Orange & Blue magazine - The Comfort Issue - Spring 2016 by UF CJC

The Comfort Issue

Spring 2016

MAGAZINE

336 Miles How far would you go

FOR LOVE?

COVER

HIM

THE JOURNEY OF A COMING OUT STORY

ways to

rock flannel

PLUS

What NOT to do on a FIRST DATE

The

BIG

CHEESE

4 RIGHT NOW

mac & cheese side dishes you have to try 1

O&B MAG

Letter from the Editor

No matter the weather or the circumstance, how often do you find yourself craving a hearty bowl of mac n’ cheese? It’s the ultimate comfort food. On a chilly Wednesday evening in January, after a few hours of deliberation among our 13-member staff, this dish that we were all craving is what eventually inspired the theme of this issue: comfort. Fortunately, food is only one item on a very extensive list of comfy things we came up with. With a relatively small staff, grumbling stomachs, and tons of both comfortable and uncomfortable memories, our team successfully embarked on the journey of creating a magazine pleasing to the eye and the stomach. Exploring a variety of topics ranging from the Shands Streetlight program and getting comfortable with your budget to the best Mac n’ Cheese in Gainesville, this issue is tailored to your cozy side. Every member of this staff comes from a different background or expertise and brought something unique and groundbreaking to the table. Whether you are going through a breakup and need help getting comfortable being independent again, or you are struggling with bullying and slang terms, there is a piece for every person in this magazine. We have worked hours upon hours to make the perfect read that will make you laugh, cry, smile and drool. It is with full tummies and warm hearts that we happily present you with this season’s comfort issue of the Orange & Blue Magazine. Shelby Davidson

Thank You

Staff

We would like to thank our wonderful adviser Nicole Irving, Ted Spiker, Diane McFarlin, Spiro Kiousis, Helga Williams, Matt Sheehan, Hal Herman, Mike Foley, Rob Witzel, Miguel Maya, Catherine Goodwin and Tiffany Gallegos, our beautiful cover girl, and Tegan Davis, the photographer for our cover. Orange & Blue is published semiannually by the University of Florida College of Journalism and Communications students enrolled in Applied Magazines. This issue was printed by StorterChilds Printing, Inc. Copyright 2016. All rights reserved. No part of this magazine may be reproduced or transmitted in any form by any means without written permission. Orange & Blue is protected through trademark registration in the United States. Send letters to Box 118400 College of Journalism and Communications, University of Florida, Gainesville, FL 32611.

Shelby Davidson Editor In Chief Kortney Sweeney Art Director Ali Eckerle Art Director Edwin Exaus Photography Editor Jeremiah Corley Marketing Director Natasha Zapata Blog Editor Ashlyn Pinter Social Media Director LaResia Golden Social Media Director Christine Alvarez Multimedia Director Claire Campbell Multimedia Director Victoria Messina Copy Editor Erica Brown Copy Editor

CONTENTS COMFORT ISSUE • SPRING 2016

FOOD

The Science Behind Comfort Food The Big Cheese Comfy Cocktail Recipes The Käsespätzle Spectacle

5 6 8 11

Comfort Zones are Convenient, not Wise Comfy Coffee Shops in Gainesville The First Modern Family Animals Providing Emotional Support Elephants: A Love that Weighs a Ton

14 16 17 18 20

Body Language: Actions Speak Louder than Words Changing Gender Roles: It's an Emergency Making the Most of Your Budget The Female Friendship Paradox

25 26 28 29

Slang Terms: How Comfortable is too Comfortable? Political Pressure: It's all in the Family The Journey of Him: A Coming Out Story

31 33 35

LOVE

Spicing up Your Relationship The Ultimate Sex Playlist Going the Distance for Love The Talk: How to Prepare and What to Discuss

39 41 42 45

HEALTH

Local Alternatives to the Gym Extreme Sports Enthusiasts Providing Comfort to Those Who Need it Most Getting Comfortable in Your Workout Recovering from the Loss of a Leg

47 49 51 53 55

Lipsticks for Every Skin Tone Give the Gift of Comfort The Coziest Outfits to Wear While Traveling Get Your Flannel Fix

59 60 61 62

LIFESTYLE

WORK

SOCIETY

STYLE

Food The Science Behind Comfort Food The Big Cheese Comfy Cocktails The K채sesp채tzle Spectacle

The

Science

Food

Behind Comfort Foods

What’s in them, why they’re so delicious and why we can’t get enough By Ali Eckerle

hey’re everywhere. Those sugary, salty, guilt-inducing treats that just seem to make everything better. Comfort foods are rarely considered healthy, but indulging in these snacks may not be as bad as you think. Jennifer Stuart, a psychologist at the University of Florida Counseling & Wellness Center, said comfort foods are foods that connect with an emotional memory. Sometimes, she said, comfort foods have a symbolism that connects with an emotion the eater might be trying to suppress. For example, craving a crunchy food might mean that an eater is trying to quell an angry emotion. But what makes something a comfort food is the eater’s previous relationship with that food — and dopamine. “Anything that is pleasure can light up certain receptors in the brain, especially dopamine,” Stuart said. But don’t worry if you crave indulgent treats often; Stuart said humans are wired to love these foods. Evolutionary mechanisms made it so that to humans, foods with high caloric values have a higher reward value. This made humans crave calorie-dense foods to further survival. If you’re feeling a little stressed out but want to stick to your healthy diet, Stuart suggests listening to your body. “Be mindful and be curious about whatever food you’re seeking out,” she said. “I think it is really hard to ‘control’ our eating by willpower alone.” Stuart added that if you eliminate certain foods from your diet entirely, it can make indulging in those foods more satisfying, thus increasing the food’s reward value. This can become the start of an unhealthy eating pattern, so

Stuart suggested eating comfort foods in moderation instead. Karla Shelnutt, an associate professor and extension nutrition specialist at UF, agrees that comfort foods can still be part of your diet as long as you don’t consume too much. “I personally don’t like to vilify any foods and call them bad,” she said. Shelnutt is also a supporter of mindful eating. “Am I really hungry because I’m hungry, or am I just stressed out?” she said, adding that identifying emotional eating and doing something active instead can help you stay on track. So your friends entice you to go try that new barbecue restaurant downtown, but you don’t want to completely ruin your day of healthy eating. What do you order? “Look at the salads, of course,” Shelnutt said. And don’t forget to order your dressing on the side. Shelnutt added that grilled chicken and soups made with broth instead of cream are also generally safe options. “It’s really in the method of preparation,” she said. Even vegetables aren’t a healthy option when they’re fried. Stuart said the key to keeping a healthy relationship with food is to be nonjudgmentally curious about the food you’re eating and why you’re craving it. “I think we live in a culture that has a really disordered attitude about food,” she said. In summary: Treat yourself. It could be the healthy thing to do.

Hey Gainesville! We asked you what your favorite comfort foods are, and this is what you told us.

#1 Ice Cream

#2 Chocolate

#3 Mac & Cheese

#4 Mashed Potatoes

#5 Pizza *Based on a survey of 100 people

O&B MAG

The Big Cheese It’s the ultimate comfort food, and we’ve narrowed down the top four most delicious mac and cheese picks here in Gainesville. Story and Photos by Ali Eckerle

#1 Mark's Prime Lobster Macaroni The menu says it’s serpentini pasta with lobster chunks in a three-cheese sauce with parmesan and panko bread crumbs on top, but that heavenly description can’t portray exactly how delicious this dish is. The lobster is fresh and juicy, and there’s plenty of delicious parmesan-panko topping to give every bite a little bit of crunch. “It pairs really well with our seared diver scallops,” said Mark’s Prime general manager James Boyles. He recommends pairing the mac with one of Mark’s amazing steaks for a play on surf and turf. This is listed as a side dish on the restaurant’s menu, but one order is big enough and rich enough to fill any big appetite. Sure, the steak at Mark’s is locally famous, but there is no reason a customer can’t just order this delicious mac. Go ahead, we definitely won’t judge you. But whether you are sitting down for a three-course dinner or just getting drinks, this dish is absolutely worth a try.

Food

#2 Embers Wood Grill's Mac and Four Cheeses with Truffle Oil

There’s definitely no better dish to pair with one of Embers’ filets than this succulent mac and cheese. The menu describes it as penne pasta baked with prosciutto, four cheeses and scented with truffle oil, so this side is definitely a meat lover’s dream. The truffle oil gives it just a hint of an earthy taste and smell, which makes it a nice departure from the typical mac. “Mac and cheese and mushrooms are a natural combination,” said Embers co-owner and manager Ryan Todd. And you can definitely enjoy it whether you’re going to Embers for the steak or the seafood. “We sell the mac and cheese with pretty much everything on our menu,” he said.

Boca Fiesta’s Fried Mac + Cheese

I bet you thought Boca Fiesta was just for tacos and margaritas. One of Boca Fiesta’s best appetizers is its mac and cheese, which comes coated in bread crumbs and fried (can I get an “amen”?). But the best part is that anyone can enjoy this incredible dish, because Boca Fiesta makes a vegan version that is just as indulgent. Warren Oakes, owner of Boca Fiesta, said the vegan mac and cheese is made with a combination of nutritional yeast, almond milk and secrets. “I myself ate a vegan diet for about eight years, so I’m really familiar with how hard it is to find menu items that aren’t just a consolation prize,” he said. Get it with your burrito, get it with your burger, just get it.

#4 Mojo’s Mac and Cheese

Mojo Hogtown Bar-B-Que is new to the downtown scene, but its comfort food offerings are some of the best. It’s no surprise that the mac impressed us. It comes without any frills, just gooey cheese with pepper and a crispy topping. But the best part is the price. A side dish of this mac is $4, and it comes standard with many of Mojo’s already wellpriced entrées. “Everything here is made fresh; we use all fresh ingredients,” said Macy Hernandez, the assistant front of the house manager. She said all the ingredients are local, ranging in origin from Tampa to Jacksonville. 7

COMFY

Cocktails Story and Photos by Christine Alvarez

equila shooter with salt and lime. Rum with fruity juice concoction and a pineapple spear. Gin straight up in a martini and vodka with orange juice… typical, easy and predictable. In other words: boring. However, these liquors can surprise you, and they have far more uses than you may think. What if tequila could be used to make a comforting cocktail? What if it could be used to make a soothing creation that brings together unique flavor combinations to make you feel good?

Jarrid Bernier, a mixologist who worked in St. Petersburg, Florida, for seven years before moving to Gainesville, worked with the Orange & Blue magazine team to create five original, refreshing concoctions that, once you make them, will make you feel like a connoisseur of comforting cocktails and will change the way you see certain alcohol. Bernier started with the “Kanapaha.” Named after the botanical gardens in Gainesville, the drink uses whiskey and an unexpected mixture of elderflower liquor and lavender-lemon simple syrup. “It’s light and aromatic and enjoyable to drink any time of the year,” Bernier said. “The flavor is tart, but the floral accents give it a comforting feel.” Bernier said the cocktail is perfect for special, more formal occasions because the ingredients are hard to come by, but it will leave a lasting impression. An easier, cozier drink that could be made for any occasion involves little work and intense flavors. Named “Sunday Morning,” this drink shouldn’t be substituted for your morning coffee, but it has the same warm, comforting effect that could be enjoyed any time. The “Sunday Morning” involves brewing coffee and mixing it with Patron Café and either cream or milk. “I prefer

Cuban coffee, but that’s just me,” Bernier said. “Any coffee works perfectly fine, and it could be fun to experiment with different brews and try all the different flavor combinations.” If warm drinks aren’t exactly your style, Bernier came up with several fruity cocktails that raise the bar for your average piña colada or margarita. “Fruity drinks can be comforting because the alcohol isn’t as harsh and you can play with the sweet and tart flavors,” Bernier said. The “Orange & Blue,” named after our magazine, includes an array of different fruits, brown sugar and aged rum. Bernier combined blueberries, a tangerine and lime juice with sugar to create a powerful yet refreshing cocktail. “This cocktail is my personal favorite out of the rest,” Bernier said. “Its simplicity and sweetness make it comforting to enjoy, and it’s a hot commodity among my family and friends.” Enjoying a comforting cocktail can be fulfilling, and creating one can be an interesting experience that involves certain creativity and finesse. Your heart will be happy and your soul will feel warm after taking just a sip from one of these carefully crafted cocktails.

*Please drink responsibly 9

O&B MAG

COCKTAIL RECIPES THE KANAPAHA

IT'S 5 O'CLOCK SOMEWHERE INGREDIENTS • 2 large basil leaves • 3 fresh strawberries • 1/2 of a kiwi • 1/2 ounce of lime juice • 1/2 ounce of Herradura Agave Nectar • 1 3/4 ounces of Herradura Silver Tequila • 1/2 ounce of Grand Marnier • Splash of tonic water INSTRUCTIONS 1. Muddle the basil, strawberries, kiwi, lime juice and agave in a mixing tin. 2. Add the tequila and Grand Marnier. 3. Shake vigorously and pour over fresh ice in a tall glass. 4. Add a splash of tonic water on top. 5. Garnish with a slice of lime and a strawberry.

THE 1905 MARTINI INGREDIENTS • 2 ounces of Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Honey Whiskey • 3/4 ounce of rosemaryinfused agave syrup • 1/2 of a freshsqueezed lemon INSTRUCTIONS 1. To create the syrup, put 2-3 sprigs of rosemary in a cup of agave syrup. Microwave until boiling. Remove the sprigs and let cool. 2. Add the ingredients in a mixing tin, shake vigorously and pour into a martini glass. 3. Garnish with a slice of lemon and a sprig of rosemary. 10

INGREDIENTS • 1 1/2 ounces of High West Double Rye Whiskey • 1/2 ounce of Cote Jolie Elderflower Liquor • 1/2 ounce of lemon juice • 1/4 ounce of lavenderlemon simple syrup INSTRUCTIONS 1. Pour all the ingredients into a mixing tin. 2. Shake vigorously and then strain over fresh ice in a glass. 3. Garnish with edible flowers.

SUNDAY MORNING INGREDIENTS • 1 1/2 ounces of espresso (preferably Cuban coffee) • 1 1/2 ounces of Patron Café • 1/2 ounce of milk or cream INSTRUCTIONS 1. Brew the espresso and pour it into a short glass. 2. Add the liquor and the cream or milk. 3. Sprinkle with cinnamon.

ORANGE & BLUE INGREDIENTS • 3-4 blueberries • 3/4 of a tangerine • 1/4 ounce of lime juice • 1 1/2 tablespoons of brown sugar • 2 ounces of Ron Barceló Anejo Rum INSTRUCTIONS 1. Muddle the blueberries, tangerine, lime juice and brown sugar in a mixing tin. 2. Add the rum and ice. 3. Shake vigorously and then strain over fresh ice in a glass. 4. Garnish with an orange peel twist and a blueberry.

Food

THE

KÄSESPÄTZLE

SPECTACLE Story by Kortney Sweeney Photos by Vashoula Kostogiannes

was two weeks into my study abroad program in Innsbruck, Austria, and I was a little homesick. I was sitting outside at a traditional Austrian restaurant in the middle of Innsbruck’s historic city center. The wooden tables stood under white umbrellas that failed to block the sun’s amber rays as it dipped below the bordering mountain ridges. The surrounding walls and buildings alternated between worn gray stone and brightly colored, intricately decorated façades. The streets were quiet, but the restaurant was full of clinking beer glasses and indiscernible German. My program director and newfound friends surrounded me at the small table where we sat. My stomach growled in anticipation as a waiter placed a generous-sized pan of what looked like golden dough balls with fried onions on top in front of me. Earlier, I had told my program director about my homesickness and that I was craving macaroni and cheese, the ultimate

comfort food. She had immediately recommended käsespätzle, Austria’s version of mac and cheese. According to her, it’s even better. I was instantly sold. I took in the rich, cheesy aroma of the doughy noodle balls and the potent smell of caramelized onions and spices. I eagerly dug my fork into the dish and

“I KNEW I WOULD NEVER HOLD MACARONI AND CHEESE IN SUCH HIGH ESTEEM AGAIN.” placed the noodles on my tongue. The heavens sang. The Swiss-like cheese melted into the chewy pasta balls and blended with the crunchy, sweet onions to create a flavor so decadent that I knew I would never hold macaroni and cheese in such high esteem again. My homesickness was miraculously gone. I hadn’t eaten käsespätzle since I left Austria, but I still dreamt about it all the

time. After intensely craving the dish for almost two years, I was determined to make it myself. This was no easy declaration. I’m a disaster in the kitchen, the kind of person who screws up boiling water. But the recipe looked so simple. How could it possibly go wrong? The confusion begins as I examine the recipe. What does it consider a

O&B MAG

"medium-sized” onion? What kind of onion? Does it matter? Some recipes have spices. Do I need spices? I’ll figure it out as I go along, I think to myself.

