Mission of the UMR-ACUHO Magazine The Communications Committee provides the UMR-ACUHO membership with an opportunity for information-sharing, professional dialogue, and a forum for ideas to increase knowledge, wisdom, and excellence in our field.
Committee Members
Chair Note Hello again, UMR-ACUHO! I hope you had a chance to take a break and enjoy the holidays over the past few months.
Adam Neveau
Peru State College Committee Chair
Liz Hanley
North Dakota State University
Josey Fog
St. Olaf College
Brooks Hetle
Kansas State University
Benjamin Markl
University of Wisconsin-Stout
Eric Strong
The University of St. Thomas
Sarah Weiler
Carleton College
Phil Neuman
Minnesota State University, Mankato
Dillon Pearson
University of Nebraska – Lincoln
Beth Steffen
St. Catherine University
ing members come together to help make our conference
Susan Presto
Iowa State University
a success. I’d also like to congratulate all of the award win-
Matt Diischer
South Dakota State University
ners from the conference.
Kristi Preston
University of Wisconsin – Milwaukee
This is the last issue from the 2015 Communication Com-
Jon Bell
Missouri State University
mittee. The committee has worked hard this past year to
Thank you for continuing to read and support Perspectives Magazine as part of your continued engagement in UMR-ACUHO. The annual conference in La Crosse was yet another shining example of the great work our organization does. Thank you to the host committee for providing radical hospitality throughout the conference and making it a truly memorable event. Also, a big thanks to all the conference volunteers, presenters, and moderators. Every year, one of the best parts of the conference is seeing our amaz-
create three quality issues of the magazine, and it has truly
SUBMISSION GUIDELINES Articles should be limited to approximately 1500 words long (may be edited for length or content) and include a separate head shot of the author(s). Articles should be sent preferably through e-mail (in Microsoft Word format). If there are particular fonts or graphics that you would prefer, please include them with your submission. To receive feedback on your article, please be sure to submit 15 days prior to the deadline. Please send articles via e-mail to: aneveau@peru.edu.
UMR-ACUHO NON-DISCRIMINATION CLAUSE UMR-ACUHO promotes and provides an environment of full opportunity and service for all persons regardless of ethnicity, creed/ religion, age, gender, disability, sexual/affectional orientation, or any human circumstance. The Association will not arbitrarily discriminate in its programs, procedures, or activities. Cover design & Magazine Layout Able Printing Company 623 N Manhattan Avenue, Manhattan, KS 66502
been a pleasure to work with each member. If you interact with any of our committee members listed on the left side of this page, please thank them for their great work. At the time of print, our theme for the next issue has not been determined, but the new committee members will select the next three themes at the Winter Meetings. Please check back on the Association’s website in early February to learn the theme. The next submission deadline will be March 15, 2016. Again, thank you for your continued support of Perspectives. I hope you have a wonderful spring semester!
Adam Neveau Chair, UMR-ACUHO Communications Committee Director of Residence Life Peru State College aneveau@peru.edu Inside UMR
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The 2016 UMR-ACUHO Executive Committee President
Aaron Macke Associate Dean of Students Director of Residence Life University of St. Thomas (651) 962-6470 ammacke@stthomas.edu
UMR-ACUHO Spring 2016, Vol. 52, No. 1
Vice President/President Elect
Tracy Gerth Assistant Director for Residence Life Programs Marquette University (414) 397-0183 Tracy.Gerth@marquette.edu
Inside UMR
Immediate Past President
Conference Fee Waiver Awards . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 4
Christina Hurtado Area Coordinator for Student Development Kansas State University (785) 532-2233 cmhurtad@k-state.edu
President's Corner . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3
UMR Stars . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 In Memory of Mary Beth Mackin . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6
Secretary
Linda Varvel Residence Education Coordinator University of Iowa (319) 335-2976 Linda-varvel@uiowa.edu
Treasurer
Nicholas F. Rafanello Director of Residence Life University of Northern Iowa (319) 273-2333 nicholas.rafanello@uni.edu
Corporate Sponsorships Coordinator Brian Faust Director of Residential Living University of Wisconsin – Stevens Point (715) 346-3511 bfaust@uwsp.edu
UMR Student Side Rethinking the Non-Traditional Student Label . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 7 Demonstrating Care in Conduct . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10
UMR Personal Side Dream Catchers: The <7% of the Indian University of North America . . . 13 Glass Balls and Rubber Balls . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 16 I am Woman, Hear Me… Apologize? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 18
Inclusion and Equity Coordinator Coree Burton Residence Life Coordinator University of Northern Iowa (319) 273-2080 coree.burton@uni.edu
State Membership Coordinator Beth Miller Assistant Director of Residence Life University of Central Missouri (660) 543-8121 bsmiller@ucmo.edu
State Membership Coordinator Abby Sylvia Assistant Director of Residence Life University of Wisconsin – OshKosh (920)-424-3212 sylvia@uwosh.edu
Technology and Sustainability Coordinator
Greg Thompson Assistant Director of Residence Education University of Iowa (319) 335-3700 gregory-r-thompson@uiowa.edu
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Inside UMR
UMR Business Side “I Like My Roommate, But…” Introducing The Facts-Forward Model of Conflict Resolution . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19
UMR Perspectives From the Inside Out: Emotions in the Job Search . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 22 When Tragedy Strikes… Twice . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 24 Prepare for a Crash Landing . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 26 The Power of a Story . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 28 So You Think You Can Help? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 30 UMR-ACUHO 2015 Awards . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31
President’s Corner By Aaron Macke, Associate Dean of Students and Director of Residence Life, University of St. Thomas
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elcome UMR-ACUHO colleagues to the Spring edition of “Perspectives” and to another year of UMR professional development opportunities. The theme for this edition has encouraged me to reflect on the health of UMR’s members. An expression of healthy organizations is the commitment and energy shown by its members to act toward the mission of the organization. I am grateful for the outstanding leadership and involvement of members from our past and present. We certainly can be grateful for that expression in UMR. First, thank you to the over 100 members who, in 2015, served on UMR’s 10 committees. Your leadership and work on conducting research, writing articles, presenting programs, networking, funding scholarships, and providing financial support has provided our members an enriching experience. Most importantly, though, you helped us to build lasting relationships. In addition to the leadership of UMR, individual members gave their talents, expertise, energy and resources. Thank you to all of our members who made contributions, and to the supervisors who supported their staff’s involvement in UMR-ACUHO. Congratulations and thank you to our leadership team and our committee members who will serve in 2016. We will work together to engage our membership, to welcome new member involvement, and to provide opportunities for all of us to live and learn together. We set our sights on the University of Wisconsin, Madison and the traditional Fall Conference that symbolizes the culmination of committees’ hard work, the collective of our housing knowledge, and the importance of our professional relationships. Thank you in advance for your commitment to UMR throughout 2016.
As we are writing articles for this “Perspectives” edition, many of our institutions are engaging in dialogue and, hopefully, action about the health of our campuses. In particular, many are focused on the impact of racism in and on our campuses and about the experiences of all our underrepresented students. In Housing and Residence Life, we are asking ourselves if our halls, dining venues, recreation spaces, learning environments, programming models, staffing, policies, and procedures are reflecting and creating a healthy life for all of our students—a life where living environments and staff mirror qualities of justice, equality, understanding, care, and love that provides all students with the ability to be themselves and to thrive in healthy campus surroundings. Our role is to ensure that our housing and residence life departments support our students and their ability to adapt, self-manage, flourish, develop, learn, and grow as people trying to navigate the complexities of our modern world. I am grateful for the actions of UMR-ACUHO over the years to prepare professionals to contribute to a healthier world. I am grateful for UMR professionals who work tirelessly to create environments where students can live mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy lives. Lastly, I am grateful that together, we will provide a UMR experience that is equitable, inclusive, caring and loving— healthy inside and out.
Aaron Macke Associate Dean of Students and Director of Residence Life, University of St. Thomas (651) 962-6470 ammacke@stthomas.edu
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Conference Fee Waiver Awards Submitted on behalf of the Membership Involvement Committee
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his fall, Membership Involvement awarded two conference registration fee waivers to deserving members who benefited from financial support in order to make the trip to the annual conference. Each has offered a reflection of their experience to share with the region. Additionally, as we continue to extend opportunities for individuals to experience the annual conference, think of those you might encourage to apply in the future. As you will read from Allison and Jackie, you will easily see how this is a very valuable experience we have to offer as an association!
happen, the way we choose to embrace it speaks more to who we are as a professional, rather than what we do as professionals.
I am grateful for the opportunity to have attended UMR-ACUHO this past October in La Crosse, Wisconsin, and would like to thank the membership committee for giving me this great opportunity to learn and grow as a student affairs professional. As an attendee, I was able to attend sessions that challenged my perspective or gave me new knowledge on a topic or population with which I was not as familiar. Here are three ideas, thoughts, concepts (however one wishes to categorize them) that I took from my time in La Crosse.
Second, I was able to attend T.J. Jourian’s Featured Speaker lecture and listen to his thoughts and perspectives on trans* students’ experiences in higher education and beyond. T.J. talked about the types of violence trans* students can encounter on and off college campuses, such as physical and sexual violence. He said that yes, these types of violence happen and we can’t ignore them but what about the administrative and economical violence they endure as well? What about the fact that (at some institutions) trans* students can’t check the box that accurately defines how they identify on their housing application? What about the trauma that comes from not being able to use the bathroom on their residence hall floor because there isn’t a safe option? What about the feelings of hate and neglect they feel when they are constantly misgendered or their personal pronouns are not used by their Community Advisor? I think T.J. made a valid point in showing that violence against trans* people is perpetuated in the administrative workings of our organizations and really put the ball in our court for how we can make change and support trans* college students. (For more information on all-gender housing models, see http://new.oberlin.edu/office/housing/housing-options/ gender-policies/.)
