Urbanette Magazine: Love & Bridal Issue

The First Online WOmen’s Magazine: Now in Print

How to

MAKE UP quickly

How To

Get Your GroOve Back

REAL WEDDINGS & TIPS FROM EXPERTS Best of the Best:

Vendor Guide

what you DIDN’T KNOW about PRENUPS

EVERYTHING

YOU NEED TO PLAN

The

YOUR WEDDING

l a d i r B E V O L & issue

inesdisanto.com

WEDDINGS GUIDE 28 20 Preparing for the big day... and enjoying it

Tips For A Glorious Beach Wedding Having your wedding on the beach is the ultimate dream-cometrue for so many couples.

Tips for a StressFREE Wedding

a pr maven’s wedding tips

40

How To Avoid Wedding Scams

42

Avoiding the Top Wedding Mishaps

36

Wedding Day Disasters

22

44 Tips for a Great Gay Wedding

47 Legal tips for living happily ever after www.urbanette.com

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12 The memory of your wedding day should have only good feelings associated with it.

4

Wine Tips for Your Wedding

how to clarify your wedding vision

24

MarriAge, Divorce and Prenups

30

A top divorce attorney tells all.

OPINION & EDITORAL 50 Jewelry that shines

52 Wedding Traditions and their Origins

ENZOANI: Couture bridal

54 60

56 Princess Bride Rehab

the marriage threat It’s not what you might expect..

67

Honeymoon Essentials We all have products we never go on vacation without.

Okay, all my newly married friends, let’s talk about that age-old myth known as “newlywed bliss.”

64 updating married last name rules strip club 68 Behind bachelor parties

Mail order brides

72

Anastasia Solovieva was hoping for a better life in America.

She was a mail order bride.

70 why women marry late

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REAL WEDDINGS

76 Jen + Kevin

84 Marisa + Alexis 88 Hilary + MiKE 96 Tiffany + ERIC

ROMANTIC TRAVEL GUIDE

100 Twin Farms Resort

104 Joya Spa

106 Hidden Meadow Ranch

PHOTOGRAPHY STORIES Honeymoon style

110

6

www.urbanette.com

wedding glory

122

Bridal renaissance

118

RELATIONSHIP GUIDE

If I Had Known Then, What I Know Now

130

They say hindsight is 20/20. Life is a glorious series of events, some larger and more important than others, and it’s normal to look back on those events and wonder, “Would I do it all the same again; what would I do differently?”

Laws Of Communication The next time you’re in a heated discussion with your man, remember these tips to help get your point across with the least stress possible.

132

Proven Libido Boosters

134

What’s the Harm in Flirting?

As pharmaceutical companies continue their quest for the perfect synthetic aphrodisiac, more and more people are experimenting with natural alternatives to enhance their sexual experiences.

140

138

Thinking About How to Avoid Cheating?

Being Taken Are you justified?

For Granted

154 7 steps for preventing infidelity Ways it can sneak up on you and how to stop it in it’s tracks - before it’s too late. What you may not have thought of.

144

146

148

Top Nagging Rebuttals

Words the Make ...or Break

150

152

ARE YOU CONTROLLING?

Tricks for a productive argument

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7

UK Bridal designer

of

The Year 2004/2005/2006/2007 & 2010. oUTsTanding conTriBUTion www . iansTUarT - Bride . com • (1) 215 625 8840

To The indUsTrY

2008

Wedding VENDOR GUIDE 158

The Frosted Petticoat

164

162

196

The Perfect Bridesmaid Dresses

permanent wedding flowers

182

Delicious Wedding Flavors

the perfectly elegant cake

166

Worth A Thousand Words

172

How To Be Superwoman

154

Rings With Personality

174

192

All In the Music

177

184

DS Studio Bridal Hair

choosing the right staff

178

187

paper floral wedding decor

180

wedding photos: fun style

188

add some magic

fairyfolk wedding boutique

181

190

EASY party rentals

199

PDR designer cookies

stunning wedding films

your wedding chef

194

on-site wedding massageS

195

bow ties by gigi

198

THE NY TENT CO.