STEP 1 The first step seems easy enough. I combine flour, salt and eggs. I crack the first five eggs beautifully, but I need only the yolk from the sixth egg. I don’t own an egg strainer, so I crack it into a separate bowl and scoop it out with a spoon. But the egg doesn’t crack enough, so the yolk oozes out of the small opening and becomes runny. I sink my hand into the cold, slimy egg and remove the yolk, dripping it all over the counter before plopping it into the mixing bowl.

STEP 2 I tackle the onions next. I wish I could blame the tears blurring my vision and running down my cheeks for the fat, massacred chunks of onions that end up all over the counter, but I’m just frighteningly horrible at chopping vegetables.

STEP 3 Things really turn sour when I begin grating the cheese. Seriously. Gruyere cheese smells like curdled milk and smelly feet. I don’t breathe for the entire five minutes it takes me to figure out how to properly grate the cheese without losing a finger.

STEP 4 I check the dough 30 minutes later. I’m not sure what the recipe means by the dough being “not runny, but soft enough to gradually follow gravitation,” but it certainly doesn’t describe the sticky, gooey mass sitting before me. At a loss, I add more flour to the bowl, and then more after that. The dough feels

like snot between my fingers. The recipe offers me no solution for my predicament, so I let the dough sit for 30 more minutes. Meanwhile, I place my mutilated onions on the stove and stir them continuously. When it’s time for me to check the dough, I promptly forget all about them. Multitasking is not my strong suit. The dough is still Elmer’s glue. I’m done messing around, so I triple the amount of flour. Finally satisfied, I grab a whisk and plunge it into the nowhardened dough. Sadly, the plunge is too much for Mr. Whisk, who suffers the casualty of a broken prong. But the show must go on.

STEP 5 Once the dough is stirred, I begin the most complicated part of the recipe: forming the noodles, which are supposed to look like fat little Cheetos. It’s at this point that I remember the onions cooking on the stove, and I hastily remove the charred remains of my botched caramelizing and put them aside to be the final garnish on my dish. I don’t own a spätzle maker, so I improvise and scoop the dough into a colander. I naïvely expect that it will drip through the holes and into a boiling pot of water to become noodles. What actually happens is that I get impossibleto-remove dough all over my hands, arms, the counter and the floor. The batter is so sticky that it clings to the spatula and oozes out of the colander holes slower than paint dries. I frantically grab a cookie press and begin shoving the goo into the tube. The batter shoots out of the nozzle, but it’s so thick that it comes out in one long string instead of little nuggets. Feeling sorry for my pathetic endeavor, my roommate

begins cutting the batter oozing out of the tube into large bites with scissors. It’s an utter train wreck.

STEP 6 After three minutes, I drain the noodles and return them to the pot. Without hesitation, I pop a noodle into my mouth. It tastes normal — good, even. Eagerly, I pour the stinky cheese into the pot and ferociously stir the ingredients, but the cheese remains in half-melted clumps. I hopelessly dump the blackened onions on top of my concoction, resigned to my failure. I gingerly scoop up a noodle and some clumpy cheese with an onion slice flopped on top. I close my eyes and eat the bite, and the heavens sing. Is the outcome beautiful? Absolutely not. It doesn’t taste exactly like that first, delicious dish I had in Austria, either. But somehow, despite taking every wrong turn and spending the past four and a half hours making a dish that is only supposed to take an hour and a half, I know in an instant that it’s totally worth it. Something about it is so familiar. In my mind I’m right back to that perfect night in Innsbruck, sitting at a table with lifelong friends, and I’ve never felt more at home.

Lifestyle Comfort Zones are Convenient, Not Wise The First Modern Family Comfy Coffee [ Wo]man's Best Friend Elephants: A Love that Weighs a Ton

Comfort Zones are

Convenient, not Wise By Natasha Zapata

or most people, stepping out of their comfort zone can be frightening. Whether it’s public speaking, making risky life decisions or moving across the country and starting fresh, they all make us feel tingly inside, holding us back from doing what we actually want to do. There’s no denying that breaking out of a routine and trying new things takes a lot of work. But once you're able to do it, it's well worth it. So what is a “comfort zone”? According to Lifehacker.com, it’s a “behavioral space where your activities and behaviors fit a routine and pattern that minimizes stress and risk.” When one is feeling stressed or anxious, he or she might go to their comfort zone – mentally or physically – to feel relief and relaxation. Everyone’s comfort zone is different. Comfort is easy. If we stay comfortable, there’s no way we would experience those emotions that make us human – fear, rejection, failure or even heartbreak. But personal exploration and growth occur only when we are able to break free of the comfort. Gainesville resident Natalia Heredia has a unique fear that makes it difficult for her to leave her comfort zone – a fear of walk-in freezers. The fear isn’t necessarily freezers; it’s the thought of being locked in one. “I get so anxious when someone asks me to get something from the freezer,” Heredia said. “I start to panic and feel my heart literally drop.” Heredia, who has worked in many restaurants like Panera Bread and Chili's, said that every freezer she’s walked into has had a heavy door. She’s afraid that once she tries to leave, it isn’t going to open. “I don’t think it’s impossible because I’ve seen it in movies,” she said. “And people are like screaming to get someone to open the door for them, but no one can hear them because the door is so thick.” Her fear of freezers began one day when a co-worker closed a door on her for a couple of seconds to mess around with her, and she realized how terrifying it would be to truly be locked inside.

“Through the years it’s gotten worse,” she said. “I would consider it a phobia of mine because it’s a branch of my fears of entrapment. When I feel enclosed, I become antsy and feel claustrophobic.” Heredia said she hopes to get over this fear one day, but she knows it won’t happen overnight. “I would have to be in a place where I know I can’t avoid freezers forever,” she joked. “I have to take small steps and mentally prepare by telling myself ‘I’m going to be OK.’” “Until I can get to that place, my co-workers will still be going in for me.” The most common phobias and fears among people are spiders, snakes, heights, closed spaces, storms, needles and injections, public speaking, flying, germs and illness or death, according to HealthGuide.org. A phobia is an intense fear of something that, in reality, poses little or no actual danger. The first step to overcoming this is to understand it. In these cases, the Social Anxiety Association recommends talking to a specialist about treatment plans. The SAA says that people with social anxiety know that their anxiety does not make rational sense. However, those thoughts and feelings are chronic and don’t go away. Research shows that cognitive-behavioral therapy (working with your therapist to learn strategies to cope with your fear) is the only way to change the neural pathways in the brain permanently. Therapy depends on a person’s individual needs. Some techniques include diaphragmatic breathing (a form of deepbreathing) and exposure therapy (confronting your fear in a planned and controlled way with a therapist), according to Mental Health America. Support groups are also helpful. Getting out of your comfort zone could require a lot of time. It’s important to be patient and to remember the feeling of satisfaction that is waiting for you at the end. Some of the greatest lessons in life are learned through these experiences. There’s no room for adventure living solely in a bubble.

Key ways to get out of your comfort zone: Take small steps.

The easiest way to get out of your comfort zone is to do it gradually over time. It is an uncomfortable process, which is why many people don't do it, and you have to lean into it rather than jump all in.

Think with the end in mind.

Thinking about the process of getting out of your comfort zone is full of second guesses and doubts. Think of the end result and accomplishment you will feel once you’ve achieved it.

Trust yourself.

You know what’s best for you, and you know that you can do anything you set your mind to. Set goals of breaking your routines and trust yourself to achieve them. If you doubt yourself or think you won’t achieve them, you won’t.

Do things you would normally do differently.

Try a new hairstyle. Attempt a new diet. Go to a new restaurant. For example, many people get comfortable with big chain restaurants because it’s what they are used to. Gainesville has many cool food spots like The Top, Satchel’s Pizza and Steamers, to name a few. Small changes in the way you live your everyday life could set you up for the harder tasks to reach out of your comfort zone. Your comfort zone could be what’s stopping you from reaching that next step or going for what you think would make you truly happy. Don’t be afraid of the new opportunities because you never know what it might lead to. Breaking out of your comfort zone will make you more productive. Most importantly, you won’t regret it.

O&B MAG

Story and Photos by Jeremiah Corley

COMFY

The smell of freshly ground coffee. The shrieks of milk being steamed. The warm lighting resting around you. These are all sensations that many of us can appreciate and relate to. Coffee has become a popular trend, so why not enjoy it in a prime location? The city of Gainesville has an eccentric collection of coffeehouses, each offering unique characteristics. The coffee shops listed are a few of the city’s finest.

The atypical style coffeehouse describes Maude’s Classic Cafe to a T. Located at 101 SE Second Place in downtown Gainesville, it offers a warm and inviting sense of comfort that’s perfect for casual coffee dates or your weekend studying. The dim lighting inside creates a 1970s feel that reflects the overall aesthetic of the coffee shop. Not only is there a vast amount of seating available, but Maude’s also offers a large selection of board games for anyone to play. From intimate games like checkers to more interactive games like Taboo, there’s a little bit of something for everyone. Hungry? Maude’s even offers a variety of pastries and sandwiches that cater to everyone. Whether you’re vegan, vegetarian or gluten-free, Maude’s has it.

If you’re looking for a more modern environment, walk across downtown to Volta Coffee, Tea & Chocolate. Located at 48 SW Second St., the coffeehouse offers a different vibe when it comes to coffee. The interior of the café has a lot of air space and is saturated with natural light, which makes it a perfect place to relax or read. According to its website, Volta has made a commitment to using in-season coffee. Instead of using dark-roast coffee, which can mask deficiencies in the coffee, Volta uses lighter roasts to ensure more flavor in each cup they brew. It doesn’t stop there. Volta also offers a variety of limited and rare teas, such as the Bai Hao Oolong and Maccha. They also brew classic herbal teas like English Breakfast Tea and Earl Grey.

For aesthetic purposes, Curia on the Drag is the place to go. Unlike Maude’s and Volta, Curia offers a new perspective on coffee. Located at 2029 NW Sixth St., it sits next to Gallery Protocol, a local art gallery that showcases artists in the North Florida area and more. What makes Curia so different is the influx of odd figurines encased in glass shelving, along with an abundant amount of succulents that give an alternative environment when it comes to atmosphere. The only issue is that the seating inside is limited, so get there early if your intentions are to study. If not, there are tables outside for lounging.

Lifestyle

The First

Modern Family

By Claire Campbell

don’t remember anyone telling me that I was adopted. I know it had to be my mom, one of them, but I don’t remember the conversation. I knew I was adopted before I even knew what it meant. My family consists of my mom, Linda; my mom, Grace; my brother, Chris, who was adopted from Paraguay; and our dog, Bruno. My mom, Linda, used to say that our golden retriever was the only normal thing about our family. I remember being a really happy child growing up. My parents warned me that some people might not be accepting of our family, so I used to introduce myself with: “Hi, my name is Claire and I have two moms.” This was in elementary school before anyone knew what having two moms meant. Once word got around that I had two moms and was adopted, I was pulled out of class to talk to the second grade guidance counselor. Her name was Ms. Hart, and I can still remember her face. She asked me if I had a problem with other kids teasing me. When I said I didn’t she asked me if I had ever thought about what kids might tease me about in the future. I said I hadn’t. She gave me a composition notebook and suggested that I write down a list of things that other kids could tease me about. This was the first time I felt uncomfortable being adopted and uncomfortable with my family. Despite that incident, I was still pretty comfortable being adopted growing up. There were always going to be people that didn’t accept my family as a whole, but it didn’t matter much. The only time I ever got annoyed was when people questioned me about it. I got a lot of questions about if I wanted to know who my biological mom is and if I missed

having a dad. When I was younger, I didn’t want to know who my biological parents were. In my mind they didn’t want me, so I didn’t want them. It made me uncomfortable because people would ask me about my biological parents before getting to know anything else about me. People would also ask me if I wanted to find my biological parents when I was older. I always said no because I had no way of finding them and I was more concerned about other aspects of my future.

Claire with her brother, Chris, in 1995.

I knew a girl who, after figuring out I was adopted, told me she felt like she knew me so much better. It was the second or third time I had met her. My biological parents were absent and still such a defining characteristic of my life. As for a dad, I didn’t miss what I never had. And a mix of watching “Law & Order: Special Victims Unit” from a young age and not having a dad made me uncomfortable around other dads. I didn’t think that every dad was a criminal but those shows made me uncomfortable around older men in general. The only men I knew were my brother and my dog. Whenever my adoptive parents asked me how I felt about being

adopted I would get mad. I didn’t want to talk about it. I wanted it to stop defining me. They took turns asking me about being adopted throughout the years and nine times out of 10 I would shut down the conversation. In middle school my mom, Grace, asked me if I identified as Asian, which is my ethnicity. It sounds strange, but I didn’t. I didn’t identify as any race. I didn’t feel strong cultural ties to anything. And that realization made me feel lost. When I got to high school, I ended up making more friends who were Asian. It was awkward, though. I still didn’t share their cultural background and hanging out with them didn’t make me more Asian. I actually feel more uncomfortable being adopted now. I wish I knew things about myself that are supposed to be givens. I don’t know when my birthday is. I was roughly a year old when I was adopted in December, but the orphanage picked a random date in March. March 11 is what they chose, but March 15 is what my mom, Linda, remembered. On all of the paperwork she filled out for my citizenship, she wrote March 15 as my birthday. My birthday could be either, but both dates are probably wrong. The other thing that makes me really uncomfortable is not knowing what other family I have out there. The one child per family law was still in effect when I was born, which is probably the reason I was given up for adoption. It also means I probably do have siblings. I want to know if they were given up for adoption too or if they grew up with our parents. If they knew our parents I’d ask them what they’re like. I’d use their answer as a screening for my parents to decide if I want to know who they are. But there’s really no way to find any of my family. I didn’t have a name when I arrived at the orphanage. I realize now how much being adopted has defined my childhood and my adult life. It’s not something that I’m completely comfortable with as an adult. But growing up with what my mom calls the “first modern family” is what I had and I’m continually trying to make the best of it. 17

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{WO}MAN'S

BEST FRIEND Story and Photos by Claire Campbell

Riley, a 14-month-old golden retriever, is a service dog in-training.

you’ve never been to a prison, it may not be what you expect. Upon entering the work camp at the Lowell Correctional Institute, there are wide sidewalks that guide you to the various buildings sprinkled on the lawn. As you follow the sidewalks, there’s one building toward the back that’s different. If you walk into it, the first thing you notice are the posters. Incredibly well-drawn and colored, posters of different dogs cover empty space on the walls. The place is clean but dimly lit. Throughout the common area there are ropes and stickers strategically placed. This is where the Patriot Service Dog program lives. Here, in one of the buildings in the back of the work camp, comfort is found by dogs and inmates alike. For the inmates, the dogs help them find selfconfidence and patience. For the dogs, they enjoy a safe and loving environment. When Princeton, a 2-year-old pit bull and Labrador mix, came to Melody Nelson, an inmate at the institute, his neck was raw. Nelson believes that it’s because he was under terrible stress and that led to him scratching. Princeton is one of the Humane Society dogs in the program. Since being with Nelson, he’s scratched a lot less and has begun to heal. Being in this program brings him comfort as well, she said. But the Patriot Service Dog program is not easy to get into. There’s an interview process, and once you’re approved, you start at the bottom. You start your life in the program as a dorm worker, then you shadow, and finally, you get your own dog to train. The dorm worker is required to keep the place clean and well-managed. The shadowing really helps to learn how to read a dog, figure out what it’s going to do and how long it’s going to take, Nelson said. Once you move onto training dogs, you begin training Humane Society dogs. Then you train service dogs. Humane Society dogs usually learn about seven to eight commands and are with their trainers for several weeks. Service dogs in training usually learn about 70-80 commands and stay with them for a couple of years.

Lifestyle

Melody Mann, 31, and Riley, her service dog in-training, have been together for a year. “Just having her there for me is just comforting,” Mann said.

