Ultra Vires Vol 4 Issue 4: 2003 January

THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF THE UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO FACULTY OF LAW

VOLUME 4 ISSUE 4

JANUARY 21, 2003

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INDEPENDENT SINCE 1999

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·student services threatened by $1M budget cuts Law student representatives forced to prioritize programs

u oFT Clthletes celebr21te win 21t L21w G21mes 2003

svsENPERRIN Law student representatives arc facing wugh choices on which pro~~s.-:- ~elud­ ing financtal aid and diversuy mmanve~ may go on the chopping block after bcmg told to brace for budget curs ro rhc law school totalling S I mtllion.

Since Provost Slmley '\icuman ftrsr reported on Nov. 14 that acadcnuc divisions could sel' a four to five per cent reduction m rhctr operating budgets, the impact for the law school appears to be worse than expected. "\X't•'re looking at quire a stiff budget }Car aht-ad of us," said ~cuman. '~\nd the situation wtll ~tay a bit difficult until the marker recovers."

Students' Law Society President Jennifer :\tatthew~ (Ill), conftrmed that expected cuts of SSOO,OOO \\ill double, topping Sl million. The cut!\ arc being blamed on poor stock market pcrlormance thar has impacted the pension and ~ndowmcnt funds, as well as failure to

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"\\ c don't knm\ where the Jean ts plan mng on making Ius cuts. \\c are assessing our priontJcs whde asswrung budget cur:; arc going forward,'' srud Marthc~·s. "Th~.· dean and rhe law school arc committed ro a fh·c-}ear plan. This is n setback."

A U of T contingent poses at the opening ceremonies of Law Games 2003 at Universirc Laval in Quebec City. Sec story, page 2; opinion, page 13; photo, page 18. Photo ro11rte.ry of Rokhi l'illttholi.

The Sn1denr C.tucus of Faculty Council has been asked hy Dean Daniels w prioritize studenr-rclated funding arl'ils by Jan. 23 for a mecung with Daniels to dtscuss the cuts. The Five-Yl-ar \cadcmic Plan had allocatl·d $1.35 mtllion for student scrvi<:cs and programs, $1.7 million m student aid, and $1.7 million for f.1culty recruitment and

BY ALEXANDRA DOSMAN study." I lowen:r, most attendees felt the public interest work. rttl'ntion. of tht• study was not open to mcthodolog) \aron Dcl.tney (11), a member of the Cntics han· poimcJ out that these num L' ofT Prm·ost Shirley ;\cuman vbitc:d thl· critk)ul-:.

Student Caucus, highhghted art-as \\hose law faculty on ~m. 22 to discuss the career "I was curious to sec how they define fate Is now unccrram including: addtrional PLEASE SEE "ACCESSIBILITY~ ON PAGE 2 chotec studr being conducted b} the access, and what it ml'ltns for it to be an recruiting anJ financial rud office smff, a Prmost's office. hJrmer Provost \del ~edra 'tndepcndcm stud}'," said Juda stud, nr sen ices coordmator, three new regcommmcd to the proJect in the face of con- :Strawt-z} nski. "But thiS was not consultaIStration office p~.·rsonncl, S100,000 for tenuous debate on law school tuuion tion, tht was explanation. It was clear that a dtvc:rsity iniuauvcs and S I00,000 for publtc incn:ascs. path h.td already been Jeadcd.'' inraest law proJects. \\ htle the Studmr ln an cmatl tm•ttation to the meenng, currum defended the methodology of • BILL GRAHAM LECTURE, P3 Caucus has not ycr formally decided on the addresscJ to all mtcr~stcd faculty and stu the stud}. \\ htch w11l usc ~:XJsting dar.a from proposal it \dll put forward to Dameb, • CLONED PROFS, P10 dents currcnrl} regtstcrcd in the Facull) of the IM1~· Soa~t} of l ppcr CanaJa. The there is comensus that financial aid for HU· Law, Neuman suggested she \\~luld ''outlmc sruJy \\Ill track, among other things, where • PROFS IN STYLE, PH dents is a top prioritr. our tentati\ t' plans for the career choiCe L' of T graduate article after graduation • LUST FOR THE LAW, P15 study and innte }OUr suggcsuons about the and the percentage of time they spend in PLEASE SEE "BUDGET" ON PAGE 2

Meeting with Provost "explanation, not consultation"

Poisoned lake metaphor rankles Neuman at accessibility study open house

UVINDEX

• REVIEWS, P17

CHSSELS

www.casselsbrock.com/student.asp BROCK

ULTRA VIRES

NEWS

2

CONTINUED FROM "MEEnNG", PAGE 1 bcrs arc mt~lcading. The data omit~ :;tudcnts 'Who article out of provmce or tn the United 'ltatc~. potencial choice:> made due to debt load It also defines "public interest law" very broadly, as spending 20% or more of a lawyer's rime practicing in areas such as environmental, 1:\bour, and aboriginal law. '~\ lot of lawyer~ can ~pend their entire careers in environment or labour law and not do a single thmg for the public interest," said Amy Porteous (III), SIX'llking at a meeting of the U of T's Comrrurtce on Academic Programs and Policy on ~ov. 27 In addition, as pointed out b) student Lindsay Forbes, the data docs not extend to the non-applicant p<x)l- those that may be deterred from applpng due to a "stickershock" effect of htgh ruition.

Law Games team takes athletic trophy lJ ofT's valiant contingent brought home an unusual accoladl• from this year's Law Games m Quebec City the athletics troph}.

Rumoun:d to have been personally requested h} Dean Ron Daniels, this trophy has cluded U of T since the Law Games' incepnon in 1983. Last year'~ group managt•d to take the aadcnuc troph).

Despite being b.1dly oumumbcred by other schools, U of T managc·J to notch \'lCtories in ultimate frisbee, inner tube \\1lter polo, women's syuash and aerobics, the team picked up strong second and third place finlshl'S 111 other l'\ enrs.

- joflalban Dfsbarats

On November 28. De-puty Prime Mim tcr john :Manley announced Robm Rix (II) as this }car's wmncr of the prestigious 1\s Prune Mmistl"r \u:ards competition, sponsored by Magna Internaoonal Inc., at a ceremony 111 Ottawa.

The topic of dus }car's compeotion related to tmprmring living stan· ~" 'U\d contt\b\lnng to g\oba\ sccu nry and pro~p<'no: Rix was selected from among a pool of approxinutely 900 entrants, which was reduced to a pool of 50 ~cmi-finalists and then further reduced to a pool of 11 finalists. Rix receives a cash prize of $20.000, a~ well as the offer of a one year pa1d internship at Magna.

Commented Rix ahout receiving the prize, "tt was an honour, even more so because the other contestants v.'Cte all vcr) impressive."

Richard Mcloff, a fourth-year JD/1\t.B,\ student. won the competition two yt.-ars ago. T\•m other t.: of T Law studl'nts. Juda Strawoynski (1) anJ Jcrent} .Millard, who graduated last year, were semi-finalist:. in the 2002 compcmion.

1b read the complete text of Rlx's essay, and to learn more about the applicauon process for the cnmpeooon, vistt ~~~71.asprimennniskr.rom.

- Bcmma B11tl

"I found it shocking. There was a total lack of respect by the speaker for the student community. At one point she called us kids."

- Juda Strawczynski (I) Neuman ·was adamant that the data is su ffictent. ''\X'c'rc not doing a survey," she.; added. ". ' othing could be more unreliable."

J\skcd what would happen if the study did find that accessibility or career choice arc bc:tng compromised, the Provost indicated she \vould look at "a· whole range of

<Iuestions, tncludmg if we should slow down."

The aanospherc of the meeting turned acrimonious when a first-year student <Iueried the timmg of the study. "It seems entircl} backwards to introduce a potential pollutant into a system in order to study its effects," he said. "Chances arc," he noted, "you've got a poisoned lake." 'lcuman responded crisply, "I would apprecutc some counesy in the metaphors."

The Provost's tone frustrated some students. "I found it shocking," said Strawczyn~ki. "there was a total lack of respect by the speaker for the student community. At one point she called us kids."

The methodology for the study was given the go-ahead by the U of T's Comnuttce on Academic Policy and Programs on Nov. 27.

Ultra Vires

Student wins essay prize

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Come and celebrate the latest issue of Ultra Vires.

Tuesday, January 21st Spaha, @ 8pm. Whoa nelly, it's a party in here.

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national law, and then addressed specific policy challenges facing Canada. The lntcrnational Criminal Court (ICC), orth Kon:a, Iraq, and the Bush \dmintstranon featured heavily in hts remarks.

Often referring to former colleagues in the audienct. by ftrst name, one of Graham's unexpected quips came at the expense of his host. "You arc sort of the Manley of this place, aren't you?" said Graham to Daniels after making a comment about the Dean being the "money man" to appla.usl' from students in attendance. John Manley, Deputy Prime Minister and Fmance Minister, has occn the subject of criticism recendy 0\·cr yuestionable pc>lincal judgment.

While Graham spoke of "our allies in Europe," he nouccably distanced Canada from the United Stares - a relationship he described as "largely to our benefit."

Graham responded to the issue of a rising nnti·J\merican sentiment in Europe and parts of Canada after his speech.

"They Ithe United States) \\ill always ha\e policies against u~," s:ud Graham, "But the thing I like about the U.S. ts the diversity of optnion. You never know, there may be a new admmistration a few yt.-ars later."

Graham handled several qucsoons during an open ljuescion and answer session, most focussing on current events. He defended U.~. Securit)' Counctl resolution t 441, which Professor Jurta Brunnce described as "a hair trigger re$olunon" for American military action tn Iraq "How far ts Canada will-

BY BEN PERRIN Btll Graham, Canada's Mini~tcr of Foreign Affairs and Intcrnaoonal Trade had but a brief reprieve from the current controversy surroundmg military acuon against Iraq in a Jan. 13 spcakmg engagement at the law school.

Introducing Graham as "a much loved friend, graduatL, mentor and teacher" of the law school, Dean Ronald Daniels outlined Graham's long assoCiation wtth the L:nivcrsity of Toronto spanning forty ye-ars. \crive in student politics and dcbaung during his tunc on campus, Graham caught the political bug tn his early years. He currently sits in go\·crnment benches with another alumnus who caught the same thing: former hnancc l\firuster and decenni al Prime \1intstcnal candidate Paul Martin. (jraham and Martin both graduated from the law school in 1964.

"I can honcsth• admit, I never got my students to come. to class like this," satd Graham to several hundred faculty, students, and former colleagues who came to hear him speak in the Bennett Lecture llall.

The lecture, part of tht· Goodman lecture series, wns also web cast on the Internet. ( ;raham is an mtcrnationaJ law-yer by trade, who was elected to repre~ent the federal riding of Toronto Centre-Rosedale, which neighbours the law school, in 1993. lie \\.":"IS appointed in January 2002 to his current posting. From the outset Graham framed hts remarks as a "po\it\c-.\\ p< ·r• pee

Minister Bill Graham speaks at the law school. Photo courtuy of Usa Cal'iOfl. rive" on international law - not a disscrtation of "serious academic research."

Wah a uni.formcd po\ice offlccr conspk-

uou!;ly keeping an eye out for trouble from his corner perch, Graham spoke for an hour fu:st in genera\ terms about trends in inter-

PLEASE SEE "GRAHAM", PAGE 6

Budget cuts loom CONTINUED FROM "STUDENT" I PAGE 1 ":'\lost of our tutoon mcreases that were to go to student sen1ces arc being absorbed by budget cuts:• said Delancy. "You can't keep incn."asing tuition fees, \while} students get nothing for it. We can't go forward if that's the reality."

Last November, Ultra Vires reponed the impact of the budget cuts would be greater than anticipated. Professor Brian Langille, who sits on the Governing Council at U of T, noted that "[w]e arc about to take acrossthe-board budget cuts. This is bigger than everything we've seen, including the Common Sense revolution. They will be massive."

Student re-presentatives Matthews and Delancy arc uncertain of what to expect from their meeting wtth D :micls, but have settled on a basic ~trategy. ''\\'e're going in primarily to save things," said Matthews, "\X'e'rc then· to ensure certain key initiatives go ahead."

Sweet 'n lowdown ]..()I!Uown

Cancelled cl.isses

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BC Loans

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MCR

Umlauts

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3

Debate on Iraq follows Graham to alma mater

Accessibility meeting turns acrimonious

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ULTRA VIRES

NEWS

4

Compulsory moots could move to first year

BY ADRIAN LIU Compulsor} mooung could take place tn first \l.'ar utsread of Sl·cond )Car, if rccomntc.:nd.mons made by n studmt com· m1tlcc arc apprm cJ. \t .1 lan. 7 meeting of Joaculry Council ~tudc.:nt Caucus, josh lluntn (Ill) n:ponl'O th.tt the Curriculum CommittC'c is con· Sldenng subsmnnal changes to the compuis<>!') moonng program. 111l' changes imohe mO\'lllg the compuh;or} moots to first }car nnd combuung it 'nth a legal wnnng and rc earch component to form a half-}L'llr course. To accommodate this course, the first-yt'llf dccnve course ma} lx· dropped.

Currently, there is no credit given for the compulsory moot, but its complc.:tion is a rc.:yuir~menr for graduation. The moors take place early in October of second n~tr S1nn· on-campus intcrvic.:ws also t~t· place at that time, part of the impc.:tus for changing the compulsory moots was to reduce the \\'Orkload on sc.:cond-rcar students.

"Firs;·tc.:rm, second year is an incrcdiblr busv rimt· with recr uiting," said Je~ nifer. Smith (I) who, along with H unter, submitted a memo outlining the Curriculum Committee's ideas. "The moot, especially as it is currently only pass/ fail, was o ften not taken as seriously as it should be, (but\ resulted in a great d1.-al o f !;tress."

Power.

Professor Hanush ~tl'\\'llrt, chrur of the <.urnculum Conumttcc, echoed thl· same concerns. "~ummt'f JOb intcrYII."\\'s used to occur in February. :-:ow that thL1 haH' been me" l'd up to the fall, it is ,·er} d1fficulr for students to give dul' attentlon to the moot. ~tud("llts often ti:el that the} arl' gomg through a faidy pouulcss t•xercisc rather than lrammg anyt.!ung about research or about ad\·ocacy," Stewart o;md. \ t this pomt, Ito\\ l~ er, It is uncertain \\ hethcr Facull) Council '' 1ll adopt these cltangt$. ''The rcv1...w of the mooti~ program IS sull at a prd1mm.1ry stage, llunrer said. Smcc the subject is not on the agenda for the next H: mc.:eting, tht: proposal \\111 not he prl'sC'nrn.l until larer thi~ rear. ,\iost Canadian hw ~chools have students moot during tht:lr ftrs t year, suggesting that thert: 1s no academic advantage w postponing moots rill second vcar. "There is no reason to tlunk that U ~f T first years arc any less capable of successfully completing a moot in first n'llr," Smith sa1d. ' H owever, other students question whether first years arc equ1pped to moot. " I thin k that first year may be a little early for a moot, unless it is marked on a pass/ fail basis and the course mark is an essay, or something along those lines," said Evan Gold (1). "But I think a firstyear legal writmg course is vital."

Coffeehouse 2002

On November 21, 2002, law students cum beatniks-at-heart gathered in the Rowell Room to applaud each others' artistic talents. Acts ranged from musical

renditions to an interpretive Chinese dance. Photo ro11rtm of Lisa ( Ot10fl.

