail time and couldn’t contribute for the last issue. The lesson here is, don’t protest the quality of McFlurrys naked at your local Maccas. Student Hacks are back this issue! In fact... they’re just over there! See? – CANTA

Hey CANTA Ngaire isn’t a real woman right? Is this a piss take? Signed Fluff Hey Fluff. Great name. We thought Ngaire should answer this for you, herself. She’s mad.

“I beg your farkin’ pardon? I’m not a real woman? How dare you. I am as real a woman as you are stupidly named. My husband, God rest his soul, could confirm that for you. I’ve had more pregnancy scares than you’ve had hot dinners, thank you very much. Yes I can confirm that I am a biological woman. Am I a spring chicken? No. But do I have feelings? Also no. I have alcohol for that. There are certain things one should never ask a lady about: her age, genitals or her dowry. Get some manners. Signed, MRS Chambers. Not “Ms” or “Miss” but MRS CHAMBERS you f**kin’ stain”

MISOGYNISTIC ANONYMOUS WOMEN Dear UCSA, in particular the Canta Magazine writers/editors. I am a fan of the Canta magazine and find it to be usually full of funny, interesting and thought provoking articles. I was however struck by the section titled ”5 Anonymous Women, Dress Codes On Campus”. I found this article to be overall judgmental, misogynist, and unnecessary. For a University, I have found to be inclusive, respectable and accepting of all types of people this article was however sharply against all of those traits. It was shaming people for making fashion choices they have all rights to make.Women and frankly people in general are allowed to wear whatever they please without the fear of being publicly shamed by a magazine widely read by the campus. From what I could tell it wasn’t written with any element of satire and was nothing but a shame piece written by those hiding under the cloak of anonymity. I hope these types of articles won’t continue to be published in your magazine. Yours sincerely, a Concerned Student. Hey Concerned, I think you’re right here. I try to keep the 5AW section candid and straight from the source, but we can work on being more sensitive around these issues. Can we still not allow ugg boots on campus? And jandals in the middle of winter? Please. I can’t hold back from saying things. It’s from a place of love. Kinda. I also heard someone at CANTA wears a Black Sabbath tee but listens to top 40.

STUDENT HACKTIVIST – Pay to have your flat’s windows doubleglazed. The energy savings will stack up over the next 10 years! – No need to use your electric blanket – just sleep with someone else, they’ll keep you warm during these winter nights. – It’s easy to reuse and recycle! The possibilities are endless: coffee cups, cutlery, university essays... – Air travel is a massive source of carbon dioxide. Send people a message by letting their tyres down next time you’re in the airport carpark. – Did you know growing coffee is carbonintensive? Reduce your coffee consumption by never getting out of bed.

ART AND DESIGN STUDENTS • The Art & Design Supplies you need • BEST PRICES • Friendly & expert advice • 16,000+ Products online

COME ON IN & SEE US!

Joshua – Editor

34 SOUTHWARK STREET, CHRISTCHURCH

www.gordonharris.co.nz

LOCAL news

DNA TESTING FOR NESSIE

scientist from University of Otago down south has recently been doing DNA tests in the waters of Loch Ness to confirm our long lying suspicion: Does the Loch Ness monster really exist? According to the Daily Mail, Professor Gemmell explains his logic behind the situation. “We use environmental DNA to monitor marine biodiversity. From a few litres of water we can detect thousands of species,” he said. “All large organisms lose cells as they move through their environment. New genomic technology is sensitive enough to pick this up and we can use comparisons to databases that span the majority of known living things. If there was anything unusual in the loch these DNA tools would be likely to pick up that evidence.” Nessie researcher Roland Watson, 54, said he was not aware of anyone doing a DNA test before. But he added: “There are some monster supporters who would not care about the result because they believe it is something paranormal

UC: LEADING THE WAY WITH LUNETTE

hen Lesley from Uni Pharmacy heard Lunette menstrual cups were hitting New Zealand shores, she just had to get them in for our forward thinking Canterbury students. In January this year the NZ National Party proposed a ban on all personal products containing microbeads from 1st July 2018. The materials in disposable pads and tampons can take up to 500 years to decompose. The use of plastic microbeads in personal care products makes no sense when there are biodegradable or long-term reusable alternatives.

and so wouldn’t expect to see any DNA.” Naturalist Adrian Shine is the leader of the Loch Ness Project and has carried out field work on the loch for a host of universities and researchers since 1973. He said he and his team could potentially help gather samples for the study. “I would be very interested in the results,” Shine said. “We would certainly be able to help getting samples.” Steve Feltham has spent 26 years trying to solve the mystery from his base on the shores of the loch. He said: “If anyone thinks they can identify it; bring them on. Anything that gives us more knowledge is to be welcomed.”

So, what on earth is a menstrual cup?! Basically, it is a medical grade silicone cup that is worn internally. It can be left in-situ for up to 12 hours; can be used for all sports and even worn to bed. It is simply emptied when full, rinsed with water, and re-used. It has been around since 1920 (yes, really!!) but has only just hit NZ shores. More hygienic than pads and tampons, the Lunette will last you for up to ten years. So, while the initial outlay may seem high, it pays for itself within 2-3 cycles and saves you at least $18 000 over your menstruating years! “The student movement in New Zealand is very open-minded and forward thinking when it comes to innovative ways to protect its beautiful natural environment, personal health, and save a few dollars along the way!” Says Mrs Johns, founder of Lunette NZ. Canterbury University is the FIRST University in New Zealand to embrace this concept. Students get a 10% discount on the Lunette menstrual cups when they show their student ID at the uni pharmacy.

MEAT-FREE MAY

CUC is challenging you – CANTA to Meat Free May! After months of preparation, we are finally ready to launch our biggest initiative for the year: a challenge to the UC community to engage with the issues surrounding animal agriculture. VCUC is bringing together plant-powered entrepreneurs, local food-providers, academics, activists and animal-lovers alike in a series of exciting social events and thought-provoking discussions to bring to life the ideas, people, products and purposes of this growing global movement. Each week in May focuses on a different aspect of the plant-based mindset and lifestyle. Week One: ‘How to Veg’ will make the transition easy and enticing, with lots of delicious, cheap recipes, shopping advice, and nutritional information. Week Two: ‘The Environment’ takes UC into the eye of the storm, showcasing the devastating impact of animal agriculture on mother nature. Week Three: ‘Reason and Purpose’ delves into animal and human rights and even explores questions such as the often asked, ‘if an animal died of natural causes, would you eat it?’. Week Four: ‘Health and Wellbeing’ provides a compelling argument for the correlation between a plant-based diet and better health. This is a great opportunity to challenge yourself, with our support, for the animals, people and planet. It’s probably easier than you think!

TR ADIE BAN

ccording to the Christchurch media, we have some sort of elitist division between our students and tradies working on the construction around campus. They’re ‘banned from using the cafes at UC’.... Or are they? This was news to UC, the general student population and CANTA. There is no official ban. Dr Rod Carr released a statement which said “UC contracts with construction companies contain a provision that contractors will comply with UC policies and directives. Construction workers do get served at campus cafes, but on occasions have been moved on at busy times to give students priority.” That seems reasonable.

