University Observer Volume XVIII - Otwo Issue 2

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Rubberbandits | Republic of Loose | Ghostpoet | Racism

in Fashion

A SH OTWO talks to Tim Wheeler

4th October 2011 Issue II Volume XVIII

OTWO

The Arts & Culture Supplement of the University Observer

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contents Page 3 – Regulars

Alison Lee gives out about the redundancy of yet another period drama in Soapbox, while George Morahan swoons over Ryan Gosling and yet is distinctly unimpressed by Carlos Tevez in What’s Hot, What’s Not.

Page 4 - Spiritual & Gender-related Advice Mittens is trippin’ a little this week, but her predictions will clearly be as entirely accurate as always. Meanwhile our postwar columnist, Dixon Coltrane, tackles another question from the boys of UCD.

Letter from the Editors

Page 5 – What’s On

Andrew Hines tells us all about what’s going on during the Dublin Theatre Festival over the next two weeks, while Cormac Duffy lets you in on the highlight of the Irish indie-music calander, the Hard Working Class Heroes festival.

Page 6 – Fashion

Sophie Lioe shows you how to incorporate the androgyny trend into your wardrobe, while Lorraine Haigney considers the presence of racism in fashion today.

Page 9 – Food

Ethan Troy-Barnes suggests some delicious alternatives to leftover pizza the morning after the night before, and Elaine Lavery tells you just what a simple recipe could do for your love life.

Issue 2 - Rising From the Ash Like a Horse Outside

Page 10 – Travel

Oh hai,

There were more bantz than ever in Bratislava when Emer Sugrue went to visit. Colm O’Grada stayed closer to home in Dingle, Co. Kerry and Westley Barnes gives us the lowdown on the Berlin Film Museum.

Page 12 – Games & Technology

Driver: San Francisco and Gears of War 3 get the once over in our Games review section, while Cormac Duffy takes a look at Björk’s new app-album.

Page 14 – Cover Feature

George Morahan catches up with Tim Wheeler of Ash to talk about the band’s nineteen years in music and their adventures living on the outside of the industry.

Page 16 – Film & TV

Red State, Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark and What’s Your Number? all come under our critical eye this issue, while Dermot O’Rourke takes a look at Kevin Smith’s career in our film feature. This week’s Fatal Fourway decides the greatest TV show that was cancelled before its time.

Page 20 – Music

Otwo speaks to Enter Shikari, Republic of Loose and Ghostpoet, while regulars like CD reviews and Show Patrol survived the jump from issue one to two. Meanwhile, our resident music god, Cormac Duffy lays down the hipster law in his new column, while Mark Malone takes us through some of the songs being played far too publicly on your bus journey home in Mixtape.

Elsewhere, Dave Moloney ‘interviews’ the Rubberbandits.

Page 26 – Otwo Attempts

If you weren’t lucky enough to have been approached by Philip Bidnit, who was selling bottles of Otwo’s first scent, L’Eau Two last week on campus, don’t worry, as the entire experience is documented in this issue.

Page 28 – Ordinary Level

Edwin Sammon is a very funny man, but he’s getting his intelligence tested by re-sitting the Ordinary Level exam.

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Welcome to issue two of Otwo! We’re already a third of the way into the semester, and all those nice introductory lectures are almost a distant memory by now. Essay-season is fast approaching and while the sun may have kept you entertained and out of the library last week, this week we’ve got twenty-eight jam-packed pages to make sure you’re kept suitably amused.

Ash grace the cover this issue as we sit down for the mad chatz with the band’s guitarist and vocalist, Tim Wheeler, about all their latest escapades and how they’re still ‘a thing’ almost twenty years on.

In Fashion, we take a look at the prevalence of racism in the world of modelling today, and bring some androgyny to UCD in the lovely spread.

Food offers some ideas for some tasty relief from nasty hangovers along with a recipe for a cosy night in. Travel takes us all the way to Bratislava and back to Dingle, with just a small stopover in Berlin. Hold tight.

Our still rather shiny and new Games section offers up another two new releases reviewed for your perusal, and we take a look at Björk’s latest innovative release. She’s mad for the technology, so she is.

We’re all over Kevin Smith’s career this issue, in light of his latest film, Red State, which gets the once over in our review section. We fight it

out in Fatal Fourway to finally decide which is the best cancelled TV show, and Top Ten brings you film’s creepiest children.

Music is lookin’ well this week with interviews with Ghostpoet, Enter Shikari and Republic of Loose and our new column, The Duffington Post, contains just the right amount of hipster. Probably. Meanwhile, Mixtape offers you a playlist that’ll definitely help you make friends on your bus journey home. Almost certainly. Elsewhere, the Rubberbandits kidnap one of our intrepid reporters and drive him around Dublin city, dealing with his questions in their own unique style (ie. not answering his questions).

We noticed the weather was making for stuffy lecture theatres and an obvious need for a ‘shower regularly’ rule. The clearly way to remedy this was to give one man the job to create a perfume, and sell it around campus – his resounding success is documented in this week’s Attempts. Stuck back in school, however, Edwin Sammon comes by to answer our Ordinary Level questions.

And finally, if you’re still avoiding looking at Blackboard once you’ve finished reading everything Otwo has to offer, do check out the Theatre Festival and Hard Working Class Heroes both happening around Dublin this fortnight. xoxo Aoife and Gossip George

ENOUGH DRAMA. PE

RIOD.

WHAT’S HOT AND WHAT’S NOT

WHAT’S HOT

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soapbox

The arrival of Jayne Eyre on the big screen has excited plenty of period drama fans, but for Alison Lee it’s just another two-hour waste of her time

Community and Parks and Recreation:

America’s two best comedies are back on your Internet telly box, and the denizens of Pawnee and Greendale are sure to have you desperately trying to suppress your giggles at the back of Friday morning lectures. Watch out for added Michael K. Williams (The Wire, *ahem* Trapped in the Closet).

Ryan Gosling:

The dude is everywhere. Drive looks to be a great film in that Taxi Driver mould and he’s easily crossing into the mainstream with Crazy, Stupid, Love and the upcoming The Ides of March, also starring George Clooney.

His star is on the rise.

Drake:

Drizzy was already on our good side with the recent releases of strong efforts such as ‘I’m on One’, ‘Headlines’ and the sublime ‘Marvin’s Room’, but then he went a revealed himself as a FIFA 12 fan. What a man.

Brava’s Chicken Tenders:

As the fast food joint closest to the ‘Windowless Office of Doom’ ©, we are frequent customers of the Café Brava and Otwo was overjoyed to see that with the new college year came the return of their old-school chicken tenders. Oh, we’ve most definitely missed you.

WHAT’S NOT Mark Zuckerberg:

Multi-billionaire gets bored, decides to dick around with Facebook in cry for attention. Otwo should set the Winkelvii on him.

Deluxe Reissues:

Otwo is aware that the music industry is in trouble and that they need to milk their sacred cows for all they’re worth, but we need not be reminded of Nevermind’s (or any other classic album’s) greatness, and we definitely don’t need seven alternate versions of ‘Territorial Pissings’.

Carlos Tévez:

The selfish mercenary has proven his detractors right, once and for all. Fans from the red and blue sides of Manchester will rejoice when he finally leaves.

The University Times:

You should have gone to UCD? Please, stay away. We thought you were better than that, UT.

by George Morahan

Jane Eyre has been out in cinemas for a while now, and despite the charms of the amusingly-named Michael Fassbender (tee hee), I’ve resisted the urge to go and see it. Why? Because I’ve seen it already.

I’ve sat through at least half a dozen period dramas over the last few years and let’s face it; this genre is the cinematic equivalent of a digestive biscuit dry and unoriginal but inexplicably comforting.

Here in no particular order, are a few things you might “miss out on” by skipping Jane Eyre: Panning shots of bleak moorland suspiciously reminiscent of County Wicklow, because it generally is County Wicklow. Women in dresses that make them look eight months pregnant. Judi Dench playing an interfering old cow. Somebody fainting in a storm. A stubbly man on horseback rescuing said swooning damsel. Sound familiar?

The mind boggles at how such a blatantly repetitive movie genre remains a magnet for highprofile directors and actors. For example; Ang Lee directed Sense and Sensibility, which featured the impressive acting skills of Emma Thompson and the chocolate-voiced Alan Rickman. Then again, the lift that such gifted folk give period drama is somewhat neutralised by the eternal presence of talentless eye-candy like Hugh Grant or Anne Hathaway. Yet audiences worldwide still flock to see something they’ve seen five or ten times before for another helping of seventeenthcentury guilty pleasures. Is it the repressed sexual tension between the leads that pulls the crowds?

The rugged handsomeness of the lead actors or delicate beauty of the actresses? It’s not the dodgy British accents anyway. This writer’s opinion is that period dramas are glorified chick-flicks that female cinemagoers can happily attend without the shame of being seen buying a ticket for something with a title like What Women Want or She’s Gotta Have It. And why do guys watch period dramas? There are no doubt men out there who have a genuine appreciate for classical literature and derive pleasure from observing the transition from the literary to the cinematographic. There are perhaps even more men out there who derive pleasure from cleavage and girls in bodices.

I suppose we shouldn’t point fingers at Hollywood though. Poor old Ang Lee didn’t come up with the so-called “plots” of these movies. The real culprits are authors like the Brontë sisters and Jane Austen – repressed, sex-starved, middleclass spinsters whose brains were no doubt addled by too much unpasteurised milk and not enough sunlight. Sadly, these women are all dead, or else I’d have a less abstract presence to direct this rant at than the UCD student body. The point is, until someone (possibly Tarantino) produces a 3D chickflick with car chases, drug dealers, and talking dinosaurs, I’m not going to see one and neither 3 should you.

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Mystic Mittens’ feline fortunes Taurus (May 14 – June 21) You’ll soon find out that that free condom from World Contraception Day had a hole in it. Serious awks.

Gemini (June 22 – July 20) You will receive some pretty bad news from a Taurus. Sucks to be you.

By Mystic Mittens It’s week four and Mittens is sick of this semester already. Hell hath no fury like a feline frustrated...

Aries (April 19 – May 13) Mars’ transit means you will win the lottery. The winning numbers are; 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 4 again, and π.

Mr Coltrane, I’ve never been much of a music enthusiast but I have a feeling the concerts my ladyfriend insists on bringing me to aren’t the hippest for a man in his mid twenties. These ‘gigs’ always seem to be devoid of instruments and usually consist of ladies singing with those wire-free microphones or a man playing with his computer. Is this what I, as a male man, should be doing? If not, how should I remedy my musical dillemm-idy? Little joke there.

Regards, Conor Listen here Con-air, Modern music is like a like a woman with narrow hips; entirely useless.

Look at any of the contemporary jams, from Lady Jaja to that exhibitionist that got kicked out of a field; none of them know a trombone from a french horn, and a french horn from a regular horn.

If modern music is one thing, and it is, it’s Communist. If it’s two things, it’s Communist and sexy, and both of those things are deeply wrong. All it amounts to is an under-dressed teenager flapping gums over some

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Cancer (July 21st – August 10) The position of the planets this week will definitely have an effect on something that happens to you.

Leo (August 11 – September 16) Something is probably in retrograde, so celebrate by breaking out those old school report cards.

Virgo (September 17 – October 30) Watch out this week for diseasespreading jam jars. They’re out to get you.

Sagittarius (December 18 – January 20) Consider getting a haircut this week.

You’re looking a lot like a member of 5ive. No, not the hot one.

Libra (October 31 – November 23) They wouldn’t have said it if they didn’t mean it. Just surrender to mediocrity already.

Scorpio (November 24 – November 29) You will encounter a kindly wise man.

Punch him in the face and you will go far.

Ophiuchus (November 30 – December 17) You will never become a real boy.

What you gonna do, cry about it?

Capricorn (January 21 – February 16) Swollen elbows are the best you can hope for this week. Soz bbz.

Aquarius (February 17 – March 11) Someone will try and bite your head, so either wear a helmet or season your scalp regularly.

Pisces (March 12 – April 18) With Saturn’s rings still falling from the sky, you should probably consider looking up. Try not to get squished.

This week, Dixon Coltrane investigates the case of the man who’s girlfriend makes him listen to terrible music.

Leave your questions for the dashing detective on the Dixon Coltrane Facebook page

Dixon Coltrane REAL MEN SMOKE ON AIRPLANES ribbed-up racket. I’m telling you town Con-stable, and nothing says Conny-boy, it’s like my nephew with ‘man’ like a stand-up zoot suit cutting polio; it just won’t stand. a rug, but make sure you don’t make Tell your ladydoll that you’re tak- the trip for biscuits; make sure you ing her out for a night on the town, choose your broad carefully. Some Dixon style. Every Monday night in dames just don’t appreciate romance, the Grand Social there’s the Hep so make sure you don’t toot the Cat Club, a hot spot and no mistake. wrong ringer and end up solo, with Tell her to wear something loose an empty wallet and a dame who with poka-dots and flat shoes, be- pulled the old heel-toe. Only ask the cause you’ll be flippin’ her ’round the dizzy-looker out if they’re wise to dancefloor like two bits in a back- your game; otherwise, you’ll end up alley box job. back at your own crooked joint sockLadies love to be brought out on the ing your own pocket pistol.

