Crescent Magazine November 2009

crescent College Culture Upfront

November 2009 n uecrescentmagazine.com

University of Evansville

MAGAZINE

ICEBREAKER Tight Pants and Big Sticks: It’s Hockey!

BOWLS of BLESSEDNESS If You’re Chilly, Grab Some Chili

It’s a

SMALL

World After All

It’s Not Just a Ride, It’s Life at UE $2.50

Get insight into the unique lives of Josh Gray, Hayli Cingle and Logan Selby

Bugs for Dinner

It Really is Appetizing.

Promise!

MISS (Latin) AMERICA Meet Jasmin Paniagua: Wonder Woman

OPERATION: ry a t e Mon ations Doncepted Ac

Holiday Donation Help Crescent Magazine collect goods to send to our

Soldiers Overseas!

Deadline: 4 p.m. • December 4 Drop Off: Student Publications • 2nd Floor RUC

ACCEPTED ITEMS: Pens Socks DVDs Books Coffee Cards Candy

Gloves Toiletries Chapstick Sun Screen Baby Wipes Gum/Mints Pillowcases

NOT ACCEPTED:

Chocolate Pornographic Material

Twin Sheets Phone Cards Magazines Chewing Tobacco/Dip Non-Perishable Food Novelty Christmas Items Puzzles/Crosswords/Sudoku Bulk Religious Material Pork or Pork By-Product

Bootlegged Movies or CDs Unauthorized Political Material

For more information, contact Crescent Marketing & Sales at 2221 or crescentadvertising@evansville.edu

T R E A S U R E T R A D

I

T

& I

O N S

HOMECOMING Happenings & History

Wednesday, November 4

5th Annual Ace Factor: 5:00 p.m.

Sponsored by UE Alumni Association

Friday, November 6

Cookout, Pep Rally & Movie: Begins @ 5:15 p.m.

International Speaker Series: Thomas L. Friedman 7:00 p.m. • The Centre • FREE Presented by UE’s Institute for Global Enterprise in Indiana

Saturday, November 7

2nd Annual Alumni Homecoming Speaker: 10:00 a.m. • Eykamp Hall, Ridgway Center

R. Edward Coleman ’65, Duke University Medical Center

UEAAA & Black Student Union Networking Event: 11:00 a.m. Atrium, Koch Center Parade: 1:00 p.m.

Begins at Frederick & Walnut Streets Chili Cook-off with Student & Alumni Teams: 3:30 p.m. • East Terrace, Ridgway Center Lawn Homecoming Court Presentation: 7:05 p.m. Tip Off • Roberts Stadium Halftime of Men’s Basketball Game

Sunday, November 8

Reunion Weekend Chapel Service: 10:30 a.m. • Neu Chapel Sermon by Rev. Dr. Fred Yarger ’59

rmation o f In & ts n e For More Eville.edu/homecoming v www.evans

University of Evansville Alumni Association • www.evansville.edu/alumni

is a proud sponsor of Women’s Soccer

Jazz by..

Day...

today’s best music Top New Hits Mon–Sat (6–9p)

the other side Rock, Indie Sun–Tue (9p–1a)

party lights

Hip-Hop, R&B Thurs–Sat (9p–2a)

Exclusive Home for Aces Athletics

inside

NOVEMBER.2009

10

Miss (Latin) America

16

A New Kind of Patriotism

18

It’s a Small World After All

21

21 feature story

UE

FEATURES Hailing from the Dominican Republic, junior Jasmin Paniagua has made UE her home away from home.

You may have seen them in uniform walking around campus. Now learn firsthand about the sacrifices four UE students have made through their military service to our country.

Take an up-close look at UE’s global community. A celebration of diversity and cultural heritage, International Education week has something to offer everyone.

Bowls of Blessedness

The hunt is on for the perfect chili recipe. Dig in to find out if your favorite ingredients make the cut.

DEPARTMENTS 6 7 8 12 13 14 22 23 24 26 28 28 30 32 32 33 33 34 36

The Cubicle Spotlight The Gauntlet Off the Wall How to...

Wildcard Sexplanation Cheap Dates Beauty & Fashion Health & Fitness Janky vs. Juicy Procrastination Station Nightlife Eats Sidedish The Midwest Wing Campus Crime Give a Lit Schitzengiggles

“I wanted to study abroad while I was studying abroad.”

—Jasmin Paniagua, page 10

uecrescentmagazine.com November 2009 n Crescent Magazine

3

Resident Students Association

R SA General Assembly 7 pm • Thursdays Graves 302

96

when your parents come for a visit, let us take care of them for you For Reservations Call 812.473.5000

Ask for the U of E Special Rate Online: www.evansville.hamptoninn.com Enter corporate account number: 560066965

we love having you here.

TM

8000 Eagle Crest Blvd. Evansville, Ind. 47715

5545 Vogel Road, Evansville IN 47715

NoW ENRoLLING

% CoSMEToLoGY

of UE students say that

alcohol is not very important to their social life on campus Fall 2007 Social Norms Survey

STUDENT Congress 5:00 p.m.

Every Thursday Eykamp A Any student is welcome to attend 4

Crescent Magazine n November 2009

NoVEMBER 16TH & JANUARY 14TH NAILTECHNoLoGY DECEMBER14TH Present this ad to receive

$10 off

HIGHLIGHTS

All services performed by supervised students.

Expires 12/31/09

ADMISSIONS 812.437.8772

tspaEvansville.com ’s Th at f no Ta rz a p e s ! ra the G

4 N. Weinbach • 477–7500 408 N. Main • 424–9871

Photo by Sunny Johnson

crescent MAGAZINE EDITORIAL Writing Director: Peter Hanscom Writing Editor: Lauren Oliver Departments Editor: Josh Fletcher Literary Editor: Kristin Benzinger Assignment Editor: Jennifer Stinnett Columnists: Regan Campbell, Justin Hodge, Monica Krause Contributing Writers: Josh Cleveland, Whitney Cohen, James Drury, Brennan Girdler, Alex Jackson, Mindy Kurtz, Megan Merley, Heather Powell, Amanda Squire, Rachel Solava, Lauren Williams, Kate Wood

CREATIVE Creative Director: Sylvia Seib Assistant Creative Director: Jamie Willhelm Photo Editor: Alaina Neal Designers: Jennifer McKee, Jessica Siddens, Amanda Topper, Pieter van Tongeren Illustrators: Bethany Barry, Courtney Hostetler Contributing Photographer: Sunny Johnson

EDITING Editing Director: Allison Butler Copy Editors: Andrew Brandsasse, Rachel Hurley, Kirsten Yates

WEB SITE DESIGN & PRODUCTION Web Director: James Will Web Designers: Dan Latini, Suzy Maiers

MARKETING & SALES Marketing Director: Beth Samelak Advertising Sales Manager: Chris Watkins Advertising Design Manager: Melissa Weisman Advertising Designers: Tiffany Conroy, Sarah Powell Marketing Liaison: Emily Johnson

HOW TO CONTACT US: Address: Ridgway University Center, 1800 Lincoln Avenue, Evansville, Ind. 47722 Phone: (812) 488–2846 FAX: (812) 488–2224 E-mail: crescentmagazine@evansville.edu Marketing & Sales: (812) 488–2221 and 488–2223 Advertising E-mail: crescentadvertising@evansville.edu Printer: Mar-Kel Quick Print, Newburgh, Ind. Crescent Magazine is UE’s student magazine. It is written, edited and designed by students, and distributed seven times during the academic year. The magazine is funded through advertising revenue and a subscription fee paid on behalf of students by SGA. Circulation is 1,750. © 2009 Student Publications, University of Evansville.

Editorial Policy. Commentary expressed in unsigned editorial pieces represent a consensus opinion of Crescent Magazine’s Editorial Board. All other columns, articles and advertising are not necessarily the opinion of the Editorial Board or other members of the magazine’s staff.

Letter Submissions. E-mail your letters to crescentmagazine@evansville.edu and write “letter” in the subject line. Crescent Magazine welcomes letters from members of the UE community, but material the Editorial Board regards as libelous, malicious and/or obscene will not be published.

Letters should not exceed 400 words. For verification, letters must include the author’s name, year in school or title and e-mail address. Crescent Magazine will not print anonymous letters or those letters that cannot be verified. Letters may be edited for length, style, grammar and spelling.

They may also appear in Crescent Magazine’s online edition.

Peephole GET IT RIGHT Peering closely at the instrument to get just the right number, junior Brian Varner focuses on measuring the water height for his data during a Civil Engineering 380, “Hydraulics Lab,” where budding civil engineers learn about hydraulic structure and design.

{ WHAT A WASTE.

After reading what seemed like hundreds of pamphlets mailed home and taking your tour on campus, you’re force-fed the idea that UE is booming with school spirit and campus involvement. But, it’s evident that many students really just don’t care. Students are happy doing their own thing and could care less about the socalled “community.”

Think back to your first visit to campus.

You were probably timid, maybe even shy.

But when you arrived, many smiling faces undoubtedly greeted you. You left campus reassured; possibly even confident UE was your top choice.

Along the way, some students have lost their love for UE. There was a real sense of pride and spirit in those Admission brochures, but not so much now.

Don’t believe us? Just head to a sporting event, attend an SAB activity, count the leftover yearbooks students haven’t picked up or just look around campus — for that matter the Evansville community — how many Purple Aces do you see?

We do have some school spirit: Purple Fridays. Yippee, the school bribes us with purple snow cones, ice cream and chances to win “cool” prizes for wearing purple.

Some students are die-hard Purple Friday fans. And others? We see you searching offices to see if you can borrow a purple polo, just so you can get a treat. Really, are we Pavlov’s dogs?

Don’t get us wrong. We think dressing in purple every day is a bit extreme. But some wear Greek-affiliated gear daily and don’t even own any Aces apparel. Let’s find a balance between looking like a purple-people eater and a walking Greek advertisement.

And here’s another thing: What is it that makes students religiously tune into Notre Dame football or Indiana basketball, yet many of these same students have never attended an Aces sporting event

6

Crescent Magazine n November 2009

} during their entire UE experience? When you visit schools like IU, it seems as if the whole town — businesses, restaurants and neighborhoods — supports the school.

Since we don’t live in a so-called college town, we need our students to be the driving force behind our spirit.

Often times we hear students saying, “I don’t even know why I go to school here.”

This is a problem. Remember, you chose to attend UE. Something drew you here and made you comfortable. You bled purple before you got here, but now you don’t.

Is it because you hate UE? We don’t think so. It’s because you have no sense of tradition, pride or ownership in UE. We have some incredible student talent. We have students who were at the top of their graduating classes, are leading UE to conference championships and who will undoubtedly be singing, dancing and acting on Broadway some day. We have lots of reasons to be proud, but sometimes we just overlook them.

For example, Homecoming is right around the corner, and yet some students could care less. Remember Homecoming week in high school? Maybe you had a powder-puff football game, an elaborately themed dance, a thrilling football game against your big rival or a ride-your-tractorto-school day. Let’s bring that same enthusiasm to Homecoming at UE. With numerous Homecoming events planned — the annual parade, a chili cook-off and Ace Factor, just to name a few — it shouldn’t be hard to spread school spirit.

Did you know that UE volunteered almost 19,000 hours to the community last year and nearly 1,200 students volunteered? Or how about the fact that Greek Life raised more than $50,000 and donated 4,215 pounds of canned goods? These statistics are real and prove that students have the ability to do so much, and yet many times fall short.

College is supposed to be the best time

of our lives. Memories that last a lifetime are created and talked about for years to come. Wouldn’t you rather tell your children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews or anyone else who will listen, that you had the craziest, most exciting college experience ever versus telling them that you were a slug and sat in your room day in and day out?

Look around. The same few students seem to do everything on campus. As taxing as it is, these overachievers manage to plan, participate and promote activities for the majority of students. If you want a sense of ownership and a voice in what goes on, joining an organization is one way to do it.

UE offered 157 registered student organizations last school year. Organizations are begging for members to join and participate in their activities and events. If you think UE doesn’t offer something you’re interested in, think again.

Often, students approach their membership in organizations as a quantity versus quality thing. Yes, you may be a member of six organizations, but if you aren’t actively doing anything, what’s the point?

Don’t get us wrong; there are some people who attend every basketball game, theatre production or SAB event. But some of those avid attendees are older community members or alumni. Who will take their place one day?

We are by no means discrediting our experiences here, but it’s evident that by taking a few simple steps, students could gain a greater appreciation for UE. There is absolutely no reason to not be proud of a school with such a rich tradition.

Crescent Magazine wants to hear from you. We want to know what you like and don’t like about the magazine. You can always contact us via e-mail at crescentmagazine@evansville.edu or send us feedback via our new web site at uecrescentmagazine.com. n

sports

by Lauren Oliver

Spotlight On:

THERESA BAGBY

Junior Theresa Bagby thrives on the pressure of being the women’s soccer goalkeeper and final defensive line. This art and physical education major came to UE from Golden, Colo., to become an inspiration for her team and future students.

Crescent Magazine: Have you ever tried another soccer position, or have you always been goalkeeper?

Bagby: Not always — about halfway through my career, I just tried it. People said I was a natural, so that’s where I stayed.

CM: How do your practices differ from the rest of the team?

TB: We definitely do our own stuff. We do goalie training, and then about halfway through practice, we join the rest of the team for small games.

CM: What’s the hardest part about being a full-time student and athlete?

