Me, You, & the Missing Elephant Written & Illustrated by Lena Yang
For thoughts that go unshared & words that go unheard.
Thank you to all the faculty & friends that helped me through this whirlwind. A special thank you to Jennifer Metsker for teaching me how to express myself in written word and for bringing unpredicted laughter during difficult times.
What Don’t fret When the grandmothers pinch your cheeks and call you chubby Don’t cry Because that’ll just make your eyes puffier Than they already are Don’t mind When they say you’re pretty for an Asian Don’t listen When she says you’re just not All-American Don’t hesitate When they ask What are you?
The Never-Ending Maze The mirror reminds me everyday That I’m not doing enough Hurry up! Get going! I feel a pinch around my neck If I sleep soon, I can ignore it I lay in bed, but the pillow whispers Too many things I don’t want to hear They take me through The many streets I’ve been down before I stare at the wall and in the dark, the room grows infinitely and my body feels lost in space. The weight around my neck finally pulls me in And it’s quiet at last I’m proud of you The words ring in my ears I savor it
Woodchips Running through the playground Little feet kicking up the wood chips One boy looks at me Pulling his eyes upwards, he asks me Which eyes are mine Pulling them down He asks which eyes are mine Pulling them sideways Nervous, I laugh I tell him to stop He laughs it off and runs away We keep playing until recess is over The bell rings and we run to the doors I feel a woodchip in my right shoe It splinters as I walk inside.
Sticks and Stones There is no elephant in the room Because we have nothing to talk about. The absence screams Overwhelming in its emptiness I turn to you But you’re looking down. Wood. Soft and worn. Curved to fit your back Creaking as if to complain of all the time that’s past. The wood is smooth under my skin. I trace my fingers on the faded lines, One... two... How much time has past? Three... Four... I keep going Waiting for the moment a splinter will finally prick my skin
Jump In Grainy cube of salted powder Plop! Dissolving, swirling Chicken stock fills the warm wooden room Cupboards open and close Silverware dancing in the drawers A napkin for everyone, on top A spoon and pair of chopsticks The first beer on the table for grandpa Two more waiting in the queue Little hands of grandchildren Gently pour Make sure the bubbles don’t overflow A nod from grandpa As the cold beer fills to the top Bubbling, the fishballs Bob up and down The boiling hot pot and the noise of the tv Two polite nods & five minutes of small talk, The mesh ladle finally makes its first catch
Unwilling You smile, A mask too thin to conceal anything, Underneath your weathered face. Tiredness in your eyes Exhaustion in your smile Your skin Tight and unwilling against your bones A puppeteer Pulling weak strings That fight gravity Stay down, it whispers You give up Slow steps Up the stairs Creaking beneath each weighted step Dishes left by the sink Piling up on grime Inviting the flies who listen to Your tired thoughts
If you’re not first you’re last Furrowed brows, I didn’t ask. A knock on the door, No one answers. Stay still. How do you climb the stairs again? Leg up, push, go I tripped. I can’t tell which way is up or down now A maze Of what, I can’t make out The pills are still there So I guess she didn’t take them Should I? Thoughts fly and spin They have too much energy today I lay down but The room keeps spinning I squeeze my eyes shut and when I open them I don’t recognize what room I’m in and I can’t recognize the person who’s asking me if I’m ok
Hello! Hugs and I love you’s A shining spotlight Too bright in my eyes Too hot on my skin A bead of sweat rolls down the side of my face It’s hard to see who’s in front of me You ask me a question And there is a correct answer. My mouth opens for a moment But my lips close again I look at you with wide eyes And your mouth moves But my heartbeat is louder than you And it’s stuck in my throat