Ultra Vires Vol 7 Issue 4: 2006 January

THE INDEPENDENT STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF THE UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO FACULTY OF LAW

UL TRA VOLUME 7 ISSUE 4

ES

JANUARY 17, 2006

SINCE 1999

Professor Mayo Moran appointed Dean Students and alumni are "intrigued and excited"; Moran is faculty 's first female Dean

BY ANDREW PILUAR

and three Jaw students.

It didn't take the search committee long to According to Clay find what it was looking for. Just stx Homer, president of months after Provost Vivek Goel the Law A lumni announced the search for a new Dean of Association and a the law school, Professor Mayo Moran member of the was tapped on December 8 as the new search committee, Dean. After early speculation that the alumni are "really search would take up to one year, the intrigued and excitspeed of the announcement was a little sur- ed" by Moran's prising. appointment.

He Early reactions to Moran's appointment cites her engagement have been generally positive. Students and interest in buildLaw Soctcty President Mike Pal, himself a ing relationships member of the Dean search committee, with alumni, and her has found that "people have reacted really "ability to connect well to Professor Moran's appointment." with people in an Pal is optimistic that Moran wi ll take stu- outstanding fashdent concerns into consideration, and ion", as the keys to notes that she has already made active this excitement. efforts to consult with students. Members After an alumni of the SLS were invited to a dinner recep- reception to fete tion at the Dean's house on January 9. but Moran at the law she h11s nl o soug ht :;ludcnt i nput from

other student groups. The Dean has embarked on a "listening tour" to meet groups with a stake in the law school, from students to alumni to potential donors and supporters.

The selection committee was chaired by the Provost and included 17 members, including alumni. law school faculty, professors from other university departments,

UVIndex ·~ ·~ ~

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KOTRLY TALKS GOOD P.3 RRSTYEARTO RUN AGAINST SMARTY PANTS P.9 HUNGARY? SEE P.U LAW GAMES P.13·14 BOMP CHICKA CHICKA P.17

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ASK ED GREENSPAN P.23

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school,

the

Dea n

travels to her home province of British Columbia on February 9 to meet wtth Vancouver alumni.

Dean Moran, u ofT's own Trailer Park Girl, subverts the dominant paradigm In spite of the with f ellow Prince George native Rosalind Sipos honeymoon early period, significant and potentially contro- challenging for Moran, who has little last year after an acrimonious Faculty versial issues loom on the horizon. The experience in such a fundraising capacity.

Council debate on first year curriculum provincial government is expected to Dean Moran admits that there is "defi- change and a UV survey showing low stuannounce a new policy on university nitely a need for more resources right dent satisfaction among visible minority tuition before March, after the expiration across the board in this institution", students. While some steps were taken to of the government's two-year moratorium including the need for improved staff revitalize the School's moribund Diversity on tuition increases. And with the Dean in resources at clinics such as DLS. While Committee during first term, Dean Moran place, the Faculty can be expected to she will not rule out tuition increases, she plans to work with the committee on this quickly move forward with plans to relo- says she plans to be "modest on tuition". admitted "issue of concern" to her. while cate the law school to a new building Dean Moran also plans to seck increased noting that "law is not an institution that opposite Varsity Stadium. Both of these financial support from alumni and the tends to embrace overarching radical situation directly implicate the Faculty's broader legal communtty by improving change". need for significant fundraising efforts. relations and "making people feel a conDean Moran chairs her first Faculty Coming on the beds of former Dean Ron nection to this place."

Council on January 18, at noon. in the The nettlesome is~ue of diversity at the Solarium.

Dantcls' succe s in raising the School's endowment by more than $50 million, this law school remains largely untouched in part of job will likely be one of the most real terms. The issue was thrust to the fore

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OSLER

2

NEWS

ultra vires

Dean Moran outlines her vision

17 January, 2006

NEWS

U ofT law debaters sitting on top of the Worlds

New Dean cites "intellectual quality" as her top priority; pledges to "open up the channels of communication" and be "moderate" on tuition

Kotrly and partner declared world's most masterful debaters

BY KEIR WILMUT

BY EVAN THOMAS

feel very comfortable to comment in some settings but' not in others," she explains.

"So I'm setting up Town Halls as \\:ell as Dean\ Drop-Ins, as well as talking to committees and inviting them to talk to me - fostering communications is a priority ~.. ith me."

Pre sed on tuition, Moran was unwill-

rom a trailer park in Prince George to the Dean of Canada\ premier law school, Dean Moran is beginning her tenure with a focus on the intellectual environment at the law school and committing to a more conciliatory style ofk'Bdership. "I'm a different model than some people who held this chair before me," she notes.

"It's the intellectual quality of [this Fncuhy] that really excites me," she explains. "When I was deciding to do my doctorate, I hnd full funding at many places including Oxford and many US schools, but I chose to come here because I thought it ~\as the best place in the world.

I found it to be an incredibly rigorous, engagmg. challenging intellectual environment." ing to rule out increases, but pledged to Because of her experience as Associate chart a "modest" course. "There ·s definiteDean, Moran feels comfortable with her ly a need for more resources right across new administrative portfolio, but stresses the board in this institution. I'm going to that she has no desire to leave teaching push to make sure we don't have the buildbehind. "People have said to me, 'arc you ing issue undercut everything else. 1 don't nut~ why do you want to be Dean?,"' she plan to be aggressive on tuition, but I can't recounts. '"I love being a scholar, and I say there won't be tuition increases ... I'm love teaching, and I don't want to give going to be modest on tuitton." those up. But that's what r want to bring, I Fundraising is high on her agenda, and she plans to encourage giving by improving the feelings of alumni about the Faculty. "I think people give because they love a place, and I view my ftrst job as making people feel really good about this place, and making people feel a connection to this place ... While I'm new to the actual •asking for money,' I think a lot of it is just good basic human relations, and I'm really looking forward to dealing with it.

I've had great feedback from a lot of alumwant to improve the intellectual experi- ni who perhaps didn't have a great feeling ence for students." about the place in the past. I'm not going To accomplish this, Moran plans to to go out and say "give us money", rm explore new teaching styles, mentioning going to go out and say 'this is a fantastic her successes in moving away from a place'- you should feel proud of us, you straight lecture style in her first-year Torts should feel connected to us." class. "We could be more innovative in the Moran has already been busy extending classroom, it could be a much more interactive environment. The tried-and-true is pretty comfortable and easy, for both students and professors. I have a series of thoughts about what those starting points [for new ideas] would be, and I think dealing with students is crucial for that. It's risky, and I would probably do things a little differently [in Torts] next year, but I like people to feel freer to experiment more."

She acknowledges that the relationship and cementing the networks that will be between the students and the former vital to her success in fundraising and administration was not always ideal, not- external faculty relations. ''I'm really ing that "the difficulties were not so much going out a lot and meeting with a ton of generally speaking between faculty and people I've been going to big firms, the students as between the Dean's office small firms, clinics, and I am putting a and the students ... r want to open up the huge amount of effort into reaching out channels of communication. I've always into the broader legal community - not all had good relationships with students, of that is alum. I'm meeting with the including when I was Associate Dean, and Department of Justice, the Human Rights I want to keep that up."

Commission, the Mayor - it's a broad outPart of opening up these channels reach." includes a willingness to try different While proud of being the first woman to methods and forums for students to voice serve as Dean of the Faculty, Moran is cautheir views. "My experience is that people tious about ascribing too much importance

F

"I don't plan to be

aggressive on tuition, but I can't say there won't be tuition .

Increases

"

"rm really going

out a lot and meeting with a ton of people

"

" rm a different model than some people who held this chair before me

"

to the issue of gende"r. "I'm a feminist, and I teach comparative equality, and my book v. as about how to account for a broader lack of equality and dtversity. But I'm hesitant to equate too many deep personality or leadership qualities to being n woman There's Margaret Thatcher as a strong counterpoint to that... But women face a number of the same challenges, and I've faced those as well. Some women from the alumni reception thought it was unbclic\'able they related stories from when they went to law school and the professor wouldn't answer questions from women.·· Although she hopes to use her position as Dean to increase diversity at the Faculty, Moran concedes that change will be slow.

"It's one of those things I've spent a lot of my academic life thinking about. It's a matter of how to get there in the best way possible. l'm going to go address the Diversity Committee and see what we can do, but institutional shifting is slow, and law is not an mstitution that tends to embrace overarching radical change. It's certainly an issue of concern to me, but not an easy issue - there is not one quick solution."

3

Moran is clearly somewhat awed by her rise from her humble beginnings to her current position of influence. "I still find it kind of improbable, I have to say. It's not like I charted my life. I find it amazing."

Happy Announcements Daniel Remick (I) proposed to Abby Rosenstein on December 9th. They are to be married in LA sometime in the summer of 2007. lan Andres (Ill) and his long-term girl friend Adrienne decided to tie the knot.

Good work, lan!

Have a happy announcement? Send it to ultra. vires@utoronto.ca

It's official: the law school boasts the best debaters in the world. While their classmates were sleeping otT their post-exam hangovers during the holidays, Michael Kotrly (III), Rahool Agarwal (III), Melanie Tharamangalam (II) and James Renihan (II) travelled to Dublin, Ireland, to compete in the World University Debating Championships as members of the Hart House debating team.

Kotrly and his debate partner, Joanna Nairn, a fourth-year political science student, fought their way past 323 teams from 3 I countries to win the competition, beating teams from Yale, the University Chicago. They debated in nine preliminary rounds and three final rounds before reaching the Grand Finals, where they debated the resolution. 'This House would abolish all laws prohibiting animal cruelty.''

Luckily, said Kotrly, he and Nairn were "in favour of the fuzzy, cute critters", debating 111 opposition to the resolution.

Individually, out of 648 debaters, Kotrly was 17th overall, Renihan was tied for I oth with Nairn, Agarwal was 23rd and Tharamangalam was 85th.

This was Kotrly's fourth trip to the Reverend Kotrlv preaches the gospe\ world championships, and he's racked up a fair number of frequent flier miles along the way. He competed in Kuala L u mpur, Callaghan Moot. Asked to compare debat- Philippe Sand. ' inten~i\c cour:;c."

Malaysia. in 2005. Stellenbo. ch. South we wanted to win."

A.-; th1s nJs Kotrly':; fourth tnp to the ing and mooting, Kotrly said. "mooting After their pertonnance last yclll' and wmnmg the Cambridge Union Jntra- requires more prepMation and polish than Worlds. he wi/1 only be re-appearing at the: Varsity in November, Nairn and Kotrly debating. In debating, you prepare by prac- competition as a judge. Besides a convention that no one defends their title at the were among the favourites heading mto tising your speaking but you don't know Worlds, there is a "grandfather this year's Worlds. Also favoured was a clause" in the Worlds rules that preteam from Yale, one of whom, Rory Gillis, vents debaters from competing more is a Canadian. The Yale team was ranked than four times. In any event, Kotrly ftrst after the preliminary rounds, and the will graduate this year and article Yale team members finished first and secwith Ogilvy Renault, where be hopes ond individually. However, the Yale te~ his debating experience will be use~! ran into trouble in the semi-finals and d1d as a litigator. But even though hrs not advance, breaking the field wide open. debating career is at its end, he says, Not surprisingly, all four debaters fro~ "it's nice to go out on top." the law school are heavily involved m mooting. Kotrly was a member of last the subjects in advance." Also, "it pays to year's Jessup International Law Moot be a giant ass in debating", said Kotrly.

Africa in 2003, and Toronto in 2002. Last team which represented Canada at the "You can also pooh-pooh small points or year, he and Nairn also made it to the inte~ational rounds in Washington, D.C., ignore them if you don't have a good Grand Finals but came second to a team and he was also one of this year's four answer, but in mooting you have to be deffrom the University of Ottawa's Faculty of Grand Mooters. Agarwal was the top oral- erential and engage the bench by answerLaw. Said Kotrly, "we were discussing not ist in last year's Wilson moot, which U of ing the question to the fullest extent." going back after last year. We decided that The debaters also found that a legal T also won. Renihan will be a member of if we went back, it would be because we education has come in handy during this year's Jessup moot s~uad. and liked debating with each other, not because Tharamangalam will be competmg m the debates. Many of the resolutions contest~d in the competition were legal 10 nature or at least involved legal arguments. Besides the. resolution debated in the Grand Fmals, other resolutions included, "This House would ban speech that supports terrorist violence" and "This House would recognize a legally enforceable right to a minimum standard of living."

Said Kotrly, "law school definitely makes debating easier. We study such a broad range of top~cs [at law school], and those toptcs often come up in resolution~.

During the debates, I used matenal from the Grand Moot, as well as stuff from Jurisprudence and

" Nairn and Kotrly were among the favourites heading into this year's Worlds.

"

" It pays to be a giant ass

in debating "

4

ultra vires

NEWS

NEWS

17 January, 2oo6

5

First year student takes on lgnatieff

Prime Minister Wilmot?

McHugh-Russell seeks to slay Liberal Goliath in Federal election

Law student hopes to seduce the judges in televised competition

BY TARA DOOLAN

two other NDP candidates seeking

BY ROB WAKULAT the nommation on December 8, 2005, Liam felt that support from Liam McHugh-Russell, a 25-year old first- classmates at the Faculty was a key year student, is leaping beyond Faculty clement in his success. and university politics in his attempt to "It was only because of support win the riding of Etobicokc-Lakeshore for from members of the U of T law the Nc\\ Democratic Party in the federal community that I was put over the election on Monday, January 23. While no edge," Liam recounted. "The one could suggest that Liam, perhaps the enthusiasm, youth and energy they tallest person at the faculty, is lacking in displayed was the determining facstature. in the political arena he is facing a tor." proverbial David versus Goliath struggle.

Beyond the impact this support had on his campaign, Liam went on to explain what this means for the Faculty. "People do feel that U ofT [Law] is monolithic- conservative both politically and in a button down kind of way. Students are perceived as being focused not as much on what they can accomplish for the world through their career as they are on what they can accomplish for themselves through their career. However, more than any other experience at U ofT, this campaign has proven that's not

"It was only because of support from members of the U ofT law community that I was put over the edge

"

true."

His Liberal opponent is none other than the man touted as the future \eadet of the Liberal Party. M ichael lgnatieff's controversial appointment as the Liberal candidate for this riding has injected some hope into his opponents' campaigns, and Liam can probably count on these feelings as well as the general Liberal backlash to boost his chances.

"One of the most surprising things in the campaign so far is the huge amount of support that we've seen," explained Liam.

"There bas been a btg group of people who have moved away from their traditional support of the Liberals and are considering voting NDP this time."

Support and enthusiasm of friends, classmates, political allies and voters is a theme that pops up repeatedly in an interview with Liam, who was raised in the riding and clearly feels a deep affection for his community. However, despite his political involvement and activism as a past VP of Education at the University ofWaterloo, the current co-chair of the youth wing of the Ontario NDP and an Under 30 Committee member of the Ontario Federation of Labour, it did require a little coaxing before he accepted the challenge to run for the NDP's nomination.