BURG L ARIES ON THE RISE

f you’re on the UCSA noticeboard, you’ll see that it’s peppered with posts about burglaries and thefts. Bikes, laptops, even entire flats are being targeted around campus. This is not a new thing, but there’s been a marked increase in thefts over the past months. Students might be ‘poor’ but they do have higher end laptops, bikes and bluetooth speakers. They’re likely to have transient living spaces, with flatmates and visitors in and out often. Basically Ilam is a prime suburb for burglary. Timmy Kwok was home during his flat’s break in. “It happened like a week after I moved down into the house. I was the only person in our flat at the time. I believe they were watching the house so they knew I left. I had locked up house and they broke the latch of a window and took my laptop, Xbox games, and GoPro.”

Sarah, a student here at UC said “I have never seen more than two tradies in a cafe at one time, I don’t know why this is an issue and whoever complained about it is overreacting”. Kendyll Lowrey also added in that she “really doesn’t see a problem at all with it. Once I was in a rush and there were about five of them in front of me and I asked if they’d mind me cutting in because I had a lecture soon and they were more than happy to let me go first.” James Addington, current President added that the UCSA does not control the movement of construction workers on campus. “The UCSA does not refuse to serve any workers on campus and we have no policies in place that suggest otherwise.” Still, a petition was started by

a UC student to oppose the ban, which was then removed. The UCSA did take the opportunity to survey their food offerings, after some comments on the Noticeboard posts were directed at the quality of food. At the time of printing close to 350 people had completed the survey.

Jesse Rawlings was also robbed. “I basically left my back door unlocked on accident as I had chickenpox and went to sleep in my girlfriend’s room quite early and forgot to lock my door. During the night, the burglars came in and stole a laptop I was borrowing from UC Sport and my mate’s charger, whilst also tipping my room upside down having ransacked it looking for other items of value. From there the Police were involved but there seems nothing they can do unfortunately.”

landlord to clear bushes and hedges so there’s clear views of the street, or clear paths around the house. – A well lit house is unappealing. Use your security light, or ask your landlord to install one or two. They’re $18 at Mitre 10. – Keep your valuables out of sight Keep laptops, phones, etc away from windows and doors. – Use your alarm if you have one, and look into monitoring if you don’t have it. It’s $20 per month – split between flatties is a few dollars. – Keep an eye on your neighbours. If you live near other students, get to know them so you’re familiar with who is coming and going. – If something looks suspicious, it probably is. Don’t be afraid to call people out or to call the police for assistance. Be the nosy neighbour you hated growing up... it’s either that or you lose your Macbook.

If someone wants to break in they will, but you may as well make it hard for them: – Lock your flat. Simple. Make sure everyone in your house follows suit. Make it a non negotiable when you leave the house! Lock your car too, even if it’s a shitter. Don’t advertise that you are slack in locking stuff. – Make sure there’s nowhere for burglars to stay hidden. Ask your

– CANTA

Big Laughs late-night improvised comedy 10:15pm every fri & sat @ The CourT TheaTre tickeTs $16/$20 - book aT courtTheaTre.org.nz

JELLY WRESTLING Everyone here at CANTA is excited about this. A proper jelly wrestling event with an emphasis on kick assery rather than ‘Oooooh, jelly all on my bodyyyy’. We got the chance to talk to Nel about her awesome event coming up soon! So... a jelly wrestling event. Sounds awesome! What can you tell me about it? We have 8 wrestlers competing to win $500! The aim of the game is to push the competitor out of the pool, which isn’t as easy as it sounds. It’s hard enough to stand in the inflated pool of jelly, let alone wrestle. What made you want to organize this competition? In Christchurch, there’s currently pageants that we can compete in, but they’re mainly based on looks alone. But what is the ‘look’ that’s meant to win the prize? If I was going to enter a competition, I’d rather enter one that’s based on strength and power. I came up with the idea of Jelly wrestling because it’s not about looks, it’s not about violence; it’s about having fun, feeling liberated and owning it! So it’s more about the skill and agility of your competitors? Indeed it is.It’s such a fun feeling once the adrenaline starts pumping. You’d be surprised how strong some of these competitors become as soon as the

matches begin. I think the competitors get surprised themselves! So what can we expect on the night? There’s a total of 12 matches that will be energetic, fun and loud! We want the crowd to cheer our competitors - if the match comes to a draw, it’s the audience’s cheers that determines the winner. There’s a lot to be unexpected too! There’s a lot of spontaneity with the event, so let’s see what unfolds ;) So you’re hoping to get some UC students in the ring - how would they get involved? Contact the Jelly Wrestling // May 5th Facebook Page or Contact Nel on 0226259963 Any tips or tricks on how to be a successful wrestler? Be confident and think about the money! It get’s pretty tough if you have to keep wrestling throughout the event. But focusing on that sweet prize will hopefully give you an extra push.

CANTA in association with Halo Venue, have free tickets for students! Grab your tickets from Eventfinda and enter your Uni ID Code. See our Facebook Page: Jelly Wrestling // May 5th

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Canterbury

club promoter Profiling the best clubs and events on campus

BUDSOC Do you believe weed should be legal? We certainly do! Our mission is to spread awareness about the issues surrounding Cannabis prohibition on New Zealand and encourage students to be more politically proactive in helping to reform our Cannabis laws, because let’s face

it, the current prohibition law is about as effective at stopping people from smoking weed as prohibition of alcohol was in the ‘20s! We have meetings under the big tree in Ilam gardens every Friday from 4.20pm. Our policy is to not encourage any illicit activity, but rather to share knowledge and ideas, and to create opportunities for students to participate in law reform efforts. This year we are helping to organise J Day, an annual nation-wide protest, which will be on Saturday May 6. The Christchurch protest will start in Cathedral Sq at noon, and will proceed to Latimer Sq, where we will have speakers, food & drink, share in the Christian practices of baptism and the Lord’s Supper. We’re a community of faith with people from different ages and stages of life, seeking to live as Jesus would want us to live.

CAMPUS CHURCH What makes you different from other religions clubs? If you mean the other Christian clubs – the essential thing we share in common is Jesus! He is our hope for eternal life, and the source of ultimate truth and meaning because he is God come in the flesh. As for differences – Campus Church has a weekly church service at the Foundry where the message of Jesus is taught and we

Do you have to be religious to join? No. We love having seekers and sceptics who ask tough questions and are investigating the Christian faith. What is your stance/opinion on Trump’s policies? He needs help – and soon. To be honest, we’re a diverse bunch politically. But it makes us pretty angry when Trump claims to be a

and entertainment until 4.20pm. We also have Dakta Green coming to visit us for J Day, and on Friday 5th he will be giving a presentation in Undercroft 101 at 4.30pm on the future of Cannabis in New Zealand. So if you think that New Zealand should end prohibition, check us out on facebook for info and events, or email us at ucbudsoc420@gmail.com to join. Membership this year is free! FB: https://www.facebook.com/ groups/budsoc/ Email: ucbudsoc420@gmail.com

Christian and shows so little of the love, truth and humility of Jesus. What events do you hold? Campus Church meets every Sunday in the Foundry at 5pm. It’s awesome being part of the University community by having a meeting space so close to the residential halls and surrounding areas. We also have events during the week, for both believers and sceptics, where we enjoy meals together and investigate the claims of Christianity through open and honest discussion. God in the Pub is a quarterly event we run at Lone Star Bush Inn for sceptics, where we ask the tough questions about faith and spiritual things.

