Pulse - September by An Focal ULSU

Pulse

: L A I H S E R F

the freisahl er spec

Ents: blizzards, damo, fred and more... all this september at UL. Around The World: to oz and back from the comfort of your chair

Pulse

Volume I, Issue 2, October 2008: Publication Date: 30 September, 2008

Volume I, Issue 1, September 2008

Copy Deadline: 16 September, 2008

Editor: Aoife Breen

Please contact the Editor if you wish to submit an article for consideration for publication in the October issue of Pulse.

Design: Blink Design Copyright & Disclaimer: Contributors: Spare Parts - Aoife Breen Not Quite the News¬ - Finn McDuffie Freshial - Paul Carty, Kieran Phipps Looking Good - Aoife Harney, Karen Kiely, Dr Philo Around the World - Kieran Costello, Eric Doyle, Aoife Finnerty Let us entertain you - Keith & Regina @ EPM, Finn McDuffie, David Morrissey. What’s On - ULSU Ents; Students’ Union; UL Arts Office; clubs and societies.

Thanks to: Niall Breslin; Jamin O’Donovan; Paula Hanly & Emma Wilson; the contributors and the designer; coffee and its inventors.

Apologies to: The night-time cleaning staff in the SU: we didn’t mean to just appear out of no where when you thought the building was empty – sorry!

Contact us: Please address all letters, content, suggestions, comments, requests or advertising queries to: Snail Mail: The Editor, Pulse, University of Limerick Students’ Union, University of Limerick, Plassey, Co Limerick. Email: editor@ulsu.ie Tel: 061 20 2324

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or otherwise, including, but not exclusively, photocopying, recording, Morse code, smoke signals, radio waves and technologies not yet discovered or any other storage system without the prior consent of the Editor who is most likely to say no anyway. This magazine is ﬁtted with a device which, upon illicit reproduction or transmission, will activate itself and may cause harm to those within a 12cm radius. In the case of such an incident, the following side effects may occur: dizziness, drowsiness, nausea, uncontrollable laughter, a ﬂaming red rash on your forearm. Please refrain from operating heavy machinery while reading this magazine. If you need to wear glasses for reading, please do so: Pulse takes no responsibility for eye strain if you neglect to follow doctor’s orders, you nitwit. Pulse and its advertisers cannot be held responsible for any inaccuracies. The information received for this issue was correct and most updated at time of publication (Thursday, 21 August, 2008). The opinions expressed are not necessarily those of the University of Limerick, nor of the University of Limerick Students’ Union. We’re not really sure whose opinions there are so. All comments about this issue should probably be addressed to the Editor. She more than likely won’t care but she likes having ‘issues’ brought to her attention, for the craic. We reserve the right to publish correspondence. If it’s funny, we also reserve the right to credit it to ourselves because we’re mean like that and like to hijack good ideas. If you have a problem with this, or anything else, please consult someone who might give a damn. You are the weakest link...goodbye!

contents Not Quite the News The headlines you didn’t see in the newspapers

Freshers’ Special...Freshial! A whole seven pages dedicated to bringing all of you ﬁrsties up to speed with all things UL.

Looking Good Take a peek into the world of Farrell & Brown’s designers and learn how to shop for the womenfolk in your life with our resident Dr Philo

Around the World Travel to Australia without the hefty ticket costs or the disastrous air travel woes with a stop off in Tallinn along the way

SeptEnts A sneaky look at the on-campus ents for September previewing the Blizzards, Damien Dempsey and a host of others

What’s On Bored? Want something to do? Take a look at what’s going on in UL for the month ahead

Spare Parts Et cetera; miscellaneous; Bits ‘n’ pieces...the things that can’t really be categorised

Famous Last Words The Ed says hello...or goodbye, seeing as it’s the last page, duh!

not quite the news

Irish Babies Born With Webbed Feet Finn McDufﬁe

The separate births of two babies with webbed feet over the summer have been hailed as the beginning of the next stage of human evolution. The anatomical changes are thought to be a direct result of our rainy climate. The revelation comes with predictions of further rain and flooding. Speaking at a European conference on ‘human genetics in a changing world’, head of research at PharmaSpoof, Dr. Gene Alterage said ‘these babies are living proof that humans evolve to suit their conditions. These genetic changes represent “Human Environmental Conditioning (HEC)” and have occurred as a result of excessive rain and flooding. The changes hint towards a rainier climate across most of Europe and especially Ireland and the UK.’ The babies were born in Carlow and Bray over the summer and the anatomical changes also include slightly webbed hands and markings on the neck. ‘We think these markings are rudimentary gills. But it is too early to comment at this stage,’ said Mr. J. Harman of the Bray Hospital midwifery team. Minister for the Environment, Ron Swormly has reportedly cut his summer holidays short to visit baby Charlotte of Carlow. The Minister commended the ingenuity of the human body in response to poor flood barriers. ‘It’s great to think that humans can simply adapt to government incompetence,’ he said, adding ‘a consultation questioning the validity of flood barriers is now in the pipelines.’ Met Eireann has reacted negatively to the assertion that our climate is going to get rainier. ‘It is the job of Climatologists and Meteorologists to predict weather sequence,’ says a Met Eireann press release. ‘Genetic researchers are not in the business of weather prediction and we find it wholly unacceptable that PharmaSpoof steal our thunder.’ The Catholic Church has denounced the notion of HEC, claiming the changes seen in these babies are genetic defects rather than evolution. The babies’ parents have reacted with hostility to this comment, stating, ‘if the Church spent as much energy getting its own house in order as it does meddling in sensitive family affairs, we’d all be happier.’ The babies are currently being monitored in hosptial but already they have been scheduled for an appearance on RTÉ’s ‘The Late Late Show’ later in the year and the parents have already agreed to do several magazine interviews .

Paul Carty

You got the points. You got the offer. You got a lift down with Mammy & Daddy. You’re there and you just don’t know what to do with yourself. Well fear not, for this guide shall provide all the answers to questions you thought never existed. Like how to get the fig out of fig rolls. Mainly it’ll just be a guide of not doing what I did last year. Most firsties seem to think that once they hit college that everything will be rosy in the garden and there’s nothing to it at all. They’re wrong, very wrong. You can learn all the notes you want in Leaving Cert, but they won’t equip you with the necessary and vital college skills. Skills such as the ability to source the cheapest alcohol purveyors within the shortest walking distance, or shortcuts to lecture halls that will enable you to have a longer lie in, or most importantly; how to get three days out of that spaghetti you cooked last Monday. The Leaving Cert just doesn’t equip you with those skills.

Drink A lot of people have the common misconception that college is all about the beer. This is obviously wrong; it’s all about the cheapest beer.

• All I can say is, while you might scorn Bavaria Crown Lager right now, come November don’t be surprised to see yourself tenderly clutching the last two cans of your 6 for m7 thanking the almighty for this wonderful concoction.

• Another thing to watch out for is the various bank holiday weekend offers from the Dunnes and Tesco’s of this world. I like to call this method ‘ the Michael O’Lear y’, hedging your alcohol fo r t he co ming months. Be careful that you drink all your 24 for m20 Millers before the best before date, because trust me on this one: unlike wine, beer doesn’t get better with age.

Freshial

The Only Thing You Need To Know About UL Is... Food Get ready to put on the fresher’s stone. Without Mammy’s home cooking you’re gonna have to fend for yourself from now on. This means your going to be eating an awful lot of food that’d be classed in the “faeces” bracket of the food pyramid. If you by some freak accident don’t happen to like spaghetti bolognaise, start getting a taste for it fairly lively. It will be the basis of your diet for the next four years and it isn’t uncommon for some students to indulge it 3 times a day, breakfast – lunch – dinner. Simplicity is the key; 1⁄ 2 lb mince and 1⁄ 2 lb of pasta and a small tub of bolognaise and we have lift off. Shopping is another sadly necessary expense. But the trick to keeping this expense as low as possible is home. Rob every cupboard, press, fridge, freezer the whole lot. Rob it all. Show no mercy as you scrounge that tub of spam from the back of the press. If you do need to shop Aldi and Lidl are the default venues. Tesco Value and St Bernard stuff is alright too, although I’d choose the Pedigree Chum (80% Meat Content) over the St Bernard Shepards Pie (60% Meat Content). In any case, there’s little difference between them. But if you’re lazy like me, the Sports Bar, The Plaza Café (Library) and the Paddocks do decent feeds for around m6ish. Then again an SU roll has proved itself as equal an adversar y to hunger as Shreddies. But remember, the 10 minutes either side of the hour will see the place mad busy due to lectures star ting and ﬁnishing.

