The University Observer: Volume XVI, Issue 4

SPORT

COMMENT

PROMOTION RACE DOWN TO THE WIRE FOR UCD

HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?

THE JAN MOIR DEBATE RAGES ON P7

BACK PAGE

Observer Digest NEWS UCDSU stage protest at Wicklow County Council offices Late grants prompt action from the Students’ Union P3

ANALYSIS Racism off campus Dublin has become a dangerous place for international students P6

FEATURES Lost and Found

A new website can help track down those waylaid items P15

Safety concerns at Deadmau5 concert ALEX COURT Canadian electro and house artist Deadmau5 was forced to end his performance at UCD’s Student Bar early due to his concerns for the safety of concertgoers amid fears of overcrowding at the venue.

The DJ posted his concerns on microblogging site Twitter first saying, “Dear ireland: CALM DOWN!!!! […] Think about safety guys!” A few minutes later he added, “Promoter oversold it.. Wayy too dangerous in there”.

However, the DJ’s promoters, MCD Promotions, stated that as far as they were aware, the performer had not had any problems with his appearance at the UCD venue.

Doors for the DJ, real name Joel Zimmerman, opened for his Friday 16th October performance at 9pm, and as the main act, Deadmau5 was billed to play for approximately an hour.

According to UCD Students’ Union Entertainments Officer, Mike Pat O’Donoghue, the crowd seemed larger than it actually was because the stage needed to be pushed forward onto the dance floor in order to accommodate the extensive lighting and sound equipment required for the event.

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27th October 2009 ON THIS DAY IN HISTORY...

1904: The first underground NYC subway lines open running between City Hall and 145th street at Broadway

SUPPLEMENT

PAUL HOWARD GETS THE OTWO TREATMENT INSIDE

Observer The University

VOLUME XVI ISSUE 4

NE QUID FALSE DICERE AUDEAT NE QUID VERI NON AUDEAT

27th October 2009

IRELAND’S AWARD-WINNING STUDENT NEWSPAPER

PhD student’s house set alight in second attack BRIDGET FITZSIMONS

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UCD PhD student has had their house fire-bombed by local vandals for the second time in three months. The student, who lives with their family in the house was uninjured in the attack, however a child with a broken leg was rescued from the building during the fire.

Substantial damage was incurred to the property and the family car was destroyed completely.

The incidents, the most recent of which took place on 3rd October, are believed to be racially motivated.

In the first attack, the student’s spouse was injured when trying to extinguish a fire in their home. The incidents have forced the student, who does not wish to be named, to leave the area in which they and their family lived, despite overwhelming support from their neighbours.

The Human Sciences student is continuing study in UCD after the attacks, and in a statement to a professor in the Graduate School of the College of Human Sciences said that it “hasn’t been easy coping - let alone, the huge instability and loss this attack has brought to our family”.

Staff and students of the Graduate School of the College of Human Sciences, where the student is registered have formed a new response toward racism and racist attacks in support of their colleague.

Director of the Graduate School of the College of Human Sciences, Professor Ben Tonra, has expressed his disappointment at the attacks. Prof. Tonra stated that staff have invited everyone in the Human Sciences’ Graduate School,

supervisors and graduate research students, to “offer suggestions as to how we can respond to this situation.” He said they will also welcome ideas from across the university.

Professor Tonra has described the response so far as “powerful” and believes “that there is a strong determination that we should respond collectively in some meaningful way to highlight the issue of racial violence.”

His colleague and thematic PhD administrator, Dr Christina Griessler, will be putting forward ideas on how to combat such attacks in the future to the college’s Graduate School Board.

UCD Students’ Union has also been involved with the response, with Professor Tonra stating that Welfare Officer Scott Ahearn has been notified of the case along with the student’s Doctoral Studies Panel.

The student told Prof. Tonra they felt “humbled” by the academic response to the attacks. Prof. Tonra reiterated the School’s support for the student, stating that he believes “that we each have a personal responsibility to address prejudice, intolerance and bigotry within ourselves, our families and our wider social networks,” and that UCD “as a community of scholars … [has] a particular role to play.

Prof. Tonra believes that academics “are also in a position to identify strategies - in ourselves, our communities and our wider society - to challenge these attitudes and to provide policy makers and community leaders with the tools necessary to address them.” He further reiterated UCD’s responsibility toward international students, saying that “for a university with a core ambition to internationalise further, we can and should be in the forefront of such efforts.”

Des Bishop mid-routine in UCD last week. The comedian was on campus to collect the L&H James Joyce Award. See page 3 Photo Daire Brennan

SU and UCD to agree Student Centre refund GAVAN REILLY The University Observer understands that UCD Students’ Union and the University are on the verge of agreeing an unprecedented deal that will see UCD refund €7.50 of the Student Centre Levy paid by all students this year.

The deal comes following weeks of negotiations between University and Union representatives after the Students’ Union had legal advisors send a four-page document to the University challenging this summer’s levy increase, which rose from €150 to €157.50.

Rather than being directly refunded to each student, it is anticipated that the refund will be distributed to student interest groups including UCD sports clubs, societies, the Union itself, the Student Welfare Fund, and the Newman Community Fund, with the intention of contributing to student and community life on the campus.

It is understood that the business plan for the extension to the Student Centre – formally titled the UCD Student Learning, Leisure and Sports Complex – had budgeted for an increase in the Student Centre Levy to be linked to inflation, which had later been fixed at projected rate of five per cent a year on advice from the project’s financiers. Inflation for the twelve months up to August, when the increased Levy was charged to students, was just under minus six percent, meaning that the levy should have instead been reduced by approximately €9.

Meetings between the University and Students’ Union have been ongoing for some weeks, with the Students’ Union adamant that no allowance for inflation was made when the project was approved by the student body by referendum in April 2006, and that students had therefore intended for the levy to be fixed at €150 after a series of pre-approved increases.

The University Observer understands that the Students’

Union are prepared to seek judicial intervention in the matter, should its negotiations with the University fall through.

A statement from the Students’ Union said that the two parties “are continuing negotiations which are at an advanced stage, and both parties are hopeful of an amicable outcome in the near future.” A University spokesperson added that “a positive resolution is expected in the next week or two.” Neither party was prepared to offer any further comment on the matter.

The appointment of a contractor to begin construction work on the project has been put on hold while discussions were ongoing, and it is hoped to commence construction during the Christmas break. The project is currently running at approximately €5 million under budget. When first proposed, it was expected to open the new extended facility by December 2008.

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27.10.09

NEWS

Early Irish degree returns Bridget Fitzsimons and Matt Gregg

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arly Irish is to be reintroduced as a degree subject following pressure from academic staff in the UCD School of Irish, Celtic Studies, Folklore and Linguistics. The course will be available from the 2010-11 academic year as ‘Celtic Civilisation (incorporating Early Irish)’.

The academic pressure followed controversy over the cancellation of the course in previous years, with only a small number of modules in the subject offered.Enrolment in the course will be open to all incoming first year undergraduate students applying for the BA (Omnibus) course for entry next September.

Under the course descriptions in UCD’s prospectus for next year, the course is described as “a programme providing a comprehensive survey of the Celtic peoples that will enable [students] to understand and appreciate Celtic literary, intellectual and artistic achievements.” The course will be made available as both a major or minor subject stream.

Subjects offered in the programme will include Early Irish and Breton as well as medieval and modern Welsh.

History, literature, language and myth will all be components of the course.

The course had previously been cancelled in the 2005-06 academic year as a cost-cutting measure. Single modules of the language were reintroduced in 2007, but academics in the discipline continued to argue the importance of a full programme in the subject. At the time the degree course was cancelled, one senior lecturer in Early Irish, Dr Patricia Kelly, said that “there is an obligation on an Irish university funded by the Irish people … to maintain adequate training for research on the earliest written records of the Irish people.” There had been concerns that insufficient training in Early Irish would render edifices of ancient Irish literature incomprehensible.

Early Irish incorporates learning the language of Early Irish, as well as studying literature from the period.

news@universityobserver.ie

SU hopeful of full Dublin Bus return

No timeframe for restoration of full services that there are still issues to be resolved between the parties, saying that “there are still some outstanding points that are being addressed in due course”, and could not offer a timeframe as to when a full service might be resumed.

DARREN KELLY

U

CD Students’ Union have expressed hope for the full reinstatement of campus bus services after their meetings with Dublin Bus representatives. SU President Gary Redmond told The University Observer that following a recent meeting involving Dublin Bus trade union representatives, university representatives and UCDSU officers, that the SU are reasonably confident that services can be resumed.

However, no deadline for the reinstatement of full services has been decided upon by the groups. These meetings follow ongoing discussions between the three parties regarding bus services to the Belfield campus.

The meetings were convened due to the ongoing issue of Dublin Bus offering only a limited service on campus in the evenings due to antisocial behaviour on buses from students. The number 10 bus does not currently enter the campus after 8pm, while the 46A and 145 buses stop on the N11 flyover at the discretion of each individual driver. Dublin Bus have previously insisted that this course of action was necessary as drivers feared for their safety, following an incident last October where an inspector was attacked and punched at the northbound bus stop outside the campus.

Dublin Bus state in their by-laws that “No passenger who, in the opinion of an authorised person, is in a state of intoxication or otherwise in an unfit or improper condition shall board or remain on the vehicle,” and that “no person shall behave in a riotous, disorderly, indecent or offensive manner in or about the vehicle.”

As a result of previous meetings with Dublin Bus, both the Students’ Union and UCD have taken measures to curb the

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Deadmau5 concert

problem of anti-social behaviour. These measures include an awareness campaign which saw the SU take out advertisments in the campus media, and erect posters around Belfield, advising against anti-social behaviour on campus buses.

Redmond told The University Observer that at the recent meeting “the Dublin Bus unions noted that they were satisfied with the measures taken by both the SU and UCD, and thanked them for such.”

Redmond did however acknowledge

O’Donoghue told The University Observer that “he [Deadmau5] took to the stage at 10pm, and played over hour and a half of a live set, more than his scheduled and usual set time.” Deadmau5 was playing as part of a festival of techno gigs called ‘Ibiza in UCD’, which had also included performances

by Boys Noize and Felix da Housecat, both of which were well attended.

O’Donoghue explained that “the capacity of the Student Club is 750, so 566 tickets were put on sale, as 184 festival tickets were already sold.”

O’Donoghue was quick to emphasise that he felt the event was both successful and safe, and said that “there were no arrests and very little hassle during the event… no complaints were received directly from either Deadmau5 himself or anyone else from his production crew.”

Students who attended the gig were quick to disagree with the performer.

Third year Civil Engineering student, James O’Connor, enjoyed the concert and didn’t feel there were any real safety concerns. He said that “I’ve been to much more packed gigs over the last few years… couldn’t complain about this one.”

UCD students scoop prizes at Undergraduate Awards JACK HORGAN JONES UCD students claimed 11 of the 41 awards at the inaugural Irish Undergraduate Awards, which were held last Tuesday, 20th October. President of Ireland, Mary McAleese, presented the students with their gold medals for excellence in their respective fields at the Royal Irish Academy on Dublin’s Dawson St. The winners were selected through academic review process by 33 separate panels made up of academics and industry professionals. Each applicant submitted an essay or dissertation, originally prepared as coursework for an undergraduate programme, for review. Each of the winners received a gold medal, and their winning essays are to be published in an annual journal.

Winners from UCD came from a variety of faculties and schools ranging from Medicine to Law. Mark Canavan and Yvonne O’Reilly claimed awards for Arts and Humanities with essays for Politics and Sociology respectively.

Health Sciences were also represented,

by Brian MacGrory in Medicine and

by Maria Jorsinski in Nursing.

Engineering prizes were claimed

by Julie Clarke and Laura Hannigan, while Science prizes were won by Eva Darulova in Computer Science, Lynne O’Shea in Pharmacology and Niamh Parkinson of Biochemistry. Claire Fitzsimons also won for an essay in Agriculture, and Peter Dunne claimed an award in Law. Presenting the awards, President McAleese had encouraging words for the various winners. “These awards encourage our top undergraduates to believe in the validity of their work and in their entitlement to a public place of respect within scholarly discourse.”

According to the President, the awards marked an important step forward in acknowledging the role

played by undergraduates in advancing Ireland’s ambition to be not just a smart economy but a just, decent, and sophisticated society.

The Irish Undergraduate Awards were instituted last year, and recognise and reward Ireland’s most innovative young knowledge creators. The motive behind the awards is to enhance Ireland’s prospects of becoming a leading global knowledge economy by creating an entirely new and unique set of incentives and rewards for undergraduates. A spokesperson for UCD stated that the University was “proud of the achievements of the 11 UCD undergraduate students who won Undergraduate Awards of Ireland.”

27.10.09

THE UNIVERSITY OBSERVER

3 NEWS

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Students’ Union Blackboard outage causes stage Wicklow massive sit-in protest disruption COLIN SWEETMAN

BRIDGET FITZSIMONS

U

CD Students’ Union staged a sitin protest at the offices of Wicklow County Council in Wicklow town last Friday, 23rd October, to voice their anger at the delay in processing and paying student maintenance grants.

Despite being over halfway through term, many UCD students have yet to receive the first instalment of their grants.

It has been estimated that between 30 and 50 students attended the demonstration. UCDSU representatives travelled to Wicklow on a specially commissioned bus, and gathered outside the council building. The group then moved inside the building and proceeded to stage a sit in. After this, they attempted to storm the council chambers, before being reprimanded by the local Gardaí. However, no arrests were made.

SU President Gary Redmond stated that the Union was “extremely happy

with the outcome” of the protest. According to Redmond, Wicklow County Council has brought forward the scheduled payment of maintenance grants for their students due to the pressure from UCDSU. Redmond said that Wicklow had “sent the first half of the grant payments today [Friday], a good three weeks before they said they’d send them, and they’ve guaranteed that they’ll start processing the other grant payments and send them as quickly as they can.”

However, maintenance grant cheques not sent in this first batch are not expected to arrive all together at a later date.

According to Redmond, the cheques will “be going in batches daily as they’re getting processed. It won’t be another huge batch. As they’re ready to go they’ll be sent by registered post to the colleges and universities.”

Redmond was quick to emphasise that Wicklow is not the only local authority that will be targeted. He said that “the whole point of the protest was that it

wasn’t just for Wicklow, but to show all the other local authorities that if we can go to Wicklow this week, it’ll be Longford, Carlow, Kilkenny, or anywhere else we need to go the following week.”

Redmond advised students struggling to meet financial commitments to seek advice from the Students’ Union Welfare Officer, Scott Ahearn, or to apply for monetary assistance from sources such as the Student Welfare Fund. He also said that students should “come and talk to us if they haven’t received their grant.

In most cases, we’ll be able to talk to the officials in the councils and be able to see what process their grant is at and find out when they’ll receive payment.”

UCD Students’ Union has occupied the offices of other local authorities in previous years. In 2006 a group of approximately 50 students occupied the offices of Dun Laoghaire-Rathdown County Council in protest at the similarly delayed payment of maintenance grant instalments.

Blackboard services have been reinstated following a major disruption which occurred between the hours of 11am and 11pm on Tuesday 13th October. An unforeseen technical error resulted in a temporary loss of account information on Blackboard for the almost 10,000 UCD student users.

The outage was reported to the UCD IT Services helpdesk who immediately informed Blackboard management and posted service announcements for staff only. The fault was corrected by 5pm, but in order to facilitate a full restoration it was necessary to shut down the entire system between 7:00pm and 11:30pm. All student users were affected as a result of the restorative shutdown process.

IT Services distributed apologies to students the following day, explaining the outage. “IT Services apologises for any inconvenience experienced accessing Blackboard yesterday. Contrary to our information in the last communication, there was a further setback with the restoration work that took place.

Our supplier, Blackboard, required a complete outage in order to ensure a full system restore.”

However, IT Services were unable to offer students an explanation for the outage during the blackout period. UCD staff received a circular email sent at approximately 5pm that day detailing the time of the outage as 11am.

Staff were further informed that the Blackboard system, which is hosted in Washington DC, experienced technical difficulties affecting up to 10,000 student accounts.

The circular also stated, “We have been in constant communication with Blackboard in

relation to this difficulty and the latest update received at time of issuing this email is that Blackboard access is now available for all students, however the course content of accounts that were affected will only be fully restored by 8pm this evening. No staff accounts have been affected by this issue.”

A spokesman for Blackboard stated that “Blackboard worked closely with UCD officials to identify and resolve the issue” and also commended IT services as being “instrumental in correcting the problem.” However, Blackboard refused to comment on what had initially caused the server to malfunction, despite providing technical details and information of the problem to IT Services. It is believed that human error was behind the outage in services.

UCD Students’ Union downplayed the impact of the outage upon students’ academic needs, stating “We received no complaints from students about the outage, probably due to the announcements that IT Services regularly made on their website.”

On a related matter, the anti-plagarism software SafeAssign also experienced technical difficulties on Friday 23rd October, however service was restored later in the day.

Des Bishop receives new Irish Language award BRIDGET FITZSIMONS

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merican comedian Des Bishop has become the first recipient of the Buanghradam de hÍde, a new award presented by UCD’s An Cumann Gaelach recognising “achievements regarding the Irish language.”

The award was a surprise presentation to Bishop, who is famed for his television programme In the Name of the Fada, which chronicled his journey in learning Irish for the first time as an Irish-American, and for his bilingual stand-up show Tongues.

In a joint statement to The University Observer, co-auditors of An Cumann Gaelach, Tríona Ní Mhurchú and Jennifer Ní Churtáin, and UCD Students’ Union Irish Language Officer Aoife Nic Shamhráin said that “An Cumann Gaelach decided to present this award to Des Bishop

as he has done an incredible amount to encourage people in Ireland, especially young people, to both learn the language and to keep it up.” They added that “Des Bishop is a prime example of the modern image of Irish, which is now fashionable and accessible.”

When asked why the award was created, An Cumann Gaelach stated that they felt that since the turn-out for the event promised to be substantial, it seemed the prime opportunity to introduce the award.

The society auditors added that they “had been thinking about introducing this kind of award for a while now,” and that when Bishop had confirmed his visit to UCD, the society felt encouraged “to get our skates on and establish this award.”

An Cumann Gaelach already bestows a gold medal, Bonn Óir an Chumainn Ghaelaigh, awarded annually to a member of the society “who has helped or ad-

vised the society the most during the year”.

However, the society believed that there was also a need to introduce an award for “people outside of our society that have achieved something extraordinary in promoting the Irish Language.”

An Cumann Gaelach will aim to award Buanghradam de hÍde every year as long as they feel “someone deserves this award,” and that it “will be an ongoing award to honour people’s efforts in promoting the Irish language.”

Buanghradam de hÍde is named after the first President of Ireland and founder of the Gaelic League, Dr Douglas Hyde, who is credited with restoring some of the popularity of the Irish language within Irish society.

Photo Daire Brennan

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27.10.09

NEWS

news@universityobserver.ie

Campus SIPTU staff endorse Anti-fees campaign funds to be reallocated Dublin Coca-Cola ban BRIDGET FITZSIMONS The country’s largest trade union, SIPTU, has called for a Dublin-wide ban on Coca-Cola products, following a dispute between the company and its employees over strike action regarding proposed redundancies at its Irish bottling plants.

SIPTU workers in UCD have lent their full support to their colleagues in Coca-Cola, and hosted a talk about their situation on campus last week. It was announced in early June that the company was to outsource jobs from its distribution centres and warehouses in Dublin, Cork, Tipperary, Waterford and Galway.

SIPTU allege that Coca-Cola refused to engage in talks with them. After balloting in favour of strike action, SIPTU workers were informed by Coca-Cola that they should accept the redundancy proposals or face dismissal. They rejected these proposals and were informed that they were to be made redundant nonetheless.

According to SIPTU, Coca-Cola have refused to recognise a Labour Court recommendation to renegotiate the redundancy package offered to the 130 workers affected.

The circumstances of the Coca-Cola workers will be one of the issues highlighted at SIPTU’s next branch meeting, scheduled for 3rd November. UCD Senior

Lecturer in Classics and SIPTU representative, Dr Theresa Urbainczyk, said “the situation at Coca-Cola is really dire.”

Late last month, the members of Tuam Town Council held a general meeting during which they voted unanimously in favour of a boycott in the Co. Galway town, as a mark of solidarity with the 27 Coca-Cola workers affected in the locale. In line with the motion, the Council’s members have asked local retailers and residents not to buy Coca-Cola products.

SIPTU are optimistic that a similar arrangement can be made in the country’s capital.

Coca-Cola products are already banned from sale in UCD Students’ Union outlets around campus, following two student referenda passed in 2004, in protest against Coca-Cola’s alleged involvement

SOPHIE LIOE

F

unds set aside for UCD Students’ Union’s campaign against third level tuition fees is to be allocated among similar campaigning causes, meaning that the Union’s projected budget deficit for the current year will remain unaffected.

The recent Programme for Government agreed by the Fianna Fáil and Green Party coalition stated that the parties would “not proceed with any new scheme of student contribution for third level education” as long as they remained in power. This means that €20,000 allocated toward the “fees and grants campaign” in the SU’s draft budget published earlier this month could now have be used toward other means. However, the amount originally set aside is to be retained for other aspects of the fees and grants campaign.

UCD Students’ Union President, Gary Redmond, explained that the four main objectives of the Union’s anti-fees campaign were to fight Fianna Fáil’s recent proposals regarding the introin the murder of trade union activists at its bottling plants in Colombia. UCD Students’ Union was the first institution in the world to pass a ban of this kind at the time.

duction of fees, the enactment of the Student Support Bill through the Dáil, further student-friendly development of the Higher Education Grants system – described by Redmond as being currently “problematic” – and the reduction and reform of the Student Services Levy.

