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EDITORIAL Kia ora Congratulations on making it to the final stretch of the university year. Not long now until you can pause, relax, and ask yourself upon reflection, “why the fuck am I doing this?” I hope we have provided you with a momentary escape from the monotony of your studies. It’s been a pleasure putting CANTA out for you this year. As your university education wraps up for the year, a nasty feeling can begin to circulate, a feeling of disappointment. A feeling like you didn’t achieve anything you set out to this year. I know I certainly feel that way, and I doubt I’m the only one. I think it’s a mindset anyone can get trapped in, especially because we consider so many things to run on an annual cycle. It doesn’t feel great to feel like you’ve not achieved anything, and frankly, it’s an undue feeling. You’ve definitely done and achieved more than you think you have this year. Don’t trust your brain’s summation of events. The beginning and end of a year don’t need to signify deadlines of any sort either. Your dreams and goals don’t quit because the year is over. So, just remember, the end of the tertiary year isn’t the end of anything else; go do that random thing you’ve always wanted to do. For this final issue of CANTA, we gave out little direction and encouraged our writers to write about whatever they desired, what they felt was an appropriate last contribution. So, enjoy their interpretations on a final word. I have my last word in this issue also. Seven years after I wrote my first article for CANTA, I’m finally writing my last and venturing into the world to find a real job. So, if you know someone who can offer a job that pays well in return for minimal time and effort – let me know. Yes, you read that right, seven years! You must be thinking, ‘wow, that’s really sad’, and yes, while I may have pretended to be a student well beyond my time, I’ve also loved it so much. Realising I’m reaching the end of my time here at UC does evoke a mixed bag of thoughts and emotions. Rest assured; I’ve addressed those in this issue. Well, this is my final editorial; I hope you’ve enjoyed CANTA this year. Liam Donnelly
EDITORIAL Hello, lovelies I can’t quite believe it, but we’ve done it. It’s the last mag for the year! One thing that you would have noticed that is different about CANTA for 2021 is the solid themes we had throughout – from sex to food, fashion to pride. I must say, the editing team struggled a bit with this last theme as we weren’t sure how to sum up everything that this year has been. So, as Liam Donnelly alluded to, we asked the writers to cover whatever they wanted to or what CANTA has meant to them. Eventually, we decided that this issue was to be titled ‘Infinity and Beyond’. Because... well, we don’t know. Buzz Lightyear, I guess. We’ve got some little treats inside for you. I talk to Rhys Mathewson, a funny man gaining a name for himself, I reveal a long-loved cheating tool, and sure to warm the cockles of your heart is the return of Suzy Cato to our pages – she provides us with some study snacks. Some of our writers have been with the magazine for a long time and continue to deliver you articles and the news. In this issue, they talk periods, cult fashion, CANTA, dating, and magazines. Thanks, team, for all your work for 2021 x Also, a big thank you to everyone who helped fill the gaps in the magazine. These are the artists, photographers, writers, columnists, Lucky Dippers, flats and surprisingly, only a couple of complaints. And I would be remiss to not thank you, dear readers, for joining us this year. I know it’s been a pretty bizarre cycle around the sun, and even as I’m writing this, I’m blown away by the fact it is actually October. Weren’t we just at Electric Ave? I hope you’ve enjoyed at least something in this magazine; if you haven’t, don’t tell me. For me, it’s goodbye. After a long relationship with this magazine – intense and intimate at points and long-distance at others – my last issue has come. Have no fear though, CANTA will be back, and I’m sure the team for 2022 will provide you with fabulous reading. So, see you later, lovelies. Be safe and good luck with your exams. Yours, Liam Stretch x
CONTENTS 08 NEWS
CANTA TEAM Managing Editor Liam Donnelly - editor@canta.co.nz
10 BROKEN NEWS
Print Editor Liam Stretch - print@canta.co.nz
14 RHYS MATHEWSON
News Editor Emily Heyward Designer Conor Jones
16 THE MAGAZINES THAT SHAPED ME 20 IT’S A PROBLEM: PERIOD. 24 FLAT FAMOUS
Feature Writers Neueli Mauafu Lily Mirfin Ella Gibson Ella Somers Contributors Kim Fowler Rosa Hibbert-Schooner Suzy Cato Megan Bol Samantha Schofield The other Emily
26 UNIFORMITY
Digital Editor Pearl Cardwell-Massie
28 CONFESSIONS
Audio Editor Asher Etherington
30 PAYING RESPECTS TO PULL-OUT PENS
Video Creative Director MaCaulay Quinn
32 DATING SOMEONE WITH YOUR NAME 44 LUCKY DIP 47 BYE BYE-OSCOPES
Want to get involved with canta? VISIT CANTA.CO.NZ
President's piece By Kim Fowler (they/them)
Kia ora koutou, Wow! Here we are – it’s the last CANTA of the year. Here’s hoping that you had some good moments in your year so far. My personal favourites have been RE-ORI, sushi on campus, and getting out of lockdown.
it’s a good idea to register your party with the Good One Party register. If some randoms do turn up at your flat, you can then call the police, and they will help in getting them to leave, making sure you don’t break the rules.
Recently, we’ve been advocating for a bus discount for students, encouraging Environment Canterbury to implement a discount at the start of next year. They haven’t been able to do this but have agreed in principle that we’ll have a student discount by July next year, which is still super exciting!!
Apart from that, make sure that you keep looking after yourself as we head into exams. It’s that time of year when many people feel run down and stressed, so make sure to get enough sleep, eat well, and take breaks. If you aren’t feeling too good, remember that you can always hit up the health centre for a check-up and some advice – and it’s free with your community services card.
One of our recent meetings with Police gave us a good tip about hosting a party in level 2. Apparently, the fines for hosting a party with over 100 people are now really expensive, with a maximum fee of $4,000 or a maximum court-ordered penalty of $12,000. That’s so much money, so if you want to make sure you don’t get hit by a fine,
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Wishing everyone the best of luck with next year, whether you’re graduating or moving on to another year of study. Signing off, Kim
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NEWS UC OWNED LAND CAUSES LOSS OF HABITAT IN HIGH COUNTRY
By Emily Heyward (she/her)
Activity on UC owned land has contributed to the direct loss of habitat for indigenous species, a study has found.
Brower said UC could become better caretakers of their land and could find new tenants or be stricter on their current ones.
A new Environment Canterbury (ECan) report, looking at land use in the mid-Canterbury hills and high country, has found that agricultural development on UC lease land, private land, and Crown pastoral land has resulted in the disappearance of 744 hectares of recommended areas for protection.
“I think that they could start acting like they own the land. But again, that’s not as easy as it always sounds.”
The report, which assessed changes in land use in the upper Waimakariri, Rakaia, Haketere/Ashburton, and Rangitata catchments from 1990 to 2019, stated that 6800 ha had been converted into pasture. While most of the development had occurred on private freehold land, the report found that 40 per cent of it had happened on UC and Crown land, which had led to habitat loss, a likely reduction in the population of many species, and ecological impacts beyond the developed areas. University of Canterbury associate professor of environmental science and winner of the 2018 Universities NZ ‘Critic and Conscience of Society Award’ Dr Ann Brower said the study showed not enough was being done to protect vulnerable species. “It’s further evidence that we are failing to protect the rarest and most vulnerable species and habitats. That’s true on private land and on pastoral land and on UC land. “If they [UC] had been an activist landlord, they haven’t been successful at it. If they have tried to be proactive in their sustainability goals on the land that they own, they haven’t been overly successful on it and there could be lots of reasons,” she said.