Humane Society dogs are usually the ones that are less adoptable. A lot of times they come with issues because they were strays. Many times they have health issues that haven’t been treated. But once they’re trained and know some basic commands, it’s easier to find them a home. Donna Douglas, a 51-year-old inmate, says that it’s easier to relate to Humane Society dogs because a lot of them have baggage. Before the Lowell Correctional Institute, Nelson used to work for the government as an administrator. She was used to things being done a certain way. But training Princeton has taught her patience among other things. She’s learned to be less critical of people. She’s begun to realize that not everything has to be done on her time. “When you’re training a dog, they won’t respond in the manner you want them to,” Nelson said. But she’s learned to be more perceptive through the program. Everybody learns differently. Douglas said how frustrating it can be sometimes to try and train the dogs. But she said that they don’t know any better. If a dog isn’t picking up a command right away, then the training has to slow down. Through the program she has learned patience. But more importantly, it has helped with her self-confidence and self-

esteem. She has plans when she gets out to become a veterinarian assistant. This program has been an enriching influence to all of its participants. “It’s something positive in a place that’s not so positive,” said Melody Mann, 31. For her, the training isn’t that difficult. Staying consistent is the hard part, she said. But even through the difficulty of staying consistent with training, Riley brings a

While many participants learned how to be patient and confident, Leigh Marlow, 26, learned how to take things slower. Emory, her 2-year-old dog from the Humane Society, has helped her calm down and receive criticism. Marlow knows that having Emory around has been really good for her. In the past, Marlow said she wasn’t the model inmate and used to get in trouble for stupid things.

“THEY TEACH YOU THAT YOU CAN CHANGE SOMETHING TODAY TO MAKE IT BETTER FOR TOMORROW, EVEN IF YOU’VE BEEN MAKING THE SAME BAD DECISIONS FOR THE LAST 26 YEARS.” much-needed sense of normalcy to her life. Mann suffers from anxiety, and Riley comforts her just by being there. Riley is her 14-month-old golden retriever and service dog in-training. Mann has less than a year left with Riley because service dogs only train until they’re about 2 years old. “It’s going to be very hard when she leaves,” she said. For Nelson, being around the dogs is a great comfort. “I’ve always had dogs at home, so being back with them, it makes me happier,” she said. After being around the training process, she ultimately wants to get a diabetic alert dog for her husband.

“But the dogs teach us to be okay with ourselves,” she said. “They teach you that you can change something today to make it better for tomorrow, even if you’ve been making the same bad decisions for the last 26 years.” “This program gives me something to lose,” she said. When dogs are done training they have a graduation ceremony to showcase the commands they’ve learned. Everyone who has a dog in the graduating class gives a speech during the ceremony. Sometimes the new adoptive parents visit to meet the woman who has trained their new companion. “Every dog that comes through here has a place in your heart,” Marlow said.

ELEPHANTS A LOVE THAT WEIGHS A TON Story by Kortney Sweeney Photos by Edwin Exaus

Story by Kortney Sweeney

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My first clear memory involving elephants was when I was 3 years old. My grandparents had just returned from Africa, and they had gotten me a shirt with an elephant printed on it. I was delighted. Its gigantic head looked straight ahead, with sharp tusks surrounding its trunk and Dumbo ears protruding from its head. I wore that shirt every time I went to see my grandparents. I still have it somewhere. My collection of elephants given to me by my family grew to stuffed animals and piggy banks, necklaces and shirts, and even a bundle of real elephant hair. They cheered me up when I was sad or sick, and they made bright days even brighter. I could have spent all day watching elephants at the zoo, and no trip was ever complete without visiting them. They seemed so gentle and loving, yet so

ROXY 22

playful. Despite their size, I always had the urge to run up to one and hug it. I would have done so without hesitation if it had been permitted. Three years into my University of Florida experience, I became aware that I was exactly 30 minutes away from an elephant sanctuary in Williston called Two Tails Ranch. I thought I would burst from excitement. I booked a tour and counted down the days. I felt like a child as I pulled into the parking lot, beaming ear to ear, and I instantly spotted three of the five elephants in their habitats. I bounced from one foot to the other to control my excitement while I waited in line at the ticket counter. Tickets in hand, I immediately strode up to the barricades separating the elephants from each other and the visitors. Their habitats were immaculate, and they

looked so content and peaceful. I watched as an elephant named Luke munched happily on grass. His long trunk swung it rhythmically into his mouth, and every once in a while a bunch would get stuck in between his massive white tusks, almost as if he was saving it as a snack for later. Nearby, a female elephant named Roxy playfully swung sand on her back to protect herself from the sun. Her long trunk was elongated and sat resting along the top of the wooden fence. She looked so funny that I had to laugh, and like Luke, she seemed to not have a care in the world. I wished all elephants had a chance to live like that. She may have been an animal, but her apparent silliness and slight clumsiness reminded me so much of my own that I instantly felt connected to her. The photo op was the first chance to actually interact with the elephants. When it was my turn, I floated over to Luke, who was sitting down. I was careful to take in every sight and sensation, so I would remember the moment forever.

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PATTY Without hesitation, I comfortably plopped down onto the knee of the real, living, breathing elephant sitting before me. I immediately sensed how powerful he was. His strong limb was sturdy and unwavering under my substantially insignificant weight. His coarse hair poked through my shorts and his skin was tough and leathery on my legs. I tightly gripped Luke’s left ear to save myself from getting smacked in the face with it. It was rough and wrinkly but rubbery as well. As I smiled for the photo, Luke’s massive head gently but persistently nudged me. He wasn’t antsy or upset, just curious, and he was so calm that I felt completely at ease. I wanted to stay there all day with him and just shoot the breeze, but other people were waiting behind me, so I reluctantly rose and headed back behind the gate. I fed an elephant named Patty some carrots next. I reached out and lightly petted her wandering trunk before placing the carrots underneath it. I felt cool huffs of air as the end of her leathery trunk found my hand and quickly tossed the carrots into her mouth. She looked like she was smiling every time her mouth opened, and her ears kept flapping back and forth. Her eyes were so honest and trusting, and there wasn’t one ounce of aggression or hesitation in her manner. She was truly beautiful.

I stroked the end of her trunk, a grin plastered on my face, for as long as I could before I knew I had exceeded my time allotment. I gave her one last pat on the trunk before walking away with the craziest feeling I had somehow just made a friend. I knew that she was an animal and that I was just another stranger feeding her treats, but it was a nice feeling just the same. The last activity was the elephant ride. This was the piece de resistance, the grand finale, the No. 1 item on my bucket list. I had dreamed of doing this for so long, but I had always thought I would have to fly to Thailand or India to do so. Patty walked slowly but surely, and I was gently rocked from side to side with each step she took. The ground seemed so far below, but I felt perfectly at home. I was afraid to startle her, so I reached out gingerly to pet her neck, and her sharp bristles poked my palm. Patty walked in a small loop, and as she circled back to the platform I made one last mental note of every ounce of joy I was feeling before I stepped off the

saddle and back onto the platform. It was the perfect way to end my elephant experience. As I walked back to the car, I was still in disbelief over the opportunities the sanctuary had allowed me to have with the elephants. The happiness I felt during the experience stayed with me for the rest of the day. Interacting with those beautiful animals made me love them even more than I did before, and it’s a “tail” of imaginary friendship I’ll remember forever.

Work Getting Comfortable With Body Language Changing Gender Roles Making the Most out of your Budget The Female Friendship Paradox

Work

Getting Comfortable With

Body Language Story and Photos by Erica Brown

eople give out continual signals and signs that hint to others around them what they are thinking and how they might be feeling at every moment. These signals are a part of the science of body language. Reading body language isn’t just important for scientists and professionals who study it — reading those subtle behaviors can be a key part in grasping a better understanding of relationships in everyday life. For the past 15 years, Leo Brown has worked with the health department and law enforcement, among other agencies in Florida, as a body language consultant, helping clients observe and analyze the body language behaviors of those around them. Whether on a first date, a job interview or while meeting someone new, body language cues from other people — as well as the ones you demonstrate yourself — can be valuable resources in reading situations nonverbally. “It’s so important because everybody speaks it — they just don’t realize it,” Brown said. While human beings are naturally verbal communicators, having the additional ability to read nonverbal cues goes a long way toward establishing a comfort level with those around you — a comfort level that just might get you a second date.

Jeremy Nicholson, a self-proclaimed body language expert who has written for Psychology Today, said that body language readies the body to pursue what is attractive and run or fight what is not. In the context of a date, he said using simple body language cues can help us decide what our partner is feeling, thus influencing how we move forward in the relationship. “This helps with your sensitivity, awareness and empathy in each situation,” he said. “It also helps you be more persuasive.” Are his feet pointed away from you? Is she maintaining eye contact or is she glancing away from you as you talk? Either of these negative body language behaviors could be the kiss of death on a first date. Brown said one of the biggest warning signs for women observing their male date is if he claims too much space. “By leaning on the table or pushing his way into her space, that means he’s very dominant,” Brown said. He added, “Men should be wary of women who maintain too much of a left head tilt. It means she has a strong desire to be liked. Her constant need to be liked can be a bad sign.” But body language cues can also be helpful in a professional capacity. Think back to your most recent job interview. Did you fidget in your chair? Did you cross your arms or lean back in your seat? Whether consciously

or subconsciously, your body language mimics what your brain might be thinking. Uncomfortable situations like job interviews can cause people to exhibit poor posture, fail to maintain strong eye contact or even appear distant from the other person. These are defenses our bodies put up to protect from unpleasant experiences. But Nicholson emphasized that things like job interviews don’t have to be negative experiences, as long as you are conscious of your own body language while also cognizant of the nonverbal cues your interviewer exhibits. Brown echoed this sentiment. “If it’s a male-male interview, the golden rule is to not squarely face the man. You should always face him at a slight angle. Otherwise it could be seen as confrontational,” Brown said. However, if your interviewer is female, regardless of your own gender, you should face her directly, as not doing so would insinuate that you are hiding something. Before any interview, you should think about what kind of impression you want to make.

Don't Don't

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Changing Gender Roles: It's an Emergency Story and Photos by Ashlyn Pinter

Before the rise of feminism in the

'60s and '70s, women were largely responsible for dealing with home matters while men worked and earned income outside the home, according to Boundless Psychology. Some still hold to those conservative and traditional values today. Men have previously been known to be the breadwinners of their families, but today, women are taking over and they’re not apologizing for it. Women have proven they’re more than child-bearers and housewives. They are proving they’re an important addition to society and have talents beyond stereotypical gender roles. She’s the first person you call in an emergency. If your child stops breathing, you call her. If you get into an accident, you call her. If you lose everything you own in a fire, you call her. Her name is Bethany Hicks, and she’s a critical care paramedic at the Marion County Fire Rescue. Growing up in a conservative, southern family and raised in a small town of less than 1,000 people, Hicks saw these traditional beliefs firsthand. Some family members doubted her ability to make it through her career path, thinking that she was too kind and weak for the job. Hicks, 25, never expected to be on the path that she is now, but after doing clinics on the ambulance, she fell in love 26

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with it. Not only is she a paramedic for Marion County Fire Rescue, but she’s also a graduate student pursuing a master’s degree in health education and behavior. She hopes to be able to attend medical school. Standing at 5 feet 4 inches, Hicks has been assumed to be weaker than her colleagues. It’s not only her gender either; she’s faced with the stereotype that comes with having a “pretty face.” “I feel like sometimes all people see is the exterior of me instead of noticing the fact that I work full-time (on the) night shift, go to school fulltime during the day, completely support myself financially and am working on a master’s degree,” she said. “They see how I look, not how I just had to work

“

world and culture. Since World War II, the stereotypical gender roles have been changing. When women were forced to work in factories while their husbands were away fighting for their country, it cracked open the door for women in the workplace. Just as much as positions for women have advanced over time, they have also stayed the same in some cases. According to Catalyst.org, in the U.S., all women are impacted by the gender wage gap. On average, women earn 78 cents to every dollar that is earned by men. Women will need to work an additional 70 days to close the gap and become equal to that of the pay a man makes in her

still capable of putting aside their issues to face the tasks at hand just as men are. After five years of being put to the test, Hicks has proven her competency and skills in situations where she and her fellow paramedics were fighting to save the lives of many people. In these extreme situations, she has dissipated any doubt of her abilities due to her gender. As a female paramedic, she is just as capable as her male colleagues. “Our world is steadily changing and we have to change with it,” Hicks said. “So many people have fought for women's equality, whether in the spotlight or behind the scenes like the single mother who works two jobs and still gets a college degree to support her family and better herself.”

They see how I look, not how I just had to work as hard as I could to save the life of someone.

as hard as I could to save the life of someone.” According to the National Registry of Emergency Medical Technicians, males account for about 70 percent of the occupation. Women in a predominantly male-dominated field seem to come across two sets of vastly different opinions during their careers. Some are skeptical and wonder who she slept with to get to the top, and some are supportive of the women who are pushing the boundaries and setting new standards for women. The gender role theory emphasizes environment and influence of socialization to learn how to behave like a typical male or female. The stereotypes of specific gender roles are not universal, however. It is contingent on various aspects like location in the

same position. The fire service holds a strong sense of traditionalism and masculinity. There are few women surrounded by several men who dominate the traditionally male career path. Being a physically demanding job, paramedics are exposed to traumatic scenes every day. Although not every call they receive involves death, a paramedic’s job is nothing to take lightly, Hicks said. Hicks had to prove herself to her colleagues to be taken seriously, as many people in the world believe that a woman isn’t emotionally or physically stable enough to do her job. There’s a certain stigma held that women are the weaker sex when placed with men in the same position. Most women are continually faced with this issue throughout their lives. As emotional human beings, women are

”

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Have you ever checked your account balance, and to your surprise, the numbers in your head and those displayed don’t add up? Maybe you overcompensated on dinner that week. Did you really have to eat out four times? Once would have done the trick. Maybe you unexpectedly splurged on a major purchase. That probably wasn’t the best idea. Living comfortably within your budget is a balancing act that involves responsibly planning and saving. first rule of success is to plan. Planning contributes to financial literacy. It is important to create a list of monthly income and expenses in planning, said Dr. Martie Gillen, assistant professor of family & consumer economics for older adults at the University of Florida. Make a list of every dollar earned and every dollar spent in a month. Notice the amount of money you spend on fixed costs such as rent and car insurance. Also note the amount of money you spend on variable costs such as groceries and personal items. Finally, note the amount of money you spend on miscellaneous items. Record those numbers and make projections. Then, create a monthly budget according to those projections. Ashlee Chaney-Dennis, health and nutrition family support specialist at United Way, learned just how important financial planning was after she graduated from college. “I became financially independent, and for the first time, I had responsibilities,” Chaney-Dennis said. She earned a great salary at her new job but made a few mistakes managing

The

money in the beginning. Chaney-Dennis quickly learned her lesson after she neglected an internet bill. “I completely forget about it,” ChaneyDennis said. “I had never paid an internet bill.” She began writing down payment amounts and due dates and eventually took note of all monthly payments. Finally, she realized how much money she was bringing in and how much she was spending. Chaney-Dennis began budgeting. Saving is also important to fitting comfortably within your budget. Do you have a rainy day fund? Can you afford to repair your vehicle unexpectedly? Will doing so put you in a financial bind? Set SMART Goals, according to Dr. Gillen, or goals that are specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and have a time perspective. “Saying I want to save $500 is OK,” Dr. Gillen said, “but you don’t have a purpose for saving, and you don’t have a time frame.” You have to figure out how often you’re going to save to achieve your goal, and your goal has to be tangible.

Tips

for Making Healthy Financial Decisions

Distinguish your wants from your needs.

Wants are those things you can go without. You don’t have to hang with friends every weekend, but you may want to. Take advantage of free activities like relaxing at the pool or getting in free before midnight at the bar.

Don’t buy things you can't afford. A $400 bag isn’t practical. Shop at local consignment shops to find designer items for a fraction of their original costs.

Find ways to cut costs on necessities.