Sometimes a man just gotta take charge Con-ical flask, and you can’t do that when you’re stuck listening to some skirt moaning into a wireless or some hip cat scratching on a Turing-table. Puff out your chest, stand up-straight, and go swing that fun-time floozy around like a hotsytotsy carousel with dynamite gams.

That’s the rub, Dixon Coltrane

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MODERN DAY MUSICAL HEROES

The upcoming Hard Working Class Heroes festival is a hotbed of unsigned talent, as Cormac Duffy finds out

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n musical spheres, the word ‘fes- Factory, the Workman’s Club and tival’ conjures an elaborate image the Grand Social), all of which are of mud, tents, alcohol, mud, casu- running simultaneous showcases. al sex, and of course, mud. Merciful- While audiences are subjected to an ly, there is an annual Dublin-based element of speculative hype, with event to remind us that one need everyone trying to determine what not sacrifice the comforts of civi- band could be the next reasonablelised society for the sake of quality sized thing, it’s easy to take it in the Sounds of System Breakdown play HWCH on October 6th music. Hard Working Class Heroes here and now. A densely packed un(HWCH) will be taking over the derground of music exists in Ireland, fer a suggestion to those unfamiliar to encounter as your career develops.” city centre on the nights of October and much of it bypasses us before we with the acts however, advising that The keynote panel, ‘The Free Agenda’ 6th, 7th and 8th in order to showcase have the chance to really take it in. they check out the curated show- tackles whether or not giving away the best in new Irish music. Speak- The festival gives attendees the priv- cases, where bands performing are free music can be a gateway to success. ing to Otwo, festival director Angela ilege to surround themselves with those selected by journalists as the Given that this year is shaping up to Dorgan explains how “it was set up this music for the weekend. When ‘ones to watch’. be the tipping point for mixtape culto help promote Irish bands in an not playing Dublin’s best venues, The days are also taken up by panel ture online, it’s an apt choice.

Irish music industry context.” Now bands will also be doing daytime gigs discussions from some of the brightWith a full pass costing a bargain in its ninth year, the festival has es- across the city, performing in every- est in the music business, aimed at €45, there’s no excuse for you to miss tablished the esteemed reputation of thing from cafes to furniture shops. new bands looking to get publicity. out on seeing your local musical heroes. being a vital event for both fans and With a line-up of one hundred Talks are being given from concert industry insiders to attend. bands, Otwo ask Dorgan to recom- bookers, festival organisers and mem- Hard Working Class Heroes runs Fans will spend the three nights mend a single act. “That is like ask- bers of the press. As Dorgan puts it, from October 6th to October 8th. hopping between six of Dublin’s ing me who is my favourite child!” it is “information straight from the For the detailed line-up and schedule best venues (including the Button she replies with a laugh. She does of- horse’s mouth from those you need of events, see www.hwch.net

The city’s stages hold a lot in store for adventurous theatre-goers making their way to the Dublin Theatre Festival, writes Andrew Hines

T

he Ulster Bank Dublin Theatre Festival began last Thursday (September 29th) and will continue over the next fortnight, with twenty-eight shows running in twenty-five venues until October 16th. This year’s programme promises to be multi-faceted and diverse, showcasing many in-

Staging Dublin

Dublin Theatre Festival

ternationally recognised directing and acting talents with, of course, a predominant Irish emphasis.

Loughlin Deegan, in his final year as the festival’s Creative Director, has brought a program that is experimental, thought provoking and lively, as he aims to go out on a high note. “I am very proud to present my fifth and final festival programme which includes a particularly strong Irish programme, alongside many international artists and companies whose work I have been endeavouring to bring to Dublin throughout my time as Artistic Director.”

Such international artists include the renowned Dutch director Ivo van Hove, who will present a highly contemporary production of La Voix Humanine, whilst director Lynne Parker will present a new version of Ibsen’s Peer Gynt. In the realm of Irish theatre, Garry Hynes will direct Colm Tóibín’s Testament.

Sinéad Cusack and Ciarán Hinds in Juno and the Paycock

This is the festival’s first new commission in eleven years and will feature the local acting talent of Marie Mullen. The staging of Testament is just one part of a more concerted effort on the part of the festival organisers to encourage and promote Irish theatre.

Given the nationalist history of the Abbey Theatre, it should be no surprise that they’re at the forefront of this re-found commitment to Irish drama; their latest production of Juno and the Paycock features an all-Irish cast. Directed by Howard Davies, this is the forty-fifth production of the Sean O’Casey classic at the Abbey and Fiach Mac Conghail, Director of the Abbey is particularly pleased with the acting talent on show. “I want to welcome Sinéad Cusack and Ciarán Hinds back to the Abbey Theatre. Both are world-class actors and it is a privilege to have them appearing in this production.”

In a rather unique move, the festival is presenting seven shows in non-traditional spaces around Dublin. Organisers feel that “each site-specific production uniquely tells its own story.” Locations vary from a suburban castle to an abandoned guest house in the city centre. So whether you fancy experiencing traditional productions of the works of great Irish dramatists or more modern, experimental fare, you’re sure to see something special.

The Ulster Bank Dublin Theatre Festival runs from September 29th to October 16th. For more information see www.dublintheatrefestival.com.

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OTWO FASHION Angie wears: Shoes · €11 · Penneys Trousers · €17 · Penneys Blouse · €13 · Penneys sas

A Man’s World

A

lexa Chung, Stella Tennant, Agyness Deyn.

These women all portray an image of strength, confidence and power through a certain style and attitude that has become a symbol of their success. That style embraces a sense of androgyny, and their fashion choices are inspirational for millions of women who seek to challenge conventional ideas of femininity and beauty.

Androgynous dressing is something which has always been on the mind of the fashion conscious ever since wartime rationing required them to consider it. This continued through to when Yves

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Maria wears: Shoes · €29.99 · New Look Trousers · €32.99 · New Look Shirt · €24.99 · New Look Jacket · €34.99 · New Look

FASHION OTWO Maria wears: Trousers · €32.99 · New Look Blouse · €32.99 · New Look Blazer · €44.99 · New Look

Angie wears: Trousers · €29.99 · New Look T-shirt · €6 · Penneys Men Blazer · Model’s own sas

Saint Laurent broke barriers with his Le Smoking tuxedo suits in the 60’s, empowering women with his masculine style, and challenging the conventions of sartorial hegemonic femininity. Emphasised by short hair and a boyish figure, androgynous dressing became symbolic of the liberation of women and their newly elevated status in society.

The societal norm had boxed these women into wearing knee-length skirts and pantyhose, but a change in modern thinking required a change of outfit to go with it. Trouser suits became commonplace, and a strong silhouette of sharp lines and tailoring became most desirable.

This desire has remained and gathered momentum, to the extent that androgynous dressing is no longer a novelty; and yet, it still exudes a sense of power and liberation for women to this day. Equality and empowerment represented in a simple outfit sounds ambitious, but that’s exactly what it does. It may seem like a contradiction in itself to argue that a certain way of dressing is required to make this sort of statement - surely actions speak louder than the cut of your jacket? While of course this is true, the importance of how a certain style can emphasise this idea should not be underestimated.

Leandra Medine of the hugely successful fashion blog, manrepeller.com, takes androgynous dressing to a whole new level. Her tongue-incheek approach perfectly encapsulates the degree of significance that an androgynous style can have, but also acknowledges that it isn’t necessarily the best way to attract members of the opposite sex.

This departure from feminine dressing to the extreme may be too much for some of us, but her message to women is loud and clear: If it scares off the men then so be it – just make sure you keep a few around to borrow a jacket or two from.

By Sophie Lioe

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OTWO FASHION

The Diversity of Beauty Racism is an issue that has long been a controversial talking point in the fashion industry, yet it still dominates the catwalk, writes Lorraine Haigney

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n 2008, Italian Vogue, arguably the most influential magazine in fashion, ran an issue featuring solely black models. The underrepresentation of minority models had become a massive talking point and at first glance, this issue seemed like a turning point. It seemed that Vogue had finally acknowledged that their readership wasn’t just made up of white people. Hopes were high that the rest of the industry would follow Vogue’s lead. Three years on from its publication, does the ‘The Black Issue’ hold the same significance that it was lauded with at the time? Has racism in the fashion industry decreased? Well, not by much. ‘The Black Issue’ fell short of altering the industry in any real way and its impact was ultimately muted.

If you’ve ever seen a copy of Vogue you’ll know that advertising takes up nearly half of the magazine. In ‘The Black Issue’ these advertisements mostly featured white women. This inconsistency was indicative of the magazine’s real purpose; it was more of a gimmick than a cry for equal representation.

The inclusion of white models in ‘The Black Issue’ puts forward a question. Why are black women so under-represented in advertising campaigns? Models used in these campaigns have what the fashion world spuriously deems ‘aspirational

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beauty’. Editors argue that these are the images their readers want to see, that the purpose of fashion magazines is to show fantasies and glamour – not to mirror real life.

This type of beauty, by definition, is one that cannot be achieved by the majority of the readers. What editors fail to mention is that their profits are dependent on perpetuating what has been called the ‘white beauty myth’. If the myth is to be believed, physical traits more common in Caucasians are more desirable than those found in other races. It’s incredibly effective in making the majority of female racial minorities feel insecure about their appearance. This insecurity creates a market for extremes such as skin lightening treatments and hair perming that keeps the coffers of the fashion industry bulging.

A number of advertising campaigns that are headed by black women have been scrutinised for excessive use of Photoshop. L’Oreal was at the centre of a scandal in 2008, when their promotional image for a new product featured Beyoncé with strawberry-blonde hair and pale skin.

L’Oreal claimed not to have altered her skin at all but the difference between her usual caramel skin-tone and the pinked-beige one shown in the advertisement was stark. More recently, a ‘before and after’ image

of Kim Kardashian was released. British black model, has commented It showed that her skin had been on this competition. She says that lightened, her bust reduced and her “There aren’t a lot of [black models], bottom and thighs were slimmed but instead of sticking together, down. Though happy to shell out we’re pitted against each other”. millions to these women to front This rivalry isn’t a new issue - Tyra campaigns, the fashion industry is Banks commented on the tension not happy to feature them with their between herself and Naomi Campell, natural skin tones or body shapes. stating that it was caused by the The recent John Galliano scandal, “unwritten rule” that “only one” of in which the head of Dior went on the top supermodels could be black. a drunken anti-Semitic rant while Despite the evidence to the unaware that he was being filmed, contrary, some say that black women also brings the thorny issue of race are getting more representation than into the spotlight. Although not ever, citing up-and-coming stars directly related to the issue of ethnic like Joan Smalls, Chanel Iman or diversity within the modelling and the aforementioned Jourdan Dunn. fashion industry; it brings to public However, in the last three years, the knowledge the presence of racism amount of models from minority within all aspects of this industry groups at New York Fashion week and has acted as a catalyst for the only increased by about three per reassessment and re-evaluation of cent. attitudes towards race in fashion as Almost 85 per cent of models a whole. featured on the catwalk were Racism doesn’t just affect white. It’s clear that balance in the the consumers; different ethnic representation of all races is not groups within the industry face coming quickly. discrimination too. Model Renee In upholding a beauty standard Thompson claims that the industry that is narrower than the hips of is “blatantly racist” and says she has a Vogue cover model, the fashion seen the direction that “no black industry is alienating more women girls [are] allowed” at castings. It’s than it is embracing. The models and common knowledge that becoming consumers are becoming aware of a successful model is difficult, but this now more than ever and they are the competition among models from demanding swift change. Whether minority groups is fierce. Jourdan the fashion industry is willing to Dunn, an established and successful facilitate this is yet to be seen.

FOOD OTWO

WHAT TO EAT THE MORNING AFTER THE NIGHT BEFORE: an alcohol lover's guide Like the odd tipple but not as fond of the consequences? Ethan Troy-Barnes explains how to remedy your hangover, the edible way

NOM NOM NOM

with Elaine Lavery

First Date Dinners

P

icture, if you will, one of those mornings. You’ve had a few too many the night before – as always, the mark of a good time had. By now, the sun has risen, and it burns.

Your skin crawls. Your head is fuzzy and you simply don’t feel right. You need something to make it all better.

You need food. But what kind of food?

There’s so much to choose from, and your mental faculties aren’t in any state to start making executive decisions. You’re in luck: Otwo is here to take the thinking out of the equation. First things first, work out what kind of hangover you have. Then, and only then, can you banish your post-bladdered woes.

We’ll start with a classic – the ‘I need grease!’ hangover. Sometimes, filth is the only answer. You’ve had a rough night, and you yearn for a (un)healthy dose of fat to make everything right.

A greasy breakfast roll is a good start – Otwo’s one-step recipe reads: “fry preferred breakfast stuff and add to roll.” Cheese on toast is also a good option – emphasis on the cheese, of course. To makes things really decadent, flash-fry some pieces of smoky bacon and sliced scallions first, mix in with some grated Cheddar and a dollop of crème fraiche, then spread this on some toast and grill to perfection.

