CANTA #1 2021

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EDITORIAL Kia Ora and welcome to The University of Canterbury! For some, it’s their first time here, for others, it’s their 100th. But regardless of how many times you’ve been here; a warm welcome to you all! My name is Liam Donnelly and I’m the Managing Editor of CANTA for 2021. I hope you all had a safe and happy summer break! CANTA celebrates its 91st birthday this year. 91 years of entertaining students, holding the university to account, causing scandal, and spilling tea! This year, to honour the history and all of those people who have put their heart and soul into this magazine, we decided CANTA must evolve. As the world becomes increasingly more multimedia, it makes sense that CANTA does too. This year, we’ve undergone a huge restructure and have bought heaps of new faces into the team. As well as our print magazine, we’re focussing heavily on audio and visual platforms too, in order to give you more content and more opportunities to get involved! This year you’ll be able to read, see, and hear CANTA so much more. CANTA is a platform for all the students at UC, so don’t be afraid to contact us, or come visit the team in the Hare-roa building. Much love to you all xx Liam Donnelly

Welcome to 2021, my dears. Look, last year was a whirlwind, but we’re through. I hope you’re all doing okay! We here at CANTA are super excited about the year ahead – we’ve got big things planned. I know both Liam and I will work super hard to tell stories you want to consume while having way too much fun along the way. Things might look a little different from what you’re used to, but we really hope you like the way we’re taking the brand of CANTA. With a new staff model, there have been efforts behind the scenes to curate a team of really talented people to make this little rag a success. Just to introduce you to me, I’m a professional writer and editor by trade who graduated from UC not so long ago after studying Political Science and Media and Communications, followed by a Postgraduate Diploma in Journalism. On top of CANTA, I write for and sub-edit a local lifestyle magazine, review plays and comedy, and run a youth-focused magazine alongside a bunch of lovely ladies. Here it is, the Orientation issue. We’ve collated some useful tips and tricks to help you navigate the university, especially if you’re a fresher. I ate carbs, rode on some scooters, and interviewed some talented people. Enjoy it, and if you don’t, the pages of CANTA are scientifically proven to be stronger than steel and make a fabulous door stop.

Lots of love, Liam Stretch


CONTENTS

CANTA TEAM

06 NEWS

Managing Editor Liam Donnelly

08 BROKEN NEWS 10 10 YEARS ON 12 FRESHER FASION

16 WHAT LIBRARIANS WISH YOU KNEW 18 UCSA AND YOU 24 FLAT FAMOUS

Print Editor Liam Stretch Designer Conor Jones Feature Writers Neueli Mauafu Lily Mirfin Emily Heyward Ella Gibson Ella Somers Contributors Michael Freeman Charlotte Hawkes Blaire Shadforth

26 HACKING THE UNI-VERSE 28 RDU 32 LIV MCKENZIE

38 INSIDER KNOWLEDGE 42 RECIPE 44 LUCKY DIP

Want to get involved with canta? VISIT CANTA.CO.NZ


Messages From Our Leaders Kia ora and welcome back to UC!  Last year was a tough one, and as we head into 2021, I want to start by saying thanks. This month, unlike many students overseas, you’re able to return to campus, take part in O-week events, and study together with friends. None of this would have been possible without all your hard work through 2020. Whether it was adapting to online learning, celebrating birthdays on Zoom, or in some cases, working shifts as an essential worker, thank you for everything you did to help us keep COVID at bay. It’s been a while now since I was a student, but I still remember the mixture of excitement, nerves and just a bit of anxiety that comes at the beginning of university. In 1999, when I embarked on my first year of study, uni fees felt like a massive barrier, not to mention the cost of accommodation, books – life. Because of that, I made choices. I chose a degree programme that I wasn’t necessarily passionate about, but I thought would get me a job. I chose to live at home. I chose to work as much as I could as a

Kia ora koutou, and welcome to Te Whare Wānanga o Waitaha | University of Canterbury (UC) for 2021. For those who are returning, welcome back to UC to continue your education journey. To all our students who are new to UC, I wish you a very warm welcome. I’m confident that you’ll have a productive and fulfilling educational experience at UC. Our experiences of last year’s lockdown inspired many innovations and new ways of doing things, so you are joining us at an exciting time. University life will introduce you to many new experiences and a diverse range of people, while studying towards your qualification. I encourage you to get involved in the many opportunities, to connect with new people and try something different. With everything on offer between UC and the UCSA, you will have the chance to attend social events, join a

checkout operator and a job trainer for young people with intellectual disabilities. And I chose all of these things to try my best to avoid debt.  I know I was lucky. Many students don’t have those choices. But we’ve equally done as much as we can as a Labour Party to make study more affordable. First, we took interest off loans while students were studying. Then, we took interest off altogether. And finally, in 2018, we made the first year of study free, and increased student allowances. I know there are still huge sacrifices our students make as they further their education, but I hope the things we’ve done have eased the path a little, and created more space for you to make the choices that work for you, now and in the future. Good luck for the rest of the year, enjoy yourselves and remember – graduation is not that far away! Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern

student club, play sport and explore our vibrant city. There are plenty of people and resources on campus offering tips and guidance to help you as you adjust to university life. Make the most of the academic support services on offer and seek out the expert knowledge of academics and student advice staff on campus. Let’s all do our best to stay healthy and safe. Remember to use the QR codes habitually when moving around campus to track your movements everywhere you go. I look forward to seeing you all during Orientation week and I wish you a successful year of study. Ngā mihi, Professor Cheryl de la Rey Tumu Whakarae | Vice Chancellor


ADS


NEWS DRUG TESTING WILL BE BACK AGAIN THIS YEAR IN TIME FOR O-WEEK.  By Emily Heyward

The University of Canterbury Student’s Association (UCSA) confirmed students would be able to get their gear checked during one of the biggest weeks on the uni (social) calendar.  UCSA President Kim Fowler said students seemed pretty stoked to have the service available at Re O-Week last year, so it is coming back.  “So many people turned up last year the service had to stay open late,” Kim said. Drug testing service Know Your Stuff (KYS) hopes even more students take advantage of the service this year.  Managing Director Wendy Allison said it is important for students to know that they are taking what they think they are taking and not something more dangerous.  It comes after a big summer, where bath salts, aka cathinones, aka a bad time, were found in more than half of samples tested at New Year’s Eve festivals, in place of MDMA. Or for those of you who failed STAT101; they were “bloody everywhere”.  Wendy said it is likely, KYS will discover more bath salts in substances when students get their stuff tested during O-Week.  “We anticipate similar results to those found at festivals … It is likely that eutylone [a cathinone] will be found among the samples tested at O-Week,” Wendy said.  Pill testing was urgently legalised at the end of last year.  The Government pushed through legislation to give drug checking services like Know Your Stuff, the ability to set up at festivals and events, without fear of prosecution.  Previously, organisations testing illicit substances have operated in a legal grey area.

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Minister of Health Andrew Little said the bill was about reducing harm, rather than condoning drug use. However, it will expire at the end of 2021; with a replacement bill being worked on in the meantime.  Meanwhile, KYS is calling on universities to consider implementing drug checking as “part of their student wellbeing services”.  “Universities have not only resources and access to spectrometers, but a willing body of students from which volunteers could be sourced. This would reduce the reliance on Know Your Stuff for this service to students and allow a more regular service which would, in turn, prevent more harm,” Wendy said. However, a University of Canterbury spokesperson said UC doesn’t have the resources to provide drug testing and believes it is best for trained specialists to provide the service.  While UC does not condone the use of illegal drugs, the spokesperson said the University understands the UCSA’s decision to make the drug testing service available to students during O-Week. “We understand the UCSA aims to minimise harm and educate fellow students about drug use, and we support this student wellbeing and education,” the spokesperson said.  Know Your Stuff will also be present at two other university orientation weeks this year.  UC students will be able to get their drugs checked at Exchange Christchurch on February 22 and 23 from 3pm – 8pm.


