FAMILY TALES FROM THE FRONTLINES OF CANCER

Through the experience of Maria

by Tzoumaka Anastasia

Maria’s Interview

I: So, Maria, could you give me some personal information about you first?

M: “Yes, my name is Maria, I am 23 years old and I just graduated from psychology school.”

I: Okay, so what member of your family experienced cancer and when?

M: “It was my mother and she was first diagnosed in 2018. It lasted about a year I think.”

I: How would you describe your relationship with your mother in general?

M: “It was very good, we were actually very close, we discussed many things and did a lot of activities together, like shopping or having lunch.”

I: What was your age when your mother was diagnosed and how was your life at the moment?

M: “I was 18 years old, so I attended the last grade of high school. I had to study hard this year, because I had to take the national exams, which determined whether or not I would have the opportunity to go to college.”

I: In what way did your mother decide to tell you about cancer?

M : “In the start, she didn’t say something, but I understood that something wasn’t right, because sometimes, she acted a little weird and she made a lot of visits to doctors. I remember that she told us about it, only after she had begun her treatment. Specifically, I was sitting with her in her bedroom and she told me that she found a tumor in her breast, which was alarming and they had to conduct the necessary exams to see if it was needed to receive treatment.”

I: How would you describe your reaction to the news?

M: “I felt angry that she hadn’t told me about it earlier, but I didn’t show it to her, I was calm and I started asking for more informati on, regarding the treatment and in what way we could deal with the situation. Then, I hugged her and she reassured me that everything will be okay.”

I: During this period, did you notice any changes in her attitude, in her appearance or in her mood?

M: “About her appearance, I didn’t notice anything different, as radiotherapy doesn’t generally have an effect on that part, so I only saw some rashes on her body. But mentally, I noticed many changes, because she seemed more tired and exhausted and also, she was in a way more passive and relaxed, in contrast to what I had known about her character until then, as she used to be more energetic and in control of things.”

I: In what ways would you say that you tried to support her during that period of time?

M: “I think I was the calmest person in the family, so I tried to help her, by viewing things positively, and by using phrases like: everything will be okay, your doctor is a professional and he will help you, you have a thorough plan. So, I focused on supporting her psychologically, as I believed that her mental state had a direct impact on her physical health.”

I: Did you reach out to a mental health specialist for help?

M: “I was already seeing a psychologist, about my anxiety regarding the national exams, so I of course discussed with her my feelings about my mother’s situation and the ways I could use to deal with it better.”

I: Did your mother, during the time of her illness, try to approach you to talk with you about the disease or about your relationship with her?

M: “Yes, she tried to discuss with me things that concerned her cancer, but not our relationship, as she didn’t think that it was affected by the situation, something that is reasonable, as she was tired and focused on overcoming the obstacles she faced.”

I: Would you say that you have concerns in the present that the cancer will resurface?

M: “Yes. Every time that she has to take her medical exams, I am anxious to see if something has resurfaced and I am relieved when I find out that everything’s okay.”

I: Do you fear for yourself sometimes, that because of genetic inheritance, maybe it is possible for you to be diagnosed in the future?

M: “I had some concerning thoughts about this when I was younger, but my mother had the genetic test and we found out that Ι don’t have a predisposition, so there isn’t a reason for me to be afraid in terms of inheriting the disease.”

I: Do you think that your experience with your mother’s illness has changed the way you deal with life?

M: “Yes, because I realized that health problems are the most important thing in life and that they will make you really face your feelings and the way you see life. So, I learnt not to car a lot about things like my grades, or some personal relationships that aren’t so important to me and to generally try not to care about material goods and rearrange my priorities.”

I: Okay, thank you for your help!

Anestis’s Interview

I:So, Anestis, could you give me some personal information about you first?

A: “Yes, my name is Anestis, I am 29 years old and I have studied Biology, with a master’s in biomedical studies and immunology.”

I: Could you please tell me which member of your family was diagnosed with cancer and when?

A: “It was my mother, in 2012. She was diagnosed with breast cancer at first and then she had some other issues, related to cancer, with her lymph nodes, which led to their removal.”

I: How would you describe your relationship with your mother in general?

A: “I would say it was the classic relationship between a mother and her son. She has taught me many things and shaped my personality in a lot of ways and I have a very close relationship with her.”

I: What was your age when your mother was diagnosed and how was your life at the moment?

A: “I was 17 years old, still in high school and I was preparing for the national exams.”

I: Do you remember the way your mother told you for the first time about her cancer?

A : “At first, she didn’t tell me the truth, that the tumor was malignant, so I thought that it was a benign tumor. I found out the truth later, when we had visited an insurance company, where you had to tell them if it was malignant or not. So, it was there that I connected some things and it was after my mother had completed her treatment.”

I: Did you notice any changes regarding your mother’s mood, acting or physical appearance?

A : “About her physical appearance, I didn’t notice anything changing. But yes, concerning her mood and actions, she was often very tired and especially later, when her lymph nodes were removed, she was even more sensitive to diseases, as her immune system was affected negatively.”

I: Would you say that your relationship with your mother changed after the diagnosis and did she try to approach you, to talk to you about the cancer or your relationship?

A: “No, I think our relationship was the same in general. But, for me especially, some things had changed regarding my mother, because I realized that it is not always sure that your loved ones will be right beside you. I think that maybe we had some conversations, but it’s been many years since then and I can’t remember for sure. ”

I: In what ways would you say that you tried to support her during her illness?

A: “I don’t think I supported her in many ways. I was just anxious about her and I was asking her about how the disease evolved. I believe that mostly, I was a cause of stress for her because I didn’t deal with it well and I also had a stomach crisis because of my anxiety.”

I: Did you happen to visit a mental health specialist during this period to receive help?

A : “No, it didn’t cross my mind, I didn’t think that I needed it.”

I: Do you fear in the present, that the cancer will resurface?

A: “Yes, because when I later studied biology, I learnt how easy it is for the disease to reappear.”

I: Would you say that you fear for yourself, in case you get the same disease in the future?

A : “No, because there aren’t many cases for these types of cancer that affect men, but of course I do my best to take care of myself.”

I: Would you say that your experience with your mother’s cancer affected the way you approach life?

A: “Yes, I always want to have very close contact with my family and my loved ones, in case something happens. I am not so free, so as not to care in which place or city I will be next year, because I want to be near them. And of course, I try not to be stressed about the little everyday problems.”

I: Okay, thank you so much!

After contemplating these interviews, we can, hopefully, understand the perspectives of the people hiding behind the patients a little better and realize how important their role is, during the evolution of the disease. Both Maria and Anestis, shared their feelings during their family’s experience with cancer, expressing how difficult it was for them to stand by their loved one’s side, while at the same time dealing with their confusing thoughts and questions about this new situation they were facing. Through their personal stories, they emphasize the crucial role of caregivers and as they demonstrate, there is a great need to get resources and care for themselves, in order to manage their own mental health and continue supporting their loved ones.