Ultra Vires Vol 16 Issue 4: 2015 January by Ultra Vires

JANUARY 28, 2015 | ULTRAVIRES.CA

THE INDEPENDENT STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF THE UNIVERSITY OF TORONTO FACULTY OF LAW

First Council Meeting for New Dean Iacobucci sets new vision for future fundraising campaign and position of the law school KENT KURAN (2L) DURING HIS INTRODUCTORY SPEECH to Faculty Council, Dean Iacobucci stressed three main themes: the articling crisis, the law school as a crossroads, and new fundraising priorities. First, on the articling crisis—whether "perceived or real”—Iacobucci said the Law Society of Upper Canada (LSUC) was in a "difficult position” and that “this is something we can all be a part of.” But he was not necessarily supportive of new developments, such as the province-wide Law Practice Program (LPP) or the “Lakehead-model of folding articling into

third year.” He had previously expressed reservations about whether experiential and practical learning would be the best method of teaching, but agreed with the importance of developing "creative problem-solvers." Rather, Iacobucci is more in favor of continuing with U of T Law’s theoretical emphasis. “Our academic approach is what defines us. But how we deliver that approach is what we can have a discussion on,” explained Iacobucci, adding that the law school should "not be seen as seeing ourselves 'above the fray.’” The LPP's practical and experiential char-

acter are regarded by some as opposing the highly academic and theoretical nature of existing legal education. Some have even wondered if the LPP would evolve into a fourth year of law school, which incumbent schools would try and incorporate into their current degree programs. Alternatively, the introduction of the LPP could see a shift more towards the current system in the UK and HK, with their longer bar professional training course programs. Next, Iacobucci spoke of taking better advantage of U of T Law’s position. The Faculty,

he said, is an “institution as a cross roads — hubs of all of these intersections.” It is a hub within the university, with cross appointments, it has members of the global legal academy, through the visiting program, and it is also an important meeting place, between the academy and the profession, explained Iacobucci. He asked how the school could take advantage of "being in one of the great universities, our geographic location, and our proximity to the judiciary, just down the road, and the legContinued on page 11

20 Facts You Didn’t Know About Dean Iacobucci ALANNA TEVEL (3L) & DEAN IACOBUCCI Pictured: Dean Edward "Yak" Iacobucci. Photo courtesy of University of Toronto Faculty of Law

1 2

Do you have any secret talents? See answer to Question 16.

What did you want to be when you grew up? I’d like to say an astronaut, or a hockey player (which was at least partly true until about Grade 4), but the truth is: a lawyer.

Any childhood pets? Two cats: Napoleon and Josephine. Born on Napoleon’s birthday, as it turns out.

What was/is your nickname? Various, with none sticking over time: Yak, Eddie, Egg…

5 6

What is your pet peeve? Inconsiderate subway riders.

What do you like to do to let loose? Run. Get out of the city. Both.

Where do you most like to travel? Favourite country in which to travel: Italy. Favourite trip: Istanbul.

Who is your celebrity idol? Given that his foundation supports the IHRP, I’d have to say Elton John. (And Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy was the first LP I ever bought.)

9 10 11

What is the best book you have ever read? I, Claudius. Who is your favourite fictional lawyer? Atticus Finch.

What is your favourite breakfast item at “Iacobucci’s Fiduciary Snack Duty”? Bagels.

What is your favourite place to eat near or around U of T Campus? Until the condos [on Bloor were built], either Pho Hung or the Chinese restaurant beneath it. Still looking for a favourite now.

Which class did you get the lowest mark in during law school? It was a multi-way tie.

-mate?

In law school, you would have been labeled the class ______

How much was tuition when you went to law school? I can’t recall exactly, but certainly less than today’s—this is why student financial aid is a priority!

What is your go to dance move? In my youth, I was known on occasion

to dance on my toes. Harder to pull off today, I’m afraid.

Who is your favourite band or artist? Depends when you’re asking, but these days, the Avett Brothers.

If you had to choose someone from the faculty to be your partner for the Amazing Race, who would it be? It’s a multi-way tie.

19 20

What did you study in undergrad? Economics.

What would be your go to karaoke song? Hey Good Looking, Hank Williams Sr. Vocal range required: about 5 notes. Perfect.

EDITORIAL/NEWS

2 | JANUARY 28, 2015

ultravires.ca

Let’s Hear It PALOMA VAN GROLL (3L) & DAVID GRUBER (3L) EVERY YEAR AROUND THIS TIME students interrupt their rampant careerism to undertake more noble endeavours. The Promise Auction, the “flip your wig” campaign, and Walk a Day raise money for different causes. Welcome Day and mentorship programs help ease new recruits’ transitions to law school. And Law Follies subjects your professors to some long-overdue derision. Law students are generally a plugged-in and opinionated bunch. If you listen closely around the water cooler—or, as it’s called these days, Facebook—you’ll notice your classmates have plenty to say about the merits of these initiatives. Indeed, nary does an event go by without attracting complaints by some individual or group. Walk a Day? Sexist. Exams using flip

desks? Unacceptable. Soliciting unpaid student ambassadors on Facebook? Outrageous. Right or wrong, the present approach to addressing these sorts of issues—namely, taking to Twitter and Facebook—seems wanting. While we applaud speaking out in any and all forums, we wish that instead of (or at least in addition to) your Facebook comment, you would flesh out your point of view in a short Opinions article for UV. Besides the fantastically high esteem that comes with appearing on a byline in these pages, you’ll be giving the entire U of T law school community the benefit of your viewpoint (keep in mind our readership is made up of faculty and students alike, not merely by your carefully curated friends on social media). Worse yet is when the conversation happens

in private rather than in public. UV’s brusque attempts at provoking conversation on some of these topics has provoked reaction. When we took to Twitter to suggest that playing dress up may not be the most effective way of reducing the cost of legal services, the good people at Flip Your Wig for once really did flip their wigs. In the spirit of fair play, we invite them to call us out publicly. We would be happy if they used the pages of UV to make their case. There are a number of casualties from the systemic failure to engage in these types of conversations. For one, you might find—as our 1L Editor Nathaniel Rattansey did in his piece on Columbia law school and Eric Garner—that attempting to spell out your thoughts in print leads you reconsider your original position. You may even find that

when you read a contrary view laid out in paragraph form, it doesn’t seem quite as loopy as you once supposed. So keep in mind that there is one recourse still available to you in place of—nay, in addition to complaining to the ether (i.e. Facebook). To all the righteous complainers, critics, and curmudgeons of the Faculty of Law, we invite you to write for UV. You may touch a nerve, ruffle a feather, or poke a paper tiger. But you will find that none of it is hazardous to your health, or even your career. And who knows, somebody out there may even be listening.