TB: The road trips because you miss class. It’s really hard to study on the bus.

You tell yourself you will, but then they play movies and stuff.

CM: What do you want to do after graduation?

TB: I would try any sort of professional soccer if I could, or go overseas and play. If not, I’ll be a teacher and coach in Colorado.

CM: What keeps you going with such a busy lifestyle?

TB: I love soccer. It’s like my outlet for school — I don’t think I could do school without soccer. It’s not a job to me; I love it. It’s a good balance.

CM: How do you handle the stress of being the final defensive line?

TB: I love stress. It doesn’t bother me at all; I think it’s what called me to the position. And it’s so much more awesome when you make a good save. It’s high risk, high reward.

CM: What made you decide to become an education major?

TB: I was a business major first, but

teachers had such a huge impact on my life, and I wanted to impact someone else’s life.

CM: What do you do in the off-season when you have more downtime?

TB: We don’t really have spare time from practice and conditioning. This offseason I’m preparing for my wedding, which is either over Spring Break or next summer.

CM: How did you meet your fiance?

TB: (I met him) last spring at Harlaxton. He’s coming here so we can get married and then we’ll live together my senior year. He loves Colorado; hopefully he’ll love Evansville.

CM: Do you ever get homesick?

TB: I go home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, Spring Break and summer. I think I’ve been here so long that it doesn’t really faze me too much. After Harlaxton, it’s not too bad — at least I’m in the same country.

CM: What about you do you think might surprise people to learn?

TB: I’m engaged, and I love brownie mix way more than actual brownies — right before you put it in the oven. It’s so good.

CM: What’s been your most embarrassing moment since coming to UE? TB: Falling asleep in (professor Paul) Jensen’s class. I was the only PE major, so any PE questions always came

In addition to classes, practices and road trips, this soccer player finds the time to plan her wedding

to me. He yelled “Hello” at me, but I had no idea what he was talking about.

CM: What’s your favorite movie?

TB: I like the Bourne movies and “Gran Torino.” I like romance, too, like “The Notebook.”

CM: What about TV show?

TB: I like watching Premier League soccer, but we don’t have it on much here.

CM: What would you do if you had a free weekend?

TB: I would definitely go camping.

There’s some good camping in Tennessee, and I would probably do a little rock climbing, too. n

November 2009 n Crescent Magazine

7

the gauntlet

TOASTING a new age

Consuming alcohol is always an issue when it comes to college students, but should we have been allowed to drink before entering UE? Or is that too much of a risk to our futures? And who decides what the official drinking age is for us?

I

KEEPING ALCOHOLISM ILLEGAL

played sports in high school. I made sure to get good grades and followed the rules. I didn’t drink, but it wouldn’t have been difficult to get alcohol if I had tried to do so.

College is a different story. There are few restrictions on how you live your life. I can safely admit I drank before turning 21 once I got to UE, but I don’t regret for one second that I n Monica Krause, waited until college to a senior interstart drinking. national studies major from Fort One of the biggest Wayne, offers a reasons I didn’t drink liberal perspective was that it was illegal. on issues.

There would have been consequences during high school, from my team and my family, for breaking the law.

It was different when I got to college. I didn’t want to lose control, so I was careful when I began drinking. I didn’t want to be “that freshman.” I am happy the responsibility I learned from having this legal restriction stuck with me. I may have been breaking the law, but I never abused alcohol.

8

Crescent Magazine n November 2009

The drinking age should not be lowered because it requires people to be responsible. Many people drink underage, and the law looms over their heads as a check to their risky behavior.

Of course all the studies point to how a lower drinking age will lead to less binge drinking, but I’m not sure how that is possible. It removes the most important challenge to irresponsible behavior.

Without it, you’ll have 18-year-olds binge drinking in bars instead of in a private setting — and they’ll have to get home from the clubs somehow.

Many minors drink regardless of the law.

They don’t have any problems finding alcohol or parties. They do it because they can.

So why give them total access to all the liquor they want? Their behavior is not going to change once they are legally permitted to drink. It will only get worse.

A common justification is to cite Western European countries where the drinking age is much lower. It’s a popular belief that drinking is less of an issue in those countries because it is legal, so young adults don’t drink in order to be rebellious and break the rules.

Maybe that’s true, but young adults in

America haven’t grown up in that culture.

If the law changes, there will be a period of complete chaos and outrageous behavior.

It’s not justifiable.

Besides, the conduct of Evansville students at Harlaxton shouldn’t give anyone a reason to trust minors with alcohol free of restrictions. It is gluttonous and disrespectful. The way some students push themselves to the extreme could lead people to support prohibition instead.

People also argue that if someone is old enough to fight and die for our country, they should be able to drink alcohol. Mature, honorable people make the decision to join the military.

The rest of our generation does not make such a sacrifice, so why should they reap the benefits and use our military as a bargaining tool? Am I the only one who thinks this is using the honor of our military for selfish desires?

The whole point behind the law is responsibility and safety. The assumption is that people become more mature as they grow older, so the legal age is higher. Students will not learn anything if they are permitted to drink at the age of 18.

Many 21-year-olds do not know how to

control themselves as it is. The problem will only grow exponentially.

It should not be my job to preach responsibility to my peers. That job should fall to our authority figures, but they are currently too busy conceding to pressure.

College administrators are trying to pass the blame and avoid responsibility. Parents are weak and passive. It is left to our generation to teach ourselves how to live, but lowering the drinking age will not help us at all.

We have better things to be doing. We should be talking about more important issues, not the “injustice” of the “oppressive” drinking age. n

PROBLEM WITH A NATIONAL DRINKING AGE

W

hy 21? This question has plagued college students for decades. Once we turn 18, we are granted access to a long list of rights and privileges, among them the right to vote, the right to serve in the military, the right to act as a legal guardian and the right to purchase firearms. Yet for some reason the right to purchase and consume alcohol is nowhere on this list.

Many find it ironic that a citizen can fight and die in the defense of one’s country and

yet cannot be considered mature enough to enjoy a beer with friends or a glass of wine with family at a holiday dinner. National Review’s John Miller notes that there were hundreds of Americans under the age of 21 who died during Operation Iraqi Freedom. “[These citizens] were old enough to do just about anything, except drink a red-whiteand-blue can of Budweiser. Apparently they weren’t grown-up enough to enjoy that privilege,” he said. n Justin Hodge, a The effectiveness senior mechanical of the current nationengineering major from al drinking age has also come into question due Petersburg, offers to the number of under- a conservative age college, high school point of view on and even middle school issues. students who drink on a regular basis.

How did we get to this point, and what should be done about the ineffectiveness of the current law?

Prior to 1984, each state was responsible for setting its own minimum legal drinking age. Many had set 21 as the minimum drinking age, while others ranged from 18 to 20. But in 1984 Congress passed — and President Ronald Reagan signed — the Federal Uniform Drinking Age Act. Since the Constitution grants states the right to regulate the sale and consumption of alcohol within their borders, the Drinking Age Act allowed them to continue this practice, but those states that did not raise their drinking age to 21 would lose 10 percent of their federal highway funding.

Thus, every state was essentially blackmailed into adopting the policy regardless of whether they were prepared to enforce such a limit.

The Supreme Court ruled that this law did not violate the Constitution, so by 1988 every state had adopted the current policy.

So how effective has this nationally set drinking age been at reducing alcohol-related fatalities?

One of the main arguments given by proponents of the law asserts the FUDAA has saved thousands of lives since it was passed; yet recent research suggests that this claim is significantly exaggerated.

A paper recently published in Economic Inquiry examined the rates of traffic fatal-

ities around the time of the law’s passage.

Unlike previous research, this study distinguished between states that adopted the policy on their own and those that were forced to adopt it by the FUDAA. The results showed that nearly all the life-saving effects of the policy came from a few states that chose to adopt it on their own.

Other factors likely contributed to the decrease in alcohol-related vehicle fatalities over the past couple decades. The concept of a designated driver, for example, was practically unheard of in the ‘70s and ‘80s.

In addition, safety features like air bags are now standard in nearly all vehicles, and drivers and passengers are much more likely to wear seat belts since it is mandated by most states.

The Kato Institute suggests 80 percent of people wore seat belts in 2004 compared to 14 percent in 1984.

A less-examined effect of the FUDAA is underage binge drinking. The federal policy has not eliminated binge drinking among those under the minimum drinking age.

What it has done is drive drinking into more dangerous, secretive and closed-door environments rather than safer public settings where it is legal.

So what should be done about the ineffectiveness of the federal policy? According to the Constitution, the limit was never meant to be a responsibility of the federal government. It should be returned to the states since they alone determine what limits they are capable of enforcing.

It may be that most states will maintain a drinking age of 21 — and that is their right — but some states may decide to experiment with policies to grant those under 21 limited access to alcohol.

Some advocates of this course of action have suggested an alcohol license that is granted at age 18 after completing a series of awareness courses — similar to driver’s education — and is subject to revocation if this privilege is abused. A policy found to be highly effective in one state could be implemented by others.

This is the beauty of federalism — each state has the right to experiment with policies it feels will benefit its citizens.

If that policy is a success, it may be adopted by other states; if it is a failure, it is better for one state to learn the hard way than for the entire nation to suffer under its implementation. n November 2009 n Crescent Magazine

9

SNAPSHOT

by Lauren Williams

Confident, independent and sassy, this woman is taking the world by storm

N

miss (latin) AMERICA

ot many people come to college hoping to fail.

For some international students who want more English in their lives, it may not be a bad idea. And while she thought she might fail the English Proficiency Exam, failure simply is not a part of this sassy Dominican’s make up.

Junior Jasmin Paniagua was looking for a small college with a first-rate international program where she could fully immerse herself in American culture when she heard about UE. And while she thought it might be fun to fail the EPE so she could take more classes and practice her English skills, she has found other avenues in which to immerse herself in American college life.

“She jumped right in and has been active from the beginning,” said Emily Fiedler, international student services coordinator.

An international studies major, Paniagua, a Dominican Republic native, was elected International Club president last spring while studying in France. She had joined IC her freshman year and quickly took on leadership roles. She also spent a year as I-House coordinator, two years as an SGA representative and served as Multicultural Action Committee vice president. Right now she is busy planning the International Bazaar, set for Nov. 20, with eight other IC members.

“Working with her is great because it’s like friends deciding on something,” junior Scarlette Briones said. “She is a proud Latina woman.”

Paniagua has ambitious goals for IC. She wants to ultimately develop a community between both international and American students by creating opportunities to build relationships. And with the collision of cultures and mem-

10

Crescent Magazine n November 2009

bers trying to express their opinions at once, IC meetings are hectic and entertaining.

Paniagua has adapted well to American life, but has not lost her sense of self in the process. She still enjoys listening to music, spending time with friends and insists she thrives on being busy. Often labeled Hispanic, she doesn’t let this faux pas bother her. Senior David Sena, also from the Dominican Republic, proudly refers to Paniagua as his “Latin home girl.”

Even with her interest in international studies, Paniagua wanted to get the full experience of college and allthings UE, including the chance to visit other countries.

“I wanted to study abroad while I was studying abroad,” she said with a chuckle.

Many of Paniagua’s friends were involved in Greek Life, which piqued her own interest. She said all she knew about sororities came from how they were portrayed in movies and on TV. “I didn’t want to be like those girls,” she said.

But Paniagua went through recruitment and found she liked what sorority life at UE represented. She joined Alpha Omicron Pi as a sophomore.

She also found the sorority’s leadership opportunities to her liking and was excited to support AOPi’s philanthropy, the Arthritis Foundation. Since her grandmother has arthritis, Paniagua said she takes pleasure in helping the research group.

Even though she may have considered being a failure, she couldn’t get past being a success. She has also found that UE allows students to explore.

“College is much more than academics,” she said. ”I wouldn’t change anything.” n

Photo by Sunny Johnson

November 2009 n Crescent Magazine

11

off the wall

WORD OF THE MONTH... fuda

OF THE

DRINK MONTH Safe Sex on the Beach

Because no one should endorse being promiscuous or irresponsible, this month’s Drink of the Month is Safe Sex on the Beach.

Just pour three ounces of cranberry juice, three ounces of grapefruit juice and two ounces of peach nectar together over ice in a chilled glass. Then stir. Add a maraschino cherry on top as a garnish.

If you’re of age and want to add a little something extra to your drink, use peach schnapps instead of nectar and add one and a half ounces of vodka. You can use any variety of tropical juices in this drink — ­ any combination you like — and enjoy!

Professors’ Preferences

Our Campus Wish List: 1. Working printers — Finding a printer with both ink and paper is like a miracle around here.

2. A football team — Tailgating just isn’t the same without the game.

3. A parking garage — If parking spots here were lifeboats, we would all drown.

4. Chain restaurants — For when you can’t eat Subway the fourth time this week.

Accepting flex dollars wouldn’t hurt either.

5. Adequate seating — With more chairs and comfy couches, maybe the Ridgway Center wouldn’t look like a refugee camp.

6. Weekly common hour — An entire hour every week with no classes, meetings or

work to spend quality time on Facebook — or wherever else you wish to spend it.

7. Rent-A-Segway — When that seven-minute walk across campus seems too long for your walk of shame, you could rent one of these.

8. Closing Walnut to traffic — This way you won’t have to play Frogger every time you walk to Carson Center or H-lot.

9. Wake-up calls — But only if they agree to a fiveminute snooze and they aren’t those pesky helicopter parents.

10. Flex vending machines — Spend your flex dollars at the end of the hall if you can’t muster the energy to walk to Ace’s Place.

