Creating Sacred Boundaries For Deeper Intimacy

By Jennifer Love

Sacred boundaries are the greatest gift you can give to yourself. Taking the time to define what is important to you, the way you desire to be treated and what you want in your life, are the foundation of being able to set and maintain sacred boundaries. Boundaries are for yourself, not the other person, and are one of the most powerful tools for healthy relationships. They are a set of rules that you hold in place by aligning to what you value and what is authentic to you. Having sacred boundaries in place will allow you to effortlessly maintain the relationships that are most supportive to you and to release the ones that do not serve you. Without boundaries, we can suffer with people-pleasing behaviors, co-dependency and feeling as if we are not grounded. The other very sad reality is that we can find ourselves simply settling in our circumstances. It is too easy to become a victim of life without healthy boundaries and that is why I call them “Sacred” because they really are just so important. Clear boundaries allow you to create the life you most deeply desire.

Sacred boundaries are the limits that you set for yourself. These limits outline what you are and are not willing to do or participate in. Boundaries are for you and created by you. They are not to block anyone out of your life or to make anyone wrong or to make someone change in anyway. They are for your own self-care and to define what you want to experience in your life.

Sacred boundaries enhance intimacy in relationships, they do not take it away. By setting boundaries with the people, we care about, we can increase safety, intimacy and long-term sustainability of these relationships. Take the time to get clear on the boundaries inside your relationships, and I would even invite you to do this exercise with your partner. Not only will it be a great communication exercise, but it will also allow you both to set the sacred rules that will allow your relationship to flourish.

Clear any “Issues” before Setting your Sacred Boundaries

You want your boundaries to be created from your heart. If you have any upsets or anger present toward your partner or any unspoken needs, these need to be addressed before setting boundaries. Clear the energy and make amends before settling in to define your boundaries. This will allow you to do it from a space of love and openness rather

than hurt and anger. If there are many “issues” that need to be addressed, set the space to do it in a time frame that feels good for you both. Maybe this is over a few days or weeks before you can have the conversation of boundaries. You may also want to seek out a relationship coach to help you.

Create a Sacred Space

Whenever you are doing anything that is important to you, take the time to set a really beautiful space. Tidy the room, clear the clutter, light some candles and some incense and set the intention that this time is sacred.

Connect to Your Heart Space

Once you have set the space, take a few minutes to release the day and any tension in your body by taking some deep breaths. If you are doing this exercise with a partner, consider doing 7 minutes of eye gazing before beginning your conversation. The key here is to center yourself in your heart, to be able to come from a place of love and openness.

Get Clear on Your Desires

Once you are centered, take some time to visualize the most important areas of your life. You can break this down into Career & Money, Love & Relationships, Health & Vitality, as well as Creative Expression. Or if you are working with your partner, you can focus solely on your intimate relationship. Get super clear on what you want. Your sacred boundaries are meant to help you attain your desires by keeping you aligned to your truth and values. Without this clarity, we may find ourselves saying “yes” when we really should be saying “no”.

Set Your Sacred Boundaries

Remember, your boundaries are for you! What “rules” do you need to have in place for yourself to feel empowered and stand in your truth? What set of rules do you wish to live and direct your life by. Once you have made this decision, it is your responsibility to be assertive and maintain these boundaries. If you are working with your partner, take some time to create agreements around each other’s boundaries to support each other.

Creating sacred boundaries will make your life so much easier because you will know what you want in your life and what you don’t want. This makes saying “yes” or “no” to certain people, activities or things effortless. If setting and maintaining boundaries is new for you, give yourself some time to be able to keep them in place. It takes a lot of courage to stand in our truth and alignment. It is a practice to be assertive, especially if we have not been able to practice that in the past. Give yourself this gift of Sacred Boundaries and watch your life transform in ways you never dreamed possible!