Redmond stated that “it is anticipated that a significant proportion of this €20,000 will still be spent on Student Support Bill, HEG [Higher Education Grants] and Registration Fee elements of the campaign, now that we have achieved our aim regarding tuition fees.”

UCDSU had taken an active part in fighting against the introduction of tuition fees, including a sustained campaign of lobbying TDs from all parties, protests at both college and national levels, and working with students’ unions from other institutions nationwide.

A revised budget is expected in the coming months to amend the budgeting of the fees and grants campaign. According to Redmond, there is an intention “to publish a supplementary budget at the beginning of the next semester to present the SU fiscal position at that point” to comply with these changes.

French teaching attacked in quality review GAVAN REILLY A new quality review report has heavily criticised the staffing and administrative structures governing the teaching of French in UCD’s School of Languages and Literatures.

The report, which was approved by the University’s Governing Authority at its meeting this month, was compiled by a review group composed of academic representatives from other UCD schools as well as members from NUI Maynooth and from the University of Ulster.

are governed by an individual Head of Subject. The current Head of Subject for French, Professor Jean-Michel Picard, has been promoted to Head of School but has continued in his role as Head of Subject.

It is understood that the remainder of the staff within the subject are reluctant to absorb Prof. Picard’s earlier responsibilities, which has left certain functions within the subject unfulfilled.

The review group continued that “situation with respect to the Head of French is not sustainable and to the detriment of the subject, its staff and students. In particular, if the School is to develop as an academic unit […] it is essential that all subjects fully participate in the management and development of the School.

“Hence the [review group] strongly recommends that the College Principal and Head of School should urgently address the issue of the Head of Subject for French and, if necessary, bring the issue to the attention of senior University authorities.”

A university spokesperson downplayed the significance of the criticism, saying that the “quality assurance review of the School of Languages and Literatures [also] commended the school for the quality of its activities and the significant developments and enhancements in the school in recent years. The report, like all quality assurance reports, also made a wide range of specific recommendations for improvements that could be made. These recommendations are all being acted upon or have been acted upon.” The spokesperson stressed that the University “has no additional comment on any specific recommendation.”

All Schools within the university are subject to periodic review as part of the university’s quality assurance programme, which is intended to assist the university “in its role of developing and fostering a quality culture in all UCD’s activities”, and to fulfil the institution’s quality assurance requirements as laid out in the Universities Act.

The review group continued that the “situation with respect to the Head of French is not sustainable and to the detriment of the subject, its staff and students.

The 21-page report, compiled in April of this year, recognised “the work of the Head of School and the Heads of Subject, but notes with regret the reluctance of some members of French to fully engage in the School’s management structures.”

This behaviour had, in the group’s view, “required the Head of School to act as Head of Subject for French, a situation the [review group] considers unsustainable.”

Subjects within each School in UCD

27.10.09

NEWS

news@universityobserver.ie

L&H named UCD Society of the Year

Alan Rickman pictured accepting his James Joyce Award from the L&H last year Photo Colin Scally BRIDGET FITZSIMONS

T

he Literary & Historical Society have been named UCD Society of the Year for the 2008/09 academic year. The Society, which retained its status at the largest student society on campus at this year’s Freshers’ Week, was chaired by Ian Hastings last year.

Current auditor Conor McAndrew said that the Society was “delighted” with the prize. The society’s activities last year included inviting numerous celebrity guests such as The Who frontman Roger Daltrey, actor Alan Rickman and professional skateboarder Tony Hawk to UCD

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to be awarded the society’s James Joyce Award and to address students.

The L&H also hosted debates on topics ranging from pornography to abortion, as well as Maidens debates (open to students who have not debated at intervarsity level before) and comedy debates.

McAndrew credited Hastings and last year’s committee for the achievement, telling The University Observer that the award “was a reflection of the hard work of last year’s committee and Auditor.”

When asked if the society’s achievements put pressure on successive committees of the L&H to replicate earlier achievements, McAndrew commented that “I think that we always aim to do the best we can, so really it’s not so much pressure as a sign that we are doing well, and will do well in the future.”

Other awards announced included Small Society of the Year, which was awarded to the UCD Games Society (GameSoc). GameSoc Auditor, Rory Heffernan, said that the idea to apply for the award had been pitched last year as “the society had been growing in strength for the previous few years,” and that GameSoc “knew pretty early on that [last year] was going to be one of the best years of the society’s history.”

Heffernan stated that the allocade was “an acknowledgement of the vast amount of time and effort that was put into the society last year.” As well as crediting last year’s committee, Heffernan wished “to mention the members of the society who weren’t on the committee, who would often help out running games, helping to judge games, giving advice or just generally making events more smoothly.” He also cited GameSoc’s variety of activities as a reason for their success, commenting that “if it’s a game, we’ll play it.”

Other honours went to DramSoc’s production of Rent, which was named Event of the Year, and to L&H’s poster advertising Roger Daltrey’s appearance in UCD as Poster of the Year.

Reg Fee could rise again AMY BRACKEN The registration fee to attend third leveleducation institutions may rise with the forthcoming budget, despite the Government shelving plans for the reintroduction of third level fees.

The registration fee for an academic year at each of Ireland’s seven universities currently stands at €1,500 per person, which is the maximum permissible fee for any higher-level institution under last year’s budget cap.

Currently, the student services charge is decided annually by third-level institutions in consultation with the Higher Education Authority and the Department of Education and Science, subject to the budget’s limit. However should the government decide to increase the cap on the fee from €1500, each of the seven universities could then apply a further increase to students’ registration costs to help fund the institutions.

Under the new Programme for Government agreed upon two weeks ago by

Fianna Fáil and the Green Party, both parties agreed to abolish the proposed reintroduction of third level fees. However, speaking on RTÉ radio last week, Green Party leader and Minister for the Environment, Heritage and Local Government, John Gormley TD, confirmed that despite there being no intention to reintroduce third level fees, an increase in the registration fee would be a matter for each individual institution to decide.

A spokesperson from the Department of Education and Science stated that “the student services charge is levied by third level institutions to defray the costs of examinations, registration and students services,” and that “these services may include on-campus medical and counselling facilities for students, such as access and disability services, careers office, student facilities, student clubs and societies.”

The University Observer understands that the Minister for Education and Science, Batt O’Keeffe TD does not propose to change this arrangement, and that

any change in this level would be subject to decision of the governing authority within each university. However, the cap of the fee as prescribed in the national budget has not been ruled out.

The Department spokesperson also stated that “any change in the level of this charge would only be considered where the increase is intended to bring the amount contributed by students into line with the costs of the range of students services provided.”

A spokesperson from the Green Party told The University Observer that because they were “conscious of the economic pressures on parents today, this Government will not proceed with any new scheme of student contribution for third level education.” The Green Party spokesperson also reiterated that “registration fees are decided annually by third-level institutions in consultation with the Higher Education Authority and the Department of Education and Science,” and that “the Green Party does not believe in student fees ‘by the back door’.”

Unused printing money to go to Welfare Fund BRIDGET FITZSIMONS The University Observer has learned that money lying in dormant student printing credit accounts is to be donated to the Student Welfare Fund. UCD Students’ Union President, Gary Redmond, revealed that “there are twenty thousand accounts that are inactive at the moment, so any money that is remaining in those twenty thousand accounts will go to the Student Welfare Fund.”

Students who have graduated, or who have not been an active student of UCD for 200 days or more, will have their accounts declared inactive. The date of the monetary transfer, 3rd February, coincides with the deletion of the inactive printing accounts as part of the university’s transition to a new student printing

system. The balance of these accounts will be then paid directly to the Student Welfare Fund.

While Redmond could not offer an exact amount to be donated at present, he anticipated that an approximate figure would be known before the donation was made.

Meanwhile, the Students’ Union Welfare Office is to hold a ceremony offering students a chance to remember in the month of November, those close to them who have passed away.

The event, which is being run in conjunction with the Please Talk committee and UCD Chaplains, will see students decorating pebbles commemorating those who have died. SU Welfare Officer Scott Ahearn commented that “November is the month where we remember those that we’ve lost, so I think it’s fitting that UCD

does something to reflect this.”

Ahearn will be providing pebbles and decorative materials for the ceremony, which is to take place on 2nd November.

The ceremony will entail “a remembrance service, followed by a vigil at the circular courtyard near O’Reilly Hall.”

Ahearn added that he felt it “important that students and staff look to one another for support, can speak openly about their feelings, and can do something to show they’ll always remember that person that they’ve lost.”

He also said that “losing someone is obviously a very difficult thing,” and that he hoped the ceremony would encourage people to openly express their feelings at losing someone close to them. He hoped that the ceremony could provide an important outlet for students and staff.

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THE UNIVERSITY OBSERVER

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ANALYSIS

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Challenging Times As UCD Students’ Union activists occupy the offices of Wicklow County Council, Gavan Reilly ponders the merits of disruptive public demonstrations There’s a battle outside and it is ragin’; it’ll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls, for the times, they are a-changin’.

– Bob Dylan

W

hen Bob Dylan wrote this timeless masterpiece of discontent in the autumn of 1963, the world was presumably a much different place to the technocratic Babylon it is in the modern age. The sixties, as much as an era of flower power and societal liberation, was a decade of conflict, most notably in 1968 when the generation of Baby Boomer offspring led a series of international student demonstrations in protest at – among other things – the Vietnam war, political upheaval in western Europe, the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, the Cuban missile crisis and the slow progress of the African independence movement. No matter where one looked, people were angry, and taking to the streets to vent it.

The undefeatable, sturdy spirit of rebellion embodied in Dylan’s work has largely disappeared from society, and from the student political scene, in the forty years since. While student groups and youth political parties still hold demonstrations to display public protest, the extent to which they permeate the national consciousness – and indeed, the level of passion and support they enjoy – has been on the continual wane for decades now.

UCD Students’ Union’s occupation of the Wicklow County Council offices last Friday, in protest at the delay in process-

ing and issuing the payment of maintenance grants, is an opportune example of why the politics of demonstration enjoy limited appeal – and, more importantly, limited effect – in the modern world.

The SU’s desire to apply the momentum gained by the defeat (for now) of third level tuition fees was totally sound, as was the motivation behind the stunt: maintenance grants are, and for years have been, painstakingly slow in being issued. Students cannot afford to live on borrowed time – and borrowed money – while their native county council shuffles through the growing pile of grant applications as slovenly as can be gotten away with.

There is no small irony, though, that the protest reached its zenith as the protestors moved to occupy the council

The mob justice of old has been quietly shelved and superseded by the politics of the boardroom chambers, where the elected representatives of the people of Wicklow meet to argue and agree upon how to best serve their peoples’ needs. It is in the council chambers and boardrooms that decisions are now made, and though the pace at which they operate may frustrate students and their leaders, patience is needed. Direct demos are not without their merits, but the student movement would likely be better served by a small degree of restraint in the aftermath of such a major victory, rather than immediately returning to the offensive.

It would be blasé and easy to take issue with the poor attendance at the protest; the fact that when the SU Council has more reps than ever before that only fifty students – many of them, it must be con-

Despite a record number of class reps, less than fifty people were motivated to protest at Wicklow County Council last week. Photo: Bridget Fitzsimons ceded, being Union officers rather than Wicklow constituents – felt sufficiently motivated to attend the occupation is not one that deserves criticism. But the lesson to be borne in mind is that the purpose of the mass protests of yore was simply to earn a seat at the boardroom table. When those seats have been won, the responsibility of the student movement is to exert its boardroom influence as best it can. What’s seldom is wonderful; the reason the demonstrations against pensioners being denied medical cards were so effective is because

Love UCD, Hate Racism In light of recent racist attacks on a UCD student, Bridget Fitzsimons asks why Ireland’s attitude to non-nationals has not changed in modern times

It is a sad fact that Ireland has not been known for its tolerant attitude in recent times. While we claim to be open to new peoples and ideas, especially in the academic world, the marked increase in the number of racially motivated attacks completely nullifies this claim.

The fact that an international PhD student currently studying at UCD – and their family – have been subject to this sort of attack should be enough to wake us up to the problems in society, but it does not seem to be doing anything of the sort. We seem content to look the other way, when in all honesty such casual disregard is far from good enough.

The most distressing part about our attitude to attacks on our neighbours is that we have all become immune to its tragedy. Racially motivated violence has become everyday in our society. We hear news reports, see devastating images in the media, but we never feel motivated to

speak out against such prejudice.

Attacks focused on members of the academic community are not exclusive to UCD. A maths lecturer in Trinity College Dublin, Dr Calin Lazaroiu, who is originally from Romania, was attacked twice in less than 48 hours in Dublin.

The first attack on Dr Lazaroiu left the lecturer with a fractured skull and a broken nose. Sickeningly, the second attack occurred as he was leaving a doctor’s surgery where he was treated in the aftermath of his first beating.

Dr Lazaroiu has stated that “my only crime was to come to Ireland to educate people,” and has admitted that further violence will drive him to leave the country. No one can blame someone like him for wanting to leave Ireland: why should well-educated people come to a country where they will be physically attacked and verbally ridiculed?

Respect seems to be lacking in Ireland

What educated person, in their right mind, would come to a country that they know will only greet them with violence and abuse?

to see older people on the streets is rare.

Students would do well to show similar moderation.

The world of 2009 is a far different one to the world of 1968. When once, in less bureaucratic times, decisions could be made by hurling bricks, chanting ideologies or flinging petrol bombs, the mob justice of old has been quietly shelved and superseded by the politics of the boardroom. Society now is a far more bureaucratic entity than forty years ago; and while this of course has its negative connotations, it has offered society’s

many subgroups – students crucially included amongst them – the chance to sit at the table where the decisions are made, and to have their say at every step of the process.

Third level fees were not beaten on the streets, but in the boardroom where the Programme for Government was agreed.

The big decisions of the future will be made in similar places, and the student movement ought to remember just what their predecessors of Bob Dylan’s era were fighting for.

at the moment – and coupled with our society’s obvious apathy to their welfare, the probability is that racially motivated attacks like this will continue as long as we choose not to stand up and do something about it.

To its undoubted credit, UCD’s Graduate School of the College of Human Sciences has elected to be proactive. The school’s director, Professor Ben Tonra, took the attacks on his PhD student as an incentive to take positive action. A response group has been set up within the school, and members of staff – as well as graduate students – are pooling ideas and resources in an effort to ensure that incidents like this are kept to a minimum.

Such efforts are wholly necessary if Ireland’s reputation as a land of céad míle fáilte is not to be forever tarnished to the eyes of the rest of the world. What educated person, in their right mind, would come to a country that they know will only greet them with violence and abuse? We need to change both our attitudes and our actions in this regard – we must use our voices to show that we are opposed to these kinds of attacks, and will stand up for those who are victimised by them.

Universities, in particular, have their part to play in this. One of the biggest things a university like ours can benefit from is diversity. This diversity stems from having a student and staff populace who have been educated in a variety of different institutions, and who can

bring a variety of different ideas to the proverbial table.

We cannot allow ourselves to become educationally stultified. In allowing a culture of fear to exist around nonnationals living in Ireland, we deny ourselves the chance to benefit from the wealth of knowledge that people have to offer.

We are lucky that the student in question has refused to allow this cowardly intimidation to stop them from completing their studies in UCD, but not all would be so brave. It is up to us, as an academic institution, to ensure that students and staff who come from abroad feel secure and safe in working and studying here. All we can do is make our voices heard and stand up for decency, morality and respect. There is no point in welcoming people who will not feel safe here.

We must also remember that Ireland is a nation of emigrants. We have a long history of leaving this island to set up roots somewhere new. Countries like the United States and Australia are home to millions who claim Irish ancestry.

With such a history and international diaspora, it is hypocritical for us to treat non-nationals so terribly here at home. Perhaps we should look at all the people across the ocean who proudly call themselves Irish-American, and realise that there really is nothing but good to be gained from a tolerant, multicultural society.

27.10.09

THE UNIVERSITY OBSERVER

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COMMENT

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The debasement of journalistic integrity A

Jan Moir’s Daily Mail article on Stephen Gately was a perfect example of tactless journalism, writes Paul Fennessy

t the time of writing, Jan Moir’s recent opinion piece on Stephen Gately’s death has elicited 25,000 complaints and prompted The Irish Daily Mail to distance themselves from the stance of its UK counterpart. It also led to a record 7,000 comments in one day on The Daily Mail’s website.

Needless to say, Moir’s article was extremely disreputable. Her stark condemnation of Gately’s lifestyle was both ill-advised and presumptuous in the extreme.

At the beginning of her piece, Moir compared Gately’s death with those of Michael Jackson and Heath Ledger and describes them as stars that lived a life “shadowed by dark appetites or fractured by private vice”.

Immediately, it becomes clear that the article is a prime illustration of lazy and idiotic reporting. Her sheer arrogance in commenting with such authority on three individuals whom she had never met, and patently knew little about, epitomises the dearth of sensitivity and common sense currently afflicting journalism (and in particular the treatment of celebrities).

Perhaps Moir’s most controversial claim was that the death “strikes another blow to the happy-ever-after myth of civil partnerships”. Unsurprisingly, many readers interpreted these sentiments as signifying her thinly veiled homophobia.

Speaking in reaction to the strong level of complaints which the article received, the columnist denied the accusations of prejudice levelled against her, affirming in a press statement: “In writing that ‘it strikes another blow to the happy-everafter myth of civil partnerships’ I was suggesting that civil partnerships – the introduction of which I am on the record in supporting – have proved just to be as problematic as marriages.”

It seems unlikely that Moir was deliberately articulating a homophobic view, as her statement attests; but this does not excuse her article’s extraordinary insensitivity. The fact that she was required to explain her comments is essentially an implicit acknowledgement that her piece was, at the very least, poorly worded. Her refusal to apologise for the article’s multitude of inadequacies will only serve to amplify the torrent of ridicule surrounding her.

Furthermore, Moir opines in her initial article, in a similarly ignominious manner, that “something is terribly wrong with the way this incident has been shaped and spun out of proportion into nothing more than an unfortunate mishap on a holiday weekend.” For a journalist to accuse a professional coroner (who deduced the verdict that the death was from natural causes) of exaggeration constitutes irony at the basest level imaginable.

Elsewhere in the aforementioned statement which followed the controversy, Moir, in a considerably milder tone, describes the probability that Gately died of natural causes as “unlikely”. This blatantly contradicts the implications of her original article title which confidently asserted in absolute terms that there was “nothing ‘natural’” about Gately’s death.

Back in secondary school, my English teacher warned me against using sweeping statements which were not fully supported with evidence. Unfortunately, Moir has consistently ignored this basic principle of criticism.

Yet arguably the most unsavoury aspect of the piece was its timing. It was written just before Gately’s funeral and during its course, Moir frequently appears to attack the singer. She writes that Gately “could barely carry a tune” and also snidely comments: “although he was effectively smoked out of the closet, he has been hailed as a champion of gay rights”.

For a journalist to focus on a person’s shortcomings (while naturally neglecting to draw attention to the unprecedented level of success enjoyed by Gately with Boyzone) – so soon after their death – is

quite plainly callous.

Nonetheless, this latest soulless piece of writing from Moir should come as little surprise. In the immediate aftermath of Jade Goody’s death, the journalist wrote a similarly disrespectful analysis of the ex-Big Brother contestant where she sardonically concluded: “it is not her fault that she came to represent everything that is ugly and asinine about reality TV. But a saint she ain’t.”

Am I the only one who finds this habit of Moir (admittedly among many others) to relentlessly bait recently deceased celebrities to be more than a little disconcerting?

Although it could be contended that famous people have willingly exposed themselves to scrutiny, surely respect for the dead should always be prioritised in such circumstances?

On the other hand, Moir is evidently not without talent. She was awarded the Lynda Lee-Potter award for outstanding woman journalist of the year in 2005. In addition, her writing style is sufficiently accomplished to warrant the lucrative contract which The Daily Mail granted her, in order to prize her away from The Daily Telegraph.

In her defence, Moir belatedly apologised to Gately’s family for the timing of the article in her column last Friday. But although she expressed the view that he was “talented” (as opposed to someone who could “barely carry a tune”), she maintained that his death was “sleazy”

and defended her article wholeheartedly.

Accordingly, the journalist’s talent risks being perpetually overshadowed by the overt lack of dignity that she has demonstrated throughout this recent saga. She must completely renounce the article or risk being remembered for all the wrong reasons.

Jan Moir’s original article can be read at http://short.ie/janmoir

Fall of the Peacemakers With Barack Obama becoming the latest recipient, Emer Sugrue argues that the Nobel Peace Prize has fallen into folly

T

he Nobel PeacePrize has always differed from the other Nobel Prizes. The awards in the scientific disciplines of physics, chemistry, and medicine require that the significance of achievements being recognised be “tested by time”. The reason for this was that in the early days of the prizes, the award had to go to a discovery made in the last year, resulting in the embarrassing discrediting of some awarded ideas. This typically means that around twenty years will pass between discovery and prize to prove to the world its success.

If only the Peace Prize took such care – a glance at the list of peace prize laureates reveals a dismal lack of peace being created. The winners of the Nobel Peace Prize can usually be broken down into two categories: those who failed to bring peace, and those who brought peace only because they stopped being the source of war. The latest controversial winner, President Barack Obama, is only a departure from form because he hasn’t had time to do either of those things.

The first category of failed peacemakers

may have had good intentions but ultimately had little effect. The winners could arguably be justified for their efforts, but it’s not the Nobel Prize for trying, is it?

If you tried and failed to do Physics, you would get nothing except a letter from your college asking for your funding back.

