Distancing

a collection

worlds

of

emerging

distance

ideas through

art

thoughts stories

DISTANCING a collection of work by Clare Hall students, fellows, alumni, and sta during the Covid-19 pandemic, 2020

2020

INTRODUCTION In March 2020, the United Kingdom went into lockdown as a result of the Covid-19 pandemic. In Clare Hall, some students remained in college, others travelled to their home countries. The academic year was suddenly disrupted, creating fragmentation across the social, economic, mental, and emotional realms of individual and community existence. Students, fellows, and staff at Clare Hall worked to adapt to the uncertainty in the changing circumstances, finding ways to resist the fragmentation of the pandemic by coming together to create virtual spaces of connection and community. The GSB ran a host of online events, including virtual Drink and Draws, and Baking Challenges. The following pages reflect the stories of students, fellows, alumni, and staff at Clare Hall. They tell the stories of lives amidst the pandemic, through a range of mediums including art, poetry, words, and objects. They mark an attempt to reckon with the effects of the pandemic, a comment on contemporary realities, and an attempt to generate future spaces - mental, emotional, spiritual, and communal - that work with and beyond the ‘new normal’ of the pandemic. Most work featured has been created during the Covid-19 pandemic, although some have earlier histories.

Together, the work is a visual story of the non-linear process of the pandemic - from disruption, fragmentation, loss, and isolation, to cultivation, gestation, renewal, and rebirth. It tells an ongoing story of the experience of Clare Hall humans in a time of chaos, fragmentation, change, and renewal. It reflects some of our internal and external worlds, and experiments in generating new ones.

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01. Introduction 02. Contents 03. Soap: It Washes Away

CONTENTS

Mohammad Wesam Al Asali; Sofia Singler

04. Daily Geometries

Mohammad Wesam Al Asali

05. on peach cobbler and hurried goodbyes

Adelia

06 - 07. Origami Spring

Mariana P.L. Pereira

08. Covid-19

Rani Drew

09. Haiku

Summer Qassim; Harry Joseph

10. the creative life of trauma

Megan Robinson

11. Revendications d’une pandemie

Aube Tollu

12 - 16. Objects - a series.

Josh Matthews; Srijit Seal; Patrick McClanahan; Yomna Zentani; Mariana P.L. Pereira; Monique Smith; Megan Robinson

17. So what do you do?

Camille Barras

18 - 19. Clare Hall’s Brian Pippard in Minecraft

Marno van der Maas

20. Fantasia on Pollinators

Jillian DiPersio

21 - 30. An interview with Summer Qassim

Summer Qassim; Megan Robinson

31 - 33. The Lonely Tree Project

Marno van der Maas

34. Sarah’s Food Space

Sarah Gough

35 - 42. Drink and Draw

Simone Schneider; Emily Goodacre; Stefan Heimersheim; Marno van der Maas; Eleanor Ryan; John Smeaton; Anna Oakes; Kimberly Anderson; Stella Felsch; Tim Coorens

43- 47. Experiences 48. Conclusion 49. Contributions

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03 Soap - It washes away M.Wesam Al Asali (Clare Hall; PhD Architecture 2017) Sofia Singler (Pembroke; PhD Architecture 2016) "‫ وترميم شباك سقط‬،‫الحنني هو اختصاص الذاكرة في تجميل ما احتجب من املشهد‬ ‫دون أن يصل سقوطه إلى الشارع‬." ‫محمود درويش‬ "Longing is the specialty of memory in beautifying what was hidden in the scene, fixing a window that had fallen off without ever having hit the street.” - Mahmoud Darwish This is a window from Khan al-Wazir in Aleppo, Syria. But rather than ashlar and quarry stones it is built out of another local material: Aleppo soap.

Masonry architecture is attached to connotations of endurance, resilience and strength. The heaviness and solidity of stone implies timelessness, and a sense of rooted belonging. Soap, however, disintegrates unlike traditional masonry; it appears solid, but is vulnerable and fragile, for it chips and washes away. The constant threat of melting away speaks of the fragility of built heritage, cultural riches and human life itself in times of crisis.

Daily Geometries M. Wesam Al Asali What if the 6-fold grid was a concrete-wood joint?

Can a 7-fold star be a vaulted ceiling?

“Daily Geometries” aims at shifting our understanding of “Islamic Geometry” from being purely ornamental in architecture and design into having a possible structural meaning. The project assumes structural feasibility of these patterns in a three-dimensional space. It interrogates this feasibility by linking structural engineering with art to think with materials and cultural practices, pushing both beyond being sacred geometry or mere heritage subjects

Mohammad Wesam Al Asali Clare Hall: MPhil Architecture and Urban Studies (2015-16) Clare Hall: PhD Architecture (2017) Research: As an architect and builder, I am interested in capitalising on the role that design and technology can play in learning from and engaging with vernacular construction to respond to environmental challenges.

My PhD dissertation examines this possibility in thin-tile vaulting, a Mediterranean ceiling-craft technique that can be an alternative to reinforced concrete.