"It's something I've considered for a while," said Liam. "Involvement with the party as co-chair has always meant running as a candidate was on the table. This time the riding association heard that the Liberal candidate would be a pro-war academic who hadn't lived in the country in the past twenty years and so they wanted to find someone who could meet htm on his own issues, was from the community and could present the party's policies effectively. Members of the riding association asked me to run two weeks before I was elected."

When the time carne to face off against

Whatever the result of the election. the Legislative Assembly of Ontario at age While it may still be an uphill battle to Liam's ambitions have already put him in 26 while still a law student at the garner many votes for the NDP from the distinguished company. In 1963 Stephen University of Toronto.

Faculty of Law, Liam remains positive about his party's chances. H e believes Lewis, the current UN special envoy for HlV/AlDS in Africa, won an NDP seat in there are three major policies that law students would find worthy of support.

"First, people who work at DLS know about some pretty disconcerting laws and changes in policies that federal Liberals have brought in over the past few years.

The NI)P's principled position to protect the rights of Canadians with respect to justice is the clearest and most consistent of all the parties," he said, warming up.

"Second, for those involved in the IHRP, the NDP's vision for Canada's place in the world is the most compelling. Our ftrm stand on attaining the Make Poverty History Campaign goals is only one example. Finally, for all U of T students, the NDP's long-term commitment to actually doing something about skyrocketing ----:.:;, tuition fees and student debt is one of the ~ . . . big reason's for my initial and continuing support of this party." ' While Liam admits that his studies have suffered, he believes it was lucky that this opportunity came up in first-year when Christmas exams are simply fail-safes and "Why I want to work for BLG when I grow up. do not necessarily count. He doesn't

By Suzie Henderson'M. All rights reserved. Copyrlf(ht 2004." expect any favours from the administration, but gets the sense that they are supportive of his endeavour. Liam preferred not to dtscuss what would happen if he won to avoid jinxing his chances, but it was clear that he is quite comfortable with putting his studies on hold to serve his community.

"Members of the legal community are A good lawyer never stops learning At 8LG, we passionately believe 1n contmued educ.at1on as a way for all our lawyer-5 to be able to offer the in the privileged position of being really very best legal coun~l in today's constantly chang1ng business enwonment prepared for life in politics and we confrom national student tra1ning programs to inte~w learning programs for stantly talk about the dedication to service associates on the ~th to partnersh1p. At BLG this comm1tment means we are always able to provide our cfients with the very best serviCe. For more that's attached to a law degree. A career in IT BEGINS Information, visit the BLG website at www.blgcanada.com. lORDEN law and politics is just one example of how LADNER WITH WCAAY MOIIITUAL OTTAWA TOIIONTO VAHCOUVU WAT£~l00 ltfGIOtl lawyers can give back to a society that's GERVAIS SERVICE given us the opportunities we've been afforded."

Keir Wilmut (III) has a one in five chance of being Canada's "Next Great Prime Minister." Along with four other competitors, he is a finalist for a new television show sponsored by auto parts manufacturer Magna" International that will air on CTV on February 4.

The television show is a re-incarnation of Magna's "As Prime Minister" essay competition, which was won by former U of T law student Robin Rix in 2002 Instead of writing an essay, entrants for the competition this year had to submit a three to five minute video "outlining [their] vision for Canada and what policies and/or legislation [they] would pursue as Prime Minister." Open to Canadian between the ages of 18 and 29, the competition attracted more than 250 submissions.

Wilmut's speech centered on "unleashing the potential of Canada," which he argues can be done through a combination of tax incentives, innovative post-secondary scholarships, and health care reform. He believes that the people of Canada are being held back by government policies that regulate their lives rather than facilitate their dreams.

His speech propelled him into the top ten, and a subsequent phone interview was

used to cut the field down to the final five.

As a finalist, Wilmut has already won $1 0,000 and a three-month paid internship with Magna; tf he wins, he'll take home $50,000 and have the option of a longer internship.

The competition will be taped on January 30th, and will air on CTV on February 4th. Judges - rumored to be high-profile former politicians - will select the winner based on their responses to questions. and their performance in a debate.

Keir: Cooler than cool. Ice cold.

UV: Bannmg hand-guns?

Wilmut credits skills gained through debating and mooting competitions, along Keir: Pointless and unnecessary with his optimistic vision for Canada, with hand-guns have been effectively banned helpmg earn him a spot among the final- for decades. We need a two-pronged ists. In light of this achievement, Ultra approach to deal with gun crime: first, we Vires sat down with Keir for an interview should focus on things like community about his position on some pressing politi- programs so youth don't get involved in cal issues. gang activity in the first place. Second, we should increase penalties for the small UV: let's talk politics. I'm going to try number that do choose to engage in vtoto identify your political preferences by Ience. employing a sophisticated tool of political UV: What about Quebec- hot or not?

Keir: I had to miss law games in analysis, known as the 'hot or not' test.

I'm going to ask you to classify some rel- Sherbrooke to do some filming for this evant political issues-persons as "hot" or competition, but 1 heard from reliable "not." Okay, here we go: Same-sex mar- sources that Quebec was very hot. Of course, that may have been due to beer riage - hot or not? goggles.

Keir: Hot. So hot right now.

UV: Belinda Stronach?

UV: Privatized health care?

K e ir: umm . .. s\nce Magna

COf"ll .

sponsoring this competition, I'm going to refrain from commenting on Belinda's hot-ness or notness, as the case may be.

UV: If you win. what do you plan to do with the money?

Keir: I'm fiscally conservative, so I'd probably put most of it in the bank. But I would use some of it to stimulate the local economy, i.e., The Duke ofYork.

UV: Is there a "First Lady'' in your life?

Keir: No, although the other day I did get a random email from a woman in Jamaica saying that she would make a · great polttical wife. I'm not sure how she found me maybe from the competition website (www.asprimeminister.com).

The Program airs February 4 on Join the live studio audience on January 30 from 7-91'm!

en~

Phone: (416) 355-3894 E mall· rngpm@cN ca

\s

''I'm eager to apply my paper shredding skills."

0

0

0

0

0 Strongly Disagree

Strongly Agree

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No o~'re not The law students we talked to said they want to be challenged, and they want to contribute in a _r~a.l way.

Soywhat do ~e do differently? we put your knowledge to work, often for clients involved i~ mergers and acqu1s1tlons, securities, intellectual property, information technology, bankruptcy, real estate, bankmg, advoca~t6 a;:9~~~~ To learn about our student programs contact Shelby Anderson at sanderson@casselsbrock.com or ·

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2004 2006

6

NEWS

ultra vires

Faculty imposes fundraising policy after complaint Students surprised by firm's reaction to fundraising letter

17 January, 2006

A routine student letter asking law firms to sponsor U ofT's excursion to Law Games in Sherbrooke this January caused a chain reaction involving an annoyed law firm and the sudden creation of a student fundraising policy.

"The sudden enforcement of the policy raised concerns among many students

"

In October 2005, U of T Law Games Co-Captains Rob Wakulat (II) and Kevin Shipley (II) followed the fundraising procedure set by previous Captains, sending an email letter of request to various firms in Toronto and New York. About 40 of the letters, explained Wakulat, targeted certain firms whose profile arguably dido 't enjoy as high a profile among U of T students relative to others, and explained that sponsoring law games might be an excellent way to change this.

The response was not what they were ex~t\ng. Wakulat received an email from

Kate Hilton in the Alumni & Development Office explaining that a flml had complained about the fundraising request, perhaps taking offence to the idea that it did not enjoy a high profile on campus. The letter further stated that all fundraising at the Jaw school must be approved and coordinated by the Alumni & Development office. An email announcmg the policy was subsequently sent out to all students.

"This was not something Kevin or I were aware about until that time as this hadn't come up in our transition or in any discussion with past Law Games' organizers or the SLS," said Wakulat. The CoCaptains were also surprised by the vigour of the faculty's response, which involved urgent emails to Wakulat and SLS President Mike Pal seeking to mitigate the situation. "Kate, who was very approachable and reassuring after the incident, said that [Interim] Dean Langille was also concerned about the letter and they wanted full disclosure of our activities including email and phone conversations with the firms in order to respond effectively to the complaint," said Wakulat.

While nothing in the administration's Policies & Procedures suggests a specific law school fundraising policy, the University of Toronto as a whole is subject to a detailed fundraising policy, which presumably applies to the \aw school as we\\.

As a result of the law games complaint, law students are no longer permitted to contact firms directly for fundraisiog purposes, and if relationships already exist, the Alumni & Development Office must be kept in the loop.

However, Acting Assistant Dean Bonnie Goldberg maintains that the policy is one that has always existed - just not one that has always been enforced. "One of the reasons this practice was not always enforced was that the SLS had, for many years, coordinated fundraising in a very centralized way," said Goldberg. "The SLS centralized fundraising seems to have worked really well over the years."

Problems tend to occur, explained Goldberg, when fundraising efforts become more localized or students don't communicate. "I think it is clear that when student groups work in concert, they can often maximize their profile and fundraising," said Goldberg. "The proliferation of student groups, conferences, journals, and activities over the last few years, while absolutely very welcome and expected, also places challenges on the fundraising abilities of each group. Asking students to work with and through the Alumni & Development Office, as well as my office and the CDO, is meant to offer institutional support and to assist students in reaching their goals. The success of Orientation

fundraising, and more recently the success of student organizations who have been working with the Alumni Office, attests to that."

The sudden enforcement of the policy raised concerns among many students who had maintained effective and informal relationships with firms to raise money for initiatives ranging from large events like Law Follies and the Grand Moot to smaller speaker's events and student clubs.

The SLS hopes to keep an open dialogue with the administration about the policy, however. "The SLS had been contemplating ways to better streamline our fmn fundraising, and the administration may be able to assist us in suggesting approaches or contacts," said SLS Vice President Kim Haviv. " We're obviously concerned that a 'clearance' hurdle could create difficulties for students wishing to hold events at the school. The SLS is soliciting feedback from students who are seeking firm funding to see how the new policy is playing out."

Hilton is optimistic that the policy is already working. "My office has been meeting with a lot of student groups and so far we have been able to fmd funding for all of the proJects, either from the law school budget or from external sources," she said.

OSCUOE HAll lAW SCHOOL YORK UNIVERSITY

YORK community college

7

HELMUT: you dOn't have avian flu DEAR HELMUT

BY GEOFF MOYSA AND KE1R WILMUT

HE LMUT

Feeling down? Health Enables Legal Minds at the University of Toronto (HELMUT) offers advice

Dear HELMUT. I just got back from law games and I think I haw! avian flu. What should I do?

-Panicky Dear Panicky, You do NOT have avian flu. And as a tool of exaggeration, that's sooo last year.

Dear HELMUT. I'm in first year I just got my first term "marks " hack, and they, 're, well, confusing. The things I spent time on didn't turn out \l·ell, and I did a lot better than I expected in the courses I blew off. What happened?

-Seeking Order in the Unhwse Dear SOU, Welcome to the wonderful world of unpredictability. This type of result gives

nse. to the stories of professors grading you went wrong. You should demand no their classes by throwmg exam papers less. Not only arc you paymg enough, but down the sta1rs. Inevitably, someone is you owe it to your future to try to undergoing to blame it all on the curve, and it's stand things while you're here. tempting to just throw up your hands and relegate all your future efforts to the vicisDear HELMUT. situdes of gravity. But don't despair. The Why did no one tell me that thl! .first fact is, marking, like most other things, term l~/'.H!cond year is as brutal as it is? I can be imprecise. While some of your pro- alway\· thought that ifyou make it past first fessors may have the types of super-human year. you'd he fin£' - hlll lust term ncar(~· intellects that allow them to separate academic wheat from chaff with perfect, infallible precision. most of them are actually at least partly human. Your marks arc intended to reflect your performance and serve as a predictor of how well .you understand the subject matter for future situations. but there's always some variation. Remember the oft-told (though not quite right) story about how Einstem failed math? Your marks aren't you, and what remains important is how you feel about your efforts. Rather than throw up your hands and give up on the assessment part of law school, consider engaging with your professors to learn more. Did you get comments on your work? If not, why not?

Did you at least look over where you went wrong and try to figure out the marking? drm·e me to distraction. Did I do someIt's a simple point, but too often, we don't thing wrong? care about feedback on our work here at -Still Slight[}· Stnmg Out from Last law school. There may be many reasons for that, but you are certainly entitled to Term that part of pedagogy that te\\s you where

" If you think . you

know what's going on, go to ground something ain't . ht. " ng

Dear SSSOLT. Congratulations - sometimes the truth is painful . Conventional wisdom (quiet a:. it sometimes is) holds that the first term of second year is the most difficult for the most people at law school. Many people arc looking for jobs, on top of.classe~. and that new-found feeling that you know \\-hat's going on around here and can start doing the things you've been planning on doing. (Unfortunately, that feel ing is u ually a sign of impending disaster. In general, if you think you know what's going on, go to ground - something ain't right... ) Now don't get me wrong - not everyone finds the term so straining. It is possible to plan things and choose paths that are fulfilling and don't run you ragged. But by dint of the fact that it's a stressful period for a lot of people around, it tends to ratchet up the overall angst in law school. So kudos for getting through it: the magic eight ball foretells bluer skies ahead. And for everyone in first year: take note of this absolute truth and remember it when you're planning your courses for next year, or when that feeling that you know what's going on starts to creep over you ... ~

8

FEATURES

ultra vires

Don't forget the Metis this eleCtion

BY DAVID THOMPSON

Historically the Metis have often had to speak loudly just to be acknowledged, even amid discussions of protecting other aboriginal rights. In 1981 Justice Minister Jean Chretien was on' his way to a Joint Senate House of Committee Hearing with a draft of section 35( I) of the Constitution: "The existing aboriginal and treaty rights of the aboriginal peoples of Canada are hereby recognized and affirmed." Just as Chretien was about to enter the hearing he was grabbed by Metis leader Harry Daniels who told him not to forget the Metis. A committee member who was Liberals atfmned prior promises to such standing nearby immediately scribbled things as Metis-specific childcare, burdown a definition: "Aboriginal peoples saries, housing and education supports. include Indian, Inuit, and Metis."

In contrast, Conservative finance critic The Metis National Council (MNC) is Monte Solberg recently stated that a now speaking out about its concern that Stephen Harper government would not be the future of these rights may be in danger bound by the terms of the Kelowna agreeif the Conservatives win the upcoming ment last fall in which Paul Martin election. It issued a press release on pledged $5 billion to be spent over the next January 5, 2006, encouraging its members five years on various aboriginal programs. to vote for the Liberal party. MNC Solberg stated that the agreement was President Clement Chartier paints a stark "crafted at the last minute on the back of a contrast between Liberal support for Metis napkin on the eve of an election." This issues and what appears to be either indif- sparked outrage from aboriginal leaders ference or hostility from the who countered that the Kelowna commitConservatives. Shortly after the election ments were the result of two years of conwas announced, he wrote to all five feder- sultation and conferences.