Faculty Affairs: Last Meeting Led by Interim Dean Brunnée U of T Law launching new history joint program and growing ITLP KENT KURAN (2L) THE FACULTY OF LAW IS IN THE process of launching yet another joint program. The JD/MA (History) will add to the current tally of twelve joint degree programs and four other certificate programs. The multitude of joint programs makes the law school, by far, the largest hub for joint degree options at the University of Toronto. The three-year joint program would follow the template of the school’s other small JD/MA programs. The Faculty does not expect more than ten students to be in it at any time, as only about one-tenth of the entering class has an undergraduate background in the field. Expected to be up and running next year, the program

was approved for submission to University Council at the Faculty Council meeting. Following approval, the Faculty and Department of History would have to work out a memorandum of agreement. The law school is also expecting to see the initial results from its Internationally Trained Lawyers Program (ITLP). Launched in 2010, it is designed for lawyers who immigrated to Canada. So far, the program has enrolled students, who need to be Canadian citizens or permanent residents, from over 40 countries who want to make Canada their home. For students from abroad wishing to undertake the National Committee on Accreditation (NCA)

Challenge Exams, there was previously no academic support. As such, U of T Law applied and received four million dollars from the provincial government in 2009 for a one-year fulltime intensive bridging training program, starting the following year. Since then, five cohorts have passed through the program, which received an addition four million dollars in 2012 to continue its training. The school expects to learn whether graduates were successful in their journey to become lawyers in Ontario over the coming year. The Financial Aid Committee is also continuing to look into ways to improve the application process for students. Developments

under consideration include advancing the assessment date for upper year students. Last year, the committee made the decision to evenly distribute aid over all three years of study. Previously, financial aid was weighted towards first-year students, given they would have had fewer internship opportunities and financial resources. The Faculty Council meeting was the last chaired by Interim Dean Jutta Brunnée whose term ended following the appointment of Edward Iacobucci to the deanship.

Ultra Vires is an editorially independent publication. We are open to contributions which reflect diverse points of view, and our contents do not necessarily reflect the views of the Faculty of Law, the Students’ Law Society, or the editorial board.

Editors-in-Chief Editor-in-Chief, Emeritus News Editor Features Editors Opinion Editors Diversions Editor 1L Editors Web Editor Layout Editor

David Gruber & Paloma van Groll Emily Debono Brett Hughes Alex Carmona & Tali Green Marita Zouravlioff & David Pardy Alanna Tevel & Lisana Nithiananthan Michael Robichaud, Nathaniel Rattansey & Rona Ocean Ghanbari Aron Nimani Alyssa Howes

ERRORS If you find any errors in Ultra Vires, please email ultra.vires@utoronto.ca

ADVERTISING Advertising inquiries should be sent to ultra.vires@utoronto.ca. SUBMISSIONS If you have an article submission or a tip for us, please contact us at ultra.vires@utoronto.ca. Ultra Vires reserves the right to edit submissions for brevity and clarity.

ultravires.ca

NEWS

JANUARY 28, 2015 | 3

Promise Auction Raises $4,000 for First Nations Organisations TIMOTHY JONES (2L) AT THE FACULTY OF LAW’S FOURTH annual Promise Auction, participants bid on promises from over seventy people, including everything from crossword lessons, to a personalised list of “50 Must See Movies,” to dinner with the Dean, and more. On January 13, between 9am and 5pm, students, Faculty members, and one alumnus raised nearly $4,000 for two organisations that support at-risk First Nations women and families: the Native Women’s Resource Centre of Toronto and the First Nations Family and Caring Society of Canada. The first provides local programming in the areas of housing, youth, families, employment and education, and culture. The latter provides “research, policy, professional development and networking support” to First Nations child and family service agencies across the country. Although there were too many promises to list here, some of the most hotly-contested included: • A n “Authentic Russian Experience” comprising a five-course meal cooked by Katya Popoff (1L) featuring, inter alia, a “triple fish soup” with ingredients personally imported from Siberia; • A motorcycle ride around the city with Chris Shorey (3L), subject to the winning bidder signing a “death waiver”;

• A homemade meal of pasta Bolognese with Dean Iacobucci and his family, including “pick up and drop off at Royal York Station”; and • A cookbook entitled “Eating Your Way Through Law School” by Brittany Tovee (3L) and Kat Owens (3L). The Promise Auction was founded in 2012 by U of T Law alumnus Andrew “Stobo” Sniderman (Class of 2014; articling at Olkhuis Kleer Townsend). The project sheds insight on the many hidden—and not-so-hidden—talents at the Faculty while raising money for a good cause. This year’s live auction was perhaps the busiest yet, packing Alumni Hall in Victoria College. Auctioneers Tyler Cohen (3L) and David Feldman (3L) kept the energy high, regaling attendees with lawyer jokes they found on the internet (Q: Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and New York got all the lawyers? A: Because New Jersey got first pick.) The live auction featured a Tyler Henderson (2L) “gun show” and a duet performed by Sam Levy (1L) and Rona Ghanbari (1L), with a five1L backing band. However, nothing drew more oohs and aahs than a quilt donated by Donna Lynes, mother of Andrew Lynes (2L). After an intense bidding war, the quilt was won by Grace Smith (2L) for a price that simultane-

Photo by Donna Lynes

ously represented the auction’s single highest bid and, arguably, the best deal. True to form, second year students pledged 82% of the $1,300 raised at the live auction, first-years

18%, and third-years…the remainder. The organizers of next year’s Promise Auction are Alayna Dueck (1L), Adam Greco (1L), and Madeleine Hass (1L).

Be who you are. Law is what we do, but it doesn’t define us. We’re looking for individuals who are passionate about everything in life, including being a lawyer. If this sounds like you, please check us out at www.torys.com to learn more about us.

FEATURES

4 | JANUARY 28, 2015

ultravires.ca

Law Games: The Recap GABRIEL EDELSON (2L) GREETINGS DEAR PEASANTS. I, YOUR King, bring you tales of triumph and heartbreak from that most noble of all law school tournaments, “Law Games.” Admittedly, I only became King after Law Games was over, and was presented with a caesar instead of a crown, but I was told I would get to call people peasants. This great power comes with great responsibility. Hence it’s my job to embarrass everyone who went, and inspire jealousy and regret in those who didn’t. I’m hoping this is pass-fail. Law games is basically about three things: Drinking, playing sports while hungover and sleep deprived, and “networking.” Dalhousie were great hosts and Halifax was an awesome host city. I have no idea how they convinced the Westin to house 600 law students. Our hosts even thought of the little things. To help with networking Dal gave each of us two latex business cards in our welcome bags. I kept mine as souvenirs. What can I say about the social events? No really I’m not sure what UV is allowed to print or what I’m allowed to say. This much is true: between a beach party (with 14 tonnes of sand), a pub crawl, a tight and bright, and a formal, I couldn’t even start to tell you all the stories. Cups were slapped, Kraken was chugged, bendy knees were flaunted on the dance floor. You’ll just have to ask the people who were there.

It is called Law Games so I guess I better talk about the sports. Dalhousie stopped the Sherbooke Machine and took home the sports award. We put in a good showing this year and I think we surprised a lot of schools. There were some close losses and some not so close losses. Thanks to our captains and our dedicated women we only forfeited one game. We competed hard and I’m pretty sure we won the unofficial prize for most concussions. Everyone left Halifax little injured but I didn’t hear anyone complaining. I couldn’t write this and fail to mention our greatest achievement, winning the award for best lip dub. It took a lot of work but we were finally able to upload the videos from last year’s Follies. High production value and Brendan Stevens meant we didn’t leave empty handed. I was going to enlist the help of David St. Bernard to give me a rousing final quote about how drinking, sleep deprivation, and sports are actually the most fun you can have at law school but he was too busy talking to Canadian Lawyer Magazine. Instead I’ll leave you with this: not going to Law Games last year was my biggest law school regret, and even after building it up for a whole year I still loved it. Only 340 days until the next law games. I’ll see you there. Most of these photos are taken with a selfie stick which explains their exceptionally high quality.

If you have vision. Some people have long known what they want out of a career. They look beyond their present and focus on their future: a future with international scope, global clients and limitless possibilities.