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She said the Crown had set an “unfortunate precedent” when it came to leasing land; owning land but not acting like it owned the land, creating “an expectation that the university will act the same way”. In a statement, a University of Canterbury spokesperson said as far as UC was aware, the leaseholders’ activities were “in accordance with the rights and obligations of the pastoral lease agreements”. “The University of Canterbury has not been made aware of any non-compliance or breaches of regulation or consents. Any such notices would be issued to the pastoral leaseholders, to be addressed by the leaseholders. The University would expect to be notified by them,” the spokesperson said. The spokesperson told CANTA that UC would engage with leaseholders, ECan, and council in response to the report’s findings. “We understand the leaseholders have not required consent under ECan and SDC (Selwyn District Council) rules, however the University will engage with ECan, SDC and the leaseholders to understand the concerns expressed in the report.” UC has about 38,000 ha of high country pastoral leases in the upper Waimakariri basin and upper Rakaia Valley. The management arrangements were pastoral leases, with leaseholders managing activities on the land.
NEWS
DEATH OF TWO STUDENTS PROMPTS CALLS FOR MENINGOCOCCAL VACCINATIONS By Emily Heyward (she/her)
The father of a UC student who died after contracting meningitis is pleading for students to get vaccinated so that no more lives are lost to the disease. Paul Chapman’s 19-year-old daughter Miwa was “fit, bright, [and] was very musical”. She was just heading into her second year of engineering when she contracted the disease and died in February last year. “We spoke to Miwa on Sunday night at 5:30, she was dead by 10:30 the next morning,” Chapman said. Just two months ago, 21-year-old forestry student Theo Edwards contracted the disease. Within a day, he was dead. “In my mind there’s somewhat of an epidemic down in Christchurch at the moment,” Chapman said. “These are very strong, physically fit young people. They were not in any way sort of unhealthy or ill in anyway.” Since his daughter died, Chapman has been trying to raise awareness about the disease and has been calling on the Government to “wake up” and widen access to vaccines. Currently, meningococcal vaccinations (for one strain) are only free to students at halls of residences and private boarding schools. For students living at flats or at home, the vaccine costs $150 per dose. “My daughter was already out of the student hall and living in a flat.
about, they’re socialising, they may be a little bit rundown, they’re sharing drinks, maybe an e-cigarette,” he said. Chapman said students who didn’t meet the criteria should be able to get the vaccine as an approved student loan item. Meanwhile, he thought universities should take a hardline stance when it came to meningococcal disease. “I personally believe that the university should say you cannot enter a hall of residence without providing evidence of meningitis vaccination. Like they should actually make a rule that you can’t come without it. I mean, it’s free, so they just say on the application form ‘you’ve been accepted’ and ‘by the way you’ve been accepted on condition that you send us a copy of your meningitis vaccination’.” But in the meantime, he wanted students to take the disease seriously. “What worries me is that university students will just maybe read your article and say, ‘oh yeah, that could never happen to me’. “Here’s two people who were University of Canterbury students who passed away in the last 18 months. Those statistics are horrific,” he said. According to the Ministry of Health, meningococcal disease can be difficult to diagnose because it can look like other illnesses, such as the flu. Symptoms can develop suddenly and include a high fever, headache, sleepiness and muscle/joint pain.
“It needs to be widely funded. There’s no doubt the risk is highest in that university category where people are out and
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NEWS STUDENTS SHOCKED TO DISCOVER UCSA STILL EXISTS Students were left in shock and awe when they discovered the UCSA does still exist and has so all year. “I honestly hadn’t heard a peep out of them all year; I thought they’d closed down or something,” said one student.
FREE BUSES REJECTED, ONTO FREE HEELYS After it was announced that UC, the UCSA, and ECAN were not able to reach a deal to provide students with free access to buses, the university is now looking at their plan b. The UCSA and UC are now exploring options to provide all students with a free pair of Heelys to make getting around the city easier. Heelys, the shoes that feature a wheel in the soles, were the pinnacle of practical fashion in the early 00s and were hugely popular for much of that decade. Having already not been popular for over a decade, the university was “excited to be clued on to this hot new trend”.
While no one can be certain exactly why everyone thought the UCSA had shut down, many chalked it up to the fact they’d done nothing of note all year. “I think I saw a sausage sizzle at one point,” said another student.
MAGAZINE SHUT DOWN OVER DICKISH SATIRE NEWS COLUMN A magazine catering to tertiary education students is facing being shut down over its dickish satire news column. CANTA, a magazine based out of the University of Canterbury, is being threatened with closure after its recurring satirical news column pissed people off for the last time. “It criticises, criticises, criticises. But does it ever offer solutions or constructive feedback? No!” expressed one frustrated UC employee. When asked, the column’s writer insisted they weren’t out to hurt anyone, that the satire was merely used to make bad things seem funny. “I’m terrible at my job, and this column alludes to it. I don’t like that,” said another employee.
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A STUDENT FLAT. All you need for this one is some
dangerous mould and no clothes because to be truly representative of student flats, you should be exposed to the elements.
A WHEEL CLAMP. No need to make your own costume, just ask security for one, they seem to have heaps. Alternatively, just park your car somewhere and they’ll be there in five minutes. Drape over shoulders and accompany with a piece of paper with FINE printed on it – also throw a fifty dollar note down the drain just for shits and gigs.
BUSH INN. Dress in your most exciting outfit but maintain a feeling of emptiness on the inside.
A VAPER. Just dress as
yourself. We know you vape.
THE ORBITER. You will need a large cardboard box and 4 paper plates. These will make the body and wheels of the bus. Spray paint green and make sure you’re late to the party that you’re going to. Also make sure you pick up a few nutjobs to share the ride with you.
MONO NIGHTS. Cover yourself in fluids from a gutter.
Snort something you don’t know the ingredients of. Play D’n’B.
AN ARTS STUDENT.
Acquire a lanyard and a JB HiFi shirt. Practice extra animated arm movements and saying, ‘let’s just look in the system”.
UCSA NOTICEBOARD. Dress in literal trash bags, take bits of stolen cars, vocalise all your personal problems really loudly. Watch out for bigots, they seem to be attracted to you.
LEVEL 2. Put on your mask. Take it off. Put it on again. Take it off. Put it on. No, seriously put it on. Just kidding, you’re eating now, take it off. Shit, you want to go to the toilet? Put it on. Take it off.
RICCARTON ROAD. Acquire grey hoodie and sweatpants. Tear off bits of them both and patch up. Change outfit entirely, leave on for six months, then repeat the process. For added flair, adorn with green cycle lanes and criminal activity.