NEWS UCSA FEEDING THOUSANDS OF PRIMARY AND SECONDARY STUDENTS ACROSS CHRISTCHURCH By Emily Heyward

Thousands of primary and secondary school students around Christchurch have begun receiving free lunches during the school week, with the help of the UCSA. The UCSA has started making and delivering about 3,000 lunches a day to 10 schools around the city, as part of the Government’s expansion of its school lunches programme. The principal of Hillmorton High School, one of the schools chosen to be part of the programme, said the free lunches would have a significant impact, as some students come to school without breakfast or lunch.  “For many families, it means that they know their children will receive healthy food at school … For others, it means a saving of money previously spent on lunches, and a saving of time,” Ann Brokenshire said.  She said lunches were being given out at 10:50am “so that those who haven’t had breakfast, get food early”.  “We hope that this will lead to better concentration, better academic and social outcomes. Our students are learning to try new foods, to be grateful and to help serve and clean up.” And the feedback from students had been positive so far, Ann said.  “A few are still not willing to try new food, but some are having seconds or even thirds. We have heard from a few families that

their ‘fussy eaters’ are enjoying the meals.” Students were given chicken rolls, pizza, a rice bowl with tuna, pasta, salad, and fruit during the first week of the school term.  Ann said the programme meant the whole school (about 1,000 students, from years 7 – 13) was getting lunch each day.  The UCSA was selected at the end of 2020 to provide the service to local schools. Last year’s president Tori McNoe said at the time that the UCSA was “proud” to be part of the initiative.  The Ka Ora, Ka Ako Healthy School Lunches programme began rolling out in some primary and intermediate schools across Bay of Plenty and Hawke’s Bay at the start of last year’s school year, followed by some schools in Otago and Southland. But the decision was made to feed more students across the country, in the wake of Covid-19. The Government announced the expansion in its Budget 2020; with around 200,000 school students expected to receive free lunches by terms two or three this year.  According to the Ministry of Education, it is targeted at schools where students are facing the 25 per cent highest level of disadvantage and socio-economic barriers that could affect access to education, achievement, and well-being. The UCSA was one of eight suppliers around the country, contracted to provide school lunches.  The UCSA said it would be putting the funds it receives from the contract, back into supporting UC students, including into advocacy and welfare, early learning centres and club support.

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NEWS By Liam Donnelly

STUDENTS SPEND SUMMER TAKING HIGHQUALITY DRUGS Students across the country spent their summer holidays indulging in exceptional, high-grade drugs. The summer break tends to be when drug use is at its highest, with people gearing up (literally) for the music festival season. Fortunately, all the drugs circulating this year were of a really high quality and not cut with anything bad whatsoever. MPs from across the aisles have celebrated the results, with the Government announcing they’re going to take some real comprehensive steps towards drug law reform. “Parliament is in unanimous decision to take comprehensive action on drug law reform because we’ve come to our senses and realised the war on drugs doesn’t work,” said a government spokesperson.

O-WEEK TURNS INTO O-MONTH UCSA Employees responsible for O-Week have elected to turn the event into O-Month. A source for CANTA’s Broken News, who works closely with the organisation team, confirmed the decision was made hurriedly late last week. It was reportedly a last-minute decision, after the NZ musician, Mitch James, offered to perform every day for a month because he had nothing better to do.

UNIVERSITY TO BE POWERED COMPLETELY BY “FUCK 2020” INSTAGRAM POSTS University of Canterbury researchers have found a way to completely power the university after discovering millions of Instagram posts relating to “fuck you 2020”. “It was the sheer volume of these posts and the anger with which they were written that made us think there must be some energy here we can harvest,” said one of the researchers. According to some of the head researchers, a massive source of this new energy comes from white trust fund children turned influencers, who’ve been expressing their frustration about not being able to leave their luxury homes to go to their luxury holiday homes. “While this new energy source is a great discovery, let us not forget the pain these people suffered in order for us to get this energy.”

“With drinks starting at a cheap $22, and Mitch James playing 30 nights in a row, the UCSA has organised their best O-Month ever!”  Tickets start at the low, student-friendly price of $1,200.

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10 years on It

has been a decade since Christchurch was rocked by a 6.3-magnitude earthquake which claimed the lives of 185 people and caused widespread damage across the city. Fortunately, no lives were lost on campus; however, a lot has changed over the last 10 years. CANTA’s news editor Emily Heyward takes a look back at the Student Volunteer Army’s role in the aftermath of the quake and what has changed for students over that time. “You’re just self-serving young people.... Tarred with the same brush,” screamed an old guy at Sam Johnson, the founder and now CEO of the Student Volunteer Army Foundation. When Christchurch residents were told there was a chance students would turn up at their doors ready to help shovel silt from driveways and backyards in the aftermath of the February 22 earthquake, many thought it was some kind of sick joke. “They said oh no you won’t, you’re a bunch of bad people,” Sam remembers. Students were “deeply unpopular” in the Ilam community pre-quake. Thursday mornings would look the same every week. Council bins would be tipped over and rubbish strewn everywhere – the aftermath of a rowdy Wednesday night. Essentially, they weren’t liked, Sam says. “The residents just absolutely hated students, and students were in the media every week just for being bad people,” Sam says. So, when the earthquake spewed up silt (officially referred to as liquefaction) and buried streets under thick sludge creating an end-of-the-world vibe, Sam saw it is an opportunity to do something positive in the community, and at the same time, shake up how students were being perceived. Armed with shovels and gumboots, 11,000 students hit suburbs under siege by liquefaction, helping locals restore some sense of order to their lives at a time of massive uncertainty. They distributed clean water, food and helped lay sandbags across the city; putting in about 80,000 hours collectively over February and March. Former Christchurch City Councillor and UC alumni Sue Wells says students went from being viewed negatively, to being seen as a “bright piece of joy”, essentially overnight. “In my opinion, some people in the community around the university had a very dim view of student behaviour [pre-quake]. It was about binge drinking and vandalism,” she says. Sue, who was chair of the city council’s planning and regulatory committee at the time, handling all things alcohol-ban related around campus, says the way students rallied together to support


the community in the aftermath of the quake was “everything good about human nature”.

Sam reckons the biggest change is the way students are viewed within the community.

“The leadership that the Student Volunteer Army demonstrated in the community, in my opinion, was one of the most extraordinary things I’ve witnessed in my life,” she says.

“The fundamental difference between university then and now is the perception the community had of students,” he says.

“I think people looked at the Student Army as a bright piece of joy in the middle of a very dark time.” Sue says students showed the community how valuable young people are, being able to see the world through different eyes. But it’s not only the perception of UC students that has changed over the last decade. Campus has undergone huge physical changes too. In 2011, students had to attend lectures in tents that were set up in the Law and Arts car parks while buildings were assessed for damage. Thankfully, it was not all dire. A café was set up under a marquee in ‘Tent City’ so students could partake in a pieeating competition, naturally. The earthquake caused significant structural damage to several buildings on campus which meant more permanent fixtures were needed. Once students graduated from tents, they moved into “villages” or as one student at the time told Stuff, was also referred to as “the concentration camp” citing the layout as the reason for the “nickname”. Meanwhile, work was underway to create long-term solutions, including the construction of the Ernest Rutherford and Rehua buildings, as well as the UCSA’s building Haere-Roa, home to the Foundry and the Ngaio Marsh Theatre. While there has been a lot of changes at UC over the last decade,

Sue echoes Sam’s point, saying what the Student Volunteer Army did after the quake showed the community that students were more than a stereotype; that they were “thoughtful and engaged” people. And there is no sign of returning to how things were pre-quake. Last year, the SVA developed a grocery delivery service, helping thousands of people in the community with their shopping during the Covid-19 lockdown. Over the decade, it has also launched programmes in primary and secondary schools around the country to get young people involved in their communities, and UC students continue to give their time to different causes, year after year. As we enter another year of global uncertainty, there is one thing the community can be sure of. It is that if the last 10 years are anything to go by, students will continue helping out where they can, just like they did after the quake. Commemorations will be held on February 22 to mark 10 years since the 2011 earthquake. A wreath will be laid at the Roimata sculpture on campus at 12pm, followed by a moment of silence. Students are also being encouraged to place flowers in road cones on University Drive as a sign of remembrance. A national memorial service will also take place at Oi Manawa – The Canterbury National Earthquake Memorial at 12:30pm. The service will be live-streamed.


