Vol. XXVI, Freshers' Magazine

THE UNIVERSITY

OBSERVER

The Freshers' Magazine 3rd September 2019 | Volume XXVI | universityobserver.ie

EDITOR Gavin Tracey DEPUTY EDITOR Aoife Mawn

ART & DESIGN EDITOR Alex Fagan ASSISTANT EDITOR Nathan Young

OTWO CO-EDITORS Heather Reynolds Jessica Viola VIDEOGRAPHY Elly Dzhungurova Fiadh Melina

CONTRIBUTORS Nathan Young Andrea Andres Emma Kiely Conor Halion Andy Prizeman-Nolan Cíara Dempsey Sinéad Dunphy Dovile Grybauskaite Andrew Dempsey Matthew Tannem-Elgie Mallika Venkatramani Lillian Loescher Will Doherty Garrett Ó Cinnéide Charles Maurice de TalleyrandPérigord SPECIAL THANKS Fiachra Johnston

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CONTENTS News 4 The Harpy 5 Film & TV 6-7 Bios 8-9 Features 10-11 Staff recommends 12 Columns 13 Music 14 Games 15 Sport 16 Talleyrand 17 Letters to the Editors 18 Fatal Fourway 19

Letter from the Editor I’m sure you’ve heard that your college years will be the best years of your life. This is a lie.

But no need to worry. Those who tell you this are usually sorry excuses for people, whose lives peaked years ago, and now spend all of their time wistfully reminiscing for some sort of imagined freedom in an office, held together by emotional numbness and a cheap polyester suit.

But despair not, your life will not peak at 23. You get out of college life what you put in, and there’s no better time to get involved than Freshers week. The people you meet, the societies you join in the big plastic bag of farts known as the freshers tent, can shape your college life.

It can seem overwhelming, the dozens of societies vying for your €2 coins, the vast array of groups asking you to join. If you are like me in first year, you will join far too many, attend barely a fraction of their events, wonder why you are making no friends, and spend the first lecture of semester two clearing out the enormous quantity of cards from your wallet, marvelling at all the money you wasted.

Think of us here at The University Observer and OTwo as your guide to college life and all that it entails. In our Freshers magazine (the thing you’re holding in your hand) you’ll find everything you need for making the transition into college life, things to do both on and off campus, events, fashion, politics, directions, all that good stuff. What you don’t find in here may also be found in the bottom of a pint glass of Fosters in the Clubhouse (results may vary).

To those of you who are worried about the year ahead, all I can say is this. Don’t be.

Nothing is as scary as it seems now, there are always people who will help you. Surround yourself with people you like, go to society events, spend far too long in the Clubhouse missing lectures - all of these things I cannot recommend enough. UCD can seem vast and hostile at first, but scratch that surface and underneath you will find kind and lovely people who will become lifelong friends.

From all of us who have, for better or worse, made our home in the The University Observer office, deep in the murky back corridors of the Student Centre, we want to welcome you to UCD, and wish you the best of luck with the year ahead.

Gavin Tracey Editor, Vol. XXVI The University Observer

NEWS

UCDSU corridor renovations completed Nathan Young

During the Summer UCDSU’s Corridor, where the SU sabbatical officers and full time staff have their office space, was completely redesigned and renovated. This comes after three years of planning, including consultation with members of full-time Union Staff. Work began early summer and the SU have been using the new corridor since August 14th of this year. In the intervening time the SU used

the Quad Room of the Old Student Centre as their office.

Students visiting the new SU corridor, which is located opposite Café brava in the Old Student Centre, can expect the same services at the front desk as before, such as Leap Card printing, condoms and lubricant, menstrual products, and booking meetings with sabbatical officers. The new facilities include

more accessible doors and a small kitchen space. The renovation has also solved the problem of the previously existing silverfish infestation.

The most noticeable difference is that the new office space is largely open plan, with one large office for the majority of union staff, and another for the Sabbatical officers. The only Sabbatical officer with their own office now is the President, and the only full staff member with their own office is the Chief Operating Officer. Previously, each of the Sabbatical officers had their own office, as did several of the corridor staff. Speaking to the University Observer, SU president Joanna Siewierska said “I think there’s pros and cons for individual and shared offices...I think this is great for collaboration and we are a single unit.''

Historically, the Graduate Officer, Education Officer, and most especially the Welfare Officer have had student case work make up a large amount of their workload, which requires privacy. When asked about how this will work with the open plan office, the University Observer was shown the conference room, the consultation room, and one empty office, all of which should be available for case work when needed by Sabbatical officers.

Siewierska added “In a situation where more space is needed, I can step out of my office and use the shared space”.

Students struggle as accommodation crisis worsens Andrea Andres

The accommodation crisis has worsened over the previous five years with students paying 50% more than their counterparts in 2014. A survey conducted by the Irish Independent revealed that Irish universities have upped their rents by up to 11.5%.

University College Dublin has the most expensive accommodation in Ireland, with Roebuck Castle costing 11,591 euros. UCD has also seen the greatest jumps in rent increases.

During the academic year of 2014/2015, rent for Belgrove was €5,050, but this shot up to €7,514. This is an increase of 49%. Roebuck Hall rent was €6,260, but this coming year it will be €9,215, an increase of 47%. University College Cork’s Mardyke Hall rent surged by 11.5% from last year, the highest of all the university accommodation.

This sharp rise in rent prices have pushed some students to take loans in order to pay rent or commute long distances to college.

Speaking to the University Observer, Caitlin O'Donovan, who attends Maynooth University, had to "wake up at 4 in the morning, catch the bus at five just to get in to my 9am lecture. I’d usually take a half seven or half nine bus home.

If I took the half seven bus, I’d get home around

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nine and if I took the half nine bus I’d be home by eleven." This drastically affected her college life as her grades dropped. She also suffered from stress and anxiety. “It’s funny how we can find luxury ensuite apartments, but we can’t find something feasible,” she says.

UCD Students Union have been promoting

a commuter guide that explains the best way to travel to UCD. According to UCDSU President Joanna Siewierska, they’ve seen students try to travel from Wexford and even as far as Limerick. This “creates a lot of stresses” for commuting students trying to keep their place in UCD, said Siewierska.

SATIRE

The Harpy

Quid agatur irrumabo, Kyle?

Arts student found alive after being lost in Science Building for three years The Sensible Hulk

It was the early hours of Monday the 5th of August when campus security received a distress call from the receptionist in the Science Building. Arriving on the scene, they found a dazed and bearded man wandering the spiral staircase at the heart of the Science Building, muttering “Theatre C.26B.” repeatedly.

Found heavily malnourished and, in general, resembling Tom Hanks in Cast Away, the man has since been identified as twenty-two-yearold Arts student Declan Dempsey-Devereux, who had entered the Science building three

years earlier, only to disappear without a trace.

Declan had enrolled in University College Dublin in 2016, as a fresh-faced Spanish and Irish Folklore student, undertaking an elective in history, which was bizarrely located in the Science Building’s west wing.