GCC C ANTERBURY Global China Connect ion Since formation in 2013, the student-run GCC has rapidly grown, from our humble beginnings of offering free mandarin workshops, to the position we are now in, to be able to offer Shanghai based internships. This year, we don’t see ourselves slowing down as we continue to strive to inspire UC students to pursue China-orientated opportunities and equip them to succeed in a world where business is increasingly connected to China. GCC will be launching a new initiative in 2017 that is targeted for all UC students. This new

DIGSO C A bunch of people who like pizza and plants. Do you like woodfired pizza, gardening and foraging for fresh fruit and veggies? We do! We are a community of humans that like plants, produce and pizza! Based in the Okeover Community Garden, we are a social, education and advocacy group with

initiative has seen GCC partner with E-Commerce giant, the Alibaba Group, the parent company of subsidiaries such as AliExpress and Taobao. New Zealand has seen an increase in demand from the Chinese market for goods in the industries such as seafood, dairy, luxury, healthcare and beauty. GCC’s proposed initiative would follow Alibaba’s sale festivals such as 11.11, that would see UC students carry out online sale promotional videos for products of New Zealand SME’s that have China on their horizons. These videos would be streamed to students at Zhejiang Gongshang University (ZJGU) in Hangzhou, a partnered university of UC for these SME’s to collate market research as to whether China is a feasible market for them. These SME’s could then use this market research as a platform to enter the Chinese market which could be through the NZ post’s managed Tmall account How is this relevant to you? Well, Alibaba will be providing

dirt under our nails. If you want a chance to get fresh fruit and veggies in exchange for a little bit of gardening or foraging, this is the club for you. If you want to learn how to build an awesome garden for your flat or apartment so that you can save on buying veggies and herbs from the supermarket, DigSoc can help with that as well! We run awesome and educational events that can teach you anything from where to find pears in Avonside, to how to turn said pears into preserves, and even how to plant your very own pears. Want to learn how to start a worm farm, grow herbs for your flat or make quince jelly? Curious? Find us in the garden at Okeover (just off Engineering Road) on Fridays between 1 pm and 4 pm, or at facebook.com/UCDigSoc/

the prize for the student who can effectively best represent one of GCC’s partnered companies and gain the most reactions from ZJGU. This prize will see you receive an all-expenses paid visit to Hangzhou, China and visit Alibaba’s headquarters there. You don’t have to be a commerce student; all academic backgrounds are wanted! GCC is looking for confidence, knowledge of the Chinese market, personality, and if you are bit of a character could see you win this competition! Get involved, this could be the opportunity that sets you up in your future direction as Alibaba is connected to a wide array of industries and businesses worldwide. If this sounds like something for you, go to GCC’s website (GCCCanterbury.co.nz) or LIKE, SHARE and check out our Facebook page (GCC Canterbury)!

UC BIKE UC Bike is for anyone who is keen on bikes. If it’s riding bikes, fixing bikes, talking about bikes or anything to do with bikes, we have it covered. We have a bicycle beer mile, skills session, term ride and a BYO all packed into term 2. Keep in touch with our Facebook page for more information on these events Our members range from recreational to competitive and we take regular road rides, trail rides and downhill shuttles. We also do big road trips throughout the year having just got back from a MTB trip in Queenstown and are planning on riding the Heaphy Track later on in the year. On top of that we have our groups for organising rides and meeting up with other students to ride with which can also be found through at facebook.com/UCBike/ Come join us to meet like minded riders and shred the best riding that Christchurch has to offer with us!

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How to: eco your flat

ant more $$$ in you and your flatmates’ pockets? And/or concerned about climate change? Follow these supereasy eco-tips to help save money and feel virtuous while doing it.

The kitchen:

– Cook as a flat at rather than all cooking separate meals: you’ll save lots on power. – Make more food from scratch rather than buying food with lots of packaging – Shop where you can refill your containers with bulk ingredients like oil, honey, sugar, flour etc. – Try growing more of your own food at home, or in a local community garden – Buy locally grown fruit and veg when you can –it’s fresher and has a lower carbon footprint than food that’s travelled across the world. – Meat and dairy products can have a large environmental footprint: try eating less of them. – Go for organic and fair trade where you can. This will mean your food is chemical-free and ethically produced. – Use eco-friendly detergents and cleaners –they might be more expensive but they’re usually way more powerful so you can use less of it. Either that, or make them yourself.

The lounge:

– Change all light bulbs to eco-bulbs (or even LED) and turn them off when not in use. – Have designated tech-free nights each week – break out the cards, board games, Twister, or alternatively just start playing drinking games. – Use thermal-backed curtains (you can often get them cheap-as from an op shop) and close them once it gets dark Ensure they’re open during the day for maximum heating by the sun!

– Get second hand woolen rugs for the floor. – Light some beeswax candles instead of using lights – environmentally friendly, provide ambience, but also possibly a fire hazard...

The bedroom:

– Eco your wardrobe – buy secondhand clothing (OpSoc can help). There’s all sorts of op-shops out there from the massive industrial warehouses, to the upmarket boutiques. – Turn off the electric blanket and use hot water bottles instead – they use way less power! (Or sleep with someone else...) – As mentioned, draw your curtains at dusk to keep the heat in, and make sure you get decent quality thermal ones (cheap at op-shops). – Wool blankets from second hand stores are cheap and warm. – Next time one of your clothing items tears, why not trying repairing it? Plenty of info on the web on how to do it.

The bathroom:

– Use eco-friendly products, or alternatively make your own ones. – If you’ve got an older-style toilet, put a brick (or half-brick) in the cistern to reduce the water used. – When you’re running the shower waiting for it to warm up, collect the water in a bucket to use on the garden. – Buy a spider plant – they soak up odours and moisture, look cool/retro, and greenery is proven to improve your mood – just ask a geographer #biophilic

DIY Clean Your Flat! Glass cleaner: Simply mix white vinegar and warm water! Toilet cleaning: Put one cup of baking soda and one cup of vinegar into the toilet bowl. Leave for 15 mins, then scrub. Fridge: If your fridge smells of weeksold leftovers someone forgot about, simply mix some vanilla extract, half a cup of hot water and 1tsp of baking soda – leave in the fridge for a day. Scuff marks: Flat inspection coming up? Floor full of scuff marks? Tennis player in the flat? Simply rub a tennis ball over the scuff marks and BAM the dirt is gone. Floor cleaning: Add a squirt of liquid soap, a cup of vinegar and 10 drops of an essential oil (if you have some – lavender’s pretty dece) into 4 litres of hot water. Then use a mop. Washing machine: Did you know cleaning your washing machine occasionally results in cleaner clothes? Simply run the machine empty on a hot wash, but instead of using washing powder just throw in 2 cups of apple cider vinegar (or some other kind). Adapted by George Moon Thanks to Puck, Matt and the team at the UC Sustainability Office who developed the original ‘Eco My Flat’ content. Check out the great work they do on campus at: http://www.sustain. canterbury.ac.nz/ Additionally, thanks to past CANTA contributor Sarah Turnbull for some of the cleaning tips.

