Yak Magazine: May 2018 Issue by UON Student Central

The Degree 360

Thinking about ch anging your degree, read this!

Sizzles, Sausage y? Yay or Na

Issue 44 // May 2018 By Students, for Students

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YAK RE-BORN

Trivia, Crossword Puzzle, Horoscopes, Recipes, Sports & much MORE!

YAK

MAGAZINE The May Issue

Yak would like to acknowledge the Pambalong clan of the Awabakal people, and the Darkinjung people, traditional custodians of the land in which Yak is made and distributed. We pay respect to elders, past and present.

Cover - Reid McManus Designed by:

EDITOR’S LETTER Welcome to a reborn Yak Mag! We’re switching things up this year at Yak, making our mag better for you to flick through at lunch, throw into your backpack for later reading, and of course, be your best study break mate. Speaking of study, check out the perfect albums to get inspired to with our Study Sounds list, or take a much-needed breather and Mass Debate. I mean read the Mass Debate. This issue we’ve explored so many ideas relevant to student life: have you ever changed degrees halfway through, or even graduated and gone back to uni for a do-over after feeling your career wasn’t right for you? What about a pesky roommate who just won’t stop having loud copulation in the next room over? If you can relate, check out the Degree 360 and Dear Yak pieces for some stellar advice.

We are YAK Media: the University of Newcastle’s student media channel, run by UON students. Our three platforms: YAK Magazine, YAK Online, and YAK TV – are run by dedicated teams of students. Yak works hard to bring you stories covering all aspects of student life, from health and wellbeing, to travel and entertainment, to politics and study tips. Let us know if you have any suggestions for story ideas, or if you would like to get involved.

What’s more we’ve added possibly the greatest addition to any magazine, that is just perfect for that pre-exam study procrastination. One word, two syllables; PUZZLES. Try your hand at some trivia and crush the crossword, or seek guidance from the cosmos and read your horoscope.* *Accurate astrology reading not guaranteed. So, we’ve got a new look, some fresh content, and are here for whatever you need us to be. You need a perfect break from study, we’re here. You need a prop to hold up while that one person from your class who you drunkenly kissed that one time at Customs walks past you, we’re here. You need something, anything, to offer some escape from the cruel reality that is results week, we’re here. Enjoy and happy reading. From Mon and the Yak Team, x

Submissions The Yak editorial team is always on the look out for passionate student writers and graphic designers to contribute to the blog and magazine. If you would like to take the opportunity to get your work published, please send a sample of your writing or graphic design work to:

yakmedia@newcastle.edu.au

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Printed by PrintCentre on Callaghan Campus. Yak Media is SSAF funded.

Yak Magazine // May 2018

HAVE YOUR YAK

EDITORIAL TEAM

Monique Aganovic

Sophie Austin

Jack Moran

Managing Editor (Magazine)

Deputy Managing Editor

Managing Editor (Online)

This is why mom doesn’t F@cking love you!

Kazoo Kid.

Actually Meghan, I can’t sit anywhere. I have hemorrhoids.

Nadene Budden

Reid McManus

Amy Lewis

Promotions Coordinator

Lead Graphic Designer

Graphic Designer

strums guitar, “I love you, bitch.”

Shrek Cat.

Bentley eats a butterfly.

Yak Magazine // May 2018

“What is your favourite Vine?”

Angelique Carr

Shea Evans

Nikola Jokanovic

Editor

Editor / Photographer

Look at all these chickens!

When Mama isn’t home (The Oven Kid).

The bottle flip job interview one.

Contributors: Daniel Cooper Arlya Tuckey Joanna Lewis

Jassmin Mihell Graphic Designer

If you would like to contribute, contact the lead graphic designer or email: yakmedia@newcastle.edu.au

The snacks toddler girl.

One ingredient, 3 recipes Monique Aganovic shows you how to use that 2kgs of four bean mix you bought from ALDI because it was only $8 1. Sad But Delicious Quesadillas

3. Seems-bland-but-still-tastes-great Soup

Ingredients:

• 1 can of Four Bean Mix (drained)

• Shredded Cheese (to taste)

• 1 brown onion

• Corn

• 1 can of diced tomatoes

• Refried beans (optional)

• 3 cups of Vegetable Stock

• 1 avocado • Tortilla Wraps

• 1 green veggie of your choice (peas or broccoli, etc.)