Professors share their drink favorites and their cures for those next-morning aches and pains Peter Rosen, assistant professor of management information systems Preferred Drink: Rum or Jack Daniels and Coca-Cola.

Hangover Cure: A large burrito

Anthony Beavers, professor of philosophy and director of cognitive science Preferred Drink: Red Wine Hangover Cure: “Who has time for a hangover?”

Lora Becker, assistant professor of psychology Preferred Drink: Wild Turkey Hangover Cure: Keep your feet on the floor.

It helps stop the room from spinning and prevent the sick feeling in your stomach.

Dick Connolly, professor of philosophy Preferred Drink: Dark beer.

Hangover Cure: Aspirin and lots of water

SAY WHAT? 12

“Treaties: They’re like teeth in Hopkins County, Ky. — hard to find.”

Crescent Magazine n November 2009

– Robert Dion, professor of political science.

Movies

On those rainy days when you’ve talked yourself out of going to class, make some hot chocolate, close your laptop and get ready to weep with these tearjerkers.

SADDEST 1. Steel Magnolias (1989) 2. Homeward Bound (1993) 3. The Fox and the Hound (1981) 4. Armageddon (1998) 5. Pay It Forward (2000) With the stress of classes, homework and meetings, we spend enough time being serious. Take some time to unwind with a few of our favorite comedies.

FUNNIEST

1. Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) 2. Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975) 3. The Hangover (2009) 4. Wedding Crashers (2005) 5. The Princess Bride (1987)

Popcorn

Snack Recipe

Let’s face it: A movie just isn’t the same without the popcorn. If you’re bored with the same old bag of microwaveable popcorn, try this simple recipe from popcorn.org to jazz up any moviegoer’s favorite snack.

Some movies are so bad, they’re actually good — but these flicks don’t fall under that category.

WORST 1. Glitter (2001) 2. The Village (2004) 3. Showgirls (1995) 4. Gigli (2003) 5. From Justin to Kelly (2003) If you’re in the mood — or need a little help getting there — put a sock on the door and pop in one of these favorites.

BEST MAKE OUT MOVIES 1. Brokeback Mountain (2005) 2. The Notebook (2004) 3. Titanic (1997) 4. Pretty Woman (1990) 5. Debbie Does Dallas (1978) After a few, just any old movie won’t cut it. Plus, some of these classics are only classics when you’ve had a few or a few too many.

BEST WHEN FEELING FINE 1. Fern Gully: (1992) 2. Tropic Thunder (2008) 3. Labyrinth (1986) 4. Dodgeball (2004) 5. Xanadu (1980)

GRAB AND GO PIZZA POPCORN ­— FOR LOTS AND LOTS OF PEOPLE Ingredients: 6 quarts popped popcorn olive oil cooking spray 1 cup Parmesan cheese, grated 2 tsp garlic salt 2 tsp paprika 1 tbsp Italian seasoning Directions: 1. Place popcorn in a large, sealable

plastic container (or in a 2.5-gallon plastic, sealable bag) 2. Spray the popcorn lightly with the cooking spray 3. Sprinkle cheese, garlic salt, paprika and Italian seasoning over popcorn and shake to distribute evenly 4. To serve, scoop popcorn into reusable plastic cups

WORD STREET ON THE

Maury Povich did paternity tests on campus yesterday. Results will be posted in Flush Flash…

tomorrow.

5Campus

1/2 Ways to Stay Out of

Crime

You’ve just picked up the most recent issue of Crescent Magazine and flipped to your favorite department. After laughing at the stupid decisions made this month, you read those dreaded words: yes, your stupid decision has made it into print. Campus Crime has been home to some of the most idiotic and outlandish choices students have ever made. If you want to save yourself from this nightmare, follow these simple tricks.

ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE 1/2 1. DON’T LIGHT PICNIC TABLES ON FIRE: It may seem crazy, but next time, leave the matches at home to possibly save your reputation.

2. DON’T CARRY A COOLER WITH BEER ACROSS CAMPUS: You might as well send up a flare for Safety and Security to follow and come find you.

3. DON’T HIDE EVERYONE IN THE ATTIC: If you do decide to conceal the underclass students, don’t write their whereabouts on the door in plain sight of law enforcement.

4. DON’T STEAL BANNERS: It’s been done over and over. It gets old, people.

5. DON’T WALK AROUND NAKED WITH CHOCOLATE ON YOUR NIPPLES: If you must put chocolate on your nipples, at least wear pants — or do it in the privacy of your own room.

1/2. GO TO HARLAXTON: What happens at Harlaxton, stays at Harlaxton.

November 2009 n Crescent Magazine

13

wildcard

by James Drury

College

Gotta Love College Football Football’s

TOP 5

(Okay, 6)

RIVALRIES 1. Ohio State vs. Michigan 2. Oklahoma vs. Texas 3. Auburn vs. Alabama 4. Florida vs. Florida State vs.

Miami (since the Gators and the Hurricanes don’t play every season).

5. Army vs. Navy 6. USC vs. Notre Dame

small numbers

BIG WINS

Although NCAA Division III schools may be small in enrollment, their teams aren’t small in talent. Mount Union (Ohio), with an enrollment of about

14

Crescent Magazine n November 2009

G

verySUPERSTITIOUS

ood luck charms and traditions dominate the sports world. Some of these are as simple as a team chant, while others involve players proudly wearing a lucky pair of socks. Still, other teams and players are willing to do anything to give their team the edge, no matter how ridiculous, impractical or risky it may be.

Middle Tennessee State football has a blue horseshoe that is squeezed for good luck by players before each game. Some grab it every time they pass it, game day or not.

Clemson has Howard’s Rock, a stone from Death Valley that was given to former Coach Fred Howard. It was once used as a doorstop, but now it’s enshrined at the east end of Memorial Stadium. Only players who are willing to give 110 percent are allowed to rub it. This tradition is so dear to Clemson that their ROTC actually sets up a perimeter and protects the rock throughout the night before each game.

At Ohio State, students really jump into their good luck act. Every Thursday before a football game, students hurl themselves into Mirror Lake to give their team that added boost. Their devotion drives them to do whatever it takes to see their team pull ahead, even risking hypothermia.

St. Louis has a rich tradition for bringing luck. Buying a Billiken, the school’s elf-like mascot that wears a mischievous smile, gives good luck. You get even more luck if you are given a Billiken. The best luck of all is reserved for people whose Billikens get stolen.

In addition to their lucky Leprechaun and the iconic “Touchdown Jesus,” Notre Dame has loads of traditions they religiously follow to win Lady Luck’s favor. When players exit the locker room, they smack a plaque on the wall that says, “Play Like a Champion Today.” At the end of the third quarter, the marching band always plays the “1812 Overture” finale, inspiring fans to stand, wave and cheer in unison. Finally, the Monday before each game, the student managers paint the helmets with a fresh coat of gold paint made from real gold dust.

2,330, has won a record 10 Amos Alonzo Stagg Bowls, D-III football’s championship game.

The Purple Raiders had a 54-game consecutive winning streak before losing a semifinal playoff game to Rowan (N.J.) in overtime in December 1999.

The streak broke Oklahoma’s 47-game

winning streak (1953–57) that lasted for 42 years.

It would take four years, 56 games and three national championships for Mount Union to lose again, falling to St. John’s (Minn.) in the Stagg Bowl in December 2003. They have since won the championship three more times.

March of the Mascots

Mascots — those cartoony costumed leaders of cheer who strut up and down the sidelines and rally fans.

Good mascots need to embody strength, courage and a strong passion to lead their teams to victory. But not every mascot fits this description. Here is our countdown of the most unusual mascots.

5. OHIO STATE’S “BRUTUS THE BUCKEYE”

5

How can anyone think that a glorified acorn could ever be intimidating? Sure, it may hurt if you get hit with a few of them, but how much damage can they do?

4. ST. LOUIS’ “BILLIKEN”

4

A billiken is an elf-like creature with pointed ears, a mischievous smile and a tuft of hair on his pointed head. Let’s face it; if you have ever seen the mascot, it looks like a cross between a vampire and the Michelin Man. It doesn’t exactly scream strength and courage.

Fantasy Gone Too Far

Millions of people across the globe play fantasy football. The multimillion-dollar industry is a great way to relax and enjoy a beloved sport, but some fantasy players are really dropping the ball.

There’s no Heisman Trophy in fantasy football, but players still give it their all to win ludicrous prizes. If you’re able to fantasize your way to the top, you could win a 50-inch plasma TV or an all-expense paid trip to Miami. If you see these prizes as pocket change, you can also win a million dollars just for pretending to be a manager.

But this comes at a cost. While some fantasy football sites are free, most require a minimum $50 fee to join. If you want a shot at that million bucks, you may have to fork over a hefty $1,400.

The insanity doesn’t stop there. Thousands of stories are circulating about people finding elaborate excuses to skip work on Draft Day — the day fantasy football

3 2

2. WICHITA STATE’S “WUSHOCK”

Imagine a rotting bale of hay. Now imagine it with a scowl and a black turtleneck.

This living shock of wheat looks more at home in a hillbilly’s mouth than on the football field.

1

1. STANFORD’S “TREE”

You shouldn’t have any trouble finding it; it’s the big goggle-eyed evergreen tree with big, puffy lips. All you need is a handful of termites to get this mascot scared to the root. Hands down, the Tree is the most unassuming mascot in the business.

If it’s Friday at UE, then it’s Purple Friday.

Wear your best PURPLE every Friday!

You never know when the Purple Patrol will strike.

UE Alumni Association and Student Alumni Ambassadors

SENIORS Leave A Legacy at UE

!

K C I BR

a y u b

3. CALIFORNIA-SANTA CRUZ’S “BANANA SLUG”

Don’t believe anyone that claims a giant yellow slug has true fighting spirit. No matter what, it’s still a slimy invertebrate that runs for cover at a few inches per hour just to get away from a salt shaker.

members draft their first-round players.

Some are willing to go so far as to get a vasectomy just so they can have their No. 1 choice. Don’t believe us? A clinic in Oregon annually encourages men to go under the knife so they can spend the day “recovering” on the couch.

If you find yourself absolutely obsessed with fantasy football and think you need help, don’t worry. Dozens of support groups are forming across the nation to help you deal with your addiction. n

For more information, contact Emily Sights at es70 or x2440.

Student Alumni Ambassadors SAA’s mission is to

• Provide students service and leadership opportunities • Build a foundation for future alumni leaders • Foster communication, awareness, and interaction between current students and alumni SAA is always looking for bright and energetic students interested in gaining additional insight into their field of interest, as well as connecting with involved UE alumni. If you are looking to become more involved with campus activities, then SAA is right for you!

To learn more about SAA or to join, please contact Katie Litmer, President at kl97.

November 2009 n Crescent Magazine

15

COVER STORY

by Megan Merley

Photo by Sunny Johnson

a

P

kind of PATRIOTISM

eople of our generation have spent most of their lives in the shadow of war. For many, it is a distant phenomenon, outlined in vague headlines about places with names we can’t pronounce and people we will never know.

For four UE students, war is not just an abstract—it is a fact of life. One that they plan for, train for and could come face-toface with at any moment.

Seniors Josh Gray and Logan Selby and junior Hayli Cingle are all students and members of the military.

Their stories are not unique. They are only three of the hundreds of thousands of young people serving our country today, and they are all fighting a similar battle — on the field, in training and in just trying to live life as a twenty-something student.

16

Crescent Magazine n November 2009

Patriotism has been defined in many ways in post-9/11 America.

Opinions on the subject vary, but for four students, patriotism takes on a new, more personal meaning.

Gray and Selby are brothers in more than one sense of the word. They are members of Sigma Alpha Epsilon and privates first class in the Army National Guard.

They are also ROTC cadets at USI, and are classified as officers in training, which means that one day they will be the ones leading other young men through the same training they endure.

They wake up every day at 4:30 a.m. for physical and leadership training, and on weekends, they partake in infantry battle drills called “situations.”

They are also required to take classes on leadership, troop leadership and self-conduct, along with their regular course loads, fraternity duties and socializing. Obviously, this is not simply an extracurricular; it is a way of life. So why would people choose to

put themselves through such punishment?

For Gray, the decision to join was a relatively easy one. He had always considered joining the military and had grown up hearing stories about his grandfather’s service in Germany during World War II. “It always seemed like kind of an adventure to me,” he said.

Selby’s decision was influenced more by finances. Aside from the aid he gets toward tuition, there is also great promise for job security post-graduation. He never has to worry about gaining a commission because there are not many people lining up to do what he wants to do. Like Gray, he will become a lieutenant in the medical corps doing health and administrative services.

But money is not the only reason to join the military.

They joke that their uniforms make them stand out, but junior Hayli Cingle and seniors Logan Selby and Josh Gray stand out for more reasons than that as they juggle their lives as students and soldiers.

“At the end of the day, we do enjoy what we’re doing,” Selby said.

That said, Gray and Selby both agree that the military is not for everyone. There are factors to consider before someone should make the decision to join, including assessing your abilities to cope with time constraints. It takes dedication, determination and a willingness to serve your country with more sacrifice than your typical American — especially if you are a student as well.

Being young and having to be responsible for so many aspects of life is taxing, to say the least.

“We drink a lot of these,” said Gray, holding up an energy drink.