For those of you with a sweet tooth, Otwo suggests a mug brownie. If you’ve not heard of this already, it’s essentially chocolate cake in a cup, and for those of us a shade too incapacitated for proper baking, it’s perfect for a hangover. Googling ‘Instructables Chocolate Brownie’ should lead you to the recipe and it will literally be the easiest cake you’ve ever made. It only takes about a minute to cook so it’s crucial to

check it every few seconds to prevent ending up with a dried-out sponge – not the most pleasant when your tongue already feels like a Brillo Pad. When it comes to hangovers, however, this writer’s preference is the ‘all-day breakfast’. Here, you decide the day-after-the-night-before is best spent wallowing in your own agony and self-pity. The day can take many forms, but the objective must be opulence. Raid the Tesco reduced isle and include all your usual fried fare, all slathered in butter and accompanied by copious amounts of tea and juice.

If it’s sunny, compound the luxury and take your breakfast outside, picnic-style, and commence eating until all that’s left is the vine of a fried tomato. Passers-by may look on in disgust, but this option is still highly recommended.

But what if last night was the latest in a string of assaults on your liver, and you have made the inevitable decision never to drink again? You need something to absolve last night’s guilt and make you feel like the sun once again shines out of your proverbial. In this case, some form of juice or smoothie is the recommended option. Most of you are probably unlikely to own a juicer, but if you keep an eye on eBay, you might be lucky enough to nab yourself one at a knocked-down price. Juice some carrots, celery and oranges for the perfect detoxification tonic – not only will this stuff you full of all the beautiful vitamins and minerals that you need so sorely, but the sharp taste of such a zingy concoction is likely to blow any gustatory memory of last night to kingdom come.

To summarise, the golden rule: grease, chocolate, fluids and lots of lively fruit and veg. Happy hangovers!

The way to a man’s heart is said to be through his stomach, but Elaine Lavery explains how it could also be the way to a woman’s

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ne thing should have become clear to you fresher boys by now; behind the layers of fake-tan, caked-on make-up and birds’ nest hair, we D4 girls do not live up to our slapper-inspired image and, despite your best efforts, you are no Usher on the dance floor.

But luckily for you, you’ve just landed yourself a new pad with no parents, so there’s no need to march up and down Harcourt Street of a Monday night in desperation. It’s time to impress the ladies at home by showing off your better-than-Jamie-Oliver knife skills. “But alas, I cannot cook” I hear you cry. Not to worry, help is at hand with this cheap and easy recipe (no pun intended) – no expensive cuts of meat or whizz-kid Heston techniques in sight. By the time your flatmate stumbles in, alone, after his night out, you will have reaped the dividends from maximising your deserted pad’s potential for the night. Fact.

Honeyed Pork Chops (serves 2) 1 small onion 2 tablespoons honey 2 tablespoons white wine vinegar Worcestershire sauce 2 thick pork chops Salt Heat the grill. Finely chop the onion and place in a small saucepan with the honey, vinegar and a dash of Worcestershire sauce. Heat until the honey melts. Rub the chops with salt and place them on a shallow ovenproof dish that will fit your vgrill-pan. Pour the honey sauce over the chops and grill under a medium heat for about 10 minutes each side, basting with the sauce regularly. Serve with the remaining juices poured over, alongside some boiled baby potatoes and a nice green salad dressed with oil, mustard and vinegar.

For those of you who really can’t cook, this dish never fails to impress. Once you get it down pat, you can rightfully claim that you can cook. You will never need to expand your repertoire, and with this as your ‘token dinner’, you will be sorted in the kitchen for life. Honestly, it’s that good.

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OTWO TRAVEL

HIDDEN GEM

DEUTSCHE KINEMATHEK (FILM MUSEUM), BERLIN

Calling all holidaying film buffs – Westley Barnes tempts the culturally-minded with a glimpse inside the doors of Berlin’s premier film museum

Jewel in the Crown Second in our series on Irish holiday destinations, Colm O’Grada goes further west to look at what the Kingdom has to offer

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ocated at Potsdamer Platz, Deutsche Kinemathek is Germany’s premier film museum and archive. A tour of the museum offers a chance to experience how ground-breaking German cinema was at its height during the 1920’s and 30’s, and how the country continues to remain an innovating and exciting force within world cinema. In its heyday, the film studios of Berlin’s Universum Film AG (UFA) gave us the vampire in Nosferatu (F.W. Murnau, 1922), the first shot of that eternally recurring feminine fashion statement that was Louise Brooks’ bob hairstyle in Diary of a Lost Girl (1929), and the technological advantages and terrors perpetuated in the science fiction’s cityscape in Metropolis (Fritz Lang, 1927).

Displayed across three floors are the original set designs, posters, archive footage and director’s opinions on these many ground-breaking films.

Each room includes massive screens where the viewer is given a chance to witness the films in all their restored glory. The propaganda section is particularly thought-provoking, revealing insights from the era of Goebbels’s policy on German cinema. UFA decline during the Nazi era was brought about by both the forced emigration of its greatest directors, as well as German cinema’s brightest leading lady, Marlene Dietrich, to Hollywood, as well as the ruthless artistic censorship enforced on the technicians who stayed.

The third floor of the museum is dedicated to contemporary German cinema, from the 1970’s New Wave films of famed directors such as Werner Herzog and Wim Wenders, to more recent successes such as Run Lola Run (1998) the Oscar-winning The Lives of Others (2007) and the hugely impressive historical biopic The Baader Meinhof Complex (2008).

A must for any cinema lover visiting Berlin, the museum is a fine example of how the arts can provide something inspiring even during a nation’s darkest era and within a city’s most alarmingly expansive districts.

Admission is only €6.50 for a day ticket and the Museum is open on public holidays. The fact that it is located in Europe’s most exhilarating cultural capital only strengthens its appeal.

Pictured: Fritz Lang’s Metropolis and 10 Tom Tykwer’s Run Lola Run

ingle's location on a peninsula running west into the Atlantic Ocean gives it unparalleled access to the sea and all that goes with it; surfing at Ventry beach, a trip to the beautiful Blasket Islands, swimming at Wine Strand, Beal Bán or Coumeenoole.

If the thought of bare skin and the Atlantic doesn't work for you however, fear not; Finn McCool's surf shop sells wet suits for all seasons. Within Dingle town itself, boat tours of the harbour, with a chance to catch a glimpse of the famous Fungi the dolphin, are very popular, while the more adventurous visitor might like to give scuba diving a go. If you'd rather avoid the water, the Play At Height centre offers Ireland's highest climbing wall and horse riding is also available in the area.

With all that activity, it’s just as well that there is such a wide choice of food options; a farmer’s market operates weekly with produce from all over the peninsula - great for grabbing something to nibble on while walking around the town.

From award-winning fish and chip shop, Reel Dingle Fish, to Out of the Blue, an upscale seafood restaurant, all budgets are catered for. The Skipper in Ventry comes highly recommended; portions are huge and the mussels are unbeatable. For

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dessert, you’ll find the headquarters of the Irish ice cream phenomenon, Murphy’s, situated near the marina.

The peninsula is a proud Gaeltacht area, so any attempt at speaking Irish is appreciated. Even if it’s restricted to “Dhá Guinness, le do thoil”, the gesture goes a long way.

With over twenty pubs to choose from, after dark is when Dingle really comes alive. The bizarre yet charming Foxy John’s, a pub/DIY shop/newsagent, is worth a visit.

An Droichead Beag is very popular with students earlier in the night, although the final destination for many is the Hillgrove Night Club, situated on the outskirts of the town.

There are plenty of hostels, hotels and self-catering options available in Dingle and the surrounding area, although it is wise to book well in advance during peak season. This is Ireland, so with four seasons in one day being a common occurrence, packing for every eventuality is a smart move. Don’t be afraid of a bit of rain; you won’t melt, and warm fires are standard in the local Kerry pubs.

Buses serve both the Tralee and Killarney train stations. Those traveling by car are encouraged to take the Conor Pass route, weather (and nerves; there are exposed cliffs) permitting, for world-class views on the journey to Dingle.

TRAVELOTWO OTWO TRAVEL

BRATISLAVA

Take a trip to a post-communist wonderland with Emer Sugrue’s guide to Bratislava

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lovakia is often overlooked as a tourist destination in favour of its former other half, the Czech Republic, but it has a lot to offer, especially if you are on a budget. And why would you be reading this if you weren’t?

I knew nothing about the city when I arrived, not even what currency they used, so I was delighted to find that it is in the Eurozone.

The most notable thing about Bratislava is how astoundingly cheap everything is. Drinks cost about one Euro (two if you really go upmarket), and as such, unfortunately, it is a popular stag night destination. This guarantees a good turnout every night of the week, but may be a little intimidating if you are travelling alone. Its popularity is understandable; it is a great place to party. There are a huge variety of pubs and clubs for every possible musical or atmospheric taste and they stay open all night.

It was much more difficult to find food after 3am then it was to find dancing.

The best hostel in Bratislava is the Hostel Blues. It’s not the cheapest you’ll find, around seventeen euro a night but it’s right in the centre and the atmosphere is unbeatable. With the exception of the roving hoards of Liverpudlian stag nights, the people are astoundingly friendly and interesting. The staff were forever recommending restaurants and attractions, lending us books and just generally chatting to us while we sipped our ridiculously cheap beer. There are tra-

ditional restaurants nearby which city, there are free walking tours offer a range of local dishes such offered every day covering various as goulash, Lokše, a type of potato parts of Bratislavan history. pancake, Rezen, breaded pork, and On your tour of the Old Town, Bryndzové halušky, potato dump- keep an eye out for Bratislava’s collings with sheep’s cheese and bacon lection of statues. These are dotted (which is a lot nicer than it sounds). around the city and by all accounts, With a make no s t a r t e r “ The city is a mishmash of ancient castles sense. One and desshows a sert, a and communist concrete drudgery but fat old meal out there are areas of incredible beauty.” m a n will still crawlset you back less than a tenner. ing out of a man-hole, another is a Bratislava has plenty to offer in soldier carved out of huge block of between drinking binges too. The stone, resembling a bit too closely city is a mishmash of ancient castles Han Solo encased in carbonite. The and communist concrete drudgery other must-see is the Slavín, a World but there are areas of incredible War II memorial dedicated to the beauty. The Old Town dates from the Middle Ages and houses museums, churches and various ancient civic buildings interspersed with market places. The museums are interesting but mostly unremarkable, there are far better natural history museums to be seen elsewhere, but one that is worth a look is the clock museum. You have to really like looking at old clocks however, as it’s a long cog-filled day out. One old church is dedicated to an early Christian martyr, and after a short walk around it, I discovered that they still had the man’s corpse.

If you want to get a real feel for the

Soviet soldiers who died liberating the city in 1945. The monument sits on top of a huge hill overlooking the city. It’s a very steep hill, and tough going in the summer’s heat after all those one euro beers, but the view is incredible. The monument and graveyard is beautifully sad and it’s a lovely place to wander around and relax for a day. Another steep walk away is Bratislava Castle. While the original castle dates back to the 10th century, it was destroyed by fire and rebuilt in the 1950s.

Bratislava is a small city, but it has a little bit of everything. If you want nightlife, culture and the experience of a lifetime, it’s just an Easy Jet flight away.

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OTWO GAMES

POWERED BY

REVIEWS STEPPING IT UP A GEAR

DRIVEN MAD Title: Driver: San Francisco Publishers: Ubisoft Developers: Ubisoft Reflections Platforms: Playstation, Xbox 360, Wii, Mac OS X, MS Windows.

Release date: Out now

The makers of Gears of War have lived up to their promise of outdoing themselves with the third instalment of the series, writes Maitiú Mac Seoin Title: Gears of War 3 Publishers: Microsoft Studios Developers: Epic Games Platform: Xbox 360 Release date: Out now ‘‘Bigger, Better and more Baddass’’ was the tagline for the Gears of War 2. Epic Games seems to have taken this idea to heart in the third installment of the franchise.

In Gears of War 3, you fight as a hyperbolically-macho soldier against a tide of subterranean aggressors, known only as the Locust. At the close of the last game, the main character, Marcus Fenix, succeeded in destroying the underground cities of the Locust, but at the cost of collapsing the last remaining human city in the process. At the opening of Gears 3, the scattered remnants of humanity are surviving on boats or in ruined, burnt out cities, and the campaign actually feels like you’re rounding up the last remains of the Locust horde and trying to secure a place for the humans to rebuild.

Visually, the game is stunning; the attention to detail in every shattered window and every bombed-out city street is something to behold. The character’s animations are also smooth and realistic; ducking, jumping, rolling and climbing all look and feel fluid and maintain the physicality we’ve come to expect from the series.

The basic run-and-gun formula of the series has not changed since the first game, but why changes something that works? Running from cover to cover and trying to outflank the enemy is fluid and has a satisfying feel to it. The AI has had a major overhaul; you will often find yourself sneaking up on

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an enemy, only to find that they’ve already snuck up behind you.

The real fun, however, comes from taking your play online.

Competitive multiplayer is always fun, but the best moments come from the other modes, ‘Horde Mode’ - where you and three friends try to hold your ground against increasing waves of enemies - has been refined since the last game. With the addition of ‘Beast Mode’, where you play as one of the Locust, assaulting the dug-in human defenders, Gears of War 3 is one of the most complete gaming packages around. And if you’re not one to be impressed by the added nuance and immersive game-play, there’s a chainsaw on your gun. What’s not to love?

The game is blighted by minor - yet distracting – glitches, but on the whole, these faults do not affect the overall gaming experience. Gears of War 3 is one of the most polished and refined games Otwo has seen in a long time.