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You will have seen Rhys Mathewson slip onto your TV screens. From Seven Days, to Have You Been Paying Attention?, The Project, and even the talk of dessert time, Seven Sharp, this stand-up comedian come TV presenter and writer has done pretty much everything and keeps getting better. Liam Stretch asked him only the most important questions. So, Rhys. What makes you you – who are you? I’m a stand-up comedian. I work in TV as a writer and performer, and everything going to plan; I will inherit News Corp and the Murdoch family fortune. Describe your comedy style? Charming mischief and self-involved fantasy with some proper hard jokes and a good bit of physical. But I dunno man. I think it’s harder to see what you are from the inside than the outside. I do whatever I think is funny. Maybe if I had a firmer grip on what my comedy brand is I would be more successful. You’re also a broadcaster now; how did this come about? That makes me sound very official. Wendy Petrie is a broadcaster, I’m just a dude doing stuff. Stand up led to me being a comedy writer and panellist on various shows around the place, which landed me a writing job at The Project when it started. They chucked me out in the field, and then four years later, I jumped channels to Seven Sharp. Have you ever been confused for another celebrity? Only other NZ comedians, specifically Joseph Moore (of Fail Army and Two Hearts) and Ben Hurley.
You once went searching for a ghost in the Auckland TVNZ building – have you ever had a paranormal experience yourself? Na, ghosts aren’t real. I was hoping to have a bit more fun with that but the ghost hunting experts I invited were pretty normal people, annoyingly. Who inspires you to be funny? Daniel Kitson is pretty much everything I think stand up can be. Maria Bamford, Chris Rock, Hollywood Handbook, Reggie Watts, James Acaster, John Kearns, Josie Long, Beth Stelling, Wanda Sykes, Norm MacDonald, Tim Key, John Mulaney. Locally: Guy Montgomery, Eli Matthewson, Two Hearts, Rose Matafeo, Paul Douglas, Justine Smith, Josh Thomson, Jamaine Ross. Dai Henwood is a fucking master. That’s leaving out a bunch of people, too; the local scene is ridiculously strong at the moment. This may be dumb and pretentious, and feel free to edit this out: there’s a NY rapper called Ka who is just a behemoth. His efficiency is through the roof; there is not a misplaced word in like four or five albums, and it makes me want to work to be that precise. That’s just me wanting more people to listen to Ka. Part of your signature look is your facial hair. What has more power: the moustache, the goatee, or the full beard? Tbh I’ve been considering getting rid of it all. Very sick of it at the moment. Undeniably a moustache is the funniest facial hair, a truth that goes back to Groucho Marx and Chaplin. It’s like an underline on your facial expressions.
Would you rather tandem bike ride and picnic with Winston Peters, do soap carving with Judith Collins, or go to a full moon party with John Key? Full moon party with John Key. I don’t drink anymore, and I think I could get some real incriminating stuff on him by the end of the night. That’d be worth a million, I reckon. What’s your favourite movie trilogy and why? My flat has been doing trilogy watches throughout lockdowns. Planet of the Apes is really, really good, the Maze Runner is all over the show, Hunger Games are fine, Scream holds up. Bourne movies do a cool thing in numbers two, three, and I think four? Where they repeat an action sequence during a car chase, but every time Bourne improves. We just watched Oceans 12 and 13 backto-back last night – I’m on a real caper buzz. Love me a caper. You’re based in Auckland; what was the first thing you did when Level 3 began? Started getting takeaways, and I haven’t stopped, and now my blood feels slow. Chocolate, caramel, or strawberry sundae. Why? Chocolate every time. Don’t mess with the classics. Where can we see you? Seven Sharp once or twice a week, and on Twitter @Rhyspect and Instagram @rhysmathewson. But I’m very bad at social media – generally, it bums me out.
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By Ella Somers (she/her)
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Obsessed with magazines from an early age, Ella Somers looks back at the magazines she discovered over the years that shaped her into the reader she is today. My love for magazines started with Wild Things which would land in my letterbox wrapped in plastic wrap that I always struggled to open, brimming with animal stories and photos. Like many small children who go through an extremely passionate marine biology phase, Wild Things was the magazine that convinced me - for a short time - that my career path lay in marine biology. As a young teen with a serious library habit, I would check the shelves for Frankie every time I went just in case the latest issue was out. My day was made if I found the latest issue beside the stained and well-thumbed past issues. If the latest issue wasn’t there, I’d drag piles of the older issues back home with me and reread them again and again. I only barely resisted the temptation to cut out all the pretty paper because I had a fear that a librarian would track me down and confiscate my library card forever. I covertly read scraps of National Geographic during the quiet moments in my café job throughout my gap year, which helped
alleviate some of the panicked boredom I was full of at the time. I would fold napkins and sift through old issues, letting myself be transported to other places. Starting university encouraged me to add North and South, Bitch, The New Yorker, and Gal-Dem to my magazine pile, so my brain didn’t feel like it was collapsing after researching and writing essay after essay. I joined CANTA and realised the importance of student media, so student magazines started getting added to the stack. While the Covid-19 pandemic took over the world, New Zealand Geographic reminded me of the world outside. It scratched the marine biology itch while also doing what it says on the tin: exploring New Zealand and beyond through people, places, and wildlife in all its glory and tragedy. It was a good reminder that if nature can do its best to resist humankind, I can do the same and make sure to hug the occasional tree. Now, I don’t rip into and speed through magazines as soon as they land on my doorstep. Magazine deliveries are opened like presents and then put aside for later, hidden from family and friends until I’ve gotten the chance to read it first. Magazines become saved weekend reading where I can take the time to lose myself in them properly and digest them slowly, with a cup of tea as big as my head in hand, making my way through the pile until I’m finished.
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UPDATES FROM COLLEGE OF ARTS:
Tēnā tātou e te whānau whanui o Te Whare Wānanga o Waitaha, Ko tēnei te mahi o Te Akatoki o ngā Pou Mātauranga
TE AKATOKI UPDATES - Taukaea Tauira is a haerenga between TA, TRM (Otago), TA (Lincoln) and Ara. We visit kura around waitaha to promote tertiary education and Māori excellence. We also will be having time together to collaborate, wānanga, have whakawhanaungatanga, sport and social nights: as of now, this haerenga is still on - fingers crossed, please sign up via our Instagram or the link in our bio (more information on the post or Google form). - Te Wiki O Te Reo Māori was a great week in which we shared a lot of prizes and whakataukī over social media and also were able to run a quiz night. Karawhuia tātou, Kia kaha tō Reo Māori ia wiki, ia wiki. - Hauora week will be happening in early October and is a week of well-being focused activities for students. We also give out a well-being pack for tauira!!! Keep an eye out for this kaupapa
UPDATES FROM COLLEGE OF ENGINEERING: - Last two hui have been cancelled due to lack of Agenda items and Lockdown. - Have been working closely with Felix (the Engineering representative for UCSA) and have an equal voice at the table on tauira matters. Advocated for tauira against assessments being due during study week. - If you are studying engineering and are facing anything you would like to be taken to a College meeting (albeit successes or challenges), my inbox is always open at aly33@uclive.ac.nz. - If you have any ideas on how studying engineering can be made better for tauira Māori and would like to sit down for a kawhe (virtually or in-person eventually), get in touch, e te iwi. Ngā mihi, Alyce
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UPDATES FROM COLLEGE OF EDUCATION, HEALTH AND HUMAN DEVELOPMENT: - Mātauranga Māori endorsement in Bachelor of Teaching and Learning all set to go ahead, consultation done through Kay-Lee Jones, who is still keen for any more feedback (positive or negative) on course proposals \. - Interest in creating support for students who are repeating placements and how to provide more support for students completing placement first time round. Many students in Diploma and PG Dip are on placement at the moment, with varying levels of support from schools, but CEHHD is providing alternative forms of assessments for students who cannot teach in schools during COVID levels 4, 3, or 2. - Any tauira Māori in the CEHHD who are having any raru or want to provide any feedback on their courses or ideas regarding tauira Māori support and engagement can email me at bwb36@ uclive.ac.nz.