Computery Those of you in the Neolithic age for computer proficiency had better learn how to use them. And fast. You’re going to have to work a lot with those computers in the coming months. • If you have your laptop setup to use the UL network and then you decide to go home for a weekend and use your home broadband connection you will need to change the settings in IE/Firefox/Opera (or whatever you use) to not use the network any more. It’s just the reverse of the steps you use to configure a network. • Register your modules and e-mail fast. If you don’t do this within the first week, expect to see a not-too-insignificant m10 disappear from your moneybag. To put it in context: that’s roughly 9 cans of Bavaria. Simple way to avoid this is to go to the library, get a PC, type in your ID number, and D.O.B. as your password and Bob’s your Aunty. Failing that, there’s an orange “How to Set-Up My UL Computer Account for Dummies” doing the rounds on one of the shelves in the library. • Any questions on computer stuff, go to www. boards.ie , go to Education, go to UL and the nerds in there will be more than happy to sort it out whilst perving on you. And yes that includes the fellas.

Edu-macation Believe it or not, you actually have to learn some stuff while you’re here. Now let’s take a moment to say a decade of the rosary for those poor souls doing teaching and science degrees. You will no doubt hear of their misery of 78 hour weeks. They’re only sorry they didn’t do a humanities’ degree! • Tip number one: While the 12 November may seem like ages away for the hand-in date for your project, you will inevitably find yourself on the 11 November with nothing done for it. Just get the thing out of the way straight away; it’s more fun to watch someone else slaving away into the wee hours of the morning on a project. • I’m tentative to say the lectures aren’t that important, given the fact my name will be on this and I will probably become “known” to my lecturers in the same way some people are “known” to the Gardaí. However, what are important are the tutorials. Definitely go to these as you’ll find they stand to you in the exams. • Books. Do not buy them without consulting someone who’s a year ahead of you in the course. They’ll tell you whether you really need them or not. Case in point is the Irish Legal System book on my shelf that, while it looks nice up there gathering dust, I’d much rather have that m80. If you must buy the books the Students’ Union will have them cheaper than normal in their second-hand bookshop. Don’t bother with the Library – the nerds will have all the books gone from there before the lecturer has finished telling you what book he actually wants you to get.

Going Out

Why would anyone want to go out and dance to something sounding like a cat in a washing machine, surrounded by loads of sweaty drunk people, eat a burger with more grease in it than a car engine afterwards and wake up the next morning with a head on you like the

aforementioned cat in a washing machine? Because t’is great craic shure! But really, yes it is. • As mentioned already in this guide the objective is always to minimise ancillary expenses so as to maximise drinking money. One of the ways to do this is to take the Booze Bus. The Booze bus (i.e. the late Bus Eireann bus) departs around 11ish into town and only costs m1.45. Contrast this with the normal taxi fare of around m13 into town (m4 each for 3 in other words) and one has already saved half a vodka. • Furthermore, the bulk of the drinking should be done at home before you go out. If time is tight, multitask. There’s nothing like having a bottle of miller in the shower. A cautionary tip though: there’s a very fine line between being merry enough to get into clubs and pubs and being sent on your not-so-merry way home. Somewhere between merry and drunk should be good. I like to call it “Munk” • Another way to save dollars is to get into the clubs before 11:30pm. It’s free in before this time except on Thursdays for some strange reason. Don’t they realise I have a 9am lecture on Friday mornings and couldn’t possibly go out? • The generally good clubs in town are Sin Bin, Icon, Molly’s and my personal favourite Trinity Rooms, affectionately known as “Trooms”. Then of course there’s the beloved Lodge in Castletroy, with it’s, ahem, unique charms. As for all you nonmainstream weirdos – don’t go looking for the weird clubs, they will find you. • A general rule of thumb is that anyone that you regret pulling or scoring the next morning will most definitely be sitting beside you at your next tutorial or lecture. And the two of you will be the only ones there. But as a good friend of mine said “it’s only awkward if you let it be awkward”.

Sporty? Given the fact the University tarts itself as “Ireland’s Sporting Campus”, there is a world of sporty things to do here. Everything and anyone is catered for. Now, I think its time I stopped sounding like a prospectus. • It won’t take you long to ﬁgure out where the Arena is since it basically towers over everything else in UL. The membership is very good value, but only if you use it! And remember the pool is deep, veeeeeerrrrry deep. So if you’re a poor swimmer, get better! • Clubs & Socs recr uitment (Wednesday, week 1 in the Arena from 6-9pm) is a must. Aside from spor ts, there are lots of other hobbies catered for. It’s a great way to make friends, but be very selective of the ones you join and again, make sure you use them! The UL Debating Union got good value out of my ﬁver seeing as I never went.

• For all the rugby fans: Munster train on the pitch inside the running track with is beside the Arena.

Living The likelihood is you’re going to be living with a group of people you’ve never met in your life before. This is supposedly part of the college experience. Personally, I just think its like Big Brother, except there’s no diary room to bitch about the rest of them in. • Clean up your plates/pots/pans after you use them. It’s so much easier than having to do it the next morning with a hangover. Make this a house policy. • Essential kitchen apparatus should include a George Foreman and a sandwich toaster. Microwaves are a luxury. • Take the bins out when they get full. The smell will get absolutely dire in the house otherwise. Dire to the point where you will become immune to it, as evidenced by the visit of two friends of mine to the house last year whereupon they started bitching about the smell, to which I replied honestly “What smell?” • Get back to the house early Sunday evening. Mainly so you can fill the fridge with your stuff before everyone else. If necessary “make room” for your things. If anyone asks where their waffles went, a good response is “what waffles?”

Missy Laneyus There is deﬁnitely maybe a whole heap of things I’ve left out of this guide and in fact your chances of survival have probably diminished more by reading this. You can send any complaints to the editor. • The buses. Ever hear that thing about two buses coming at the one time? Well Limerick proved that theory for me. The city buses are supposed to come every 15 minutes. Needless to say they only come every hour and one follows the other almost as if they’re connected. Do not depend on them. • The Students’ Union common room has the most comfor table couches in the whole country. • TK Maxx do good deals on the Ski clothes around SeptOct. If this summer hasn’t shown you the great character that is Irish weather, God help you come December. Right, I can’t think of anything else, so our mass has ended, let us go in peace to love and serve the lord.

By the end of week 0 you should Gotten your ID number by which you will now be known. You no longer have a need for your name so sell it on eBay or someplace. Your ID number is all that matters now. Gotten your ID Card with a most beautiful photo that will haunt you for four years to come. Yes, it’s the same one that’s used if you lose your card. Should’ve told you that earlier, maybe...oops! Received a fresher pack from the Students’ Union with lots of freebies stuffed inside. Logged on to your computer account and set up your email. Kinda comes in handy at times. If you’re not sure about computers then you better learn pretty fast; we’re technologically advanced here in UL...or so we so like to think! Attended at least one gig because, eh, they were free?! Learnt where your ﬁrst lecture will be on in week 1. Or, more importantly, how to get there. Picked up some free condoms from the SU...giggidy! Put the Clubs & Socs recruitment fair into your diary. It’s on Wednesday, week 1, in the Arena from 6 ‘til 9pm, in case you haven’t heard. Realised that your Leaving Cert results really don’t matter as much as you thought they would have. So whether you did badly or were top of your year, no one here really minds – so don’t worry about it. Met some people from your course. You never know, you might even get on with one of them.

And then there was the internet It’s the start of a new semester. You’re a new student. And you have no idea what you’re doing here. Well...hold on a second...it’s a university right? So surely you’re here for an education? Mmmm... yeah, I think so. Have a peek at the websites below; they might help you along. Who: Students’ Union What: general up-to-date info, ents listings, education and welfare info, second hand bookshop...and loads more Where: www.ulsu.ie Who: Postgraduate Students’ Association What: postgraduatey stuff!

What: a student network bringing likeminded students together Where: www.ul.ie/connect Who: Careers & Co-op Education Division What: all the info you could need about jobs and co-op Where: www.ul.ie/careers Who: International Education Division What: info for students from foreign places; and for those of you who plan on going abroad with your studies

Where: www.ul.ie/~psa

Where: www.ul.ie/internationaleducation

Who: Library

Who: Please Talk

What: Online catalogue, databases and journals.