After several lacklustre Driver releases, Steven Balbirnie examines whether or not the latest addition can resuscitate the franchise It is hard to imagine that the game with 2011’s most absurdly contrived plot would be a driving game, but the premise for Driver: San Francisco is somehow ridiculous enough to easily claim this accolade.

The main character, Detective John Tanner, ends up comatose within five minutes of being introduced, after a truck driven by the game’s villain hits his car. The rest of the game is played as an out of body experience that takes place while Tanner is in a coma. In this comatose state Tanner has gained the ability to ‘shift’ into the body of any driver in San Francisco; so rather than committing car-jackings á la the GTA series, you effectively play as a ghost who engages in body-jackings to try and track down your assailant. This is clearly a response by the developers to the negative feedback regarding the ‘on foot’ sections of Driv3r, but it still seems ham-fisted.

The game’s dialogue is also among the cheesiest you will ever hear; willpower is bizarrely used as a currency and Tanner’s partner Tobias Jones is an almost offensive African-American stereotype who seems to have difficulty saying sentences without the word ‘damn’ in them. Driver: San Francisco’s narrative faults could per-

haps be overlooked if the game’s mechanics could provide some compensation, but unfortunately they can’t.

For a driving game, the controls for braking and cornering are alarmingly temperamental and imprecise. The omission of guns from this instalment of the franchise is also a strange exclusion.

Despite its many faults, it would be unfair to write Driver: San Francisco off entirely. Ubisoft Reflections have clearly put a lot of effort into its visuals, as facial animations are almost photorealistic, the streets of San Francisco have been intricately recreated in great detail, and it all runs at a decent frame rate. The presence of 120 licensed cars also gives the game a more authentic look.

The soundtrack is decidedly funky, and the game’s references to Bullit and Starsky and Hutch lend it a little charm. While nonsensical, the ‘shift’ dynamic at least has the positive effect of allowing for a greater variety of side missions such as ambulance driving and drag racing.

In the end, Driver: San Francisco is a pretty-looking game but it lacks depth.

GAMES OTWO

interactive music In the build up to Björk’s Biophilia, Cormac Duffy takes a look at the phenomenon that is interactive music

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ast issue, Otwo posited the idea that video games could be considered a legitimate art form, worthy of as much respect as the old guard of literature, music, visual art and film. Now, an upcoming musical release could push the scope of the question to new levels.

We now must ask if interactive music is the next leap forward. orever the innovator, Icelandic polymath icon Björk’s upcoming project Biophilia is the latest chapter in a saga of boundary-pushing work. Musically, it’s built on a suitably forward-thinking foundation of nonconventional tonalities and progressive approaches to time signatures, much of it performed on custombuilt instruments. For all that, the music has been sharing the spotlight with the revolutionary release plan. Biophilia will be released as an app for the iPad and iPod, produced in collaboration with Apple, as well as multiple designers. he album app is a suite housing ten individual applications, one for each track.

They present various ways to hear the music.

Tracks are matched with visualisations that are tied thematically and structurally to the music’s flow and pacing. Also offered are some more benign touches, such as lyrics and sheet music. At a time when music sales are

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down and few remaining fans still appreciate that music needs some source of income to survive, it’s an ingenious way to offer something more for one’s investment.

Touches like this on digital releases could easily become the liner notes of the internet age. f all its features, the most intriguing is that it offers the user the ability to interact with the song itself.

Several of the apps have small ‘games’ that, depending how they are played, affect the song itself, presenting alternate versions.

On ‘Crystalline’, the player guides a crystalcollecting ship through various tunnels.

Different turns cause different sections of the song to play, allowing the user to choose the path it takes. In the ‘Moon’ app, moons are moved through the lunar cycle to shift the pitch of the loops in the song’s background.

As an idea, the interactive element can be met with scepticism.

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t’s all too easy to make the cheap comparison with fantasy novels where one alters the plot by choosing actions and thus different chapters, or even to other simplistic novelty app games. The other way of looking at it is that interaction has the potential to shake up the entire experience of music. or all the work she’s done in bringing about this discussion, Björk’s approach to interaction is not without precedent.

Max Weisel, a prodigy in the field of app design and one of Björk’s plentiful collaborators on Biophilia, designed Sounddrop, an iPod/ iPad application that generates music through a simple set up involving falling balls bouncing off lines drawn by the player. Brian Eno has long been an innovator in the field of detaching the composer from the composition.

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eginning by using randomised processes, he soon began to develop selfgenerating musical works that followed algorithmically determined patterns.

In 2008 he co-created Bloom, an application that turns simple taps of the screen into elaborate, layered ambient compositions. Japanese video game designer Tetsuya Mizuguchi is the brains behind Rez and Child of Eden, two sci-fi games in which target shooting causes certain notes and tones to sound. The games are famed for being a deeply immersive experience that draws the player in through synesthesia, wherein sounds become heavily associated in the mind with visual images, the experience crossing senses. his interactive approach to music is radical, very much outside our common understanding of the function of music. One possible reason that popular music has never served as the basis for a concrete canon of critical theory, in the manner of literature or film, is its limited nature.

While film and literature can achieve their greatest

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successes when distorting the nature of the subject, narrative, or even using self-reference or fourth-wall-breaking to toy with the idea of art itself, music is a simpler craft. Year on year, the works of music that make the biggest impact are generally confessional works, with the critical norms firmly rooted in the idea that they are the works of a singular, concrete artist who possesses a monopoly on their meaning. nteractive music can give new life to our perceptions of music.

Those who buy the standard audio format of Biophilia will be passive listeners, or at most, somewhat engaged interpreters, but those who pursue the interactive apps are something else.

The term is difficult to pin down; players sounds too frivolous, users too functional, and something more accurate like co-creators sounds too pretentious.

Music excels most when it immerses the listener into a different mindset or environment, and interaction can only extend this. As with any innovation, whether it is art or not will be contentious (let alone whether it is game or music), and whether fans will want music removed from the idea of an authorial composer is still to be seen. Biophilia will test the waters, but it is inevitable that someone will soon pursue its deepest depths.

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OTWO OTWO

Ashes to Ashes Nearly twenty years into his career, Ash’s Tim Wheeler talks to George Morahan about being on the outside, looking in on a crumbling music industry

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t this point, Ash are an institution as much as a band; the Downpatrick three-piece are now all in their mid-thirties and have settled into their role as elder statesmen with grace, if not ease. It helps that they’ve been far removed from the spotlight for the past few years. With the muted reaction to their last album, Twilight of the Innocents, in 2007, they retired to internet obscurity, but are now gearing up to tour Free All Angels – their most popular album and one that boasts anthems such as ‘Burn Baby Burn’ and ‘Shining Light’ – on its ten year anniversary. Singer Tim Wheeler, who had his ALevel results read out on national radio, is used to the pressure.

“We haven’t actually convened at all; the rehearsals start four days before the first show. We found that when we went back to play the whole 1977 album a few years ago, it’s quite easy going back to that, because when you’ve played a record so much in the past, the muscle memory comes back quickly. I think it’ll be quite an easy get together, I’m looking forward to it.”

Though he oozes nonchalance, Wheeler is grateful for the record’s success. “That album really secured our future, because Nu-Clear Sounds, the previous album, hadn’t done very well, so it really helped us to bounce back at a time when a lot of our contemporaries from the mid-nineties weren’t able 14 to. I think songs like ‘Shining

Light’ gave us a future again when things were looking grim.”

A hint of cheerful nostalgia highlights his voice as he reveals what Free All Angels means to him; “I definitely feel my writing was maturing at the time. 1977 has this cool, naïve vibe as we didn’t know what we were doing in the studio, but by the time of Free All Angels we’d figured it out a bit more. We recorded some of it in Van Morrison’s studio in Bath, but most of it was recorded in this mansion in Spain and we had a really amazing time.”

That’s a long way from the dark days of Twilights of the Innocents: a time when Ash were worrying about their commercial survival, disillusioned with an industry that didn’t want them, and scrambling for a life line. The band was determined to retain artistic control over their work and avoid indignity at the hands of their label’s accountants and infertile songwriting sessions with outsiders.

“The label spent a fortune on making the record and we put out two singles before the album came out. The second single [‘Polaris’] wasn’t getting Radio 1 airplay, so they pulled the whole marketing budget of the album and it just came out with a real whimper.

That was quite heartbreaking, because of the sheer amount of work we put into that record. Probably the most work we put into mak-

ing a record, seeing as we selfproduced it. That was hard and convinced me that we needed to strike out on our own.”

They struck out in a big way, committing themselves to releasing a new, exclusively online single every two weeks as part of their A-Z series. It was a reinvigorating experience for the veteran band.

“We were working on stuff as it was coming out; it was exciting getting feedback so quickly. Also, we were playing live, intermittently that whole year, as we were recording, so it was a different experience from recording a whole album and then taking it on the road. It was a very inspired time.”

For all the excitement, however, without the safety net provided by the label infrastructure, Ash’s situation was a lot more uncertain. With the transition of our methods of music consumption from simple monetary transaction to the anarchic and immediate modes of the online free-for-all, there are obvious ramifications for the creators of the music we so wholeheartedly devour. Wheeler has felt the pinch, but overall, the revolution have been liberating for Ash. “Financially, it’s a lot more insecure, but we don’t have to worry about label politics or

the accountants. We don’t have to go through the horror of making a record and not having it released. There’s definitely freedom, but there’s a financial risk that we found scary.” It has also allowed them to expand their palette without label hostility. “There are maybe a few songs that wouldn’t be conventional singles, but the point was to try something different. I think most of it really stands up. And they’re quite diverse songs, which is exciting to me.”

The hype surrounding the A-Z series was purely focused on the method of release rather than the music, which became tiresome for Wheeler and the rest of the band; he calls the series a moderate success. “We got a lot of attention for it and I think it was creatively successful - we wanted it to be full of surprises. We had a lot of confidence in the studio, thanks to working in such concentrated doses. It didn’t really extend beyond our hardcore fan base and I really hoped it would, as you have to aim for those fair-weather fans.”

Having been without industry backing for four years, Wheeler is

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“I’m always reflecting on what’s going on in my life. I definitely wouldn’t write a song like ‘Oh Yeah’ now, it’d just sound wrong”

in a better position than a lot of established artists to comment on the critical blow file-sharing has dealt the music industry. His opinion is a lot more fatalist than one might expect. “It definitely upsets me and even Spotify annoys me. I can understand the new ways, but it’s expensive to make a good-quality record, even with the new technology. I find it hard to accept, but I can see that’s the way the world is going, it seems impossible to reverse at this point. We just have to be economical in the studio and make records as cheaply as possible.

I think people would be shocked as to how much a record can cost,” he says. “It’s nice that people can have all this music, but it’s overwhelming to think that they can have everything. It’s just very hard to make money from recording music these days, but we have to [keep recording], we love to.”

Undertones singer and head of UK Music (the organisation representing the British record indus-

try), Fergal Sharkey’s position on illegal downloading is especially clear, and Ash were able to rope the Undertones and the Divine Comedy into doing an Alzheimer’s benefit gig with them, this November. It’s a cause that means a lot to Wheeler. “My dad had Alzheimer’s - he died in January - so I’ve been living with that for a few years and I’ve spent a lot of time at the hospital and with Alzheimer’s patients. It’s a growing problem and I wanted to do something, as I felt very helpless as my dad grew sicker.

I think the people who work with Alzheimer’s are incredible; they’re just so generous with their spirit, so I wanted to recognise them.

And Neil [Hannon of the Divine Comedy]’s dad also has Alzheimer’s, so he was in straight away.”

They were lucky enough to book the Ulster Hall for Belfast Music Week and the prospect of Ash sharing a stage with Sharkey and the forefathers of northern Irish punk certainly appeals to Wheeler.

“We were already into a lot of alternative music - Pixies, Nirvana - but one of my teachers heard us playing and he gave us a few records

to listen to, one of them being the Undertones’ first record [...] It was great stuff and we recognised how close we were to the Undertones in our sound. I liked the really concise, strong, melodic songs and it was so fast too.”

It’s a pop-punk template that Ash themselves have exploited to great effect, and attempts to evolve beyond it, such as the aforementioned ‘Polaris’, have been roundly ignored. It could be said that their youthful spirit has left them as they’ve matured as people and songwriters, but Wheeler sees no signs of Ash slowing down anytime soon. “I’m in a band with two great guys who are like brothers, who I can trust and rely on.

We started as schoolmates and we’ve been through all sorts of ups and downs. When we get back together it just clicks into place very quickly. We’ve always enjoyed playing round and kept things interesting for ourselves. It’s a strong passion we share equally.”

Formed in 1992, with bassist, Mark Hamilton and drummer, Rick McMurray, Wheeler & Co. have finally gotten around to releasing a definitive ‘Best Of’ collection, and assembling it has allowed them to observe their progression from teenage upstarts to venerable

patriarchs with a different perspective. “Compiling it brought back some old memories, because some of the old tapes were quite hard to find and there were some weird and wacky other versions of tracks that I hadn’t heard in a long time. Those early days were great times; we were still at school, having fun and getting our head around the whole thing.

“We started strongly; a large part of our set is made up of the first eight years of our band. I’m always reflecting on what’s going on in my life, I definitely wouldn’t write a song like ‘Oh Yeah’ now, it’d just sound wrong.”