Method: Smear some refried beans on your wrap and add the corn, beans mix, and cheese. Fold wrap and cook in pan until cheese has melted

Method: Dice onion and add with some oil in a saucepan. Cook for about 3 minutes then add beans, tomatoes, and vegetable stock. Bring to

and the wrap is a golden colour. Serve with avocado to taste. 2. Broke, but still trying to be somewhat healthy, Salad Ingredients: • 1 can of Four Bean Mix (drained) • 1 Red and 1 Green Capsicum • 1 Red Onion • Salad Dressing of Your Choice (to taste) Method: Dice the capsicums and onion and combine with the drained beans. Season with salt and pepper and add the dressing. For best results, chill overnight.

boil and let simmer for 10-12 minutes. Add your green veggie and cook for 3-5 more minutes. Eat!

Yak Magazine // May 2018

Study Sounds with Nikola: Music for the Stressed Student’s Soul Whether it’s something to get you in the zone, a few slow-jams to unwind with or some weekend-ready bangers, Yak’s resident music expert Nikola Jokanovic has your student-life music choices covered. TO STUDY: Selected Ambient Works 85-92 Aphex Twin This album has seen me through countless hours of study. A perfect one hour and fifteen minutes of bouncy-but-lowkey ambient-techno crossover tunes. Almost like an audible caffeine hit, these driving beats and chilled synths will keep you buzzing along. TO CHILL: Life of Leisure - Washed Out The name says it all: a lean 18-minute cut of melancholic, reverb-heavy, 80s-tinged electro. Echoing voices over smooth, calm rhythms. Great for unscrambling your brain after an intense study session or thinking about your ex while dancing. TO PARTY: Bonito Generation - Kero Kero Bonito It’s the weekend! Forget all about that 30% assignment due Monday with this collection of whimsical J-pop flavoured bangers. With songs about jumping on trampolines, taking selfies and calling your parents, there’s nothing but wholesome post-study content here. 7

Designed Designed by: Amy by:Lewis Amy Lewis

Yak Magazine // May 2018

MEAT AND MORALITY Angelique Carr ponders Grill’d’s latest marketing stunt Just before Easter, the burger franchise Grill’d came out with their notorious ‘bunny burger’ for the second year, and every man and his dog was on Facebook protesting the use of rabbit meat. It turned out that causing controversy was the main aim of the campaign, as it was revealed that it was a vegan burger, ‘because that’s what bunnies eat’. It got us thinking here at Yak, why are people so upset when Grill’d serves other animal meats daily? Why are we okay with eating some animals, but not others?

cows. So, it seems if we wanted to do better by the environment, then we would be chowing down on crickets instead of steaks, but many people don’t think of bugs as food. What about nutrition? Maybe cows and sheep are just more nutritiondense than other animals? According to Ann Yong-Geun’s study “Dog Meat Foods in Korea”, dogs are high in vitamins, minerals and protein. And they’re pretty tasty too. Dogs, however, like many other animals including cats and rabbits, have fallen into the category of ‘pet’, and no one wants to eat their pet.

Is it because of environmental issues? The meat industry is one of the biggest contributors to global warming, with one cow producing 100kg of methane a year. With just over 1 billion cows in the world, that’s a lot of gas. Rabbits, on the other hand, have a much lower carbon footprint and are constantly being hunted anyway, because of their pest status in Australia. Even better is farming insects, which have a tiny environmental impact compared to

Is it because pets have feelings, and you can’t eat things with feelings? People don’t eat their own pets because they are often a part of the family. We get these animals as little babies and spend years watching them grow and form personalities. Cows, sheep and pigs don’t have these kinds of personalities and

Yak Magazine // May 2018

“Forgetting or ignoring the chain of meat production allows people to mentally separate meat from animals, so they can eat pork or beef without thinking about pigs or cows”

it’s impossible to form relationships with them. Well, not really. There is no reason to believe that cows and sheep are less intelligent or less social than other ‘pets’. Pigs especially have been said to be smarter than three-year-old humans, and are as smart as any dog.

want to be valuing life? If an animal isn’t as smart as us, does that really make it okay to eat it? Is it based on the culture we’re raised? Food is a massive part of every culture and each culture has its own taboos. Jewish people don’t eat pork, Hindus don’t eat meat at all, and Aussies don’t eat bugs, all for different reasons. The foods we do and don’t eat are mostly decided by what the people around us are doing.

In his article ‘The Meat Paradox’ Brock Bastian, from the University of Queensland, claims that in clinical studies people who have just eaten meat are less likely to acknowledge the mental and emotional capacity of animals. “Forgetting or ignoring the chain of meat production allows people to mentally separate meat from animals, so they can eat pork or beef without thinking about pigs or cows,” says Bastian.