What: a national support website

Where: www.ul.ie/~library Who: Student Affairs Division What: a variety of student services 8

Who: Connect

Where: www.ul.ie/studentaffairs

Where: www.pleasetalk.ie

It makes me wanna....SCREAM! Ever feel like you’re shouting but no one’s listening? Yeah, sometimes when you raise your voice it can feel like you’re just banging it against a brick wall and that no one really cares what you’re trying to say. But hark! There is a light! Ooh, it’s coming from an office in the Students’ Union. Ooh, let’s follow it...shiny! It’s the Education Officer’s office. The Education Officer in charge of class reps. Class reps are basically people who realise that to get things changed if they’re annoying or not functioning properly, you need to stand up and tell someone what’s going on and where it’s going wrong. A class rep is the voice of your class. They’re the people who volunteer to be around to help if something goes wrong and to point you in the right direction. They’re also the people who organise class parties, so make sure you tell them early in the semester whether you’d prefer to go to Waterford or Galway! Or, tell them that the only viable solution is to have two parties and go to both places. Class reps also attend the fortnightly Class Reps’ Council meetings – which last about an hour or so – and discuss things like how students shouldn’t have to pay fees. They’ll be the ones deciding when and where the anti-fees protest will be on. They also get consulted on things like campaigns. So make sure you tell them that you don’t like paying m3 for the car park everyday or that you think there should be less rain in Limerick. As your class rep, they’ll bring that idea forward to the Students’ Union who’ll work on it and try to make life better and easier for you. In return, there’s a savage weekend away in Cork planned for the end of September, some free hoodies and a couple of other surprises lined up too. Make sure your class has a voice. Make sure you tell your class rep if a lecturer doesn’t give you a module outline or they jump a surprise exam on you. Make sure your class rep knows that you think you should have two parties because it’d only divide the class to have to pick between two places. Make sure your class rep knows that blue is a good colour for your class hoodie. Hang on a sec... Follow that light to Shane’s office and pick up a nomination form... Why don’t you be that class rep?

An Focal This is the Students’ Union fortnightly newspaper. It covers all the latest campus news and sport with some contributions from opinionated people ranting about things that the editor assigns to them or that they come up with themselves. It’s free and you’ll ﬁnd it all over the campus when it comes out during odd weeks. Assignments: Essays, lab reports, midterms, projects and all with deadlines. Try to get them in on time and don’t worry about them too much. Also, lecturers don’t give As all that often so if you got a million points in your Leaving Cert don’t be too upset at only getting Bs even if you do put in a lot of work. Banks: They all want you to open an account with them and will offer some pretty decent freebies in return. Why not open one in all of them and reap the beneﬁts? It’s not like a relationship; you can have many banking partners! Books: These are kept in the library, and, on occasion towards the end of the semester on your desk at home, perhaps, or maybe just in your backpack. Third level books are seriously expensive, so consider the Students’ Union second hand book shop or check online before forking over wads of cash. Also, be aware that core texts will be gone from the

shelves all semester. Guaranteed. Brown Thomas Also known as the Rusty Man, this is the sculpture in the Plaza by the library. He likes to wear the mortar board caps during graduation and can sometimes be seen wearing various articles of clothing during the year. He’s been here since, like, forever, and is a real spirit in the community. We heart Brown Thomas!

24 hours previously, but you’ll probably scrape through if you work solid. Don Barry (aka ‘The Don’) He’s the head honcho at UL – the almighty Prez. You probably won’t see him all that often but he’ll be making lots of decisions that will affect you over the year. If you see him, ask for an autograph. You can always sell it on eBay.

Buses Irregular, to say the least. Castletroy The Limerick suburb you’re in now! Campus A lot of fountains, a lot of trees, a lot of rain and about 10,000 students buzzing about the place. Class Reps These folks are your representatives – sort of like prefects if you had them in secondary school, but with a much more active role and a real place in decisions. Class reps are there to help organise class parties and hoodies and to help point their classmates in the right direction if things go wrong. They also liaise with the Students’ Union on its activities. Talk to Shane, the Education Officer for more info if you think it’s a job you’d like! Clubs The sporting student-run organisations determined to keep you fit as a fiddle while making a load of new friends and maybe even learning a new skill. There’s a crazy range to choose from – everything from skydiving and kayaking to chess and badminton. Co-op You probably don’t need to worry about this right now, but it’s a semester or thereabouts of work experience that’s a compulsory part of all courses at UL. In the weeks before you go you’ll dread the idea of leaving the campus for a whole semester, but trust us, regular income has its benefits Deadlines Dates on which your lecturers expect you to hand up your work. Try to begin more than

Donuts On sale in the SU shop! Even Homer J. would be proud. East Gate That’s the white one nearer to Elm Park and Oaklawns. Buses leave from the carpark there on Fridays. Elm Park A residential experience.

The UL Dictionary for the Uninitiated

Alcohol Policy: A policy brought into operation in 2002 to help to reduce the levels of alcohol consumption on campus. It’s an agreement between the University and the Students’ Union (on behalf of all students) that put a limit on alcohol sponsorship and promotion on campus in return for a number of things for students. Well, the ol’ bigwigs in the administration didn’t exactly keep their side of the bargain so the students voted out of it in March 2007 in a referendum which gave the University a deadline that they ultimately didn’t make. So we left it. But please, drink responsibly anyway. Puking is not cool.

Exams Yuck! Twice a year – in December and again in May. Flag Poles You surely saw them on the way in – they’re the massive poles with ﬂags on them (duh) at the main entrance. Fountains There are lots of them around. Can you ﬁnd them all? Security and Buildings (a department of people, not the physical buildings themselves) don’t like when students think it’s great to throw washing-up liquid into them. Sudsy! ...Er, don’t do it! Hoodies: You get one for everything around here. Really, we mean everything. But they’re warm and a staple item in any student’s wardrobe. ID Card Is your photo as awful as 97 per cent of the rest of the UL student population? Probably. Keep the card with you; you’ll need it from time to time. It doubles up as your library card and can get you sweet discounts in shops and other places. ID Number Over the course of your four years here, you will become that

number. You use it for everything – your log on to the computers, student records, email, exams, forms, assignments – everything. Don’t worry about forgetting it: you won’t – ever.

academic regulations) to get a module outline at the start of each semester for each module you do. This should describe the course and, most importantly, how you will be examined. Demand one!

I-Grade A special type of grade given to you if you’re sick or mourning a close relative or have another valid reason that can be backed up which will allow you to miss an exam in December or May and sit it instead in August, at the same time as the repeat exams.

Paddocks: Restaurant in the Student Centre.

ITD Stands for Information Technology Division; they’re the folks who look after the network and all that other techie stuff. Jam ...is nice on scones. Lectures They start on the hour and are meant to finish after 50 minutes; you might have doubles or triples. Go to some of them, you never know what you might find out, or at least who you might see. Library You probably grace its doors after Orientation Week until week 10, but it’s a nice building. It’s usually quite warm, too. Pity about the architectural design of it, though, because the noise from the computers on the ground floor carries right up to the top. Lodge, The If you haven’t been there already, you’ll be there soon. We’ll leave it up to your own imagination and judgement. Main Building Can be a nightmare for firsties to navigate their way around here, but once you get the hang of UL’s room numbering system it’ll be no bother to you. Maze What the Main Building can appear like for a while.

Module A fancy name for a subject – sort of. It’s the speciﬁc topic you’ll study for a semester. It has its own identiﬁable code – HI4027, for example. You’re entitled (under

Parking One word: nightmare. QCA We’re not really sure what this stands for or how it’s calculated (that’s deﬁnitely one of life’s great mysteries) but it’s effectively your grade point average, or how a numerical value for each grade you get adds up and averages out of the course of a semester. The most you can get is 4.0 and you need at least 2.0 to move on every year. Fortunately for you, it doesn’t count towards your ﬁnal degree until second year! Queues During the lunchtime rush in the eating places and for computers (especially in the library), these can be lengthy. Bring a sandwich. Rain Have an umbrella handy; it’s likely to downpour at any moment.

Stables, the On campus club (just like a bar). Good for hosting bands and karaoke! More for a night out than a quiet drink. Food is pretty low-cost and fairly ordinary, but check out the chicken curry on Fridays! Student Yep, that’s you! Students’ Union A bunch of folks trying to do what they can for students, or so they say anyway. Has been known to be a bit cliquish but handy when you need advice on something. They’re also responsible for all the ents, the shop, a bike scheme, the newspaper and this magazine, clubs and societies and a range of other services. Call into the building sometime – there’s a common room and a pool hall upstairs. Study Not really obligatory until Week 13. Timetables....are available at www. timetable.ul.ie! Tutorials Smaller discussion groups for each of your modules. Umbrella A necessary accessory.

Repeats These take place in August every year. If you fail a module, you must repeat it before you can progress. Repeat exams are capped at a C3 grade, though, ‘cos it’s your second time doing it! Scholars, the A small, cosy on campus club/bar. Good for cosy corners and a quiet drink in a relaxed atmosphere. They’ve a good selection of beers too, ready for the tasting. Food is a little more upmarket but good choice. Ski slopes An unfamiliar term for the main entrance to the Main Building on the Plaza. Derived from the slanted glass entrance that would probably be fantastic ski slopes if only it ever snowed. (Disclaimer: please do not try this if it does snow. We take no responsibility for any injuries sustained.)