There is also the matter of family. Joining the military is a decision that not only affects you, but the family and friends that have grown around you. Gray and Selby are fortunate as their families and friends have shown nothing but support.

Still, it is not easy to spend so much time away from them and also have to focus on other obligations.

If someone is considering the military as an option, Selby has some advice: “Think about it first, and do your homework. Look at all of the branches.”

Gray concurs, stating that joining the military should not be taken lightly.

“It requires all your heart, all your effort,” he said.

Cingle, a criminal justice major, would have to agree, though her experience has taken a different route. She is a specialist in the Army Reserves. She has already been through basic combat training, a separate combat lifesaver course and a brief course of military operational specialist training.

She will be dealing specifically with unit supply where she is in charge of handling and maintaining equipment ranging from pencils to tanks.

Cingle’s reason for joining the military is simple and admirable: Sept. 11th.

“I wasn’t going to let anyone do something like that to our country again if there was anything I could do about it,” she said.

She is a member of Phi Mu and, like Gray and Selby, a full-time student with full-

time commitments. Army, sorority, school — it is a difficult collection of obligations, each with different standards and codes of ethics and behavior.

“I actually have to remember to be nice,” Cingle explained in regard to sorority events. This is a stark contrast with her cool, professional demeanor in training and drill situations.

Cingle is unique in that she is a woman and a member of the military. The field has become more diverse over the past few years; today, nearly 25 percent of the U.S. Army is female, but that is still a comparatively small number.

Cingle said out of 240 people in her basic training group, only 50 were female. She admits that some enlisted women have to work twice as hard for half the credit. Still, she said that being a part of the military is one of the best things she could do to help her country, and a lot of personal and professional respect can be earned through merit.

For Cingle, the hardest part of being in the military is not time, training or sexual discrimination, but something else entirely. She has to live with the knowledge that at any moment it can change. If called to active duty, she would have to take off from school immediately, leaving behind an anxious group of family and friends.

“They’re all supportive, all proud and all scared,” she said.

Another student with military ties is sophomore Nealson Foster, 32, a management systems administration major. His experience is comparable in many ways to Selby, Gray and Cingle’s in that he has to juggle school, service and socialization, but not all at the same time.

With a wife, two young children and six years in the Army under his belt, he is not exactly the typical student.

Foster recently returned to school after a three-year tour in Japan, and has had some trouble readjusting to the civilian world. In a depressed economy, jobs are scarce, and the options open to servicemen and women just discharged from duty are limited.

For these reasons he chose to take advantage of the government’s recently established Yellow Ribbon Program, part of the GI Bill and Post-9/11 Veterans Educational Assistance Act of 2008.

The program provides up to 50 percent

of financial assistance for any soldier who meets the requirements. In Foster’s case, three years of active duty have made him eligible to receive these benefits. He has returned to school and is entitled to housing and partial payment of his tuition.

Benefits for veterans are an excellent way for the government to recognize and re-

— Logan Selby ward military service, but Foster is doing his part, too. He and a few other student veterans are in the process of forming a union on campus called UE V.E.T.S., an acronym that stands for “veteran education transition support.” This union is designed to help vets transition from the military back into student and civilian life, and to help others cope with post-service concerns such as PTSD and finding a job.

The constitution and bylaws are still being drafted, but Foster hopes the group’s first meeting this month will spark a lot of interest. Everyone is welcome to join, including student veterans, civilians and students considering the military.

Future meetings will be scheduled on a monthly basis and will probably see an influx of nontraditional students and other members — older, younger, military and civilian alike.

Whether through officer training, reserve duty or veterans’ outreach, patriotism seems to be alive and well on campus.

It is inspiring to see that even in uncertain times, courageous students can come together to support their country and each other without hesitation.

With anti-war sentiment and the war itself so far removed from most everyone’s daily living, it is sometimes hard to remain involved. But with people like Cingle, Gray, Selby and Foster, pieces of soldiers’ commitments come into perspective.

“I don’t expect everyone to believe in what the military does,” Selby said, “but I want them all to respect the people who serve.” n November 2009 n Crescent Magazine

17

INTERNATIONAL EDUCATION

It ’s a

by Mindy Kurtz & Rachel Solava

Small World

Four corners of the world covered in four days: International Education Week is the exhibition of flags, food, music and languages, but what is it really all about?

M

ost everyone has visited Eykamp Hall and noticed the large collection of flags adorning the walls, but to the average student, what does this really represent?

It should symbolize the 173 students from more than 45 countries who attend UE this semester. International students are a vital component of campus culture.

UE boasts a global community, but in order to take advantage of these opportunities, students must step out of their comfort zones to increase their awareness about this culturally diverse campus.

Most American students are familiar with the study abroad opportunities afforded to them by UE, yet they rarely stop to think about what international students are experiencing at UE and in Evansville. Think about it; UE is their Harlaxton.

“Students who go abroad have grown personally, changed academically and professionally,” said Barbara Pieroni, assistant director of Harlaxton and Study Abroad.

“There is exponential change when they connect with international students here.”

International Education Week, scheduled for Nov. 16–20, provides an opportunity for the UE community to learn from one another and showcase the diversity that is Evansville.

“The goal of IEW is to promote cross-cultural learning and global awareness,” said Ann Baker, assistant professor of Spanish.

IEW is a compilation of all the international activities and events students can already participate in on campus.

18

Crescent Magazine n November 2009

After All

“It isn’t enough to host people from other countries,” Pieroni said. “If we aren’t interacting, it’s not benefitting anyone.”

The activities planned create opportunities for students to take advantage of the international students’ personal experiences.

Senior Jose Bertolo has been sharing his Venezuelan culture with his fellow students ever since he arrived at UE. “I want to share the Latin spirit,” he said.

“I’m bringing a little bit of Venezuela to everyone.”

The theme of IEW is “Change Your World,” with events showcasing the accomplishments of students and faculty through the international education experience, including formal presentations from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Nov. 16 in Eykamp Hall exhibiting research they have conducted abroad.

A special I-House at 7 p.m. Nov. 18 in Ridgway Center will bridge culture gaps and embrace language barriers with students reciting poetry in their native language.

“You can still feel the emotion in the poetry even if you don’t understand the words,” Baker said.

The interactive language and culture capsules, slated from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. Nov. 18 in Eykamp, are dedicated to teaching a variety of languages in 30-minute sessions.

Languages featured this year range from the familiar German, Spanish, Malaysian, Korean and Japanese to the unfamiliar and unusual Abo, a Cameroonian dialect, Farsi and Uyghur, a Chinese dialect.

“Through these sessions students can gain appreciation, understanding and a sensitivity to cultures different than their own,” said LaShone Gibson, director of global business education.

Perhaps the most exciting event of the

week is the presentation at 7 p.m. Nov. 16 in Schroeder School of Business Administration 170 of the keynote speaker, Djockoua Manyaka Toko, an educator and writer from Cameroon.

She has taught at universities throughout Africa, and has even published a book focusing on both American and Cameroonian literature.

Bill Hemminger, professor of English, describes Djockoua as a living example of education that can take you places. She grew up in a small village on the coast of Cameroon.

After she taught herself to read by candlelight, she was placed highly in her school, and later gained the opportunity to study in Germany, France and England.

Hemminger personally had the opportunity to visit Cameroon and help edit her book. Through his international travel, he formed a great friendship with Djockoua and her family.

“She embodies IEW,” Hemminger said.

“She will share the differences she has learned between Western and village education along with the hardships and hurdles that others must overcome.”

Pieroni hopes students and others will gain more than just knowledge about Cameroon from Djockoua.

“They should learn what a dif-

ference international exchange can make in one’s life and the richness that can come from meeting new people,” she said.

These connections can turn into lifelong friendships. For example, Bertolo first came to UE for the year-long Intensive English program. Now he is in his fourth and final year at UE. “I met people who made me want to stay,” he said.

IEW is the perfect forum to make connections with people from every corner of the globe. Senior Aria Bonsignore-Berry has been involved in International Club since her freshman year because she noticed the variety of international students on campus almost immediately.

“In my small group there were three international students, so it was obvious within the first few days on campus that I would be experiencing a lot of diversity,” she said.

Bonsignore-Berry’s favorite part of IEW is the International Bazaar, scheduled for 4:30–8:30 p.m. Nov. 20 in Eykamp, where students create their own booths to educate the community about their native country.

A multitude of smells of ethnic food waft from every station and mingle together along with a variety of cultural music. Students also provide entertainment, showcasing traditional dances and songs from their native countries.

“Students should realize they don’t necessarily need to go abroad for more exposure,” Bonsignore-Berry said. “International students can give you these experiences without leaving Evansville.”

Other activities set for the week include: Global Jeopardy at 3 p.m. Nov. 19 in SOBA 75 and a panel discussion on international education at 7 p.m. Nov. 16 in SOBA 170. n

International Education Week November 16–20

Learn how international education and exchange at UE will prepare you to

Change Your World Monday

Keynote Speaker from U of Yaoundé in Cameroon: The Bridging of Cultures

Tuesday

UE Students Present Research Projects Abroad

Wednesday

Language & Culture Capsules Study Abroad Info Fair: Get your Passports Ready for 2010-2011 I-House Poetry

Thursday

Aces Abroad: Fulbright Panel

Friday

International Bazaar

And much more!

For the IEW program schedule visit iew.evansville.edu or email studyabroad@evansville.edu

International Education Week is sponsored in part by grants from the Office of Diversity Initiatives and the Institute for Global Enterprise in Indiana.

November 2009 n Crescent Magazine

19

FEATURE STORY

Bowls of

s s e n d e s s e l B

by Amanda Squire & Jennifer Stinnett

The lowdown on all things chili — from its sketchy past to its intense followers to its controversial ingredients, we’ve got everything you need to know about what should be your favorite fall food

I

UE

20

Crescent Magazine n November 2009

ntense. Controversial. Powerful.

This stuff has been known to split families apart and wreak havoc in the closest relationships.

While most live their lives unaware of the heartache associated with this classic American food, for those dedicated few who love chili — really love it — it guarantees the ultimate in artery-clogging satisfaction.

“The least healthy kind of chili is the best,” senior Hailey Pickerel said. “As long as it is just cheesy and delicious, the rest doesn’t really matter.”

Have you thought about where chili comes from? Although you, busy college student, probably haven’t, you’d surprised how many people have thought about it — and thought about it a lot.

Surprisingly, no one really knows for sure where this delectable delight originated, but there are several places that claim credit.

The great state of Texas claims ownership of what it claims is the original chili recipe. Hispanic immigrant women made it in the 1880s in San Antonio. They mixed chili peppers, tomatoes and beef, if they had it, to concoct chili con carne. They would sell it to cowboys coming in from the ranches with empty stomachs.

These women became known as the “Chili Queens” for selling their bowls of blessedness.

Another story concerning the history of chili has a slightly more supernatural feel to it. According to legend, a nun Illustration by Courtney Hostetler

This is why ever year huntill can’t get enough chili and the dreds of chili enthusiasts gath ney beans, rinsed and • 2–15 oz. cans Veg- thought of a bowl of Cafe Court er to compete across the Unit drained All Original Mixed chili makes you cringe? Don’t have ed States to prove that their • 3 tsp chili powder Vegetables, drained the time — or willpower — to make unique brand of chili is, in • 1 1/2 tsp dried • 2 cloves garlic, your own? Well, here are some placfact, the best. oregano minced es in Evansville where you can get Blood, sweat and tears go • 1 1/2 tsp cumin • 2–28 oz. cans whole, your chili fix satisfied without spendinto every state competition, • 1/2 tsp salt peeled tomatoes, cut up ing too much money. but in the end there is only • 1 bay leaf • 2–16 oz. cans kid- one chilihead who then gets 1) In a saucepan, add all the ingredients. 2) Bring to a Steak-N-Shake — A classic chili to take his or her chili to the boil; reduce the heat, cover and let simmer for 20–30 you can have either by itself or added next level: The World Chili minutes. 3) Remove bay leaf and serve. Feeds about to any of your favorites. Chili-cheese Cookoff Championship. Anyeight people. fries, anyone? • 7929 E. Division St. thing and everything goes at named Sister Mary of Agreda would visit the WCCC, except of course beans and G.D. Ritzy’s — With a few locations the Indians of the Southwest United States noodles, which are expressly banned scattered around Evansville, this allwhile in a deep trance. They called her “La from any “serious” chili.

American diner has some all-AmeriDama de Azul,” or Lady in Blue, but the odd But before you fret too much about the can chili that will surely satisfy your thing was that Sister Mary never left the loss of beans, there is a separate category chili cravings. • 601 N. Green Rivcountry of Spain even though it is said she for bean lovers called “People’s Choice,” er Road somehow wrote down the original recipe for so everyday folk can participate in the exchili way back in the 17th century. perience without being too crazy.

Western Ribeye and Ribs — So who knows? Maybe the Indians Now this intense culture is coming to They serve a mild and meaty chili that taught it to her while she was in a trance, UE. Grab your pots, peppers and maybe will be sure to keep you warm as the but one thing is certain: The original chili even some potatoes, and get ready. temperature starts to drop. • 1401 N. recipe — wherever it came from — did not Student Alumni Ambassadors are Boeke Road include beans. sponsoring the first-ever Chili Cookoff This has been a huge point of controverfrom 3:30–6 p.m. Nov. 7 on the East Tersy in chili history. Chili purists claim that race, Ridgway Center, as part of Home“real” chili doesn’t have beans, but some coming week. Teams of three will comUE’s very own People’s Choice. people who love a good bowl of bean-filled pete against one another for the best chili, If junior Jenna Stratman has her way, chili scoff at the idea of leaving this key injudged on its color, aroma, consistency, chili culture will stick around and this coogredient out. taste, aftertaste and hopefully, over all dekoff will become a campus tradition.