With the release of The Best of Ash on former label, Warner, Ash have come in from the cold. And now former guitarist Charlotte Hatherley is back in their ranks (for the Free All Angels tour, at least), it seems the band fallen back into old rhythms easily enough. Whether they’ll push on and reach a new creative zenith is doubtful, but their continued existence, through all the mutations of the modern musical landscape, is encouraging. It’s comforting to know that the likes of ‘Orpheus’ and ‘Girl from Mars’ will be played in venues for years to come.

Ash play The Academy on October 18th. Tickets priced at €20.

The Best of Ash is out now.

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OTWO FILM

REVIEWS

RED STATE Title: Red State Director: Kevin Smith Starring: Michael Parks, Melissa Leo, John Goodman Release Date: Out Now

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his is not a Kevin Smith film. At Focusing mainly on the exploits least, not in the sense of what of the Cooper family, a commune we understand a Kevin Smith of Christian fundamentalists, the film to be. Gone are the soft drugs, film tackles weighty topics such as wry observations, dick jokes and mus- the hypocrisy of religious fundamenings on geek culture. Instead we’re talism, the social and political scars offered a heavy social commentary on of 9/11, and the dissolution of the contemporary America in the form of American dream into a piteous sense a genuinely tense and chilling thriller. of entitlement.

Make no mistake, Red State is a draWhen a trio of high school boys matic change of pace. go in search of a sleazy internet

hook-up, they instead find them- (Kill Bill, The Assassination of Jesse selves trapped within the Cooper’s James by the Coward Robert Ford) proFive Point Baptist Church as pun- vides a truly frightening turn as lovishment for their lust. It quickly be- ing patriarch and murderous lunatic, comes apparent to both the boys and Abin Cooper, fluidly switching from the audience alike that the Coopers apocalyptic herald, to average family mean business. With a bunker teem- man, to sociopath, and back again. ing with firearms and an unwaverDespite being radically differing belief that the end is nigh, these ent from anything else in his career, Christian soldiers are determined to Smith’s writing is as sharp here as rid the world of sin, even if it means ever; the pacing is effortless and diabending the sixth commandment to logue, as always, is rich. Though there do so. Following a lead that the fam- are flashes of some comedic relief (alily have been illegally acquiring fire- beit dark), Smith’s focus is predomiarms, John Goodman’s government nantly set on holding a mirror up to agent Joseph Keenan goes to inves- modern-day America and watching it tigate. And then things get biblical. squirm at its own reflection. Not bad If 1997’s Chasing Amy wasn’t for the guy who gave us ‘Pillowpants’. enough proof already, Red State should finally silence the nay-sayers In a Nutshell: Bob breaks his siwho view Smith as nothing more lence and releases an unsettling than a peddler of cheap humour. critique of contemporary AmerAesthetically sparse and stripped- ica. A thriller Smith fans and hatback, Smith has a created a visceral, ers alike can enjoy. and often distressing, picture of small-town America. Michael Parks

by Saoirse Ni Chiaragáin

Title: Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark Director: Troy Nixey Starring: Katie Holmes, Bailee Madison, Guy Pearce Release Date: Out Now

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on’t Be Afraid of the Dark is a re-imagining of the 1970’s TV movie of the same name which enchanted writer Guillermo Del Toro (Pan’s Labyrinth) as a child. On paper, the fantasy horror flick has all the components of a genre classic. It includes the customary autonomous closing of doors, the creaky floorboards, and the haunted mansion that altogether make it one gigantic cliché. Throughout its course the plot also begins to seem more comic than chilling, ultimately struggling to be taken seriously.

The story follows neglected child Sally (Bailee Madison) who is sent to live with her estranged father (Guy Pearce). Sally moves into her father’s new home, which he intends to restore with his interior designer girlfriend (Katie Holmes). Left to her own devices, Sally stumbles upon a secret room which is located in, unsuprisingly, the dark and eerie basement of the mansion. She soon learns that it is inhabited by child eating Gremlin-like creatures. Sally’s world is turned upside down by these monsters, who parallel the upheaval in her own life that she must confront and conquer.

The first half of the film is promising. It plays on the ancient fear of the unknown, which works perfectly in tandem with the aweinspiring set design and cinematography. Obviously, Don’t Be Afraid of the Dark is little more than a love letter to the horror genre from Del Toro and director Troy Nixey, but it works ef-

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DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK fectively, and even thrives in some areas. With an unnerving sense of atmosphere and a strong visual sense running throughout, there’s no doubting Nixey and Del Toro’s credentials as fanboy savants of seventies horror.

However effectively suspenseful the film may be, it’s not long before it goes downhill. It’s at the point when you actually see that these murderous creatures are but five inches tall and could be fought off with a hurley that the hilarity of the story starts to emerge. As director, Nixey is attempting to walk the line between fantasy and

reality and yet gives the audience no strong belief that the film commits to either.

Despite its drawbacks the film is strangely likable. It holds a quality which is only recognisable in the considerable power of the cult movie, at the end of it all the audience leaves the cinema oddly entertained. What more can you ask for?

In a Nutshell: Starts well and then descends into ‘so bad that it’s good’ territory.

by Jordan McMahon

FILM OTWO

WHAT’S YOUR NUMBER?

TOP10 CREEPY CHILDREN

Do you like creepy children? We don’t.

Here’s ten of them, as chosen by Aoife Brophy 10. Kevin McCallister (Home Alone) Kevin, the most resourceful child in movie history, was determined to inflict as much pain as he could on intruders when a simple call to the police would have done. That impossibly biglipped smile of satisfaction never fails to send a shiver down your spine.

9. Gage Creed (Pet Sematary) In this Stephen King adaptation, Gage dies in a car accident, is buried in a cursed cemetery and returns, waxy-skinned and dead-eyed, to kill his family. Vintage Gage.

8. Samara Morgan (The Ring) Possibly a bit annoyed at her father for keeping her in a barn attic, Samara was determined to kill everybody who saw her childhood home videos, because that makes sense.

Title: What’s Your Number?

Director: Mark Mylod Starring: Anna Faris, Chris Evans, Ari Graynor Release Date: Out Now

A

lly Darling (Anna Faris) has of staying single is a damning slept with nineteen men. indictment of lazy writers playing Having just been fired, and up to stereotypes of neurotic and after finding out that ninety-six per status-obsessed woman failing cent of American women who have to see life beyond a glamorous slept with over twenty men never wedding day. find a husband, she gets in a panic.

The film has a superb cast of With a trusty shot of sambuca in comedic male leads (including The hand, she swears off men until she Lonely Island’s Andy Samberg, finds Mr. Right and employs the Community’s Joel McHale and The services of ex-cop, neighbour and Office’s Martin Freeman), all of general man-whore Colin (played whom are criminally underused and

by Captain America himself, Chris will be sure to wipe this monstrosity Evans) to help her track down from their respective résumés. Any all her ex-boyfriends in the hope of the aforementioned actors would that one of them is now suitable be an upgrade from Chris Evans, marriage material. who, despite having shown comedic There aren’t a lot of positives chops in the past, comes across as about this film. The script is dire; stiff and generally detestable. This every plot point is completely dull role pretty much drains the reservoir and predictable to the last. The of goodwill he built through acting is mediocre, with Faris and commendable work in Captain Evans showing very little chemistry America: The First Avenger and Scott together, and they are not helped Pilgrim vs. the World. by the lack of credibly funny lines.

The plot is completely contrived, On a subtextual level, the film a desperate framing device for a seems to respond to the post- story that has been retold countless feminist narratives of the likes times in many romantic comedies. of Sex and the City 2 and other While there’s an audience for such equally dreadful fare, and as such, mind-numbing fare, What’s Your comes across as almost antiquated Number? shows little to no ambition in both its overall message and beyond getting them from A to B. the overdone genre the piece is trying to emulate. What might In a Nutshell: Give this film a have been a clever subversion on fake number and make sure it’s modern sexual politics reverts to one digit too short as well, just in a sexually moralising abstinence case. narrative. The very fact that Ally has a meltdown at the prospect

by Emmet McNamee

7. The Grady Twins (The Shining) Their infamous line, “Come play with us Danny, forever and ever and ever,” is one of the most eerie quotes in the movie, and possibly of any horror movie ever. Stephen King seems to have a thing for creepy children.

6. Dalton Lambert (Insidious) After not heeding proper ladder procedure at his FÁS Safe Pass course, Dalton slips into a coma, where he becomes a vessel for a vengeful demon.

That is exactly why FÁS has these procedures in place.

5. Damian (The Omen) Damian was, among other things, responsible for the suicide of his nanny at the age of five and the impaling of a priest. He also the only child in the history of cinema to make a tricycle menacing.

4. Regan MacNeil (The Exorcist) Is her ability to spider-walk down the stairs, turn her head 360° and pale complexion not a turn-on for anybody else?

3. Young Mike Myers (Halloween) The young Mike was damningly described as: “with this blank, pale, emotionless face and the blackest eyes... I realised what was living behind that boy’s eyes was purely and simply... evil”. He was six years old at the time.

2. Cole Sear (The Sixth Sense) Deemed too creepy by society, Cole is forced to hang out with imaginary friends, and they don’t even like him.

1. All the children (Children of the Corn) A cult of children killing all the adults in a town for sacrifice, this film is an adaptation of; you’ve guessed it, a Stephen King novel. The man has some serious unresolved childhood issues.

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OTWO FILM

In Memoriam: The Career of Kevin Smith With the recent release of Kevin Smith’s penultimate film, Red State, Dermot O’Rourke looks back on Smith’s career and examines why he has decided to step down from filmmaking

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After Clerks II, Smith closed the book on the t the premiere of his latest film, Red State, at the Sundance Film Festival in January, View Askewniverse and tried to break away Kevin Smith announced that he would from this inertia into a more conventional Holretire after the production of his next film, Hit lywood studio filmmaking style. Although he Somebody. What with various directors retiring had left his roots in the View Askewniverse beall the time, it would be easy not to pay his depar- hind, his more recent films have still attempted ture much attention, and considering the stand- to encapsulate whatever zeitgeist they are born ard of his more recent works (Zack and Miri into. However, not only have these post-View Make a Porno, Cop Out) it may even be a good Askewniverse films less to say, they say it with thing. However, it cannot be denied that Smith less conviction. Zack and Miri Make a Porno has had a significant impact on contem- wanted to be a Judd Apatow production so badporary culture throughout his career. ly that it was embarrassing, even using Apatow With his retirement about to regulars Seth Rogan (Pineapple Express) and commence, it is now the perfect Elizabeth Banks (The 40-Year-Old Virgin) in the time to examine Smith’s body of lead roles. His next offering, Cop Out, was the work and consider what legacy first film which he directed that he had not writhe will leave behind. His re- ten. Even more bizarre is that he did not collabtirement does also raise the orate with his regular producer and partner-inquestion: Why is Kevin crime Scott Mosier on the project. It was to be Smith regarded as one expected that both of these films were flops at of the most high-profile the box office, and panned by critics, and their filmmaker of his genera- consequent failure has provoked multiple irate tion, when he is retiring retorts from Smith.

In recent times Smith has diversified into having only completed other mediums, exploiting his own cult of perten feature films?

Kevin Smith exploded sonality. He owns the SModcast network where onto the scene amidst a he records multiple podcasts, he regularly hosts renewed independent film hugely popular Q&A sessions, and has a mammovement in the early nineties. moth following on Twitter. Smith feels comfortAmongst a wealth of great films able in these outlets as they have allowed him to that included Dazed and Confused and voice his opinions and pop culture ruminations Slacker, his no-budget Clerks was a to those who want to hear what he has to say, sensation. The film was a raw por- without any critical interference.

He has used this large multimedia presence trayal of angst-ridden deadbeats with low job prospects and lower aspira- for the promotion of his new film Red State with tions, who spend their days debating moderately successful results. He has decided the finer details of sexual politics to distribute the film independently (despite and Star Wars. His exploration of an additional theatrical release), with tours and love, sex and pop culture in Clerks Q&A sessions around North America, specifically made Kevin Smith a role model marketing it to his followers. But make no mistake; Red State is not a traditional Kevin Smith for Generation X. Not coincidently then, Kevin film. The complete left turn he has made with Smith’s subsequent collection of both the content and distribution of Red State is not only an indication of his insulation from the films under his View Askewniverse umbrella mainstream film public and their idea of a Kevin mirrored the evolution of Smith production, but also proof that he remains Generation X through their a role model for a generation despite the films he maturation process. Films like produces.

His decision to retire appears to be borne Chasing Amy and Dogma presented musings on religion, out of a loss of passion for the filmmaking white male sexuality and re- process and a frustration with the people inlationships - all prominent volved in the film industry (including critics) considerations of the apathetic who do not appreciate him like his fans do. A generation. If Clerks was the self-confessed “storyteller, not filmmaker”, his attitude of the slacker Kevin diversification into new media allows him to Smith in his twenties, his final appeal to the zeitgeist without judgement from film of the View Askewniverse external forces and with more immediacy than series, Clerks II, was the at- the medium of film.

Although retiring from filmmaking, Smith is titude of the slacker Kevin Smith in his thirties. It was most certainly not retiring from his position as a transcendent portrait of spokesman for a generation. He is merely trading himself, and Generation X by one form of media for another and will continue association, having reached to have the same, if not more profound, impact adulthood but ultimately re- on culture through these new outlets. maining stagnant.