My first takeaway was the idea that “failure is an event rather than an identity” (quote taken from Charlie Potts' presentation, The Other F Word: Building Failure Tolerance In Residence Life). This quote resonated with me because I think it is easy to see failure as a direct reflection of who we are as professionals/people rather than simply an event that happened from which we can grow. This presentation helped me see the perspective of viewing failure as a learning experience and something that is inevitably going to happen throughout our careers, whether we plan for it or not. And because failure will undoubtedly
Lastly, at the end of T.J.’s lecture, the room was opened up to questions and comments from the audience. Some attendees began introducing themselves and providing their preferred gender pronouns and then somewhere along the way, introductions shortened to solely names. A professional in the group brought this to the attention of the larger group, which made some folks feel uncomfortable. From participating in this space I learned two important things. First, voicing how something makes you feel and how it impacts you is extremely courageous and should be done when harm occurs in a large group
Allison Adkins, Iowa State University
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setting. And second, if we can’t embrace dissonance as student affairs professionals how can we expect our students to do so? I feel that this summary is not a complete picture of the knowledge I gained from attending UMR-ACUHO, but it captures some of the thoughts and feelings I had along the way. Thank you for being part of that journey and I hope that our paths cross again.
Jackie Lee, University of Wisconsin-La Crosse My experience at the 2015 UMR-ACUHO Annual Conference was fun-filled, exhausting, and positively challenging! As a first-time attendee, I had no idea what to expect from the conference. This was a particular challenge for me as I also had the opportunity to serve on the host committee and plan for this conference without actually having attended a UMR-ACUHO conference before. With these two factors in mind, my biggest takeaways from the conference are as follows: 1. “Coming to the edge” is a challenging process, but absolutely necessary to do in order to support students to the best of our ability in the work that we do. If we are not willing to challenge ourselves to learn more, be more, and do more, how can we ask this of our students? The keynote address, featured speakers, and program presenters all emphasized this point and I am thankful for this professional reminder. 2. Housing professionals have tough jobs that require us to be knowledgeable in many different areas. At the conference, I attended sessions on recruiting diverse teams, trans* student experiences, restorative practices, faith development, and emergency management, just to name a few. The sheer variety of the conference program sessions reminded me of the depth and breadth of our work. In addition, this variety has given me even deeper appreciation of my colleagues and their specific interests and passions. We need to be willing to be generalists in the field and at the same time use our specialized knowledge about specific topics to educate our peers and best serve our students.
Conference participants had the opportunity to recognize mentors at the ACUHO-I Foundation table during the UMR-ACUHO conference in October. For a small donation to the ACUHO-I Foundation, conference participants were able to purchase a star to recognize those who have made a significant impact on them personally and/or professionally. Donations to the ACUHO-I Foundation are utilized to advance professional development opportunities for Residence Life professionals. Pictured are the "UMR STARS". Thank you to all who donated, especially to the UMR-ACUHO endowment. Inside UMR
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In Memory of Mary Beth Mackin Submitted by Mary Ann Ryan, Kris Hoffenberger, Sherry Nevins, Martin Fritz, Sandi Scott Duex, Scott Griesbach, Jim Chitwood and Terry Tumbarello
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any student affairs professionals begin their career in residence life where they first apply theory to practice by working directly with students, supervising a staff and advising student groups. Often many don’t stay working in housing for long periods of time, but they bring much heart and passion to our field for the time they stay and continue to impact us in their work. Such was the case of Mary Beth Mackin. On November 6, 2015, UW- Whitewater and colleagues across the region lost a dear friend when Mary Beth Mackin, Dean of Students at UW-Whitewater, died in her home from natural causes. Mary Beth began her career at UW-Whitewater in 1988 working in Residence Life as an Assistant Director of Residence Life. While working in housing, Mary Beth was very active in UMR-ACUHO. Coincidentally, the theme for the UMR Conference in 1988 was “UMR-ACUHO: Where Great Things Begin.” Some, but certainly not all, of Mary Beth’s UMR achievements included serving on the Newsletter committee for three years, serving on the Executive Committee as Member at Large from 1992-1994 and then the UMR-ACUHO Treasurer for two years in 1995-1996. Although Mary Beth wasn’t able to remain active in UMR-ACUHO after leaving Residence Life to move into roles in the Dean of Students office, she remained very supportive of UMR and often encouraged the Residence Life staff she interacted with to get involved. Mary Beth also modeled association involvement as she became very involved in the Association of Student Conduct Administration (ASCA) serving as president, treasurer, and conference chair. In 2009 she was honored to receive the Donald D. Gehring Award from the ASCA for her exceptional contributions to the area of student judicial affairs. For those of us who knew her during her time at UW-Whitewater while she worked in student housing and/ or in the Dean’s office, we will forever appreciate her outstanding work, mentoring and friendship. Mary Beth Mackin truly left her mark on our field.
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Rethinking the Non-Traditional Student Label By Brian Bourke, Ph.D., Faculty, Postsecondary Education, Murray State University
Financially independent
Prologue, November 9, 2015
Single parent
s I write this article, events are unfolding at campuses across the United States that will hopefully bring about needed changes to institutional cultures and climates. Because of this, it feels a bit odd to write about diversity related to student age in this moment. But, we have to always keep in mind that our students do not live compartmentalized lives. We have responsibilities, as professionals, to address issues on our campuses that directly impact student experiences, including addressing our own understandings of student diversity. In this piece, I address adult learners as a perspective on student diversity, fully recognizing and acknowledging that this is a compartmentalized perspective, and the assumptions we draw on for many (if not most) subpopulations of college students are, at best, flawed.
GED or other high school completion certificate
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Rethinking the Non-Traditional Student Label Talk to anyone working in or preparing for a career in residence life (and more broadly, student affairs) about college students, and you're likely to hear or use the term non-traditional students. This seems like a harmless enough term, right? Well, it may not be harmful, but in its typical use, it is certainly inaccurate. In its most frequent form, non-traditional tends to reflect conceptions and perceptions of student age. If the field of student affairs is going to make claims about our equal place in academe, then our language must be congruent with relevant research and scholarship. According to the National Center for Education Statistics (NCES), students can be classified as non-traditional if they reflect one or more of the following characteristics: Delayed initial enrollment Part-time enrollment Work full-time while enrolled
Parent with dependent child(ren)
As you've reviewed the list, I hope you noticed something missing: age. Age is not part of scholarship that addresses non-traditional students in postsecondary education, yet non-traditional is the most common term used to distinguish ‘older’ students. One of the biggest challenges facing student affairs broadly, and certainly residence life specifically, is that so many practices (including how we talk about college students) are based on outdated practices and assumptions. With more than one-third of all college goers being over the age of twentyfive, using “non-traditional” as a marker of student age no longer makes sense.
A radical proposal I propose a change to the language we use to describe or categorize students based on age. For those students who are ‘older’ (NCES gathers age-differentiated data based on students over 25), let's consider the term “adult learner”. Adult learner is a common term in scholarship throughout postsecondary education (Bourke, 2014; Brockett & Hiemstra, 1991; Cercone, 2008; Knowles, Holton & Swanson, 2011, Merriam, 2001). Simply adopting this new term is pointless if we don't also spend some time understanding some characteristics of adult learners, and how to apply them. Self-directed learning. Adult learners are often characterized as being self-directed in their learning preferences and experiences. What is meant by self-directed learning is that adult learners are often able to approach learning experiences and opportunities with an eye to working toward the end goal without a need for explicit direction of how to accomplish the end goal. There can be a bit of a pioneer spirit, where the adult learner thinks “tell me what’s expected, and let me find my way.” UMR Student Side
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Reservoir of life experiences. As a result of having delayed enrollment, gaps in enrollment, families, and work and other life experiences, adult learners thrive on having opportunities to connect the current learning experiences to both the depth and breadth of past experiences. We have to make sure learning experiences are structured in ways that allow for and encourage adult learners to draw from their personal experience reservoirs. Seeks direct application of learning to experience. Connected to drawing on a reservoir of life experiences, adult learners look to directly apply their learning experiences to their experiences out of the classroom, especially off-campus experiences. We know that experiential learning, especially service experiences ( Pascarella & Terenzini, 2005), impact overall student learning and development. As we work with adult learners, we have to be intentional about structuring experiences that promote application of course content to out-of-class learning. Problem based learner. Because adult learners actively look for opportunities to connect learning experiences with life experiences, and vice versa, they often demonstrate a particular disposition toward problem based learning. This differs from what I shared above regarding experiential learning. When I think about problem based learning in the context of co-curricular experiences, I think about giving students space to address issues and come to solutions creatively. We talk about empowering students, and this is a way to really put empowerment into practice. Changing social roles. The final key characteristic that adult learners bring with them is a life-perspective informed by changing social roles. Adult learners, especially if they also reflect one or more characteristics of non-traditional students, often juggle a myriad of responsibilities. While this is true for many college students regardless of age, it is more often the case than not for adult learners. From managing familial to employment expectations, to coping with increased demands on time and financial resources, adult learners have a lot to balance. We have to be flexible with our expectations. After all, who are we creating these experience for: us or them? Something interesting about these characteristics of adult learners is that there is a great deal of overlap and interplay among the five characteristics. For example, elements of self-directed learning connect to desires for experiential learning and dispositions toward problem based learning. Not only do these characteristics overlap with each other, but they also intersect with the complex identities of students and staff. 8
UMR Student Side
Adult learners in residence life context When exposed to information about non-traditional students and adult learners, a quick assumption is that they are always commuters. Working in residence life serves as a sort of proving ground for assumptions - they are regularly put to the test. Having some background on adult learners is good, but we also need to consider the needs and experiences of adult learners in the context of residence life. Consider the characteristics of adult learners, and what those mean, not only for addressing student engagement for adult learners living in our halls, but for adult learners on our student, grad, and professional staffs. One of our claims, as a student affairs field, is that our work is educational in nature, that we are, in fact, educators. (Full disclosure - I refer to myself as a student affairs educator). Our responsibilities as educators are immense. We are charged with facilitating out-of-class experiences that support students’ academic pursuits and developmental needs. These tasks are challenging and daunting, because there are no “onesize fits all” (Manning, Kinzie & Schuh, 2013) approaches to complete these tasks.