Here at Yak we didn’t want to make any large, sweeping statements about the morality of eating certain animals over others. We only want to open up the conversation so that, maybe, we can make some positive and thoughtful changes in the way we consume meat.

So, if we believe that raising intelligent animals simply to be killed for food is cruel, then eating our pets would be the perfect solution. That way we know for sure that the meat we are eating had a long, love-filled, and disease-free life. And besides, is mental capacity really the way we

Yak Magazine // May 2018

DEAR YAK

Yak Teamsters, Angie, Shea, & Mon answer your hard questions

Dear Yak,

The Diplomat: Shea

I can hear my roommate and their partner doing it all the time. How do I tell them to stop?

This is actually a fairly common complaint, so you can take comfort in the fact that you’re not alone. Many brave souls have passed through this trial prior to you, each a variety of success and failure. Some have dealt with the issue by just putting up with it until the end of a lease, but there is a quick, more immediate, way out. As with all things, the simplest course of action is generally best. Try approaching your roommate and opening up a conversation along the lines of ‘so I couldn’t help noticing your bedroom activity is quite loud, and I was wondering if you might be able to lower the volume a bit because I’m right next door.’ Don’t think of it as a confrontation, it doesn’t have to be. Perhaps try raising the subject at the gym or during some other physically demanding exercise so that any potentially aggressive energy has already been spent. If you have other roommates, another good idea is to speak with them first. If they feel the same way as you do, their presence will add credence and weight to your words. Just don’t make it an intervention, that might worsen everything.

The Cold War: Angie If there’s anything I’ve learnt from years of sharehouses, it’s that passive aggressive is the way to go. They have loud sex, you have even louder sex. They start doing it on the couch, you stop doing the dishes. They don’t sign for your packages, you start labelling your milk and the level it was at last. If it comes to it, you can hide the toilet paper in your room, but make sure that any friendship you would have had is gone first. Once you involve the toilet paper, it’s an all-out cold war. If they want to have a frank and open discussion, avoid them at all costs. It’s a trap that could lead to a defeat for you. Whatever happens, do not for a second think that you’re in the wrong, or else all this passiveaggressiveness makes you look like the bad one. Best to hide it out in your room until the lease runs out. And all the dishes are in there anyway, so it’s the superior strategic position. 10

The Nuclear Option: Mon The way I see it, your roomie has three options. They either: invite you in to join; quiet down or they get the fuck out. If they are seriously creeped out by the first option, try gently encouraging them to be quiet. Next time it happens, start banging on their wall and yell various expletives. Something along the lines of like: “Hey Asshole! Some of us are trying to sleep here!”. Alternatively, try approaching them mid-breakfast and forget passive aggression, be outright aggressive, “Having lots of sex? Well, good for you buddy, it’s not like the rest of your roommates are sad, lonely, and pretty much keeping the battery industry in business.” They may be so shocked that they choke on

a portrait commissioned that depicts you aggressively staring at your roommate and their partner copulating, then gift it to them on Christmas Day? Absolutely. If all else fails, host a mock roommate trial and group evict them on the spot.

their cornflakes, then you fix all those other problems you have with them too. If none of this works, you may have to get super serious. Try to approach them again? Nah. Be passive aggressive until they get the hint? Nah. Get

If you need advice email your questions to yakmedia@uon.edu.au with the subject line ‘Dear Yak’ and we may answer it next issue!

WHICH FEED FROM THE BAKEHOUSE ARE YOU?

Yak Magazine // May 2018

By Sophie Austin

Beef pie

Vegetarian quiche

Steak, cheese and bacon pie

- Basic

- “Vegan”

- Every day is cheat day

- Listens to Hit 106.9

- Recycles right

- Goes for brunch often

- Drinks at least two litres of water a day

- Might not have their life together but is doing okay

- Still wears the Vans they’ve had since high school

- Naps for two hours

- Has their life together

- Wears thongs to uni

Steak and pepper pie

Curry pie

Vanilla slice

- Goes hard or goes home

- Cultured

- Soft and innocent

- Knows everyone on their Facebook friends list

- Has probably been on a Contiki tour

- Always looks on point

- Is the first to start conversations in tutorials

- Knows how to budget

- Is nice to everyone in their degree

- Eats two minute noodles three times a week

- Leaves tips in tip jar after a meal

- Has a gym membership

E 36

Ever been four years into a Bachelor degree and thought “career path, I’m just not that into you”? Sophie Austin gets down to business about life-altering degree changes.

