Univeristy Observer Volume XVIII - Otwo Issue 4

1st November 2011 Issue IV Volume XVIII

OTWO

The Arts & Culture Supplement of the University Observer

THROWING MUSES OTWO talks to indie veteran Kristen Hersh on her band’s 30th anniversary

ALSO INSIDE >>

Occupying the SU

| The Naked and

Famous | Rozann

a Purcell | Foun

tains of Wayne

OTWO

contents Page 3 – Regulars

Jon Hozier Byrne gets his rant on about all those hot sexy Burlesque dancers being half-naked all the time, while Aoife Valentine gives you an objective and unquestionable barometer of cool in What’s Hot, What’s Not.

Letter from the Editors

Page 4 – Spiritual and Gender-related Advice

Mittens and Dixon Coltrane return this issue with some very psychic horoscopes and advice to teach the men of UCD how to choose the right cigarettes, respectively.

Page 5 – What’s On

Elizabeth Beecham chats to the star of Jerry Springer: The Opera while the show visits Dublin.

Page 6 – Fashion

Fashion takes a look at the vintage trend that seems set to stay and Lorraine Haigney speaks with former Miss Ireland, Rozanna Purcell, who doesn’t mention world peace once.

Issue 4 – Kevin; Or how we lost our Muses

Page 9 – Food

Wagwan,

Ruairi Robertson takes you through what you should and shouldn’t be eating to get the most out of your exercise routine, while Elaine Lavery shows you where to find some food-y bargains.

Issue 4 has finally made it to your warm and comforting embrace and quite frankly, we here at Otwo are both delighted and relieved. It’s Page 10 – Travel been a long fortnight, filled with Travel discovers some of the wonders of the world to be found highs, lows and crushing mediocin Queensland, Australia while back at home Michael O’Sullivan rity, but to be back in your grubby takes us to Salthill. This issue’s Hidden Gem is a small bar in little mitts once more feels both Paris you should make sure to happen upon. comforting and vaguely arousing.

With the announcement of the Page 12 – Games & Technology Grand Theft Auto V and recent ten Rory Crean celebrates Grand Theft Auto III’s ten year year anniversary of GTA III, the anniversary while our reviewers take you through some of this Grand Theft Auto franchise has fortnight’s hottest releases. been thrust back into the spotlight after remaining dormant for the Page 14 – Cover Feature Cormac Duffy catches up with Kirsten Hersh of Throwing Muses last few years. It’s certainly exciting to see such a powerhouse of when she takes time out from her baking to chat to Otwo modern gaming to be back in the cultural zeitgeist, and you can look Page 16 – Film & TV forward to reading Rory Crean’s Anonymous, The Adventures of Tintin, and The Ides of March all get the once over in this issue, while Dermot O’Rourke considers retrospective of the third game in the series and the one that truly the portrayal of old media on the big screen, and the Fatal set the bar for gaming in the 21st Foursome battle it out to find the best in TV’s guilty pleasures. century.

After the fantastic reception Page 20 – Music that greeted the Fatal Fourway’s The Naked and Famous, Digitalism and Fountains of Wayne are Pixar debate, we hope our readers all looking lovely in Music this issue. Mixtape goes all lyrically will contribute just as enthusiastibaffling, we review some of this fortnight’s biggest albums, and cally to the Foursome’s celebration The Duffington Post gets irate at the existence of Louis Walsh. of televisual guilty pleasures. Also in Film this issue, we have Dermot Page 27 – Otwo Attempts...

With Occupy Everything well under way, Otwo wanted in on the O’Rourke’s analysis of the way action. Camp was set up, signs were made and a list of demands old and new media are portrayed in film – a debate provoked by his drafted. We’d like to think we showed The Man. viewing of Steven Soderbergh’s Contagion, and one that will conPage 28 – Backpage Bants tinue to rage on as the internet Damon Blake took time out to answer our Ordinary Level questions while VoxPops asked about the celebrity guests UCD wants to see on campus.

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takes over as the popular domain for our consumption of news and current affairs.

The Occupy movement has certainly caused a stir, and whether prompting discussion about the ethics of contemporary business and banking, creating empty anger and bluster, or inspiring a group of ragtag students to take over a whole corridor, it deserves to be taken seriously at this point. You can see Cormac Duffy’s attempt at leading a coup of the SU on page twenty-six, while Mr. Duffy’s interview with Throwing Muses’ Kristen Hersh takes pride of place in the centre of this very magazine.

Our Music Editor talked with the eighties alternative rock legend as her band turns thirty years old and they prepare to play The Academy this month. Expect an in-depth discussion with a woman whose name should be mentioned in the pantheon of late-eighties American icons alongside Pixies, Sonic Youth, Dinosaur Jr. and R.E.M. As well as all the above, you can expect a preview of Jerry Springer: the Opera and an enlightening chat with former Miss World contestant, Rozanna Purcell. Well, they can’t all be winners, but we hope you agree that Issue 4 came out pretty well in the end.

Tschüss, Aoife and George

BURLESQUE

WHAT’S HOT AND WHAT’S NOT

WHAT’S HOT

OTWO

soapbox

Movember November marks a solid month of raising awareness about men’s health issues and raising money for Action Prostate Cancer.

With breast cancer awareness dominating pretty much every other month of the year, turning everything and anything it can pink, making the change to blue and putting the spotlight on men for a month can only be a good thing.

The end of elections Compared to the American presidential election campaigns, we get off lightly here, but that didn’t stop it feeling like we’ve been talking about the presidency for our entire lives. As nice as Michael D’s Dobby posters were, or how amusing Dana’s lunacy was, it’ll be nice to have some nonelection news to read.

The new Müller ad Why does a policeman turn into Yogi Bear?

Why are business people turning into Mister Men and Little Miss? Why is Mutley flying around and saving the day? What has any of this got to do with yoghurt and creamed rice?

Commoditising nostalgia at its best, but still.

Amazing.

WHAT’S NOT Movember Yeah, yeah, the raising awareness and money is seven kinds of awesome, but there is really no need to do it through growing lots of facial hair. The number of terrible moustaches in any one place in November is upsetting.

There’s a reason the majority of you spend the other eleven months of the year cleanshaven, and presumably it’s not convenience.

Continue doing so.

The roadworks in Donnybrook They appear to be digging up the road outside Wezz for the lols, and they’re taking their time about it. Causing an extra thirty minutes to be added to any journey conducted in the evening time, it’s not a fun addition to long days in the library. Once you finally get through the traffic, buses always stop for ages to change driver too. So not cool.

Vaseline being useless Despite being touted, or at least used as if, it’s the be all and end all of lip care, it’s just not. It seems to be a staple in handbags no matter where you go, but it is in fact, almost entirely useless. Unless of course you bought it because you were looking for something to melt in your pocket and be disgusting. It does an excellent job at being disgusting.

by Aoife Valentine

Hey you! Do you hate women getting naked for your pleasure? Jon Hozier-Byrne does, so take note

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ar be it from me to tell people what they can and cannot do. Different things make different people happy, and for some people, dressing up in funny costumes, and even performing for paying crowds in these costumes, constitutes an enjoyable evening. Who am I to tell them what they do is silly, or even distasteful?

I’m the last right-thinking man on the planet, that’s who. Burlesque is the worst thing in the world, and it needs to be killed, killed with fire.

Firstly, burlesque, in the form that is all too often touted around Dublin’s comedy clubs, variety shows and club nights, is an absolute factual falsehood. The general pervading celebration of burlesque is based around the idea of re-vitalising a lost form of entertainment, some unique form of pseudocomedy crossed with performance art. This is total nonsense – burlesque originated as a way for brothels to advertise their services to the paying public. Far from resurrecting an oldtimey vaudeville aesthetic, you are literally dressing up like prostitutes.

Secondly, burlesque is not performance art – and while we’re at it, performance art basically isn’t art, but that’s another Soapbox. In my other life as a stand-up comedian, I’ve shared stages and bills with burlesque performers dozens of times, and not once has anything I’ve seen come close to art. In fact, the closest thing to art I’ve seen was a girl who took her vintage, 1950’s housewife blouse off and poured milk over her breasts. There is a reason why you never see half-naked, dairy-drenched women lining the halls of the Hugh Lane – because it’s bloody nonsense, that’s why.

Which brings me, inexorably, to the single worst thing about burlesque. It’s not that it thinks it’s art when it isn’t (if it was, I also wouldn’t like alternative stand-up comedy, the films of Diablo Cody, or any form of physical movement), for me, what’s most horrific about burlesque is the combination of artistic pretension and taking your clothes off for money. Let’s not forget, at the end of the day, that’s what it all about; regardless of how frilly your corset, or how many pints of Avonmore you slosh over your nips, you are still taking your clothes off for a crowd of braying men, who perhaps do not view the entire process with the same smug artistic detachment that you do. Despite how high-minded your intentions might be, sly under-the-table erections are rarely ironic. Stop it. Stop it now.

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OTWO

Mystic Mittens’ feline fortunes Taurus May 14th – June 21st Be prepared to feel the wrath of LibroCop as your attempts to sneak a bottle of Pepsi Max past him end in glorious martyrdom (i.e. a €20 fine).

Gemini June 22nd – July 20th Gemini, be careful this fortnight as that twin you consumed in the womb comes back to haunt you.

Having run out of Whiskers, Mittens is super cranky this week.

Aries April 19th - May 13th That killing spree you’ve been planning goes awry when the Garda implement Minority Report-style technology. You don’t even get to meet Tom Cruise.

Dear Dixon, I’m a ladies man. In fact, such is the level of appeal that my chiselled features and probably large penis command that I’m often described as a chap who is regularly ‘knee-deep in boob’. I find post-coital moments to be most opportune for lighting up, so as to remind my own lungs and sexual partners who’s boss by forcing smoke inside each of them in turn. However, I’m finding that my usual unfiltered, imported Ukrainian cigarettes (or ‘man sticks’, as I refer to them) aren’t having the usual second-hand effects of inducing mass fits of coughing and premature baby labour that I enjoy.

Have the bloody Soviets gone soft!?

Please, divulge unto me your cigarette of choice so that I might helicopter spin my metaphorical wang of tobacco products in the face of society once more.

Forever manly, Shane Here’s the scoop Aeroshane, Cigarettes are an important part of any man’s attire, like a fine watch, a sharp suit, or a fine-sharp piece of arm-ankle. Far be it from the University Observer to encourage smoking, the nancy pinkoes that they are, but if you are going to smoke, that is to say, if you’re a real man with a probably large penis, then lighting up a stogie or similiar tar-jumbo and blowing smoke up your lady friend 4

Cancer July 21st – August 10th Sambuca and essay season do not mix; try cocaine instead.

Leo August 11th – September 16th You will serenade a young woman from a treehouse far, far away, and she will not see you.

Virgo September 17th – October 30th You will hold a lovely party that will end promptly and with little fuss.

But when I say ‘lovely party’, I mean bunga bunga party, and by ‘promptly and with little fuss’, I mean ‘with your name going on the sex offender’s register’.

Libra October 31st – November 23rd When life gives you lemons, throw them at passers-by.

Scorpio November 24th – November 29th Who said love was easy? That friendly ‘street walker’ on the end of your road, you say? Don’t listen to her; love’s going to remorselessly kick you in the balls/ladyballs this fortnight.

Ophiuchus November 30th – December 17th Everything’s gonna be fine - except it won’t, ‘cause the universe hates you, Ophiuchus.

Sagittarius December 18th - January 20th Buying that pony you’ve always wanted is not within your financial means at all. Go for it anyway, don’t worry about fees, they’ll work themselves out. I’m sure UCD will understand.

Capricorn January 21st – February 16th Capricorn, it’s time for a leap of faith, so join your local church’s high jumping team.

Aquarius February 17th – March 11th That class trip to Portlaoise you were planning would prove unfulfilling; going to the toilet of the universe usually does.

Pisces March 12th – April 18th You will come to a fork in the road; pick it up. It’s better than eating food with your hands.

Leave your questions for the dashing detective on the Dixon Coltrane Facebook page is the only way to go.

There are two named cigarette brands that are acceptable SteamShane, and they are Lucky Strike Red and Marlboro Red. These are acceptable (despite the obvious Bolshevik connotations) as they provide a manly degree of both nicotine and raw, gaseous cancer directly to your chest-box. Nothing screams ‘man’ louder than the erotic musk of smoke on your lapels and a stubbed white smoke dangling from your mouth, the stinging fog getting in your unflinching eyes. Cigarettes are like a glowing sign across you chest, a sign that reads ‘balls’.

As fine as those two aforementioned brands are, they represent smoking with the hotsy, but not the totsy.

For a real man’s man’s man smoke, you want to go off-book. Deep into the dry, rocky, Mexican desert, three day’s treck from the closest non-detective style village or donkey sanctuary, is an feral geriatric who goes by the name of Ol’ Jorge. An expert in everything from mechanical engineering to rabbit skinning, Ol’ Jorge is a wise old soul who rolls the finest cigarettes available to man or woman, but particularly man.