Final Thoughts As I’ve previously noted, when it comes to any discussion about student characteristics, we have to be careful not to blindly apply assumptions about adult learners to all adult students. One of the difficulties is that we really can’t make assumptions of student needs or wants based on age or age range. In statistics compiled and used in reporting by NCES, adult learners are categorized as being over the age of 25. Arnett’s (2004) thoughts on emerging adulthood being a phenomenon that extends lateadolescent attitudes and behaviors to age 26 have been corroborated in more recent research ( Bourke & Mechler, 2010; Mechler & Bourke, 2011). As we work to bolster our understandings of the complexities of today’s students, we have to strive to also consider the ways in which students’ identities and categorizations intersect. The perspective I’ve presented about shifting our thinking and language from non-traditional students to adult learners is admittedly unidimensional. I have not brought out intersections and overlaps with other student characteristics. My charge to you, is to extend the conversation about adult learners with your colleagues. Discuss how gender, race, sexual identity, religion, class, and other elements might bring nuance to how we think about adult learners who live in our halls and make up our staffs. Rethinking the non-traditional student label is meaningless if we don’t engage in critical dialog about the complexities of students and staff who we re-label as adult leaders.
References Bourke, B. (2014). Adult Millennials: Conceptualizing a student subpopulation with implications for online teaching and learning. In J. Keengwe and K. Kungu (Eds.), Cross-Cultural Online Learning in Higher Education and Corporate Training, pp. 6278. Hershey, PA: IGI Global Publishing. Bourke, B., & Mechler, H. S. (2010). A new me generation? The increasing self-interest among Millennial college students. Journal of College & Character, 11(2), 1–9. Brockett, R. B., & Hiemstra, R. (1991). Self-direction in adult learning: Perspectives on theory, research, and practice. New York, NY: Routledge. Cercone, K. (2008). Characteristics of adult learners with implications for online learning design. AACE Journal, 16(2), 137–159. Knowles, M., Holton, E., & Swanson, R. A. (2011). The adult learner (7th ed.). New York, NY: Butterworth-Heinemann. Manning, K., Kinzie, J., & Schuh, J. H. (2013). One size does not fit all: Traditional and innovative models of student affairs practice, 2nd edition. New York, NY: Routledge.
Merriam, S. B. (2001). Andragogy and self-directed learning: Pillars of adult learning theory. New Directions for Adult and Continuing Education,89, 3–13. doi:10.1002/ace.3 National Center for Education Statistics (NCES). (n.d.). Nontraditional undergraduates/ definitions and data: Who is non-traditional? Retrieved from http://nces.ed.gov/pubs/web/97578e.asp Pascarella, E. T. & Terenzini, P. T. (2005). How college affects students. Volume 2: A third decade of research. San Francisco, CA: Jossey-Bass.
Brian Bourke, Ph.D. Faculty, Postsecondary Education, Murray State University bbourke@murraystate.edu Twitter: @drbbourke
Mechler, H. S., & Bourke, B. (2011). Millennial college students and moral judgment: Current trends in moral development indices. Journal of Organizational Moral Psychology, 2(1), 27–38.
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Demonstrating Care in Conduct By Kory Theil, Hall Director, Minnesota State University, Mankato; Nick Kramer, Hall Director, Minnesota State University, Mankato & Liz Steinborn-Gourley, Student Success Coordinator and Conduct Officer, Minnesota State University, Mankato
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n the following scenarios, we demonstrate how we engage our residents in the conduct process, encourage them to see themselves as positive members of the community, and help them understand the impact of their choices on themselves and their peers.
Incident One – Welcome Week Hall Director Kory A fire alarm was sounded in a resident’s room. Upon responding, campus security met with Kyle in the room. When asked what caused the alarm to sound, Kyle stated that he was smoking an e-cigarette in the room. Security informed Kyle that it was a policy violation to smoke e-cigarettes inside of the residence halls and that he may be contacted by Residential Life regarding the incident. As I read through my first incident report of the semester and scheduled my first conduct meeting, I began thinking, “and so it begins… another conduct filled year.” I caught myself and shifted my attitude towards my role in conduct. I reflected on when I first left for college and all of the changes that were taking place in my life. I thought about how great it would have felt if someone from the University took a sincere and honest interest in my experiences, hardships, and successes. This case was not particularly complicated, and I could have done my due diligence with the conduct process in 5-10 minutes, but it was much more than that to me. I wanted Kyle to feel like his new home and university supported him in his journey and that he had at least 10
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one person here that he could go to in a time of need. As I met with Kyle, it did not take him long to warm up to my relaxed style; I showed him I was more interested in him as a person than the behavior that brought him in. I started by asking about his career aspirations, which started with a biology degree and ended with performing heart and chest surgeries. I inquired about which class he was most nervous about, to which he answered Calculus I. I took the time to inform Kyle that his Community Advisor was a math major and would be open to helping him and making sure he knew where to find tutors. Kyle eventually expressed interest in fraternities and talked about his favorite Welcome Week events. After we visited our university smoking policy in relation to e-cigarettes and his consequences, I asked Kyle how I could assist him in having a great experience at MSU, Mankato. Kyle’s response surprised me: he told me his mother passed away while he was in high school and ever since, his study skills and habits had diminished. Kyle was worried whether he could succeed in college and was hopeful that I could assist him. I was able to connect Kyle with our TRiO program, where he receives individual tutoring and attends workshops related to study habits. I feel that without our connection through conduct, Kyle may have been lost those first weeks.
Incident Two – Homecoming Weekend Hall Director Nick Incident Reports from CAs, HD, and Security: Kyle and two of his guests were observed by CAs on a floor hallway. Kyle and one guest were supporting the second guest as they were walking. Kyle got angry when confronted by CAs, who approached them to check on the safety of the person being supported. Kyle yelled at staff and left before the HD and
I told him that I believed he had the power to decide if he was going to stay on campus or have his contract terminated. Security arrived. Kyle’s guests were both cited for underage consumption of alcohol. In preparation for the conduct meeting, I reviewed Kyle’s conduct history and saw that he met with Kory. From Kory’s letter, I learned that it seemed like he made a good connection with the student. At our meeting, I introduced myself and received a death glare from Kyle. He was sullen and unwilling to engage in conversation. My usual strategy of making the student feel comfortable and building rapport with small talk, learning about their experience living on-campus, and how they were doing academically was clearly not working with Kyle. We reviewed his conduct meeting notification letter, went over the student rights and responsibilities in the conduct process, and reviewed the policies he allegedly violated. I shared the reports with Kyle and asked to hear his perspective. Kyle was frustrated. He shared that the staff had no right to stop him and his guests, that it wasn’t illegal for someone to be supporting someone else, that he did not receive a PBT so how could I prove that he was drinking, that it was not his responsibility to control his guests’ behavior, etc. We discussed each of his points in detail in our meeting, and it felt like we were going around in circles. I knew I somehow had to reframe this incident for him. How was I going to do this given his starting point in denying all responsibility and blaming everyone else for ending up in a conduct meeting with me? After a few unsuccessful attempts that continued our circular conversation, I remembered a point in the conversation where I asked him to outline every decision he could have made differently that night, which would have prevented him from meeting with me. We went
step by step, from the start of the night. I walked Kyle through the three possible outcomes that could happen based on my investigation. I also explained the appeals process. Kyle ended up leaving the meeting frustrated, but clearly thinking. After receiving the outcome letter, Kyle appealed, but he took responsibility for several of the policies and was only appealing one of them. It was clear that while not everything sunk in during our conversation, something did, as Kyle took ownership and responsibility for several of his actions that evening in his appeal. In Student Affairs, it’s not often that you can see an impact through the conversations that you have with students, particularly in less-than-warm conduct meetings. In this instance, however, it was rewarding to see that engaging this student in conversation and making an effort to reach him where he was could help in his growth and development.
Incident Three – Halloween Weekend Student Success Coordinator Liz Security Report: Security observed Kyle stumbling in the parking lot. Police were contacted and a preliminary breath test was administered, registering a blood alcohol content of .12. Kyle was issued a citation and Security escorted him to his room. As I prepared to meet with Kyle, I noted his prior incidents. Our departmental policy clearly states that you get three opportunities to follow the alcohol policy before housing contract termination. I needed him to leave our discussion knowing his contract was at risk if he was documented for a third alcohol or drug violation. Our department utilizes a tool for this dialogue called the Reality Check brochure. It is a one-page publication UMR Student Side
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I explained financial consequences of termination as well as a timeline, both of which were listed in the brochure. He was startled to realize he may only have four days to find a place to live off campus if his contract was terminated.
I feel that without our connection through conduct, Kyle may have been lost those first weeks.
I asked him to think about what might be contributing to his being in the conduct process – was it his friends, personal choices, peer pressure, or dealing with stress? He shifted uncomfortably and then shared that he was stressed being away from his dad. He said he didn’t like sitting alone in his room so he goes out. I told him about the Counseling Center and encouraged him to visit.
that prompts the student to consider what might happen if their housing contract is terminated. I began his hearing by asking about classes, his fall break plans, and how things were going with his roommate. Then we discussed the incident. He admitted to having been drinking with a friend and returning to campus. I asked him if he understood how that was considered a violation of the policy and he told me he did. I handed him the Reality Check brochure and I asked him to consider the questions on the front of the brochure: If your housing contract is terminated: How will this affect your relationship with your family? Your relationship with your friends? Your academics? Your extracurricular activities?