The al parties and asked for their position on Conservative party did some damage conMetis policy. Only the Liberals, the NDP trol a day later and issued a press release and the Green Party responded. The stating that it remained committed to the

objectives of the conference, although. not the exact fundmg scheme. What is left unclear is whether or not the Metis are included in the Conservatives' objectives.

At the Conservative policy convention last year, the Metis were not mentioned in the party's Aboriginal policy.

One of the most pressing issues for Metis at the moment is defending traditional harvesting rights against a seemingly hostile Crown. In November 2005 I attended "Louis Riel Day" at the Law Society, where a panel was held discussing bow recent Supreme Court decisions in Haida Nation and Taku River confirm that the Crown has a duty to act honourably in dealings with aboriginal peoples per s. 35 of the Constitution (including Metis). The panellists alleged that the opposite is occurring, and that Metis harvesting rights as established by Supreme Court decisions, including R v. Powley, are being ignored. One such example is that after Powley the Metis Nation of Ontario (MNO) negotiated an interim agreement in which the Provincial government promised not to charge licensed Metis harvesters for hunting and fishing in their traditional territories. In an apparent breach of this agreement, ten charges were laid in 2005 and the MNO believes that another 10 will be laid in the near future. Tony Belcourt, president of the MNO, explains that many Metis are fearful and have resumed the pre-Powley practice of hiding

by hunting at night. Louise Goulding, a Metis Captain of the hunt, gave a very personal account of this during the panel, at one point breaking down in tears. She told of how her father taught her traditional Metis harvesting practices that bad been passed down through generations, yet how he always lived in fear of practicing these openly. The harvesters in her community also live in constant fear of being charged.

In most provinces, Metis have a long way to go before the rights recognized in Powley will affect people on the ground.

Some of the issues include defining more precisely who the Metis are and settling territorial boundaries. They have to contend against governments that may not act ','honourably" and a fatr degree of public resentment, evidenced by newspaper editorials raising alarm that the Metis will devastate wildlife populations (see The Ottawa Citizen, Apr. 21, 2005). The Liberal government has committed a total of $30 million to assist Metis groups and organizations work with different levels of government in response to Powley. This funding will be necessary for litigation, negotiation and perhaps public education to overcome these obstacles. I hope that if elected, Stephen Harper can "evolve" enough to see the need for this.

Chances are that Metis rights won't be one of your top priorities for deciding who gets your vote in this election. Just "don't forget the Metis," and consider when encountering related issues in the future that the constitutional rights of a minority are being infringed, causing a significant amount of harm.

17 January, 2006

LEGAL ISSUES

Communism in Albani_a leaves harsh legacy

BY ZIMRA YETNIKOFF

This past winter break I was in Albania visiting my partner's family One afternoon I sat down with my partner's father, Hekuran Belegu, and asked him to tell me about hts personal experience of cornmumst Albama. His reflections on hardships suffered and the difficulty of obtaining reparations for them illustrate the country's hesitancy m implementing legal solutions to remedy past failures.

"If someone succeeded in leaving the country, there were severe consequences for family members left behind" Albania was a communist country for the better part of the 20th century. Its borders were closed - no one could go in or come out- until 1991. If someone did succeed in leaving the country, there were

eastern Albania and lefl 1989. Anyone who left before that time b it to Hekumn and his deemed to have abandoned their land. mother and sister when The Albanian government b currently he died.

However, making reparations to those who were torHekuran and his sister tured and jailed under communist rule, and were young children at to the families of those who were killed or the time. Under commu- who disappeared. However, these reparanist rule, families who tions do not extend to the majority of the owned land were population who did not experience exacerrequired to work the bated hardship, but simply lived\\ ith hardland to its full potential.

Each piece ofland's productivity was assessed by the government and taxed at a rate of 80% of the value of that productivity. When Hekuran 's family could not contribute all the taxes that ownershtp of the land required, the land was overtaken by a cooperative.

While Albania now appears to be movmg forwards, there are certain aspects of Albanian life that remain frozen in ship on a daily basis. The legislature's disits communist past. cretion in drawing lines between what past severe consequences for family members Hekuran remarked that while things have governments have done and the obligaleft behind. Hekuran 's cousins, for examimproved for the younger generation in lions of present governments may seem ple, were card-carrying communists. Their Albania, nothing has changed for him -he han.h, but shou\d come as no surprise. The son successfully left Albania and wound is still living with communism. Hekuran Canadian government has a\<;o drawn <,uch up in Florida. The government seized the cou\d not save any money during the com- \incs. The rea\it)' o\: A.\'oani.a'o;, ')'oun&e~ parents' party cards and sent them to munio;,t era- it was not a\\owcd and \"nU~\ \!,C:nc:rnt\on m<:w\n¥, \"oTWan\ 'Nn\\c: \nc: <>\d""'

" While Albania now appears to be moving forwards, there are certain aspects of Albanian life that remain frozen in its . past communist

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postcard from him, which drew attention from the police. Feanng for his own family, Hekuran wrote back to his cousin, asking him to leave them alone.

Similarly, other aspects of life in Albania under communist rule were tough. People were paid by the government to spy on their friends and neighbors. Hekuran, for example, was approached by the government and asked to serve as a spy in his workplace. Hekuran safely declined, saying he feared he would not be a good enough spy, and would not want to let the Party down.

People in Albania did not get paid for the work that they did. Hekuran, who worked as a foreman in Elbasan 's cement factory, did have a more prestigious job than most and was highly respected.

For his good work, however, Hekuran received government medals instead of monetary awards.

Ownership of priyate property was also severely restricted. Hekuran 's father bought I 6,000 square meters of land in

n<.")W \\'IC on a ~n~\on sc.\ \>y \'he \bOVCTn-

~<:ncTn.\..\on -c.an\.\nu<::."!. \.o ''"e " ' '"'~ "'-\'\..~::.""'

ment. Hekunm i.<> ttl. o unable to red11im math of co'?muni. m thu. ;\eem:' to be ~n tlw lund he inherited from hi!; futhcr.

C."\umplt: of go~·crnmcnts lw.~Jtut10n 11/ According to the Jaw, land can only be using the Jaw to fully remedy the il/.o; of'tlu: reclaimed if the owner left tbe land after past.

Facts About Albania Population: 3,563,112 Land area: 28,748 SQ km Climate: Mild temperate; cool, cloudy, wet winters;

hot, clear, dry summers capital: Tirana CDP (per capital: US$4,900 environmental Issues: Deforestation; soil e_rosion;

water pollution from Industrial and domestiC effluents Religions: Muslim 70%, Albanian Orthodox 20%, Roman catholic 10% Literacy: 86.5%

10

FEATURES

ultra vires

17 J anuary, 2 0 06

FEATURES

11

The Chronicles of Sushi:

The sausage-eating haters of the Danube

The good, the scary and the forgettable

Glover continues to comment despite language barrier

BY CHRIS GLOVER pleasant place to eat, but otherwise not very memorable. Except for the tempura bananas. They were a joy in the salty dipping sauce that came with them. Maybe this is where the King Kong link comes in.

Regardless of Naomi Watts, that monkey makes the movie unforgettable.

BY LEE-ANN SIU AND ZIMRA YETNIKOFF Literality is overrated. Give us a good analogy or allegory any day - Aesop was our hero. We especially liked the one with the crow and the grapes - or was it the fox and the grapes? Anyway, since then, we never eat with our mouths open.

From foxes and fruit to apes and avocados, this review will analogize two things that are not as incongruent as they may seem. To this end, we wJIJ be reviewing local sushi joints through the lens of holiday movies. In fact by the end of this review, you will be able to pick your sushi

grand tradition ofU ofT alumni who have gone on to great things (the flagrant selfglorification/delusion is not in your imagination we really do equate our literary analogies to Abella's). ·

"These two authors

Sushi Inn - Hostel "You go there expecting to have a good time, or at least some decent accommodation, and instead you find a freak show and you're the star." Like your last trip to Europe, your last trip to Sushi Inn was probably non-eventful. Then you go again and all hell breaks loose. We've been to Sushi Inn before and enjoyed ourselves immensely, but this time something went wrong - horribly wrong. Wrong enough to make us want to de-pledge from the Kappa Kappa Maki sorority. We don't know if it was the spicy tuna or the "mountain root" offerings but we wish they had been ~crvcd up wi.th a blg, side of l mmodium. a~e ot 1.A. L ike Hostel, our experience at The Inn will make us think twice before we take our preferences based on your mstinctual tastebuds on any more foreign excursions. responses to these words: King Kong, Memom; of a Geisha, Harry Potter, and Sushi Clu b - King Kong Hostel.

"Love bananas? This place is for you!"

This analogy is not coming from Have you ever nottced that Naomi Watts. nowhere. For those of you who paid attenstarlet of Kmg Kong, is beautiful but nontion to (as she now is) Madam Justice descript? You would never be able to pick Rosalie Abella during Bridge Week II her out of a crowd, and when you do see 2003-2004, you might remember that all her in goss1p mags you can never place movies represent admirable character her. Well, Sushi Club is kind of like that. A traits. This review thus follows in the

went to see the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants on opening night. We were the only ones in the audience over the

"

Rolu Sushi - Harry Potter IV "A little bit grown-up but still makes you feel your age." Here's a confession.

These two authors went to see the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (GREAT movie BTW) on opening night last May. We were the only ones in the audience over the age of 14. When the Harry Potter preview came on before the movie started, the crowd broke into cheers. We nearly died. While not as extreme, this experience sprang to our minds when we walked into Rolu. This could be because UTS is across the street. On the other hand, if you're a sushi virgin, this could be just the place for you. Bes1des the usual "gateway" sushi (California rolls), this place will gradually ease you into the bard-core stuff by offering BROILED and tempura-ed tuna rolls.

Whole Foods - Memoirs of a Geisha "A fresh if not wholly authentic take on an old story." This place is not your traditional sushi location but if you've been following our pieces, you'll know that WF must make an appearance. Like the movie Memoirs of a Geisha, only a very small part of Whole Foods is actually Japanese.

While only served from plastic take-out contamers, this sushi was defrnitely tasty and the freshest variety that we triedprobably due to the Asian (Japanese?) chefs serving it straight from the rolling mat to temperature-controlled containers (a must to avoid a Hostel-like experience).

Offers non-traditional options such as brown rice and all-natural wasabi for the health- obsessed.

A word to the wise: continuous movie watching, like continuous consumption of sushi will make you slothful. Afterwards you will feel like you never want to see another movie or eat another piece of sushi again. Pace yourself. Don't try all these places in 4 days like we did. The end.

Order Sushi Like a Pro! Sashimi

Raw fish

Nori

Seaweed wrappers

Gari

Pickled ginger Hand-formed sushi Roll ed sushi Large rolls Thin rolls Hand rolls Pressed sushi

Nigirizushi Makizushi Futomaki Hosomaki Temaki Oshizushi

Saving the world, one Pro Bono student at a ti01e Legit My Pro Bono Students Canada placement is at the local branch of Legit, an organization that specializes in assisting same-sex partners with immigration applications and litigation m Toronto, Ottawa. Vancouver and Hamilton Smce 1991, they've been lobbying for recogmtion of same-sex partners as part of the family class in Canada's Immigration Act, so that a Canadian could sponsor his or her partner or family seeking permanent residence status in Canada.

Before 2002, this could sometimes be achieved by applying under the "humanitarian and compassionate" class, but since 2002 Canada has officially recognized same-sex partners as eligible for family class sponsorship (essentially just by neutmlizing the pronouns in the Act).

While this was an important step, there remain inequalities in the system that rise out of the fact that, overall, it is more difficult for gay couples to get married, but being a married couple is the easiest and most likely way to be approved under the family

class. As such, it remains more difficult for gay couples than for straight ones to successfully sponsor their partners. To further exacerbate this effect, gay marriages from outside of Canada, even from jurisdictions where they are fully legal, are not being recognized My PBSC experience has been fun and gratitymg, and it has increased my interest in (and knowledge of) immigration law.

- Evan Sch11ler Lake Ontario Waterkeeper My Pro Bono Students Canada placement is one of the most rewarding and educational experiences that I've had at law school. I've worked with Lake Ontario Waterkeepers, a non-profit public interest environmental law organization.

Last semester our project was to amend a loophole in the Ontario Environmental Assessment Act that allows for a violation of procedural fairness. Towards this end, I have had the opportunity to delve headlong into topics such as administrative and cnvi-

ron mental law, to assist in the drafting of a legislative amendment, and to learn how procedural mechanisms can be used to promote the public interest. Perhaps more than anything, my experience with Waterkeepers has introduced me to some of the real world limitations and constraints that an en" ironmental lawyer is faced with. It has forced me to confront some of the practical restrictions faced by public interest lawyers, such as access to justice issues, which have m tum informed my outlook on certain aspects of the legal system. I rarely fmd my time to be wasted, as the work and research is quite interesting.

- Justin Jacob Department of Bioethics, The Hospital for Sick Children In law school I saw the opportunity to pursue a new area of study that would still allow me to use my scientific background and stay somewhat involved in the scientific community. My interests lie in intellectual property law and bioethics and I am con-

stantly looking for opportunities to learn more about these areas of law.

At my Pro Bono placement in the Department of Biocthics at The Hospital for Sick Children I work under the supervision of a brilliant biocthicist and assist with her research exploring various legal and ethical dilemmas involved in clinical care, medical research and hospital administration. Since the state of the law relating to bioeth1cal issues tends to be uncertain, the research is incredibly interesting. I'm not just looking up statutes and established common law, but I'm investigating important, difficult and often novel legal questions.

My supervisor has been fantastic about taking the time to explain what her work entails, discuss the different biocthical prob• !ems that the department handles and inform me of biocthics lectures and events that are taking place. Everyone in the department has been incredibly helpful and has gone out of their way to make me feel welcome.

-Margaret Ng Thow Hing

I'm now attending classes at Central European University in Budapest. rt's an excellent school and the students are very serious. Unfortunately the work load is very high and U ofT students have to take forty percent more work than CEU students or students from other exchanges.

As for the city, it's very beautiful and there are curious and interesting things to do almost everywhere you go. Hungarians, on the other hand, are an acquired taste: In my experience, they're rude to strangers.

At first I was very worried that the people here hated me for not speaking their impenetrable Magyarul, but I was reassured by a native Hungarian that they are actually much ruder to fellow Hungarians.

I don't feel so badly now and I realize they're just serious haters.

You can save quite a lot of money m Budapest - everything is half the price m Canada and alcohol is very cheap. My rent for a nice flat is about $350, which is the average month wage of a Hungarian, but it's good for what I need and right by Heroes Square in a UN World Heritage Zone. Heroes Square is not a Soviet War memorial (although it sounds like one)- it

.:~t

is actually dedicated to the mythical heroes of Hungarian history. You see, unlike countries that have heroes because they've won wars or accomplished things that I've heard of, most Hungarian heroes are either heroic for being martyred in a gruesome but symbolic fashion, or are mythical.

