O-two Volume XVII Issue 10

O-two

1st MAR 2011 Issue 10 Vol. XVII

The University Observer’s Arts & Culture Supplement

Martin Sheen O-two talk to Martin Sheen about The West Wing, his humanitarian work and his best-ever role

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IN VS STAYING T U O G IN O >> G G TS PARENTIN P M E T T A O W > OT N SHOW > UCD FASHIO LS 2 > MEAN GIR

Contents

03 REGULARS

SOAPBOX Killian Woods gets his knickers in a twist over the election posters plaguing Dublin.

WHAT'S HOT & WHAT'S NOT Ali Lee has spoken; cower in fear (and throw away that ready meal).

04 COMMENT

Quinton O’Reilly analyses which elements of life should not be mixed, and it’s not just Diet Coke and Mentos.

05 SPIRITUAL & SEXUAL ADVICE

– Sex savvy seductress Fadora McSexypants delivers advice on securing a date.

– Mittens has mystified all over the page, just for you.

06 HEAD TO HEAD

Burzlaff and Hozier-Byrne face off for the third time in the explosive issue of spending weekends in on the couch or going out on the lash.

07 GAMES

Steven Balbirnie reviews the brand new crossover threequel Marvel vs. Capcom 3.

08 Travel

Emer Sugrue basks in the history of Tallinn while Copenhagen is the subject of praise for Killian Woods.

09 WEBWATCH

– Dan Moriarty shows you how not to steal music on the internet with streaming site Grooveshark.

– One Chance shows Matthew Jones his true colours in this apocalyptic online game.

10 FASHION

Donna Doyle shows you how to get that 70s flair and reviews the UCD Fashion Show.

14 HEADLINER

We sit down with Martin Sheen to chat about his illustrious career and his presidential choices.

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16 FILM

REVIEWS – This issue reviews the trifecta of current cinematic mediocrity, Wake Wood, Unknown and Mean Girls 2.

TOP TEN Jon Hozier-Byrne lists the worst movies of all time – check your will to live when you’re at the door.

TV Donna Doyle gets to grips with Dancing on Ice while Diarmuid Carter boxes up The Sopranos.

19 FEATURE

Rounding off our movie craptacular, Stephen Allen evaluates the B-movie and the place papier-mache aliens have in our hearts

20 MUSIC

INTERVIEWS – O Emperor, Anna Calvi and Little Comets chat to O-two.

SHUFFLE – Secretly dancing to S Club 7 in the morning? O-two broadens your horizons (but not too far) with our list of guilty pleasures.

WRITE LIKE APES – Pockets takes a trip to the cinema and re-enacts it to our confusion.

25 FOOD AND DRINK

Come dine with Elaine Lavery in her yummy guide to dinner parties.

26 ATTEMPTS

Killian Woods attempts to get pregnant. Was he successful? Do you even want to know that?

28 BACK PAGE

– O-two talks to Justin and the Visitors about why they are relevant enough for our magazine.

– We asked people to talk about what they would do as dictator and now we are changing our names and locking the door.

Letter from the Eds Hey peeps and peepettes, It’s that special time of year again, when February slips sluttily into March and you realise you’ve been drinking for seven weeks solidly and have ten essays due. We here at O-two have taken procrastination to the next level to bring you the finest magazine this campus has to offer.

This issue not only features interviews with the biggest rising acts like O Emperor, Anna Calvi and Little Comets, but multi-award winning American actor Martin Sheen. Will you find out why Charlie Sheen is such a mental case? Er, no, he wouldn’t let us ask that, but there is plenty of gold about the man himself (note: this particular Sheen was the star of Apocalypse Now and The West Wing; for other famous Sheens, see issue 9).

You can also find out such life-changing information as what UCD students would do if they were given control of the country (thankfully most of these people will be forced to emigrate due to the recession), why the 70s are back in more ways than the job market and which two cities you could choose to base your new life in.

Finally, ignoring all advice from resident sexpert Fadora McSexypants, Killian brought a little bundle of joy to the office this week, disproving the pregi-nazis claims that it takes nine months and a uterus to have a baby. You can read all the trials and tribulations of Killian’s pregnancy diary on pages 26 and 27.

Hugs!

Emer and Killian

1 March 2011

Rant

O-two

&

HOT SOAPBOX NOT Hotter than a pot of smoking WHAT’S WHAT’S

Election posters: the scourge of punters everywhere.

E

lection posters are everywhere. Even now that the election has ended, you can’t turn a corner without being stared down by Enda Kenny, or having to see the mug of a smiling candidate looking to charm their way to a cosy pension that will fund their Kerry retirement cottage/300metre yacht for their jaunts around the Mediterranean.

The facial expressions always seem to bug me. Whether they are forced, awkward, cringing or smug, their demeanour as they look down on us with a sense of desperation in their eyes is mainly annoying because it is pathetic. What are you overcompensating for? Why do you need to be on every lamppost, eh?

In my mind, an election poster says a thousand words and most posters scream out a desperate plea like: “Please vote for me #1 and my friend #2. Please.

Well only if you’re not doing anything. Seriously though, don’t go out of your way.

Like I’m sure you have more important things to do, but if you’re free on the February 25th, yeah, that’s right, my name, just below my face. Put a number beside it on a piece of paper. Not a tick! I’d prefer the #1, but it’s up to you. Sure even #3 would do.”

In a sense, some animosity

towards election posters stems from their creepy nature. In general, I find it disturbing when the eyes of portraits always seem to be peering at you wherever you go. Their 180-degree obtuse vision follows me everywhere and just as I’ve walked past Dylan Haskins, I turn a corner and see Micheál Martin perched on a set of traffic lights, leaning forward and grinning. Which leads onto a different matter.

What do some of those candidates have to be smiling about? Especially those Socialist Workers Party nutjobs! A party’s election poster should be a true representation of what their intentions are, so don’t smile at me when you really want to introduce gulags instead of FÁS courses and cap the minimum and maximum wage at three food coupons and a bottle of water.

Summing it all up, it’s the intense manner in which they are plastered everywhere that bugs me. But hey, if this is what you’re into, then you can go through it all again in a few weeks when desperate to be popular and needy puppy-doglike Students’ Union hacks take their first steps towards a dead end job in the civil service and plead with you for your vote. Like the politicians, make them beg.

hot ash, Ali Lee in da house

What’s Hot

Tripping over copious election posters everywhere you go? Killian Woods vents about their general existence

What’s Not

3

The fine sport of climbing

The upcoming Choice Music Prize ceremony

RTÉ’s Dragon’s Den and its feminist agenda

Hats off to one of the few sports that doesn’t involve being shouted at, tackled to the dirt and communal showers afterwards. Climbing is solitary, peaceful, and almost meditative, and you can do it indoors or outdoors. True, there is a slight chance that you’ll plummet down a ravine to your death, but at least gum shields aren’t compulsory.

The only thing not hot about this award ceremony, held in Vicar Street on March 3rd, is the fact that it’s sold out.

If you’re one of the lucky ticket holders, you’ll be treated to some of the best new Irish music around, including O Emperor, Halves and Villagers – and of course you’ll be first to find out who bags the coveted award.

DD is unique amongst reality TV shows in that it’s actually worth watching. It’s also a bit more PC now that there’s a female on the panel: publisher Norah Casey.

Tune in on Sundays for an hour of wacky inventions, business tips and the guilty pleasure that comes from watching people being humiliated on national television.

Spinning and the disconcerting feeling it causes

The lack of Spotify anywhere in Ireland

The ready-made meals and their tastelessness

Real masochists turn their noses up at whips and chains, because real masochists go to spinning classes. Few activities are more torturous than dragging your ass to the gym before sunrise, and spending an hour on an exercise bike listening to motivational music while a fitness instructor on steroids screams: “Push it! Push it!” It’s scary what some people are into.

Those pesky Swedes are at it again. First they spend years withholding Ikea from us, now Spotify.

This Swedish musicstreaming service provides users with vast choice of music for free, and it’s all legal – unless you happen to live in Ireland, that is. Come on Spotify, we’d rather unlimited music over cheap flat-pack furniture any day.

There are few sounds more depressing than that of a fork stabbing through the plastic covering of a Tesco Value Ready Meal For One. The lonely hum of the microwave does come close though, as does the forced cheerfulness of the “ping!” announcing that your processed gloop is ready. If you’re eating in alone at least cook yourself something nice.

COMMENT

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O-two Opinion:

things that should never be combined Sometimes potential combinations are best left alone. Quinton O’Reilly demonstrates why you should take heed of this sage advice from time to time

W

hen the mystifyingly popular Jedward ran out onto the turf of Croke Park, a number of questions sprang to mind.

After getting your head round the idea that both Jed and Ward bypassed security and burly hurlers solely because they were supposed to be “performing” there (a word whose definition becomes looser by the day), you end up wondering, who the hell thought combining Jedward and Croke Park was a great idea?

Croke Park doesn’t seem to be the only one in danger of their presence. The boys and their hair seem to have seeped into most aspects of life – pantomimes, Irish books, promotional campaigns, they even have their own bloody song and music video. You have to fear where they will go next.

Contemporary theatre maybe?

Will we, in a year or two, be seeing the duo starring in the production of Waiting for Godot playing Vladimir and Estragon in the Pavilion Theatre in a cynical attempt to engage misguided youth with Irish drama?

Sure they could be a hit and The Irish Times would write something typically pretentious and gushing like “their vapid and naive performance comes closest to realising Beckett’s oblique and absurd vision when he first penned this work”. However, by doing this, a little piece of every sane thinker will die inside, as well as the deaths of numerous Irish playwrights’ faith in mankind.

The only thing that the duo has left to grace is the front cover of a Rice Krispies box. While being one Jed short of a trio, they would easily be christened snap and pop, the latter being in memory of the musical genre that they just happened to slaughter.

The point is there’s a lot of things that should be left to function alone yet are incessantly mixed together by short-sighted factions of society, ignorant to their own destruction. While there are numerous offences committed on a regular basis, the biggest ones would be as follows:

Sports and logic A function of life that repeatedly disobeys the rules of the space-time continuum, the world of sports is an incomprehensible situation where people are lauded for being able to handle a pointy ball, or throwing a steel dart at a board while heavily intoxicated.

Your worth as a human being is based on how competently you can achieve these tasks or, if you’re not one of the chosen few, how blindly you can follow a team and generally how large a hypocrite

Jedward: coming soon to a Rice Krispies box near you whilst brimming with over enthusiasm. you can be. So berating and calling for the hanging of an opposition player for having the nerve to try and beat your team (before sneering when they mess up) is usually the norm. Bonus points if it’s a children’s game during which you’re shouting insults.

Organised religion and real life Have you ever been told when something doesn’t go to plan that “God moves in mysterious ways?” Have you ever punched them in the face and justified it by saying your fist also moves in mysterious ways?

That feeling of rage is called religion, the rug in which the dust of difficult questions are swept under in the hope they’ll never be uncovered again. An answer that is used too readily and one that is too easy to plug in the gaps science has yet to fill.

Science knows it doesn’t have all the answers; otherwise it would have stopped. And besides, very few people realise that Jesus Christ was actually based on an amalgamation of people: mainly Harry Potter, Marvin Gaye and the eleventh world chess champion from 1972 to 1975, Bobby Fischer.

And to anyone who’ll tell me that there’s a lot more to life than just facts…oops, there goes my fist again.

Being logged onto Facebook and leaving your computer unattended I’m going to be honest, if this ever happened to you

before, then you deserve to be punished for naïvely trusting people.

Horror movies and a tight production budget A popular one. There tends to be two schools of thought regarding this combo. The first is that since there aren’t enough funds to make it a properly scary experience, you may as well forsake your creative vision of a postmodern take on endangered species and just disguise its shortcomings by making it a comedy horror about zombie pandas.

The second is just to splash out on special effects and neglect every other aspect of said movie: acting, writing, costume, catering, plausibility, dignity, the works.

Normally this option leads to your primary monster/horror threat having glowing eyes just to alert you to when something scary is about to happen, just in case you weren’t paying attention (you were paying attention, weren’t you?).

Conclusion So if you’re making a combination, just keep this one simple rule in mind. Just don’t do it! Save yourselves and don’t ever look back. Besides, Jedward will probably end up using your idea anyway and you don’t want that.

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Advice

O-two

This fortnight, Fadora McSexypants tells you what to do when a girl is nonplussed by your declaration of romance Dear Fadora, I recently confessed to a girl that I really liked her. She didn’t say anything; she just looked at me oddly before laughing. Before long everyone in my English lecture was doing the same, and even the lecturer was in tears laughing when I handed the microphone back to him. I can’t help but feel my confession didn’t go according to plan, so what can I do now to win her over?

Please help me Fadora, I don’t want to spend another midterm watching a complete series of Two and a Half Men by myself; you need friends to watch it with to appreciate its

underrated comedy.

Misguided in Merville, Donnnnie O’Scanaill, 2nd year English and Information Studies Good Evening Donnnnie, Oh Donnnnie, it’s never easy getting a hard smack with the retard stick, and I fear you got a particularly vicious caning.

I sense you’re a man with a heart from a different time, back when men were men and bras were pointy. As noble as it was to try and win your love’s affection with a grand gesture, you

Mystic Mittens

Who da man? Who da man?! Who knows, Mittens is a cat Aries (April 19 – May 13) You may feel sad that you have never had a nickname. Could it be that you are not in people’s thoughts enough? Either way, your name is now Bitch-tits.

Enjoy!