Fresher

By Lily Mirfin


I never got my leavers’ hoodie, which was a fantastic decision from 18-year-old me. My time as a fresher is now a distant memory. I started uni as a slightly older student after taking a gap year, so it already didn’t quite fit for me to wear the usual fresher clothes. My dream of no longer wearing a school uniform had come true. I could finally wear my hair down and get more than one piercing in each ear. There were no ties in sight and not a single pair of Clarks T-bar shoes. Somehow, the novelty never quite wore off about getting to wear my own clothes. But, for some of you young freshers, the choices must clearly be too great simply because you all seem to dress exactly the same. Your first day of uni has arrived, and you realise that you are dressed like every other first-year for miles. Shorts or leggings, a leavers hoodie and sneakers. You original thing, you. The pages of Vogue will just have to wait until you have officially found yourself. If you want to avoid dressing like the obvious clueless fresher please for the love of God refrain from wearing your leavers’ hoodie. Believe it or not, no one is going to care where you went to school. It will be clear from the look of slightly jaded optimism on your face that you graduated high school in 2020. You needn’t wear a hoodie to advertise it. Donning one of these giant signs of freshmanhood makes you an obvious target for the groups that walk around campus, getting you to sign up for their club. Just a note, those free jandals aren’t quite free. Leave the leavers’ hoodie in the past, or simply on private grounds. Boys, you are now allowed to have your hair longer than your collar. This can only mean one thing. It’s time for a mullet. The last time a boy surprised me, he had cut his hair into a mullet. Was I surprised? Yes. Was I pleased? Absolutely not. But that was my opinion and if you are drawn to the majestic Billy Ray Cyrus party in the back then go for it. Who am I to stand in your way? The mullet is a true speciality preserved by South Island universities. Wear it with pride. Few people will care what you wear or what you look like. If they do, they clearly don’t have enough going on in their lives. Your very first week means that you have the honour of creating your first toga. So precious, what a wholesome memory. Until you realise that your sheets need to last you the entire year in halls and that Cruiser stain doesn’t come out after one rinse in the communal hall sink, let me slip in another life lesson really quick. Wonder Soap is a Godsend. If Student Life handed out bars of Wonder Soap, I would have given them my phone number. Get a bar of this, and then you can spill as much Nitro on your sheets and clothes as you want. But if it fails, you turn to the most trustworthy source of information, your parents. Or Google. Maybe try Google first, saving yourself the embarrassment of admitting you got messy at a toga party.

If you take one thing away from this article, let it be that branching out is important. You’re not supposed to be the same person as you left high school. You’ll grow and mature and just generally come into yourself. Wear whatever you want. Cut and dye your hair. Pierce something regrettable. It’s all part of the journey and part of the experience. From, The not-so-wise third-year who never bothered to get a leavers’ hoodie.



Art By Blaire Shadforth


What Librarians wish you knew By Ella Somers

Regardless of if you’ve just started your studies or have been at university for what feels like ten thousand years, the services available for students through the UC libraries are here to make your study less stressful. To save you learning the hard way about which library services will help both your stress levels and your grades, Ella Somers talked to Rā Steer, Kaiwhakahaere Taonga Tuku Iho, Manager at the Macmillan Brown Library about what UC Librarians want students to know. First things first, Rā said it was important that “students know there are three libraries on campus for different things.” These libraries are the Central Library in the Puaka - James Hight building, the Macmillan Brown Library and the Engineering and Physical Sciences (EPS) Library. All three help students navigate “the different collections for your colleges and what you’re after,” Rā said. The main library service that Rā thinks students at UC should know about is just knowing “there’s a subject specialist for each area and college,” Rā said. “A subject librarian can save you so much time, especially with your referencing.” Use the online booking system available on the ‘subject librarian’ page on the UC website to book an appointment. Subject guides, (which can be accessed easily from the front page of the UC Library website), will also save you lots of time, Rā said, because they’ve got “everything that you need specifically for all your different assignments or areas.” Students should also make use of AskLIVE, which is UC Library’s instant messaging service. “Students can reference

straight away onto that,” Rā said, with students just needing to write what they need help with and copy and pasting in any necessary information or reference that they’re looking for guidance on. “If someone’s had a last-minute thing due and couldn’t book in with a subject librarian, chuck the query onto AskLIVE,” Rā said. The cost of course textbooks can add up quickly and painfully, but “if you can’t buy all your books, your books will be in the high demand area,” Rā said. UC’s two high demand areas can be located at the Central Library and the EPS Library and are a great resource to help bring textbook costs down. Just keep an eye on the loan times as high demand loans can be only a few days or hours long! For better or worse, it’s very likely you’ll run into a group project or two during your time at university. To make it a smoother work process, Rā said students should know that all three libraries have discussion rooms available to students. Book through the library’s online system which can be found on the ‘room bookings’ page on UC’s website. To get away from the study pressures, students can check out Makerspace over in the Central Library in Puaka - James Hight building on Level 2. “You can learn 3D printing, sewing or a whole bunch of fun stuff if you want a break from study,” Rā said.


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So, you’re new to the University of Canterbury, and you don’t really have an idea about what goes on? It’s okay – no one does when they first start. If you’re not new to the university and are just back for another year, stick around anyway. You might learn something. In your time here at university, whether it’s been 10 minutes or 10 semesters, chances are you may have already observed this logo:


A set of curvaceous lines that assemble together to form the letters U, C, S, and A. Well over the next 3, 4, 5 – however many years you spend here – you’re going to hear that acronym quite a lot.  ‘UCSA’ stands for University of Canterbury Student’s Association, and other than your lectures and lecturers, it accounts for most aspects of your student life. The UCSA provides the following: - O-week, Re-Ori, Mono, Tea Party, and many other events.

Plus, probably some other services I’ve forgotten to mention. All of this encompasses over 120 staff that the UCSA hires. So yes, the UCSA is a fairly sizable organisation. This sizable organisation is run by a governance board, made up of 13 students, collectively known as the ‘UCSA Executive’. These students are elected to their positions. And that is basically the entire point of this article, to get across the fact that the UCSA is governed by an elected board of students. Every year these elections are held, to determine who will be on the governance board the following year.

- Nine food and drink outlets on campus.

Students can run in elections for each of the following positions:

- Assistance for academic appeals.

- President

- Assistance with Special Consideration applications.

- Vice President

- Support during dispute resolutions.

- Finance & Engagement Officer

- Assistance with any disciplinary issues.

- Postgraduate Representative

- Advocacy over any grievances or complaints.

- International Representative

- A subsidised dental scheme.

- Equity & Wellbeing Representative

- Bike Rentals.

- 6x General Executive Positions

- Calculator Rentals. - A charger library (in case you forget a phone/laptop charger). - Provides a Menstruation Emergency service (in case Aunty Flow comes to visit unexpectedly). - Runs advisory groups for Equity and Wellbeing matters, International students, and Postgraduate students. A Foodbank (for if money is a bit tight). A Food Support Service (a more long-term food service). A Hardship Grant. A Medical Prescription Grant (for unexpected medical expenses). Club grants available to 160+ UC Clubs.

A separately elected Te Akatoki (Māori Students’ Association) representative is added to make it a total of 13 members. With the exception of those who chose to opt-out of being a member of the UCSA when they originally enrolled, all students are eligible to vote, and all students are eligible to run in an election.  So that’s why the UCSA should be of some importance to you: Because a collection of your fellow students – that you get to elect – will wield a surprisingly large amount of influence over a surprisingly large amount of people and resources and will most likely make decisions that, in some way, will affect you. With that in mind, let’s meet your President and the rest of the UCSA Executive.


Get to Know Your President: Kim Fowler Interview by Ella Gibson

floor, and it is really nice to go there and relax a little bit and chill with the fishies. There are also the eels! In Te Ao Marama - which is the centre for Māori and Pasifika studies - they have eels in their building. Q: Top tip for a fresher?

Introduce Yourself: Q: What is your name? A: Kia ora koutou, my name is Kim Fowler. Q: How old are you? A: I am 21 and in the middle of planning my 21st. The curse of having a January birthday means that you can’t celebrate until you get into the year. You know, you can’t put it on O Week or Electric Avenue, and before you know it is March! Q: How are you doing? A: Pretty good! I am really excited for the year ahead. Currently, I am riding this wave of anticipating what is going to happen. Q: Where are you from? A: Originally, I am from Papakura in South Auckland. I came to the UC about three and a bit years ago now.