And although you ain’t no Ol’Jorge, Citizen Shane, you can try and roll

Dixon Coltrane REAL MEN SMOKE ON AIRPLANES one of those lung-sticking twists yourself.

You start with an A4 sheet of paper – if you’re a pussy. For real men, nothing but an A1 sized bedsheet of a paper will do. Now you’ll want only the finest raw, untainted tobacco; something in the criollo family is a quick-sharp way to a Chicago overcoat, but if you don’t want to end up making the trip for biscuits, try the shredded leaf of a black dokha plant, which are readily available in

your local Iran. For a filter, you’re going to want to roll up a miniscule piece of rough cardboard, or if you can’t get cardboard, the solidified manifestation of your masculinity.

Roll that nasty piece of char-tang into a cylinder, and light it up, preferably while in a confined space or on public transportation – show those smug commuters who’s the real raindog in town.

That the rub, Dixon Coltrane

OTWO

“JERRY,

JERRY,

Jerry Springer: The Opera makes its Irish debut this week, but how will its wildly popular yet highly controversial themes play to an Irish audience, asks Elizabeth Beecham

JERRY...”

“WE HAVE SOMETHING TO OFFEND EVERYONE EQUALLY”

T

he theatrical selection in Dublin usually conjures up a dichotomy of worthy drama by the great playwrights of our nation, or family friendly musicals (inevitably ‘starring’ Twink); Jerry Springer: The Opera ticks neither box. Acclaimed and protested against in equal measure, the stage show is inspired by the titular tabloid talk show’s notoriously confessional style and risqué topics, and has toured extensively across the UK, Australia and the United States. It features everything from a woman declaring her long held ambition to become a pole dancer while the Springer audience croon that she is a ‘hoe’ to a chorus line of Ku Klux Klan members to round off the first act. In anticipation of its first run in Ireland, Otwo spoke to actor Derek Collins, who plays the dual roles of Chucky (a member of the KKK) and Adam (he of biblical fame) to discuss how he feels the Irish public will respond to a show filled with profanity and overtly religious iconography and why students should opt to enjoy a night at the Opera rather than vegging out on TV repeats of Springer’s British cousin, Jeremy Kyle.

This production of Jerry Springer is, according to Collins, much truer to the original version envisioned by writers Stewart Lee and Richard Thomas. With its chorus of over sixty singers and dancers, Collins describes this adaptation rather dramatically as a “full-on opera”. He is particularly excited about performing in the Grand Canal Theatre due to the wing and pit facilities it provides

for staging larger shows of a “West End quality”. the domestic climate. Collins believes the show is The beauty of the Grand Canal as a performance not a targeted critique and states “we have somespace, he explains, is that it can stage these larger thing to offend everybody equally!” as the Opera shows without losing the intimacy that makes the doesn’t focus solely on religious figures, though the theatre experience so electric. inclusion of characters such as Satan-worshipping Collins also proudly states that the six night pre-op transsexuals may prove inflammatory to the run will be the first production in the Grand Ca- more conservative elements of an audience. He also nal Theatre featuring an all-Irish cast since the maintains that the show’s depiction of religious figvenue’s opening in March 2010, and as an expe- ures is firmly tongue-in-cheek, far from a scathing rienced performer in Riverdance, he is extremely critique and should be viewed in the context of a excited about making his operatic debut in front satirical comedic piece of theatre. of a home crowd.

Collins is adamant that open-minded people Collins revels in the opportunity to play a “hill- looking for a laugh will flock to the production billy redneck” in the form of Chucky and is gleeful and be very pleased with the show. Perhaps stuabout playing such an inherently dislikeable char- dents raised on a diet of internet spoofs will also acter. He is also particularly keen to highlight the understand and appreciate the unique brand of show’s choreography, which he describes as the humour that defines the show. necessary “comedic pull from [the show’s] shock Collins reflects on the importance of being factor”, in particular the Klan entrance scene where able to draw humour from all aspects of life, which the group perform an ensemble tap dance. is something that Jerry Springer: The Opera cerAcknowledging that there may be some pro- tainly doesn’t shy away from. So for all of us for testing from groups, as was the case in 2005 when whom Jerry Springer provided the first introducthe BBC’s screening of the show caused a furore tion to phrases such as “Oh no you didn’t...” and among certain Christian organisations and re- “Yo momma is a hoe”, the Opera should provide an ceived no fewer than 55,000 complaints, he states amusing slice of low-brow entertainment in a very that such controversy does not diminish his ex- high-brow environment. citement about performing in the Opera.

Some religious groups will undoubtedly find ele- Jerry Springer: the Opera is running at the Grand ments of the show disdainful, shocking and feel that Canal Theatre until November 5th. Tickets are Jerry Springer is a further attack on Christian views priced from €17.50. at a time when hostility towards religion pervades 5

OTWO FASHION

It’s vintage, darling!

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f anything has become obvious over the years it’s that fashion goes round in circles. Who would have thought that your Granny’s favourite outfit would become part of the most sought-after clothing markets in recent years?

Vintage clothing has seen a stratospheric rise in popularity, to the point where there is a vintage store or flea market on every street corner. Siopaella, the store featured here, has mastered the various branches of this trend and put a vintage and consignment store under one roof. Where once, nobody would have dreamt of walking into a strange-smelling charity shop to look for a new wardrobe addition, it is now socially acceptable, and in fact aspired to, to claim that your outfit is older than you and cost half the price of the Topshop equivalent.

Ciara wears: Black lace skirt · €24 Red velvet · €25 Yellow top · €18

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Nisha wears: Tartan skirt · €15 Blue top · €20

FASHION OTWO Nisha wears: Leopard print dress · €20 Brown jacket · €28

Angie wears: Trousers · €29.99 · New Look T-shirt · €6 · Penney’s Men Blazer · Model’s own sas

Vintage? Second-hand? What’s the difference?

It is true that there is an unexplainable void between the two terms, and what may cost €5 in a charity shop is likely to be hiked up to €15 in a so-called “vintage” shop for no apparent reason.

Generally speaking however, vintage items are individually sourced by the shop or stall owner, and are of a higher quality than something you’d find lying on the floor in a charity shop. However, it is possible to pick up some high-quality stuff in your local charity shop; you just need to look that bit harder. Oxfam are catching on to the trend, and many stores are now identifying items as vintage and labelling and arranging them together in the store as such, making the vintage-lover’s life that bit easier.

Many reasons can be pointed to for the rise in popularity for vintage clothing and the recession isn’t exactly a subtle one. These days, hunting for a bargain is everyone’s objective and the fashion world is no exception. Stylish dressers still want to portray a certain look or show their take on the latest trend, and shopping vintage is the perfect way to do just that.

Nisha wears: Blue top · €20 Spotted skirt · €18

The environmentally conscious members of society today are also avid vintage fans, since re-using and recycling items is the perfect way to do your bit to help the world around us. Trawling through the attic or a second hand shop may seem like hard work, but being environmentally and economically conscious is vital in today’s fast-paced, wasteful, and consumer-driven world.

Vintage shopping is catering for all who crave the fantasy and excitement of the fashion world, but are still mindful of their pockets, the environment, and the world’s rather precarious financial situation at the moment. It seems the perfect compromise; a fashion fix without the guilt - it’s the conscientious shopper’s dream.

By Sophie Lioe

Ciara wears: Reversible top · €25

Models: Ciara Sheehan and Nisha Kamat Photographer: Caoimhe Mc Donnell Assistant: Maggie Rek Stylist: Sophie Lioe Clothes courtesy of Siopella

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OTWO FASHION

Former Miss Ireland, Rozanna Purcell takes time out to chat with Lorraine Haigney about how she got her break and life as an Irish model

MODEL Behaviour

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ince being chosen to modelling scene is more commercial. represent Ireland in There are more press calls and that’s the 2010 Miss World where the money is. I’m not going to Contest, Rozanna not do them, it’s great money for just Purcell has been making an hour’s work.” a name for herself in the international modelling industry, going from being a normal UCD undergrad student to Donald Trump’s latest signing.

She’s currently back home in Ireland but her visit is not just a quick check-in with friends and family; Purcell has been busy working on projects such as Catwalk To Kilimanjaro, Fade Street and many other aspects of the “normal Irish modelling scene”. Steady work comes in the form of public appearances and press calls, but she mostly enjoys the fashion shows, savouring the opportunity to work with retailers like Harvey Nichols.

She has also been taking advantage of Ireland’s laid-back attitude to appearance. She explains: “In Ireland, you don’t have to be a certain size. When I’m abroad I would go to the gym everyday and watch what I eat but here, not so much. It’s really good background work because you get to learn how to model in an environment that isn’t so critical.”

However, the offers that have Though she’s enjoying the been rolling in are not just from comforts of home, Purcell will within the modelling industry. be leaving at the end of the year. While at the Toronto Film Festival, “Straight after Christmas, I’m gone. Purcell was asked if she would It was nice to be home but I get really consider acting. “A lot of agents itchy feet. I have to keep moving.” were coming up to me, asking if I The attraction of America offers was an actress. They said I looked an abundance of opportunities, like one but how can you look like the likes of which are few and far an actress? But I suppose I do.” between in Ireland.

So is branching out into acting “You get to work with clients something that she would consider? that you’d only dream about if you “I did a few film reels with directors. were modelling here; GQ Magazine, They all said – ‘move to L.A, move Cosmo or Wonder Bra. In Ireland, the to L.A! We’ll get you jobs!’ But I 8

wanted to do the modelling thing first, to get that out of my way. It is something that I’d like to do and it offers a longer career than modelling. It’s an option I probably will take soon.”

The lifestyle of a professional model is incredibly glamorous and undoubtedly enviable, especially for thousands of young Irish girls who are trying to establish themselves in the business. Purcell admits that starting off can be difficult, confessing that she had been afraid that people would think she was vain or not ‘model material’. However, she now believes that anyone who wants to make a career of modelling should just go to an agency and give it their best shot.

“You don’t have to go tell everyone.

You can just go and see what happens.

If you want to do something you should do it, no matter what.”

Her discovery in Dundrum was a lucky break. “When I first started I was just a really young, skinny girl with loads of freckles. On one of my first days in UCD, I went to Dundrum Shopping Centre. I think it was my eighteenth birthday and I was shopping for clothes. They were having a modelling competition and the owner of First Options just came up to me, asking if I would enter it.”

She continues; “I was kind of sceptical at first but I decided to give it a go. They gave me a contract that day and I pretty much started modelling straight away. I was in college for the first two years while modelling, so balancing the two was a hard act.”

Purcell realises that this almost fairytale discovery won’t happen to everyone and stresses the importance of putting yourself out there, if you want to be noticed. “You could be missing out on loads of opportunities by sitting at home and waiting. Go into agencies and listen to the advice that they give you; they know best. They will be the ones to push you further and they’re only there to help you. What have you got to lose?”

It’s this willingness to jump in at the deep end that has gotten Purcell to where she is now; competing in Miss Universe and fronting some of Ireland’s most prestigious campaigns. With an impressive résumé and a thriving career, her afternoon among the clothing rails in Dundrum may have been the most successful session of retail therapy one could hope for.

Fitness Food To help you get the best out of your exercise, Ruairi Robertson explains what foods are ideal before and after a workout

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xercise is routine for any healthy student, whether it’s playing for a college team or completing the nightly sprint down to the off-licence at 9.55pm before it closes. But in order to run that extra mile, lift that extra kilo, or simply muster the motivation to go to the gym, you must know what to eat before and after your workout.

You may think you’re perfectly fit and that exercise is below you, but it’s simply not true.

Come summer, on the beaches of Thailand and Ios, you’ll most likely hide your pasty beer belly, and relocate shamefully to the local Irish bar. So in order to boost those biceps or shed that flab, here are a few nutrition tips to make it a little easier.

Carbohydrates are our prime source of energy and are essential for fuelling any workout. Have you have ever gone for a run, or to the gym and needed to stop after ten minutes because you’re feeling weak and faint? If so, this is most likely due to a lack of pre-exercise food. In order to feel motivated and energised, eat some starchy foods such as bread, rice or pasta about two to three hours beforehand. These carbohydrates are broken down more slowly and will be ready for use by the time you’ve strapped on your running shoes.

If you don’t have the time or expertise to whip up a pasta/rice dish, then try some fruit, juice, or an energy drink an hour or so before you begin.

These carbohydrates burn more quickly, giving you an almost instant energy boost. Quick preparation such as this will ensure that you’re not that sweaty red-faced person panting on the treadmill, or the person struggling to lift the 5kg dumbbell off the weight-rack.

If you are specifically focusing on strength training, you will want to consume foods that will boost your testosterone (ladies don’t worry, you won’t start growing man-parts). Zinc, magnesium and vitamin B6 all naturally enhance testosterone production, which is vital to improve strength and

muscle growth. These substances can be found in high levels in seeds, nuts and leafy green vegetables, which proves that your Mum was right when she said eating your spinach would make you big and strong.