OPSHOPPING WITH OPSOC

pshopping wins every time, hands down. You get original clothing and goods, and you’re helping out the environment by being a human seagull with no shame! If you play your cards right, you end up with some sweet deals. One man’s charity fun run tee from 2003 is another man’s outfit for MONO. We asked OpSoc for their five best opshops in the 03.

1)$3 DOLLAR WAREHOUSE 7 Settlers Crescent. Literally everything is pretty much 3 dolla$$ and it’s huge. You cannot find a cheaper secondhanded clothing store around Christchurch. ★★★★★

2)SAVEMART SYDENHAM 53 Battersea Street.

Biggest and bestest Savemart. Absolute monster and houses almost any clothing piece you could want. Not 3 dolla$ but still meanage. ★★★★★

3)SAVEMART HORNBY 94 Shands Road.

OPSHOP OPINIONS with ROB

Still can’t find that piece you’re after then defos check this place. Pretty phat but not as big as old mate Sydenham. ★★★★

4)THE SALVATION ARMY FAMILY STORE 355c Riccarton Road.

This one is your local. Ever need a quick fix? Shoot on down to church corner. Small but killa. Reasonably priced and hosts a good range of garments. ★★★★

5)ECO STORE 191 Blenheim Road.

If you’re after more than just cloth and garments then look no further that the trusty eco store. Always has sales on all sorts. Boasts a large inventory. ★★★★★

OpSoc Charity Art Auction 2017 Ever wanted to be an artist? Me neither, but whether you do or not this is a bloody good event. Come along to this OpSoc-formal art gig and throw down your hard earned course related costs on some ripper works created by a handful of your mates (every cent goes to charity!), have a refreshment or two and skitz out to the musical talents afterwards. The art sells for anything between 20 and 420 bucks, depicting all sorts of real life heroes ranging from one and only Lucha Libre Donald Trump to a cucumber in a jimmy hat. Last year we raised over $1000 for KidsCan and we hope to frickin’ DOUBLE that this time round (or whatever we get I’m sure it’ll be fine). Not a night to be missed.

wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Arnold

– Block your nose. Everything smells like one thousand bums. – Try using opshopdirectory.co.nz – partcularly good if you’re out of town and want to opshop hard. – Always check the children’s section. I recently found an original Jem and the Holograms shirt for 50c. – If it doesn’t fit or you, or you think you’ll alter it in some way, DO NOT BUY IT. You will never get around to altering it. – Trust your first instinct. Once I bypassed a tiny taxidermied moose. On second rotation, I grabbed it, and it’s now one of my favourite possessions. He’s called Stitchy. – Look at the used underwear and socks. Not for yourself. But they can be a very good little money earner. They’re usually priced around $1 but can sell for much more on websites dedicated to trading in used underwear for dirty perves. – Never be afraid to shop in the opposite sexes section of the op shop, no matter how many shitty looks and comments of “your section is at the back” you get from Kathy and Barb at the front of the store. – DON’T OVER PAY! Don’t be afraid to haggle over something if you think it’s a bit pricey, sure it’s usually for charity but they’re more interested in shifting stock most of the time. – Pay it forward – keep the circle of (opshop) life going... support your local charities by giving them your stinky shameful threads.

How to: eco your cooking

n my many years of flatting, I have lived with a whole range of people. To keep things simple, my flats have always used cooking rosters, where each of us cooks one night a week. Most of them, like me, were keen to eat on the cheap. Proud environmentalist that I am, I knew that the best way to do this was to cut the meat out of our meals. On top of that I knew that of the daily choices we make,

what we eat has arguably the most impact on the planet. But my flatmates’ zealour for vegetarian food has waxed and waned over the years, so I had to come up with a compromise. My approach was to lie to them, and feed them things they didn’t realise wasn’t meat (or that were so tasty they didn’t care). I hope you’ll enjoy also conning your flatmates into eating eco-friendly, and try out these recipes.

‘What even is falafel?’ Patties

Lentil ‘I can’t believe it’s not mince’ Bolognese

These go great in wraps, pita pockets, burgers, or if you’re feeling very healthy you could even pop them in a salad.

Ingredients: 500g spaghetti. 2 cans of lentils, drained and rinsed. 1 can chopped tomatoes. 1 can tomato soup (I like Campbell’s, because it makes me feel cultured). 1 carrot, grated. 1 onion, diced.

Ingredients: 2 cans of chickpeas, drained and rinsed. 1 can of four bean mix, drained and rinsed. 1 red onion, quartered. 1 carrot, grated. 1 tablespoon oil. ½ cup flour. Maybe some herbs if you have them? Method: Add all ingredients to a food processor. If you don’t have one of those, use a stick blender and a bowl. If you don’t have one of those, use a smoothie maker – it works, I have tried it. Anyway, add them to whatever you’ve chosen and blend them until smooth. Roll them into balls and either bake them at 180° until golden, or fry them. Feeds: 4 – 6, depending on what you add them to.

Method: Boil a pot of water, and add spaghetti. While it cooks, fry the onion in whatever cheap-ass oil you have until it’s brown. Add the carrot and fry for two minutes, or until soft. Add the canned tomatoes and cook for a further two minutes.Add the tomato soup, give it a stir, and let it simmer until thespaghetti is done. If you like herbs, add them, I don’t know. Probably add salt and pepper too. Strain the spaghetti and serve. Feeds: 4 –6. By Katie Collier

LIFE WITH MY E-BIKE

ate paying campus parking fees? Buses too inconvenient? Slightly too far to walk? Can’t be bothered cycling? Electric bikes (eBikes) may be the answer! Over the last few years, eBikes have been becoming more and more commonplace. And there’s good reason for it – they have a number of

advantages over cars, bikes, buses and mopeds and there’s a pile of different styles depending on your needs (and aesthetic). Hopefully this article will shed some light on eBikes, their practicality and how they compare to other transport modes.

The eBikes

to use the sticky-outy reflecty thing stuck to each side of their vehicle (or swivel their head...). And Mother Nature sometimes decides to make things a bit more difficult, but apart from the heaviest of rains, you can sort that by buying some gloves, a good rain-jacket and some over-trousers. Try the op-shops!

Your typical eBike is essentially a regular bike (complete with gears), but it also will have a lithium-ion battery (same as your laptop) as well as an electric motor attached. The fastest eBikes will effortlessly propel you at 40 km/h, but it’s more typical to have a max speed between 25 and 35 km/h (that’s just the motor without human effort). Consumer reckons you’ll get 20 000km to 40 000km out of a battery pack before there’s any significant impact on the range. As far as the law is concerned, eBikes fall in the category of ‘low-powered vehicles’ meaning you don’t have to pay for a WoF, registration or hold a driver license! Not to mention there’s no petrol costs, and annual service costs are cheap-as (or you can do it yourself). You can get cheap bikes for under $2k, but the bikes start getting to be of a decent standard from about $2k and upwards.