University of Limerick Selfexplanatory, really. Vagina Girly parts *giggle* Weeks You know you’re settled into college when you have no notion of what date it is, but simply refer to everything as happening on during a particular week. Basically, you automatically align Real World time with UL time: “yeah, her birthday’s on Wednesday of week 7”. Xylophone ...is a word beginning with X! Yellow...the colour of the sun; not something that is seen all that often around UL Zzzzz, a popular hobby amongst students

Who’s Who in UL Kieran Phipps

So it’s your ﬁrst few weeks at university, and you have no idea who anyone is around you and they don’t know who you are either. It might seem quite daunting at ﬁrst, but here’s a guide on the kind of people to look out for out of the thousands of students you’ll see every day on campus. GAA Heads:

They count for a large population of UL students and have a large number representing each county. GAA Heads can’t be missed. Whether they’re attacking each other full force on the pitches or arguing over which players on one another’s local GAA team has more potential to play for the county at a County Colours’ night, GAA Heads are a force to be reckoned with. Corkonians:

A minor portion makes the trek up the country from Cork for a college lifestyle. Don’t be surprised if they moan about how Limerick city is crap in comparison to their “lovely Lee” and how UCC seems to sound much better than UL. That’s why half Cork arrives up after a few weeks when the novelty down there wears off. Galwegians:

Quite a distinctive mass are on campus – a mix of alcoholic party animals that are seen and heard from all angles from both city and county. Don’t be surprised when ‘Galway Girl’ comes on in the Lodge and you hear about 40 girls screaming, “Oh my God it’s me!” The girl who was once told when she was 15/16 that she kind of looked like Sarah Michelle Gellar... ...and ever since has been milking the fact that someone once told her when she was 15/16 that she kind of looked like Sarah Michelle Gellar. This is the must-see attraction in UL. Nobody knows her name but everyone knows in their head who she is. Seen regularly in Molly’s, your best bet is to keep your eye on the stairs where she’ll turn and pose. Then, she’ll continue to descend down the steps whilst posing. Legend has it that if you whisper quietly and she’s within earshot, she’ll turn and say, “What did someone say I look like Sarah Michelle Gellar?!” Beware of cheap imitations! “Craic” Heads:

Watch this lot for your life. You’ll regularly hear them go on about how they’re here for the craic. In the beginning you may think they’ll be entertaining, but then you’ll realise in the midst of one drunken night that they don’t contribute one bit to the craic. The next morning as your head pounds and your stomach turns, you’ll feel an even worse pain from the sound of a Craichead going on about how last night was, “great craic”, because you were the drunken idiot who got landed entertaining them. What are the signs of a Craichead you may ask? A gang of them screaming, “let’s go fucking mental” down the street, which will be the craziest thing they’ll do for the night. Or, if you’re really

unfortunate, you might have to witness Irish dancing in the middle of a nightclub. It’s upsetting. Limerickers:

Have pity on the Limerickers...well don’t really! Fair enough, a lot of them don’t have the opportunity to move away for college, but don’t hold that against them. They’re very handy people to know – especially in the ﬁrst few weeks when you’re intoxicated getting on the 308 bus and struggle to ﬁnd your way to Trinity Rooms, Molly’s or the Icon. SU Patriots:

Within your ﬁrst moments in UL, you’re bound to run into a patriotic member of the Students’ Union. You mightn’t know what they’re supposed to do, but my God will you hear all about them! Still to this day I don’t actually know what they do, but I do know that it’s a good place to go when I’m in trouble or when I need to use the toilets (turn right as you go in it’s at the end of the corridor). Still though when I’m told about ﬁghting for my rights, etc., I haven’t a clue what they’re on about. Moral of the story, though, is that if you’re in any bit of trouble, go to the SU. International Students:

They look just as lost as you are and, worse still, many of them have to communicate in their second language (even if you do see gangs of them chatting in French and Spanish). So if some randomer comes up to you out of nowhere, lend a helping hand rather than giving them a discerning look. They’re not just a gang of students here for three weeks who you push past on the bus, they’re UL students too!

Lookin’ Good

Knitted with Twists

Aoife Harney

Every student seems to live in the like of the all-American brand name hoodies, jeans and t-shirts. It could be GAP, Hollister or Abercrombie & Fitch, should we be lucky enough to travel the long distances to a store that actually stocks them, or even luckier still, have a credit card we can max out online. Finally, for all those students who love a casual, relaxed and somewhat preppy edge to their day-to-day wear, we have our very own clothing brand to spend our pennies on... may I introduce to you all: Farrell & Brown. The brainchild of Emma Wilson and Paula Hanley, Farrell & Brown is the younger sibling of “Blarney Woollen Mills”. Yes, it is primarily knitwear but this is youthful yet vintage, collegiate, easy going clothing designed entirely with your comfort and street cred in mind. They aren’t granny-esque, although Wilson and Hanley were quick to point out that “Farrell & Brown isn’t ageist... all you need is the right attitude!” The ladies really wanted to emphasise the importance of our Irish heritage to the brand, using it as a point of reference during the design process. Even their flagship store which opened in March, is based in Morrison’s Hotel Building, Dawson Street, Dublin – the very building Charles Parnell stayed for the duration of his arrest. How Irish can you get? What kind of student would wear Farrell & Brown? Wilson was quick to point out that it would be “someone who isn’t a slave to fashion but wants that slight difference, that edge... someone who’ll appreciate the little twists.” Clearly a lot of love and passion has gone into the range. Those “little twists” - a different colour stitch, mix of buttons, intricate patterns demand immediate admiration and the ladies pride themselves on the quality of their materials; 100% merino wools and organic materials are used. It’s all pretty student-friendly too. Let’s be frank – we’re not known for our dry-cleaning skills, or for our healthy bank balances. The clothes have a pre-worn distressed look about them, and have been pre-washed to test their endurance in an everyday wardrobe. “It’s like that favourite pair of jeans, loved and worn to death, but you can never bring yourselves to thrown them away.” And with a price range of €12 to €120 for the more exclusive hand-knits or limited edition items, you really can’t go wrong. I asked Emma and Paula to tell me about their favourite items. This led to a bit of confusion as they deliberated and debated which piece they loved the most. Eventually it was narrowed down to a few key pieces. There’s the fabulous ranger sweater – a beige knit cardigan with a deer design. Pair it with a denim skirt, thick black tights and flat riding boots for a seriously cute outfit. Also mentioned was a gent’s reversible hoody, and the design duo have also developed their own denim range, including some skinny fit jeans. “We’ve been wearing them for months and they still fit – they’re a great wear” said Emma. It’s all in the detail for Farrell & Brown, creating individual, layered looks with no pretence or airs and graces about them. “Nothing gives you a better kick than seeing a customer wear something you’ve created and have them enjoy it. It’s such a buzz. We’re so proud of our first season”, gushed Emma. “But you haven’t seen the best yet,” said Paula, as I was finishing up the interview, “This is just the beginning!” Farrell & Brown are offering students a great 10% discount from their A/W collection. In order to avail of this offer, all you have to do is log on to their website: www.farrellandbrown.com or check out the offer at the back of this year’s Students’ Union Handbook/Diary.