Caffeine has been shown to enhance performance in a longer workout. The intake of caffeine has been proven to reduce the rate at which you burn your carbohydrate stores, essentially ensuring you can exercise for longer. Consider having a cup of coffee or tea a couple of hours before a run or a match to prevent your body fatiguing early.

So you’re finished, you feel great, you feel you could run a marathon or challenge Arnold Schwarzenegger in Mr. Universe, but wait! All your good efforts could be undone if you simply head home, slump on the couch and devour some leftover Dominos whilst watching a repeat of Jonathan Ross.

Your post-exercise feed is almost more important than what you ate before. There is a small window of opportunity for you to build on your efforts and not let your workout go to waste. You have just caused the breakdown of your muscles, so it’s important to help them heal, and this healing process will be best benefited by food eaten immediately after exercise.

Protein helps repair muscle, so aim to have a meal or snack containing some protein within half an hour of finishing. This could come from any meat, fish or beans. Be sure to have some carbohydrates in order to replenish what you lost during exercise too. Depending on how hard you have worked, you may not be able to stomach a full meal immediately.

A protein and carbohydrate rich liquid recovery meal, such as a pre-prepared smoothie containing milk and fruit, is also adequate post-workout food.

Looking after yourself nutritionally post-workout will lessen those muscle pains that make you feel like a ninety-year-old woman who struggles to walk the following morning.

FOOD OTWO

NOM NOM NOM

with Elaine Lavery

DUBLIN DEALS Hold onto your hats foodies, as Elaine Lavery reveals that a Dublin meal deal does not necessarily mean a dodgy burger, soggy fries and a halffilled bucket of ice

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e all love a bargain and you hardly need me to tell you that there’s great value to be had when eating out in these recessionary times. Yet offers can be easily overlooked when you are in search of convenience. All you need is a little forward planning.

If you are subscribed to Groupon or Living Social daily alerts, chances are you’ve never taken the leap and purchased. Next time you see an offer for a restaurant or café, do a background check for reviews and you might be pleasantly surprised. A recent deal bought by myself included two crepes and two drinks for €10 in Fafies, a quaint crêperie on Lower Kevin Street. I choose a delicious buckwheat galette of organic smoked salmon in cream, goats’ cheese, chives and lemon accompanied by a Lorina Pink Lemonade. Not bad for a fiver when it would have normally cost €15.

Whether you consider yourself a satisfied O2 customer or not, there is one definite perk of the network – O2 treats. Ongoing ‘daily treat’ campaigns include two-for-one meals at Milanos and Mao. If you’re not an O2 customer, don’t fret; go get yourself one of the new UCD Student Discount cards. Word is that offers include twofor-one on burgers in Jo’Burger (Rathmines) and Gourmet Burger (Ranelagh), both of which I can attest to being fine institutions.

Menupages.ie also deserves a mention. Traditionally a platform of independent reviews, it has branched out into the discount-voucher market, offering large discounts off meals in various locations across the county. Cheapeats.ie has the same idea, often offering deals in critically acclaimed eateries, for, again, heavily discounted prices.

Crackbird on South William Street wins this round however, as your entire meal comes for free. The catch? You have to tweet @CrackBIRDdublin requesting a date and time, plus the number of guests and include #tweetseats in your message to avail. Now who said there’s no such thing as a free lunch?

9

OTWO TRAVEL

Salthill,

HIDDEN GEM LE PIANO VACHE,

8 Rue Laplace, 75005 ParisMetro Cardinal Lemoine

Every Parisian loves his or her quartier. For Olivia Van Walleghem nothing compares to the fifth arrondissement, especially one particularly quaint bar that she found there

Co. Galway

Galway-bound? Michael O’Sullivan casts a nostalgic eye over the small seaside town of Salthill

N

estled in the heart of the Latin Quarter, just a little jaunt away from the Pantheon, the resting place of some of Paris’s most prestigious citizens, and the manicured, sweeping Luxembourg gardens, is ‘Le Piano Vache’. The fifth is a pocket of Paris steeped in history, character and charm, and the best way to discover it is by allowing the time to wander and explore, rather then keeping to the welltrodden tourist tracks, which are adequately elaborated on by every guidebook.

Should you happen upon this charming bar, its warmth and cosiness will lure you in. One is immediately enveloped by both its history and a sense of profundity; the name lends itself to something out of the ordinary, assuring you of the fact that this little haunt will guarantee you something different.

The walls are reminiscent of the growth rings of a tree, each layer committed to a period in the bar’s past and paying testament to its hefty history.

The wooden furniture tells an equally intriguing story with its indents and carvings, tickling your curiosity about other social encounters that were housed by this endearing bar.

Your ears will often also be soothed by the lyrical undertones of the piano at the back of the bar, and there’s a great sense of intimacy, something that can often be hard to find in a city of such proportions.

Finally and most crucially, if for no other reason, this bar must be visited for its rosé pamplemousse, which costs a mere €4. It does more than is advertised on the label, and like everything else in this bar, it offers you that little something extra.

10

A

trip to Galway is never a bad choice when heading west. It offers an endless list of things to do, a list that is not limited to the obvious choice peaktimes during the Galway Races, or the many festivals that take place over the summer months. Galway, perhaps more than any other Irish holiday destination, is always alive.

However, no more than fifteen minutes outside the city centre lies another choice find - the small but happening town of Salthill.

Salthill is like a middle ground between the rugged landscape of Connemara and the bustle of the city. It’s a small seaside town trapped in time with old pubs lining the seafront, and dated amusements such as pool halls and arcades dotted around the tiny town centre. In the evenings it lights up, with casinos and late night pubs offering decent local cuisine and an alternative to nightclubs.

The seafront itself has a promenade that is perfect for long walks and should be duly followed by a pint in the cosy O’Connors, which stakes its claim as the first singing pub in Ireland. The pub’s rustic interior, with its low hanging

lamps and naval paraphernalia, gives it the atmosphere of a nineteenth century galley. If you’re looking for a sea chantey or two this is the place to find them, and as the locals themselves would tell you, the craic is usually ninety.

Those who don’t suffer from vertigo can attempt jumping from the diving boards at Blackrock, which are up to forty feet high and drop the daring soul who braves this challenge into the Atlantic. Situated right on the Salthill promenade is Galway Atlantaquria. It is the national aquarium and is home to over 170 species of sea life.

When more relaxed activities are called for, just drop by the leisure centre opposite the sea front, which boasts excellent facilities including a pool, spa and massage parlour.

The Salthill caravan park is also a well-known spot to set up camp and offers rates of just twenty euro a night for two people sharing a tent.

There’s plenty to do here including windsurfing, kayaking and paddle boating. If it’s life in the fast lane that you want to escape, a trip back in time to Salthill won’t disappoint.

Port Douglas,

TRAVEL OTWO

Queensland, Australia

Taking a trip down under, Elaine Lavery explores what she deems the greatest wonder of the world in Port Douglas, Queensland

T

The term ‘heaven on Earth’ is not one that Otwo would use without prior consideration, but that is exactly what this writer found in the small town of Port Douglas. From Brisbane it takes a short flight to Cairns, Queensland and an hour-long drive northwards along the beautiful scenic coastline to get to this Australian haven.

The town occupies a unique position, wedged between two world heritage sites; the Great Barrier Reef and the Daintree Rainforest.

You won’t stumble across anything remotely similar in your day-today life. With many graduates and young careerists taking a year or more out to work in the Land of Oz, Port Douglas should be top of the list for getaways. Even better, if you are in any way adventurous or outdoorsy, set up there for a season and ‘live the dream’.

Never mind seven, there are about forty-nine wonders of the world nowadays, but one of the original and most deserved is the Great Barrier Reef. It is composed of over 2,900 reefs and 900 islands, including the famous Whitsundays. Unfortunately, climate change and other human activity are having detrimental

effects on the reef’s continued existence. However, snorkelers and scuba divers are still allowed to explore it under tightly controlled regulations.

You don’t have to be qualified to dive on the reefs, as most of them are quite shallow by diving standards (fifteen to thirty metres). A w e l l trained g u i d e will get you up to speed in a matter of hours.

To use another cliché, which has never been more apt, diving in these waters is like ‘floating on air’. With the water temperature being warmer than the beaches, there is no need for bulky hooded wetsuits. A light protective suit suffices, and is used more to protect the reef than you as the sea life is generally harmless – plenty of Nemo-like clownfish swim in and amongst the vibrant coral, as

well as an unusual looking objects called ‘sea cucumbers’, which also happen to be a Japanese delicacy.

You’ll need more than one visit to the Reef, if time allows, as diving in different locations will expose you to the varying corals and marine life along the 2,000 kilometre stretch – no two areas will offer you the same experience. The almost glorious tropica l weather doesn’t exactly make this a trial however.

D u r ing the summer months it is also possible to swim and snorkel with the curious Dwarf Minke whales who have made the ribbon reefs in this area home.

Spend another day taking a guided 4x4 tour through the rainforest, accompanied by one of the many fervent tour guides. The Daintree Rainforest houses more rare or endangered plant and ani-

mal species than anywhere else in the world, and a visit will allow you the opportunity to see some organisms so threatened by extinction that they can only be found here. If you’re not already sick of nautical fun, river tours along the great Daintree River are also offered within the rainforest.

Crocodiles, snakes and rare birds such as the cassowary, a large flightless bird who is a direct descendent of dinosaurs, are all to be seen on these tours.

Sunday mornings offer a ‘Cotters Market’ down in Market Park, which can be found adjoined to Anzac Park, between Dickson Inlet and Wharf Street. Everything on sale at the market must be handmade or grown by the stallholders or their families, with strict rules against mass-produced products.

With something of a carnival atmosphere, it’s a nice way to spend a lazy Sunday morning.

In this tropical climate, the peak season for tourism is May to September, with forty degree heat and humidity. Naturally, rain is commonplace in the rainforest, however, bizarrely enough; it tends not to fall elsewhere. As I said - paradise.

11

OTWO GAMES

POWERED BY

REVIEWS RAGE Title: Rage Publishers: Bethesda Softworks Developers: id Software Platform: Microsoft Windows, Xbox 360,PlayStation 3 Release date: Out now There was a lot of hype attached to id Software’s latest production, having defined the first-person shooter genre with Wolfenstein 3D and perfecting it with Doom and Quake’s various iterations.

In many ways, Rage is just a standard first person shooter, but gameplay is fast, fluid and helped greatly by the excellent control scheme. Quirky secondary weapons really help keep the action interesting, with remote control cars with bombs attached helping you blow your enemies into tiny pieces, bladed boomerangs cutting them down to size, and robotic

The originators of the first-person shooter find little inspiration in remodelling it for Rage, writes Conor O’Nolan turrets shielding your character as it moves. The enemy AI is smart but fairly balanced; your enemies can attack individually or in large groups, which makes the gameplay unpredictable and frantic. If you enjoy driving games along with running and gunning, you’ll love Rage - traversing the vast desert in the game’s beautifully designed vehicles is very enjoyable, as is the frenzied vehicular combat.

Probably the most impressive aspect of the game is the graphics. The open landscape is stunning and the character models are incredible. The in-game atmosphere and the brilliant score help to keep the action tense at appropriate moments.

At times it seems hard to fault Rage, but certain poor features do stand out. The in-game driving is better than in other comparable recent releases (particularly the dire Duke

Nukem Forever), but it does feel like little more than a ploy to extend the in-game action. Despite the excellent character design and sharp dialogue, the story is almost completely disposable and even forgettable; you wake up in post-apocalyptic America and are enlisted to fight against a tyrannical government authority. It’s like Fallout 3 with better graphics, but nowhere nearly as immersive.

The online multiplayer is another fault of the game. There are two online modes in the game, a racing/ combat game which is fun, but fairly shallow. There’s also a two player cooperative mode that lets you team up with someone to play through a couple of missions that are not very different to the original story missions.

The whole experience just seems like a completely missed opportunity.

If the game was a little less shallow in terms of its plotline, it would be ideal. It’s undeniably fun, just don’t approach it with particularly high expectations.

Title: Dead Rising 2: Off the Record Publishers: Capcom Developers: Capcom Vancouver Platform: Microsoft Windows, Xbox 360,PlayStation 3 Release date: Out now

The latest game in the Dead Rising series is not a sequel, but a ‘reimagining’ according to Capcom.

Steven Balbirnie finds out exactly what this entails tric wheelchair with machineguns strapped to it, or a machete taped to the rotors of a remote control helicopter. The co-op mode featured in Case West also makes a return.

This may sound familiar, but Off the Record does feature some genuinely original material. One such feature is ‘Uranus Zone’, an amusement park that adds an entirely new section to Fortune City. A more significant addition however, is Sandbox Mode.