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We discussed ways to socialize without drinking and I asked him to note them in his handout. We focused on one question in particular: what will you do if your friends do not want you to make any changes? He hesitated and I offered that perhaps they aren’t such good friends if they don’t respect his decision to not drink. I encouraged him to hang on to the brochure. I told him that I believed he had the power to decide if he was going to stay on campus or have his contract terminated. I also shared that I would be glad to be a resource if he needed ideas for ways to avoid drinking and other policy violations in the future.
Conclusion Kyle’s year isn’t over and he still has many decisions to make regarding the policies at Minnesota State University, Mankato. However, as a conduct team, we were able to show him that we care, connect him to campus resources, and allow him to see himself as a part of the community, giving him a positive first semester experience.
Kory Theil
Nick Kramer
Liz Steinborn-Gourley
Hall Director, Minnesota State University, Mankato kory.theil@mnsu.edu
Hall Director, Minnesota State University, Mankato nicholas.kramer@mnsu.edu
Student Success Coordinator and Conduct Officer, Minnesota State University, Mankato elizabeth.steinborn-gourley@mnsu.edu
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Dream Catchers: The <7% of the Indian University of North America By Crystal Savage, Residence Hall Director, University of South Dakota and Indian University of North America
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t is not uncommon to hear housing professionals state how a position, year, or student impacted their lives. It is part of what makes our positions a unique gift, that only those of us who have served in this role can truly grasp. Working in a live-in position in many capacities over six years, I truly thought I had been impacted in almost every way possible; that is, until I accepted a position at the University of South Dakota that has a unique partnership with The Crazy Horse Memorial Foundation, a partnership that allows me to move to the Black Hills of South Dakota during the summers to live and work at the Indian University of North America at the Crazy Horse Monument. I serve in the role of a Residential Staff Member to Native American students from across the country who are beginning their journey through higher education. The University of South Dakota is located in the charming small town of Vermillion, South Dakota, along the banks of the Missouri river in the southeastern part of the state. The Crazy Horse Monument is nestled six hours west in the beautiful Black Hills of South Dakota, which is regarded as a sacred place to the Lakota people, and has been a working piece of art since 1948 when Korczak Ziolkowski first began to blast the mountain (Crazy, 2015). The Crazy Horse Memorial Foundation has three missions: “to create the world’s largest sculptural undertaking by creating a Memorial of Lakota leader Crazy Horse; serve as a repository for Native American artifacts, arts and crafts through the Indian Museum of North American and
the Native American Educational and Cultural Center; and lastly, establish and operate the Indian University of North America (IUNA) with the vision to have it serve as a medical training center and University for Native Americans” (Crazy, 2015). In 2009, The University of South Dakota and the Indian University of North America teamed together to work towards building a summer program which “offers high school graduates from across the United States, preferably enrolled members of federally recognized tribes, an opportunity to become prepared for the rigors of college.” This is accomplished “by offering college preparatory courses for students, to extend accepted students paid working internships at the Memorial’s visitor complex, and to further fulfill the mission of the Crazy Horse Memorial Foundation” (Indian, 2015). The university was built and became an operating summer program in June of 2010, not even a full year later. When I was extended this unique and progressive position with USD at IUNA.
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I was humbled at the opportunity to accept. In May 2015, I headed west into a place and community that will forever stay in my heart and has shaped my career path. Upon arriving at the Indian University of North America I was greet warmly by the small but truly dedicated staff at IUNA. In all, there are five Residential Staff members, three professors, and an academic advisor all committing their time and energy to live on-site with the students. The program offers nine courses to choose from and an engaging and memorable experience in a place that is sacred to many of the students. The Indian University of North America is currently housed in one building; the students go to class, socialize, and sleep all in one facility. During our staff orientation at training at the IUNA, I learned Native American students are the most at risk student population for not graduating college. Statistics tell the Native American students across the country that less than 7% of them who enter college will ever graduate (Statistics, 2015). When I learned this harsh figure during our staff training, my heart broke; Native American students in South Dakota had a 49% graduation rate from high school in 2010 (Statistics, 2015). Of those 49% who did graduate and are courageous enough to step away from their cultures and communities to embrace a journey of Higher Education, the graduation rate is less than 7%. Dr. Jason Murray, the director of the program, enlightened us on facts like these, but also inspired us moving forward to welcome forty passionate, driven, and talented students with the statistic that after successfully completing the program at the Indian University of North America, over 74% of IUNA students graduate with their bachelorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s degree and many go on to pursue further education. 14
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Hearing this truly inspired me to bring my full self to the students who walked into my life on opening weekend. Many of them were very timid, and I could tell they were anxious about the experience awaiting them. Throughout the course of the summer each student completed 12-15 credit hours, worked 25 hours a week at the Monument, and was rated on a Residential Behavior Evaluation scale that worked on teaching the students how to be successful living in an on-campus environment and managing work and school. Beyond all of the structure for the students were opportunities for us as Residential Staff to go above and beyond to impact our studentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; lives. From evenings of teaching them how to juggle, watching them play basketball in the parking lot until it was minutes from room curfew, and learning how to play Chess with them, something beautiful happened. These students opened up their hearts and lives to us and in turn my heart broke for the adversities I knew they had to overcome. I listened to and comforted many students who had family members and friends commit suicide over our summer together, worked with parents who were adamantly against their student attending a higher education institution to the extent of refusing to fill out their FASFAs and continuously saying they were going to come and take their students home, and heard about how some of their high school textbooks still had their parentsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; names signed in the front of them. Through these experiences, I truly saw a student population hungry for success and an education to help their culture and communities thrive. I saw how their eyes lit up with hope and inspiration when we had weekly talking circles to discuss life, invited Native American artists and activists to teach them traditional art and partake in ceremonies such as putting up a Teepee and attending spiritual ceremonies in their language with traditional circle drums, and receive consistent interaction from the Ziolkowski family during movie nights and dinners. What does this mean for us in universities across the Upper Midwest Region? The hardships our students faced over the summer will not stay at IUNA; those trials follow them to their home universities. Half of the students who attended the Indian University of North America are attending the University of South Dakota, and the other half of students are spread amongst other colleges and universities in the Upper Midwest Region. It is essential as housing professionals for us to recognize that the needs of our Native students greatly differ from any other student population but share many
similarities. We need to continue to be a visible presence in our Native students’ lives and provide them a trusted, open, and available resource and mentor to go to, one who is intentionally building relationships with them so that when the harsh realities their culture faces make their way into the students’ lives while at school, they know they are supported and cared for. I am beyond honored to continue being a presence in my Indian University of North America students’ lives while they study at USD. I currently serve as the Tiospaye Lakota Student Council Staff Advisor, lead a “Voices of Discovery” class for Native/Non-Native discussions, and work towards creating an organization for the Indian University of North America students to join when they arrive at USD to have continued support, fellowship, and success throughout their higher education journey. We all have our passion areas within housing and after my experience at IUNA my dream is to help the Native American students at the University of South Dakota be supported, challenged, and celebrated. Most importantly, the students from IUNA
have become a group of students that I look forward to celebrating graduations with and watching in years to come as they become the doctors, teachers, activists, and lawyers they have dreamed to be. Citations Crazy Horse Memorial Quick Facts. (2015). In Crazy Horse Memorial. Retrieved November 15, 2015, from https://crazyhorsememorial.org/faq-main.html The Indian University of North America. (2015). In The University of South Dakota. Retrieved November 15, 2015, from http://www.usd. edu/summer-school/crazy-horse Statistics on Native Students. (2015). In National Indian Education Association. Retrieved November 15, 2015, from http://www.niea. org/research/statistics.aspx#Grad
Crystal Savage Residence Hall Director University of South Dakota and Indian University of North America Crystal.Savage@usd.edu
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Glass Balls and Rubber Balls By Derek MacDonald, Assistant Apartment Living Coordinator, Kansas State University & Quincy Bevely, Apartment Living Coordinator, Kansas State University
the values and meaning of your individual glass balls and rubber balls (both personally and professionally). Let’s define what this is before moving on:
alance is arguably one of the most important factors in maintaining a stress-free lifestyle while working in Student Affairs. However, contrary to what many may believe, working to achieve balance can be unrealistic and trivial to a person’s well-being and mental health. In fact, acknowledging differences that exist between skills such as balancing and juggling is far more practical.
Glass balls are the things in life that you cannot afford to drop. If you drop your glass ball, it’s earth-shattering and is going to be a mess to clean up. Examples of glass balls can be anything from work, family, exercise, reading, etc.
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If you take a moment to critically define “balance” you will notice how unreasonable it is to seek an equal balance between work commitments and life responsibilities. Generally speaking, the terms work and life have become married in conversation. We are often asked, “How do you maintain a healthy work/life balance?” Although we all understand how to answer the question politically or correctly, the authentic response is that, “We simply can’t.” Similar to conversations about work and life balance, it is difficult to separate the two when serving in Residence Life (especially as a live-on professional). The reality is, there is seldom an equal distribution of your time that can be devoted to work and life. Therefore, as professionals, we encourage you to be skillful in juggling the two, as opposed to attempting to balance them. By juggling work and life, you can thrive in each role as well as allow them to coexist. If you decide to balance, you only ensure that one simply doesn’t fall. Additionally, things are constantly at a standstill. One of the benefits of juggling day-to-day responsibilities is that it gives you the power to take control of your own mental health and personal wellness. Moreover, it allows you to effectively carry out your personal life while transitioning through the rigor of working in Student Living. In summary, juggling is connected to a philosophy we train our staff on with regard to well-being called “Glass Balls and Rubber Balls.” To juggle, you must first understand 16
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Rubber balls are things in life that if they’re dropped, it’s okay because you can bounce back from them. Rubber balls can be anything in life that you see as important, but not first on your priority list. These look different to everybody, as do glass balls. To apply this within your life, you have to begin to think about what is the most important to you and how you will prioritize work and life. What are your glass balls? Take some time to think about what you need to be able to maintain a healthy mind, which will in turn better allow you to support your students. Once you figure out what your glass balls are, find the time in your calendar to place them there. Make sure these are the first things in your calendar and schedule your rubber balls after. You can schedule these glass balls twice a month, once a week, every day, or whatever increments of time that you need. It’s important to know that everyone has different glass balls, and this can serve as a tool to juggle priorities, whether personal or professional. That being said, I would like to pose a few questions for you to think about as you begin to practice juggling glass balls and rubber balls. The following questions should help guide you in this process: Q. Will you act on the important or react to the urgent? A. When you are faced with a situation where you have something important vs. something urgent, are you going to risk shattering a glass ball for a rubber ball that may need to be focused on sooner? Try to put as much focus as you can on the important.