An Eejit’s Guide to Shopping for Others: the Philosophy of Shopping

Whats Hot/ Whats Not

Dr. Philo

Hot**************

Jean Paul Sartre said: “Hell is other people.” What ol’ Sartre was getting at was the fact that we, as individuals - in an individualist/consumerist society - are all about ourselves. Other people (including even our ‘significant’ others) are merely there to provide ourselves gratification. This means that most of our respective notions of love are no more than glorified masturbation - because we like a person for the way they make us feel as individuals. This complicates clothing shopping for other individuals -particularly for our significant others. Everybody out there (particularly the lads) knows that look – that look the other person has when you’ve gotten them something that they just don’t like. The look that means your gift has gone over about as well as the proverbial ‘terd in a punchbowl at a party’. In order to avoid that look of cascading disappointment, here’s the biggest tip in the world: take your self out of the equation when shopping for someone else. Don’t go out and buy your boyfriend/girlfriend something that you think they would look good in. Instead get them something that you think that they would think that they would look good in. One of my more beloved ex-girlfriends summed it up best in her crude and brutal honesty: “women are meant to change men...they’re meant to tell them what to wear”. Her logic sums up the overall problem (aside from the Freudian connotations stretching back to our mammies changing our nappies way back when). The problem is that a true gift is not meant to be a reflection of our self. It is meant to compliment the self of the individual we’re purchasing it for. This is not to victimise men either - most men would pick an article of clothing for a woman that he would appreciate to look at her wearing - regardless of whether or not she would actually like to wear it. In other words: a glorified wank - or (in an even deeper and more disturbing Lacanian sense): what he would wear if he was a woman. Men need to get over the subconscious assumption that women are just inflatable dolls with a pulse; and women need to move beyond the mammying - at least when it comes to trying to please each other within an individualist-consumerist society. As it stands, it is really just a subconscious attempt at pleasing his/her own self (i.e. a wank). The key to overcoming these obstacles is soooooo simple that it is actually complicated - take your self out of shopping for someone else. It sounds a lot easier than it really is ladies and gentlemen. I can shop for any woman or man that I know precisely because of my learned ability to perform this monumental task of taking my self out of the equation. I can walk into Brown Thomas or anywhere else with a group of women that I know and start pointing at colours and outfits that suit each of them individually. Nine times out of ten, they look great in them - largely because it compliments their own self, so they wear it well and confidently. Most of them seem flabbergasted by my ability to do this - some even disturbed! But I can tell y’all this much: it ain’t some sort of natural ability - and it took a long reflective look at 20th century philosophies of the individual in order to gain this ability. I’m trying to save y’all the trouble of having to do that. Once you’re aware of your self as being the single biggest obstacle to better understanding others as individuals, you’ll be halfway down the road of being able to take your self out of the equation when shopping for others. My advice to you all - particularly with respect to lads attempting to shop for (or with) their significant others: go to the shop of her/his choice and play “Passion Fashion”: the one-on-one ‘cheap date’ version. Or, go as a large group, draw names out of a hat and pick an outfit for the individual’s name you each draw. Lads trust me: it’s a very cheap date that she’ll thoroughly enjoy particularly once you get good at removing your self. The skill of removing your self from shopping can transcend to even higher and more ecstatic levels when you transfer it into the bedroom...but I’ll save that one for another edition!

Karen Kiely

Keds The new Converse and the one thing Mischa Barton’s been getting right lately. Get yours from Schuh or design your own on Keds.com “The Agy” crop Only the select few can pull off this ‘do: “The Rachel” of the noughties. Go for the chop if you think you’re brave enough! Chloe fragrance Composed of peony, lychée and freesia fragrances...what the heck, it just smells gorge. Hint hint, better half! Charity shops Don’t knock it ‘till you’ve tried it. Perfect for the fresher’s post-week 0 purse!

Not************** Leggings They have been on the way out for quite a while but leggings are now ﬁnally dead and buried. Try patterned or coloured tights this winter. The Uggs and trackies look It’s no longer cool to try and look as if you’re D4 (but was it ever in the ﬁrst place?) Tan in unusual places That dirty little tan mark on the tops of your feet from wearing pumps all summer? I think it makes me look like I haven’t washed. Wet trouser cuffs A typical student problem (besides having no milk for the tea/coffee during the all-night cramming sessions). Invest in some nice wellie-like boots to keep your toes/feet/calves dry on the walk into college. 13

Fresh Looks for Freshers Karen Kiely

So you’ve got through the stress of the Leaving Cert, the celebratory results night and the tension of CAO day. Now you’re here. You’re experiencing freedom never felt before. You can now watch Home and Away at lunchtime and teatime, choose to eat what you want (it will always be either beans on toast or Pot Noodle) and the mind-boggling decision of what to wear to ‘school’ is up to you. Here are a few simple campus style tips that will help you settle into the college experience, at least from a fashion point of view. Invest in a good bag. If your lecturers are the kind that insist on students having textbooks in class or you’re one of the masses who cycle to college, a backpack is an obvious choice. Try The Bag Shop in the Parkway for a functional and fashionable bag. Penneys stock a good selection of cute, roomy and easy-on-thewallet tote bags or try high street stores like River Island if you’re looking for something with a bit more quality and sophistication. Pick up some cute and warm Pjs, jog pants and hoodies for those nights in with friends. Or those nights spent running around your student village making new ones. It happens. Don’t fall into the trap of wearing the class hoody the week you get it, unless you fancy strolling around campus wearing the same

as forty other people. This can be especially hazardous if you’re a business student. Be different and wear it the following week. The novelty will have worn off and you’ll be seen as a style icon... maybe. Carry an umbrella at all times. Don’t be fooled by the short, quick bursts of sunshine. Limerick is synonymous with rain. If only you’d known that during CAO form time! It’s worth splurging on a pair of well fitting jeans that you can then wear to death over your years here. Try something that’s classic; a dark wash in a straight or bootcut leg is perfect and won’t be off-trend come next September. Do visit the Lodge in what you’re wearing; be it your cute pyjamas, sweaty gym gear or simply jeans and flats. Stepping into the Lodge is like stepping into a parallel universe. Trust me, you could spend a night there wearing a bin liner and fluffy slippers and no one would bat an eyelid.

Around the World

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TErhic Deoyle

In Transit Kieran Costello

The family group from ‘Norn Iron’ were in full whinge mode. I could feel a child’s foot kicking the back of my seat. Heathrow slowly rolled by, and the crew began the safety brief.

Later, when we get back home, the credit card bill arrives. The ninety-second phone call costs over £19! As the learned Austin Powers once famously said, “Ouch baby, ouch!”

And then the Boeing slowed down to a stop. A tone and then we hear a voice from the ﬂight deck. A problem with one of the engines. Should be underway shortly. ‘Shortly’ stretches into twenty minutes. Another message, much the same. I fall asleep. It’s been a long day already.

Meanwhile, we arrive back at the gate with about an hour to go. It drags by. A ﬂight to Madrid loads up at the gate beside us, and the plane disappears.

It’s the end of June: She Who Must Be Obeyed and I are on the second leg of our trip to Houston, where, waiting for us, will be my former housemate Mandy and her father, who will whisk us three hours down the road to Broussard, Louisiana. We’d been up since ridiculous o’clock this morning, and the effects of that were beginning to show on me. Two hours later I wake up and we’re still in the same spot. Thanks to the wonders of modern technology (Ok, text messaging), I’m able to keep our hosts informed of the situation. Flight Deck buzzes us for another chat: we’re going to have to switch planes. So we limp back to the terminal and we rush off the plane...and are promptly rushed through security again. Third time already today; I’m getting pretty quick at the routine by now. Then off to wait at the gate, where we’re told it’ll be eight hours. Eight hours?! Oh yeah. Morale amongst the other passengers plummets. Many fingers are pointed. We hear the word ‘disgrace’ a few times. Some people were supposed to fly yesterday and were told that the flight had been overbooked. Solution? Put them in a hotel overnight at the airline’s expense.

And then the magical announcement: elderly and young children on first. Some people stretch the definition of ‘elderly’ downwards by about thirty years. The staff don’t seem to care by now; they just want us off their hands. Finally onto the plane. Seat belts tightened; bags stowed; we’re ready to go. No sign of the safety brief – the crew remember what happened last time. But then the Flight Deck announces a new problem. Undercarriage. A new part is needed – with a minimum of a 45 minute wait. Groans from all around. Text Mandy again. Eventually, we get sorted. Taxi out. Safety brief on. Pause for thought on the edge of the runway. We finally take off when we should be landing in Houston.

Our friends from Norn Iron look like they’re about to issue a fatwa, or demand to be allowed ﬂy – on account of it being the Queen’s airspace. People start to drift away.

We clap and cheer – well, I do, while The Boss tries to squeeze the blood out of my arm as we hit some turbulence about 90 seconds into the ﬂight.

We decide to do the same ourselves and soon spot several of our fellow passengers at an information desk where the harassed staff are engaged in their daily ritual of Explaining Why It’s Not Their Fault, and doling out compensation money.

The pilot throws the aircraft around as if we’re taking off from an airﬁeld in Afghanistan while the Taliban are sitting around hoping to shoot us down.

Free money eh? We each pick up £5 and grab some grub. Later we ﬁnd out we can claim some more, and get another £5 each.

We can see our new Boeing being prepared. Time moves by even more slowly. A posse of airline employees begins to gather. Passengers sense the time is approaching, and, spontaneously, a queue develops.

Decide to call Mandy. Out comes the credit card: coins won’t do for international calls.

Later – much later – we arrive in Houston. It’s dark and hot. As we taxi in to the terminal at George H. W. Bush Intercontinental, a member of the cabin crew welcomes us to the U S of A., and signs off: “Thank you for ﬂying with British Airways; we hope you’ll be ﬂying with us again soon”. Time to make a hasty exit.

The Good, The Bad And The Ugly: Tallinn, Estonia Aoife Finnerty

1. Quite possibly the cleanest capital city in the world, it’s litter free and full of cobbled streets primed for wandering, though obviously not in high-heels.

