Country ZEST & Style Summer 2022 Edition

Page 49

Perspectives on Childhood, Education and Parenting

That Sixth Sense May Not Be What You Think “Seek first to understand….then to be understood..” - Stephen Covey

M

By Tom Northrup

ost of us enter the world immediately able to use our five senses—vision, taste, smell, touch, hearing. They, of course, guide us through our earliest learning and we depend on them for the rest of our lives. For decades, scholars have suggested a number of theories about a “Sixth Sense.” University of Chicago psychologist Nicholas Epley, in “Mindwise” (2014) offers an important hypothesis of what he considers this additional “sense.” Like the other five, it develops early, but is not innate or as reliable as the first five. Epley writes, “Arguably (the) brain’s greatest skill is its ability to think about the minds of others in order to understand them better…(it does this) dozens of times, a day, when you infer what others are thinking, feeling, wanting, or intending….(this is) your real sixth sense.” The good news is that, to varying degrees,

Tom Northrup

we all have this ability. Unfortunately, most of us overestimate our mindreading ability. Epley’s goal in “Mindwise” is to help us improve our “psychological vision,” thereby helping us strengthen our relationships—the fundamental blocks for a happier and more productive life.

“Mindwise” explores the reasons for our inability to understand the minds and feelings of others. These include our over-confidence, our failure to engage meaningfully, and our over-dependence on personal projections and stereotypes. In brief, most of us over-rely on Daniel Kahneman’s System 1 Thinking. As Kahneman explains in “Thinking, Fast and Slow” (2011), we have two thinking systems at our disposal—System

1 (fast, intuitive, requires little effort ), and System 2 (slow, requires effort, concentration, time). To understand others, we need to activate System 2 more frequently. There are no shortcuts in building trusting relationships. Epley cites examples of “mind misreading” in multiple realms, ranging from dysfunctional relationships to political divisiveness to international crises. The final chapter, “How and How Not to be a Better Mind Reader,” is reason enough to buy this book. Epley explains two approaches: “Perspective Taking,” (trying to see things from the other person’s point of view) and “Getting Perspective,” (listening carefully to the other person). Despite its challenges, the latter produces a deeper awareness. As Epley suggests, if you want to understand what another person is thinking or feeling, ask them. Then settle in to spend enough time truly listening. Tom Northrup, a long-time educator, is Head of School Emeritus at The Hill School in Middleburg.

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LETTER from PARIS: Someone’s in the Kitchen with Roma, Just Not John

6min
page 70

DOC WEEK MIDDLEBURG

2min
page 69

Country ZEST & Style Summer 2022 Edition

1min
page 68

Coming of Age With Room Service Please

3min
page 67

Art of the Piedmont

1min
page 66

A Modern Link to Early 1900s Farming

4min
page 65

Tales from The Hunt Field: Melvin Poe and the Big Red Fox

3min
page 64

Nutrition That Makes Great Sense for Horses

3min
page 63

Pooch Perfect at Four Leaf Clover Bakery

3min
page 62

LOSING A LOCAL LEGEND

6min
pages 60-61

HORSEY NEWS & NOTES

1min
page 59

A Fargis Golden Rule: The Horse Comes First

5min
page 58

Middleburg Horseman Helps Jockey Make Kentucky Derby History

3min
page 57

Sporting Pursuits

1min
page 56

A Day in the Life at Upperville 2021

2min
page 54

Country ZEST & Style Summer 2022 Edition

4min
pages 52-53

VINEYARD VIEW: Melanie Natoli Makes Wine, and History

4min
page 51

Warrenton Sports a Glorious New Restaurant

3min
page 50

Perspectives on Childhood, Education and Parenting: That Sixth Sense May Not Be What You Think

3min
page 49

A One-Stop Shop at Upperville Farm and Feed

3min
page 48

Everyone Just Tickled About Pickleball

3min
page 47

Middleburg’s Mount Defiance: A Battle in Your Backyard

3min
page 46

PROPERTY Writes: A Whitewood Road Renovation for The Ages

2min
page 45

MODERN FINANCE: A Not So Stable Stablecoin

3min
page 44

PAMPER PERFECT PLACE FOR THE BRIDE

4min
page 43

90 Percent Half-True, a collection of short stories by Keith Patterson

2min
page 42

Laurie Crofford: Managing a Park for All People

3min
page 41

HERE & THERE

1min
page 40

Back in Middleburg and Always Giving Back

3min
page 39

Matt Blunt: From A Missouri Governor's Mansion to Middleburg

4min
page 38

Some Enchanted Evening: Windy Hill Gala 2022 - Subtle and Creative

2min
pages 36-37

PINK IS THE COLOR OF THE DAY

1min
page 35

David Mars is Salamander Resort’s New General Manager

3min
page 34

Middleburg Safeway Celebrates

4min
page 32

From Aldie to Hamilton, a New Home for Mattingly’s

3min
page 31

Cherishing the Bull Run Mountains

3min
page 30

The Hill School: A Day at the Races

1min
page 29

A Pinch of Time Can Help Save the Day

3min
page 28

A Golden Opportunity Once in Fauquier County

5min
pages 26-27

For Sandy Danielson, It’s All About the Art

3min
page 24

Singing the Praises of a Reluctant Coal Miner’s Daughter

2min
page 23

THIS & THAT

1min
page 22

A Mysterious Writer Loves Her Virginia Wine

2min
page 21

Middleburg Spring Races at Glenwood Park

1min
page 19

Donna Devadas: It’s All Memorable

4min
pages 16-17

GOING FOR THE GOLD

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Fighting Food Insecurity in Loudoun One Acre at a Time

4min
page 12

For Lt. Shaun Jones, The Beat Goes On

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Fox & Pheasant Expands Exponentially

2min
page 10

Some Movie Magic Created at Hill and Foxcroft

3min
page 9

A Special Delivery for the Middleburg Post Office: 20118

3min
page 8

Out in Africa: On Behalf of Man and Beast

5min
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FLOWER POWER ON DISPLAY

3min
page 4

SWAN DIVE

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Middleburg Horseman Helps Jockey Make Kentucky Derby History

3min
page 57

For Jim Donegan: A Lifelong Love Affair With Trees

4min
pages 52-53
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