Advantage.

21 JANUARY 2003

NEWS

5

Camera-shy professor returns to teach at faculty

BY STEPHANIE WAKEFlELD Jan Lee sits in an empty office, a spartan wall of whue, painted shelves devoid of books bcs1de hun. Hts desk and floor arc free of rhc stacks of papers that make up the usual professorial clutter. "I flew from Paris on Sunday and arrived here Monday," he explains. "We're living out of boxes." f le may not be moved in yet, but it is hard to imagine him making a mess, let ~one living in one.

The newest member of the law school facull); Assistant Professor Ian B. Lee has returned to his hometown and alma mater to teach business organi:.-:ations 12 years after he first graduated from U of T's Tnnity College with a degree in commerce.

He received his LLB here in 1994, and first returned last year as a visiting professor.

You may be able to trace a straight ltnc from business to business law, but 111 Lee's case you would be missing out on some key points of interest along the way. I fc has clerked at both the Federal Court of Appeal and the Supreme Court of Canada; prac ticed corporate law in ~e\\ York and Paris; researched legal issues for the mtergovcrn mental affairs office of the Privy Counctl in Ortaw'll; and stopped tn at Cambridge and f larvard for research on the devolution of governmental powers in the UK and to complete an LL~I. Although his resume seems eclectic, Lee has bc.:cn proceeding according to plan. \\'ork cxpcnc ncc, travel, bilingualism, and

public service arc goals that have guided his choices, and that he can now check off his list. "Teaching and scholarship have always attracted me. But stncc our law is case· based, I thought tt was important to pracnce to sec how tt's made and hO\\ tt works." ,\t the same time, "I wanted m go to Pans.

There arc a couple of Canadtan firms, but the U~ route seemed easter."

I favtng grown up tn a bilingual country with a background in French immersion, Lee's interest in France ts not surprising, but one gets the impression that a simple desire to travel was a key part of the plan.

Another impormnt element is Ius interest in consntutional law. "It's impormnt to me not be seen as just a business law prof," he says, adding that he'll start teaching consti· tutionallaw next falL \X'lulc the combination may seem unusual, Lee ts qwck to point out that "they're related. The traclioonal •iew of corporations is that they're a network of contracts. But it's also the case that they're a kind of community - governed somehow, having a constitution of sorts, and people \vtth clifferent stakes in them who arc members of the commurucy. We can ask similar questions to those about how political communities arc governed."

He is publishing a series of papers on insider trading and corporate fairness, and is also attracted to what he describes as "more c.~otcric" topics such as regional minorities in France and the constitutional evolution of the European Lruon. \X'bile happy to cliscuss his CV, Lee seem\>

reluctant to part \vith opinion or personal information. \\'hen asked about clerking for two courts, he replies that "the legal questions were somcnmes more interesting at the Federal Court of Appeal level. The Supreme Court cases were often also dtfficult qucsnons, but sometimes just difficult quesoons."

"The traditional view of corporations is that they're a network of contracts. But it's also the case that they're a kind of community - governed somehow, having a constitution of sorts, and people with different stakes in them."

-Professor Ian lee It's a useful insight, but says very little about his own experiences. Perhaps understandably enough - his measured responses reflect a desire to avoid stirring up controversy as the new kid on the block who's still making his first impression. l.ee is not a man to tell tales. J f he has any anecdotes about clerking for \fadam Jusocc L'Heurcux-DubC, he's kcepmg them to him· self. He -will say that he loved clerking for her, and that he agrees with her sclf-de~crip­ tion of a "-prag.nacic i.dca\u~t:' Lee uc.,cnh<-"11

her tn gtnetal terms as warm but demanding. \X'hcn asked about working on her notonously lengthy dissent~, hc responds loyally that "] think the length of her judgments has gone down over the years." He rpay speak carefully, but his sinccril)· is clear.

As for his own time at the law school, he again clatms he has no stories to offer, but modest!} rattles off an impressive list of extracurncular acti,incs rangmg from the Ccrcle Fran~ais to DLS to a law school orchestra to the Laskin moot. He says he hopes to become involved in extracurricular life again as a professor, and comments favourably on the increased diversity of the student population. ,\bout Ius current hobbies, he's a bit more canclid: "My wife and I like to travel.

Cooking ... photography- believe it or not."

Lee has just had his picture taken for this article with some reluctance, and refers to himself as camera shy. "I'm not intense or even particularly good. I JUSt like it (photography]." He adds, "It's much better being on the other side of the camera."

Unfortunately for us- but fortunately for Lee - L \"s camera suffered an unknown malad; that \\iped out the entire roll. For now then, his privacy remruns intact. But soon enough, his books \\ill arrive and h1s in tray will pile up, his doubtless diligent work ethic interrupted by a flow· of students asking about pmson pills and the corporate veil. And within the narrow confines of law school life, camera shy or not, he's unlikely to I:V'i\ac hi.,_ c\o<.c-u\' tor \~'n@.

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NEWS

6

ULTRA VIRES

Graham speaks

Unimpressed first year considers dropping out Dear llf;l~\f{.JI; I've finished my first term at law school and I hare this pl.ic( ~hould I drop out?

-Not Impressed

Drar Not Imprmrd, 1f it's any con~olation, many people manage w finish law school while hating it the whole way through. And everybody hates it by the end. So hatred alone may not be sufficient reason for dropping out. There are some other things you might want to constder first: 1. Let's face it. there are not many jobs that can pay back the Scotiabank loan you now have. Are you able to get one of those jobs without a law degree? Got a sugar daddy or sugar mama? Because, bud, the bank will be on your back 2. Srudymg law is not the same thmg as practicing Jt. Try charong Wlth a practinoner in the field or an upper-year student to find out more about what they do when they get out of here. lt may sound surprisingly more appealing than carrying aroood 60 lbs. of books that arc too boring to read.

3. If neither study nor practice sound good to you, remember that getting a law degree docs not force you to become a lawyer. Ho\1,-cver, a law degree is often seen as an "I have a brain" certificate. The oocool but undeniable truth JS that thts opens doors that wouldn't otherwi~e open. That piece of paper can offer you a lot of options that may beat r,oing back to an old .M.cjob.

4 \\.hat exactly i.!> i.t that's getting )"OU

DEAR HELMUT Feeling down? Health Enables Legal Minds at the University of Toronto (HELMUT) offers advice

CONTINUED FROM "DEBATE", PAGE 3

Dear 1/I~L\flTI: I'm starting to gt't my December test marks back and so far they're not too good. Should I srarr looking for another career?

-Spooked

Dtar Spoohd, down alx>ut our little village? Is it workrelated=' Soctal? There may be other things you can do to lessen the pain apart from \\<':liking out. Experiments such as joining a study group (or, on the other hand. leaving the one you're in) might prove helpful.

JTmding other activities that keep you from spending too much orne at the law school can be a sanity preserving move. \nd as soon as you're an upper year, you can apply for an exchange and get as far away from here as possible while snll being registered.

5. You don't have to qutt cold. A lot of studen ts take a year's leave to explore another area of mtercst, just to make sure they aren't missmg anything. This lets you have your cake and eat it, too.

The "should I stay or should I go" decision is 100% yours. Nobody can or should force you to do anythmg that's making you miserable. And if you've always wanted to be an acrobat and the Ctrquc du Soleil just made you an offer, heck, follow your bliss.

But a law degree is a darned useful thing to have when all is said and done, and there are a lot of consequences to walking away with· out one. Just be sure you've thought about them a\\ hcforc making your call.

These arc called "practice tests" for a rea· son: tt's your first try at something new. If you're worried about your marks, talk to the prof and find out what you did wrong.

(Most of them got a C+ at some point, roo, you know?) You're smart or you wouldn't be here, so there's nothing to stop you from learning from your mistakes. Of course, you may not hit Bay Street in the first round, but most people don't anyway. And by the next round, most of those December marks will be ancient history.

And JUSt m case you're wondenng, yes, there arc upper years with a low mark or two on their transcnpt who got a job. Quite a few, actually. Don't worry, be happy.

Got a quulion for HELMUT? Put it in tht "Dtar I lbL\1UT" box I!J the mailJoldus.

And if .JOII n fuling MII/II or ~okingfor info on how to get adtia of tht mort proftssional kind, email a!Jsia.daviu@utorollto.ca, cati!J:Cfark@lltoronto.ca or tamaraknnox<@hotmailcom. HEU1UT (I ftallh Enabks Legal Minds at U of T) is htn to providtJ'OU u-ith mourm about health and udlbtit~~ if you nud tbtm. YOur prit'UCJ ui/1 be mpectrd.

I

I

ing to stand us groundr" asked Brunncc.

"Irati hasn't been as forthcommg as it should have been," said (; raham while conccdmg that resolution 14-ll only commits the U."J. Security Council to "discussing" marcnal breaches to weapons inspections falling short of requiring a new resolution for militar} acoon against Iraq to be taken.

"Is the government willing to commit the monev our armed forces need?" asked Eddie Goodman, whose family's Fooodanon was responsible for Graham's appearance.

Graham would not commit to a figure for new defence spending, but did later confirm that John McCallum, .Minister of National Defence, has made a proposal to the federal cabinet. "Mr. McCallum has asked for $500 million to bring them up to where they need to be. I think that's public information," said Graham, confirming with an aide.

"There is no question we need more funding for our armed forces," said Graham noting that 2,300 Canadian Armed Forces personnel arc currendy deployed in the Pcman Gulf. "\'V'e arc not totally without resources."

Amencan troop deployment proJections for rrud l<ebruar) will reach 160,000 in anncipaoon of a potential military confronraoon Wlth Iraq. It remains unclear whether further L1.:-.J. approval will be sought or requtrcd. C.anada is a\\-'aiting the report of Dr I lans Blix, the chief U.N. •wc:lp <u v. tn ... pt:(:tc , r \n l rn<l "' h o w ill n.:p( ,rt

back

lO

the ::-ccuruy CounCil on Jan. 27.

NEWS

21 JANUARY 2003

lan Freedman enjoys good times as Molson VP

BY BERN INA BUTT

IN THE ALTERNATIVE w·orkmg at a "premit·re Canadian-based multinattonal consumer goods company and a beer company to boot" has left lan J·n·eJm.tn smtling. , \rguably a world remoYcd from the legal field, Freedman traYeb to various stretches of the countr} and the world in his capacity a~ Vtcc Pre:;tdent, Clobal Marker Dnclopmcnt at

A monthly feature of U ofT alumni and their diverse career paths

~!olson .

"Recently." said Freedman, "I lta\·e spent s.tgnificant rimt• m Brazil working with the Brazilian management team on tlw growth strategy for our Brazilian subsidiar} Cervejarias Kaiser." Besides h:using, f-reedman reports dtrecrly to rhl' CE<) of \tolson, and works on "a wide range of business and market dc,·clopmcnt iniria rives."

Freedman enthuses about the opportuni ty to tackle "important strategtc issues with an impressive group of people. There arc ah\-ays new challenges and opportunities."

Consequently. there "really is no such thing as a typical day." His Jays arc as varied as his projects, which range from deal ing wtth distributors, meeting 1.\,ith sales representanves and outside advisors, and presenting findings to the Board of Directors. "\\'hilc it is hard to predict the future and ffi) career has taken several turns over tht· years -1 do sec myself cominuin~ in this field,"

not~·s

l ·reedman. He

a~rncs

that \w;

"career path ts not a tradmonal one." \ her graduaring frorn lJ ol T 1-'1\\ m

Molson VP Ian Freedman: "There is no such thing as a typical day."

Pboto m11rhsy rf Ian hudman.

1994, the 1\lolson executive practiced law for a few years. "IB]ut within a few }Cars," notes Freedman, "[I] realized I wanted to move over to the business side of things."

J\s a result, he sought ami secured employment at Boston Consulting Group (BCG) for "hands· on business experience."

Fortuitously, his rime at BCG translated into a management posttion at Mohon. "\\'hile at BCG, 1 worked on a couple of projects for .\1olson and met a number of Molson exccurin:s." Dcstrous of gmng "m house" and "hc\p{tngl run a business rather than bc\tng\ an external advi~or," l 1n:cdman pun~ued a 1ob at h\s present cotnpany l hs "l\( (j cxpt:nence and knowled e of f\fol<on" pro' cd ro lx ad\ .1nragc ou.,.

You're looking for an opportunity.

We're looking fo_r a future partner.

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500 lawyers and 160 years as one of Canada's

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leading business law firms, we offer an

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To find out more, please visit our website at fmc-law.com/careers

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7

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Eyually valuable were the skills he acyuircd \\ hik· at law ~chool. "[ Ljcadcrship" and "analytic" acumen "helped imml'asur ably - by enabling my gradual progres~ton from lawyer, to consultant, to my current role."

Freedman found hts law school courses rewarding and enjoyable. Ir 1.\,~ls "fascinating ro learn of the complexity and richness of

our legal $ptem in all areas." He adds, ''all wne intcresung and, while not directly rdl'\,lnt to m) current posuion, helpful in rny m erall development." \Vhik· at the faculty, hecdman also "partictpatcd m student gm·ernment, the moor court program. client counseling. and the L:m ' Z ' hockey team (not the ',\' warn, or the ' B' team - but the 'Z' team)." hteJman is "very happy" 1.\,i th his "great job, with a great company." It is, unfortu natcly, " hard" to pro,,dc particulars of the availabrlity of posttions sunilar to his. ''There is no clear!) defined market or career path for m) type of job - although I know of other people in other companies ~"lth stmtlar roles."

Technology lawyers counsel open-minded ness U ofT grads speak at COO career seminar

BY MICHAEl lEE The Career Development Office's "Up Close and Professional" series of career semmars continued this year with three professionals from the lntdlcctual Property/Information Techno\ogy "ccwr, l\\\

v_m~\uatC!\ nf \h\!\ \a.v.; ...c.b.oo\

\\n'

Cilbcrt of Gtlbcn.:.. a lxJUttyuc lmga rwn/IP firm,

,'\;111.1 ,\lontsugu,

h.sOCI.1C<·

( ;t•ncral Counsd of ~oma ~-..:erworks, .mJ Hhuprndcr Rh.10dawa. an assocr;Hc ar 'Jorys, spoke to studenrs on ~m~ 19 about rhctr career paths in IP and n: The con~cnsus among the three \\<IS that om:'s 0\1,11 tntcrests astdc. rhc most important first step for anr :-mdcnr in becoming a succcssfullav.-yer ts to lmtiJ a solid legal foundation. Both Gilbert and .\loritsugu began rhcu careers :u full-st:r \tee firms, gaining exposure ro a \\ide "~mcty of practice areas and dcvcloptng a concrete foundauon of basic skills before venturing out on their own. Cilberr first became interested in IP lav.· and policy while rcpresrnong generic pharmaceutical comp.1nics but only after he further honed his skills as a litigator with Alan l.cnczner did he start his own lirigation/1 P practice.

Prior to Joinmg Soma ~etworks, ,\ lont ·ugu had no experience in IP and IT la\1,; but she found that her training \dth Chris Paliare, another renowned htigator, pronded her 1.\,ith a good set of· basic lawyering skilb. Those skills enabled her to develop a practice doing licenstng and outsourcing agreements as in-house counsel.