Despite a widespread manhunt initiated

by UCD faculty and students, Declan was nowhere to be found either in the building, or on the face of the Earth. In late 2017, the manhunt was called off, with students and staff generally agreeing that Declan had passed into

an interdimensional rift, which had probably been created by some physics students for the craic.

Declan recalled the fateful morning of his disappearance tearfully: “I was looking for theatre C.26B, but the building is so hard to navigate, sure you’d nearly need a degree in orienteering just to find the jacks."

Visibly upset, Declan relayed how for the past three years, he had traversed the building’s twisting and turning hallways, unable to find the exit, sustaining himself only on the rats he could catch, and the odd remnants of a meal deal which he found abandoned on a table.

Declan, having been discharged from hospital, looked toward his future hopefully, now liberated from what he called ‘The Great Maze’.

He had this final comment to make: “Ah sure, at least I can catch up on Game of Thrones.

I can’t wait to see The Night King’s deep and complex backstory, and what his endgame is.

Oh and Arya using her Faceless man skills to infiltrate King’s Landing, man that’s gonna be sick! But most of all, I can’t wait to see Jon sit on the Iron Throne. What’s a better story than that?”

Couple naively believes relationship will Last through college Francis Sea

A young couple going to UCD are confident that their relationship will last, despite all evidence to suggest the contrary. Michael Flanagan and Katie Dooley have been going out with each other since Transition Year and believe that they have found their “one”, even though they have not even begun their full maturity into adulthood.

“Yeah, man” says Michael, “we’re really, like, in LOVE, y’know? Me and Lis- I mean Katie spend all our time together and it just WORKS.” He returns to his phone where we can see through the reflection of his glasses the Tinder profile he is setting up.

When asked about her opinion on the relationship, Katie is optimistic. “Me and Michael have been going out for two years now and we’ve been through some really tough stuff. There was that whole thing when people said he had cheated on me and had screenshots and pictures and everything, but it was just Photoshop, definitely!” she says with a

laugh that goes on a bit too long.

When asked about the fact that many relationships from secondary school don’t last through college, the couple seemed to think that they would be an exception to the rule.

“What we have is real love,” Katie insists, “I haven’t kissed anyone other than Michael but I know that there is absolutely no one who could

compare to him.” Michael nodded his head in agreement while pocketing some of the free condoms that were in the Freshers bags.

The couple did not agree to be photographed as Michael was concerned that “the lads wouldn’t be about it”. This story will be updated as the year goes on.

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ENTERTAINMENT

Forget the big dogs: Picking student societies Nathan Young

One of the best things about university is getting involved in extracurricular activities, and while writing for this paper is the most rewarding, joining student societies is a close second. At €2 entry per society, it’s well worth joining at least a few. With over 70 societies though, it might be worth thinking about which ones you want to join. There are the obvious choices, such as Commerce and Economics if you enjoy having a wealthy parents, or the Literature and Historical Society if being insufferable at gaff parties is your thing.

My advice, however, is to join small societies.

They have less flashy events, which means that you don’t need a three piece, and they are less likely to advertise celebrity guests who are never actually going to come. What they offer instead is genuinely fun and interesting activities and stellar company. A good place to start is the society associated with your faculty.

I don’t mean the large “ArtsSoc” or “SciSoc”, although joining them can be fun, I mean the societies tied to your individual subjects, like maths or philosophy. Not only is it a great way to meet people studying your subject, but often faculty attend these larger events, and throwing back Lidl wine with your lecturers, mates, and a world famous guest speaker in your field is an opportunity not to be missed.

Don’t be afraid to take up a new hobby, either. Societies such as JazzSoc offer a great space for beginner and advanced musicians

alike to develop their skills in workshops. They also put on fabulous shows at least once a semester which makes joining worth it even for those whose only talent is watching others perform and downing more than their fair share of the complimentary wine.

Other fantastic societies include World Aid and the Horticulture Society. World Aid is a charity society whose mantra is to raise money for serious causes by throwing ridiculously enjoyable events such as their

Murder Mysteries and cross-campus games of Assassins. Horticulture Society run a mix of social and educational events, such as workshops on beekeeping and making cider.

They also make great use of the Rosemount Centre for Plant Science, with their own space for growing plants and their own beehive.

Whatever your interests are, there's probably a society on campus for you, and your college experience will be all the better for having joined.

Where should you go on campus during Freshers Week?

Emma Kiely

UCD campus during Freshers week is a jungle mixing together tanned fourth years talking about how Vancouver is “just more their vibe than Ireland”; terrified first years holding onto their not yet faded green student card as if it’s a weapon of armour and the arts students return to the outdoor ramp of the library, their weapon of choice? A 30g packet of Amber Leaf.

So what should you be doing in all this

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chaos? Should you go to the Law or Business buildings and listen to South Dublin guys talk about their Internships in “the big four”.

Or head down to Ag and try to decipher the accents of the crowds as they clasp onto their takeaway teas, discussing shifting techniques in the upstairs of Coppers?

If I were you, the best place to summon up the spirit of a true UCD student is the lake.

You can’t really call yourself a UCD alum if you

haven’t had a mental breakdown trying to save your radioactive bagel from the SU shop from an extremely aggressive swan by the water.

The lake truly is the heart and soul of UCD, so enjoy it while it’s still warm, just keep both eyes peeled and eat quickly.

Next, head on down to the Student Centre.

During Freshers week there is so much going on here; society events in preparation to cull through the freshers, sports teams aggressively throwing sports equipment around. This is where you will get your student Leap Card (everyone's photo comes out that bad don’t worry), and don’t forget to drop into us in the Observer Office (we’re sound, we swear!)

Why don’t you guzzle it all down with a €3.80 pint of Fosters in the Clubhouse. The Clubhouse is the common ground between all of the genres of students: exchange, arts, science, societies, there is no prejudice in the Clubhouse, unlike everywhere else in UCD. Here, one is not judged by their degree, it is simply is a communal space for students to take advantage of pints under four euro, a luxury they will never meet again in Dublin.

So wherever you are on campus, dodge the swans, ignore the superiority complex of non-arts students and ring in the new year with style!

ENTERTAINMENT

How to dress like a UCD student Alex Fagan and Dovile Grybauskaite STEM - If you’ve ventured onto campus with big dreams of being employable when you leave it then congratulations! You must be a STEM student! You’ve worked too hard to get where you are today and you aren’t about to start paying attention to what’s en vogue just yet. Fear not, because unlike the ever-changing landscape of scientific research, your jeans and hoodie will never go out of style. Stock up on those sweatshirts because you’re about to spend the next four years of your life staying back late in the lab.

Architecture - Winters can get harsh on the wide open plains of Belfield - especially on the long trek between Richview and... well... everywhere else on campus. Invest in a big jacket and a long Spotify playlist because that 25 minute walk from the N11 bus stop to your studio will get old and cold pretty fast.

Law - “You got into Sutherland School Of Law?” “What? Like it’s hard?” You need to look your best on your short walk between your lectures and your favourite seat in James Joyce Library so why not get inspired by Elle Woods?

