LIFE & TIMES Hug It Out

This month, Kathy discusses the power of hugging.

I was in a taxi with my Mum recently when our amiable chat with the driver was infiltrated by a news report. A secondary school in England had banned all forms of physical contact, we were told. Any kind of touching between pupils, including hugging and hand-holding, would be outlawed and punished. We rolled our eyes and wondered aloud what the world was coming to.

“Those young people won’t know what to do when a friend is upset - or bereaved,” said the cabbie, and we agreed.

I assume decisions such as these are not reached lightly; nowadays, as we know, there are complicated issues at play. We are all too aware of the past failures of institutions, including schools, to deal with bullying and abuse and it’s understandable that a school would try to ensure inappropriate behaviour wasn’t tolerated on its premises. But stopping children from hugging - that most primal demonstration of friendship, support and comfort - did seem like taking a sledgehammer to crack a nut. A complex discussion about healthy relationships and consent didn’t seem appropriate for our short car journey but my Mum did say something I wasn’t expecting.

“There never used to be hugging here,” she said, “especially between men. They didn’t even shake hands when I was young… my father would touch the rim of his hat.”

Back in the 1940s and 50s married couples in TV sitcoms slept in twin beds, pregnancy wasn’t shown (until Lucille Ball, and still the word ‘pregnant’ was a no-no) and homophobia was rampant. Friendly folk we Northern Irish may be, but we haven’t always been what you might call emotionally demonstrative. In those days a man had no reason to touch another man unless one of them had just scored a goal, in which case they might be lucky and get a pat on the back. I seem to recall that even in the 1980s and 90s most people were aghast at any kind of PDA (public display of affection) and men still rarely embraced in public. It’s amazing how much has changed in just two generations. While no one likes standing next to a couple snogging the faces off each other, witnessing two people - any two people - expressing affection no longer has us breaking out in hives.

Hugging is a natural human instinct. Small babies physically need the touch of another’s skin; as adults, too, we suffer without it. Studies have shown that hugging can reduce levels of stress hormones in the body, help keep our blood pressure down and increase the production of oxytocin, the so-called “bonding hormone”, which promotes feelings of relaxation and security. The word ‘hug’ itself is believed to come from the Norwegian ‘hugga’ which means to comfort or console. Be aware though that a quick squeeze won’t cut it; in 2021, psychologists at Goldsmiths, University of London, found that a hug of between five and 10 seconds is the optimal duration for reaping the feelgood benefits. Of course, you must use this knowledge advisedly. How much contact it’s acceptable to inflict on strangers varies between cultures. Compare Italians smothering each other with kisses with the Japanese maintaining a respectful physical distance at all times. It’s interesting to note how our own behaviour has changed since the Covid 19 pandemic.