As Sideshow Bob from The Simpsons said, “There’s no Nobel Prize for Attempted Chemistry”. Yet the list of laureates is littered with those with no discernable achievements. These noble losers include Al Gore, who won for making a film about climate change, and the International Campaign to Ban Landmines who succeeded in getting countries to sign a treaty banning landmines, sadly not including any countries who actually make or use them.

The second category is more controversial: the warmongers who gave up mongering. Most of these laureates won prizes for signing peace treaties for wars they themselves started. Do the two not cancel each other out? In 1994 the award was shared between Yasser Arafat, Yitzhak

As Sideshow Bob from The Simpsons said, ‘There’s no Nobel Prize for Attempted Chemistry’

Rabin and Shimon Peres for creating peace between Israel and Palestine. We didn’t even need the twenty years to discredit that one. In 1973 Henry Kissinger claimed the prize for brokering a ceasefire in the Vietnam War, a conflict during which he had been accused of perpetrating war crimes. American humorist Tom Lehrer declared upon Kissinger’s nomination that political satire was dead; one can’t help but feel the same sense of despair and disillusionment.

Even more glaring are the worldfamous omissions from the list. Mahatma Gandhi was nominated five times, but never won. In 1948, the year that Gandhi was assassinated, the prize was not awarded at all: the committee decided that there were no suitable candidates. This decision has caused continued controversy.

The major flaw is that the award cannot be given posthumously, yet many who dedicate their lives to peace have lost them in the process. Surely these people are more deserving than multi-millionaires in mansions, making documentaries about climate change.

So what is the point of the Nobel Peace Prize? Nobody seems to know any more.

There are no firm guidelines for what qualifies someone to win (aside, of course, from their being alive). It seems that nominations are drawn from reading the newspaper of the day, and noting the first names to pop up. How else are we to explain the award going to Barack Obama – the first speculative peacemaker? Far from having made peace, President Obama is actively involved in wars in Iraq and in Afghanistan. Perhaps when these conflicts

have been abandoned he will win another prize for bringing peace to the Middle East. The number of awards for bringing peace to that region far outweighs the peace itself.

For those who have won and are deserving, it hasn’t done them any good at all. Aung San Suu Kyi won in 1991 for “her efforts to secure democracy in Burma”. In real terms, though, this translates to the fact that her party, the National League for Democracy, won an astounding 82 per cent of the vote in the country’s 1990 elections, yet were not allowed to take office. Suu Kyi has now spent most of the past 20 years under house arrest.

It seems that the Nobel Prize in this case acts merely as a balm for our collective consciences; she has been honoured for her efforts, what more does she want? Her detention has recently been extended by another 18 months to prevent her from participating in the coming elections. The international community, again, stands idle.

With such interest in the peace prize,

with such potential to reward the struggle of so many, this award will be nothing but a sham until it recognises true peacemakers.

The prize is awarded, according to Nobel’s will, to whoever “shall have done the most or the best work for fraternity between nations”

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THE UNIVERSITY OBSERVER

27.10.09

COMMENT

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Obama: evolution or erosion?

The US presidency has seen its standing fall since Obama’s inauguration. Some suspect racism, but Gillian Gallanagh argues that the shift is due to the man himself and to his presidential style

T

he American political tradition deems the office of the Presidency to be sacrosanct.

The incumbent President acts as guardian of this hallowed office. Therefore, regardless of one’s political views, the office and its holder remain in some way sacred. An apparent corrosion of that understanding since Obama’s inauguration marks his time in power as distinct.

‘You lie’ is an accusation not to be thrown around lightly. Few of us are allowed to hurl it across the dinner table.

Representative Joe Wilson displayed no knowledge of this basic decorum while bellowing at President Obama during his prime-time health care reform address to Congress and the nation.

The outburst sparked accusations (most notably from former President Jimmy Carter) that Wilson’s heckling was a racial attack against the nation’s first black President. New York Times columnist Maureen Dowd wrote that she heard an echo from the age of slavery: “you lie… boy”. Hailed as a rogue in certain circles, Wilson earned $2.7 million within a fortnight. ‘You Lie’ bumper stickers, t-shirts and mugs soon appeared.

The South Carolina native was called upon to apologise by both Democrats and Republicans, including Senator John McCain. He quickly complied, claiming passion, not bigotry, got the better of him. Obama remained characteristically calm and collected and later refuted that the interruption was race-based.

Reasoning aside, the incident was unprecedented. George Bush, waging war in the name of peace and using the Constitution for kindling, went uninterrupted for eight years in that chamber.

Even as he lied, he was afforded the silence and respect that the Presidency warranted. Democratic Senator Patrick Leahy stated, “I’ve been here for 35 years.

I’ve been here for seven Presidents. I’ve never heard anything like that.”

It was not an isolated incident, merely the most high profile eruption to date.

The tactic of ‘othering’, used most recently against radical Islam, has for the first time been directed at an American President by his constituents.

Barack Hussein Obama is a Socialist, a Muslim, the anti-Christ. Dangerous and different, he’s a fascist foreigner, an outsider. He is ‘the other’.

Bush was compared to Hitler; pilloried, ridiculed and dismissed only after an illegal and disastrous war and the demolition of the economy. Universal health care hardly compares. Opponents implored him to go home to Crawford; anti-Obama placards read ‘Go Back to Africa’.

This ploy was manifested in a Twitter campaign called PASS. In September, Obama gave an address to all school children encouraging them at the start of the new school year. Parentally Approved Skip School day was designed to coincide with this talk. Prominent pundits, such as neocon Glenn Beck, endorsed the campaign. This was a watershed moment. Since one should always listen to their President, the implicit meaning rears its ugly head – he is not their President.

An invariable charge of racism against all dissidents removes all options for legitimate dispute with the President.

Nevertheless for some, Obama personifies the ‘browning’ of America. For many white Americans he epitomises and embodies the changing of the established social order.

Obama has brought with him a change in Presidential style. He campaigned on a platform grounded in the notion that he was just an ordinary guy who would

act as the figurehead for the ‘Change’ movement.

Since taking office he has appeared on Jay Leno, something no other sitting President has done. He goes on date nights with his wife.

He is a President who wasn’t afraid to stake his political capital on an Olympic bid that may not have succeeded, and ultimately didn’t. He was unassuming enough to term his questionable Nobel Peace Prize a call to action and vow to earn it retrospectively.

When Sergeant Joe Crowley exhibited no reservations in arrogantly inviting himself over to the nation’s most sacred house to sip beers, Obama simply agreed. A race row, that was sparked when the white police officer arrested a re-

For now, it is in the safe hands of a man more Presidential than his predecessor ever was

Piercing the veil E

Preventing women wearing the Niqab may incite more extremism rather than being welcomed as a liberating policy

arlier this month, veiled heads turned in shock towards Cairo. The cause of the drama was the dean of one of Egypt’s biggest universities, Muhammad Sayyid Tantawy, as he told a middle school student to remove her niqab. His instruction was controversial, as it marked the introduction of a ban denying females the right to wear the face-covering garment in all-female situations. The ruling caused niqab-glad protestors to rally outside the university, and fuelled debate worldwide.

His decision is not isolated. Notably, a ban on hospital nurses wearing the niqab was announced in Egypt last year, but it has largely gone unreported. There was also the case of a veiled researcher stopped from using the library at the American University in Cairo in 2001.

She took her case to the Egyptian Supreme Court, and, after a long legal battle, won. The court ruled that the total ban of the veil was unconstitutional.

The dilemma over traditional feminine clothing is not just a difficult issue in the Middle East. French President Nicolas Sarkozy has banned the burqa from French classrooms, and Jack Straw, the British Minister of Justice, has instituted a no-burqa policy in his constituency office.

Why do some want the cloth banned?

One argument is the security threat: the fact that as people wearing the veil simply aren’t identifiable. This was well proven by veteran BBC reporter John Simpson, when he skipped from Pakistan into Afghanistan in 2001 disguised by a burka. He made the journey in the back of an open truck and managed to avoid detection by the Taliban simply by shielding his face wearing the traditional garment.

Abdul Hamid al-Atrash of the Islamic Studies Institute (ISI) in Cairo considers this aspect a major problem. He has said people who wear the veil “abuse” their anonymity. To prove his point he cited examples of men entering girls-only schools disguised by the niqab. Surely the problem here is security services on the premises: as people are forced to take off motorcycle helmets to enter banks, people should be required to prove themselves as female when entering an all-female environment. If the issue is not letting other men see your face, then why not hire female security guards?

A more pressing issue is the increase of Islamic extremism. Iraq is only separated from Egypt by Israel and Jordan, and with the Taliban recruiting throughout the Middle East, Egyptian authorities are genuinely concerned.

nowned African-American Professor in his home, culminated in a ‘beer summit’ on the White House lawn.

The irony is that those who wish to undermine him ultimately undermine the office they most wish to protect. Interrupting a President in Congress heckles his office, and those who have gone before him. Teaching children to dismiss the President’s words permanently damages the worth of those that will follow in his footsteps. Callously questioning the citizenship of a President provide ammunitions to those that wish to eradicate the Constitution you hold dear.

Obama’s transformations will not diminish the office; only elevate it to new opportunities. The same cannot be said for his attacker’s actions. For now, it is safe in the hands of a man more Presidential than his predecessor ever was.

As Cairo’s al-Azhar University moves to ban the Niqab, Alex Court wonders why women can’t be given the choice in what they wear This issue crucially involves the question of whether the niqab is a religious obligation. The Quranic verse related to this issue roughly translates as: “O Prophet!

Tell your wives and […] the women of the believers to draw their cloaks all over their bodies.” Ambiguous enough, hinting at how so many interpretations have arisen.

The scholar Abdul-Moati Bayumi, from an al-Azhar associated think tank, is quoted by al-Jazeera as saying, “We all agree that niqab is not a religious requirement”. He also referenced the fact that the Taliban, noted for their fundamentalist interpretation of the Qur’an, force women to wear the burqa, and that Islamic extremism needs confrontation.

While this seems more compelling, it doesn’t necessarily follow that those who wear the niqab are more militant: even if it was proven that woman who covered their bodies are more likely to carry out terrorist attacks, it’s unclear how banning them from wearing certain clothes is going to turn them away from their hard-line views.

Harsh criticism has rightly been levelled at this decision. Notably, a spokesperson from the Egyptian Initiative for Personal Rights explained how even if the government intention is to reduce radical extremism, the only real result is

that women are discriminated against, and this is exactly the case. In providing short-sighted solutions to the incredibly complex issue of radical Islam, the Egyptian authorities have over-looked the point.

The political party the Muslim Brotherhood are also opposed to this move.

One Member of Parliament, Muhamed Baltagi, told CNN it was “unacceptable to violate private matters in this way.”

This is the most compelling argument on either side. What gives the university’s dean the power to decide which clothes students are allowed to wear at certain times? Surely, in a democracy like Egypt, where many women live unveiled, it is a matter to be decided by the individual?

To add to these crippling arguments, Sheikh Tantawi could have at the very least asked some women what they thought about this issue. The entire council who finalised this decision was male. While this may not be a compelling point in itself, it clearly illustrates the ridiculous nature of this decision.

While militant Islamists are a serious threat which must be resisted, this resistance must be intelligent and organised.

Moves like banning clothing are chauvinistic, discriminative and irrelevant to the wider cause. Let woman choose what clothes they want to wear.

27.10.09

THE UNIVERSITY OBSERVER

COMMENT

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A bad recipe for winning over hearts and minds

U

S Senators John Kerry and Richard Lugar could be forgiven for feeling a bit flattered after they suddenly found themselves becoming household names, in a place thousands of miles away from their constituencies. What brought them into the eye of the storm was a controversial bill authorising a substantial increase in US aid to Pakistan with various strings attached. Officially called ‘ the Enhanced Partnership with Pakistan Act of 2009’, but publicly named after its drafters as the Kerry-Lugar Bill, the bill aims to deliver $1.5 billion a year to Pakistan for the next five years.

The bulk of this aid is meant for hitherto neglected social and economic sectors of the nuclear-armed Muslim nation of 170 million people – a nation that happens to be Washington’s major non-NATO ally and is embroiled in combat against Islamist militants.

Departing from the policy of giving handouts to military dictators erstwhile, it was the first time in the tumultuous history of its relations with Pakistan that Washington decided to lavish such large sums of money to a civilian government.

Hailed as “a true sign of friendship with the people of Pakistan” by Senator Kerry, and welcomed by the civilian government of Pakistan, the bill soon descended into controversy as Pakistan’s military top brass went public with its objections to some conditions attached with the aid.

These conditions include direct access to Pakistani nationals involved in nuclear proliferation, ensuring civilian supremacy over military promotion, and certification

by US Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton,

about Pakistan’s cooperation on counterterrorism.

Seconding the concerns of Pakistan military, opposition political parties were quick to condemn the bill as a gratuitous American interference in Pakistan’s internal affairs, and to accuse the ruling party of a “sell out” on national sovereignty and security.

Heated discussions in newspapers and talk shows on private TV channels lambasted the United States for being grossly insensitive to the concerns of Pakistan.

Just a few days before President Barack Obama signed the bill into law, Pakistan’s foreign minister, Shah Mahmood Qureshi, rushed to Washington to convey Pakistan’s reservations and was able to get an “explanatory statement” attached to the bill clarifying that Washington had no intention to micromanage Pakistan’s internal affairs.

Qureshi’s visit to Washington was followed by Senator Kerry’s visit to Pakistan, where the onetime Presidential candidate held meetings with Pakistan’s president, prime minister, army chief, and opposition leader, to allay the misgivings over the bill.

Cognizant of the dire economic situation of the country where many people endure shortages of wheat, sugar and energy on daily basis, the Pakistani government had little option but to accept the aid package, even though nearly half of it is likely to go back to the US in the form of consultancy fees and administrative costs.

In Pakistan, the military has been directly or indirect calling the shots during most of the state’s 62-year history. The state’s suspicion, not to mention outright disdain, for civilian control has few takers

9

With America and Pakistan becoming closer politically, Umer Rashid examines the recent American bill to provide Pakistan with aid

Many Pakistanis remain unconvinced that civilian aid can make a dent in improving their lives

American aid is unlikely to reach those most in need, such as these orphans from Pakistan’s Swat valley among ordinary Pakistanis. Nevertheless, many Pakistanis remain unconvinced that civilian aid can make a dent in improving their lives. A recent Gallup poll found only 15 per cent of Pakistanis supportive of the US aid package. “It’s not only about the conditionalities [on aid money], but disenchantment with aid as an instrument of development,” reported Ijaz Gilani, the Gallup Pakistan pollster.

Zambian economist Dambisa Moyo, the author of Dead Aid: Why Aid Is Not Working and How There is Another Way for Africa, suggested an alternative approach involving trade and foreign investment to ensure a meaningful improvement in Africa.

No such thing as free lunch W hen I walk into a deli or go to a restaurant, I order food. This food is good for me, it nourishes me, and it makes me stronger. I don’t exactly need it, it is certainly a premium. One thing is clear; I don’t expect to get it for free. If I can’t afford the restaurant food, I eat my own. If I can’t afford that, I can get food stamps under social welfare. Thus, to demand free food would be unreasonable.

Why, then, should be the opposite be true for third level education? We recognise that to attend university is a choice; we recognise the opportunities that it opens up for us. We don’t necessarily have to go to one of the universities - there are many institutes of higher education we could attend if we so fancy, so there is a level of premium attached to institutions.

Considering that there are mechanisms for grants, if we want to go to college then we can receive a subsidy. If we can afford then we should be obliged to we pay our own way.

This country needs the drain of free university education to be consigned to history. Public debts are at an all-time high, and year after year, Ireland’s universities siphon off unnecessarily high amounts

of money from the coffers. Were fees to be introduced, everyone would be a winner.

The universities would get more cash.

This appears to be paradoxical but look at it this way. By having the majority of students pay their dues, universities can receive similar levels of funding that the government gives them presently, so the colleges run as they currently do. This frees up the government to do more things. First, it can give targeted funding to improve services and facilities without having to pay for the day to day running of universities. Second, it allows it to increase the subsidy payments to the socially disadvantaged to get them into university. The cost to the government will be less than if they tried to do all three things (run, fund and subsidise), but the benefits realised to society overall will be net.

Furthermore, opening up the university to market forces would result in gains to students. Universities will be necessitated to evolve from the lumbering giants that they currently are into highly competitive machines. Courses will need to be academically fine tuned; student services will need to be effective and of high quality. Moreover, there will need to be an attractive price to ensure there is sufficient take up.

People oppose fees at the moment because to reintroduce them would apparently force some students out of college.

However, at the moment people are prevented from attending because subsidies, as they stand, do too little. Freeing up government capital allows more comprehensive welfare systems to be brought in, bringing more disadvantaged people into college.

For those who fall outside the range of subsidies, there are those who can pay outright and there are those who can avail of new student loan products (which you pay off, whether you emigrate or not) or even more socially fitting would be payment via graduate tax, paying for the benefit accrued should a third-level education result in a well-paid job.

The recent backpedalling by the Government on force of the Green Party was a step in the wrong direction. Fianna Fáil was scared into accepting a deal as a way of saving cabinet members their jobs. It may seem as a victory to the Greens, to Labour and to every student union out there but it is a crippling blow to the state as a whole.

There was no proper governmental debate on the issue of third-level fees. No white papers were tendered. No academic

Some Pakistani commentators have raised similar voices emphasizing trade, not aid, being the need of the hour for the crumbling economy of Pakistan. Tariq Fatemi, a former Pakistani diplomat, suggests that granting Pakistani goods access to the US market would be appreciated much more than any aid package, as it would bring direct benefits to local industry and employment.

Pakistan received almost $12 billion in aid from the United States between 2001 and 2009, but the lion’s share went on military spending and did not reach the common people.

Instead of earning goodwill for America, the aid tended to associate the

US with Pakistan’s corrupt and inefficient rulers, thus forwarding their unpopularity to the Americans.

While shifting the bulk of aid package from military to social and development sectors is a commendable move, policymakers in Washington would be well advised not to become over-reliant on aid in the “battle of hearts and minds”.

As Doug Bandow, a senior fellow at Cato Institute, says: “Rather than pouring more good money after bad, the U.S. should lift tariff barriers on Pakistani goods. What the Pakistani people need is not more misnamed ‘foreign aid’ funnelled through corrupt and inefficient bureaucracies, but jobs.”

James Fagan argues that a golden opportunity was lost in abandoning the return of third level fees

The culture of free permeating our generation prevents us from attaining the best services possible institution input was given, bar the inflammatory antics by student groups. A worthy idea was thought up, but it was never given the rational discussion it deserved – becoming a bargaining chip, thrown away to appease the political fatcats.

It is an endemic problem in our society that people entertain the notion of deserving things as a right. This is false; the only things we should be actively provided are

those things that keep us alive – basic securities such as food, medicine and housing need to be given. Then come second order necessities like education, awarded through giving people the opportunity to partake in them.

We are entrenched in a culture of taking things for granted, and when asked to take on our burden we balk. For a better education system we need to take up the slack.

10

THE UNIVERSITY OBSERVER

27.10.09

FEATURES

features@universityobserver.ie

Driving Miss Bracken With almost three years of driving experience under her belt, Amy Bracken wasn’t happy to hear that her Thursday morning would involve a brush-up lesson. As things turn out, however, she may have spoken far, far too soon, as any Merville pedestrian have seen last week...

“B

ut I can drive!”

My reaction to the Features Editor’s proposal of a driving lesson was one of total indignance. As the proud owner of my very own scrap of metal on wheels, and having been driving for almost three years, I was pretty insulted at the suggestion that a driving lesson might be a necessity.

Yet life is full of bitter pills, and thus I swallowed mine and reluctantly took to the driving seat. My initial reaction was a response to the sheer comfort of the shiny new car – I have become adjusted to sinking into the seat of my own banger. After proceeding to the ritual of adjusting the mirrors to my liking, I was – quite literally – ready to roll.

“So you can actually drive then?”, was the instructor’s opening gambit.

“Yes, I’ve been driving since I was 17.”

“Well, in that case, whenever you’re ready…”

Knocking the gear stick into reverse, flashbacks of my first driving lessons came to mind. “Lessons”, in fact, is a doubtful choice of word – I’ve always felt I had only two inductions to driving a car; a random spin around a field with my brother when I was about 14, and my first attempt on the roads on that fateful day with a driving instructor who was

actually qualified.

“Just knock it back into neutral there for a second.”

Confused, I did as requested, and looked inquisitively at the instructor.

“What car do you normally drive?”

“A Ford Escort.”

“OK, so have you ever taken lessons on an instructor’s car before?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Right, so then you do know that you need to press the button on the gear-stick to put it in reverse?”

Cringe. Once again my nineties car has hit me where it hurts. With crimson cheeks, and marvelling at the way the car had six gears as opposed to five, I did as instructed and started the familiar foot mechanisms. Piece of cake.

Famous last words. As soon as I began to raise the clutch, I walloped my knee off the steering wheel.“Maybe you need to adjust your seat slightly”, comes the gentle advice from beside me.

Seat level corrected, once again I began the motions. Eureka! We were on the road.

Determined to demonstrate my driving experience, I ignored the fact that I was finding it impossible to manoeuvre the strange vehicle and kept a brave face – that is, until we reached the first junction.

Deftly indicating right, and judging

Obsession O

n 14th October, Peter Kowalczyk spent five hours waiting outside a branch of Waterstone’s book shop in Piccadilly, where X Factor winner Leona Lewis was due to sign copies of her new autobiography.

In an event that has almost monopolised celebrity gossip headlines for the past fortnight, Kowalczyk waited until he was at the top of the queue before assaulting Lewis, punching her in the head. Footage of the incident has leaked onto YouTube, showing Lewis being escorted out while security tackle Kowalczyk to the ground as he laughs maniacally.