A cute pink outfit is bound to distract you from how much pain the Land Law module is going to cause you. Bonus points if you accessorise with a keep cup.

Health Sciences - Seriously, if anyone knows what med students normally wear, please let us know. We’ve never seen one on campus because they spent 23 hours of the day in the Health Sciences Library and we were too intimidated by their incredible work ethic to investigate and ask.

Newman - The most important thing about how you dress as an Arts student is making sure your individuality comes across. You know what we mean. Sunglasses worn throughout winter not because its sunny, but because they are an accessory, you and your art student significant other with your ‘unintentional’ intentional print matching, and keeping a Rollie behind your ear at all times so you can join your mates outside the library for your 14th break in the last hour. All that extra space in your timetable is necessary because you need it to plan your outfit.

International students - You know who you are. We see you waltzing around UCD like every corridor is your own personal catwalk, while we look like gremlins who have just woken up from hibernation. You know you look good, we know you look good, please stop waving your newest season Louis Vuitton in front of my eyes.

Business - Look, I’m still not sure what “Commerce” actually is but I see people heading into the Quinn Building wearing a suit and clutching a Starbucks cup, so I can only assume that it’s a course on how to be the next Jordan Belfort. Get a respectable haircut and an internship lined up and your wardrobe will follow suit.

Societies students - You live in your societies jumper, but maybe that's just because you also live in the societies corridor and those are the only clothes available to you. Either way, don’t stop flaunting your allegiances, it makes us feel like we’re in a high-school movie whenever we walk through the student centre and see members of opposing societies interact.

Agricultural Science - Legend has it that in order to receive an offer of a place in Ag Science you must have the right grades but also own at least one piece of John Deere merchandise and a county jersey. It is rumoured that a well prepared Ag student can change from their day clothes into a snazzy outfit perfect for a night in Coppers in a matter of seconds.

And don’t worry if you haven’t found that style combination that screams “you” yet. Second and third year are the perfect times to let everyone know that the baggy trousers you’re wearing were from your trip to Thailand where you discovered yourself and your “Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.” hat is from that time you did a J1 “in San Fran, baby”.

Mature students - You wear your UCD scarf like a badge of honour and while it’s almost slightly adorable, please take that monstrosity off, we don’t need another reminder of where we are.

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BIOS

MEET

THE

joanna siewierska

katie o'dea

SU President

Campaigns & Communications

Unlike some previous UCDSU Presidents, Joanna is a relative outsider to the SU. Also unlike previous Presidents, she’s a decent human being.

She’s almost disconcertingly nice, giving one the suspicion that she is up to something. Knowing her it’s probably something very nice and good.

This has forced us here in the Observer to make cannon fodder out of other sabbats.

She is entering the job with such enthusiasm and spark that it is only a matter of time before the shitstorm that is UCD policy and workings begins to slowly corrode her goodwill and optimism, until she is a washed up moaner like the team here at the Observer. So with that in mind, if you have any problems, please go to Tom.

The smiliest gal on campus, Katie O’Dea is your Campaigns and Engagement Officer this year. With the change in title, from Communications to Engagement, Katie is hoping to put her own spin on the office this year, being the first woman to hold the position in years.

Brian treacy

úna carroll

Brian Treacy - by day, he’s a mild mannered and pleasant fellow, by night, he’s also mild mannered and pleasant. Brian’s just a very pleasant person.

Despite the election being a one horse race, Brian didn’t phone it in, and offered students a comprehensive and well thought out manifesto.

Clearly, Brian doesn’t shrink from big ideas. He is what Tom would be like if he knew how to talk with an inside voice.

Brian’s election was bittersweet for us here at The University Observer, as he had served as the Higher Education editor before leaving to run for the SU. We were sad to see him go, but relieved that all the money we gave him to become our mole in SU didn’t go to waste.

Brian, if you’re reading this, please reply to your emails, the kids miss you. If you’ve seen Brian around campus, please go to Tom.

Úna Carroll is the Welfare Officer - if you’re having a crap time and need someone to vent to, Úna is your woman. Úna is there to help you out with whatever personal problems you may be facing , just make sure you book well in advance, because she doesn’t have an office and is currently operating out of the boot of her car.

She walks around campus with condoms falling out of her pocket, like a breadcrumb trail for randy Ag students. However, it isn’t just sex stuff she deals with, she’s also mad into drugs (well, warning you about them anyway). She’s awful. Awfully fun that is. So if you’re having problems please go to Tom. #dreamteam

Education Officer

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team

Fresh off her role as Eleven from Stranger Things, Katie’s youthful appearance means that she runs the risk of being hounded in the Fresher’s Tent by society hacks mistaking her for a lost first year. That, along with her former role of Environmental Campaign Coordinator, Katie fits right in with the new batch of teenagers on campus, fangirling over David Attenborough documentaries. However, despite her so called “environmentalism”, reports have surfaced that Katie has been seen in a car on more than one occasion. Hypocrite. So if you have any environmental issues, please go to Tom.

Welfare Officer

BIOS

Conor Anderson

Thomas monaghan

Graduate Officer, Conor Anderson, hails from Seattle in the United States, which means there is a one in three chance that he’s one of the guys from iCarly. It makes sense, though, that he is using his own experiences of struggling to find a social circle as an international postgraduate student, when after all, most people run screaming from accents like his these days.

You may not have met Conor, and even if you did, it’s okay if you don’t remember him. Conor is the answer to a question that no one asked. He is so irrelevant to you Freshers that we debated even including him in this list. So, again, we must stress, if you have any issues please go to Tom.

Shtory. Pints. GAA. These are the three things you need to know about Tom Monaghan. Legend has it he has kicked at least three swans to death during his time in UCD. In fairness, they started it. Tom can be found in the Clubhouse and... yea just the Clubhouse. If you stop to talk to him, make sure you’re not in a rush, Tom talks almost as much as he drinks. Watch out, because in thirty years time when you’re dropping your kids off here, he’ll still be attempting to break the Guinness World Record for rolling ice cream. The next record Tom is gunning for is most unsuccessful world record attempts in a row.

He dresses like your uncle but acts like your younger brother on Junior Cert results night. But bless him, sure don’t we love him just the way God made him.

Gavin tracey

aoife mawn

Graduate Officer

University Observer Editor

Gavin is this year’s Editor of the University Observer, which means he has some big shoes to fill from last year. He is the type to take it in his stride though; if something is due in half an hour, there’s always time for a rollie first. Armed with any amount of catchphrases, which change monthly depending on the meme he finds funniest, you’ll find yourself going from laughing, to rolling your eyes, to joining in, to avoiding the office until he grows out of it.

Winner of the Observer’s ‘Best Hair’ award two years running, he’s nonchalant about any award ceremonies this year; he’s already won what’s most important to him. Even after knowing Gavin for an extended period of time, it’s difficult to come up with many things he likes or at least doesn’t violently despise. Just don’t mention Yeats- actually, don’t express fondness for anything unless you want an argument. Imagine what Bernie Sanders was like in his youth, and you’ve pretty much got Gavin.