Taurus

(May 14 – June 21) Some people seem to enjoy being dissatisfied. I certainly hope this is the case with your new girlfriend.

Gemini

(June 22 – July 20) Don’t give up in the pursuit of true love. The restraining order may say no, but her eyes say please hide in the bushes if you’re going to sob and wank.

Cancer

(July 21 – August 10) Sticks and stones may break your bones but a crowbar to the elbow will definitely get you out of that exam.

Leo

(August 11 – September 16) You will have a small incident in the Student Bar this week. And by incident, I mean erection.

Virgo

(September 17 – October 30) If you feel people aren’t taking you seriously this fortnight, it might be wise to abandon the clown nose.

Libra

(October 31 – November 23) You have three essays overdue and yet you are reading your horoscope, what would your mother say about this? Well, she’s a Pisces, so who cares?

Scorpio

(November 24 - November 29) Your love of Facebook is alienating your real friends; with the whole world updated regularly on your sandwich habits, what’s left to talk about?

almost certainly looked like, at best, a socially-maladjusted weirdo, and at worst, someone who would wear the poor girl’s skin as a finely tailored coat.

Nevertheless, I have a saying that has seen me through harder times than this – nothing cannot be undone. It has served me though each of my many, many divorces and through my horrific car accident in 2009, when I drove my spacious Alfa Romeo into a pole. That’ll teach him for taking our jobs.

“But Fadora”, I hear you whine, “how does your magnificent and inspirational life story relate to mine? You’re an awardwinning supernatural-fiction author and acclaimed inventor of the Push Pop. I am but a simple English student with a penchant for attention and spelling my name incorrectly.”

While this is all true, and yes, you are clearly as mental as Funderland on Salvia, with the right attitude you can woo this unsuspecting love-victim.

Be it a terrific faux-pas or your fantasy girl’s tightly fitting brassiere, nothing cannot be undone – all you need is confidence, self-belief, and good looks. A lot of people would tell you to be yourself, but that’s not really what McSexypants is all about. Be someone entirely different; try being someone cool, or someone with an interesting personality. Being yourself is what got you into this mess in the first place. Try being Mark Wahlberg. He seems to be doing alright.

Now that you’re Mark Wahlberg, you’ll have the skills and confidence you’ll need to approach your lady-love. Explain to her that you didn’t know what you were doing; you were still dizzy from doing all those sit-ups. Convey to her that you only proclaimed your love to be ironic, and that you’d never do something so forward to a girl with such underwhelming looks.

This sort of backhanded insult is called ‘negging’, and you’d be amazed how well it works – tell her that you really like her new jeans because they make her arse look a bit less fat, or that you think those new glasses really draw the eye away from that weird face thing she’s got going on. This will make you seem confident and cool, and if that doesn’t work, who cares? You’re Mark Wahlberg! What are you doing in an English lecture in the first place?

Love and Cuddles, Fadora McSexypants, BA, PhD, YMCA. Next week, Fadora explains why you should never, ever watch Two and a Half Men. Also, something about sex.

Ophiuchus

(November 30 – December 17)

Your relationship with umbrellas will increase in importance this week.

After seeing your parents murdered by an umbrella-wielding madman, you will later confront him as the vigilante Umbrellaman. Unfortunately, you’ll be the Adam West version.

Sagittarius (December 18 – January 20)

You may be overly antagonistic in your disagreements, too willing to call your enemies out. So this fortnight, take a deep breath and have sex with their girlfriend. It’s the gentleman’s way.

Capricorn (January 21 – February 16) You may be suffering from a lack of confidence, try belittling the achievements of others to compensate.

Aquarius (February 17 – March 11) Wave your hands in the air like you just don’t care. Congratulations, you’ve done your exercise for the week.

Pisces (March 12 – April 18) Buy a lottery ticket, lose and then throw it away. It’s probability bitches!

HEAD to HEAD

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Is staying in the new going out? A generation hit by recession certainly thinks so.

Staying In vs Going Out

With the significant social event known as Paddy’s Day coming up, Jon Hozier-Byrne and Anna Burzlaff argue over whether going out is ever worth the hassle Anna: Before we begin I want to let you know that if at any point you feel the

urge to curl into a ball and rock back and forth during this Head to Head please do; I know how your type revert to that kind of activity.

Let’s put it simply, the arguments for staying in are few and far between. Aside from slowly mutating into a social recluse, you miss out on the one joy of being a student in Ireland –prolific drinking – as well as socialising, and unashamed horrific public dancing. Staying in labels you as a weirdo and loner, and before you know it you’ve become those kids from Columbine.

Jon: Listen here you alcohol-swilling, taxi-driver-scoring party girl. Going out is for madmen, teenagers and drug addicts. There is nothing worse than a room filled with sweaty, under-dressed, unapologetically horny drunkards who want nothing more than to fondle each other and listen to Tiesto. The great magic of staying in is that you can avoid the single worst part of the outside world – other people. Why would you ever leave the house?

Anna: Staying in is for the uggos of the world, too ashamed of their mangled

faces to even leave the house. While you’re staring at those guests pathetic enough to actually come, you’re forced to consume as much of your flat Dutch Gold as possible in the vain attempt that someone there might appear attractive enough to fill your empty nights with.

While we social beings are dancing to the rockin’ beats of Tiesto, you hermits are huddled in a small room on uncomfortable couches, just waiting for the night to end. Staying in is just plain awkward as you struggle to make conversation and inevitably end up having to talk to someone whose body odour is stronger than a pile of decomposing cats.

Jon:

Better that I converse with someone with decomposing cat odour than get off with them – I’ve seen those photos you tried untagging yourself from. A conversation is just one of the many things that become impossible in the hellish din of a nightclub. Other examples include; your own cheap alcohol, cigarettes, and access to YouTube.

Truly, that is the way kings spend their evenings. I dare you to suggest that a leisurely evening in can be topped by a night spent holding back your drunken friend’s hair in the toilets in Burger King. If you can’t remember a night where you’ve

had to do that, you’re probably that friend.

Anna: I’ll have you know that all my nightly actions are the image of

respectability...well sort of. My biggest problem with staying in is the sheer banality of it all – the same people, the same conversations and the same lingering sense of life-wasting. Not only are the glorious cattle-herds of Tripod available to those who go out, but also a variety of pubs and bars; you can even go to concerts. College days are about experiencing new things and new people, not sitting around a table playing Scrabble.

Jon: Don’t you dare bring Scrabble into this. Here are bullet points to your

allegedly ‘fun’ suggestions; Pubs and bars – an expensive version of your own living room, but with strangers and old men. Concerts – standing up for two hours listening to 17 opening acts you’ve never heard of, before listening to a band play the entirety of their inevitably shit new album. You know, Anna, if you need help, we’re all there for you. We’re getting worried, you know.

Anna: If you can’t afford €15 entry and €10 drinks, you’re the kind of

underprivileged riff-raff I wouldn’t want to be associating with anyway. At the end of the day, the fact that hundreds of people are willing to pay into clubs every Friday and Saturday night proves how good going out really is. And besides, all this going out hatred is down to your own embitterment. We all know you’re barred from D2 after you “accidentally” slipped those roofies into that girl’s drink.

Jon: You’ll never let that go, will you Anna? It was one time, and you woke

up after a few hours. No one likes a moaner. You know, just because there are a lot of stupid people doesn’t make all the stupid people right. Clubs are noisy, sweaty, pointless wastes of time and money. Can anyone actually remember having a good night out? I know I can’t, and therefore I assume neither can anyone else.

You know when you’re driving through Donnybrook on a Tuesday night, and you see all the whorish twelve-year-olds and infantile boys acting up while waiting for the Wez to open? You know how you cringe, how you feel ashamed on their behalf? That’s how the rest of the world feels when they see you out. Put away your tiny dresses and six-inch heels; put away your hair gel and that ‘funky’ hoody you got in Topman.

Evolve.

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1 March 2011

Games

O-two

Marvel vs Capcom 3’s pyrotechnic visuals only add to its chaotic and fast-paced gameplay.

Absolutely marvellous After a decade of expectation, Steven Balbirnie examines what the third Marvel vs Capcom has to offer the gaming world

A

fter ten years of waiting, one of the most hotly anticipated games of 2011, Marvel vs Capcom 3, was released for PS3 and Xbox 360. The game is a three-on-three crossover fighter featuring 36 of the most iconic or bizarre characters from the two franchises. The cast includes Spiderman, Captain America, Wolverine, Ryu, Viewtiful Joe, Zero and Chris Redfield to name just a few.

The game’s frantic pace and awe-inspiring special moves will please fans of the genre, but they should be warned that experience from other fighters such as Tekken, Mortal Kombat, Soul Calibur or even Street Fighter will not transfer over. This game is a different beast, with gameplay mechanics much more complex than your average fighter. This doesn’t mean that button mashing doesn’t work; it just won’t get you very far.

The learning curve is tough but ultimately rewarding. With the need to master hyper combos, assists, team air combos and x-factor, it is little wonder that Capcom have included the option of a simplified control system in addition to the normal one. Simple mode is based on the controls for Tatsunoko vs Capcom and is perfect for beginners, while normal mode is more similar to Marvel vs Capcom 2’s controls and is tailored for the more experienced player. This is clearly an attempt to integrate casual players with die-hard fans, and it adequately manages this.

While the game is clearly very technical, it is also highly enjoyable. The cartoony graphics magnificently convey the game’s comic-book

feel and all of the music fits perfectly, as the previous game’s unusual jazz tunes are thankfully absent. What’s really important in a game like this, though, is the character roster. Some people will be disappointed that there are only 36 characters when Marvel vs Capcom 2 had 56, especially if their favourites haven’t made the cut.

But Marvel vs Capcom 3 delivers through quality rather than quantity. Each character in this game has their own distinctive fighting style, rather than effectively recreating the clones that filled up the Marvel vs Capcom 2 roster. X-23 and Akuma come close to being copies of Wolverine and Ryu respectively, but have been made sufficiently different to justify their inclusion.

Another problem that Marvel vs Capcom 2 had was character balance. Some were so ridiculously overpowered that characters such as Cable could wipe out an entire team by just repeating one attack over and over. By comparison, Marvel vs Capcom 3’s characters are very well balanced; only Sentinel seems overpowered and even then not insurmountably so.

The designs of the individual characters are brilliant and incredibly faithful to the source material. Dante from Devil May Cry has been superbly realised and is certain to be popular with players. Morrigan, Felicia and Hsien-Ko are all great fun to play as (if only Capcom would make a Darkstalkers 4 ). Deadpool is easily the most hilarious character to feature; he moonwalks, uses his health bar as a weapon and frequently talks to the player mid-fight.

It is evident that one of the greatest concerns of the developers was fan service and they certainly

delivered. Alternate costumes aren’t arbitrary; they have legitimate sources instead, such as Spiderman’s black symbiote suit. All the characters also have unique endings that tie in with their past and feature cameos from even more characters from the Marvel and Capcom universes.

The intricate details even mean that the characters have individual dialogue exchanges to match their personal relationships. The attention dedicated towards this is quite impressive and adds to the game’s atmosphere.

The game’s single player modes won’t last very long, but multiplayer will be what players will come back to. Over the next year Capcom plans to expand the game further through downloadable content (DLC). One of the first DLC announcements has been for Shadow mode, which pits you against a CPU modelled on the game’s developers. However, most attention will focus on the DLC characters. Jill Valentine and Shuma-Gorath have been announced so far, but more are sure to follow.

This mode would logically include characters such as Megaman, Gambit, Strider Hiryu and Venom, due to fan demand. Also the fact that work was done on Dead Rising’s Frank West and X-Men’s Juggernaut but wasn’t completed before the game’s deadline also makes their appearance very likely. No matter what they release, expect DLC to still be appearing for this game around Christmas time.

To put it simply, comic-book fans and serious gamers will love Marvel vs Capcom 3. Newcomers may find it daunting, but this entertaining fighter is one worth sticking with.

TRAVEL

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1 March 2011

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Denmark’s the spot

Carlsberg don’t do cities, but the Danish do, and it’s obviously one of the best in the world, writes Killian Woods

D

efined as the capital of design and beer, Copenhagen captivates visitors with its laidback approach to life. A green city in more than one sense, inhabitants of the Danish capital reside in a serene city that is typified by their cycling-enthused commuters and peaceful park settings that are dotted throughout the city.

Lavish displays of architecture appear to be common throughout the country, with Copenhagen providing the main stage for the crème de la crème to be put on show for the residents and tourists alike.

Copenhagen in itself is a pinnacle of design. It is consistently heralded worldwide as the “best” city in the world. Admittedly it is difficult to comprehend the measurements that Copenhagen is gauged on, but its tendency to figure top of the pile and ahead of cities such as Milan, Berlin and Tokyo must stand for something.

Second to the architecture, Copenhagen is a hub for innovation. Generally assumed to be the location where the building blocks for Lego were first laid, the Danish capital is renowned for its beer.

For most cities, beer is usually end of a civilisation.

However, beer is far from an antidote the Danish use to calm their nerves at the end of a long week. World famous brands such as Tuborg and Carlsberg are merely a by-product of their innovative nature and provide tourists with the unique of experience of sipping lager that is so good the Danes hate to see it leave.

With the Carlsberg factory tour featuring highly on most people’s lists, it is essential not to just limit your visit to a cliché trip to a brewery. Catch a sight of the

The Little Mermaid character originated in Denmark from the Hans Christian Andersen book.

Danish Molly Malone equivalent as well and see the famous Little Mermaid (minus the cleavage) on the Langelinie pier.