The current update from the CoA is as follows: a) Significant changes are currently occurring for the Bachelor of Arts courses. This restructure includes new courses, papers, and specialisations available to students, which allow them to explore the large number of diverse curriculum courses available under the Arts degree. - This restructure of the BoA will be announced publicly later on, but exciting things include a compulsory te reo/te ao Māori course for first-year students studying under the Arts degree. b) Record number of students studying under the CoA has been acknowledged for 2021, and preparation has started for greater numbers in 2022. As such, increased support for both students and academic staff are currently being worked out. c) Discourse around the mandatory recording of lectures and a drop off in student attendance has been raised by academic staff. Working alongside UCSA representative Asher Herrman, we have been able to give insight and comment on the usefulness of recording lectures from a student’s perspective. Conversations are still being held regarding potential alternative methods for engaging students and staff. d) Upon prior agreement with your course coordinator, students are now able to submit their assignments in te reo Māori. This watershed moment for the CoA means that students can freely express themselves and their mahi in te reo while also having the peace of mind that their work will be read and translated by a competent speaker of te reo Māori. Most of the other/prior CoA agenda updates have gone and passed. However, if anyone wants further information, then send me an email at cas201@uclive. ac.nz, Connor Smith.
UPDATES FROM FACULTY OF LAW:
UPDATES FROM COLLEGE OF SCIENCE
UPDATES FROM POSTGRAD SPACE:
- We no longer have the College of Law and Business as a restructure has led to separating these two schools. We’re now known as the Faculty of Law.
- Last hui was during Lockdown and another coming up this week.
- Graduate School is pretty much going ahead - it is going to be for research students first and then taught masters students etc. will be added in later. Have been having focus groups and consultation for Māori, but this is still ongoing and has been impacted by Covid-19.
- Next Law Faculty meeting is on 28 September. - Next BCJ Standing Committee Meeting 20 September. - Have been working alongside USCA Law Rep (Jess) to collate student feedback on the CLE amendment regarding compulsory Tikanga Māori in core courses. - Pushing for this to be introduced into more than just core courses, especially those heavily relating to people (e.g. Family) and Land Law, if not all courses. - Have offered support on behalf of TA to help connect the Law school with some appropriate people to deliver Tikanga Māori - Restructure of Bachelor of Criminal Justice degree, including dropping some papers and introducing new ones. - Advocating for the inclusion of more Māori and other multicultural papers focussed papers. - Ensuring that the papers that are being dropped, especially 200 level Treaty paper, won’t impact tauira graduating gaining characteristics we want, e.g. cultural competency etc. - Law school disappointed with first semester marks and think there is a correlation with low attendance. - Bit redundant now but wanted to understand why students were not attending and how we could change that. - Since lockdown 2.0, there will be less attendance, working on how we can better support our law students, so grades pick up.
- 26 per cent increase in tauira Māori studying undergrad science this year :). - A cluster hire of new Māori science academics has been happening throughout this year. - A group has been set up for Māori staff in CoS to whakawhanaungatanga - they are currently meeting monthly. - Currently, the only compulsory course meeting BiCC requirements is SCIE101. The goal throughout CoS is to establish 200-level BiCC courses throughout the major. - Recent kaupapa has been around equitable textbook access - since Covid-19, many unis are pushing to online textbooks, many of these cost more for the library to purchase than physical textbooks and can only be accessed by a small number of people. The library is creating resources to encourage professors to move towards open-access textbooks and create their own. - Access to limited-entry courses are currently based only on GPA - some early kōrero are being had on how to make this more equitable. - Several new degrees are being developed across CoS - looking to engage early with UC Māori to ensure these meet BiCC requirements. These are interdisciplinary degrees focused on broad global issues, e.g. climate change, global policy.
- Lots of PG events are being discussed in terms of the replacement for GradFest (usually a week of events) to instead be spread across the year. The first event they outlined was not received that well by the PGAG (a postgrad advisory group made up of students), and this kōrero is ongoing. Other events being run by UCSA are very monocultural, and I have been commenting on this for a while. - Continuing to have meetings with Library staff on what they can do to support tauira Māori. - Advocacy for a Social Work student on placement who raised concerns with other unis allowing placement students to go back during L4; however, UC was deciding not to. We discussed options, but luckily UC reversed their decision. - Personally, questions around what the impact of Lockdown means for research students, especially when many of us are still doing research but cannot access the library etc. Last Lockdown, we were given a one-month extension to our research timelines but haven’t heard anything about this time.
- CoS Equity & Diversity Committee has been focusing on the UC Equity Review. Some concerns were brought up in the last meeting on the deficit thinking presented in some of the feedback. The next meeting will be workshopping what can be done within CoS to meet the recommendations. - Any pātai from tauira in CoS, feel free to flick me an email at glf22@uclive. ac.nz.
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By Ella Gibson (she/her)
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You know, it’s that time of the month that you just simply dread! PMS (premenstrual syndrome) is responsible for the changes in the body’s hormone levels before your period that can cause both physical and emotional irregularities. The most common physical changes are headaches, cramps, fatigue, and bloating to name just a few. Emotional symptoms can range from anxiety to mood swings, insomnia to appetite changes and depressed moods. For all of this and more to occur once a month of approximately half of the UC population, it makes me wonder about the implications it must have on the university experience. Accordingly, I took to the UCSA Noticeboard and crowdsourced period experiences from the UC cohort. Specifically, I asked how periods have affected or are affecting the UC university experience. Sit back, relax, and let’s investigate this bloody predicament, period. I was overwhelmed with responses from the UCSA Noticeboard post. What was especially confronting to me was the extent of this problem and the number of people it affects. The diverse stories and experiences that I was presented with were simply astonishing. Personally, my periods arrive with their classic physical symptoms of sore stomachs and bloating; they sure do cramp my style (sorry, but you knew I had to do it). But more than that, their emotional and behavioural impact truly are the biggest hindrances to my ability to be at university. Whenever the dawning of my period ensues, I am undoubtedly reintroduced to my best friends: anxiety and mood swings. If I had to conceptualise my period experience, I would compare it to the likes of the most volatile liquid one could find that is constantly shaking and pouring out its contents everywhere. I feel for people that are graced by my period presence because I really can’t guarantee what type of gal you’re gonna get. Unfortunately, I am not the only one who endures such gloomy symptoms. An 18-year-old Bachelor of Commerce student informed me about how periods put “a huge f**king dampener on the university experience”. She explained that this is “because when you’re lying in bed in unearthly pains, can’t stand or leave [your] bed because you’re in that much pain it means you can’t attend uni. But what happens when you have tuts that are attendance marked? It’s either suffer in class for an hour and feel like trash or lose marks that can be crucial to your grades”. A 26-year-old Master of Arts student disclosed that she
could not attend university at the time when she saw my UCSA post. “I literally have my period atm and am not going into uni. Because I usually bike, but sooooooo don’t want to do that right now. I would drive, but I don’t have a parking permit and am too skint to buy one,” she explained. These are the types of common conundrums that UC alumni with periods can face. A non-binary 21-year-old student studying a Bachelor of Arts explained their period pains and experiences at UC. “My periods are extremely painful and so much so that during the time I have them, it is very hard to get on with my daily life. I just don’t want to get out of bed. And I have an extremely heavy flow, and I lose so much blood that I have to keep taking iron tablets to maintain the iron levels in my blood.” They also continue to explain the nexus between being non-binary and periods. “I am a nonbinary person and uncomfortable with femininity, which means my gender dysphoria worsens during my period and often results in depression. Not an ideal situation when it goes on for five to six days,” they explain. So how about at the specific UC related period obstacles? A 22-year-old Mechatronics Engineering student explained that “in the engineering building they don’t have [sanitary] bins in every bathroom, even in the women’s bathrooms it’ll only be in one or two stalls”. “Having to think through which bathroom stall I go into is s**t.” This student then went on to reveal what happened when she was a part of the UCSA student executive and brought up the issue. “I tried to bring it up on my term on UCSA exec, but I wasn’t able to get anywhere with it,” she explained. These represent only a handful of the brave people who reached out to me. To conclude, periods suck. They suck immensely! Everyone knows that, and half of us are unfortunately graced with the opportunity to experience it once a month for a whole week! How good! It is essential that UC facilitates and acknowledges the period experience and how it can affect students. If one is unable to attend a tutorial or lab because of crippling period pain, that should be respected and understood. A natural process should not threaten one’s grade. It’s a problem that needs more addressing, period.