Hungarians generally don't expect you to speak more than a few words of their bi1.arre language and usually take foreigners' ignorance of Hungarian matters to be reassuring evidence of their own superiority. However, when it comes to their poets, composers or world famous sausages you're supposed to act very interested and knowledgeable because of course everybody knows and loves them. Which brings me to the Hungarian diet; it consists mainly of sausage, potatoes, and fried pork fat.

I believe this partially explains why nearly everyone is overweight.

Of course you can only eat fried pork fat if you're served and that is a feat in and of itself. Hungarians are still very much affected by years of Soviet rule. They're prodigious slackers; nothing is open on weekends and in every office, store, or bank there is one person working and seven people standing around telhngjokes about the police. There is also usually

needless paperwork involved in the most basic daily tasks.

Despite being a deeply miserable people (Hungarians are world leaders in suicide) they can't stop me from having a great time in this city.

The thermal baths are truly amazing and the city has some of the World's finest Art Nouveau and Baroque architecture. For very little money you can really lead a Continental lifestyle of opera, pastnes, cappuccinos and gallery visits. I'd definitely recommend this exchange to anyone who's interested and Budapest certainly deserved its place in the Grand Tour and ranks as one of Europe's great cities.

[Editor~· Note: asked for comment, Hungary reported that the feeling is mlllua/, and would not let Glover:~ great time stand in the way of its beautiful city]

Like making law, making sausage a\n't prettv

Rrofessor MohaJDJDad Fadel

BY HADIYA RODERIQUE Professor Mohammad Fadel comes to the University of Toronto from New York, where he was a lawyer at the firm of Sulhvan & Cromwell LLP Holding a Ph.D. in Near Eastern Languages nnd Civilizations from the University of Chicago, he combmes talents in corporate law with expertise in and passion for Islamic law.

Professor Fadel emphasized the greater opportunity to engage in both of his areas of interest at the University of Toronto, where he chose to come O\ er several American offers. 1n particular, he looks forward to completmg a project that bas been in the works for a few years, but due to the demands of private practice, has remained unfinish~~· Describing it as an intersection of pohtlcal philosophy and Islamic theology, he feels that it will sum up much of his work on Islamic law. According!)', the presence of a strong legal theory group at the University of Toronto was a factor in hi.s decision making process. The cosmopohtan nature of Toronto was also a dmw. as he had previously lived in large cities such as Chicago and New York.

Though this year will be one of settling in nnd getting his feet wet in the collective U ofT law pool. Professor Fadel looks forward to getting back into the world of academia and taking advantage of the wealth of interdisciplinary opportunities. He also spoke to hi:s desire to make U ofT a centre for the senous intellectual study of Islamic Law. one that is "not apologetic or sensationalist.'' U ofT

Prof Mohammad Fadel working hard on a sunday boasts a strong department in Near Eastern stud1es, as \\ell as another l'>lamic law scholar in Professor Anver Emon. It is often the case that in "e:ocot1c fields", as Fadel describes them, La" faculttes do not hire more than one person. According to Professor Fadel, the

hiring of two Islamic law scholars "speaks a lot to the maturity ofU ofT in recognizing that non-western tradttions have sufficient complexity to JUStify more than one person in that area."

At a recent Sit-down with the SLS, Dean Moran stressed the importance of

the academic experience at U ofT Law. A key component of this cxpcric:nce is the presence of instmctors strongly commitred to teaching, among whom Professor Fadel n ill lind his place.

Throughout our interview, he stressed his ded1cation nnd commitment to teaching· his decision to leave a lucrali\ e career at a New York fim1 to enter a career in ncadenua speaks to that desire. When I asked h1m what he hoped would be one of his major contributions to the faculty, his rmmediate response was to be an enthusiastic mstructor, nnd to bmld excitement in students' future CMCCr> as lawyers, particularly in the area of busi· ness. According to Professor Fadel. the key to being happy as n lawyer is to cnjo.y the law and thinking about the law. He 1s teaching Business Organi7.attons this term, and is developing a seminar in Jslamtc Ia\\.

At Sulhvan and Cromwell, Profe sor Fadel \\as also involved m se,crnl pro bono cases. including reprc cnting a Guantanamo Bay detainee. He describes pro bono work as not only highly emotiOnally satisfactory, but also as a great opportunity for young lawyers in the cor· poratc world to get litigation expenencc and represent real people.

Professor Fadel's combination of firm experience. diverse academic mterests, and commitment to pro bono \\Ork and teachmg make him an tmportant additton to the Faculty of Law at the University of Toronto.

\

12

FEATURES

ultra vires 17 January, 2006

Reflections on an exchange in Paris Aftab confounded by French adoption of the Chewbacca Defence

BY YOUSUFAFTAB

if the professor has not communicated it through endless dictation it cannot possiSo the dance has changed: tango to waltz, bly be true. hip-hop to awkward seventh-grade arms There is of course much that the obserlength two-step. Transposed in the blink vant traveller can glean from the birthplace of an eye from the Old World to the New, of deconstructionism, existentialism, I awake every morning slightly confused form-over-substance-ism and various by this Anglo-Saxon bastion of philistin- other boons for humankind: ism. A harsh description, I concede.

It's nice when education is cheap. But Blame Paris, the French, weekends in it's too bad when you can kind of tell. The Barcelona, Amsterdam, and Rome. Blame Pantheon-Sorbonne is clearly a masterubiquitous beauty, the Jardm du piece that was made on a substantial budLuxembourg, espresso, smoking indoors, get. Funding, alas, appears to have been Roquefort, croissants, the velvet scent of exhausted many moons ago. Classes, even simmering chocolate crepes, Cote du at the Master's level, are often filled with Rhone. Blame culture shock. hundreds of students. Facilities for hostIt's not easy returning to a world that ing these students are generally inademakes so much goddamn sense. Servers quate. I have no doubt that many of the whose ancestors I have not desecrated with world's greatest minds have attended, and my request for a cappuccino, administra- will continue to attend, this historic institors who can't shake the nagging suspicion tution. Yet it is clear why Nicolas Sarkozy that offering assistance may actually fall would proclaim that "the dream of French within their job description, professors families is that their children go to who consider thought to be a virtue- these American universities." I guess my point arc all alien to my recently departed uni- is this: cheap education can come at a high verse. No, in the world I knew, a waiter price. Before we impugn U ofT's adminnot disgusted by your presence never istration for our high tuition fees, we must served you a cafe. In that world, unless ask who else should pay for the quality of there is no way at all (absolutely no~ no, education we are so fortunate to receive. no, sorry, never) that you can be helped, The Chewbacca defence works in real you have yet to encounter the sole being life. Imagine that you are a clerk at an re~ponc;\b\e for he\p\ng you. 1n that wor\d, e\ectronics store. When confronted by an

angry customer seeking to return fau lty merchandise, never capitulate to his demands.

Distract, evade, distort.

Point first to yourself.

"Did I personally sell you this contraption?

No? Well, then how can you hold me responsible? How dare you impugn my honour by suggesting that I would want to cause you hann?" If this fails, point to him: "You! It is you who are respon"This sible. You are the one who bought this in the first place. Were it not for your actions, there would be no faulty merchandise in your hands at this very moment!" If still he persists, point to the time: "Do you realtze what time it is? 2 p.m. It is 2 o'clock and I have yet to eat lunch. Do you not see that it is inhuman not to eat lunch before 2 o'clock? Do you see any non-humans in this store?"

Most importantly, though, life is much sweeter when we treat time as context rather than motivation. An exchange affords the opportunity to explore and

does NOT make sense" understand one's self without the constant intervention of life's mundane demands. It allows one to ask for the main course to be delayed so as to let the tongue linger on good wine and the senses bask in exquisite company. My exchange let me meander through myself as much as through the breathtaking Parisian streets. As with much of one's life, however, the true value of the experience wtll forever lie in the beautiful friendships made and memories shared. And that should ease the cultureshock.

THREE YEARS

look

~;rent

bribes?

CG: Plenty. But. as you can see, I'm still here, so they weren't big enough bribes.

You know, I've had students yell at me, I've had . tudents nice to me, I've had all kinds.

UV: But you'\e never dated a student?

CG: I'm married!

UV: So, what do you do when you're not here'?

CG: I read the paper. I am a faithful obituary reader. I know it's morbid-sounding, but I swear, l'·m a faithful obituary reader.

It's funny because most of my cousi115 arc obituary readers. It must be a genetic thing. I swear to God. UV: Arc you planning on staying for another 25 years?

CG: Until I win 649. Or until my husband wins 649 because I never play. Hopefully he shares. I' II be here at least another 20 years, unless something else happens before then and [as long as]l don't end up in the obituaries.

111

one." I don't think so. through the door and she's just bawling U\': rlave you and I said "what "s the matter?" and Ellie had any odd said '"What's the matter'/'' and she's just requests from bawling and she sits in the chair and she students'! says: .. , want to break up with my CG: What. boyfriend and I don't know how to do it." changing Bs to Like, that's your problem?! Oh God, it was As?!

Not hilarious, she's just sitting there just bawl- going to haping, "I just don't know how to go about pen, unless I breaking up with him.'' It's like, and can really. you're crying over that? Just do it. You really make know, we've broken up relatiOnships left big money to and right. but it was hilarious. She didn 't get me out of think so, but it was hilarious. here.

UV: So those are the highlights, but what's UV: You've the bane of your existence? never been CG: Exams. Whoever brought in typing? offered any

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llandwriting is the way to go. Not too many people do it these days, but oh God, typing is just torture. And you 'rc one of the ones that types, right'!

U\': No comment.

CG: It's a lot of .... ork, it really is. Studenh don't realize how much work it takes to put Jt all together and get it gomg. It's a lot of headaches.

UV: So, you're basically responsible for everything at the law school'!

CG: Just about. I do exams, I do marks, I do prizes, awards and course selection.

UV: Do you know all the names of the students'!

CG: Yeah, most of them. I know who everybody is. Sometimes I remember students' names and their pseudonyms.

UV: Regarding the exams, where do you find the invigilators? There was an invigilator at one of my exams last year dressed in head-to-toe leather, which I found a little distracting.

CG: Oh, that one came on recommendaThis guy has no idea what he's gotten into tion from someone. l think I remember which one it was because we were talking about his outfit and l said, ..Where would

BY SARAH MCEACHERN for her to get her out of class to tell her that one get one of he had killed the kitten. those?" A.nd UV: \Vhcn did you start working at the law And, there used to be a 3rd_ycar student he sa\d,

!'acuity in 1989.

UV: What is it about the law school that has kept you here so long?

CG: They're a great bunch of people. I always had my heart in working .... ith students because that's what I did in other departments. In statistics, and economics, that's what I did.

UV: What are some of the stories you've heard from students?

CG: There are too many to remember them all. One that really stands out is the time we had a boyfriend come in looking for his girlfriend because he had killed the cat. He didn't realtze the kitten was behind the sofa and he squished it. He was just beside himself, he was frantically looking

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25 years of leather suits, broken hearts and squished kittens: Celia Genua reflects

sch ool? progrom coordinator who did course sc\ecCG: 1 started out 111 1980 nt the U ofT tion "'ith the st\\dcnts, und we hud th\~ PCII<OilllC Dcpllrlmcnl ICil J WOnl ~'lo '~....,.,.,..,. , = n .Jc I guy fwlw] •• ct up thC' omcc "irlr 1>cp artmcn t of Statistics. then to the a little scaring area, a litt le cotlcc 111hlc and Department of Economics. I came to the two little chairs. This one girl comc)i

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14

LAW GAMES 2006

15

LAw DAMII HEAVY' 011 IF1JII, • DJBT 011 coa 1RDV£RBY Organized Sherbrooke staff confidently avoids last year's mayhem and destruction

"It was a dominating athletic perlormance, and even after having dominating perlormances during the day ·at sports, we had even more dominating perlormances at the bar at night."

Pay attention Julie, this is an important huddle

u of T's dodgeball squad outruns the competit ion

BY GEOFF MOYSA for O\ler 900 \aw students across the country, the winter bemes\er started a week \ate and a few days short on .sleep. An annual pilgrimage of law student camaraderie, debauchery and not-quite Olympian displays of athleticism, Law Games has stolen a sizable contingent of students away from their first week of winter classes for over 20 years. This January's excursion to Sherbrooke, Quebec was notable mostly for its exemplary organization, and a return to lawyerly form where rules were bent, but not broken.

Last year's Law Garnes in Ottawa was marred by students' rock star-esque treatment of the downtown Hotel Marriott. Couches were jammed into elevators, room items were thrown out of windows, and one elevator was rendered inoperable, causing the organizing committee to lose its $10,000 deposit. The tab was picked up by sponsoring law firm McCarthy Tetrault.

Fun flag football follies on frosty

Despite the usual raucous behaviour by delegates and some superficial damage to one of the two hotels hosting the event, the University of Sherbrooke 's organizing committee reported no major problems this year. "We had a tight leash at the Delta Hotel and participants were aware of that," said the President of Sherbrookc's Law Games Executive Committee PauJ-Matthieu Grondin. "For Hotel Le President, some minor damages were reported, but nothing major enough for us to say. They were aware of what was going to happen and agreed to it. Let's JUSt say that tf it was a mess at the end, it wasn't exactly a 5-star hotel to start with."

U of T's Law Garnes Co-Captains, Rob Wakulat (II) and Kevin Shipley (II). confirmed that no complaints were made against U ofT's delegation. "We got our full security deposit back," said Shipley.

The four-day event was centered around the sports tournaments. featuring competitions in flag football, basketball, ball hockey, ice hockey, badminton, inner tube water polo, volleyball, ultimate frisbee, dodgeball and soccer. A more accessible academic competition was also offered, consisting of a knowledge test on Canadian history and culture, and a moot on a public policy question that required minimal preparation. Finally, there were the "fun games", which featured body painting, synchronized swimming and relay races, and to add Quebecois flavour, a poutine eating contest.

The 74-person U of T delegation turned in a characteristically strong performance, placing frrst in soccer and water polo. The water polo team, captained

by Jordan Glick (III) and anchored by the prodigious of Grant goaltendmg Connor (II), won by large margins in almost every match, including a hardFrench fields fought final against Laval,

who matched U of T goal for goal in the first half. The soccer team was similarly dominating. Despite losing star striker Nii-Apa Lamptey (II) to a knee injury halfway throu gh the match, U of1 s hut out M cGill J-0 in the tinul with highlight reel goals from Alon Eizenmrum (II), Andrew Hennigar (III) and Grant Connor. Goalkeeper Nadir Nurmohammed's (III) aggressive challenges helped save the lead, but nearly cost him his health as he was leveled by a kick to the neck near the end of the match.