Don’t expect fireworks from the inanimate statue, but if you’re lucky, you may witness the latest attempt on its existence as the unfortunate mermaid has suffered a decapitation and survived being blown up in her 98year existence.

If an explosive mermaid isn’t what you fancy, Tivoli Gardens demands your attendance if you’re a tourist in Copenhagen. Considered the heartbeat of the city,

Estonia’s got Tallinn I

n eastern Europe, tucked away just below Scandinavia is the beautiful city of Tallinn, capital of Estonia. Estonia is one of the former soviet republics that tend to be overlooked due to their location and low-key reputation. Named 2011’s cultural capital of Europe, Tallinn is the place to be this summer.

It’s easy to get lost in the maze on tiny winding streets and without a good guidebook; you may end up wasting your time and energy on the wrong things.

Despite the wondrous history of the area, there are some extraordinarily dull and expensive museums.

Avoid the tedious exhibits of fibreglass models of 15th century workmen and disturbing, moth eaten traditional dress and stick to the real history of the place: the medieval town itself. Tallinn’s astonishingly well-preserved cache of medieval architecture is the closest you’ll get to time travel without hanging out with a mysterious old scientist, and considerably less risky.

Your first stop should be Town Hall Square. A large open square used for the odd execution back in the day,

the theme park is the second oldest of its kind in the world and proved an inspiration for some of the more well known Disney equivalents that have looked to mirror Tivoli’s success. Tivoli caters for everyone and is a must-see.

Excitement doesn’t typify everyone’s holiday, so nothing can be more relaxing than wandering a city and seeing its different areas. A long weekend trip to Copenhagen would be ample time to take in all the city has to offer. So, book flights, jet off and enjoy Legoland with a Carlsberg in hand.

Throw away your DeLorean and travel back in time with Emer Sugrue’s guide to Tallinn

it is the hub of the old city and contains market stalls, cafés, merchant houses and concert halls. The Town Hall, completed in 1404, is still used for civil life as well as entertainment events and is well worth a tour.

Next, visit St Catherine’s street. This narrow medieval walkway is home to the St Catherine’s Guild, a collection of craft workshops where artists use traditional methods to create and sell glassware, hats, quilts, ceramics, jewellery and hand-painted silk.

Oldest and most interesting of all is the Old Town wall.

With nearly 2km of wall remaining, this is the bestpreserved medieval fortification in the world.

The wall adds amazing atmosphere to the place and while carefully ignoring the McDonald’s, you can really imagine you’re back in time. You can even climb and walk along the wall with breathtaking views of the city below.

I wouldn’t be much of a student if I didn’t mention Tallinn’s nightlife. As fun as looking at old walls is, people tend to expect at least a bit of socialising when on their hard-earned breaks and again, Tallinn does

Those travelling to Tallinn during the winter should expect a cold reception. not disappoint. In such a small city, most of the pubs and clubs are very close together, so you can flit from one to another until you find the best entertainment.

There are a huge variety of places to go for such a small area, from stony old man pubs for a quiet pint to thudding crazy clubs, odd and wonderful in the way only eastern European venues can be. Just don’t let the short distance fool you into wearing high heels however – those cobblestones are lethal.

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WEB

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Webwatch:

How online music got its groove back Grooveshark has become a jewel in the crown of musical streaming sites like Lastfm, Spotify and Hypem. Dan Moriarty explains why

G

rooveshark was formed in 2006 by three undergraduate students from the University of Florida. It has fast become a peerless music sharing website due to some unique features.

Grooveshark has a very simple, user-friendly layout.

It operates in a similar manner to iTunes, with the one obvious advantage of having pretty much every song in the world available in its vast internet library.

It has become a firm favourite at parties due to its way of organising the songs one wishes to play. Once the first song is playing, any song you click with the play icon will simply join the queue and start when the songs ahead of it have finished. This method cuts down on petty in-party bickering amongst overly enthusiastic musos.

Music streaming sites tend to follow one of two approaches. Approach one is typified by YouTube and Spotify, where they are geared at giving you instant access to music, but do not really help you discover new music effectively. At the other end of the spectrum are sites like The Hype Machine and 8tracks, which are geared at discovering music.

Approach one sites tend to let you choose what you listen to, whereas approach two sites tend to give you music to listen to. Grooveshark, however, manages

to blend these two approaches very effectively. The easy-to-use search engine allows you to access your old favourites while the Grooveshark radio takes into account what you have listened to before, randomly selecting songs it considers similar to your listening tastes.

The Grooveshark search function allows you to filter your results by artist, album and playlist amongst others. This makes it easy to find a specific album and listen to it through. The playlist function allows you to listen to playlists created by other users.

It is of course not without its own faults. Despite seeming to contain every song ever known to man, there is no sign of Pink Floyd, The Beatles or even some decent Bob Dylan recordings. The menu from where the songs play can be a bit confusing to navigate at first and can take some time before you properly adjust to it. There seems to be an excess of buttons, some of which do about four things, and some of which appear to do nothing at all.

Despite its flaws, Grooveshark gets a lot right and for what it does, it does it well. So if you’re looking for an alternative to Spotify or need something more streamlined, you could do much worse.

What would you do with your last week on earth? Matthew Jones examines his priorities in this free online game

Just the one. If you reload the page, restart your computer or even wait a few months, a retry button will not appear.

Generally in a day, you get one choice of things to do, as well as conversations to have with the other characters. Do you choose to work steadily as the world crumbles around you? Or do you spend time with your family and offer words of support to your team? The point is that of all the endings, you only ever get to see one.

As you slowly see the world collapsing around you, with car crashes, protesters, and withering trees, you can’t help but get drawn into the world.

The choices you make also affect you. After playing the game for some time, exploring its world and talking to all its inhabitants, my character returned home to find that his family had been killed, because he had been away working diligently and wasn’t there to protect them.

It is that concept which draws you in. Since you don’t know the effects which your choices will have, it feels more real. Of course the real fun is comparing your endings with your friends – my character ended up dying alone on a park bench, whereas my friend’s died in the lab after his family left him. And another one of my friends eventually found the cure, after his had wife committed suicide and the rest of the planet died.

The meticulously arranged Grooveshark website is currently delighting internet music nerds in all parts of the world.

The final countdown

I

f you had just six days left to live, what would you do? Would you loot the city or spend time with your family? Now what if you were the scientist who created the plague and there is a slim chance that you could save everyone?

One Chance poses that problem to the player. The story begins with you celebrating the miracle cure for cancer, but festivities are short-lived. Six days after you start, the entire planet will have been wiped out by your own cure.

The developer, AwkwardSilenceGames, has said that he wanted to explore the concept of permanency in games, and to get players to really think about their choices. Guilt and responsibility often go hand-in-hand, but it’s entirely up to the player themselves how they react to their mistakes.

They can decide to do everything they can at their own cost and make things right, or simply accept the status quo and shrug their shoulders.

This idea of permanency holds true in the game, as you have only one chance to play the game.

One Chance has an apocalyptic premise which will be familiar to pop culture.

It is an interesting idea: more of an experiment than a game. And it allows you to actually answer the question: ‘Could you save the world?’ So what if it’s not real life.

Play One Chance at http://www.newgrounds.com/ portal/view/555181

FASHION

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1 March 2011

Dare to flare

With the onset of the current craze for 70s-inspired outfits, Donna Doyle looks at some of the hallmarks of this trend Stylist – Donna Doyle Photographer – Jon Hozier-Byrne Models – Sarah McAuliffen and Ciara Fitzpatrick Location – Shebeen Chic

Sarah wears • 70s white lace dress €60 (From A Store is Born) Spring is finally here, so why not emulate the bloom by cruising into college on a bike pimped out with a wicker basket and a flourish of fake flowers as decoration.

You will need:

• A wicker bike basket, available from most bike shops for roughly €25.

• A bunch of fake flowers with stems can be purchased in most €2 stores.

Method: • Separate the bunch of flowers.

• Weave the stem of each flower in and out of the wicker of the basket.

• On the inside of the basket, twist the ends of the stems together to secure them.

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FASHION

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1970s revival has dominated spring collections from the catwalk to the high street. Less Boogie Nights ‘disco diva’ and more sophisticated hippy chic, the relaxed glamour of the era can be recreated with floral prints, high-waist flares and pleated skirts. The trend encourages the most label-conscious fashionista to shop vintage. Not only will your purse benefit, but you can achieve a unique look and take the opportunity to be creative with your outfit.

The trick to wearing vintage and maintaining a contemporary look is all in the details; dressing head to toe in your mom’s old wardrobe will not be a sartorial achievement unless costume was your intention. Combining 70s-inspired staples with last season’s camel-coloured pieces and neat accessories add a contemporary twist necessary to prevent a terrifying freefall into Woodstock couture.

Flared trousers are a must-have for this season, and will save us the trauma of squeezing into those all-too-revealing skinny jeans. Complement these with neat blouses with billowing or bishop sleeves in either silk or satin. Pleated dresses and skirts offer a more sophisticated retro option, and when topped off with a wide-brimmed hat, they

can exude 70s glamour – both day and night.

Lace continues to feature on the catwalk this spring and can only add to your inspired look. Combine your floral prints with a recycled lace blouse or skirt to create subtle hippy chic and with a pair of platform wedges, you can achieve that laidback 70s charm from head to toe.

Vintage stores in Dublin provide a great range of retro clothing. Lucy’s Lounge, Wild Child Originals and Om Diva stock great, original pieces from the decade. Simple leather handbags and vibrant accessories can also be found in these treasure troves and you will be sure to find a unique outfit.

If you’re not so brave as to go vintage, high street stores like New Look, A-wear and Penney’s boast a great selection of 70s-inspired pieces at good value.

Big, untamed hair and natural makeup encompass the 70s free-spirited style.

Natural beauty cannot be topped – so slowly step away from the fake tan. Invest in a quality concealer, define your cheekbones subtly and stick to neutral coloured eye shadows.

The world of fashion is constantly evolving, but the influence of trends gone by will be a consistent feature. As the 1970s takes its turn in the limelight, learn to embrace something a bit different and enliven your wardrobe with some hippy chic. Have no shame and break out those bell-bottoms.

Just be sure to leave the lava lamp at home.

Sarah wears • Blue floral print mini dress €60.50 • Strapped ankle boots €47 • Burgundy belt €23 • Leather look, blue and gold handbag €33.50 (All from River Island) • Petrol blue cardigan €32.99 – New Look

Ciara wears: • Peach blouse €29.99 • Skinny flared jeans €29.99 • Gold leaf-detail hair band €3.99 • Bangles €12.99 • Hot air balloon pendant €7.99 (All from New Look) • Wedges – model’s own

Ciara wears: • Yellow wool cardigan €20 • Floral max skirt €20 (Both from Wild Child Originals)

Sarah wears (left) • Pleated midi dress €19 • Floppy straw hat €5 • Patent pink platform €13.99 (All from Penney’s) • Bangles €12.99 – New Look

Ciara wears: • Ivory lace blouse €15 • Denim waistcoat €11 • Printed flared trouser €17 (All from Penney’s) • Coloured beads €4.99 – New Look • Gold bangle €7.99 – River Island

Visit Bríd and Natalie’s blog at www.craftystudents.blogspot.com

FASHION

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A model performance

Following the long-awaited return of the UCD Fashion Show, Donna Doyle analyses the highs and lows of the annual event

Model of the Year, Clare McStay, shows off Umit Kutluk’s award-winning outfit.

T

he UCD Fashion Show graced the O’Reilly Hall once again last week for its 25th anniversary after three years in absence. With an elaborate production, the show was run professionally and reestablished itself as the biggest and best student fashion show in Europe.

The show’s theme was based on popular TV programmes that have influenced high street trends in recent years. Themes included a Gossip Girl, Mad Men and Twilight-inspired collection.

The show, run in aid of the Make a Wish Foundation,

was organised by UCD Ents and sponsored by Spin 103.8, Stellar magazine and Assets Modelling Agency. The beneficial expertise of choreographer Kathy McGuiness and renowned Irish stylist Roxanne Parker was enlisted.

Dublin-born Parker acted as chief stylist for Prudence magazine and Confetti, a bridal fashion publication. The make-up for the show was by LA Make-Up Academy and was particularly impressive for the Twilight section of the night. Hair pieces by Dublin-based salon, Kazumi, also featured.

First to grace the catwalk were resident runway DJs, Daft Funk. Sporting a dapper tailored suit and customary cyber helmet, they descended the runway before taking over the music for the evening. Throughout the show, the UCD Fashion Show Dance Troupe performed on several occasions and put on an impressive display.

After a notably long interval, the Gossip Girl-inspired section began. Preppy New York style at its finest was modelled, featuring pieces from Tommy Hilfiger and Hackett’s. The girls wore knee socks, brogues and pretty dresses in bold colours, while the guys sported crisp, white trousers and blazers. The style of the TV show was well captured and the models were impressive. Without falter, they delivered well-choreographed struts with confidence.

The 1960s glamour of Mad Men was next in the spotlight. With a quaint vintage influence, Harlequin and Coast were included in the collection. Glamorous ladies descended the catwalk in a range of beautiful evening dresses, stoles and charming headpieces, while the select gentlemen suited up and gave the series’ star John Hamm a run for his money. With slick-backed hairstyles and leather briefcases, they certainly looked the part.

