THE TROUBLE WITH TRAINS

Ailbhe Noonan Editor

Over my three years attending Trinity, I have taken countless methods of public transport in an effort to reach our esteemed campus. Many of these have ended with me booking it across town to get where I need to be, but occasionally I end up on a peaceful journey only to be interrupted when the train stops and a delay ensues while the universe decides to punish me as a form of divine humour.

The most frequent of these public transport systems is Iarnród Eireann (also known as Irish Rail) because they are the only way to get into town from where I live without going through every little back alley and street in North County Dublin on a tempestuous Dublin Bus. Those who have known me for any length of time know that Irish Rail and I have an extraordinarily tumultuous relationship stemming from my need to go places and their consistent desire to stop me from doing so by either not showing up or showing up at a time not listed on their timetable, or only going as far as Malahide rather than all the way out to where I live.

It is true that since moving onto campus, Irish Rail and I have significantly improved our relationship, but nevertheless my attempts to find my way home in the dead of night often go horribly wrong, featuring either a delayed train, a train going the wrong direction, or the line to my house just not running at all. Understandably, this has led to much frustration over the years as I attempt to find a routine I can actually stick to. Much to my chagrin, I have done many a class and meeting on zoom from a packed train as I sped along the northern line.

But, I hear you ask, what about the DARTs? For those who have yet to be initiated into the ways of Dublin trains, the DART line is a sprawling suburban system going from Greystones in Wicklow all the way through town and out to Malahide and Howth in North County Dublin.

If you’re hanging around the East end of campus you may occasionally hear the trains rumbling through with a noise so loud that you can barely hear yourself think until they have squeaked their way over one of the most precarious looking bridges in Dublin.

The DARTs come every 20 minutes or so during the day, and every 30 minutes or so outside peak hours. They are fairly reliable, if a little slow, and they can take you from one end of Dublin to the other within two hours. So why, I hear you ask, would I not be content with this? The DARTs only run to Malahide, and unfortunately I live in Skerries, three stops after. For some reason, when they were being constructed, they didn’t go out that far, leaving anyone living beyond Malahide stuck with the hourly commuter trains.

THESE trains come about once every half hour during peak times, and once every hour outside peak times. Many of my classes are not within those peak hours, meaning there has been many a time where I have been left standing on a platform waiting for 45 minutes for the next one. There was one particular train in my first year that would regularly switch between arriving 10 minutes early or 10 minutes late depending on the day, leaving me frustrated at its lack of consistency and wondering whether the train drivers were playing a rather elaborate prank on me.

Perhaps the best example of my troubles with the trains are when they end up going the wrong way. The signage around the stations is almost universally bad, especially in places outside Dublin. Once, in my efforts to get to Celbridge, I attempted to catch a train going that way from Newbridge. The track directions were particularly unclear, as were the signage, so I ended up stuck on a train to Portlaoise. Fortunately, I realised my folly before I went too far and ended up halfway between Dublin and Portlaoise. I did make it back, thankfully, but I will never forget the sheer heart-dropping moment of panic when I realised I was going the wrong way. All this is to say, even though I love the trains and my commute, the universe does appear to be playing some sort of divine trick on me every time I attempt to make use of Ireland’s already dire public transport systems. Perhaps one day I shall make a journey in peace, but until that day I will continue to bemoan my trouble with trains.