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on peach cobbler and hurried goodbyes by adelia

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i stood by the river. it is a constant heartache who is now my companion. he has the presence of an organic body, emitting heat and doubling the force of gravity in this already claustrophobic box. a dull throbbing that feels like the echo of the intensity of the life i lead somewhere in a parallel universe, where the world has not yet shattered, where life lingers and time rumbles on. where ‘what ifs’ need not be asked unceasingly, relentlessly until i feel my eyes have no use because the pictures i project onto the inside of my forehead are far more tempting, far more fulfilling than the stream of days set out before me. where distances are bridged with a gentle gust of wind. where a confident ‘until we meet again’ is paired with a comforting embrace. i do not know what brought me there in this other world i have revealed to you the contents of my heart, rather than letting all remain unspoken, cryptically hidden away in the little notes i leave behind in certain-uncertain gestures full of doubt and guilt and yet also the assertion that i deserve more in this world but know i will never ask for it and now that parallel me knows the joys of freedom while i settle out of fear for what i know to be certain and safe because nothing is certain and safe anymore. it never was. this i knew but refused to believe because it is the narratives we spin from gossamer that make our lives cognisable. free-falling off the jagged edge of an absurd world does not a narrative make. i wanted to scream to the water, i used to bring her peach cobbler in exchange for stories. i would drive along the gravel road to the edge of the pond where her house rests. she was already waiting for me at the door, welcoming me into her kitchen with her gritty, robust laugh that would invariably mutate into a cough. i tracked the passing of the afternoon in the sun’s colourful jaunt across the table, pigmented in the technicolour glass of her window. through each story of pluck and adventure and independence she passed on to me her courage. mine to squirrel away safely in the zippered compartments of my carry-on. to beg to a god i couldn’t believe in, once upon a time daydreams felt like prophecies. it was a secret fantasy of mine to pose for a life drawing, to have my form immortalised as a thing of beauty through someone else’s imagination, to see myself through kinder eyes. or to spontaneously swim in a river in the middle of the night, to live out the youth my old soul long denied me. but these were the actions of a daring person unafraid to let others in. i foolishly thought this was who i was in the process of becoming. to memorialise a friend now gone. these things i fear you know but somehow insist you could not possibly because for all the time i knew you i refused to animate them by truthfully encoding them in ink but now that i have, now that i have breathed life into these thoughts they have metamorphosed into poltergeists, like the planes i see from my window that remind me even if i could somehow return it would not matter because the world i loved has simply drifted away. pandora wails. instead i stood immobile, now my carry-on is empty. and i realise independence is a great, hollow lie i told myself for all those years. and yet i had always known it was a lie and now when the world has shut on my already-deformed feet, the feet that were supposed to carry me across the earth, just as i managed to pry it open after years of work and clichéd dreams and the belief that there will be time after… after… after… i tremble and crack under the weight. because i realise i do not yet know what it means to be human in a shattered world. if only i could bring her one more dish of peach cobbler. perhaps i could find answers at the end of her driveway. or encrypted in one of her stories. or in the echoing of her gravelly laugh. trying to grow roots from my toes and sprout leaves from my fingertips, because i fear i am not strong enough to bear this burden. i cannot even bare my heart. until you called to me from across the river.

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Summer Qassim Clare Hall: PhD Social Anthropology (2019) Harry Joseph Clare Hall: Domestic Bursar

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Origami Spring Wall decoration, composed of origami flowers, and poem.

150mm x 150mm Totoro limited collection origami paper purchased in Japan "Made during ‘National Emergency State’ in Portugal, when you are asked to stay inside and Spring happens outside!

This was my way to bring Spring inside my room” Marina P.L. Pereira Clare Hall: PhD Cambridge Heritage Research Centre; Department of Archaeology Research: Mariana’s research explores how cultural heritage is used to define and express identity in postmovement conditions, namely by diaspora communities She is looking at identity construction in post-colonial settings, conducting ethnographic research of annual celebrations organised with her own community, the Macanese, Portuguese descendants from Macau, China. Mariana is also the Fellow-Student Interaction Officer at Clare Hall, and Vice-President of the Cambridge Migration Society.

Rani Drew Rani Drew is a playwright, poet, artist, short story writer, and producer of feminist theatre. She has been published in poetry and fiction magazines in Canada, USA, UK and in translation in Romanian journals.

She has written forty stage plays plus radio plays, and has produced thirty of them in the U.K, China, Hungary, Spain, Macedonia and Romania. Her play ‘Cleopatra’ has been staged in Hungary, Romania, Macedonia, Spain, U.K and in Punjabi translation in India. Shakespeare & Me won Romanian Shakespeare Festival prizes and has been performed in Hungary & Cambridge. In 2010, Whyte Tracks, Denmark, published her first novel, ‘The Dog’s Tale: a Life in the Buda Hills’. Rani has since published ‘Text As Dream’, an academic book.

In Rani’s words, ‘it is surprising how something old and known can suddenly take on new dimensions’.

As a feminist author, Rani is familiar with retelling stories to invent new ones, inversing meanings to imagine differences. Yet Rani’s poem featured here speaks to an unfamiliar world brought about by Covid-19. In this unfamiliar and liminal space, leaving ‘only minds to wander, eyes to visions’, what world are we envisioning? In a world where breathing and touching threaten human existence at the same time as spring is blooming, we are encouraged to think about the relationship between human vision and nature’s cycles, to consider beyond the space of borders and disease.

Rani has been involved with Clare Hall as a poet and play writer. In 2017, Rani returned from the Granada Theatre Festival to stage a return of Shakespeare and Me in Clare Hall’s Richard Eden Suite.

In 2010, Rani staged the play Queen Victoria and the Maharaja of Lahore in Clare Hall, about the deposed Maharaja Duleep Singh who was exiled to Britain after the East Indian Company annexed Punjab in 1849. Rani’s husband, John Drew, is a life member of Clare Hall. ranidrew.wordpress.com

COVID -19

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The Globe is vibrating with the Coronavirus.

Has there ever been such a threat to human life?

Yet now unseen and unknown it is overtaking the planet.

World is no longer divided, no borders to prevent Gusts of killer air invading beyond the lines, Sweeping through Space boiling with living breath.

Humans are locked up; bodies are arrested, Leaving only minds to wander, eyes to visions, But breath is held a prisoner.

How long? How long? Will this sweep of unseen, untouched invasion of the planet be without end?

Will we remain alive to break its shackles?

The Caution-call roars from all ends to deter the infection.