Interestingly, out of the three I P lawyers, only Bhupinder R.handawa has a scientific background m engrnecring. He pomtcd out that while a science background might be helpful in patent work, it is not necessary for many areas of IP such as litigation, copyright_ and trademark. He also noted that in corporate firms in par· ricular, IP is often just a small, if not insignificant, part of a client's overall bu~i­ ness interests. ,\s a result, it is important that a la\\<)er be able to offer more than just 1P ad\icc.

Speaking to this, Gilbert potnted out that when he \\<'aS representing pharmaceutical compantes. he di~covered that being ab\e to "tell a story" is more valuable than a sciencinc background. The ab1ll\y to prc~cm \ega\ ar9;Umcms \n a manner that\$ c\c.•u tn c\\cnu; ~ some.tnmg \ha.\ c-a.n nn\y be \ca~nc.U ...,b.,\..:. \~n.c:\\<;\nv,

law.

The three pandi.'r' nlso agrc:cd rh.u

people should nut Ex· afrard to mm c arounJ. .~b ,\Jontsu~ non·d, l:mJCCS should be open co diHacnr career p:ttiJ'

Being able to "tell a story" is more valuable than a scientific background. The ability to present legal arguments in a manner that is clear to clients is something that can only be learned while practicing law.

and not be fearful of trying differl·nt thing~. Getting roo comfortable at a btg firm might lirrut one':; development.

For RhanJawa, it was the opportunity ro do busmes~ consulting in addition to lP work that encouraged him to move from a boutique I P ftrm into a full-service corporate firm. On the other hand, Gtlhcrt started his own ftrm, a decision that enabled him to explore his interests in policy work. He was not able w do this in a boutique liogarion fum.

Interestingly, all three lawyers found mooting to be a valuable experience. ot only did they learn how to do legal research and present their argument~. they were able to develop skills In written advocacy as well. They also found that it was a g~ opportunity to meet lawyers, which ts the best v.-ay to find out about different areas of practice.

8

LEGAL ISSUES

ULTRA VIRES

BOOK REVIEW

A second look at the first 100 days: "Bush at War" I couldn't care less if Bush is a moron or not. It is the wrong kind of question for a Canadian to ask because Bush isn't our political leader.

BY BEN PERRIN

{:':SC) cxpl•riencc possessed by Cheney,

ry and "services." He makes It clear that mercenaries shielded American soldiers from peril, while providing only limited effectiveness in interdicting fleeing terrorist leaders.

The most shocking revelation of the extent to which covert operations planning increased after 9/11 is a report that proposed the po1soning of food supplies in Afgharustan to destabilize the ruling Taliban. \X 1ser heads vetoed the proposal before It reached the President, but the fact that it was even made reveals that all bets were off ' " \he War on Tcttonsm.

Like most compelling stories, the protagonist is rarely one-dimensional. Bush supporters point to the divcrstty of v1cws in the President's inner circle. In the blue corner, \"tee President Dick Cheney and Secretary of Defence Donald Rumsfeld wetgh in with a broader, unilateral If ncccssat}, global war on terror. In the red corner IS Secretary of State Colin Powell, for a broader coalition, w1th low risk engagements. Policy differences find their ·way to senior levels of the U.S. administration which many, Myself mcludcd, find heartening.

The co\\ccrivc N,tt\o n a\ ~ccurity Council

Rum fcld, Pm,cll, ~ational Sccunty .\d,isor Condok·cza Rtcc, and CIA Director George Tenet is cons1dc.:rablc. The cloud of Clinton's uu::ffecn•al campaign against al Qacda, the t~uagn1in: of VIetnam, and the risk of collateral damage arc foremost in their minds.

Indeed, it 1~ hard to sec how the "moron" label could apply to Bush and his team after VJC\\1ng somt: of the internal workings of the NSC. Perhaps tt is because of a lack of substantive debate on issues such as the usc of force in '\.orth Kon.-a and lrnq-<.lebatc whtch is often betrayed by barbed attacks. \X'lulc it is a common princtple of propaganda to disparage leaders, vilif)ing them and defining them by a single word or thought, achieves link-. Tactics such as these cheapen discussion of the issues that these leaders address. The result IS that we cease to debate whethc..r, when, or how to disarm Iraq or nuclear '\lorth Korea. Rather, we S(juander PLEASE SEE •woODWARD", PAGE 9

Databases don't save lives: the failure of the firearms registry

BY BEN PERRIN & HARTLEY LEFTON '

' G

un control? It's the best thing you can do for crooks and gangsters. I want you to have nothing. If I'm a bad guy, I'm always gonna have a gun" Sammy "The Bull" Gravano, mafia hit man. \X'hile the l.1bcml government probably docs not normally consult mob henchmen on 1ssuc~ of public policy, they might want to reconsider in this case. Given the expl·nisc of criminals in the usc of firL-arms, it':; surprising no one has askt:d for their thoughts on the ft:deral firearms registry.

Since H1ll C-68 was enacted, crL-ating thl· rcgistr), It has been the main political 1ssuc in rural arc..-as of Ontario and the prairies. In 1997 and 2lXJO, local federal c:lcction campaigns revolved around it. In urban areas, such as the forty-odd federal ridings of Toronto, the registry became a mythical cure-all to gun violence.

The problem with the gun registry is threefold. First, it has failed and will continue to fail to achieve its pnmary purposes: I) the elimination of criminal use of firc..-arms, and 2) the prevention of accidental shooting deaths. In short, criminals arc not rl'g1stcring their weapons and rcgi~tratton docs not prevent accidental shootings. This was tragically seen this month in our Cit}' when a seven-year-old girl accJdentally shot and killed her si..xycar-old brother.

Second, the registry docs nothing to address the problems of stolen weapons

and illegal small arms unportcd from abroad. lncrL-ao;ed rcgulauon or prohibition encourages a black market in the wL-apons trade to flourish.

Third, the rc..ogistry burdens and vastly overreaches on law-abiding gun owners. \X'c live in a diverse country where the \'ast majority of gun owners are not criminals. Visualize a gun owner in your mind.

Did the farmer who shoots in the air to W<lrn off coyotes wtth his nfle appear?

How about the Olympic biathlon team?

How about a collector of \X'\X'I era pis· tols, most of which cannot ftrc anymore?

The registry has become an unprccc-

A costly false safety blanket is a deceptive ploy to provide an artificial air of protection. It is time for the federal government to consider new and better ways to get at the problem. dented sinkhole for taxpayer dollars, topping S1billion by 2005, compared to the $2 million it was projected to cost. \X'hdc Dr. Evil would certainly be proud of the billion-d<>llar figure, Canadians arc not.

But how much moner is that in terms of law enforcement?

The cost of the gun registry could luvc nearly tripled the size of the Toronto Police Scrvtcc in 2001. The TPS's total

cxpcndJturcs were S603 million, \vith 7,290 personnel. The registry cost is enough to cover the full costs of more than 12,000 new poltcc officers where they arc most needed for a full yc..-ar. While this is not necessarily the answer, it helps tn assessing the scope of the registry's costs.

The bottom line is that we all want safer streets, and to arrive at them in the best way possible. ;,\ costly false safety blanket is a deceptive ploy to provide an artific1al air of protl'Ction. It is time for the federal government to consider new and better ways to get at the problems of criminal usc of firearms and accidental shootings, such as: 1. Investing in leading technology to stop ilk-gal weapons imports and by training Ia....· enforcement in using these new tcx>b. This mcludcs more checked baggage x-ray machrncs, container shipment :;crcenrng equipment, as well as border surveillance and open seas tracking equipment. These tools can be used 'With intelligence sharing to attack the weapons, drug, and even human trafficking trade.

2. Increasing resources for investigation and prosecution of accused criminals and providing brc..-athing room for overworked Crown prosecutor:; and police.

3. Enhancing the usc of the addioonal sentencing provisions in the Criminal udt for offences committed using a firearm Also as a prcvcmativc move, enforcing legislation rct~uiring the safe storage of guns and ammunition, scparatcl}· and locked away.

4. Expanding community policing and

local safe strceb initiatives such as Crime Stoppers and community Block Watch.

5. Utilizing crime profiling - not profiling indi\~duals - H> that the police devote greater emphasis on crimes in which weapons such as guns arc most likely to be used. The additional police resources sh~uld be devoted there, in order to get guns off the streets and reduce violent crimes such as robberies, murders, and sexual assaults.

6. Educating children in schools about the danger of firearms, much like the education done on staying away from dirty needles and strangers on the street.

There is also the fact that just because the government has money docs not mean it must be spent. \X'e could eliminate the S24 flying tax the fl·dcral government continues to impose after 9/11. There IS something about pa}ing taxes at 30,()()() feet that makes it sting more. Maybe it's the thm air and bad food. If law enforcement has enough resources, there is a line of people who can tell us how to better spend the money for health or education JUSt to name two priontics of Canadians.

Now of course, each of these ideas could form the basis for debate. \X'e welcome such debate, since it begrns 'W1th rccof.,>nizing the rl·gistry has and will continue to fail to protect Canadians. '\o one's life has been saved by a pcrmu or a database. The best way to protect Canadians is to prosecute and prevent the commission of real crimes agatnst society by rc..-al cnmrnals, not by political arm flexing.

LEGAL ISSUES

9

Due process and the dignity of the dead

BY DANIEL SPERLING

Bu!!h at War

By Bob W'ooJwarJ Simon & Schuster, 352 page:~. 44

I'm not much of a lund}m:tn, cvidc.:ncc:d b} the fact that I once botched the S\\Cdish in trUl.tiOrh from lkL-a. The process reminded rne of a fanuhar sa}ing: \X hen all you lm e is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. Hob \XI>odwarJ should take note of this phraseHush a/ lr4r is not as much a hook a~ a concat~nauon of news columns. \\(,oJwarJ b an accla11ncd columnist, but his narranvc of the fir~ I 100 days after September 11th from mside the \\'hac f fouse offers few surprises, dc.:sp1te its claim to provide "an unprccc.:dc.:nrcd chronicle of modern presidency in times of grave crisis." The book is an easy and interesting read, bur it lacks the depth that one expects from such an ambitious project ~iuch hkc a mythical mirror that projects what you want to see, \Xoodward's portrayal of President Bush and his team is unlike!) to s\vay existing opinions. Opponents and proponents of the Bush .Administration alike will find plenty of ammunition in the pages of th1s book. \X'ood"'-ard pro..idcs evidence of LSS70 million i.n ClA payouts to Afghan warlords an<l =-\'a\\\)'"' c.m-nmand~ts for '-be\r l oyal

21 JANUARY 2003

kin to a tort claim for interference 'With burial docs not attract constitutional protection. any practices arc performed The court upheld the law, fmding that it was "behind the curtains" within rationally related to the legitimate purpose intensive care units around the of restoring sight to the blind. country. While we tend to think these pracIn Georgia Lions Evt Bank, INC.. tl a/. tt tices arc made for the bcncftt of the 1Aw111, a mother of an infant who had dtcd patients, a series of relatively unknown prac- of sudden infant death syndrome brought a tices are performed on newly dead patients suit against the baby's hospital and an eye 'Without informing or requesting pnor con- bank for the wrongful removal of the scm from the families. American Junspru- infant's corneal ti.~suc follo'Wing death, purdence has been moving in the direction of suant to a Georgia statute authonzmg extending due process protection to the removal for transplant of corneal tissue of newly dead. \Vtll Canadian courts follow decedents. While the State Court held that suit? the statute violated due procc..ss, the The 1ssue of due process was confronted Supreme Court of Georgm ruled that in by the Supreme Court of Horida m the Georgia, there is no constitutionally protect1986 case State v. Powt/1, where the petition ed nght in a decedent's bod), and that the er challenged a law authorizing cornea statute authorizing removal for transplant of removal by medical examrncrs 'Without first corneal tissue of decedents, if no ObJection consulung the next of kin. In P01nll, the is made by decedent in his life or by his next next of kin advanced two arguments. First, of kin after death is, therefore, consututionthey argued that the law consurutcd an al. impermissible taking of povate property.

However, in Brothtrlon n Clet>tlond, a 1993 The court examined at length the "property case, an Ohio court recognized a property oght" of the next of kin in a dead body and claun to a dead body and initiated a change rejected the argument, concludmg that in this regard. Using an analysis similar to cadavers are not constitutionally protected that suggested by petitioners in Pou:t/1, the private property. A second argument was courr found that such a chum is entitled to that the actions of the medical examiner the protection of the Due Process Clause deprived the next of kin of the fundamen- and thus invalidated an Oh10 provision tal liberty righ t to dispose of the decedent's which v.-as analogous to the Horida \aw remains. In reJecting this argument, the upheld by the court in Pou•t/1. B) denying court declined to apply strict scrutiny analy- COnStitutional StatuS tO th e righ ts in ucad si s, a nd fo und tha t the right of the n ext of bodies eve n i.n h gbt n f the coronet''< 'W'l'On g-

M

fu l mutilation of the body, the court implicItly acknowledged that such protection, though equitable here, would be disastrous in other contexts. Although the court acknowledged the difficult} rn calling the claun of the next of ktn "property," it mamtained that the next of kin had a "legitimate claim of entitlement" which rises to the level of constitutional protection.

A stronger move has been made in the

the dignity of the human body in its final disposition that is deeply rooted in our legal history and social traditions, the parents had exclusive and legitimate claims of entitle· ment to possess, control, dispose, and prevent the violation of the corneas and other parts of the bochcs of their deceased chi! drcn." The court concluded, therefore, that the parents have property interests in the corneas of thetr deceased children which arc protected by the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth .Amendment.

American jurisprudence has SllTlllar decisions in Whak.J t: Coun!J of Tuscola and Brotherton v. Cle11 ·land and been moving in the direction of strengthened the rejection of pre\ious decision, Stalt v. P01nll. Hence, the court made a extending due process sl:uft from staring that the next of kin have protection to the newly dead. a quasi- property right to the dead that i~ limWill Canadian courts follow suit? ited to possession of the body for the purposes of burial with no due process protection, to a broader view that acknowledges recent U.S. case Newman tt Satl(yavaglnt'Oran. next of kin property rights in their dead (to Here, parents of deceased duldren brought possess, contro~ dispose and prevent the an acuon agamst the coroner, allegmg depri- vtolation of the dead's body or parts of it. vation of property wtthout due process, Such a move in Canadian courts may lead, in based on removal of the children's corneas m} opinion, to a successful claim under the 'Without notice or consent. The argument of due p rocess aspects of section 7 of the the parents was that this \\'llS taking their Charltr in regard to practicing resuscitation property 'Without due process of law and a procedures on the newly dead without violation of the Fourteenth Amendment. obtaining consent or informing the families.

After analp:ing the history of rules and understandings with respect to the possession and protection of the bodies of the deau, and reiccting the former dec\,ions, the \eo~ U't coun bc\<l tbat "serv\n v, a <.\ uty I<) "tnte~

Whoo ne\\v, \\'s 9e\\\n9 ho\ \n "ete.

Woodward asks wrong questions ly mentioned in Wi->OdwarJ:-. work - only m1cc, in facr. World lcadt·rs from :1 tlcm.:n time considering Prc.:!'itlenr Bush hrmsdf: 1s countn<.;.S ar<. noted in supporr or opposition of L.S. policy, but our hl-ad of gm crnhe a moron or not, and if so, ho~· much?