TELEVISION OTWO

FATAL FOURWAY Prematurely Cancelled Shows With Dermot O’Rourke suitably smug from last week’s victory, the Fatal Foursome sits down to figure out once and for all; what is the most undeserving prematurely cancelled show?

Party Down

Freaks and Geeks

Sarah & Steve

Firefly

Dermot O’Rourke

George Morahan

Aoife Valentine

Jon Hozier-Byrne

As winner of the last round, it would be easy for me to be complacent this issue. It would be easy to be arrogant about my victory. It would be easy to be overconfident of another. And I am all of those things.

The best TV show of recent times to be prematurely cancelled is, without a doubt, the darkly comic Party Down. Not only is it a great mix of dry humour and cynicism, it is also created by Paul Rudd (Role Models) - and everyone likes Paul Rudd.

Aired between 2009 and 2010, the show is about an incompetent team of cater waiters trying to break into Hollywood. Each episodes features an uproariously catastrophic function they’re meant to be working, including school reunions, failed orgies and Steve Guttenberg’s (from Three Men and a Baby) birthday.

The show is also as bleak as it is funny, and its insights into the Hollywood beneath the Entourage gloss are often unsettling. The lives of these characters are fraught with unsuccessful auditions, unfulfilled dreams and a tendency to get intoxicated at any opportunity, but despite this they remain optimistic.

If you like sharp comedy, incisive satire and Paul Rudd, this is most certainly for you.

So SpongeBob got a bit roughed up in last week’s voting. It’s safe to say Dermot laid a bona fide smack down on his spongy, yellow arse, but that’s no bother. The cast of Freaks and Geeks could easily take Mr. O’Rourke in a fight, and half of them are about fourteen.

If you haven’t seen Freaks and Geeks by now, you’re in the majority, but you should watch it, you’ll like it. I’m not saying it won’t be difficult to stomach at points, as it’s the most achingly realistic portrayal of teenage life on television. It’s just as cringe-worthy as The Inbetweeners, but the awkward comedy comes from everyday situations you can empathise with, rather than a guy shitting himself in an exam. In an audacious move, creators Paul Feig and Judd Apatow set the show in 1980, displaying a vital (if sadly misplaced) confidence in the universal appeal of their material. As good as the writing was, without a talented young cast (that included James Franco and Jason Segel) Freaks and Geeks probably would’ve been a lot less memorable. It is rare for actors so young to master scripts of such searing realism and nuance, and it’s just as rare to see a teenage boy dress up as the Bionic Woman for Halloween. So Freaks and Geeks has something for everybody.

I kind of pity you guys this week. No matter how much we try to tell you all size doesn’t matter, you just won’t listen. You may have all sneered at my choice of Sarah & Steve just because you haven’t heard of it, but it’s not my fault you’re all so uncultured.

Choosing bigger, American shows doesn’t validate your choices at all – we’re all just gonna end up scarlet for your grannies for having your ma’s.

There is no better prematurely cancelled TV show than Sarah & Steve. Coming from the makers of the infinitely inferior Dan & Becs, it consists of a series of video diaries taking an endearing yet extremely funny look at the relationship between Sarah and Steve, a couple from Tallaght.

It tackles typical Irish rites of passage, from staying in a cheap Ibiza hotel to passing out in the woods at Electric Picnic, and brings the Tallaght dialect to the masses with gems such as “Will you be me motser?” and ingenious ways to use the prefix “ch”. With the writers and actors actually being Tallaght natives, it brings a sense of realism to the programme, so that it’s not just another show exploiting a tired stereotype. Chyaknow wharramee-an?

It’s turbo minty fresh mad out of it, and none of your choices even come close to rivalling it.

Ok, so I didn’t win last week’s vote, and I ascribe that purely to the voters being stupid/people trying to impress Dermot in a vain attempt to get into his pants. Well, not this week – I refuse to let anyone into Dermot’s pants from here on out.

Firefly is, by a country mile, the best cancelled television show of all time.

Think of a really great Western, with an amazingly charismatic cast, and then combine it with a grand space opera, with truly introspective ruminations on humanity itself, and you’re almost there. And it’s got Nathan Fillion.

While other cancelled shows just disappear into the black, Firefly is the show that doesn’t know when it’s beaten. The show’s fanatically devoted fanbase of ‘Browncoats’ not only lobbied until the show got its continuation in the form of the film Serenity, but as recently as last February, nine years after the show prematurely ended, a massive online movement attempted to raise enough money to buy the Firefly license away from Fox and let Nathan Fillion make and distribute the show himself. No other show in the history of television has such a remarkable following, and it is a testament to the outstanding quality of the show itself.

Don’t listen to Dermot, regardless of his trousers’ allure. Firefly is the greatest cancelled show of all time.

Go on the University Observer Facebook page and have your say; what is the greatest cancelled show of all time?

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OTWO MUSIC

I

t’s been a strange year for Obara Ejimiwe. Since the release of his debut album, Peanut Butter Blues & Melancholy Jam, in February, the rapper better known as Ghostpoet has had his life turned upside down. You wouldn’t know it from how he greets Otwo. Decked out in a grey tracksuit and with a glass of Merlot safely in reach, he seems relaxed and accepting of the relative success he is having.

2011 has been a year full of highlights for the Londoner. His album has been warmly received and was recently given a critical stamp-ofapproval with a Mercury Prize nomination. PJ Harvey was the eventual winner, but his selection was compensation enough. “The idea of being nominated was just out of this world,” he says, but he did allow himself to indulge in a winning fantasy.

“Probably just before he said ‘and the winner is...’ Up to that point, I was just happy to be part of it. It wasn’t meant to be, but I hope that from being nominated, I can push on and do bigger and better things.”

In a year when British black/urban music had been richly rewarded in terms of both commercial and critical acclaim, Ejimiwe still cuts a most individual figure, but he’s quick to condemn critics who pigeonhole his music as rap. “I’m not an ambassador of black music, I just make sound. I don’t really see [my music] as a reaction against mainstream rap; it’s just my take on things and I don’t make music based on what other people are doing.”

Though he may not admit or care for how strikingly his lyrics break with currently established generic norms, Ejimiwe is finely in tune with his lyrical style and inspirations. “It’s definitely much more of a stream-ofconsciousness style. There’s elements of what’s happened to me today, things that I may have come across a few months ago, things that I may have read or seen and may want to Ghostpoet at Whelan’s on 26th September 2011. Photographed by Ciara Andrews. put on a track, but it boils down to how it gels with what I’m trying to do musically.” music comes first, even if it’s just in demo form bine elements of different sounds in my mind; More than anything else, Peanut Butter is a distilla- and from there I want to pick out the emotion of there was a backbone of folk, but also indie and tion of mundanity and the petty hassles of modern it. Then I start on the verse and maybe a chorus hip-hop. It was the soundtrack for my developlife. From the jaded ventriloquizing of a middle- and try to balance that back with the beat, trying ment as a young man.” aged Londoner on ‘Survive It’ to the raging hang- to marry the two aspects.” It’s a skill he picked up Throughout our conversation, Otwo gets the over experienced on ‘Cash & Carry Me Home,’ the as part of a grime collective in university, and al- sense that Ejimiwe is simply amused by what his everyday is freely celebrated in Ghostpoet’s lyrics. though his musical palette has developed beyond life has become, and that the whole experience of “Life is slightly different from when I first started the cut/paste of early grime, it’s a genre he still touring an album is some surreal excursion from making music professionally, but I’m just living holds dear. “For me, it was the first UK-based mu- an otherwise normal life. It’s weird to think that a life like everyone else on this planet. And I feel sic that drew my attention. It was just the differ- he was fired from his job on the same day that he that I have to try and reflect that in my music, es- ent rhythms and sounds they were making, and first heard interest from his current label, Bronpecially lyrically. I’m just trying to talk about other the lyrics - not that I agreed with all of them - but swood (the brainchild of BBC Radio 1 DJ, Giles people’s lives as well as my own.”

I appreciated that they were talking about their Peterson). “That was a really strange day; I’ve There’s a preconception that contemporary lives and the lives that surrounded them. It gave never had one like it. I was up when I should’ve rap music is the product of collaborators, and one me the passion to write lyrics.” been down. It was great to have interest from a lacan see where Ejimiwe’s grievances with being It’s interesting to hear what influences make bel and I felt like I was finally going in a direction thought of as just a rapper may arise. The blend up the Ghostpoet sound, but it becomes a clear- I wanted to go in. I’m proud to be doing my headof downbeat electronica and sparse atmospherics er (or maybe a somewhat murkier) picture upon line tour. If someone had told me that a couple of creates a distorted and thoroughly modern sound hearing of his affinity for Badly Drawn Boy. “I am years ago, I would have been like, ‘stop drinking, that proves his talent as a musician. It’s refreshing a big fan, indeed. That’s probably the first album you’re drunk.’” to hear that his music (and the musical process) is [2000’s The Hour of Bewilderbeast] I ever bought. I just as important as his lyrics, if not more so. “The was in my early teens and he was the first to com- Peanut Butter Blues & Melancholy Jam is out now.

“I’m not an ambassador of black music, I just make sound.”

Ghostpoet sat down with George Morahan before his recent Whelan’s show to talk about his Mercury nomination and Badly Drawn Boy

20

MUSIC OTWO

Enter Shikari drummer Rob Rolfe talks to Conor O’Nolan about their forthcoming album, touring Russia and having a social conscience

E

arly this summer, Enter Shikari began work on their third album. Having luck on their side meant they ended up recording the bulk of the album in Thailand with their producer Dan Weller. “We were initially recording in this dark, dingy space in central London. It was fantastic to be able to go over there to the middle of nowhere, almost in the middle of the jungle, with a fantastic studio with nothing to distract us.”

One of the main features of their previous efforts was blunt social and political commentary, from berating people for their collective inaction, to full-on calling politicians out over issues, such as in ‘Fanfare for the Conscious Man’; “Our gracious queen/should grasp her crown/and take a good fucking swing at Blair and Brown/for leading her countries to illegal warfare/and trying to pass it off that we’re doing it ‘cause we care.”

Rolfe suggested that the new album will be continuing in a similar lyrical vein “There’s still strong themes in it on a global scale, but it’s looking a bit more at the root causes and the fundamental causes of all the problems, as opposed to what Common Dreads was about, which was pointing out all the effects rather than the causes of a lot of problems in the world today.” Despite encouraging people to stand up and shout, with the band even taking part in the mass student marches against the introduction of college fees in London last year, there is a subtle irony in the fact that their record label’s warehouse was burnt down in the recent riots, along with a large amount of the stock of their recent live DVD. The difference between their first album and their second is stark, not only in the aforementioned lyrical content, but also in the production value. The band selfproduced their first album, the much loved Take to the Skies, which features some of their best known songs. When working on their second album they went from no producers to two, with Dan Weller as their guitar producer and Andy Gray (Music producer/composer who

wrote the Big Brother theme) as their overall producer and mixer.

Recently their sound has shifted from straight synth and drum and bass sounds to using a lot heavily dubstep-influenced sounds. Rolfe elaborated, saying “It’s very diverse.

It’s gone in many directions, not just any one. There’s stuff on there that’s the heaviest we’ve ever done and there’s some huge beats and massive synth lines, but there’s also some stuff on there that’s the most delicate, intricate and melodic stuff. Almost soundscape-y Sigur Ros type music”.

The band are also known for their intense touring schedule, playing wherever they can, whenever they can, from Japan, to more recently, Russia. “It was fantastic, we were playing in front of a few thousand people and the fans are so enthusiastic. All the people were so lovely.

Russia seems to have a bit of a stigma about it, like it’s this Wild West and everyone is a bit scared of going

there, but it’s just like everywhere else. It’s a perfectly fine place to go and we have a fantastic time every time we go.”

This summer the band took part in the three month long slog that is the Warped Tour, featuring a wide variety of bands from Paramore to Asking Alexandria. “Warped Tour is renowned as being one of the most difficult tours in the world. It’s basically just a really long hot summer, but at the end of the day, you’re doing it for the fans. Every day you’re playing in front of maybe a couple of thousand people, shouting back your lyrics to you, there’s no better feeling.”

Putting their social conscience to work on the Warped tour was easier than usual; the tour itself provides several initiatives to get bands doing charity and environmental work.

“It was great, one of the best things about Warped tour was how socially aware they are. A lot of recycling happened on the tour, we got in-

volved with that as much as we could.

We did very rarely get a day off, but spending a morning helping a school build a padded park type area was really satisfying and it was good to know that you’re helping. It didn’t really feel like work, even though you’re doing hard labour, and there was no money involved, just doing a good thing for a worthy cause.”

The band is looking forward to their return to Ireland for the first time since 2009, “You can expect the usual Enter Shikari shenanigans, we’ve got this awesome light show that we’re bringing with us, and we’ll be playing some new tracks, the next single ‘Sssnakepit’ and another new one called ‘Arguing with a Thermometer’, so it’ll be the first glimpse of the album.”

Enter Shikari play The Academy on October 10th. Tickets priced at €25.

Their new album will be released in early January.