For instance, when some found out that liciousness. Anyone could enter as long as “Starting a new tradition would be pretPresident Lyndon B. Johnson didn’t make one person on the team is affiliated with UE. ty cool,” she said, “because creating a tradihis chili with beans, they instantly regretted To make this an official competition, tion is kind of a big deal.” electing him president. After all, how can a there are judges who will help determine You can show up on Nov. 7 and sample man be a good president — one from Texas the winner. But don’t worry. Even regusome lip-smacking creations, and if this still — if he doesn’t make chili with beans? lar chili lovers can help pick a winner with isn’t enough chili for you, and another can But beyond just beans, of Hormel Chili from Walsome people like even more Mart seems unappealing, Ultimate College Kid Chili hearty ingredients in their try out your skills on some • 1 lb. ground beef • 1 tsp ground cumin chili. Some people use potaeasy-to-make, extra yummy • 1 large onion, chopped • dash, Worcester sauce toes or noodles, much to the recipes.

• 2–3 cloves of garlic • sprinkle, salt and pepper chagrin of purists. Beans are Chili — not everyone • 1 can chopped tomatoes • 1 red pepper, chopped one thing, but potatoes might can handle it. It’s a beauti• squeeze, tomato puree • 1 can kidney beans, be taking it too far. In the ful, complex, multilayered, • 1 tsp chili powder (or to drained your taste) minds of purists, if you want controversial experience stew, make that, but don’t defor both the purists and the 1) Fry the onion in a hot pan with oil until nearly brown, then add file the name of chili. noodle-lovin’ chili fiends. chopped garlic and ground beef and stir until brown — drain any excess fat if desired. 2) Add all dried spices and seasoning, then Not that you should take There are only a few casual reduce heat and add chopped tomatoes. 3) Stir well and add tomuch stock in what the purchili eaters, so either go big mato puree and Worcester sauce, then simmer for about an hour. ists say. Every chili expert is or order something else, be4) Add the chopped red pepper and continue to simmer for five convinced they make the best cause once you fall in love minutes, then add the drained kidney beans and cook for anothchili and they are the only with it, you can’t ever go er five minutes. If the chili becomes too dry at any point, just add ones who know how to make back. Don’t say we didn’t a bit of water. it right. warn you. n Vegetarian Chili

S

November 2009 n Crescent Magazine

21

sexplanation

Sensuous DESIRES

by Josh Fletcher

Having trouble tapping into your inner desires? If so, take some advice and try a few of these solutions.

N

you’re interested in walks by and has a ring on his or her finger, it doesn’t always make them off limits in your head. Most people want what they can’t have. Or maybe you’re just jealous. Like Beyonce said, “If you like it, then you should have put a ring on it.”

OYSTERS — Often reminding men of the consistency of the vagina, these mollusks may satisfy more than one appetite when eaten raw. The Sydney Rock Oyster, found off the Australian coastline, may be a one-way ticket to the “down under.”

CHAMPAGNE — A classic drink signifying class and distinction also serves as a liquid panty dropper. The sparkling beverage is best served with chocolate-dipped strawberries and Egyptian 1,500–thread count sheets. Toast to love and let the bubbles cascade down your throat.

amed after Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of sex and beauty, aphrodisiacs increase sexual desire. Aside from the usual suspects like the taste of creamy dark chocolate or the scent of vanilla, here are few others that will surely have you humming “let’s get it on.”

HORNY GOAT WEED (Epimedium) — Rumored to have been discovered by a Chinese shepherd who noticed a dramatic increase in sexual activity between his goats after they ingested it, this Asian shrub may serve more than one purpose. But don’t look for it sitting next to Viagra on the pharmacy shelf. To date, scientists have verified its effects in both rats and rabbits but are concerned about the effects on the human liver and kidneys.

FLYING ON AN AIRPLANE — Joining the Mile High Club is illegal, but there’s just something about the altered cabin pressure, the overworked flight attendants and close proximity to strangers that really gets the blood pumping. Hell, add some turbulence and you’re in for some real trouble. Why do you think people are so crazy in Harlaxton? It could be the seven-hour flight over.

CINNAMON — Spice things up a little by adding cinnamon creamers to coffee or hot chocolate, placing a fragarent candle next to the bed or chewing on a piece of Big Red. For those early morning encounters, a fresh batch of gooey cinnamon rolls might just do the trick.

WEDDING RINGS — You may be asking why wedding rings are aphrodisiacs. Well, when a gorgeous member of the gender

22

Crescent Magazine n November 2009

MEMORY FOAM PILLOWS — If the thought of waking up next to someone who isn’t up to your standards is horrifying, why not wake up to the hottest person you know. Memory foam pillows will not only help with posture and neck support, but allow you to spend the night with the person you love most: yourself.

AVOCADOS — While the idea of guacamole might not sound too tantalizing, for many years the Aztecs believed a pair of avocados hanging on a tree had a vast resemblance to male genitals. Next time you’re thinking that eating Mexican food won’t get you a date, think again.

BARRY WHITE MUSIC — The sexy, soft melodic tunes of “The Sultan of Smooth Soul” have been aphrodisiacs since before you were conceived. His masculinity and burly voice pulses through your ears and arouses your inner desires. Of course his music puts you in the mood; he even said that he “can’t get enough of your love, baby.”

MONEY — Don’t think so? Probably cause you’re not rolling in it. While money can’t buy happiness, it can buy lots of items to tickle your fancy. Really, what’s hotter than someone who can wine and dine you like royalty? n

cheap dates

by Brennan Girdler

Icebreaker Nothing arouses some like the sounds of men pounding into each other in an ungraceful and throbbing heap on an ice rink — nothing is quite like hockey.

I

t’s knuckle-puck time down at Swonder Ice Arena, home of the Evansville IceMen. This venue offers a great and cheap place for the heavy and thriftyhearted, offering — believe it or not — a steamy romantic getaway.

“The Evansville IceMen guarantee three hours of entertainment for just $7,” said Chip Rossetti, general manager of the single A hockey team.

The start of the IceMen’s second season began Oct. 23, and prospects are high. Rossetti said last year’s season had a sellout crowd with an average of

1,074 tickets sold — with standingroom-only to catch a glimpse of games. Fans between the ages 18 and 32 fill up the largest portion of the seats, with families coming in a close second.

“These games are more than just hockey,” Rossetti said.

Senior Brandon Uzarek is a linesman with the All-American Hockey League and refereed 18 of the IceMen’s 21 home games last year.

“As a linesmen it’s my job to call offsides and break up fights,” he said. “There’s around one fight a game, especially against Chi-Town, a team from Dyer, Ind.” Being on the ice, it’s Uzarek’s job to stop the brawls and make the calls. He often fears the crowds more than the pucks and skates.

“The fans at Swonder are loud, obnoxious and don’t like me,” he said.

Honest words from a referee.

But if a date gets sour, there’s nothing like a bit of mortal combat on ice to satisfy basic human nature.

Other than watching out for the occasional blood splatter or flying tooth, fans are sure to find something to do. There are concession stands, souvenir shops and a beer garden for those over 21.

The hockey itself is great, but it’s the team that makes the night. Uzarek said the IceMen are guys who love the game. They are only paid $50 a match and have no job security.

“They come from everywhere and are willing to

play for almost nothing,” he said. “They’ve gone out to the lobby and interacted with kids after matches, signing jerseys and things like that.”

The arena is full of lively entertainment, even in-between periods.

“A dance team and junior dance team perform at intermissions,” Uzarek said, “and the fans really get into it, often more so than the fights.”

“The IceMen are one of six teams of the AAHL which covers the Tri-State area, and they’re moving up to the International Hockey League once Evansville completes the new arena,” Rossetti said, “And for now, we’re the worst-kept secret in Evansville.”

Rossetti is expecting great things from the team this season, and it would mean nothing without the fans.

Swonder is sure to offer a cheap and exciting night of entertainment. Most home games are themed. Last year’s Halloween game gave glow-in-the-dark Jason masks to the first 300 people in the arena. This year’s first home game Oct. 30 featured a similar costume theme.

A special college night is Nov. 1, with a $1 ticket discount for those wearing their school colors. A military appreciation match is Nov. 14. The IceMen’s web site has the full schedule, so be sure to keep an eye on the dates and face-off times.

Uzarek said with only 1,300 seats, there’s not really a bad seat in the house.

“Fans are guaranteed a spot near the ice,” he said.

You don’t need to know hockey to have a good time. Between the energy of the puck, the fights and the crowds, rest assured you’ll have a blast.

And you know the date ends well when your special someone asks if you would like to practice the “Flying V” after the match.

Not a hockey fan? No problem. Swonder also offers public skate time. Get out on the ice between 7 p.m. and 10 p.m. on a Friday night (college students with a valid ID get a $2 discount) or go out on your own and release your inner child.

Check the Swonder Ice Arena web site for more information on hours and prices. And check out evansvilleicemen.com or swonder.evansville.net for more schedule information. n November 2009 n Crescent Magazine

23

beauty & fashion

by Alex Jackson

Tex-Mex Fashion

and Winterwear Musts

Texan-turned-Indiana-trendsetter proves that some classic winterwear never goes out of style

A

s the saying goes “everything is bigger in Texas,” and junior Alicia Neaves’ hometown of San Antonio is no exception. Neaves isn’t interested in just any clothing — designer fashion was a huge emphasis on her past and continues to influence her today.

“As for fashion being a big deal in my high school, let’s just say they titled our football game against our rival school the Gucci Bowl,” she said with a laugh.

Having been part of this fashion-centered environment, it’s no surprise she’s this month’s Trendsetter.

Neaves’ aunt, Graciela, has her own clothing line, Graciela Designs. She specializes in clothing with a Tex-Mex fiesta feel. The designs center around vibrant colors, ruffles, embroidery and thick stitching.

Neaves said her culture has inspired her fashion sense today.

A defining fashion experience was when her aunt allowed her to be in one of her fashion shows. Graciela allowed her to pick three items, so one of the items was a long, ruffled pink skirt. To complete the new look, Graciela sewed a sash around the waistline to perfect the look.

“I didn’t like the fact that the dress was to my ankles, so I took a fashion risk and wore the skirt as a dress,” Neaves said. “I love to be innovative.”

For inspiration, she said she turns to Forever 21.

“Their clothing and accessories have a good, quality look to them that is hard to find,” Neaves said. “It is unique, yet affordable.”

One accessory she said she never goes out without is a purse. Her favorite is a beige Betsey Johnson, which she received as a high school graduation gift.

“My purse allows me to be confident and complete,” Neaves said.

A purse can also say a lot about someone. Some women store their life inside their purse, while others simply use it to accessorize.

24

“A purse is like finding your missing puzzle piece to complete your outfit,” Neaves said. “And if you wear your purse on your forearm, you win like 10 more girly points.”

While purses are a great way to accessorize for any season, so are sunglasses, Neaves’ second favorite accessory.

“They look so posh,” she said. “If you see someone on the beach and they are wearing Chanel or Dior sunglasses, you know they know how to shop.”

With summer gone and winter right around the corner, Neaves believes the cold temperatures should bring out the darker and bolder you.

“I look forward to winter so I can break out that little black dress,” she said.

During the season, Neaves enjoys wearing a pair of tan boots she bought while at Harlaxton.

“I love wearing them with black leggings and printed or solid tops,” she said.

“You can wear them to dress up or down.”

Topping her wish list this winter season is a beige coat.

“For winter, I love the long, pea coattype look,” she said.

“It is classy, yet casual.”

It only takes one simple accessory to add a unique touch: a patterned scarf with a solidcolored coat.

Neaves recommends wearing a winter Photo by Alaina Neal

Crescent Magazine n November 2009

scarf only if you’re wearing a winter coat.

“You definitely don’t want to clash the seasons,” she said.

Another winter accessory Neaves enjoys is ear warmers.

“I’ve never been big on hats, but I love ear warmers,” she said. “When it comes to fashion, take risks.”

With all these winter wear options in mind, get excited for the season and be prepared to bundle up. n

W

{Wondrous Winter Wear}

hen it comes to fashion, it’s just not winter without a little fake fur. With winter sneaking up on us, now is the time to give your closet a closer look. It also might be time to update your wardrobe. Whether you purchase a cropped vest or a long coat, fur is the perfect way to accessorize your look.

Fur has forever been a dominating trend for winter. It is hotter than ever this year, but don’t just focus on the coat or vest since color says a lot about you and your fashion statement this season.

For most, black, brown and gray are the traditional tones, but if you want to stand out, take a risk and let your inner attitude shine.

One great addition to your winter wardrobe should be a new coat. Coats in a variety of styles are taking a huge leap this season and can also be quite the fashion statement for an underdressed outfit. If you are going to splurge on one item this season, make it a chic new coat. It will definitely be worthwhile because it will be worn often and can make less expensive clothes look more stylish.

On those really cold days, women might want to try thigh-high boots, also known as over-the-knee boots. They will be available this winter in both leather and suede. These boots are the epitome of fashion forward since long boots can be paired with leggings or tight, skinnyleg jeans.

Another boot that will be making an appearance his winter is the ankle boot.