DE G RE

Yak Magazine // May 2018

You may have heard about the Degree 360. You may have caught the whispers and wondered if it would be you next. Or you may even know a friend who’s dropped their Doctor of Medicine to run away with the Social Sciences. It may sound like a horror story, but students changing degrees is a lot more common than you think, even after they’ve thrown their graduation caps sky high. Often students will experience a “degree dysphoria” that makes them second-guess their degree choices, and change the trajectory of their careers entirely. I spoke with Rebecca, who transferred from a Bachelor of Education to a Bachelor of Arts, Wade, who transferred from a Bachelor of Social Science to a Bachelor of Radiation Therapy and Kieran, who transferred out of a Bachelor of Education to a Bachelor of Podiatry, and then to a Bachelor of Communication. I also spoke to Senior Program Adviser, Laura, about the feelings, thoughts and processes that students

So, why the switch? Students can switch programs for a number of reasons. It can be a simple as falling out of love with your program (let’s face it, university isn’t like a season of The Bachelor) or as complex as economic changes within the industry of interest. Senior Program Adviser Laura has also said that a lot of students carry the pressure of parental influence, which often puts them in a degree that they just don’t feel like they belong in.

experience when it comes time to make that transfer decision.

“I have a lot of students who, say, study commerce, because their parents say accountants are the ones that make the money,” Laura said. “But they find that they love the core business courses much more, and then you can see them really excelling in those, but having difficulty in the other courses. “And from that, we can simply say ‘do you think that’s actually what you love, and what you want to do?’” Kieran had a relatable experience, that led him to realise he wasn’t studying the degrees he 15

wanted to study for himself. “I was doing them because people said I’d be good at them,” he said. “While I didn’t hate the work, I had no passion for what I was studying and knew I couldn’t commit to a career in either teaching or podiatry.”

sonography, plumbing, baking, nursing and more. However, these statistics are never set in stone, and can often fluctuate in numbers over the years.

Rebecca also spoke about the way that mentality changes as you grow. “Especially if you’re fresh out of school,” she said. “What you think you want to do at age 18 can totally flip by 19 and then flip again, and again, over the years.

Like most things in life, the need to transfer degrees can start to show in a number of ways. But unlike the signs of a bad cold, students who consider changing degrees can experience things like stress, attendance marks dropping, or a general disheartening for the things they study. Wade said that the prospect of not being in the degree of his choice gave him a “mid-life crisis”.

When you need to break up with your degree

“And it’s 2018, stable jobs are some weird archaic fantasy.” Which is often what dictates the trajectories of career paths as well, thanks to the changing nature of industries. According to the Department of Jobs and Small Business Australia, New South Wales has state-wide shortages in a number of fields, including architecture, surveying,

“There was all this hype towards uni saying it’ll be the best thing ever,” he said, “But I had no enthusiasm to go, therefore, this [led to] me slacking off and finding I had to motivate myself to continue.”

“It can be as simple as falling out of love with your program…or as complex as economic changes within the industry of interest.”

Laura stressed that this is the time to look back, and then look forward. “An example I can use is an Engineering student really excelling in computer science, but not doing so well in the engineering courses. You can look at the transcript and see where their successes are, and then see where they’re not doing so well, and then ask, have you ever thought of changing your degree? As one of the multitude of options we try to give students, as it is always their choice.” Although, some students didn’t see any signs at all. Rebecca describes herself as a multipotentialite, which describes a person who has no “one true calling”, which made the decision a fairly comfortable one for her. “To be honest, one day I was just like ‘nope, okay. Fuck this, I’m changing degrees’ and I did,” she said. “It was surprisingly chill.” New degree, new me and the Careers team if they’re having a serious itch about their degree. “A lot of people think that Careers are someone you just see in the last term of study, but it’s actually better to see them in your first term,” she said, “it’s all about becoming industry ready now, and that’s so important.”

One of the most daunting things for students is the idea of becoming a first-year student all over again, and having to pass through the rite of passage that every first-year student has to take when coming to university. Kieran has been a ‘first-year student’ three times now and talked about how university is more than high school, but a place to further your education and interact with the world.

Some final advice comes from all the students, who suggest to address the feelings you’re having as soon as you can, and to not be afraid of making these changes. Take a semester off, find yourself on a trip to Asia, get a full-time job, or even pick up a hobby. Then you can make the hard-hitting decisions about whether you need to give your degree the flick, and find yourself a new program that feels just right.