George’s ride

My experience with an eBike Personally, I’ve been riding an eBike (SmartMotion eUrban) since early 2016 and so far, I’ve done over 2500kms on it, and the total cost has been $100 (for two regular services), and a couple of dollars in power. It’s pretty ideal as a uni student, as you don’t have to pay for a parking permit and you can ride straight to the building you need to be in. It’s also easy (as well as scenic and safe) to get into town (roadworks aside) on the Uni-Cycle way, which is ideal for getting to work. In my experience of commuting between home (in Burnside/Ilam), work (in town) and campus, in peak traffic you can easily beat a car home, as your average speed is way faster and you can take shortcuts. My eBike has also enabled me to travel to further away places that I probably wouldn’t have cycled to otherwise. In my experience, it’s not all plain sailing though – you have to keep an eye out for the occasional idiots on the road who haven’t figured out how

Buying an eBike Christchurch is fortunate enough to have an ever-increasing number of dealers, including ‘The Electric Bicycle Co’ at the Tannery, ‘Christchurch Electric Bicycles’, not to mention that most bigbrand bike shops now stock at least one brand of eBike. You can also sometimes pick them up at reasonable prices on Trade Me, however my advice would be to go and take one out for a test ride and find what’s best for you! By George Moon | @georgemoonnz

Check out more from George and his eBike experience on canta.co.nz

FLAT FAMOUS Photography by Hugh Baird

Meet Anna and Stoph and their tiny whare in Aranui. You may have read about the couple on Stuff; two UC students bucking the trend and living a sweet life in their own little tiny home. Hereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s what Anna had to say; â&#x20AC;&#x153;We decided to build a Tiny House to get out of traditional Christchurch flatting and into a properly insulated, warm, dry home. Our last flat had single glazed windows, water damage, leaks, and no wall insulation so we were keen to get out as soon as possible. As

students, we couldn’t afford a traditional house so we built our own. Our favourite house feature is our gear room for our bikes, surf boards, and climbing equipment. We also have a pretty sick shower. We managed to fit everything we wanted into 18sq metres. There are two sleeping lofts, a skylight for roof access, full kitchen, lounge, and a wood burner. More students should look into sustainable or small living. Its more affordable long term since you are investing your

money in something you get to keep instead of throwing it away on rent. Plus, you get to be creative. If you want a home brew room or an indoor mini ramp, you could put one in! We aren’t fully off the grid yet, but hope to be by the end of the year. Our house is wired for a 12v solar system, we just can’t afford the set up just yet so we are on mains for now. We used recycled windows and doors off Trademe and built with timber and wood products where we could. As forestry students, we wouldn’t consider anything else. We

used redwood for framing to reduce the weight and internal and external ply for needed structure. Our house had to be driven down from Nelson so it needed to be strong. A garden is on the list of todos. We would love a hot house for our cacti and hot peppers. I think we will be making some cabinet doors this weekend if the weather holds up.” We’ll be keeping in touch with Anna and Stoph on their progress. – CANTA

The Tiny House won a Mega 5 which can feed six flatties for five nights, thanks to Bargain Box! Suss your flat for less than $30pp a week.You can enter the unique code ‘UC’ to get $10 off.

Suss your flat for under $30 each per week! Tasty recipes and fresh ingredients delivered to your place. Ready in around 30 minutes. Check out bargainbox.co.nz for more information.

Katie Harris investigates how to treat yo’self without screwing the planet over

onscious consumerism. Ahh, the golden halo of being a person. A luxury granted to those who can afford that additional $2 on toilet rolls that are from recycled materials, and heck 100% vegan! Conscious consumerism has in recent years been touted as a savior to our increasingly materialistic society. Not only can we continue to deplete the natural resources of our planet but we can also feel good while we do it! Because you know what - 5% of profits will go to protecting the Amazon! Amazing!In a powerful article written by Aiden Wicker titled ‘Conscious Consumerism Is A Lie’, he dismantled the notion of being a conscious consumer and put forward the idea that conscious consumerism does nothing for the planet. In many ways he was right, however, in this piece will put forward the idea that yes conscious consumerism is manipulated by money making corporations but it is still important and can make a difference. It is easy to subscribe to the ideology that is conscious consumerism- I mean, what could be better? We still can enjoy the bounty westernised living affords us, but we no longer feel guilty about having that 5th McNugget combo.

Conscious consumers believe that each dollar we spend is a ‘vote’ towards the world you want to live in. The reasoning behind conscious consumerism is that we can influence brand behavior by choosing to support businesses and products whose beliefs align with our own. In turn, businesses will adopt more environmentally friendly strategies to keep up with consumer demands. Companies that are not sustainable are often boycotted by conscious

consumers and are forced to exchange their business model to keep a share of the market. Let me make one thing clear, being a conscious consumer is a good thing. Actively trying to decrease the impact our purchasing decisions has on the climate is always positive.

Big companies, however, are taking advantage of consumers and misleading them into believing that through their consumerism they are inherently saving the world. Companies perpetuate the idea that merely through buying their product you are saving the planet. We are falsely sold into the ideology that taking action is simply a purchasing decision and that our effort can be restricted to our brand preference. As consumers, we do hold power. A recent example is the Countdown egg scandal. After it was discovered that Countdown stocked eggs labelled as free range but were actually caged there was a public outcry. Online protest ensued and as a result, Countdown has committed to being ‘Caged-egg free’ by 2020. As buyers, we can have an influence on how brands behave and if enough band together we can have a real impact. Despite this, we should still do the best we can whilst remaining in our budget. We should still want to do what’s right for our planet. And hey, if that means spending an extra $2 for a brand that offsets its carbon emissions, so be it. We do hold power to shape the world around us. Through buying from companies that are ethical we can help encourage brands to adopt better business models.

Nonetheless, we should invest wisely, perhaps it is better to donate money straight to the organisation. If you don’t really care about saving endangered wilderbeasts in the Amazon- maybe don’t buy that brand but donate the savings to a cause you really care about.

To summarise, yes conscious consumerism is a good thing. However, if you really want to make an impact there are more efficient ways.

How to actually make a difference:

consumer culture and to help people become aware of the cycle of buying stuff they don’t need. They believe in creating fewer things of higher quality. Although the price tag is on the higher endthe quality, the sustainability and the well-being of workers are assured. Decrease your consumption of animal products. It would be impossible to write an article on conscious consumerism without the elephant (or in this case cow) in the room. Animal agriculture has an undeniably strong link to the degradation of our planet, Methane gas from ruminant stock (Sheep and cattle) account for over 1/3rd of New Zealand’s Methane emissions. Simply by reducing our intake of animal products (In particular beef and dairy) we can lower the demand for these products, therefore, lowering the number of farms and lowering emissions.

Don’t use plastic bags. A reusable shopping bag is far more efficient at transporting a 12 pack of Smirnoff Ice home from the liquor store than a plastic bag ever will be. At the supermarket, try to buy unwrapped fruit and vegetables.