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art
Art By Samantha Schofield
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INNOVATE AT UNIVERSITY TODAY, DISRUPT THE WORLD TOMORROW WHAT IS RED BULL BASEMENT?
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The team selected will enter a week long incubator programme with Flume Agency, where they’ll refine and commercialise your idea, develop your brand and create digital prototypes.
WHAT TYPES OF IDEAS?
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TEONE AMELIA
ANARU
MIA SERENE HINEAMARU
ORAKA
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ALIYAH
Flat Famous HINEAMARU
Hineama-Hui is the Mother to Donny, she definitely won’t be found on campus as she’s only attended 2 classes this year. She’s our flat “Sober” Driver and loves a spontaneous trip to the Norty North, and if you own an Oodie, she’s bound to have the same one. At The Party: looking after the ‘kids’ in her room during kick ons.
MIA
Our new improved flattie, Fresher Mia, grew up doing shoeys of Codys, so it’s no surprise that after a few inus she will easily take you down using her taekwondo moves. Our Fresher is constantly stressing over 1% assignments and despite being lactose intolerant, she still manages to consume the most dairy in the flat. At The Party Bartender in the kitchen.
SERENE
Serene is the ultimate mahi dawg and she can be found at one of three places: The Winery, the Prod Building or The Craic. After a round of Articulate and a few ciders at The Foundry, she becomes an absolute menace. SDawg Shredded is always the main character, her loyalty to the Panthers means she will go to bed during a party if they lose a game. At The Party - Carrying someone at beer pong.
ALIYAH
Aliyah is the definition of Britney Spears’ - Toxic, she will literally yell boring at you at any time of the night. Our Tacky Queen will happily be the one to shove her fingers down your throat or ‘try’ to carry you to bed. She’s an aspiring WAG, so if you don’t play sports or have money, keep walking. At The Party - ‘Borrowing’ your dishwashing liquid.
HONORARY MENTIONS AMELIA
Amelia (Mia) is the honorary flattie who doesn’t know the National Anthem. At The Party - snorkelling four wine bottles, just because.
TEONE
Mias BF: The flat durry muncher who is too often mistaken as Serene’s brother. He’s nominated boyfriend of the year. At The Party - On the Aux.
ORAKA
Oraks is apart of Hineamaru’s Furniture and provides the best snacks. At The Party - hanging with Donny.
ANARU
Anaru is a wannabe Winery Member, this Welly Bouncer can’t even handle our 5’6 freshers fighting skills but it’s okay because he’s one of the girls. At The Party - With a hot bottle enforcing shots.
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By Lily Mirfin (she/her)
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Love them or hate them, uniforms have been a part of most of our lives. Whether it’s required by a school, workplace, or social group, the grand portion of us have had to conform to a dressing standard at some point. Eventually, we all develop our own sense of style, and for many of us, a personal uniform emerges. There are, however, some groups that take this a bit far. You know, Gloriavale far. In fact, this style of dressing has started to leak out into shops and streets across the world. I don’t quite mean the Gloriavale extreme of wearing the exact same thing every day. Instead, I mean very modest silhouettes. So why is it that suddenly young women are dressing as if they belong to a Midsommerstyle cult? As an occasional member of this group, I’m here to explain why. I would say that being told that you’re dressed like a cult member is a universal experience. But sadly, I think I’m part of a minority in this case. Cults and clothing (iconic duo) are two of my favourite interests. You might think that there’s no apparent connection between the two, but you would be wrong. Dressing in a style similar to a cult member was identified as an emerging trend in 2019, directly before the COVID-19 pandemic. This clothing style even found its way onto TikTok, with people comparing it to the
costumes seen in The Handmaid’s Tale. But although I see the style as a little bit more flower child than handmaid, I can still see where they’re coming from. This way of dressing has mostly been inspired by Scandi street style, particularly from the label Ganni. This style seems to be a sign of the times, according to some anyway. In the current era, where women’s bodies still lack personal ownership, *cough, Texas, cough* wearing modest clothing can be a kind of buffer. Now we can’t pinpoint this as the exact reason for this trend emerging, but we can’t deny that the vibe does kind of match the Gloriavale aesthetic a little more than I’m comfortable with. But we need to make the important distinction between women being pressured to wear something and women deciding to dress in a certain way. This style is also highly practical. With fast fashion being a driver of climate change, sustainable and practical clothing is something we could all use more of. Our clothing is our own personal uniform. For some of us, it’s varied, and for others, it tends to be similar items worn over and over. It’s so easy to recognise how our society shapes our own personal uniform. Sure, I don’t see everyone adopting these flowy dresses. But this new trend is certainly a fascinating one. Looking at how we dress as a wider reflection of how those around us view us is fascinating. Take this concept and consider this; are you really the one who decided to wear what you put on this morning? Or was it chosen for you?
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By Neueli Mauafu (he/him)
Dear Diary, We’ve finally made it! The last edition for CANTA 2021. As clichéd as it may sound, I can honestly say that I have thoroughly enjoyed the journey from start to finish. As a young writer/ journalist manoeuvring his way through the world of media and communications, CANTA has been a great steppingstone with my writing journey.
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FIRST IMPRESSIONS
WHERE TO NOW
I can recall the very first day when I stepped foot in the small, cramped space set out for CANTA. Before this first meeting, my initial thought of the workplace would be some well-planned office with computers and desks.