Sandbox Mode allows the player to explore the game’s world without time constraints while completing challenges to earn rewards, which are automatically transferred to story mode. While Sandbox has no plot, its free-roaming nature means it is a great way for novice players to get to grips with the game.

Dead Rising 2: Off the Record is an immensely enjoyable game, however, it doesn’t offer much in the way of innovation. It would be a fantastic introduction for newcomers to the series, but there probably isn’t enough new content to satisfy those who bought Dead Rising 2 only a year ago.

Dead Rising 2: Off the Record Dead Rising 2: Off the Record is a retelling of the events of the Fortune City outbreak from Dead Rising 2, with Frank West replacing Chuck Greene as the game’s protagonist. Frank was the hero of the original Dead Rising and was last seen in the Case West DLC, where he acted as a co-op partner for Chuck.

Off the Record retains all of the core characteristics of the Dead Rising series. The game’s story relates once again to a zombie outbreak and attempted conspiratorial cover-ups, while also retaining a seventy-two hour time limit constraining events.

As before, your surroundings can be turned into improvised weapons and your character’s 12

clothes are fully customisable. So it must be asked – what’s new? The honest answer is – very little actually. With the exception of minor tweaks, the story, setting and characters are identical to those of Dead Rising 2. Most of the ‘new’ elements are actually features from previous Dead Rising games now being incorporated together. Frank’s return has meant the return of his trusty camera, so like any good journalist caught in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, you can once again photograph hapless victims as they’re devoured by the undead.

Off the Record has kept the combination weapons of Dead Rising 2, so it’s still possible to create brutal or ridiculous killing devices, such as an elec-

GAMES OTWO

As Rockstar Games celebrates a decade of Grand Theft Auto III, Rory Crean looks back at the game that changed the medium ny self-respecting child of the nineties, regardless of gender, age or involvement in the gaming world, could probably tell you the meaning of the acronym GTA without a moment' hesitation. For some, it was the forbidden game they watched their older brother play, for others, it was the ultimate sign of vindication from liberal parents, but for everyone, Grand Theft Auto III was a defining moment in the progression of gaming as an art form.

It's difficult to find a Top Ten list in the gaming world that doesn't include GTA III, another derivative of the franchise, or a game that makes no bones about taking inspiration from it. When III landed, it shook the industry so ferociously that it is only now, in 2011, that the gaming industry is emerging from its lengthy shadow, with verve and confidence.

The franchise brought so much into the gaming world that developers all over the globe had to sit up and take notice. Their innovations included a living, breathing, fully immersive world which still provides the basis for successive GTA titles to improve upon. They introduced radio stations that not only played good music and featured hilarious radio hosts, but also responded to the narrative as the game progressed. III was one of the most organically functioning games on the market, and the market responded accordingly. It became a commercial smash hit, becoming the bestselling game of 2001, only dropping to second place in 2002 due to the release its sequel, the much-loved Vice City. Its commercial success proved one thing; give people a sandbox game and they will do all in their power to destroy it in the most extraordinary fashion possible.

A

Set in Liberty City, GTA parodied the grimy streets of New York City and revelled in the city's seedy criminal underbelly. It seemed easy at the time to sit back, cluck our tongues and dismiss this 'mature' game as having dealt with its darker themes in an infantile manner, crippling itself before it even got off the ground, but looking back, III's true effects were far more profound. The juxtapositional comic lens through which the game depicted its visceral thematic and graphical content was instrumental in proving that gaming was as worthy a medium as any to depict crime, violence, sex and other adult themes.

Its resounding influence has been proven throughout the last month, with game studios such as Bethesda (Oblivion, Fallout 3), Valve (HalfLife, Portal), and Insomniac (Ratchet & Clank, Resistance) having all paid tribute to the Vito Corleone of the openworld gaming environment.

Indeed, given the technical achievements of the game that still permeate the industry today, it is hard to believe that GTA III is celebrating its tenth birthday.

Just one decade ago, III graced our PlayStations with its gritty, satirical portrayal of crime and corruption in America, turning us all into gun-toting, leatherwearing 'hoods. While the GTA series has never been a stranger to crime, it seems III really wanted to push its audience's buttons.

Rockstar took a lot of flak after the release of this game and admittedly, it was deserved.

The most commonly touted example of the games impropriety was the ability to pick up a hooker, do your business, let the hooker go, kill her and get a full refund. This single feature has proven one of the most polarising in game history. It was widely argued that the

Grand Theft Auto III T E N

game wasn't morally acceptable, but watching Claude, the silent protagonist of the game, do just this gave such shocking actions an element of dark and twisted hilarity that neutralised their sickening depravity. That is where Rockstar and their UK developing partners DMA Design received the most abuse. GTA I and II never shied away from crime, in fact they openly embraced it, but there is a certain potency to acting out the same scene with three-dimensional polygonal beings, rather than a tiny cartoon, viewed from an aerial perspective. It was that added visual realism that redefined the franchise, and opened it up to ravaging controversy.

There was a sense amongst some, particularly those in the media not generally familiar with the progression of the medium, that this franchise would desensitise children to violence, and they made a fair point. As Michael Thomsen of gaming/popcultural website IGN quite accurately pointed out, there was no way to interact with the AI that inhabited the city other than to offend, violate or murder them. There was a button to punch, shoot, carjack, run into and kick people but strangely no button to wave, smile or ask how someone is doing.

The violence had been ramped up to absurd, comical levels in GTA III, but provided a membrane between the gamer and the game, allowing a complete level of detachment, yet total engagement. Players could care about the story, the characters and the world, all the while understanding that this was, after all, just a game.

Y E A R S

O N

13

OTWO

THROWING MUSES

K

ristin Hersh is as much a true elder stateswoman of alter� native rock music as she is one of its un� sung heroes. Having now led the iconic Throwing Muses thirty been through it all, but undeservedly never achieved the canonisation of

home, act signed to 4AD, releasing some of earth, we catch her at a very down to un�rockstar moment. “I’m bak� ing muffins, so I might run away for a 1991’s �see rock alternative dub could second in case something burns. I’m The Real Ramona for a sample�. Origi� not nally a four piece containing Hersh’s menta strong muffin baker.” This mo� half�sister Tanya Donnelly �later a spendsof domesticity comes as Hersh member of the Breeders and Belly�, of the time at home between a tour the band fell into its current ‘power tour, US and an upcoming European trio’ line�up upon Donnelly’s exit after The which features a stop in Dublin. the release of The Real Ramona. They ing group are enthusiastic about be� ploughed on, even coming close to a everon the road again. “It’s a gift when� we get to play together. We look crossover with 1995’s University and forward its almost hit single, ‘Bright Yellow studio.” to it every day we’re in the Gun’. With Hersh herself releasing a The tour is in support of Antholslew of acclaimed solo albums since ogy, a new compilation gathering the own her the mid�nineties, fronting best side�project 50 Foot Wave, penning a ades of the Muses’ two and half dec� successful memoir and founding the the together. Hersh chose to avoid process of choosing which tracks independent music promotion group made it in. “I’m not good at that. I pre� truly Cash Music, her reputation cringe when I go back there. So I put cedes her. So much so that Otwo are the surprised when calling her at her US had project in my drummer’s lap. It been talked about for about a dec� ade so he had plenty of time to plan.

I guess I did too but I didn’t!” Hersh goes on to outline the roots of this cringing response. “I know we meant well. I know that we had to do what we did. But there are moments, as you can imagine, where I think ‘My god, why was that what we had to do?’”

While the band never really split up so to speak, merely being often on

14

WE ARE Throwing Muses front woman Kristin Hersh speaks with Cormac Duffy about the “cringe” of nostalgia, writing her memoir and art for art’s sake hiatus, the tour marks the biggest re� turn since their 2003 self�titled album. ies, Smashing Pumpkins et al�, is there a worry the tour is merely nostalgic? “We were very careful to make sure the songs weren’t going to sound dated in any way, a real sound is timeless. A fake one will feel like going back in time, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but we didn’t re� ally feel like looking down at our set lists and feeling like teenagers.”

Much of the Muses’ work is dark.

Its angular, often disorienting style of post�punk is the accompaniment to Hersh’s reoccurring lyrical focus on themes of mental illness, heavily in� her entire life, even causing much of her current retrograde embarrass� ment. “It’s just that I was so in the throes of my own process that I barely had a personality. That’s hard for me.

I’m not a kooky person in anyway. But there was a lot of kookiness in my life and in my presentation. That’s where a lot of the cringe comes from.” The songwriting process Hersh has em� ployed throughout her career has always been an almost stream of con� sciousness approach. She sees herself

as more of a channel for the songs that she has always heard in her head than an active creator, something that she applies to all her projects, from the Muses to 50 Foot Wave. “I like for the songs to be in charge. I would like them to tell me what to say and what to do. It’s just that if I think about it for a minute I get embarrassed” she admits with a chuckle.

Hersh discusses her experiences in the mid�90s, when the Muses were on hiatus after releasing their seventh al� bum Limbo. Relocating herself to the desert, she suddenly stopped hearing the songs that had always been there.

“It was like losing a sense. I don’t know if you know anyone who has lost their sense of smell, but they don’t miss it.

If you can smell things, it’s horrible to think of, but they don’t miss it because they don’t have it. That’s what losing �my� songwriting sense was to me.” It came back to her later in life and still remains, but she is now able to cope.

“I have no idea why. I’m not disturbed by the process any longer.”

Despite her pronounced aversion to looking back on her past, Hersh still managed to write a 2010 memoir Rat Girl, released here as Paradoxical Undressing. It tells the tale of all the ups and downs of her adolescence,

OTWO

AMUSED to be in s g n o s e h t r o f e k li “I ell t o t m e h t e k li ld u charge. I wo do.” o t t a h w d n a y a s o t me what

dealing with the aftermath of her diagnosis with bipolar symptoms.

Her approach to songwriting did not transfer to her prose. “It was very dif� ferent, I’m not a writer. It was easy for me to pretend it was someone else and become attached to the story,” she explains. Approaching it as a “non� aspects of foreshadowing in her own life, as she looked at the events of her life and thought “Wow, look at that, I should have known that was going to happen.” Recalling the past was not a powerfully vivid process. “I loved going back in time to hear people’s voices, some of whom are dead now.

I remember their funny little idiosyn� cratic moments and their movements and gestures. I remember how my car smelled.” It made her realise that the past “is there, we just don’t need to re� call it every day.”

Hersh describes getting so im� mersed in her writing that she never considered the idea of others reading from a tour and there was a stack of Rat Girls on my porch and it was like a kick in the stomach. I thought ‘Oh no, what have I done?’” But the warm reception that greeted its release reas�

sured the songstress. “There were a lot of people who could relate to it, with� out relating to what happened. For me that’s a successful book.” and are in the mixing stage now. “Well, I say that, but then I always write an� other song and make everybody learn time away from recording with the band, it would be no stretch of the imagination to assume that it has been an awkward readjustment, but she maintains that it’s a comfortable return to what she knows, “more like going home and less like going onto another planet”.

Out on the road again, the band is seeing a new generation of young fans at their shows. “It’s been lovely. We used to count on musicians being our audience.” Being a band’s band in the mode of the Velvet Underground of� ten reveals a level of intricacy to one’s style noticeable only to the musically aware, but Hersh sees it far more mod� estly, saying it was just nice to know that “people got what we were doing and didn’t think we were playing that way by accident!”

She puts much of this newfound interest in the band down to how the

internet is changing fandom. “I like that people feel comfortable travel� ling around music now. I like that they’re in charge of their own musi� cal education in that regard. They feel comfortable with music that is not di� vided in any way from themselves by race, gender, style or even time.” For an artist who began her career around � tin has shown a remarkably sharp ap� proach to the world of online music.

In 2007, she cofounded Cash Music, range of services to musicians hoping to connect directly to their fan base. It has grown hugely since its conception, with a current clientele that includes the likes of Amanda Palmer, Iron & Wine and large independent labels such as Domino and Saddle Creek. “I think it’s very important to divorce the dollar sign from music. That’s the way you realise it’s a spontaneous hu� man venture and not a business ven� ture. When you’re talking about any art, it’s imperative that the art needs to be performed, not to serve anyone.”

As she puts it, the cornerstone of her experience as a musician has been making sure that her focus is always on the music, and never on the gain associated. It is something that is as

much practice as principle, Hersh ex� plains. “That’s why 50 Foot Wave has always given its music away. It might not seem like a smart thing to do, but it was a necessar y thing to do.” Her almost Fugazi�esque dedication to � sic caused issues for the band in the past. “Before we became a trio, there was some disagreement about how in� volved in the industry we should be.

My sister wanted more industry and I wanted none. That was a good bal� ance for a while, but it got worse and worse for me and I just had to say ‘no more of this’.” But twenty years later, her core beliefs are intact. “I have no patience for ambitious people who use sound to further their own ends” she adds “If I have to be broke because I believe that, I’m willing to be broke.

It’s sort of the way things have always been anyway.”