Q. Will you schedule the glass balls or sort the rubber balls? A. Are you going to spend your time making sure that you have the availability for what’s important (glass balls) or are you going to focus on prioritizing the other aspects of your life and which of those are the most important (rubber balls)? Q. Will you rule your technology or let it rule you? A. Each time you hear your email notifications go off, are you going to check it right away? Or, are you going to wait until your scheduled work time and take care of everything then? Q. Will you fuel your fire or run to exhaustion? A. Are you going to prioritize yourself to where you are always
motivated? Making sure that you are providing time for your mental well-being? Or, are you just going to keep working and working until you can’t work anymore? These questions are important to think about when focusing on what is important to you and making sure that you focus on your glass balls first and rubber balls afterwards. It’s ever so important to take care of ourselves before we can take care of others. Once you find out the proper juggling technique of your glass balls while maintaining your rubber balls, you should find a significant difference in your mental wellness, and ideally a more overall sense of happiness in your well-being.
Derek MacDonald
Quincy Bevely
Assistant Apartment Living Coordinator, Denison Neighborhood Kansas State University dsmacdon@ksu.edu Twitter: @DS_macdonald
Apartment Living Coordinator, Denison Neighborhood Kansas State University qbevely@ksu.edu
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I am Woman, Hear Me… Apologize? By Ani Rodgers, Residence Hall Director, University of Nebraska, Omaha
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hroughout my high school experience, undergraduate years, and Master’s program, I was always an above average student. I am now a professional, responsible for the wellbeing of over 500 residents, serve on multiple committees dedicated to enhancing my university, and have an excellent knowledge of campus policy and student development theory. I am a well-educated, driven, caring adult woman who apologizes almost every time I speak to others. As I move into my second year as a professional in the Residence Life and Student Affairs field, I find that I am not the only person in meetings who adds “sorry but…” to many of the things I say. What I have noticed is that regardless of title, education, or expertise - it is overwhelmingly the women I work with who do this. “I am so sorry, but don’t you think it could be an okay idea to register our students early for that conference so that the department saves on the overall cost? The conference is offering an early registration discount. But if it isn’t a problem, of course let’s just wait and pay full price.” I hear myself say these things. I know we have a budget we need to be respectful of. I know it makes absolutely no sense not to take advantage of the lower cost for early registration. I work for supportive supervisors who are thrilled when we find new and better ways to accomplish our goals. Still, I approach things apologetically, leaving room for someone else to disagree.
Women have been apologizing unnecessarily for generations. 18
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This is not a new problem. Women have been apologizing unnecessarily for generations. Perhaps it comes from social demands for women to behave “politely,” and that any declaration without the words “I’m sorry” before or after comes off as harsh, arrogant, or foolish. I can’t speak for other women. I would never want to as I strongly believe in giving each person an individual voice, but I know in my own life, the idea of sounding like a jerk upsets me more than it should. As a result, I soften my words with the addition of an apology or by phrasing my ideas as a question rather than a statement. I apologize for asking for things that are completely reasonable and for sharing my knowledge about a particular topic, even when I have been asked to do so. I work extremely hard to be a great example for my student staff and my residents. I want them to understand that they are smart and valued members of our community, yet here I am asking forgiveness for having my own thoughts and opinions. I know that as a professional, especially in the Residence Life field, I will need to communicate with people for the rest of my career - be it my peers during the average work day, my supervisors when negotiating my position, or the students I interact with daily. In truth, I am not sorry for my thoughts, plans, or ideas. I should stop begging the pardon of those I work with when I have information that can help them. As the great Maya Angelou said, “Now that I know better, I do better,” and I am trying every day to do better. So if you catch me adding “sorry” when we talk, please stop me. Remind me that it is just fine to express myself without asking forgiveness. Hopefully, together, we can help build a world where our students and peers can communicate with one another unapologetically.
Ani Rodgers Residence Hall Director, University of Nebraska, Omaha Arodgers@unomaha.edu
“I Like My Roommate, But…” Introducing The Facts-Forward Model of Conflict Resolution By Craig Miller, Resident Director, Bethel University
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onflict is an inevitable fact of life in a residential setting, whether it occurs between roommates, student leaders, or professional staff members. Approached correctly, I believe mature conflict resolution is one of the greatest tools for building strong learning communities in a residential setting. Moreover, the literature on team development and emotionally healthy organizations suggests that conflict resolution can be a valuable – indeed, indispensable – tool for building high-performance teams (Tuckman, 1965; Tuckman & Jensen, 1977; Lencioni, 2012).
The Facts-Forward Model The Facts-Forward Model describes a deliberate movement through the following stages: establish the facts, listen empathetically to feelings, openly discuss findings and judgments, look forward together, and follow-up. While conflict resolution is too complex to be reduced to any single model, this model has the benefit of being thorough, easily taught, and easily remembered. Facts. Establishing the facts is the first step in any conflict. This is easier said than done, particularly when the source of conflict may be our interpretation of “the facts.” Indeed, power is often disguised in the use – or misuse – of one’s claims to know “the facts.” But it is precisely because “facts” can be challenging to establish that this step is so vital to effective conflict resolution. The process of establishing the facts accomplishes several things. First, it can help to overcome barriers that keep us from honestly addressing conflict. Secondly, if we can begin with a set of shared perspectives on the situation, we are better equipped to achieve a mutually beneficial solution. Finally, by purposefully pursuing the facts we are making an attempt to let our objective, rational faculties
govern the process. This is vital if our negotiations are to remain civil and not get “hijacked” by our emotional brain (Goleman, 1995). Indeed, a deep emotional intelligence – vital for healthy teams – rests on the ability to acknowledge our emotions while critically engaging in the facts, as we perceive them, that underlie these emotions. In practice, establishing the facts should always take the form of specific, concrete examples (“last night you left your dirty dishes in the sink”) rather than generalities (“you never do your dishes”). If a pattern of behavior is noted, it should be backed up with concrete examples (“I’ve noticed that you have left your dishes in the sink several times lately”) rather than a generalization about another person’s character (“you’re such a messy and irresponsible person”). These kinds of generalizations do not help to clarify a situation, but tend to obscure good communication. Feelings. Emotions are the gateway to intrapersonal and interpersonal awareness and can lead us into a deeper empathy and understanding of the other. Indeed, research demonstrates that, far more than cognitive intelligence, emotional intelligence is the greatest predictor of success in working relationships and on teams (Goleman, 1995). Thus, emotions play a crucial role in conflict resolution. Key skills for navigating emotions in any conflict include knowing how to build trust, listening with empathy, and openness to difference. As Lencioni (2012) points out, “When there is trust, conflict becomes nothing but the pursuit of truth, an attempt to find the best possible answer.” This mutual pursuit of truth necessitates listening with empathy and perspective-taking, a desire to understand the situation from another’s point of view. While challenging skills, these can be intentionally developed over time. As we address the role of emotions in conflict resolution, it is important to distinguish a true articulation of one’s UMR Business Side
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feelings (“I feel angry that…,” “I am frustrated by…,” “I am confused by…”) from the feeling language that is often used to denote a judgment or opinion (“I feel like my boss misunderstands me” or “I feel like you did that on purpose”). While this feeling language can point to deeper intuitions about a situation, it can obscure constructive dialogue by masking competing assumptions and judgments that have not yet been articulated clearly. It is important in these situations to state simply and clearly one’s feelings without a deeper justification. Your feelings are your feelings, and if the discussion becomes about whether or not you are justified in having those feelings, one person becomes the judge and the other the defendant, and the balance of power has shifted in favor of one person. As a colleague of mine once put it, “I have encountered a lot of irrational thoughts in my life, but never an irrational feeling.” One’s feelings and reactions to a situation are one’s own, and it is vital to a conflict resolution situation to acknowledge the (very real) emotions one feels. Findings. By doing the hard work to establish the facts and separate our feelings from our opinions, we are set up to dialogue constructively about our judgments and interpretations of a situation. The goal is to articulate questions and tentative conclusions we are reaching as a result of the facts and our feelings. These may be posed as a question (“I am wondering if you are aware of this pattern?”), and may often involve a statement about consequences (“when you do X, this is how it affects me”). A core tactic should be seeking to understand the other’s point of view (“help me understand where you are coming from”). Above all, this stage is an opportunity to clarify intentions and “clear the air” of assumptions and misattributions we make about others. One key at this stage is to seek a deeper understanding rather than seeking to be proven right. Interpersonal conflict resolution is often derailed at this point, because both parties are seeking retribution for perceived wrongs rather than a mutually beneficial resolution. However, success at this stage is not proving we are correct, but offering our conclusions tentatively and remaining open to further dialogue. Another challenge we face at this stage is to understand the role our social identities play in conflict resolution. By social identities, we mean the overlapping and intersecting dimensions of identity that determine our sense of self and
how we relate to the other, such as race, ethnicity, culture, gender, social class, and sexual orientation (Abes, et al, 2007). These dimensions fundamentally influence the way we construct meaning, and thus, understanding the role of social identities is crucial for overcoming prejudices and barriers in conflict resolution. Forward. At this stage, the parties involved begin to think about next steps. Having established the facts as clearly as possible, listened empathically to each other’s feelings, and expressed clearly the questions and judgments this raises, it is important to have a purpose in where to go next. These next steps should ideally be behaviorally based (“I would like you to do…stop doing…do differently…”) rather than character-based (“stop being inconsiderate all the time”), and the next steps requested should be clear, specific, reasonable, and attainable. The aim at this stage is to clarify what successful conflict resolution could look like. While there may be disagreement about appropriate next steps, trying to articulate together a clear goal focuses negotiations on resolution in an attempt to achieve a level of closure. Obviously, most conflict situations cannot be resolved in a single next step, and a conflict may require regular touch points and even mediation. However, at the very least, every conflict should have a point of clarity in which both parties know what is expected of them prior to their next meeting. Establishing this mutually agreed upon next step is vital for continuing negotiations and building trust. Sometimes we may not even know what our next step might be, which is why follow-up is so important.