This boot is typically fur-lined with a stiletto heel. Like thigh-high boots, ankle boots can also be worn with tights, leggings or

FREE

skinny-leg jeans. If you are not a big fan of the thigh-high or ankle boot, the kneelength boot is a compromise sure to please and remain a favorite every winter.

Along with coats and boots, another fun way to customize your winter look is to wear a toboggan. Toboggans are a convenient item to have as a student for those long walks across campus. And everyone — guys and girls alike — has those days when you just don’t want to fix your hair.

On those days, you can just throw on your toboggan and head to class.

If a toboggan doesn’t interest you, make a groundbreaking statement with a beret. While berets may seem like one of the trickiest fashion challenges to carry off, they will be sure to keep you extra warm, they look great on all face shapes and are suitable for all age groups.

But the beret can suffer a fashion tragedy if it’s not worn with confidence. The perfect location for the beret is evenly on your forehead and leaning toward the back of your head. You want to make sure it’s not leaning too far back on the head — you don’t want it to look like you’re wearing a shower cap.

Choosing how to wear it is simply a matter of personal taste. Experiment with different lively angles, and if the fit is right for you, wear it.

To complement your exciting winter look, protect your lips from the cold weather with some type of lip cover. One product you may want to try is Aquaphor Healing Ointment by Eucerin. It serves as a lip balm but can be worn as an everyday gloss. It can be purchased at any local Wal-Mart, CVS or Walgreens. n

Delivery to UE’s Campus!

2009 Evansville Jingle Bell Run/Walk Saturday, December 5, 2009 9 a.m. Central time The Old Courthouse Downtown Registration begins at 7:30 a.m. Central time

OFFICIAL ENTRY FORM 5K RUN ____ 5K WALK ____

Kids Jingle Bell Jump _____ Name _______________________ Address _____________________ City ________________________ State, Zip ____________________ Phone _______________________ Email address _________________ Male___ Female___ Age___ DOB ___________ T-shirt Size: S___ M___ L___ XL___XXL___ (Adult) T-shirt Size: M (Youth) Amount Enclosed: __________ • $20 entry fee prior to November 25, 2009 • $10 entry fee (students 18 & under) prior November 25, 2009 • $5 entry fee for the Kids Jingle Bell Jump • $25 entry fee after November 25, 2009

Make checks payable to the Arthritis Foundation 700 N. Weinbach Ave. Suite 102 Evansville, IN 47711 P: 812.474.1381 F: 812.474.1390 OR Register on line at www.arthritis.org KEYWORD: Indiana

1924 E. Morgan Ave. • Evansville, IN 47711 • 425–4422 November 2009 n Crescent Magazine

25

health & fitness

&

by Heather Powell & Kate Wood “Moderation is the key in anything you do,” Sadler said.

But what exactly is carpal tunnel syndrome?

“There are a whole bunch of bones around your wrist, and in the middle is a tunnel they call the carpal tunnel,” Sadler said.

She explained that inside the tunnel are tendons, a ligament and the median nerve. When the hand is neutral, the tunnel is open. If the wrist is bent for a long time, tingling and numbness can occur because the wrist’s position places pressure on the median nerve.

A pins-and-needles sensation will begin in the thumb, index finger, middle finger and half of the ring finger — like the hand has fallen asleep.

Other symptoms may occur in addition to the numbness. As the condition worsens, it causes pain during the day.

“When I’ve been writing too much my wrist gets super tight,” senior Jessica Kamman said. She said she developed CTS during high school from working on computers about eight hours a day.

But wrist pain and numbness are not the only issues.

TECHNOLOGY Carpal Tunnel Syndrome Sore wrists can show muscle strain — or even bigger problems

Papers and assignments are pouring in. You’ve been texting and on the computer all day. Your wrists have been sore lately, and it feels like your grip strength is weakening.

Carpal tunnel syndrome is probably the furthest thing from your mind, but with the constant use of computers and text messaging, it is something that could sneak up at anytime.

Lois Sadler, outpatient services occupational therapist for HealthSouth Deaconess Rehabilitation Hospital, said CTS is a problem that affects both the hands and wrists — two things vital to students.

Simple tasks can cause injury. Prolonged writing, texting, gaming or notetaking can cause pain and tenderness in the elbow, wrist and shoulder joints.

Foundational Fitness Simple ways to build a healthy lifestyle Staying fit can be a challenge, but it might not be as hard as you think. Whether weight loss is your goal or you just want to be more active, there are easy ways to incorporate nutrition and activity into your daily life.

It’s possible to exercise while wasting time on Facebook. Susan Seliger of webmd.com recommended doing leg extensions while sitting down to work abs and legs. First, hold onto the edges of your seat for stability and point your legs so they are parallel to the floor, then flex and point toes five times and release.

26

Crescent Magazine n November 2009

According to the International Food Information Council Foundation, three meals a day are essential to staying energetic and alert. If you’re busy and don’t have time to eat a full meal at Ridgway Center try packing a small snack to eat between classes. Fruits and granola bars are healthy options that can be kept in your bag.

Did You Know?

The word “workout” doesn’t have to be scary. Plan activities such as walking around the mall or participating in a scavenger hunt on campus to help improve your heart rate.

Sitting on an exercise ball instead of on a chair or couch can decrease back pain and improve posture.

“Over time you can lose your grip strength,” Sadler said. “So, the best thing is to work with your hand as neutral.”

If a student does develop carpal tunnel syndrome, it can be treated.

“Rest is one thing,” Sadler said. “Early on we like to put people in a brace or stint, especially at night, to keep the wrist neutral.”

She said students should watch their grip, keep wrists neutral, rest and stretch their hands. Also, she encourages reducing the speed and force used when working on a keyboard and recommends opening the hands so the muscles can stretch occasionally.

When the papers start piling up, remember to give your hands a rest.

Though typing is a must and checking Facebook or texting seem important, treat your hands with respect. n It’s the little things that count. Healthychoices4life.com points out that simply wearing a backpack and walking to class everyday counts as light activity that keeps metabolism up and weight down. Here are some activities that will burn more calories than you think!

Activity

Calories Burned/Hr

60 Sitting, watching TV, reading 75 Grocery shopping 80 Dusting, vacuuming, making 95 a bed Scrubbing floors, tubs, 225 washing the walls Dancing, head banging, 400 grinding Napping between classes

Elliptical machine, (Target heart rate is maintained for 25–35 minutes)

800

When Plan A Fails,

Try B

Plan B helps couples eliminate those oops moments

Everyone has those “Oh, shit” moments occasionally. You overslept and missed an exam. Your friends posted pictures of your crazy weekend on Facebook. You locked your keys in your car. Then there’s the big “Oh, shit” moment: During a highly passionate moment you had unprotected sex.

It’s not the best route to take, but it happens. After you have sex without protection, do you wait to see what happens or try to prevent pregnancy?

Plan B One-Step is a one-pill emergency contraception tablet meant to prevent an unwanted pregnancy after unprotected sex. According to a local Planned Parenthood representative, Plan B can be used as a backup if no type of protection was used. It should not be used to replace birth control pills and should only be used in emergency situations — the condom breaks, you forgot your birth control or he wasn’t wearing a condom. Also, after Plan B is taken you aren’t guaranteed protection beyond that day.

Plan B is not an abortion pill but can reduce the risk of pregnancy if taken within three days after having sex. The pill will not work if there is an existing pregnancy.

Like any oral contraceptives, this morning-after pill doesn’t protect against

HIV infection or other STDs. Do not change your birth control routine. It’s recommended to begin taking your regular birth control immediately after Plan B has been used.

If you are over the age of 17, Plan B can be purchased over-the-counter at a pharmacy with a valid ID. After using Plan B, you might experience slight side effects such as changes in your period, nausea, cramps, fatigue, headaches, dizziness and breast tenderness. Essentially, nothing major that can’t also be caused by premenstrual syndrome.

Plan B should not be taken if you’re allergic to any of the ingredients in the pill or the hormone levonorgestrel.

If you have your period at your regular monthly time then you can finally relax because Plan B worked properly. For more information, visit planbonestep.org.

Unprotected sex should be avoided.

But if it can’t be, Plan B provides a way to help prevent unwanted pregnancy and reduce the “Oh, shit” factor of a potentially nerve-wracking situation. n

If you don’t pick up your copy of the 2009 LINC, you’re really gonna wish you had... and considering you’ve already paid for it...

Student Publications Ridgway • 2nd Floor

HAPPY HOUR OTS!

FREE SH

3

Weekdays $ Level 2 Bed (812) 402–8454

1–3 PM

Sor ry, no alcoh ol shots !

LOTION SHOTS

• 701 N BURKHARDT November 2009 n Crescent Magazine

27

procrastination station

y k n JVSa Juicy JANKY: Swine flu — One word: eww.

JUICY: Mono — Getting the kissing disease is better than anything referring to a pig.

••• JANKY: Going commando — There’s nothing classy about not wearing underwear, unless, of course, it’s laundry day.

JUICY: Being a commander — We bet those hardworking students on the cover are wearing something under that camouflage.

••• JANKY: “No homo” — Guys, quit acting like… guys. Just admit you love your friends.

JUICY: Bromance — Man-love is nothing to be ashamed about.

••• JANKY: Texters from last night — Being so drunk that your ridiculous text ends up on textsfromlastnight.com? Not so classy.

JUICY: Reading textsfromlastnight.com — Instead of embarrassing yourself, laugh at other people’s drunken mistakes while keeping your own reputation safe.

••• JANKY: Stalking — We can see you hiding in the bushes, and it’s just creepy.

JUICY: Facebook stalking — Following news feeds from the comfort of your own home is perfectly acceptable.

by Kristin Benzinger

More

Time

W t n a i g s Web Sites From funny to disgusting, these sites will keep your homework at bay

I

EXPLOSM.NET/COMICS

f you are in the market for some sidesplitting comics, this is the site for you. Each day, new comics or animated shorts are posted. Four main artists create the comics on the site, but occasionally you will encounter a comic from a guest artist.

Want to share the comic with one of your friends? No problem. At the bottom of each comic page is the code to post the comic on Myspace and Facebook.

The art is by no means amazing — the drawings are almost always stick figures.

But the lack of artistic ability won’t keep you from laughing while exploring this site.

MYLIFEISAVERAGE.COM

Perhaps your life doesn’t suck, so you have nothing to post on FMyLife.com. For those of who live seemingly normal lives, there is MyLifeisAverage.com. At the top of the page, the writers provide you with the “average word of the day.” Then you can scroll through all of the entries from each day, just like FML. Depending on how you feel about each

entry, you can vote it “average” or “meh.”

The site also features a “top five posts of the day” section, which leads you right to the most interesting, or perhaps most average, posts from the day. Want to see just how average you are? Check out this site for some great MLIA action.

THISISWHYYOUREFAT.COM

When the page opens, you are sucked into the world “where dreams become heart attacks” (or so says the web site’s slogan).

The foods featured on this site put any guilty pleasure cuisine you have ever consumed to shame. The submissions come from both restaurants and the everyday people responsible for these creations.

Each entry includes a picture and the name of the creation. Sometimes the entries include ingredients and the restaurant where you can try to tackle these mutant munchies.

A favorite is the Big Fat Ugly. Perhaps the most extreme item on the site, it hails from the Fat Sandwich Co. Roughly the size of a football and made up of 20 ingredients, ranging from typical burger staples to pizza bites

and pork rolls, it’s sure to turn your stomach and raise your cholesterol.

If that doesn’t kill your appetite forever, check out some favorites, like the Meatini, the Silly Rabbit, Oreo Stuff Dip and Dorm Food Casserole. There is also a book available through the web site that includes instructions on how to make different dishes, stories from the creators, local favorites and more.

And maybe, just maybe, you will even create a dish of your own to submit.

SKETCHSWAP.COM

On this site you are able to test your artistic ability. The object? Create a masterpiece using the one-color pencil provided.

After you finish, click the “Submit Drawing” button to send your picture off to someone else. In return, you get to watch someone else’s picture drawn before your eyes.

If you’re not the next Picasso, don’t worry: the site is completely anonymous. But if you are, there are also some pretty talented artists that frequent the site.

Once you are done watching the picture you received, you can click the “Draw Again” button and start all over.

AKINATOR.COM

Akinator is a web genie that plays a game with you that is much like 20 questions, but instead of guessing objects or animals, it guesses characters — real or fictional.

First, as the player, you will be asked to fill out a temporary user name, your age and whether you are male or female. After you complete that, think of any character.

For example, you could pick an actor, cartoon character or singer. Once you have someone in mind, click play and let the magic begin.

Akinator will go through a series of questions. Through your answers, he will guess what person or character you are thinking of. For example, when we attempted to fool Akinator, we picked Tweety Bird, and he was able to guess it in 20 questions. What a smart genie!

We were finally able to defeat him after 20 questions with Judy Funny from the Nickelodeon show “Doug.” Once you get going, it will be hard to stop playing because you will be determined to outsmart Akinator at its own game. Good luck. n

UNity Taxi NIGHT at club Royale November 20 FREE CAB RIDES

to anywhere in Evansville from Club Royale.

421–9999

WE BELIEVE IN

EXCELLENCE and would like to reward the excellence of the students at UE.

Show your student ID & get a Expires: 11/1/2010

One time use. Must present coupon at time of purchase.