I couldn't care less if Bush h a morc>n or ment is conspicuously absent. Having influnot. It is the wrong kmd of question for a ence in world affairs docs not simply mt.-an Canadian to ask because Bush isn't our "toeing the line"; it also means sho\l.ing up political leader. Understandrng his con- and speaking out. Othemise our allies will stituency is rhe first part of grasping hi~ not C\Cn wait for the herald: "l.'ldics and actions. •\nd it is these actions, the actions Gentlemen, Canada has left the butlding."

Bob \\"ood\\-ard is an assistant managmg of the leader of the world's only hyper power, that must be cntic.tlly c>..amincd editor with The lrasbin,gton Post. He is best from the perspective of Canada's national known for breaking the \\tatcrgatc plot resulting in the rcsignauon of former interests. \nothcr axiom, perhaps clearer than the President Richard ixon. He has authored one with which I began, goes something like or coauthored ctght non ficnon bcstscllcrs this: If you stand for nothing, you 'II fall for m h1s thirty year career. "lcedlcss to say, he anything. This is particularly relevant in the probably docs not need an} ad,icc about context of Bush atll7ar since Canada is hard- hammers or nails.

CONTINUED FROM *A SECOND•, PAGE 8

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end in the clones If you thought the Raelians were weird, wait till you hear what the law school's been up to

BY IAN RICHLER

T

In the beginning, there was Brudner.

he big news over the holidays was the announcement by the Racltans that they had created the fi.rst human clone. This has provoked much gnashing of teeth among lawyers, doctors and edJ torialists. J\.iight people one day be harvested for

<>t'b'An'ii~

Wnat \t t.orne nut-

case u·cre to clone Hitler or rhar guy from N1ckelback? H asn't anyone seen Bladt RNflfler or T11'1fls?

Frankly, I don't see what the big hoo-ha is about.

So what if Raelian rheology sounds like a bad epi~ode of Bal[tlcn S? What ever happened to freedom of rchgion? It's in the consotunon, people!

In any event, most of the tut-mrting seems to me to rmss the point.

That's because the Raelian cloned baby named Eve, get it? - is not in fact the first

of her kind. J\lthough few people know it. the t-arliest successful cloning operation was developed right here ar the U of T hculty of Law. 1o this dar, clonl'S walk among us.

Let me explain how I made this shocking di covery.

While ~tudying for exam~ last momh, I chanced upon an old copy of law-school founder Cecil \\"right's memoirs, "Cecil from the Block." Intrigued, l flipped through the mildewed pages unol I came to this passage: "In those days the fledgling D ead ringers: Lloyd & Bea tty

Ia\\: school faced a host of problems.

The Flavelle family soli lived in Flavelle House, so classes could only be held once the children ha9 gone to sleep. More daunting still \Vas that there were only two professors. Jack [Willis] taught Administranvc Law and Advanced \dminiscrativc Law, whtlc Bora (Laskm] handled Con stitunonal Law and 'Phalloccntrism and the f<ederal State'. I was desperate for more hands on deck.

"It ·was in the winter of 1949 that Operanon Doppelganger was hatched.

The tdea was a humdinger: rather than poaching teachers from more prcstigtous msntutions like the University of Buffalo, I would create them in a test tube. \Vhat's more, I would use H ollywood celebrirics as generic templates.

James Cagne} could teach Property! Ronald Reagan could do Contracts! With these stars, we would have no trouble attracting students or corporate sponsorships.

"1\jow I'd dabbled in eugenics back in prep school but 1 was no expert. l decided to consult my buddies Fred !Banong) and Charles !Best! over in the Biology department \\ 1th their help ( )pcrauon Doppelganger was up and runnmg 111 no time. <)ur biggest challenge was acqumng Dl\. \samples from the pt·oplc we wanted to replicate.

The solunon-dcgant in its simplicity-was devised by Bora. He would pretend to be an etght-ycar-old with cancer and send fan mail to his favourite stars. \\'hen they wrote back, Fred and Charles would scour the envelope for sk111 flakes.

Easy as pie."

Wnght's memoirs don't provide much more detail than that. So I decided to do a little research myself. ,\ftcr spcakmg with Dean Daniels and combing through old ISSUCS of Htadnolu, 1 was able to piece together the following story.

The first celebrity to be successfullv cloned by Wright and his henchmen was none other than Charlton Heston.

The finished product, dubbed ",\Jan Brudncr," was born with Heston's rugged good looks and facility with modern German epistemology, but without his gun fetish and Alzheimer's. Later, in the rrud-1980s, Wright's succes sors turned to televiston sitcoms for mspiration. Thus Christopher Lloyd (Toxt) bcgat David Beatty, and l\.iichael Gross (Fami!J Tiu) bcgat Bruce Chapman.

Since then, under the aegis of the Centre for Innovanon Law and Policy, Operation Doppelganger has scored a number of major successes. In 1987, seeking a lefty prof to counterbalance the burgeoning law and econormcs posse, the Centre created Patrick Macklem by filching a used bar of soap from the noted Sandinista sympathizer, Bruce Cockburn.

The next year, Dean Rob Pnchard hoped to "liven up the atmosphere" by cloning funnymen Tom .A rnold and Steve l' rkcl.

The result: tax specialist David Duff has a prominent tattoo of Roseanne on his che~t, while bankruptcy guru Kevin Davis is constantly stopped on the srrcct and asked to "do that dance you do." or every project has been successful, however. Several attempts to clone Oesi Arnaz ended in hcartlm·ak; the generic byproducts, codcnamed Arnie and Ern1c, were offrrcd teaching positions in lieu of damages. And an t:ffort to clone Subar u pitchman Paul Hogan resulted in Associate Dean Tony Duggan only the Contrary to popular Australian accent worked.

Despite these set- belief, Iacobucci's dad backs-Daniels calls them works for CBS, not the "growmg pains"-the law sec school continues to usc cloning as the foundation o f Its human rl'Sourct'S strateg)". Just R-ccntly, the school introduced Dav1d Dyzenhaus, tcchn1callv ,\ustin Powers's son. .~\nd in a shruncless bid to capiralvc on the current rloahty-1V craze, the school bred Ed Iacobucci from the DNA of JNnivor hosr Jeff Probst.

tyle forecast for 2003:

Law profs keep it conservative

than the academic. If this is true, other professional faculties should display similar tendencies.

I spoke with Karen Caputo, who graduated from the University of Toronto with an engineering degree, and is now back at the U of T for her first year of medical school. Her medical school professon; are usually turned out neat and tidy in pants and dress shirts.

Engineenng professors, on the other hand, are a completely dJffcrcnt story. Her "ultimate favourltc prof," Karen told me, wore jeans and sweatshirts to class, and often brought his lesson plan wntten on a napkm. Clearly, the professional faculties are not uniform m their habits of dress.

Truth be told, there is vanation even within the Faculty of Law. The younger, and some may say "hip-

BY BRENDA DIDYK

per" members of the faculty tend to be less attached to the swt and-tie trad10on. Professor Abraham Drassmowcr eschews conservative haircuts in favour of a flashy flowmg mane. Professor Lorne Sossin has been observed dressmg in the tradition of the natty academic: jean~, dress shirt and blazer, with a coffee cup in one hand. If it were 1955, he'd be in corduroy pants and a tweed jacket with elbow patches. \nd he would most certainly carry a ptpe.

Students' champion Professor Jun Phillips is a shut-and-khakis Ianda guy, scndmg a message to students that he's relaxed and not part of the "establishment."

Sossin: natty And truly, that's what clothes are academic all about - sendmg messages. This McLuhan-csque maxJm may hold the key to the prevalence of law school suits. Of course, this leads to the question: what is iiber-cool Professor Da,nd Schneiderman trying to say?

Professors Stephen Waddams, Michael Trebilcock and Ernie Weinnb are rarel} seen without a jacket and tie.

Is it any comcidence that these professon- ate aho

the man, so they say, and nowhere do we sec this more than at our own little law schooL Elsewhere on campus, professors traipse about happily in all manner of jeans and sweaters, but our own milieu is practically drowrung in dress pants and blazers. There's no doubt about it - the men and women of law tend to more conscrvaove garb. While women generally have more choice, men are conscramed by the rigorous suit rcgtmc. Despite casual Fridays, less authoritarian 111stitutional structures, and the avatlability of quality Dockers-brand pants, many male Drassinower: flashy professors arc still suit-bound. flowing mane Pourquoi?

Is the Faculty of Law really unique 111 this regard? Sarah Hazell, a Master's student in Zooarchaeology, confided to me that her department is very casual. "If you see a plaid shirt," srud Sarah, "you've got yourself an archaeologist." She also noted, with some dismay, that Gorerex boots arc a very popular chmcc amongst her professors and fcllnw students.

T h e

BY BRENDA DIDYK archaeo '\s the t nd of my time at Ia" school appro.tchcs, I find myself expcricncmg fir~ Iogi caI of mental paralysis when It comes to shopping. Jeans and sweaters seem impracfashion ucal - can't wear that to the office next year. \nd yet, gmng myself over ro a sense may closer of conservative blouses and stuffy suits seems like adrrusston of defeat. b c Furthermore, the prospect of a whole new \\".trdrobc 1s more than a little bit explatned intirrudating. I turned to a trusty old friend for help, The Preppy Handbook by the (1980, \\'orkman Publishing). Surcl) a guide written for the young and upwardly nature of mobile at the dawn of the SO's would prepare one for dresstng on Bay Street. their fieldThe tips seemed normal enough· they recommend lJUaltty, pracucahty, attenwork, a Trebilcock: tion to detail, and natural fibres. I'm not really certain how to interpret their rcc large comutilitarian jeans ommendations of "anglophil1a" and "androgyny," however. The ltst of "things ponent of to monogram" 1s extensive, mclud111g cuff hnks, lamps hades, and turtlenecks, but the archaemy miuals spell "BED," wluch the Handbook s.1ys is embarrassing and to be ological endeavour. Summers arc avmd~·d.

The section on accessories is particularly confusing: it sutes that "pearls spent on digs m the Canadian J\rctic on the squash court arc perfectly accepmblc." lluh? This I iandbook needs revior Jordanian deserts where suits and sion.

The~e ups havt' little to say for turn-of-the-millennium law student. I tics arc inappropriate. Habits of dress re~olved to go m) own path and so made tn} own tips.

I hope they're helpful. formed tn conditions of manual

HOW 10~~----------------~

labour and environmental extremes arc carried into the classroom.

Hmmm, I seem to remember Indiana Jones wearing glasses and a bow ric when he was. teachmg in the movie. Would he !caw the hat on ' in class if he were put on the tenure track at lJ of 'I? What is the eqwvalcnt "fieldwork" of the law? \1ectings on Bay Street and arguments before the court? It may be that law professors arc simply dressing like lawyers, thus emphasizing the professional nature of the Ia'-\; rather

\\'enr black whenl'Ver poss1ble.

I loop carnngs arc good, bur should be rcstnctcd in size to less than the circumference of one's hrad :\linens With stnngs arc perfectly acceptable, and in f.'lct, should be encouraged.

Knit your own tOljUC at least once Ill your life. l~'lrgc

platds arc due for a comeback. Get 111 loarly and be a trendsetter.

Ditto for penny loafers.

Mcn: pant length is key.

If the waistband of your pants is too low to cover the \Vaistband of your underwear, you should really stop and think about what you're dmng with your life.

The monochromatic tic and shirt combo is so 2001 .

I once bought a dress because the sales lady told me it showed off my clavicle nicely. Ttus is no reason to buy a dress.

Give orange a chance.

among those•

mosr revered by srudcnrs for their big Uber-cool David Schneiderman

brains and big reputations?

Their suus give them an "old school" cachet, and suggest an intellect dc\·clopcd in the days when schools were stricter and more rigorous. Professor \X'addams has the added bonus of an English accent. \\'htlc preparing this article, I ran inro Professor Trebilcock. He ·was wearing jeans! He cxpl.:uned to me this \vas purely utilitarian as later in the day he was going up ro his farm where jeans and Blundstoncs arc de rigueur. \\"hen teaching, he prcfe~ rus usual habit of a bl:ver and ric. I was going to ask him · why when Professor Trebilcock held his hands up m the air.

"You may ask me why," he said with uncanny prescience.

"I don't know," was his answer.

Well, if Professor Trebilcock can't tell us why, then perhaps the persistence of the suit is a mystery best left unexplored.

OPINION & EDITORIAL

12

OPINION

EDITORIAL

Ode to Karen Park

In defence of discrimination Why some courses should cost more than others

T hose of you who were fortunate enough to attend I.aw I·ollies

BY MICHAEL KILBY 2002 may remember Karen Park (lll)\ S\Van song to the law school community. In a blue onc-pit·cc and signature spiky hair, KP let np This proposal accepts the premise chat raisher frustrations with lack of school spirit: "U ofT, A-pa-thy, L of ing revenues produces a bener institution.

T, A-pa thy." \Xith characteri~ric pith, she belted out her concludOne \vay of raising revenues is through ing barb, "\\'hat arc you going to do when I graduate? ... " rwtion fees, but there is more than one way \Xbat mdeed? Half a year into the post KP-era, this school is to raise tuition fcc~. sadly lacking in ubcr-la\\·-studenrs Sure, there arc the politicos, the The law school currently price discrimifashiorustas, the suck-ups, the sporncs. But who has rhat special nates based on past earnings (i.e., family magic? \Xbo even bothers to argue that we should devote body income and wealth). Critics point to accessiand soul ro the pursuit of cxtracurncular excess? bility and career distortion as the potealcial Most of us are kinda tired. \\c JUSt want co go home and nap. trouble spots in this regime. .\laybe we \\.':tnt co do fcwa thtngs, bur do them well. Or Other institutions are now price discrimmaybe-shock, horror-we want rime for our lives outside law inating based on future earnings (see school.

Australia). Critics point to the distorting tax KP, »-hm an.JON now? burden tmposed by thts regime. Both The moral of the story: what's up wtch Law Follies 2003? This schemes face high admirustrative costs since is the stuff of which institutional memory is made. schools arc etther having to track down the value of daddy's cottage and junior's credit card debt or must follow their graduates' year!} mcome for decades tO come.

The Faculty of Law should charge vastly dtfferent pnces for its upper-year courses. If behave in a certain way.

Bustness Organizations costs $5,000, then It means turrung the other cheek. It cher law students- by whom we mean Explonng the Intersections of Law and means restraint. Most importantly, it means chose who go co law schools in buildings Social \X'ork should cost $500. Courses realizmg rhat doing what you're able to do other than "Falconer" or "Flavelle"-hare us. could be grouped into different pnce catcis different from domg what you should do.

They boo us at Law Games. They call us gones (high, medium or low) or priced indilr's a sunplc lesson, yet one rhat many of us slackers during bar ads. They say rhat we're vtdually with the result that students who tgnorc - or, worse, arc oblivtous ro. too corporate. They laugh when we're in the take the courses that have historically led to 1:\.ow, no one's asking the "powerful" to m:ws, whether for our marks or our naked \ lucrative employment pay, say, $25,000 a behave obsequiously or to make excuses to bodic~. And while they'\l te\l us that v.'C're \ year for tuition. Conversely, a student nva\ \Jnah \lee\)'" \nd to be frnnk, law met:: on an mdi"1uual bal;i.s., doubt not that ) enrolled m exclusiVely "unprofitable" coursstudents at ocher schools aren't all angels: rhcy hare us cnllecrivel;: es would pay $5,000 a year. some of tllcm have fu·lrngs of jealousy llus dcm.1ncl.~ ;m cxplananon, and we at For these two students, the faculty would that we're here and they're nor, and most of L'ltm \'ire.~ think that we 'vc got one. ' reap an average of $15,000 per student.