Forbidden are the joys of breathing air, touching things; Must keep a distance of six feet to escape its embrace.

To breathe once again: deep, deep, step out, no longer A prisoner to the racing epidemic, the unseen invading Storm of destruction, annihilation of humans.

But beyond the bite of the Vampire Bat, Nature negates the threat of human Extinction.

Spring flowers are blooming, so fragrant, so colourful.

They yearn for human touch, just as humans Long to behold the rainbow of their colours, and Breathe their fragrance to soothe their own vision.

The earth flowers display more colours than even The Sky Rainbow: red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo and violet.

But like the Rainbow with its curved sword of immortal colours Slice the evil hurricane to bits with its sharp edge, never again Let it rise to demolish the planet with disease and death.

“I made 'Fantasia on Pollinators' while I was reworking my methodology for my dissertation in response to the lockdown as my planned in-person fieldwork became impossible. Mediation became central to my dissertation as I began to consider how interactions with other people, and interactions with nature, became more heavily and differently mediated under lockdown. As I started to think more about the concept of mediation of imaginations of nature, 'Fantasia on Pollinators' became my way of exploring and deconstructing my own imagination of nature, which I understand as constructed through my interactions with particular art forms, namely poetry, music, painting, scientific accounts, and photography. Découpage is a particularly apt media for this sort of creative exploration--to make this piece I took components of media that were particularly influential in my imagination of nature (Van Gogh's Irises, drawings from the Biodiversity Heritage Library, lines of Rumi's poetry, sheet music, and a photograph of a sunflower I took at a farm where I once worked). These components all came together on the background of an old violin broken beyond repair to create a sort of visual song, what I imagine to be in the style of a fantasia, a soloistic improvisation, and a fantasy, an idea of nature that exists in my head as filtered through the lens of my media consumption and personal experience.”

Jillian DiPersio (MPhil Social Anthropology, 2019-2020), from the USA

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Fantasia on Pollinators Jillian DiPersio Clare Hall: MPhil Social Anthropology (2019-2020) Research: Jillian investigates British imaginations of nature through the lens of local volunteer conservation groups in Cambridge. She is interested in how volunteer conservationists think about themselves and their work in relation to imaginations of 'nature' and how these ideas translate into concerns about global climate change.

“Something that has struck me while conducting ethnographic research at this moment is how the pandemic and lockdown have made people more aware of the wildlife in their own gardens and local nature reserves. It is my hope that analysis of discourses of loss, renewal, and preservation surrounding nature and the pandemic will add to our understanding of climate change, conservation, and species extinction as social phenomena.”

Revendications d’une pandémie @demandsfromapandemic (FB) @revendicationsdunepandemie (IG)

'Revendications d'Une Pandémie' is an anti-capitalist, anti-colonialist, and intersectional feminist movement created by Clare Hall MPhil student (2019-2020) Aube Ama with Krav Fra (Denmark). The movement brings together independent activist groups to formulate demands to governments to mitigate intensified marginalisation brought by the pandemic. Each week, Revendications d’une Pandémie formulate demands and encourage everyone to join each Sunday to drop banners from their window. Demands emerge from and are hosted by grassroots movements and organisations involved in the protection of the systemically marginalised. They gravitate around problems surrounding border politics, prison and the criminal justice system, the criminalisation of sex-work and other undeclared work, and domestic violence. You can learn more about Revendications d’Une Pandémie and get involved at @revendicationsdunepandemie (IG) and @demandsfromapandemic (FB).

Aube Tollu Clare Hall: MPhil Sociology (2019-2020) Research:

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the creative life of trauma

where self meets spaces inhabited and skin and plants form connections

words without dimensions worlds without intentions

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what do we create when we’re alone what is going on its always been the case

we are never in control The Birth is always the birth of Loss you do not have until it is gone

actions

the memory creates the feelings with which you use to fuel your abortions birth beings Loss fuels creation

scar on womb like epiconic growth on trees through trauma grow distorted leaves that twists and rope cognisant in disturbing honesty and how displacement creates authenticity A wave of ever coming and going receding

A continuous arrival

Of a world we have ambiguous control interacting with non-humans diseases and capital, and flows of light what will birth will be loss what is lost will again birth hybrid, forming co-generative w / h o l e s

Ocean of many and the one

Megan Robinson Clare Hall: MPhil Social Anthropology (2019-2020)

The salty space of life and death of what is lost and what becomes collage of the unseen and left

Objects - a series

During lockdown we interviewed a series of Clare Hall humans as part of the ‘Humans of Clare Hall’ project.

The humans were asked to identify an object of importance to them. The objects here mark the tangible presence of the memories of their collector, highlighting the ways through which human subjectivity and the material world are formed relationally. In a time where human interpersonal interaction is limited, the efficacy of objects is re-centred, marking both the presence and absence, and persistence, of the human subject.

“I think in amongst the chaos that’s going on right now, the biggest winner of my working from home is definitely the desk plant, who now gets love and attention every day and has grown from one struggling leaf to sprouting five!”

Josh Matthews, Life Member (MPhil Industrial Systems, Manufacturing, and Management 2017-2018), from the UK

“I have a small stone, which was lying on the banks of a canal in Japan. I thought it was a river because fishes were flowing on it. It was so clean. We were walking with two friends, and they looked at those stones and said ‘it's going to erode and turn into sand’. So I picked up one, and I said, ‘No, this will travel with me.’ And that stone has gone back to India since then, has gone to Germany, has come to the UK. It’s still lying in the bag, passed all airport security checks as well! Sometimes people laugh at me, ‘Why are you carrying a stone? It will make your bag heavy. I don’t know. It’s just lying there. I never felt like picking it up and throwing it out. I still have that stone with me in the bag."