“It can be a little unusual,” he said. “When I started Communication, a girl sitting next to me asked if it was weird being a mature aged student... I was 21!” Laura also suggests students aren’t alone on this decision, and can meet with Student Advice 17

Yak Magazine // May 2018

SPLENDOUR REMORSE By Nikola Jokanovic We waited in the Greenroom there For what seemed days on end Our gang of four; two laptops each; A prior weekâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s suspense. I just wanted a million beers, See Gang of Youths for the hundredth time And yet, despite our eight chances, My troop was left behind. Now we hate you Splendour How will we ever see Lil Xan live? If Splendour does not send me a ticket immediately I will surely cry. What to do come July, When Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll be feeling such pain? The FOMO has already set in, I missed out on Splendour tickets again.

Artwork by: Arlya Tuckey

Yak Magazine // May 2018

WOMEN’S RUGBY AT UON

Shea Evans introduces you to your new favourite sporting team Women’s sport at this university is thriving, with teams across a wide variety of codes, but what’s it like to play women’s rugby union at UON? For Billi Prince, who plays prop for the Seahorses, the most rewarding aspect of being on the team is the atmosphere. “The team bond here at the Seahorses is nothing like I’ve ever experienced before,” said Prince, “we are all so close, which last year helped us make the grand final. There’s always someone to pick you up when you’re feeling down about the way you’ve played or trained which I think is really important in a team sport. We all have each other’s backs.” Prince, a Newstep student who has been part of the team for the last two years, feels that she has achieved much on the team. “We are the defending minor premiers (2016 and 2017) in the women’s competition,” she says, “but I really think the most important thing we have achieved is making a family-like

environment. We have a lot of people who play for us [who are] away from home while they’re at uni so I think it’s really important to give them a support system so they feel like they’re at home. It is honestly amazing.” Despite Australia’s women’s sevens team winning a historic gold at the 2016 Rio Olympics, Prince believes there are still tries that need to be scored for the popularity of women’s rugby union in Australia. “Unfortunately,” she said, “I think rugby union is a bit behind the eight-ball in terms of women’s sports, especially with the growth of AFL and rugby league, but hopefully the new W league competition will change that in the next couple of years.” But even after a recent loss to Waratah, Prince and the rest of her 22 fellow Seahorses remain optimistic. “It’s such a good feeling representing your university,” said the prop, “not only throughout

the year in the local Comp, but at big events like Uni Games. It’s a great way to meet new people who study everything from business to medicine!” In the eyes of Prince, the variety of students is one of the most exciting parts of the game. “There’s always someone more experienced willing to help out,” she said, “and what I find really beneficial for the younger players is that we have people studying in nearly every faculty so if you’re ever stuck with uni work someone can help out there too.” According to Prince, the men’s and women’s teams are close knit groups who not only train together, but also have club-wide social events together. “We all get along really well which is awesome,” she said. You can sign up to play for the Seahorses by messaging the team’s Facebook page, University of Newcastle Rugby Union, or via their website: http://universityofnewcastlerufc.com.au

Yak Magazine // May 2018

SPORTS UPDATE When was the last time you caught a uni game? Get up to date with our uni teams with this handy guide

Rugby Union: See the uni team take down Merewether Carlton in a home game, on June 2nd at the Bernie Curran Oval!

Netball: This team plays in the Newcastle Netball Association league, and play at the netball courts on Union Street, each Saturday.

Cheerleading: This team competes in National Championships and trains regularly! They recently elected two new captains for 2018, Emily and Jarrah, who will hopefully lead the team to another big win. Check out their Instagram and Facebook to learn more about them.

Football: Newcastle Uni FC has plenty of teams for varying skill sets and is very active within the Newcastle football scene. Visit their website to learn more about watching a game or joining the team.

Rugby League: Support the Seahorses, UONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s league team, by streaming their games on BarTv.

