Perspectives on Childhood, Education and Parenting
Wait: The Art and Science of Delay by Frank Partnoy “Because novices are prone to make the wrong move, the right move is often no move at all.”
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By Tom Northrup
s a young teacher in the late 1960s, I recall one of my soon-to-retire mentors giving me some advice when I became angry about a perceived slight from a colleague, and was about to confront him. This older woman, to whom I explained my upset, suggested an alternative approach. Instead, she suggested, I should write a letter to him, put it in a drawer, reread it in a day or two, and then decide what to do. She believed that delaying my response, thereby gaining perspective and balance, would be the wiser course.
In Thinking, Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman explains that we have two systems of processing: System 1( fast), which operates quickly, intuitively and requires little effort, and System 2 (slow), which calls for concentration, effort and time. In our daily lives, we operate mostly on System 1, which is comfortable and requires minimal energy. It generally serves us well, but not always; understanding when we need to activate System 2,and raise our effort, is central to becoming skilled in employing ”the art of delay” in our decision making.
Frank Partnoy, in Wait: The Art and Science of Delay, (2012) offers an approach to decisionmaking I found both original and valuable. In the introduction, the author reminds us that “the key skill that distinguishes human beings from animals is our superior ability to think about the future.”
Adolescents with their brain’s under-developed frontal lobes, are prone to overuse System 1, resulting in impulsivity. Their ”choices” often cause pain to peers and adults, and frequently result in serious consequences for them and their parents. The speed of communication which social media platforms offer makes it easy for them to get into deep water quickly.
That gift, however, does not insure that we will make prudent or well-timed decisions. To do so, in this time when communication tools are lightning fast and the expectation that one should respond quickly, often without adequate analysis, presents a challenge for all of us.
Frustrated, the adults in their lives will belatedly say, “What were you thinking?” We, as adults, need to consider how we might help them develop strategies for understanding and using the benefits of System 2 and of delay. Putting the letter in the drawer, rather than pushing the send button. Challenging for both
parties, I know. Teachers and parents must also exercise patience with their students and children as their frontal lobes mature, as they learn how to behave with increased restraint. Some adults are prone to make negative comments and pessimistic judgments about their child’s behavior and about his/her future success (or lack thereof). An informed prediction of a child’s life productivity is impossible, especially during these formative years. I was recently reminded of the wisdom of delaying judgment on the worth of anyone’s life, at a memorial service for a childhood friend. As a child and young adult, he was disparaged by many for his boisterous and apparently selfish behavior. Ultimately, he became recognized for his generous spirit, humor and even for his leadership in the community. And, the letter to the colleague I placed in the drawer instead of sending? Never was sent. He and I spoke later and settled our misunderstanding and became friends. Tom Northrup, a Long-time educator, is Head of School Emeritus at The Hill School in Middleburg.
Country ZEST & Style | Winter 2021
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