A montage of rehearsals and the models’ Lingerie Mile served as a brief interval, before Glee hit the stage. This section of the show was least effective. The theme didn’t

stand up as well as those previous as the preppy trend associated with the show was already better represented in the Gossip Girl segment. The models opened the section with a Glee-influenced performance and although they must be commended for their choreography, the performance was cheesy and not on a par with the professionalism of the production overall.

Following the interval, the highlight of the night occurred: Project Runway. This section saw the final ten designs of the Young Designer of the Year competition take to the catwalk. A beautiful and varied display of Irish haute couture was displayed. Yvette Byrne’s 18th Centuryinspired sequinned dress was a personal favourite, as was Heather Lynch’s high-waisted camel ensemble, from her collection La Vie en Rose.

The winner of the prestigious title, however, went to Umit Kutluk of Grafton Academy. His design was a unique and eye-catching black ruffled dress. Sported with a pair of sequinned leggings and feathered heels, the outfit was a triumph in black and gold. It was Kutluk’s model, Clara McStay, who was named Model of the Year. McStay will accept a year-long contract with Assets Modelling Agency and feature in a fashion spread for Stellar Magazine.

The final two sections of the show featured a provocative Desperate Housewives lingerie section and a gothic chic collection inspired by the Twilight sensation. The presentation of the lingerie was tasteful and it was only the inclusion of some questionable props that let the choreography down.

Otherwise the models were impressively confident and again, well-rehearsed. The fashion show came to a conclusion with the Twilight-themed run, where the gothic chic made popular by the movies was in full flow.

The UCD Fashion Show definitely returned with a bang and despite some last-minute sponsorship troubles, the show was a highlight on the UCD Ents calendar. The production of the show, from the stage and the lighting to the models and the choreography, was hugely impressive.

The show appeared flawless, with the exception of some prolonged pauses. With the inclusion of such influential sponsors and the success of this year’s return to build on, it is sure to be an annual highlight for years to come.

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LISTINGS

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1 March 2011

Show Patrol February 15th Mogwai– Olympia Theatre – €29 March 1st All Time Low – Olympia Theatre – €25 March 2nd The Saturdays – Olympia Theatre – €29.50 Jamie Lawson – Whelan’s – €12.50 March 3rd Choice Music Prize – Vicar Street – €22 Global awareness evening and volunteering exhibition – International Office – N/A March 4th Little Comets – Academy 2 – €12 Ray LaMontagne and the Pariah Dogs – Olympia Theatre – €49.20 Halves – Whelan’s – €10 Surfer Blood – The Academy – €10 The Decemberists – Vicar Street – €23 March 5th The Riptide Movement – Academy 2 – €10 The Go! Team – The Academy – €23

The Danger Is – Crawdaddy – €10 The Naked and Famous – The Button Factory – €14 March 6th Brassroots Ensemble – Empire Music Hall, Belfast – €6 March 7th The Script – Odyssey Arena – €32.50 March 8th Pappy’s Fun Club – The Workman’s Club – €10 March 9th Bruno Mars – Olympia Theatre – €21.50 March 10th The Script – The O2 – €33.60 March 11th Gypsies on the Autobahn – Academy 2 – €7 Stiff Little Fingers – The Academy – €26 March 12th Leaders of Men – The Workman’s Club – €10 Juju & Jordash – The Twisted Pepper – €11.95 Sébastien Léger – Tripod –€20

Gig of the Fortnight: The Go! Team March 5th – The Academy – €23 Fresh from the release of their third album, Rolling Blackouts, The Go! Team bring their unique indie sound to the Academy for one night only. The show will feature a mixture of their classic hits from Thunder, Lightning, Strike and Proof of Youth, along with more contemporary releases. The band are renowned for fusing musical styles, essentially demonstrating an everything-but-thekitchen-sink approach to making music which they ultimately amalgamate with consummate ease.

Their infectious tunes, including ‘Ladyflash’, ‘Huddle Formation’ and ‘Grip Like Vice’, combined with sleek mixture of genres, guarantees an energetic and lively performance whatever the mood. With rumours of Rolling Blackouts being their last album as a group, now’s the best chance to experience their vibrant sound.

- Quinton O’Reilly

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Feature

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1 March 2011

14

The spark of Sheen Before the conferral of Martin Sheen’s Honorary Life Membership to LawSoc, Killian Woods caught up with the actor of West Wing fame

H

e walks into the room, extends his hand, and formally introduces himself as “Martin” out of pure and total modesty. Not even for an instant does the famous Hollywood star of such films as Apocalypse Now or television drama The West Wing hint towards a sense that his presence should be worshiped.

Martin Sheen sees himself as a regular man and a changed man, who has found a sense of self-worth in this world.

Now 70 years old, Sheen still conveys the charismatic mannerisms and powerful imagery that distinguish him as a great public speaker and political activist.

Sheen is a recognisable face to many, but his familiarity stems from playing numerous different roles across the film and television spectrum.

When challenged about his specific life-changing experiences, Sheen brought the discussion back to the filming of Apocalypse Now. After being drafted in as a replacement for the lead role, he never could have fathomed the impact filming on set in the Philippines would have on his personality and way of life.

Sheen describes how the heart attack he endured during filming of Apocalypse Now affected him. “I thought there was an elephant in the room sitting on my chest, in fact I was having a heart attack,” he

says. “My arms froze up and I felt panicked because I knew how isolated I was and if I had fainted there they wouldn’t have found me until I was a goner.”

At the time, Sheen recalls attempting to crawl to safety and described this surreal experience. “It dawned on me that this isn’t a normal situation and that I’m probably dying. I didn’t know how close I was until I started to drift off and suddenly I felt no pain in my arms and my legs and then leaned against a tree and thought: ‘Hey, this is what it’s like to die, big deal’.”

It is remarkable the fine details that Sheen remembers from the situation, but it is these vivid memories that probably made the life-threatening situation hit home.

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1 March 2011

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“That experience awakened a yearning in my spirit that continues to this day,” he says. “I decided to go on that journey when you ask those two questions: ‘Who am I? Why am I here?’ When you start asking those questions, you’re never going to be satisfied until you start that inner journey.

“The heart attack was the wake-up call, but the journey had only begun. After another four years when I was in Paris doing a film, I realised I had to get this thing together and start living an honest life. I rejoined Catholicism. But I didn’t rejoin the old faith that was given to me as a child that was filled with foreboding, obedience and fear.

“The church that’s in the streets serving the poor and that’s serving human rights, children’s rights, women’s rights, gay rights. All things human happened to me.

Feature “One thing that I asked Sorkin just in passing: ‘Wouldn’t it be interesting if the president was a Catholic because we’ve only had one Catholic president, John F Kennedy’. He said: ‘Why would you want this president to be Catholic?’ and I said ‘I wanted this president to make decisions in a moral frame of reference. I wanted to add to the level of consciousness’.”

Sheen was drawn to speak about his positive experiences on the show, but also references the shaky beginnings. “Everyone involved were at the peak of their careers. We’d all been beyond our addictions, our alcoholism, our divorces, our fights and so forth.

Everyone knew this was something special.

“We all felt it belonged to a pay-for-TV audience, so to our surprise the show took off and became very

“The heart attack was the wake-up call, but the journey had only begun” So that was the start of my involvement in human rights and that led to a couple of jail cells, so the last 30 years have been by far the most difficult of my life, but by far the happiest, because I’ve managed to unite the will of the spirit to the work of the flesh.”

The character of President Bartlet typifies the rejuvenated outlook of Sheen. A role where he truly commits himself personally to the role and mirrors the kind of man he is. However, when initially setting of on his West Wing journey, Sheen didn’t envisage that this would be a career-defining role.

Nonetheless, he still realised that he was involved in something special.

“I knew Aaron Sorkin from The American President and I knew he was one of the best screenwriters in Hollywood, but I knew it was going to be a wonderful show. He was a political animal and as a liberal Democrat as well. He was connected to a lot of people in public life and he was deeply concerned about them and he had a great liberal conscience.”

Sheen continued and elaborated on the personal touches he tried to add to the character of Bartlet.

“When we started, he was already a year and a half into his presidency and they did that very specifically so they could establish a staff and a movement and a message. As we went along, the character became more and more clear.

popular with the reigning president, Mr Clinton, who loved the show. He came to visit us and we went to visit him, and we had carte blanche, because we used to go to Washington two-to-three times a year between seasons so you could see we were filming in the capital.”

Continuing to detail his time on The West Wing, Sheen spoke how the change in American politics when the Bush administration took office altered the course of the show and its perception of the American public. “The great adventure went on for seven seasons and when a certain president of another denomination went in, everything changed, and radically so.

“Suddenly we became the voice of the marginalised.

The voice of the voiceless,” he says. “We were a parallel universe to this guy and that got very interesting because Bartlett began to arise in polls and out poll the real guy.

“While he was in office on one of our journeys to Washington to film, we got an invitation from the White House in which everybody could come and meet their counterparts except a certain you know who. It was the greatest relief that I didn’t have to turn that down.”

When alluding to The West Wing, Sheen speaks in a tone of awed respect. There is a sense of loss in his voice at times when referencing the end of the show after

the untimely death of John Spencer. Sheen spoke of his death as a sign to bring the hit show to a natural end.

It would be unfair to pigeonhole Sheen into two roles and claim they define his career and personality. In recent years, his son, Emilio Estevez, has directed many of his performances. However, it is a give-and-take relationship where Estevez gladly still accepts the advice of his father and is willing of to drop everything he was doing to take heed of said advice.

Sheen, who describes Badlands as his best film, explains the origins of his new movie The Way, as a “story of fathers and sons” which reverses the typical plot of the son becoming the father and sees the father becoming the son after a Spanish pilgrimage.

Giving it modest praise, Sheen says: “It’s not like any of the movies you see these days. There are no car chases, there is no foul language, there is no overt sexuality, there is no violence, there is no vulgarity, and there is no green scenes or monsters.

It’s just old-time storytelling in this medieval setting in Spain.”

Away from the screen, Sheen has dedicated large parts of his life to humanitarian work for numerous charities. Sheen’s work to this day sees him lending his financial and celebrity status towards the People’s Recovery Empowerment Development Assistance (PREDA). Based in the Philippines, PREDA specifically aims to protect and defend the human rights of children who are sexually exploited due to the countries poor policing humanitarian rights.

Eager to explain his experiences of the third world, Sheen alluded to a heartbreaking experience that he nearly brings a tear to his eye. “We started a water project in an infamous garbage dump outside Manila in Quezon city.

The third world poverty in Asia is life-affirming.

If you go in there and are aware of it and you are touched by it, you will be a changed person.

Then one day, there was an explosion and a mountain of garbage came down and killed 600 people instantly because of the methane created by the dump. They had no names, [they were] just all lost.”

There is a spark in Sheen’s eyes, but also despair at how quickly it can all be taken away. Sheen is a firm advocate of improving world affairs by giving. He admires the Irish for this core aspect of our nature.

“Ireland is the most generous country in the world and the safest passport to hold, because you never sent anyone anywhere to take their lives, their land or their culture. You came and you gave. And that’s why the Irish people are beloved.”

Sheen struggles to verbalise his passion towards the end of the interview, but concludes with the most noble of remarks. It’s all about changing in his mind. Changing to be better people and developing a caring and non-apathetic view towards the turmoil in the third world.

“That experience of being up close to injustice changes you in ways that are so empowering,” he says. “People talk about power, but they don’t have any until they really accept the fact that you are powerless. Then you have grabbed the most powerful thing imaginable. You own yourself.

You’re not depending on anybody else. And you only know now what it means to have power and what you’re going to do.”

Martin Sheen was in UCD to accept an Honorary Life Membership from LawSoc.

FILM

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All bark, no bite

1 March 2011

16

Mean Girls 2 stars Meaghan Martin (far left) along with her ‘plastic’ compatriots.

Mean Girls 2 for you, Glen Coco Title: Mean Girls 2 Director Melanie Mayron Starring: Not Lindsay Lohan Release Date: Out now

Scarily clichéd: Wake Wood contains few real surprises and will leave most viewers unimpressed.

Title: Wake Wood Director: David Keating Starring: Eva Birthistle, Ella Connolly and Amelia Crowley Release Date:March 25th

W

ake Wood is the latest film from the recently revived Hammer studios. Hammer became notorious in the 60s for their ‘Hammer Horror’ films – low-budget pictures featuring gratuitous amounts of violence and Christopher Lee. Sir Chris doesn’t make an appearance in Wake Wood, but it certainly embraces the gory aspect of its heritage.

Indeed this is not a film for the faint of heart, and the tone is set early. It opens with a particularly disturbing scene involving a young girl and a vicious dog. The girl in question is the only child of the main characters, played by Aidan Gillen and Eva Birthistle. After her untimely death, the distraught couple move to the small rural town of Wake Wood to escape their grief.

It’s obvious from the get-go that there’s something suspicious about the residents of Wake Wood, and after a clichéd car breakdown, our protagonists stumble across a pagan ritual. Soon afterwards, the results of the ritual are revealed, and the grieving parents are offered a chance to spend three more days with their deceased daughter.

Now this plot may sound familiar, and if it does

you’ve probably seen the 1989 Stephen King adaptation Pet Sematary. Almost the exact same thing happens in that film, and Wake Wood makes no effort to acknowledge this.

If you’ve seen Pet Sematary, or any horror film ever, you already know that things don’t always run smoothly when resurrecting the dead and what comes out of the ground may not be exactly what you put in. This presents the film’s biggest problem: we know almost immediately what is going to happen, and it feels like the film takes an awfully long time to get there.