The Facts-Forward Model of Conflict Resolution Facts Followup
Forward
Feelings
Findings Craig Miller
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Follow-up. It is vital in any conflict, whether a small or a large issue, for both parties to pursue follow-up intentionally. Realistically, many conflicts cannot be easily resolved in a single encounter but require repeated, ongoing contact. Yet, even for minor conflicts, follow-up can provide accountability for agreed-upon next steps and serves to strengthen trust. Follow-up could be triggered by specific factors, such as new information coming to light, new emotions surfacing and needing to be dealt with, or new perceptions or conflicting judgments arising. Beyond these specific factors, ongoing follow-up helps to avoid reducing the relationship to what is said in the conflict and places it in the context of an ongoing social connection. Thus, conflict becomes one facet in an ongoing relationship rather than the sum total of the relationship. The Facts-Forward Model of conflict resolution is a simple, yet effective tool in working with residents, student leaders, and professional staff to create residential environments that support ongoing learning, as well as intra- and interpersonal development.
References: Abes, E.S., Jones S.R., McEwen, M.K. (2007). “Reconceptualizing the Model of Multiple Dimensions of Identity: The role of meaningmaking capacity in the construction of multiple identities.” Journal of College Student Development, vol. 48 (no. 1), pp. 1-22. Goleman, D. (1995). Emotional Intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ. New York: Bantam Books. Lencioni, P. (2012). The Advantage: Why organizational health trumps everything else. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. Tuckman, B. (1965). “Developmental Sequence in Small Groups.” American Psychological Association, vol. 63 (no. 6), pp. 384-99. Tuckman, B. & Jensen, M.A.C. (1977). “Stages of Small-Group Development Revisited.” Group & Organization Studies, vol. 2 (no. 4), pp. 419-427.
Craig Miller Resident Director, Bethel University craig-miller@bethel.edu
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From the Inside Out: Emotions in the Job Search By Cassidy McFarland, Residence Hall Director, University of South Dakota & Kelsie Poe, Residence Hall Director, University of South Dakota
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eginning a job search can feel a little bit like being Riley from Disney’s “Inside Out.” Riley’s life was in her parents’ control, much the way a candidate’s life is in the hands of potential employers. Just like Riley, a job search has a whole host of emotions to keep you company through the process. Navigating this churning sea of uncertainty is extremely important in keeping you a happy, healthy person during your job search. Knowing how to deal with your emotions can also help you finish your current position well, whether you are leaving because of graduation or to progress your career.
“Alright, we did not die today. I’d call that an unqualified success.” - Fear A job search is a hotbed for fear reactions, beginning with procrastination. If you never start looking for a job, you will never need to worry about being rejected. One sneaky procrastination method is the meticulous curation of color-coded spreadsheets and other organization methods to avoid turning in applications and to help you feel like you’re still making progress. Once you overcome the first level of fear and begin searching, you need to read through a job description or two...hundred. Reading through the list of preferred qualifications can be really intimidating especially when that old friend, Imposter Syndrome, shows up. Imposter Syndrome says that you don’t have what it takes to do the job because you don’t exceed every single aspect of a potential employer’s preferred qualifications, but you still haven’t even interviewed! Overcoming fear is tricky. First, you have to recognize what you are really afraid of. If you are in procrastinating your job search, are you afraid of not finding a job or being rejected? Are you afraid of leaving the community you have developed in your current position? Are you afraid of 22
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failing when you try something new? Use that motivation to drive your job search in such a way that respects your fear without giving it power. If you’re afraid of not finding a job, make sure that you set aside a certain amount of time per week to work on applications or set daily job search goals. If you are afraid of leaving your friends or family, consider your geographic preferences when applying. If you are afraid that you do not have what it takes to do the type of job that you want, take your resume and a sample job description to a mentor in the field. Sometimes you are minimizing your experiences, and a friend can really help you be honest with yourself and potential employers.
“I say we lock ourselves in our room and use that one swear word we know...It’s a good one.” -Anger Anger at being rejected is only natural. Anger can also come in those times of radio silence during a job search. Maybe you have plastered the world with your resume and applications and aren’t getting any calls back. Maybe you were in puppy love with a school or position, and they let you know that they are moving forward with other candidates. It is important to remember that anger is a valid emotion and you are allowed to feel that way. What you are not allowed to do is take that anger out on your loved ones or students. After the devastation of a rejection wears off, you may begin to seek out someone to blame for our hurt. It’s important to learn to sit with your anger for a limited amount of time and find a way to be finished with the anger.
“Crying helps me slow down and obsess over the weight of life’s problems.” - Sadness Sadness can be one of the most prevailing emotions in an unsuccessful job search. Sadness comes from the overflowing folder of rejection letters staring back from your
email, especially after others begin obtaining positions. This is particularly relevant in graduate school when large groups of people compete for similar jobs. This sadness forces the candidate to begin doubting whether this is the right career path for them. Some people may even feel like they have been led astray. Physical manifestations of sadness come in a variety of forms based on the individual, but a personal favorite is tears. It is important for people to understand how to both honor their sadness and move past it. Take that time out of your day to express your feeling. Take a night to yourself, lay on the floor, listen to a sad song, or have a classic cry session. Whatever you need to do to properly feel this emotion, do it. After that, try to understand what is making you sad. What part of the job search is most troubling to you? How can you make that better? Identifying the source of your sadness is the only way to make it go away.
“On a scale of 1-10, I’d give this day an F.” -Disgust Disgust often comes toward the end of an unsuccessful job search. After many rejections, it is easy to start seeing the worst in yourself. You can pick out every flaw that may have prevented you from getting each position, which can lead to a near non-existent self-worth. Having a disgust in yourself can lead to hopelessness in the search and a lack of motivation to continue. One way to counteract the disgust in a job search is positive thinking. We often create negative self-images in our minds that can be counteractive. Instead of thinking about all the opportunities you have missed, think about the opportunities still available. Putting a positive spin on a negative situation can help you see the good in everything. It may feel awkward or fake, but if you keep telling yourself over and over again to be happy, chances are you’ll get there.
“There are a lot of things to be happy about.”- Joy In an unsuccessful job search, there are also events that will spark joy! These events push you to continue pursuing your goals. A job offer would be an ultimate spark of joy, but it is not the only option. Joy can also come from getting constructive feedback from a potential employer who decided not to hire you. It can come from positive comments given during interviews. These are the small things that automatically keep candidates motivated to continue their search. It is important for employers to know what will spark joy in their candidates so that they can support candidates in their job search. While offering a position will usually spark joy, it isn’t always feasible. Employers and their search committees can work to give other types of joy to candidates. Providing feedback during interviews can be incredibly beneficial for candidates to feel empowered about their skills. Constructive criticism when an offer is not extended can provide the candidate with things to work on in the future, especially when the candidate is brave enough to ask the question. Like Riley, we are constantly controlled by our emotions. Fighting through a job search brings a whole host of emotions to the surface. It’s up to us to understand those emotions and make the best out of the situation. For candidates, that means learning to honor your fear, anger, sadness, disgust, and joy, and refocusing to make those emotions productive. For employers, it is important to be aware of the best way to support candidates through the process. While this can be difficult for both sides, it is imperative that we work together to create successful departments. References Docter, P. (Director). (2015). Inside out [Film]. Burbank: Pixar.
Kelsie Poe
Cassidy McFarland
Residence Hall Director, University of South Dakota Kelsie.poe@usd.edu
Residence Hall Director, University of South Dakota Cassidy.mcfarland@usd.edu
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When Tragedy Strikes…Twice By Keniese Evans, Residence Life Coordinator, University of Northern Iowa
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n November 12, 2015, the University of Northern Iowa experienced its second student suicide on campus in a two month time span. It was after the first incident that I thought I had experienced the hardest day of my career. This is the incident we all fear and never want to come, but we all know is an unfortunate reality. Just as I was starting to breathe again, it was happening again, but this time it was one of my students. He was a student I knew well and interacted with almost daily. This time, to say I was shocked was an understatement. I was confused, frustrated, and heartbroken. According to Emory University’s Emory Cares 4 U (2015) website: The rate of suicide is between .5 and 7.5 per 100,000 among college students. There are more than 1,000 suicides on college campuses per year. Suicide is the third-leading cause of death among people aged 15 to 24. 1 in 10 college students has made a plan for suicide. Depression is a common mental health disorder, with 18.8 million Americans suffering from depression every year. In addition to being common, depression is a risk factor for suicide. Two-thirds of people that die by suicide are depressed at the time of death. Among those that have major depression, the risk of death by suicide is 20 times greater than those that are not depressed. Treatment for depression is very effective; however, less than 25 percent of people with depression receive adequate care. The above information is alarming and makes me wonder: what can be done? As professionals we are taught to look for the warning signs: isolation, transition issues, poor grades, and lack of a social network. In my time 24
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working in this field, I have learned to identify, refer, and offer assistance to those students; however, those were not students on our campus that had taken their lives. Similarly at other campuses across the nation, the students that are committing suicide are the ones that are not on our radar. They are not exhibiting these warning signs and we are completely caught off guard when these tragedies happen. In this most recent incident with the student who lived in my building, he seemed well adjusted, had a good group of friends and family support, was involved on campus and was planning to study abroad in Australia next semester. He had a contagious smile and loved all those around him. As a community we were shocked to find out that he had taken his own life. I later found out he had been battling with anxiety and depression due to multiple concussions he experienced while playing sports. He reached a point where he no longer had the strength to deal with this internal struggle. The pain and confusion he carried every day and tried (somewhat successfully) to push through was too much to bear. So on that Thursday afternoon when I received the call, it shook me to my core. I could not believe that this had happened again, to another student, another family, and another community. As stated earlier, we did not expect this from him or the other student. These incidents caught us off guard, and, according to articles I've been reading, this is not unusual. Students are feeling pressure to perform at unattainably high standards and lead picture-perfect lives. In an article from The New York Times, Scelfo (2015) states that students are reporting that they feel the pressure to be “effortlessly perfect:” smart, accomplished, fit, beautiful, and popular all without visible effort. At Stanford, it’s called the Duck Syndrome. A duck appears to glide calmly across the water, while beneath the surface it frantically, relentlessly paddles. These words truly resonated with me. How often do we see this on our campuses and in our buildings? In my particular situation, I was witnessing it daily and had no idea. Students are constantly striving to be the perfect person, which is coming at high costs.
