Perspectives on Childhood, Education and Parenting: That Sixth Sense May Not Be What You Think

Perspectives on Childhood, Education and Parenting: That Sixth Sense May Not Be What You Think

By Tom Northrup

Tom Northrup

Most of us enter the world immediately able to use our five senses—vision, taste, smell, touch, hearing. They, of course, guide us through our earliest learning and we depend on them for the rest of our lives.

For decades, scholars have suggested a number of theories about a “Sixth Sense.” University of Chicago psychologist Nicholas Epley, in “Mindwise” (2014) offers an important hypothesis of what he considers this additional “sense.” Like the other five, it develops early, but is not innate or as reliable as the first five.

Epley writes, “Arguably (the) brain’s greatest skill is its ability to think about the minds of others in order to understand them better…(it does this) dozens of times, a day, when you infer what others are thinking, feeling, wanting, or intending….(this is) your real sixth sense.”

The good news is that, to varying degrees, we all have this ability. Unfortunately, most of us overestimate our mindreading ability. Epley’s goal in “Mindwise” is to help us improve our “psychological vision,” thereby helping us strengthen our relationships—the fundamental blocks for a happier and more productive life.

“Mindwise” explores the reasons for our inability to understand the minds and feelings of others. These include our over-confidence, our failure to engage meaningfully, and our over-dependence on personal projections and stereotypes.

In brief, most of us over-rely on Daniel Kahneman’s System 1 Thinking. As Kahneman explains in “Thinking, Fast and Slow” (2011), we have two thinking systems at our disposal—System 1 (fast, intuitive, requires little effort ), and System 2 (slow, requires effort, concentration, time). To understand others, we need to activate System 2 more frequently. There are no shortcuts in building trusting relationships.

Epley cites examples of “mind misreading” in multiple realms, ranging from dysfunctional relationships to political divisiveness to international crises.

The final chapter, “How and How Not to be a Better Mind Reader,” is reason enough to buy this book. Epley explains two approaches: “Perspective Taking,” (trying to see things from the other person’s point of view) and “Getting Perspective,” (listening carefully to the other person). Despite its challenges, the latter produces a deeper awareness.

As Epley suggests, if you want to understand what another person is thinking or feeling, ask them. Then settle in to spend enough time truly listening.

Tom Northrup, a long-time educator, is Head of School Emeritus at The Hill School in Middleburg.