U ofT placed second in ultimate frisbee, flag football, badminton, dodgeball and volleyball. The Universtty of Western Ontario and the University of Laval also won two championships each, but did not place as many teams in final matches. U of T seemed poised to win its fourth

straigh t athletics championship, but during the final ban-

que . no wiru;~er was annol,lDccd.

"We didn't ackno'w ledge a winner ofthe A thlet.Jcs at the closing ceremonies," said Grondin. "We didn't have the trophy at that point and we will be tabulating results and announce a winner on the website. Western and U of T were big in sports and one of the two will probably win Athletics once we are done with the results."

The new academic competition format proved to be a success, with 14 teams showing up for the event in contrast to the two teams who showed up for last year's more rigorous moot. U ofT placed fourth in the competition [ed - thanks to a stunning performance by Geoff Moysa (III)

Right baCk at YOU Hirsh

and Phillippe Perron-Savard (I)], with UBC, Osgoode and Western winning the top three spots. The spirit award, which is given each year to the team who participates the most and is the most enthusiastic, was won decisively by Laval.

"We ne\ler win the sp1nt competitions," lamented Shtplcy. "The Quebec teams have a huge \eg up si.nce a \ot ~

"While [Law Games] has always had its detractors, the complaints were made more . past fall." formal this

of 75 volunteers, none of whom missed a shift the entire weekend.

Despite these successes, the existence of Law Games remains a thorny issue for some, who fear it is little more than reckless destruction and debauchery. While the event has always had its detractors, the complaints were made more forma\ this past fa\\. The Canadian Counc\\ of Law Deans, a committee consisting o£ \he Dean o\: each Canadian law school, put the issue high on its agenda during its annua l national meeting in November.

"I can confirm that we had a discussion about the Law Games," said Nathalie DesRosier, Dean of Civil Law at the University of Ottawa and the current President of the CCLD, in an e-mail to Ultra Vires. "It will have to be diScussed again. The issue is to ensure that if there is inappropriate behavior on the part of some of the students participating, it does not reflect badly on law students or faculties of law generally."

"The Dean and Assistant Deans of our Faculty were very anx1ous about holding the Garnes in Sherbrooke," confirmed Grondin, "but we had their support and we understood their reputation was also at stake. It made for good communication and we are meeting with them later in the week to examine exactly what the fallout has been.

They already told us they have been more than happy with the initial feedback."

As of Ultra Vires' press time, no school had volunteered to host the 2007 Law Games.

of them come straight out of CEGEP their entire delegations are 19 year-old first years who love chanting and seem to have a chant for every occasiOn." However, the Captains couldn't be happier with U ofT's performance.

"I think we were incredible," said Shipley. "We weren't the biggest team this year, but still managed to field full squads for every team and made 7 finals, winning 2 championships. It was a dominating ath letic performance, and even after having dominating performances during the day at sports, we had even more dominating performances at the bar at night."

The event's overall success was widely attributed to the superior level of organization and effort put in by the hosts from the University of Sherbrooke. "This was handsdown way better organized than law games in Ottawa," said Shipley. "It's a huge event with students from every law school, but Sherbrooke managed to have shuttles running on time, and had sports events starting on schedule. Even the pub crawl turned out to be an awesome event. The drinks were flowing like wine." Grondin credits the smooth operation to the Nadir gets his block on dedication of the event's team

ultra vires

OPINION AND EDITORIAL

16

EDITORIAL TO: Mayo Moran FROM: Ultra Vires DATE: January 17, 2006 SUBJECT: Your tenure as Dean DO NOT CLICK REPLY TO THIS MESSAGE. CONTACT: Ultra.Vires@utoronto.ca

ULTRA VIRES Ultra Vires IS the independent student newspaper of the Faculty of Law at the University ofToronto.

Dean Moran, welcome to the Big Chair. We hope you enjoy it, but don't get too comfortable. There is a lot of work to be done, starting with these six items.

Editor-in-Chief Keir Wilmut A.\sociate Editor Geo ff Moysa News Geoff Moysa Opinion and Editorial Ben Reentovich Legal Issues Sarah McEachern Features Zimra Yetnikoff DiversiollJ Angela Chu Production Editor Laura Bowman Soul-patch editor Andrew Pilliar Busi11ess Manager Anne Weintrop Gamestress Stephanie Giannandrea

Contributors Yousuf Atlab, Kathryn Bird, Jon Ellison. Tara Doolan, Chris Glover, Sarah Horan, Justin Jacob, Malcolm Katz, Mike Kotrly, Alex MacMillan, Margaret :-.Ig Thow Hing. James Remhan. Hadjya Roderique, Evan Schiller. Fredrick Schumann, Dave Seevaratnam, Ben Shaer, Lee-Ann Siu, Sayran Sulevani, Adrienne Sum, Evan Thomas, David Thompson, Rob Wakulat, Lee Waxberg, Andrew Winton

U\tTa Vires is an editoria\\y autonomous newspaper. We are open to contri\mtions which reflect diverse -poi.nts of view, and our contents do no\ ne<:.c~"'a.ti\~ Td\cc\ \nc view~ of \he Fa.cu\\y of Law, the Student~' l.aw Society (SLS), or tlu~ editorial board We welcome contributions from students. faculty. and other interested persons.

Ultra Vires reserves the right to edit submissions for length and content.

Advertising inquiries should be sent to the attention of the business manager at ultra. vires@ utoronto.ca.

The next issue will be published on February 14th The deadline for submissions is February 7th.

Submission limit: 850 words.

Communications Centre, Falconer Hall 84 Queen's Park Crescent, Toronto ON MSS 2CS ultra.vires@utoronto.ca (416) 946-7684

1. Tone Frequently lost amjd the big sexy jobs like raising money for new buildings is a Dean's basic interpersonal skills witrun the faculty. Tone matters. The right tone helps keep the faculty members on the same page, and perhaps most importantly, makes students feel valued and included.

Sadly. our recent Deans haven't set the bar very high. Ron Daniels' "can't you see how exciting it is that I know what's best for you" tenor did nothing to help students feel empowered about their own education, and left still-divisive rifts between many faculty members.

From what we see, you're doing a good job of it so far, organizmg town halls, meetings with student groups, and "Dean drop-in sessions." It's a breath of fresh air for students who are used to reading about change after the fact.

But while it is nice to ask for student opinion, it's much more impressive to actually listen to it. What students will be looking for is evidence that you have taken student interests to heart: the true test will come when student opinion clashes with an administration plan. Until that happens. we ' II remain optimistic but vigilant. , 2. Maintaining Momentum For all the gripes we have about the Coca Cola Dean, we won't deny that tremendous strides were

made under his watch. It is important that the school not forget the advantages of Daniels' vision and mission.

Developing an internationally reputable program serves the interests of all students. and so the school should keep focused on being the very best not only in Canada, but also internationally.

2. Teaching and the academic experience The vast majority of students who pass through the halls of this institution go on to become practicing lawyers. Odd, then, that the majority of professors seem more interested in domg academic research in their offices than teaching and interacting with students.

This is not to say that the quality of teaching is poor, only that it is obviously a secondary priority for many professors. Ask any upper year student and they can tell you which professors take their "teaching load" seriously, and which ones view it as a, well, load. This is not acceptable: if we are expected to pay ever-increasing tuition, our education - not their prestige amongst their peers - must University of be our professors' top priority.

The interest, or lack thereof, amongst most professors in the student body is evident in their nonparticipation in social events with students. Last year, one prof came to Law Ball. The year before, two.

All professors should be expected to participate fully at this Faculty, which includes getting to know the students on a level beyond that of pseudonym.

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3. Tuition Ideally, tu1t1on should not be increased, but we recognize the

external pressures in Provincial policy and the need to adequately fund the school.

We are pleased to note that you have committed to keeping increases "modest" But even with _modest increases, students deserve a clear explanation of where the extra money is going to be spent. What additional benefits would students receive by paying higher tuition? Only by first answering tills question can we have a discussion about whether it is worth the cost to accessibility and career choice.

In all the rhetoric about the excellence of this institutiOn it is often forgotten that the U of T's Faculty of Law ha<; long been a first-rate law school, even back when tuition was less than $2,500. While increasing tuition would give us more money for bells and whistles, at some point students should be asked if they feel those extras are worth the cost.

After all, we're paying for them.

4. Financial aid You had to know 1t was coming: no .matter how hard the Faculty works on financial aid, stude nts continue to complain about it. While part of this is a symptom of lirllited resources, a lot of the criticism comes from the fact that the system is confusing, and students don 't know ho\\. it works. They are left w ith the vague sense that we are geiling the short end of it.

Start by reviewing the system with the goal of making it more transparent. What does the distribution of aid look like? What is the average bursary?

In the long run, we must increase the financia l aid endowment. In your efforts to fundraise for a new building, be cautious about cannibalizing funds that may have gone to financial aid. Financial aid must reflect the actual tuition levels and cost of living in Toronto and rely less on external financial institutions and the presumed fmancial resources of studepts' farm lies. Students are ready to make sacri- , fices to come to this school. but how much is too much? Answering this question requires a<;king ' Illdents where financial aid fails them and where it helps them and making a real commitment to tinding a larger endowment.

5. Facilities Presumably, the adrllirustration has skimped on maintenance and enhancements to our physical facilities because of the possibility of moving to a new bUilding. If we were conspiracy theory-minded, we'd suspect their disinterest in maintenance was been a scheme to prove the " need" for a new building.

Scheme or not, there is no excuse for the state of our physical facilities. Chairs should be replaced, electrical outlets should be fixed, and washrooms should be maintained in useable condition with lockable doors. We should develop temporary protocols for accommodating students with special needs, and address public access and safety issues in the law school. The library is overrun by undergraduates and med students during exams, and the labyrinthine basement of Flavelle can be a scary place to be late at night.

The new builwng may never be built. Even if it is, Falconer and Flavelle will continue to be our home for at least the next five years. We ought make them livable.

6. Diversity Toro~to 's a very diverse and cosmopolitan city, and wh1le ~e_law school is home to some intriguing characters, tt IS hardly a reflection of the true diversity lying outside the Bedford Bubble. The "diversity" issue has become somewhat of a hot potato in the l~t year, and while there's certainly no easy solution, we owe it to our community to keep pushing.

We hope you will keep this on your agenda for years to come.

Godspeed.

17

OPINION AND EDITORIAL

January, 200 6

17

Is it possible to use "progressive" and ''U ofT Law'' in the same sentence?

BY KATHRYN BIRD

least one, if not two of their degrees at this fine institution, with a business backWhen Dean Daniels removed himself, ground and a law and economics focus. abruptly and somewhat awkwardly, from Alternatively, we would branch out the Faculty of Law, some students at the markedly, and stretch ourselves to the hirfaculty, myself included, breathed a sigh of ing of a similarly credentialed individual relief. And while we wish him excellence from some prominent school down south. in his flight to greener pastures - where the Regardless of where they were educated, students are of greater excellence, the the incomjng Dean was going to be white, facilities more excellent, and his position male, and business-minded. is of increased excellence and power in Meanwhile, many students entertained building what will undoubtedly be the notion that we might actually do something progressive at this school and find someone that wdn 't fit the mold that this institution clings to so dearly.

I dreamed that we may be presented with an individual who would, among other things, work to counteract the decimation of critical theory classes and continue the struggle to equalize the gender imbalance in the faculty.

However, the fear remained that the proverbial devil I knew was better than the devil I djd not know. As the nomination process went on, and student's email inboxes were clogged with inane emails which, in true legalese style, confusingly and impenetrably outlined a process in which the crowned the "Yale of the Inland East majority of the student body had no say, Coast" - he left the faculty leaderless, at the discussion of who was to become the least until now. Speculation regarding the new Dean at the Faculty of Law faded new Dean penetrated at least one or two of from the minds of a student body accusthe usua l Jaw school conversations. tomed to being sh ut out and disregarded by The general consensus was that the new an administration with no concern for stuDean of Law would be one of two stereo- dents. typical characters. First, in keeping with Town Halls were held by a dogged SLS, the incestuous hiring policies of the with the hope that the intrepid Mike Pal Faculty of Law, the Dean could be a cur- and Polly Dondy-Kaplan would actually rent member of the faculty, with the usual have a role in the selection beyond emphaacademic background of having done at sizing the beneficence of the current

"The common sense

understanding of what it takes to achieve positions of power within the legal field were in part subverted"

administration and their "commitment" to involving students in administrative procedures. But the process dragged on and it appeared that we were not any closer to making any decisions.

As the exam crunch hit the students, and the slushy mess of Toronto winters descended, the Faculty made a decision.

While sitting in the magnificent stress cauldron that is the Bora Laskjn Law Library during the exam period, the students received an email. The astonishment was palpable. Our new Dean was none of the things that I assumed that she would be.

Dean Mayo Moran fulfills all the criteria that I was dreaming that she would. She is a woman, she is a critical theorist with an interest in minority issues, she had a pre-law career and doesn 't fulfill any of the criteria aforementioned with the exception of the education at U ofT. The appointment of Dean Mayo Moran represents a major achievement for this school. It sends a signal to current and incoming students, as well as the legal community, that the talents and ability of those outside of mainstream, or at least the U ofT mainstream, can and will be recognized. The common sense understanding of what it takes to achieve positions of power within the \ega\ fle\d were i.n part subverted; no longer is it the hard and fast rule that to get ahead you have to be male and interested in some form of business law, or something else that brings in money.

Dean Mayo Moran has the ability and the talent to challenge the Law Faculty and make positive changes to the administration, faculty and the education that stu-

dents receive. She is focused on the education of students and aware of the difficulties in the relationships between the former Deanery and students. She has indicated that she is committed to changing the status quo with reference to student concerns and desires, a fairly revolutionary stance for the administration at this school!

Having a woman as Dean is surprising, refreshing and inspiring.

The simultaneous appointment of a woman as Dean of the Medical School indicates that the glass ceiling, like it or not, accept it or not, acknowledge it or not, that does exist is slowly being lifted and, for once, it looks like the Faculty of Law is leading the way.

SLS Prez Mike Pal welcomes Dean Moran at her inaguratlon reception

How to screw your classmates (literally)

BY BUMBLEBEE Bumblebee, of /awbuzz fame, returns to share her sage wisdom with her fellow law students.

I put out a call on LawBuzz for students in need of advice. This is what I got: "How can I have sex with lots of people at law school and not get a bad rep?" Adrllittedly my areas of expertise are limited.

First, start by not being part of the problem. A wise man (well, he wasn't really that wise, but he got a lot of OCI callbacks, so close enough) once said, "law school is like high school but without the annoying people." He was half right. High school was probably the last place you had to worry about having a sexual reputation.

Let's leave the misery of rugh school to actual teenagers.

We all face enough stress as it is. Some of us smoke up too much, some people eat too many fatty foods, and some people have sex with strangers in the park. I wouldn't recommend these activities, but I'm not going to condemn you for them either. What I ask is that we stop judging

each other. What business is it of yours what the girl sitting next to you in class gets up to on the weekend? Let us not spread gossip like malicious 14 year old

girls tormenting each other into eating wsorders.