As I write these words, I truly know that I am highly grateful and blessed for the opportunity given to work with an amazing team. Although an outsider and a stranger to this type of environment, my journey was made easy, knowing that it’s okay to have doubts. With the highs, there also came some lessons to learn:
Surprisingly enough, I was met with a much more laid-back interior design. The office was no bigger than my bedroom and really gave off a relaxing/chill vibe. That same vibe was even more present within the two main guys heading the team, or should I say the two Liams (Liam Stretch & Liam Donnelly). There aren’t many words to describe the partnership between the two, but for now, let’s just say it’s “extravagant”. Whether it’s the colour-coded outfits from Donnelly or the calm persona from Stretch, their tag team really made me work on my articles with no pressure at all. The idea of having your written work being read by other people did rattle my thoughts. However, having a cool duo leading the team, everything became a breeze.
OUTSIDE THE NORMS I grew up with a religious background, and you shouldn’t really dwell on a few off-limits topics. However, the irony was when a few themes were deadest in the headlines for some of our issues of CANTA this year, and I was tasked with covering them – the big ones being topics such as sex, drugs, alcohol, and the pride issue.
I still have a tonne of work needed on my writing skills, especially if this is a career I am willing to pursue. My mental and thinking process for a written piece needs to improve vastly, especially with setting aside my own beliefs and biased perspectives from a discussion. I hope UCSA reconsiders a bigger space for CANTA in the upcoming years. As a magazine for the students and by the students, there really should be a major focus on having a state-of-the-art workspace (maybe a free bar tab too). Thank you, CANTA, for the opportunities this year! I’m looking forward to seeing the growth of the magazine in the next few years. Yours truly, Neueli M
Writing about them wasn’t the issue for me, but more of pondering if I am worthy enough to speak on such topics. I guess that’s the beauty of writing for a student magazine. There really isn’t much of a barrier to what you say, because let’s be honest, UC students are a bunch of free souls who love to party and vibe. Such mentality became a confidence booster for me, article after article writing my thoughts away. After my time here at CANTA, I can honestly say that I can now be brave in honing my craft as a writer with whatever topic is given.
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By Liam Stretch (he/him)
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A report recently released to RNZ’s Checkpoint detailing information received through the Official Information Act showed that there had been a massive increase in cheating at universities across the country – five out of eight of our institutions, in fact. RNZ cited, “University of Canterbury had a 258 per cent increase in academic misconduct in 2020 compared to 2019. Lincoln University had a 104 per cent increase, Waikato University had a 61 per cent increase, Victoria University had a 21 per cent increase and Massey – 10 per cent”. Obviously, working from home during the pandemic had something to do with this dramatic data, but it got me wondering if I had ever cheated – the answer was yes, once... albeit, a Year 13 Religious Education internal exam. With that weight off my shoulders, I thought it was only fair that I expose the best cheating tool of them all and my one-time weapon of choice. I’m, of course, talking about the ultimate covert answering assistant tool, the pen with the spring-loaded pull-out tab. I must preface the remainder of this article with this, though – do not use this in your upcoming exams; those octogenarian supervisors have seen it all. Frankly, the outcomes of being caught cheating are not worth it. Insert American headmaster from a 2000’s kids’ show talking about a smudge on your permanent record.
enclosed within. To get a helping hand in a test, one simply would grab a glue stick and paper and record those essentials needed for an exam – often dates, names, citations etc. – and paste this onto the enclosed ‘pamphlet’. This would then be surreptitiously pulled out when the teacher had likely gotten deep into their game of computer chess. This was, however, one of the riskier plays when it came to a not-so-honest test result. Due to the spring within, there was a rather large chance that the paper would flick back to its chamber, leading to a click that would be amplified tenfold in a silent exam room. It ranked up there alongside the notes on the inside of a drink bottle label and the odd scrap of paper down your pants. In hindsight, it was not worth the effort because I seldom use the information I learnt in that class apart from when answering a ponderous puzzle at a quiz night or for context when watching a Dan Brown inspired film or anything on the History Channel. I’ve also carried this burden for many years, and that weighs you down, man. So, now, to those cheaters at our fine institution. If you find that you have to cheat to get a university degree, you may want to stop lol; it’s not a good look. As a side note, why do engineers get to bring a cheat sheet? If you have never seen one of these, picture size six font (this big) on an A4 sheet covering everything from fulcrums to beams. I had to recall the entire Socratic Method just from my brain, and they say arts degrees are easy, scoff.
As shown in the accompanying picture, these pens are quite a common marketing tool, with the associated business’s details or facts
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By Emily Heyward (and the other Emily)
When I first came out, one of the questions my friends asked me was if I would ever date someone with the same name. My response was, “ah, you realise that’s not just a queer thing, right? But no, I wouldn’t. That would be weird.” So, naturally, I met a woman called Emily and started dating her. If you’ve got the hots for someone with the same name as you, it’s not completely dire. Sure, some people may think you’re a narcissist, but at least you’re not boring. Here are some things you should consider before dating someone with the same name as you, brought to you by Team Emily.
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ADVANTAGES:
DISADVANTAGES:
- It’s always a conversation starter
- Conversations with new people always start in the same way.
- Your friends and family are unlikely to forget your partner’s name. - You don’t need to confirm whose name the table is booked under.
- People think you’re inventing an imaginary partner and lack creativity coming up with a name.
- Your friends give you nicknames.
- People ask, “how’s Emily?” and you have to clarify whether they’re asking about your partner or are referring to you in the third person.
- When you suck at ten pin bowling, you can pretend that your partner’s score is yours.
- Your friends give you shit nicknames or refer to you in plural.
- You can steal their named Tupperware and get away with it.
- When you kick ass in ten pin bowling, your partner tries to steal your limelight.
- You don’t forget how to spell their name.
- When you give yourself a “pull yourself together Emily” pep-talk, your partner thinks you’re attacking them.
- You’re more likely to win online competitions for couples because people think it’s quirky. - You find your name in a meme, and you don’t have to go looking for theirs. - You can accept compliments clearly meant for your partner. - When you cheer your partner on, you also cheer yourself on.
- You both turn around when someone yells “Emily” in public. - People turn your names into a math equation. - When your partner’s friends talk about you, you’re referred to as “the other Emily”, as if you’re not the main character. - Things get even more confusing when you both have friends that share your name. - You feel like a narcissist when you write a card to your partner and say, “To Emily, Love Emily”.
Sure, having a partner with the same name as you can take a bit of getting used to, but it does give you a unique connection and means if you get married, you could have the exact same name.
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Art By Megan Bol
arts
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Advertorial
How are you funding your summer? If the thought of working the summer away in an office or shop doesn’t thrill you, and you can’t do your OE, why not think about getting a job on an orchard along with your mates this summer? Right now, there are loads of summer jobs on orchards picking and packing fruit being advertised in the beautiful Hawke’s Bay, Marlborough, and Central Otago regions. The apricot, cherry, nectarine, peach, and plum (or summerfruit) harvest starts late November and can last until April – depending on the fruit variety and weather. In Central Otago, the cherry harvest starts around mid-December and ends early February – perfect timing to catch a festival, ride the bike trails or relax before lectures begin. Otago Uni psychology student Graydon has spent recent summers working on an orchard in Central Otago, rather than flying home to New Plymouth. The 20-year-old has wanted to do orchard work for years after hearing about the good money he could earn for his tertiary education. ‘There’s not a lot of opportunities to earn that kind of money back up north in seasonal work’ he says. Most of his friends are also coming back again this summer and he’s managed to rope in a few extras as well. ‘I started picking last season and my biggest day was 43 buckets, but I usually average around 30. So it’s definitely better than a minimum wage job.’ First year psychology and exercise sports science student Meg is looking forward to her second season of fruit picking. She started in the packhouse but soon realised that it was outside in the fresh air that she needed to be, and after a week, joined her friends to pick fruit instead. ‘The packhouse is easier money but picking is just so nice amongst the trees,’ she says. Meg is keen for a full season of cherry picking these Christmas holidays and enjoys the convenient hours, knowing every day is a guaranteed seven to eight hours of work over a six to seven day week.