If you are that person, you’ve just found where your future lies. Law around the world nortonrosefulbright.com

ultravires.ca

FEATURES

JANUARY 28, 2015 | 5

FEATURES

6 | JANUARY 28, 2015

ultravires.ca

Embrace TO Even in the Winter SAM LEVY (1L) LIKE IT OR NOT, WE’RE STUCK WITH the Canadian winter for another 50-odd days. Sure, we get through winter every year, but that doesn’t make it any more pleasant; not even any good packing snow this time around. Indeed, we all get grouped as a winter-loving people, but often is when the desire to stay indoors wins the day. But whatever your take on winter, Toronto has you covered. First, for the indoor folk. If you want to see great attractions, go shopping, eat, work out or just get from A to B without stepping outside, don’t forget about the ‘PATH.’ The PATH is the largest underground shopping complex in the world (yes, you read that correctly), linking 30 kilometres of pathways and covering four million square feet of retail space. The PATH started in 1900, when the Eaton Company made the first tunnel linking two of its properties; it has been expanding ever since. The figures are staggering: 35 corporations own parts of the property, which includes 50 linked office towers, 5 accessible subways and over 1000 shops and restaurants. The PATH also connects to some of Toronto’s best-known venues, such as the Air Canada Centre, Rogers Centre and CN Tower. All of this without seeing the light of day and, more importantly, being outside in weather that would make a Martian bundle up. Lastly, for a ‘PATH’ closer to campus,

there is a second underground network underneath Bloor Street. This pathway connects the Holt Renfrew Centre, Cumberland Terrace, the Manulife Centre and two subways. This offers complete access to one of the best shopping districts in North America. Tip: note the PATH’s colour coded ceiling signs to avoid getting lost. Second, for those who would gladly trade a quick stint outside for an entire evening’s entertainment, try Snakes and Lattes—which claims to be North America’s first board game café. Located right next to Bathurst subway station, Snakes and Lattes has thousands of playable games, and employs ‘game gurus’ to help you find the perfect game for your group. A $5 cover fee lets you stay until early the next morning, with lots of food and drinks to keep you going. The catch: seating fills up quickly and tend to stay filled—we know how long those games of Monopoly™ take—so be sure to reserve your spots. And if you’d like the coffee to be a bit more ‘Irish,’ Snakes and Lagers is this café’s newer, alcoholic counterpart. It is located at College and Bathurst and features 19 craft beer taps, along with the same staggering collection of games. For those who don’t mind the longer trek in the cold, two suggestions. If you and a group of 8-11 others feel like testing your wits against the clock, head to Bathurst and Dundas to play the ‘Real Escape Game TO.’ You are trapped in a

Photo by Rona Ghanbari

room, with an hour to decipher the embedded clues and find the hidden key. With a bit of luck, you could be part of the select group (3% of participants) who actually make it out. Even further away, but a guaranteed great time, is Skyzone, self-hailed as the indoor trampoline park. Located North-East (Bayview and Eglinton), the park has offerings such as trampoline dodgeball, fitness classes, and dunkable basketball nets. I could go on, but I probably convinced you at “trampoline dodgeball.” Lastly, for the winter lovers looking to stay outside, what could be better than skating? Although Nathan Phillips Square (next to city hall) and Harbourfront’s Natrel Rink are the

two most popular rinks in the city, a simple search can tell you the nearest ice to you. Other rinks near campus can be found at Ryerson Community Park, Trinity Bellwoods Park and Christie Pits. In the quest to make the most out of winter, Toronto has developed some truly original solutions. It is worth coming out of hibernation to experience these ‘winter-hacks,’ and in the process see how Toronto has something for everyone, in every season.

Valentine’s Day Special Building an Open Relationship TALI GREEN (2L) & LISANA NITHIANANTHAN (2L) IT HAPPENED AGAIN TODAY. I WAS in the middle of dragging myself across campus to my next class, and given the climate conditions, I wasn’t sure whether my fingers were still attached to my body. To add insult to frost bite, I did something I probably should not have done: I looked at you. First longingly…and then in utter despair, I looked at the shell of what you were supposed to be. You stared back at me, naively oblivious in

all your naked glory. They said you would be mine already. Winter 2015 semester, remember? They said you would be mine. Call it a story of unrequited love. I have dreamed about you for so long. So, so long. Dreamed of—a warm companion on a cold winter day. I gazed at pictures of your glorious curves, your bright and airy interior. I stole glimpses of your stylish adornments, your luscious seating areas, and the promise of a non-

Ned’s place to grab processed food. Alas, you have managed to slip through my grasp, semester after semester. After semester. But Valentine’s Day is approaching. This is a time to finally shake off the debris of my crushed expectations. And to construct a new reality— one in which I can be truly happy—without the confines of a monogamous building relationship. 10 REASONS WHY I’M GLAD I’M GETTING TO KNOW OTHER BUILDINGS:

Walking across campus five times a day gives me the exercise I need to stay fit and attractive for any future building pursuits.

And once I’ve actually managed to find the right building (only fifteen minutes late, no biggie), I know I’ll never get bored in what otherwise would have been the same old, same old.

Having to bump into so many paintings of important white men as I fumble around looking for the right room, I know I will become truly acquainted with our University’s illustrious past.

Similarly, moving from building to building is often the only chance I’ll have to experience the sheer joy and wonder of a time machine, as I travel from washrooms of the late 50s to modern cubicles.

Photo by Rona Ghanbari

After finally making it to class, I know the view is going to stay interesting when I have not one, but many buildings to gaze out of and think lovely little thoughts during Admin.

Walking around campus and seeing so many non-law students reminds me of how inordinately intelligent I am—a spike of self-esteem that can be especially useful during exam times.

Having to interact with said non-law students in these varying buildings also teaches me how to speak to laypeople and helps me maintain a foothold in the real world.

After suffering through exams in the buildings like Pharmacy (I still can’t feel my left rib cage) I will always be grateful to U of T Law that I didn’t have to pursue a career in the medical field.

The law is abstract, and so is not having a building. I feel that I now have a better grasp on the intangible.

And lastly but not leastly: never getting attached means no painful goodbyes. Convocation should be a breeze—assuming I make it to the right building in time to graduate.

ultravires.ca

Move from the classroom to the courtroom. If you’ve set your sights on a career in litigation, you want to apply all that you’ve learned so far where it really counts – in court. At Lenczner Slaght, you’ll spend more time preparing and presenting cases, guided by highly respected lawyers who can help you develop and polish your advocacy skills. As Canada’s leading litigation practice, we don’t just offer you more firsthand courtroom experience – we insist on it.