Use coupons on groceries. Dine out when there are specials at local restaurants.

$$ $$$ $$$ $$$ $ $ $ $ $

Work

The Female Friendship

Paradox

omantic comedies have always taught us the tremendous value in the female best friend. She is available at a moment’s notice, never attached and always prepared to dole out helpful advice, whether solicited or not. But unlike this Hollywood version, many modern female friendships are games of tug-of-war, pitting friend against friend. Societal pressures have increased the competitive drive between women, making it more difficult to foster healthy relationships worthy of a Hollywood soundstage. This high level of competition stems from a number of factors, including, but not limited to, professional success, money, age, athletic ability, men and physical appearance. According to researcher Joyce Benenson of Emmanuel College in Boston, women are competing with each other increasingly over promotions, salary raises and overall success at work. A recent study by LinkedIn revealed that 68 percent of women born after 1980 would sacrifice a close friendship for a promotion at work. However, the paradox is that women are less comfortable than men with competition and yet are generally more competitive with each other.

68%

of women born after 1980 would sacrifice a close friendship for a promotion at work. -LinkedIn

University of Florida nursing student Marielle Pezzella sees firsthand how female friendships are becoming more difficult to maintain as she enters a professional environment. She said the process of getting into nursing school was filled with competition, but afterward, her female peers went out of their way to help each other be successful. “There is still some competition because we’re all pretty competitive by nature, but everyone is generally very willing to help,” Pezzella said. Benenson said finding a balance between healthy friendships and competition is key in maintaining those relationships. So why aren’t men having these same discussions? According to a study by UCLA researchers Laura Kline and Shelley Taylor, women place a higher value on their personal relationships than men. In times of stress or turmoil, women are more likely to “tend and befriend,” or seek out their close relationships for comfort. Men, on the

Story and Photos by Erica Brown

other hand, are more likely to experience a fight-or-flight response in times of stress. Dr. Lynn Margolies, a licensed psychologist in Alachua County, said she wants women to be able to feel comfortable with their own drive and power without feeling threatened by other women and their perceived success. “Women who feel more confident within themselves are less vulnerable to feeling threatened by their female friends in the face of success,” Margolies said. She added that a healthy balance of competition and compassion means allowing oneself to do well and embrace a feeling of empowerment while still caring about female friends’ feelings and supporting them in their own growth. Meghan Gaitens, a UF medical school student, said she works with other women in her area of study to prepare for exams. “We definitely compare our grades and try to see where we stack up, but usually it’s because we want to gauge how well we’ve done,” Gaitens said. This sense of competition — measuring success in a healthy way against female peers — is how Margolies suggests maneuvering through delicate friendships. She said inspiration can stem from the good fortune, happiness and success of others. Female friendships don’t have to be a paradox; with just a little bit of nurturing and attention, they can transform into something suitable for any Hollywood rom-com. Even Jennifer Aniston would approve. 29

Society Slang Terms: How Comfortable is too Comfortable? Political Pressure: It's all in the Family The Journey of Him

Social Issues

SLANG TERMS

How Comfortable Is

TOO COMFORTABLE? Story and Photos by Jeremiah Corley

ate words vary from culture to culture, but there are a few that remain consistent globally. The American Bar Association defines the term hate speech as speech that offends, threatens or insults groups based on race, color, religion, national origin, sexual orientation, disability or other traits. This type of slang, which is so prevalent within our culture, is based on ambiguous or self-made definitions. What fuels these hateful actions is the fact that we as a society have grown so comfortable with slang and derogatory terms. The point of all this is to expose the popular trend of taking away one’s autonomy and dehumanizing individuals based on born characteristics or decisions. Hate words, as previously defined, affect our culture in a variety of ways. Individuals in the LGBTQ+ community are constantly attacked with slang that has become present in casual conversation. Derogatory phrases, such as “that’s so gay,” have polluted the minds of many individuals. This topic is difficult to address because hate words have even infiltrated dialogues shared between those within the community. Some use the excuse that they are reclaiming the term. The transgender community is often forgotten when discussing issues in the LGBTQ+ community. Our society seems to only worry about issues pertaining to white cisgender men. Trans women of color fail to receive these benefits. The term “cis” can be defined as someone who identifies with their birthgiven gender. LB Hannahs, director of LGBT affairs at the

University of Florida, said the mainstream LGBTQ+ movement has totally left out the transgender community. Many organizations are closing up shop because they think their work ended once same-sex marriage was legalized. “I think part of it is rooted in how we look at gender and how gender is defined in a very binary way and a very centralized way,” Hannahs said. “And what I mean by that is in Western culture we believe in biological essentialism.” Ellie Gaustria, a 21-year-old transgender woman and student, expressed how words like “tranny” are heard on a regular basis. But it’s the overall concept of this type of slang that creates an issue. People like to use homophobic language as a tactic to undermine her female identity. “By them using homophobic words like ‘faggot,’ what those people are really saying is that trans women like myself aren't actually women — we're gay men,” Gaustria said. “It’s degrading to our womanhood by saying that it isn’t real or valid at all.” An online report titled “Suicide Attempts Among Transgender and Gender NonConforming Adults” stated the following:

“Overall, the most striking finding of our analysis was the exceptionally high prevalence of lifetime suicide attempts reported by NTDS (National Transgender Discrimination Survey) respondents across all demographics and experiences. Based on prior research and the findings of this report, we find that mental health factors and experiences of harassment, discrimination, violence and rejection may interact to produce a marked vulnerability to suicidal behavior in transgender and gender non-conforming individuals.” These types of facts expose the harsh reality behind our culture. “Before my womanhood was known to me, I was perceived to be a boy. Society harshly punished me for liking Barbie dolls or the color pink,” Gaustria said. “I was told constantly how wrong it was for me to like ‘girly things’ and because of my certain interests as a little girl, I was the subject of a lot of bullying and harassment, even physical violence.”

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Hannahs described how there is a pyramid of hate in terms of levels of violence. Even if words are not directed at you specifically, hearing them can be damaging because it speaks to an experience. “Language is a fundamental thing between people,” Hannahs said. “If I use language to hurt you or to misidentify you or minimize you, that is a form of violence in itself. So on the receiving end of that, if someone uses the most common form of interacting with someone, like language, to not acknowledge you or purposely hurt you, it can manifest into emotional violence, psychological violence and even violence against self.” As a woman of color, Gaustria discussed the harassment she faces for her multiple identities. As gender equality becomes more and more discussed across various platforms, women continually hear words and phrases that dehumanize them. Slang terms, such as “bitch,” “whore” and “control freak,” barely outline the severity of the issue and commonality. Stories vary for each individual, but the principle stays consistent – men oppress women. “As a woman, I experience a lot of policing and judgment in the workplace and school,” Gastria said. “I'm expected to be hyper-feminine as a girl and to wear heels and tons of makeup.” The idea that women have preset roles in society are roles that have been

instilled within our culture from the previous generations leading up to present day. If we’re said to be constantly evolving, you would think we would be past this already. “It's almost like men actually believe my existence is merely to be an ornament instead of an instrument,” Gaustria said. “I'm a person, a mind constantly at work. I'm an artist. I'm a daughter. There's so much more to my body and my identity then what men and even women place on my identity.” Gender norms have become cyclical and are catalyzed through pop culture. People enjoy denying someone’s identity because they don’t function the way they think that person should. Gaustria described how the question “When did you know?” can be exhausting to answer. Having to explain your identity because others fail to take the time to understand and accept an individual is regressive for that person. “It's quite similar to an interrogation,” Gaustria said. “It's like that person is asking me to prove my identity to them, and if they believe me or agree with my explanation, then it's real. It's so dehumanizing and problematic.” The manipulation and evolution of the word “gay” has given birth to slang words that are far more hurtful — words that strip an individual of his or her worth, leaving them to question the validity of their sexuality. Larry Rosalez, a 27-year-old artist living in Gainesville, Florida, pointed out that there are different cultures within the LGBTQ+ community that view these terms differently.

He said there is a culture of queer that doesn’t acknowledge their queerness nor do they acknowledge men and women who don’t have the same sexual desires, partners or relations. Most of the time, they are more invested in other identities, such as race or religion. “I remember being bullied, in boyhood, about being a fag, homo, queer, but as I grew into knowledge of myself and the people who have come before me, I have set a precedence of existing without apology,” Rosalez said. “The spaces I occupy and the way I interact with people has shifted, and I don't experience, or perhaps am not aware of it, a large amount of hatred stemming from my sexuality.” Racially based humor and slurs are still just as present in our world. To speak for a community that I am not a part of would result in misrepresentation of an oppressed group and individual experiences. Understanding and supporting a cause, such as the need for our culture to end hate speech, is more effective than speaking falsely. Even more so, it’s our world’s acceptance and consistent use of these words that needs changing. Although Rosalez feels comfortable in his own skin presently, it’s taken time to develop this sense of self-worth. “I've done a lot of work to be comfortable, to free myself enough, to stop explaining blackness and my black interests and tastes to people,” Rosalez said. “The obstacles I see myself facing are primarily based in fear of judgment or rejection and condemnation for my politics, spiritual beliefs, artistic endeavors, all of which are informed some way by my experience as a black (mixed) man.” It is tragic to use derogatory terms to induce pain on an individual who already has to face a world that caters to heterosexual men and women. To know that children grow up in a society where these terms are tossed around so lightly is disheartening. Hannahs described the word “normal” as a standard that everyone is compared against. “�Normal’ is what in your life makes you feel the most secure, content, happy and functional,” Hannahs said. “There is no one definition of ‘normal.’ However many people are on the planet then that’s how many different definitions of normal there are.” The definition of “normal” is ever-changing, for it never had a true definition in the first place. To define a term that varies within each individual and culture ends in a cluster of different expressions of understanding.

POLITICAL PRESSURE IT'S ALL IN THE FAMILY Story by Erica Brown

hen Noelle Surette opened the front door of her parents’ house wearing an oversized Barack Obama T-shirt from the 2008 election, she didn’t give it a second thought. The blank stare from a Republican neighbor that greeted her on the other side of the door, however, made her suddenly self-conscious. Noelle and her younger sister, Rachel, both University of Florida students, live in Gainesville but frequently drive three hours south to their hometown of Sarasota. The Surette sisters say they are always surprised by the difference in political views between the two cities they call home. But what they aren’t surprised by are times when their own political views have been challenged or questioned by relatives, friends or even perfect strangers in an attempt to alter their political views. This is common among young voters who have yet to choose a candidate or party to support in the upcoming presidential election.

“POLITICS REFLECT HOW YOU VIEW THE WORLD AND IS A VERY PERSONAL MATTER. WHEN YOU SUPPORT SOMEONE, YOU ADOPT THEIR VIEWS AS YOUR OWN.” “I don’t know what’s worse: people who are belligerent or people who are pushovers,” Rachel said of the daily pressures to change her own political views. “I feel most uncomfortable talking about politics,” Noelle said. “I don’t have a lot of background knowledge. Education issues are important to me, but I don’t know about foreign policy, fiscal policy.” With a heavy push from media outlets driving campaigns straight into voter households 24/7, Noelle said it can make

the Independent, undecided voter even more confused. “It’s difficult to discern what’s fact and what’s opinion out there,” Noelle said. Rachel added, “I feel people just assume a lot of things are true.” The pressure to align with a particular party’s values doesn’t just originate in the media anymore; political pressure is often instigated within family households, as is the case for Erin Ackland, a Gainesville resident and Santa Fe College student. She admitted that her immediate family members have a way of directing any conversation toward politics. And much to her chagrin, both her parents frequently make political posts on social media for her friends to see. Noelle and Rachel Surette have had similar experiences. Driving back to Gainesville from a weekend stay with their parents, the sisters, frustrated, took an online BuzzFeed quiz after being pelted by opinionated family members about their political views. The quiz presented a series of questions that would match the sisters to their ideal presidential candidate based on their answers. Both sisters wondered whether it would ever be easier to have

frank, open political discussions without resorting to insults or arguments. More American households are beginning to adopt this type of dynamic — a house divided along party lines. These modern American families are also now including millenials, young voters who want to see change happen. Not in 50 years or even in 10, but now. These young voters are often credited with helping to get Barack Obama elected in 2008, the first time in recent U.S. history that voter turnout among young people helped influence a presidential election. A similar trend was evident among collegeaged voters who supported democratic candidate Bernie Sanders. In 2015, Sanders initially attracted the attention of college students around the country with his socialist values. His campaign slogans, such as “Feel the bern” and “Burn baby bern,” and his relatable demeanor, resonated with young voters.

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TIPS

ON TALKING

POLITICS 1. BE OPEN-MINDED Enter into a political discussion open to new ideas and points of view. This will not only prevent arguments but might actually teach you something about an issue that you didn't know before.

This is why, when that online quiz matched Noelle and Rachel Surette with Sanders as their ideal presidential candidate, they were relieved to support someone no one in their family did. Ackland has not been as lucky. She said she still has not been able to decide who to support, citing confusing campaign ads and social media posts as the underlying reason behind her uncertainty. Adding to her confusion, Ackland said her family regularly sends her links to political articles they think she should read or encourages her to visit certain political news sites. These trends have been on the upswing since 2008, the first election that utilized the Internet to reach voters. However, as much as online advertisements and discussion aided campaigns in reaching voters, it also created a more hostile and confrontational environment for all Internet users. According to the Pew Research Center, 66 percent of social media users have engaged in political activities online, while 34 percent have used social media to post their own political opinions or views. The Surette sisters as well as Ackland admit to blocking one or two family members from both sides of the aisle due to frequent posts attacking the other party’s politics. And according to this same data, they are not alone. At only 18 percent, the number of social media users forced to block or unfriend someone whose political posts have either offended or insulted him or her is relatively low. But when considering that 73 percent of all users only “sometimes” or “never”

agree with friends’ postings on politics, the numbers begin to mirror the emotions of many frustrated voters. “Our dad loves to bring up debate topics and politics in general with our grandparents,” Rachel admitted. When the sisters’ half-brother, Tony, an environmental engineer, got into a heated conversation with more moderate family members on oil drilling, things got uncomfortable quickly. Debates like these are expected in the Surette household, even over Christmas dinner. The other member of the Surette family, Margaux, is often the mediator when conversations get too heated. The Surette sisters say their mother doesn’t support any republican or democratic candidates outright, but is instead choosing to keep herself open to honest political dialogue ahead of the election. “She’s very neutral,” Noelle said of Margaux. “It’s her personality to make everyone happy and get along.” Rachel added, “To break the tension in the room, she’ll just ask, ‘Who wants some pie?’” As for how politics in general make them feel, Noelle said she has a low tolerance for most political debate. “It does not take a lot to make me uncomfortable,” said Noelle. “Politics reflect how you view the world and is a very personal matter. When you support someone, you adopt their views as your own.” Rachel added, “People are too set in their views. It’s very easy to offend people and be offended yourself.” But the Surette sisters advise anyone struggling to compete with family or friends’ political views to ask just one question: “Who wants some pie?” And maybe, just maybe, the tension will fizzle out.

2. ASK QUESTIONS Always seek to learn more. If a relative or friend says something you know to be untrue or biased, ask them why they stand behind their point of view or what information they have to back it up. Just don’t accuse them of being wrong.

3. BE A GOOD LISTENER Listening to someone else’s opinions can help you understand their side of an issue. “When in doubt, just listen,” Noelle Surette said. “Don’t get defensive. Just let me try to understand why you support the issue or candidate you do.”

4. DON'T GET ANGRY Keep calm, cool and collected. “Think about your words carefully,” Rachel Surette advised. “Remember that everyone is in different walks of life, so you should be cognizant about what you say.”

5. WALK AWAY If all else fails, just walk away. But keep in mind that not everyone in the world has the freedoms of political expression or the right to vote at all. “One of the greatest things about being an American is that we get to voice our opinions,” Rachel Surette said. “We should appreciate that more.”