Take as a srarnng poinr a quote by Ben I chtm probably applted to come here.

Poorer students who v.-ant the lucraove evertheless, the question of hatred Parker. uncle of Sptdcrman: "with grear I future employment may not be able to pay / remains, and while we're not responsible pO\\Cr come!i great responsibility."

S25,000 up front. These students should be for it in its entirety, we do shoulder some \\'bar this mt-ans is rhar people who find offered loam, but not real reductions (i.e., poroon of the blame. them~eh·es in positions of authority, bur~arics). In this way, these students would So, to answer the question: wh) do other respect, or whate\cr constitutes "power" not be barred from a certain mix of courslav. students hate us? It's because we make have a commensurate rcsponsibility - call it es on the ba..,is of their current financial sitit so easy for them to do so. noblc<>se obligc if you must - ro act and uauon. The faculty could manipulate the cou.rse prices to ensure the desired level of revenues.

Objections might be raised that new incentives will discourage students from takUltra \ ' ucs is the mdependcnt student newspaper of the ing courses like Sccunries Regulation because Faculty of Law at the University of Toronto. rhc} cost so much. I 'ar from distorting inccnovcs, my proposal corrects the problem Editor-m Cbuf Salman Haq brought about by htgher tuition in the first A.rsislanl Edimrs-m-Chlj Bernina Bun, Alexandra Dosman place. Paying different pnces for different DIIJ(rJIOn.r Ian Richler, Robm R.tx courses is not the odd or unnatural thing Editnnal/ Opinion ~iichel Beshara paying uniform prices across the board is the Featum Brenda Didyk dtscortion. 'Ibis merely rakes a widely acceptI.Lgallssuts ,\dam Rock ed princtple that exists between faculties, and Production Managtr Emily ~bk it applies it v.ithin a specific faculty. \\'hy Businm ,\!anag:r ~tmren Desai . docs a law degree cost more than a degree in CoP.J EdiiDr \ ..an 1line Libman social work? The university as a whole docs Onlint Editors David Khan, John Norl!Ua} not insi~t that all students pay the same fees Lisa Ca\ ion, .. \de !tnt J....ong Photo Editors regardless of the program. Indeed, it would Community Xotict Board Managtr Jennifer Villebrun be rather perverse, not to say rcckbsly inefColllnlmtorr. Keith Burkhardt, Ben Pcrnn, Ben Arkin, Retna (,oyle, Ronan LeV',, HEL~fUT, ficient, if a degree in medtcine cost the same ,~\drian l.iu, Juda ~trawczynskt, Chnsropher Esscrt, Jonathan Desbarats, Stephanie as a degree in German literature, unless they Wakefield, Michael Lee, Hartley Lcfron, Daniel Sperling, Paul Galbraith, ~tcve Penner, were both free. \X'hy should the same reaRakhi Pancholi, .\hchael Kilby. soning not apply wtthin the law school?

My proposal is only the logical compleUltra Vires is an cditonally autonomous nt-wspapcr. We aim to reflect diverse points of ' cion of the arguments advanced by many vit·w, and we welcome contributions from students, faculty and other mterested persons. professors who support the rwuon hikes.

Ultra Vires reserves the right to edit submissions for length and content.

They argue that tf students arc going out and within a few years making more money Commumcaoons Centre, Falconer Hall, 84 Queen's Park Crescent than their teachers, whr not make them pay?

Toronto, Ontario, \15~ 2C5, (416) 946-7684, ultra.\ires@utoronto.ca, www.ultravires.ca Indeed, why not make them pay in propor,\dvertising inqwnes should be sent to the anention of the advertising manager at tion to the extent chat they earn more than ultra. vircs@uroronro.ca

Why do they hate us?

0

I

ULTRA VIRES

I

\.

ULTRA VIRES

their professors, say I? Price discrimtnaong on the basis of family resources provtdes mcentives ro take the courses and the summer employment leading to the most lucrative career, smce financial benefits arc independent of ftxed financial costs. Price discriminating on the basts of course selecoon miogates those incentives by realigning financtal costs with financial benefits.

The law school would become a more efficient institution, producing the welfarema.ximizing, socially optimal proporoons of corporate lawyers, crown attorneys, and so on. In any case, the deep irony is that beyond the obvious subsidy flowing from the better-off students to less well-off students, we currently have an additional subsidy flowing from students specializing in constituoonal or cruninal law to those specialb.mg in corporate law or commercial lit-

Paying different prices for different courses is not the odd or unnatural thing - paying uniform prices across the board is the distortion. igation. lt sct·ms to me that not man) pcopk arc aware ot thts.

Tn first year, su1ce everyone takes the

same courses, my analysis docs not apply.

The law school must detcrmmc Its revenue goal for the whole schoo~ then calculate what revenues it will receive from upper-year courses (based on the prices and historical enrollments plus/minus an error term for shifts based on the realigned incentives) and then calculate first-year tuition residually.

First-yt-ar students who simply cannot pay up front should be extended a mix of loans or bursaries based on financial need. .After first year, the bursaries should be clawed back substantially in favour of loans (for those who choose the courses for which they will require loans).

Under thts plan, certain professors may be perceived as more "valuable" to the law school, smcc the subjects they teach bring in lots of tuition revenue. Professors who teach less mainstream subjects would be perceiv.:d as not contributing enough money.

This criticism is strong but nor devastating. First, pay seems to vary greatly already, ranging from about S100,000 to about S200,000. This \-ariance (\vith some earning 100% more than other~) is a pre-existing phenomenon.

Second, variation seems to be a good thmg. If tt is good that students pay different amounts, why is it not good for professors to be paid different amounts?

Third, the law school seems more interested in maximizing prestige than revenue.

The salary a professor can command seems to be predomtnantly a function of presngc and publications instead of teachmg students.

Fourth, there is a danger m confusing the tuition and salary issues. Solving both problems together and maxuruztng t\vo objectives at once, is literally impossible.

OPINION

21 JANUARY 2003

Provost's narrative hard to swallow

BY PAUL GALBRAITH ou might haw missed the latest round of important tuition mel·tmgs, where Vice Pre~idenr and Provost Shirley 1\ieuman described how the llntversll.) plans to approach the study of accesstbility and career choice concerns resulting from the meteoric ri~e in tuition at our Ia\\' school. The general talk on ~o\". 22, 2002 was not ven· well advertiscd, it took place at noon on a Friday, and it was l'Xtremely short. The meenng \\':lS meant to assure Faculty of Law stakeholders that the Universil.)· rakes this issue seriously and that this "comprehensive, independent re\·iew of its · acces~ibility performance" \\111 ensure that deleterious effects of tuition increases :ttc kept to a minimum. The report and it~ proposed methodology was tabled and rubber stamped at a meeting of the Committee on \caderruc Policy and Programmes on Nov. 27.

Concentrating on the "consultation" aspect for a moment, for about 40 mmutes of the hour, Neuman pauently explained how the study is to be carried out. liard details were conspicuously lacking. ~o documentation was provtdcd co anyone tn the room. At the end of the lecture (to call it "consultation" would not be accurate), it felt as though we had been paned on our heads and fed a light lunch of bland, cursory, alto gerber elementary accesstbilil.)· cliches.

To wit, it was immedtatcly obv10us to anyone with a background in the analysis of these issues that the study ttself is flawed in numerous respects. 1 he acccsstbiitty portion of the stuJy is based on the model of acces-

Y

sibility strictly as the willingness of students to enrol in a particular program. This simplistic model of acccssibilil.)· is outmoded and has been rejected for yl·ars. ,\cccsstbi!tty to cducatton encompasse~ much more than the sunplc willingness of a certain number of students to enrol in a program.

To achieve any sort of depth of understanding on the issm· of accessibility, the study must also address the i~sue of students who may ne\cr bother appl)ing or

"At the end of the lecture it felt as though we had been patted on our heads and fed a light lunch of bland, cursory, altogether elementary accessibility cliches." expressing interest in the U of T because of "sticker shock." \ quesoon to this effect was posed to :::-Jeuman, and she assured the room it was being taken into account in some vague \vay, but, consistent v.ith the theme of the meeting, a dearth of statistical explanation accompanied this a~surance.

Additionally, the accessibility approach of the study docs not menoon the quality of educational expenence afforded law students. My adrninedly informal canvassing of peers seems to indJ.cate that extracurricular work hours are on a steep mcline. This Jirectly affects the qualtty of srudenr learning. \\:c may be graduating more poorly pre-

pared students chan we ought to, and these students v.ill primarily come from lower socio-economic backgrounds.

Even more perplexing Lhan the outdated model of accessibility betng ust·d by NCLmun was her discussion of the method· ology of the career choices ckment of the study. The claim by those opposed co further increases is that such increases \\111 scrw to limit the car~.:er choices of graduates to those most likely to allow them to t"aSC the financial burden of their cducaoon. The stUtl) purports to investigate this concern.

Yet in a btt of spt-ctacular rationa!i?ation, Neuman contends that actually talking to students (gasp) to gauge thcir opinions on this issue would be fruitkss. lnstl-ad .. he claims that she is only interested in what the students actually do, not their "narrativc accounts" of the reasonmg behind rhetr decisions. arraovcs, Neuman chims, arc entirely urucltable as evtdcncc in a sctennfic study such as this one. \Vhen asked about a report released on Nov. 18th tn the Washington Post chat addressed this exact question in L.S. law schools, Neuman had ycr to read it. The survey and report were conducted by the Partnership for Pubhc Servtce, Equal Justice Works, and the ~aoonal Association for Law Placement. The findings were released at (,eorgetown University Law Centre shortly after the Post story. Apparently, these folks did find 1t useful ro directly con suit with student.s, and the results were dear- - htgh tumon and debt \cads direct\) to the abandonment of certain career opuons.

PlEASE SEE "ACCESSIBiliTY", PAGE 14

Sour grapes and sweet revenge at Law Games

BY STEVE PENNER ;\s Kelson would shout out after an unfortunate overexposure of Barr's ass - "Hem... hein!"

That's it... that's all I've got left after an exhausting weekend of drinking, debauching, and deke-ing my way through Law Carnes 2003. I v.ish I could give 'em more, but they don't deserve it. Because for all the blisters, belches, and bruises that I've endured over the past four days, the hardest thing I 'vc had to do is to help the rest of these also·rans deal v.ith the fact that I go to U ofT I.aw.

Sure, it's a competition, and sure, we ended up laying a bcatin' on the re~r of the nation's "wt-ascls-in-training" like thcy stole somcthin'. But personally, it's hard enough for me to keep down the pre\ious night's pony keg worth of beer while I sn1mble across the blueline without ha\ing to help them soak up their sour grapes, too. You sec, while I take no credit for our golden victory (l haven't had a scoreless streak like that since dating in high school), I still suffered the "slings and arrows" of outrageous jealousy.

Like the Yankees in the world of baseball, the !.akers m the world of basketball, and the Gordon Campbells in the world of white-trash premiers, U of T l .aw has the reputation of being universally disliked by all of tts competitors. .~\nd since Chretien and his local face man Bill Graham promised to renegotiate \I'TA while

"Because for all the blisters, belches, and bruises that I've endW'ed over the past foW' days, the hardest thing I've had to do is to help the rest of these also-rans deal with the fact that I go to U of T Law." Pboto cournsy of jamt.r McCkary. eliminating the GST, truer words have never been spoken.

1 wasn't riled by the abuse hurled our way as much as I was unerly depressed b} the form that it took. Nobody told me I sucked, nobody told me my shons were funnylookin', and nobody said nothin' about my momma. All they did was bitch about how superior they assumed I thought I v.-as

because of the fleecing l chose to rake by spending my tuition dollars here.

I tried to reason with them, saying, "Yes, I know you didn't get in and need co rationalize your 'choice' ... The fact is, I don't wanna hear about how we're too arrogant, too competitive, too aggressive... too bad.

I know this already - I sec it every week in

13

Law school is only boring when you're not saving the world

BY BEN ARKIN This has been the most III\ igorating class yet. I can b.u-clr contam m} self. I need to learn more. My ht-art is poundmg. nt·ck mu~clcs t\\itching. l'm developing a pocket t>f frothy bubbles at the corner of m) mouth. The professor stops talking- cl:u;s is ovcd I leap up. my chrur toppling over bad.>vnrds and trapping m} coat undcrnt-ath. ;:-\o orne to tum back for it nov.~ ~orne guy still stmng, nonng the rL-adings for the next class, 1s b1ocking the ai<>lc, so 1 shml: his chatr forward. I lis chest squec:~:e~ against the dc~k. I lc gasps- loud!}.

I k-ap forward and land on a wm purer bag, but I don't stop. l hc..1.r someone yelling after me as I carom through the door into the hall. I don't know v.·hy she's yelling; the cracking sound wasn't even that loud.

I tear up the stateS, through the library doors, hopping the c.x.it turnstile to a\·oid the slow-moving. blazersporting. grer-haircd professor strolling jauntily through the in-gate as if he has all day to brow~c the annals of Byzantine law.

1 stop m) momentum with the hulk of the circulation desk, planting my nanus a\mu~t tnc\\7 tu\\ y,b; feet

apart on ctthcr .~;a,. of the comput(•r terminal. There s nobody rl1erc. Why

on earth i~ there never a l1branan at the counter!?

"I JBRARlAN!!'' "\Xc have a lxll, you kno\\~" rhe voice answers before the body comt'S around the corner. "\\'addams on C..oncract~," J demand.

"Hmm? \\'hat's that?" "\X addams! Contracts! I want to learn it now!"

Pause. "Do you have the call number?"

That's when I rt-ally lo~c 11. <Jkay. I'm making chis all up. but }OU kt1cw that. Jn fact, l'm sure you had me figured out by "invtgoraung class," as if such a thing existed.

Nobody ever claimed that law school \\'Ould be as fun as riJmg thl' roller coasters at Canada's \'\'ondcrland.

Most accounts actually put it closer to a trip to Dt~ncyland: short on thrill, long on fantasy, and kd by ~hckl·y \louse, who lure~ the kiddies in order to fund ,\tichad E1sncr's evil ~chem~. \\'hat troubles me is that I cannot hold the institution to bbmc for the hfclcssness of legal educ.ttion - at least not until I can convince a Canadtan court that cnnut is a novel cause of action.

• o, legal education borc.s me nL·ar1} to incontinence and has no rclcvancl' to my life, but only I am accountable. I could be making this experience relevant br talung ad\'antage of the unique opporrurury

PlEASE SEE •LAW", PAGE 14 PLEASE SEE "INFERIORITY" I PAGE 14

;

OPINION

14

law school could be invigorating if put our potential to good use "LAW", PAGE 13 (bcstdl·s lcarmng Ja,,·) that Ia\\ school prm'ldcs.