FEATURES

8 | JANUARY 28, 2015

ultravires.ca

Meet Ross, Your New AI-In-Law ALEX CARMONA (2L) A QUINTESSENTIAL LAW STUDENT experience: It’s 8:00 pm on a Wednesday night. You’re tired, hungry, and all you want to do is leave the goddamn Reading Room for that wonderful home-away-from-home otherwise known as Netflix. But you can’t, because you just realized that the line of cases you’ve been following ends with a ratio that unequivocally overturns the last five you’d planned on using for your memo/factum/paper/etc. You have to start your research again, from a different angle. You consider breaking down into tears, but settle for putting your head in your hands for a few minutes—way more dignified. You enter yet another search term into Quicklaw, and receive 946 results. You get the picture—legal research is awful. Worse still, it is what many of us will be spending the majority of our early careers doing. That is, unless your employer also has Ross on the payroll. Ross’s cousin Watson makes a living on game shows and chess tournaments. Ross is more straight-laced—he spends his time learning corporate law, and hopes to score a gig on Bay Street. Ross, as you’ve hopefully guessed by now, isn’t a person. He’s an AI construct, built on a blank iteration of IBM’s Jeopardy!-winning AI Watson, who has been fed a steady diet of Ontario statutes, decisions and legal memos. Ross’ creators, a team of U of T students, created the program to replace more traditional legal search engines such as Quicklaw and

Westlaw. Instead of search algorithms, Ross uses cognitive computing to quickly provide highly specialized readings that directly answer legal question posed to it, along with a handy “confidence” meter. According to Andrew Arruda, a University of Saskatchewan law graduate and the CEO of Ross’s corporate owner, PoweredbyRoss, Ross can answer in seconds legal questions that would take law students and junior lawyers long hours of tedious research. Ross, he proclaimed, is nothing short of an evolution in legal research. “The first evolution with legal research was Quicklaw and Westlaw, by putting books online. I’d say that this is the next step—being able to bring you and sift through that data you now have available in seconds rather than in minutes to hours.” Arruda believes that firms of all sizes will flock to Ross, because charging clients for hours of legal research can prove problematic. “Clients have pushed back on paying for legal research, so it is not something that a lot of clients are participating in. So Ross is an easy sell to firms, big, small or not, because firms cannot charge for that time—they’ll have to underbill it. The advantage for firms is that they can take away from the time that they are not able to bill and put that time toward getting more clients and expanding their business,” Arruda said. According to Jomati Consultants, a Londonbased consulting firm that focuses on the legal

industry, AI like Ross is only the beginning of AI and robotics’ foray into the legal industry. The firm’s recent report Civilisation 2030: The near future for law firms foresees a world where such technology is ubiquitous in the legal sector, and can replace wholesale entire groups of junior lawyers and paralegals who do primarily “knowledge economy work”. “It is no longer unrealistic to consider that workplace robots and their AI processing systems could reach the point of general production by 2030,” the report states. “Eventually each bot would be able to do the work of a dozen low-level associates. They would not get tired. They would not seek advancement. They would not ask for pay rises. Process legal work would rapidly descend in cost.” Such a rise in the use of AI would radically change the careers prospects of young lawyers, as firms would require far fewer associates to churn through the same amount of work. While young lawyers are already viewed by employers primarily as investments, rather than profitgenerators, every additional associate hired would be far more costly to firms in this new economic model. “The number of associates that firms need to hire will be greatly reduced, at least if the intention is to use junior lawyers for billable work rather than primarily to educate and train them ready to become business winners. Firms will struggle to overcome this gap in the

usual career paths of their lawyers. I.e. firms need to hire young lawyers to become the next client winners, but they will be far less profitable at the start of their careers when knowledge bots take over most work up to 3 PQE,” the report predicts.

WE’RE NOT JUST LOOKING FOR EXCEPTIONAL LAWYERS, WE’RE LOOKING FOR EXCEPTIONAL PEOPLE. Within our firm you’ll find lawyers who’ve closed billion-dollar deals, represented Prime Ministers and argued precedent-setting cases before the Supreme Court. You’ll also discover adventurers, marathoners and humanitarians. Every year, through our summer and articling programs, we seek out students who, like us, have both a passion for legal success and a desire to push themselves to their limit. To read our lawyers’ profiles and see if BLG is right for you, visit blg.com/student

blg.com

FEATURES

ultravires.ca

JANUARY 28, 2015 | 9

First Semester of 1L, a Post-mortem RONA GHANBARI (1L) FIRST DAY. WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR? THIS ISN’T undergrad anymore, so definitely no more sweat pants. Are people going to be wearing suits? Should I wear business clothes? Crap, do I even own business clothes? Wait, what if everyone else is dressed normal and I show up in a pants suit and I’m the weirdo wearing a pants suit on the first day of school. Wait, wait, where am I even supposed to go? I really should have looked this up last week. What if I can’t find my classes and the Professor decides to make an example of me like in all those movies. People will think I’m an idiot. What if everyone is super mean and smart and cold and I make zero friends and have to eat lunch sitting on the toilet in the girl’s bathroom like Cady Heron. I should definitely watch Mean Girls when I get home. Cool, I just wasted 15 solid minutes of time I could have spent getting ready staring blankly at this wall and having a conversation to myself. Great start Rona, great start. Now that first semester is over, it’s odd to look back and think about how quickly it passed by. It seemed like I went directly from “still confused about where my classes are” to “oh crap it’s exams” and “what exactly is a map and how do I make one that makes an ounce of sense?” Between deciding what extra curriculars to get involved with, and trying to balance my Netflix binge watching regimen with actually doing my readings so that I don’t get absolutely owned by a cold call in Niblett’s class (which much to my despair happened anyways), I somehow completed an entire semester of law school. But the toughest part of 1L first semester wasn’t the volume of reading, or the cold calling, or even the assignments. The

toughest part of 1L was the blow to my ego. It was accepting the fact that I wasn’t going to be “the smart kid” anymore. Every person surrounding me was the smart kid. Some have way more life experience; many have had incredible jobs and interesting backgrounds. Here I am thinking I’m an accomplished and intelligent young woman, when the person sitting to my right casually just told me they worked for the United Nations in some remote city that I’ve never even heard of, and now all I’m thinking is that I need to brush up on my geography and stop being so ignorant. At the risk of sounding nauseatingly cheesy, I’m going to share with you the main thing I had to remind myself to make it through first semester unscathed. As difficult it is to accept that you might not a top student anymore, there’s something wonderful about realizing that you were chosen to be here, among all these incredibly accomplished and intelligent individuals. That somehow, something in you earned you your spot here. Most importantly, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being “average” at law school, because the average among us is exceptional. So here’s to 1L. Here’s to panicking about assignments that don’t have all of the parameters explicitly spoon fed to you. To not quite knowing what the best way to study is yet. To staying up late catching up on readings. To getting cold called and not knowing the answer. To being unreasonably stressed when you fall a little behind. To going to every pub night because you don’t want to miss out on anything hilarious that happens. To going to no pub nights because you’ve started a new TV series and it just wouldn’t be right to not

finish. To thinking your prof is super good looking. To thinking your prof is super scary. To making new friends, to feeling humbled, and to feeling excited that you’ve learned enough in just one semester to look over your friend’s lease and spot what provisions are unenforceable. Now let’s hope second semester goes a little more smoothly.

Join Blakes

Your adventure starts here. MONTRÉAL OTTAWA *Associated Office

TORONTO

CALGARY

VANCOUVER

NEW YORK

LONDON

BAHRAIN

AL-KHOBAR* BEIJING SHANGHAI* Blake, Cassels & Graydon LLP | joinblakes.com

OPINIONS

10 | JANUARY 28, 2015

ultravires.ca

Job Interviewers Suck At Their Jobs DAVID PARDY (3L) MY OPINION IS THAT BEHAVIORAL JOB INTERVIEWS (like OCI’s) suck. I don’t mean that I hate doing them (I’ve even enjoyed some!), but the whole idea of interviews is biased and archaic and they produce bad results. Like, actually, there’s no correlation between interview and job performance. The general idea is that applicants who land interviews are qualified enough for the jobs they apply for, and the firm uses the interview as a mechanism to assess whether applicants are compatible with the organization’s culture. Okay, let’s stop right there. Can an interviewer really judge applicants accurately? People unconsciously make judgments about others all the time. Researchers have even documented thse biases. For instance, the “first impression” bias, based on a cursory glance of a resume and an applicant’s physical appearance, creates shallow opinions about applicants off the bat

that colour the entire interview. Another one, the “ just like me” bias, makes interviewers favour applicants who are similar to them—in gender, height, race, fashion, sexuality, or what university they went to. None of that is relevant to a job. The issue with these biases is that they happen unless interviewers undertake significant efforts to overcome them. It’s true that more sophisticated recruiters (like most law firms) interview in pairs to mitigate these risks, but it doesn’t solve the problem by any count. Even then, can interviewers accurately distill what their company’s culture or core value statement even is? Let’s take a step back. Good companies are often founded on principles (“core values”) that are meant to guide and motivate employees. For instance, I value innovation, being energetic, having fun, overcoming challenges, and having some time off (Sacré

Word on the Street 1. What would be your ideal pub night location? 2. What’s your cure for the winter sads?