By Shea Evans Of all the laws that man has known,

This law could have no other point,

From gravity to physics,

Of origination, I believe it’s true,

There’s one that stands above the rest,

It came from the throne of God above,

Whose perfection nothing mimics,

For the benefit of me and you,

Unifier of planet earth,

Without Cole’s Law the world would stop,

This law we all admire,

And we would all fly off it,

It reaches each and all of us,

An outcome that is guaranteed,

Across the human race entire,

And nobody could stop it,

This law of our is so fantastic,

Governments depend on it,

I’d dish it out by bowl,

For diplomacy and action,

There’s only one law which fits the bill,

It’s the sneaky, silent, subtle force,

It’s of course the Law of Cole,

Which powers every faction,

The Law of Cole is all consuming,

Cole’s Law is the only reason,

I’m sure you know it well,

That your friends remain your friends,

No doubt you’ve felt it many times,

It demands that all things be forgiven,

And justly deemed it swell,

And that all would make amends, 26

All the people you have seen,

The Law of Cole is gargantuan,

All the young and all the old,

Your mind it cannot contain,

They go through life but unaware,

For it’s far too large to understand,

Of the depths of the Law of Cole,

Too big for the human brain

It penetrates to all our hearts,

Cole’s law supersedes all others,

And society’s foundation,

Where they are always failing,

Cole’s Law is always at work,

And where these laws all then fall down,

It never takes vacation,

Cole’s Law stands prevailing,

Ceaseless, ceaseless it goes on,

The law of the sea she sailed away,

It gives but we just take,

And the laws of motion stopped,

To fulfil our lust for life we eat,

The laws of inertia were carried away,

But it will never break,

And the laws of expansion popped,

Some people know the truth of Cole,

Thermodynamics was a splendid law,

There are those who know its secret,

But it proved to be too hot,

They’re sworn to never reveal a thing,

Conservation of mass started alright,

And above all else to keep it,

But got heavy so it was dropped,

But don’t worry yourself about these things,

And the laws of nature can be forgotten,

For the Law of Cole reigns strong,

They’re far too damn selective,

It’s something that’s inside us all,

The laws of computation, too,

And found in every song,

Have failed their prime directive,

I myself know something of it,

But one law can repair them all,

And made studying it my duty,

One law will up and bind them,

Its true incomprehensibility,

These laws will all live again,

Forms nine-tenths of its beauty,

When Coles Law stands behind them,

Scientists find it exciting,

Now I know the question on your mind,

While Kings and queens employ it,

So goes the ancient adage,

But the best thing that we all can do

“What on earth is Coles Law?” you ask,

Is relax and just enjoy it,

Well the answer’s thin sliced cabbage. 27

THE GREAT AUSTRALIAN SIZZLE, YES OR NO? Angelique and Jack debate the sanctity of Australia’s most popular custom: The Sausage Sizzle Angelique: YES If you are against sausage sizzles, you are against Aussie culture itself. The backyard barbie is the glue that holds communities together and is the lubricant of every social relationship. The whole reputation of a family can be made, or unmade, on one sunny afternoon over the course of a lunch (or an early dinner if mum doesn’t feel like cooking afterwards). Please do not misunderstand me. I am not saying that you must conform to love the sizzle or else you’re unAustralian. No, the sausage sizzle accepts and embraces all. These days there is an abundance of tofu sausages, gluten free bread, and barbeque sauce to fit every need and lifestyle. Take the uni’s sausage sizzle that’s held in the Auchmuty courtyard. It is the great equaliser. Young and old, rich and poor, staff and students, all gather together for their free

meal of nourishing protein, carbs, and sauce. How many of you have not locked eyes with the person next to you as, at the exact same time, you both utter those magical words “with onion, please”? And sausage sizzles don’t just give us food either. They are a mainstay in the fundraising repertoire. Need new outfits for your soccer team? Have a sausage sizzle. Got to bail one of the boys out of the drunk tank? Better go top up the gas. Do not forget, either, that holy Saturday morning, where every dad takes their child to the Church of Australia for their sausage sizzle communion. The name of this church is too holy to be reproduced in this lowly magazine, but I can tell you it starts with the lowest prices. $2.50 for a snag, no extra for onion or sauce. As it is in heaven, so it has been made here on earth.

of the sausage sizzle. We either know too little or too much about the people who cook our sausages.

Jack: NO Nothing is as disgusting as a sausage sizzle. Before you come at me with burning pitchforks and barbecue tongs, hear the reasons for why they are the worst. First of all, sausages. What the hell is a sausage? According to Wikipedia, a sausage is a “cylindrical meat product”. Why have we decided to accept tubular mystery meat as something we’re willing to eat? What kind of person decided that the best way to consume meat is to ground it up into a paste and cover it in a thin meat balloon? A food-sadist, that’s who, and I don’t think we should support that kind of behaviour. Next up, what do we really know about the people who sell us sausage sizzles? There are two answers to this, depending on the situation

Some sausage sizzles are run by strangers who you have no idea about their level of hygiene, their intentions, their political affiliations. Every other sausage sizzle is run by someone you know too well. They’re run by Kevins, your teammate’s weird dad who complains about political correctness and whom you have never seen wash his hands. Love yourself and realise that you deserve better than the gross Kevin sausages. And what about the vegans? How do they feel about having to be exposed to sausages at every Bunnings, cheap party, and community fundraiser? I mean, I’ve never spoken to a vegan but I assume they’re offended. So there you have it, sausage sizzles are disgusting. We should all move on and live our best lives and be our best selves by leaving those hellish meat slugs in the past where they belong. You’re welcome. (This is a joke. Please don’t hate me. Feel free to @ me though, I need more followers. Thanks.) Designed by: Reid McManus

Yak Magazine // May 2018

MARVEL MOVIES With Avengers: Infinity War finally out, Jack Moran uses a highly complex formula to determine the best and worst films that the Marvel Cinematic Universe has to offer. If you think he’s wrong, I’m sorry but your favourite movie is actually trash. The formula is infallible.