It’s one of those bizarre stories you couldn’t make up, and has inspired a fair amount of awful puns (one blog post: “Apparently she kept bleeding, kept, kept bleeding…”), but there is a serious side to it. Celebrities are often accused of having cushy, detached lifestyles, but in fact, as the assault showed, they are as prone to danger as the average Joe. Of course the herds of security guards that follow each celebrity give them a sense of security none of us have, but as the story demonstrated, such shields are not always impenetrable.

The motives behind the attack are unclear. Initial tabloid reports jumped to the standard sociopathic loner/stalker hypothesis, but as the story developed the conclusion appeared different. It seems that Kowalczyk was a failed X Factor contestant, and was intensely jealousy of Lewis for her victory. Both reports are sketchy, but both put the incident down to Kowalczyk‘s obsession, whether it was a veneration or loathing of the star. Of course, it has to be an exceptional level of obsession – there is a very fine line between screaming in the front row at their concert and staying quiet

in the bushes outside their house.

It is impossible for us to imagine what drives people to act out in such a way.

Maybe the only insights that we have are gained from fiction. When most read the initial coverage of the attack on Leona Lewis, they – myself included – assumed the attack was carried out by a stalker.

This led my mind to think of Misery, Rob Reiner’s film about an obsessed female fan who holds her favourite author hostage, and then to Scorcese’s criminally underrated King of Comedy, which tackles almost identical issues.

The fictional never approaches the weirdness of real life The female stalkers in these films, played respectively by Cathy Bates and Sandra Bernhardt, can still scare any man off the idea of fame. But it’s not always women who serve as the basis for fictional obsessees. Let us not forget ‘Stan’, Eminem’s ode to a fan whose devotion to the rapper drives him to mental breakdown.

All these have become iconic, and are all likely to be quoted at anyone who is seen by their friends as developing an obsession.

But, these are all fictional, and the fictional never approaches the weirdness of real life.

The most notorious case of celebrity obsession is the murder of John Lennon. The assassin, Mark David Chapman, was less an obsessive fan and more an obsessive hater. He thought Lennon had betrayed him by making negative comments about

my timing perfectly (for once – I have been known to cause near-fatalities by misjudging the amount of time I had to move off); I began to relax and feel rather elated.

“Your indicator is on there.” Cringe.

Again.

Having gotten my own car over a year ago, I had become adjusted to the fact that in the year of its manufacture, the world’s car designers had yet to discover the magic of automatic indicator cancellation. My reflexes had sent me to cancel the indicator, which resulted in the left one coming on. Quickly rectifying my blunder, we continued with the lesson.

“Is there anything in particular you feel you need to practice?”

What?! “I don’t think I need to, to be honest, but seeing as we have time I suppose I could practise reversing round a corner.” My father had mentioned – repeatedly - that this is not my strong point.

Pulling into one of the student residences, I ducked as I recognised the friend of a friend. I just knew something was about to go pear-shaped.

I was right. Our combined corner choice couldn’t have been less strategically placed, as it quickly emerged that we were blocking a line of at least five cars, both ahead and behind. Eventually, it was decided that we should abandon

the reversing idea. “Well in general, your driving seems fine.”

Well, I should hope so. Didn’t you hear me say that I’ve been driving for a number of years?!

“I actually have to be in a tutorial in ten minutes, so perhaps we’ll just head back?” I suggested. No prizes for guessing that I just wanted to get out of there.

“OK. I suppose it’d be quicker to go back the Clonskeagh way?”

We proceeded to Roebuck road, and I finally began to relax, having discovered that the driving instructor is from the same county as me, and enjoying the conversation. Until…

“Brake!!” CRINGE. Now I remember why I hate driving in urban areas. I often

forget to watch for traffic lights.

I can safely say that I have never been so relieved to get out of a car – ever.

Expressing my gratitude, I literally ran to my tutorial (not just because I wanted to get away, but because I was also late), vowing never again to accept tasks confidently, as it almost always backfires.

Pride certainly precedes a fall.

There has been lots of talk recently about the necessity for motorists to take regular driving tests to help them adjust to changing road practises, but this is patently ridiculous. Once you learn to drive, you never forget how to drive… right?

Now where did I put that driving instructor’s business card..?

The recent assault on X Factor winner Leona Lewis demonstrated the extremes of fan obsession, Cormac Duffy explores the weird and far-from-wonderful world of celebrities and their biggest fans religion and abandoning the hippie lifestyle, and decided – much like Kowalczyk – that something had to be done.

Stranger still is the case of John Hinckley Jr, a delusional psychotic who developed an obsession with Jodie Foster after seeing her in the movie Taxi Driver. Foster was only 13 years old when she starred in the movie, and Hinckley continued to stalk her until she was 17 and studying in Yale University. As she spurned his advances, he tried to win her affection by attempting to assassinate then-US President, Ronald Reagan. Reagan was fortunate to survive the attack, and Hinckley remains under psychiatric care to this day.

Foster’s brush with Hinckley showed the danger of putting teens and younger children in the public eye, and was not the only occurrence. Irritating tween Miley Cyrus was frequently reported to have been stalked by a middle-aged man. And last March, security at CBS television network arrested a trespasser on the set of Dancing with the Stars. It was reported that a search of his car revealed guns, duct tape, zip ties, and love letters addressed to 17-year-old gymnast Shawn Johnson, a contestant on the show. It rarely gets any scarier than that.

Whatever drives stalkers and obsessed fans is truly beyond our empathy; and it should probably remain so, but maybe it is possible for us to see the celebrity lifestyle in a new way. We tend to focus on the glamour, the fat pay cheques, the publicity and the general luxury they surround themselves with.

Yet the exposure someone receives as a celebrity comes with risks and dangers that can’t be ignored. By now it’s almost sure that most stars have learned to feel a certain sense of wariness when they hear the phrase “I’m your biggest fan!”.

Mark David Chapman took obsession to previously unknown levels when he shot John Lennon in 1980

27.10.09

THE UNIVERSITY OBSERVER

11

FEATURES

features@universityobserver.ie

Northern de-lights After months of journalistic curiosity, Peter Molloy finally got his grubby paws on a bottle of God’s own mixed flavour drink. Puzzled? Read on!

Peter Molloy Features Editor

T

here’s a long-standing convention in journalism – even at this level – that private jokes shouldn’t make their way to print.

It makes perfect sense. After all, what’s side-splittingly amusing in a newspaper office at half-past eleven on the Friday night of a production weekend might not necessarily translate to the real world when crisp new copies of The University Observer emerge on to campus on a Tuesday morning.

In any case, journalists of any description are usually strange creatures. They might be able to make a cursor bounce across a laptop screen to create something magical week in and week out, but that doesn’t automatically make them the kind of hilarious social animals you’d like to find yourself wedged beside on a long bus journey. More often than not, hacks are best left to scribbling away in darkened news rooms, only sporadically emerging for a gasped cigarette and a cup of plastic-tinged coffee.

Occasionally though, just occasionally, something happens that’s significant enough to merit breaching that unspoken boundary. For me, that something happened this week.

A certain amount of explanation is required here. Two things about the The University Observer have always struck me: one is the sheer amount of tat that can sometimes blag its way past the bouncers at the front door in the guise of free gifts, samples, and products for review in one issue or another. In that respect at least, there’s nothing particularly unique about this newspaper – it happens the world over.

Over the years I’ve spent desperately clinging on to a role within this paper; I’ve had to avoid tripping over everything from piles of unwanted CDs (thanks, otwo), to box after box of blue Doritos (seriously – there’s still enough here to enable us to weather out a small-scale nuclear winter).

The other thing that’s always given me pause for thought is the sheer level of geographical variety our staff roster has always reflected. This may be a student newspaper based in University College Dublin; but the backgrounds of the people that make things happen around here have always been much broader

than just the big smoke. Over my time with the paper, I’ve worked with section editors and deputy editors from Meath; contributors from Canada and the US; and others from even further afield.

There’s one group, however, that have always held a particularly prominent role in this organisation – those who hail from God’s own county: Donegal. The north-west has contributed more than its fair share of talent to The University Observer over the years, from editors to deputy editors and more again. This year has been no exception to that.

In fact, a decent argument could at times be made that the small, L-shaped office in the Student Centre, from where all of this filler originates each fortnight, is in fact simply an annexed back lot of Stranorlar or Killybegs (or, depending on your perspective, an eerie echo of the Leaving Cert Irish aural tape).

It begins to have an effect. The only experience I’ve ever had of that little portion of Ireland has been a rainy week in June here and there spent skidding on a racing bike around the back roads of Glenties on school trips. I don’t have any O’Donnells or McDaids hidden away anywhere in the family tree; and I’ve never nipped across to Derry to do a spot of discount Saturday morning shopping.

For all of that, though, I’ve developed a funny attraction to the place. I don’t actually think I’m from Donegal, and I’m not about to amble over to the Belfield Bowl to watch Finn Harps on a windy Friday night any time soon. But it’s growing on me.

They’re lovely people, they really are. But just like any group, they have their own quirks and funny points. As a Dublin student through and through, nothing has ever seemed funnier – or more intriguing – than the latest addition to the stock of the Centre Club: a concoction called Football Special.

At this point, if you are a reader who hails from Donegal, you’ll be excitedly rubbing your palms together and getting ready to group-text your friends to tell them that you’ve just read about it in the student newspaper. Elaboration will be required for anyone else, however.

Football Special – according to those raised on the stuff since just after their mother’s milk – is something that defies easy categorisation. It’s a refreshing

mineral. It’s a sports drink. It’s a hangover cure to beat all others. It just… is. And most intriguingly, until recently, you couldn’t buy the stuff anywhere south of Bundoran.

Now, anyone who’s ever even considered a career in journalism is nosy. It comes with the territory. Express a desire to squint into the windows of houses with a long-lens camera in hand, or hack into someone’s e-mail account to snoop through their messages in any other context, and you have issues. Do it with a notebook in your back pocket and a quaint trilby hat with a small card saying “Press” wedged in the brim and you’re merely displaying a keen sense of dedication to your chosen profession.

I’m no exception – I’m a nosy, nosy man, burdened with a pressing desire, once something piques my curiosity, to find out as much as I possibly can about it. Football Special had distinctly ticked that box. After months of listening to colleagues from the north-west sincerely extolling the virtues of the drink, I knew I had to have some. The opportunity just never seemed to arise.

It’s made – and save your gasps of surprise –

by McDaid’s; a subsidiary, presumably, of McDaid & McDaid.

That was, at least, until our Editor made the annual pilgrimage home the weekend before last. She knew of my interest. Anyone who’s ever been foolish enough to admit to coming from Donegal within earshot of me has quickly been made aware of that insatiable puzzlement.

“Would you like me to just get you some?” she asked on Friday night.

I couldn’t believe it. I nodded mutely, and held it together just long enough to make the bus journey home. The weekend passed in a blur – nothing came close to the anticipation of having some of that mythical Donegal elixir in my paws at the start of the coming week. (Sadly it turns out she actually meant a bottle of Football Special, rather than getting me Some.)

So – what’s it like? It’s a revelation, that’s what it’s like. I gingerly cracked open the office door on Monday morning to find not one, but six plastic bottles of the stuff standing to attention on my desk.

At a glance, it fits every joking reference I’d ever made about it. It’s made – and save your gasps of surprise – by McDaid’s; a subsidiary, presumably, of McDaid & McDaid.

The 500ml bottles display a stuck on print label excitedly singing the praises of the drink using only the subtlest of Capital Letters and multiple exclamation marks!!! That’s because (according to the makers at least), Football Special is the distilled result of a “Quest for the Very Best in soft drinks”.

Should the wavering shopper remain sitting on the fence, the Ramelton bottlers have cunningly upped the ante on the blurb at the front of the label: Football Special is “Made with Donegal Water”.

I know I’m impressed, and I dropped Science after the Junior Cert, so I couldn’t even begin to guess at what the fluoride benefits might be here.

Holding a bottle in my hands just doesn’t seem real, or right. It’s like glimpsing Shergar trotting around a paddock in the background as you enjoy a gin on the veranda with Elvis and Lord Lucan. Eventually though, it has to be done.

I pluck up my courage and unscrew the cap. It’s… well, very, very nice. I’m not sure what exactly I expected, but Foot-

ball Special fits the bill nicely. It tastes somewhat like a jazzed-up Ribena, with the added kick that can only be given by Donegal Water, naturally. Well, hopefully the stuff is natural.

Five days on, and I’ve binged on the stuff. The Features desk (there is no features desk Peter, that’s MY desk – Ed) is surrounded by crushed and empty plastic bottles of ‘Special, casualties of my failing efforts to discipline myself and leave some for Donegal colleagues who might actually appreciate that little touch of home more than me.

A monster has been let out of the bag with this one. And no, McDaid’s haven’t paid me in crates of syrupy goodness.

Although they’re welcome to.

Regional Treats Some of the lesser known produce from around Ireland that you’re unlikely to find on sale at the campus Centra any time soon…

Prince August Toy Soldiers, Cork Toy soldiers? In Macroom? Really?

It’s true, though. Get yourself down to the Prince August visitor centre and choose from a range of little men ranging from Roman Legionaries to Napoleonic Redcoats. Go on; indulge the child/final year History student inside you. www.princeaugust.ie Llewellyn’s Orchard Produce, Dublin Irish wine – surely a misnomer? Not for David Llewellyn. His Lusca Irish wine is grown in Lusk, County Dublin, and is regularly on sale in markets like that at the People’s Park in Dun Laoghaire every Sunday. Chateauneuf de Swords, anyone?

The Alternative Pizza Company, Cork There must be something entrepreneurial in the tap water down in Munster. Chef Dave Flynn created what has to be one of the only wholly Irish pizza companies in existence in 2004. The Italian staple goes through a distinctively Gaelic overhaul, with flavours like Bacon and Cabbage, or Black Pudding and Provençale Sauce being particularly eye-catching. Available in supermarket outlets nationwide; or visit www.alternativepizza.ie

12

THE UNIVERSITY OBSERVER

27.10.09

FEATURES

features@universityobserver.ie

Back to basics Tired of foraging through the library in search of a seat with a plug, Peter Molloy decides to simplify things with a return to a gentler way of writing Peter Molloy Features Editor

I

t might differ from person to person, but I’m willing to wager that a substantial proportion of the UCD community, be they students or staff, go about written work in a very similar way.

It probably goes a little something like this: receive assignment. Open Word.

Type a header. If you’re in a particularly creative frame of mind, tap your way through an opening sentence. Get up, have a coffee, and stretch the legs. Repeat ad nauseum, and after a day or three of somewhat less-than-toiling effort, you might be left with something vaguely fit for submission on Blackboard (or the furtive slide under an office door, if you’ve missed the deadline). All of the above is dependant, of course, on you actually securing the facilities to stare unproductively at a computer screen.

The thing is, it’s often easier said than done.

It’s Friday afternoon, and I’ve just emerged blinking into the sunlight after a week of mid-term essays. It’s been about as rough as it ever is.

There’s a certain established etiquette to the art of securing a fully plugged-up seat in the James Joyce Library. It took me until Christmas of Second Year to become fully accustomed to the rhythm of that little daily race.

Getting up early is a prerequisite: yielding to the lure of a lie-in is a rookie’s fatal mistake. The seasoned library laptop user is hovering in the lobby outside the main entrance by 8:20am, bag slung over shoulder, half-finished cup of coffee in hand, and determined grimace on face. Oh yes, this is a serious business; make no mistake about it.

As the clock ticks down to the glass doors sliding open, glances are slyly cast.

The competition is being weighed up.

Eventually, the entrance opens and bags and folders are hastily snatched up as the surge to the turnstiles begins. It’s like some bizarre version of the running of the bulls, but one with hoodied undergraduates instead of riled Iberian cattle.

Once through the entrance, the mob sluices left and right as people dash – or rather walk as furiously fast as dignity will allow them – for their favoured spot. Be quick enough on your toes and victory awaits. At least, that is, if the pressures of college work can warp your horizons sufficiently to render annexing your own little portion of the library on a Monday morning an achievement.

It’s a depressing state of affairs. And I’ve had enough of it. So today, I’m doing

something very, very different.

The past five hundred words or so have been written – yes, written. Not typed, tapped, copied-and-pasted or scanned, but written. I have a ball-point pen in my hand, an open A4 pad in front of me, and another sheaf or so of blank pages to populate in my deep, heavy hand-writing.

This is indeed a novelty. I haven’t tried to write anything more elaborate than hurriedly scribbled tutorial or lecture notes since 20th June, 2006. In a possibly related note, I finished my Leaving Certificate on 21st June, 2006.

Since that point, it’s been computer power all the way. I came wide-eyed on to the Belfield campus with little more than a seriously underdeveloped work ethic and a shiny new rectangular lump of metal and plastic, courtesy of Dell.

That September morning was the start of an enduring love affair with the electronic document. Since then, at even a rough estimate, my fingers have moved sluggishly across the keyboard to produce something in the region of forty to fifty essays, take-home exams and inclass presentations.

That’s not to mention the adjuncts.

I’m one of those afflicted souls who likes to maintain an almost fascist approach to correct spelling and grammar. In practice, that means I’m anal enough to go to the trouble of typing even e-mails out as a Word document first before copying and pasting them into Hotmail.

The cumulative effect of all of this has meant that my interaction with computers and typing has moved beyond dependence to the frightening depths of addiction. It has been bad. At times, I’m ashamed to admit, I’ve even stooped to the level of one of those desperate characters who see no problem in hauling a laptop from their bags to jot down notes in a crowded lecture hall.

But no more.

As I turn the page over to a fresh sheet, I’m reflecting that things are going, well, at least slightly better than anticipated.

But the day hasn’t been without its own learning curve. Put simply, I’m not used to this. Looking back over what I’ve written, I can spot glaring errors. Commas and punctuation marks are lying in places they shouldn’t be.

For once, there’s no glowing red line to highlight the words I’ve mangled and spelt incorrectly. Usually, when I bang a sentence out that’s too jumbled or lengthy, or simply doesn’t read well, the green line appears like a discreet head waiter when a patron’s had too much to drink, politely suggesting that I revise my attitude. Not today, though.

It’s taking me longer to write – and it’s far more effort. My hand is already sore and cramped, and the relatively neat script that commenced the article a page ago has degenerated into a loose, untidy scrawl. It feels almost like I’m crouched over in a draughty hall in the RDS in early December or May, feverishly pontificating about Cromwellian invasions or social change in nineteenth century Ireland; all against the clock.

As I push my chair back and get up to slouch outside for a cigarette, I can’t help but reflect on the crowning irony of all of this. For all my bright-eyed and bushytailed ideas of literally writing a feature about not using a computer for formal writing; I will, still, have to sit down at the end of all this and transcribe my ef-

forts on to a computer.

That’s the niggling thing, you see.

Endeavouring to turn the clock back and go and write something for a change is a bit like deciding to opt out of anything involving electrical current in everyday life. It’s an awful lot more easily said than done.

Even the most benign student newspaper editor in the country is unlikely to accept a clutch of scribbled pages as a finished article. And our esteemed publication accepts nothing less than pristine word documents. Things don’t work like that anymore. Emails and attachments are the currency of professional life these days, not coffee-stained manuscripts.

By exactly the same token, there isn’t a school in UCD that will, in 2009, accept hand-written documents for academic assessments. No, typed and double-spaced is the name of the game on campus.

So, am I fundamentally wasting my time here? Perhaps not. If nothing else, setting out to do my best with pen and paper alone has reminded me of exactly why I usually have a preference for Microsoft’s greatest hits.

It’s time-consuming, and not infrequently frustrating. The mistakes and rough drafts along the way can’t be corrected with a just a deft slide of the mouse and a few strategic taps of the delete button. True, they will be corrected when it comes to typing everything up, but then why bother in the first place?

Somewhere along the line between being written out and appearing in print in front of you, what you’re reading will have changed from a rough draft in pen ink to an immaculate, paragraphed and spaced series of neat columns. Symmetry and regular spacing will take the place of splodges of Tippex and lines scored out in red pen. I don’t think I’ll be retiring my fountain pen just yet, but when all’s said and done, I think I know which format of this piece I’d rather read.

That September morning was the start of an enduring love affair with the electronic document

27.10.09

THE UNIVERSITY OBSERVER

FEATURES

features@universityobserver.ie

Ghostbusters it ain’t

I

’ve always wanted to go on the Dublin Ghost Bus tour. Call me sad – others have. But there’s something fun about pretending to be a tourist (you’d have to pretend to be a tourist wouldn’t you?) and visiting all of Dublin’s crazy scary places.

Unfortunately I could never find anyone in my pool of friends who shared the opinion, or indeed who didn’t just laugh and rather swiftly change the subject to magnanimously ignore my social faux paux (sic). Good friends though.

So as it went, I’ve managed almost six-and-a-half years living in Dublin, and have only caught fleeting glimpses of the magical purple bus as it zoomed past me Harry Potter-style with no one else caring or noticing.

And then it hit me. Not the bus, obviously, but the only legitimate way I could board that bus without being the laughing stock I had always feared I would. The wonderful world of feature writing. If I was to write an article about experiencing Dublin from a tourist point of view, and if said article were to appear around Halloween, then what other medium of transport could deliver such the ideal package? None, and so with absolutely no one to have to sell the idea to, I set to work.

Working, in fact, meant relaying my epiphany to a good friend on Gchat – all epiphanies should be run by someone before being publically broadcast; it saves face and possible execution. She suggested I bring a pig with me.