University: Q: What have you been up to at uni for the last wee while? A: Last year, I was completing my honours in chemistry. My project was focusing on how we can help treat the disease Kauri dieback. Some people in Canterbury don’t really know what that is because there are not any Kauri trees in the South Island. Basically, these trees get really sick from this soil-borne pathogen, and at the moment it is spreading uncontrollably. It is a really important issue because the trees are really important in the forest’s ecosystem. Q: Your fav spot at uni? A: The fish tanks on campus. In Pūtaiao Koiroa there’s a fish tank on the ground

A: Definitely set yourself up so that you know all of the support services on campus. There are so many that it is easy to not know what is going on. Also, if something were to happen, it is really important for people who are new to UC to know where to go for help. Just spend some time familiarising yourself, and if you’re stuck and don’t know where to go, you can always talk to the Advocacy & Welfare Service at the UCSA. Also, throw yourself into everything! Take some opportunities, it is your first year, and it is important to remember that it is not the end of the world if you don’t get the most perfect grade in a paper. In 10 years’ time, that is not what you are going to be worried about. It is going to be the friends that you made or what you learnt outside of that as well. Q: Top tip for a uni returnee? A: I think that studying last year sucked for most people. And we know that covid had a big impact on people’s mental health as well. So, my top tip would have to be to look after yourself. Take some time to be mindful of how you are feeling. Are you vibing, or are you already feeling overwhelmed? If you need to offload some of your work or go check yourself out at the UC Health Centre and see what they have to say. Just make sure that you are in a good space for this year.

UCSA & Presidency: Q: What does it mean to you to be this year’s UCSA president? A: It is pretty cool. I never knew throughout the elections how things were progressing. I said what I believed in, and so it is pretty cool to be elected and feel like there is some faith in you. Therefore, it is really important to me to continue to deliver on those things and live up to my promises.

Q: What are you excited for with the UCSA? A: There are a lot of things coming up. One of the first things for me is that we still continue to settle into this new building, and we can still continue to improve the events that students attend here. It was really exciting to see the O-Week being sold out because I hope that everyone gets to have a good boogie before uni starts. Our events team does a really good job of always refining and improving what they do. A big thing that is happening at the moment for the UCSA is that our CEO has resigned. At the moment, we are in the middle of recruiting for a CEO, and that is exciting. I am really sad to see Dave go because he has contributed so much to the organisation over the seven years that he has been here. But it will be really cool to see who fills that position and what they will bring to the organisation as well. Q: What things are you advocating for through your presidency? A: I think that it is not about me. There are the things that I ran on, and I will continue to advocate for those, and the guts of that were better communication to students, more transparency, and more advocacy on a local and government level. But I think that it is more about us, as the UCSA, listening to students. It has to be dynamic communication. I don’t think that I can be like “I think students want X, Y and Z” and I think that that kind of approach does not reflect the needs of the student body. We know that their needs will evolve during this year, we don’t know what students are going to need from the university and what is going to be thrown at them. I would love to see some better communication and more advocacy, but I also really want to listen to students and advocate for what they say is most important. Q: Is there anything that you would like to add? A: I would really like to encourage students to speak up about what they would like to see on campus or see the UCSA do. Not all of it we can necessarily deliver on or something that we have the mandate to do. It really helps us to do our jobs effectively if we really know what students want.


A Word From Te Akatoki Takere (noun) hull (of a canoe). ‘Aukahatia tō waka’: strengthen/prepare your waka Takere is a scholarship programme that welcomes 37 young Māori and Pasifika youth from across the nation to Te Whare Wānanga o Waitaha. The aim of this kaupapa is to secure the lashings of our incoming first years’ waka, ready for their first official voyage into UC. Over four weeks these students formed friendships, completed their first university paper, juggled the study and life balance, and for a lot of them, they have broken barriers by being first in their whānau to attend uni. When reflecting on these weeks, it is easy to laugh at the fun times and to sympathise with those times that were hard on us all. The most important lesson we learnt together was to be unapologetically ourselves, and to be proud indigenous young leaders. In reflection of this programme, we had a student anonymously submit the following poem.

‘We stood bound together by each piece of wood that forms a waka we all sit on Navigating through a world where we don’t always see ourselves reflected in Calling to Tipuna for strength to fight for our identities so they are not lost in the Moana we travelled across Continuing to voice our Reo and Mātauranga even when it may be left misunderstood like the years of history gone before us Not forgotten today or tomorrow We do this so one day for our mokopuna, this space will feel inviting, will thrive with our culture and will have our faces reflected in every wall’.

Get to Know the Rest of Your UCSA Exec: GEORGIE - Kia

ora, everyone! My name is Georgie, and I’ll be representing you on the academic front this year as Vice President. I’m absolutely fizzing to start my Masters of Finance and Economics this year as well as making the most of a few cheeky social events. Looking forward to meeting some more of you soon x.

BEATRICE  - Kia

Ora everyone! I’m Bea, your postgrad rep this year. I’m doing my Masters in International Economic Law. I like long romantic walks on the beach and Mono

HENRY

- Kia Ora, 你 好, hello! My name is Henry WynnWilliams, and I’m the Finance and Engagement officer for the UCSA for 2021. I am about to start my fifth year of study, undertaking a double degree for an LLB and BA (Political Science). When I am not studying, I enjoy hanging out with friends, travelling around NZ, and playing tennis.

MATT

- Hi, I’m Matt, I’m this year’s International Rep. I’m a Chinese New Zealander with my roots hailing from the Guangzhou region. I’m a recent Mechanical Engineering graduate and this year, I’m finishing a Finance degree. Catch me around campus and say hello!


EMMA

- Heya! I’m Emma and your Equity and Wellbeing representative this year! I’m in my last year of my Chemical Formulation Design degree. I love anything to do with design and making things. In my spare time, I like heading to the farmers market, making some delicious food, or spending time with my beautiful friends.

RYAN

- Kia ora, everyone! My name is Ryan Thomson and I’m just entering my third and final year in Finance and International Relations. I am one of your six general reps on the UCSA Exec. When I’m not deep in a textbook, you can be with my mates, discovering new music or travelling around!!

ASHLEY - Hey, I’m

Ashley, and this year I’ll be the rep for the College of Science. I’m going into my third year in Chemical and Process Engineering, and in my time off I like to do a bit of skiing and kayaking.

ROSA - E aku nui, e aku

raki. Tēnā koutou katoa. E rere ana tōku manu ki tōku maunga, Ko Tarawera. E titiro ana ia tōku marae, ko hinemihi. I haere ōku tīpuna ki Aotearoa I roto I te waka o Te Arawa.  Ko Ngati Whakaaue tōku hapū. Ko Rosa Hibbert-Schooner tōku ingoa. Ko au te Tumuaki o Te Akatoki I tēnei tau. Kei te ako au Te Reo Māori me Psychology. I am your Te Akatoki rep on the UCSA this year.

ASHER

- Kia ora! I’m Asher, and I’m the College of Arts representative for 2021! I’m about to head into my fourth year of an LLB/ BA (history and politics), and I’m so excited for the year to come! In my free time, I love to read, feed the ducks, and watch drag queens on YouTube.

JESSICA -Hey, team!

I’m Jess Macdonald, the Law rep on this year’s UCSA exec. I’m in my fifth and final year of an LLB and BSci, majoring in Psychology in the latter. Can’t wait to see what 2021 has in store for us all!

FELIX

- Hey, guys! My name is Felix Mendonca, and I’m one of your General Exec this year as the college of engineering representative. I currently study Civil Engineering and have loved it so far. Outside of uni, I love to play music, travel, and procrastinate assignments.

LEO  -Hiya, my name is Leo

He, and I am the Exec representative for the College of Education, Health and Human Development. I am a third-year BA student studying a double major in Philosophy and Sociology. I am interested in the sociology of philosophy, ideas, and education.


Get lucky with Metro Travelling for free is lucky, and so is scoring $100. We can help you do both. Your Metrocard gets you heaps of free travel when used regularly.

Are you extra lucky? Until 21 March, all new University issued Metrocards go in the draw to win 1 of 5 $100 credits!

metro.co.nz 366 8855


LIAM D

LIAM S

LILY

CONOR ELLA S

Flat Famous

EMILY


Flat Famous

NEUELI ELLA G

Each issue of CANTA features’ Flat Famous’. The long-running segment features UC students in their home (rental property) environments. For the first Flat Famous of 2021, we’ve broken with tradition slightly, to introduce you to the team behind CANTA. Located in the UCSA Building, AKA Haere-roa, CANTA’s office has an open-door policy (not literally, often the door is closed, but you can still come in when you feel like it). Come have a yarn and share your thoughts, ideas, and opinions.

and I’m full-on Taurus sun and Gemini rising chaos. I like books more than people and consume media like caffeine. Would definitely be the last person to die in a zombie movie.”