TOP THREE Black Panther

Thor: Ragnarok

If the box office records don’t say enough, this movie was great. I was worried it wouldn’t live up to the months of hype but it definitely did. It had a perfect blend of humour and heart along with some great characters that kept you engaged. Posed some tough ethical questions to the characters without making the film any less fun or taking away the hero in superhero.

Probably the best Marvel movie. I mean it was so good that it reignited Chris Hemsworth’s love of the character. Even more visually interesting than Guardians of the Galaxy with the added bonus of sidestepping the ‘lovable misogyny’ that plagues the Guardians’ Peter Quill. I had fun watching it and you can tell that the cast had fun making it which really sells it for me.

BOTTOM THREE Thor: The Dark World

Avengers: Age of Ultron

To be completely honest, I’m not even sure I saw it. I probably did, I see every Marvel film, but it was just so damn forgettable that I can’t be sure. I’m not surprised that Natalie Portman noped out of the MCU after it and that Chris Hemsworth was ready to do the same. Also they killed off Frigga (Thor’s mum) which if you’ve read recent Thor comics you’d know is a huge waste.

Speaking of a huge waste; how’s character death going, Quicksilver? There are so many things I hated about this film, it’s not funny. Foremost is the largely pointless Black Widow/Bruce Banner love story and the gross way they insinuate she’s a ‘monster’ because she can’t have children. I blame Joss Whedon and pray he never touches another superhero film again.

WHAT’S ON June Olive Tree Markets, 2 June, Civic Park Free lunch BBQ, 5 June, NeW Space Free lunch BBQ, 6 June, Auchmuty courtyard Semester One concludes, 8 June Melbourne International Comedy Festival Roadshow, 8 - 10 June, Civic Theatre Queen’s Birthday Public Holiday, 11 June

Captain America: The Winter Soldier This was the MCU entry that made me think that a Marvel movie could be a great film, not just a great superhero film. While it’s a bit more serious than fun, its core themes and concerns really ring true in the surveillance age. Take out Captain America and SHIELD and replace them with a generic action hero and the CIA and it’d be a solid and compelling film in its own right.

Semester One exams commence, 12 June Trimester Two Census Date, 15 June TEDxSydney 2018, 15 June, ICC Sydney Theatre Vivid Sydney ends, 16 June Hunt & Gather Markets, 16 June, Foreshore Park City Calm Down, 21 June, Bar on the HIll Refugee Week, 17 - 23 June Winter Term commences, 25 June Semester One exams conclude, 29 June British India, 29 June, Cambridge Hotel

July The Incredible Hulk I don’t know what it is about the Hulk that makes it so hard for him to have a solo film. Maybe it’s the fact that Hulk films have the burden of being both brooding introspections on the duality of man and action-packed smash fests simultaneously. It’s hard to build a good movie that has to flip-flop between the two tones. Or maybe the Hulk is just boring. We may never know.

Mid-year recess commences, 2 July Graduation ceremonies, 5 - 6 July, Ourimbah Semester One results released, 13 July PNAU, 18 July, Bar on the Hill Winter Term concludes, 20 July Hunt & Gather Markets, 21 July, Foreshore Park Orientation Week, 23 - 27 July Mid-year recess concludes, 27 July Semester Two commences, 30 July Monday Movie, 30 July, Derkenne courtyard

Free lunch BBQ, 31 July, NeW Space

MONTHLY Angelique Carr interprets the stars for this month’s horoscopes

March 21st to April 19th

April 20th to May 20th

Mars is moving into your powerhouse over the next couple of days, which means you’re in no position to be taking advice from magazines.

The spirits of your ancestors will guide you through every trial and tribulation. I hope you’re not afraid of ghosts!

May 21st to June 20th

June 21st to July 22nd

The time for revenge is ripe. Seize it with both hands.

Be wary of people who may be looking for revenge. You know you deserve it, but hey, if you cared about fairness in the first place no one would be out to get you, would they Cancer? Maybe think on that while you still can.