Srijit Seal (MPhil Chemistry 2019-2020), from India

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“A few years back, I guess starting back in 2015 after I finished my undergraduate, I was able to start travelling more, but still on a student budget. When travelling you always want to be able to have some type of souvenir to remember the travels, but I have never been much of a t-shirt or magnet kind of guy. So I stumbled on patches. Patches are tiny so easily to collect when travelling, cheaper (an essential), and often very colourful and captivating. I have sewn all the patches from my travels onto my day bag that I will take on hikes or just a day out in Cambridge to get stuff done. I have had a number of people come up to me and compliment the bag or ask where I got it, or ask about a particular place I’ve been to and how it was like, Budapest, Park City Utah, The Appalachian Trail, plenty of other places. Each patch not only represents a trip, but also all the memories alongside them.”

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Patrick McClanahan (PhD Psychology 2017-2020), from USA

“I haven’t read a book that wasn’t a law book in so long! So, during the lockdown, I picked up a book called I Used to Know That [by Caroline Taggart]. It’s brilliant! It’s a whole book on things we probably learnt at school but forgot over time, so it’s been lovely refreshing my memory. It ranges from English language and literature, math, science, history… do you remember Robert Frost’s The Road Not Taken? It’s a poem that has been interpreted differently by many – but generally, Frost is reflecting on a time he had to make a choice about the direction his life should take, which I think is something we can all relate to.”

Yomna Zentani (Master of Law 2019-2020) from Libya

14 “It’s very strange when we talk about objects. I always say that people give a lot of importance to it, but when I see my own case, what I brought with me were my interviews. The most important objects that I had, I remember leaving them specifically in my room so that they would a) protect my room and b) I would have to go back to get them.

But I do regret a bit leaving them because I feel like I am parted from them, and it feels awkward. It feels like the power is no longer influencing me. It’s stayed in my room. So I specifically talk about three objects. There’s my deck of Tarot cards. That’s a powerful object that I always carry with me, and Tarot cards, regardless of whether you believe in it or not, usually you shouldn’t touch other people’s Tarot cards, and you should only read your own Tarot cards. Those are my cards. I can’t touch them because they’re far away. No one can touch it. And I can’t even do a reading because I won’t touch my mom’s Tarot cards because it changes the energy in them. That’s the big object that I miss. The other two are equally symbolic. One is a Virgin Mary, small Virgin Mary. I always say I’m not Catholic but then I participate in everything that’s related to it, so it’s very strange. The object is important because it’s a family gift, and the importance is the fact that the family gave it to me with the intention of protecting me.

That’s what makes it so valuable – it wouldn’t matter what it was. So in this case it’s a Virgin Mary statue. And then the third object is right next to the Virgin Mary. These objects are very close together. It’s a small Chinese amulet that protects you when you travel, which curiously stays there with the Virgin Mary. Because they have to come together, like the Chinese and the Portuguese side have to be together always. And so the Virgin Mary has a Chinese thing next to each other, and they are there next to my bed. So those are the three objects that I left behind. With me, it was very practical. I have literally all my interviews. That’s it. I just brought my PhD stuff with me. It’s strange.

You leave your life behind, and then you bring your work with you.”

Mariana P.L. Pereira (PhD Heritage Studies), from Macau and Portugal

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“I was invited to ride this horse for someone who had found the horse too difficult for her. She never really settled into it. She just said one day, ‘Okay, that’s it. I’m just not going to settle into this horse. I’ll have to sell him.’ I said, ‘Well that’s fantastic because I’d like to buy him. One great thing about playing polo is you have to have a lot of horses. Each horse you connect with on a different level. For me, the best thing about a horse is as you swing your leg onto it and you get to know it, you can feel their personality. It’s getting to know that horse and feeling its personality and its character. I love that.

That’s my favourite thing about riding, that connection with the horse.”

Monique Smith (Catering Team), from South Africa

Stella investigates how new therapeutic innovations can change the pharmaceutical landscapes and improve patient lives. Stella was the President of the university-wide Gardening Society from 2019-2020, and spent a lot of time tending to her growing indoor plant collection from her room in the Michael Stoker building during the lockdown.

Stella Felsch (MPhil Therapeutic Sciences 2019-2020), from Germany

16 “I feel uncomfortable around clutter, yet have a tendency to collect sticks, plants, stones, and leaves I find outside. I also have a small collection of crystals. I seem to collect them during periods of transition. The sticks in this photo were collected at the start of lockdown. I bought some natural clay and sculpted the three rocklike structures balanced on each other towards the end of my degree. The sculpture with the eucalyptus in is something I bought from a market in Pucallpa, Peru, in summer 2019, a month before starting my MPhil. Pucallpa is home to Shipibo communities, who are known for ayahuasca shamanism, and who paint visionary knowledge in the form of geometric patterns on a range of ceramics and textiles using natural dyes from the forest.

These practices formed part of my MPhil research. Upon arriving in Cambridge, I bought fresh eucalyptus from the market and placed it in the sculpture. The sculpture was a way to remind myself of my research topic, to keep the Shipibo and the forest present as agents in my research. The eucalyptus really started to show visible signs of death during lockdown, during the write up of my dissertation. This photo was taken a week after finishing my degree, and I will now throw out the eucalyptus in an attempt at some sort of release/renewal following my degree. I’ve really enjoyed my time at Cambridge, and the objects I have collected have been ways through which this experience has been thought through and materialised, and through which agents in my surroundings come to influence my experiences. Collecting nonman-made items reminds me to work intuitively, and to balance the over-stimulation of the brain required in academia with a sensitivity to the body and material.”

Megan Robinson (MPhil Social Anthropology 2019-2020), from the UK

16 "So what do you [M1-6]” Process mapping as a soothing resource to keep track of progress and learning in the absence of outcome Camille Barras Clare Hall: PhD Politics (2019) Camille’s research aims to shed light on the current state of democracy from a subnationallevel perspective.