Emily Heyward:  “Hi, I’m Emily. I’m enthusiastic about fries, karaoke, and cheap wine. One time I entered a pizza eating competition hungover and threw up in front of hundreds of people. I may have lost my dignity, but I did get a free t-shirt so I’d call that a win. I’m CANTA’s News Editor so hit me up if you’ve got a yarn. Or if you’re a queer lady, just hit me up.”

Liam Donnelly: “I’m fun, gay, and in the way. My hobbies include, and are limited to, shopping, dining out, drinking gin, and flirting with people way out of my league. I’m CANTA’s Managing Editor, and my job is basically to get to know the student body so we can do the best job of entertaining you! So, make sure you come to introduce yourself! I’m easy to find, just look around for the bestdressed person you can see, and it’ll probably be me. Also, I’m single, so hit me up boys xoxo.”

Ella Gibson: “Kia ora, my name is Ella Gibson, and I’m one of the featurewriting Ellas on this year’s CANTA team. Get ready to get used to hearing that I lived in Argentina, have a mad caffeine addiction and a load of weird psychology pub quiz facts.” Neueli Mauafu:  “Talofa Lava! My name is Neueli Mauafu, and I am part of the team here at CANTA. Three things that are important are my family, faith and fun times! I’m really passionate about sports and music. I also run a social media sports page in regards to everything sports-related in Samoa. Give it a follow on Facebook and Instagram @sidelinesavaii” Ella Somers: “I’m Ella, one of CANTA’s Feature Writers who also masquerades as a tired journalism student. My favourite word is ‘why’

Lily Mirfin: “Lily Mirfin, 21, single, Aries. Third-year studying history and French. Doesn’t know how to dress casually. Is obsessed with ice lattes, kale chips and documentaries. Career aspiration is to be a mix of Laura Brown and Joanna Lumley. Best known as the girl wearing puff sleeves and flares in cafe 1894.”

Liam Stretch: I’m thrilled to be your Print Editor this year – working away dotting ‘i’s and crossing ‘t’s. I once narrowly avoided severe injury playing silent ball. I while away my days cooking carbohydrate-heavy meals, eating carbohydrate-heavy meals, and writing about carbohydrate-heavy meals; some of which I’ll share with you this year, in CANTA.  Conor Jones: Hello, I’m Conor and I’m the Graphic Designer for CANTA in 2021. I like to make things look pretty and then enjoy reading how everyone hates my design... it really fills me with confidence to do it every two weeks. Hope you like the way the magazine looks.


IN YOUR FIRST COUPLE OF WEEKS AT UNIVERSITY, YOU MIGHT BE HAVING SUCH EXISTENTIAL WONDERINGS AS: 'IS MARXISM SOME TYPE OF STD? OR 'WHAT PHILOSOPHIC THEORIES DID HERPES CAME UP WITH? THANKFULLY, CANTA’S FEATURE WRITERS ELLA GIBSON AND NEUELI MAUAFU PRESENT TO YOU, A SURVIVAL GUIDE.

Neueli’s Tips: Uni is back! And you know what that means: Clubs’ Day, Orientation, classes, and many faces starting their academic journey. The new year also brings unchartered grounds and nerve-racking moments of being a UC rookie. Being a fourthyear student myself, I have had my fair share of good and bad moments in my academic career. However, despite this, I have reached a point where campus is my second home.  Before I became comfortable on campus, I remember being a rookie too. I was a needle in the haystack trying to find my crowd within the many different faces. Immediately I began to stay far from lectures. I recall being so slack on progress within studies that even the thought of going to university each day scared me.  Being afraid during my rookie season as a student made me resilient. I may have learnt it the hard way, but I am grateful for the lessons learnt. Within this learning process, I quickly found three steps that elevated my performance at school. I hope that these same three pointers can also help anyone on their rookie season journey for 2021.

Communication is Key: If there’s anything you need to polish up on for your firstyear journey, it is your communication skills. I don’t just mean your day-to-day basis of conversating with other peers. Communication heavily revolves around the relationship between you and your lecturer or course coordinator.  Bombard their emails every day with any question you have. No question is small or big for lecturers. Always remember to ask away when stuck with any queries about work. Once you become a familiar name within emails, they’ll start taking notice of you in class.

Café runs: If there’s one thing I have figured out, it’s 'never study on an empty stomach’. Everyone loves a quick bite and university is the place with the café spots. Each café has quality coffee and awesome meal choices for brunch. Make sure to pop in through each café on campus to grasp the perfect spot for you within your budget. Always have time for a coffee during your week. I have a bias liking for the Law Café, with its amazing food and beverages all in an affordable price range. Go on and check them out at the Meremere Business and Law Building, Level 1.

Buddy up: Make sure to always make friends in class or tutorials. Create a study group amongst your friends and utilise Facebook chats to discuss course materials. Having other friends in your courses keeps you updated on work and allows you to feed off each other in terms of opinions and perspectives. Working groups can also help when it comes to voicing your thoughts during discussion time. Always remember, TEAMWORK MAKES THE DREAM WORK! With these three tips and many other lessons you’ll learn through the journey, I hope it is a good starting step for your academic career. Above all of this, always have fun and remember to enjoy the process. Go hard rook! This is your year! Enjoy your first year!


Ella’s tips: University and being a student are concepts that, when trodden upon, you realise are quite challenging. Especially if you’re a fresher; it takes some getting used to! There’s the obvious obstacle, your degree and trying not to fail assignments, but then comes the multitude of sub-realms you find yourself in. The uni umbrella also encompasses partying, flatting, clubs, dealing with newfound independence and trying to “find yourself ”.

Flatting Tips:

Studying Tips:

Do your dishes: Do I have to be the one to tell you to clean up after yourself? Just do it, trust me; it is much appreciated.

Plan out your studying week: You’ll be surprised by how much a Typo planner can help you and your studies. If you can visualise how much study time you want to spend on certain courses, it keeps you on the track to do so. Also, it makes you feel organisationally superior. Set study timers: Using timers to coordinate your studies have been proven to boost one’s study outputs. Try out the Pomodoro method; 25 minutes of study followed by a five-minute study break! Go to your lectures: The catch-up game is a dangerous one to play. Do yourself a favour and don’t roll the first 'skipping a lecture die’, go to as many of your lectures as possible. Tutorials are helpful: Tutorials are there to help you. Make the most of the delegated time to understand lecture material and ask questions. Also, they are a great way to meet people from your courses.

Pick your battles: When you’re flatting, you’ll be quick to realise the bizarre things that seem to rub you the wrong way. Communal living means sharing space with people that have been brought up differently than you. Reassess whether something is truly worth bringing up or if you should sit this one out.

Friends or flatmates: You have most likely had someone tell you about not flatting with your friends before. If not, don’t let me be the first because I won’t tell you that exactly. Just bear in mind that living with someone is quite different from being friends with them. Just consider the reality of living with certain people. Communicate: If you have a problem affecting your personal living situation, just say it (in a nice way). Grudges against people when you’re living with them is too hot to handle, just take it off the simmer completely and sort it out. Expect to be surprised: The bonds you’ll make, the things that you’ll experience, and the things that you thought would never piss you off that do, in fact, piss you off. Be prepared to be surprised by everything that flatting brings.

Well-being Tips:

Sort out your study space: Pimp out your study space, it’s worth it! Find out what inspires your productivity, because, trust me, you’ll be studying a lot. If that means buying a load of new plants, then so be it – as long as their photosynthesis aids your studying output.

Get physical: It is so vital that you keep getting physical. Make it a routine for yourself and find exercise that you enjoy doing. By bettering your physical health, you consequently better your mental health. Take care of yourself team!

Partying Tips:

Sleep is your best friend: There is nothing worse than waking up after a crap or mediocre sleep. When you get your sleep schedule in check, you can feel the difference, and you’ll be able to set yourself up for a great ol’ day.