QUINN KEENAN (1L)

DAVID PARDY (3L)

SAM KEEN (1L)

CRISTINA VOICU (1L)

1. Dog and Bear 2. Playing with cats

1. My bed 2. Masturbate furiously

1. In a church 2. Vitamin D and drinking

1. Clinton’s 2. Songza playlists

HARRISON CRUIKSHANK (2L)

GLEDIS RADA (2L)

PETER GEORGAS (3L)

JAKE JG (2L)

1. Trinity Bellwoods Park, or the Hamilton Museum of Steam and Technology 2. I don’t, I just succumb

1. Any all you can drink venue 2. Spend too much time in bed watching movies. Hello Netflix!

1. Annex Wreckroom. RIP 2. You have to go back to the basics; I live across the street from an LCBO and we live in a time when episodes of Doug are readily available on the internet.

1. The pizza pizza at Queen and Bathurst 2. The pizza pizza at Yonge and Cumberland

MADDIE HASS (2L) 1. somewhere with a rooftop patio. There’s just something about drinking outside that makes the experience better. Props if there’s a resident pub cat that chills with the bar patrons. 2. Winter sads? In Toronto? Clearly you’ve never been to the prairies…

Raptors interview spineless 2L at last year’s Law Follies

bleu, I admitted it! Goodbye, employability! …. No, but seriously, companies should respect their people). If I founded a company I would like these ideas to guide the business in a very tangible way; I would design practices that help employees be creative and determined (innovative). Ryan Tinney, on the other hand, might prioritize the collective good because he’s a communist, and Alex Carmona might prioritize profits above all else because he’s a greedy capitalist pig! ( Just kidding. Hey, Alex!) Anyways, employees should share the values of their respective businesses. This is important to help employees achieve cognitive consonance, and to create a positive culture in the organization. But people (interviewers) tend to promote their own values instead of others’ (their founders’). It’s extremely difficult to internalize values that don’t reflect one’s true identity, or to perceive that an applicant shares those values, or to reward them for it. So (1) interviewers are only people and people make inaccurate judgments about other people, (2) interviewers imperfectly understand their company’s culture, and culture is important, and thus (3) interviewers will likely do a bad job in matching candidates to their company’s culture, and that’s important. So the whole point of the interview is compromised by the very interview mechanism. You had one job, job interview! Whatever, let’s just assume that the interview system isn’t self-defeating. Still, the interview is a contrived, stressful situation in which applicants are incentivized to lie and hide their opinions and personalities. What will you say when the associate asks. “The job comes with some truly mind-numbing tasks, do you mind that?” Lie, “No, not at all!” and you take one step further towards a salary and social affirmation. You might think that the actual instances of rewarding liars might be few in practice, but applicants almost always obscure the truth to conform to “professional” standards of conduct—conduct that differs from their true personalities. This is equally bad—it generates cognitive dissonance in the applicant through the “impostor syndrome”, in which they feel they truly don’t belong in the workplace because they obscured their identity to get the job in the first place. And when applicants don’t have to put on a façade to appear professional? Great, they’re naturally drones. Law firms might say, “Well, we want our lawyers to exhibit professional conduct so as to not offend our clients in any way. We use the interview to test that scenario.” Uhh, is that really the point of the interview? I would think that the best lawyers for the firm are the ones who generate the most profit for the partnership by bringing in the most work. They can do this through producing the best quality work, and by being social— making friends with clients who want that. Where does being a boring, suited professional fit into that? The bottom line is that interviews are a poor way to rank applicants. Of course, that’s not to say that good people don’t get hired. They often do, though I would say it’s due to a sequence of random events and the value-alignment scheme is lost in the process. So why put applicants through this shitty process in the first place? What other choice is there, David? Glad you asked! There is this fun new thing called “technology” that might lend a hand. OkCupid has a very high success rate for matching people who fall in love. Matching job applicants to companies is far easier than that—I’d really like to see such a data-driven solution to the problem, at least as a preliminary sorting mechanism before meeting in person. Or just use technical interviews. Or do nothing at all and rely on transcripts. At least then you’ll take the completely random element out of the hiring process. Behavioural interviews suck.

OPINIONS

ultravires.ca

JANUARY 28, 2015 | 11

Point | Counterpoint Law School Enters the Computer Age MARITA ZOURAVLIOFF (3L) & JACQUIE RICHARDS (4L)

POINT: THE ADVENT OF THE COMPUTER HAS RUINED THE LEARNING OF THE LAWS

COUNTERPOINT: ALL HAIL THE COMPUTER

There was a time, a beautiful, simpler, pure time, where students treated the law with the respect it demands. Both adoring and fearful, the students of yesteryear revered their noble profession enough to pursue it through booklearning. There was none of this Westlaw malarkey. The painstaking search it took to locate even a single piece of jurisprudence proved the student’s love and undying devotion to the law. Entrants to law school thought admiringly of their heroes—FDR, Irving, Lincoln—and were thrilled and honoured to join the throngs of white men that came before them. They passed through the doors of the university prepared with their fine leather satchel, brimming with parchment and ink pots. For there were no evil machines to distract and corrupt the soul. It was just you and the law; mano e mano. In the olden days, this proud school's pupils actually read cases because casebrief.wikia didn't exist. There was a single set of excellent upper year maps and people would duel to the death for them. Any time an edit had to be made, a person would sit and copy out the

Knowledge is power. Where once only the strong, the swift, the white balding man and pirates had access to the marvelous power that is knowledge of Admiralty law, the legal constructs currently binding trade in the high seas (as well as all four Pirates of the Caribbean movies) are now accessible to future sea captains from all walks of life, and even to people from Wisconsin! This power exists because people can access near unlimited information on their computers. Thanks to our robotic overlords and the inter-web, humanity now can choose to increase its understanding of nearly anything with the click of a button, and with this power we can be better lawyers and better people, all without putting on pants. With computers, we can Google case law summaries from our phones, choose to absolutely never watch the *progress* on the new building live on webcam and immediately share our newfound understanding of dogs learning to walk in

snow boots or crossfit with nearly everyone we know on social media whether they want this knowledge or not. What’s more, in the distant future, like say six months from now, when global warming and “Say Yes to the Dress” implodes our planet and sends our race plummeting through space in a desperate struggle to survive, humans will press on solely by merging with machines and becoming Google and Apple branded cybertronic time lords who live in climate controlled space ships while we populate new planets with new law buildings [eventually] and teach alien species the absolute necessity of consideration when drafting contracts. If we kept struggling over our inkpots and textbooks, the human race would be doomed and we would surely deserve it. The universe doesn’t need a bunch of nostalgic, book-obsessed purists. F*cking THANKS, computers. Thanks for SAVING US ALL.