At Qdoba, we believe people with great taste deserve food that tastes great. Inspired by our passion for fresh ingredients, our menu offers a variety of innovative flavors. From our handmade sauces and salsas to our slow-roasted pulled pork and adobo-marinated grilled chicken, we handcraft our meals in-house daily.

EVANSVILLE | 922 Burkhardt Rd. | www.qdoba.com November 2009 n Crescent Magazine

29

nightlife

by Peter Hanscom

CELEBRATING

the big

Cheers — The moment you’ve been waiting for is finally here — you’ve just turned 21. The time has come to hit the Evansville bar scene.

While you actually won’t be paying for anything on your 21st, here are our recommendations for how to craft the perfect 21st birthday party.

S

how-Me’s offers a free fishbowl to anyone celebrating his or her birthday, not just those turning 21. Don’t forget they have two locations — one on the east side at 1700 Morgan Center Drive and the west side at 5501 Pearl Drive. Make sure to take full advantage by visiting them both — perhaps even one right after the other and for the friends you’ve dragged along, Show-Me’s always serves $1 14-oz. drafts of Keystone Light.

If you feel like trying to be classy on your 21st, head out to Fox and Hound English Pub and Grille, 5416 E. Indiana St., for a free bottle of champagne to celebrate the occasion. Even if you’re not a champagne fan, it’s easy to trade it with a friend for a drink you’ll actually enjoy.

This special is good for every birthday — or at least every birthday after 21.

30

Crescent Magazine n October 2009

The Do’s and Don’ts of 21st Birthdays DO have a celebration with your underage friends before heading out to the bars.

Restaurants are perfect for this occasion because those underage can still buy you drinks in a legal way — and chances are you’ll get a free dinner too.

DO take Safe Ride home. If you have the choice to wait a few minutes longer for a van, do it. This way everyone is safe, your group won’t get separated and no one will miss out on the inside jokes being repeated the next morning.

DO accept drinks from complete strangers, providing that you witness the bartender pouring it and that taking the drink in no way signals that you’ll be going home with that stranger later.

DO make sure your wealthiest friends are in attendance, but don’t suck them dry.

Make sure all your friends are footing the bill for your birthday, not just one.

Hangouts

& Specials

Here’s a list of all the places we like to hang out. If you haven’t already, check them out by taking advantage of their special deals.

• SUNDAY — If you’re craving an international flavor, we suggest you check these local establishments for a worldly perspective — RiRa, 701 N.W. Riverside Drive, and Gerst Bavarian Haus, 2100 W. Franklin St. RiRa’s offers $3 pints of Guinness and Gerst Haus has $4 Bloody Mary fishbowls.

• MONDAY — Boot-scoot to Texas Roadhouse, 7900 Eagle Crest Blvd., to cure any case of the Manic Mondays. They offer 99-cent margaritas — $1.49 for peach or strawberry — and half-price appetizers after 8 p.m.

• TUESDAY — It seems like everybody’s doing it, and Fox and Hound is too — $2 for a pint. How could you resist? Just make sure you look at least a little classy — you’re bound to see other UE students, and if you’re lucky, maybe even a professor or two.

• WEDNESDAY — Penny beers and nickel wells along with a half-price cover charge is what’s going on at Woody’s, 1031 Main St. Known as the hardest bar in town, the clientele here can be a little rough at times, but on College Night, the prices certainly aren’t.

• THURSDAY — We’ve already mentioned it once, but we just can’t get enough of RiRa. They offer $1.50 Miller Light and Busch Light, and after 8 p.m., make sure to taste the $8 fish and chips. The downtown Irish pub is cultured and, in general, not something you would expect to find in Evansville.

• FRIDAY — It’s hard to find a deal at a place we actually recommend going on Friday nights, so stay on campus and hang out with your other friends.

You’ll be safer, spend way less money and have just as much fun.

• SATURDAY — Although there aren’t any outrageous drink deals, Hammerheads, 317 Main St., celebrates the ‘80s on Saturday night so it’s all about the atmosphere. If you’re still feeling nostalgic about the life and times of Michael Jackson, this is the place for you.

DON’T pay for anything. This night only happens once in your life, and it’s expected that you take full advantage of your friends’ generosity.

DON’T pregame so much that you’re worthless before you even leave for the bar. Cut yourself off after a few drinks or else you run the risk of being sent home.

DON’T drink so much you blow chunks. No matter what anyone tells you, throwing up at a bar, in a cab — in any public place — is not cool.

DON’T get emotional. No one likes an emotional partier, but people really don’t like emotional partiers celebrating their birthday. You probably don’t have a good reason to be crying anyway. After all, it’s your birthday.

Classic Fajitas Double Order $13.49 Single Order $7.99

Top Shelf or Caribbean Margarita* 10 oz. Rita $2.99 16 oz. Rita $4.99

Evansville

600 N. Green River Rd. 812.475.1510 www.chilis.com *Must be at least 21 years of age to consume alcohol.

Offer valid every Monday 11 a.m. to close.

health ed 2

89

%

of UE students

have not used

any tobacco products in the last 30 days Fall 2007 Social Norms Survey

November 2009 n Crescent Magazine

31

eats

Bugs for Dinner

by Whitney Cohen

Home-style meals set diners’ appetites scurrying

L

ook out — Grandma and her recipe book are in Evansville. Upon entering the Cross-Eyed Cricket Family Restaurant, diners’ senses are assaulted by the scent of hamburgers slowly grilling to perfection, the sight of enticing pies and cakes and the familiar feeling of entering a family member’s kitchen.

At any time, you can find diners scattered around the restaurant’s spacious dining room. Large family groups, students and elderly couples are all regulars because the menu features a wide selection of appetizing meals sure to satisfy every taste.

“We specialize in homemade food, like what your grandma cooks,” owner Fernando Tudelas said.

Cross-Eyed’s goal is to provide diners with a lot of food for little cost in a friendly and welcoming environment.

“I really like the homey feel,” sophomore Kelly Couchman said of the restaurant.

“The food is amazing and our server was very personable.”

You can stop by after a particularly mind-numbing lecture to re-energize with bacon and eggs or a platter of pancakes since Cross-Eyed is open from 6 a.m. to 8 p.m. daily and serves breakfast all day.

It also offers a wide variety of mouthwatering lunch and dinner selections. Single or double hamburgers and cheeseburgers, brought still steaming straight from the grill to the table, cost $3.75 to $5.45 and are served with potato chips.

Prices are a steal compared to on-campus dining or fast-food combos. For classic comfort food, try a country-style dinner for $6.99 to $7.95. Dishes such as meat loaf, chicken and dumplings, roast beef and country-fried steak are each served with three sides and cornbread or a roll.

Specialty sandwiches including the Philly steak and cheese, Reuben and Manhattan are available for $5.95 to $6.95.

The Philly is a generous stack of thinly sliced beef topped with grilled onions and peppers, which are then smothered in melted provolone cheese.

“You can tell the food is made from scratch, so it’s fresh and tastes better,” sophomore Sara AlHakam said after recently tast-

32

Crescent Magazine n November 2009

ing a Philly sandwich.

For lighter fare, try the buffalo chicken wings, chicken tenders or grilled chicken breast with two sides and bread for $7.49 to $7.99.

A large appetite is required in order to devour any of the Cricket’s steak meals. Prices range from $8.95 for chopped sirloin to $16.95 for filet mignon and include salad and a baked potato.

Tudelas said the restaurant prides itself on using only the best, freshest meat available. The steak entrees are so large that diners often have enough left over to take home and make an entire meal the next day.

The Cricket Melt, one of the restaurant’s specialties, consists of two hamburger patties, lettuce, tomato, onion, bacon and special sauce served between two thick slices of grilled Texas toast. It includes a side of fries for $7.95.

“I love hamburgers,” junior Abdulmohsen AlSabihah said. “I mean, I’ve eaten a lot of burgers and that is definitely one of the best I’ve had.”

Finish off the meal with a slice of pie or cake from the massive refrigerator display.

Coconut, chocolate, cherry, rhubarb, raisin and bread pudding pies are $2.50 per slice or $1.99 with the purchase of a meal. Lemon, triple chocolate and coconut cakes are all available for $2.50 per slice.

Each slab of coconut cake is constructed from dangerously sweet white cake and frosting, then coated in shredded coconut. It takes only a few bites of the Cricket’s baked goods to satisfy even the most demanding sugar craving.

Cross-Eyed is an excellent dining option for homemade food at a low price. Every Sunday customers receive a free slice of pie with the purchase of a dinner.

To find out about other discounts and coupons, leave your e-mail address at the register. Hop on over to 2101 W. Lloyd Expressway soon, because UE students receive a 20 percent discount off their meals through November. n

Just Wingin’ It Around Town Hooters serves chicken wings in a variety of flavors, including hot, spicy garlic and samurai. Get all-you-can-eat wings served by the famously dressed Hooters Girls for $10.99 every Wednesday.

Hooters is open until midnight during the week and 1 a.m. Friday and Saturday.

• 4620 Lincoln Buffalo Wild Wings offers traditional or boneless wings with bleu cheese or ranch dipping sauce and celery. Visit BDubs on Tuesdays for 45 cent traditional wings and on Thursdays for 60 cent boneless wings. • 715 N. Green River Road Nick’s Pizza and Wings dishes out its chicken wings in barbecue, barnburner, honey mustard, teriyaki and many more flavors. Try them all on 35 cent wing Mondays. Nick’s closes at 10 p.m. during the week and 11 p.m. on the weekend. • 900 W. Buena Vista Road n

the midwest wing

Congress appropriates funds Spending seems to be the way of Student Congress this year, and as of Oct. 15, it had approved $22,400 in funding to various groups and programs. About $96,764 remains in reserves.

And as of Oct.15, representatives, largely comprised of freshmen, had approved every resolution, granting the full amount of funding asked for by the requesting organizations. The exception was a resolution brought forth by the Senior Nursing Organization. The group asked for $900 on Oct. 8 to purchase door prizes that will serve as incentives for students to receive the H1N1 immunization on campus.

Some representatives were hesitant to grant the funding, but the motion passed 40–30. Aside from the debate over the allocation of funds toward the immunization effort, each resolution easily passed. And in some cases, it was approved unanimously with little debate.

During the Sept. 24 meeting, SGA President Joe Brown introduced his candidate for Student Development Fund chair, junior Stephen Mills. He also nominated senior Jose Bertolo for the Assessment Committee.

Both were confirmed.

Mills promised to start working immediately to make up for lost time since the position has been vacant since the beginning of the school year.

Also at that meeting, junior Zach Kanet and senior Laura Summers introduced a resolution that asked for funds for Students in Leadership, an organization that sponsors the Women in Leadership and Men in

Leadership conferences. The two provided an itemized budget, which was almost identical to last year’s request. The resolution passed at the Oct. 8 meeting.

On Sept. 24, Jeff Chestnut, Fitness Center director, thanked Congress for the funding the center received last semester, detailing the improvements made and announced that the remaining $6,000 would be used to buy a new curtain for the basketball court.

Resolutions providing funding for Homecoming and the Leadership Academy trip to Washington D.C. were approved Oct. 1.

Although Rachel Carpenter, assistant dean of students, provided five proposals for Homecoming funding, varying from a platinum package of $4,846.55 to a silver package of $1,571.55, representatives were eager to give the maximum amount.

“They have done a good job of really trying to make Homecoming a staple on campus,” said junior James Freeman, parliamentarian.

Each resolution was tabled for two weeks before being brought to the floor for a vote, which has confused some new representatives.

Other approved resolutions included funding for Make a Difference Day and the salary payment to senior Matt Krall, last year’s SGA vice president.

In other business, Dean Dana Clayton, vice president for Student Affairs, provided an update on the H1N1 vaccinations, detailing the availability and process for vaccination. Brown announced that SGA will pay for meals for any student diagnosed with

The following information was compiled from criminal offense reports filed Sept. 19– Oct. 14 in Safety and Security.

Sept. 19 – A large flowerpot was turned over and rolled into intersection of Walnut and Weinbach.

— The bush in the topiary garden in front of Ridgway Center was damaged.

Sept 25 – An unknown person attempted to steal three textbooks from the UE Bookstore. The person left the books under the clothing rack before leaving store.

Sept. 28 – An iMAC computer and keyboard were stolen from Hyde Hall 13. Loss of $424.70 reported.

Sept. 29 – An antenna was stolen from a vehicle parked in H-lot. Loss of $1,080 was reported.

Oct. 4 – An intoxicated student was found urinating outside at the northeast corner of Moore Hall. Student referred to the vice president for student affairs for disciplinary action.

Oct. 9 – An off-campus person reported receiving a harassing phone call from an oncampus telephone number. Incident under investigation by security.

Oct. 14 – A student reported her jacket stolen while at a party in a Universityowned house. Loss of $80 was reported.

campus crime

by Peter Hanscom H1N1 without a meal plan. Upon request, up to two days of meals can be delivered to the student’s residence hall room.

Senior Katie Loomis, SGA vice president, announced an effort to deliver signs to local retailers that read “Welcome UE Students.”

The signs are in reaction to similar ones produced by USI. As of Oct. 15, RSA was still in need of treasurer, a position that had been vacant since the start of the semester. n

90

% of UE

students

typically have

3 or less drinks

when hanging out with friends

Fall 2007 Social Norms Survey

University of Evansville

BOOKSTORE The Place for Official UE Licensed Gifts & Fanware Featuring: Cotton Exchange Russell Athletics J. America Nike

ORDER GIFTS ONLINE

www.evansville.edu/bookstore

Don’t forget end-of-semester BOOK BUYBACK Dec. 10–16 November 2009 n Crescent Magazine

33

GIVE A LIT began to echo off of the surrounding buildings, gradually building into a deafening roar. Dirty, ragged peasants turned to watch the approach of the wagon, their bright eyes shining like the sun.