Even the blood and guts get a little boring in the middle stretch of the film. The gore is extremely realistic and convincing, but after the initial animal attack, there isn’t much violence to it. We are treated to a cow’s caesarean section and a pagan re-birthing ritual that is grotesque enough to turn stomachs, but it lacks any sense of tension.

Things pick up towards the climax though and the movie is not a complete failure. Ella Connolly plays the demonic youngling and she gives an impressively creepy performance. Her inevitable third-act rampage finally adds a bit of excitement and fun to the film, but it feels like too little too late.

In a Nutshell: Impressive gore effects and an intensely creepy performance from a young actress fail to save this ultimately boring horror movie.

- Adam Kearney

Sometimes you just have to make exceptions. Sure, Mean Girls 2 isn’t getting an Irish release, or, for that matter, a release in actual cinemas. And sure, even the most eclectic shop won’t have this on DVD. But sometimes, just sometimes, a film is so ridiculous that you are forced to review it none the less.

Mean Girls 2 is the unabashedly shameless attempt to cash in on Tina Fey’s 2004 classic, and it tries desperately to cling on to fond memories of its predecessor. About half of the trailer for Mean Girls 2 is made up of footage from the first movie, and the poster is mercilessly photo-shopped to make it look like Lindsay Lohan is still the star. But oh no, Cady Heron is long gone, and we’re left with Meaghan Martin as Jo Mitchell, a mediocre reminder of what might have been.

All the classic Mean Girl tropes are here, from the Plastics to the artistic/ugly best friend, from the panning-shot explanation of cafeteria cliques to the school dance finale. All that’s missing is the gay best friend, the rapping mathletes, and the wit. The original explored teenage alienation in a clever and, at times, touching way: “She doesn’t even go here” has become an instantly recognisable slogan to identify the socially maladjusted. And not only does Mean Girls 2 fail to capture that same pathos, it misses the original’s social commentary entirely.

The characters are pointless knock-offs of the original cast, and are so interchangeable that you’ll find yourself desperately wondering which one is which, before you quickly stop caring. The plot, a term that can only be used incredibly loosely, makes absolutely no sense.

The finale builds to an all-girls football game, which will, somehow, determine who stole some money that was meant for a pet-neutering charity. We at O-two genuinely wish we were creative enough to make this shit up.

Plot holes, ridiculous dialogue and plentiful continuity errors are the order of the day, and leave you wondering if the filmmakers wanted their work to be turned into a drinking game. It is a masterclass in mediocrity, but somehow, you can’t hate it. Perhaps because of fond memories of the original, perhaps it’s just so bad it’s good, but Mean Girls 2 will leave you with a wry, pained smile. Sometimes you just have to make exceptions.

In a Nutshell: So not fetch.

- Jon Hozier-Byrne

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Unknown quantity 1 March 2011

Top Ten: Crap Movies

With our seemingly specially themed ‘bad movie’ film section this issue, Jon Hozier-Byrne looks at ten crap movies 10. Battlefield Earth (2000) “A million monkeys with a million crayons would be hard pressed in a million years to create anything as cretinous as Battlefield Earth.” So the Washington Post described a film written by the man who invented Scientology. Also, it’s got John Travolta in it.

9. Plan 9 From Outer Space (1959) A true crap movie classic. Not only does it almost star Béla Lugosi, it’s got grave-robbing aliens trying to resurrect the dead. Remember my friends, future events, such as these, will affect you… in the future.

8. Showgirls (1995) Imagine Boogie Nights, but with every good thing about it carefully removed. The film relies so heavily on Saved By The Bell’s Jessie Spano (the feminist one) taking her clothes off, that very little else actually happens in the film. It’s almost as good as Screeched!

7. Wild Hogs (2007) William H. Macy, Martin Lawrence and Tim Allen in tightly fitting leather acting out a laughable midlife crisis fantasy? Sign me up.

Also, it’s got John Travolta in it.

6. Troll 2 (1990) If you want to see a film that doesn’t actually have a troll in it, then this is the film for you.

You might also consider any other film ever made, except Troll 1 and maybe about half of Lord of the Rings.

5. The Garbage Pail Kids Movie (1987) Irish actor extraordinaire, Liam Neeson, gives a Taken-esque performance in Unknown.

Title: Unknown Director: Jaume Collet-Serra Starring: Liam Neeson, Diane Kruger, January Jones, Aidan Quinn Release Date: March 4th

U

nknown does not waste much time jumping into the action. One minute we’re being gently introduced to Dr. Martin Harris (Neeson), a biotechnologist and his wife Elizabeth (Jones), and the next; we’re watching a frantic rush to the airport to retrieve a forgotten briefcase, landing Harris in a caraccident-induced coma for four days.

By the time he’s awoken, another man (Quinn) has stolen his identity, and no one, his wife included, appears to recognise him. With the help of his taxi driver from the accident (Kruger), he begins trying to prove he is who he thinks he is, but not without several twists.

With a film like this, you have to ignore the somewhat ridiculous general lack of anything resembling reality, because otherwise you’d be pointing out plot holes all day. With the audience being given no more information than Harris himself, we’re drawn into his confusion and disorientation. However, after the beginning, everything seems to move a little too slowly.

Rather than being captivated by the mystery, it just gets a bit boring, to the point where even the action

scenes are a little bit paint-by-numbers. The third act, however, is more original and more unexpected than you would anticipate.

The problem seems to lie more in the writing, and to some degree, the clichéd score, than the cast. Following Taken, Neeson appears to have made himself at home in this kind of role, and Kruger succeeds in adding to the mystery, even if occasionally she wasn’t quite sure what accent she was using.

Jones, however, will probably be remembered more for her slinky dresses than her performance. Something of a show-stealer came in the character of Ernst Jurgen (Bruno Ganz, better known for his role as Adolf Hitler in Downfall), an ex-Stazi officer who helps Harris with his investigation.

Unknown fumbles along until the last 15 minutes.

Devoid of urgency, it’s hard to really connect with it.

However, Berlin is shot beautifully, and they really take advantage of their setting.

The script is somewhat lacking though, and with lines like “I didn’t forget everything. I remember how to kill you, asshole,” coming from Neeson, parts seem more than a little contrived. The film’s premise was good, but ultimately they failed to take advantage of it in full. It is entertaining, but just not excellent.

In a Nutshell: A little bit Taken, a little bit Bourne Identity, mostly a little bit dull.

- Aoife Valentine

Your viewing experience might be documented as so; “Hey look, a film adaptation of a children’s playing card game. This must be like Pokémon or something – wait, why does that kid look like that? KILL IT WITH FIRE!”

4. Face/Off (1997) Nicolas Cage battles John Travolta in an epic fight of good versus evil – but which is which?

Who can be trusted? Wait, no one cares, this is Face/Off.

3. Boy Eats Girl (2005)

The list’s only Irish film, this follows Samantha Mumba in her battle to fend off the undead as they try to over-run Terenure and sleep with her. One of the only Irish films to have scenes actually cut out by censors in recent years, and you have to wonder – was the censor too generous?

2. Look Who’s Talking Now (1993) Inexplicably talking pets? At the very least, Bruce Willis as a talking baby had a sort of twisted logic to it, but this is simply grade-A mental. You’ll never guess who the star was, by the way. I’ll give you a hint; his name rhymes with Ron Bravolta.

1. The Room (2003) There could only be one. Every line of dialogue is utter gold, every plot hole laughably brilliant.

You can’t help but love it and hate it all at once, and much like Lisa, The Room will tear you apart. Oh hai doggy!

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1 March 2011

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B is for backstory You could catch up on the blockbusters that feature highly in the Oscars, or you could follow Stephen Allen’s guide to B-movies

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It’s a Robo Vampire and he is out to prove that watching B-movies are worth the time and effort. Or not.

“S

o what movies have you seen recently?”

This is a question I love being asked because I get to see the reaction to titles such as Billy The Kid Versus Dracula. To put it simply, I love B-movies. I love schlocky, cheesy, obscure movies with completely ridiculous premises. I love them more than modern mainstream movies, because at least there’s some creativity behind it.

Granted, that creativity mostly involves ninjas, robots and vampires or some twisted hybrid of those three. If Robo Vampire doesn’t sound like the greatest concept for a movie, then we can’t be friends. Also, it’s always more enjoyable when you know you might find a laughably worse movie next week. Or better yet, you might find an unknown gem.

Basically, part of the fun of obscure movies is searching for them. Even in today’s information age, questions like exactly how many movies Godfrey Ho has made, or how many mainstream movies have unofficial sequels is still unknown. Granted, this may be because most people who aren’t me don’t want to know. So, why has the interest in these kinds of movies increased? Well, there are several reasons but some aren’t that interesting.

One such reason is the creation and banning of the video nasty. In the early 1980s, when the amount of houses with VCRs increased, the popularity of video increased in tandem. Suddenly, the focus shifted from the cinemas to the home.

Consequently, movies wouldn’t have to be released in theatres to reach the majority of the public. But the

English government, being the control freaks that they are, tried to find a way to censor the more disturbing videos that weren’t being certified by the established ratings system. Most were simply re-cut, but some were put on a list and banned. Thus, the DPP list – the list of video nasties – was released and almost the entire list earned a lot from import sales alone.

Simply because everyone was curious why they were banned, these films gained widespread notoriety and made a lot of money for bootleggers. The list is still a source of names for anyone interested in terrible and ridiculous horror movies. Even the famous schlock horror movie The Evil Dead was originally banned under the act.

Let’s just face it, when your legislation is up against the awesomeness of Bruce Campbell, you’re going to lose. There was also I Spit On Your Grave, which doesn’t deserve its following and was also known as Revenge of the Women. Anyway, most of these movies have been released after the millennium, bar eleven that have yet to submit for ratings. Mostly because even the filmmakers realised that they sucked.

One other reason worth mentioning is the popularity of an American comedy show called Mystery Science Theatre 3000. For those of you who aren’t familiar with it, MST3K involved three comedians (two of which were puppets... it made sense at the time) making fun of z-list schlock. It introduced a whole new generation to these strange and funny movies. It showed us that these movies were an endless source of comedy (but don’t watch

B-movie comedies, they are voids from which humour cannot escape).

Admittedly, it wasn’t as popular over here as you could usually only see it on the Sci-Fi Channel (you know, when it was spelt right) after midnight. Which is a shame, because it is impossible to get any episodes on DVD, because they relied on their channels rights to the movies they were showing, rather than acquiring the rights themselves.

Either way, it was an incredible show that I can’t say enough good things about. But, that isn’t funny, so... emmm... oh! It introduced me to a movie that I now watch every Christmas: Santa Claus Conquers The Martians. Once again, how could you not love a movie with that title?

B-movies have actually had a fairly long and fairly interesting history. As mainstream media has evolved, so have their low-budget counterparts. From their original creation as 1930s double feature B-units to the exploitative movies of The Asylum, there is plenty of ground left uncovered by this feature.

So go to that weird DVD store, avoid eye contact with the clerk with the hook hand, pick up some crappy movie with a title like Ninja Commando 3, invite some friends over and have a bit of a laugh. But remember, these films are a part of cinematic history, like the deformed cousin twice removed that no one likes to talk about. So, if you don’t mind, I have to get back to watching Death Bed: The Bed That Eats People... no, I’ve no idea why it exists either.

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Baby Spice on ice Dancing On Ice still has that wow factor as the show enters its penultimate stage, writes Donna Doyle

W

hat fun things do you do on Sunday evenings?

Go for a drink with the lads? Woo some sexy ladies? Partake in some petty vandalism? Well, you may feel like your Sabbath is being fulfilled, but you await enlightenment. And that, my friend, comes in the form of Dancing On Ice. Oh yes, you think you have it all, well quite frankly, you have not lived until you have seen Richard and Judy’s daughter demolish her own integrity and join Kerry Katona in a bid to repair her tattered life. If that wasn’t enough to lure you into the sequined grasp of ITV’s most heterosexual show, Vanilla Ice is there too.

For those of you not confident enough to venture outdoors for fun, Dancing On Ice, in its sixth successful series, sees an array of “celebrities” and their professional skating partners skate in front of a panel of judges.

Trained by former Olympic champions Jayne Torvill and Christopher Dean, each couple must master a new routine and skating skill each week to much comic effect – intentional or otherwise.

Following a public vote, one couple is axed each week after an intense skate-off between the two lowest scoring ensembles, and consequently the deciding vote from the “ice panel”. This panel is comprised of former Olympic figure skater Robin Cousins, sharp-tongued choreographer Jason Gardiner and Baby Spice.

Last week saw the departure of everyone’s favourite mess, Kerry Katona. Unable to master the intricate spin, jump and step sequence of the “Ultimate Skills Week”, the former Atomic Kitten star left the show. Battling it

Train wreck on ice skates, Kerry Katona, helped boost viewer ratings during her stint on the show. out for the figurative crown remains reality TV star Jeff Brazier, who warned his competitors to “expect me to pull out all kinds of crazy disco moves”.

Loose Women star Denise Welch, Eastenders heartthrob Sam Attwater and children’s TV presenter Laura Hamilton await said crazy moves. A surprising addition to the lineup is Iraqi war hero and Victoria Cross medallist, Johnson Beharry VC. For me, the highlight of the show comes in the form

of Mr Vanilla Ice; not only for his surprisingly genuine skating skills, but for the immaculate array of puns that his presence provides. Gardiner’s feeling that “a little bit of vanilla ice is melting away” was only topped by the response: “It may feel like its melting – that’s cos I’m heatin’ up out here.” If that is not TV gold, I don’t know what is.