the school’s significantly higher fees are affecting diversity and the quality of the student body. Iacobucci sees endowment revenue as a means to mitigate lower net tuition income (fees minus aid), as the school tries to grow its value proposition. Given the building campaign only just ended, Iacobucci was sensitive to how potential donors may respond. “It is something we have to be careful with in our timing,” said Iacobucci, “But, there are also opportunities to appeal

to certain and individual supporters." As he expressed it, “There is no better spokespeople for student financial aid than students themselves."

summary in its entirety to append whatever the incremental change was. This was widely regarded as character building and an excellent opportunity to practise your calligraphy. When you imbibed a tad too heartily at the pub on Thursday's evenings, there was no reprieve in Netflix the next day. You would rise from bed, struggle through your daily calisthenics, and smoke your pipe on your porch while you ruminated over the sins you had committed the night before. Now you heathens coast through your studies, spending more time on lifeinbiglaw than your readings. On facebook, you ungrateful whiners complain relentlessly, while posting strange photos of your peers with nonsensical captions in bold white font. Obviously, you are all suffering from computer-induced brain rot. Unsurprisingly, they hypothesize that computers will replace lawyers all together in a few years. Look what you’ve done, computer-enthusiasts! I hope you’re happy.

FIRST COUNCIL MEETING FOR NEW DEAN Continued from page 1 islature, just across the street." And more importantly "what is our place in this global legal academy?" Lastly, Iacobucci laid out his vision for the law school’s next fundraising campaign. Building on his previous commitment that accessibility would be his prime concern, Iacobucci wants the advancement priority to "transition from the building to student financial aid.” As such, Iacobucci wants to focus on making law school more affordable to those from all

backgrounds, especially as applications are plummeting province-wide. “We are not the institution we see ourselves to be—from all walks of life—and once you leave this school we want to give you the opportunities to go out and do that—change the world.” The new vision for student aid comes as demand for U of T Law has waned as tuition fees continue to climb ever higher. Applications are still well below the 2010 peak and much lower than peer schools, with many worrying how

12 | JANUARY 28, 2015

OPINIONS/DIVERSIONS

ultravires.ca

Columbia Right to Allow Students to Defer Exams Following Trauma of Eric Garner Decision NATHANIEL RATTANSEY (1L) LAST YEAR WHILE MANY OF US WERE studying the finer aspects of easements and promissory estoppel, Columbia Law School—along with Harvard and Georgetown—decided to allow students the option of postponing their exams for those who were traumatized as a result of the controversial Eric Garner and Mike Brown grand jury decisions. The initial request to postpone exams was brought to the dean by the Student Coalition as a part of a larger demand for the school to recognize the detrimental impacts the decision had on the student body. At the heart of this demand, many students felt overwhelmingly preoccupied with marches and protests and thus could not focus on their upcoming finals. Members of the Coalition also felt “legal violence” had been done to Garner and were unsatisfied with the response (or lack thereof) from the administration in reaching out to affected students. I have to admit my initial knee-jerk reaction was disbelief at how the administration allowed such a move. While I had casually been following the Garner story, I didn’t think the decision was so bad as to warrant providing the option to postpone exams for students. However, further exploration into the issue offered me a more nuanced perspective (surprise, surprise, not everything in life is black and white). Certainly if one were to just go by the sensation-

alist headlines of students postponing exams or the disparaging comments made on the blogosphere that question the “toughness” of Columbia law students, it becomes very easy to scoff and dismiss the value behind the school’s decision. Many see the administration as simply coddling the students—the students should be left alone to develop a thicker skin. Some members in the legal profession believe that as future lawyers these students will have to deal with similar types of unsettling cases not uncommon in the profession. Other cynics criticize the students as pretentious and privileged, and frame them as a looking for a free pass to escape exam duties. Probably for the casual observer the Garner decision was just another unfortunate story in the media cycle—and an unfortunate outcome in the justice system (after all, Lady Justice is blind and sometimes she gets it wrong). But for many this is not just another sad news story; such simplistic explanations and arguments against the policy ignore the deep historical and political trajectory of race relations in the United States. The Eric Garner case represents the tipping point in a series of high-profile, controversial cases that have occurred over the last year (the Zimmerman and Michael Brown incidents are all too fresh). I do not think that these types of cases can be chalked up to some trivial event in the lives of Columbia

minority students. For many, the decision—especially in its implications on police-citizen relations—reinforces their notion that the “system” is vehemently against them. I think it should be stressed that many of the students who wanted to make use of the policy were doing so to participate in protests and marches to make their frustrations and disappointment with the current state of affairs heard. Critics like Professor Rudenstine at the Cardozo School of Law questioned the student protests citing other national tragedies, for instance the lack of student outcry back when JFK was assassinated. However, the Garner decision is different type of national tragedy. It reflects what many believe is an ongoing national tragedy, and serves as a damning indictment of scholars who believe that America has moved towards a post-racial society. Along with the option to postpone exams, Columbia also made professors available to talk with students about their concerns and anxieties, made a counsellor available, and held a forum to discuss the implications of the case. It remains to be seen what would happen in future controversial decisions—if there is another Eric Garner-like decision that captivates a national audience and disturbs the sensitivities of students at law schools in the United States. The letter, written by the Coalition Students of

Colour to the administration, mentioned the policy as one of the ways “black and brown” students can feel welcome on campus. Without resorting to other colours of the rainbow, I ask: what about students from other cultural and ethnic groups? What kind of events in the public realm would justify the law school once again coming out and sympathizing with students? With Columbia Law School accommodating the concerns of the Coalition it has clearly recognized (privileged?) a certain type of “national tragedy” that demands support from the administration. Let us be clear: there are lots of unsettling events that make the news cycle both locally and internationally. Maybe these events have to strike a certain chord not only among students but across the nation. Given the debate surrounding Columbia’s decision to postpone exams, a more interesting question is whether such accommodations would ever be approved here at the University of Toronto, Faculty of Law. Historically it’s hard to find a Garner or Mike Brown equivalent that reached a certain critical mass across the nation. However, if a certain situation comes along that requires action, a voice, a protest, a march—maybe exams can wait. Postponing exams doesn’t necessarily equate to escaping the obligations of life; it just means making the time to take a stand.

Diary of a Student Who Had Financial Aid App Rejected October 9th, 2014 Dear Diary, It’s me again. I made it through the day. I swear I must have said "I'm fine" close to 100 times. But I never meant it. Not once. Not that anyone noticed, I mean…when anyone asks how you are doing, they’re not really asking how you are. They don’t want to know that my meals have consisted entirely of three pseudo-food groups: Mr. Noodles Cups, Mac and Chees, and coffee. Yes, coffee is a food group. It is to me, at least. When people ask you how you are, they don’t want to hear how much it sucks that your financial aid application was rejected. They don’t want to hear that you cut out breakfast from your budget. That you only shower at non-peak times to avoid the high cost of the hydro bill. They don’t want to know that you organize your extracurriculars based on where free food is being served. They don’t want to know that the deciding factor for you will always be the cost.