Yes that’s what I thought too, but according to herself, there is an extraordinary group of ordinary guys in Ireland called PIGs – Paranormal Investigation Guys. Well that just sounded cool. And so I was introduced to Mark Guerin, an Irish paranormal aficionado and parttime PIG. Mark informed me there was a new ghost tour of Dublin called the Fright Night tour, which would only be running until 31st October, and which had promised much more scares and fun than the regular tour according to their website. Sold.

And so everything had fallen into place for this feature, and a sneaky fulfilling of an early twenties dream. Suitable

13

scary Halloween experience – tick. Recording device to capture all my Yvette Fielding moments – tick. Extra batteries to capture all my Yvette Fielding moments – tick. Paranormal expert – tick.

Awesome London old style black double decker bus – tick. Three tickets for said bus (good friends deserve tickets) – tick.

Let’s roll.

Around five minutes in to the tour, we knew something had gone horribly, but not scarily, wrong. It may have been the group of extremely drunk students up the front (we cool kids sat waaaay down the back), or it may have been the awful acting of Esther, the gravedigging tour guide. It simply may have been the fact that as we zoomed towards the Phoenix Park, ‘Esther’ was murdering some rather famous Dublin ghost stories courtesy of a mash up worthy of Mr Shue, and telling them in the least spooky way I have ever seen. This was not looking good.

Beside me, Mark was filling in the gaping plot holes and pointing out some rather interesting paranormal hotspots we had sped right by. With less than ten minutes gone on the clock, I was hoping ‘Esther’ would break her microphone over one of those students’ heads and be carted off by the ‘Peelers’ she was constantly referring to. All I really wanted though, was to hear what Mark was trying to tell me. Meanwhile, Good Friend was bemusedly taking pictures.

Fortunately there was a long enough reprieve from the dross up the front of the bus for Mark to tell me about some of the places he had visited in his work.

We had passed one building in the city centre where all the staff had separately reported strange goings-on in the form of noises and ghostly sights. The PIGs had stepped in to investigate. One sighting in particular had turned up a chilling revelation. Staff in the office had reported seeing the head and torso of an elderly man in pyjamas asking “what’s

going on?” Mark and his guys had then discovered the very little-known fact that the building had been used as a hospital many, many years ago. I asked him if he believed the staff had seen what they’d said; he replied that when they compared the stories of all the different staff, they’d all seen similar things, and just not told one another for fear of ridicule. In short yes, he did.

But that was where the evening turned icky again. For we had reached the park, and ‘Esther’ was now warning of the dangers of banshees who inhabited the Phoenix Park trying to lure people to their deaths with combs. I think ‘Esther’ may have gotten her stories mixed up with eighties news reports, but I didn’t want to burst her bubble.

to “check it out” she said, “if you find a comb don’t be picking it up” she said, and “whatever you do don’t look out the window” she said. “Le sigh”, I said.

When we did in fact look out the window, we saw that we were in a dark and rather isolated area of the Phoenix Park, this looked good for some proper scaring. Mark, Good Friend and I were convinced that someone on the bus would be soon finding a comb down the side of their seat or on the floor. (Well, it later transpired that Mark was hoping some sort of hydraulic comb would be released outside the bus to dangle spookily in front of the windows, his expectations had clearly not suffered as mine had from the first 20 minutes of this spectacle.) At the very least I had hoped there would be some of the infamous banshee wailing and maybe ‘Esther’ would don a cloak and go haring about outside the bus.

None of the above.

A banshee did come up to the top deck, we’re to this day not certain if it was ‘Esther’ or ‘Seánín’ but either way it was crap.

And so with the most golden of golden opportunities missed in the park, we headed for Glasnevin cemetery. According to Mark, this was quite the coup for the tour. No one had ever been allowed to take tour groups into the cemetery after hours for a ghost tour, and a little of my hope was rekindled.

Once inside the graveyard, we were greeted by two other characters as ‘Esther’ and ‘Seánín’ needed a drink presumably. ‘Maurice’ and, eh…‘Digger’ were to take over for the graveyard part of the tour. To be fair to these two lads, they did a good job in acting their parts, but their stories were still wholly unscary. The led us along to a few graves and told some half-hearted yarns about how the people had died. In fact at one stage he was retelling the chilling story of the woman buried in the grave before him, when according to the headstone there reposed the soul of a man named John.

I think ‘Esther’ may have gotten her stories mixed up with eighties news reports, but I didn’t want to burst her bubble We were ordered NOT to look out the window: in fact we were ordered NOT to look out the window so many times that I began to wonder if ‘Esther’ had just seen someone she knew outside and didn’t want to be spotted with a group of…well. It was at this point that ‘Esther’ contrived a rather ridiculous plot device involving a mirror, her sidekick ‘Seánín’ and a poor unfortunate named Walsh.

(Apparently Banshees like the name Walsh. You read it here first folks.) When Ms Walsh stated her name, Esther had a mini-conniption and ‘Seánín’ was instructed to get the mirror. Now, we’ve all seen Buffy, and threfore know that vampires do not have a reflection, the same is apparently true for those possessed by banshees. Ms Walsh did have a reflection thankfully, but in a dramatic twist, it turned out that the driver’s name was also Walsh and, in an unfortunate timing incident, the bus ground to a halt about 45 seconds later. ‘Esther’ needed

Halloween’s upon us yet again, so Catriona Laverty decided to write the ubiquitous scary feature.

Things didn’t quite go to plan…

The atmosphere it had to be said, was ruined by the drunk students, who in a fit of unashamed knackerishness began to drink even more in the graveyard.

The highlight of the graveyard tour was the trip to the famous round tower in Glasnevin, and a walk around the crypts at its base.

While following ‘Maurice’ through the narrow moat we discovered to our patent non-horror that one of the crypt doors was open. I thought this may be the moment the tour would redeem itself, and Mark was rather optimistic too, Good Friend was a mix of amused and cold.

‘Maurice’ regaled us with the tale of the priest who had inhabited the crypt and warned us not to go looking for him.

Then he led us back to the main gate.

As we walked, I was watching out for ‘Esther’ the frenzied zombie priest and her vicious flesh-eating attack I was sure was about to happen, but it never did.

Rather than learning about paranormal Dublin, Mark and I were now engaged in conversation about the shortcomings of the tour, and the half-hearted way it had been constructed. Even that conversation ground to an abrupt halt though when we saw the horror that awaited us on the seats of the bus.

Song lyrics.

The return leg of the journey was ghastly, scary and stomach churning. To the tune of ‘Wild Rover’ ‘Esther’ and her posse belted out the gravedigger’s song.

“Eye roll” Good Friend said. “Shakes head” Mark said. “Make it stop” I said.

And then it did.

As we prepared to leave the bus, Mark engaged in a spot of shameless self-promotion, telling people about the Dublin ParaCon which he and his friends are organising.

We decided to head for a spot of dinner nearby, and during the course of the meal, stumbled upon another way for me to fulfill my dreams of learning about scary haunted Dublin, and writing a scary feature. And it will be deadly.

Mark Guerin will give a talk on paranormal tonight at 6.30 in K217, Newman Building.

ParaCon takes place on 7th November in the SAS Radisson Hotel on Golden Lane.

14

THE UNIVERSITY OBSERVER

27.10.09

FEATURES

features@universityobserver.ie

To be or not to BNP?

N

After a week of embarrassing publicity, Slightly Mollified is forced to publicly confront a dark incident in his past

ot again. It’s early on a rainy October Tuesday and I’m standing outside the Observer office in the Student Centre. Some bright spark has being playing with the red permanent markers again. They’ve scrawled it right across the front door.

‘NO TO RASIST JOURNALISM!’ Rasist? Sigh. This campus needs a better class of protestor. I make my way into the building and let myself into the office. It’s much the same story as soon as I check my e-mail.

‘YOU B*STARD!’ Jenny from 2nd Year Science has been thoughtful enough to drop me a few lines on the above. ‘Rot in hell, Mollified’ is Seán from 3rd Medicine’s contribution to the debate. ‘Please, please get in touch – I think I may be pregnant’ is… eh, well, forget about that for the moment.

This is just getting annoying now. I’m idly thinking of calling some sort of press conference when a movement I see in the corner of my eye attracts my attention. I duck just in time to avoid the brick that comes crashing through the office window.

It lies in the carpet, surrounded by a sheen of broken glass. It’s brown. I can’t quite tell if this is an achingly hip metaphor for inclusion, or if the cretins have just dismantled the nearest wall they could find.

I’m still weighing it up in my head when I notice the chanting outside.

Squinting through the broken window, I can make out the press of bodies moving towards me across the lobby of the Student Centre. Here and there, a bright flicker of orange breaks up the dark mass as torches are ignited. This is like a bad dream. Looking closer, I’m sure I can even discern one yokel in the middle grasping a pitch-fork.

In the front rank, Scottie Ahearn is kneeling down with an empty wine bottle clasped between his legs, carefully topping it up with petrol before stuffing a dirty rag in to the top. He looks up and catches my panicked eyes.

Scottie’s normally my best source; what on earth’s he doing? He’s mouthing something at me in silent apology. Stoats?

Boats? What’s the Tipperary Ranger on about now? Then I get it. Votes. Scottie shakes his head sorrowfully; and then raises his voice for the benefit of the mob: “Burn the fascist!!”

The Blueshirt has never really had much of a feeling for irony.

I crouch down under my desk and think furiously. Years of lazy student journalism haven’t prepared me for this. *** It had all started just over two months ago, in the very same office. The Editor was sitting at his desk; shirt sleeves rolled up over massive, meaty arms; a smouldering cigar clenched in one corner of his mouth… actually I lie. That misguided week I spend as a naïve fresher writing the Tribune’s Dramsoc column has permanently blurred my grasp of fact and fiction.

The Editor is actually a she; and on that day in late August, the sun beaming down, and birds in the trees; she’d fixed me with a rather worrying smile.

“It’ll be the making of you, Mollified,” she said, as innocently as she could.

“I’m really, really not sure about this,” I replied. And it was true. This struck even my egotistical mind as one of the most flawed schemes to emerge from the mouth of a female since Eve had been bighearted enough to share her packed lunch with Adam.

“Nonsense”, she shot back, a glinting little smile still fixed in to place. “It would be the scoop of the century. No Irish newspaper of any kind has ever been able to get someone undercover into the BNP.” This was just too much. I had to point it out to her.

“Isn’t that because no Irish newspaper has ever really been arsed getting someone into the BNP? I mean, it is the British National Party. Is it really… well, all that relevant?”

“Of course it is! Just think; we’ll beat them all: the Times; the Indo; Trinity News… especially Trinity News…”

I was starting to like the sound of this.

But I’m a fool. If I wasn’t a fool, then I would have stopped picturing the cold feel of a Pulitzer Prize being pressed into my perma-tanned hands; and I would have looked up in time to see the little grin that she flashed to the person sitting across the room.

If I’d been even less of an idiot again; then I would have realised who the person she was looking at was. Fintan Reynolds.

The lying, jumped-up little prick.

He’s been after my spot at the section editor’s table ever since he managed to door-step Daniel O’Donnell when he was staying in the Shelbourne last year and got that front-page interview about his decade of struggling with a cake jumper addiction. The bastard. If I’d figured it out there and then, I would have leapt for the nearest stationary cabinet and stapled them both between their conniving eyes.

But I just never saw it coming.

“I’m your man!” I announced.

“Superb,” she purred. “If you’d just like to sign here, here, and here,” sliding the form across the table.

“Am I of pure Anglo-Saxon or Celtic descent?”, I read aloud as I glance over the membership document. I can’t resist it. “Well, probably more Celtic than anything, but there was that class trip to Manchester where I definitely felt a few different Angles while getting… getting some… Sax…” I look up. She’s not amused.

“Just sign the bloody thing, you ass”, she snaps.

“Yes, Ma’am”, I mumble, and hand the form back.

She seals the form in its envelope and puts it into the post trolley. “Congratulations, Mollified – you’re now a member of the BNP!” I thank her and get up to go. As I pull the office door shut behind me, I tell myself that it isn’t the sound of cackling I can hear behind me. *** Of course, the treacherous cow leaked it.

Or rather, Reynolds leaked it – you can be sure she didn’t do the dirty work herself.

I can just picture the little shit now, brushing his greasy mop out of the way as he crouches over the Wikileaks website.

The turd. I’d have the keyboard swept for flakes of acne residue afterwards.

None of that’s going to help me now though. The sound of baying is getting closer and closer as the crowd floods into the Students’ Union corridor. This could be my stickiest situation yet.

As the first banging starts on the door, I glance up and see her. No, it couldn’t be. It just couldn’t be.

The Editor herself is standing outside, long-lens camera in hand. I fling open the door and bundle her inside before the great unwashed outside can string me from the nearest pile of Freshers’ Week t-shirt boxes.

“What are you doing here?!”

She smiles, but it’s not a pleasant smile.

“Ah, Mollified. This is going to be the Observer’s story of the decade. You really didn’t think I’d pass up the chance to cover it, did you?”

“You wouldn’t dare!” I respond. “Not even you would stoop this low!”

“Oh, but I would. Don’t worry though; you’ll still have your fifteen minutes of campus fame… I’ll make sure the colour shot of your charred carcass goes on the front page.”

I think desperately. Behind me, the office door is beginning to buckle under the pressure from outside. This is not how the Mollified story is meant to end. That was meant to involve a bath full of cocaine and a bevvy of nubile young ladies from the former Soviet Republics.

Then it hits me. The lock of the door; to the side of my face, as Scottie hurtles through the entrance with a dozen of his most drippy liberal assistants in tow. He has a length of rope in his hands, and being from outside the Pale, he may well have an idea about how to use it.

But I have a plan. Before the Welfare Officer can get to work, I suddenly grab the Editor and push her in front of me like a shield.

“This is the person you want!” I shout to make myself heard above the clamour.

Scottie draws up short and stares at me in suspicion. “What do you mean?”

“What do you mean?”, the Editor asks, even more loudly.

“Just listen to that northern accent,” I say. I’m desperate, absolutely desperate, but this might just work. “A northern accent? Come on, Scottie, we all know what that means. She’s almost, probably, possibly, maybe in one of those groups.

The IRB; the MOD; the DOE. I mean, come on, have you never watched UTV by mistake? If anyone should be investigated, it’s her!” I jab my finger at her to make the point.

She’s not having any of it, though. “But that’s absolutely ridiculous! I’m from Donegal!”

Scottie might just be persuaded here. I chance my arm. “Well, that’s exactly what she would say, isn’t it? I mean, I wouldn’t trust her as far as I could throw her,” I add, just to make his decision-making process easier.

It works, in a heartbeat; the crowd loses interest in me and drags her away down the corridor for a proper interrogation in Café Brava. I breathe a shaky sigh of relief.

Mollified has lived to libel another day.

I glance over at the Editor’s chair, now invitingly empty. Things can only get better.

The adult handlers of Slightly Mollified would like to stress that the writer does not, in fact, hold any kind of racist views. He’s an equal opportunities arsehole.

Please direct your ire and general abuse to slightly.mollified@universityobserver.ie

27.10.09

THE UNIVERSITY OBSERVER

15

FEATURES

features@universityobserver.ie

Stranger than fiction? Lost… but found again After a fortnight that saw a six year-old, a helium balloon, and an elaborate stunt dominate world headlines, Peter Molloy delves into the curious underworld of modern hoaxes and the people that propel them to centre stage

The Hills and Derren Brown’s Russian Roulette are both examples of TV-driven hoaxes It was an amusing Thursday evening for anyone sitting in front of a satellite news channel on 15th October. With almost debilitating speed, one particular story began to edge up through the rankings to almost achieve almost continual coverage.

The stage was Fort Collins, Colorado, and the star of this almost instant media attention was the ironically named Falcon Heene. And just how was it that young Master Heene had come to be the focus of global scrutiny? Because he was trapped in a home-made helium balloon.

Naturally.

A home-made helium balloon had been released from its moorings and was now drifting as high as 7,000 feet above the grasslands of Colorado, with a helpless Heene on board, presumably clinging on for dear life as the balloon bobbed and weaved at speed through the sky.

So far, so dramatic. The thread began to start unravelling when the balloon eventually made it back down to earth as panicked would-be rescuers quickly ascertained that there was, in fact, nobody in the basket of the device.

It transpired that Heene had actually been safe at home throughout the entire episode, oblivious to the sudden drastic changes to news schedules he had been precipitating in television studios across the planet.

A happy ending, then? Well, no – anything but, actually. It’s never appealing to concede defeat to cynicism, but for once,

the media; it rapidly became clear that the game was up.

Last weekend Falcon’s mother, Mayumi, admitted in court documents that the entire incident had been an elaborately staged hoax, designed to boost the unusual family’s media profile. In a perverse way, the plan had succeeded perfectly.

In less than a fortnight, Falcon and the Heene family have achieved a level of prominence that belies their hitherto reality as a suburban US family; albeit a highly unusual one. “Balloon Boy” has become one of the most popular internet memes of all time, while the term became the number one most searched for phrase on Google within hours of the incident – always a ready gauge of modern celebrity.

But the Colorado family haven’t exactly pioneered this sort of thing. For almost as long as elaborate deception has proved a foolproof way to gain instant notoriety, people have endeavoured to push the hoaxing boat out. Some notable hoaxes have an even lengthier pedigree.

Here are some of the best (or should it be worst?) of more recent years.

Derren Brown and “Russian Roulette” (2003) The ever-so-slightly unsettling English illusionist pulled a master stroke with this inspired stunt. Broadcast live from a remote farmhouse on the island of

“For once, the glass-is-half-empty types amongst news viewers were right on the money” the glass-is-half-empty types amongst news viewers were right on the money.

As journalists began probing further into the incident, arguably unhappy with the rather anodyne ending of the on-screen drama, the story began to unravel faster than the ropes of the loosely tethered balloon.

Falcon’s father, Richard, had form in this sort of thing. A self-described amateur scientist, storm-chaser, and allround thorough eccentric, the head of the Heene clan had already endeavoured to see the family gain exposure in US reality television shows like Wife Swap.

After a series of inopportune post-rescue interviews with both the authorities and

Jersey, of all places, Brown apparently performed a game of nerve-wracking Russian Roulette, using a revolver loaded by a randomly selected volunteer.

Perhaps predictably, the television event didn’t end with flecks of the magician’s goatee spattered all over the studio wall. Brown consistently refused to confirm or deny whether or not the weapon was in fact loaded with a live round, saying only that “it was a terrific piece of television”.

Blanks it is, then.

The Hills (2006 – infinity) This particular piece slice of reality TV gets an unworthy mention not merely in

its own right, but for being emblematic of a host of television shows over the past decade that have managed to stretch a hoax into several seasons worth of advertising revenue. We’re watching you as well, Kardashians… unfortunately.

Robert P. McCulloch and London Bridge (1967) The world stopped and scratched its head in the 1960s as the Common Council of the City of London decided to put London Bridge on the market as plans went ahead to erect a more modern replacement.

In stepped US oil millionaire Robert P. McCulloch, who parted with a cool $2,460,000 – a mere $16m in today’s money – to purchase the bridge, and ship it piece by painstaking piece for reconstruction in Arizona.

The twist lay in the fact that the unfortunate American entrepreneur was forever afterwards dogged by rumours that he had stumped up the cash in the mistaken belief that he was purchasing the much more famous Tower Bridge a few hundred yards downstream.

A true hoax? Debateable, unless the London aldermen really were laughing all the way to the bank.

De Grote Donorshow (2007) The Big Donor Show was a particularly inspired piece of television trickery

by Dutch channel BNN. Another show from the Endemol stable, noted as the producers of Big Brother, the concept saw a supposedly terminally ill woman receiving public advice via text message as to which kidney transplant candidate her organs should go to after her death. The fact that the woman in question was, in reality, a perfectly healthy actress was revealed during the course of the programme, with the show’s makers claiming that the entire project was intended to draw attention to the lack of organ donors in the Netherlands.

Altruistic or otherwise, it certainly made for heady, headline-grabbing stuff.

It’s a lucky student who gets through college without losing something. Matt Gregg talks to the founder of a novel website that might just help reunite owners and their lost property

Hey can you ring my phone so I can find it?

I can’t remember the number of times that words to this effect have meant the start of a long and often fruitless search. However, in Ireland at least, all of that could be a thing of the past for the discerning web user.

It was a lost and found story which inspired Kevin Fagan to set up his website, lost.ie, in January of 2007. He and his girlfriend, Maura Byrne, had been enjoying a New Year break in County Clare when Maura discovered she’d lost her wallet.

“We went back to where we thought we could have lost it but we couldn’t find it,” Fagan explains. “We had to return to Dublin so we just cut our losses and cancelled the credit cards.” Anyone who has befallen a similar fate can attest to the hassle experienced when a wallet is lost.

More often than not, that would have been the end of the story – but not this time. Two weeks later, a German couple were standing on Maura’s doorstep returning her wallet.

“They had been down to County Clare themselves on a little tour around Ireland and had found her wallet by the cliffs of Moher,” Fagan continues. “They were returning to Germany via Dublin Airport, so they decided to take it upon themselves to find out where she lived and hand it back to her in person.”

It turned out that they had been able to track Maura through her membership of a local Xtravision branch, and carried her wallet with them across the country. Touched as he was by the romance of the story, Fagan thought there had to be an easier way for people to perform such acts of generosity. And so, lost.ie was born.

The website is based on the concept of a nationwide Lost Property office.

If you have the misfortune of losing something, you can simply fill in a form on the website describing the item, listing your contact details and even attaching a photograph if you have one. Anyone who might find that item can then contact you and return it. By the same token, a separate form allows you to search for the owner of any lost property you might happen to stumble upon.

“The web is the perfect medium for this sort of thing,” Fagan explains, “because instead of people having to travel the length and breadth of the country to retrieve something, they could simply log on online and do

all the stuff that way.” With a success rate of roughly one in ten, it appears that Fagan might well have been on to something.