Events Officer

University Observer Deputy Editor

Meet Aoife Mawn, Deputy Editor extraordinaire. Against all odds, she finds the time to edit The University Observer in between frequent cigarette breaks and naps. Aoife beat the other candidates to get the role, in some cases quite viciously. She was warned against using physical violence to gain an edge, to which she responded yet again with violence. Above all else, be nice to Aoife. Ask her if she’s okay, that sort of thing.

It’s an all too common trope that strong women in positions of power are labelled demanding or big headed. However, in Aoife’s case, the latter is unfortunately true, as she does in fact have a rather large head.

In all seriousness, Aoife is supremely talented at whatever she turns her hand to, becoming Deputy Editor in only her second year with The University Observer. Rest assured, the paper is in at least one safe pair of hands this year with her onboard.

Alex Fagan Art & Design Editor

Alex Fagan is this year's Art and Design Editor, and she’s very excited about the prospect of the sleepless nights and long weekends putting this paper together. Surprisingly not fuelled by coffee, and instead just the Vengabus by Vengaboys, working alongside Alex in the same office promises to be... interesting. Having been in charge of all the photos you saw in Volume XXV, we just hope she doesn’t suck as bad at this as she did at photography. Alex is a big fan of sweet sweet pasta, as in pasta with sugar in it. I don’t know, ask her why, freak.

The great-grandaughter of Eamon De Valera, Alex takes after him in many ways. She also hates women, Michael Collins, and the Brits. She was also the inspiration for Robin Williams 2002 film ‘One Hour Photo’, a lonely perfectionist who spends hours staring at photos.

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THE TEN GEMS OF

UCD The Observer breaks down some of the more underrated locations on campus

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Daedalus Building

Tunnels in Newman

Flash forward to Christmas, you find yourself needing to blitz through a 2000 word essay the night before its due, and what’s that? There are no seats left in the library?

Before you drop out from stress, check out the Daedalus building, just opposite the food court. Head to the door on the left from the entrance and you’ll find a nifty little room filled with seats and charging sockets aplenty.

These are hard to get to, but if you ever get the chance, take it! The spiral staircases next to the lecture theatres bring you down to them, and there are doors on either side of the lecture podium that lead into them too.

Unfortunately, they are often locked, so it is something of an invite only adventure, but one that you should snap up if you ever get the chance.

UCD Nature Trail

The University Observer Office

Sitting on the floor outside Theatre L for two hours until your next lecture? You’re better than that and you know it. Why not take a walk on the wild side and head to UCD’s nature trail located just behind the library? Grab a good book and a coffee and chill out between lectures to the sound of nature. Or, better yet, grab your best friend and have a DMC about that mature student who shushed you during a lecture. No need Denise.

The best addition to this list, obviously. We are up in the New Student Centre, the door opposite the big yellow pod on the first floor. Once you’re through there, don’t go knocking on Butler’s door, take another left and you’ll find us down that stuffy corridor. We have free tea and coffee for all contributors, and there’s usually three or four students distracting themselves and the editors with horrendous memes to keep you company.

Tierney Building/Rooftop

Ag Shop

Here you’ll find possibly the only nice smoking area on campus. The terrace is hidden away and not widely known about, so it’s a good place to clear your head during study week. The Tierney Building itself is also usually quiet, but with plenty of staff around to help you with any registration or academic queries you may have, or at least point you in the direction of someone who can help

Cheapest tea and coffee on campus, and biscuits galore too. Also one of the cosiest spots to sit in for hours on a cold, wintery day. This, combined with the fact that no one is turfing you out for talking too loudly add to it’s charm.

Just don’t expect anything too fancy, this is Ag after all.

Secret Lake

This hidden gem is tucked away in the K Block of the Newman Building (K216 to be exact). In here, you’ll find lots of old artefacts that date back to 5000 BCE. It’s one of the only places in Newman that isn’t permanently 100 degrees, so bring a jumper, but it’s arguably one of the coolest places on campus (no pun intended). The staff are also a lovely bunch and always willing to have a chat about what’s on display.

The secret is, it’s not a secret. We all know where this lake is, and once you’re down there and see a bunch of fellow students looking disappointed, you’ll realise this too. It’s as secret as anywhere is on your first day; just because the Clinton Building is signposted doesn’t mean it’s any easier to find. Saying that, we’re not going to tell you where it is, because pretty much anyone else will.

International Lounge On the bottom floor of the main restaurant you’ll find plenty of couches, and a large projector playing music videos and news all day. No food in here though, they’ll hunt you out with a big stick if you dare whip out a sandwich on one of their nice couches! There’s nearly always an event or two going on in here as well, so plenty of opportunity to make new friends throughout the year.

Classics Museum in Newman

Centre for Experimental Archaeology At the back of Roebuck Castle, along the hiking trail is an archaeology and history students dream. Here, students have reconstructed ancient huts and settlements akin to those found in the Mesolithic, Roman and Viking eras to name a few. The highlight is the giant crannóg, reconstructed painstakingly by professors and students over the past number of years. If you ever wanted to act out an episode of Horrible Histories, this is the place to go.

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STAFF

Staff recommendations: Places to go in Dublin that aren’t Coppers Conor Halion- Arts and Literature Editor: National Library of Ireland Exhibitions (Kildare St and College Green)

Just down Kildare Street you’ll find the National Library of Ireland, currently showcasing an exhibition for W.B. Yeats. The exhibition contains a beautiful collection of his personal effects, and some commentary on his work.

Next, a quick jaunt over to the Bank of Ireland on College Green will bring you to another exhibition, this time for Seamus Heaney. This one has a slight edge over the Yeats exhibition since it features readings by Heaney himself, especially poignant given his untimely passing in 2013. Better yet, both are on the 39A bus route, and both are absolutely free!

Andy Prizeman-Nolan- Games Editor: Token (72-74 Queen St, Smithfield)

Is your mate getting a little bit too confident in their Mario Kart skills? Do you ever feel the need to virtually smack your pals around in a game of Mortal Kombat? If this sounds appealing to you, then Token is an absolute must-visit. With a grand collection of arcade games, ranging from Space Invaders to Time Crisis, there’s enough variety to keep you playing for hours.

Some machines register previously set high scores, leaving a target to be hit if you consider yourself golden at a particular game. A solid selection of games, lovely food, and events like table quizzes makes Token a great spot to go out in Dublin.

Cíara Dempsey- Film Editor: The Irish Film Institute (6 Eustace St, Temple Bar)

The Irish Film Institute is the centre of film in Ireland. It’s located in Temple Bar, but don’t let that put you off. Partially state-funded and partially ran on contributions from donors, the slightly run-down but charming cinema screens are home to the best curated selection of films in the country. There’s also a bookshop, with titles related to both film and pop culture more broadly, a bar and restaurant (which even has vegan options) and the courtyard interior is the loveliest place for a coffee, whether you’re seeing a film or not. Even better, a student ticket on a Monday is only €5.20, and a student membership for the year costs €15, which gets you cheaper tickets year-round and other special offers. If you’re a cinephile, the IFI is soon to be your new home. If you’re more of a casual film fan, the IFI is still easily the best cinema experience in Dublin and you get the satisfaction of knowing you support Ireland’s only not for profit cinema. Do good, look artsy, see a film: it’s a win-win, basically.