At least the massage during exams was free. Although it could have been longer… And I definitely wouldn’t mind having that during the school year. Why don’t they offer that during the whole school year? It’s as if the school thinks students only get stressed during that stage in the semester. Like, hello. Anyways, I gotta admit, as much as I love free food, I’m starting to resent the pizza, sandwiches, and wraps that are the preferred items at the law school. Whatever happened to variety? How about some burgers or pasta? And dessert. Just speaking about this variety welcomes an unwanted guest to the table: my grumbling stomach. I can even almost taste them….*drools* Guess I shouldn’t complain though, free food is FREE. I’m even cutting back on the complaining, which has done wonders for my outlook on life. Okay, well maybe not entirely…but it’s okay, it’s only happened like 5 times last week. Progress, I know. I’m doing much better. God, I wish I had some financial aid. But it’s okay. I’m fine.

But that’s okay. Because I’m okay. I’m fine. And it’s not that bad. And I don’t even miss that early morning meal. I never liked breakfast anyways. Really. Besides, at the beginning of the month, there’s always bagels and fruit at Mayo’s Muffin Madness Iacobucci’s Fiduciary Snack Duty. And it’s actually helping with my fitness regime. I can’t be tempted to binge on snacks and such in between meals because…well I just can’t splurge like that. I’ve never been healthier in my life, I swear. I even contemplated signing up for that yoga at the law school. That counts for something right? I mean, I would have signed up but it cost like sixty bucks and who has that kind of money lying around? NOT me. But really??? The school can’t even offer that for free?

It’s only 332 days until the next cycle to apply for financial aid. I’m going to take it one day at a time. Til next time, Summer Cohen

DIVERSIONS

ultravires.ca

JANUARY 28, 2015 | 13

Chicken Soup for the Law Student’s Soul YALE HERTZMAN (3L) PHOTOGRAPH BY ZACH HERTZMAN YOU MAY BE FAMILIAR WITH CHICKEN SOUP. Chicken soup is made by taking a chicken, plopping it in a big pot of water, and simmering it for hours with vegetables, herbs, and spices. The result: a rich, golden broth that is so much better than a can of Campbell’s. Despite what your mother may have told you, no two chicken soups are alike. There are many different adaptations of chicken soup, from household to household, country to country. In Bulgaria, for example, chicken soup is made by adding a mixture of yogurt and eggs to increase the density of the soup, and is topped with parsley and lemon. In Italy, chicken soup typically contains pasta, not surprisingly. In my house, chicken soup has always been served the same way. My mom makes it with carrots, celery, dill, onions, cabbage, and of course, chicken. Here is my family recipe.

SUPPLIES: • 1 very large pot • Strainer • Large bowl • Tongs • A skimmer or a large spoon INGREDIENTS: • 1 large chicken or chicken parts (thighs, breasts and legs)—I usually use a whole chicken. If using a whole chicken, tell the butcher you are buying it for soup and ask for the chicken to be cut up into parts. • 5 carrots, peeled and halved • 4 stalks of celery, halved • 2 parsnips, peeled and halved • 1 large onion (or two small onions), peeled and halved • 10 cloves of garlic, peeled • ¼ head of cabbage • 1 knob of ginger, peeled • Handful of dill • 1-2 bay leaves • Salt • Whole black peppercorns • Turmeric powder (optional) STEPS (TOTAL TIME: 1.5HR) 1. Place the chicken in a large pot and fill with cold water, enough to cover the chicken. Bring to boil, uncovered. 2. While waiting for the pot to boil, prepare the carrots, parsnip, celery, onion, garlic, and ginger. 3. While the soup is coming to a boil, skim the fat that rises to the surface using a skimmer or a large spoon. Discard the fat in a separate bowl.

4. Once the pot has boiled and fat is skimmed, add the following seasoning: • 1 tbsp salt—You can increase the amount later depending on your taste. • 12 whole black peppercorns • 1-2 bay leaves • ¼ tsp of turmeric powder—Optional, but adds great colour and flavour. 5. Bring pot to boil again. 6. Once pot has come to a boil, simmer partially covered for 1 hour, or until chicken is cooked through. In the last 10 minutes, add the dill. 7. Taste the soup and adjust seasonings, if necessary. 8. Using a pair of tongs, remove the chicken and vegetables from the soup. Cut up the chicken and carrots on a separate plate. Dispose of the spices, herbs, garlic, cabbage, and onions. Ensure that you have removed the bay leaves, as they are inedible. 9. Place a strainer over a large bowl. Strain the rest of the soup, separating the broth from remaining vegetables and spices. 10. Combine the chicken, carrots, and broth in the pot. Heat, and serve. Top with fresh ground pepper and more dill.

If you are not eating the soup immediately, refrigerate in a jar or container. As the soup cools, a layer of fat will rise to the top. Skim off the fat before serving.

Cassels Brock 2014/2015 season

Ultra Vires student ad “Doodle - School Kid” 2015 quarter page portrait, b&w

Contact: Heather Murray hmurray@casselsbrock.com 416 869 5782 - fax 416 642 7137

Please PRINT a hard copy of the file and either FAX it or SCAN and EMAIL it back to me, thanks!

14 | JANUARY 28, 2015

DIVERSIONS

ultravires.ca

The Who’s Who of the Fictional Lawyer World LISANA NITHIANANTHAN (2L) AS A LAW STUDENT, MANY ARE THE instances where you run into a mere commoner (i.e. a non-law school individual) who asks where your life is like [insert any law-related show on TV]. The sheer frequency of this question is the inspiration for this piece. In a legal bind, which fictional lawyer would I want representing me? Which fictional lawyer is likely to get disbarred? Which fictional lawyer is barely a lawyer at all? I undertook to do a highly academic study on the differences between the fictional portrayal and the actual practice of law…but that didn’t really work out. So instead you have this fun list detailing who you should hire and why (or why not).

ALICIA FORRICK (THE GOOD WIFE)

Quote: “If you're committed enough, you can make any story work. I once told a woman I was Kevin Costner, and it worked because I believed it.”

MAURY LEVY (THE WIRE)

Why You Should Hire Him: Saul has experience as a former criminal lawyer and the former principal attorney of Saul Goodman & Associates. Saul’s a pretty well-connected man in the criminal underworld. You never have to worry about safety because Saul has his own personal henchman. His wardrobe will be the most colourful part of your day. Plus his one-liners are unbeatable. Why You Shouldn’t: Saul’s a well-connected man in the criminal underworld. Saul’s also committed his fair share of criminal activity, helping launder drugs and cover up incriminating evidence. So, maybe don’t call Saul…

LIONEL HUTZ (THE SIMPSONS)

JESSICA PEARSON (SUITS)

Quote: “Don't worry, I'm not going to divorce you. You're too valuable to me professionally, just like I am to you.”

Quote: “You are amoral, are you not? You are feeding off the violence and the despair of the drug trade. You are stealing from those who themselves are stealing the lifeblood from our city. You are a parasite.”

Why You Should Hire Her: Alicia graduated at the top of her law class at Georgetown University and as a junior associate she’s had the highest number of billable hours for any associate at Crozier, Abrams & Abbott. Alicia is grace under fire, having to deal with the scandal surrounding her husband, two children, and returning to practice law. She’s bold enough to go against her ex to start a law firm of her own. She’s rarely fazed and always careful with her choice of words.

Quote: “The state bar forbids me from promising you a big cash settlement. But just between you and me, I promise you a big cash settlement.” Why you should hire him: Lionel claims he graduated from Princeton School of Law (although Princeton hasn't had a law school since 1852). His firm, I Can’t Believe It’s a Law Firm!, is conveniently located at the mall right next to a yogurt shack. He offers shoe repair and real estate services. Lionel has extensive experience working in Springfield and works on contingency. Why You Shouldn’t: a recovering alcoholic known to be drinking scotch as early as 9:30 am, Lionel is potentially also a drug dealer. He’s a speedy ambulance-chaser who’s had to change his name. Twice. Becoming Miguel Sanchez and subsequently Dr. Nguyen Van Phuoc, hinting at more legal troubles. Lionel loses almost all of his cases.