Buy secondhand. Following trends and conforming to the everchanging fashion scene is a surefire way to assure not only a hole in your wallet but the ozone. There’s nothing quite like the personal touch of a second-hand item. Another growing trend for the environmentally conscious is ‘Upcycling’- which is a creative reuse of old clothes. Brands such as ‘Designs by Niche’ repurpose clothing into one of a kind pieces which serve not only the environment but also consumer demand for unique items. Buy quality. If you are buying something, buy something that will last. The business model for Patagonia is an exemplary example of good conscious consumerism. In a recent advertisement campaign, they stated on top of a photo of a black jacket ‘Don’t buy this jacket’. The company acknowledges their impact on the environment and the hypocrisy of such a campaign. However, they have thousands of employees dependent upon them to support their families. The ad was placed to highlight

Last but not least- Prioritise what you really give a fuck about. Earlier in the article, I touched on the idea of deciding what environmentally caring about. Instead of half-heartedly consuming goods, we can make a change by getting dirty and challenging big brands on issues that are close to our hearts. Join protest on things you actually care about. If deep sea oil drilling really grinds your gears- do something about it. If the fact that a company uses unsustainable palm oil in their products, email them, create an online petition to boycott their products. Choose what you actually care about and stick at it. By Katie Harris

Research Spotlight

Computing Inspired by the Human Brain This week we talked to Dr. Saurabh Bose, who is a Senior Research Fellow in the Physics department here at UC. Saurabh is researching neuromorphic computer chips. These are computer chips whose architecture is inspired by the structure of the human brain. These chips are being designed to recognise patterns, and to augment the capabilities of existing computer systems. The processor inside your computer and smartphone is an incredibly powerful piece of technology. One single processing core on a (very) average 2017 computer will be performing multiple billion arithmetic operations per second. This being said, there are some tasks that you (as a human) quite simply have your phone beat at. Look at the image (to the right). It’s a picture of a dog in a space suit. There is a good chance that you have never seen a dog wearing a spacesuit, and yet your brain was near instantaneously able to recognise these two ideas, put them together and categorise the new information. This same task on your laptop would not be feasible and and would require multi-billion dollar supercomputer with some very clever software. “The structure of the human brain designed and perfected by mother nature over millions of years makes it excels at these kinds of pattern recognition tasks for our survival “Recognizing a tiger hiding in bush is more important than counting fingers on hand.” “For numerical functions the computer chips operate at Giga-hertz frequencies. They work very very fast.”, Dr. Bose says, “They are fine for most applications because they are fast. The place they lack, and where this neuromorphic chip may augment in some sense, is doing the processing of one set of data in parallel to the standard computer chip. “ Software engineers and computer scientists already try to mimic the structure of the brain in software. They call this neural networks. The hardware of traditional computers tends to bottleneck the performance however. So the best neural networks run on large computational clusters of computers.

“There are software neural networks, but the big giants like Google and Facebook use supercomputers to make them work. Our idea is to make that happen locally on a phone, rather than it needing to be communicating with a server or supercomputer somewhere”. The formation of synaptic connections between neurons in your brain is the basis for how your brain does everything, including remembering things, doing maths, and working on your life philosophy. The idea behind Dr. Bose’s research is to mimic the structure of the brain in a physical system which is modelled after the way our brains work. This new neuromorphic chip consists of collections of metal nanoparticles with connections between them available to change (switch).. When electrical signals are passed through the devices, small conducting bridges form between them. These bridges are like the synaptic connections which form between the neurons in your brain. This will form the basis of how the neuromorphic chip function! The way the neuromorphic chip performs computation will be incredibly different to how traditional computing functions as well. Rather than having a discrete series of logical steps, it will incorporate some aspect of probability, and randomness to its output. Although this seems counterintuitive for computation, it can be a very useful property when handing completely new and strange information. “There is only a chance when we see something, that we will remember what it is.” Dr. Bose explains, “The thing is there is a chance of error there. Error can be good for us though. For any completely new information that comes in, there is a much better chance of it being able to put it into one of these category boxes we already know of. E.g. its an apple or a red ball. The error, or the stochasticity, in this new device we are working on, makes it much better to handle unknown data.” Dr. Bose has recently received the Marsden fast-start grant, and Prof. Simon Brown has bagged MBIE funding totalling more than $1 million in order to pursue this. His team includes a Masters student, a PhD student, a postdoctoral fellow, and several co-investigators in the Physics and Computer Science department. Want to get your research featured in CANTA? Get in touch with the UC PGSA info@ucpgsa.org and tell us about your project!

OUR BEAUTIFUL CAMPUS The 4 most relaxing and charming spots at UC

Ilam Stream - Rec Centre to UC Health Centre Picture yourself: endorphins pumping through your blood from the terrific Butt, Abs and Thighs (BAT) class you absolutely smashed, walking back to the halls. You wind up that little hill and come to the bridge crossing the Ilam stream and suddenly see a little path to your left just before the stream. You wander down it and lose yourself in the beauty of the willows and meandering water, all of a sudden you have spent 2 hours staring at the stream and have missed a test. So you decide to continue up the track to the Health Centre to acquire a doctor’s note on the account that your water bottle was spiked with something called nature and it took over your mind.

Top floor of Central library Many of us who spend a large amount of time in the library suffer from two things: bad eye sight and high stress levels. Why not relieve both at once by getting up amongst the clouds on the 12th floor of the library. Yes folks there is 12th floor to the library and much like the 9&¾ platform it is a magical place. Added bonus: to get there you have to take the stairs as high as they go so you might even get a bit more blood pumping round your body.

Okeover Community Gardens Let’s face it, your flatmates have been a bit slack on the veges the past couple of weeks, maybe a few frozen peas here and there but you know that’s not enough. Why not have a great time getting yourself some wholesome goodness on a Friday? The community gardens run working bees every Friday which are a great way to get your hands dirty and in return you will come away with a goody bag of veges! The community gardens are also a great place to chill out mid way through a 10 hour coding session in the Erskine Crypt.

Okeover Stream - Glasshouses / Te Ao Marama Just off Arts Rd, behind the biology glasshouses and Te Ao Marama there is a stunning piece of bush just before the intersection of Clyde Rd and the Okeover Stream, a great place to let the different parts of your brain meld themselves back together after a two hour math lecture.

By Jackson White

CANTA COLUMNS Submit your column to canta.editor@gmail.com

Hard to Swallow The F-word Episode 4 UC’ers, it’s that time in the semester where everything seems to get busier in the not-so-fun way and we realise how much we still have to learn before exams and essays hit. But of course, papers shouldn’t be the only way to learn while we’re at uni. That’s why FemSoc have decided to run ‘Ask a Feminist’ in our column. It’s a simple concept: we have set up a google form and will post the link on our blog (ucfemsoc.wordpress.com), you fill in your question, and we’ll try to answer it. No question is stupid here, but do please be respectful though and don’t troll - and yes, a surprising amount of people really do waste their time trolling clubs like us. So, give us your questions, concerns and queries about feminism or sexism. Did you experience a sexist incident or comment and don’t know how to respond? Are you still wondering who Kate Sheppard is? Do you want to know what feminism has to say about gender quotas in work places? Then Ask a Feminist.