Potcnnal ooze~ from our pores: bestdt" bcmg man cookies. many of us arc still rdaU\cl} dtsconncctcd from the pressures of C:lreer and fam tl} mamtenancc. \'\e h:we flexible chcdulcs, mulodisctpbn.try badgrounds, \ trtuaU' unlimac:d acadenuc resource , tht tmpetuousne~s to thmk \\C CAn accomplish anything, and the Jack of scnou~ con~cqucnces tf \\e fail m1scrably and ~Pl'Ctacul:trl:. \\c L'\'cn ha\e tl1e impn:~she marketing capn.tl of PUr o~socrarion with "the !Jest Ia\\ schoolm Canada"- \H' pay for thts, \\ c should U~(· it. l nf(lrrunatd): due to economic

Most accounts actually put law school close to a trip to Disneyland: short on thrill, long on fantasy, and led by Mickey Mouse. pressures, \\C arc pounng this potential Into achiev1ng lugh grades to stay cnm\)CI\Uvc m \he l\a) ~trcct market.

Yl·t even apart from this, thcre ts little dsc co grob O(lf porc:nriaL 1 am furtu· narc ro he im·oln J in n·ry \\'Ortlly srudenr groups and chnics, but the} atl' nt·cessaril) narro\\· in mandate and not particuhrl} runbioous. I need tt> be grabbed! {Go ahead. do u- I don't exactly present myself in a bonnet and cnnolincs~ \ '\ hat 1 propose tS to embark on an ambmouc: proJeCt. somctlung btg and rJSk) that could just as easil} fat! or succet"d, \\1th well-dcftned goals and a tunchne of up to three }L"llrs (or even more). 1t should be something that you would be eager t•J lend )OUr sk1lls and y~>ur namc to, an llhjceti,·c that might otherwise ne\ l:r come to pas~. llcrc art· a fC\\ examples, hmired to my Imagination 111 the time I write thi : dC\clopmg an envuonmcntal bill of nghts, promt>ting constirutional change to allo\1 limitations on clcc tion camp:ugn spcntling, or creating a concrete plan to force a law school twnon freeze or reUuetton.

What we need is a good idea fmm one of }OU. \'\hen I get one, I will do the oq,•anizanonal legwork to put your tdl·a in motion. \s I sa1d before, just grab me.

Law ~chool could be invigorating yeti And as an added bonus. you would be sparc:d readmg tn} wretched attempts at ficnon.

www.ultravires.ca

ULTRA VIRES

A NOVELLA IN FOUR PARTS

21 JANUARY 2003

Lust for the law

Accessibility study fails to ask the right questions CONTINUED FROM "PROVOST", PAGE 13 particularly in public interest Ia\\: ~ow h.n then is to he substituted in the l! of T StUd) rm posmg the qut'~rion directly to thosl' most quahficd to answer n? Thl• rollmg :wer.tge of rates of artichng students \mrking at b1g corporate firms after graduation compared \\1th the rates of students arucling with pubhc interest firms, of cour c. Jf the data comes back "very bad," sa}S i"cuman, the twtion increa~e:; wtll be "looked at." I low comforting.

The study will not adeyuarcly (•md m most cases not even attempt to) answer such yuesuons as: l. \\ hat propornon of the students who went into publtc interest arcicling were in the 30'' o tl1at did not require financial aid as opposed to those rcceiring over $10,000 in loans?

2. How many would have gone into pub lie interest law bur did not because of their high debt load?

3. Why drd the srudents make the choices they did?

4. flow can accurate conclusions be drawn about the impact of ruinon increases on nl'Xt yt-ar's student body based on data from srudcnts that entered the faculty more

The point of a study in the present case ought to be to find out whether tuition increases are in fact "poisoning" the U ofT law school in some important way. than thrn· } l~lr' ago facing a vastly dtffen:nt nuuon and cmploym~.:nt ~iruation?- · :\lost lhstressmgly, n~.:n if these que~rions arc ultimately addrl'sscd m 'ome refined incarnation of the srudy, n rcmruns c:ntircly frunless if rhe goal ts ensuring ruirinn increases do not adv~.:rscly affect the srudent body. ,\s noted, the impact of ruinon increases today cannot be gauged by this method unnl at least three years after the\ arL tmplcmcnted. In the quesaon pcnod I compared this, to '\lcuman's shock and horror, as akin to pounng a potcnual pollutant into a lake. If you claim that you do not want ro poison the lake, and you commission a study to find out whether what you're doing is in fact going to poison it, it is irrational to keep pounng the substance into the water while you srud) ic. If what you fL'llr happen-

ing, the poisoning of the lake, actually occurs, then the study that confirms this after tht• lake is poisoned is of no usc 111 pre venting lt.

Tht• po111t of a study in the present case ought to be to find out whether ruition increases arc in fact "poisoning" the U ofT law school 111 somt• imporrant wa}. If tillS f.1culty 1s trul} concerned about the impact of mcrc.ISlS, it makes no sense to carry on the study wh1k· conunu111g to ra1se ruitton. If the U of T were honc~tlr worried about pos~ihlc ddt'tcrious effect~. it would freeze twtion now and waa for the results of the S!Ud): \II of this k,1ds me to the unfortunate conclusron that this study is not about gaugmg the potential impact of the increases in an attc:mpt to ensure accessibility and maxt· mal career chotec. It ts about quieting the people who complain by feedmg them virtually meaningless data via an outmoded, non independent, non consultation based study that can only inaccurately measure the impact of current pohcics more than three years in hindsight. It ts pubbc relations at its slick worst- a hollow sham cloaked in a thin veneer of academic crctlibility and handwringing concern for the state of the sru dcnt body.

Inferiority complex root of abusive behaviour towards U ofT CONTINUED FROM "SOUR", PAGE 13 Tot\!1

<\no '

don't need ';<>ur dumb ''-''" duct-

daring tlw obt·ious... ;~nd hey Gooba, maybe these arc the qualities that got us where we arc - so drop the puck, or drop the gloves, but for the r,0\"C of Laskin, please drop the subject."

Strangely enough, that strategy went on:r like Panzeau '~ referendum night speech, but ar kast it kept the whining jackals at ba~ uno! they circled the wagons for thclf sc:contl line of attack: on:rt, unrestrained, and unabashed cheaung. the bkes of which haven't been seen m public sporting events smce the Iron She1k went to jail for selling smack. ~ow I know It feels good to win, but a lot of othc:r things feel pretty damn good and you wouldn't cheat to get them either would you? \X"cll maybe you would - bad analogy... but hopefully you sec my point.

Personall), I light ur, like a pimp on payd,ty when one of my own teammates cheats - because I don't want to win that war and I newr wtll. I know full well mv Division V hockey tcammatl'S would bcn~fir from my undcrtakmg a cycle of 'roids, but stop the peer pressure bop, 'cause it ain't gonna hap pen.

Shallow Vlctones appt-ar to be the order of the day for the rest of our law school compatnots however, and it almost seemed that they justified their actions with the argument that if they were directed agrunsr the U of T, then they were just levelling out the playmg field. ~low bad was it? In hockey the rough play and cheap shots the refs allowed Sherbrookc to inflict led mild-mannered Beth Given to direct a tirade of abuse against one of their cheap thugs laced with enough profanities to make a Teamster blush. Had she had a stepladder on the 1cc she may have JUmped up and smacked htm one- fortunately for him, we'll never kno\\: In ~occer, the abuse of good faith and

lack of murual respect made me promise myself to never ask for Rules of Prof~ssional

Conduc1 study notes from anyc>nt" from Umve~Jtc de \fontreaJ. (I know-

the best.

Bur whar rhe hell, right? Should we really care about the

opnlton~

of our pc.:<..:rs, ,.vht:n at

the end of the da) we '-\~tlked awar with the I had never heard of It bdore either!) athletic trophy? \\dl acrualh, thanks to our But, 10 be honest, we were never sup- ncighlxJurs w the '\iorth at Osgoode Hall, posed to \\in the athletic award any\>-ay. So we didn't walk a\\.d) wtth ,til of those either, I'm nor sure an) of it amounted to a hill of as a number of our plaques \vcrc swiped off beans. But what really did stick in our col· our banquet table by a couple of s1hcr lecnvc craw \\"aS the joke that became the medallists (In J.aw Games, law school~, and Moot competition. After the monumental life) while we were gcttin' our nctof) slam beating Shaun Laubman and Renata dance on. .\lahabir ra111ed do\\ n in the first round, it \'fhile watching 300 future corporate was obvious that U ofT ''a~n't gmng robe cog~ mosh to Rage: \gamst the .\lachine deft-ated by any team of mere mortal law entertains me to no end, the £1ct that while students. So, the combmcd tag team of the this was going on ~orne reprobate I'm going Quebec Court of ,\ppeal judges and ~lcG1ll ro have to share the bar with was stealing an had ro bt• formed Ill the back rooms to over- award he nC\ cr desc:rved leaves me with no thrnw our would-be champions. other chmcc but to thank God or whoc\·er When., asked the victonous mooter from she is up there for the fact that I attend l ' of :\IcC ill what he thought of his tainted victo- T law, and I'm gonna make damn sure back r} he: responded with, "Yeah dawg, when I at l.aw Games next year to defend our rep· saw that fine woman tear that other team to umtion, no matter how good or bad it gets. 'hrc:ds in the first round I knL'W I \\"as in deep mcrdc, and I knew tf I took one look at her during the moot, my knees would have been so buckled by her beauty that I'd be a goner for sure. So, I just kept my head down and hey - them\ the brakes. Guess it was our lucky Jay." ~ow whether by "fine woman" he meant Shaun or Renata, or by "lucky day" he meant fraudulent injusttcc, I don't know, but 1 do know there's no way th1s used-carLENCZNER SLAGHT ROYCE salesman of-a-law ·sruSMITH GRIFFIN dcnt is the best moot BAIUUSTUS er In the nanon or even in most Denny's For infonnation about opportunities for a student to learn to be an advocate restaurants he walks see our website at www.lsrsg.com into. But nobody else or seemed to kick up a contact Perry Hancock, Student Co-ordinator fuss or even care, at {416) 865-3092, e-mail phancock@lsrsg.com 'cause apparently it's SUITE 2600, I 30 AllnAIDE Sru£T WEST. TDaOHTO, 0NTAOIO, CANADA MSH )PS not really chcaong 1f Tl!l.UHOtl£ (416) 16S-9SOO • fAOIMILt(416) 165·9010 you're doing it agamst

Escape the cold.

Get into UV.

15

by Alexandra Dosman, writing as Eugenia Styles

In the first instalment of Lust for the Law, we met a captivating cast of characters: Lucy Grange, a quietly charming first-year student who is driven to tears in the class of... Professor Matthew Pord.ham, a middle-aged prof with his eyes on the deanship, who is reviled by ... Professor Anil Sharma, mild-mannered recent recruit from his beloved East Coast, who is in awe of... Dean David Kindle, beloved patrician dean, an expert on the law of the sea, who is married to ... Shiela Katz, a lawyer who left the law for her art, and who is a former classmate of... Associate Dean Constance Wentworth, a frustrated academic whose heart palpitates at the mention of... Tyler Groves, a caddish yet cherubic first-year student, who yearns to possess ... Julia Struthers, a sexy graduate student with a southern drawl, who bats her sultry eyelashes at Pordham, but ignores the existence of... Danny, a nerdy first-year student with an unfortunately squeaky voice, who is irritated to no end by ... Jake, a cocky upper-year with a crush on the fair Lucy, who looks up to ... Morgan Phearson, alumnus of the Faculty, an outrageously successful corporate tycoon with political ambitions.

03 As the first part of the story (available in full text at www.ultravires.ca/ nov02/lustforlaw.htm) drew to a close, Lucy, in a mad moment of library procrastination, pulled from the shelf an ancient tome, and found in its dusty embrace a crumbling love letter ...

:?arllwo - :?ass.ions !Revealed y dearest M-," the letter began," I could not bear to live without you." As her eyes scanned the page, Lucy felt her cheeks redden. Is it possible that someone in these walls had ... loved? Or even ... lusted? She looked over her shoulder, fearing

Ed's? I can tell you all about my talents in .. . specific performance," said Jake with a suggestive smile.

Lucy struggled not to laugh.

"Urn, no thanks," she managed, and then decided to launch a barb at her obnoxious classmate, "I'm meeting Danny for lunch."

Packing away her books, Lucy

the elfin-like appearance of law

hoped she hadn't gone too far.

librarian. But she was safe-for the moment. With new urgency, Lucy closed the leather-bound tome in which the love letter rested, returned to her carrel, and began to read in earnest.

Who knows, she thought, Jake could be dangerous ...

7./{

CC (I. J .J

"As I write, the sun is setting beyond the western gate of Lafelle House, but its beauty is nothing next to your radiant gaze.

According to the clock, only two hours have elapsed since we met after B1zOrg, feverish and ready, in the library storeroom, but in truth it has been an eternity, an eternity since we met, an eternity until we will meet again. YourS."

"I have some further questions for you too, Julia," he said, admiring the profile of his newest graduate student.

"Perhaps over lunch?"

Distracted by the passionate prose, Lucy did not notice Jake sliding up alongside her desk.

"What do you have there?" he asked, clearly more interested in Lucy's ruby lips than in her reading material. "Oh nothing," she replied, carefully sliding the love letter into her Torts casebook.

"Wanna go grab some grub at

pstairs in the faculty common room, Professor Sharma sat by the fireplace, his slim figure ill at ease in a plush velvet fauteuil.

He was distracted, seemed to be waiting for something-or someone. As the grand oak door opened, Sharma looked up with anticipation, only to meet the veiled eyes of Julia Struthers.

She spoke first, "I'm looking for Professor Pordham. Have you seen him?" Sharma felt his face darken. He looked straight into Julia's eyes, plumbing their depths for answers to unasked questions, and finally replied, "No. No, he isn't here." She closed the door, leaving Sharma alone with his tension and di::;quiet.

Ql

Julia found Matthew Pordham in the faculty kitchen. "Professor," she began, "I have some further questions about your early work ...

Particularly the piece on maritime salvage, the article that really launched your academic career-."

Pordham cut her off, raising his hand to her cheek. "I have some further questions for you too, Julia," he said, admiring the profile of his newest graduate student. "Perhap!' over lunch?"

r-7J ssociate Dean

~

Wentworth was dining

alone this midday. She sat in her office, utterly uninterested in her peanut butter and honey sandwich. She glanced at the day's newspaper, forced herself to look at the picture of the man on the front page. Morgan Phearson. He hadn't changed much since he was a student in these very halls-none of them

did. Or was. In love, I mean.

And I think there may be more!"

"People in love?"

"No, silly-love letters."

Lucy explained how she had found a letter in an old legal

How young we were, how

ignorant

had. Morgan, the golden-boy destined for worldly success; Sheila, an artist of prodigious talent; and of course Matthew, the unstoppable Matthew, whose sexual appetite was surpassed only by his academic ambition. How long ago it all seems now, thought Constance. How young we were, how ignorant of passion's treason, of the venomous lifeblood that leaves its victims dry and brittle, forever alone with remembrance.

A knock at her door interrupted this morose line of thought.

"Tyler Groves here to see you about his resume," said her assistant. Constance stood up quickly, shook her head slightly as if to clear her mind, and sat down again, clearing her lunch away.

"Yes," she replied, hoping her voice did not betray her raging emotions. "Show him in." anny and Lucy sat at a secluded table in the far comer of In Flagrante Deli, the school cafeteria.

"Danny," said Lucy, "I found the most incredible document in the library."

"Please don't tell me you're falling in love with the law," replied Danny, perhaps concerned that his gentle zeal for encyclopaedic legal study was unduly influencing his friend.

"No, not exactly ... but someone

of passion's treason

tome, and pulled it out of her bag for Danny to read. His eyes lit up. He had always wanted to be a detective. · "Lucy, we have to find out who these people were. They've got to be law students-no one would take BizOrg for pleasure."