The Journey of

Story by Jeremiah Corley Photo by Claire Campbell

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ack* loads his things into his backpack as the final bell rings, dismissing students from their final period. He decides to walk home instead of taking the bus because his mind is flooded with thoughts, and he worries of the scene that is about to take place once he enters the front door to his home. His mother is home from work early and the timing seems perfect. He talks about his day and the things that he did – none of which compare to the information he’s about to unveil to her. “Mom… I think I’m bisexual.” Although this is what he told her, he knew in his heart that he identified as a gay man. Jack thought his mother would be more receptive to the idea of bisexuality versus homosexuality. At the tender age of 13, Jack is filled with this sense of confusion as to who he is. His mother does not make the situation any easier. Questions like “when did you know?” or “why would you do this?” spewed from her mouth. His identity is stripped from him, and feelings of self-hate overtake his developing mind. Understanding one’s sexuality is a process and most certainly is not a choice, even though the popular belief says otherwise. Asking someone to pinpoint the exact moment when they “knew” can never be answered. Sexuality takes time to dissect and understand. Jennifer Stuart, a psychologist at the UF Counseling & Wellness Center, said many start to notice that something within them is different during the prepubescent stage of their life. These feelings are not new for Jack. Around 4 years old, he began to feel different. He had feelings of attraction to other boys in his grade — nothing sexual, only innocent thoughts of admiration to the same sex. After coming out, Jack’s father takes him to Hooters in hopes that the objectification of women who simultaneously serve wings will deter his thoughts on his “decision.” According to Stuart, negative parental response can have severe negative side effects on a person’s self worth. That it can create a lot of dissonance, sending a message to the children that something is wrong with them. “A lot of people will experience shame,” Stuart said. “As a kid there’s no way to have the perspective that your parents’ opinion isn’t the only one. They learn how to view the world from their world.” Jack’s mother claims that it is impossible for him to feel this way because he has never been with girl. The fear that his parents will abandon him overrides his drive to remain faithful to the words he stated previously that day. According to the National Health Statistics Reports, 1.8 percent of men identify as gay, 0.4 percent of people identify as bisexual, and 1.5 percent of women identify as lesbian. After the hate he received from his parents, Jack made the long and painful walk back into the closet. In this period, he laid low, refraining from paying any attention to his sexuality. Then he met Connor. Connor was a boy in Jack’s sophomore English class. For the next year he was infatuated with the idea of Connor, but as time went forward, he found himself in an

emotionally manipulative relationship. The fear of being reouted to his family lingered over Jack’s head, preventing him from making the relationship public. His parents had created this internalized fear within him. This fear would soon transform into a spiraling depression that would consume his mind for the remainder of his second year in high school. Family counseling sessions and antidepressants became the new norm for him. Instead of showering him with love and support, his parents didn’t allow him to create meaningful and lasting relationships with his peers. College came sooner than later, and Jack was headed to the University of Alabama. Still tainted with the mentality that heterosexuality is the only form of normal, he strived to create a life for himself that pleased his parents. It didn’t work out for him, and he knew that a change needed to be made in his life in order for him to achieve happiness. Living in a heteronormative society, many in the LGBTQ+ community feel as if their life is already planned for them, e.g., getting hitched and having kids. This feeling is amplified when you’re born to go against it. It only took Jack a year before he realized that he needed to do something. So he transferred to the University of Florida. Because of scholarships, his finances were covered. If his parents were to completely cut him off, he would be able to continue his education. However, many do not have this luxury. Financial support was present, but emotional support from his family was nowhere in sight. As he embarked on his journey at UF, he met a boy named Jimmy who would soon change everything in his life. “I fell absolutely in love with him, and for the first time, it was not based on trying to hide anything,” Jack said. “I was away from home in a new place surrounded by friends that didn’t care. I was immediately surrounded by love.” His parents soon found out through his brother. They ended up cutting him off for about three and a half months. No phone calls were made — only an email ridden with hate from his father. He was unwelcome from going back home unless invited, and was told not to contact any of his family members. The words “you have decided” were said as if he actually has the choice for being who he is. People of the LGBTQ+ community hear those words often. They are told that by coming out, they are choosing their lifestyle. These words can strip someone of their identity, making them feel as if something is wrong with them and that their feelings are invalid. “After a lifetime of being told that when one of us is suffering, the family rallies around the rest of us — instead, I couldn’t even get a phone call from them,” Jack said. In this period, the only thing Jack could do was let time heal. He returned to counseling and antidepressants to prevent himself from returning to the self-hate that used to run his mind. When he needed his family the most, they were absent. He found support through his partner [Jimmy] and friends.

Society

“

In terms of my expression, I have changed a lot. I also feel so much more comfortable in who I am. No longer am I forcing anything. No longer am I compensating for anything anymore.

I feel free. ”

His partner gave him the love that his family refused to give. Although Jack felt isolated from his family, he said he was lucky because he was consistently surrounded by friends who loved and supported him unconditionally. “The key for me is that I wanted to show them that the only thing that changed was that I trusted them with the truth,” Jack said. “I wasn’t just telling them 80 percent of who I was — I was telling them everything.” Jack didn’t change as a person. He still has a drive to succeed and he still has the same sense of humor. “It was hard not to hate them,” Jack said. Instead of trying to prove something to his family as a form of revenge, he shifted his motives to proving that the same amazing young man they raised didn’t vanish. “It was never about revenge; it was about showing them how their mentality and judgment towards the LGBTQ+ community can truly have a toll on someone, especially their son,” Jack said. He pointed out that the main fear for parents with children that identify as LGBTQ+ is that when they come out, they lose everything about their child that they love. He went on to say that there’s no obligation to stay the same or to constantly prove that you are the same person worthy of their love. But in certain cases, it seems to be the only thing that works. “In terms of my expression I have changed a lot. I also feel so much more comfortable in who I am,” Jack said. “No longer am I forcing anything. No longer am I compensating for anything anymore. I feel free.” He went on to explain that when everything is out on the table, it acts as a catalyst for a stronger parental relationship that you cannot have unless you’re completely open. “Your sexuality is not all of you, but how much of your day is dictated by who you are attracted to?” Jack asked. “How many

things are you doing and hiding from your parents? You cannot have a meaningful, true relationship with a person unless they know all of you.” It also makes it hard for some to see the validity and worth of coming out when the media fails to adequately represent functioning couples in the LGBTQ+ community. “On television, never did I see a happy and functional gay relationship,” He said. “It was easy for me to believe that they didn’t exist.” It’s not your responsibility to make your parents love you. You’re not responsible for remaining stagnant. Your parents are just afraid of losing everything they love about you. “For a long time that’s the way I thought it was,” Jack said. “It made it easy for me to believe my mother when she said she didn’t see me happy in a gay relationship because I had no evidence to go against her.” Jack’s relationship with Jimmy never solved this feeling. It wasn’t until he took time to build a relationship with himself that he truly began to see the beauty of his identity. “There was no accountability for each other because we were too busy hiding each other from the rest of the world,” Jack said. “It took me such a long time for me to believe that it was a good thing — that this was all just circumstantial and that I was just some anomaly.” *This name was changed to preserve anonymity.

Love Spicing Up Your Relationship The Ultimate Sex Playlist Going the Distance for Love The Talk

Love

Spicing Up Your Relationship In a relationship rut? We’ve got all the tips you need to get cozy with your partner again. Story and Photos by Shelby Davidson

t’s strange that there is such a thing as being too comfortable, especially when talking about relationships. Whether it’s a matter of spending numerous years together or maybe workplace issues that translate into the home, it is common to get stuck in the monotony of a union. After spending ample time getting to know someone, learning about their past and family history and discovering their preferences and dislikes, it is easy to find yourself at a standstill. It seems that everything to be done has already been accomplished, and the only way is down. However, Isabell Springer, PhD, a marriage and family therapist in Gainesville and the founder of LovEd, a relationship education organization, says otherwise. According to Springer, the underlying issue in most relationships is the lack of satisfaction each individual feels about his or her own life, which consequently translates into a relationship void of excitement and gratification. “It’s not an age thing; it’s a people thing,” Springer said. “I think how we feel about ourselves is what gets played out into the relationship.” Although Springer emphasizes that rebuilding the passion in a relationship is more of an internal growth, we have some quick suggestions that can put couples back on the path to a loving and fiery relationship. Think of these as icebreakers, leading into the bigger picture of reigniting the flame.

1 O&B MAG

Plan a romantic experience together A day or night planned for just you and your significant other can make a world of a difference. Sometimes it’s important to take a step back from the hustle and bustle of the everyday work schedule and appreciate who your partner is as a person. Sit down for a dinner of Italian comfort food at Manuel’s Vintage Room in Gainesville, where you can get cozy in the intimate atmosphere of brick walls and wooden floors. The passion of a relationship stems from closeness and connection, according to Springer, so being in a cozy environment might help in moving toward those feelings of intimacy again. Downtown Gainesville is conducive for romantic evenings in general, with well-decorated outdoor areas around restaurants and bars, so even taking a stroll around town can be beneficial. Spend time just talking and getting to know one another again. Romanticism does not only thrive at night either — don’t hesitate to plan a day trip to the Alachua County Farmer’s Market next Saturday morning. The early hours of the morning can be just as intimate as a late-night walk in the city lights. Plus, at the market you can remind your SO what your favorite homemade dishes are and plan some meals to cook for the upcoming week. One activity can lead to another and maybe you will even discover something new about one another. “It’s a lot a deeper than just a date night though,” Springer said. “It is about learning and growing emotionally together — a scary but exciting adventure to take.” In other words, one night out will not fix your relationship rut. This is just the beginning.

Redecorate the Bedroom for a more Intimate Vibe When people are dissatisfied with their lives, they don’t show up for their relationship, Springer said. This can include emotionally, mentally or physically, where one partner is lacking because of unhappiness with his or her own life and contributions. Maybe the

once safe haven, the bedroom, has now become a platform for argument and neglect. It is important to remember when you once wanted to love on your SO behind closed doors and talk about the ups and downs of the day in the safety of the bedroom. One way to promote this adjustment would be redecorating the room to create a more intimate atmosphere. With mood lighting from neutralcolored lamps, string lights and candles, it creates a more relaxed atmosphere for you and your SO. When trying to reignite the flame, it is also important to create fluidity and affection with things like draped sheets, warm colors like mahogany and beige, and lots of fluffy pillows. In Gainesville, there are great interior designing businesses like Jerome H. Davis Interiors that can also help with creating a more intimate setting for your refined relationship. Once again, the room does not fix the root problem, but it will create a more intimate setting conducive for passion and intensity.

She suggests attending workshops or learning about the languages of love, as people can express affection through words, gifts or actions. Gainesville offers an abundance of activities to do as partners that promote Springer’s ideas of couple growth and relationship building on the internal, emotional level. Jai Prem yoga with Keri Johnson challenges couples to develop trust and communication through laughter and play in partner yoga, while ballroom dancing lessons at Imperial Dance Studio allow for closeness and mentally challenging exercises. There are even more casual activities like cooking classes at the Fat Tuscan restaurant. What is important here is learning how to work together again and being almost symbiotic. “Being authentic together in the relationship… that is how you feel that desire, love and connection again,” Springer said. relationship… that is how you feel that connection again,” Springer said.

Take a fun "couples class" or attend a workshop

It is one thing to be able to focus on yourself and grow as an individual, but it is equally as important to advance as a couple. Springer said personal growth together is a huge concept when rebuilding successful relationships, where couples can create closeness in love by experiencing things together.

Do something spontaneous

Because a relationship might be lacking in adventure and discovery, those same things can be translated into doing more spontaneous things together as a couple. Living life on the edge can actually bring individuals closer together because one’s SO is almost like their safe haven. Although Gainesville is no Bora Bora, there are plenty of things to do that may help in growing the passion and excitement of a relationship. Stargazing at Paynes Prairie is both mysterious and romantic, as it is one of the darkest and most rural spots in the city. Even taking scuba gear to search the depths of Devil’s Den can bring a new dimension to the relationship with the exhilaration of exploring beautiful new territory. For a true mental and physical test as a couple, you can even head to Devil’s Millhopper, where you have to scale down 212 steps to get to the bottom of the unique geological formation. But as Springer emphasizes, doing couple-building activities are not what can mend a relationship, but rather the connection and intimacy that stems from those activities. “Having fun, the passion, spicing it up is not about an activity,” Springer said. “It’s about closeness, and we use activities for closeness.”

THE ULTIMATE

PLAYLIST Story and Photo by Jeremiah Corley

Ebut it’s an entirely different act. A healthy sex life is

veryone has sex. It’s like that book “Everyone Poops,”

nothing to be ashamed of – it’s part of human nature. Even WebMD says that sex “helps keep your immune system humming.” There are numerous articles describing how one can improve his or her sex life, but they are usually only representative of heterosexual white couples. Publications like Cosmopolitan magazine cater to said demographic, but what about everyone else? According to a study that Apple Music and Sonos conducted, couples that listen to music out loud have sex 2.5 times per week. The two companies hired neurologist Dr. Daniel J. Levitin to conduct the study. The findings also suggested that music increases togetherness and has lead to 67 percent more sex worldwide. There are numerous ways that couples can spice it up in the bedroom, but many disregard external stimuli that can enhance the spark between two people. The lyrics of Marvin Gaye or Donna Summer can ignite sensual body movements and explicit dialogue. Or even the modern sounds of artists like The Weeknd or Beyoncé can produce creative explorations of your partner’s body.

Music is more than just corporate-produced tracks, depending on the artist. Sounds that have been crafted with detail can evoke feelings within us that we did not know we could experience. Music is so central to our culture and can be showcased in many different forms. Before you go to bed with your partner, create a playlist that is designated for sex. Use music that’s going to set the mood and keep it diverse. You want to refrain from listening to incessant pop music or anything that’s too abrasive. Delving into the sounds of Erykah Badu or even TLC allows for creative expression to flow between the two individuals – or more if you’re into that. Mixing music from the past and the present eliminates the monotony that can arise during sex. The songs listed to the left are a mere suggestion and catalyst for you to create your own. The playlist is an incorporation of many different genres and decades in order to cater to a variety of tastes. Everyone’s preferences and interests vary, but you have complete autonomy on how and where you want to have sex. Before your next sexual journey, delve into the external stimuli that can enhance your experience. The more enjoyable the sex is with your partner, the more that intimacy will rise within your relationship.

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Love

Going the Distance for

By Christine Alvarez Photos by Christine Alvrez and Courtesy of Victoria Verdeja and Dustin Mashburn

Dustin Mashburn poses with a photo of his wife, Patricia, who currently lives in Germany

What would you do if 336 miles stood between you and the love of your life? 42

Victoria Verdeja poses with a photo of her long-distance boyfriend, Manny Alvarez

Now what if that number was 4,762? Long-distance relationships can be challenging, and this idea came as no surprise to 21-year-old Victoria Verdeja. Verdeja met her boyfriend Manny Alvarez, 24, the summer before heading to Gainesville to start her freshman year at the University of Florida. It was a hot Miami afternoon when Verdeja’s friend invited her out on a boat with her older brother and his friends, including Alvarez. Verdeja was interested in Alvarez, but the two didn’t start dating until June 2014, almost a year later. Their relationship was blissful. They took advantage and spent whatever time they could with each

other in Miami, knowing it would only be a short few months before Verdeja had to go back to Gainesville for school. That’s when the bombshell dropped that would change both of their lives forever. In July 2014, Alvarez was diagnosed with Alveolar Soft Part Sarcoma (ASPS). According to the Manny Alvarez Foundation’s website, ASPS is a pediatric cancer that affects children and young adults and has very limited treatment options. Now, Verdeja and Alvarez needed to tackle not only the obstacles found in every normal relationship, but also those obstacles from a rare form of cancer. “At the time, we didn’t really know just how bad it was because nobody

knew anything about it,” Verdeja said. “But it didn’t matter what it was. We were going to fight it.” Verdeja went back to Gainesville to start her sophomore year at UF. She said she realized that the secret to dealing with the distance was to keep herself busy and deal with things as they came. Fortunately, in the beginning, the couple never went more than two weeks without seeing each other. Verdeja would make the drive to Miami, and Alvarez would come to Gainesville. However, it wasn’t always that easy. When Alvarez started receiving treatment for his disease at different hospitals across the country, Verdeja would try to travel to wherever he was, including Maryland and Texas. “The money that it takes to fly everywhere that he needs to go isn’t always there, so sometimes I have to stay behind for treatment,” she said. In addition to the difficulty of traveling, the couple was hit the hardest when Alvarez had to have surgery in May 2015. Alvarez had a partial femur and partial knee replacement to remove a tumor that had compromised the integrity of his femur, Verdeja said. “The recovery is still going but he was in the hospital for a week and I stayed with him,” she said. “He wanted me to be there.” Verdeja stood by his side the entire time until she had to start her internship at Rock Orange, a public relations firm in Miami. Although the internship added more stress on the distance, it proved to be beneficial in the end. “I helped his family create the Manny Alvarez Foundation, which raises money for research and awareness about the disease because it is so rare,” Verdeja said. When the foundation needed to raise $300,000 for a chemotherapy treatment Alvarez needed, the employees at Rock Orange helped Verdeja whatever way they could. They helped her create the foundation’s website from the ground up, and they helped her reach media outlets to bring attention to Alvarez’s disease. As a result, the crowdsourcing page they created was able to raise the money they needed in just five days. In the end, the chemotherapy didn’t work. It made Alvarez really sick and he lost a lot of weight in the process.