July 23rd to August 22nd The love of your life will be at Mamaduke at 3pm. The stars just don’t know what day. Good luck.

Photograph from unsplash.com

August 23rd to September 22nd AVOID BRIDGES.

HOROSCOPES September 23rd to October 22nd

October 23rd to November 21st

Take an umbrella with you tomorrow. And a hard hat. Maybe a pickaxe. Actually, it might be safer if you don’t go outside tomorrow.

Eugh, you’re back again? Take a hint, buddy.

December 22nd to January 19th

November 22nd to December 21st

Listen, I feel like we haven’t been connecting on a certain level for a while now and even though you’re a great person, I don’t think this is going to work out. Don’t cry, you’re going to make someone really happy someday. It just won’t be me. Your lucky numbers are 34, 28, 97.

You’ve been ignoring your friends too long, Sagittarius. It’s time to kick back and crack open a cold one with the boys. And by “cold one” I mean the futility of existing in an endless void without meaning, and by “crack open” I mean cry about.

January 20th to February 18th

February 19th to March 20th

The stars told me what you did Aquarius, and, like, I’m not one to judge, but that’s really gross.

You smell like fish, but your friends are too nice to tell you.

YAK TRIVIA Strain your brain and have a go at these ten tricky trivia questions. The Yak Team scored an average of five, can you beat that?

1 - Which element on the periodic table is represented by the letter K? 2 - Who is the current leader of the Australian Greens? 3 - The course AART1700 is also known by what title? 4 - Phascolarctos cinereus is the scientific name of which Australian animal? 5 - What is the first name of Khloé Kardashian’s daughter? 6 - Which of Callaghan’s residence halls is the oldest? 7 - Coulrophobia is the fear of what? 8 - Which Ancient Greek author is said to have written the Iliad and the Odyssey? 9 - Commonly referred to as a seahorse, UON’s mascot is what mythological creature? 10 - What is Malcolm Turnbull’s middle name?

7. Clowns

8. Homer

Trivia Answers:

9. Hippocampus

1. Potassium

10. Bligh

2. Richard Di Natale 3.

Photomedia

4. Koala

5. True

6. Edwards Hall

May Crossword 1

W CROSS R D

ACROSS

Across

DOWN

2. Blemish on skin sure to ruin a selfie.

1. To annoy or frustrate. Down

2. Blemish on sure tofear ruinor a selfie. 6. skin A strong dislike, often irrational.

1. annoy or frustrate. 3. To Disease that mosquitoes are infamous

6. A strong fear or dislike, often irrational.

3. that mosquitoes are infamous for carrying. forDisease carrying.

8. Device used to re-energise a battery.

4. Pregnant teen played by Ellen Page in eponymous 4. Pregnant teen played by Ellen Page in 2007 film.

8. Device used to re-energise a battery. 9. To criticise severely.

9. To criticise severely.

eponymous 2007 film.

11. Money owed, sometimes paired 11. Money owed, sometimes paired with HECS.

5. Music festival that Beyonce performed at in April.

5. To Music festival that Beyonce performed 7. speak at length about something.

with HECS. 13. Document used to attract employers.

at inSucculent April. plant used for medicinal purposes. 10.

13. Document used to attract employers. 14. Former student.

7. To speakofat length 12. Several these will about get yousomething. a degree, so they say.

14. Former student. 10. Aloe 12. Pass DOWN: 1. Vex 3. Malaria 4. Juno 5. Coachella 7. Lecture Charger 9. Pan 11. Debt 13. Resume 14. Graduate Crossword Answers:

10. Succulent plant used for medicinal purposes. 12. Several of these will get you a degree, so they say.

ACROSS: 2. Pimple 6. Phobia 8.

HOW TO RECYCLE ME Each year our university goes through 1,080 tonnes of waste. Do you part to minimise our impact on the environment by recycling and reusing me! • Put me in the recycling bin At home you can put me in the bin with the yellow lid. On campus, bins for recycling paper and cardboard are blue bins or yellow bins. Look out for the “Be a good sort” poster, to know what the bin recycles.

• Donate me Donate me to your local library, salvos or doctor’s waiting room.

• Give me away Give me away for free on websites like Gumtree.com.au or Freecycle.org.

• Get your craft on Turn me into something new! Organise a crafternoon with your friends or keep an eye out for event on campus through groups like NUSA or FEAST. Designed by: Reid McManus

BOOKMARKS “Always read something that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.” ― P.J. O’Rourke

CUT ME OUT!

CUT ME OUT! Designed by: Amy Lewis & Reid McManus Artwork: Joanna Lewis

Issue 44 // May 2018