The Good

2. Late night clubs and pubs – disco bars stay open until after 3am, clubs vary but most stay open later, entry fees are pretty reasonable and there are frequently 2 for 1 offers on many drinks and cocktails. (However it’s important to note that all off-licences close at 8 in the evening, and we thought we had it bad here with 10 o’ clock!) 3. The architecture is deﬁnitely worth a look, particularly the Orthodox Cathedral, which is like nothing you are ever likely to see in Ireland and the Old Quarter, which is full of statues, interesting buildings, shops and parks.

1. It’s pretty expensive – Eastern Europe gives off the impression of being very cheap when in actual fact it’s not. Meals out and clothing were as expensive as they would be in Ireland. However shop-bought alcohol, cigarettes and most shop-bought food is cheaper – I guess their government don’t believe in taxing ‘til it bleeds!

The Bad

2. Currency – The change-over is always a pain particularly when one has a handful of notes, the total value of which is 90c! (Exchange rate is approximately 1E.E.K to 7c) 3. Taxis – although pretty well regulated in that the base fare is shown on a sign in the window, there is no national base fare like there is in Ireland so there can be a difference of €5 - €10 between one taxi and the next. That and like many other countries the drivers can be cheeky and/or intimidating so make sure there are a couple of you together who aren’t afraid to argue if something doesn’t seem right!

1. The Ugly

Like any other city the issue of safety always arises. Although the guide books will name certain clubs, for example Club Hollywood, it’s important not to take this as a recommendation. This club in particular though listed by the powers-that-be often does not have a good reputation with the locals of Tallinn, many of whom give warnings to tourists that they may be prone to muggings and stabbings if they are there alone or get separated from friends.

sept ents

The Future of Entertainment: 2008/09 at UL Hi all and welcome to the the weird and wonderful world of UL Ents. We’re all set for a great year with plenty of the old reliables and plenty of new events and artists set to happen over the next nine months. In terms of what’s new, then try out our ‘Last Week’ series of gigs. Basically, the last week of every month will feature a series of great gigs. Take our new festival, Oktoberfest, as an example. On the last weekend in September we will stage Oktoberfest. Over the course of that week we will stage the Freshers’ Ball featuring the Saw Doctors, FRED, We Should be Dead and lots more.

conﬁrmed for the Monnet are Cathy Davey, Lisa Hannigan, Damien Dempsey, while on the comedy front we’re looking to book Andrew Maxwell, Neil Delamare, PJ Gallagher,Jason Byrne, Jarlath Reagan, Davis O’Doherty, Tom Stade and few more heads to make you laugh. In terms of ﬁnding out whats on then there’s plenty of options. Join us on Bebo just add us as a friend – we’re UL Ents. We will update that on a daily basis as well as running ticket and autograph competitions.

We will have a marquee up in the SU courtyard and on the Tuesday and Thursday we’ll do two great comedy shows there. And on the Wednesday night we’ll have Damien Dempsey belting out some tunes in Monnet. That’s a mini Rag Week and we want you to get out and about and enjoy the gigs.

When you’re around the SU Courtyard make sure your bluetooth is operating on your phone. We’ll be sending out lots of free content with everything from event guides for the week to music for bands that are playing, free tickets and pretty much anything we can get our hands on. So switch on your bluetooth!!!

We’ll repeat it at the end of October for Halloweek; November for Xmas Daze; February for Fleadh Mor; March for Rag Week and April for Summerfest. So strap in and enjoy the ride.

Alternatively you can just keep your eyes peeled for the posters and ﬂyers and of course there’s this magazine and An Focal, both of which will keep you up to date on all that is happening.

On top of all that we’re orgainising a mixture of comedy and music for Wednesday nights in the Jean Monnet already

So that’s about it again for lots more info just join us on Bebo or log on to www.ulsu.ie. See you soon,

September

Keith & Regina ULSU Entertainments

So it’s all about to kick off. We’re trying to overload your senses for the ﬁrst two months and we reckon we’re starting along the right lines this month. From Orientation Week when we kick off with visits from UL legends FRED and the amazing Blizzards, to week 1 when Delorentos drop in to say hello! This is followed by the ultimate cheese fest with the Venga Boys in Week 2. Ham Sandwich scoot by to do a Green Session in Week 3 – they won the Meteor new band award this year and are going to be huge so make sure you catch them. And if that’s not enough for you then the following night – Wednesday – Lisa Hannigan calls by to do a Penguin Session in the Monnet. She’s the female voice behind Damien Rice and she’s pretty much amazing. Then its time for Oktoberfest – our brand new festival with a mixture of music and comedy. We’ll be welcoming the Saw Doctors, Damien Dempsey and the best in Irish comedy – all in the space of four days. Join us on Bebo (UL Ents) for all the details. Have a good ﬁrst month back and roll on October! C’ya soon, Keith & Regina UL Entertainments

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Go fred Go!

v an lks o a t n o e f r ed , D ﬁ ’ f e O u c ie cD p min M a e J v n n o ﬁ t Fi from

As I interview him on the eve of his flight to London, Jamin shouts, “We’re on holidays!” The band has been on tour promoting the release of its latest album, Go God Go since May. “We’ve played in Toronto, Boston, New York, London and all over Ireland,” he says excitedly. A hectic schedule deserves a break. But not before Pulse gets a quick word with the bass player. Jamin has been part of FRED for five years. But the band started off as a three piece 10 years ago. “The current line up is 5 years old. I’m the final addition,” he says. “Before the band formed, all the lads were in college or uni. One did geology; another did design; one’s an architect.” But the students wanted to be a band. “I guess we just followed our hearts.”In the last five years FRED has released two albums. Making Music So You Don’t Have To, though a great album, never got the PR it needed. “I don’t know how many we sold. We made the album but did nothing to promote it,” he admits, adding that, “for the new album we got a manager. We really wanted to get this one out there. So after meeting her at a festival somewhere in Connemara, we hired Sheena and she has definitely moved us along.” In fact, the band has since been on the Ian Dempsey show and has an appearance lined up on the Ray D’Arcy show along with a slot at this summer’s Electric Picnic. “We played Oxegen five years ago when it was called Witness,” he adds. So what’s been the main factor in the band’s recent success? “The PR’s great! If we’d known the PR was so helpful we’d have done it last time,” he says, reminiscing “last time we’d just ring up the radio station and say, ‘hello can we come on the radio”. Despite this, Jamin says, “we haven’t had our big break yet.” However, I certainly get the impression that FRED is very happy with where it is at the moment. “Electric Picnic! I can’t wait!”, he says, as I ask him about the upcoming gig. “Playing those festivals is the best part of it.” And so I ask the Limerick native, “What about UL?” Without hesitation he says, “We’ve played there three times before and each time it has got bigger. It was sold out last time... People really enjoy our music there. The crowd’s always responsive.” So what about the music? It’s no secret that FRED’s sound is an elaborate conglomeration of very different sounds and styles that shouldn’t work together, but just do. In response to this Jamin admits, “everybody definitely has different tastes and styles. And each song is very different. For instance, I might write a song. Everybody chips in. Once they do, it becomes FRED.” So the band’s influences vary a lot. But there are some artists they agree on. “We all like the Beetles and the Beach Boys.” This influence manifests itself through the great feel-good factor so evident in FRED’s sound. FRED has also recently signed with record label Sparks, in Canada. So where else have they been received well? “We got some great reviews in London and New York. Some of those reviews are available on the website www.fredtheband.com,” he says. At their 3rd September gig here in UL, students should expect, “Explosions, dynamism, dynamite, controlled explosions and more,” jokes Jamin, adding, “can’t wait! UL’s always a good gig.” When: Orientation Week Special: Wednesday, 3 September, Week 0 Where: Stables Club Tickets: As free as a freebie!