However, this was only just another obstacle that the couple needed to face, and they endured it together. Currently, Alvarez is stable and travels to Houston, Texas, every other week to receive experimental treatment through clinical trials at the MD Anderson Cancer Center. The couple has been going strong for almost two years. “We haven’t been able to see each other as much as we’d like to,” Verdeja said. “But it’s just life.” Dustin Mashburn, 25, who also resides in Gainesville, has the same mindset when it comes to his long-distance relationship. However, whenever he goes to visit his wife, Patricia Mashburn, he needs to purchase an international flight instead of a domestic one. Dustin Mashburn’s wife is originally from Germany, and she is currently attending dental school in Aachen, North Rhine-Westphalia. She is also an officer in the German Navy. The couple met through Irena, a mutual friend’s wife. Irena left the states and went back to Germany to attend dental school, where she met and became close friends with Patricia Mashburn. Dustin Mashburn and Irena maintained contact and spoke about the possibility of him going to Germany for his master’s degree. He said that when he finally made the decision to do his master’s program in Germany, Irena told him about a friend he should meet, which turned out to be his future wife. Irena put the two in contact with each other and soon after, they were communicating every day. After almost three months, Dustin Mashburn decided to do the unexpected. “Everything was working so great that I was like you know what, forget it, I’m just going to book a flight over there to Germany and surprise her for her birthday,” he said. Dustin Mashburn flew to Germany in March 2015 to see Patricia for the first time. He surprised her at the small birthday gathering that Irena had set up for her. “Pretty much from there, everything just went downhill in a good way,” he said. “Everything just snowballed and accumulated and before we knew it, that summer we were married.” The couple started visiting each

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as time went on and schedules grew busier, the visits decreased to as little as twice a year. “With school and work, it’s extremely hard. It’s not comparable to a three- or four-hour drive to another city in Florida,” Dustin Mashburn said. “You’re talking about a flight, the time difference (and) the monetary aspect. There’s a bunch of different factors.” Dustin Mashburn plans to graduate from UF in August 2016 and move to Germany soon after. Until then, he will see his wife only one more time in a five-month period. Dustin Mashburn said that dealing with long distance as a married couple differs greatly from just dating. “As a boyfriend and girlfriend in a long-distance relationship, a lot more things can slide because you’re still sort of living your own independent lives and they’re not intertwined and correlated with one another,” he said. “But when you’re married, every single decision that you make has to be together.” In that aspect, Dustin Mashburn said that technological advances like FaceTime have become saviors. “If that didn’t exist, I honestly don’t see how I could really even do this,” he said. “It’s not that I don’t care and love for her, but that distance and that gap is just larger and larger every day that you spend apart so if you don’t have (FaceTime) to see each other’s face and bring you back, I feel that would just be so detrimental to the relationship.” However, even through all the hardships and obstacles, Dustin Mashburn said everything will be worth it in the end. “Everything is taxing and it takes a toll, but I feel that in a sense, it has made our relationship stronger,” he said. Whether it’s by using technology or traveling thousands of miles, making a long-distance relationship last can be difficult, but it is definitely possible. The sacrifices and distance might be challenging, but at the end of the day, going the distance for love will always be worth it for the right person. *To learn more about sarcoma and how you can help, visit www.spearsarcoma.com.

10 Tips For Strengthening Your Long-Distance Relationship

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Use technology like FaceTime or Skype to talk to each other at least once a week. Talking on the phone is just not enough sometimes, and seeing your partner’s face can be comforting. Make sure there is consistent communication every day. Even if both of you have busy schedules, planning time to speak or communicate with each other is essential. Make sure you have the same expectations from each other in the relationship. Both of you need to be aware and acknowledge the sacrifices that will have to be made to make it work. Visit each other as often as possible. You should always know when you’re going to see your partner next. Ask each other creative questions. Because you can’t spend much time with them in person to get to know them, asking unique questions will help open the relationship and make it more comfortable. Plan vacations together. Visiting each other is great, but planning small getaways will help spice up the relationship and keep it fun. Send each other selfies and photos! Sending a photo of something you want to tell your partner about instead of just texting will help make you feel like you’re there with them. Know each other’s schedules. Whether it’s school or work, knowing when your partner is busy will be very helpful when trying to communicate. Make friends with your partner’s friends whenever you go visit. Having friends or other couples to hang out with will help you forget about the distance when you’re together. Send each other letters or gifts. Distance shouldn’t stop you from doing something nice for your partner, and it will give them something to remind them of you.

THE TALK

Love

A Parent’s Guide to Preparing for the Unavoidable

By Edwin Exaus

There are many conversations that parents will have with their children, and the most common one harbors the name “birds and the bees.” A few families avoid having the “talk” out of fear of exposing their child to the complicated world of sex, and to be honest, it is uncomfortable. But human sexuality is a normal part of development and children will be exposed to it at one point or another. Being open, honest and using age-appropriate terms is the best way to approach this conversation. Vague responses typically work for toddlers and preschoolers, but older kids will ask specific questions such as “What’s an erection?” or “How does someone masturbate?”

As a parent, the primary goal is to protect your child from harm — whether it is emotionally, physically or mentally. You are seen as the protector. So it’s best if you are the first to discuss the topic with them rather than their friends. Anne Saintilus, former MiamiDade Health Department supervisor, answers a few common questions that parents ask most.

O&B: What is an appropriate age to talk to your child about sex? Does that age change if there are older siblings? AS: In the 1980s, I would’ve said the appropriate age to talk to

your child about sex would be 16-17 years old. Most kids around that time experienced sex at prom. Now, it is ideal to talk to them while they are in elementary school. Through sex education, schoolage children are starting to learn about anal and oral sex in the fourth grade (great thing parents can exempt their child from that). The age shouldn’t change because of older siblings. If a parent builds trust, a strong bond and communicates with the child before he or she engages in any form of sexual activity, they will think twice or come to the parent before.

O&B: What should be avoided when having this conversation? AS: Absolutely nothing! You should initially ask your child what

he or she knows about sex and then take it from there. Of course you shouldn’t talk to a 12-year-old the same way you would talk to an 18-year-old, but let them know the importance of waiting. If they have the urge to want to experience sex, they should come and talk to you first. Honest and open communication is key.

only takes one time, that one person, for you to catch a noncurable sexually transmitted disease.

O&B: How does the parent get the child to be comfortable enough to talk? AS: Communication is the key to any relationship. O&B: What do you do if the child had sex prior to the conversation? AS: Sit your child down and have an open conversation. Take

your child to the doctor to make sure he or she did not expose themselves to any diseases. But don’t scare them because they may shut down.

O&B: Who should have the conversation? Mom? Dad? AS: Mom if it’s a daughter, and dad if it’s a son. If dad is not in

the picture, have a brother, uncle or grandfather talk to him. A child will open up and relate more with the same sex as opposed to the opposite sex.

O&B: Should there be a follow-up conversation after the preliminary sex talk? AS: Absolutely! You always want to remind your child that you are here for them whenever they want to talk about school, sex, relationships, etc. Make the child feel comfortable around you. Build that parent/friendship relationship.

O&B: What is the best method to present the dangers of unprotected sex? Pamphlets? Pictures? Graphics? Stats?

O&B: Is there anything else you would like to share?

AS: Going on a trip to the clinic and talking to doctors and nurses

last thing you want is for them to get advice from friends who know nothing. Do not act like your child is oblivious to what is going on because believe it or not, they learn, hear and see everything in school and on television. So educate your child before someone else does it for you!

is the best method for displaying the dangers of unprotected sex. Sometimes you have to take the child to where all the testing, treatments and counseling takes place so they can understand that sex is not all fun and games. A lot kids don’t understand that it

AS: Always try to be as honest and open with your child. The

Health Local Alternatives to the Gym Finding Comfort Through Sweat, Dirt and Tears Providing Comfort to Those Who Need it Most Fit + Comfy Recovering from the Loss of a Leg

Health

Gainesville's Hidden Gems:

Local Alternatives to the Gym By Shelby Davidson Photos By Baylor Cherry

side from the appeal of shiny lifting equipment, freshly laundered towels and some semi-attractive personal trainers with cheap rates, the gym can be a very uninviting place; especially for those who don’t like the “all eyes on you” feeling while exercising. Whether you are uncomfortable being exposed at such a public place or you simply feel embarrassed because gym knowledge is not your forte, you’ll be happy to know there are other options. If admiring other people’s chiseled abs in the mirror and sitting on sweaty bench seats isn’t your thing, there are some great local alternative options to hitting the gym that don’t involve the judgement or discomfort felt in a gym setting. As the largest city in Alachua County with a variety of outdoor parks and scenic locations, Gainesville is the perfect place to explore for someone who isn’t a fan of barbells and biceps. Here are some hidden gems in Gainesville for all types of individuals willing to explore the wild outdoors.

For Nature Lovers: San Felasco Hammock Preserve State Park As one of the only remaining mature forests in Florida, according to the Florida State Parks website, this scenic location is perfect for running, hiking, walking or even biking. John Pricher, the executive director of Visit Gainesville, said the fact that you’re immersed in nature once you get on the trail is what makes this site so unique. “It gives you a much different feeling than running on the side of the road,” Pricher said. “You’re really in the midst of the forest.” There are several different links and paths to take, some taking workouts as far as eight miles and others lasting for only a short mile. If you were to run the bike trail, Pricher said, there are different elevation changes and ground changes that help provide more difficulty with the workout. San Felasco Hammock Preserve State Park is the perfect aerobic haven for nature lovers and animal lovers alike, because there is even a chance to see a variety of creatures while exercising.

For Paved Roads: Gainesville-Hawthorne Trail Let’s say you are extremely clumsy and will fall while running a trail, or maybe you have weaker joints that cannot handle the unsteady ground of a nature-ridden location. If you fall into one of these categories, or you are simply looking for a steady, paved path to run and walk on, the Gainesville-Hawthorne Trail is the perfect option. There are various connectors around Gainesville, Pricher said, but the main entrance is on Southeast 15th Street, extending for about 70 miles. The first few miles of the trail encompass part of Paynes Prairie, another scenic area south of Gainesville recognized as a U.S. National Natural Landmark, and there are varying elevations so your legs are sure to be feeling the burn. Pricher said the best part about Gainesville-Hawthorne Trail is that anyone can work out there. “Even if you want to exercise and you may have an infirmity, even if you have a walker… anything is eligible,” Pricher said.

Loblolly Woods

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For Sunbathing: Sweetwater Wetlands Park While some individuals prefer to exercise in the confines of a gym because they don’t have to worry about sun exposure, others want to catch some rays while working out. Sweetwater Wetlands Park, which Pricher said opened this past October through GRU, is ideal for the latter. With lime rock, gravel-type trails that extend for more than 3.5 miles and boardwalks galore, the park serves as a scenic and adventurous workout site, although its main objective is different. “Its primary purpose is to filter water that goes into Paynes Prairie and act as a natural filtration center,” Pricher said. Early morning is the best time to visit Sweetwater Wetlands Park because the heat can get brutal as the day goes on. Plus, it’s far more breathtaking to see the more than 125 acres of wetlands and ponds with a sunrise behind them. With a couple loops and minimal shade, this park is ideal for nature walks, bird-watching and running, Pricher said.

For Strong Legs: Devil's Millhopper Geological State Park Who says working out in a bowl-shaped cavity that extends for 120 feet isn’t plausible? This state park is just that, with rows and rows of stairs leading into a miniature rainforest at the bottom. Pricher said this is “definitely different” from a traditional trail or state park, but that is just another reason Gainesville proves to be a unique city with a variety of workout locations. You can expect a mental and physical challenge from this park because the 120 feet of stairs do not compare to the generic Stairmaster at the gym. Pricher even mentioned it is no easy feat. “I coached baseball for a while and we took the kids out there to condition a few times,” Pricher said. “It was a great test of their toughness.” So whether you’re looking for a little punishment or maybe a boost of mental confidence, try working out in Devil’s Millhopper Geological State Park.

For Traditional But Scenic: Loblolly Woods + Gainesville Solar Walk As an experienced competitive distance runner, this is one of my personal favorites. If you are looking for a challenge in terms of length and change in terrain, this is a great workout for you. The Loblolly Woods begin along 34th Street in Gainesville, where you follow a dark, wooded trail that has multiple wooden stumps to trip on and spider webs that will entwine your limbs. And if you’re wondering, yes, I have fallen multiple times running this portion. The next segment lands on Northwest Eighth Avenue at the Gainesville Solar Walk, which was actually created as a public art project with various sculptures representing each planet in the solar system. The planets are to scale, and each individual sculpture has a quote and various stones embedded, creating a scenic and interesting route for a run. Near the end of Northwest Eighth Avenue, you can find another section of the Loblolly Woods, which continues onto a boardwalk. Rain or shine, this workout will have your body sweating and your mind spinning.

Loblolly Woods Gainesville Solar Walk

Health

FINDING

THROUGH

•

• BY CHRISTINE ALVAREZ

“The

happiest people spend their money on experience, not material things,” Jim Gregorios said as he looked over and smiled at his wife. Gregorios and his wife, Heather Voet, have found their happiness in something most people find uncomfortable: physical challenges. Gregorios and Voet have never met a challenge they couldn’t complete. Gregorios, 42, and Voet, 44, first met at the University of Florida in the Filipino Student Association. They were always relatively active and played intramural sports together. The two started dating and eventually got engaged after they graduated and left Gainesville in 1999. They moved to Boca Raton in South Florida, where they started corporate jobs and got married in 2001. After spending most of their free time planning the wedding, when it was all over, the couple didn’t know what to do next. In search of their next adventure, Gregorios and Voet’s trainer at the gym asked them if they had ever been mountain biking. “We had these $99 Wal-Mart bikes, and he took us mountain biking, and they completely fell apart on the first ride,” Voet said. “The seat broke, the brake cables broke, but we came out and we were absolutely hooked. That’s sort of what started it all.” This brief exposure to extreme sports kept them wanting more. The couple decided to try their first triathlon, which

involved swimming, cycling and running over various distances. “We did a sprint triathlon and it was horrible,” Gregorios said. “We almost died.” Voet chimed in and said the couple actually survived the race, but they were unprepared, especially with the swimming portion. Gregorios and Voet also completed several 5K races, which they said were equally as awful. However, they continued to compete in mountain bike races until they found their passion: adventure racing. “Adventure racing is an off-road sport where you do mountain biking, trail running, kayaking or canoeing, and it has this navigation aspect so you’re getting checkpoints and you’re navigating with a map and a compass,” Voet said. There are different adventure races that vary by distance and time. Their first race was three hours long, which wasn’t enough for the couple. “Eventually we ended up doing a 36-hour adventure race,” Voet said. “We drew the line at that,” Gregorios added. “At that point it wasn’t fun anymore.” However, the couple said that adventure racing will always be their first love and that they will always go back to it. “We actually ended up doing pretty decent. We won a couple of our races in our division,” Gregorios said. “Not because we were the fastest team, but because we were the steadiest.”

Once they conquered adventure racing, the couple was ready to move on to something more challenging: the marathon. They trained and completed their first marathon, the Disney Marathon, in 2005. “Then we said we’re never doing another marathon,” Gregorios said. “Unless we do an Iron Man, which was a joke at that time,” Voet added. Voet also said that although the marathon went well, it only involved straight running for a really long time and that it’s more fun to do other things. “By that point we also learned that you can train for anything as long as you prepare yourself for it,” Gregorios said. So with that, almost 10 years after their first marathon, they started training for their first Iron Man in Panama City Beach in 2014. They trained for six months and even hired a swim coach. When the day finally came, the swimming portion of the race was canceled due to inclement weather. The couple was devastated. “We didn’t want to go through a whole other year of training again, so we looked for the next closest Iron Man, and it was in Naples in January of 2015,” Gregorios said, looking at the bright side.