Why You Shouldn’t: She has political ambitions and may be preoccupied by that. She’s not against manipulating the public, arranging a conjugal visit with her imprisoned husband as a PR move. SAUL GOODMAN (BREAKING BAD AND THE FORTHCOMING BETTER CALL SAUL)

Why You Should Hire Him: A highly skilled defence attorney, Maury excels at finding loopholes in the system to reduce sentences or eliminate charges for his guilty clients. Maury knows how to deal with the Baltimore PD and is wellconnected in the drug world.

Quote: “I put you out once. When I beat you this time, they’re going to have to peel you off the wall.”

Why You Shouldn’t: Maury is as corrupt as the system he works in. He has no principle when it comes to clients, willing to defend anyone who can pay him. Maury is on retainer with a drug-trafficking organization and frequently advises the organization on how to avoid investigations and jail time. PATTY HEWES, (DAMAGES)

Why You Should Hire Her: Jessica is a Harvard grad and the managing partner of Pearson Specter, a position she worked hard to earn. She forced two different managing partners out of the position before claiming it. There’s perhaps nothing she holds dearer than her firm, and she will let nothing harm it. While she may appear cold-hearted and distant, this is usually only to protect the firm (i.e. firing Louis Litt). Fiercely loyal to those who are loyal to her, like protégé Harvey, Jessica is a force to be reckoned with (and probably the only person who can outwit Mr. Specter). She doesn’t respond to threats, she makes them. Upon learning that a former boss only hired her because she fulfilled the diversity quota, she uses her success to prove she is more than just a token. Why You Shouldn’t: Jessica is involved in the fraud committed by Mike and collaborated by Harvey (although she is less than impressed with the situation). If it’s you or the firm, she’ll probably choose the firm. Every time.

Quote: “Did I ever tell you why I became a lawyer, Ray? I thought I could change the world. Silly, huh?” Why You Should Hire Her: A renowned litigator and founding partner at Hewes and Associates, Patty’s abusive childhood has made her hate bullies, especially in the form

ultravires.ca

of CEOs and other corrupt men who misuse their positions of power. Patty has a very keen sense of justice and is prepared to do whatever is needed for a win, including convincing someone to throw a deposition and having an affair.

DIVERSIONS

JACK McCOY (LAW& ORDER)

Quote: “Why is your penis on a dead girl's phone?”. Why You Should Hire Her: As both a criminal law professor at a prestigious university and a high-profile criminal defense attorney, Annalise not only knows the law but she knows how to use it. Annalise takes no shit from anyone. She’s ruthless in the courtroom and pretty much everywhere else.

Why You Shouldn’t: Patty is proof that female attorneys can be cold-blooded. She often manipulates those around her, most evident when she needs a witness and takes on Ellen Parsons under the guise of hiring her (although eventually she sees Ellen as her protégé). Patty practices law in a rather unorthodox manner. OLIVIA POPE (SCANDAL) Quote: “I am very good at what I do. I am better at it than anybody else.”

Quote: “The Constitution should be used less as a shield for the guilty and more as word for their innocent victims.”

Why You Shouldn’t: She’s hired five 1Ls to mentor, and these mentees have extremely unconventional and highly unethical means of getting the job done. She goes to great lengths to win in court, this includes embarrassing and forcing Detective Nate, her partner in extramarital affair, to lie on the stand. Annalise is a bit of a snoop and has no qualms about going through your phone. She’s calculating and does not hesitate to use emotions to manipulate. She’s also heavily involved in the murder case of a student at her school (read: covering up for her husband Sam)

JANUARY 28, 2015 | 15

Why You Should Not: Despite his unwavering loyalty, Harvey lies to his friend and partner -Jessica to hire a former-law-school-kickout-turned-drug-dealer by the name of Mike Ross. A hire that repeatedly puts the firm and Specter and Pearson’s ability to practice on the line. Not only that, Harvey goes to great lengths to help Mike cover up his fraud. When they finally manage to get the ticking time bomb that is Mike out of their firm, Specter orchestrates it so he ends back up at the firm. While he proves that he is not a soulless corporate lawyer, Harvey puts the firm on the line. Again. SANDY COHEN (THE O.C.)

HARVEY SPECTER (SUITS)

Why You Should Hire Him: A graduate of NYU law school, Jack is very experienced, he started as an Assistant District Attorney for Manhattan before becoming the DA. Jack has a sincere desire to see that justice is served.

Why You Should Hire Her: highly educated, with a Political Science degree from Princeton and a law degree from Georgetown Law, Liv is often the smartest person in the room. Even if that room is the White House. Based in Washington, Liv is a fixer. She runs Olivia Pope & Associates to handle the many political scandals and personal crises in the capital. Liv is well-connected, well-dressed, and likes to wear her white hat (i.e. work for the good guys). If you have a problem, Liv will handle it. Why You Shouldn’t: Liv is surrounded by scandal and drama. She’s involved in politics… and the president…and a CIA officer… Plus, her mother is an international conwoman. So she has a lot going on in her messy personal life, and it’s a bit of a safety issue too. Plus, she has associates that she more or less allows a limited license to kill. She’s notorious for covering up huge crimes. She may also be addicted to wine. And she’s fixed the election of the POTUS.

Why You Shouldn’t: Jack is known to go rogue. When charges fail to stick, Jack frequently finds his own way to make them stick. This includes charging innocent people to frighten them into testifying against the real culprits. Jack’s also notorious for mocking the witness in court, which definitely can’t help your case. Plus, his unorthodox actions often end with a contempt of court charge, which definitely won’t help your case.

Quote: “A good cause? Poor odds? A chance to ruffle some Newpsie feathers? How could I say no?”

ANNALISE KEATING (HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER)

Quote: “I refuse to answer that on the grounds that I don't want to”. Why you should hire him: He’s the best closer in New York City, a Harvard grad, and a name partner at Pearson Specter. Harvey is charming, confident, and witty. He works hard and plays hard at being the super successful corporate lawyer, going to almost any length to win his cases. But Harvey has humble and noble beginnings. While he was working in the mailroom of Gordon Schmidt Van Dyke, Harvey came across a filing backdated by an associate who had missed the filing initially. Harvey reported it to Jessica Pearson and announced that if the firm did not declare misconduct, he would report them to the District Attorney. His boldness and noble nature impressed her so much she paid for him to go to law school.

Why You Should Hire Him: a Berkeley alum and a professor of law, Sandy is a public defender. Even when he sells out for a bigger paycheck, he does it so he can do more probono work. How heartwarming is that? Plus, Sandy takes a client home and basically adopts him as his own son. Sandy’s an empathetic and passionate family man. He fights for the little guy. What’s not to love? Why You Shouldn’t: Please refer to above comments. Aka, no reason not to hire Sandy.

DIVERSIONS

16 | JANUARY 28, 2015

Lawl Comics A FRIEND OF UV HENS REA

CACTUS REUS

ultravires.ca

Professor Celebrity Look-A-Like of the Month

vs. PROFESSOR ARNOLD WEINRIB (image from www.law.utoronto.ca)

ROB REINER (image from www.hollywoodreporter.com)