Go to events at uni: Don’t get yourself thinking that because an event is held at uni that it won’t go hard. You’ll be surprised by how loose you can get before being kicked out of the Foundry, not that I would ever endorse getting that loose. Let your sober self be in charge of the night’s funds: Put the amount of money you want to spend in your account before you go out. That way you’ll limit yourself from overindulging financially. Buy a testing kit for your special substances: If you’re considering using other substances on your nights out, invest in a testing kit. Nothing is worse than things not going to plan. You can purchase kits at Cosmic or Shosha! Don’t let FOMO rule you: Sometimes things feel like they’re crashing down on you when your mates are going to a gig, but you’ve got a crunching assignment due. Just know that a similar gig will most likely be happening the next day. Revolt against the FOMO! Hangovers suck: Do everything in your power to limit your hangover for the next day. Drink that Powerade, take that Hundy pill, and eat enough food to feed a small village before you go to sleep.

Meditate: The act in taking some time in your day to just sit and be with yourself for a second is so grounding. In our over-stimulating external world, giving your internal world some love too is so important. Diet: Basically, just feed yourself! And feed yourself well. When you’re nourishing your belly, you nourish your mind. Eat regularly and healthily and your body will appreciate it. UC Health Facilities: At UC, we have so many fantastic facilities available. Take advantage of them; they’re there for a reason: subsidised health services, RecCentre membership, the UCSA and much more. So, that was Neuli and Ella’s tips. There is, however, some practical, extra helpful advice from your editors Liam and Liam: USE CONDOMS, GET TESTED REGULARLY, EAT YOUR GREENS, WASH YOUR HANDS, VISIT BOTH CAPTAIN BEN’S AND BIG GARY’S


Here are some of the regular shows on RDU featuring some familiar faces of UC:

WHAT’S RDU? RDU is a local radio station in Ōtautahi and is best friends of the CANTA organisation. For more than 40 years, RDU 98.5FM has supported alternative culture in Christchurch by championing emerging talent and giving a voice to people on the fringes. It dares to play what commercial radio stations don’t and is not driven by a Top 40 programming policy. Instead, the folks at RDU pride themselves on playing new and intelligently written music from the local scene and abroad.  For its 40+ year history, RDU has also been intertwined with the university and student life. Driven by a large collection of volunteers that come together every week, RDU has always given students a voice and an opportunity to learn and get involved in the diverse local music scene here in Ōtautahi. RDU is also a part of the SRN, the ‘Student Radio Network’. The SRN is the name of a collective of community music radio stations generally targeted at young, musically adventurous listeners who like to be challenged with new sounds and ideas. The organisation made up of five radio stations across the country: 95bFM in Auckland, Radio Control 99.4FM in Manawatu, RadioActive 88.6FM in Wellington, RDU here in Christchurch, and Radio One 91FM in Dunedin.

* THE MORNING AFTER - 7:30 - 9:30am, Mon-Fri.

- Every weekday morning, Ben O’Connell and Josh Watson will help you shake off the morning dust and rub the sleep out of your eyes. Bringing you news, entertainment, and guests from Ōtautahi and beyond.

* TEA TIME - 7 – 8pm, Mondays.

- Join Alex McKay and Corban Tupou -- a pair of youngbloods -- as they try to go back and piece together an understanding of what the DNB scene was, how the sound developed across the years, and the people behind it all. Tea Time will take you on a ride discovering the rich and unique history that has formed the industry we see today.

* THE CANTA BANTA SHOW - 12-2pm, Thursdays.

- Hosted by Asher Etherington and Liam Donnelly, the CANTA BANTA Show is the most chaotic two hours on RDU’s weekly schedule. Inspired by the odd happenings in their lives, any guests they can find, and currents event and news, this two-hour show covers all manner of content. Delivered to you in a dry, witty style.

* TUNESOC RADIO - 12 – 2pm, Fridays

- TuneSoc Radio is the official show of TuneSoc, the University of Canterbury’s music club. Join the gang as they chat about whatever they’ve been jamming lately, gigs that are coming up, and their personal experiences as musicians. Basically, anything musicrelated, they’re on it! TuneSoc Radio brings the stories of the UC music scene to life and connects musicians to the wider Christchurch audience. Listen to RDU on 98.5FM, or listen on their website, RDU.org.nz  CANTA and RDU are coming together this year to bring you heaps of extra content! So, if you wanna get involved visit canta.co.nz/get-involved/ or rdu.org.nz/ volunteer-at-rdu/ We’d love to hear from you!


Gig Guide PLANNING A GIG? WANT CANTA TO PROMOTE IT?

VISIT OUR WEBSITE

THE BIG GIG February

19th

The one party you won’t want to miss this summer, and it’s FREE! Celebrate the best time of year with an evening music festival at the Gallery. Featuring:

OFFICIAL ELECTRIC AVENUE AFTERPARTY 2.0

The Bats - Ben Woods - WOMB - Opposite Sex - Melted Ice Cream DJs

February

With pop-up bars and food from Vagabond Chefs, The Burger Joint + more! Art, bands, DJs, food, drink and fun!

Team Event and Flux join forces to bring you the Electric Avenue Official Afterparty 2.0! Tickets are SUPER limited, so get in quick to secure yours!

LOCAL LADIES NIGHT February

26th

A group of local talented upcoming female singersongwriters have decided to combine forces to put on – for one night only – an all-female live show called Local Ladies Night! With an intriguing mix of original RnB/hip-hop, pop, country, folk, and blues, Local Ladies Night is all about showcasing and supporting amazing talent by highlighting the diverse range of female musicians in our own backyard. Wunderbar - 19 London Street, Lyttelton Tickets on sale at undertheradar.co.nz - $15 Tickets  Door Sales - $20

DARTZ

- HIGH AT THE BEACH TOUR

February 26th Wellington-born band, DARTZ, are kickin’ off 2021 with a summer tour in support of latest single and certified summer scorcher’ High At The Beach’. They are taking their frothy live set and party punk bangers on the road to Auckland, Christchurch, and Dunedin along with their pals Wiri Donna. Darkroom - 336 Saint Asaph Street Tickets on sale at undertheradar.co.nz - $15

27th

Featuring: Wax Mustang -  Chaii With Support From: Mary - Jaga – Ultraviolet FLUX - 270 Saint Asaph Street Tickets - $35

RAW COLLECTIVE March

- T HE G O O D T HIN G S L P R E L E A S E T O UR

4th

To celebrate the release of their 2nd studio album, ‘The Good Things LP’, Wellington’s much-loved 10-piece hip-hop crew, Raw Collective, are hitting the road for a national tour! Playing all their favourite tracks from the past and their new, electrifying album, come and join the full 10-piece experience. With support from: G7 -Juana Kino & Infectiouss DJ Jack Quas Cassels Blue Smoke - 3 Garlands Road Tickets on sale at undertheradar.co.nz - $25  Door sales - $30 / student ID - $15



Otto and Oishii Page


Liv Mckenzie


Liv Mckenzine Is A Local, Up-And-Coming Comedienne And Has Been Causing Quite A Storm On The Scene – Picking Up 2019 Best Newcomer NZ Comedy Festival. She Is One Of The Headline Funny People At This Year’s O.week Comedy Night. Liam Stretch Got To Know Her. How did you get into comedy?

What would you describe your style of comedy as?

I just always loved stand-up and wanted to try it, and it seemed easier than getting a real job, so I went along to my first open mic night, and it’s been all downhill from there!

That friend from high school who is really fun at dinner parties and has wild stories but also you leave going “........is she okay?”

What was the first joke you told?

If you had a chance to get drunk with Joan Rivers, what would be the first thing you’d say to her?  Your shout, babe x

or further along in their careers than you which is lovely! We definitely need more people of colour, which is why it’s so awesome when things like SIS come along.

What’s your favourite joke of all time?

What’s your Subway order?

Big mac or whopper?

It’s hard to pick a fave, but my favourite set is Bernie Mac on Def Comedy Jam in the 90s, where he performs to a crowd who has been booing people all night, and he goes out and says “I ain’t scared of you mother fuckers”, has them in the palm of his hand from then on and destroooooooys. Iconic.

Turning around and leaving and going to KFC instead (Zinger burger with tomato, deluxe combo

As soon as it’s legal for me to marry a Big Mac, I will.

Probably just quoting something I’d heard on the Simpsons or Family Guy.

Who inspires you, comedically?  My favourite comedian is John Mulaney, and also Catherine Cohen and Rhys Nicholson really inspire me because they have such strong voices and unique styles.

You spent some time in the States, how did this shape your comedy?  Doing comedy in New York made me realise I’m a very small fish in a very big pond and everyone else is working three times as hard as you so you better get your shit together if you wanna be the best! I have not gotten my shit together.