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“We got to do the whole thing,” Voet said excitedly. “The swim was the easiest part.” After conquering their first Iron Man, the couple started looking for something to quench their thirst for more adventure. One of their friends told them about a Spartan Race cruise in the Bahamas that was happening in March 2015. The cruise would be through Norwegian Cruise Line, and the Spartan Race would be on their private island in the Bahamas. “We were like okay, sign us up!” Voet said. The couple accepted the invitation and completed their first Spartan Sprint, which involved various obstacles over 3 to 5 miles. They were hooked and they wanted more. “We were like, ‘What’s the hardest thing you have? We want to do that one,’” Gregorios said. According to the couple, in the Spartan Race world, there is the ‘sprint,’ the ‘super,’ which is more than 8 miles, the ‘beast,’ which is more than 13 miles, and the ‘ultrabeast,’ which is 31 miles and 72 obstacles in less than 14 hours. Over the course of 2015, the couple completed nine Spartan Races, which equaled almost 100 miles. They finished three ‘sprints,’ three ‘supers,’ two ‘beasts’ and one ‘ultrabeast.’ “We found out that if you do a ‘sprint,’ a ‘super’ and a ‘beast’ all in one year, there’s a thing called a trifecta that you get,” Gergorios said. “We got a triple trifecta.” Gregorios also said the ‘ultrabeast’ has only a 20 percent finishing rate and that the couple was beyond excited they were able to complete it – even though they would never do it again. Gregorios and Voet said the best part about competing in Spartan Races is that they get to travel. “We’re super fortunate,” Voet said. “You’re traveling the country, seeing these amazing places with your best friends doing these races. That’s what it’s about.” The couple has completed races in Colorado, California, Alabama, Virginia and New Jersey, just to name a few.

Above: Jim Gregorios and his wife, Heather Voet, crawl through the snow during their Spartan Race in Breckenridge, Colorado. The altitude and weather didn’t stop the couple from completing their first Spartan ‘Beast’ in June 2015. Photo courtesy of the Spartan Race website. Right: Jim Gregorios rappels along a canyon in Utah. Although they have moved on and started competing in other races such as Spartan Race and Iron Man, Gregorios and his wife said that adventure races will always be their first love. Photo courtesy of Jim Gregorios.

In order to keep up with their training and to challenge themselves in between Spartan Races, Gregorios and Voet would compete in other races, such as triathlons and mud races. Currently, the couple trains six days a week with the Running Man Club in Gainesville. “The Running Man Club is a free club started by Andy Farina (who works at Gainesville Health and Fitness),” Gregorios said. “They do free regular group workouts

with the theme being ‘better together.’” Voet said the club is cool because they train and work out with people of all ages, and they all have the same passions as each other. “We do all this crazy exercise stuff and we forget that normal people don’t do that,” Gregorios said. When asked about their craziest adventure, Gregorios said that skydiving is on the top of his list. However, he does not do it regularly and Voet has never had the desire to do it. “Skydiving isn’t really about pushing yourself,” Gregorios said. The couple agreed that skydiving isn’t physically hard, and that

they prefer to do activities where they can test their physical limits. That’s the reason why they keep racing. “It’s always pushing that envelope of what I can do and what does make you uncomfortable because I think that’s where you grow the most,” Voet said. “People can do so many more things than they think they are capable of. You just have to be able to push yourself through that.” Gregorios said it takes a certain kind of person to do these things. “Some people get out of their comfort zone and they don’t like it, they stop or they go back,” Gregorios said. “Some people get in it and they like it. They thrive in it. Not everybody has that.” The couple plans on doing more races in the future, including completing a double trifecta in 2016. They want to complete one of the trifectas in just one weekend in Hawaii. Gregorios and Voet also want to branch out and try different races, such as BattleFrog and GORUCK. At the end of the day, the couple said they will never stop racing. They will always look for the next challenge, and see where their next adventure takes them. “You only have one life,” Gregorios said. “So you have to do as much as you can in that life.”

Health

PROVIDING COMFORT To Those Who

NEED IT MOST Story and Photos by Victoria Messina

ospital. The word alone triggers thoughts of cold hallways, beeping machines, sterile gloves and lonely waiting rooms. But at UF Health Shands Children’s Hospital in Gainesville, Florida, there’s a light at the end of the hallway for teen patients looking for a way to escape it all. And it’s called Streetlight.

Founded at the children’s hospital in 2005, Streetlight is a peer support program for adolescents and young adults living with chronic illnesses. The name of the program emphasizes its core purpose: finding the light and normalcy from the outside world and using peers to bring that light inside hospital walls. The carriers of that light are approximately 65 University of Florida undergraduate student volunteers who form relationships with patients in an effort to alleviate the stress and anxiety of their hospital experience. Medicine can undoubtedly aid a patient in tremendous ways. But medicine can’t talk to a patient about sports or celebrity crushes or challenge a patient in a head-to-head Mario Kart competition. From intense video game tournaments and board games to billiards competitions and casual one-on-one conversations, Streetlight volunteers seek to take patients’ minds off their illness. For one former Streetlight volunteer, the impact she had on the lives of her patient friends was enough to keep her coming back beyond college graduation. Emily Sullivan, who began volunteering with Streetlight in 2009 while attending UF, left behind her law school dreams and became the program’s director in 2014. “My heart did not beat during those (law school-related) experiences in the same way it did when I was at the hospital,” she said. “I felt alive when I was in a patient room, like that time was the most meaningful and real way I could be spending my time.” Sullivan now leads Streetlight in hopes of showing volunteers and patients the power of peer companionship as a means of coping with life-threatening illnesses. In terms of the program’s positive impacts, it’s a two-way road. Volunteers seek to make patients feel the realness of their friendships, the validation that they’re important and that they have an identity outside of their disease, Sullivan said. But on the flipside, she said volunteers experience notable personal transformations while partnering with a patient going through the final stages of their life. “These moments expose the harshness of life and loss, but the assurance we are not alone,” she said. “Our mantra in Streetlight is ‘We get to carry each other.’ That carrying is mutual if it is real.” Take a moment to think back to your teenage years. All you wanted was independence from your parents, your forehead was most likely pimple-ridden, and you were on the brink of figuring out yourself and the world around you. Now imagine throwing a life-

Gabriel Dantzler, left, and Michael Starling don their Streetlight volunteer shirts in the hallway of UF Health Shands Children's Hospital.

threatening illness into the mix. Sounds pretty intimidating, right? These cards were dealt to Gabriel Dantzler on September 9, 2008. It was a sunny Tuesday afternoon in Costa Rica, and he was on his lunch break, which loosely translated to “soccer break” on his terms because he and his friends always chose playing the sport over eating. When Dantzler, then 14 years old, attempted to block his opponent’s shot at the upper left corner of the goal, he slipped. Though he tried to break the fall with his arm as he came down on the concrete field, it wasn’t enough. “It hurt like a motherf***er,” he recalled. He immediately knew something was wrong with his shoulder, so he was rushed to the hospital, where he underwent X-rays and emergency surgery. And that was when they found it — a small tumor in his shoulder, quite the unexpected surprise. A few weeks later, doctors told him the official diagnosis: Ewing’s sarcoma, an extremely rare and aggressive type of cancer that affects fewer than 1,000 patients in the U.S. per year.

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But rather than letting this unanticipated news get the best of him, Dantzler took it in stride. “I wasn’t shocked. It was weird,” he said. “I’m a very logical person. So I was just like, ‘Okay, what do we need to do? What’s the game plan?’” Unfortunately, Dantzler’s game plan couldn’t come to fruition in his home country of Costa Rica due to a lack of technological innovation. One move led to another, and he ended up in the small town of Gainesville, Florida, at Shands Children’s Hospital. By the time he arrived in April 2009, the untreated cancer had spread, and the original tumor in his shoulder had grown to the size of a football. Chemotherapy and radiation were the remedies doctors chose for Dantzler, and when the two are given simultaneously, they take quite the toll on patients. These treatments brought on a wave of emotions and side effects. After having to stay in an isolation room due to his low immunity levels, Danztler felt depressed and overwhelmed. And that’s when Streetlight came into the picture. Though the program offers both one-on-one visitation sessions and Teen Lounge sessions, where patients can hang out with volunteers and other patients while playing board games and other activities, Danztler recalled that the personal visitations are what helped him cope the most.

“ALL YOU SEE IS DOCTORS AND NURSES WHEN THEY COME IN AND OUT. YOU FEEL LONELY; YOU FEEL BORED. THAT WAS WHAT WAS GREAT ABOUT STREETLIGHT IS THAT ONCE THEY COME IN, YOU WEREN’T SO BORED. YOU HAD THAT PERSON THERE TO TALK TO.” “They just hung out with me and provided me the comfort, warmth and 'free therapy' of a friend,” he said. “It gave me a distraction from everything that was happening.” This comfort led Dantzler to eventually become a Streetlight volunteer himself, now that his illness is in a stable condition. He helps patients in similar circumstances overcome those same feelings of loneliness, boredom and a loss of identity that he felt while undergoing treatment at UF Health. So what drove him to voluntarily come back into the very building that held him captive for so many months? “For me it was just figuring out how I could give back,” he said. “I’m not a pre-med student, so giving back by being a doctor wasn’t a route I was taking, and volunteering with them is a good way to help others.” But Dantzler is not alone. Of the 65 Streetlight volunteers, there are a handful of former patients who had such a positive experience with the program that they decided to join the team as volunteers to pay it forward. Along with Dantzler is Michael Starling, 28, who was born with spina bifida, an incurable birth defect in which a baby’s spinal cord does not develop properly. Though confined to a Gator sticker-adorned wheelchair, one can’t confine Starling’s smile and contagious sense of humor. Growing up with spina bifida, Starling has undergone a total of 27 surgeries, all of which took place at Shands Children’s Hospital, which he calls his “home away from home.” When he was 21, Starling spent a two-and-ahalf-month period in Shands, and this was when he became very familiar with Streetlight.

“If you think about it, you’re in this hospital room, and you’re looking at four walls and you only have the TV to watch,” he said. “All you see is doctors and nurses when they come in and out. You feel lonely; you feel bored. That was what was great about Streetlight is that once they come in, you weren’t so bored. You had that person there to talk to.” He loved when volunteers came to his room to talk or play checkers, although he admits the board game is not his forte. Over the years, he has developed a unique relationship with Emily Sullivan, the current program director, who was a volunteer when Starling was younger. Similar to Dantzler, Starling decided to join Streetlight in order to give back to a program that helped him get through the rough patches of dealing with his disability. Starling explained that the most rewarding part of Streetlight is connecting with patients who also have spina bifida or similar lifelimiting disabilities. “I come into their room not even knowing that I have the same disability as them, and their first reaction is ‘Why are you in a wheelchair?’” he explained. “I’ll tell them I have spina bifida, and then their eyes light up because it’s like ‘Okay, there’s finally someone that knows what I’m going through.’ It’s an immediate connection.” Both Starling and Danztler appreciate that the program’s volunteers saw them as more than just patients with a disease. The volunteers got to know them on a deeper level — to know more meaningful details of their lives, like Starling’s love for baseball and steak, or Danztler’s affinity for mountain biking and cooking. Both men have experienced both sides of the program — the comfort of being visited by a volunteer while in the hospital, and now the power of providing that specialized comfort as a volunteer. Dantzler explained that “it allows you to grow a compassion and empathy toward the patients later on so that when you’re a doctor, you’re not making the mistakes that we sometimes see doctors make when they’re too harsh or cold and they don’t listen to a patient as a person.” Both Dantzler and Starling hope to continue with the program as long as it remains a staple on the fourth floor of the children’s hospital. With a reassuring nod, Starling said, “I just hope we can do whatever we can to keep it here for a lot longer.” Dantzler and Starling play billiards with two other program volunteers in the Streetlight lounge, which is located on the fourth floor of UF Health Shands Children's Hospital.

Health

Fit + Comfy

Story by Shelby Davidson Photos Courtesy of Jarred Mussen

Working out doesn’t have to be uncomfortable. It’s time to hit the gym with confidence.

t’s strange that inanimate objects like treadmills, free weights and barbells have the ability to intimidate like no other human being can. Whether it’s a layoff, a breakup or maybe an unsuccessful diet that backfired, it’s easy to fall out of a routine at the gym. There’s a multitude of reasons why people feel intimidated by the idea of getting comfortable with working out. Just getting back into the habit of being active and maintaining a workout schedule is one of the first steps to getting comfortable, according to Jarred Mussen, a National Academy of Sports Medicine certified personal trainer. Mussen, who works at Swamp Fitness in Gainesville, said it’s hard enough for some people to start working out in general, so creating self-consistency is key. There is no excuse to be ashamed or nervous to regain control of your health anymore because we have the best tips for you here on getting fit and comfy.

Choose an alternative workout location other than the gym.

Getting fit doesn’t have to happen in the confines of four walls. As Mussen said, it’s pretty common that people don’t feel comfortable in a fitness center setting because they feel intense judgment. Something along the lines of a small-scale apartment complex gym or an outdoor park is more intimate and appropriate for a beginner. “There are lots of great places to get a good workout in, but at the end of the day, it’s all about creating a habit of consistently going to a place you feel comfortable in and making it part of your regular routine,” Mussen said. In Gainesville, he said he has taken clients to spots like Devil’s Millhopper Geological State Park, Westside Recreation Center and Ben Hill Griffin Stadium to eliminate fear of the discomfort that stems from situational judgement. Steer away from large crowds of gym junkies and equipment until you get back into the swing of fitness.

O&B MAG

Find people to work out with.

Go the extra mile with workout attire.

If the financial burden of a personal trainer is far too daunting, find a friend who is on the same fitness level and mental state, or look for a fun class that matches your interests. Once again, the accountability aspect is important because having someone present and motivating is more beneficial than listening to the voices inside your head. Williams said building a workout schedule with someone who matches your ability will gradually help rid the feelings of discomfort to get you to the point of being able to work out alone, whether that be at a gym or outdoors. There is a variety of classes offered in Gainesville that provide alternatives to the typical weightlifting machinery, such as Evolve Pilates and Fitness and Orangetheory Fitness, which have more of a comfortable environment as well. “Whether it’s a trainer, a friend or a group, it provides some accountability,” Mussen said. “It becomes something that’s bigger.” It creates a system where you don’t want to let your friend or group down, and vice versa.

Sometimes changing locations or being in a fitness group is not enough to take away the discomfort that comes with getting back into a workout routine. The good news is that changing workout attire can help with this aspect. For example, wearing longer tights will add an element of security because they provide more coverage. Even going to your favorite athletic store to buy a few new outfits that make you feel great in your skin will be beneficial. Wearing a hat and headphones are an extra plus. Regardless of what you wear or what you choose to do while delving back into exercise, the opinions of others don’t matter and you have to focus on yourself. “I can assure you that nobody is sitting there judging your workouts because it’s all a personal mental game,” Williams said. “Just put in some good music and focus on what you’re doing, and you’ll be reaching your fitness goals in no time.”

Jarred working with Deanna

Take advantage of personal trainers.

Unless you are an intense distance runner like myself, it can be difficult to really push yourself and dig deep for motivation. Having someone like a personal trainer to hold you accountable, especially when you first start working out, can be extremely beneficial in terms of how hard you exercise. “If you’re very new, work with a personal trainer even if it’s just for a month,” Mussen said. “It’s worth the investment.” Certain fitness centers, such as Swamp Fitness, offer month-to-month plans for those who just want to get their feet wet in the fitness pool without strings attached. Roxy Williams, a personal trainer at Gainesville Health and Fitness, also suggests working with a professional because it’s important to have someone show you the ropes. Trainers can provide valuable knowledge that will prevent injury and promote muscular growth.