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Garrett O’Cinnéide- Comment Editor: Accents (2 Stephen St Lower)

Accents is the perfect café for a first date, to finish an essay, or as an alternative to a night in the pub. It stays open until 11pm so if you’re looking for a chill place to catch up with a mate and you don’t feel like drinking this might be the spot! Containing comfortable couches, great coffee and hot chocolate, and friendly staff who’ll let you procrastinate there for five hours with one cup of coffee, it’s a must visit site in the Dublin café scene. They also have free wifi!

Sinéad Dunphy- Music Editor: The Sugar Club (8 Leeson Street Lower)

The Sugar Club is Dublin’s go-to culture hub, hosting a multitude of interesting events that can be a welcome change to the messy, forgettable nights you’ll experience in most clubs. Situated conveniently on Lower Leeson Street, it’s a reliable destination for fans of music, film, poetry and more, even hosting a regular short story open-mic competition. The venue itself is beautiful, fitted with a great pizza kitchen and offers a laid back, fun atmosphere.

Events to look out for this semester are a gig from rapper Jay Electronica on September 12th, a night with Dublin Poet Stephen James Smith and Tony Walsh on October 3rd, music from indie-rockers The Mystery Lights on October 5th and a screening of cult favourite film The Rocky Horror Picture Show (costumes encouraged) on October 26th.

Mallika Venkatramani- Travel Editor: Dalkey and Killiney Hills

If you are a mountain-lover, Dalkey and Killiney Hills in South Dublin are the perfect retreat.

These hikes will neither gobble up your time nor leave your lungs punctured. Just a 15-minute walk from Dalkey DART station, the hills are situated adjacent one-another in a location known as Killiney Hill Park. Each takes between 15-30 minutes to scale. Their peaks boast of iridescent views of the Irish Sea, the Dublin mountains and even Wales on a clear day. I don’t blame you if you decide to make Dalkey and Killiney hills your monthly retreat from your studies!

Emma Kiely- OTwo Online Editor: Vicar Street (58-59 Thomas St, The Liberties)

Not exactly a place you can simply pop into, but if you’re going to college in Dublin, you have to experience a concert in Vicar Street.

The intimate environment offers a completely different experience to the 3 Arena whilst still maintaining the spectacle feel of a concert.

The venue is usually home to slightly smaller acts which derives a more niche and devoted following, so the communal ecstasy (not literally) travels via osmosis to every person in the crowd. I saw Mac Demarco, who is coming back in November (tickets still available!) take to the stage in 2017, and it was honestly one of the best nights of my life due to the grungy charm and intimate warmth of Vicar Street.

COLUMNS

Column - One in a million, or the world as you’ll see It Matthew Tannam-Elgie

School’s out. Welcome to the real world. Or at least the world that’s ostensibly discernible from your average St. Mary’s Boys’ School, St. Colmcille’s, Sisters of Loreto, Holy Diva of the Immaculate Conception et cetera et cetera.

One thing’s for sure, you’re going to have more freedom here than you did in school.

If, however, you’re one of those people who fit the secondary mould and are shunning the university environment, don’t let me put words in your mouth.

But honestly, why would you prefer the past? School was uniform and utilitarian.

Doesn’t it feel a bit better not having to stand in line while the Man gives a speech? Or perhaps I’m projecting my opinions onto you, like a narcissistic wreck. I should probably let you have your own views about whether it’s best to be here or back in the bunker.

The looming question I’m skirting around is if all of you actually feel like you can have an opinion. Most of you, hopefully, will answer in the affirmative to that question. As for the rest, you might feel like it’s mostly a given except in a few dark corners of society where it doesn’t matter. If you look at it that way, life doesn’t seem so different from school anymore, does it? You can keep your dignity, depending on the state or social situation.

So, while your entry into third-level offers unmitigated freedom, some of you might feel a creeping sensation of uniformity when confronted with the bigger picture. Combined with that, you might experience the age-old pang of inferiority. It’s a cliché, but all too relevant. Particularly if you aren’t surrounded

by former schoolmates during Orientation Week, or your Peer Mentor groundlessly assumes you abstain from liquor.

Time might seem elongated after your first week here. Especially if you think of yourself as restrained or lacking in certain abilities. In some ways, psychologically at least, this could be another monster from your school years which hasn’t gone away. Be careful, or it might eat you up; you might finish up a couple of years here as a cynical old bastard, a young student’s body carrying the soul of an octogenarian who’s seen it all.

On a lighter note, I can already imagine you shuffling around the Freshers’ tent eyeing up societies. An interesting developmental tidbit is that your interests, once thought tantamount to your very being, could actually end up being secondary after settling into university. More specifically, they could get shoved aside by a new hobby. Right now it’s drama, two years on it’s a desperate attempt to figure out where the hell you’re going with that column. Of course, the list of hobbies goes on; I won’t assume you’re into any activity in particular. But keep in mind what I said earlier; individuality becomes blurred as you get older. It did for me, anyway.

So I’ll assume I’m talking to myself.

I’ll keep on with this little game and assume you’ll experience, or have already experienced, the same Orientation Week as everyone else, or at least a sizable portion of the population.

As you read on, I dare you to break free from my assumptions and claim definitively that you’re an individual, not one of the thousands of students entering “the real world”.

You enter a big building named after a billionaire who lost his empire in a fit of compassion. The vocalists’ song blares in your ears while you glide towards a seat at the side of the chamber. Their song stays with you because it’s strange that celebrity culture abounds even in a formal ceremony involving scarves and handshakes, albeit filtered through a student choir.

You sit there tense as a weasel, enduring the obsessions that plague your mind. An hour or so later, as you go about your day, you get hit by an invisible boulder. It nearly knocks you into the lake. Then it hits you again, this time when the campus is less crowded. Finally it strikes in the evening, when the place is empty and you’ve got to know the people you’ve spent the day with.

By the time you’ve trudged through the Fresher’s tent, you can name all the nations displayed by competing societies. The flags seem so diverse, the languages so varied. But the countries start to blend as if in a drugaddled nightmare. You can’t tell the French tricolour from the Union Jack, or Greek food from Italian. Your vision goes grey and you experience a morbid sense of violation, as if your own name doesn’t belong to you any more.

Stepping outside for a breath of fresh air, the sun beats down on you and you heave a deep sigh. The sound of your breathing is, unfortunately, broken by the screams of crows, brutal sounds that are indistinguishable from a teacher dragging his nails across a chalkboard.