Throwing Muses play The Academy on November 10th, tickets are priced €24.90. Anthology is out now.

15

OTWO FILM

REVIEWS Title: Anonymous Director: Roland Emmerich Starring: Rhys Ifans, Vanessa Redgrave and David Thewlis Release Date: Out Now

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very aspect of Anonymous is deceitful. The preface to the film is the conspiratorial question of whether Shakespeare was the actual author of the body of work attributed to him. However, this premise itself is a guise, as the question of authorship is resolved and quickly dispensed with, and what is left behind the façade is a seventeenth century political thriller of illicit affairs, betrayal and a power struggle for the throne.

But what is most pointedly unexpected about Anonymous is that it is relatively enjoyable.

In Elizabethan England, the recently arrested playwright Ben Jonson (Sebastian Armesto) is summoned to the estate of the Earl of Oxford (Rhys Ifans) to be the face of his secret plays. However, “Will” Shakespeare (Rafe Spall), a mere drunken actor, takes credit for the first play and is subsequently hailed as the voice of the nation for the rest.

Coinciding with the authorial scandal is the power struggle for the succession to the throne of Queen Elizabeth I (Vanessa Redgrave), in which the Earl of Oxford is using this newly acquired secret voice of theatrical art to influence the political sphere.

From the director of the aptly-categorised disaster movies 2012, Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow, Anonymous is a film with compara-

anonymous

tively sparse use of CGI, which makes for a pleasAlthough Anonymous doesn’t directly explore ant change. There is a meticulous focus on set de- the question of authorship of Shakespeare’s apparsign and costuming that harks back to Emmerich’s ent works and the multi-stranded plot becomes roots as a production designer. The scenes staging tangled, this is a reasonably enjoyable political the bard’s plays are also brilliantly vivid and ani- thriller (as reasonably enjoyable as political thrillmated affairs. The film does become quite clut- ers may be) and certainly better than Emmerich’s tered however, with Shakespeare becoming no usual destruction-of-the-world fare. more than incidental to the story as the mystery of authorship is sidelined in favour of political In a Nutshell: Although usually synonymous intrigue. An interesting perspective on the influ- with pixelated tidal waves destroying New ence of art on a nation’s psyche and questions on York, Roland Emmerich offers a political mysauthenticity and artistic identity are hinted at, but tery in which the real deceit is its enjoyability. are also ultimately sacrificed as a small plot device only to serve the political plotline.

by Dermot O’Rourke

THE ADVENTURES OF TINTIN: THE SECRET OF THE UNICORN

T

he Adventures of Tintin has been in the making for almost three years now, and marks the first time that director Steven Spielberg has used 3D performance capture technology. Co-written by Steven Moffat, Edgar Wright and Joe Cornish, the film seamlessly combines three of Hergé’s original comics into one story.

The screenplay doesn’t adhere to the original work religiously, which may upset hardcore fans, but Tintin (Jamie Bell) appears as the same crime-fighting journalist with the 16

perfect quiff that he always was, complete down to his indiscernible age and complete lack of personality.

His canine sidekick, Snowy, brings more fun and energy to any scene than Tintin himself, who is pretty lifeless, and almost as flat his comic book counterpart.

This may not be so much the fault of Bell’s acting as a disadvantage of using performance capture technology, which, it has been said, causes some degree of emotional detachment for viewers. The characters are not fake enough to be automatically

Title: The Adventures of Tintin: The Secret of the Unicorn Director: Steven Spielberg Starring: Jamie Bell, Andy Serkis, Simon Pegg, Daniel Craig Release Date: Out Now

classified as animated by the viewer, nor are they real enough to fully believe in – they have something of a soulless look about them. It’s not just Bell who suffers as a result of this lack of depth, as it is also particularly obvious in the portrayal of Thompson and Thomson, two clumsy, incompetent detectives, played

by Nick Frost and Simon Pegg. Frost and Pegg are known for their comic collaborations, however most of that chemistry is quickly lost in the uncanny valley.

One person who still manages to

shine is performance capture veteran Andy Serkis, who plays Captain Haddock, a drunken seaman who becomes Tintin’s sidekick in all the action and is easily the film’s most memorable character. Providing some comic relief next to Tintin’s straight-and-narrow approach, his presence can only be welcomed.

While not inherently bad, the plot gets a little lost in all the action, causing the film to lag somewhat in the middle. It is, however, visually stunning. Much as the motion capture has caused difficulties for the actors, the sets are beautiful and intricate – the level of detail found is almost exceptional. From the animated opening sequence, which bears a striking resemblance to the opening of Spielberg’s own Catch Me If You Can, to a motorcycle chase through a Moroccan souk, the effects are incredible. The film is no masterpiece, but it is buoyant and energetic, and sure to be a box-office hit.

In a Nutshell: Both made possible and limited by it’s medium, Tintin is imperfect but enjoyable classical Hollywood fare.

by Aoife Valentine

THE IDES TOP10 OF MARCH MOVIE

FILM OTWO

PRESIDENTS

With a new leader in the Áras, Mark Malone looks at what sage advice movie Presidents have to offer 10. President James Dale (Mars Attacks) Not the greatest president when it came to dealing with an alien invasion but, sure, he gave it a go. Isn’t that what it’s all about? That could be the Irish governmental motto.

9. Dave (Dave) If any of the Irish Presidential candidates died while having an affair, switching them with a lookalike could work. Or they could just leave it.

No one would notice.

8. President Douglas Dilman (The Man) Before voicing Darth Vader, James Earl Jones was the fictional first African-American President of the U.S. So, Barack, you know what to do if a second term doesn’t work out...

Title: The Ides of March Director: George Clooney Starring: George Clooney, Ryan Gosling, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Paul Giamatti Release Date: October 28th

I

f Ben & Jerry’s are looking for romance stories. There are some more novelty referential names nice performances from Clooney in line with ‘Cheri Garcia’ or and Paul Giamatti (Sideways), but ‘Phish Food’, they should consider the trite relationship between renaming their vanilla flavour ‘The Gosling and Evan Rachel Wood (The Ides of March’. Admittedly, that is Wrestler) proves annoying. an incredibly lame joke but at the The Ides of March appears same time the comparison to vanilla to be attempting to cash in on ice cream is more apt than you may dissatisfaction with the Obama think. Both are bland, both are administration. Clooney is making incredibly white and both have a a movie critical of the two-party liberal agenda which becomes hollow system while peppering it with a when you remember the people number of other topical liberal delivering the message. Something issues to entice any other Academy about Ben & Jerry’s assuring me they members left wanting. This is Oscar employ local bakers to make their bait with no real substance, which brownies while presumably flying ends the moment it starts to become to Ecuador to get their cocoa beans interesting. strikes the same chord as George It cannot be denied that this Clooney telling me capitalism is is a slick production with a strong flawed from his directorial chair on a second act but don’t expect it to multi-million dollar movie in which be saying anything as important as he also stars. the film seems to think it is. Come The Ides of March follows a young awards season, it will definitely be political consultant, played by Ryan drowning in statuettes, but years Gosling (Drive), while he aids the from now it will only be remembered campaign of a governor (George as the Ryan Gosling film where Clooney) in a difficult race for the he didn’t take his shirt democratic presidential nomination. off.

The film sees itself as something of a political thriller, and for its moments In a Nutshell: Like of snappy dialogue and overlapping a sloth being poked political deceit, it is. with a cattle prod Sadly this action stays confined - a slow start and a to a disappointingly short second quick jolt of life in act sandwiched between a two slices the middle with a of mediocrity. While the second act messy ending. is quick and energetic, the first and third are mismatches of ambiguous by Gareth Lyons political commentary and tedious

7. President Schwarzenegger (The Simpsons Movie) Schwarzenegger shows that having a high literacy level isn’t what’s important for the job.

It’s less about the reading and more about the leading. This is one that Senator Norris might want to check out for any future campaigns.

6. President Richard Nixon (Frost/Nixon) If Nixon does ever come back as a head in a jar and sees this film, his first question must be “Do I really sound like that?”

5. President Merkin Muffley (Dr. Strangelove: Or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb) Trying your very best to avoid total nuclear annihilation, and feeling pretty darn sorry about it all? It’s all in a President’s day’s work.

4. President Thomas J. Whitmore (Independence Day) Bill Paxton - the guy from Aliens and Twister you don’t know- gives a sterling performance as a President who won’t let the aliens in. He gives them a good thrashing in a fighter jet and, supposedly, his immigration policies were pretty tough too.

3. President Tom Beck (Deep Impact) So Morgan Freeman played that Mandela guy in a film about rugby. But what’s more important is that he was in Deep Impact, a film about a big comet coming to destroy Earth. Why didn’t they ask how they’d deal with that in any of the Presidential debates?

2. General Zod (Superman II) Upon arriving on Earth, Zod flexed his awesome might and received the whole world, and more importantly, America, in return. With a campaign slogan as catchy as ‘Kneel before Zod’, it’s not really surprising.

1. President James Marshall (Air Force One) After casually playing Han Solo and Indiana Jones, Mr. Ford decided that the logical next step was to play the President of the United States. After uttering the immortal phrase “Get off my plane!” there’s no way he wouldn’t get a second term.

OTWO FILM

Screening the death of print media?

As print media faces an uncertain future, the medium of film takes the online vs. print battle to task, writes Dermot O’Rourke

Newspapers printing in Page One: Inside the New York Times

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two had an awkward ex- crude declaration of the end of when journalistic integrity is being perience at a recent press newspapers, films including State diluted by online blogs that, in the screening of a film. It was of Play (MacDonald, 2009) and journalists’ view, are really only the watching-a-graphic-sex- the documentary Page One: Inside recycling stories that appeared in scene-with-your-parents kind the New York Times (Rossi, 2011), their newspaper first. of awkward, except worse. The have acknowledged the decline of In Page One, as in State of Play, members of the film press com- the newspaper industry and the online bloggers are labelled as munity were invited to an ad- permanent change to the nature of antagonists; their apparent inferior vance showing of Steven Sod- journalism. In State of Play, Russell reporting is responsible for not erbergh’s latest film, Contagion. Crowe is a veteran reporter in a only the decline in newspaper sales Representing the fresh face of failing newspaper who must work but, more importantly, the overall student journalism, Otwo stood with a fresh-faced awkwardly to the side waiting for blogger, played by McAdams the screening to start in film crit- Rachel Crashers), ic uniform - hip man bag, coffee (Wedding investigate a and bad scarf - and eavesdropped to political conspiracy. on conversations. relationship There was a moment in the film Their when an online blogger, played is reflective of film’s

by Jude Law, storms off after current portrayal of between an argument with a newspaper tensions journalist repeatedly declaring old and new media.

Crowe’s character “Print media is dead!” fighting to This moment, I’m sure you can is imagine, was quite uncomfortable stay relevant and doubts Rachel McAdams & Matt Damon in Contagion in the presence of the national print continually media collective. It certainly caused the credibility of a few to shift in their seats and the online media. He is cynical quality of modern journalism. The McAdams’ paradoxical films also recognise a worrying trend prompted some nervous laughter of eagerness to write articles and in newspapers: facing financial around the room.

Whether this was a reaction simultaneous unwillingness to collapse and struggling to stay to the argument on screen or do, in his (and the film’s) view, relevant, the newspapers further recognition of an underlying and “proper” journalism. While he is reduce the quality of journalism uncomfortable truth, this moment on the streets interviewing people by releasing under-researched or in Contagion was representative of and making phone calls, she is unsubstantiated stories in order to a depiction of current media and ignorant of traditional reporting get the scoop and sell papers. journalism trends that has become and, symbolically, never has a pen Although all the films consider noticeable in recent times. It is to hand when it is required to write the print media to be the only significant that film is exploring down crucial pieces of information. credible form of journalism, they Similarly, throughout Page One: still lament for the old days of the evolution of journalism and the resulting conflict between Inside the New York Times, the journalism. There is a nostalgic traditional print media and online Times’ journalists are constantly view of the journalist walking the journalism because, ultimately, called on to defend their relevance street, hassling interviewees and film’s depiction undoubtedly to the public and other media meeting sources in shady bars. In influences how audiences will outlets. In the film, the Times is both State of Play and Page One portrayed as the single authoritative there are tributes to the Watergate perceive that progression.

Aside from Jude Law’s news source in America at a time scandal which is regarded by both 18

as the pinnacle of ‘true’ journalism.

In Page One there is a long sequence celebrating the journalists involved in Watergate, while in State of Play a conversation is secretly recorded in the Watergate hotel and celebrated as the moment of heroism for the journalists. The films imply that this kind of investigative reporting is lost and will not be possible in the new age of media.

These portrayals of the current trends in journalism come as a warning for audiences. Amidst the media-saturated society print newspapers remain the sole valid source for information.