Blizzards

Forecasted for September

David Morrissey speaks to The Blizzards’ Niall Breslin “Bressie” about their new album and their return to UL

The Blizzards return to UL this September armed with material from their new album The Domino Effect, due to be released on 12 September. The lads from Mullingar have enjoyed a certain amount of success as a result of their 2006 album A Public Display of Affection. Their performance on the main stage at Oxegen 2007 helped them to the Meteor award for Best Live Performance of that year. If infectious pop fused with a bit of punk and ska is your thing, well, the Blizzards won’t disappoint. Is there going to be a change in musical direction for their new album? The answer to this is no. According to Bressie there “isn’t much change”. He quickly followed on to explain that they did push themselves very hard on the new album, but were very careful not to change anything. I found this slightly peculiar, especially for a relatively fresh and young band that would be expected to experiment to some extent. I queried him further on the matter and asked why there was no real change and he forwarded the example of Radiohead. He claimed everything that they have come up with after The Bends has been “rubbish”. Before their change in musical direction (from OK Computer onwards) they were producing “great rock music”, he argues. There is a bit of resemblance between the Blizzards and the now indie heavyweights, the Artic Monkeys. The point of overlap is that of each band’s vocal delivery and lyric style. Both bands use a colloquial styled collection of lyrics; that is to say, “street talk”; and both bands – thanks to their lead singers – deliver the lyrics in a sort of “talkative” manner that transcends the lyrics perfectly. Recently Alex Turner (lead singer of the Artic Monkeys) has approached both lyric and vocal delivery in a more articulate and mature 20

manner with his latest side project, The Last Shadow Puppets. I asked Bressie if this is a direction he may choose to pursue himself. Again the answer was no. “Stick to your strengths” was his reasoning behind this. So if they were to stick to their strengths they would yield huge amounts of success? Not necessarily. The Blizzards have enjoyed success in Ireland but have yet to break the UK market. They have built themselves into a very tight performance unit on the road throughout Ireland’s live venues. So if there is little or no change in their musical direction this time (or in the future, by the sound of things) what is going to keep the Blizzards’ appeal in motion? The simple answer to this is attitude. Throughout the interview Bressie spouted the word “attitude” several times. This was his interpretation of how the music has changed – if only very slightly. His tone throughout the interview was very direct and slightly rebellious. It was as if he was trying to say, “Fuck all the doubters; this is going to be a great album and we are going to show everyone”. There was a very determined tone underlying his speech. I, for one, felt quite convinced about the band’s future as a result.I asked what we can expect at the upcoming UL gig. He remarked, amongst other things, that they will have a brass section new to their show. Brass and attitude-an intense gig it should be so. When: Orientation Week Special: Thursday, 4 September, Week 0 Where: Stables Courtyard Tickets: €15...or nab yourself a free ticket when you open up an Ulster Bank student account!

A not-so Rocky Road back to the Monnet Aoife Breen It’s been almost three years since Damien Dempsey last graced UL with his presence, but his upcoming gig on the 1 October heralds the return of a talent that has grown hugely in the interim. Since then, he’s put two more albums under his belt and his repertoire of tunes has sprung into new territories, bringing back to the Monnet a stronger singer-songwriter who still bears the same powerful presence. Damo. What can we say? He brings an authority that remains indescribable but is blatantly phenomenal. Capable of stirring up every emotion with his evolving playlist, the north side Dubliner moulds a powerful blend of strong lyrics, catchy beats and a charismatic character that bonds with his audience. In a venue like the Monnet, be prepared to be blown away. His sound is overwhelming; his lyrics will rush through your veins and you will leave with an elated energy. Taking on the influences of Irish history and ordinary contemporary life growing up in Donaghmede in Dublin 13, you’d be forgiven for thinking that there’s a similarity with sean-nós and traditional Irish music. Damo throws together one part reggae, one part trad and one part of his own secret spice. Somehow, it works - and it works well. His guttural Dublin accent melts into his lyrics and brings out a raw expression of feeling and a sense that he believes everything that he sings which in turn hypnotises his audience and carries them into his world. To be fair, his lyrics do verge on the controversial end of the scale. His approach has attracted scorn from those not taken by his style, claiming that his voice is too rough and his lyrics too divisive. But that’s his charm. He sings with true passion about real issues to the backdrop of strong guitar chords. If you haven’t seen him live, then you’ve only part-experienced what he has brought to Irish music. With a small capacity and good acoustics, the Monnet gig is guaranteed to be an opportunity not to be missed, especially with the immense choice he has now for his play list. Starting with his often underrated first album They Don’t Teach this Shit in School in 2000, the guitarist has since produced four other studio albums and a live album recorded in the Olympia - each a greater success than the last as his fan base in Ireland, the UK and even the US continues to grow to appreciate what he has to offer. Seize the Day in 2003 was massive. Boasting powerful tunes such as ‘Negative Vibes’ and ‘Factories’, it hit number five in the Irish charts during the week of its release. In 2004 Damien walked away as the only double winner at the Meteor awards. But things only got better. Shots - his third album in 2005, catapulted into the charts at the number one position, knocking 50 Cent off the top place. And deservedly so. The album throws up one good song after another: ‘Sing all our cares away’, ‘Patience’, ‘Hold Me’, ‘Party On’ and the incredible ‘Colony’. Ireland’s Best Male in 2006 and 2007, Damien continued to clock up his Meteor Award collection again this year walking away with the title of Best Irish Folk/Traditional.And so he continues. To Hell or Barbados in 2007 rocketed in at number two. Then, in June of this year, Damo did what he was made to do. He did the inevitable. He produced The Rocky Road. Although albums of cover versions generally stir up feelings of uncertainty, this gem only adds volumes to Dempsey’s stature. Each and every track is thoroughly remarkable; none more so than his absolutely epic version of ‘The Foggy Dew’. With the backing help from Dubliners’ fiddler John Sheahan and banjo-player Barney McKenna, the album gives a modern, fresh sound to Irish ballads allowing Damo to continue on his quest to give the young generations of twenty-first century Ireland an alternative to dance and pop music. And what an alternative he provides.

When: Oktoberfest Special: Wednesday, 1 October, Week 4 Where: A Penguin Session in the Jean Monnet Tickets: m20 for those of you with big income payments and a discounted m12 for those still with proof of furthering your education.

One to watch...

Having escaped from the shadow of Damien Rice, Lisa Hannigan brings her unique vocals to the Jean Monnet in week 3 as the ﬁrst Penguin Session of 2008/09. Recognizable as Damien’s former collaborator, Lisa has now brought her own raw talent into the spotlight and is ready to shine following the release of her ﬁrst album, Sea Saw. Just back from the Picnic at Stradbally, Hannigan is now ready to embrace a UL audience. Soft and gentle but immensely striking, her lyrics are second to none with distinctive backing sounds from everything from a guitar and piano to glockenspiel and double bass. Catch her while you can; you won’t get an opportunity like this again too soon. When: Wednesday, 24 September; Week 3. Where: A Penguin Session in the Jean Monnet Tickets: m20 for regular folks or a bargain at m12 if you wave your magical student ID

Ten Seconds on...

Ham Sandwich Who are they: a ﬁve piece from Meath; that’d be Podge McNamee, Niamh Farrell, John Moore, Darcy and Ollie Murphy on their birth certs. Date of Birth: Good Friday, 2003, apparently. Names that might ring a bell: Sad Songs - ﬁrst single in 2005; Click, click...Boom! in 2007 and, their debut album, Carry the Meek released in February of this year. Sounds like: anything from the Pixies to Smashing Pumpkins Badges of Honour: Meteor Music Hope For 2008 Award. When: Tuesday 23 September, Week 3 Where: Stables Club Tickets: Free like the air you breathe. 22

Who: ULSU Ents What: Christy Moore Tribute How much: FREE! Venue: Stables Wednesday 03 Who: ULSU What: Day 2 of Orientation: Student Survival Guide Time: 13:00 Venue: University Concert Hall Who: ULSU Ents & the University What: Day 2 of Orientation: lots of music, human table football, dodgeball, bungee run, swingball, giant jenga, connect 4. Time: Play all day! How much: FREE! Venue: Student Centre Who: Music Soc What: Open Day! Time: 14:00 – 15:30 Venue: Music Room, SU Who: ULSU Ents What: FRED How much: FREE! Venue: Stables Thursday 04 Who: ULSU What: Day 2 of Orientation: Student Survival Guide Time: 13:00 Venue: University Concert Hall Who: ULSU Ents & the University What: Day 2 of Orientation: lots of music, human table football, dodgeball, bungee run, swingball, giant jenga, connect 4. Time: Play all day! How much: FREE! Venue: Student Centre Who: ULSU Ents What: The Blizzards How much: m15/Free when you open an Ulster Bank Account Venue: Stables Friday 05 Who: ULSU What: Day 2 of Orientation: Student Survival Guide

Time: 13:00 Venue: University Concert Hall

Social Time: 20:00 Venue: John Holland

Who: ULSU Ents & the University What: Day 2 of Orientation: lots of music, human table football, dodgeball, bungee run, swingball, giant jenga, connect 4. Time: Play all day! How much: FREE! Venue: Student Centre

Who: UL Arts Ofﬁce What: The Singer Time: 21:00 Venue: Jonathan Swift

Monday 08 Who: ULSU Ents What: Back to School Party How much: m10 Venue: Trinity Rooms

Who: Debating Union & Journo Soc What: Debate: “That this house believes ‘Stab City’ is a media myth” Time: 19:00 Venue: Jonathan Swift