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MUSIC

The Freshers’ Week Gig Guide (16th – 22nd Sept) Sinéad Dunphy

Freshers’ Week is all about embracing the university experience... in other words learning to make it into lectures on little to no sleep and study with a hangover. There’ll be events all over campus and in town catered to wide eyed, eager freshers but if you want to really have some fun, there’s nothing better than a live gig. Here’s what’s on around town: BRAND NEW FRIEND 18TH SEPTEMBER WHELANS

THE LEISURE SOCIETY 19TH SEPTEMBER WHELANS

This Northern Irish pop-rock band have had some major radio play in Ireland and the UK and played Radio 1’s Big Weekend Introducing stage in 2017 as well as having supported Snow Patrol in concert last year.

Borrowing from emo, pop punk and indie rock, Brand New Friend offers an uplifting burst of pop-rock laden with sincere, youthful vocals and catchy simplistic lyrics. The Derry natives have enjoyed a warm reception to their music so far and their future looks bright. This gig is bound to be a fun one, followed up by Whelan’s Silent Disco event.

Tickets from €12 Check it out if you like: The Front Bottoms, Man Overboard and Weezer

English folk rock band The Leisure Society will be gracing the Whelans stage on the 19th to serve up some melancholy goodness. Delicate melodies, colourful lyrics and carefully crafted instrumentals make for a highly underrated band. Don’t miss the chance to see these guys live.

Afterwards, Whelan’s Indie Club night will be underway until late.

Tickets from €14.95 Check it out if you like: Sufjan Stevens, Beirut and Simon and Garfunkel

RUNWAY LIGHTS 19TH SEPTEMBER THE WORKMANS CLUB

MELTS 20TH SEPTEMBER THE BELLO BAR

If you’re a Fresher with any interest at all in alternative music, Workmans will most likely become your second home for the next three or four years. This is a great venue for finding new music like Runway Lights, a downbeat Dublin alternative rock outfit who weave together notes of shoegaze, post punk and math rock to create some interesting atmospheric music. Worth giving a look at the very least.

Tickets from €8 Check it out if you like: Jesus and Mary Chain, Sunny Day Real Estate, Sleater-Kinney

This psychedelic post punk band are making their return to the Bello Bar in support of their new single ‘Seesaw’. Special guests Grave Goods and Fonda will be joining them. If the band’s quality music isn’t enough, the venue is special enough to go for that alone.

Tickets from €10 Check it out if you like: The Stone Roses, Queens of the Stone Age and Joy Division

25 YEARS OF SCOT PROJECT 20TH SEPTEMBER THE BUTTON FACTORY A 3 Hour Producer Set from 11pm by this German hard trance DJ. If you like pulsing hypnotic beats, strobe lights and being out of it in a crowd of sweaty bodies then this is probably the gig for you. Tickets are going fast so get on it.

Tickets from €10 Check it out if you like: Armin van Buuren, Paul van Dyk

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GAMES

I played Animal Crossing once and now I own a rifle

Andy Prizeman-Nolan

Animal Crossing does an excellent job in projecting itself onto a younger, more vulnerable audience. The vibrantly colourful cover art, as well as the PEGI 3 age rating, has deceived many a parent into spending their hard-earned cash to give their children, what they think, is a family-friendly experience.

However, deep under the surface of this “neighbourly” simulator you will find the true message that the game conveys. First off, your child will be placed in a village where their neighbours are all animals. Helloooooo? I don’t know about you, but I’ve read enough Animal Farm to know what “Nin Ten Does” are trying to do. And I’m sure as a respectable parent, you wouldn’t want your children to be exposed

of “Resetti’s gonna kill me, Resetti’s gonna kill me”. After extensive research, I discovered that “Resetti” is a mole-like character who verbally abuses children for turning the gaming machine off incorrectly. Such behaviour being presented to our children could certainly be the cause of the increasing violence The Youth is committing more and more frequently.

To keep himself sane and regain some semblance of normality, Hank turned to buying himself an assault rifle. “I never saw myself becoming a gun-guy”, Hank mouths solemnly, “but the level of violence that I was exposed to in Animal Crossing has left me riddled with paranoia. I didn’t feel safe, I needed a means of defence”. Hank discussed how he lives in

into adult life. He found it extremely difficult to build trusting relationships with people, moles and raccoons alike. Flashbacks and visions of Nook’s shifty dealings has remained on his subconscious for years following the first encounter but admits that his assault weapon has significantly helped him return to living an uneventful, but safe life. “One of the greatest investments I’ve ever made,” Hank exclaimed.

“Carrying a weapon of that capacity really goes a long way in developing a state of serenity and safety”. Though, he still must be regularly restrained from shooting at raccoons he sees on the streets, an issue he is currently working on.

How any parent would allow their child to

“I never saw myself becoming a gun-guy”, Hank mouths solemnly, “but the level of violence that I was exposed to in Animal Crossing has left me riddled with paranoia." to The Socialisms at such a tender age. The game is dubbed as a “social simulator”, but the hidden nature of the game’s characters, and the way they virtually assault the player, could end up leaving them with psychological scarring, such as the tragic case of Hank Johnson.

As a child, Hank’s parents thought it would be a wonderful idea to allow him to play Animal Crossing on his computer video gaming device, but soon after playing it for the first time his parents noticed changes in his behaviour.

He began to experience increasing levels of anxiety, his parents completely in the dark as to why this was happening. He would explode into fits of screaming, flinging himself into his mother’s arms, letting out terrorised whispers

fear of Tom Nook, a raccoon that owned the local store, to this very day. Upon meeting the shady Nook, Hank was issued with a mortgage of 19,800 bells, the in-game currency (Sources tell me this is based heavily on Marxist-Leninist ideology), which Hank had to pay off by working part-time in Nook’s store. After hours were spent toiling away in the shop working off the overwhelming debt dumped onto him involuntarily, Hank was shocked and disturbed to discover that his house had been expanded upon further, leading him to falling into even FURTHER debt, which, you guessed it, had to be worked off under the deceitful eye of Nook.

These disturbing encounters served as a prelim to mistrust issues that would follow Hank

be tortured, constricted and down-right bullied by a totalitarian raccoon is frankly disgraceful.

Anyone arguing in favour of gun control; take a long, hard read of this article. Without a military grade assault weapon, how could a poor man like Hank live a normal life, with the scolding of a mole, or the authoritarianism shown by a damned raccoon, constantly weighing on his conscience? Level minded parents, it is our job to protect our children from such vulgarity and to ensure that they grow into healthy men and women. If companies like “Plays Station” and “Xbox Three Hundred and Sixty” aren’t going to filter what goes into so-called “kids” games, then we need to make sure they don’t play them at all.

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SPORT

For club and country – UCD RFC on the international stage Andrew Dempsey examines UCD RFC’s influence on the international stage as the Rugby World Cup begins in earnest this month.

UCD RFC have a long and storied history.

Established in 1910, a mere 15 years after the formation of their iconic neighbours UCD AFC – the League of Ireland team – they secured their senior status in 1914 – just four years after being formed, winning the Junior Cup against Merrion. Naturally, things took a bit of a step back during the ‘activities’ of World War I, before they re-started their competitive streak in 1919.