What is the NZ comedy scene like? What’s good about it; what does it need to work on?  There’s a really good community, and people are willing to help each other at all levels, so if you want advice you can go to anyone even if they’re “famous”

If Jimmy Kimmel, Jimmy Fallon, and James Corden were all drowning, who would you save? Why?  Jimmy Fallon because he was really hot when he first started on SNL in the 90s. Is that good comedy reasoning? No. Do I care? Absolutely not. Priorities.

Winning 2019 Best Newcomer NZ Comedy Fest, how has that spurred you on?  It was great for me to tell my parents and be like ‘Look! I’m actually good at this! It’s for the best I didn’t do Law!’

Where do you find inspiration for your humour – what is joke worthy?  My sex life because I only fuck clowns.


An interview with Mayor Lianne Dalziel Michael Freeman and Charlotte Hawkins

When you first came to Christchurch, did you feel informed? We don’t just mean where the nearest liquor store was, or what bars did karaoke on a Wednesday night – this is important to know, it’s The Craic. Christchurch has more to it than being just a place to study. What opportunities are there? Who is in charge? What better way to learn about a city than to talk to the boss? Michael Freeman and Charlotte Hawkins sat down with Mayor Lianne Dalziel and asked her about what Christchurch can do for you, and what you can do for the city.

Just prior to the 1990 election there was a leadership change in the Labour party with the Prime Minister, Sir Geoffrey Palmer, deciding not to run again. Last-minute, Dalziel was selected as Christchurch Central’s candidate, running a blitz campaign for about five weeks and elected under FPP. She remained in politics until she ran for the mayoralty.

Dalziel went to UC. Most of her memories include spending lots of time in the cafés (she does really like coffee). However, one not so fond but interesting memory she has is watching an event called the chunder mile. Which was where contestants would run around a track while drinking warm beer and eating cold pies, while doing an obstacle course, and it doesn’t take much imagination to see why it was called the chunder mile.

“Well, I’m trying not to eat fish and chips, I prefer Thai takeaways,” Dalziel said.

Before becoming mayor, Dalziel was a Cabinet Minister and the Labour MP for Christchurch Central, and Christchurch East. Before politics, she was a union organiser, getting involved while working at a hospital during her time at Law School.

Dalziel believes the opportunity for employment is growing in the city. Christchurch is a still rebuilding city as this year we mark 10 years since the devastating earthquakes. This leaves room for lots of innovation in the city according to Dalziel,

Beyond politics, what better to get to know someone than from their go-to fish and chip shop order?

The mayor, however, does drink a lot of coffee. Living in the CBD, she says you can’t really go wrong; there are heaps of great cafés in the CBD that she frequents on a weekly basis and feels that “it’s an awesome place to live especially for a coffee drinker!”. A couple to try: Fiddlesticks or Caffeine laboratory.

and with companies and firms having overseas ties Christchurch there are great opportunities above and beyond those in other cities in NZ, with the added benefit of much less traffic.  This drive towards innovation leads to more diverse industry opportunities, and when asked what is up-and-coming in Christchurch that would be relevant for graduates, she had some surprising responses. Aerospace is the big one apparently, and it does make sense considering Christchurch is one of the five international gateways to Antarctica, hence UC’s Antarctic emphasis. Technology is also the direction of major industries in Christchurch with Dalziel naming the future of transport, health technology, food fibre, and agriculture technology as growth sectors. These play on the regional strengths of Canterbury while also helping to create solutions for global issues. So, don’t rule Christchurch out just yet when thinking of where to work after you finish studying. And Dalziel’s last word? “’I’ve said this more than once that it [Christchurch] is on the cusp of something” – so stick around, get involved, and don’t forget to vote in the next local election!

Aged 15-30? Get immunised against measles to protect your whānau, community and future generations from harm. It’s free at the Student Health Centre. Make an appointment today!


Money saved on uni essentials is money left over for... textbooks. It’s not just about saving money, though. You’ll be setting yourself up with quality gear to make sure your study stint is a breeze. Grab an affordable bed for... a good night’s rest. A fridge for... vitamin waters. Maybe a bluetooth speaker for... listening to lecture recordings. Or even an air-fryer for... healthy meals that’d make Mum proud.

Grab back to uni essentials at your local store:

COLOMBO MALL - CNR. COLOMBO STREET &, ELGIN STREET, SYDENHAM, CHRISTCHURCH

or shop online at smithscity.co.nz We’ve got payment options available, like EasyCard, Laybuy, Zip and up to 50 months interest free finance.


,7


Art By Blaire Shadforth

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By Liam Donnelly.

THE KNOWLEDGE YOU WISH YOU HAD WHEN YOU STARTED UNIVERSITY. Stepping into a new environment isn’t easy, especially one as varied and as big as a university.  Your lecturers give off the impression that every word they speak during a lecture is equivalent to that of sacred a gospel reading. You feel as though the only way you’re going to actually succeed and complete your work is to have impeccable self-discipline and self-awareness that is so insightful you could be your own therapist.

Eventually, you’re going to learn that university isn’t nearly as intimidating as you thought. That the initial fear you felt was birthed from superficial details, and not grounded in any reasonable self-doubt. So, to combat this oncoming dread, I’m getting ahead of the game by giving you as much advice as I can before you’ve even started. Who am I to be giving this advice? Well, let’s just say I’ve been at this university a very fucking long time. I’ve done and seen everything this place has to offer; nothing can surprise me anymore. So, I’ve picked some of the unblemished truths, harsh realities, and hilariously accurate stereotypes that I’ve learnt that I think you should know before you start university for the first time.


GENERAL:

CLUBS:

- They would never admit it, but most lecturers are secretly no more organised than you.

- Join clubs! There’s basically a club for every degree, hobby, or activity you can possibly think of. They are the best way to meet new people, and – if you consider yourself the social type – clubs can quite easily fill up your social calendar.

- If you travel to university via motorised vehicle, be warned, car parking is very expensive. Side streets with good, lengthy parking options are few and far between. So plan ahead, always get here early. - Get the Student Allowance! Who cares if you have to pay it back?! Extra money allows for extra fun and adventures, and when you’re paying back that student loan in a decade, you’ll want to look back at this time of your life with as much fondness as possible. - Eng Core has the best couch booths for studying (or procrastinating). - Wearing apparel adorned with your school logo is not tasteful. Sorry, but what high school you went to is no longer interesting and/or relevant. - The ‘Fresher Five’ is a nickname for the five kilos that freshers tend to gain when they first start uni, don’t worry, it’s not a bad thing. - No one cares about your appearance, where whatever you feel like. You will get more harshly judged if you wear fancy clothes and Saturday-night-grade make up than if you rocked up in bum pants and a hoodie with holes in it. - Yes, a large cohort – predominantly engineering students – don’t seem to wear shoes ever. Yes, it is gross. - Got a problem? Struggling at uni? Don’t worry; the UCSA will provide a sausage sizzle and a can of Fresh Up to solve all your problems!

STUDIES: - Unless you are literally money, to a student who studies Economics or Finance, you don’t matter. - At UC, Law students being uptight and arrogant is a common stereotype. But that is totally unfair and inaccurate. Law students all across the country are uptight and arrogant. - Those who do sports degrees get a bad reputation because some people don’t really consider them real degrees. But are you going to get that 4-10pm shift as Assistant Manager at Total Fitness, Riccarton? No, didn’t think so. - If the university was a family, and all the departments were children, Engineering would be the favourite child. The one that gets all the attention, all the fancy equipment, all the funding, and they got visual effects at their building opening.

- Joining SVA (Student Volunteer Army) is great for the CV. - Any student who is part of CUBA is immediately cooler (and more attractive) than you. - Of all the clubs, ENSOC probably has the most colourful history. Now, they have a fire truck, and that’s about it. - Student Life is famous for their branded jandals, and for the small price of signing away your life to Jesus, you too can have a pair! - UC has a very diverse range of religious clubs, and by diverse, I mean that 7 of the 8 clubs are Christian. - When the Young Nats attempt to do anything on campus, it’s like the Steve Buscemi “How do you do, fellow kids?” meme has come alive. - If you like the smell of damp, old clothes, then you’ll LOVE Opsoc! - UC Amateur Sports Society abbreviates its name to UCASS. As a gay man, when I found out UCASS actually had nothing to do with bums, I was extremely fucking disappointed. - More niche hobbies have clubs too, like AnimeSoc for example, who get together to watch and celebrate all things hentai  anime.