‘How can you tell if someone is a vegan? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you!’ Cue raucous laughter. Vegan, my friends, is a dirty word. A word so tainted it can stop a conversation dead in its tracks, ruin a dinner party, and violate first impressions. Vegans are consistently mocked on the internet, with friends, and even in the media. They are the last group it is socially acceptable to freely and openly discriminate against, all for the request of ‘Mine without the sentience, plz!’ It’s easy to see why the idea of veganism can be hard to swallow. Our food culture is about sharing values of love, generosity and community and so attacking the way we eat seems to pull at the fabric of our lives in general. But it’s about time we settle our squabbles, and start asking ourselves the real question: is my diet good for me, for the animals and people around me, or for the well-being of the planet? VCUC is providing an awesome opportunity for debate, conversation and support, to try and answer these questions, by challenging the UC community to Meat Free May. Maybe we’ll see that vegans and omnivores aren’t so different after all, and changing your diet isn’t quite as hard as you think! -Trees

H a r d ya r d s The UC Film Club reviews classic movie

Magnolia

raining frogs. Would you still want to venture out into the world after frogs fell on you from the sky ? I wouldn’t. This film is a classic because very few directors can create cinematic jigsaw puzzles the way P.T. Anderson did with this movie. But it’s perhaps the only classic that might teach you how to become more and more lazy as the years pass by.

Movie details: Magnolia (1999) Why should I pretend I’ve seen this film? If you are a delusional humanbeing, this movie will actually justify those delusions and make you less practical in life. This movie taught me to be as passive as fuck. It played a very important role in making me the supremely lethargic individual that I am today. (Because who wants to work when the ‘Universe’ can sort your shit out :-D ) Watch this film at your own risk. One sentence sum up of the plot: Several characters end up being at the right place at the right time or at the wrong place at the wrong time and you realize that even a social media giant like Facebook cannot connect you to other individuals the way the ‘Universe’ can. What makes this film a classic: On a more ‘serious’ note, it is one of the best ‘coincidence’ films ever made. Also after watching this film, you will start hating any form of precipitation whatsoever. :-D Because, it’s totally legit if it rains cats and dogs; they are cute animals afterall; but what if it starts

Give us some facts about this movie I can impress someone with: For all those people who think that Tom Cruise is just an action star and he cannot act for nuts, just watch him in this film !!! This movie is documented proof that Tom Cruise is one of the greatest actors to have been produced by Hollywood (ever). Period :-D. Tom Cruise doesn’t experiment a lot with his characters but his role in ‘Magnolia’ is one of those few times his acting performance was better than his stunts in the ‘Mission Impossible’ films. Also, another interesting feature about this film is that if you love hunting Easter Eggs you will love this movie even more. Most of the places/scenes featured in this film has one or more pictures or photos of a magnolia flower. Just pause the screen as many times as you want and look out for these pictures. Moreover, this movie was supposed to be crisp and short when the plot was being conceptualized but the director conjured up more characters

while he was writing the plot and ended up making a film that is more than 3 hours long. Don’t worry there have been longer films which we will discuss in this column in the future editions. Controversial or alternate theory on the storyline: The frog rain at the end of this film could have been averted.

I love eating frogs but I wouldn’t want them to fall on me from the heavens. That’s exceedingly creeply. But alternately any shrewd raincoat or umbrella manufacturing company could have used this film to promote their brand. Their tagline could have been something like this: ‘Use our stuff to prevent amphibians from falling on you. Disclaimer: If said amphibian is Godzilla we can’t help you.’ Presumed Moral of the story: miracles are the best excuses to skip work. Be laidback. Be indolent. Contrary to popular belief, life could actually be a bed of roses. By Reo Roy

ANTI SOCIAL

SNA PO THE F WE E You K! win an 8 of s pac uga k r- f r ee V Con ! tac t u for de e s ts.

GIG GUIDE THE ANIMALS

TH E CHI LLS

Wed 3rd May

Thu 4th May

Location The Tannery, 3 Garlands Road Venue Blue Smoke Entry: R18 Price $50 + booking fee

Location The Tannery, 3 Garlands Road Venue Blue Smoke Price $40.00 + booking fee

CHRISTCHURCH ROCK CITY SHOWCASE

TRUTH – A LBU M RELE ASE PA RTY

Fri 12th May

Sat 10th June

Location 336 St Asaph St Venue Darkroom Price $12

Location 153 Madras Street Venue Winnie Bagoes Price $25 + booking fee

Brekky 4 Dinner Friday May 12th @ The Foundry

TuneSoc has welded minds with BirdsNest to bring UC a flurry of bands for your listening pleasure. Highlight Friday the 12th of May in your desk diary because it’s going to be a feast of organically harvested, homegrown kiwi produce coming loud and fast at eardrums everywhere. This festival of frivolity will bring you one of the tastiest brekkies you can jam into an evening. Get along to the Foundry to celebrate the arousing aromas that are cooked up when the finest musical chefs get together and delve deeply into their instruments. These 3 bands are coming up to the Big Shaker to share their tunes and buzz with as many Cantabrians as they can wiggle a stick at. The main course for the evening is The Shambles, who have recently returned from their NZ Summer Tour with RnV groovers, GROMz. The lads have been writing some

flavoursome new music featuring funked up basslines, sultry hip-shaking RnB, cosmic jazz-synth and some psychedelic riffs. All delivered to your table in one of the most boisterous and energetic live sets you’ll see this side of lunchtime. But don’t put all your eggs in the Shambles basket because there is a delicacy for everyone at this musical buffet. Hot out of the oven comes Soaked Oats, a fresh 4-piece rolled in the Chur and pressure-cooked in Dunedin, dishing up your fix of full noise rock n roll. A sexy blend between late night jazzrock and vibrant surfrock. Driven by folky lyrics, pounding drums and fingerlicking rock riffs. Your post-brunch pudding is covered by the soulful Mamazita. Sultry vocals, and sensual RnB vibes, all packed into your lunch box with a sprinkling of shaggadelic basslines. If after all of that you’re still craving more, Garth will cool you down and keep you boogying with some sunshine soul-house radiating from the decks. This dégustation platter of melodies has something for everyone. The most important musical meal of the month. Get your ticket from Under the Radar.You don’t want to miss this one! Love always, TuneSoc x

Yo TuneSoc frothers, we’ve got Battle of the Bands coming up this term on Saturday 20 May, but you’ve only got until 7 May to enter your band into the comp. All the deets are on our Facebook page! Also, check out the ‘Brekky for Dinner’ gig, feat. Mamazita, Soaked Oats & The Shambles at The Foundry on Friday 12 May. Guaranteed to be an awesome feast of Dunedin soundz.