From there, the club’s impact on the Irish international set-up became self-evident. Andy Courtney and P.J Stokes became the club’s first players to play for Leinster while Courtney also became the first UCD RFC player to be capped by his country. Success soon followed in the 1920’s amidst the backdrop of an everchanging Ireland that was still coming to terms with arguably the bloodiest decade in the island’s history.

‘Collidge’ as they are known, had their first colour clash in 1952 against ‘that lot’.

At the time, ‘that lot’ were known as ‘Dublin University’, but to us today it is simply Trinity.

A seven point margin was the difference with ‘forward mastery’ granting a win to the Belfield side. There has since been 66 meetings between the pair of universities, with UCD securing the win on 39 occasions – losing 24 and drawing a mere four. As the old adage from a certain Mr Kevin Keegan goes; ‘I would luv it if we beat them, luv it’ – I think that is fitting for these sort of games. Rarely a classic in a purist’s sense but always a game you dare not lose.

As ‘Collidge’ went through a bit of a golden era as one may call it, they soon saw their first two players make a British and Irish Lions squad in 1959. The Lions need little to no introduction I would imagine. Niall Brophy and Bill Mulcahy have the honour of that accolade, featuring on the Lions trip to both New Zealand, Australia and even Canada when player burnout clearly was not an issue that was spoken about! In total, the Lions played on 33 occasions – winning the

series against Australia before losing to the All Blacks soon after. The Canadian leg of the trip was the concluding one, where they won twice before heading home.

Brophy was perhaps the less fortunate of the first two to be called up to the Lions squad, missing out on playing due to injury for the whole tournament. However, he did make two test caps in 1962 versus South Africa. Mulcahy on the other hand made three test caps for the fabled rugby institution in 1959, before making three more in 1962 during the to face the Springboks.

Less memorable in recent years following the advancements of professional rugby and the rise of Leinster into a major brand, UCD RFC has shifted towards being a feeder club rather than being an Irish rugby powerhouse that it once was. Still, the club has helped nurture some of the finest talents the nation has ever seen on the international scene.

Brian O’Driscoll or ‘BOD’ as he is affectionately known as by the stereotypical ‘Leinnnnnster’ fan is one that certainly stands out – along with the majestic Rob Kearney.

Garry Ringrose, James Tracy, James Ryan, Josh van der Flier and Luke McGrath have all donned Green in recent years. It will be interesting to see who makes the Irish World Cup side for Japan 2019, but one thing can be assured, there will be plenty of UCD influence within Joe Schmidt’s panel.

Like many other sports, the women’s arm of the club has grown in recent years, with increased numbers playing the sport on campus year on year. Tag rugby number have also shot up in years gone by, but an added focus will be placed on the sport in the coming weeks with Japan just around the corner. In a position to push on once more should Ireland perform to the levels we expect (please no repeat of France 2007…) – UCD RFC will hopefully gain the recognition it deserves on the world stage once more.

"As Collidge went through a bit of a golden era as one may call it, they soon saw their first two players make a British and Irish Lions squad in 1959."

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BIOS

Talleyrand Ahoy hoy boys,

Welcome to three or four years of drudgery and debauchery. Consider me your guide to all the goings on in the SU. Want to know who hates who? Want to know why? Well just follow me my lovelies, and I’ll tell all. Lets just say a certain Welfare officer doesn’t enjoy mingling at office coffee mornings. In her defense, would you want to talk to the worst editors the University Observer has ever seen?

Drugs. Sex. Decadent opulence. These are three ingredients that make up a successful SU. Talley can’t begin to describe how utterly bored he is with the current Sabbats - not a whiff of opium off any of them (well, I hear Treacy dabbles in the ol’ leather petunias, if you know what I mean).

Thankfully, in keeping with tradition, the reigns of The University Observer have once again been returned to the safe hands of a pair of sputtering morons, who have promised me I can say whatever I want. And much like my weekends, it’s one man and two women in one small, hot room.

Talley wanted to get a friendly greeting quote from Joanna, but unfortunately Christina beat him away with a large broom. I tried to contact Dave but he was out of office, oddly enough. On the plus side, I was given a large amount of fruit upon leaving. I’m also taking DJ classes, so watch out for MC Rand, with the hottest mixtape of 1803, “thank god child support hasn’t been invented yet”.

You can expect to hear more from me over the year darlings. Until then, so long you cretinous hogs.

- Talley

Soapbox:

The freshers' tent Aoife Mawn

That’s it. Genuinely, just the entire concept of the Freshers tent is my idea of hell. Sticky, even when it’s not particularly warm out, DanceSoc subjecting all attendees to their freakishly enthusiastic flashmobs (car crashes), or different society hacks jumping into your face using laser vision to pry those precious €2 coins out of your already tight pocket.

It’s just a vile place, full of people who will claim to be your mate to get you to join their society and then not speak to you after week 3. You’re lured there with the promise of free pizza and goodie bags, but after two cold, stale slices of a Domino’s knockoff, and three to four Deloitte bags filled with condoms, flyers and pens, you begin to realise you’ve been conned. Going in there hungover is even worse; you’re dehydrated as it is, and then you’re plunged into this sensory sweatbox of noise and smells and money grabbing society leeches. If you do want to venture down to sign up for your usuals, run in and out as quickly as you can, throw your money to whoever will take it, and bolt before you get caught up in a Michael Flatley tribute of some sort and can’t find the exit for beaming, fake smiles and lost looking freshers who seem to be regretting this as much as you are.

You’ll have forgotten about the terrible time you had by the time you return in second year, but this time the annual pilgrimage will be enough to instill in your brain to never return.

By third or fourth year, you’ll be wise enough to know you shouldn’t go anymore, choosing instead to sit on the grass of the quad and watch your younger comrades fishing through those disappointing bags, their first year enthusiasm dying by the minute.

The tent is ranked second in terms of terribleness, beaten only by the sport stands in the student centre (avoid the rowing club, it’s not Rio 2016 anymore). At least those in the Freshers tent know how horrifically unpopular they are, the sports soldiers are still under the illusions of grandeur they’re still clinging on to from their secondary school days, the memories of bullying anyone who was vaguely unathletic for six years until they came to college and realised that wasn’t cool anymore, still fresh and very present in them. In short, avoid the smelly, sweaty tent, but don’t be shy about showing up at different events until you find the society that suits you, you can hand the €2 over anytime (or don’t, they’ll never know).

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Letters to the Editor Dear Editor,

Dear Editor,

Donacha Whiteman President; UCD Yacht Club Deputy 2nd Chair; White Man’s Grievance Council

Sláinte, Dick

Dear Editor,

Dear Gavey Wavey,

Who do think you are? No, seriously. My father didn’t spend his entire life selling his soul at the law firm to send me to a college where such impudent dorks run the paper. Have you absolutely no respect for your betters? You don’t become the President of the UCD Yacht club at 25 without earning it. Your allegations that I only got here because of the enormous cheque my father wrote, even if it is true, is hurtful. I earned my place here. I earned it by being born into a grotesquely wealthy family which has ensured everything I ever want in life has come to me. You make it sound like my life is easy but it’s not. I have my own problems, problems you can’t even imagine. Snarky butlers, bruises on my thighs from things falling into my lap. So before you go writing “the truth” just think about who it will hurt - people like me.