"Great, that really narrows the field," she replied dejectedly.

"There've been thousands of students through these halls over the years."

"Look, there's no date," Danny continued, "but remember that case in Contracts? This paper company went bankrupt in 1983!"

"But it could have been written anytime before then," said Lucy.

She scanned the letter again.

"Wait! The Western gate of Lafelle was only built in 1981, it says so on the plaque!"

"So we're looking for two people who were upper-year law students between 1981 and 1983, with initials 'M' and'S'," concluded Danny.

"I wonder," mused Lucy, "if the school keeps registration data from that far back."

Danny was not happy to see that particular gleam light up in Lucy's eyes. "You wouldn't," he ventured, "be thinking of doing anything not strictly ... legal, would you?"

Lust for the Law will continue in the next edition of Ultra Vires.

ULTRA VIRES

PREDICTIONS

16

:t33ji-a-J!I@= HOROSCOPES

BY BRENDA DIDYK Aries March 21 - April 19 Aries is the first sign of the zodiac and so _._ __ you arl' comforrable with new bcginninRs. Thus, as 2003 begins, you \\cill case into tht: New Yt-ar With your usual agility and grace. \s I pea into my crystal ball, I sec thl' ram (your symbol) crossmg a treacherous mountain pass, delving into dark and scary mincs .. .wait, that\ the Lord of the Rings 0\'D reflecting 10 the ball. cvtr make predictions sitting next ro the Tv. This year wtll bring something different for you - giant talking trees, maybe?

Taurus April 20 - May 20 \\'rut, wait... the crystal baU ts cloudy . . . ( ) (mumbled chan ring) .. .almost... concentrate (mumble) ... yes, I sec it, I sec it ... Colours, hmmm. Blue and purple, and emerald green. \ terrifically bad choice of Law Ball gown for the ladies?

No, no, the ball reveals the image further: You will collect these colours around yourself in special bottles. 1 sec ... an alchemist? \X'ait, it's a pharmacist! Yes! The bottles arc clear now! It's \'icks Vapo-Rub and Nyquil! Sorry, Taurus.

Looks like a nasry flu for February.

Gemini May 21 -June 20 2002 was a good yt:ar for Genuni, the spnme- ~~~ try of the number suited your double-stdcd nature. In 2003, you will feel slightly off balance. But the crystal ball tells me this feeling will not \ast. 1t shows me that the cw Year wi\\ begin with a new ba\ance. Or \s that New Ba\anc.e? The ba\\ 1s ambiguous\ \h, 1 sec It now. You have gamed wctght over the holiday.~ and will attcmpr co lose ic by taking up running. You have even purchased new shoes for this pur pose. Good luck, dear Gemini. Be vigilant! My crystal ball shows me a lot of doughnuts and pourine, as well.

I

Cancer June 21- July 22 You don't cope well ui.th change, and this year rna~ ~ difficult for you. I foresee a orne of transttlon and growth. The crystal ball shows me images of a new dwcllmg space. .As the crab sheds its old shell, so shall you seck a new home. I sec bookshelves from Ikca, fresh houseplants and new linens. So nice to make a fresh start, isn't it, Cancer? Th1s yl·ar, you arc prone to accidents in the home. Take care to make sure your nc\\c digs don't have slippery floors and pay attention whenever ustng kitchen utensils.

9Q

Make a break down the aisle, Aquarius Ttl>

Virgo August 23 - September 22 I peer toto the ball. The year ro come emerges. . . you arc s1tnng on your couch, smoktng and fretting over the future.

What 1s tt that troubles you, Virgo? The ball says you are worried about your life and where It is going. Your perfcctiorust nature fears what tt cannot control. Virgo, you must relax. You must accept what you cannot change. Take a hinr from your astrologtcal opposite, Pisces, and "go with the flow" instead. This year will be a challenge, but will present you uith the opporturury ro learn and find inner peace.

The scars say that this is the last good year for .\quarians to get macned until2013. Thts is my sign, too, geode reader, but instead of pining away over m y own personal frustraoons, I will raUy you to fight for your astrologically ideal maring rights. So, c'mon boys and guls - 1 don't want to hear any more "Wait till I'm done school" excuses. Ger going. Book a hall. Rent a tux. If you are gay, lobb} the government. Aquanans, unite! We can't \\caJt any longer!

Leo

II 6l

July 23- August 22 Leo, the crystal ball forecasts a calm year ahead.

Things \\cill contmue as they have been for the next litdc while. Usc this nme to rest and grow strong. Three years from now, you will face a urn<. o( g reat change You will ~hl(t career<., rc\alionsrups, and may even move co a diffcrenr comment. Therefore, you may wish ro avotd tnvesung in large pteces of awl-.-ward furniture. Do not, however, avotd tnvesring in personal relationships. I see turmoil and arguments, unless you abandon your self-centred ways and reach out to others.

Libra

221!1

September 23 - October 2003 \\ill bring you much success. The crystal ball reveals many paroes and public events. \s usual, .,-ou sparkle in such social situations. But wait! I see the scales ripping. There is tmbalancc and discord. You will lose your positive ourlo~k sometiml m the spnng. There will be relationship issues. Others may feel you an. not sincere in your declarations of love. Be pers1s tent, Ltbra, and do not los<. sight of your trul. feelings in the name of convenience and pride.

Interview Tips,

Scorpio October 23 -November 21 The crystal ball spells out a message: H S - 1 J\f. Huh? Oh, excuse me. The ball was upside down. It's W. I S- IL Wish! Make a wish, Scorpio. Tlus will be your lucky year and all your dreams wtll come true. Well, some of your dreams.

"Jot that one with Madonna. You can maximize the power of this special nme by carrying a topaz amulet. It will bring you peace of mind and release magical forces around you. It's aU very Harry Porter.

011

Sagittarius November 22 -December 21 The c rystal ball speaks in riddles and rhymes: Fling your arrows far, At moon beam and elf-car.

Convey the message wide and clear: 'Tis .Archer come to hail New Year!

Look, Saggitanus, I just write h oroscopes part time to pay the rent, and I got this crystal ball second-hand from that psychtc across from Tim Horton's. I don't know what the hell that poem means for you in 2003. Stupid crystal ball. It thinks it's so clever. That's it, ball, you're on paperweight duty for the rest of the term Capricorn December 22 -January 19 Capncorn, you will be surrounded by new hfe and new beginnings. 2003 is a year of growth for you. My crystal ball swirls with • images of glorious growtng things! Pots of ivy! Pupptcs! Trees and gardens! \II your efforts uill be fruitful and like your symbol, the goat, vou would do well to grow a small beard thts year. If you arc a wonun,

watch our for stray chin hairs.

Pisces February 19 - March 20 \las, my crystal ball grows cold and weary - it's mad at me for my paperweight comment (sec Sagtttanus pred1crion) and refuses to shed light on the P1sccan year. \X'hy not knit a toque instead~ Proceed as follows: Cast 66 stitches on 5 !f2 mm needles. \\'ork 12 rows of Knu 1, Pearl 1 ribbing.

Cononuc to stocking stitch (Knit one CO\\; Pearl one row) until work measures 10 em from beginning, ending on P<..-arl row. To shape top of hat, continue in stocking stitch, decreasing by 8 stitches on Kmt rows until there arc 18 stitches on the needle. Break yarn and thread through remain1ng smches. Fasten s~:curcly and sew back sl'am \take a porn porn for the top. Cozy!

eel< us ou

•

joinblakes.con1 MONTRtAL OTTAWA TORONTO CALGARY VANCOUVER LONDON BEIJING

BLAKE, CASSELS & ' GRAYDON LLP BARRISTERS & SOLICI TORS PATE~T

& TRADE-MAR~ AGENTS

REVIEWS

21 JANUARY 2003

17

Chronicle of TV showman's life hits and misses

Confessions of a Dangerous Mind Starring: Drew Barryrnort·, Cwrgc Cloom•y,.Julia Roberrs, Sam Rock\\ ell Director: George Cloont·y Rating:** 1

BY ADRIAN LIU De.;ptte its title, Confwions o/ a Dungtmi/J Mind is anything but the tcll·all story ir purport~ ro be. The dangerou~ mind in ques -

Clooney makes his directorial debut.

uon belongs w Chuck Barri~ (played by Sam Rock·wcll), the 196(h tclC\·ision guru who produced such lowbrow l'nrertainmcnt as J'he Datmg Gantt and The Con.~ Sbo1J1. In his da), Barris was decr1ed for his shows, which awarded self-humiliation \\ ith rcfngerators or free vacanons. It's telling that the seeds of realitY TV were planted decades ago, and it's hard to tmaginc what those same criucs would say about shows like jot Millionuirt and [·ear l~tlor, which flood the networks today.

TelevisiOn aside, the film revohcs around the question of whether Barris's confessions ought ro be taken with a grain of salt-or, maybe the whole saltshaker.

Conftmons is based on a 1980 book b) Barris of the same name, m wh1ch he recounts his career as a TV producer.

Barris also claims to bavc worked a' an undercover CIA agent, taking orders from " shady sutt named Jim Byrd (George \looney) and lulling as manr as 33 people

tn the process. It's no surprise that Barris's "unauthorized autobiography" has been read as equal parts fiction and a thinlyveiled attack at his own crittcs. l f the publtcly-revered CL\ can authonzc Barns to kill people in cold blood, wh} should that same public revile h1m for putting on cheesy game shows?

Rockwell, previously seen in b1t-part roles in Cbarlir~ Angrls and Thr Gmn ,\life, rises up to the challenge of playing the leading man. W'hether brazenly over-confident {the opemng sequences chromcle his skirt-chasing habits, which seemingly began at birth) or hopelessly neurotic (the very fust scene shows a bearded, naked Barns holed up tn a hotel room), Rockwell's performance ts both charismattc and believable.

Confessions 1s Clooney's dircctori.a\ debut, and an impressive one at tltat. lle stays in familiar territory by casting old

Midnight Cowgirl Shanghai Co''~rirl 5~8 Queen Sr. \X est (one block cast of Bathurst) (416) 203 6623 Raong:

***

BY JUDA STRAWClYNSKI "I he DJ spu1s r<'ggae jams follmn-d b) Nt'il Young. The ~taff arc both \\ hitc uni formed men fl!pptng and frymg up a storm at the grill, and tank topped cleavage friend!) scners mnong marunts behind the same counter. There's a cactus standing guard at the back, the Queen street clubb10g crowd \valktng b) the front. and a 1950s-scylc diner 10 bcN;een. The crowd ranges from dancers to drunks, sru dents ro semors. 5hanghal Cowgirl's scctmg ts nothing short of cclecnc, and the choice of food doesn't fall far ochind.

I'm working on a vcggie burger ($7.50 tax included, fries included) rhar tastes surprisingly meaty. My accomplices on this midnight food binge ace getting down to business. One is \VOrking over a gnllcd cheese sandwich (v. 1th choice of processed or cd1ble cheese she has gone for the former. which for a late-rught short-order chef snack attack IS forgivable), and sweet potato fries that give Jwce for Life a seriou:; run for their title (sandwich and fries $6.00 tax included). M)

other partner in cnme 1s chowmg down a trucker~~ breakfast. complde \\tth three

egg-;. home fnc:; hkc mamma used to m.1kc 'em, and a hefn hclpmg of toast to complete the carb OD ($6. ')() w1th tax, health care costs not mcludcd). \!though then art healtluer opnons on the mt"tlu, Shanghat Co\\gtd ck·arly knows hrm to make had food feel gnod, and thcrr slogan "Fried or Deep l•ncd?" i!ptlv capture~ their take-no pri~oners short order approach. Bur the} ;tlso uwn up to ~hort corrungs~ the menu mcludes a wnttcn apolog} for using grattd cheese mstead of curds in their pourinc. \lrhough the} go lO confession, It ts dtfficult to forgi\·e Shrutghai Cowgtrl's bold replacement of part of the curd-fr)-gra') Tnntt} of this heart-stopping Quebecois dchcac}. The strictest of followt'ni wlll refuse to order such a heretic's meal. \X'e pohsh off our pbtcs faster than you can say Shanghai Cowgid, anJ our sen c.r just as quickly speeds over to our booth.

Dessert? More water? Drinks perhaps?

Before entering this super-chic dive I didn't realise that one could chew on bacon m between casual sips from a martini. Now it IS my dream. But it will have to w-.ut for another outing. .\lthough Shanghai Cov,.girl is all-busmess unul 4:00a.m. on \\eekcnd:;, this cro\\'Cl throws 10 the towel against the short order chefs. TKO. Shanghai Cowgtrl wms mer another.

friends: both Brad Pitt and :\l:ut Damon h:t\l' bnef cameos. And the ~cenes set in .\lcx1co, wht•rl' Barris bags his first k11l, arl' hat hl'd in a jaundiced yl'llow rcmini~ccnt of StC\'cn ~odcrbcrgh ':; (whom Cloont:} workt·d \\ tth in Octatl~ Elt~-tn) drugwar manifc to, 1iuffic.

Bur \\here Clooney rt~lly shtncs i 10 Ius usc of deftly assembled scenes tluu bridge n:altt) with fantaS). \Vhile ltstemng to a potencial conrestanr's hatr-r.using audition, Barris imagtnes he could gun her down mid-song - a habtt undoubted!) carried over from his secret tife as an assas sin. In the next breath, Harris curns his fantasy into an tdca for a TV show where the audtcncc "kills" the performer when they can't rake anymore. T!J. Go~~ Ybou• is born.

Perhaps the onl} unfortunate part of the; movie is Julia Roberts's not-soinspired turn as a fellow CI ,\ agent and femme fatale that pushes schlock to a new level. Roberts simply looks uncomfortable w1th the vampy outfits and pithy onc-ltncrs, confirming that she fares better with the good-girl-tn-a-romantic·comcdy roles. ln the end, Conftssions so blurs reality and make-believe that it's hard to tell whether any of Barris's c\atms arc true at a\\. But for what it \acks m factua\ c.\o~urc, Co'!ftuiolls makes up in post-movie conversation.

I Not just for the halibut Harbord Fish and Chips J..J? Harbord Street (between Spadina and Bathurst) (416) 925-2225 Rating: "*** ·

BY CHRISTOPHER ESSERY There arl' many, inany reasons to like Harbord Fish & Chips. nor the least of wluch is the delicious food. There's somethmg comforttng about it, in that Canada'sBnosh-heritagc-shtnmg-through likc·a-fcwbeers-at-rhe-Dukc-of-York \\'ll)', about dcep·fried fish wrapped in n~:wspapcr for dinner.

HF&C sirs alone (rhematicali}; at least) among the collection of hotty toit~ restaurants that tine llarbord ~meet berwc~:n Spadina and Bathurst. I rue, the digs arc small. It's more of a rake-our joim than a restaurant, and although there arc a few scats, I won't he to you: the star of HF&C is the food.

Delectable, creamy coleslaw is a delicious starter at 75 cents. So delicious, you should have rwo. Unless you don't like coleslaw, in which case you've got bigger problems on your hands.

For the main course, by the name one can guess the fare: there ace fried potatoes, and fried fish. Step right over the shrimp to the real dea\: rhe combos. The choice between haddock and halibut rcpre~c.nt~ a"> \ long and rune-honoured a conflicc as chc

PLEASE SEE MFISW ON PAGE 18

The Host treats you right The Host - Fine Indian Cuisine 14 Prince 1\rthur .\venue ont block west of Avenue Road) (416) 962 4678 Racing:

***-1

BY JUDA STRAWClYNSKI The Host is a tnbure to the buffet world.