So, what is the answer? How can we help? How do we move forward? These are only some of the questions I have had since September, after our first suicide. When talking with other professionals in the field, we talk about the following: coping skills, resiliency, and transition. While no one has all the answers, starting the conversation is key and a step in the right direction. Our students need the skills to cope with the difficulties and disappointments of life that may come their way. These skills should be taught early in life, so, as they get older and endure more things, they can persevere through. These skills will lead to students being more resilient in tough situations, allowing them to bounce back after a difficult time. This, in the end, will aid in their ability to handle the many transitions of life. As I continue to try and wrap my head around these tragedies, I also have to take care of myself. This field can be stressful and take a toll on you physically, mentally, and emotionally. I cannot expect students to practice self-care and cope with difficult times if I cannot do it myself. So along with finding answers, I must grieve and help those around me do the same. We will all find peace
in the midst of these tragedies. The mental health and well-being of ourselves and students is affected every day on our campuses. We have to keep talking about it and we have to find some answers because there are lives at stake every single day. References Emory University. (2015). Suicide statistics. Retrieved from Emory University website: www.emorycaresforyou.emory.edu/resources/suicidestatistics.html Scelfo, J. (2015, July 27). Suicide on campus and the pressure of perfection. The New York Times. Retrieved from http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/02/education/edlife/stress-social-media-and-suicide-on-campus.html?_r=0
Keniese Evans Residence Life Coordinator University of Northern Iowa â&#x20AC;&#x160; keniese.evans@uni.edu
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Prepare for a Crash Landing By Bri Vespone, MS, NCC, Hall Coordinator, University of Iowa
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tudent affairs, housing of sanity at times. We see, hear, witness, and experience things that are traumatic, terrifying, overwhelming, stressful, depressing, exhausting and frustrating…just to name a few. We spend so much time and energy focusing on the well-being of our students and staff that we hardly ever stop to tend to our own needs. in case you have forgotten, you are human, too. So what about your mental health? I had a supervisor who loved the “Oxygen Mask Analogy,” or so he called it. He would tell us: “You know on airplanes when the flight attendants always tell you to secure your own oxygen mask before helping others? You know why they say that? Because if you pass out, what good are you to everyone else?” He would say it with a smile and a chuckle, but there is an element of seriousness to his analogy. What good are we to our students, staff, colleagues, partners, and friends if we don’t help ourselves first? Think about your average week and the madness it typically entails. When was the last time you took a full hour for yourself? When was the last time you did something that you genuinely, truly, and wholeheartedly wanted to do just because you wanted to do it? When was the last time you did something without physically or mentally involving work, RAs, programming, front desks, conduct, duty, e-mail, phone calls or meetings? If you are reading this sentence and still haven’t thought of an answer to my first question, you have some reflecting to do. “But I don’t have time!” you’re thinking. You do have time. It’s up to you to do what you want with that time. This could mean building “you time” into your Outlook calendar, strategically spreading out vacation days, attending fitness classes at 5:30pm so you have to leave the office on time, turning e-mail notifications off on your phone, or simply making a promise to yourself to process, relax, and recuperate. There are also a lot of wonderful counselors out there who, despite what you may think, are not that scary. I am a counselor by training, and I assure you that 26
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counseling can benefit everyone, not just our students. Remember that you have options, resources, and support just as much as your students do, but it is up to you to utilize those options. No one else can tell you when, where, or how to take care of yourself; it’s all on you. Student Affairs professionals tend to be helpers. We are the ones who would rebel against the flight attendants and help our neighbor secure their oxygen mask before touching our own. While this can be a wonderful quality and is useful in the work we do, it can also cause damage to both ourselves and the ones we are trying to help. You can be your own worst enemy when it comes to self-care. Just remember that your mental and emotional health are just as important as those of your students and staff. You can’t be the best resource for them if you are not operating at your full potential. Put your oxygen mask on first. Think about it: what good are you if you’re passed out on the floor of the airplane? That last paragraph seems like a great closing to this article, right? Well, the portion of this article above was written before I lost a student to suicide. I was originally going to rewrite the entire article, but I feel that something can be said about how our perspective on things changes before and after experiencing second-hand trauma. I stand by my previous thoughts that our jobs in Student Affairs bring unique challenges and a wide range of emotional experiences. This is the first time I have handled or been around a student death in the residence halls. Through this experience, I realized that my previous definition of self-care was superficial, somewhat cliché, and simply not enough. Watching the mother of my student burst into tears at the sight of her son’s door tag was difficult to watch. Personally removing the student’s possessions that the family left behind sent a chill down my spine. Working with the roommate who could no longer sleep in his own room was heart-wrenching. The reality was simple; I couldn’t keep up with all this by using only my previous interpretation of self-care.
Self-care goes beyond the physical aspects of eating healthy, getting enough sleep, and taking a real lunch break. I have found that typically the emphasis on selfcare is surface level. Take sick days when you need them, utilize your vacation, have a social life, etc. What this strategy lacks is mental and emotional self-care on a much deeper level. If I had a dollar for every time someone asked me how I was doing or told me to take care of myself, I could pay off my student loan debt. I recognize that the outreach came from a place of care, concern, and love, but in all honesty, it stressed me out. After some reflection, I realized that the stress was based in anger. I was angry that people assumed that I “wasn’t okay” or that I didn’t know how to take care of myself. In total honesty, I was okay for that first week. I was in “Go Mode” to get things done, and I was fine. One night I had a coworker stop by my office while I was working late and he asked me how I was doing. At this point, I had answered this question more times than I could remember, and I could feel that anger simmering inside me. However, the more we got to talking, the more I realized I wasn’t doing everything I could do to really take care of myself. We had plans to attend a concert the week of the student death. I had been so excited for this concert for weeks. Given everything happening that week, I decided not to go. I felt I needed to be in the building and available for students, staff, police, and the family. As I’m sure many of us would do in this situation, I felt the need to be there during all aspects of this process. It is my student, my building, and my staff. As the leader, I should be there. I got caught in this whirlwind of “should,” “have to,” and “need to.” But really, I put those words on myself. That same co-worker challenged me on my decision not to attend the concert. His exact words were, “You love music, I know you do. And this is an opportunity to take care of your authentic self. When was the last time you did that?” I had no answer for him and I knew he was right. Although I have no shame in asking for help (and I did ask for it often), the help I sought was with work-related issues. I put my secretary, desk clerks, and RA staff to work. I asked other Hall Coordinators to help with conduct. I started some of my days late in order to sleep in. I took others up on the offers to get dinner or stop at the store. I did all those things, but where was my “authentic self?”
I ended up going to the concert, and it was the best self-care I could have done - but not in the way you might think. Although I loved the group and the music, I was not super happy or excited. I didn’t get a “break from reality” and forget the events of the last week. I cried. I was finally able to sit in one place for more than an hour, letting the music fill me from within. It didn’t matter that the songs were upbeat; the music allowed me to get in touch with the feelings I had been ignoring while in my “Go Mode.” My thoughts went to places they don’t normally go as I tried to understand death and loss and all those other existential aspects connected with my week. I sat, I listened, I thought, and I felt. In the weeks following the student death, everything that could go wrong in a residence hall did go wrong. Vandalism in my building skyrocketed. Conduct overloaded my schedule. An RA was going through the investigation process to be terminated. One of my students was sexually assaulted right outside my building. I started to lose track of all the programs my staff was doing and what I was supposed to be doing to help. The demands for my attention were more than I could handle, and I crashed. The emotions and stress of everything had caught up with me. When they did, I asked myself why on earth I would ever work at a job like this. Could I really handle it? One night before a staff meeting, I was struggling to collect myself before facing my RAs. I was overwhelmed with anger and emotion at everything and anything. My mom happened to call just before the meeting for an unrelated reason, and in her motherly ways, she knew instantly that something was wrong. “I don’t know what else could possibly go wrong,” I told her. She said, very matter-of-factly, “There will always be one more thing. It is up to you how much you are going to try to hold onto until you break.” I thought about that for a while and knew I was already breaking. I knew I had to accept my emotions and let the experience take over before I could regain my stability. Much like the concert, I knew I had to keep feeling. I cried, slept, ate ice cream, read, colored, took sick time, went for walks with my partner, and reflected. I processed my emotions, thoughts, worries, and fears with counselors, family members, friends, and colleagues. I felt exhausted afterwards, but I was rejuvenated. Continued on page 29 UMR Perspectives
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The Power of a Story By Patrick Winter, Resident Advisor, University of St. Thomas
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ollege. A new opportunity for personal development, growth, self-awareness, new adventures, and new friends. A different sense of self, a different environment, a different schedule, a different lifestyle and different people. However, some characteristics are consistent and hard to ignore. Mental health is one of those consistent characteristics. How do we go about helping our peers who are suffering? Mental health is a complex struggle for which it is extremely difficult to pinpoint an exact reason or cause Mental health issues in the United States are seen as taboo which suffocates the attempts to ask for help of those who are suffering. Phrases like, “Suck it up,”“Tough it out,” “You’re being a wuss,” “Everyone is depressed,” and “This is normal,” are commonly said to students who express concern for their own well-being. Such explicit statements can defer someone who has considered help to resorting to “sucking it up.” The latter will only make the situation worse. The idea that really needs to be expressed is the availability of resources that students can use in order to improve their lifestyle. This is as simple as being a listening ear for a friend, a neighbor, a roommate, or a classmate. I’m in my second year as a Resident Advisor (RA), and one of the requirements of my job is to be a helpful resource and a listening ear for residents who need help. Recently I was notified of a mental health concern for a student. I reached out to the student later that day to ask how the semester was going, things he was involved in, etc.—the typical conversation between resident and RA. The conversation began somberly—the resident said his semester was “Meh, okay.” I asked him how his classes were going, and he told me he dropped two of the four for which he was registered. My resident, who had previously expressed an interest in engineering, told me that a lot of the material was too difficult for him, and there was a lot of external pressure to study engineering. I told him that we all have free will to do what we love to do, and he should pursue his passions. He was sitting on his bed, perched up against the wall with a gray piano keyboard on a stand with sheet 28
UMR Perspectives
music laid out. I asked him about his interest in music, and he said he took lessons for part of the semester. My resident told me that music takes some of his pain away in life, and I immediately asked him what he meant by that statement. He proceeded to tell me about his lifelong battle with mental health, and depression stuck out in his mind. Without hesitation, I shared my story of personal battles with severe clinical depression.