Having said that, have you considered that sleeping your way through the face book is not such a brilliant plan? Toronto is a city full of attractive and available men, women, and trans folk. Consider availing yourself of their affections. Step one is to get the hell out of the library.

There are just so many reasons not to fuck your classmates. Do you want to sit

across the table in the solarium avoiding eye contact with last weekend's mistake?

These people are your future colleagues, adversaries, and bosses. How much do you want to end up workiDg for someone who has seen you naked in creative and comprorllising positions?

Personally, I trunk even avoiwng people from other faculties is wise. You don't want to be strolling down Philosopher's Walk, contemplating unconscionabi lity and the law of contracts when you run into the charming couple from your reading week three-way. It's difficult making small talk while remembering the Mickey Mouse shaped mole on her inner thigh and the taste of the champagne you licked from his navel.

If you still plan on going ahead with your plan I recommend the following: Choose your partners carefully. It's best to fi nd someone who has more to lose by public exposure than you do. Perhaps they are married or in a serious relationsrup they don't want threatened.

Ask about their previous sexual partners. If they tell you stories from their past, one day they'll be telling stories about you.

Avoid anyone who gets chatty when drunk.

Make the terms of the relationship explicit upfront. If it is only a booty call thing then make sure you both understand that. Even booty calls have their rules of etiquette. The most understanding of. .. urn... "physical love buddies" will be irritated if you call up to cancel the night before the last exam in April.

Do not lie, cheat on or otherwise betray your paramour. That's right 1 said paramour. If you say you're going to call then you had better call. Bad reputations are started by jilted, betrayed and otherwise pissed off lovers.

Be discreet. Keep you conquests to yourself. Hubris comes before the fall.

Get tested and play safe. You don't want to become known as Uoff's Typhoid Mary.

Remember the spam we got about the kjds with chicken pox and whooping cough?

Imagine what Bonnie and Merril could do with a syphilis outbreak.

Keep in mind here I'm advising on something I'd never do. We have the whole rest of our careers to screw each other over.

ultra vires

OPINION AND EDITORIAL

18

Letters To UV Memoirs of a crank We were delighted to see 'Work-life balance in the legal profession: Emerging reality or elusive dream?' featured in the November 22, 2005 edition and were also pleased with the informed discussiOn that ensued with students who attended the session held by Women in the Law. Nevertheless we would like to address a couple of issues raised. The article refers to questions 'left unanswered by the Catalyst survey, including why associates who regard work-life balance as so important remain at their firms, and where people go when they eventually leave'. Jt was never BYLEE WAXBERG, AL£X MACMILlAN, & SARAH HORAN Catalyst's intention to answer these questions in 'Beyond a Reasonable Doubt: Building the Business Case for Exam time in the library: For those who have experiFlexibility'. The purpose of the report was to identify two / enced it, no explanation is needed. For those who have critical elements of the business case for flexibility in firms: / not, no explanation is possible. that work-life balance is a prominent consideration for associates; and to place a dollar value on associates who leave, 1 December 3rd We're a couple days in. A man I've named "Bjorn" arguably due to dissatisfaction with work-life balance.

Subsequent reports in the Catalyst series identify realistic but others call "The K2 Climber" has started studying in opportunities for change, just as in 'Creating Opportunities the corner. He wears heavily layered outdoor gear and for Better Balance', the recently published second report in bikes to school weanng ski goggles. I think he's some kind of naturopathic student when I passed his desk I the series. In addition, at no time are the findings conveyed saw a drawing of a uterus that was clearly not anatomias only a 'women's issue', on the contrary we report that cally correct. That seems like the kind of thing that could work-life balance is a prominent factor for men associates get someone in serious legal trouble. too.

Victoria Bovatrd, Assoctate, Catalyst Canada Sonya Kunkel, Seruor Director, Catalyst Canada "To the Ed\tor:

\

!>...'3 \\\e 1:>econu o;;eme"\er starts,' am writing to than\c. the \aw '1!.\.u<len\.\\ .....~o ~e\'Qed make \~e \...A.'NS "i'To~ram's ftts\

semester at Central Tech and Harbord Collegiate such a suecess.

Starting early in September, a remarkable 67 law students contributed over 575 volunteer hours as after-school tutors, workshop facilitators, field trip leaders and Advisory Board members. Law students have made a huge impression with the LAWS h1gh school students. As one 15 year-old Harbord student wrote, "I love the tutoring program. My tutor, she's cool!"

Already we are seeing signs that LAWS is having a positive impact. Teachers at Central Tech have reported a noticeable improvement in students' marks, and attendance in this program has been excellent. Our plans for second semester are to build on what worked well in the Fall, including: Expanding the tutoring program to 34 law student tutors Inviting legal experts to train law students to facilitate youth-focused workshops (a training session on civil liberties will take place on Jan. 26th).

Developing innovative teaching tools to assist teachers to address legal issues in the classroom. For example, law students are creating a mock trial for students based on events in "To Kill a Mockingbird", the novel our grade lOs read this semester.

Inviting guest speakers, including faculty members and alumni, to speak to the high school students.

Our efforts have not gone unnoticed by the broader legal community. We have received lots of press and participated in an important community-outreach conference in Toronto.

I am also very pleased to announce that The Law Foundation of Ontario has committed a substantial amount of funding towards the next three years of the LAWS Program.

I look forward to continuing to work with law students, staff, faculty and alumni, all of whom have demonstrated their commitment to community and public service through their enthusiasm and support for the LAWS Program.

December 4th It's not for awhile, but I fear for the day that I have less than 24 hours before an exam and am forced to turn to the Grounds of Appeal for a Cranberry and Brie sandwich. Speaking of which, has anyone else noticed the "Conditional Pass" from the City of Toronto? Things are fme now, but on August \6th they most certam\y were not. My favourite mfract1on: "inadequate food temperature control." I wonder if that might have something to do with a fridge which has no door?

Later tbat day .•.

While we're on the topic of ineffective library signs ... why 1s it that the "no cell phones" posters in the library are always 5-l 0 years behmd current technology?

The ones in the pictures upstairs look like the "brick phone" that Zack Moms used at Bayside High. Wo:Jid it really kill the library administrators to spend five extra minutes to go online and see what cell phones people actually use look like? While we're on the topic of posters m the library, why does the "no food or drink" poster have a fully loaded hot dog on it? Have there really been problems with people dropping com relish and sauerkraut on the carpet? Maybe hot dogs aren't allowed in the library because the pet mice don't like them.

Even later that day ...

I think I'm going to start interpreting the signs in the library by applying strict construction. No, I won't bring my hot dog with the ''werx" into the library, but my fully loaded banquet burger seems fine. I'll have to leave my old-timey bottle of coke at the door, but this plastic bottle of Tahiti Treat slips under their radar. And finally, it looks like that the forbidden coffee is a grande. My fat free Venti Caramel Machiatto is gonna be juussst fine.

December nth I'm pretty sure that gobstoppers are smaller and less durable than they used to be when I was a kid. I low can I prove it? Ah! Can't, dammit.

December 14th Thinkmg about a road trip to London in the new year.

I hear Saugeen Hall has lovely architecture.

December 15th John P. approached one of us today to say he enjoyed what we call "the beef' (If you don't get it, ask a second year) and missed it last issue. Funny thing - I never really thought anyone beyond my own group of socially maladjusted friends read the beef. 'vfakes me wonder how many of the faculty (if any) read UV ... I don't think I've ever been happier that we have a pseudonames for exams.

December sth Saw a mouse in the library today. I've named him Stuart.

December sth I'm trying to decide which pop machine in the basement I like better. The Coke machine with its conveyor belt leaves the bottles so shaken up that I have to wait ten minutes before I can open the bottle. But the Pepsi machine's intricate robot arm will most certamly let me down in the clutch. It might be top of the pops now, but just you wait.. .its gonna be a sad situation on Decemer 19th at 9 pm when I put my $ 2.00 in expecting to get a Diet Pepsi and end up with a water that's been flavored with a hint of raspberry essence. Aquafina, you just made the list.

Smcerely, Alexis Archbold Program Coordinator, LAWS Program

and piles of food-related garb~ge ove~o~ing from the recycling bins. Nah, probably JUSt a comc1dence.

December totb The interlopers have started to infiltrate the law library. Maybe the I 0 pt font on that "n? non-~aw school interlopers" sign should be replaced w1th a p1~ture o.f a dude in a doo rag with diadora track pants With a hne through it.

Turns out its not one, but many mice. And it turns out that when there are many mice, it's called an infestation.

I wonder if the mice have anything to do with the piles

December 17th It's a Saturday night, there's a Leaf game on TV, and Gabby's ts closed. I'm never going back again. It's not like anyone goes there for the food, the service, or even the value. Strike one: Liam the weird waiter who has a different Bntish Colonial accent every time I go in.

Stnke two: the violent case of vomirrhea I had minutes after eating the Greek Souvlaki special. Stnke three: closed for a Leaf game.

December 19th It is 9:15 in the morning. I have handed in my last take home exam. I will not be returning to the library for months These walls are kind of funny. First you hate 'em, then you get used to 'em. Enough time passes, gets so you depend on them. That's institutionalized. They send you here for life, that's exactly what they take. The part that counts, anyways. You know what? I think I'll base a short story about prison on that very concept.

Time to go throw on a load of laundry. Better yet, time to Febreeze my lucky exam pants and go to the Duke of York.

17 January, 2006

OPINION AND EDITORIAL

19

SofTest® by Examsoft® is for suckers® BYBEN SHAER In mid-December, I tried but failed to write all of my tests and exammations using Examsoft® software. Failed because after registering the software, borrowing a computer and digging up a floppy disk drive to go with it, practising with the software, and writing two tests with it utterly without incident, I had been lulled into the naive expectation that it would perform as it was supposed to on the day of the only I 00°/o final of the term. After six or seven tries at loading the exam in a room filled with people impatient to begin their own exams, I threw in the towel and wrote the exam in pencil - the first time in about ten years that I've written anything by hand much more substantial than a grocery list.

It was only through Celia Genua's considerable efforts that I was able to use my computer for the rest of the exam period, to write all of the other tests that didn't count. For some reason, as she discovered, Soffest.Rl had grown to dislike my floppy dnve (too old? too short a cable?), and refused to communicate with it.

It took me no more than a few days to get over an overwhelming desire to reduce the Faculty to rubble in a hail of automatic gunfire - much less time than I expected. Even so, I still find it hard to think of my experience as just one of those wacky things that happen. Nor have l been able to

put it into some kind of Nietzschean perspective, according to which this experience, because it didn't kill me, has actually made me stronger. And if I were all alone in my experience of this software failure, I might only feel a bit like the old Li'l Abner character, Joe Btfsplk, who walks around followed by his own personal rain cloud (For those of you too young to know what I'm talking about, check it out on Google). But I was not. A chat that week with various other depressed and agitated looking people revealed that they had had similar problems, sometimes repeatedly during the exam period, and often for no reason that they or anyone else could discern.

If my purpose in writing this piece was merely to whinge, I could stop here. But it's not. It's to bring what appears to be a real problem to the attention of more people and to see what can be done about it.

So, I have the following recommendations for immediate and longer-term attention.

Immediate: Anyone who experienced problems with Examsoft~ this exam period should e-mail me and, more importantly, Bonnie Goldberg, our Acting Assistant Dean of Students, so that we victims can launch a class action suit I mean, compile some statistics. At least then we can figure out how big a problem this is.

Short-term: Because these problems emerged only when examination diskettes were inserted into floppy drives, the

Faculty should make the human resources available to have each laptop to be used for tests or exams actually tested with such a diskette before the examination period. None of these problems emerged during Examsoft®'s practice exam, as far as I can tell.

Longer-term: The Faculty should explore the possibility of using other examination softAs it happens, ware.

Examsoft® has a serious rival in the form of Securexam®, which is used by Brandeis, Cornell, Yale, and the New York State Board of Law Examiners, to name just a few prominent institutions. This software is unlikely to be worse than Examsoft® and may very well be better. Besides that, there's a Macintosh® version of it.

Even longer-term: The Faculty should explore the possibility of eliminating I 00% final exams in the first term, which would make it possible to catch such software problems before they cause any serious mischief.

Even longer-term still: The Faculty should explore the possibility of eliminating all 100% fmal exams, which are about as easy to defend as Conrad Black, or tight underwear.

Of course, since laptops for exams arc c\ear\y here to stay, there !>cems no way of

.

,

getting around the use of exam software to prevent cheating. I did come across a different view of the matter, though, while I was looking for other software: that of Gary Banks, Assistant Dean for Information Technology at the University of Virginia. As Dean Banks observed (he 1s quoted in "ExamSoft Ready to Lock Your Laptop", VIrginia Law Weekly, Friday, February 20, 2004}, "Our assumption is that law schools primarily utiliz.e exam software in an effort to defeat cheating".

However, "[g]iven U.Va.'s values, tradition, and Honor Code, we have not felt a need to require any exam software." To paraphrase Alberto Gonzales, that just seems quaint.

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20

Smokin' with Ellison

17 January, 2006

DIVERSIONS

The Holiday T.V. Binge

BY DAVE SEEVARATNAM I went to a friend's New Year's Eve party expecting to hear about everyone else's exciting breaks, an experience I feared would leave me feeling unadventurous and inadequate. Instead, I was pleasantly surprised to be involved in a lengthy discussion about MuchMusic's Holiday Wrap, which runs all day during the winter break and is comprised mostly of year-end reviews of people and happenings in pop culture.

That three law students were discussing the wisdom of MuchMusic's evaluattons of celebrity "doableness" might seem surprising. Haven't we left behind the compulsive television viewing habits that lead to watching fluffy countdo~n shows?

Didn't we stop tuning in to MuchMusic around the time Beavis and Bullhead was discontinued and the Smashing Pumpkins broke up?

But think about it. For many, holiday time is also family time. Family time often entails traveling back to your smallish home town where there isn't much doing.

Even when you factor in gift-buying, holiday parties, and bonding with your family, there are still swathes of time that are unaccounted for. Perhaps you passed the hours by picking up a great classtc of literature. Or, maybe you were flipping through the channels, marveling at how many times Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

Some say I tell a great many stories. Well, conference, while I was discussing \.\'ith I reckon l do, but I have found m the the Te~an the sabotage of the Pact of course of a long experience that common Washington. the Colonel spun this amuspeople. take them as they run, are more ing yam: "When Mr. Wilson told me of his easily informed through the medium of a decision to oppose the secession of the broad illustration than in any other way. Adriatic port to the Italians, I said 'Mr. And as to what the hypercritical few may President, aren't you afraid the Senate is tl1ink, l don't care. going to be highly displeased when it My good friend Steve Doak was recent- hears about Fiume?' The President replied ly heard ruminating on the causes of the ' I suppose it will, as soon as it learns Republican resistance to the President's where Fiume is.'