Dancing On Ice airs on TV3 on Sunday evenings at 6:30pm and then again at 9:30pm.

Boxing Clever – The Sopranos Believe the hype. The Sopranos is second to none as far as DVD boxsets are concerned, writes Diarmuid Carter, and is arguably the greatest television series of all time

T

here is no point in me telling you that The Sopranos is good. If you haven’t already seen it, then you should at least know. Ranked as one of the greatest TV shows of all time, The Sopranos frequently interchanges between the first and second spot with The Wire.

Described by The New York Times as possibly “the greatest work of American popular culture of the last quarter century”, thinking The Sopranos is very good is now just common sense. A bit like believing that education is important or that racial discrimination is bad.

The Sopranos is a show about gangsters, meaning that it delivers the sex, violence and ‘gang-talk’ that audiences have always lapped up. Yet The Sopranos does not only titillate us with beatings and blow jobs, it also explores issues like modern-day apathy, personal guilt and identity in crisis.

It is already a classic story and perhaps television’s greatest artistic achievement. Ironic then that the small screen, with all its scheduling limitations, is really not the best place to enjoy such an intricately constructed world.

Take the fifth episode of the first season for example.

Tony Soprano takes his daughter to Maine to view colleges. On the way, he spies what he believes to be an informer on the Witness Protection Program, follows him and strangles him to death with a piece of electrical wire.

It’s an exciting episode, but as well as watching Tony brutally garrotte a “dirty rat fuck”, we also see him trying to establish an honest relationship with his teenage daughter despite the nature of his ‘work’.

We see him ponder the Nathaniel Hawthorne quote: “No man... can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which one may be true.” We hear his wife, Carmella, sum up a common concern of modern-day western society when she confesses: “I have forsaken what is right for what is easy.”

All this occurs in just one episode. Altogether The Sopranos comprises 86 episodes which generally fall between 50 and 55 minutes in length. Imagine if The Sopranos could only be watched on television once a week. How easy would it be to miss this one episode

Head honcho Tony Soprano didn’t let anyone get in his way. because you were talking rubbish in a pub somewhere?

Yet if you did miss it, you’d be missing out on themes crucial to the rest of the saga, and missing out on so much of what it has to offer.

The Sopranos is a genuine artistic achievement, and it demands to be watched using modern equipment. It is a story so complex, rich and detailed that it needs to be watched from the beginning through to the end with no interruptions, and may often require re-watching. It is a phenomenon of the boxset age.

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1 March 2011

Red dawning

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Fresh off a triumphant appearance on RTÉ’s Other Voices, Anna Calvi chats with George Morahan about her flamenco touchstones and blurring gender lines

Calvi was one of the artists nominated in the BBC’s Sound of 2011 poll and her star has since risen amidst a wave of publicity.

A

nna Calvi strides onto The Workman Club’s tiny stage with a bare glimmer of a smile to acknowledge her attentive audience. Clad in a pair of high-waisted, black trousers and a ruffled red shirt with her hair slicked back and lips a punishing shade of red, looking androgynous and oozing sexuality. Mere hours earlier, O-two finds diminutive Ms Calvi alone in that same room, plumped on a sofa (in rather more conservative attire) and looking quite bewildered. Her suitcase lags behind as we find a table in the corner of the bar. With an aversion to flying, Calvi’s had to take the boat from London to Dublin. Looking a bit jaded for her troubles, she’s content to be marshalled around by PR, unrecognisable from the woman that would own the club that evening.

The opening bars of ‘Riders to the Sea’ ring out and Calvi absorbs every note. The Fender Telecaster she uses appears an extension of her body and Calvi plays it like so.

“I think my music is very instinctive. I like to imagine my guitar as a piano; I imagine it as an orchestra. These are things I think about to keep me excited and interested in the instrument.” At points tonight, she fully embodies the one-woman orchestra she aspires to be.

Calvi picked up the guitar at age seven roughly. She is self-taught and has moulded a distinct and innovative style from her inspirations, which range from the obvious (Jimi Hendrix) to the obscure (such as jazz guitarist, Djando Reinhardt). Her influences can be readily heard in her music, but early last year, Calvi took to YouTube to indulge in some re-interpretations of songs that hold a special place in her musical education.

“I was in between recording and I wanted a new creative project. I wanted to give my interpretations of songs that

really affected me and helped me as a musician and moved me in some way.” She uploaded five songs recorded in her attic, covering a wide range of bases, from Edith Piaf to TV on the Radio. “That attic is an important place for me; it’s where I write and do a lot of recording. It was just something to do, really,” she laughs.

The audience is glued to the spot, mesmerised. Calvi’s sheer presence seems to transcend the limitations of such a small venue. If anything, she thrives on such confines.

“I like working with restrictions; I think it makes you a better artist.” She’s not lying either. Despite its nearepic results, Calvi’s self-titled debut was created under self-imposed austerity. The album’s sweeping orchestral arrangements and choirs were deceptively prepared; “All the strings are me, re-recording myself playing violin over and over to create the effect of an orchestra. It’s the same with the choirs; just recording my voice over and over to give the sound of a large choir.”

Recorded with veteran producer Rob Ellis (known for his longstanding working relationship with PJ Harvey) and her backing band last year, Anna Calvi bears an impressive coalition of techniques and tones. Brooding and sensual one minute, but grand and romantic the next, it cuts a figure as one of this young year’s best albums.

Her band consists of a drummer and a multiinstrumentalist (who plays bass, percussion and what looks like a massive accordion.) The performance is slick and mannered, allowing Calvi to explore her fullest range as a performer. She can morph from purring temptress into a force of nature in an instant.

Although she downplays it, gender and its bounds clearly play an important part in Calvi’s music and image; protesting that she thinks “to section off artists on the

basis of gender is a really pointless exercise,” whilst also toying with the bounds of sexual identity in her music and costume.

“I think there’s a masculine and feminine side in everyone. I just like playing with it and I think its fun,” she says, adding that her style is basically inspired by flamenco dancers. “Their outfits really express a passion and drama which I wanted to get across in my own outfits and my music.”

Passion and drama certainly seem integral to her show; stirring numbers such as ‘I’ll Be Your Man’ and ‘Suzanne & I’ leave the crowd pleading for more. Her opening salvo concludes to the desperate yearning of ‘Love Won’t Be Leaving’, a lyrically dense hymn of faith and optimism that extols the very best qualities of Calvi’s work.

“The song is telling the story and creating this whole world. Whatever force can take you over; be it fear or loneliness, you’re losing control. It’s about how you cope with fear and how belief in love can help you.”

A grandiose, almost spiritual sound of catharsis emanates from Calvi’s work, but that may just be O-two’s opinion.

Calvi prefers to keep her music’s mysteries under wraps. “[My songs] all mean something deeply to me, but I’d prefer people not to know my specific feelings about them, because it would take away from the experience.” And with that we close. O-two finishes its pint, while Calvi is content sipping her still water (no ice). Her roadies have just arrived. “What time am I going on tonight?” she asks, “9:30. You tweeted it earlier.” She takes this news rather suspiciously. “No, I didn’t.” Mundane matters like Twitter ethics will have to wait; Calvi has a metamorphosis to complete.

Anna Calvi is out now.

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Cometh the hour, cometh the band Rob Coles, lead vocalist for Tyneside quartet Little Comets, chats to Aoife Valentine about disastrous record deals and the prospect of gigging in bingo halls

N

ewcastle-born indie-rock group Little Comets are a band best known for their impromptu gigs and a slightly rebellious attitude. Not willing to back down and accept changes to their sound demanded by the major record label who had signed them, the release of their debut album, In Search of Elusive Little Comets, was delayed considerably.

Perhaps not quite the start the band had expected when they signed the contracts, but it was certainly a learning experience for them, as singer Rib Coles can attest: “I think we were pretty naive going into the arrangement thinking we’d be able to do everything ourselves – which is what we’ve always done.

“I think they were pretty naive as well though, because I think we made it pretty clear in meetings we had before we signed with them that we did want to retain a lot of autonomy over it, so we had kind of a year of mutual head-scratching.”

After eighteen months and an acrimonious split with Columbia, the band signed with indie label Dirty Hit and released the album in January. The experience has left them wary of major labels.

“It’s really funny actually because Columbia possibly want to sign the album in Australia,” he says. “They want to pay more money to get fewer rights to the album again. One side of me is like: ‘if they’re daft enough to want to do that then why not’. I suppose that shows how daft major labels are. I definitely wouldn’t work with another one in this country [England]. Except a whole load of money, they don’t really bring much.”

Having made a name for themselves doing spontaneous gigs in odd places like the Metro, lecture theatres and the bakery isle of a Marks and Spencer store, it seems like the band’s cheeky attitude allows them do exactly as they please. However, Coles is less than sure.

“We were going to do a bingo hall,” he says. “But I spoke to my Nana about it, and she’s a big bingo fan and she basically said if someone did that in her bingo, then they’d get killed. So we decided lecture theatres are probably as quirky as it’s going to go.”

Strange places aren’t just reserved for impromptu gigs, however. Little Comets have something of an aversion to recording in studios, and rehearsing in conventional spaces just doesn’t work for them. “It’s nice to rehearse in a place that isn’t a sanitised studio environment. If you’re in an area that’s a bit dishevelled, then you don’t feel the necessity to behave as well. So it definitely strips back your inhibitions, rehearsing somewhere that is pretty run down.”

In a lot of songs on their album, there’s an interesting contrast between Coles’ dark lyrics and the rather simple,

Little Comets released their debut single in February 2009; however the band’s first album only came out last month. light-hearted instrumental backing; a slightly peculiar, yet apparently unintentional, combination. “When we’re playing, I think we’re all quite happy musicians, so if we’re jamming it’ll naturally be quite upbeat.

“When I go to write the lyrics, the framework of the song is often quite happy, but we can’t make every song about something fluffy and light,” he explains. “So if I’m in a sadder mood, the lyrics will tend to reflect that.”

The band have been touring pretty much non-stop

“It’ll be interesting to see as well if Americans can understand our accents, we might have to try and speak the Queen’s English for a week”

since the beginning of the year, and once they’ve completed their dates in the UK and Ireland, they’re kicking off some American shows by playing SXSW in Austin, Texas. The annual industry showcase for all things indie has kick-started the careers of many fledgling bands in the past and is something Little Comets are understandably very excited about.

“Me and Mickey [Rob’s brother and the band’s guitarist] have never been outside of Europe before, so that’s going to be an experience for us.” However, Coles will be proceeding with caution until the band gets past airport security. “I just want to make sure I’m ahead of Mark [Harle, Little Comets’ drummer] in the customs queue, because he’s got a habit of saying something which is intended as a friendly ice-breaking comment, but could end up landing him in a lot of trouble.

“It’ll be interesting to see as well if Americans can understand our accents, we might have to try and speak the Queen’s English for a week. I think it’ll be lovely.”

It’s obvious that the fiasco with Columbia is not about to stop Little Comets. They are seemingly much happier having found a supportive label that allows them total creative control and the group are now looking forward to getting some new music out.

“Hopefully we’ll spend the summer playing festivals and then I think we’ve got about eight or nine songs that are ready to be recorded over the summer and hopefully get a new little EP out there.

It’s been quite a while since we’ve released any music that’s brand new, so we’ve got a backlog of songs.”

Presumably they’re hoping the process moves a little faster with the EP than it did with the debut, though? “We’d like to get it out there as soon as possible. It lends to being more creative the quicker you can exercise the process, so the sooner we get it out we can get on to writing and recording more stuff.

So I think it’s important not to kind of stagnate.”

Little Comets play The Academy 2 on March 4th.

Tickets are €12. In Search of Elusive Little Comets is out now.

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O Emperor strikes back Phil Christie of O Emperor chats to Emer Sugrue about recording studios, string quartets and growing up bored in Waterford County

T

he last year has seen a wealth of new Irish acts coming to the surface. Is it a side effect of the recession, where the lack of career options has lead to a focus on music? Or perhaps as we queue for the dole, we simply have more time to listen to it, but either way there seems to be a musical golden age emerging. The Waterford-based O Emperor first rose to prominence last year touring with Mumford and Sons and the band are set to continue their upward trajectory.

O Emperor’s debut album, Hither Thither, was released to highly positive reviews last October and has earned them a nomination for the coveted Choice Music Award. Phil Christie, pianist and vocalist for the band, is surprisingly relaxed about its success: “Personally I was just delighted to get it out after such a long time. It went through a few different incarnations and recordings.

“Some of the recordings had been hanging around a couple of years and between getting management, and then a label involved, it ended up dragging on a bit.

But that’s just the way these things go I suppose. We were happy with what we put out in the end so I think that’s the main thing.”

There’s no sign of relaxation in the band’s upcoming schedule however. Following their performance at the Choice Awards on Thursday alongside Villagers and O-two columnists Fight Like Apes, O Emperor are jetting off to Texas to play in the SXSW festival before resuming their Irish tour. “We’ve got a lot of new songs that we’re demoing and recording at the moment, but it’s still in the early stages... the second record is well on its way anyway.

“We’re releasing ‘Sedalia’, a song off the album.

We’ve done a new arrangement with the National Concert Orchestra so we were thinking of releasing it after the record. We were kind of toying with the idea of different arrangements and it kind of grew legs and we ended up just recording it live on RTÉ with the orchestra.”