This is best demonstrated in State of Play when the decision about the final publication of a conspiracy is left to Rachel McAdam’s blogger who decides that “a story this big, people should probably have newsprint on their hands when they read it”; an acknowledgement of the legitimacy and authority of the print newspaper. The films warn audiences that newspapers are still committed to true journalism, the kind epitomised in Watergate, and that the online media sources report with unknown motivations. In Contagion, when Jude Law’s blogger recommends a homeopathic treatment for a disease which results in public hysteria, it is later found out that he was paid for this recommendation by a company.

Although the emergence of online media marks a permanent paradigm-shift in journalism, recent films are trying to convey to audiences that the evolution should be received with caution and that, ultimately, print remains the principal form of record.

TELEVISION OTWO

FATAL FOURWAY What is the best ‘Guilty Pleasure’ TV show?

A clownfish with gimpy fin crushed the competition last time out, but let’s see which of the Foursome’s guilty pleasures tickle your fancy.

America’s Next Top Model

Fade Street

Made in Chelsea

Jersey Shore

Aoife Valentine

Dermot O’Rourke

Jon Hozier-Byrne

George Morahan

Dermot may have regained his title as Fourway winner, but Up was the real winner here. It won over George’s heart and convinced him to give it his precious vote. At least, it did until his ego couldn’t take it anymore and he had to vote for himself again.

Awks.

Onwards and upwards with another clear winner – Fade Street.

It’s so bad it goes full circle and becomes good again. Fade Street is pretty much what The Hills would be, if The Hills had its own pantomime – what more do you want? It’s unapologetically awful, and unintentionally hilarious.

Not only does it pretend it’s unscripted, but it goes as far as to vehemently reject all claims that they could have possibly planned any of it. At all. The acting (or just eh, existing, apparently) is literally the worst thing in the world, and the plot (or eh, life) is ludicrous. These girls live in a very strange version of ‘reality’.

However, it somehow all combines in a way that sucks you in, and leaves you anticipating a second series of a show that never should have had a first series. But like, shut up, that’s awesome.

Do you want to see a show that makes the girls in America’s Next Top Model look like plebeians?

Watch Made in Chelsea. Do you want to see a show that makes Fade Street look like The Sopranos of reality TV shows?

Watch Made in Chelsea. Do you want to see a show that is probably better than the one Jon is talking about? Watch Made in Chelsea.

The so-bad-it’s-good-but-quicklyreverts-back-to-being-bad TV shows spawned from The Hills all have the same format: awkward “impromptu” conversations with pretentious and affluent people whining about their relationships, intercut with Two Door Cinema Club playing over various shots of the show’s location to remind us where it’s taking place in case we have already forgotten the title of the show.

What separates Made in Chelsea from other shows of the same ilk is how truly excruciating each scene is to watch. Each character is fully aware that the camera is watching and so conversations become stilted, monosyllabic and everyone has knowing smiles that suggest their conversation is being watched by a production crew for the third time. And all this is before it is shoddily edited to throw in out of place, but supposedly suggestive glances.

Admittedly, I really watch it to cringe at the awfulness and shout at my TV but don’t get me wrong, this program is seriously compulsive viewing.

So, Cars was not a popular film, and according to our voting readership, not the greatest Pixar film of all time.

Who knew? Not me, that’s for sure; I’ve never seen Cars.

Something I have seen, debatably too many times, is Jersey Shore.

For the uninitiated (read; no-one), Jersey Shore follows a group of faketanned, muscle-bound, borderlinealcoholic sociopaths as they fistpump and smush their way around either the eponymous shore, Miami or Florence. The stars are awful excuses for human beings, the plots are ludicrous and manipulative, and the show is edited as if someone left the original footage in a room with a scissors-happy twelve year old with ADHD and a crate of Revamp. It is the worst thing in the entire world.

Yet despite this (and indeed, because of it), Jersey Shore is one of the most surprisingly entertaining shows on television. The show is pure spectacle, like a cross between the Hindenburg and a particularly obtuse meeting of Sex Addicts Anonymous. Sure, high-minded media types like those weird heads on the left like to intellectualise watching this show (and they watch, mark my words), but whether watched ‘ironically’ or not, this is the absolute gold-standard of guilty pleasure TV.

So, I’ve lost every one of these so far, but I’m not upset. Why, you may ask? It’s because I’m a big manly man’s man. However, I also like America’s Next Top Model and I’m perfectly comfortable with that. Frankly, I never thought I’d see myself get invested in such a ridiculous show, but it happened, it sucked me in.

I usually end up rooting for the really strange ones; there was one girl a couple of years ago that looked like she belonged in True Blood more so than ANTM and I can’t remember her name for the life of me.

This not only proves Tyra Banks’ negligible influence in the modelling world, but also that ANTM is a show built on narrative and competition rather than actually producing the next big supermodel, as its title suggests. Tyra realises this, and knows that people don’t care what happens to these women. However, she is acutely aware that that people are baying for blood - the bitching, the ludicrous photo shoot concepts, the ‘smizes’ and whatever the hell Miss J is up to.

It’s completely vapid and overthe-top television that enriches me in no way whatsoever. That won’t stop me watching it though.

Go on the University Observer Facebook page and have your say; what is the greatest ‘Guilty Pleasure’ TV show?

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OTWO MUSIC

THE NAKED AND FAMOUS

WITH WORLDWIDE SUCCESS AND A CHARTTOPPING DEBUT ALBUM, THE NAKED AND FAMOUS SEEM SET FOR MUSICAL WORLD DOMINATION. CIARA ANDREWS TALKS TO THE KIWI QUINTET ABOUT THEIR RISE TO FAME

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s clean as The Naked and Famous’ songs are, their phone calls have grunge levels of distortion. Through the static of the phone line, while driving to Philadelphia to continue the US leg of their world tour, the band’s lead singer Thom Powers explains his surprise at the band’s initial success in their native New Zealand. “It was an accident, but it was a happy accident. We had hopes of maybe getting on the top ten of our local college radio but we accidentally got on the pop charts, which is really weird.”

They did not just enjoy a once-off hit, but also the notible achievement of being the first debut single to gain a number one chart slot in New Zealand in sixteen years, and the first homegrown act to reach number one in three years, with their summer anthem ‘Young Blood’. This accidental success has gained the band worldwide critical acclaim, sparking UK and European tour dates, as well as a US tour to promote the band’s debut album Passive Me, Aggressive You. Much hype has been built up around the indie rockers, with constant comparisons to the likes of MGMT and Empire of the Sun. Powers brushes this off with a laugh, admitting to Otwo that “hype is good for your career”.

The band began when singer Alisia Xayalith and Powers met at university and developed as an electro-pop duo. The remaining members joined shortly afterwards and The Naked and Famous was born. Their debut album first came to life in the band’s Auckland bedrooms, with the finishing touches being applied in professional studios. Yet The Naked and Famous still retain the raw sparkle they first developed playing local gigs in New Zealand. Despite their recent acceleration to fame they remain grounded and focused on continuously improving as musicians and performers. “Performing accurately every night is a challenge in itself. I don’t think that’ll ever get old for me.”

20

The Naked and Famous proved their credentials and earned their stripes doing what many bands of the Southern Hemisphere have deemed impossible: gaining worldwide recognition and success. Powers tells of the difficulty for local bands to gain support and develop on an international level. “I think it’s down to small town syndrome, and I guess it’s just part of the way our music culture works. There’s a lack of interest and a lack of respect for local artists I don’t really want to go back home to be honest.” And why would they? In the midst of their US tour The Naked and Famous are revelling in the rock and roll lifestyle. However, Powers notes that this band still have their feet firmly on the ground and are focused on the music.

“We’re not volatile drinking rock and roll idiots, we do switch to band mode where we are professional and go into being artists, performers and musicians.”

With a record collection that includes everything from the industrial rock of Nine Inch Nails to the dancefloor sounds of the Chemical Brothers, the band blend their eclectic musical influences masterfully, creating their vibrant and exiting sound. This is encapsulated on the album as each song draws from various styles

and each track stands out from the last. ‘A Wolf in Geek’s Clothing’ is one particularly notable track, as it displays the more sombre tones on the album. Powers explains that “it was quite specifically put together in a certain way; we looked for elements to add to it to make it sound odd and not just straight rock”.

The Naked and Famous’ shiny brand of electro-pop has already succeeded in dominating the charts. With high-profile stints at Oxegen, Reading, and Leeds, as well as many other gigs throughout the summer, their festival-friendly tunes have ensured them a secure fan base throughout Europe.

The band are still revelling in the success of their first album, as the frontman admits that they haven’t reached their peak in their live shows yet. “It’s still something we’re really enjoying playing. I’m still waiting until we can get the right stage production we want before I feel like we’ve hit the point that we want as far as live performances go, which luckily will be when we go back to the UK and Europe. That will really feel like the pinnacle of the touring for me.”

Talk quickly moves to what is next on the cards for The Naked and Famous, and as Powers describes his plans for a sophomore album, it is clear the dust will only begin to settle on Passive Me, Aggressive You before this band will provide fans with more indie pop perfection to treat their ears to.

Confident, Powers expresses no fear of a dud followup or any difficult second album syndrome. “I love being creative and I love making music. I’ve got a whole bunch of stuff to kick us off for album two.”

The Naked and Famous play Dublin’s Olympia theatre on November 13th. Tickets are priced at €25. Passive Me, Aggressive You is out now.

MUSIC OTWO

M

Wayne’s World

any will remember Fountains of Wayne for their 2003 megahit, ‘Stacey’s Mom’, as well as the childish pleasure of changing the name ‘Stacey’ to whatever friend you wanted to mock. With fifteen years and four albums of splendid power-pop under their belts, however, there’s more to them than just that one song. Their latest album, Sky Full of Holes, is quite different from the big power-pop sound of their early records. Chris Collingwood, the band’s lead vocalist, guitarist and cosongwriter explains that their new softer, sedate, acoustically-driven sound was something of a necessity.

“You can only play those power chords a certain amount of times until you don’t want to sound like that anymore. The previous record had a lot of dated synthesisers on it, and they’re really more Adam’s [Schlesinger, co-songwriter] doing. My taste is a little bit more towards the organic. When we had a discussion towards making this record, the one thing we could agree on, before we got started, was that we wanted it to be organic with real instruments.”

Sky Full of Holes, released in July, follows past efforts in that it contains many songs featuring storytelling. Some of them, such as ‘Radio Bar’, are based on real people and places. Collingwood explains; “That was our hangout in New York City when we were working on the first album, and every name in that song was the name of someone working in the bar”. Disappointingly, ‘Stacey’s Mom’ is appar-

Fountains of Wayne frontman Chris Collingwood speaks to Evan O’Quigley about their latest record, touring and The Simpsons ently completely fictional, although self has noticed a “kind of animosity their drummer’s ex-wife’s first name between the two groups.” is Stacey, which may have partly inIt is the casual fans who lose out spired the hit. with the latest album. It’s probably The band borrows from their ex- their least airplay-friendly record periences in more ways than lyrics. and Collingwood does not appear They got their name from a store in overly concerned. “I don’t know a town called Wayne in New Jersey how important that is for a band like that sold, surprise surprise, foun- us anymore, they’re probably not gotains. It no longer exists, a fact that ing to play us on the radio anymore disappoints the frontman hugely. anyway. I can’t think of anything “On the more pah i g h w a y “I can’t think of anything more pathetic thetic than people a bunch of would see than a bunch of forty-four year old guys forty-four it comtrying desperately to get on the radio year old ing into guys trying New York with novelty songs. I’d much rather put desperateCity, and out a record that I’m proud of ” ly to get on it closed the radio three years ago or so, which I think with novelty songs. I’d much rather is sad because I think it made a lot put out a record that I’m proud of.” of people’s day. It had this giant For all of the group’s retro pop outdoor statue area, with mermaids style, Collingwood seems at odds and things, and at Christmas time it with the state of current popular would have all this Santa Claus stuff music. “I’m a big Coldplay fan, but outside. Now it’s a pretty soulless I’m not really sure what [Chris MarAmerican retail chain.” tin’s] doing with his new stuff. It’s The group are often described as so weird to me, a guy showing himeither a cult band or a one-hit-won- self to make this beautiful music, it der, and the fact that their fans can seems to me kind of calculated”. largely be divided into two groups At this point in his career, reflects this clearly. There are the Collingwood has become almost hard-core fanatics who know every immune to bad song in the catalogue, and the press, particurest who know ‘Stacey’s Mom’. Collingwood him-

larly when it comes to what’s being said in reviews of the album. “I generally see the big ones. I don’t really care about it. I’m always able to convince myself that if somebody has something negative to say about it, it’s just something that they didn’t understand.”

It hasn’t always been possible for him to keep up such a facade, and there have been times when he finds himself agreeing with some of the criticisms. “Sometimes, I just agree with them and say ‘That’s true, this is a weakness on this record!’” He may acknowledge the bad, but he just as easily laughs it off; “I mean does anyone really read a rock critic and then decide whether they like a band?”