Admirably, the whole site is run on a non-profit basis; Fagan argues that he can’t justify making money off items that people have lost. However, Fagan does not interfere if site users wish to offer their own rewards. However, he is quick to point out that it’s not a requirement, because to expect a reward would “defeat the Good Samaritan purpose of the website.”

The single most reported item of lost property is the digital camera. Fagan puts this down to the fact that that cameras are not something people tend to carry about on day-to-day business.

The camera only becomes a de rigeur accessory on a night out; providing documentary evidence for Facebook of the good time that’s been had or helping to fill in the blanks the next day.

But cameras are not all that’s been mislaid in the last two years.

“We had one sensitive chap who’d lost a book of self-penned poems, and I’ll never forget the man whose Battleship was ‘stolen and cast afloat in a river than leads to the lake’. The poor guy had stressed that his ship was ‘NOT A TOY’!”

“The most bizarre one was a lady who had lost her car,” he chuckles. “She went out for a few drinks and she decided against driving home. When she went back to find her car, she’d forgotten which street she’d parked it on!”

Fagan says every form that’s filled out makes its way on to the site, but obviously he still casts his eye over them before publishing. “I’d cast an eye over each one just to make sure its not someone saying, you know, they’ve lost their virginity or they’ve lost their dignity.”

Watches, keys, rings, phones, dogs, cats – all have been lost and successfully found on Fagan’s website. The perhaps consciously tongue-in-cheek owner of a pair of “rose tinted spectacles”, sadly, is still looking.

“I’ll never forget the man whose Battleship was ‘stolen and cast afloat in a river that leads to the lake’. The poor guy had stressed that his ship was ‘NOT A TOY’!”

16

THE UNIVERSITY OBSERVER

27.10.09

comment@universityobserver.ie

COMMENT

TALLEYRAND Regimes may fall and fail, but I do not…

You’ll all have guessed by now that your withered, decrepit correspondent isn’t one to be easily offended – years of frustration at Belfield’s pathetic excuses for politicians and pints have left this university observer wearily battle-hardened – but one particular instance in the last two weeks might finally be the straw that cracks this commentator’s back.

It’s not the lame faux-satirical attempts of the Belfield Badger-Baiting Bollock-Biting Bitch-Battering Bugler Or Whatever It’s Called to swipe Talleyrand’s tattered throne from underneath him – it’s hardly satire when Talleyrand knows exactly how hard Aidan O’Dea must have cried after losing his precious stash of signed B*Witched CDs. It’s not that those venerable beings on Societies Council took 30,000 years to decide who would win the Best Bum-kissers Prizes for last year. Something to do with one of their esteemed ilk emigrating across the Atlantic for an extended period, perhaps the only one among them to have ever procured a real job, they couldn’t possibly decide with him out of the country.

Until they did. Good job lads. Especially that part where your future Il duce took home best photoshopping award.

It’s not that last week’s editions of Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle-where-am-I-are-we-in-Rio’s-yet?, the haphazard headmistresses from ArtsSoc and Brainless&Legless, are so profoundly incapable of poking holes in a rotten societies discipline procedure that Talleyrand would worry for their welfare if they found themselves trapped in a wet paper bag, or something even more full of holes, like Scott Ahearn’s free condoms or brain.

Quotes of the fortnight “The situation with respect to the Head of French is not sustainable” A quality review group condemns staffing structures within UCD’s School of Languages and Literatures

“Protesting is sweaty.”

Sadly for O’Neill, every cloud has its silver lining.

“I don’t care if somebody’s dead! I only care about the things that I can change and that affect me!”

USI Deputy President, UCD’s Dan O’Neill, shares the extent of his unilateral devotion to student protesting

It’s not, despite having horned in twice as many people as Talleyrand’s even seen in Theatre L into a sweaty shoebox of a Student Bar, that Magic Mike Pat still seems to be sending Ents down the Commercial Shit Creek with the aplomb and vigour of an O’Briens Sandwich Bar. Jobs in MCD? More like jobs in McDonald’s for that promotions posse.

It’s not even that, after specially washing Talleyrand’s Euro 88 jersey with the sleeves torn off (aerodynamic purposes, don’tcha know) that Paddy The Plasterer not only decided to postpone the aforementioned shoutathon in Wicklow for a couple of days because he was feeling a bit sick ill weak lazy, but then neglected to tell… oh, that’s right, anyone at all about the thing!

And that’s before TR even gets to the true root of his fierce frustration at the Tipperary Tosspot – the fact that the same Blue Bullshit Flu led Paddy to postpone the week’s Really-Not-At-All-Very-Newman “Games”, denying Talleyrand a perfectly legitimate excuse to shove a “stray” elbow in the general vicinity of the gobshite’s gooleys, all because poor Paddy didn’t want to get wet.

A friendly tip from someone who knows, Paddy: be good or be gone…

No. The straw that broke this camel’s back was having Talleyrand’s emphatic conclusion in the last issue cut off by the ingrates in Observer Towers. Tossplants.

Talley-trick-or-treat, Talleyrand

Scott Ahearn dismisses any notions of an identity crisis on the SU corridortable

The Upper House rules Enda Kenny’s proposal to abolish the Seanad is a foolish, short-term solution to a long-term problem, writes Gavan Reilly

It’s not, on the subject of Sir Scrote-a-lot, that Scottie Not Too Fashionably Hottie keeps disappearing with Campaigns & Communications Officer Rob Lowney for moonlit walks on Sandymount Strand and instead of doing us all a favour by finding hidden treasure – or better yet, falling flat on his face and miraculously burying himself before the tide comes in – he comes back with a box full not of rusty blades, but of pebbles.

Talleyrand hopes the great unwashed have the sense to stone him with same.

It’s not the fact that despite having spent hundreds of euro of students money by getting a day’s intensive Talking Training at croney cack-merchants Carr Communications, learning how to dodge questions in a display of evasive elegance the likes of which Talleyrand hasn’t seen since Nick Griffin and then proceeding to lose his voice at a protest in Wick-very-low thus rendering his training utterly useless, that Chairman Redmond still refers queries from his campus press through his aforementioned media lackey. Next thing you know he’ll be so above his own job that he’ll be sending Mike Pat O’Donoghue to protests to pad out the crowd, only for him to show up late… oh…

“The Welfare Officer – i.e., me”

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et’s be clear from the off: Seanad Éireann is an imperfect institution. It is little more than a political car park for those postponing the inevitable decline into retirement; a breeding ground for a political party’s new hopes, trying to blood their new meat in the life of Leinster House before the savagery of the Dáil floor; and a consolation prize for those who came close-ish to winning a seat in the lower house in the previous election.

Its work is limited; its relative power to put a stop to legislation is nil; its members largely wish they were elsewhere. It’s a morose place where the good go to die and the young come to roar, all just to get a few minutes’ token coverage on Oireachtas Report three times a week for their trouble.

With the Seanad being the almost entirely useless entity it has become, it was prudent for Enda Kenny to take a stab (almost literally) last week by proposing its abolition, saving the taxpayer about €25m per year, as part of an Oireachtas reform package that would also see the number of TDs cut by about 20 per cent. The country has grown frustrated with a body that it sees as nepotistic and ineffective, and Kenny needed to be seen as proactive in tackling what is, legitimately, a high-profile waste of exchequer money.

The abolition of a house of parliament is a big choice to make, and one that here,

The Seanad chamber will be forever silent if Enda Kenny has his way at least, would require a referendum of undoubted painstakingness equal to a Lisbon.

Process aside, it’s also a fundamental amendment to the operation of a parliamentary democracy. What Enda Kenny seems to have overlooked, however, is that the Seanad can easily be reformed into a body that works, without necessarily triggering any political seachanges.

The Seanad, in its current form, was established by de Valera’s new Constitution in 1937, with its makeup inspired by Catholic social teaching of the times, led by Pope Pius XI and his visions of social order being based on the co-operation of vocational groups (a system that can be likened to the modern notion of social partnership). With this in mind, the Constitution established five Vocational Panels, with the prevailing logic being that nominees would have special experience or knowledge of one of the five topics, thus becoming eligible for election to that panel.

So, for example, those with knowledge or experience in the business world would be elected to the Industrial and Commercial Panel.

The overall aim was that while the directly elected Dáil would remain – as all lower houses are – a political playground, the Seanad would be able to meditate on the nitty-gritty of applying the Dáil’s legislation in the real world, and transcend

the relatively lowly bickering of a party political system.

In the seventy-odd intervening years, though, the Seanad hasn’t worked out quite as planned. Because the members of the five Vocational Panels are elected by members of the country’s town and county councils, the elections have become purely party political, with councillors from a political party voting along their own party lines so that the Seanad ultimately mirrors the political constitution of Ireland’s local government.

Another provision allowing for six members to be elected by graduates of Ireland’s two universities (at the time), the University of Dublin – comprised solely of Trinity College – and the National University of Ireland, including UCD, has fallen flat over the course of history. Ireland has seen newer universities formed in the meantime, and despite a referendum allowing the law to be amended to the contrary, the graduates of these colleges have not yet been offered a vote – creating the valid perception that the authority of the Seanad, like its membership, is limited to a minority of society.

While abolition of the Seanad would solve both of these problems, realistically Enda Kenny’s better legacy would be to reform the Seanad in a meaningful way that allows it to best fulfil the intent of the Constitution.

An easy start would be to propose the legislation the Constitution already allows for: a law allowing the graduates of other third-level institutions to vote in the university constituencies.

It’s not as if the Seanad hasn’t come up with enough ideas on how to make itself more useful: no fewer than twelve reports on reform have been published over its lifetime. Indeed, only five years ago one of its own subcommittees recommended the abolition of the Panels, opening up nearly half of the seats to direct public elections, and that the eleven seats filled by the Taoiseach’s own appointees be more reflective of the Republic’s role in Northern Ireland, rather than – as present – being merely used to pad out the Government’s majority in the upper house.

The public, however, shouldn’t be surprised if Enda Kenny somehow manages to lose the next election; he’ll find that due to his party’s victory in the local elections last June, that his party will be in the majority in the Seanad irrespective of the Taoiseach’s nominees. In that light, don’t expect the referendum to come any time soon.

27.10.09

THE UNIVERSITY OBSERVER

editor@universityobserver.ie

17

EDITORIAL

Photo of the fortnight

Editorial

27th October 2009

After weeks of long and arduous negotiation, our Students’ Union is on the verge of securing the refund of monies owed to the student populace by the University. The Union should be praised for recognising the impropriety of UCD’s actions, in inflating the Student Centre Levy by five per cent, and taking action to correct it on our behalves.

The real credit though, should be the fact that in securing a refund, the Union and University have chosen to invest the money in student welfare and community initiatives, rather than offering each individual student a cheque for €7.50.

While printing 22,000 cheques might have been a more visible and public reprimand for the University, a refund of €7.50 to each student wouldn’t make much difference to the everyday lives of most who would receive it. Indeed, the cynic amongst us would postulate that the Students’ Union could have capitalised further by offering a ‘3 Drinks For €7.50’ deal in the campus bars on the day that the cheques would have been issued.

But they haven’t, and they won’t, because the majority of the money will go where it is really needed – the Student Welfare and Assistance Funds, among others.

Having seen this week that some students are still waiting on the first instalment of their Maintenance Grants from local county councils, eight weeks into term, it is now more than ever that UCD needs a fund to

help those struggling to make ends meet.

Although €7.50 each might not seem like a substantial sum, the combined refund being issued by the University will be in excess of €150,000 – an amount that can certainly be put to good use in helping the neediest, and in restoring community to a demoralised campus. What we must take away from this is that UCD Students’ Union are working on behalf of the most needy and vulnerable students, and should be acknowledged and applauded for doing so. **** We’re sad to say that Eoin Brady has had to step down as co-editor of our otwo supplement. In the recent months, we’ve come to look forward to, and immensely enjoy, all of Eoin’s work for the newspaper. I’d like to take the opportunity to thank Eoin for the hard work and dedication he has shown over the course of the first four editions. Eoin, your sparkling wit, style and intelligence are surpassed only by your talent for writing.

Thank you for taking on the role of otwo editor – it has fitted you brilliantly. You have always brought humour and fun to the Observer office and the newspaper has been so much the better for your contribution.

I hope that you will continue to write for us as often as you can, and I sincerely wish you all the best in your studies.

Letters to the Editor Letters should be sent by email to letters@universityobserver.ie or by mail to: The Editor, The University Observer, Student Centre, Belfield, Dublin 4 All letters are subject to editorial approval. The Editor reserves the right to edit any letters.

Society Postering Fines

Madam, I believe an important issue has been overlooked in the debate over B&L and ArtsSoc’s postering fines (News, Issue 3).

By going to university, a student has made one of the most significant decisions they ever will. What they experience there will determine their career, some of their future relationships, and their personality.

The choice to go is made independently; the decision maker is an adult. Students are old enough to make this decision, to consume alcohol, to vote in a referendum, to go to jail – yet apparently we can’t control our carnal impulses on viewing a puerile poster?

Either the decision to fine the societies was honestly made in our interests, or it was made in an attempt to preserve the University’s outdated sense of morality – but since nobody would agree to a fine for such an antiquated concept, it has been disguised as ‘we’re doing it with your interests at heart’.

How does one become a member of the Recognition Committee? What qualifies its members to question the rationality, willpower, moral code, and psychological well-being of other responsible adults, its peers? Is it composed of the world’s greatest philosophers, psychologists, doctors and priests? Get your noses out of my interests.

Yours etc, Simon Doyle

Chinese Communism

Madam, While I expected some form of commentary on the sixtieth anniversary of the People’s Republic of China, the narrow mindedness of the article printed in the Observer (‘The Red Party’, Features, Issue 3) came as a surprise. Written from a wholly negative perspective of China, the nonsense that the Chinese Communist Party “systematically and willingly” represses the everyday rights of its ordinary citizens is excessive to say the least.

Having spent my previous academic year abroad on an international exchange in Hong Kong, where I travelled to the mainland on numerous occasions, I was made aware – at least in a narrow sense – of the negative aspects of China’s ruling party. However, launching a senseless and exaggerated tirade against such a system is useless in helping to change it, and only offends our fellow Chinese students, who associate so much of China’s world image – whether correctly or not – with the treatment of their largest political party.

China’s continuing and ongoing progress and reform cannot be impartially judged through Western eyes. It is this approach by the West that leads to accusations of arrogance from the rest of the world.

Yours etc, Conor McRitchie BA (International)

Mike Pat O’Donoghue and Johnny Cosgrove take a break from protesting in Wicklow Photo: Bridget Fitzsimons

Contributors: Volume XVI, Issue 4 Editor Catriona Laverty Deputy Editor Gavan Reilly Guest Art & Design Directors Shane MacIntyre & Jenn Compeau otwo Editors Eoin Brady & Colin Sweetman Chief otwo Editor Jake O’Brien News Editor Bridget Fitzsimons Comment Editor James Fagan Features Editor Peter Molloy Science & Health Editor Farouq Manji Sport Editor Killian Woods Film & TV Editor Conor Barry Fashion Editor Seán McGovern Image Editor Colin Scally “I wonder if you pour Red Bull into the percolator…”

Contributors Agony Anto, The Badger, Westley Barnes, Amy Bracken, Richard Chambers, Padraic Coffey, Fintan Collier, Alex Court, Stephen Devine, Sarah Doran, Cormac Duffy, Grace Duffy, Paul Fennessy, Ciara Fitzpatrick, Daniel Fox, John Gallagher, Gillian Gallanagh, Kris Goodbody, Matt Gregg, Micheal Halton, Sally Hayden, Jack Horgan-Jones, Jon HozierByrne, Daniel Keenan, Darren Kelly, Fearghal Kerin, Sophie Lioe, Nicola Lyons, Catherine Maguire, Michelle McCormick, Mystic Mittens, Slightly Mollified, Emma Murphy, Shane Murphy, Ciarán Ó Braonáin, Vincent O’Boyle, Breffni O’Sullivan, Michael Phoenix, Umer Rashid, Martin Scanlon, Emer Sugrue, Ekaterina Tikhoniouk, Amy Walsh, Louis Westwater Photographers Daire Brennan, Peter Fingleton

Special Thanks Kristin McKnight; Emer Igbokwe; Richard, Graham, Malcolm, Ian, Tim, Dave, Jonathan, Ade, Emma (and the robots) at Trafford Park Printing; Paul at Higgs; Eilis O’Brien and Dominic Martella; Colm, Claire, Rory and Danielle at MCD Promotions; Dan and Orla at Friction PR; Laura and Darren at Warner; Bernie Divilly at PIAS; Rob Lowney; Giselle Jiang; Dave Carmody; Dominic, Grace, Mark, Sandra, Charlie, Jason, Paul and all the Student Centre staff; Sue Sylvester, Monsoon takeaway, Gong, Tesco Cheese Balls, Aero Bubbles, Crispy M&Ms, Lucozade Orange, 17 cans of Red Bull, McDaid of Ramelton, pebbles.

Very, Very, Seriously Special Thanks Mr Eoin Brady

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THE UNIVERSITY OBSERVER

27.10.09

SCIENCE & HEALTH

science@universityobserver.ie

Innovation Dublin: science and technology’s feisty entrepreneurs showcase ‘innovation’

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Caitríona Farrell investigates how UCD’s pool of scientific talent is helping society tackle its big issues

he first year of Innovation Dublin has undoubtedly launched scientific research in UCD to a heightened level of professionalism and originality. The festival has already been pencilled into next year’s calendar, having established itself as a mainstay affair.

The profile of research in UCD was raised tremendously last week, creating new links and networks between researchers, representatives from industry, and the general public. In the present economic climate, mounting concerns demand a better comprehension of the environment, science and technology. In the 21st century, escalating problems are emerging on a day-to-day basis, and so Innovation Dublin claims that science plays a predominant part, gearing society towards sustainable and viable solutions.

Enterprise by definition is seeing a need, a want or an opportunity, and doing something about it. It is the basic everyday rituals and informalities that we all stumble across when we are quick enough in identifying faults, seeing a need for improvement and spotting a niche. Innovation Dublin celebrates this, the “doing something about it” aspect, of society.

The days when the entrance to Plato’s Academy read “Let no man enter who

does not know mathematics” are fortunately long over. The whole of science isn’t rocket science, but rather applied thinking.

Addressing some of the world’s pressing issues involves looking for simple changes that affect every walk of life – for example, evolutions to the world of finance, or climate change. As climatic factors are varying and shifting nonuniformly, the future is unpredictable – and as a result, we need to engineer our lives to be more adaptable to change.

Change has always been around, and is a major component of scientific thinking – as Heraclitus quoted, “All things are in a state of change, nothing remains the same.”

Last week, UCD’s Science block was not alone in being referred to as ‘the hub’ of scientific activity: the whole of campus, and Dublin city in general, are considered to be prime incubators in the development of new innovation. In many cases projects have been interdisciplinary, highlighting the scope of research that encompasses different domains of the science and technology fields. For example, a collaboration between UCD’s School of Computer Science & Informatics and the Conway Institute has established software for use in the pharmaceutical and biotechnology market.

Researchers involved in Innovation Dublin at Nova UCD Another particularly eye-catching project on display, ‘Sentiment Analysis Tool for the Irish Media’ by the Machine Learning Group and Clique, garnered a lot of attention amongst the assemble press. This project monitors the balance between positive and negative economic news published by different media sources – in the absence of George Lee, RTÉ News is currently (statistically speaking) the most positive news source on economic developments. The University Observer, sadly, has yet to be included in the group’s research.

One of the project’s aims for the moment is to analyse press coverage so as to predict the end of the current recession; given time, it could possibly transform our ideas on journalism and serve as a better forecast of the future state of the Irish and international economies.

Setting the pulses racing

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hy do people find medical TV shows so fascinating? I know I do, having become addicted to ER at the age of 14 (may God have mercy on the dearly departed). As a medical student, I must be honest and say there were moments when I wondered if putting “DN002: Medicine” at the top of my CAO form was over-influenced by the antics of the staff and patients of County General Hospital. It was definitely a factor in my decision.

I didn’t like Scrubs so much when it first came out, but I started watching it again when I was in Pre-Med. Now I love it. I also watch House whenever I can, and I guiltily enjoy Grey’s Anatomy. I’ve even been known to watch Private Practice and The Clinic on occasion.

Most medical students watch medical dramas. We all know they aren’t especially realistic – even if we hadn’t always known, the scales fell from our eyes on the first day of clinical rotations. Unlike House, no single real doctor is capable of performing genetic analyses, looking at samples under microscopes, delivering babies, and operating on every part of the body while simultaneously diagnosing every disease known to man. Real emergency departments aren’t always as exciting as they are on ER, and real-life janitors are much scarier than they are in Scrubs. All the same, most of these shows – yes, even Scrubs – do portray a decent approximation of a hospital environment, and contain a few medical facts.

It should be added, for the sake of assuring those who might need medical attention at some point in the future, that medical students don’t rely on these shows as revision for exams, and certainly don’t advocate taking them as gospel.

After all, Dr Neela Rasgotra described the kidney’s blood vessels backwards once, and Dr House got his bacteria confused

in one episode, mixing up Clostridium perfringens and Pseudomonas aeruginosa. It can happen to the best of us.

Like all TV shows, medical dramas are meant to be escapist. Viewers – including med students – watch them for their entertainment value and not necessarily for their dubious educational content. However, med students feel like we should understand what’s going on, as our friends and family keep asking “what’s wrong with him?”, “why did she just collapse?”, “what does ABG mean?”, and so on ad infinitum. (People also expect us to know Latin, for some reason.) As the years go by, we gradually do come to recognise the acronyms and obscure diseases – in many ways, our comprehension of medical dramas acts as a barometer of our progress through medical school.