The crowd laughed like a pack of hyenas, delighting in the cruel fate that awaited the wagonload of prisoners.

The sun even joined in as a silent tormentor, beating mercilessly on the man’s back.

The guards herded the prisoners out of the wagon like cattle, lining them up to improve efficiency. The first prisoner was an old man; he stepped up to the platform. Old women sat hunched over their knitting like vultures, their eyes darting back and forth between their knitting and the scene before them so as not to miss anything.

In the blink of an eye, it was finished. The next prisoner stepped up to the platform, and the next and the next. Every step brought the man closer to his fate.

Noon arrived — the toll of the town clock sounded more like a death knell to the man’s ears. His time had come. The wooden steps creaked under his weight as he trudged up toward the platform.

On the last step, a nail caught his shoe, tripping him and sending him to his knees. He tried to catch himself, but he only felt the chafing of the ropes around his wrists and the throbbing pain in his knees. A guard forced him up and told him to hurry, as if he needed to adhere to a strict schedule. The man lay face down on a long wooden table, feeling troubled that there was no place to lay his head.

Sweat, salty like the ocean, trickled into his parched mouth. More sweat dripped off of the end of his unshaven chin into a red pool below.

The man watched the ripples with strange fascination and terror.

by Jenelle Clausen

Last Thoughts

A

man sat in a dark corner, leaning against the damp stone wall, his once fine clothes were now tattered and smeared with dirt. His beard had not seen a razor in days, and his greasy hair was matted close against his head. His nostrils flared against his own stench. The brightness had left his eyes long ago. They now reflected a dull hopelessness.

The man held a loaf of brown bread between his hands.

He tore off a chunk with his teeth and let the stale bread slide down his throat. Rats stared enviously nearby, their beady eyes shining in the dim light.

He threw the rest of the loaf to the rats and they swarmed greedily on the morsel of food. The man’s hunger went unsatisfied, but he would not be compelled to partake of that meager repast any longer.

Heavy footsteps echoed down the dismal hallway; several looming figures approached the iron door.

The jail keeper’s keys jingled on their ring as a key turned in the lock. The iron door groaned on its hinges, empathizing with the unfortunate man — knowing his impending fate.

The guards roughly pulled the man to his feet and guided him out of the cell. The man complied; resistance was futile.

At the end of a long, winding corridor, a guard opened a wooden door. Warm sunlight flooded into the prison, temporarily blinding the man. He cringed away from the light, wishing to retreat back into the dark misery of his cell. Even that was better than what lay ahead of him.

The guards, grinning like fiends, led the man to a wagon full of other ragged people.

Guards packed other men, women and children into the wagon like sardines. The smell of the hay in the wagon tickled the man’s nose, but his sneeze was instantly stifled when the wail of a young girl tore through his heart.

The men in the wagon stood with knitted eyebrows, their faces carved from stone. The wary horses hung their heads low, tired from pulling their shameful burden.

As the wagon approached the town square, the sound of savage cheering

34

Crescent Magazine n November 2009

Illu

stra

tion

by

Bet

han

yB

arr

y

Suddenly, it occurred to the man that he should not succumb to the dirty peasants.

Death is death, why not put up a fight?

The odds were against him, but perhaps he could hang onto the remainder of his miserable life for a few more moments.

He tugged at his bonds with all of his strength. The ropes finally broke free of his raw wrists, but the pain was not as terrible as the pain in his neck; he must have pulled a muscle.

The man jumped to his feet and wheeled around to face the surprised prisoners. In the crowd, peasant children gaped and old women let their knitting drop to their laps, shocked by the break in the monotony. The man screamed for the other prisoners to follow his lead. All was pandemonium.

The line of prisoners scattered; they were suddenly heartened by their fellow man. Left and right, prisoners wrenched themselves free from their bonds and attacked the crowd.

The man jumped off of the platform into the midst of a cluster of stunned women, jarring his neck and sending a shooting pain down his spine.

The crowd separated; he saw his opportunity to escape in the midst of the bloody chaos all around him. If he could just break free from the pulsing crowd he would be safe — no one would pursue him while the other prisoners rioted in the square.

The man sprinted through the crowd,

dodging the audience left and right. With every step he could feel that same sharp pain in the back of his neck. The pain was almost surreal, but it only made him run more frantically.

Sweat blinded his eyes. Unable to see clearly, he kept the image of his beloved wife before him. Perhaps she waited for him somewhere — if she had not been killed already. He imagined that she stood waiting for him, always just on the horizon.

The man eventually stopped running, his neck still aching, his legs throbbing from his long journey. Now, for the first time, he dared to glance behind him. The town was just a speck in the distance. When he turned around, his wife no longer flitted across the horizon — she stood right before him, her blonde curls shining like spun gold in the sunlight.

Elated, the man rushed forward to embrace his wife whom he thought to be dead.

He stretched his arms forward, but suddenly the sharp pain in his neck forced itself to the forefront of his attention. In the back of his mind, he became vaguely aware that he was in a dream. He grimaced in pain.

The sharp slanted blade finished its course. The man’s severed head fell from his body. n

by Preston Frasch

The Red Horse

by Autumn Harvey

No

Would I sound more eloquent If all my rhymes were slant And endings all were feminine?

If I perfect my meter will My works be any better then?

Spondee, iamb, trochee, dactyl, an apest — Remembering these makes me stressed.

What if I pair Short Lines with long in no pattern just because I can?

Shoulds’t I chuse antiqued ways To spelle and confer?

Can I tell my thoughts only with words, Like cement without water? (It’s not concrete).

And for the last line can I just say The end?

She zips her puffy silver coat and armors on her boots, headband and gloves that smell of hay.

Outside the house the wind sears chill on feet of snow.

A sleeping bag in tow, she marches up the hill to reach a barn that glows in red.

She climbs a ladder to the loft, and waits.

She waits; quiet, above a red heat lamp, watching the window murmur as pine shavings,straw, and hay tremble beneath a gray, pregnant mare.

A birth begins in red as a line strains.

Inside a breathing goop like men of war, a movement breaks the bag and sips the air.

The ribs are wrapped in sable as despair departs, and a red blaze lights the foal’s forehead.

by Angela Morris

Today I went to your funeral today.

I saw your mother, she dropped a rose.

I dropped the ring. It made a hollow Echo against the wood.

It sounded like my heart feels — empty.

You are not here, where I need you to be.

I wore your stupid football shirt Underneath my sensible suit.

I’m afraid that when I take it off Your scent will be gone and only mine will remain.

Did I tell you I burned my dress?

Frothy whiteness went up in flames.

It was like a cloud blazing, Blackened by rage.

I lay in our bed after, the bed that you made.

I was on my side and yours looked like you Had just gotten up, to walk the dog Or make me waffles with strawberries on top.

I did not make the bed.

I curled into the valleys and plains Your body left instead.

I see you, where you are, but will never be again.

Your sister came by. I didn’t answer.

She means well now, but I just Want it to be you and me Or what you were for a while.

So I drank the champagne that was Supposed to be for tomorrow.

I toasted to us and what we were going to be.

I lifted my veil away from my face And tried to feel you In the sun that shouldn’t be shining.

November 2009 n Crescent Magazine

35

schitzengiggles

H

a simple CATastrophe

umans have been enslaved. We hang at the ends of strings that can be traced deep into our ancestry — strings that have since been pulled taut. Though this column could easily descend into a discourse on socialism, I’ll keep to the real issue — cats.

Yes, the world’s most popular pet — which has shared almost 10,000 years of history with our species — has us in its’ clutches.

The ancient Egyptians, after taking a few wild felines indoors on a whim, observed their skill for eviscerating mice and were fooled into thinking these things were gods.

So they started adorning them in jewelry and mummifying them in mass burial chambers, all to appease Bast, the cat-faced goddess of fertility.

But the slaves who built the temples in their honor were obliged to die of heat exhaustion and be tossed into holes with their entire families.

One might call the Egyptians’ superstition laughable. But their obsession, which dawned with their ill-informed experiment, lingers on in our society to this day in the form of a multitude of lovable pet species, which are known for tainting your local park’s sand box and crawling up into the engine of your car.

They make up the mewling, hairballchucking multitudes Bob Barker warned us about at the end of every episode of “The Price is Right.”

This social abomination culminates in the “Lolcats” of Internet infamy, and a Broadway musical that will go nameless here.

Our mammal selves have a built-in infatuation with small, hairy things that make highpitched noises, and thus the cat has infiltrated our kindred, taking the place of actual children in some extremist households.

Everyone knows a family of this variety — the single mother with 11 “dependents,” who stares perpetually into the computer screen with a cigarette and gin in one hand, the mouse in the other. She prowls the web and occasionally issues a cackle when she finds an image of a cat in an adequately silly pose, captioned in adequately broken English.

She then forwards this image, along with 25 others, to every coworker.

The archetype described above is a real person. I had the misfortune of attending

36

Crescent Magazine n November 2009

n

one of her annual cat-funerals, during which of his kind. Taking this into account, we broke she simply sobbed, “She died in my arms!” rule number one of the back porch and atover and over until everyone had gradually tempted to touch him. backed out of the room.

When I grazed the back of his ear with my True, the Lolcats phenomenon is appre- shoe, he purred and rubbed his neck against ciable, with such classics as the my sole. Then he proceeded to voyeuristic Ceiling Cat or Serious amaze us.

Cat — who is serious, people. But Making sure we were watchthe subjects themselves have less ing, he pushed himself forward appeal to me. with his forelegs, gliding along the My subliminal bias sprouts boarded floor on his hindquarters, from my own history with the speapparently using his hind legs as cies — at my home with a back skis. porch that had been overrun by When we picked him up, his n Regan Campbell, a semi-wild cat population. Their a junior creative hind legs hung limp, swaying genfluctuating numbers, at their stron- writing major from tly like wind chimes. gest, must have been close to 20.

By some accident or birth deVincennes, closes It was certain that the domi- each issue with ficiency, this kitten was paralyzed nant fur color in their rampant in- his special brand from the waist down. breeding was black. They selected of humor on life’s Obviously, we were much less the back porch for its elevated, en- lighter moments. concerned with that than his abilclosed terrain that provided shelter from the ity to make the best of his plight. It was sudogs below, and the shovelfuls of catnip that premely entertaining to watch him scoot after magically exploded from the door. this and that, mewing softly as he went about They seemed to believe they could sum- his business, ignoring any disability in lieu of mon their food by sitting in a regular forma- a thrown piece of hot dog. tion in the glow of the windows, each one So we mustered our creative juices and pitch-black, staring in with countless yellow broke rule number two, giving this cat a gazes. It was a deeply unsettling sight with name — “Scootz.”

Hitchcockian foreboding.

Within another month, Scootz had disapAny visitors who witnessed this occur- peared. The family conjectured that he must rence were careful not to turn their backs on have scooted off to find equal-opportunity us, and watched for any pagan symbols hid- employment and a better life for himself. I den throughout the house. knew the real answer.

These kitties lived as the fabric of my In all practical likelihood, Scootz had fallnightmares, rife with images of their perpet- en from the back porch and into the clumsier ually smirking muzzles, their slit, piercing pu- realm of the dogs. pils and the profane thrill of feeling someBut I want to know it didn’t end there. I thing — good God, something — brush the want to believe that once he hit the grass, he back of your leg in a perfect darkness. pulled himself up and fixed his steely blue Then I met Scootz. eyes to the tree line, clawing at the earth, It was not big news when a batch of kittens fighting to keep ahead of the massive dogs was born on the back porch. But soon there- unwittingly playing too rough — knocking him after a friend and I discovered an ash-gray kit- down again and again. ten sitting on the back porch with his hind It wasn’t in him to quit, and his thoughts legs sprawled out in front, holding himself up couldn’t have been articulated in Lolcats diwith his forelegs. alect. Even now, I’m sure he’s with his Egyp“Look at that,” my friend said quizzically. tian ancestors, rolling about in a slave-drawn “That kitty is sitting like a person.” chariot, watching me as I make up excuses, “So it is,” I said, choosing to investigate the reasons to hate, reasons to give up. matter further.

In all encounters with this silly cat speUpon making brave entry into the lion’s cies, the most fickle observation clouds the den, we approached the seated cat. He did truth in telling us they belong to us. It is we not instantly flee on our arrival like the rest who belong to them. n

Are You Flippin’ Awesome ?

Positions Available: Copy Editors • Sales Associates • Designers Ad Designers • Writers • Photographers

Students Receive Academic Credit Application Required Deadline for Application is Nov. 24 Go to uecrescentmagazine.com to download an application or pick up one in Student Publications, RUC, 2nd Floor.

Crescent Magazine It ’s Flippin’ Awesome

2009–2010 Next Issue: Dec. 1

Home of the Original $5 Pizza!

5

$

!

and U mama roma’s N R E D e (color) g lar

A Z Z PI

8 inch

Go Aces!

STROM w/ Pic kle

Bring Mama to your next Party!

EAST

NORTH

U of E

Covert & Vann Ave.

First Ave. (Target)

Morgan & Weinbach

477–MAMA (6262)

421–3000

422–1212

Economics 101: Principles of Mamanomics