Jarred running with Megan

Swamp Fitness gets first place in swamp dash

Finding Strength Amid the Pain: Recovering from the Loss of a Leg Story by Victoria Messina Photo Courtesy of Kyra Ketnick

t all started on July 4, 2012. Dr. Frederick Southwick was paddle boarding in Jacksonville Beach, Florida, when he noticed a strange pain in his left calf. Maybe he wasn’t distributing his weight correctly on the board, he thought to himself. But when he made it back to shore and began walking, the same sharp pain persisted. A hot yoga class, massages and stretches were to no avail, but he ignored the symptoms. Eventually, it reached a point when Southwick, a professor at the University of Florida College of Medicine, could barely make it to work. He couldn’t bear the five-blocklong walk from his car to his office building, so he started bringing a bike in his car to make the short commute from the parking lot. That was when Southwick knew something wasn’t right, so he made an appointment for August to get things checked out. Come July 28, the day of a rowing competition, things made a turn for the worse. Southwick recalls competing in three races that day, and barely being able to drive his car home afterward because of the same pain in his left calf. Three sleepless days and nights

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later, his foot turned completely white, and Southwick immediately knew it was ischemic, a term denoting lack of blood flow to a certain part of the body. After seeing a vascular surgeon, he was told the remedy no one wants to hear while in a hospital room: amputation. In an effort to maintain his active lifestyle, Southwick and his surgeon agreed on amputating below his knee. “If you have a below-the-knee (amputation), you can function pretty normally for almost all sports and everything,” Southwick explained. “But when you get above-the-knee (amputation), losing your knee is huge and it’s much, much harder.” Little did he know, those exact hardships that he feared would come his way two weeks later. Following his initial surgery, he soon lost blood flow to his knee, which led to the immediate need for an above-the-knee amputation. Southwick’s world was turned upside down. With no answers on the root cause of the ischemia, he went into surgery for the second time on Sept. 18, 2012. “Every amputee can tell you the exact date,” he said. In the immediate aftermath of the surgery, Southwick had a mission: to discover what caused the lack of blood supply in the first place. Normal cholesterol? Check. No diabetes? Check. Normal clotting tests? Check.

Photo by Victoria Messina

“People say it’s equivalent to the death of a loved one. It’s really a very profound challenge.” So what could possibly be the source of this athlete’s seemingly sudden loss of blood flow? It turned out that it actually wasn’t as sudden as Southwick had thought. Digging through operative reports landed him back in 1995, the year he had Achilles tendon surgery on his left leg. During the surgery, a tourniquet was placed above his knee for an extended period of time at a high pressure, thus damaging the arteries. Over time, two of those arteries slowly scarred down, and the third eventually became clotted, all because the tourniquet was left above his knee for too long. A medical error ultimately led to his amputation — quite the ironic turn of events considering his background in working to eliminate healthcare mishaps as a medical professor. Southwick finally had the answer he was looking for, but he was still left with one knee and a long road to recovery ahead of him. In the weeks following his abovethe-knee procedure, Southwick described a laundry list of physical and emotional struggles he endured. As his limb healed, he experienced “moderately severe” pain that only allowed him to sleep two or three hours per night. This left a lot of time for him to reflect. “It was very depressing and very upsetting,” he recalled. “People say it’s equivalent to the death of a loved one. It’s really a very profound challenge.” Dr. Cynthia White, a psychiatrist in Gainesville, agreed on the severity of an amputee’s mental state in the wake of their surgery. White explained that such an acute body alteration causes a host of questions for patients — Will it affect my sexuality? How will I do everyday activities like going to the bathroom and dressing myself ? How do I deal with this sense of loss? And the list goes on. “It would be harder to come up with something that it doesn’t affect,” White said. Among the patient’s varying emotions throughout the recovery process — shock,

So what could possibly be the source of this athlete’s seemingly sudden loss of blood flow? It turned out that it actually wasn’t as sudden as Southwick had thought. Digging through operative reports landed him back in 1995, the year he had Achilles tendon surgery on his left leg. During the surgery, a tourniquet was placed above his knee for an extended period of time at a high pressure, thus damaging the arteries Over time, two of those arteries slowly scarred down, and the third eventually became clotted, all because

Photo by Victoria Messina

denial, anger and guilt — the family members of those patients must also cope with the adjustments. “Not only are you coming to understand your body in a new way, but the family is coming to understand you in a new way,” White said. For Southwick, his wife, Kathie, worked overtime to meet his every need. Initially she had difficulty coming to grips with her husband’s amputation, leading the couple to several group counseling sessions. White explained that it’s vital for amputees to set a goal of redefining themselves post-surgery and discovering their strongest intrinsic qualities, rather than focusing on their altered outward appearance. But Southwick didn’t want to reidentify himself. He wanted to remain the same man who participated in varsity football, lacrosse and wrestling in college. The same man who had a passion for gliding across waters in his rowing boat. The same man who loved ordering the lobster ravioli from Amelia’s Restaurant in downtown Gainesville. The same man who worked for UF Health. The same husband and father of two kids. “I was very sad and thought maybe I wouldn’t be able to work anymore or row again,” he admitted. “But those were my two top priorities.” With those goals in the back of his mind at all times, Southwick was determined to do whatever it would take to accomplish them.

Health

About a month after his amputation, after watching all four seasons of “Prison Break” on Netflix with his brother, Southwick began visiting a local physical therapist to build up his strength and regain the weight he’d lost in the previous months. Steven Mersch, a licensed orthotist and prosthetist at Hanger Clinic in Gainesville, said this was vital if Southwick truly did want to return to rowing. “If I put you in a wheelchair and said, ‘don’t walk for six weeks,’ and then you got up, you’d have trouble walking. And what usually happens is that they’re just weak,” Mersch explained. Soon after beginning these grueling workouts, Southwick was fitted for his first prosthetic leg at Hanger Clinic. Though the prosthetic appendage was “terribly awkward” at first, Southwick took it all in stride. “I viewed it as a new sport because that’s what it was — it was really a new sport to be able to walk again,” he said. Mersch added that Southwick was one of the more unique patients he’s dealt with in his time at Hanger Clinic. “Most people just say, ‘I just want to be able to walk through my house to get to my bathroom or my mailbox,’ but he had bigger goals,” Mersch said. “I would say he is unique because he not only pushed us but pushed himself.” Southwick powered through his recovery so swiftly that just four and a half months after his surgery, he was back to his usual routine at work. As he continued building up his strength and growing accustomed to his prosthesis, he had one thing on his mind: getting back to rowing. Thanks to a little help from Kyra Ketnick, a prosthetist at Hanger Clinic, he was given a specialized prosthetic appendage made specifically for rowing. And just like that, Southwick was back on the water. On July 28, 2013, not even one year after his above-the-knee amputation, he was rowing in a team competition with his shiny new leg. In his first four-man rowing competition, he placed second among six boats. In a one-man boat contest in early March 2016, he placed fourth out of six able-bodied contestants. Nowadays, Southwick is able to walk without a cane or a walker, which has helped immensely with his confidence and ability to get back into the routine he had before his surgery. As he reflected on his recovery, he offered some tidbits of advice for patients going through similar medical hardships. “One of the key things is that you have to be optimistic, and fortunately I am by

nature optimistic, so that helped me a lot,” he said. “You have to have goals and try to achieve them.” For Southwick, those goals of returning to work and rowing again are what kept him motivated through the exhausting workouts and emotional ups and downs. And when his own determination wasn’t there to provide motivation, his friends and family, particularly his wife, Kathie, were there to fill in the blanks. “I had this network that really nurtured me and lifted me up and cheered me on,” he said. He added that it also helps to dedicate yourself to an underlying cause that’s greater than yourself. For Southwick, his background in studying quality and safety in the healthcare system gave him a unique perspective on how to further improve these areas so other patients don’t suffer similar medical mistakes like he did. “I’m on both sides of the fence — I see the patient side and the physician side. It has helped me to understand patients even better, and when I take care of them, I share my own story and they really appreciate that and feel more bonded to me, so they trust me,” he said. But the best bond of all is the one he shares with fellow amputees in the community, which he compares to a “brotherhood or sisterhood.” He joined Gator Amps Support Group, a community of amputees in Gainesville, which gives him the opportunity to tell recent amputees his story and mentor them throughout their journey to recovery. Though Southwick’s journey was a rollercoaster of emotions and physical challenges, he said he has truly come to terms with his circumstances and is comfortable in his own skin again. In terms of advice, he has plenty, but his parting words were applicable to everyone — amputee or not. “One of the things that both my wife and I have concluded is that life can turn on a dime. Life can change, so just enjoy every day you have because you never know when you could lose your health or lose a loved one. Some things are just not under our control.”

“...he is unique because he not only pushed us but pushed himself.”

Photo courtesy of Kyra Kentnick

Style Right Lips for the Right Tones Give the Gift of Comfort The Coziest Outfits to Wear While Traveling Get Your Flannel Fix

Style

Right Lips for the

Story and Photos by Natasha Zapata

women, we like to dress up. We like to dress well, get our hair done and make sure we’ve got our faces on. There is nothing quite like that pop of color or matte finish to your lips to complete a look and make you feel good. Most of us have a couple (or many) lipsticks in our makeup bags. Some of those we wear out until we’re told it’s time to buy a new one, and some, we don’t touch once we realize the color looks completely different than what we thought because of our skin tones. Some colors will clash with our skin tones, and others don't look like how we pictured in our heads. With enough experience, you will gravitate toward certain shades you know look best on you and make you feel most comfortable. However, there are definitely some colors out there that look flawless on all women.

Skin Tones FAIR

TAN

DARK

Reds Reds can be tricky. It can sometimes take trying on many different shades of red lipsticks before feeling truly comfortable wearing the color. Kat Von D’s “Outlaw” is a true red that will brighten any outfit. The “Cherry Skies” color by NYX is a dark, matte shade of red that compliments all shades of skin tones and is perfect for a night out, at a low cost. InStyle magazine named NYX Cosmetics the “Best Inexpensive Lipstick 2015.”

FROM DARKEST TO BRIGHTEST: NYX – “Cherry Skies” Maybelline – “Divine Wine” Mac – “Viva Glam I” Kat Von D – “Outlaw”

Pinks Pink shades are the perfect pop of color a girl needs for any occasion. Hot pinks, like Wet-n-Wild’s “Cinnamon Spice” and Kate Moss’ “60” are fun and flirty, while some lighter shades like Maybelline’s “Touch of Spice” is a classic daytime look that looks great on everyone. With these shades you will be ready for casual, evening and nighttime looks.

FROM DARKEST TO BRIGHTEST:

Wet-n-Wild – “Cinnamon Spice” Rimmel London Lasting Finish by Kate – “60” Maybelline – “Touch of Spice” Mac – “Faux”

Purples Wacky colors like purple shades are incredibly fun when dressing up. From Urban Decay’s “Shame” (one of my favorites) to Mac’s “Heroine,” these colors can be used to wear while you’re in different moods. If you’re feeling more dark and coy, you could go for a darker purple. Lighter colors like “Heroine” are spunky and bold, and add a whole lot of personality.

FROM DARKEST TO BRIGHTEST: Urban Decay – “Shame” Milani – “Sangria” Wet-n-Wild – “Ravin’ Raisin” Mac – “Heroine”

Nudes Nude lips are a part of the latest trends with celebrities like Kylie Jenner launching lipstick lines that feature mostly nude colors. Nudes are arguably the most casual because they can be used to blend with your skin tone. While wearing nudes you could go a little more dramatic on the eyes, which is always fun. These shades can also range from nighttime to daytime with colors like Maybelline’s “Espresso Exposed” and Mac’s “Taupe.”

FROM DARKEST TO BRIGHTEST: Maybelline – “Espresso Exposed” Maybelline – “Nude Nuance” Milani – “Teddy Bare” Mac – “Taupe”

O&B MAG

of By Ashlyn Pinter

Giving the gift of comfort can be easy and relaxing for both you and those who receive it. Take the calm and cozy approach with your next present for your daughter, mother, sister, brother and everyone in-between.

KALEIDOSCOPE WONDERS COLOR ART

STARBUCKS GIFT CARD

SPACIFIC ESSENTIALS KIMONO ROBE

What could be cozier than giving the gift of coffee? Starbucks.com

Wrap them in a comfy hug right out of the bath or shower. Amazon.com $24.95

TAYLOR OIL SLICK FRENDS HEADPHONES

Add some colored pencils, and theyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll color out their worries. BarnesandNoble.com $14.89

Let them slip these stylish and comfortable headphones on and zone out. WeAreFrends.com $199.95

TISTY TOSTY LUSH BATH BOMB & COMFORTER LUSH BUBBLE BAR

Headphones, Lush and coloring book images courtesy of the manufacturer.

Fill the water up, drop it in. AHHH. Instant warm and cozy colors and scents. Lush.com $6.45 $11.95

Style

The COZIEST Outfits

To Wear While

TRAVELING By Edwin Exaus

There is nothing worse than sitting on a plane for countless hours in jeans that are too tight or a jacket that is stiff and uncomfortable on your way to sandy beaches and frozen umbrella drinks. You shouldn't have to feel like a prisoner in your own clothing while traveling, nor do you want to look like a slob in sweats. So choose a happy, comfortable medium.

Men

Women

oggers have the feel of sweatpants without the unflattering appearance. Pair them with a striped button-down to exude a casual vibe when you finally reach yourÂ destination. Keep a jacket handy to stay warm in those cold airport waiting areas and a lightweight shoe to dash from one terminal to the next.

ry wearing a technical trouser with a bit of a stretch for that movability factor. Bending and adjusting yourself on the plane can be a hassle in a skirt or dress. To avoid wrinkles that occur from hours of lounging around, sport a silk-blend button-up or crew neck T-shirt. A slip-on shoe would be ideal, especially when hopping through TSA Leather Moto Jacket | Asos.com checkpoints.

Ermont II Jacket | Volcom.com

Moon Dawg Shirt | Volcom.com

Cotton-blend Tee | Asos.com Biker Jeans | Asos.com

One-O-One | Clearweatherbrand.com

Flower Slip-on Trainters | Asos.com

Utility Jogger Pant | JCrew.com

FLANNEL FIX Story and Styling by Victoria Messina Photos by Tegan Davis

he ‘90s had its fair share of cringeworthy “fashion” statements — men’s capris, chain wallets, jelly shoes and neon windbreakers à la “The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.” But one look that withstood the test of time is the flannel shirt. Multicolored lines and squares coalesce on a cozy fabric to make for one of the comfiest fashion statements of the decade. They're not just for grungy concertgoers or beard-donning lumberjacks anymore. Take it from these fashionable flannel-wearers, who have some ideas 62 up their sleeves on how to style their favorite plaid button-down.

Male Model: Austin Bagley Flannel: American Eagle Outfitters; Jeans: H&M; Boots: J.B. Dillon Female Model: Kristen Stilley Flannel: PacSun; Skirt: Giti; Boots: Ross; Tank Top: Forever 21; Necklace: Forever 21

Country

Flannel and cowboy boots go together like sweet tea and lemonade. And so63 do flannel and denim, for that matter.

Casual

Nothing ties together an outfit quite like a flannel shirt; itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s the perfect element to add before dashing out the door for class or weekend lunch plans.

Male Model: Nick Stampar Flannel and Shorts: J.Crew; T-Shirt: Wild Child Band; Shoes: Vans Female Model: Bria Wood Flannel: Tommy Hilfiger; Jeggings, Necklace and Shirt: Forever 21; Boots: Traffic; Hat: Call It Spring

ONE ITEM A BUNCH OF WAYS VIC

Preppy

Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time to put some prep in your step! Give your flannel shirt a more refined vibe by pairing it with riding boots and a vest or boat shoes and navy shorts.

Male Model: Michael Rivera Flannel: Nautica; Jacket: J.Crew; Shorts: Goodwill; Shoes: Sperry Female Model: Paulina De Jesus Flannel: J.Crew; Necklace: Zara; Vest: Macyâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s; Jeans: J Brand

Sporty Looking to add a more polished touch to the “athleisure” trend? Throw on a flannel shirt, and voilà — a comfy outfit with a 66 fashionable edge.

Male Model: Arno de Villiers Flannel: H&M, Shirt: American Apparel Pants: Adidas; Shoes: Adidas NMD Female Model: Kyla Jimenez Flannel: Forever 21; Shirt and Leggings: Nordstrom; Shoes: Converse

Dressy

Kick your flannel up a notch with a fun necklace and mini skirt or a cashmere pullover and fitted pants â&#x20AC;&#x201D; hello, date night!

Male Model: Daniel Barr Flannel: Nordstrom Rack; Sweater: Club Room Estate Cashmere; Pants: PacSun; Shoes: Ross Female Model: Anelise Prieto Flannel: Forever 21; Skirt: TJ Maxx; Shoes: Chiffino; Purse: Rebecca Minkoff

& MAGAZINE GET COMFY

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