She investigates how citizens relate to local political institutions by looking at citizen’s behaviours, attitudes, and their institutional determinants

Clare Hall’s Brian Pippard Building replicated in Minecraft “I built this building on the Cambridge Minecraft server, which at the time of building already had buildings from many other colleges and now Clare Hall is represented too. The nice thing of this server is that it captures the magic of Cambridge's architecture in a virtual world. This is important in a time when going out to enjoy the sights yourself is less accessible. The reason for choosing Brian Pippard to represent Clare Hall is that it is the beautiful view that I enjoy every day from my room in Leslie Barnett House. If you would like to see the build yourself you can log onto the server at camfess.samsga.me and the building is located at coordinates (123, 88, -367). I hope that with this build, I have captured some of the magic of Clare Hall and bring joy in these hard times.”

Marno van der Maas Clare Hall: PhD Computer Science (2017) Research: Marno’s goal is to create a future of secure and private computing. He is designing a processor protecting sensitive applications from an attacker, even if they have compromised the operating system on the device. We can use this to protect online banking and two-factor authentication. He works towards making computers, phones, and other devices more secure.

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Marno van der MaasÂ

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Summer Qassim is a Social Anthropology PhD student and mother. Summer kindly agreed to be interviewed on her experiences of the intersections between the pandemic, academia, and raising children as a single mother in Clare Hall.

What is your research focus within your Anthropology PhD?

I work in Social and Cultural Anthropology, and my research focus is at the intersection of the Anthropology of Ethics and The Anthropology of Religion. I am interested in how people hold an ethical ideal and work to embody it in the everyday, especially through the use of detraditionalized “New Age” spiritual practices that originate from orthodox Eastern religious practices.

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Has social distancing changed your family life/mothering practices? And if so, how?

Social distancing has definitely changed my family life and mothering practices. I am a single mother, divorced from the kids’ father who does not live in the UK. I was supposed to get a much-needed break from my sole responsibility of the kids in April, when their dad was due to fly in and be with them over their Easter break, and again when my sister was planning on flying in from California to be with them for the rest of April while I went on a fieldwork trip to Ireland. Instead, neither of them were able to come visit and everything – including school and holiday camps – were shut down!

Instead of getting what I thought I needed (a break from my kids) I got 24/7 time with them with no hope of external help! Somewhat paradoxically, that has been good for our relationship. We learned to live with the things that were irritating us about each other, and I have gotten to know my kids’ personalities on a deeper level than before. For example, I learned that one of my children has extraordinary coping mechanisms for getting through a crisis like COVID-19, and can completely selfcreate meaningful structure. And I learned that the other really needs external structure to cope with a crisis. Through homeschooling I was able to see that one becomes anxious with mainstream schooling and prefers self-directed work, while the other loves the rigid structures of worksheets. This is something I would never learn from a parent-teacher meeting at school.I also speculated – but please correct me if I’m wrong – that I was in a sense luckier than totally single people living on their own in non-college flats or houses in that I had noise and liveliness and a reason to get up and be “on” every day. And of course my kids make me laugh with the things they say and do!

On to the more difficult and practical things… As a single mother I completely relied on and cherished the social support of free state schooling, the University of Cambridge subsidized afterschool care, and the communal atmosphere of dinners in the dining hall. These structures mimicked the proverbial “village” parents appreciate and single parents rely on to function, and I never actually felt alone in my sole responsibility of raising the kids. Having my children at home all day means feeding them lunch, something that was free for my daughter who is in the Early Years Free Meal Scheme and subsidized for all other students (including my son) at £2.10 a day. My options are Clare Hall catering which is a real benefit in terms of eliminating the labor of planning, buying, cooking, and cleaning up after meals, but which becomes expensive multiplied by three mouths. When calculated against doing all the above non-wage labor myself, I then have no time to help them with schoolwork let alone work on my PhD! I calculated the extra costs, even when reducing it to sharing two meals amongst ourselves, and it comes to just over £400 more than when they are in school.

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What have been some of the positive outcomes of Covid-19 on family life/your role as a mother?

We are spending more time together and more time enjoying and exploring the beautiful countryside that borders Cambridge – including the fields that border Clare Hall!

Any less than positive?

There is tremendous pressure on me to not just bear all the responsibilities I had before, but to add in Year 4 and Year 2 English,, Maths, Science, and Art Teacher as well.

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How is your emotional state at this current time? What are some of your fears - for yourself, your children, friends, the world, and what are some of the things bringing you joy?

Thanks for asking! I have been positive this entire time (7 weeks) and a large part of that has been because I was intent on making sure my kids remember this experience – in 10 or 20 years from now – as a really positive time where they got to spend time at home with each other and their mother and in the rural fields of Cambridge. Unfortunately, I have observed that after almost two months, my children really need to see other people, but especially their peers; they have even expressed this to me. There is just no substitute for seeing other children, and they are put off by Zoom chats where everyone just talks at once! Ever since the Prime Minister announced on Sunday that schools *might* open on 1 June, and then only year groups that don’t include my children, I’ve been down and depressed. I understand that everyone has their personal reactions to the crisis but I fear the people opposed to schools re-opening haven’t considered Scandinavian data that suggest children don’t infect each other nor other adults, nor are they willing to consider data from countries that have just re-opened schools and much less the social situation of single parents. This fear links to fears for my personal well-being. If my children can indeed look back on this period fondly it will be because I sacrificed quietude, solitude, self-care, and the daylight hours I would normally spend working on my PhD for their well-being. After 7 weeks that takes its toll.

As an anthropologist I fear the repercussions extended periods of “social distancing” (which should be called “physical distancing” to deemphasize the lack of sociality) will permanently affect the way we socialize. Humans have always communed and congregated, and I fear its absence is detrimental to what has primordially made us humans.