In fact, some med students are eventually turned off by these programmes, precisely because they understand them too well – when you understand everything that’s going on, some of the thrill factor is lost. After you’ve seen a real surgery, televised blood and guts aren’t quite as awe-inspiring as they were before.

Escapism explains why everyone loves ER (it’s exciting) and Scrubs (it’s hilarious). But what about House? This programme features extremely detailed conversations about pathological processes, genetics and molecular biology.

It’s all well and good for me to enjoy it – I’ve been studying the stuff for four years.

I understand… well, most of it. While I don’t want to seem patronising, I’m intrigued that ‘lay viewers’ enjoy it too – what is it that people find so fascinating about this show?

There are, of course, many TV shows with science-based plots; I know that audiences aren’t stupid. The CSI series have a huge following and have opened peoples’ eyes to what forensic investigators can achieve, even if these programmes do exaggerate radically. All the

other medical dramas I’ve talked about deal with complicated diseases and moral issues. However, unlike Grey’s Anatomy or CSI, House doesn’t simplify things very much. Perhaps non-medical viewers approach House from a different angle.

I’m sure much of the show’s appeal lies in its protagonist’s comedy value.

The character of Dr House is undeniably excellent – Hugh Laurie’s character is abrasive, unpleasant and often completely unethical.

House does everything that med students are taught not to do with patients.

Real doctors have even written articles complaining about what a bad example he’s setting.

The other unique thing about House is the mystery-solving nature of the show.

More than any other doctor on TV, House is a detective. People love detective stories – especially when the detective is a maverick, loose cannon employing unconventional methods, but who always gets his man. House is the medical Dirty Harry. We don’t need to understand the science behind House’s thought process any more than we need to understand the inner workings of a .44 Magnum – it doesn’t interfere with our appreciation of a good adventure.

In fact, detective stories have now come full circle. Joseph Bell, a 19th century Scottish surgeon, was famous for his powers of deduction. He could glean all manner of information about a person after briefly observing their appearance and mannerisms. He later became the model for a great detective who pioneered “scientific” techniques of investigation: Sherlock Holmes.

Perhaps it’s the human angle of everyday medical life that the world finds so appealing, or perhaps it’s the eye candy of George Clooney or Patrick Dempsey.

Either way, it seems the enduring allure of medical TV is unlikely to flatline anytime soon.

Elsewhere, in the world of video gaming, Evolutionary Gait Animation are leading a movement moved away from the clunky, artificial, virtual world.

Using an approach based on theoretical physics, the company aims to add a new dimension to the gaming industry by proving a more realistic user experience through real-life physical interaction. If you think things are ‘real’ with the Wii console, think again – these guys believe there’s plenty more realism to come.

TRIL was another enthusiastic group, improving the safety and welfare of the elderly by using sensor technologies in order to make domestic life for elderly people safer and more efficient.

Similarly, at Entrepreneurial Universities last week, the ‘Bettie’ programme was identified as a unique solution for bridging the gap between the Bebo

generation, who use web-based services to blog and keep in contact with others, and the elderly. By using custom-built hardware accessible to older people, Bettie allows the elderly to stay in contact with their children and grandchildren.

Innovation Dublin incorporated an exciting and fresh ensemble of sciencemeets-commerce.

Although the cutting edge research went well over this writer’s head at times, all in attendance were left in no doubt that innovation is the answer to stimulating a more thriving ecosystem. Merging logic with a spark for creativity, researchers have developed a medium for venting their ideas and works.

That medium being Innovation Dublin, where white lab coats meet pinstriped suits, and conferences meet laboratories.

Hugh Adler discusses the public’s fascination with medical shows and wonders just what makes House so appealing

Is Patrick Dempsey – ‘Dr McDreamy’ – the reason why medical TV is so appealing?

27.10.09

THE UNIVERSITY OBSERVER

19

SCIENCE & HEALTH

science@universityobserver.ie

How wicked cool stuff works: Hypnosis

Look into my eyes, no hang on, look at the watch…

You are getting very veeery sleepy… be careful or Ekaterina Tikhoniouk might have you quacking like a duck

W

hat is the first thought that comes to mind when you hear the word ‘hypnotism’? For most people it is the image of a slick fellow in a suit, swinging a golden pocket watch in front of you and chanting ‘You are feeling very, veeeery sleepy.’ Others imagine armies of human zombies, obeying every whim of the charismatic hypnotist – or it might just be Matt Lucas’s character from Little Britain.

These, though, are common misconceptions that the general public has about hypnotism and about how and why it is used. Firstly, there is no need to move an object in front of the volunteer’s face or to tell them that they are feeling drowsy; and secondly, hypnotism is not total mind control. It is based on the person voluntarily giving up control to the hypnotist and eagerly following the suggestions planted in his or her mind.

Also, hypnosis isn’t a deep sleep, but rather a state of focused consciousness, in which the person is in a highly compliant and suggestible frame of mind, while at the same time still being subconsciously aware of all that is going on around him or her.

Many of these misconceptions arise because, to this day, there is still no set

medical definition for what hypnosis actually is. One interesting hypothesis is that hypnosis is a normal state of mind, one that most people go in and out of every day. When you are absorbed in watching a film, driving down a long monotonous road, or listening to music that engrosses you, you are in hypnosis.

According to this theory, we experience hypnosis every day and don’t even realise it.

But there is quite a lot of strife surrounding the question of what hypnotism is, with many leading researchers disagreeing with each other. Some lines of research stick faithfully to the earlier theory of hypnosis as an altered mental state, while others argue that this process doesn’t reflect an altered state of consciousness but is based on human behaviour – the participant will often want to please the audience and the hypnotist.

But then again, such strife is not uncommon in the history of hypnotism.

Hypnotism has been surrounded by controversy ever since its discovery in the late 18th century by Franz Mesmer, an Austrian physician. He originally hit upon it during his attempts to cure people’s ailments by means of passing magnets back and forth over their bodies in order to restore their ’magnetic

flux’. This caused them to pass into a trance-like state that allowed him to plant suggestions into their minds, miraculously ‘curing’ minor symptoms and ailments that had arisen from stress and other psychological problems. They were, to coin the phrase, mesmerised.

Since Mesmer’s time, many different methods for hypnotising people have emerged. There’s no actual need for flamboyant rituals and lengthy relaxation techniques- the only important

“When you are absorbed in watching a film, driving down a long monotonous road, or listening to music that engrosses you, you are in hypnosis” part is that the participant must be aware of the fact that they are going to be hypnotised. It is quite a simple process- it involves directions for relaxation, followed by many different suggestions aimed to produce many different things,

such as amnesia, tomfoolery, pain relief, and many more. Hypnotised people are very suggestible and will willingly join with the hypnotist in enacting a role expected of them.

This interesting attribute of hypnosis is taken advantage of in stage hypnotism.

Ever since its discovery, stage hypnotists have put on shows in theatres, boathouse clubs and pavilions, shocking and amazing audiences with their abilities of ‘mind control’.

Many stage hypnotists reinforce this belief by using certain tricks and deceptions, such as selecting out the most compliant and suggestible subjects out of the audience, off-microphone commands to the participants, as well as ‘sleight of hand’ tricks that deceive the audience into thinking that they had been under the influence of hypnosis too.

But the amazing thing is that most hypnotists don’t even have to resort to trickery to achieve their baffling feats of ‘mind control’. The main thing is that the person must want to be hypnotised.

Hypnosis illustrates a basic human need to fit in – the participants expect to be hypnotised, so when told to go into hypnosis, they instantly obey, as they feel that this is what is expected of them.

Most people will go along with the hypnotist’s suggestions, as they know that a hypnotised person is not responsible for his or her actions.

It is also possible that people do what the hypnotist tells them to, no matter how silly the request, because they believe that this is what should happen.

Thus the volunteers are happy to dance around the stage, pretend to be animals, and generally make fools of themselves for the general amusement of the audience.

Funny stuff aside, hypnosis also has a serious side. It is used more and more often in modern medicine. Hypnosis in itself cannot cure physical illness, but it is proven to help alleviate pain and discomfort, especially in physical therapy, rehabilitation and during serious illnesses. A number of hospital studies have shown that hypnotherapy before and after major operations has a noticeable positive effect on patients’ recovery times and general wellbeing. Patients that received hypnosis reported less pain, nausea and anxiety post-surgery.

Hypnosis has many other uses. It is used to treat depression, anxiety, eating disorders, sleep disorders, and posttraumatic stress, as well as smoking and weight management, and could be applied to many others. There have even been ludicrous rumours that the American government have tried and failed to use hypnotism as a ‘military weapon’, another humorous example of the hype surrounding hypnosis.

Despite all the research about hypnosis, there are still many things we do not know about hypnotism. It has been around for more than 200 years, baffling scientists and researchers, as well as amusing countless droves of onlookers as the hypnotist makes yet another volunteer strip of their clothes or pretend to be a duck.

20

THE UNIVERSITY OBSERVER

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27.10.09

27.10.09

sport@universityobserver.ie

21

SPORT

Inconsistent Leinster still one of the best Despite a wobbly start, Leinster have shown flashes of their best and Stephen Devine believes there’s life after Elsom they have embraced under the unsung hero of last year’s triumph, Kurt McQuilkin.

The home defeat made last week’s trip to the south of France, to face former European champions Brive, even more important.

A loss would have left them facing a near insurmountable task to progress to the knockout stages.

Thankfully for the team and their 800 travelling supporters, the reigning champions outmuscled Brive in every facet of the game, and ran out convincing 36-13 winners to get their season back on track.

New Australian captain Rocky Elsom has been a Leinster would almajor loss to Leinster most certainly not have won the Heineken Cup last year without Leinster’s defence of the Heineken the monsterous presence of maraudCup has got off to a stuttering start. ing flanker Rocky Elsom. The fact that After the thirty-point demolition of Elsom was Man of the Match in almost archrivals Munster the week before, they half of the games he played speaks volwent down by the smallest of margins at umes for his influence. Leinster’s failure the hands of London Irish in the RDS. to sign a big name to replace Elsom, Progression from Heineken Cup pool whose prominence has been acknowlstages is hard enough without losing edged by his appointment as Wallabies your home games. captain, in the back row was questioned Looking for a silver lining, though, by many in the off-season.

Leinster will have taken solace that they However, Leinster coach Michael failed to concede a try once again, a Cheika’s decision has paid dividends credit to the unwavering defence that with the emergence of academy graduate

Kevin McLaughlin. The twenty five year old former UCD flanker has now made seven appearances this season and won the player of the month award for September. These feats far over-exceeds his modest his pre-season targets of being satisfied with three or four starts.

Before the autumn internationals, Leinster face Cardiff Blues in the Magners League at the RDS. A victory against the struggling Welsh side would consolidate their place in the top four of the table. The home side will, however, have to manage without Shane Jennings until January. The flanker’s 12-week ban for gouging was upheld on Thursday morning, calling into question further the disciplinary procedures within the IRB. A by-product of Leinster’s success of last season has been the increase in support the team has received, though parts of the media have taken a different view to this encouraging development for rugby in the province. Instead, some journalists have likened Leinster’s continuing vocal support to that of British football hooligans. Instead of the RDS being branded a fortress like Thomond Park, the atmosphere, in the eyes of one commentator, “besmirches the spectating experience”. Some people have yet to accept the fact that there is no longer only one team in the country.

Aside from off-field matters, Leinster will have to continue to raise their game if they are to repeat Leicester’s feat of back-to-back titles and give Michael Cheika the best sendoff possible. Despite their shaky beginning, the chances are that the European Champions might yet a chance.

Stepping onto the International Stage Having now asserted himself as Leinster’s first choice outhalf, Jonathon Sexton should be looking towards the Autumn Internationals, writes Daniel Keenan As Ireland prepare to face Australia, Fiji and South Africa next month, Leinster outhalf Jonathan Sexton is almost certain to be named as reserve to Ronan O’Gara. It is an exciting prospect that Ireland once again has some competition for the number 10 jersey, with Sexton a serious candidate to take O’Gara’s seemingly untouchable pace in the team.

Sexton has found his niche at Leinster, having made a strong start to the season and being one of Leinster’s most consistent players so far. His kicking from hand has dramatically improved, even in poor conditions, like that at the RDS against Munster this month.

Sexton’s rapid progress in the areas where O’Gara is left wanting is part of the reason he is pressuring the Lions’ outhalf for the number 10 jersey. His tackling is certainly better than O’Gara’s, who has always had a reputation – and rightly so – as being more of a turnstile than a brick wall when it comes to stopping a player.

Sexton has taken on a more attacking role at Leinster, often running at players and exploiting gaps when he can. Though far from the Matt Giteaus and Dan Carters of this world, the 24-year-old’s runs are intelligent, and add another dimension to his play. Attacking runs are something O’Gara rarely exploits, and this prob-

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ably won’t change as he pushes into his thirties.

Even when it comes to place kicking, the area where O’Gara has received countless plaudits, Sexton is taking centre stage – though with O’Gara being the highest scorer in Six Nations history, and the sixth-highest scorer of test points in history, he cannot be denied as an immense goal kicker. The fact is, however, that O’Gara missed more kicks against Treviso in the Heineken Cup the weekend before last than Sexton has missed for the entire season to date. As was seen against Treviso and versus England at Croke Park last season, when O’Gara has a bad day, he has a really bad day.

There is no doubt as to who is in better form at the moment, but form isn’t everything. O’Gara has the experience of 92 caps under his belt, and has faced

players over the last few years, while Sexton, until six months ago, was given the dreaded label of a “confidence player”. On form, he deserves to start for all three internationals, but would that really be fair to him? The step up from club to international rugby is huge, and to start him against two of the powerhouses of world rugby would be dangerous for Ireland, and for Sexton’s confidence. We can only confidently expect him to start against Fiji, and to be brought on for the Australia and South Africa games. Time will tell if the pupil can outshine the master once given his chance.

“Though far from the Matt Giteaus and Dan Carters of this world, the 24-year-old’s runs are intelligent, and add another dimension to his play” the likes of Australia and South Africa.

It’s plain to see that Sexton has rapidly matured in the last few months, but can a man who was a sub for all but the final of Ireland A’s Churchill Cup campaign face the might of the World Champions?

O’Gara has been one of Ireland’s best

‘Fearghal’ on Sport Matters at home – and even closer – are on the agenda this week as some harsh truths and praise are handed out by resident columnist Fearghal Kerin, whose column shall forever remain nameless or whatever It hasn’t been the greatest start for the Irish teams in this year Heineken Cup. But while Ulster will be disappointed with their performance on Matchday Two, there’s a sense that perhaps it won’t take vintage performances from Leinster and Munster to get out of their groups this time.

The inevitability that came with Munster’s home victory over Treviso was best illustrated by the Paddy Power online in-running betting, which saw the Limerick side still cast at continent. It’s hardly as if it was done 1/100, even when ten points deliberately to annoy us. In addition down. Leinster, meanwhile, saved themselves with their win over Brive. to that, Ireland deserved a tough draw after drawing the long straw – However predictable an early season or whatever it is that’s the opposite of demise might have been, it would not have been welcome for the reign- the short straw – in 2002 when they got to play Iran. The France tie is ing champions to limp out of their infinitely interesting. defence of the Heineken Cup at this The fact that our opponents early stage.

France have been dull, uninspiring Another two Magners League and completely disinterested under defeats for the two premier provinces does not bode well ahead of the Raymond Domenech gives us hope.

But be realistic: visits of Austra- “UCD kept wages and expenses a look at a pofirst XI lia and down and took their relegation tential for the French world with true honour. Now, twelve is scary. If the chamGallic side depions months on, UCD are atop the cide they want South Division 1 table and looking to play – and in Africa odds-on for a straight return to all likelihood, in a fortthey surely, night’s the top flight” surely will, with time. a place at the These tests will prove the great baWorld Cup at stake – Ireland will rometer of this Irish team. Without certainly be in bother. The biggest question, the current Irish squad pity from an Irish perspective is that is the culmination of a generation’s the home leg comes first, but let’s work in cultivating a Six Nations hope Ireland can still be in contenwinning side. The question now is tion come the trip to Paris, if only whether the boys in green can show because half of Ireland (or certainly competitiveness on a trans-hemimost of UCD) will be making the spherical stage. trip over.

If, as seems to be expected, the Wallabies and the vastly over-rated **** Springboks both gain victories at Croke Park, it will dilute the achieveFair play to UCD AFC. As Sports ments and steps forward made over Editor last year I wrote a lot about the last year. Rather than being a the great job Pete Mahon had done great team which, with wins over as manager of the student side. In two-thirds of the Tri-Nations, could promoting Martin Russell to the top style themselves Champions of the seat from within, the board have Northern Hemisphere, defeats to the gotten things spot on, finding a man touring sides would instead mark to ensure the club are in good health Ireland as simply being the best of a with a view to the long term. bad lot.

Last year UCD were relegated Even if many in the media or from the Premier Division, with sevpublic will not admit it, have no eral teams who had operated vastly doubt that the great competitors in outside their financial means finishthe Irish team will see the situation ing above them. Those same teams as it really is, and will crave so badly are now struggling to keep afloat, to avoid that gnawing devolution of and were immensely lucky to keep spring’s achievements. their licenses to stay in the League this season. Meanwhile, UCD kept **** wages and expenses down and took their relegation with true honour.

I wonder what Stephen Ireland Now, twelve months on, UCD are thinks about Ireland being shafted atop the Division One table and

by FIFA’s decision to see the World looking odds-on for a straight return Cup qualification playoffs. Does to the top flight, ahead ironically of he even know? In fairness to FIFA, the greatest exponent of financial while it does seem a bit suspect that mismanagement in Irish soccer, the seeding of the playoffs was only Shelbourne. introduced after Michel Platini’s UCD’s promotion, which hopehome country looked in danger of fully should be sewn up at home in elimination, seeding was present in two weeks’ time, will be a proud day the 2006 play-offs. for Russell, the departed Mahon, and It is used in every other round of in particular the club’s executives. the competition and in every other

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THE UNIVERSITY OBSERVER

27.10.09

SPORT

sport@universityobserver.ie

Unseeded Ireland could sprout surprise

S

After gaining arguably the second most preferential team in the World Cup playoff draw, Richard Chambers examines Ireland’s chances of qualifying for next summer’s tournament in South Africa

o we find that the Republic of Ireland, after over thirteen months of undefeated participation in the qualifying group stage and grim acceptance of FIFA’s controversial decision to seed the playoffs, needing to beat France to attain a place in next summer’s World Cup. Ireland must now defeat the former World and European champions over the course of two legs in November.

In a draw, held at FIFA’s headquarters in Zurich, the Republic was plucked from the pot of unseeded teams first by Everton’s Steven Pienaar, giving us an opening fixture in Dublin on 14th November followed by an arduous away fixture four days later. A daunting task awaits the Republic, but qualification is by no means an impossibility.

Throughout his tenure Giovanni Trapattoni has instilled a gritty confidence and self-belief into a beleaguered squad.

In the aftermath of the disappointing Staunton era and the widespread public and media hounding that followed, the appointment of the grizzled Italian rejuvenated the national side.

In a qualifying campaign that has included commendable results against world champions Italy and a well-regarded Bulgaria, we have seen a form of the traditional Italian catenaccio method.

Ireland will win no plaudits for swashbuckling football, but they will prove uncompromising opponents in a system wholly concerned with results.

If Trapattoni’s Ireland are coarse and

united, the opposite can be said of Raymond Domenech’s France. The muchmaligned Domenech has failed thus far to reap the benefits of an unrivalled pool of talent, frustrating fans and players alike.

The French suffered a lacklustre start to their campaign with defeat against Austria followed by poor performances against the Faroe Islands and Lithuania before rallying to finishing second to Serbia by a single point. The individual brilliance of Henry and Benzema, amongst others, means that this team will always threaten no matter the opponent. This abundance of cavalier players at Domenech’s disposal may yet carry France through to another World Cup. The Republic will hope to frustrate these players in the same manner they have done since the opening fixture of qualification against Georgia. If Ireland’s usual midfield pairing of Glenn Whelan and Keith Andrews can stem the flow of play and cut off the French attackers’ supply early, they will grow in confidence.

A good result in Croke Park will set up a tantalising showdown in Paris with a heavily pressurised Les Bleus. The possibility remains that France’s pace will prove too much for the Irish fullbacks to handle, while the guile of Thierry Henry will conjure images of his heartbreaking strike at Lansdowne Road in 2005.

Trapattoni insists Ireland will not fear France but is under no illusions as to how difficult an undertaking faces his side.

He will approach the game with the same principles of hard work and determina-

Sports Digest with Sports Editor Killian Woods

RUGBY

No fewer than seven UCD rugby players were called into the Ireland under-20 training squad announced last Tuesday. The camp will take place in November, and will involve a match against a Munster ‘A’ side at Dubarry Park on Thursday 5th November.

Collidge’s representation in the squad is very commendable, with the club’s players taking seven of the twenty-nine places. Among the UCD players called up were Risteárd Byrne, John Cooney, Ben Marshall, David McSharry, Noel Reid, Rhys Ruddock and David Doyle.

Four of the UCD players selected were part of the intervarsity Conroy Cup-winning side that brought home the trophy for the second year running. Byrne, Marshall, Doyle and Reid all gave good performances as UCD overcame University College Cork in the final by 15 points to 6.

HANDBALL

The Irish Handball intervarsities tournament took place in Wicklow between the 16th and 18th October. The tournament started with the opening rounds of the Men’s B team event, and the Women’s Doubles. UCD’s Men’s B team consisted of Kevin Mulligan, Michael Busher, Chris Nolan and Sam Temple.