ENTER SHIKARI 21

OTWO MUSIC

2

FOREVER LOOSE

Republic of Loose bassist Benjamin Loose speaks to Sally Hayden about a decade with his bandmates, involvement in mental health charities and democracies

001 was the year that changed global poli- by First Fortnight, a non-profit charity aiming to tics forever; the first cloned monkey was challenge mental health prejudice and discriminaborn, George Harrison died, Ireland didn’t tion through the arts. Loose doesn’t claim that the win the Eurovision and (luckily for the compila- band are in any way experts in the area of mental tion of this sort of unsystematic list) Wikipedia health, but emphasises that their support for the was launched on the internet. It was also the year cause is sincere. that “a huge metaphysical overturning” of Mick “Well it was an exciting idea to play a bunch of Pyro’s value system provided the catalyst for a colleges in a short period of time. And it is a good young troop of fortune hunters to cause, so it’s something become united with the aim of creatbe involved with. It’s “It’s not something that to ing beautiful, funky music. not something that we we know a whole lot know a whole lot about Ten years later and Republic of Loose are still very much together. about but it’s a crazy but it’s a crazy world we Bono has called them “trailblazing in so anything that world we live in so live sophisticated soul bootboys”, and wants to give help to anything that wants to people or give solace to Gary Lightbody, “the best band in the country.” Sinead O’Connor has got to be a give help to people or give people asked could she abandon her solo good thing.” solace to people has got to career to become a member, and IrTheir gig at the vine Welsh said ‘Comeback Girl’ was be a good thing” Student Bar next week “one of the greatest songs ever remarks a regular return corded”. With four albums and fifteen singles be- for the lead singer to his alma mater. “Mick and hind them, their fervour shows no sign of abating. one of our guitar players both went to UCD for However, it would be easy to see why, perhaps, a years. Mick did a Masters in Renaissance Literadecade without properly progressing beyond the ture and, I think, English and Spanish”. Loose, Irish market might create some level of despond- however, studied theology in Trinity. “I try not to ency amongst the band. mention that too much.”

“The hustle never stops”, as Benjamin Loose With competing ideas, growing egos and close each other that well.” puts it to Otwo. “I think we’re going to release quarters, many musicians fail to find the perfect Loose also admits that the State of Loose isn’t ‘Comeback Girl’ in the States in November and working relationship always a democratic republic but we’re looking to release another single around within their bands, then again, democracy isn’t always “Sometimes things need to all it’s cracked up to be. “We know February and then to go over around Paddy’s leading to tumultuous Day and tour the east coast.” In addition to these public break-ups that be unadulterated and seen when someone’s got a vision for plans, they’re soon creating a compilation album, can put Brad Pitt and whether it’s a song, or a through to their bloody something, to be available worldwide online and physically in Jennifer Aniston to gig, or an idea for a link in a live set. end, whether for good or Sometimes democracies don’t work.

France and Germany, along with recording several shame. “We hate each new songs in Ireland with the aim of releasing an- other,” Loose laughs. for bad” Sometimes you need visions and other single here in October.

“I’m only kidding, we’re sometimes visions can’t be comproGrand designs aside, the band are also cur- pretty tight. It’s kind of like a family. You get so mised and can’t accommodate another opinion. rently promoting their involvement in the First used to each other that you don’t even need to do I remember reading an interview with your man Fortnight Student Tour, which has been organised the usual things that friends usually do, you know from Bell X1 saying that their band is very democratic and as a result he feels that an idea can be compromised. Sometimes things need to be unadulterated and seen through to their bloody end whether for good or for bad.”

Internal politics notwithstanding, is there life outside of funk-rock for this musician? “If I wasn’t making music, I’d be in trouble,” Loose declares emphatically. And Otwo has to agree; if you have someone to listen, there are certainly worse ways to spend ten years than playing in a band, whether your location be Belfield, Paris or Miami.

Wherever the next decade takes them (Loose thinks a duet with Cee Lo Green would be cool), Mick, Ben and their confusingly assorted associates will always be counted among our own, but hopefully they’ll have more of a chance to escape their poor meteorological luck once they’re abroad. “Usually when we play outdoors it rains, it’s the ‘Curse of the Loose’. It’s happened to us in every country.” Sounds more like the curse of the Irish to Otwo.

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Republic of Loose play the Student Bar on October 10th as part of the First Fortnight Student Tour, which aims to challenge mental health prejudice and discrimination. Tickets priced at €10.

For more information see Firstfortnight.comt

MUSIC OTWO

ALBUM REVIEWS Lisa Hannigan Passenger

Ben Howard Every Kingdom

dEUS Keep You Close

Feist Metals

B+

B+

D+

A

dEUS have been around a while and their age is starting to show. Sadly, it’s not in a good way. Where other artists have matured and changed over time, dEUS seem to have rung it in with their latest offering, Keep You Close.

That isn’t to say that this, their sixth studio album, is a bad record. In fact, it is very well made; strings are brought in at the correct time, harmonies are placed appropriately. Overall, the production is clean and polished.

The album is just a bit too mechanical. It lacks life and soul; to quote the group’s own lyrics “What’s it all for? It’s givin’ me so little, I want more…”

Sure, tracks such as the lively ‘Ghost’, or the grand denouement ‘Easy’ don’t sound bad, but they aren’t all that likable either. The lyrics are vapid and the melodies are bland. Overall, it’s an uninspiring record.

Metals sees Leslie Feist in impressive form. The Canadian singer-songwriter’s third solo album features many beautifully arranged songs that will have you entranced for hours on end. The followup to 2008’s The Reminder finds Feist branching out in a more experimental direction, but there’s still plenty of room for bluesy riffs and sweet, layered harmonies.

Songs such as ‘Caught a Long Wind’ and ‘A Commotion’ are allowed room to evolve naturally and become unrecognisable from their beginnings, just by adding an uplifting melody or an amazing guitar riff. It’s a thrilling change from the concise pop for which she is famed, but what is most appealing about this album is its honesty.

Nothing feels manufactured or stale and yet this album could (and should) easily sit alongside mainstream artists at the top of the charts.

In a Nutshell: Nonplussed.

In a Nutshell: A minor masterpiece, you’ll love this album.

Homegrown siren Lisa Hannigan’s From Island Records, the label that follow-up to 2008’s Sea Sew is every bit brought us Nick Drake, John Martyn as sweet and melodic as what we have and Cat Stevens, comes the newest entry now come to expect from the songstress. to this lineage of folk singer-songwriters: Though considerably more polished and Ben Howard. His debut album Every commercial in its sound than Hannigan’s Kingdom is pleasantly unpretentious, debut, and bound to irk the inevitable and quite tuneful to boot. few who grumble whenever an artist The opening track and lead single progresses, Passenger is not an album ‘Old Pine’ starts off sounding quite to be snubbed. unassuming, before the rest of the Opening track ‘Home’ is ripe with instruments kick in, adding a new energy the brand of warmly inviting instruto the piece. A combination of fingermentation Hannigan is loved for. Her picked acoustic guitar and soft vocals pairing with Ray LaMontagne on ‘O give the track a truly bittersweet feeling.

Sleep’ is a true gem, their vocals blending The album’s sleek production beautifully and lifting the tone of the manages to avoid the extremes of album to delightful new heights. pared-down minimalism and overblown Though some tracks fall slightly short pomposity. ‘Diamonds’ and ‘Only Love’ of the mark, petering into the overly famanage to show off some real guitar miliar, for the most part Passenger is skills without taking away from the a solid offering showcasing Hannigan’s energy of Howard’s vocal performance growth and development as a songwriter. and lyrical ability. In general, it’s a nice A thoroughly decent record, as far as cross between indie, rock and folk. troublesome second albums go.

In a Nutshell: Sounds like José In a Nutshell: Delightful withGonzales mixed with John out being dazzling.

Mayer, without the narcissism.

Good stuff.

by Saoirse Ni Chiaragáin

by Evan O’Quigley

Blink 182 Neighborhoods CThey’re back, and they’ve never sounded more like themselves. The last time we heard from the holy trinity of pop-punk was their still astoundingly mature 2003 self-titled/untitled effort.

Neighborhoods, the first product

by Ethan Troy-Barnes

of their resurrection, is by no means another leap forward. Rather, it’s an enjoyable, if cautious, attempt at pleasing the fans.

There are some mild changes. Travis Barker’s hyper-fluent drumming is given a much more prominent role and Tom DeLonge’s iconic whine has been worn down to a much ear-friendlier timbre with age. Sweeping synths make the moving opener ‘Ghost on the Dance Floor’ feel like a caffeinated version of something from The Cure’s Disintegration..

by Hannah Higgins

But mostly, it’s the classic package; eager pop-punk (‘MH 4.18.2011’), some slow moments (‘Love is Dangerous’) and lyrics you really need to be thirteen to truly appreciate (‘Kaleidoscope’ and ‘Wishing Well’). It’s obvious that even though we’ve all grown up, Blink certainly haven’t.

In a Nutshell: Take off your standards and expectations.

by Cormac Duffy 23

OTWO MUSIC

THE DUFFINGTON POST How to make fans and alienate purists: in the first of a new series, Cormac Duffy explains why going hipster is the new selling out Despite my lofty credentials, even I sometimes doubt my omniscience when it comes to music. As I see others react to music I like, I’ve slowly realised that I’ve become an accidental yardstick for fans of niche genres. If I’ve heard of it, it’s toeing the line of losing legitimacy. If I like it, they’ve made the hipster equivalent of a Faustian bargain.

Two albums released earlier this year inspired me to use my insight as a factory-line indie kid to help those acts sick of being authentic. Aesthetica, the sophomore effort of Brooklyn black-metallers Liturgy, has gotten significant acclaim in mid-level indie press, where metal is usually avoided because its lacks the intellectual and emotional depth of acts such as their precious Best Coast or Wavves. Despite being despised by many metalheads, Liturgy have hit the indie crossover nail on the head.

Few other releases this year matched the buzzstorm that was The Weeknd’s debut mixtape House of Balloons. It took baby-making R&B slow jams and soaked them with hungover, hedonistic chillwave-esque vibes, giving the band’s work the lofty description of ‘Hipster R&B’ to share with How to Dress Well, Frank Ocean and absolutely no one else, because, like hipster metal, it’s a fucking stupid concept. Yet for many, it’s the only way out.

What you’ll find below is a helpful guide on making the big switch: Avoid anything stereotypical. For metal, no mythological obsessions, or else you risk triggering the Spinal Tap reference reflex. You can’t do gory lyrics or political incorrectness (unless you’re Odd Future, then we will praise you for it endlessly).

Singing in English helps, given that the only world culture we enjoy is sad French pop. What gets noticed is usually what helps fans to sound intellectual when we brag about it to our scenester friends.

Follow Liturgy’s example and write a bizarre manifesto called ‘Transcendental Black Metal’ that illustrates your points with graphs. Graphs are the hippest of all means of expressing statistics.

Concept albums are great, because they give us all the satisfaction of reading a novel, without any of the effort (obvious bonus points if it’s about whales).

For an R&B act, reverb is your best friend. Lots of it. Really, it can’t be emphasised enough that it’s not worth doing until you sound like Panda Bear in a cathedral singing into a toilet paper tube. Keep a sense of mystery about you, the more the better.

When we hear you crooning about how much tail you get, we don’t need to know it’s because you’re a suave, emotionally and financially stable person.

Let us think you’re like us; it gives us hope.

These are but guides for two genres among many. If you’re a rapper, insult hipsters, hipsters love insults (see Das Racist’s entire existence.) If you play jazz, try being from fifty years ago, that helps.

May the indie gods guide you in your crossover. See you on the other side bro.

24

MIXTAPE SONGS TO PLAY OBNOXIOUSLY LOUD AT THE BACK OF THE BUS

With a nice quiet bus journey almost a thing of the past, Mark Malone takes you through some ‘back of the bus’ anthems Cher – ‘Believe’ Although not known for its popularity on the Dublin Bus amateur DJ circuit, ‘Believe’ really is the forerunner of the genus. It popularised the auto-tuned vocal effect found on many back-ofthe-bus modern classics. Without this, phones would only be used for calls and texts.

Cher Lloyd – ‘Swagger Jagger’ From one Cher to another; Cher Lloyd’s perversion of ‘Oh My Darling Clementine’ has the perfect combination of nonsense lyrics and air raid siren sounds to cement its place high on this list.

Eminem feat. Rihanna ‘Love the Way You Lie’ A true classic of the genre, this has “back of the bus” written all over it. It offers that sing-along chorus for all us wounded lovers who want to share our pain with everyone else on the 16a.

The Wolfe Tones ‘Come Out Ye Black and Tans’ There is no more comfortable a journey than the last bus into town, surrounded by lads singing rebel songs and discussing the finer points of Ste’s ma.

Necrosadistic Goat Torture ‘The Day All Gods Die’ Here at Otwo, goat torture simply isn’t goat torture without a bit of necrosadism. We could do without hearing about it on the bus, though, and especially not through the headphones of a brow-furrowing Mansonite.

LMFAO, feat. Lauren Bennett and Goonrock – ‘Party Rock Anthem’ A back of the bus anthem, LMFAO provided us with a section of music that can never be played too loud. It is the perfect sing-along to make all other bus patrons think, “Why didn’t I sit downstairs?”