As a human I am most saddened by the isolation this virus has brought about, rendering one’s death from it to be experienced totally alone, without one’s loved ones next to you, providing you comforting words and a loving touch in your final moments. That thought makes the other kinds of isolation bearable – that we are suffering small isolations to limit the amount of those big, fatal isolations.

What brings me joy? British memes and the Daily Mash! There is no substitute for British wit! Those laughs keep me sane!

Has your identity as a mother changed in any way?

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I suppose it has become my primary identity and my other identities that are equally important to me – anthropologist, researcher, friend, etc. – have been subsumed or, I fear, bracketed, during this period.

Has mothering become a more central component of your life than it was before Covid-19 -if so, how has this intersected with your life/ identity in other areas? (e.g in balancing it with your academic obligations)

As noted above, my other identities have been subsumed by the totality of these responsibilities. I simply cannot work during the day because research requires deep engagement and I am often interrupted. When I have to meet a deadline I work from 9pm-midnight or 1am, when the kids are sleeping.

Those aren’t my best hours, but I have been trying to acclimate my brain to being productive then. There are articles that say men are more productive during lockdown and women less, and I don’t even need to see the statistics to know that is true. I just try to conceive of “productivity” in other terms, as well as to parochialize our dependency on tangible outcomes to feel successful.

How does it feel to have your children around you all the time?

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Abnormal. Against nature. Irritating (for them too). Humans have always shared responsibilities for raising kids. The nuclear family is a very new creation; humans typically shared caring responsibilities amongst large groups of people. A single human being was not meant to be around their children all the time, nor were children meant to only be around one or two parents all the time. It is abnormal and in the long-term detrimental to everyone’s well-being and development.

Have you taken a more active role in acting as the ‘teacher’ to your children compared to before Covid-19? If so, how has this experience been?

Yes, I have had to. I am of the opinion that I “survived” mainstream schooling and am now able to study what I actually want, but I do see the importance of learning the times tables and grammar so I sort of focus on what I think is important from a life perspective and leave the rest. It’s not a fun experience – while I like teaching my subject, it is to adult, non-family members who don’t depend on me for discipline and structure. I have often been told “That’s not how my teacher does it!” No one really likes me having to be the teacher. I wish the school would just stream lessons, which I hear is the case in a lot of the U.S.

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How have your children responded to Covid-19? What have been some of the challenges and positives for them?

I have been so impressed with their ability to seamlessly adapt to the changes! People always say “children are adaptable” and this has certainly been the case with my children, and worldwide, especially with children who haven’t been able to go outside during their lockdowns. The challenges for my children have been not being able to see their father nor other family members, and watching their mother struggle with patience. My son is particularly sensitive and he has been worried about his grandparents, since he has heard the data that older people are more vulnerable. This has led to some sleepless nights for him, which means sleepless nights for me as well.

The positives have been more time to destress from the rigors of schooling. On our best days, they enjoy the kind of self-directed activities certain pedagogical models suggest are beneficial to brain development. On those days I think they are thriving.

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You are officially a ‘household’ with Brynja and her children - how has this formalised definition of a ‘household unit’ that has extended past your own physical house and family to another household/family, impacted your family life and conception of mothering? Has mothering become more communal for you in this sense, despite isolation?

Well first of all, anthropologists have long understood that assumptions of heteronormativity and the preeminence of a nuclear family still form the heart of governmental campaigns that only delineate coresidential families as households. This is a methodological problem, and one that some anthropologists have argued against, calling instead for a focus on the activities people deem central to their domestic relationships as the basis of a “household.” So that’s one way to conceive of an alternate household. In parallel, Foucault theorized the transition from the ancien regime to modern forms of power through, among other things, the solidification of the family. That is to say, conjugality found its locus in the nuclear family and made the family and its conjugality the basic framework of modern European sexuality. Governmental policies to shelter-in-place and only socialize with one’s household crystallize these linkages. So the delineation of a household is very much a modern construct with pretty big assumptions of care and support within those physical spaces.

When the UK lockdown appeared imminent I had some hopes that we would still follow the broad view that our conjugality as a college would continue. College members reached out to reassure me they would take my children on walks as a way to offer support during the lockdown. When the college delineated each college house as a “household” my heart sank and it was understood those offers of support were rescinded, per regulations.

Brynja and I realized we would – crucially – have to define ourselves as a “household” in order to share responsibilities and survive the lockdown. So we defined ourselves according to the anthropological alternative of “householding” as a process made through activity as opposed to one that is made based on physical walls, although we do share a wall so that helps! A cornerstone of anthropology is kinship or kin-making, and a lot of these governmental rules about “the household” reference culturally specific Euro-American ideas one about kin-making as being fixed in time and space, as opposed to the more fluid models that subcultures and other non-Euro-American cultures have always practiced. There is, for example, “milk kinship” in Islamic culture where people are considered siblings if they shared the same breastmilk, or kinship based on eating rice together in parts of Malaysia, to just offer two examples out of many “alternative” kinship models. If you think about it, people transmitting the virus to one another makes them a kind of “kin” in viral breeding, which is just another term for reproduction, which is the basis of “the family” in Euro-America. But none of this is mainstream thinking in our culture so the default is always the physical, conjugal household, which I think is problematic.

I always tell people that the Oxbridge collegiate system – designed for eighteen year old English public school boys moving away from home or Eton – also perfectly provides for my needs as a divorced, single mother, mature research student, even though I am basically the opposite of an eighteen year old English public school boy! The real gem of this system lies in its pastoral care, exemplified through college affiliation. I have thoroughly benefitted from this pastoral care. In this sense, in forming a household with Brynja, I am only trying to reclaim some sense of the communal mothering I have been enjoying since becoming a part of a collegiate university, first for my MPhil in Oxford and now for my PhD here.