facebook.com/Tunesoc

Until next time, TuneSoc xoxo

MUSIC AND THE ENVIRONMENT

Music and the environment have gone handin-hand since as far back as the 19th century, becoming a common pairing in the 1940’s during WWII (with mass production, enormous consumption of fossil fuels, oh, and nuclear bombs aren’t the most environmentally friendly things in the world). Musicians have used music as a vehicle for environmental activism, concerts and festivals have endorsed sustainability and environmental rights generally, and this association has contributed to the longstanding ‘arty-farty’, ‘hippie’, or more recently ‘generational snowflake’ generalisations. What’s more, with the President of the United States of America (or POTUS for short) poignantly being a reality TV star and self-made (with the help of a small one-million-dollar loan) billionaire, and social media being the main news platform for most young people, those in the arts have more sway (even power) than ever before (#Yeezy4President2020). The question is, how can music be used effectively (or not) as a driver for environmental change? “Blackened is the end, winter it will send, throwing all you see, into obscurity”, James Hetfield roars, on the opening track of Metallica’s ‘…And Justice for All’. Further back, The Beach Boys, known predominantly for surfing themed music, released a track in 1971 ironically entitled ‘Don’t Go Near the Water’, stating “Toothpaste and soap will

make our oceans a bubble bath - So let’s avoid an ecological aftermath”. There are many examples of songs that attempt to increase awareness of environmental issues, and many musicians who fight for these in every release. Closer to home, Tiki Taane and the entire Dub music scene have released superfluous records relating to issues relating to climate change, New Zealand’s “clean green” image and its deterioration, and the importance of kaitiakitanga (the Māori concept of stewardship or guardianship over nature) in environmental management. Taane, in his song ‘No Place Like Home’ intones “Mountains high to rivers mouth, for this our homeland and sea and we are the guardians, WE ARE KAITIAKI!”. Festivals are adopting these themes as well. The 2004 Bonnaroo festival in Tennessee, USA, avoided 120 tons of trash by influencing people to recycle and providing organic and recyclable food packaging. In Christchurch, similar strategies are being attempted. Those of us that frothed Electric Ave or Nostalgia Fest recently will have encountered Globelets, a reusable plastic cup, that you pay for with your first drink, and are reimbursed upon its return. This initiative reduces waste from plastic cups, and makes event clean up far simpler (as the cunning attendees will scour the grounds for dropped cups, looking to make back all the coin they had dropped on Jägerbombs that night). As myself and the other millennials grow older and wiser, and the ‘baby boomers’ begin to drop off (sorry Mum and Dad) we will (I hope) see a shift in belief about climate change and an increase in environmental awareness. Music can and will aid in this, and seeing as Kanye will soon be the POTUS and BuzzFeed and Vice will be our only forms of news media, environmental justice will quickly be upon us! Music is a tremendously powerful media, socially and increasingly environmentally, and will be integral in the movement toward kaitiakitanga which we must adopt to protect our greatest ally, Mother Nature. By Hayden Slaughter, TuneSoc exec.

NGAIRE KNOWS BEST Dearest Ngaire, What are your tips on being carbon neutral in today’s society? –Green Fingers

Hello Grandma Ngaire, I flat with a vegan. Help me understand this concept.... –Mike

Dear Green Fingers, I don’t know what those words mean but what I do know is I just love my compost bin. It feeds the rats! Jenny’s petrified of rats and that makes me laugh. Feed a rat and watch a woman you can’t stand cry! Hours of entertainment. Best wishes, Ngaire

Dear Mike, Vegans are people just like you or me, dear. They only eat plants. Giraffes are also vegans. Isn’t that a fun fact? I love giraffes. I once went on safari and shot one with a rifle. What a terrific time me and my husband had on that Contiki tour. SUCH SWEET MEMORIES. Love, Mrs Ngaire Chambers

Ngaire, I am offended by your advice, calling someone Chubs. You need to be more accepting in today’s society! –Anonymous Hello Anonymous, I am so very sorry. Would you like me to pop into the kitchen and fix you a bowl of Eat Shit and Die? It’s a signature recipe my mother passed down from her mother. I was giving wellbeing advice and not to yourself. Maybe you should mind your own beeswax or come find me at the RSA if you want a blimmin’ scrap. See you at the bar, Ngaire

– We p a s s o n yo u r e m a i l s t o N g a i r e - c a n t a . e d i t o r @ g m a i l . c o m – h t t p s : //w w w. f a c e b o o k . c o m /M r s N g a i r e C h a m b e r s / – Grandma Knows Best - webseries coming soon

LUCKY DIp HOW IT WORKS: Two strangers, free dinner and drinks at Spags, and a written summary from each person that we broadcast to the world.

ONE SIDE

THE OTHER SIDE

He was late and wearing a bandana. Who wears a bandana, especially on a Wednesday night to Spags? I let it slide, and maybe that was because I was more than a couple drinks in already. I definitely got the best out of that voucher. Cheers Canta, by the way. He seemed slightly uncomfortable in his own skin. Gangly and in a blazer that I swear was borrowed from a flatmate because it was like three sizes too small. I tried to put him at ease by talking about our common interests. Fishing for those was hard work. I settled on electronic music. Talking about this prompted him to play trap music on youtube at full volume. I was not keen on this at all. At this point I was just waiting for the food and then I was going to boost. We were getting death stares from every other table at the restaurant because of his shit music. It was like we were on a bus. Luckily our pizza arrived and we had something else to talk about: pineapple on pizza. I am against it. He fucking ordered it. Tried to make me eat it. I firmly said no and he insisted. I called him a cock and he apologised. I think he was just nervous and tried to be confident and funny, when it just came off as awkward and desperate. His dad joke game was weak and pizza puns were total shit chat. Cute if I was 5 years younger. When we left I basically ran to my uber to avoid an awkward goodbye. He had tomato sauce on his face. I stupidly gave him my number and had to block him later that night when he was fishing to come over for ‘dessert’…. nooooo way. I slept so lightly thinking he was going to scale in my window or something! Thanks for the date but it will never happen in this lifetime. Overall it was cringe but still glad I went there Thanks Canta for a decent pizza and a not so dece date. Not your fault!

I played it cool and pulled out all the stops. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw her, it was a serendipitous moment. This girl had been one of my Countdown Church Corner crushes for the better part of a year. I hinted at her all night that she’d served me and that I knew where she worked but she wasn’t clicking. She was tiny, with the nicest eyes and lips. Heavy makeup on her eyebrows which I didn’t like. She maybe didn’t get my jokes, because she just stared at me blankly. I did however vibe with her on some music That was definitely a plus in my books. I decided not to drink because I was nervous af. You got to keep it classy on a first date. We talked quite a bit about uni and tried to join the dots with our friends but we definitely run in different circles. She was into dogs and I am deathly allergic. I love Rick and Morty and she hadn’t watched any of it. This was becoming increasingly difficult and I felt like she wasn’t interested. I wasn’t letting her get away easy. She was easily top 3 out of my crushes. I offered to drive her home but she had her mum waiting. I got her number though and we exchanged a few texts. There definitely will be a second date. Thanks CANTA for setting me up on this date. I owe you big time.

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Riccarton Westfield: (Level 2, near Hoyts), 343 1499. Riccarton - Windmill Centre: Clarence St, 0800 WINDMILL. *$10 eye exams available for University of Canterbury students only. Valid student ID card and a UCSA issued optometry voucher must be presented at time of exam to redeem offer. $10 eye exams apply to standard eye examinations only normally valued at $60, reduced to $10. Excludes contact lens examination. Limited to one per University of Canterbury student every two years and subject to appointment availability. 25% off applies when selecting one pair of glasses from the $169 range or above. Current student card must be presented at time of purchase. Cannot be used in conjunction with any other offer, other than the $10 eye exam. Offers can only be redeemed at Specsavers Riccarton Westfield and Riccarton Windmill. Offers end December 31st 2017.

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