Health & Wellbeing

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New Blackmore Vale, December 24, 2021 51 Health & Wellbeing Be kind to yourself over the Christmas period

Christmas and New Year is a time when our mental health can be severely challenged; so we need to take extra care of ourselves. Friends and families get together, often not having seen one another for months. With this though comes expectations, which for many are hugely stressful and may not work out in the ways we imagine. In our desires we imagine harmony and joy, though often the situations and dynamics can turn out to be fraught and disappointing. We’re often not truthful about how we are emotionally, physically or financially; as we may feel ashamed or perceive ourselves not good enough compared to others. Some will go to great lengths to try and appear they’re okay, when in fact they may be suffering greatly behind the façade. It can be incredibly difficult to be authentic and vulnerable when there’s so much expectation on us to be joyous and fun. Many find the celebrations painful and arduous, because they may be anxious about feeling compelled to join those they’d not normally choose to associate with. Depression and loneliness are accentuated when we see and hear others gathering and supposedly having a jolly time. For some who have lost people close to them through bereavements, relationship break-ups or just loss and absenteeism; the festive season can be a trigger of painful memories and regrets. Drug and alcohol misuse rises massively at this time of year often with terrible consequences, as people try to escape uncomfortable thoughts and feelings. Domestic violence and most types of abuse also tend to rise. This year there’s the added concern about the pandemic which is already causing arguments and division. For many this festive season will not be easy but there are some basic common-sense things one can do to keep oneself safe, help others and feel more positive. Don’t put yourself in situations that may be overwhelming or cause you undue anxiety. Stay with people you feel safe and comfortable with. Keep an eye on your surroundings if at a social gathering, staying alert and trusting your gut feelings. Lay down your own boundaries, such as being with people for a certain amount of time and don’t allow yourself to be manipulated into doing anything you don’t want to do. Don’t people-please and be assertive about your needs. Nurture yourself by doing things you enjoy and feel comfortable with. Most of all try to be kind and nonjudgemental. Giving back is a wonderful way to feel good and it can really help others. A kind word, a Christmas card, a brief visit, a phone call or text, doing some voluntary work, a warm greeting and smile, etc –all help us to feel we belong and matter, whether we are givers or receivers. More than ever now we need each other, a sense of community, gentleness, kindness, tolerance and unconditional love. Having consideration, empathy and time are three of the best gifts we can give – all of which are free and can bring comfort and joy to so many. n David Stanton is a Senior Counsellor/ Psychotherapist living and working in the Vale. Appointments: 07584 711488

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The traditions of Christmas

On a shelf in the corner of my office there is a well loved green book with an engraving of holly and mistletoe on the front written in the 1940s by Enid Blyton. It’s called ‘The Christmas Book’ and it tells the origins of many traditional Christmas rituals through the eyes of four siblings, albeit in a charmingly dated way that might make the modern reader cringe slightly. Of all times of year, Christmas probably has the most traditions, rituals and ‘rules’. Very few of them are linked directly to Christmas as they have more pagan origins but they are still deemed an important part of the festival. Of course, families build up their own traditions that carry a whole new level of importance which must be merged with the more wide-spread habits and those of other families as and when required. What is the purpose of rituals? Their historical beginnings are a link to our past and they provide a framework for our own celebrations today. But as with so many things in life, they are there to serve a purpose for us – not for us to feel ruled by them. I remember talking to a client years ago about the pressures of providing her family with the Christmas they expected but in a year where she was facing divorce and her business was struggling. We stripped it all back to the bare essentials of what the valuable parts of Christmas were for her and her family. We took it from there and built it up until she had reached full capacity financially, emotionally and practically. And there was a new ritual, a new tradition – a new way of ‘their Christmas’ that will work for them for years to come. And before the last mince pie has been eaten, you can be sure there will be a plethora of messages along the whole scale of subtlety about how, come this new year, you need to create your new you. Can I offer a suggestion please? The current you is just fine. You don’t need to seek out the new figure, the new diet, the new way of organising your desk/life/family. Even if you are wanting to make changes in your life I would suggest the new year is not the optimal time to embrace that. Change is not made and sustained at speed. It is made in small, absorbable steps that can become your new way of life - your new ritual over time -but not over night.

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A walk around...

with retired Dorset rights of way officer Chris Slade

BUCKLAND NEWTON

Begin at the church and, after visiting it (if open), join the footpath that runs south eastwards through the churchyard. After crossing a field it meets the road not far from the Gaggle of Geese. Follow the road north east, then east, along the village street until you meet the main road, the B3143, having passed a cemetery and the village school. Turn left and follow the road northwards for about a furlong then join a footpath on the right heading east at first then wending its way north east until it meets another path which takes you to the right, south eastwards for about a quarter of a mile, crossing a road at Rew and then soon meeting another road, Castle Lane. Turn left and head eastwards for a quarter of a mile past Sharnhill Green, then turn the corner and head south for five furlongs along Bookham Lane with a steep hill, the Knoll, on your right. At the hamlet of Bookham, the road swings to the right and takes you westwards for half a mile until you reach the main road at Henley where there’s an adventurous activities centre. Turn right and head north for a quarter of a mile, then fork off to the left, north westwards, along Hilling Lane, part of the Hardy Way, for five furlongs until it reaches a T-junction. Turn left and, if they’re open, call in at the Gaggle of Geese and enquire when their famous goose auction is next taking place. Then continue to the next junction and turn right, north west, crossing over the River Lydden then uphill for a short distance, curving round to the right, north east and soon you’ll be back at your car. You’ll have strolled about five miles.

Meditations in nature: Moon moments

By the time I near the end of my blustery walk on the Dorset coast, it is an hour or two into the winter darkness. The skies are semi-veiled with cloud and the air is heavy with damp and cold. Despite a sudden desire to be home in the warm, I find a suitable place to sit and watch the setting crescent moon Luck is on my side as the clouds begin to depart. It is worth suffering the biting cold to behold this bright yellow arc of a waxing moon hovering over the Western ocean. This elegant crescent is the first of the moon’s eight phases. With binoculars I can easily make out the scrapes and hollows of the craters along its inner curve, and then the fine rim of its circumference. Because it is so low tonight, it looks larger than usual but this, I know, is just an optical illusion. For this brief moment in time, I am transfixed by the sound of the waves crashing against the cliffs below me and the bracing night air on my face, as I watch the Earth’s natural satellite dip out of view below the horizon. It is a reminder that we earthlings are so small and immaterial in the enormity of the universe. Of all the celestial wonders, I find the moon the most captivating, perhaps because of its ever-present, everchanging shapes and colours. Its prevalence in folklore and mythology, art and literature is a testament to its influence over us. Indeed there is much written about how the gravitational pull of our moon not only affects the water on our planet but also our own moods, behaviours and ability to sleep. There is, however, only limited scientific evidence to suggest this is true. But the moon’s utter wonder and magnificence is enough for me to spend hours watching its brilliant beacon of reflected sunlight. As I watch the tip of the crescent disappear from view, I gather my rucksack and head towards my car. As I do so, I contemplate the theories of the moon’s origin. My favourite is that the infant Earth and a planet called Theia collided, melted and reformed, with a small part of the newly formed mass spinning off to become our sister satellite, bound together forever by gravity. But one thing is for sure, without its steadying presence, life on earth would be less agreeable. Dr Susie Curtin curtin.susanna@gmail.com