Somehow or other, that aspersion of the appointment of Miers to the US Supreme Court. l related an encounter between my Senate's geographical knowledge got back grcat:uncle and Colonel House. told to me to Washington. Lodge & Co. never forbefore the former's passing. which. we gave it!." both agreed, conclusively settles the mat-

ter: One day in his apartment m '\lew York. severn\ years after the Versatlles peace

women and the Law

have described each other as "amazing".

There's a perfectly sound explanation behind this latter behaviour. In the wake of the deprivation of exams, there's an almost visceral need to catch up on television consumption. The result is the Holiday T.V. Binge.

The diet of the T.V. Binger need not consist exclusively of empty calories like Much. I rediscovered CBC Newsworld, catching up on some of the election goings-on I had missed. The network was also running a compelling series of updates on various regions hit by last year's tsunami. On other stations, you could get your fill of American news in arguably its only palatable form: satirica\ news shows like the Daily Show or its

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spin-off, The Colbert Report.

Even David Letterman got political this break, taking a piece out of pseudo-pundit Bill O'Reilly for his pro-war, anticivil liberties agenda.

But, back to the frivolous, the real opportunity presented by the break is to avail oneself of the 9-to-5 daytime fare that class scheduling usually interferes with. For instance, you might find the charming emptyheadedness of Live with Regis and Kelly, or the infuriating gossip of The Jliew, to be to your liking. TBS offers what I like to call Unemployment T.V. during these hours. Interspersed between episodes of Dawson Creek and the Drew Carey Show are ads for Georgia-based career training institutes with such snappy acronyms as CEI, ACT, etc. etc. Some of these actually shout at you to get off the couch and call them, so ashamed are they for you and your lack of employment.

These ads can be torturous in May, when resumes are circulating and no calls are coming in, but in December, it's just an appetizer on the Binge menu.

Another staple of the Holiday Binge is the soap opera. There are the 'high brow' soaps like General Hospital and The Young and the Restless, which have mostly believable storylines and somewhat

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decent acting and writing. And then there' Passions, which, no joke. actually insert:> cartoon thought bubbles over the head of one of the characters, an adorable-babycum-evil-sorceress.

My favourite soap is Days ofOur Liw.>t; during the break, a character may or may not have been killed (for the third time) in a mysterious accident. just weeks before he was supposed to die of a bizarre terminal illness. There is also the storyline of the token bitchy wild-child who was reunited with her birth parents, only to run over their son in the father's SUV. Miraculously, that son's liver can now be donated to his brother's ailing god-daughter, who, unbeknownst to all, is actually his biological daughter, and hence the dead kid's niece! Oh, and one of the characters, Marlena, has amnesia. In terms of plausibility, this is a step up from the time when she was possessed.

1'11 confess that I still find myselfbingeing on Days, and election coverage, even though classes have started. Like snacking on those last few pieces of fruit cake postNew Year's, it's a vesttge of holiday whimsy that can ease the transition back to reality. But, as with other holiday vices, it's time to respond with a valiant New Year's resolution and get it all out of my system. lfl can't kick the habit and the law thing doesn't pan out, I hear CEl and ACT have operators standing by.

22

ultra vires

DIVERSIONS

Movie Review: Brokeback Mountain was dying in the sencs finale). Jake

BY SAYRAN SULEVANI Gyllenhaal's character (Jack Twist) was When I saw that Heath Ledger was one of quite di tfcrent- over the top and passionthe star~ of Brokeback Mountain (only ate. Ann Hatha""ay gave a surprising and after I had settled into my seat), J started to provocative performance as Jack Twist's wonder what Hollywood was going to do wife. Apparently the ''Princess Diaries"' \\.ith this "gay CO\\oboy movie'' that I had stigma has her fighting harder than Jessica heard so much yet so little about. Some Bicl to flash her breasts. l was especially posters showed Heath Ledger w1th h1s impressed by the complete consistency Brokeback wife Michelle Williams (here- and credibility of the main characters after referred to as "Jen from Dawson's even in their development they were Creek"), hardly an apt characterization of painfully realistic. the movie.

This is not a story of triumph against Mm. ic posters notwithstanding. I saw adversity. or anything warm and fuzzy. H Heath Ledger and thought about "A is about sacrifice and sadness. It is about Knight's Tale" and "The Patriot," movtcs love and sex, social taboos and duty, and that I refused to see, and sighed, absent- how they interact to constrain movement, mindedly electmg to submit myself to hts devastate happiness and generally mtlict will. I undid my belt. sat back, half-closed misery. my eyes and prepared to embrace his At first r found the music to be somesplendour. what loud and melodramatic for such an But then. the strangest thing happened! understated film. but it was so easy to get He delivered the most devastating and caught up in the story that by the end it understated performance that I have seen worked quite well. So the film succeeded in a long time. My Heath-awareness faded on several levels: the characters were and I saw only his character (Ennis Del believable and well-developed, the story Mar), \\ho didn't seem to be a character at was plaustble and engrossing. and the actall. He was a perfect deadbeat. You'll ing was incredibly good. \mow what\ mean if you see it. len from Dawson·~ Creek was pretty Rating: 4.5/5 v,ood \oo . \:)u\ s.'ne Tema\ned \>omewna\ Jenni$h (read: as whiny-voiced and unsympathetic as when she found out she

When a worm meets another worm who is her true love, she cries. even though she has no eyes.

The avcrdge sleeping human, over the course of his or her lifetime, will swallow nine chickens.

There have been four perfectly moral penguins in the history of the Universe.

Manatees do not actually exist.

The 19th century phenomenon of swimming cows may explain the confusion.

Food Review

Sa1gon Sister (Vietnamese) 774 Yongc Street (just South of Bloor on

was the enigmatic marketing statement "aromatic daily fare" - and nothing else on what kind of food exactly was being served. Luckily, I was not long at a loss.

Combining my limited knowledge of geography with my prodigious logical abilities, honed by one and a half years of law school, into a well-oiled machine, I was able to observe the "Saigon" in "Saigon Sister". and consequently, to deduce that I was likely about to order Vietnamese - or at least some pan-Asianish equivalent. As it turned out, it was delicious pan-Asian-ish food.

I ordered Crispy Wonton Dumplings with shrimp ($7.45) to start, followed by

the l111't s1dc of the street) 416-967-0ROS

Stir-fried Vermicelli with hrimp.

Chicken. Bok Choi. Bean Sprouts, Fresh

Travel Time: 5-I 0 minute walk from the Law School depending on your speediness

Chives, and Crushed Cashews ($8.75) all sloshed down with a Mango Shake ($3 .50). The wooton wa~ plump and crisp), decadently filled with large morsels of shrimp (which it should have been for that price). The vermicelli stir-fry was equally as good. Unlike typical cheap Asian noodle dishes - which arc invariably just noodles this dish had large helpings of vegetables and most importantly heaping quanttties of meat, both shrimp and chicken. Satisfying and most definitely aromatic. The presentation of the food was also quite nice if you like that kind of thing.

BY MALCOLM KAll

Danny said we should go to a HungarianThai restaurant for our latest review. Near Spadina. For Lunch. I did not make this up. He actually said that.

But then he bailed, giving some excuse about somethmg to do with his kid or something I have no idea whether they tasted -you know, some bullshit parent-excuse. As a result any good, but if taste was really what ofbcingjiltcd at the lunch table, r had to revic\\ solo you were worried about presumably without the usual comfort of a wingman. Luckily. I you would not have become \\as man enough for it.

Not kno\\ing where the vegetarian .in the first place.

Hungarian-Thai restauFor the two vegetarians at the law rant was (or what it was for that matter) l decided to hit up Yonge St. and look for school, do not despair. Despite the absence promising places - hence: Saigon Ststcr. 1 of/abandonment by your champion Danny, was not to be disappointed. It's a well-lit, 1 checked and noticed that there were a busy restaurant decorated in a modern, large variety ofvegetanan dishes (helpfulreasonably fresh style with large comfy- ly indicated on the menu with green stars). looking booths and well-spaced tables I have no idea whether they tasted any (with not so comfy chairs), as well as a bar good, but if taste was really what you were and a patio in the back. Sitting too close to worried about presumably you would not the bar - with its unfortunately loud have become vegetarian in the first place. espresso machine - was probably not the For those people on a budget, I noticed best of choices. The service, however, was that there were lunch combos starting from prompt and friendly and the food was $6.40 which included a plate of whatever great. (meat or vegetable) with rice or noodles.

Prominently displayed on the menus

"

"

"Seriously, does my ass look fat in these chaps?"

23

DIVERSIONS

Ask Edward Greenspan!

Positive: Good portion sizes. Tasty food.

Friendly service. Wide selection of dishes (includtng many vegetarian). ~egative: Not the cheapest place reviewed.

!

17 January, 2006

BY FREDRICK SCHUMANN

Dear Edward, As a single mother ofthree active toddlers, I don~ have much time for the essentials, let alone the finer things in life! You can imagine my surprise when my boss asked me to take on an extra project-at fourthirty on a Friday, no less! Ofcourse, I just couldn't say no. I don 1 want to be fired!

How can I stand up for myselfand learn to say no? Help!

-Repentant Doormat

help but feel like I don 1 matter enough to be on time for. How can I help him to be more punctual without nagging?

-Better Never Than Late Dear Better, You're seriously asking me what you should do? Are you telling me you don't even know the answer? Don't you already know the answer? I mean, I might expect a

"The presumption .

Dear Doormat, l'm sorry-a toddler? What exactly is a toddler? Do you know what that means? I mean, do you even know what you're talking about? Please. I would expect a question like that from a layperson-a terribly misinformed layperson, maybe but you're a lawyer. This is lawyering. Please.

The presumption of innocence requires the most deadly seriousness.

of innocence requires the most deadly seriousness."

Dear Edward, My husband is always late! For appointments, for picking up our kids from lacrosse practice-even for our anmversary dinner! I know he doesn ~ mean to hurt my feelings, but sometimes I JUSt can I'

question like that from my mother, who I love dearly, but who is rather old, and in fact dead, but not from a law student. You don't have the right, just because you have a law degree, to get up on some kind of moral high-horse and pass judgement on

people. One trial for your freedom is more than enough.

After all, you're a·lawyer. This is lawyering.

Dear Edward, A little more than two years ago, my beloved wife of many years left me, and I'm still inconsolable. She said the romance had gone out of our marriage I was stunned! She said that she had changed, but I can 1stop feeling responsible. I don~ sleep well, and my work has suffered. I still wish she'd come back and believe that it would make everything better, but I know that that can ~ happen.

Worse. its been fll.•o years and I still have no desire to date agam! How can I stop the grieving process and get on with my life?

-Still Heartbroken

Edward Greenspan is a Toronto attorney.

His column appears in 44 syndicated newspapers nationwide.

Dear Heartbroken, "Grieving process"? Pardon me, but what ridiculous American TV bullshit is that?

Are you seriously suggesting that the human spirit, after its wings are broken by a deep loss of some kind, is consigned to tearful earth and needs to heal before it can take to the heavens once more?

If you actually think that, 1 don't think you have the slightest idea what lawyering is about. I really don't. I strongly suggest you dtsabuse yourself of those notions.

''New country'' is not country music

BY ANDREW WINTON With the recent release of Brokeback Mountain and Walk the Line, it seems like everyone's goin' country. Well giddy-up, partners! But ever since the birth of "New Country," those of us who listen to socalled "Old Country" have been forced to justify our taste in music.

This is a shame; in reality, what people call New Country ts really just a bastardized music format that is supposedly more radio-friendly than the real thing. r want nothing to do with it, and if you listen to it, you're dead to me. So let's be clear: for the purposes of this article, "old country" means klezmer (I highly recommend "Don Byron Plays the Music of Mickey Katz") and "new country" means shit. There's only country.

"I want nothing to do with "New Country," and if you listen to it, you're dead to me."

If you're going to talk the talk, you've got to know more than just the Man in Black (no offence to the Cash family intended. At Folsom Prison is a staple over every country collection. I'm just saying you've got to move beyond Johnny if

Neil Young's. One trait both share: the ability to write songs that will haunt your soul. In fact, on that point, l think Buckner has Netl beat. Every time I listen to "Li'l Wallet Ptcture," r remember a road trip to New Orleans back in 1994, when my hippte fnend Sweeny was chased by local tuffs in Chattanooga, Tennessee,.and I get misty. Those were good times. Album to buy: Devotion + Doubt.

Unfortunately some people mistook this man for a musician you're going to last more than 10 minutes at The Matador). Let's run through some Winton Country Favourites, shall we?

I. Townes Van Zaodt: When you listen to TVZ, you tap into the root of all country music. Often covered, rarely listened to in the original, Townes is best known for country classics "If I Needed You" and "Pancho and Lefty," but it's "Tecumseh Valley," a song about a poor miner's daughter who turns to prostitutiOn after her heart is broken (and who is eventually found dead under the steps of the local brothel) that gets me every time. If you buy only one Townes album, it's got to be

Rain on a Conga Dmm, a live album recorded in Berlin in October 1990. It has all the classics, but by that point in his career Townes' voice had been tarred and feathered by years of hard living. If you buy a second album, make tt High, Lou: and In Between. which includes country gospel favs such as "Two Bands" and "When He Offers Hts Hand".

2. Richard Buckner: What can you say about a man who originally hails from California but who everyone thinks is from Texas, and who currently lives in Edmonton (that hotbed of country music)'?

Buckner's life is essentially the reverse of

3. Calexico: Named after a small town on the California/Mexico border (border towns - don't you just love them? There should be country bands named after every border town in North America: Texarkana, Texahoma, Lake Tahoe ... okay, not the last one, but if Lake Tahoe ever changes its name to Ncvafomia, I'm so moving there!

Why are there no border towns in Canada?

Whcre's Manitario?

Where's Albertawan?) Many Calexico fans would object to the country label, but my country tent is large enough to include a band that is the musical equivalent to a Cormac McCarthy novel (minus the copious amounts of blood and page-long descriptions of the country side, but with double the mariachi horns). Albums to buy (I can't limit myself to just one): Spoke and The Black Light.

4. Flatlaoders: This is country musrc's super-group; sadly, they only recorded one album (More a I.egend Than a Band). But it's a goody.

...

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DIVERSIONS

24

CD Swap leads to joy/pain, su~shine/rain

BY MIKE KOTRLY, JAMES RENIHAN AND ANGElACHU Mike Presents (for Reo): I. Keane - Somi!l\ here Only We Know 2. Mylo vs. M1ami Sound Machine - .