Cecil Taylor – ‘Rick Kick Shaw’ Free jazz is an acquired taste, and as a result, you might not hear it all that often on your way out to Bray. But when you do, you could be forgiven for thinking there’s a small swarm of bees occupying the back row. There’s also a rumour going around that if you play it backwards, it’s all in 4/4 time and makes sense.

Richard Wagner ‘The Ride of the Valkyries’ Hitler saw his vision of Germany embodied in the music of Wagner. This shouldn’t be held against Wagner, of course, but when you hear this coming from an elderly fellow whose grandchildren showed him how to use an iPod, one can’t help but wonder: “Is he that funny, old person kind of racist or an actual racist?”

DJ Satomi – ‘Castle in the Sky’ A must on the way into the disco and in the disco and on the way home from the disco, this relentless tub-thumper reminds us of much younger times. It also proves it is possible to mix the actual sound of alcohol and boss-music from a Nintendo game into nothing short of a tune.

Notorious B.I.G and Miley Cyrus ‘Party and Bullshit in the USA’ For the young man who needs a byway to sing Miley Cyrus, this song is perfect. Although some bus-music purists may find it trite or lacking edge, the chorus is far too catchy for anyone to ignore. If you wish to bond with other passengers, Miley is your friendship glue.

Show Patrol 4th October Jeffrey Lewis and the Junkyard – The Button Factory – 19:30 - €16 Lúnasa – The Grand Social – 20:00 - €16

12th October dEUS – Olympia Theatre – 19:30 - €30 Michelle Shocked – Whelans – 20:00 - €22 Heroes in Hiding – Workman’s Club – 20:00 - €5

5th October Dylan Moran – Vicar Street – 20:30 - €28 The Plea – Academy 2 – 19:30 - €7.50 The Death of Comedy – Workman’s Club – 20:00 - €5

12th October Alan Carr – The O2 – 20:00 - €39.20

6th October Bob Dylan and Mark Knopfler – The O2 – 18:00 €60.40-€91 Julie Felix – Whelans – 20:00 - €20

Gig of the Fortnight: Dylan Moran 5th-9th October -Vicar Street – 20:30 - €28 The man behind Black Books is coming to Vicar St. for an eight gig residency this month to show off new material. This is Moran’s fifth solo standup tour after the successes of Monster (Parts I and II), Yeah, Totally... and What It Is. The “best comedian, living or dead” (as he is deemed by French newspaper, Le Monde) has been active since 1993 and won the prestigious Perrier Award at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival a mere three years later. Best known for his rambling and absurd style, the Navan man is not to be missed.

MUSIC OTWO

7th October Mundy (Benefit for Somalia) – Odessa Club – 12:00 - €20 Cloud Control – Pete and the Pirates The Academy – 20:00 - €13 8th October The Rubberbandits – Olympia Theatre – 19:15 - €19.45 - €21 Kate McGill – Academy 2 – 12:30 - €6.30 Keywest – The Academy – 19:00 - €13.50 9th October Brooke Fraser – The Academy – 19:30 - €17.50 10th October Noah and the Whale – Olympia Theatre – 19:30 - €26 Enter Shikari – The Academy – 19.00 - €25 11th October The Minutes – The Academy – 19:00 - €12.50

13th October Tim Minchin – Vicar Street – 19:30 - €28 14th October Glen Hansard with Mark Geary – St. Anne’s Church, Dawson St. – 19:30 - €25 FM104 The Gig – Olympia Theatre – 19:30 - €30/€35 Indica – The Twisted Pepper – 20:00 - €8.30 Lindi Ortega – Upstairs at Whelans – 20.00 - €14 15th October Bressie – The Academy – 19:30 - €18 The Roving Crows – Academy 2 – 19.00 - €8 Showbizkidz – Olympia Theatre – 18:00 - €22.65 16th October Sarah Millican – Vicar Street – 20:30 - €28 The Joy Formidable – Whelans – 20.00 - €15 17th October Emmy the Great – The Sugar Club - 20.00 - €16 18th October Ash – The Academy – 19:30 - €20 Eliza Carthy Band – Whelans – 19.30 - €13.10

by Sara Holbrook

25

OTWO

G N I D L BUI E M U F A PER IRE EMP

OTWO ATTEMPTS...

Otwo’s o perfum wn entrepren e to the e aromat ur, Philip Bi ically u dnit, d or this n oes his b d e r w issue, it was deh e est l m ed stud cided that Otwo should pay ents of to sell his hom homage to those kindly folks who d e c a d e n t UCD e-brew keep the currents of debauchery in week: some mouldy ed the entertainment world flowing. bread, lashing and dashings of the

F

How better to imitate the actions of every self-respecting celebrityturned-brand than to adopt a baby from every continent! Unfortunately, this venture was an instant failure. After the baba fiasco, I set about performing the next best thing – inventing and selling my every own perfume, fittingly named L’Eau Two. Focusing on my target market, I tried to decipher the most-liked smell on campus. It turns out that the average student’s favourite smell is quite simply, the smell of student life itself.

So I set about creating this scent in the Jean-Baptiste Grenouille way.

Unfortunately, murder isn’t as easy as it was in 18th century France. The scent would have to be created by alternative, less-intriguing methods.

So the night before my big venture into the marketplace, I set about ruining my landlady’s pressure-cooker by stewing up a broth made up of all the products a student might consume in o n e

26

cheapest of beers, instant coffee (that bared a sickening resemblance to beef drippings), someone else’s underwear and a tissue full of regret.

It smelled initially of the threeyear-old Christmas cake that every self-respecting Irish family has in a Jacobs’s biscuit tin at the back of the cupboard; still too nice a smell to accurately represent the scent I was aiming to develop. So I added Windolene and some essential oils in the form of Almond and Vanilla Essences (expired 1995).

The product was something not altogether revolting, but not entirely sellable.

So naturally, I raided my flatmate’s toiletries and found some sickly-sweet smelling mango bubble bath, nail polish remover and state-provided condoms.

I quickly added these to my broth and let it reduce to an almost viscous consistency. It smelled horrid. Job done.

I was ready to bring my “nasal stimulation liquid” to the peeps on campus. But I knew that to improve my chances of getting this bilious liquid out of my life, I had to adopt a new persona, bypassing the innate mistrust we have of fellow students.

I assumed a new name, a rugged air, a mysterious past and a trench coat that smelled of margarine and some-

one else’s sweat.

And so was born the perfume maestro Peter Smellinoff. A man who had just arrived in University College Dublin, having made his way from the mean arena of Moore Street. An anachronism. A free marketeer. A dude. One thing on his mind: profit.

I was barely out the doors of the Student Centre when I spied my first prey: one table, three girls and four chairs. An invitation not to be missed. I swooped over, my borrowed trench coat billowing behind me. My fingers gripped my product tightly, getting ready for the inevitable rebuff. But lo and behold, I was invited to sit and join immediately. Taking advantage of their apparent trust in the common merchant, I delved straight into the hard sell.

“Are you nasally pleased these days?” Apparently these ladies were decidedly happy with their own smell. “I can provide you with an elixir for ultimate nasal stimulation!”

I mollycoddled and harassed them, certain they’d succumb to my adopted charming ways. No deal, but one of them was convinced that I was a real fool in a flasher’s coat with a genuine perfume to sell. Score!

I tried to leave them with a free

“Every passer-by quickened their pace and hissed with discontent.”

sample, but my editorial superior decided that if they put it on their skin, we’d be held liable for the resulting carbuncle.

I moved on and tried to set up shop on the concourse. Aware that I looked like I knew what you did last summer, I waited for the custom to swiftly come my way. Every passerby quickened their pace and hissed with discontent.

I then turned to the tactics of ambushing, and dashed to the lake, where I sold one bottle to a man named Paddy for €1, a tidy profit.

My greedy eyes lit up as I spied the sea of potential customers straddling the concrete shore of our tetanus reservoir. I resurrected the Victorian tactic of ensnaring women on benches. Getting desperate, I broke character and offered free gifts with every purchase: “my own specialmade sandwich bags”, excitedly presenting a Welfare-supplied condom.

But not even these were incentive enough for terrified women to buy a recycled glass bottle filled with a dodgy liquid, brewed in the kitchen of a nutjob dressed like Brenda Fricker in Home Alone 2 - a costume that even the usually approachable gulls took an instant dislike to. It was time to call it a day and wander back to carefully dispose of my toxic attempt at Smelly Capitalism.

OTWO

BANDIT COUNTRY Dave Moloney was then kidnapped Having been told to meet them at Grand Canal Dock, poor driving around Dublin. Mental. taxi a in by the Rubberbandits and forced to interview them Otwo: Right so lads, I’ve heard this rumour going around that you’re actually fierce ugly and that’s why you’re wearing the plastic bags, to hide your faces.

Mr. C: Well, I mean yeah, we are quite ugly boys but the thing is, as regards getting women you have to use psychology. Like what do women want? Shopping! And I’ve made myself look like shopping.

Otwo: So, did either of you lads go to university?

Blind Boy Boatclub: No, no, I went to the University of Life and he [pointing at Mr. Chrome] went to the University of Dogs.

Otwo: Ah ok, well would you have any tips from the University of Life, for us university students on how to improve our university life?

Mr. Chrome: On student nights out, go for the first woman you see and just get it out of the way.

BBB: Yeah yeah, go for the first one, don’t wait about thinking another one might come along, because she mightn’t or she might have the clap.

Yeah, just go the first yoke ya see and tap that.

Tap that shit.

Otwo: Do you have any tips on picking up women?

BBB: Picking up women? Grab them under the armpits, I suppose or use the Fireman’s Lift if you’re hyperconscious about your back.

Mr. C: If you pick up a short girl, you can make it look like you’re lifting her higher. You can pick up an awful lot of ankle injuries when you’re picking up women. Especially the fat bitches.

Otwo: What was your best experience while attending the University of Life?

BBB: I got hit in the head with a bottle and fell to the ground, found a tenner and spent that on a tin of paint that I used to paint a painting I later sold for ten grand.

Mr. C: I went egging houses with the ghost of Phil Lynott.

Otwo: To continue on the topic of your plastic bags, some people have noticed that you’ve started using posher supermarket chain bags. Does that mean you’ve sold out?

BBB: Completely and utterly. Normally, what we do now is, we use this bag here from Portugal, because I’m just above any Irish bags. Do ya know what I mean? Brown Thomas ain’t good enough for me like. The Portuguese bags, I mean, they just use a better style of polyethylene.

Mr. C: Now, this bag here just looks like a normal Spar bag, but it was actually hand-knitted by Kanye West himself on a plane over here to a gig he played last year.

Otwo: So you’re on first name terms with Kanye?

BBB: Yeah yeah, his real name is Donal.

Mr. C: Donal? He told me his first name was Roy. BBB: No no, his name is Donal West.

Otwo: How’s Willie O’Dea doing?

BBB: Well, he’s still DJing for us every night, but he had a bit of a bad way with heroin for a while.

Otwo: Did you help him through it?

Mr. C: All he needed was a bit of fresh air. That’s the key to heroin addiction.

Otwo: Another rumour I’d heard about you guys was that you were at London Fashion Week, is this true?

BBB: One of our doubles might have been at it.

Mr. C: Was that in London?

BBB: Coco [The Rubberbandits’ controller/ tamer], were we at London Fashion Week?

Coco: Well, remember when you went missing for two days a week ago?

BBB: We fell down a well.

Coco: Right, I thought you were at London Fashion Week.

BBB: No, no, no, no, we fell down a well.

Otwo: Gosh, what was it like down the well?

BBB: Cold, dark and lonely.

Mr.C: We played a game of snap though. Every cloud...

Otwo: It was lucky you had a pack of cards.

BBB: No no, we didn’t have any but he [points at Mr.C] has tattoos of cards on his legs, which was difficult. Most of the time he was just kicking around the room, which is hard when you’re down a well, you lose a tooth, you know?

Mr.C: Yeah and best of look trying to find a tooth down a well.

BBB: You’d do well to find a tooth down a well.

Otwo: You’ve reached new depths of comedy in this interview.

BBB: Aha, you a fan of puns then? Ever heard of Big Pun, he’s a rapper.

Otwo: I heard we can see you at the Olympia on the October 8th. Could you tell me about it?

BBB: There will be loads of new songs, we’re going to shoot Coco out of a cannon, and if you catch him you win a prize. Then we’re going to set fire to a shopping trolley in the middle of the stage.

Otwo: Do you win Coco if you catch him?

BBB: I don’t know if he’d be up for that, would you Coco?

Coco: No no, I wouldn’t be into that.

Otwo: Ah ok, I guess I’ll survive then.

Rubberbandits play the Olympia Theatre on October 8th. Tickets priced at €19.45 - €21.

Rubberbandits in Dublin on 26th September 2011. Photographed by David Nowak. 27

OTWO

ORDINARY LEVEL

WHAT WOULD IT TAKE TO GET YOU TO JUMP IN THE UCD LAKE?

“A River Island voucher. Is that too cheap?”

Gemma Kavanagh, 1st year English & Drama

“Anything, as long as I could get away with it. It’s something I’ve always wanted to do.”

Sahar Muhammed-Ali, 3rd year Chemical Engineering

“I would say drowning children but I’d be lying. So probably loads of money.”

Aengus Boyle, 3rd year Zoology

28

“A half-eaten sandwich” Claire Karugendo, Alumna (Chemistry)