Mixing rock music with classical seems to be a growing trend, while possibly somewhat influenced by former tour partner’s Mumford and Sons fondness for mandolins: The Divine Comedy also recently toured with a 30-piece orchestra. The mix of genres makes fantastic listening but I’d hate to be the roadie on that gig. “Yeah, it’s quite the ordeal actually, we’re in the throws of it right now. But it’s not too bad.

O Emperor started life as a covers act performing classic rock tunes by bands such as The Beatles.

“We’re just trying to have a different approach and kind of be able to tinker with different arrangements and just take a different slant on it...for ourselves and for people who may have seen some of the shows before. It’s just kind of a different angle, just to keep it interesting really.

“Everybody wants to keep themselves on their toes to some degree. It’s nice to have a new project and go

“We were kind of toying with the idea of different arrangements and it kind of grew legs and we ended up just recording it live on RTÉ with the orchestra”

at it from a different angle and plus – it’s just kind of cool. The string sound is a really nice one to be able to incorporate and then we can write new parts and kind of have fun with it.”

The band’s success with innovation and experimentation may come from the closeness of the members. “Three of us were in primary school together,” laughs Christie. “There wasn’t much to do in Waterford really apart from play soccer or play music.”

They continued playing in various cover bands throughout school and into college, where they started writing and performing original music: “The four other lads, they did a course in Cork – sound engineering and music technology. I’ve definitely learned a lot from them as well on that score.

“We did a lot of detail that goes into the actual sounds and drum sounds and the recording process.

We love doing that. We originally recorded the whole album ourselves as well. I think it definitely had an impact.”

While the strict deadline of the studio certainly got results with the slick release of Hither Thither, Christie explains the relative advantages of being under pressure time-wise: “You can kind of just go away and have a cup of tea and come back and have an idea...

I think that’s something where if we have time and the luxury the next time, we’d definitely be interested in going down that route. If you can get the gear together then you’re sorted, but you always need some sort of outside head to have some sort of perspective on things.”

Whether professionally recorded or homemade, guitars or orchestras, there is no doubt that O Emperor’s unique sound is set to stay.

O Emperor will be playing The Academy on April 15th.

The Choice Music Prize takes place on March 3rd in Vicar Street.

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1 March 2011

MUSIC

O-two

Write Like Apes In between gigs and slurping down Solpadine, Fight Like Apes’ Pockets takes a trip to the cinema where they encounter the Devil, Anthony Hopkins…and a horse named Paul

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Just like voting for candidates in the recent general election, Dan Moriarty’s shuffle of guilty pleasures is such a horrific experience that it must be enjoyed alone ‘NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP’ – RICK ASTLEY It is never going to let you down. This catchy ditty, released in 1987, was the culmination of a decade of bad and cheesy music. Even your parents are likely to snigger if they burst in and catch you ‘ricking’ out to this.

‘TUB THUMPING’ – CHUMBAWUMBA No, I’m not quite sure what it is to tub thump either.

No, I’m not quite sure what this song is about. No, I’m not quite sure if it is really any good at all and no, I’m also not quite sure if I’ll ever stop dancing to it.

‘PARTY IN THE USA’ – MILEY CYRUS It would have been churlish to expect a masterpiece from the spawn of Billy Ray but Miley, who is in fact named after the Glenroe character, gave us all something to simultaneously roll our eyes at and secretly love in 2009.

‘LIVIN’ ON A PRAYER’ – BON JOVI Written by Desmond Child, who was recommended

by KISS front man Paul Stanley, this was never going to have any great artistic merit. Allied with the leather pants of Jon Bon Jovi, this song is a guilty pleasure that requires annual giving up for lent in order to cleanse oneself.

‘RIGHT ROUND’ – FLO RIDA (FT KESHA) Not content with splitting the state of Florida to form his entry for pun of the decade, Mr Rida introduced Kesha to the music world. This deep and moving composition details the head-spinning ecstasy of oral sex.

‘I’M TOO SEXY’ – RIGHT SAID FRED

Don’t worry dear reader, O-two has also put it on and undressed slowly in front of the mirror. The song is a perfect pick-me-up after a lonely inebriated walk home from a night out. It combines overt sexuality with a moment of emotional tenderness in the lyric ‘Too sexy for my shirt, so sexy that it hurts’.

‘(EVERYTHING I DO) I DO IT FOR YOU’ – BRYAN ADAMS Astonishingly enough, this kept ‘I’m Too Sexy’ off the UK number one spot in 1992. ‘You know it’s true, everything I do, I do it or you’, O-two is merely embittered that no lover has held it close and quoted these magical lines in its ears.

‘WHAT’S UP?’ – FOUR NON BLONDES Despite cunningly utilising the name of their band to criticise the hair colour of ABBA, they produced a record that was corny and painful yet demanded a furtive click of the repeat button. Imitation truly is the sincerest form of flattery.

‘WANNABE’ – THE SPICE GIRLS The golden raspberry toting beauties released this timeless classic in 1996, using the words ‘really’ and ‘wanna’ nearly 400 times to build the tension. Posh waits until we are rubbing our sweaty palms together in agonising desperation before revealing that she ‘really wanna zigazig ha’. Could this be the name of her unborn fourth child?

ANYTHING – ABBA The movie Mamma Mia was released 25 years after ABBA broke up. Charged with reminding the general public of a great evil, director Phyllida Lloyd and screenwriter Catherine Johnson have since both appeared before the International Criminal Court in The Hague for crimes against humanity. The jury is still out on that one.

o we went to our first movie premiere on Sunday. A real showbiz affair. Lorraine Keane, Brian O’Driscoll, loads of people from Drogheda and us, Fight Like Apes.

Jolly green giant I was excited.

The movie in question was The Rite, a real think piece directed by luminary filmmaker Michael Håfström, the mastermind behind 2004’s Drowning Ghost and 2005’s Derailed, the latter possibly being a metaphor for his floundering film career.

In one blistering scene of cinematic glory, Anto Hopkins, who towards the end of the movie has decided to hedge his bets and transform into Hannibal Lector, is being questioned by some actor from Drogheda.

[Re-enactment] “Speak Demon speak,” says the young man from Drogheda.

“No,” replies Hannibal Lector.

(Anto has at this point become the devil for some unbeknownst reason that I cannot for the life of me understand).

“Tell me your name Anthony Hopkins,” says the young man from Drogheda.

“I will not tell you my name, Clarice!” says Anto to the young man from Drogheda.

“Pleeeeeease,” the young man from Drogheda pleads. “I am a very believable priest; now tell me your name.”

With that, Anto Hopkins lets out a scream. The word is familiar, but for some reason malicious.

What a scream I’m thinking, the raw emotion, the power, the vulnerability, the complexity of character.

At this point I’m in love with this movie, I’m sharpening my pencil, getting ready to mark it down as a classic, practicing how to draw stars so I can give it five in a row. Anthony Hopkins is a revelation, a genius, a thespian, a master of his craft, a legend.

That is until our drummer Lee Boylan turns to me and says “here man, I never knew the devil’s name was Paul”.

There was also a scene involving the Devil being a horse for some reason.

After the movie we went to the after-party. There was free gargle and the young movie star from Drogheda was playing with his band.

Have you ever heard Maniac 2000 being blended into Billie Jean so seamlessly it seems like the same song? I have. If Hollywood doesn’t accept Colin O’Donaghue on the basis of his sheer acting ability, then that little trick might just seal the deal for him.

I bet Colin Farrell is shitting himself.

Fight Like Apes’ new single ‘Jenny Kelly’ is out now, and is available from all usual download sites.

O-two

MUSIC

1 March 2011

24

CD reviews Album of the fortnight

Artist: PJ Harvey Album: Let England Shake

✮✮✮✮

Artist: Radiohead Album: The King of Limbs

✮✮✮✮ With all the excitement surrounding its experimental ‘pay-what-you-want’ release, In Rainbows’ standing as a truly great record was somewhat lost. It’s a tough act to follow, but Radiohead do so with ease.

‘Bloom’ opens the band’s eighth album in typically obtuse fashion with its hectic combination of piano loops, sporadic bleeps, shuffling drums (and sparing use of Thom Yorke), before distilling into a whirling climax.

There’s a worrying lull in proceedings before the opening bars of ‘Lotus Flower’ put all fears at ease. Yorke’s falsetto unites with an ominous, driven bass line to create a sensual yet menacing slice of vintage Radiohead, which, in turn, preludes the debilitating one-two punch of ‘Codex’ and ‘Give Up the Ghost’.

The former track is especially effective in its use of a delicate piano melody and a mournful brass accompaniment, whilst ‘Give Up the Ghost’ sounds like a natural successor to In Rainbows’ ‘House of Cards’.

The King of Limbs is certainly a comedown from its predecessor, but it’s a largely interesting and enjoyable listen.

In a Nutshell: Worth the wait.

- George Morahan

PJ Harvey has returned with her eighth and most daring album yet. Let England Shake is the ultimate soundtrack for civilisation’s impending destruction (in a good way, of course).

An eerily beautiful atmosphere haunts these twelve tracks, whilst Harvey’s vocals sooth and soar. She rages about the horrors of war and more recent political woes, focusing particularly on those of her home nation: England.

The album is dominated by marching drum beats, acoustic guitars and saxophones, which triumphantly sound out on the evocative ‘The Words That Maketh Murder’. However, the record also has it’s softer, more touching moments too (especially the sentimental ‘In Dark Places’).

Let England Shake starts to run low on stream towards the end; with the slow, piano-driven ‘Hanging in the Wire’ offering little to the proceedings. Nonetheless, this is an unsettling and poignant piece of work.

In a Nutshell: A quality record – chilling and contemporary.

- Gavin Lacey Artist: Cocoon Album: Where the Oceans End

✮✮✮ The splendour of Where the Oceans End by the French duo Cocoon has to be sought out, it isn’t revealed upon first listening.

The album is soft and melodic, constructed around acoustic guitar, piano, strings and harmonic vocals and the songs weave between thoughtful and declarative, but avoid either extreme. ‘Comets’ and ‘Dee Doo’ are the most upbeat, whilst ‘Yum Yum’ and ‘Sea Lion II (I Will Be Gone)’ are more contemplative and are haunted by a lone cello.

However, over the course of twelve distinguished tracks, Oceans begins to outstay its welcome.

However, ‘Oh My God’ does break the trend with its maximalist approach, nicely complemented by intense strings.

It’s a solid album and one to be listened to on repeat to allow for optimum listening pleasure, as well as to allow its subtle virtues to slowly become apparent.

In a nutshell: Beautiful and understated, if a little monotonous at times.

-Andrew Hines

Artist: Gil Scott-Heron and Jamie xx Album: We’re New Here

✮✮✮✮ One could be forgiven for wincing at the idea of Jamie from the xx remixing the music of the legendary Gill Scott-Heron.

The idea of obnoxiously indie hands contaminating the work of the modernday American poet had O-two in knots of apprehension. However, surprisingly, the knots soon subsided as the interesting, fresh, and overwhelming intuitive music of We’re New Here played.

Superb pieces such as the intoxicating ‘Home’ and the uplifting electro of ‘I’ll Take Care of You’ prove not only the immutability of Heron’s words, but also Smith’s overriding talent as a producer.

Classics that belong to a particular moment in time, such as the work of Heron, are extremely difficult and risky things to attempt to modernise.

However, the xx wunderkind has shown Heron’s work to be a versatile body capable of being transposed into the most modern forms of dance and electronic music.

In a Nutshell: The words of Gil Scott-Heron beautifully reborn.

- Anna Burzlaff Artist: The Pains of Being Pure at Heart Album: Belong

✮✮✮ In recent years, there has been a rising number of Now That’s What I Call Indie-style bands, who arguably cater for all the fans who fell in love with the genre following its ubiquity on shows such as The OC and One Tree Hill. The Pains of Being Pure at Heart are undoubtedly exponents of this indie-aping philosophy and their not-so-distinctive musical mindset is more evident than ever on Belong.

That is not to say that the band’s pragmatic approach is without merit. In ‘Belong’, they have recorded the best Smashing Pumpkins song in years, while the chiming guitars and witty, bittersweet lyrics of ‘Heart in your Heartbreak’ are evocative of peak-period Smiths. While there are hints of a more anthemic direction on some of these tracks, mixed with a sense of swagger worthy of the Strokes, Belong is ultimately unlikely to see them shed their niche status. They are likely to continue to remain as a band of New Order fanboys, who are beloved mainly by people who’ve never heard of New Order.

In a nutshell: Impossibly hip. Listening to it made me feel old.

- Paul Fennessy

25

1 March 2011

Food & drink

O-two

Come dine with me

Hang up that call to the takeaway and get into the kitchen with Elaine Lavery’s beginners guide to dinner parties

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ome of the best nights I have spent during my three years of studenthood have been at dinner parties, some hosted by friends but most hosted by myself. This is not some kind of boastful triumph, sadly the truth is that I have found most student friends slow to reciprocate the gesture. Some have used the excuse that they could never satisfy a self-modelled Mrs Bree Van de Kamp, but I suspect the real reasons are fear and cost.

I appreciate that many of you may not cook at all, or have very limited culinary skills. If this is the case I urge you to take a leap of faith and have trust and confidence in your ability to (a) read and (b) follow instructions. You don’t have to be Jamie Oliver with ‘a handful of this and a handful of that’. I learnt to cook by weighing everything to the gram and following recipes to the letter.

The more experience and practice you get, the more natural it becomes. If you’re a first-timer, choose simple recipes with few ingredients that are quick to prepare. Always remember: preparation is the key. The more you can do in advance of your guest arriving, the less stressed you will be and the smoother your night will go.