HALLS: - Think about a rubbish dump. Now imagine that dump is in an effluent pond. And that effluent pond is in Hell. It’s still nicer than Uni Hall. - The University of Canterbury’s College House prides itself on being the most expensive university hall in the country. No one else prides them on it, but they certainly do. - College House is also the closest UC has to a cult. - Bishop Julius Hall. The most interesting thing about it is that it exists. The last time anything fun happened there was, well, never.


In this disturbingly flat city, we are awash with personal public transport options. Yes, we have a sub-par bus system and a total lack of trains, but we do have very fun and cool options on two wheels. Lime (scooter and bike), Flamingo, and even UCSA Borrow a bike. So, with O-Week on our heels, CANTA decided to put each of these options to the test to get you home safely.

FLAMINGO The Kiwi newcomer sent into challenge the multinational corporation.

PROS: It’s a NZ business, so yay for supporting local. They’re smaller and nimbler, making swerving through crowds easier.

CONS: They’re smaller. So, if you are struck by an oncoming vehicle/horse, you’re not going to be too well off. Slower than Limes.

LIME BIKE Your parents almost certainly have an E-bike. There’s a reason those approaching hip replacement age love them. I like them too.

PROS: Comes with a helmet for added safety. Storage capacity by way of a basket. There is a place for your phone.

CONS: There seems to be not very many of them. Has a semi-complicated unlocking method.

UCSA BORROW A BIKE Did you know this existed? Neither. However, I wish I had. These bikes are conveniently placed at the threshold of Haere-Roa.

PROS: They’re very funky bikes. Some of them are colourful, which makes me smile. A basket. They’re free. There is no limit on their range, only your quads.

CONS: No app – you have to ascend to the UCSA reception and flash your ID. I know I put this as a con, but it probably takes as ling to scan a QR code. They have to be returned by 5pm. You actually have to exercise to use them.

LIME SCOOTER Behold the old faithful that has been there since the initial onslaught of this type of transport. I’m sure we’ve all taken one in our time.

PROs: There are lots of them. They have a high top speed.

CONS: They’re so huge now that maiming a pedestrian is a potential. Often rickety because they’ve been abused.


UCSA Ad


Remembering Ramen In late January, the world lost a true icon. Thanks to her, generations of hungry students of refined palates have sought refuge in the culinary delight that is Indo Mie instant noodles. There’s nothing like them on the market. The iconic flavour is owed to Nunuk Nuraini, who worked as a flavour development manager at the cult favourite Indonesian brand for nearly 30 years. Though other flavours have been added over the years, such as Barbecue Chicken, Satay, and Hot and Spicy, one taste sensation has injured since the beginning – Mi Goreng. And, before you come at me like some ill-educated pleb, MI GORENG IS NOT THE BRAND. It is a style of Southeast Asian noodles; even Ancestral sells it. Nunuk has worked on countless recipes over her time with the brand, and in 1982, Mi Goreng was launched. She has rescued many flat meals, calmed countless drunken stupors, and soothed continuous comedowns. In honour of Nunuk, below is a recipe to save you this Orientation.

Indo Mie Toastie Ingredients Two slices of white bread 1 pack of Indo Mie noodles – pick your favourite flavour. I used Hot and Spicy 1 Egg – optional Two slices of cheese or one if you’re using plastic cheese. A hefty squirt of mayonnaise Hot sauce/mayo/ketchup to dip it into

How to: Get a saucepan and fill with boiling water. Bring to a boil, add your noodles and cook for 2-3 minutes. Once cooked, drain and add your flavour sachets – including those crispy little onions. Mix and set aside while you fry an egg. I’m assuming you all know how to fry an egg. Pro tip: spoon the hot oil over the top side of the egg and the yolk, you will avoid gooey, uncooked whites this way. Turn on the sandwich press, and place two buttered slices of white bread butter side down on the hot plate. Stack your noodles on one side and add the two slices of cheese. Place your cooked egg, and a give a good squirt of mayonnaise – I used Kewpie. Then put the second slice of bread on top. Toast for 3 minutes and serve with hot sauce, mayo, and ketchup.


INTRODUCING CANTA’S

TIME CAPSULE. Each issue, we take a deep dive into the history of this fine publication and see what was happening on this campus in times gone by. The first up is from issue One, 3 March 1987. It poses the eternal question of ‘Why am I here?’


Lucky Dip is the longest running segment in CANTA. Each issue, we set two people up on a blind date and they record their experiences. These anecdotes are as they come; unedited. WANT TO GO ON A BLIND DATE FOR LUCKY DIP? APPLY FOR LUCK Y DIP ON OUR WEBSITE

dipper one For as long as I’ve been at university, I’ve been a lover of Lucky Dip. The prospect of two strangers being set up for a dinner date, to fall in love over their dinner, and to then get to write about their love-at-first-sight encounter… it really appeals to my hopeless romantic side. Now, I’m staring at the clock waiting for my very own Lucky Dip date. After nearly 3 solid years of fantasizing about these blind dates always ending in some soul-connecting, romantic kiss under a street light or passionate love making, I now had to actually follow through myself. Being a notorious over-thinker, I was ready for the date early, thinking intensely about when I should arrive. Not too early, but not late, but also not exactly on time either. But in the end, it didn’t matter anyway because I was first to arrive. He was slightly later than is forgivable. I went for a hug, he went for a handshake, I panicked and just went through with the handshake. It was a hot clammy hand. Maybe good I didn’t go for the hug. He seemed nice, he did acknowledge he was late

and was intent on trying to recover his reputation as quickly as possible. Unfortunately, trying to recover his reputation meant he did A LOT of talking. In a bellowing, deep voice I heard all about his studies, hobbies, his aspirations in life, and who he was as a person. In summation: he’s an engineer who likes to play rugby and drink with the boys. I know, such a unique personality. He ordered for us, and by order for us, I mean he ordered what he wanted and didn’t think to ask me. Luckily, I like pizza, and just really hoped this date could be turned around, so I didn’t complain. I took a brief moment of silence as an opportunity to jump in and talk about myself. Obviously, I didn’t tell enough stories about getting on the piss with the lads because he seemed completely uninterested. The date found an ending when he accidentally knocked a beer on what remained of our pizza, turning it into a sloppy mess. I took the spillage as a sign from God, said goodbye and thanked him for the great night (which it wasn’t), and boosted home, swiping on Tinder was I went.


Dipper two It’s been a year since I last dated. I was with my last girlfriend since high school. Because of this, I was really excited to go, I’ve played the field since then but haven’t had anything serious. While getting ready for the date, I needed a bit of hyping up, so the boys cracked open a couple of Billy Mavs and got me fizzing, this thankfully got rid of my nerves. I’m from Invercargill, and even though I’ve lived in Chch for three years, I still underestimate the time it takes to get into town. So, because of that I and the fact I couldn’t find a carpark either, I was running just a little late – fashionably though haha. When I got to the restaurant my nerves came back a bit, but also got that annoying thing where your body overheats and your eyes water from the change in environment, so I wasn’t off to a good start. I composed myself and headed over to the table. After introducing myself, we got talking. She seemed pretty nervous too because she didn’t say much. But I think we got

on pretty well. She studied Law and Arts, and seemed pretty interested in sport too, which was pretty cool. After a bit of chat over the menu, you know the drill, we ordered. She just told me that she’d have what I have, so I ordered a half and half pizza. Finally, while we were eating, she started to tell me about her life. She rides horses. I should have known she was a horse girl. We were exchanging uni party stories and I got quite into a story about when my mate broke his finger after falling over playing beer pong, and I knocked over the last sip of my beer. It landed on the last slice two slices of pizza, which I called dibs on so I was a little disappointed and felt pretty embarrassed. Anyways, that seemed to bring an otherwise pretty good date to an end. We said our goodbyes, had a hug, she said she had a good time and because we were already in town, I joined the flatmates at Fat Eddie’s. I don’t think we’ll see each other again. All in all, it was a pretty good Friday night, and I wouldn’t have put myself out there to go on a date without CANTA, so cheers guys!


This colouring page is a friendly reminder that we are STILL in the middle of a pandemic; wash your hands. Also, it’s a total turn on if you scan in <3.

UNHAPPY WITH SOMETHING IN THIS EDITION OF CANTA? SEND COMPLAINTS TO LETTERS@CANTA.CO.NZ


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