How important is communal mothering to you?

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Because I understand communal mothering/parenting as the predominant model throughout almost all of history, it is very important to me. The nuclear family is only about a one hundred year old construct. Even mothers and fathers who have a partner to share child-rearing responsibilities feel the immense burden of unprecedented responsibilities under the nuclear family model. I really want to model and advocate for communal motherhood, not just for myself, but for those mothers who don’t have the incredible privilege of the Oxbridge system to support them under non-lockdown conditions. The lockdown has highlighted the need for this advocacy even more.

How has your experience of Covid-19 intersected with single motherhood?

Despite advocating for communal motherhood, I hate asking for help and almost never do! I was able to feel “independent” because my children are schoolage, and the university subsidized their after-school care, so I could work from 9-5:45 most days, and eat meals in hall with other families, which eliminated the nonwage labor so many women have to perform every day, which people calculate adds up to millions of pounds over a lifetime of labor. With Covid-19 all the support structures I relied upon have vanished.

The only foundation I have is myself. Most days I try to be positive, but sometimes I do panic when I realize I am an unsupported structure – unlike a building that can stand firm because it has supporting walls. My supporting walls have all been removed during the lockdown, and all I do is hope and try to have faith that the wind won’t blow too hard one day, or the earth won’t shake too much and topple us over.

How do you want your life to be post-Covid-19?

How would you like to be supported as a mother/ family post-Covid-19?

I am incredibly grateful, thrilled, and privileged to be part of a Cambridge college for the pastoral care I mentioned above. I had no complaints before Covid-19, other than wondering how I would re-create this communal care once I graduated! So if life for me goes back to “normal” I would return to a privileged existence. I would like to see other, non-Oxbridge mothers and families supported in this way. I think we need to highlight the strength of the Oxbridge collegiate pastoral care model and use it as a frame for creating supportive communal networks in neighborhoods everywhere, but particularly in vulnerable neighborhoods and spaces. If I could use my Oxbridge experience towards effecting some kind of institutionalized communal parenting models – ones that, for example, heavily subsidize communal dining and housing, I would be really pleased! It would be my way of trying to give back what I’ve been honoured to be a part of.

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What can we do as a society (including the government, the university, and individuals) to support single mothers during Covid-19?

Understand that there are always exceptions to mainstream assumptions of what a family and household is. Then make provisions for those exceptions. The UK government allowed children of separated parents to move between households. That was a nice provision, but it didn’t help me as the children’s father isn’t in the UK! Could there have been some exceptions for childcare made instead? Or for school attendance? I know a mother from school who is also a foreign PhD student and is widowed. There needs to be provision for people like her who have no other social support. College rules that prevent non-college members from entering the site mean I can’t hire a childminder to help me in the house, even though the government has permitted child minders to work. Thinking about people in exceptions is just crucial for their well-being. And people who feel supported are extremely productive and give back to society.

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“These art pieces were originally exhibited at Clare Hall Reflect in 2019. I took a picture of a lonely tree every day on my way to work. From those pictures, I made a couple of compilations: (1) all lonely tree pictures depicted chronologically, (2) a mosaic of the lonely tree using small pictures of the lonely tree (generated with AndreaMosaic), (3) lonely tree pictures with a cloudy sky, (4) lonely tree pictures with a clear sky, (5) a snowy lonely tree picture and (6) a night-time lonely tree picture. No matter what the time of year or the weather, the lonely tree stands strong. This lonely tree is an important part of my walk to work and symbolises the importance of reflection in life.�

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Marno van der Maas Clare Hall: PhD Computer Science (2017)

“I am a first year PhD student; I had previously finished an MPhil in Biomedical Translational Research here. During my PhD, I’ll be investigating the immune landscape in the liver during the early stages of hepatocellular carcinoma; the most common primary liver cancer. Practically, this involves designing and optimising experiments along with processing and analysing results with the aim to understand exactly what immune subtypes clear ‘pretumourous’ cells in a healthy individual. This will help us understand what may be going awry in a cancer patient and ultimately contribute to developing a preventative treatment before a tumour is formed.

Veggie Quesadillas with Lime Aioli

Doughnuts

@sarahsfoodspace

Considering the circumstances, I felt very lucky to be in Scotland during lockdown with nature right on my doorstep. Now, having returned to the lab, I will always cherish the time spent during those few months where we weren’t running around. It gave us a chance to reflect and just be; an important skill I forget to do.”

Peanut Butter and Dark Chocolate Dates

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Baking and cooking is very similar to being in a lab in that you collect ingredients (reagents), follow a method (protocol) and finish with an edible product (results). So, I was motivated to keep that part of my brain stimulated but also to have a creative outlet during an anxious time - which I personally need to keep grounded. It gave my parents a welcome break from cooking and importantly kept my family’s spirits up.

Sarah Gough Clare Hall: PhD (2019) Medical Science

Lemon, Mascarpone, and Ricotta Cannoli

During lockdown, Simone Schneider (MPhil Sociology 2019-2020) led a series of virtual drink and draw events throughout the college. Students 34 were provided materials to create a series of drawings from within their houses from prompts generated each session. The resulting collection showcases a series of disparate drawings unified through the circumstances of their production. In curating the work, a common thread appears to emerge. Stylistically, the work suggests the insularity and contemplation, alongside the chaotic impermanence, that is characteristic of the Covid-19 pandemic. The drawings range from realism to the depths of abstraction, acting as sites of mediation through which their creators creatively reckon with the emergent realities of the pandemic. Created by students from a range of disciplines, the work marks the process through which unexpected circumstances require novel approaches in the pursuit of knowledge. They detail the paradox of the destruction of stagnation brought through isolation, and the possibilities of creative renewal.