Doctor Pressure 3. Dam1en Rice & Lisa Hannigan Unplayed Piano 4. Bad\y Drawn Boy - Above You, Below

Me 5. Eric ?T)'d:z. - Call on Me 6. N\7.\o-p\ - JCB Song

Michael Gira has remarked that playing a song should be an act of violence. Not violence to others, but violence done to yourself. Great music features the performer submitting to the madness and intensity of some emotion or experienceanger, frustration, elation, creation, whatever. destruction, love, hate, Rationality and stability are put to the mercy of something primal and the audience gets to witness the spectacle. Without this self-inflicted violence, music risks being merely pleasant or nice.

Which brings me to Mike's CD . There is no violence to be found on this disc.

Keane are basically Coldplay pt.2. There is no danger or personality in the music, and when I try to imagine people playing these parts I can't see them being affected by it.

It's not that it's sterile - Nico demonstrated unequivocally that music that is sterile and cold can be emotionally devastating.

Instead, it's simply pleasant. Never do the performers submit to their emotions or dare to lose control.

I'm not sure what to say about track 2.

Yikes. Can you imagine somebody sitting down and actually writing a song called "Doctor Pressure?" Its musical companion on this disc, track 5, is an outrage.

Track 3 suffers from a ll of the same

problems as track I , with the one exception of a few lines delivered by the female vocalist. where there actually seems to be some character present. She is more than offset, however, by her totally forgettable male companion. I swear I have tried to fmd something to say about track 4 , but I can never remember anything about it. I guess that's my point.

Which \eaves us with the fmale. You wou\d think that a song about somebody's father might be emotionally impacting.

However, when \he lyrics wou\d not be out of place on an episode of Barney the Dinosaur ("I'm Luke, I'm 5 and my dad's Bruce Lee?"), it's hard to get too worked up over them.

Sorry, Mike. I listened to this CD many times. I tried to like it, but it's too nice. If it was a sandwich it would be Kraft Singles in white Wonder bread with iceberg lettuce, no condiments. Yum-yum!

because when you're in high school you're soooooo unique.

The first two tracks are so upbeat and happy as to induce nausea in any law student. And now for continuity's sake we have one of those techno German lessons!

These are all the rage in Berlin, apparently. You take a very practical expression, like "Wir Tanzen im 4-eck" (which means "we dance in four comers") and then repeat it over, and over, and over, and over.

Then, just for variety, and to really drive the message home that we all dance in four comers, the song then repeats individual words repeatedly. For instance: We. We. We. We. We. We Dance in Four Comers. I know I'm all the w1ser in the nuances of the German language due to this song.

Moreover, I think we may have found a new day job for 2- Unlimited: "Today we will learn the expression 'No Limit."'

The next track reveals what happens when you combine Ani DiFranco with T.A.T.U. & the Cheeky Girls: you get Tracy & the Plastics. I suppose the attraction here is that they yell nonsensical lyrics, but in such a way that it's supposedly "poetic" and "meaningful." While I'm all in favour of Grrrl power, this track was simply messed up.

It's a good thing I love music featuring lots of yelling, because we have another song full of it. Oh wait, I hate this sort of music. I'd discuss the lyrics, but the words are so unintelligible 1 will just say that the song is likely about Sponsorships. It may be about the Canadian sponsorship scandal; it may not be. All I know is tbat given the volume of the song it's likely a cutting

Angie Presents (for Mike): l . The Cure - Close to Me 2. Elvis Costello & the Attractions Pump It Up 3. Stereototal- Wir Tan.zen im 4-eck 4. Tracy & the Plastics - City 5. Les Georges Leningrad- Sponsorships 6. The Rapture - Killing J

The first two tracks of the CD play like a high school mix tape or the soundtracks to such ftlm epics as "Can't Hardly Wait" or "American Pie." You know the style: a little angst, a little bit of awkward, and never an overly popular artist to be found.

For instance, the second track could easily have been Smash Mouth, but they're too mainstream. As we all know, Angie is a unique and cool individual who would never listen to anything Top 40. Thus, Elvis Costello will have to do (still popular, but, you know, "cool"). You know,

"If it was a sandwich it would be Kraft Singles in white Wonder bread with iceberg lettuce, no condiments. Yum-

yum!

"

commentary on government corruption.

Also, there may or may not have been the lyric "Jesus Christ must be sacrificed."

Deep.

Finally, we are left with a synthesis between meaningless drivel, repetition, and loud and obnoxious lead singers. The Rapture is similarly loud and difficult to understand/stomach.

It also, like Stereototal, decides to repeat a very useful and significant phrase over and over. Too bad this one isn't even grammatically correct. 'Tis a shame.

Am 1 a better person for listening to this CD? Yes. I've learned about government corruption and a little German to boot!

What does this CD tell me about Angie?

She's quite... complicated. Sometimes she's really sweet, and at other times she's really really really really really angry. She may also dig both Bounty Paper Towels AND the other kind.

Ren Presents (for Angie): 1. Swans Feel Happiness 2. Jackie-0 Motherfucker - Hey! Mr. Sky 3. Wooden Wand Sundmm Ladies 4. MVIEE & The Bummer Road Tn1e Love Ventilator Blues 5. Sun City Girls - Caravan of Scars 6. Foetus I'll Meet You m P oland, Baby 7. Espers Riding 8. Gary H1ggins- Looking for June 9. Electric Masada - Jdalah-Abal I 0. Legendary Pink Dots - The Grain Kings II . Can Spoon 12. Current 93 Horsey 13 . Joanna Newsom - Clam, Crab, Cockle, Cowrie There are just some genres of music that I will neve r be able to relate to. And some kinds of music fans that I will never understand. I路 never listened to psy ch rock. I don't think tunics are cute, outside the context of grade school uniforms. I don' t find the communal lifestyle particularly interesting or appealing. When I dance, I try not flail my arms and to the extent that I might do so, it's certainly not on purpose.

I don' t have long, wavy hair. Actually, that last one is kind of untrue-I did have a perm for the last two years. But if there's

17 January, 2006

Hadiya's Top Ten: upcoming shows 8. MSTRKRFT, March 4th, Lee's Palace: One part Death From Above (Jesse Keeler), One part Girls arc Short (Al路P), all good times.

BY HADIYA RODERIQUE Another year. another top ten. 7ime for a fresh start and new ways to slack o.U because I know most of .vou aren ~ doing any reading right no~: So, I bring to you the top ten upcoming concerts, so you cun surf m路er to 7icketmaster or hang outside the Kool Haus and scalp some tickets.

9. Coldplay/Richard Ashcroft, :\1ar 22nd, GM Place: Though this conccn wouldn't be anything like the tiny performance I saw four years ago when Chrh Martin signed my drumstick (sigh), Chris and hi~ boys can put on a hell of a show.

Richard Ashcroft, the lead vocalist of The Verve v.ill be opening and apparently his solo stuff is really good.

1. SLS Coffeehouse. Thursday, January 19th at 5:30 in the Rowell Room: Yes. a shameless plug for the SLS Coffeehouse, featuring the vocal stylings of your fellow classmates. Good times all around.

2. Broken Social Scene, Jan 2oth, 21st, Kool Haus: Toronto ind1e rock superstars bring their rag tag crew for bonding and good music. Though their new album doesn't feature an easily accessible popish song like Anthems For a Seventeen Year Old Girl, it rocks hard.

3. Supergrass, Feb 6th, Kool Haus: You remember that random video at the end of the Clueless VHS? That was Supergrass.

These underrated Brits make consistently good albums, and were fantastic in concert 3 years ago. Highly recommended.

10. Willie Nelson, May znd, ACC: Desp1te the fact that he appeared in a Jess1ca S1mpson video (I suppose all those years of tax e vasion mean he needs some cash), I still love Willie. He can still throw down.

Broken social scene: take a bath hlpptest 4. Matt Pond PA, Feb nth, Mod Club: Tiny show, only $10 bucks, but this guy will become a big thing. I'd put money on it. I listen to Brooklyn Stars on repeat. s. Metric, Feb 24th & 2sth, Kool Haus: Pushing their new album, Live it Out, no one has mastered the indie rock shake/strut like Emily Haines. A must see. Sold out though, you'll have to scalp or hit up craigslist.eom.

MONTR~AL

OTTAWA TORONTO CALGARY VANCOUVER

NEW YORK

CHICAGO LONDON

BEIJING

6. RJD2 & Aceyalone, Feb 25th, Phoenix: A dearth of hip hop shows in the T.O . makes me very excited for the double threat appearance ofRJD2 and Aceyalone.

You won 't believe the fun I'll be having.

7. Belle and Sebastian, Feb 25th, The Docks: Scotland's darlings come out with their 8th album, The Life Pursuit. Critics are saying it's their best yet. ..

WUlle?

one thing that Ren 's C D has convinced me

of it's that I should definitely not get another perm!

While I can't comment on all of tbe tracks, seeing as the CD was 3 to 4 times longer than everyone else's, I can say that when I liked a track, I really liked it. And when I didn't think a song was so hot, it was certamly soothing background noise to listen to-kind oflike the comfort oflistening to traffic or playing that fireplace video on your T.V. The best song (of the two that I liked) is by far the Wooden Wand track. It's a sweet and clean acoustic song, only minimally reminiscent of tie-dyed t-shirts (which probably explains why I liked it so much).

Though this might have been the best song on the CD, it was certainly not my favourite. The Current 93 song was so amazingly hilarious that I laughed out loud when listening to it in the library. Then I listened to it again. And laughed my ass off. Again. These dudes have got to be really good friends with Spinal Tap and probably helped write "Stonehenge" or else loved it so much that they decided to rip it off. "When you torture the anointed/you torture yourself!" Amazing! My favourite parts are the ''you shatter me nightly" line and also the recorder a very underappreciated instrument, indeed.

L

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technology law and litigation. We're the only firm in Canada or the United States to be ranked In the coveted first tier for both patent law and trade-mark/copyright law In Managing Intellectual Property magazine's most recent World IP Survey.

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25

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ULTRA NEWS

uv staff furious about

3

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January, 2006

.

Having grown fat and lazy during the tenure of fonner Dean Daniels. UV statr was forced into cnsis mode with the announcement of Mayo Moran as new Dean. "She is qualified, friendly. and capable," spat a di~gusted Keir (Ill). "So basically we're screwed. We're a student newspaper! We need to find something to loath about her, STAT! Besides, 'New Dean Moran-ic' is too good a headline not to u e." An exhausted and visibly rattled Geoff (JII) suddenly exclaimed, "Eureka!

Her name is an anagram for 'On, Mao Anny.' She's a stinkin' commie! Party Leader Phillips will be pleased." Pilliar (Ill) soberly pointed out, "There is no conclusive proof she has never beaten an adorable puppy to death with a sac:. of doorknobs. Is that the sort of mom I leaderTony Duggan mugs for the camera ship we want for this Faculty'?'' Laum (Ill) was blunt: "those are some harsh bangs."

- Keir Wilmut ing clause. It's embarrassing to have a hired by one they convince themselves that gmduate who doesn't understand the for- their finn 'fits' them, as if the finn gave a Prof. Ed Morgan to teach mula for amending the Constitution." damn about them Some truly sick individcourse on Ed Morgan Noted the source, "We hope there will uals begin to confuse the finn's goals with Following the success of last semester's be some alumni among the new their own." "God, I want out of this place," "10 Things You Didn't Know About Conservative government, but it seems frantically whispered Jenkins, "Please, do Noah 1o..,ogrodsky" intensive taught by very few of them understand the rule of you know anyone in-house? Can they get Noali Novogrodsky, Prof. Ed Morgan has law, let alone have a law school educa- me out of this hell-hole??" unveiled his own "all Morgan, all the tion." Reminded that Tony Clement (Class - Keir Wilmut time" curriculum. of '86 and occasional lecturer) is runmng "Ed Morgan's Litigation Classics," a 4- in Parry Sound-Muskoka, the source Hennigar hospitalized in credit course, will be offered to students responded, "Yeah, but how many electiOns condiment-related incident this winter. "I'll be teaching the class in has Tony lost in the last five years? We're Third year student Andrew Hennigar was Bt;II, and if the wait list is long enough, not holding our breath." hospitalized at the end of last week due to we 'II put people in overflow rooms that - Evan Thomas exhaustion, after a marathon two week run can see the lectures via webCast," said of ribald puns linking the new Dean to varMorgan. "I want to make sure everyone stockholm Syndrome ious condiments. "He just pushed himself who wants to can hear about how I beat wearing off for artlcllng too far," explained Anita (II). "He'd been Eddie Greenspan." The class will coincide student coming up with gold since the start of the with the launch of Morgan's new books, Three months into articling, Stockholm term, but that kind of exertion has to take "Morgan on Morgari", and "Look Who's Syndrome - the phenomenon whereby its toll." Hennigar had garnered the respect Got a Harvard LLM." hostages begin to associate with their cap- of his peers by throwing off seemingly -GcoffMoysa tors - is beginning to wear ofT for U ofT spontaneous lines about "playing ketchup graduate Catherine Jenkins. "When I first with Mayo", "relishing the opportunity to Paul Martin Dropped from got hired, I couldn't stop raving about be Dean", "spreading the news of her List of Distinguished what a unique culture Goodmans has, and appointment" and asking whether she Alumni how tt wa~ 'different' than other !inns. I "passed mustard." But over the last severeven wore their stupid sweatshirt to school al days his friends became increasingly Predicting that the Liberal Party will meet disaster in the January 23 federal electiOn, in third year. How lame is that?! ?" worried as he travelled away from "mainthe faculty has quietly moved to drop According to noted psychologist Azhar stream" condiments. By Thursday, he was Prime Minister Paul Martin (Class of '64) Mahat, many hostages/articling students overheard muttering about how the new Dean had "creamed the competition", her from its list of distinguished alumni. suffer from this affliction. "Objectively, expectations for the "gravy tram", and was there isn't a shred of difference between According to a source, "What scaled it was trymg to rhyme Worcestershirc. News that Davies or FMC or Faskens or whatever," the prom1se to eliminate the federal govthe South Asian Law Students' Association ernment's power to use the notwithstand- he said. "Somehow, after students are

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-Andrew Pilliar

appointment of Moran as Dean

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27

Ultra News: kangaroos, condiments and commies

('''''''') ••••••••

BY STEPHANIE GIANNANDREA

17

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After 4 months of playing and frolicking Ghost returns from exchange.

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Pas fail half.ass d Tuesday's lecture \\a "Ju t the booze talkmg" f xtcndcd paper cmbarrasc;es you

prof Women 111 Law not sure wh t to complam about anymore Aladdm admit<; he just makes 11 up Post-exchange student won't hut up about Europe SCC caught TCI)'ing on sum· manes Queens· '"the Harvard of Kingston" First year's entire fanuly gets law-related pfts for Xmas Morgan admits "Law & F1lm"

was just an excuse to make the Faculty pay his late fees Coach Moacb to clert at SCC Langille barricades himself m

Dean's office, vows "mother of all battles"

Exam bluffed Belt loosened Sossm uses kindergarten approach to procedural fairness Back row smtrks Return of exchange students confinned by proliferation of bowlingstyle shoes Moran declares U ofT the "UBC ofthe East"

•

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