Colours of Intimacy

BY JENNIFER LOVE SACRED ART OF TANTRA

The power of HEART-TO-HEART connection & communication

What is your deepest desire in your relationships? In order to connect with another person on an intimate level, you need to allow yourself to be vulnerable and to be able to share your truth. This includes both the truth of who you are and your truth in any given moment. Many people are not connected to these truths because their Ego keeps them in a state of fear and judgment.

Being able to create a heart-to-heart connection with another person, especially in your most intimate relationships, will give you the space needed to share your truth. When you can drop out of the thinking mind (the thoughts, the fears, the masks) and connect to your heart, you will reach a place of compassion and understanding. You need to move out of your head and into your heart. This is where you will find deep intimacy, along with peace, love and acceptance.

In order for heart-to-heart connection and communication to take place, you must be present. This includes being present within yourself, noticing your breath, noticing the sensations in your body and your heart-centre and being present with the person you are with.

Heart-to-Heart Connection Exercise (Breathwork)

This is a powerful breathwork exercise you can do to feel a deeper sense of intimacy with your partner. There is no time limit, take as much time as you need to drop into the exercise and then once you feel the energy activated, allow it to move freely for as long as feels comfortable. The key is to be fully present with each other with no expectations other than to connect. At the end of this exercise you may wish to embrace and hold each other, or you may wish to try the heart-to-heart communication exercise which will be outlined below this.

Step 1 - Sit in Easy Pose (cross-legged) or in Yab-Yum facing your partner. You may hold hands, place your hands on each other’s knees or wrap your arms around each other if in Yab-Yum. Sitting upright with your spine straight and a relaxed body. Step 2 - Close your eyes to begin. Allow your jaw to relax and with a slight open mouth. Take a few deep breaths, allowing your awareness to notice everything that is present in your inside world. Any thoughts, sensations, your “to-do list”, allow it all to be there without having to change anything. Step 3 - Continuing to take deep breaths, bring your awareness to your third-eye (the space between your eyebrows). Notice any tension here and allow it to be released. Gently keep your awareness here for 3-5 breaths, allowing a sense of stillness to enter your body. Step 4 - Now you will deepen your breathing and bring your awareness into your heart space. Feel your chest rise and fall with each breath. Allow your chest to expand as much as it can. Step 5 - Now you will connect your breathing with your partner’s breath so that it is in sync. When one of you breathes in, the other will breathe out and you will begin to circulate the breath energy between the two of you. Step 6 - See, sense or feel the energy of love fill your heart space. It may show up as a colour, a shape, an image, energy, a sensation, whatever comes to you, go with it. With each in-breath you are filling your heart with love and with each out-breath, allow that energy to move toward your partner. Step 7 - Continue to breathe this way for as long as it feels comfortable. See, sense or feel the love coming from your partner as you inhale. Bring it to rest in your heart space. As you breathe out, you are sending love to them. Allow your breathing to stay connected, circulating this energy between the two of you. Stay present on your breath and the sensations you are feeling in your body. Step 8 - When you have a solid flow of energy movement, you may wish to open your eyes and gaze into your partner’s eyes. This will bring a whole new level of intimacy between the two of you and it may feel awkward in the beginning if you are not used to eye gazing. If it is a challenge, you can continue with your eyes closed or you may choose to open your eyes for a breath or two and then close them again and repeat.

Heart-to-Heart Communication Exercise (Fears, Loves & Desires)

When we express our fears, loves and desires about a given topic, we can share our deeper self. This takes away from the thinking mind and allows the more emotional mind to have a chance to express itself. Here we can remove the Ego and the story of the situation. It is an opportunity to share our truth about what we fear, love and desire about the situation at hand and the outcome we hope for. You can do this exercise about ANY topic that comes to mind in the relationship or even about the relationship itself.

For example: If the two of you were considering ways to spice up your sex life, you will think of 3 questions based on this topic and then you will do the exercise to explore them deeper.

Sample Questions:

FEARS - “What do you fear will happen if we look for ways to spice up our sex life?”LOVES - “What do you love about our current sex life?”DESIRES - “What do you desire to have happen when we spice up our sex life?”

You will each take turns asking one another the question and then allowing each other to share. It is very important that only one partner talks at a time and the other partner will ONLY listen. Do not interrupt your partner, do not give advice, nor share your thoughts, nor ask questions, JUST LISTEN!

Step 1 - Begin by choosing a Partner A and Partner B. Then you will choose a topic that you would like to communicate about. Then decide on your 3 questions: 1 for what you FEAR about the topic or situation, 1 for what you LOVE about the topic or your partner, and 1 for your DESIRES and the desired outcome.

Step 2 - Partner A will begin by setting a 3 minute timer for Partner B and asking B “What are your fears_________?” Partner B will share and Partner A will listen. If Partner B stops before the time is finished, Partner A can say “Thank you for sharing, what are your fears________?” When the time is finished, you will switch and Partner A will share their fears.

Step 3 - Partner A will continue by setting another 3 minute timer for Partner B and asking B “What are your loves_________?” Partner B will share and Partner A will listen. If Partner B stops before the time is finished, Partner A can say “Thank you for sharing, what are your loves________?” When the time is finished, you will switch and Partner A will share their loves.

Step 4 - Partner A will continue by setting another 3 minute timer for Partner B and asking B “What are your desires_________?” Partner B will share and Partner A will listen. If Partner B stops before the time is finished, Partner A can say “Thank you for sharing, what are your desires________?” When the time is finished, you will switch and Partner A will share their desires.

Step 5 - Once you have both shared all 3 Fears, Loves & Desires, then you have 2 options. You can take some time to digest what the other person has shared and may each want some space to consider your next steps or you can talk about how you will move forward with the topic at hand.