The power of a story is immense. As soon as I was done telling him my story, he gave me a seven-page paper about his life story and his battles with harming himself. He said I should read it later (which in some cases can be very alarming, but I knew this was a sincere gesture). As someone who has battled with severe depression, I reflected on my past experience with using future goals and planning as a way to cope with the situation. I accepted the paper and we continued to talk about his interests. He mentioned that he loves to play tennis and considered playing for the school’s team. I knew two people on the school’s tennis team and said that I would reach out to them so he could play with the team during captain’s practices in the winter. We agreed that he would consider it. My resident continued to tell me about his passion for music and I suggested that he look at the music department for a major that interests him. Additionally, we agreed that he would look for a club or organization on campus related to music. He expressed interest in a campus job, so I connected him to a supervisor that had possible openings. By doing all of this, I could tell that he was developing a sense of self and encouraged him to look to the future in order to contextualize things. He admitted to me that he has been in counseling sessions this semester on campus—a huge step in the right direction. After an hour-long discussion, I returned to my room and read through all seven pages of graphic, tear-jerking events that led to his confession that he still battles with thoughts of harming himself today. My head was swimming, but I knew that I gave my resident a sense of purpose for his own life.
This testimony represents the power of the situation and the importance of connecting with someone. The simplest of conversations, when safety and comfort is present, can lead to life-altering moments. For a person suffering from depression, it feels as if they’re the only one in the entire world that is unhappy. Connection is crucial to break down the stigma of mental health.
additional help. He didn’t seem too enthused by the idea, but I proceeded to tell him that the stereotype of tutoring is false. In fact, I saw tutors on a consistent basis my freshman year. Tutoring is for those who want to invest in their education and want to take advantage of the available resources. This alone helped shift his perspective. He said, “I guess I just thought that seeing a tutor meant you’re dumb,” which I told him was not the case.
Mental health is a huge component of college, but so is keeping up with your grades.
Both of these stories are completely different and seldom told, but occur with uncomfortably high frequency. If each of us can work to eliminate negative stigmas attached to mental health and help educate our peers, the world would be linked together by helping hands. All of us have the ability to be a counselor or advisor with open ears and open minds, it just takes four simple words: I can help you.
One week after this conversation, I found out that another resident was failing a couple classes at midterm and had not met with his academic advisor in order to register for second semester classes. Our discussion led off with some of the struggles that he was having with the coursework, so I suggested that he meet with the professors of those classes. I told him that office hours can be found in the class syllabus, and appointments can be made for other arrangements. He sincerely told me that he would reach out to them. I pointed him in the right direction for his advising meeting. Lastly, I mentioned that all academic departments have peer tutors available for
Patrick Winter Resident Advisor, University of St. Thomas wint9603@stthomas.edu
Continued from page 27 I now have a new definition of what self-care means. Yes, physical self-care is extremely important, but so is real mental and emotional self-care. Tears were a common component of this past month for me, but they helped me move forward. I now ask myself frequently what I am doing to take care of my authentic, pure, internal, emotional self. I love the phrase “authentic self” so much because in this profession, we lose sight of that so easily; we forget to feel. I challenge you to ask yourself, “When was the last time I did something for my “authentic self?”
Determine which aspects of your job can wait. When others ask how you are, tell them the truth, whatever that truth is. Accept the emotion that comes with it. Cry. Tears come from love, care, and compassion. Tears help to heal. Be your authentic self. Do whatever it takes to get there. Feel.
I will leave you with some bits of self-care wisdom that I accumulated throughout this experience: When others ask how they can help, give them something to do. Ask for help, too. Keep up with the physical self-care. Find someone you can really talk to and trust. Tell them what is really going on for you internally; let someone know your experience.
Bri Vespone, NCC Hall Coordinator, The University of Iowa brianna-vespone@uiowa.edu
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So You Think You Can Help? By Jean Merkle, Associate Dean of Students, Upper Iowa University
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ental health issues are something we deal with in student affairs every day. We pride ourselves on being "Healthy Helpers." But what happens when our own healthiness is out of balance? One might argue we can do more harm than good. If we haven't taken the time to process any of our issues, how can we expect to help anyone else? In our profession there is great risk involved in advising someone poorly. Emotions can create liable circumstances for us if we do not have them under control. After all, isn’t that what we tell our staff all the time? It never occurred to me that what happened in October of 1986 was a crime. I was 19 years old and enjoying a weekend out doing what any college student might do: party. The next morning I was walking home, embarrassed, knowing I had not been a responsible adult and regretting an evening spent with a young man. Struggling with thoughts of guilt and disappointment, I never told anyone what happened until the fall of 1994. I was a first year hall director in a freshman building. A student had come to my office to report a sexual assault. As I listened to her story, I began to counsel her and was struck with the knowledge that I was having a conversation with myself! How could I help her if I had never helped myself?! After helping the young lady make some difficult decisions, I too made the decision to get help. I signed up for counseling myself and through that process began to heal what was broken within my own heart. With Title IX reporting becoming a larger priority, my past experience helps me feel doubly prepared. I am able to be empathetic and a strong advocate for victims. In addition,
I realize the tremendous value of counseling. I might compare getting counseling help to using tutor center services. The smart students use services because they know it's of value. Counseling is no different. If you find yourself under stress, consider counseling as an option. Most employers have an EAP (Employee Assistance Program) that can help cover the cost of a couple initial sessions. If it's free, what do you have to lose? Become a true healthy helper. You may learn you are stronger than you think.
Lessons learned Know yourself - You may think you are ready for anything, and maybe you are, but make sure when taking inventory of possible social issues you may deal with, you first have dealt with your own. Getting help doesn't show weakness - it shows good self-awareness and proper role modeling for encouraging good mental health and teaches you skill building. Consider it professional development. It's never too late - No matter how old you are, it's never too late to get help. You are important. Your mental health is crucial to the successful outcome of assisting students and job satisfaction.
Jean Merkle Associate Dean of Students, Upper Iowa University merklej@uiu.edu
I am able to be empathetic and a strong advocate for victims. In addition, I realize the tremendous value of counseling. 30
UMR Perspectives
UMR-ACUHO 2015 Awards Robert E. Mosier Professional Enrichment Award
Jennifer Wamelink University of Kansas
Bachelors Level
Masters Level
Outstanding New Professional Award
Anna Dickherber Webster University
Shalyn Hopley North Dakota State University
William B. Sweet Distinguished Service Award
Top Workshop
Sarah Holmes Iowa State University
From left to right: Sandi Scott Duex, Hannah Bendroth, Whitney Schmeling University of Wisconsin-Stout
UMR Awards
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Top FIVE Programs Navigating Departmental Assessment: Additional Factors Considered
Brianne Johnson, not pictured: Gilbert Valencia also won the Top New Presenter Group award University of Minnesota Flipping the Formula: Energy Management and Success, That Half of the Room is Yours: Conflict Behavior Between Roommates
What to Expect When You’re Expecting…A Partner
World Café
Katie Allgood, Chris Mueller Kansas State University
Liz Hanley North Dakota State University
Conference Fee Waiver Award
Conference Fee Waiver Award
Allison Adkins Iowa State University
Jackie Lee University of Wisconsin-La Crosse
Chris Mueller also won the Top New Presenter award Kansas State University
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UMR Awards
Drake Martin Commitment to Social Justice Award
Social Justice in Action Award
Devin Schehrer, (photo for the winner not available) Missouri State University
Herky C.A.R.E.S. Project (photo for the winner not available)
University of Iowa
Support Staff Service Award
Trey Bolin University of Kansas
Dean Eide University of Wisconsin-Stout
Randy Otto University of Wisconsin-La Crosse
Amber Ingli University of Wisconsin-River Falls
Case Study 1 - winners
Case Study 2 - winners
Corey Johnson and Dan Foley University of Kansas and University of Wisconsin-Platteville
Jennifer Fazal and Evette Massey University of Wisconsin-Whitewater and St. Thomas University
Congratulations to all nominees and recipients of the 2015 UMRâ&#x20AC;&#x201C;ACUHO Awards UMR Awards
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Residence Life Office Peru State College P.O. Box 10 Peru, NE 68421
Please deliver to the housing office if undeliverable. Housing Office: If this staff member no longer works at your institution, please update your member directory on www.umr-acuho.org