Wealthy, white men. The real oppressed minority.

I would like to kindly address anybody who has had a problem with the current state of accommodation in Dublin. I’ve often found that navigating tough situations can be completely accomplished by a slight change in perspective.

Ever viewed an apartment with 30 other completely qualified applicants? This is a chance to people watch outside of the county fair. Forced to pay €1,300 a month for a closet? It’s an opportunity to hone in on your Tetris abilities as well as a scientific experiment to see how long you can last on 1 meal a day. Afterall, affordable housing is a first world problem, right?

At least there are houses.

Sincerely, Lillian the Landlord

I am writing to you as the phone signal in the Student Centre prevents me from phoning Joe Duffy, and my grievances must be heard. As we return to term time, I feel the need to highlight an issue that has caused me a great headache since our new student centre opened in 2012. There I am, enjoying my usual hourly can of Canadian, when some pesky society members (normally MusicalSoc, the fiends) start wailing their rehearsal warm ups and disturb the peace of my office, walking up and down the corridor and laughing. Admittedly, they do not realise I am there, the light hasn’t switched on in three years, but regardless, the sacred halls of the society corridor are becoming more unbearable each day, and I will not stand for it any longer.

I hope your readers agree, and will do their best to not disturb me in future.

Congratulations on the new job, I hope they’re paying you well at the Observant of the University. I always told your father that just because you didn’t get into Trinity didn’t mean you wouldn’t achieve anything, but he didn’t believe me! Now, I hope you’re dressing appropriately for an editor, none of that baseball cap and bowling shirt. Your father has some nice suits he wore when he was your age. And please get your haircut, a newspaper man is only a respectable job if you don’t look like a dirty hippie.

Speaking of suits, I was doing your laundry the other day and one of the socks was a little...crusty. You know I love and support you, and will do whatever I can to help you, but can you not ask your girlfriend to start doing some of your laundry? If her mammy raised her right she’ll be able to do it for you. She is a lovely girl, I saw a nice ring the other day if you were planning on getting her a ring soon?

Anyway, your brother is going to college to study a course that’s actually relevant to his career, and he needs help learning how to order a takeaway so he can feed himself.

All the best, Mammy Letters, corrections, and clarifications pertaining to articles published in the newspaper and online are welcomed and encouraged.

Letters should be addressed to: The Editor, University Observer, UCD Student Centre, Belfield, Dublin 4 Correspondence may also be sent to editor@universityobserver.ie

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Fatal Fourway Freshers Week Memories

Aoife Mawn - Deputy Editor:

Ah, my Freshers week. It was 2016; Obama was still president, Enda was still Taoiseach and we were naive to just how terrible things could get. I figured that, I, as a college student, should be signed up to every society that would take me, even the ones that I had no interest in (hello, Horticulture society and RIP my endless stream of dead plants). I took great advantage of the wristbands to get into nightclubs too, as any country student without the faintest idea of Dublin geography would. This then involved me trekking to the Spar on the dual carriageway to get alcopops for pre-drinks, going to Palace (again RIP), and having my hair torn out in a crush for the toilets.

But hey, freshers ball sure made up for it! These were the days when Freshers ball was held off campus (the luxury!) in The Academy on Abbey Street, and we got to see The Strypes (again, RIP. God, how old am I?). This also involved a crush where myself and my best friend were shoved against the barriers, but this time the bass player told the guys pushing us to stop and we felt like groupies, so hey, every cloud.

Enjoy your week guys, before you know it, you’ll be snowed under with assignments, or worse still, you’ll be stood in front of O’Reilly Hall wearing a stuffy cap and gown wondering where the hell those years went (not that I can relate... cough cough).

Jessica Viola - OTwo Co-editor: Starting college was not as smooth as I was hoping it would be. I have always seen myself as a perfectionist, and a part of that job is always being prepared. Pen? Got it. iPhone Plug? You’re covered. Hotel? Trivago.

However, nothing could have prepared me for what I experienced in Freshers Week circa 2017.

Alas, it was my first week of first year, a time to really make my mark on UCD. I situated myself into a seat in Theatre L, when I opened up my computer to an uncharged screen. My laptop was completely dead. What was I to do? The lecture had already started and, even if I tried to leave, I was sat in the middle of a full row of ambitious freshers who were vigorously working away.

So, instead of sitting idle and hopeless, I pulled out my phone and began typing the lecture slides into my notes. This, in theory, was a very resourceful way to not fall behind in the class but, from my lecturer’s point of view, it appeared disrespectful to be texting in class. Naturally, I was called out by my lecturer who decided to stop the lesson and scold me for ten minutes about my lack of manners. Afterwards, I explained my situation, with a scarlet face, which in turn made the lecturer so embarrassed that he matched my red complexion. So, basically all I am saying is, always bring a spare notebook in case of emergencies.

Gavin Tracey - Editor:

Coming as I did from a rather poor and very Catholic all boys secondary school, nothing could have prepared me for my first week in UCD. I didn't know anyone, and no one knew me. This was my chance to start anew, create a whole new personality, be the best me I could be.

This is not what happened. Not even close. Left to my own devices, and with the knowledge that there was no one around to regulate my behaviour, I spent most of my time wandering aimlessly around the place, joining every society that I could afford, mostly with the aim of looking like some sort of modern day renaissance man - that’s right ladies, I’ve joined the Philosophy Society and the Juggling Society. Get a load of me.

Get a load of me they did not. Thinking the Clubhouse might offer some hope of making friends, I spent much of Freshers week drinking heavily and floating between different groups.

Attempting to adopt some sort of detached and suave demeanor (which in hindsight was not helped by my bowl cut and Cookie Monster t-shirt) I ended up making someone cry in the Clubhouse smoking area (two people if I include myself). Apart from all of the above, Freshers week was actually pretty fun.

Heather Reynolds - OTwo Co-editor:

My first few weeks in college are quite frankly a massive blur. It was a lot of new people and new places and new bus routes all at once, which was all very exciting, but it does make distinct memories rather hard to pin down in hindsight. Among those incredibly blurred recollections is, luckily, my Debs night, for which I skipped an Orientation week pub quiz. Judging purely by the photos the quiz might have actually been more fun.

As for Freshers, as a 17 year old without access to an ID which says otherwise (drink responsibly), it was spent mainly with the student societies I was particularly interested in, up until they all went to the clubs I couldn’t get into. Setting aside the slight alienation that made me feel, it did leave me free to keep up with my readings, and left me without a hangover that would have kept me from my 9am lectures. But overall, it was an amazing experience. I met so many great people who, three years later, I now consider some of my closest friends. Also, I learned how to juggle when one of those new people turned out to be on the committee for the juggling society and cornered me in the Freshers tent. He then made me join the society, and I never went to another event. This happens often in first year. It’s very much worth it though.

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