All Collingwood hopes for the future is that the band does not become more cynical in their songwriting as they get older, like others do. “I think there’s always room for more love songs, more McCartney songs.” Whether or not these love songs will be dedicated to the hot moms of the world is still to be determined.

Fountains of Wayne play The Academy on November 13th. Tickets are priced at €18. Sky Full of Holes is out now.

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OTWO MUSIC

I IALS IM DGT I love you dude

Electro gods of remixing, sweating and commercial opportunism, Digitalism speak to Kate Rothwell before touching down in Dublin

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ermany has always been a haven for electro artists, and the country that brought us the legendary Kraftwerk is also the birthplace of a notable addition to the twenty-first century scene. Jens Moelle and Ismail Tüfekçi make up the duo that is Digitalism, and are currently touring their second album, the curiously titled I Love You Dude. Moelle explains that the title encapsulates the band’s mood as they finished recording, and also adds a sense of mystery to the record. “It’s something that people shouldn’t take too seriously - you don’t know what to expect and that’s what it’s all about.”

Digitalism also aimed to change the current atmosphere of the club scene with their second offering. “There’s so much hard music in the clubs at the minute and we wanted to bring back a bit of romance and maybe bromance as well.” When Moelle mentions that they also wanted to “get the ladies back” Otwo has to ask exactly what he means. “There’s so much hard techno and scenes have 22

split up since we started.

All the scenes were kind of united and there was a big mix-up of styles and genres and now people have gone back to dubstep and there’s only boys going [to clubs] … It’s very separated again so we wanted to bring back some love.”

One place where Digitalism have long secured some love is their hometown of Hamburg, where they will soon be playing a sold-out gig. Hamburg is renowned as a cultural hotspot, but Moelle cites its “isolation” as an advantage for the band. “When we sit in our ‘bunker’ studio, we’re completely cut off from everything out there so we can just do whatever we want without getting involved in scenes, or influenced or biased or anything, so I think that’s why Hamburg is quite important for us.”

This avoidance – or absence, according to Moelle - of scene culture has also been a source of inspiration for Digitalism. “It kind of has anti-influenced us because there wasn’t so much going on there so we just came up with something that’s going

fill the void.”

The duo are not just known for creating their own infectious tracks, but for re-mixing the work of others, including that of artists as well-recognised as Daft Punk, the White Stripes and Depeche Mode.

Even with the calibre of artists whose work they are invited to reinvent, Moelle doesn’t feel that there is extra pressure when they are adding the Digitalism touch to the music of other prominent artists. “We just want to make sure that we are happy with the result. I mean, they have to be happy as well because they have to approve the stuff but …

I think most important is when you get really excited.

When we start nodding our heads while we are working in the studio that’s a good sign.” He also explains that once they have remixed a track, it becomes their own. “We just use a bit of someone else’s material and we build something around it, so basically if we make a Digitalism remix we make a Digitalism track out of it … I think in order to make a good remix you have to

think like that.”

Moelle also points out the mutual commercial benefits of remixed tracks. “If you do a remix for someone we also add our audience to the other band’s audience.

For example if we remix the Futureheads then people who buy Digitalism stuff might buy Futureheads vinyl with our remix on it. It’s about mixing up fanbases.”

Remixing is not the only way that the band have proved themselves to be smart businessmen as well as inspired musicians. They have also made use of other commercial opportunities, agreeing to have tracks such as ‘Pogo’and ‘Idealistic’ featured on advertisements and video game soundtracks. Since their music isn’t always to mainstream radio DJs’ taste, Moelle believes that they need to make the most of opportunities to get their music into the public sphere. Luckily, the gaming industry is an area that they already have an interest in. “We’re big games fans anyway so if a nice video project ask us if they can put our music on the

soundtrack that’s kind of an honour for us as well.”

Having played UCD twice, in 2008 and 2009, Moelle remembers both gigs fondly. While the band enjoy playing to student audiences, they are also happy to play to whoever will listen. “I don’t know who’s going to come next week. I don’t mind. We don’t mind if it’s big or small - for example last night we played in front of about 600 people in Stockholm and the stage was only twenty inches high … That’s the best usually – it’s very intimate and very intense, as opposed to when you play big stages at festivals and you’re twenty miles away from the people.”

Having gigged in Stockholm the day before talking to Otwo, the band have clearly gotten their European tour off to a good start. “The first gig yesterday was great – it was really sweaty, that’s how it should be.” No doubt their stopover in Dublin will be just as perspiration-inducing, intense and enjoyable. We love you, dudes.

I Love You Dude is out now.

MUSIC OTWO

ALBUM REVIEWS Joker

Tom Waits

Atlas Sound

Florence

The Vision B

Bad as Me A

Parallax B+

Ceremonials B+

Parallax is the third album released

by Atlas Sound, the solo project of Deerhunter front-man Bradford Cox, and it’s arguably Cox’s best composition yet. The ambient melodies and mood-enhancing vocals are deftly combined with lyrics depicting a range of emotions from love and happiness to depressive loneliness.

‘Amplifiers’ is a demonstration of obvious talent. The soft, repetitive music joined by the continuous whisper of the word “stay” leaves the listener in a hypnotic state. ‘Te Amo’ is another masterpiece; the unusual instrumental arrangement creates a relaxing, almost easy-listening track that reflects the overall aura of the album.

Nonetheless, there are low points as well. The conclusion of ‘Flagstaff’ consists of over two minutes of nothing but a rolling beat resembling a distorted ticking clock, underlining the drabness of this song and consequently, its inadequacy. Of course this is merely a blip on an otherwise well executed album.

Florence and the Machine have put the dog days behind them and recorded a new album, Ceremonials, released to much hype. Whereas her debut album, Lungs showed Florence Welch to be quirky and perhaps a little awkward, with this album she has found an unwavering self-assurance.

Although quite similar to Lungs, the relentless levels of bass and powerful drumming ensure that its follow-up is of a darker tack, allowing her distinct sound to seem more robust.

Lead single ‘Shake it Out’ and the immensely soulful standout track ‘No Light, No Light’ are uncompromisingly Florence, and they make no apologies for it. With a healthy dose of her trademark howling, fans are sure not to be disappointed.

It’s unfortunate that the album never quite fully departs from Lungs, still feeling lost in the exact same melancholic place, but it is an exceptional album, regardless.

The Vision, the long-awaited debut Few artists have a higher bar set for LP from London-based dubstep producer, themselves than Tom Waits. With his Joker, is an album with a clear dividing first all-new release in seven years, exline. Before ‘Level 6 (Interlude)’, it’s a pectations have never been higher for the highly competent and listenable offering. perpetual innovator, particularly after Songs such as ‘Slaughter House’ and ‘The the somewhat sub-par odds and ends Vision (Let Me Breath)’ are lacking in collection Orphans in 2006. Thanksonic diversity but contain huge hooks fully, Waits’ remarkable legacy is not just that may lead The Vision to pop ubiqintact, but looking grimier, grittier and uity. However, after ‘Level 6’ – itself a greater than ever. bizarrely retro number, that one could The album draws, at times, from imagine Sonic the Hedgehog and the across his considerable discography. The Fresh Prince rapping over – things get a title track drips with the Screaming little more interesting. ‘My Trance Girl’ Jay Hawkins-style dementia of Heart is bonkers; schizophrenic in tone with Attack and Vine, and ‘Hell Broke its shifting keyboard lines that consist Luce’ is just as fractured, aggressive and of everything from sparkling arpeggios militaristic as the ear-shredding Real to swamp-like squelches. ‘On My Mind’ Gone. Yet all the while, there is a new, proves there’s still room for Joker’s pop experimental rockabilly tone that proves instincts to flourish, but there’s definitely Waits isn’t resting on his laurels. a more pronounced explorative edge to At once, Bad as Me revisits the creaThe Vision’s closing half and it’s all the tions of Wait’s past, while never feeling better for it. stale, with track after track consistently surprising.

In a Nutshell: A promising debut that finds Joker caught in In a Nutshell: A superb welding two minds. of reinvention and reflection.

by George Morahan

by Jon Hozier-Byrne

Kele The Hunter EP B+

In a Nutshell: Shifts from drab to fab from track to track.

by Greg Talbot

The Hunter is Bloc Party’s lead singer, Kele Okereke’s second offering as a solo artist – and fans of his first album, The Boxer, will not be disappointed.

A pleasing hybrid of dance pop and electronic music, the EP also features some African influences and traditional rhythms in ‘You Belong to Someone Else’ and ‘Release Me’. Kele starts strong with a collaboration with classically trained singer Lucy Taylor, entitled ‘What Did I Do?’ It’s catchy and accessible, and sure to be a favourite with fans. An excellent cover of ‘Goodbye Horses’ by Q Lazzarus

and the Machine

In a Nutshell: Exactly what we've come to expect from Ms Welch and Co.

by Sara Holbrook

also shows him adding electronic influences, making it sound distinctly his own.

While we wait for new Bloc Party material, Kele has taken a new and very successful direction in his solo work. We can but hope that the sometimes front man ventures out on his own again in future.

In a Nutshell: An electronic voyage.

by Eimear McGovern

23

OTWO MUSIC

THE DUFFINGTON POST Is Louis Walsh a terrible person?

Has The X Factor been outsider music’s first crossover hit? Cormac Duffy answers a resounding yes.

This one needs to begin with a non-revelation: The X Factor may be the worst scourge to befall the Western music since Messrs. Moon, Hendrix and Presley decided that the recommended dosage was merely a gentle suggestion. The aspect of its perennial Saturday night dominance bothering me most is not its crowdsourcing of A&R to the unwashed hoi-polloi, nor is it the poorly written soap opera dialogue.

Watching Louis Walsh’s annual legion of novelties being received with a back and forth of ridicule and defence year on year has worn me out. I truly feel that since he made five Irish lads dance like Ian Curtis on The Late Late Show all those moons ago, he has abused people’s fascination with the unusual for his own financial gain. Of all the things that the remaining fragments of the music industry have co-opted for their own gain, I never thought that the appeal of outsider music would be one.

What necessarily constitutes outsider music is tricky to pin down. It is often a by-word for music that is considered bad by average taste. Check the programmable keyboard punk of Wesley Willis, the tone-deaf warbling of notorious soprano Florence Foster Jenkins or the shambolic attempted pop of The Shaggs (for the curious, The Shaggs are a band of siblings with terrible haircuts and no discernible musical skill who somehow managed to release two albums, e.g., not something that Louis Walsh would be interested in).

This emphasis on poor quality is too narrow. Captain Beefheart pushed boundaries and Daniel Johnston pulled heart strings, but both are archetypal outsiders.

Much as it is often pointed as the defining factor in outsider visual art, mental illness might be the key.

Willis and Johnston, as well as the psychedelic pioneer Syd Barrett, drew inspiration from their struggles with schizophrenia. But most outsiders don’t struggle with such extreme problems, nor is it that any artist with mental illness necessarily makes outsider art. Rather, the two are but a proxy for the overarching trend of these musicians being completely bereft of self-awareness.

Once you make that the decider, it does make the category pretty wide. Suddenly we can factor in Kanye West’s delusions of grandeur as much as Rebecca Black’s autotuned days of the week mnemonic. But most of all, we can welcome every eccentric X Factor audition and contestant to the category.

For all the times I’ve used the word outsider in this piece, I’m not comfortable with it. It implies a patronising sense of otherness that we force onto these people. Why we listen to outsider music, enjoy watching X Factor auditionees of questionable mental stability, or even watch The Room is a mystery. We seem to have a cultural obsession with the bizarre, revelling in a strange embarrassment-by-proxy.

All I can say is that if it is always bound to happen, let’s be nice about it. Approaching these musicians with an open mind, we can encounter an insight into those left behind by modern concepts of normality.

Hell, maybe we could even come out the other side with a sympathetic place in our hearts for these misunderstood, but endearingly genuine individuals scattered across our society. It’s certainly better than exploiting them for ratings, despite what Walsh and Co. will continue to think.

24

MIXTAPE

LYRICALLY BAFFLING SONGS Just beneath the surface of a seemingly normal pop song can hide some pretty bizarre lyrics, writes Caitríona O’Malley ‘Girls and Boys’ - Blur As much as we all love the cheeky Britpop heroes, this track is truly dubious. The tongue-twisting chorus becomes nauseating, with creepy undertones that encourage careless pan-sexuality and dodgy promiscuity.

A catchy hit with a pretty seedy layer.

‘Heart-Shaped Box’ - Nirvana In the canon of lyrics, “I wish I could eat your cancer when you turn black” is possibly the most alarming and disturbing way to confess your fervent admiration of someone. It is of course a great tune, even if the lyrics read like the lost love poetry of Ted Bundy.

‘Come on Eileen’ Dexy’s Midnight Runners In this 1983 rush of pop, Kevin Rowland shamelessly admits to harbouring ‘dirty’ thoughts of Eileen.