But all famished ones b~:ware, for the all· you-can cat buffet can be a scar) experience. "JJghtrnarc scenarios generally im-ohc \'llnery OYer value. The customer roams for miles alongside a table displaying hundreds of foods heated by orangt: lamps, <..-ach dish as unappeos10g as rhc next. There are the establishments that treat the buffet as the scrap-yard of aU other kitchen concoctions, or, worse, the cheapskates who refuse to top up the buffet until the last fry, shrimp or ptece of celery is pohshcd off by a Homer Sunpson character both wtlling and able to take Jt for the team.

Thankfully, the Host offers a buffl.t that is far removed from the worst-case -sc<.nario culinary experience. The rcasonabl}' priced lunch buffet ($9.99 plus tax) is your ticket to a meal where quality is not compromised by quantity.

A polite amount of food is always presented at the food bar. The buffet is cleganrlr arranged, ui.th chick pea and cucumber-

tomato salad !L-ading off. Several \"Cgctarian dishes come up to bat next. The t'ggpla;,r platter \\,ll challenge even the picktc~t of caters to reconsider this oft-ibrnorcd vcggic. and even the most fickle \\ill find something to please the palate. Sitting at the end of the table arc the hea\)' hirrers-thc meat dtshc~, with Tandori chicken batting clean-up, pattently w-.uting to step tnt<> rhe box to ~tare down the most ml'nacing of carnivores.

For rhc weak of rongul', the I lost's buffer may make you not only fed that "There's a parry in your mouth, and everyone\ im·ited," but that the guests arc OYerstaying their welcome. •\!though not the spictest of spicy, this taste of lndta may require copious amounts of naan, which is conveniently served d1rectly to your table.

The courteous scn·crs arc careful to ensure that water glasses remain full, but perhaps the best antidote to the hot stuff is to hit the dessert bar, a table unto itself, where an oasis of fresh frmt can be found to calm the fucs.

No doubt some scudcnts \\cill balk ar the very thought of heading out in the middle of the ferocious Toronto \\inter m search of food. Thankfully The Host is a convenient two-minute walk. This is a small sacrifice for an escape from the pre-packaged sand\\cich hell that we readily accept in return for the safety of staying on school grounds. Go ahl.-ad, you desen·c to fer someone Host you.

UlTRA VIRES

DIVERSIONS

18

Law games: our cup runneth over

•NOT JUST" CONTINUED FROM PAGE 17 qul·stion of jam or honey \\ith pt:anut but· tl't, l'XCept \1.1th the addtd confu~ing factor bc:tng that haddock ~nd haltbut arc: not dbsimilar words. ( )ne ~omc:timc~ mixes oneself up. For th'· real deal, stick with the morl· <:xpemtnonc - we're talking 7 n:rsus .6. and the diffcrl~Ce tn taste ts unmissablt, en:n if the d1ffcrcnce m name can be confusing.

The chtps easily carl} their burden as thl· CO·eponpnous dish of the place - freshly cut IK·fore )OUr eye~ by the male member of the: husband and wife team - the) oozl' flavour (or maybe i t's oil). You can en·n add ) our own salt and vinegar before it's wrapped up.

Ont• pnmm is scning size: whLlc the aforemennoned coleslaw comes in cups so small that I eoukl probably car ftve or sLx, 1he fi~h and chtps is on the opposite end of the scale· the "One fish, two chips" option (S ll - SIS) is the perfect amount for a romantic dmn<:r with the lad or lass of rour ~~c .

__

l.____

1 )

BY KEITH BURKHARDT '}ls you all knouJ thm is no 'I' in 'champi-

- Arena Ltag11e football player Barry lV'agner when asletd before a championship ga111e about the 1111fue of mdividttal statistics.

Beth Given (left) and Leela Hemmings hoist the academic trophy at this year's Law Games in Quebec City.

Photo courtesy of Rokhi Pancholi.

___}

DAVIES WARD PHILLIPS

& V INEBERG LLP

Toronto • Montreal • New York • Beijing • Paris

MAKE THE MOST OF YOUR FUTURE If you thrive on challenge, are eager to learn from the best and quicldy want to play a central role in our clients' business transactions, commercial litigation or other matters Davies is a great place to work!

For information on our articling and summer student programs, visit us at www.dwpv.com or contact: Frances Mahil Director, Student Affairs 416.367.6966 fmahil@dwpv .com 44TH Floor I First Canadian Place Toronto Canada MSX 1B1 Telephone: 416.863.0900 Fax: 416.863.0871

c5ollo Voce

Notes from the back of a bus onship~ "

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19

FROM THE SIDELINES

Fish and chips

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DIVERSIONS

21 JANUARY 2003

Random thoughts scnbbled on a naplun while riding a bus from Paso Robles to San Francisco...

The Arizona Cardinals arc the worst franchise in sports history. '\lo other team has ruined football in as many c1ries (three at last count) or wasted as much talent (most recendy Jake Plummer, Davtd Boston, and almost S~meon Rice). I bet any person writing a sequel to Jerry Maguirt is ba~ing the plot around Rod Tidwell failing miserably. At least the Bengals were good tn the 1980s and the Clippers showed some life this year.

The villains in both Monsters inc. ami my basketball pool have the name Randell.

Comctdence? I highly doubt it.

Pardon The lnurmpt1on is " tht best uamn sports show period" anu should never be preempted. Kornhet~er and Wilbon make a better pair than Stskel and Ebert ar their peak, and the show shoulu be required daily watching for anyone claiming to be a spores fan.

What was Tht Jcort thinking wh~.:n they dectded their so-called top five plays of the ·car? I have seen better moves on my hockey team ... and we play m DivtSlon V! On the other hand, TSN dcs~:.rve~ credit for naming Jose Theodore's save their play of t h e year. It was a once in·a-lifetlme save and a definmg moment m the 2003 p layoffs. A screw-up by a high school QB Ill Washington is funny, and the l~<)U "I !ail Mary" was poetic justice, but neither play will be remembered years from now.

I hope I am wrong, but I think Bill Simmons will miss e~pn.com more than espn.com \\<ill miss him. S~mmons is great, but he is barely in the top five on a list of sports columnists/commentators. ,\11 the statements being made about J\lichael Vick sound remarkably similar to the stuff that was said about Daunte

Culpepper a few years ago. Vick can throw an 85-yard bomb better than any quarterback m history, but he has a long way to go before Canton wants more than his shoes. lwen though he lost miserably to the Falcons, if you had to bet your life on one football game, I think most of the free world would want Brett favre as their QB. There is a mint baby boom tn Green Bay exacdy nine months after the Packers' bye week. l always wondered why there was a bye week. Now I know: it is to allow for the creation o f the greatest fans in "JH. history.

If you rearrange the letters tn "Tie D omi," you can spell "\.fe Idiot." \n entire bar in \tascadero will vouch for the fact that I called Ohto State by seven tn the Fiesta Bowl. \nd that was during the pre-game.

Carson Palmer would have won regardless, but I still \I..Jsh that college foorball held Hetsman voting after Bowl games. The top player in the nation is the o ne who proves it in January, not September.

If someone ever makes a documentary of my life and hometown, I have a ft.-ar that the first 15 years will resemble an epi~odc of Traikr Park ~s on Showcase.

I hope people have finally learned that ~like Holmgren was not the genius in Green Bay. The true genius wa~ Ron Wolf, the guy who traded for Brett Favre and hired John Gruden, Andy Reid, Moochie and the rest o f that cre\1.: Today in History: ln 1984, \\aync Gretzky could ha~·c qwr playing hockey on January 7 and won the NHL scoring title in \ pnl I still can't bclieve that It costs approximately $2 million U.S. for a 30- second advertisement during the Super Bowl. At a 10% margin (and a pnce of St per bottle), that means that Budwetser must sell 833,333 cases of beer to pay for one ad.

I can't imagine how advertising makes that big of a difference in sales.

I see the lights of the Bay Bridge in the distance. Looks like the Gtants' long snapper is getting ready to Jump. No, that's J~m Fassel throwing his players from the sinking ship. I bet he can't spell "Champtonship".

The horror! According to the latest rankings by Canadian Lawyer. U of 1' is only the third-best law ::.chool in Canada, behinu UVic and \!berra. Nm'~ normally Sollo Va« is no chccrlcadcr, but we felt we had to draw attcnO<)n w rhe r<:port's laughably flawed methodology lest rhc administration usc our poor ·ho\1.1ng as an excuse ro raise tuition 1\{,rain. 1\ll the maga:r.ine did wa.~ survey a bunch of recent graduate:> (only about 250 people, from all 20 Canadian law schools combined, bothered to rcsponu) to assess their o\l.n alma matcrs on a handful of arbitrary criteri.'l (e.g. how "caring" the prof~ arc). ~ot that anyone o-pects roo much fmm Cmatium l..LJJJ)'tl; a.k.a. the poor man's Lexptrl another article in this month's issue, calkxl "Acing law school," contains sucl1 forehead-slappers as "go to class" anu "take notes." Still, we were touched that thty mention Ultra \'ires a~ one of thl' gorxl thing.; about U of T. The horror, rcdux! l.ast :O.fonday. Jotto Voct stuck around all afttrnoon in the hope of snagging a ft-w fw: lx:ers anJ spring rolls after Bill G raham's talk. \las, the orgaru7crs offered U'> not so mucl1 as a bag of Doritos. Inst~;.-ad, Graham :tnd his retinue were whisktd

away to the Faculty Club fi)r a swanky banquet, where no doubt our profs ,;cd to out-kowtOw one another in an effort to score a plum rcst.':lrch assib>nment or <>orne other sinecure. \X'hat about us ~ru­ uents? Do \Ve not eat spring roll~? l n the interest of fairness. J'olfo Vott urges e,·eryone to boycott all seminars and speeches that do nor offer at least ~orne Cokes and a cold cut p latter.

lf the la$t da) of briugc wcck scemcJ a httlc quiet, it was because about a 'luarter of the ftr~t-year clas~ had taken off for Law Games in Quebec City (h:n;ng arranged a special dispensation from bridge co-ordinator Lorne Sossin). Jotlo l~"ort can't help but chuckle at the irony of it all. E\'eryone knows that Law Games arc in pith and substanc<: about getting freaky with drunken Shcrbrookc ftr~t years. The focu~ of the bridge? l~tlllcs.

Memo ro all classmates: you know how ~omerimes rou put up your hand 10 cla~s and relate whatever case we're dotng to some experience from your own life?

Stop d1at. ~o one gives a r.lt's ass that you once sued your landlord,

Col a tip( Confuctllltra.Jirrs@ltloronto.m.

Lawsuit of the month

BY KEITH BURKHARDT In a dectslon reminiscent of several written

by Lord Denning, an Alberta court has ordered specific performance of a contract for the sale of a hou~e located two blocks north of Commonwealth Stad1um in Edmonton. The location was perttnent in the case because the plaintiff, Erin Holden, claimed that the sole reason he agreed to buy the house ~~as because he is a "huge football

fan" and ·wanted to be \valking dtsrance from the stadium where the Edmonton Eskimos play. Holden then convinced the Court that the community surrounding the stadium has become the epicentre of his social life and that monetary damages could not compensate for the loss of the house. There is no truth to the rumour that a surul.ar case in Montreal got tossed when the judge laughed at a plaintiff who claimed a deep love for the Montreal Expos and Olymp1c Staclium.

ef the bottom line © www.ultrovires·:to

20

DIVERSIONS

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ULTRA VIRES

Ultra News: Not-So-Real News From Around the Law School Professors rebranded

Students seem plt.'2sed with the new schedule. Remarked Sanjeev (II), "Her, it's more predictable than the old one."

,\fter n:naming its courses (as reported in the October 22, 2002, issue of Ultra Vires), • &bi, Ri,· the law school is also renaming its professors. "\\'c want to capture the spirit of a fac Baboons appointed to SCC that\ fresh, ~nappy, and on the move," said In the final phase of his swan song, Prime Dt·cRdcc.

Jean Chretien has replaced all nine Mtnistcr Some £1cuhy members voiced support: Supreme Court of Canada judges with ''l'vl' always wanted to bt· 'the .\fnck,'" baboons, appointing a particularly gifted enthused the Proft.'Ssor FormcrJy, Knownone, Benny, as Chief Justice. ,\s-~tacklcm. '~\nd ir suus my style to be Jninal n:sponses to the overhaul are poscalled 'Da Ripper,"' remarked tht· former ith·e. t_; of T law professor and flamboyant l\rthur Rtpstcm.

Proft·ssor \lichacl Trebilcock is leading Supreme Court arguer, Kent Roach, the charge against the proposal. .. If those described the mm·e as beneficial for whippersnappers address me as ,\ljTec one Canadt:tn jurisprudence: "The Court's judgmore time, I'll resign. And then what wtll 'mcnrs since the change arc irs most cogent and ~ensible e\'crl" remain of this place?"

• Ro11an !..tty - Aitxa11dra DoJnlaJI

Bookstore fixes regular hours Law sruJcnts can no longer whine about their bookstore's erratic hours after manager ,\1arlene Haughton announced a ne\\; standardized schedule.

Jn accordance \\ith the lunar calendar, the bookstore will open from 9:03 to 9:22 a.m. while the moon wa.:xes. Converscl\' it \\ill opt:n from I:34 to 1:53 p.m. while ' ;he moon wanes. Hours are moved forward by 45 minutt:s on every 7.375th day as the moon enters a new quarter. As a mark of respect, the bookstore will also close on "nt:w moon day."

Chronic glove shortage leads to sharing

Meeting induces nausea l~>llowing an open meeting m November \\ith the l•niver~ity of Toronto's provost n:garding the accessibility study at the law ~chool, more than a dozen students reported effects of severe nausea, delirium, and blackouts.

At the meeting, Provost Shirley -.....;-euman admonished students who asked quesnons critical of the study, in a tone reminiscent of a grade one teacher.

"I'm so frustrated, I can harilly speak," mumbled Harold (II), before passing out in the Rowell Room.

• Rttna Gf!Jal

New doctrine proclaimed Ralph (Ill), in his final term at the law school, has established a new system to guide hts course selection: their probable unlity m conversaoons at social gatherings.

"Whenever I meet people and introduce myself as a law student· -as I invanably dothey always ask me confusing questions about jury selection, health care regulation, and other we1rd stuff that I never associated with law," he noted. "Talking about secunties regulation only gets you so far."

The 'Cocktail Party Doctrine' is Ralph's most sophtsucated sprcm of choosing courses to date. In second year he chose his courst.•s based on their attracnveness to Bay Street firms, while as an undergraduate he chose his courses based on their time of day and proximity to his girlfncnd's dorm room.

• Rnbin Ri.v

Briefly Noted Admissions policy refined

Third )Tar poses in Playgirl, no one cares

The law school's admissions co mmittee will no longer ask for applicants' GP\, LS \T scores, and personal statements. Instead, It wtll simply ask one quesoon: "How would you best charactenz:e yourself: (a) genius at work; (b) genius pretendtng to be at work; (c) pretending to be genius at work:> D1scuss."

Students float in gentle current of Bcurvc Jocks and nerds form uneasy alliance at Law Games