Occasionally rain can stop the harvest briefly, but hopefully Mother Nature will be kind this year. Having a good group of friends to pick with definitely helps the day go faster, as it can be quite physical work for some, but also a great way to get fit and a tan. ‘My back was very sore after the first day, but the buckets aren’t that big that you can’t hold them. It’s just physically tiring.’ Meg says that at the peak of the season they would start work at 7.30am and finish around 3.30pm, but if they were busy the boss would give people the choice to either carry on or sign off if they wanted to. ‘If you want to make good money, then you’ll find out pretty quick if you like it or not.’ If picking fruit isn’t your thing, then there are other orchard jobs available and the packhouse is a good place to start. And orchards can be pretty social places – Meg’s had a basketball team and she says there were parties to celebrate milestones too. For people looking for job security, as the summerfruit sector is an essential service for New Zealand, harvest work would continue if a Covid lockdown occurred, but with strict health and safety protocols in place. Finding accommodation in the regions can be a challenge, so it is always worth checking if you have any family or friends that would be happy to give you a bed for the summer. Many, but not all orchards, offer accommodation which might range from campsites for tents and campervans to self-contained flats, so it is definitely something to consider when checking out vacancies. While Meg lives in sunny Alexandra near the orchards, Graydon has to find accommodation for the season and that comes at a cost. Last year he paid $75 a week in a shared room on the orchard.
If this sounds like something you’d like to try this summer, why not find out more at www.handpickedcrew.co.nz then get your mates together and check out vacancies on jobs.picknz.co.nz and plan a summer to remember.
Find out more at handpickedcrew.co.nz Jobs available at jobs.picknz.co.nz
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By Liam Donnelly (he/him)
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As I alluded to in my editorial, I’ve been at this tertiary institution for seven years. I’m not exactly trying to brag; some people have spent far more time here than I. I’m merely trying to imply that seven years is long enough to learn a thing or two about this institution and the organisations within it. The UCSA has employed on and off me since 2016, and – before I go tearing them a new asshole – I just want to clarify that I have loved working within the organisation. The UCSA has also been hugely supportive of CANTA and has let us do what we want (probably an easy thing to do when they give us extremely limited budgeting and resources, but I digress). Whilst the UCSA does some good things and has good intentions; it is ultimately rotting from the inside. It’s the best toxic work place I’ve ever experienced.
For example, I was elected to the 2018 UCSA Student Executive. A policy I ran on was to try and lower the costs of food on campus. At a mix and mingle event – before I was even elected – I was introduced to the Food and Beverage Manager at the time, who bellowed in my face and essentially said, “Yeah, good luck with that”. We shared a laugh because, gosh, wouldn’t it be nice if you could just lower the price of things willy-nilly? Sure, I went along with the laugh, but It was never actually explained to me exactly why the price of food couldn’t be lowered. Before the student exec is even elected, they’re told they can’t achieve anything. Then, once their year is over, and it’s established that the executive didn’t achieve much of what they hoped, the cynicism of staff members is proven, and everything they believe is just reinforced. Then the cycle continues. Executives get less and less done every year, yet the staff just get more complacent. I have seen this happen every year since; in fact, I have been guilty of it myself!
The crux of the problem is that the UCSA does not reflect the students that it aims to represent. If you walk through the offices of the UCSA, you do not find students discussing their studies, issues that affect them, or organising events. In fact, you hardly see students at all. You find a fairly quiet, sterile office.
This is absolutely not the fault of everyone at the UCSA. The UCSA is jam-packed with well-meaning, beautiful people. But that’s the problem with work culture. Even the most well-intentioned people can be caught up in it.
The turnover rate of the UCSA is slow, meaning with every year that passes, the people trying to improve the quality of your university life are further distanced from their own lived experiences. How can someone whose only experience of university is from 20 years ago genuinely improve your modern learning experience?
•
An association that makes it easier for you to go to a bank for a loan than go to them for a hardship grant is not an association that represents you.
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An association that hosts events solely for one genre of music is not an association that represents you.
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An association whose bar doesn’t even have a dance floor is not an association that represents you.
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And an association that indebts itself for millions of dollars to construct a building none of you even like certainly isn’t an association that represents you.
A slow turnover also allows attitudes and cultures to set in. The UCSA has lots of processes for things, as does any organisation, and not everything can just be done overnight. This becomes a problem when you consider the employee/student exec relationship. Each year, a new incoming exec arrives, each with a different set of goals. The issue is that staff, who know the logistics of the organisation better, are therefore better equipped to know which policies can and can’t be implemented. It’s incredibly unlikely that a new executive would arrive with a set of entirely achievable goals. There will always be candidates that will run on unlikely policies, and as a result, each year, the executive is confronted with a wall of unmovable cynicism.
All I encourage of you is to ask more questions.
All you have to do is ask questions; that’s how it starts. Ask, “What the fuck does this do to actually positively affect me?”
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SCAN HERE WITH THE CAMERA ON YOUR PHONE
RDU98.5FM 270 Saint Asaph Street, Christchurch Central, Christchurch
RDU, looking out for student welfare since 1976. Keep it locked & spread the word. Search the RDU98.5FM app now:
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Love Health and Sport?
If you have a passion for sport, fitness, health and wellbeing, make it part of your degree. Add a Health or Sport minor to your BA, BCom or BSc. Health Sciences minor subjects: • Health Education • Physical Activity • Public Health • Society and Policy Sport Coaching minor subjects: • Adventure Sport and Environment • Performance Analysis • Nutrition • Sport Science • Strength and Conditioning Talk to a Student Advisor about your course options for 2022.
www.canterbury.ac.nz/ education-and-health
Health Hauora
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TikTok is the gift that keeps on giving. Recently, CANTA’s friend Suzy Cato has joined the app, and we couldn’t be happier. Suzy shares some of her best study snacks just in time for exams, and we reached out to her to get the low down on a couple of the best. Kia ora e hoa When you’re studying, especially for an exam, it’s really important that you feed your brain as well as your puku. Good food gives you more energy and helps you feel better for longer. And, preparing your own food, even something as simple as Crunchie Rollups, can give you a break away from the books, which is really important, too. Set yourself a schedule with time to study, time to exercise, time to take a break, time to eat and time to connect with others. Keep a water bottle by your side and have a window open (if
the weather allows) to ensure you have plenty of fresh air. And most importantly, make sure you have some fun! Studying can be stressful – there’s no two ways about it, especially with the need to achieve. I’m always there on YouTube if you need a blast from the past. But keep the end goal in sight, be it the reward of the mark, the holiday after the exam or the job you’re going to go for once you’ve graduated. I am so incredibly proud of you. You are living your dream! It might not feel like it now, but without the mahi, your dreams are harder to realise. Remember, everything is going to be okay. We all make mistakes, too. It’s how we pick ourselves up and move on that matters. You’ve got this e hoa. Arohanui e hoa. Today and every day. Suzy xox
CRUNCHIE ROLLUPS This is the recipe for a snack-sized portion of Crunchie Rollups – double or triple the mix for even more and change up the ingredients to your own personal taste.