This sleaziness is not an ideal way to woo someone. It’s not clear where exactly Eileen is supposed to come to, but a future of restraining orders and witness protection programmes surely beckons.

‘Hysteria’ - Muse Matt Bellamy has a fondness for bizarre lyrics. “I’m endlessly caving in/ And turning inside out,” he croons - a horrific scenario for even the most skilled contortionist. It conjures up images of a body simultaneously collapsing and inverting. Eli Roth couldn’t make this stuff up.

‘Crying Lightning’ - Arctic Monkeys The Sheffield band’s 2009 single is peppered with confusing lyrics. Alex Turner seemingly sees the sexual appeal of someone munching on pick ‘n’ mix, which is not normally known for its seductive nature. No one may ever know what an ‘icky man’ is, and we’re not sure we want to.

‘Careless Whisper’ - George Michael George Michael wails that his “guilty feet have got no rhythm”. Us normal folk question whether feet are capable of feelings of guilt. Don’t blame the feet, George.

‘The Caterpillar’ - The Cure A puzzling one from he of the imaginatively applied lipstick and friends. This “caterpillar girl” is a vague term. Maybe she’s small and furry.

Perhaps she crawls slowly along the ground. Are there insect/Robert Smith relations afoot? Almost certainly.

‘Wisemen’ - James Blunt James Blunt’s 2005 number imagines the biblical Wise Men as dope-smoking layabouts, lounging by the sea. So, probably more interested in having deep late-night discussions about the stars than in following anything to Bethlehem.

‘Grace Kelly’ - Mika The lyrics of the chorus are so highpitched as to be almost incoherent. We can only make out something about being violet sky, brown, blue and purple. It’s more like a description of severe bruising.

‘Bones’ - The Killers Brandon Flowers sings of a grotesque courtship. The references to boneon-bone connection hint at skeletons behaving saucily (the video confirms this). Oh, won’t somebody please think of the skeletal children!

‘99 Red Balloons’ - Nena A one-hit-wonder from the eighties that employs the underappreciated verb “super-scurry”. It apparently has some political undercurrent, but really, is just hyperactive nonsense about helium filled plastic. Altogether now, and with gusto! “Ninety-nine red balloons/Floating in the summer sky.”

MUSIC OTWO

Show Patrol November 1st

Another Honest Jon’s Chop Up – Vicar Street – 7.30pm €46.55 Ben Howard – The Sugar Club – 7.30pm - €13

Gig of the Fortnight

Red Hot Chili Peppers November 4th - The O2 - €65.45 Having released I’m With You two months ago, after a five-year long break, Red Hot Chili Peppers are back. The rockers are coming to the O2 this fortnight, though if you haven’t got your tickets already, tough luck. There were no surprises when the band sold out the gig in seconds.

Expect to hear new tracks such as ‘The Adventures of Rain Dance Maggie’ and ‘Monarchy of Roses’, as well as some muchloved, chart-topping oldies like ‘Can’t Stop’ and ‘Californication’. Otwo can’t promise all of your favourites but it’s bound to be one hell of a night.

November 2nd Benjamin Francis Leftwich – The Sugar Club – 8.00pm - €15

November 3rd

Eilen Jewell – The Sugar Club 7.30pm - €25 Markéta Irglová – Pepper Canister Church – 7.30pm - €20 The Pigeon Detectives Academy 2 – 7.30pm €18.50

November 4th

Red Hot Chili Peppers The O2 – 6.30pm - €65.45

Adam Cohen – Crawdaddy – 8pm - €14 Bronagh Gallagher – Whelans - 8.00pm €12.50 Ed Sheeran – Vicar Street – 8.30pm - € 17.50

November 5th Hail of Bullets – The Pint – 7.00pm - €20 Ryan Sheridan – The Academy – 7pm - €15 Azari and III – Crawdaddy – 11pm - €10

November 6th Steve Earle & the Dukes (And the Dutchesses) – Olympia Theatre 7.30pm - €44.50 The Airborne Toxic Event – The Academy – 7.30pm - €18

November 7th Katy Perry – The O2 – 6.30pm - €39.20 Boyce Avenue – Olympia Theatre – 7.30pm - €25

November 8th Katy Perry – The O2 6.30pm - €39.20 Turisas & Devin Townsend Project The Academy – 7.00pm - €23.50

November 9th

Manowar – Academy – 7pm €51.65 Stephen Malkmus & the Jicks – The Button Factory – 7.30pm - €20 Tori Amos Grand Canal Theatre 7.30pm - €39.20€49.50

November 10th Throwing Muses – The Academy – 7.00pm - €24.90 The Webb Sisters – The Sugar Club – 7.30pm - €20

November 11th

Hyro Da Hero – Academy 2 – 6pm - €12.50 The Sisters of Mercy Olympia Theatre – 7.00pm - €33

Dave Clarke – The Village – 11.00pm - €14

November 12th

Twin Sister – The Grand Social – 8.00pm - €14.50 Wiz Khalifa – Olympia Theatre – 7pm - €29 The Saw Doctors – The Academy – 7.15pm - €30 Cheerio’s Childline Concert – The O2 – 7.30pm- €45

November 13th Fountains of Wayne – The Academy – 7.00pm - €18 The Naked and Famous – Olympia Theatre – 7.30pm - €25 Roisin O – Whelan’s – 8.00pm - €12 St. Vincent – The Button Factory – 8.00pm - €15

November 14th

William Fitzsimmons Crawdaddy – 8pm - €13

by Mante Romoskaite

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25

OTWO

ATTEMPTS...

Occupying the SU While ‘Occupy’ protests have taken place across the globe, Belfield has been anything but devoid of revolutionary action. Our resident insurgent Cormac Duffy gives an insight into UCD’s own rebellion

“We had but one demand, the abolition of a hierarchically organised system of student government, and the establishment of a grassrootsbased co-operative authority, run by the collaboration of representatives of all the strata of our institution, all bound to the principle of ‘from each according to their ability, to each according to their needs’.”

T

here is a spectre haunting the world. That spectre is people sitting in tents outside symbolic buildings. All across the globe, the intellectual left, having realised that the ninety-nine per cent they represent are too stupid to step out of a false consciousness and realise that we know what is best for them, are forming a very lazy vanguard. Having seen the Arab Spring spread across the Middle East, westerners felt that it was their time too. I don’t know about you, but I’m certainly happy that we’ll always have people who think that the plight of those living in horrendous dictatorships can be in any way compared to our lives.

Occupy Wall St. began as a legitimate protest about the socialisation of losses and 26

the privatisation of gains, as well as the lack action. Thus the seeds of the revolution were of a basic social infrastructure in the United planted, and it soon grew into the ‘Occupy the States, but Occupy Everything has spiralled SU’ campaign. onto the global sphere. On the homefront, a We had but one demand, the abolition of commune in front of the Central Bank has a hierarchically organised system of student been making its voice heard. By picking the government, and the establishment of a building that represents an honest, if flawed, grassroots-based co-operative authority, run by attempt to regulate the horrors of unfettered the collaboration of representatives of all the financial capitalism, they are clearly voicing strata of our institution, all bound to the principle their support for an extreme Laissez-Faire of “from each according to their ability, to each policy. Or their opposition to the financial according to their needs”. We realised quickly intermediation that is the cornerstone of our “The Man” (and one woman) would be unlikely civilisation. I’d say there’s something about the to bring about their own demise, so we drafted a EU-IMF bailout there too. Or maybe they just substitute list of mini-demands. like tents and signs. I’m really not sure actually.

Included were that Pat de Brún must tell each Either way, Otwo knew we wanted in on the of us that our hair looks really nice at least once

OTWO

“We struck when the guard was down, taking the SU corridor during lunch.

The printer was occupied, as was the bathroom.” a week. When we have a cold, Sam Geoghegan graced Dame St.’s should do our exams for us, and not question commune. Needless how bad our cold actually is. Good government to say a similar musical is all about trust and so Brendan Lacey’s duty to backing was essential us is no less than making sure that our message for us. We brought reaches the state government. Thus we implored in a laptop that we him to provide every UCD student with a tuxedo were informed was for the upcoming anti-fees march. That would manufactured in the make those fascist thugs on Kildare St. take us best conditions by the super seriously. And the most important issue Democratic East Laos fell on our humble Ents officer. LMFAO must Labour party, or DELL, be moved to O’Reilly Hall so that we can all and we constructed attend, and any turnover made on the event must our playlist of be funnelled back into shuffling lessons for the r e v o l u t i o n a r y proletarian masses of Belfield. numbers; Public Soon our preparation efforts were Enemy, Rage Against concentrated on the ancient art of sign-making. the Machine and a The purpose of sign-making is to condense the filthy dubstep remix of tenets of our movement’s philosophy into a ‘The Internationale’. phrase short enough to fit on an A3 placard. Our We made space for core belief that the alienating forces of a pseudo- your man, you know, democratic state founded on the base ideal of your man that sang ‘War, what is it good for?’ It protection of the economic elites must be stopped was a pressing question with an obvious answer: was embodied by “No!”. The call for a global class absolutely nothing, except assisting the popular struggle became “Moar!” Most intrinsically, the overthrow of autocracies and humanitarian means by which the structure of the neo-liberal intervention when it is requested by those on the system sets the circumstances in which our ideas ground and not a pretence for regime-building. are formed meant that we could not but declare We obviously included ‘Do You Hear the People “I’m angry for some reason!”.

Sing?’ from Les Mis, because much like Emma Searching for a tent to use as a headquarters Goldman’s revolution ‘required dancing’, and Gil was next on the agenda. I contacted an anarcho- Scott-Heron’s ‘would not be televised’, ours was syndicalist pavilion production company, but going to be the teensiest bit camp. then realised that there was no such thing. So we Our standard, our anthem, the one tune to went for the next best thing, a children’s pop-up empower us above all else, however, was S Club tent from Argos. Even though the instructions N’s (Where N is a random variable that may or said suitable for two children, we were using it to may not show up to Cheesefest) ‘Bring it All Back’. house five revolutionaries. Another blow to the Why this particular ode? Because we would prescriptive hegemony! not stop, we would never give up.

We struck when the guard was down, taking We would hold our heads high the SU corridor during lunch. The printer was and reach the top. And all the occupied, as was the bathroom. Their antioppression that the late-capitalist protest walls would not yield to the valiant efforts system of student government of our sellotape, but rations of blue tack provided brought to us, we would bring it all by rogue elements of the Union soon left us in back to them. prime position. Posters covered the walls, and we raised our red flag, which was most definitely not a t-shirt on a curtain rod.

Occupy Wall St. got musical support from cult legend Jeff Mangum, and Billy Bragg

The occupation was going strong. How could it not start strong when it was really just sitting down holding paper? But our numbers were small.

To claim to represent the ninety-nine per cent felt a bit disingenuous when we made up roughly a thousandth of a percent. We decided that a march was needed. Not wanting to leave our camp deserted, we folded it up and carried it with us. As we marched through the Student Centre, the response was bemused at best. The masses were not taking us seriously. In fact they all seem pretty content with the current functioning of the SU. Did we have it wrong? Was our movement deluded? Even after a dramatic raising of our flag over the Kiosk, the response was muted. I began to worry. But then I remembered that everyone was in a false consciousness. A true revolutionary knows to never to question his own opinions.

Despite my unwavering devotion to the cause, the movement became weakened. We had forgotten to bring food rations, and our members began to leave for the greasy glow of Café Brava.

The SU functioned as normal, the occupation being too polite to get in their way. I lacked the upper body strength and the patience for armed insurrection, while the SU seemed all too willing to open pellet gun fire on us for their own amusement.

So we caved, leaving the premises with our tails between our legs. I like to believe that our revolutionary spirit will live on. Just as the Russian Revolution employed the spirit of the Paris Commune, or the student marches manage to pay tribute to ’68 without having a clue what ’68 was, maybe someone will follow in our footsteps. If they do, there is but one message I can pass on as fellow traveller; get a real tent.

Viva la Revolution!

27

OTWO

WHAT CELEBRITY WOULD YOU LIKE TO GIVE A TALK IN UCD AND WHY?

ORDINARY LEVEL

“Martin Sheen. He’s amazing!

He’s been through so much, he’s so knowledgeable ... He’s really Catholic now.”

Elisabeth Kirwan 1st Year, History and English

“Johnny Depp. I love him, just love him. Not just for acting, he’s a talented musician. Also, he’s kind of a sexy person.”

Yu Cong Lyn Final Year, Bcomm

“Daniel Radcliffe or Justin Bieber ... The second one was for the laugh, the first one would actually be pretty interesting” Adam Lee, 3rd Year Engineering

“Rihanna, because, well ...

No actually, I don’t like her at all. Dara O’Briain.”

Chloe Fitzpatrick 2nd Year Radiography

28

“Ash Ketchum, from Pokemon.

Because I want to be the very best, that no-one ever was.”

Ryan Cunningham Stage X, Science

by Jon Hozier-Byrne