Simone Schneider Clare Hall: MPhil Sociology (2019-2020) Emily Goodacre Clare Hall: PhD Education (2018-2021)

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Stefan Heimersheim Clare Hall: PhD Astronomy (2019)

Simone Schneider Clare Hall: MPhil Sociology (2019-2020) Emily Goodacre Clare Hall: PhD Education (2018-2021)

Marno van der Maas Clare Hall: PhD Computer Science (2017-2021)

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John Smeaton Clare Hall: PhD Physics (2017)

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Eleonor Ryan Clare Hall: MPhil Education (2019-2020)

Anna Oakes Clare Hall: MPhil Spanish and Comparative Literature (2019-2020)

John Smeaton Clare Hall: PhD Physics (2017)

Tim Coorens Clare Hall: PhD Mathematical Genomics and Medicine (2016)

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Stella Felsch Clare Hall: MPhil Therapeutic Sciences (2019-2020)

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Tim Coorens Clare Hall: PhD Mathematical Genomics and Medicine (2016)

Kimberly Anderson Clare Hall: PhD AngloSaxon, Celt, and Nordic Studies (2017) (Above) Simone Schneider Clare Hall: MPhil Sociology (2019-2020) (Left) Eleonor Ryan Clare Hall: MPhil Education (2019-2020) (Far Left)

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Clare Hall students participated in an online survey to elucidate some of the ways through which the lockdown has been experienced. The results seem to reflect the chaotic unpredictability of the Covid-19 pandemic, with students appearing to exhibit disparate and often quite binary experiences, with equal measures of Calm and Unease, Creativity and Stagnation. Mental health reportedly worsened or remained stable, with a significant minority (18%) reporting an improvement in mental health. The instability of Covid-19 appears to be reflected in the emotional, experiential, and physiological patterns of experience, perhaps contributing to an increased propensity for reflection, with students thinking through the kind of world/s they would like to see emerge post-pandemic on Page 51.

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EXPERIENCES

What emotions describe your lockdown experience?

Tables and graphics from canva.com

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Which of the below experiences have you been feeling?

How has your mental health been during lockdown?

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How does lockdown feel in your body?

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“We need to expand our sense of compassion and empathy for both the environment and for our fellow human beings” I want it back as it was 33.3%

What kind of world do you want to live in post-lockdown?

Other 66.7%

“I want a better world after this”

“Looking after each other and nature with more kindness and awareness”

“A change in the way we approach work. No more working ourselves to exhaustion”

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“I want most things back to normal, but it would be nice to see positive changes to the way we treat the environment as well as positive changes to norms around accessibility and universal design”

“A world more focused on essential things, associated with less carbon emissions and de-growth”

“I feel that the current situation has allowed me to slow down enough to really connect with myself. I don’t think online socialising is the way to go but at the same time I do believe it has allowed people to reclaim time lost in mindless activities like going for ‘social coffees’ because you feel like you have to or doing things out of fear that your course mates/ colleagues will think you’re odd. I think that the ‘new world’ will see a lot of people trying their best to reclaim their time back and spend it only on things that matter.”

“Gratefulness and inspiration to create positive change”

“More equality”

48 By way of conclusion, the creations, stories, and journeys this publication traces speaks to the depths of the human experience, and the ability for art, objects, research, and words to catalyse and make manifest that process of reflection internal to human consciousness, one that has been strengthened by the necessities of the 2020 COVID-19 pandemic. The preceding pages mark points in time of individuals and collectives, reckonings with shared and personal experiences.

One underlying theme is solitude and isolation. Solitude is often marked by an experience of aloneness and separation from the world. Yet in the isolation brought by enforced social distancing, solitude reveals itself as the mark of a resoundingly human experience.

Whilst socialising has decreased, it has led to a strengthening of communication and creation from a place of honesty and integrity; a sharing of what is internal to the self as a being experiencing reality through solitude. We find that our conversations and creations signal an honesty with an underlying urgency to share what is at once both deeply personal and universal. What we hold in common with others is a singularity that is never entirely our own. In solitude and isolation, we are united as much as we are divided.

“Even when eagerly desired, solitude can never be willed nor chosen; it arrives as an unexpected event for which no preparation is adequate. Solitude usually occurs in liminal situations when experience is most intense … What characterises all such experiences is the awareness that they cannot be shared.

Solitude therefore involves a profound paradox: we are most apart when we are most together and most together when we are most apart … Solitude reveals a community without communion that endures the trials of time”.

(Mark Taylor; Field Notes from Elsewhere; p128) The preceding pages tell the stories of the individuals that flow through Clare Hall year after year, at one point in time. These stories are both universal and temporal, belonging to the many and the one. It forms part of the living memory of our college collective.

I pray that all contributors, readers, and members of Clare Hall, at all points in time, continue to reflect the world/s they inhabit in their creations - whether it be through academic research; art; experiments; journalling; or through the conversations marked with thoughtfulness, reflection, and existential pursuit that pervades Clare Hall interactions.

It has been an honour to have been entrusted with the stories, reflections, and art offered by contributors. Thank you for allowing me to share them.

- Megan Robinson, editor

CONTRIBUTIONS Kimberly Anderson Mohammad Wesam Al Asali Camille Barras Tim Coorens Jillian DiPersio Rani Drew Stella Felsch Lukas Gaudiesius Emily Goodacre Sarah Gough Stefan Heimersheim Harry Joseph Marno van der Maas Josh Matthews Patrick McClanahan Anna Oakes Mariana P.L. Pereira Summer Qassim Megan Robinson Eleanor Ryan Simone Schneider Srijit Seal Sofia Singler Monique Smith John Smeaton Aube Tollu Yomna Zentani

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2020