If cost is a concern, plan your menu around seasonal ingredients rather than recipes to avoid paying through the nose for imports. Be a savvy shopper and look out for supermarket deals. I always opt for a chicken, fish or veggie main course to get the most bang for my buck.

Regarding desserts, pavlova is always a fail safe.

It is surprisingly easy and low cost to make, and delicious with endless fruit combinations. If you are a confident cook and are out to wow, there is no problem asking for everyone to throw into the pot so that you can splash out on some higher quality ingredients. Five euro won’t buy you much but multiply that by six or eight and it really makes a huge difference to your wallet.

Finally, if fear of complete disaster and cost were of equal concern, I would recommend throwing a potluck dinner. The idea here is that everyone brings their own individual dish to be shared around. This is also advantageous as you can avoid liability for any post-dinner party bouts of food poisoning.

BYOB is a necessity at student dinner parties.

Even better, get everyone to bring a bottle and mix up some old-time dolly mixtures. At the end of the day, people will rarely remember a dinner party solely for the food, it’s the whole package that counts and the drunker you get your guests, the more rose-tinted everything will become.

A helping hand to get the ball rolling…

Gratin of Fish with Cheese, Tomatoes and Herbs This is a slightly tweaked recipe, robbed from the fabulous Mrs Rachel Allen.

Many people are afraid of cooking fish, but here you cannot go wrong. Even

Apricot ice cream: Is there a more delicious delicacy? I think not. better, this can be prepared up to several hours in advance of cooking.

Serves 6: 150g Gruyere or Emmental cheese, grated 3 teaspoons Dijon mustard 5 tablespoons single cream Salt and pepper Punnet of cherry tomatoes 2 teaspoons fresh Thyme leaves, chopped 6 generous pieces of white fish filleted and skinned (any fish works, so go for the freshest/best value) Method • Preheat the oven to 180C. • Place the grated cheese, mustard and cream into a bowl and mix well.

Season with salt and pepper and set aside.

• Cut the cherry tomatoes in half and place into a clean bowl, season with a little salt and add the herbs. Mix the ingredients well so that the cherry tomatoes are well seasoned.

• Spread half the cheese mixture into a gratin dish. Lay the fish on top and

place all the tomatoes and herbs on top. Finish with a final layer of the remaining cheese mixture (you can cover and refrigerate at this stage for up to several hours, but make sure to bring back to room temperature before cooking in the oven).

• Transfer the fish to the oven and cook for 20-30 minutes, until it has turned golden-brown and is cooked through.

Serve with a big green salad and some boiled new potatoes.

Apricot Ice cream

This is probably the easiest and most impressive dessert recipe I have ever come across. And it lasts for weeks in the freezer.

Serves 6: 500ml single/whipping cream 1 pot of apricot jam Juice of one lemon • Whip the cream to soft peaks. Gently fold in the apricot jam and lemon juice.

• Transfer to a freezer proof container/ Tupperware box and freeze for at least 4 hours before serving. Serve with some homemade shortbread (or best quality shop bought).

ATTEMPTS

O-two

1 March 2011

26

O-two Opinion:

Pregnancy Having somehow acquired a fake baby, Killian Woods attempts a rigorous five-day pregnancy undergoing many challenges along the way

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igorous to practice and rigorous to fully immerse myself in, it was as much a challenge to think of ideas how to actually attempt pregnancy, as it was to carry them out. As a proud and happy man, initial stumbling blocks hit me at every turn, but never set me off my course.

After some light research and in-depth discussions with some women who would have vague understandings of how pregnancy actually pans out, it became apparent that certain aspects of the pregnancy would be difficult to mimic accurately.

Most problems arose due to gender, other qualms were raised about my motivations, but the main issue centred round the Y chromosome that defines me as a man.

No matter. Waves of creative genius flooded to the fore of my imagination with possibilities of how to overcome these stumbling blocks. Most of the ideas started and ended in a Google search bar, but like those select sperm that swim up the uterus to fertilise an egg, some weren’t developmentally challenged with tails for heads and managed to flourish.

I managed to limit myself to a select set of challenges that if performed adequately, pregnancy

“Morning yoga was a bit boring and would be a roaring success Pregnancy movies the pregnancy In order to gain a greater understanding of the of the task about to be undertaken, a kegel exercises nature duvet evening was in order. Initially I trolled the internet looking for informative films that would immerse myself in the task, but because were interesting help XXXPregnantWomanMovies.com kept featuring highly in my searches; it took a while to find the movies that weren’t just a part of some sick to say the least” real fetish.

Results from thepregnancytester.com are 99.9 per cent accurate.

With Father of the Bride 2, Juno and Knocked Up all perched and ready to go in the DVD player and a bowl of popcorn on my lap, the education was about to begin. Dianne Keaton’s ability to deal with her torturous pregnancy was inspiring to say the least. However, Ellen Page in Juno only came across as a stunt-pulling, drama-craving teenager, which left Knocked Up to finish the mini pregnancy trilogy with a bang.

Unfortunately, the popcorn could not mop up the floods of tears as the heartfelt roles unleashed my maternal side and provided a perfect caricature of a pregnant mother (Katherine Heigl) to mirror.

27

1 March 2011

Theatre

Diagnosis Urinating has become a very common practice for me over the course of my life. It usually occurs in a uniform fashion, as I very rarely perform the action unless my sphincter muscle is getting tired. You can now understand why urinating on a stick was a bit of an experience for me.

After urinating in the toilet and then dipping the pregnancy test stick thing into the musty urine, there was the excruciating wait to see if the lifedenying faint blue line appeared. The 30 seconds or so ticked by slowly and it had to be one of the most undignified moments in my life. In a sense, life flashes before your eyes. Your future more so, as you plan out how you are going to deal with the trauma of breaking the news to your parents. However, what no one is prepared for is the negative test.

After 20 minutes of staring at a urine-soaked stick, I suddenly became reassured that the pregnancy was a negative. Surprisingly, some women claim to be overcome with a sense of disappointment when the blue line fails to materialise. But just like real women, a second opinion to calm my nerves was a necessity.

First reference point was www.thepregnancytester. com A website that is so thorough in its testing that it guarantees the results to be 99.9 per cent accurate while you just sit and stare at the screen of the laptop or browse Facebook.

Quick, fast and precise, the website scanned me for the crucial cocktail of hormones that combine in a woman’s body during the early days of pregnancy and also scanned for amniotic concentration and progesterone infusion. Then in a split second, all that hope and willingness to deal with trauma drained from me as the website diagnosed me as pregnant to my utter shock and horror.

The website even informed me that it was a baby girl, gave me a sonogram and broke the bad news to me that the father was in fact Janet Reno.

Pregnancy lifestyle

ATTEMPTS

O-two Pregnancy requires women to completely overhaul their lifestyle to suit the young bundle of joy that is sitting in their belly. That involves making drastic changes to their diets and daily lives, so naturally I followed suit, if only for a short period.

My healthy eating lasted roughly two days, but I did keep up with the traditional pregnancy-inspired eating binge. Multiple lunches a day, second breakfasts and an entire tub of ice cream one evening empowered the pregnant woman inside of me.

Adding to the healthy eating, special exercises are another essential addition to any pregnant woman’s lifestyle. Morning yoga was a bit boring and the pregnancy kegel exercises were interesting to say the least.

Portable pregnancy Any pregnancy requires compromise; so attempting

Evaluation

At the end of my pregnancy, I can happily say I’ve gained a thorough understanding of the physically and mentally draining challenges that a pregnant woman endures. Carrying around the portable pregnancy was tiring and gave me an idea of the inconveniences that pregnancy can cause. Moreover, adapting my diet and not being able to drink alcohol for the duration of the pregnancy was a major disruption to my daily life.

For me, I can sum up pregnancy as being a very awkward experience. All it seems to do is cause hassle, and even more hassle when it comes to pushing a huge melon out of a space that can barely fit a peanut. I’ve never felt so lucky to be a man.

to mimic the lifestyle of a woman who is heavily pregnant was just another one of the rigours I felt needed to be endured. I had to overcome this challenge in order to come out the other side of this journalistic endeavour claiming the moral high ground. But how?

Admittedly transporting a heavy baby around all day must be tiresome, and especially so when it is hanging off your lower abdomen.

By carrying around a box with two fake baby dolls in it and four bottles of Ballygowan water, I felt I learned a great deal about the specific challenge that faces women. The portable pregnancy mimicked this challenge posed to women over a nine-month period, and was hardly a challenge.

Monday : Still un However, my triumph over aware o was sitti f the tic this task could be disputed. ng in th king tim e v ebomb t The box did graze the sides of i c i nity of m two sma hat y belly, ll glasse a few doors and wasn’t exactly I knocke s o f C a a intact when the day-long ptain M d back long day organs a at colleg challenge was complete. n d e C . oke afte Tuesday The portable pregnancy r : The da y was also forced to sit in a w a s a write pregnan off after Bus Éireann baggage area cy test a taking th n d learning mainly because a box with e nant. W t h e n ews that rapped m two toy dolls and four I y was pre self up i tub of B bottles of Ballygowan gn a duve e n a t n a d n water doesn’t warrant its Jerry’s c d ate an hocolate entire Wednes own seat on the bus. chip. day: Th e first bo In a final attempt the heal ut of mo thy brea to make the portable rning sic k fast con kness m pregnancy more strawbe s i ade s ting of b rries see r effective, I nominated a n m fl a f rivolous kes and more di somebody to . Kerbel fficult th e x e a rcises ar n they lo randomly hit me in have a l e ok. Espe arge pill the belly in order c i a l l o y w w stuffed u hen you to mimic the Thursda ndernea y: Horm t effects of a baby h y our hoo ones we die. parturiti re runni kicking its mother on looke n g h i g h in the womb. It d to be i today as was spe mminen wasn’t exactly nt assem t .

M ost of th bling th authentic, but it e day practisin e crib bo g u c ght in A hanging did improve my rgos and nappies Friday: understanding on a bab A t the time y born d of that unique of going oll. been rus experience t o print, K hed to h illian ha ospital b a woman d Reno. y t h e soon-tois forced to b e -father J endure. an

Diary:

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O-two

1 March 2011

28

Please Talk!

With Muammar Gaddafi recently in the headlines, O-Two asks what would you do if you were made a dictator for a day?

Justin and The Visitors: a defiantly anti-indie-sounding band with penchant for Muse.

Daniel Murray, MA in Library and Information Science – Have 50 pleasure palaces, all over the country, with the entire economy funnelled into that.

Campus Band Questionnaire:

Justin and The Visitors Justin Gallagher of Justin and The Visitors talks to O-two about improv band names and old-school philosophies Who are your members and what do they play?

Aodh Cunningham plays lead guitar and strings, Kolin Darko plays bass, Paul Sinclair plays drums and I play rhythm guitar and vocals Where did the band name come from?

Originally I was working under myself, under Justin Gallagher, writing songs and I decided to get Kolin and Paul as a backing band on tour. We ended up playing together and we worked quite well, so we became a band.

I was ringing a club called Shebeen Chic and she asked me what was the name of the band. Nobody asked me what was the name of the band before and I couldn’t think of anything since we weren’t officially a band yet. So I just kind of blurted out Justin and The Visitors thinking that we wouldn’t be a permanent band, but we ended up becoming that.

Where do you gig?

We’re heading off on tour starting with the Clarance in Sligo and we’re all around the country until the 18th where we finish up in Sweeeny’s in Dublin.

What do you play when you’re on the tour bus?

It’d be anyone from Muse to Radiohead to Pink Floyd to Frank Zappa and then maybe some country and western for the drummer.

How would you describe your sound?

It’s very rhythmic based, a rhythm-based sound and very lyrical as well. For the most part, we are very guitar-driven, but we kind of veer away from that a lot so that we don’t get put in that stable.

How did the band form?

It started off as a backing thing. I was playing an open mic at Brick Alley Café beside Temple Bar and Aobh

Cunningham, he turned up and he just said ‘we should just get something started’. He made his way in [to the band] and all of a sudden, we were at his place practicing.

The key moment was when we were in the studio recording some songs and we listened back to them on the speaker and it all came together really well. It all blended and everyone got their individual thing with no one person doing anything extra than anyone else.

Who would you pick to play in your dream festival?

The opening band in the morning would be Jefferson Airplane followed swiftly by Janis Joplin and Jimmy Hendrix. Then maybe you’re getting into midday and you want something a bit livelier so Go Panda Go and Arctic Monkeys would be perfect. Muse would come on after Arctic Monkeys, and then you’d have to have more 60s stuff, so some Led Zeppelin and Thin Lizzy.

To close the show, Radiohead and Pink Floyd – playing a surprise performance of the entire Dark Side of the Moon album.

What would be your dream venue to play?

Probably Electric Picnic, as it’s the main goal of the band collectively. It’s just really laidback, interesting music all of the time. It’s a festival where music happens to take place, as opposed to a music festival, as you could spend the whole day enjoying yourself and not having to see a band at all.

How would you be different than other upcoming bands?

We’re pretty set on not sounding very indie and we do a lot of online promotion, but we’re more into gigging as much as we can around the country. We’re pretty old school about it in the sense that touring is the way to go.

Cormac Martin, 4th year Psychology – Raise taxes like a motherfucker, reinstate the artist’s benefits and more chocolate for everybody!

Caraght Hesse Tyson, 3rd year Psychology – Make female moustaches fashionable.

Gareth Grehon, 4th year Biochemistry – I’d change the rules on mating – Vulcan rules: you can only have sex once every seven years.

- Emer Sugrue