Tuesday 09 09 An Focal Edition 1 Who: Students’ Union What: C&S Admin Seminar Part 1 Time: 18:00 – 20:00 Venue: CSG01 Who: ULSU Ents – Green Session What: Delorentos Support: The CMC (Music Soc) How much: €10 Venue: Stables Wednesday 10 Who: Students’ Union What: Clubs and Societies Recruitment Drive Time: 18:00 – 21:00 Venue: University Arena Who: ULSU Ents What: Comedy How much: m10 Venue: Stables Thursday 11 Who: Students’ Union What: C&S Admin Seminar Part 2 Time: 18:00 – 20:00 Venue: CSG01 Who: ULSU Ents What: Mr Mystery How much: m10 Venue: Stables Monday 15 Who: UL Arts Ofﬁce & Environmental Committee What: The 11th Hour Time: 18:30 Venue: Jonathan Swift Who: Debating Union What: Debates Workshop &

Tuesday 16 Who: Students’ Union What: Class Reps’ Council Time: 18:00 Venue: CSG01

Wednesday 17 Who: ULSU Ents What: Comedy How much: Venue: TBC Who: UL Basketball Club What: Table Ofﬁcials’ Course Contact: (President) Noreen. OConnell@ul.ie Monday 22 Who: UL Arts Ofﬁce What: The Italian Time: 18:30 Venue: Jonathan Swift Tuesday 23 An Focal Edition 2 Who: Students’ Union What: Clubs and Socs Council Time: 18:00 Venue: CSG01 Who: UL Basketball Club What: Poker Night Venue: Sports Club Who: ULSU Ents What: Ham Sandwich Support: National Saturday (Music Soc) How much: FREE! Venue: Stables Wednesday 24 Who: ULSU Ents – Penguin Session What: Lisa Hannigan Support: Bobby O’Keeffe & Greta Hogan (Music Soc) How much: m12/m20 Venue: Jean Monnet Saturday 27 Who: Students’ Union What: Class Reps’ Training

Weekend Venue: Cork Sunday 28 Who: Students’ Union What: Class Reps’ Training Weekend Venue: Cork

whats on: september

Orientation Week Tuesday 02 Pulse September Edition Who: ULSU Ents What: Orientation Prep: lots of music, human table football, dodgeball, bungee run, swingball, giant jenga, connect 4...play all day! How much: FREE! Venue: Student Centre

Oktoberfest SHAG Week Monday 29 Who: ULSU Ents What: Comedy Gig How much: Venue: TBC Tuesday 30 Who: Students’ Union What: Class Reps’ Council Time: 18:00 Venue: CSG01 Who: ULSU Ents What: Comedy Gig How much: Venue: TBC Who: ULSU Ents – Green Session What: Vesta Varro Support: Machismo (Music Soc) How much: FREE! Venue: Stables Wednesday 01 Who: ULSU Ents – Penguin Session What: Damien Dempsey How much: m12/m20 Venue: Jean Monnet Thursday 02 Who: Music Soc What: Music Soc Stage – various artists Time: 17:00 – 20:00 Venue: Stables courtyard Who: ULSU Ents What: Freshers’ Ball with the Saw Doctors, Fred, We Should Be Dead and many, many more!) How much: m15 Venue: SU Courtyard

Thermometer

Angel Lane: we’re still mixed about this one but verging ever so slightly more in its favour. Yes, it’s Limerick’s newest nightclub but it’s claiming an over-21s policy - what’s that about?!

Script: they’re so hawt right now. And they’re Irish.

The Dark Knight - gripping!

Back to college: long lie-ins, late nights, hot chicken rolls, no pressures-yes it has begun again.

Madonna’s energy: and body...at 50! Have you seen her video for ‘Give it 2 Me’?

Ok, there’s no disk drive and it’s not exactly going to hold much of your music, but it’s a simple and straightforward device built for functionality. What more could you expect for that sort of price?

ASUS’s Eee PC. With dimensions of 22.5 cm by 16.5 cm by 3.5cm and under a kilo in weight, this super-compact notebook might provide enough without the same cost as a regular laptop. €349 at komplett.ie will get you a 4GB drive and Windows XP operating system.

you s can time? w o l l ma me marsh at the sa y n a h t How myour mou ﬁt in

: E G N E L L A H C G I T HE B

spare parts

Nipple clamps for those on a low student budget.

4. 5.

Use it to keep the hem of your trousers up if they fall down. Be wild - clip multiple sheets of paper together.

7. 8. 9.

that you will never allow staples to come between you.

10. Following on from number 9, reassure your new friend

Tip-ex two tiny dots on it, pretend they’re eyes, bring him with you everywhere around campus and let him be your friend.

Straighten it and use it to pick locks. Not that we’re advising criminal deviancy or anything of the sort.

Straighten it out and use it to roast the marshmallows you didn’t use in the challenge.

Press the restart button on things like your MP3 player stuck deep in a tiny hole.

If the pully-part on your zip comes off/breaks/is eaten, thread in a paperclip instead.

2. 3.

Use it for its actual purpose - clip two sheets of paper together.

A PAPE RCLIP:

Ten things to do with...

But, overall, these clocks make you aware of their presence and the importance of time as they tick their merry way through life. Be aware of the alarm ringing though - it’s sometimes frightening if you’re lost in slumber.

A traditional alarm clock. Get one. They’re somewhat funky and very retro. Ok, so the regular tick-tick-tick noise can be a bit irritating but eventually it blends into the background. Until it stops completely. Then you need to wind it up again, which can be a pain if you forget and suddenly you’re lost in a timeless oblivion.

Something Different:

Irish ‘summers’ with the result that we all end up wearing sunglasses and summer clothes in the middle of the pouring rain. Just because we have them in our wardrobes. Tragic, really.

Third level fees...eh, no thanks, Batt!

Short use-by dates: orange juice, vegetables, fruit, milk...everything! They’re hardly in the fridge and it’s time to put them in the bin.

Fáilte Towers: Right, so it was sort of entertaining but really, what was the point of it? RTÉ’s summer programming reached new levels.

Ireland’s Olympic performance: Almost as dismal as the summer, but the boxers did put on a ﬁne show. At least London is close enough for a lot more moral support in 2012.

Famous Last Word of the Month: Ridiculous

Famous Last Word s

So you’ve made it to the last page of the first ever edition of Pulse. Congratulations. I hope you’ve acquired a taste for more. I suppose I should really explain what this is all about. Pulse has taken over from Review - the magazine that was around for the last couple of years. Basically, we thought it was time for a revamp. Everybody needs to clear out their wardrobe from time to time, so why not clear out the magazine too on occasion. So, hopefully, we’ve kept the essentials you liked and added a few more ridiculous bits ‘n’ pieces to the collection along the way. If you’ve any ideas, please be so kind as to tell me – I’m pretty open to suggestions, no matter how ridiculous you might think they are. In fact, the more ridiculous the better. Speaking of the ridiculous, that’s how I feel writing this on the 21 August. Most of you are still floating in holiday-mode, miles and miles away from everything that is UL related. But it has to be done. Just like settling (back) into college. For all the new first years on campus – welcome aboard; to the rest of you coming back - it’s good to see you again: we’ve missed you. No, really, we have. It’s ridiculously quiet around UL when you aren’t around: there are parking spaces available at all times of the day! But it is good to have you back. As ridiculous as this may seem, UL just isn’t the same without students. Amazing, that, considering it’s a university and all. Students are a breed of their own, really. For the four years that you will spend at UL you will get away with things that would normally seem quite ridiculous but you get away with them by virtue of the fact that you are a student. Once you leave here, using the theme tune to Home & Away as your alarm clock (whether it be the lunchtime or evening episode) will be considered plain lazy. Similarly, robbing toilet rolls from various establishments and enterprises will be verging on criminal activity in the world beyond Studentville. It’s okay for you to spend disproportionate sums of money on socialising and to prioritise Thursday night’s going out money over Thursday night’s dinner. Being naturally attracted to free things - no matter how useless or plain ridiculous - is fine. Having an urge to steal signs or traffic cones and to climb...well, anything, is somehow considered all right: you’ll escape with a “Well lads, how are ye gettin’ on there? Have ye no homes to go to?” from the community garda. I’m not condoning all of these activities (I have to say that now, really, don’t I?) but I suppose I’m – in a roundabout sort of fashion - telling you to enjoy the next year, or two, or three, or four or however long you that you have left at UL, because once you move out of the ‘student’ bracket, not only will the discounts evaporate, but the disregard for your ridiculous activities will also magically vanish. Until then, there’s Pulse. A magazine made to fit into your ridiculous lifestyles full of miscellaneous strange spare parts; things that will never make news headlines; but will help you as you travel through life and the world, maybe even entertain you and let you know what’s going on in the ridiculous little microcosm that is UL. For everything else, there’s MasterCard. Have a good September,

Breenie