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from Jewish News - January 23, 2023

by United Jewish Federation of Tidewater

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Food & Romance

A Bluffer’s guide to the wine list

Ted Kaufman

We have all been there. You are in a fine restaurant with a good looking date (in some cases your spouse), and the waiter or steward Ted Kaufman. presents you with a wine list. It may be a small card. It may be the size of a book. What do you do? Many folks in this situation will punt by picking a wine at random from the middle of a list without any regard to what the wine is, who made it, or whether or not it will blend with the food you are ordering. Sound familiar?

No need to worry. Here is a bluffer’s guide to ordering from a wine list and how to look good while doing it. Ready? Here we go.

Choosing the bottle. Pairing wine with food.

Ok. You have just sat down and been handed a Wine List. It is okay to peruse it, but don’t make any firm decisions until you choose your meal. Don’t get nervous if you haven’t heard of most of the wines. You can always ask your server/wine steward for advice. However, you don’t have to pick the most or least expensive wines on the list. Those two items are there for exactly that purpose: to have a cheap and an expensive wine to present to their customers. You are looking somewhere in the middle for something you might like.

Here are some hints. Choose wines from France or California, especially if you have heard of the region. Such places have been making premium wines since before your grandparents were born. But you need to pair it with your meal. Choose your entrées first, then attack the list for complementary choices.

Popular wisdom says that red wine goes with red meat and heavy courses, while white wine is best paired with lighter meals (fish, chicken, poultry). That is partially true, but not in every case. Wine is what you like. If you like white wine with red meat, please have it. Beaujolais (a light red wine) is quite good with turkey. Try not to order red wine with fish. The oils don’t mix well with the tannins. Plus, it makes you look un-knowledgeable. James Bond was able to spot an imposter in From Russia with Love this way. Check out the scene sometime. Zinfandel is as light as wine gets. It’s the Coca-Cola of wine. Boone’s Farm (made by Gallo) was marketed as a Gateway drug to move “younger people” toward vintage dated wines. It worked.

Another helpful tip: the Sonoma Valley is the smallest of California’s wine growing regions. All of their wine is made from the same grapes. The differences in taste are due solely to the winemaking. You are not going to get a bad bottle. Conversely, the Napa Valley is the largest wine growing region of California. There is lots of variety, both good and bad, so the taste is all over the place.

“Don’t buy Napa. They don’t make Wine. Napa makes Auto Parts.”—Tommy Smothers (entertainer, Sonoma Wine Maker).

Bottle Presentation.

You have made a wine selection. Mazel Tov. The waiter brings a bottle to the table for your perusal. They present it to you. Assuming the label says it is what you selected, you nod your head, and the bottle is opened. Here we go.

Examining the cork.

This is your first clue as to the condition of your wine. Examine it. Squeeze it. Don’t smell it (that’s from a Columbo episode). If the cork is moist and firm, you have the desired bottle. If the cork is dry and/ or crumbles, this is a warning sign that the wine has been exposed to heat or was stored in an upright position. If there is no cork but a screw off cap, not to worry. California vintners discovered decades ago they could preserve 10% more of their wine bottles with screw off caps than use inferior corks. Women’s shoe styles change regularly, and high quality cork is employed from time to time with fashion changes. Remember Candies? Their popularity (and demand for cork heels) actually caused deterioration in the quality of California wines during the 1970s. When Candies came back in fashion two decades ago, wine makers were prepared, and the screw off cap (for table wines to be opened within three years) re-emerged.