YOU WILL NEED: • • • • • • •
2 slices of buttered bread 1 egg ¼ cup of grated cheese 2 tablespoons of finely diced veggies (use a mixture of two or three: capsicum, spring onion, red onion, mushroom, leftover cooked veggies) 1 tablespoon of finely diced cooked meat (ham, bacon, sausage etc) or meat substitute Salt and pepper Toothpicks
HOW TO:
Preheat your oven to 180 degrees Celsius. Beat the egg in a small bowl. Add the veggies, meat and cheese and season with a little salt and pepper. Mix together well. Place the bread, butter side down on a board or plate. Spread the mixture diagonally (from one corner to the opposite corner) across the slices Roll the other corners up over the mixture and secure in place with a toothpick. Place on an oven tray and bake for around 15-20 minutes until the egg is cooked and the bread is golden brown and crunchie.
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WEETBIX CARAMEL SLICE This is a super sweet treat that my family have made for decades.
YOU WILL NEED: For the base: • • • • • •
3 Weet-Bix (plain or gluten-free) 1 cup of flour (1 ¼ cups of gluten-free) 1 cup of desiccated coconut ¾ cup of sugar 1 teaspoon of baking powder 125 grams melted butter
HOW TO: Preheat the oven to 180 Celsius. Combine all the ingredients in a bowl and mix them together well. Press the mixture into a sponge roll tin and cook for around 20 minutes until the base is golden brown. Leave to cool.
HOW TO: Gently melt the condensed milk in a small pot, over a low heat, until they bubble, stirring regularly. This will catch easily, so keep the heat low. Pour over the base and spread it out evenly. Once the topping has cooled, gently melt the chocolate (in the microwave or in a small bowl above a pot of simmering water) and spread it out the topping. Leave the chocolate to set, then cut the slice into squares or fingers and keep it in an airtight container. In warm weather, it can be a good idea to keep it in the fridge. Enjoy every mouthful knowing the effort and the aroha that went into making it and the energy that piece of slice it’s going to give you for the next stage of your study. (One piece at a time, though, okay? Or my next article will be all about exercise!
For the topping: • • • •
1 tin of condensed milk 2 tablespoons of butter 2 tablespoons of golden syrup 200 grams of dark chocolate
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Colour me in We’re all fully vaccinated in Dollywood!
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UNHAPPY WITH SOMETHING IN THIS EDITION OF CANTA? SEND COMPLAINTS TO LETTERS@CANTA.CO.NZ
WORD WHEEL Make as many REAL words as you can, using the centre letter.
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Lucky Dip is the longest running segment in CANTA. Each issue, we set two people up on a blind date and they record their experiences. These anecdotes are as they come, and unedited. WANT TO GO ON A BLIND DATE FOR LUCKY DIP? APPLY FOR LUCKY DIP ON OUR WEBSITE
dipper one Well zoo wee mama, I never thought I’d see the day. So here I am walking into Otto to meet my blind date with absolutely no nerves and a heck load of confidence, yeah I knew I looked good. As I entered, I scanned the room to see a few boys sitting inside by themselves, I proceeded to ask the waitress where the lucky man may be. I tried to remain calm and walk over as cool as I could but here they were, THE NERVES! He was very nicely put together with a nice shirt on and gave me a big smile and a hug and we began chatting away! He was very mature and to my surprise only 20! We decided to split some pizza slices, which we soon discovered might take some cutlery. He went inside to get some and came back out with 2 knives, no forks (the dimwit) which made me question if this guy was truly an engineer like he claimed to be! After finishing our food, he suggested we go to the foundry for some drinks! I told him that sounds great, but in my head was telling myself to take it slow as I was worried lightweight me might scare him away!
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We said the classic “it feels like I’ve known you for ages!” and spent the rest of the afternoon laughing away! It’s fair to say I was beginning to feel the ol ‘bevereginos kick in as I began to show him pics of my hair progression journey which he didn’t even try to act interested in. Meanwhile, pale little me had to keep moving places as the sun was absolutely beating down on me! I am currently writing this in my bed with a severely sunburnt scalp. We got up to leave and as he stood up, he completely tripped over the bin which was next to us and tried to play it off like it didn’t happen. Made me kind of relieved as he must have been feeling the beers as much as I was! As I left the date, I couldn’t help but smile! I had a really good time! And yes he did add me on snapchat and ask when he’ll see me again but I guess it depends on what he writes about me! Canta, you rock xx
offica l re of luc staur a nt k y dip
Dipper two So here I was on a Monday morning walking into Engcore searching for any chance to procrastinate, and to my rescue the new Canta issue was out. I immediately flipped to the back the back pages to find the blind date but where was it?? Two issues in a row with NO blind date, ahhh the disappointment. Sitting there underwhelmed I decided enough is enough something must be done. A couple texts with our friends at Canta later and we found the solution… I’m up. Now I could be wrong in saying this but to the best of my knowledge UC, being Engineering heavy, isn’t well known for it looks. But boy oh boy Canta you did well. So here I am sitting outside Otto on a sunny Friday afternoon, nice breeze coming through, fresh top on and this stunning blonde hair blue eyed girl comes walking out. I immediately thought no way she’ll be on the date but sure enough she comes on over to the table. We have a quick hug and answer all the usual questions before deciding on some out the gate curly fries and a couple slices of pizza. The gravy on the fries probably
wasn’t the best choice for a date but we had a good laugh and enjoyed them all the more. Although we couldn’t find many common interests, our conversation still seemed to flow pretty well. I put it down to her being a down to earth chick who’s always up for a laugh. We finished our food, I offered we carry on at the Foundry. To my delight not only did she reply with a “yes” but a “Sounds good, should we get a tower or a jug”. No way a stunner that loves a beer, sounds like a unicorn to me! We started to make our way through the beers, and I spent my time trying to pick up what vibes she was giving off. I usually back myself to read a social situation but I struggled with this one. Was she just being polite or was she having a flirt? Unfortunately, I had stitched myself up with other commitments later in the evening so was unable to see where it would have taken us. Is that the end though? Who knows, we’ve got each other’s socials, so I guess we’ll wait and see. I’d run it back.
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T IM E C A PSU L E C A P P ING M AG GR A DUAT ION A P R IL , 1993
BYE BYE-OSCOPES HOW YOU SHOULD EXIT CONVERSATIONS, ACCORDING TO YOUR STAR SIGN.
ARIES
TAURUS
CANCER
LEO
VIRGO
LIBRA
SCORPIO
SAGITTARIUS
CARPICORN
AQUARIUS
PISCES
“See you later, alligator!”
“Live long and prosper!”
“Later, skater!”
“Bye! I tolerate you!”
“Peace out!”
“Fare thee well.”
“Screw you guys, I’m going home!”
“Stay classy.”
GEMINI
“Catch you on the rebound.”
“Hasta la vista, baby.”
“Toodaloo.”
“Catch you on the flip side.”