In their first three rounds, UCD Men’s B enjoyed three close wins over

IT Carlow and NUI Galway. This led them to the final against DCU, which unfortunately College lost by a mere two points, 73-71.

The Women’s Doubles team had more success. In a round robin format, UCD defeated UCC and UL to take the overall title.

In the Men’s C division, two UCD freshers dominated, with Sam Temple and Chris Nolan winning through to the final. Unfortunately a twisted ankle sustained in his semifinal hampered Temple’s chances of winning, while Nolan brought his impressive form into the final to win comfortably.

ARCHERY

James Ryan won the 16th Greenhills Anniversary Shoot in the Olympic recurve category earlier this month.

Representing UCD’s Archery Club, Ryan scored an unofficial Intervarsity league record of 578. Continued performances of this calibre are likely to win Ryan a place in the upcoming European Indoor Championships.

Ryan’s recent display eclipsed his previous record set at the Limerick Intervarsity shoot by 20 points.

Unfortunately it is unclear whether Ryan’s new record can be validated, as Greenhills Shoot are not part of the Intervarsity League. Regardless, Ryan’s impressive performance will no doubt set a standard for this season’s competitions.

The atmosphere in the Stade de France could be much more welcoming for the Irish than on the previous visit in 2004 tion he has preached since becoming caretaker manager of AC Milan in 1974.

“Now we face the World Cup finalists and our results will give us the conviction

and belief that we can get a result,” the former Juventus manager told the press, with his usual glint of optimism. “We have done well so far but over the 180 minutes

we must give something additional and we will have to be even more concentrated and focused than we have until now.” He would have it no other way.

The Badger

The Badger reads movie spoilers online before the cinema, and tells people inside how the movie ends

Gates, gates and more gates. They are all over the world at the moment, with every Tom, Dick and ‘Arry latching onto the overused expression at any given chance. It started with ‘Bloodgate’ when the most expensive tackle bag in the world, Tom Williams, did all that egg-chasing nonsense which the Badger doesn’t really care about.

From that platform, it has not stopped. We have been bombarded with every type of gate you can imagine. From ‘Fergie referee-gate’ to the infamous ‘Beachball-gate’, we’ve now progressed to the Badger’s personal favourite, ‘Liverpool having a bad start to the season and possibly having to sack Rafa Benitez-gate’. In all that is serious and reasonable, enough is enough. The Badger beseeches the world to put an end to lazy journalism-gate.

Though the Badger wants all this gate malarkey to be put behind us, it is the comical occurrences in the game that keep our senses as football fans in check. Laughable as it is to watch the stupendous series of events occurring in a football pitch-length radius of Liverpool Football Club, their frailties unfortunately just happen to be as eye-catching as a bright red beach ball, floating towards goal.

A few quick, successive victories will get everyone off Liverpool’s back, and their season back on track. AC Milan this month got the Italian stampa on their side again with two fine wins over Real Madrid and AS Roma. Similarly, Argentina showed some fight and desire in qualifying for the World Cup (albeit with less grace and aplomb by Diego Maradona). So don’t worry, Liverpool fans – a few wins and hey presto, you are back up there fighting

for a Europa League spot. All that said, The Badger has been doing some research, and it turns out that Spanish people are indeed not attracted to red colours but are actually threatened by moving objects, this explaining why Pepe ‘The Bull’ Reina dove towards the red beach ball instead of the rather less intimiating football speeding past him.

All is forgiven, Pepi.

Though the Badger still sees light at the end of the tunnel for Liverpool, he is not quite so buoyant about the prospects of seeing Cristiano Ronaldo at the next World Cup. In trying not to upset any of The University Observer’s Portuguese readership, the Badger is going to choose his words very carefully when explaining why Bosnia are going to kick the living bejaysus out of Portugal.

Bosnia are a side with some of the world’s most promising attacking talent brewing in its setup. Fostering the likes of Edin Dzeko, Vedad Ibišević and Miralem Pjanić, Bosnia have a forward line full of creativity and flair.

This vibrant aspect of their play will no doubt give Ricardo Carvalho and Real Madrid’s resident nutter Pepe many problems over the two-legged playoff.

The Badger doesn’t really care about the other three ties that are taking place. Greece and Ukraine hardly leave people salivating at the mouth, while Russia versus Slovenia – or Slovakia, the Badger forgets which one is which – is a foregone conclusion.

Last, but most certainly not first, Ireland’s matchup with the French side, France, is beyond the bookie’s odds.

In a match certain to be the deadest of dead rubbers, the European minnows have absolutely no chance against

Trap’s troops over two legs. With the opening leg at Croke Park, Ireland will have a perfect opportunity to gain a foothold in the tie and build some momentum before the second leg in Paris.

The Badger has already read the plot spoilers on FIFA’s website for the second leg at the Stade de France. Unless you wish to enjoy the spectacle, the Badger recommends that you skip two paragraphs ahead right now.

The game will have all the hype and anticipation of any close-battled encounter. However, during the national anthems before the game, boos will predictably ring out around the stadium when the local band plays La Marseillaise. This will incur the wrath of Nicolas Sarkozy as he single handedly takes on the French booboys in a bout of fistycuffs. The game, by this stage, will have fallen into disrepute, and so to distract from the abject crappiness of the fixture itself, UEFA’s Work Experience President, Michel Platini, will be called into action so as to be hated by as many people as physically possible. Platini will use all the power and authority he doesn’t actually have to disqualify France from the World Cup, due to crowd violence, and award Ireland a walkover 3-0 win.

The Badger knows it sounds absurd, but stranger things have happened in football.

PS – Upon appeal France will plead that their 3-0 loss was unfair, and have their punishment reduced to 1.5-0. You heard it here first.

Read the Badger’s weekly blog at http://www.universityobserver.ie/ badgerblog and join his Fantasy Football mini-league – the code is 548380-122022.

27.10.09

Lyng and Magee fire UCD to victory UCD continued their good start to the season with their second win in the All-Ireland League, as Micheal Halton looked on teams in level at half time.

UCD opened the second half brightly and drove forward from the throw in, though John O’Loughlin’s effort drifted wide. From the kick out, Carlow attacked and Meaney played a sublime ball off the outside of his right into the path of Rogers who fired over to give Carlow the lead.

UCD did not stay behind for long, as two superb points from the left boot of Ciaran Lyng put them back in front. Carlow launched another attack ending with a foul by Curran on Rogers just outside the penalty area. Tierney converted the 13m free before adding another from near the sideline.

Substitute Paddy Brady then found Lyng in space, who notched his third score of the game. McGowan and adding the equaliser from play folBrady added further points before a lowing a good interchange between superb O’Loughlin pass led to Lyng Kelly and McGowan. notching his fourth as UCD began to Another misplaced free in defence put daylight between themselves and from UCD gave Hickey a chance but their visitors. his effort drifted wide. Both teams Carlow began to work their way struggled to hold the ball in the back into the game and created opforward line as the greasy conditions portunities for A debatable penalty decision went against Rogers, Meaney and Hickey UCD when Magee was pulled down, but Paddy Duggan capitalised on the confusion but none were converted, and to give UCD the lead any pressure on UCD was eased when Magee led to handling errors from slotted over to put UCD four points both sides. A debatable penalty deciup. Doyle struck back for Carlow mosion went against UCD when Magee ments later to reduce the deficit but was pulled down, but Paddy Duggan further points from Lyng and Brady capitalised on the confusion to give meant that UCD ran out comprehenUCD the lead. sive victors and sealed their second The lead was short-lived, however, win of the competition. as Carlow counter attacked at pace UCD: Mick McGinley; Peter Kelly, after Kelly dropped his shot short Daniel Curran, Mick Fitzsimons; – Doyle shooting over a fine point.

Mark McGowan, John Fitzpatrick, However, Magee responded with Rory O’Carroll; John O’Loughlin, Niall another point from play to put UCD ahead once more. Carlow got back on Higgins; David O’Connor, Paul Kelly, Barry O’Rourke; Ciaran Lyng, Paddy terms with a point from Gannon, beDuggan, Francis Magee. fore a Tierney free put them in front

UCD 0-16 Wexford Youths 0-10

– but it was Magee again who sent the

Finish line in sight for Irish and British golfers With the Dubai World Championship less than a month away, Fintan Collier looks at the performances of Lee Westwood and Irish golfers alike in the Portugal Masters The stunning Oceânico Victoria Golf Course in Vilamoura played host to a long-awaited victory for Lee Westwood in the Portugal Masters. There is no sport more frustrating to play, especially when you are playing badly, than golf – so it was satisfying to see a return to form for the veteran English golfer.

Westwood kept focused throughout the Algarve tournament and played very consistently over the four days, shooting impressive scores of 66, 67, 66 and 66.

The Englishman seized his opportunity when rival Francesco Molinari failed to make a short putt on the 16th, leaving the Italian with a bogey. Westwood kept his nerve on the 17th and overcame a flushed ball, which left him with a tricky shot on one of the longest holes with the smallest green on the course.

Westwood tapped in for a birdie, putting pressure on Molinari who in turn missed a five-foot putt that would have brought back the gap to one. Westwood’s ultimate score of 23 under was a welcome delight for the Englishman, after losing three playoffs and having two near misses in Majors over the past two years.

Padraig Harrington took a third

place in the competition finishing six strokes behind Westwood.

Harrington was unfocused on the

Westwood’s victory in Portugal has brought back his competitive spirit, which in turn has set his sights on the Race to Dubai greens, and changed his putter in an attempt to improve his play. He later criticised his reading of the greens in his performance, but his bronze is by no means a small feat.

Ireland’s golfing underdog, Shane Lowry, achieved a joint 30th place with fellow Irishman Rory McIlroy; they took home €24,128 each. Lowry has come a long way since his amateur status earlier in the year, and left Portugal on a wave of confidence after achieving four birdies in his final five holes.

McIlroy for his part was unhappy with his performance, and like Harrington, struggled with the greens.

Veteran golfer Darren Clarke also featured in the event finishing in 41st place.

Westwood’s victory in Portugal

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SPORT

sport@universityobserver.ie

UCD hosted IT Carlow in the second round of the All-Ireland league last Thursday, and emerged victorious after a tight opening half. Carlow presented a strong challenge throughout, but UCD’s more clinical finishing and tighter defence meant that it was the home side that came away with the spoils.

The game opened at a frantic pace with both sides working hard to engineer the opening score. Both teams clocked up a wide apiece before M.J. Tierney opened Carlow’s account with a super point after a clever pick up and strong run. Carlow added another point through Shaw, after a misplaced free in the UCD defence.

UCD got their first score of the half when Mark McGowan slotted over after a wonderful cross-field pass from Rory O’Carroll found David O’Connor in space, who in turn fed the attacking wingback for his first point of the game.

Carlow extended their lead moments later when Kilcoyne shot over after being set up by Tierney.

However, UCD responded well and Francis Magee converted a free before

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has brought back his competitive spirit, which in turn has set his sights on the Race to Dubai, the new branding for the European Tour’s Order of Merit. With the season-long competition worth US$1.5 million and a ten-year exemption to the Tour, it is no wonder Westwood has perked up his game – he now enjoys a narrow advantage over earlier leader Rory McIlroy. It had been two years since Westwood’s last tour victory, at the 2007 British Masters, and he is keen to not fall into a losing pattern again, saying “winning is definitely a habit and I got out of the habit. Hopefully now I have won again I can win more.”

Westwood will next compete in the Hong Kong Open against fellow Englishman Paul Casey, currently ranked fourth in the world. Westwood looks set for a challenge but is also looking forward to the event, adding that “I understand Fanling is a tight, old-style course that places a lot of emphasis on accuracy, so hopefully it will suit my game and I can put on a good show for the fans.” It should be an exciting week in golf as McIlroy, Casey and Westwood contend for the prize money to pip their rivals in the Race to Dubai.

Aussie Rules the roost The recent movements of players between the two codes of GAA and Australian Rules have positive and negative repercussions for our game, writes Martin Scanlon

Kerry’s All-Star Tommy Walsh is the latest face to depart for a career in the AFL With the recent announcement of is placed on the ability to kick pass and Kerry forward Tommy Walsh’s imminent field the ball. This may help Gaelic football departure to St Kilda to begin a career in revert somewhat to its more traditional Aussie Rules, debate has reignited over the and more attractive ‘catch and kick’ gamedangers AFL recruitment poses to gaelic plan, rather than the present over reliance football. Many intercounty managers have on the hand pass. There’s no better way been outspoken in their criticism of the to increase the appeal of the game than techniques used by the Australian clubs to increase the skill level and thereby the to attract players, most notably Tyrone entertainment value. manager, Mickey Harte. But how real and However, though the possibility of a how new is this threat? switch to the southern hemisphere is a Some commentators would have relatively modern issue, losing players to you believe that droves upon droves of other sports has been a constant throughyoung superstar GAA players have been out the history of the GAA. Innumerable abandoning their native isle for Australia’s potential All-Stars have found success in sandy beaches. This is far from the truth. other sports.

In the 2009 season, only eleven Irish playIf Shay Given had not been distracted ers (four seniors and seven rookies) were by the lure of professional soccer, surely registered to play in the AFL premiership. he would be currently playing in goal Of these seniors only one, Setanta Ó hAilfor Donegal. Ireland scrum-half, Tomas pín, is currently contracted to play again O’Leary, won an All-Ireland minor hurlin 2010. Both Marty ing title with Cork at the Clarke and Colm beginning of the decade. In Some Begley now return after reality, the threat of Aussie commentators relatively short periods Rules is relatively minor would have you and Tadhg Kennelly is when other sports are taken still uncommitted over a believe that droves into account. return to Sydney.

The GAA hierarchy still upon droves of Admittedly a minor, has a major role to play in young superstar but not insignificant, ensuring adequate protecGAA players have proportion of GAA tions are in place for new been abandoning players have been apinternational recruits. proached over the possi- their native isle for Through the International bility of switching codes. Australia’s sandy Rules connection with the Amongst others, Kerry’s beaches AFL, the GAA are in a David Moran will travel better position than most to Australia for a try-out over the winter to negotiate and pressure their fellow while recently crowned Young Footballer governing body for guidelines on how of the Year, Michael Murphy of Donegal, recruitment is carried out and how players has toyed with offers in the recent past. It are treated once they travel to Australia. is fair to say that some the cream will be Currently the GAA is burying its head lost, albeit only temporarily. in the sand, refusing to talk to one of the Few emigrants have succeeded in buildmore infamous recruiting agents, Ricky ing long playing careers in the oval ball Nixon. The GAA owes it to these young game, with Kennelly, Jim Stynes and now players to help them out as much as they O hAilpín the notable exceptions, though possibly can. Most of these players have the GAA and the players themselves ultibeen juggling commitments to at least mately benefit from periods spent Down three or fours teams for years, combining Under. minor, under-21 and senior intercounty Begley recently described the de facto teams with club commitments. exchanges between the Gaelic and AusWhat sort of compensation have they sie Rules codes as a “win-win situation”, received for this contribution? Maybe explaining that Irish players return with some form of expenses. The grants scheme a more professional ethos, better athletic operated by the Government and the GPA ability and improved skills. Kennelly and is being considerably slashed this year, Michael Shiels of Cork, who both featured meaning reduced grants for a smaller in this year’s football decider, are two number of players. When faced with this prominent examples of this. alternative, why would any player, when Some exposure to Aussie Rules may offered the opportunity of a professional even potentially help in reviving the desporting career, turn it down in favour cline in basic skill levels in gaelic football. of a damp February challenge match in With the mark in Aussie Rules, a premium Dungarvan?

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27.10.09

SPORT

sport@universityobserver.ie

Daniel Keenan asks if Ronan O’Gara should be watching his back with Jonathon Sexton on form

OBSERVER

sport

Page 21

College leave it late in enthralling encounter UCD 2 Longford Town 1 UCD retained top spot and cemented hopes of automatic promotion with a belated brace against a plucky Longford Town, writes Shane Murphy

O

n a miserably wet night, UCD fought back to forge a vital victory in the most unlikely of circumstances against a feisty Longford Town side keen to upset the odds.

Confident of victory beforehand, College laboured against their journeymen opponents. With nothing to play for, the visitors displayed tenacious and resolute defending to frustrate their hosts for most of the game.

UCD started brightly with a succession of corners in the opening period, blitzing the overwhelmed Longford defence. Centre-back Sean Harding sliced open the Longford rearguard after fifteen with an incisive pass to Ciaran Kilduff, whose attempt to round Aaron Shanahan in the Longford goal was just narrowly foiled.

The students continued to press and in the 20th minute, centre forward Evan McMillan spurned a glorious opportunity to put College in front. After great work by Paul Corry on the right flank, McMillan headed weakly at Shanahan.

UCD, employing a 4-5-1 formation for much of the first half, dominated possession in midfield, but couldn’t find the crucial final pass.

Longford slowly began to assert themselves as the game developed. On the half, hour a great save by UCD keeper Gerard Barron from Longford’s centre forward, Tom King, was matched by an

equally impressive tackle from UCD captain Ronan Finn to deny Longford Town an unlikely lead.

UCD should have broken the deadlock after 34 minutes with great play by John Reilly on the right side. Dispossessing the Longford defence, Reilly set up Kilduff to put in a teasing ball, flashed across the goal face narrowly missing Evan McMillan to deny the students what would have been a certain goal.

UCD continued to press down the right flank looking for an opening only to be denied by the stubborn Longford backline, who were lucky to find themselves level at the break after some dominant play by the Students.

College started the second half poorly, conceding in the 49th minute against the run of play: a cross swung in by King found an unmarked Derek Glynn to tap into an empty UCD net. The opening goal shocked the Bowl into silence such had been the Students’ dominance.

Indeed, the goal seemed to galvanise the visitors who sensed an upset might be on the cards.

There was a palpable sense that UCD might surrender this game with potentially devastating consequences for their promotion bid. UCD boss Martin Russell urged his young charges forward in a bid to rescue the game.

When College had a goal disallowed for offside in the 73rd minute it seemed as if it was to be one of those frustrating sporting nights, especially when the

hosts were deprived an equaliser – a goal line scramble involving three Longford Town players denied the outstretched Kilduff after Ronan Finn’s searching cross.

Despite Longford’s heroic efforts in defence, UCD eventually got the equaliser they deserved. In the 81st minute, a cracking finish from David McMillan on the half volley struck the underside of the crossbar to break the resolute Longford defence. It was only McMillan’s spectacular finish that enabled the Students to finally break tenacious Longford defending and level at 1-1.

UCD went in search of a winner, and two minutes later stunned their opponents into submission. McMillan was again the architect, cut down unnecessarily in the Town box by Jordan McMillan, who duly received his marching orders for his second bookable offence.

Talismanic captain Ronan Finn stepped up to coolly slot past Shanahan in the Longford goal and give the Students a 2-1 lead. Delirium erupted at the Bowl, which now bore a striking resemblance to Hill 16 as chants of “you’ll never beat the boys in blue” rung out from the stand.

Scenes of all-round relief greeted the final whistle. College left it late, but displayed the grit and determination of champions to keep them firmly in control of their own destiny and heap further pressure on bitter rivals Shelbourne as the season reaches its climax.

UCD took on IT Carlow in the Third Level Colleges League See page 23 for full match reportPhoto Daire Brennan

Thomond storm past UCD UCD were second best to a clinical Thomond side who had revenge in mind after last week’s loss in the AIB Cup, writes Killian Woods Hoping to follow up their narrow AIB Cup win from last week, UCD took on Thomond for the second successive week on a cold and blustery afternoon at the Belfield Bowl on Saturday in the AIB All-Ireland League. Showing flashes of their best form, UCD came up against a Thomond side that was more clinical than that of last week and were second best most of the match.

Opening proceedings were scrappy with Thomond having most of the ball in the first ten minutes. Their patient pick and drive play led to Collidge giving away a penalty in their 22, gifting Thomond fly-

half Declan Cusack the chance to open the scoring from a close range penalty against the wind.

UCD replied to Thomond’s pressure with two penalties from Noel Reid, one of which was a long-range attempt from just inside the home side’s own half. Unfortunately for the home side, these six points would prove to be Collidge’s last until the 75th minute, as Thomond took the opportunities that came their way.

Utilising the maul well, the visitors’ persistent build-up play allowed Dara O’Neill to touch down for the opening try of the afternoon. However, their mistakes allowed

UCD back into the game and but for the home side’s failure to recycle possession close to the try line, UCD would have scored more points in the first half.

Thomond kicked off the second half as conditions showed no sign of settling down. UCD retained the ball for two phases, only for some bad handling to leave the ball loose and spinning towards the UCD try line. Thomond’s Warren Kelly competed with four college players to grab the loose ball and managed to pounce on it first to score with the conversion following.

The visitor’s confidence grew after they went 15-6 ahead and extended their lead

UCD 16 Thomond 32

with a drop goal from Cusack after 47 minutes. UCD tried to fight their way back into the game, but whenever they seemed to find some momentum, ill-discipline and clumsy play handed the initiative back to Thomond.

This was highlighted by the manner of Thomond’s third try of the match. After UCD attempted to play their way out of trouble, a weak pass in midfield was intercepted by Darren Clancy, who raced towards the line to score.

Comfortably sitting nineteen points ahead, Thomond attacked seeking their bonus point and were rewarded eight minutes

from time when Declan O’Connell crashed over.

UCD scored two consolation tries in the last five minutes, through Terry Jones and Kevin Croke. The build-up play for the two tries showpieced just how well Collidge can play, with good offloading in midfield from Shane Grannell keeping play flowing.

The hosts’ rally was too little too late and could be attributed to Thomond having nothing to play for after already gaining their bonus point. This loss could be an eye-opener for the squad showing that promotion from Division 2 will not be a formality.