200

adventurous officiant

Publisher: Hilary Rowland art direction and Print Design by: Hilary Rowland

ADVERTISEMENT INQUIRIES: email Sam@Urbanette.com

100% of profits from Urbanette Magazine are donated to Women in the World Foundation, a powerful initiative dedicated to driving solutions that advance women and girls. For more, see: www.urbanette.com/women/

Contributors Chloe Ambrosia Miller has been writing since she was 10 years old. She grew up in Sao Paulo and Los Angeles, moving to New York when she was 18 years old to study at NYU. She’s written for a wide array of publications and is often a ghost writer for best selling authors. She lives in Brooklyn’s Park Slope district in a loft with her two cats.

Sarah Woodstock is the consummate globe trotter. Having traveled to over 70 countries, she earns her living writing and modeling while on the road. If she did have a home, it would be New York City, where she grew up. She loves photography, elephants, sailboats, bangles and ballet flats.

Letter from the editor, Hilary Rowland

Shelly Carter loves “everything the Urbanette is and all that the magazine offers our readers, and to me personally”. She is passionate about life, family, friends, her fiancé and her maltipoo, Truman. She is a lover of all things culinary and the arts (13 year veteran of ballet).

This is a very special issue to me. My own love story and wedding was the inspiration for this issue. I met my soul mate in January, when we were set up by two of our oldest friends (both men, and both who’d never set us up before). We, believe it or not, took things very slow for the first month. Yet somehow we were engaged in March and married in September in East Hampton. Looking back, it sounds quick. The thing is - it didn’t feel quick. It felt right.

Joanna Kustra’s adventure with photography began at the age of 22 and in a short time developed into a full time career.

She is a self-taught photographer, from the very beginning fascinated with people, portraits and fashion photography. Now lives and works both in London & Krakow.

Photographer DArren Keith is a native New Yorker with distinct taste.

He’s been shooting since he was 18 and works with clients such as L’Oreal, Victoria’s Secret, MTV, and Vogue. He regularly shoots celebrities such as Heidi Klum, Christina Aguilara, and Beyonce. When he’s not shooting professionally you can find him in the desert at Burning Man.

The more I spoke with happily married couples, the more I learned that knowing right away is actually very common! It happened to my parents, my godparents, and so many others who’ve been married for decades. That said, had I married the person I was dating a decade ago, it would’ve ended in disaster. But then, I never wanted to marry anyone else before. This time was different. It felt like it would be impossible not to marry him. Impossible to think of anything other than spending the remaining years of my life with him. Sounds corny, I know, but my whole reality changed when I met my husband.

Now there’s only Before Him and After Him. There are many ways to fall in love. Some great love stories develop out of friendships and some grow over long periods of time until you realize you can’t live without the other person. But however it happened for you, I hope you find some useful information and inspiration in this issue.

Tips for a

s u o i r o Gl

e B

h c a e

Wedding

Tips by Matthew David Celebrations Photos by Paper Antler

Having your wedding on the beach is the ultimate dream-come-true for so many couples. As you imagine it and then bring it to life, remember that this is the most important day of your life…on a beach. You want to be sure that it has your signature, along with multiple ways that you can claim the day as your own. Go upscale yet easy breezy.

1

Define your style: Using benches or chairs? Drape them in

linen. Programs? Use linen paper. Suits? You guessed it – linen is the fabric of the moment. When selecting flowers, think long and hard before using shells, as this is so obvious that there better be something special to the design. My advice? Pretend you’re not on the beach. Unexpected use of flowers and decor here can help you make your own statement about the day.

2

Clothing choices: Choose clothes that are elegant and

practical and stylish. Guys – for you, polished cotton or seersucker in a light palette is best. Ladies – go for flowing fabrics. The bride’s gown can lightly touch the sand in bare feet (no train); this will allow your shoes to show at the reception.

Bridesmaid dresses should be just under the knee.

3

Keep it short:

Not the gown – the ceremony. Nobody wants to be in a long drawn out service fully dressed in the sun. Hydrate your guests and hold off on alcohol until after the ceremony, just as you would inside. www.urbanette.com

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4

Speak up! Practice, practice, practice speaking loudly. It may be very hard for guests to hear while the waves are calling for attention and the breeze is lightly blowing on your (hopefully) perfect day. Opt for a sound system, if your budget permits.

Ask your sound team for white equipment or have your designers mask it in white so it doesn’t bruise the visuals.

5

Keep it together: Keep your makeup and hair team throughout

the event, so they can make adjustments as the lighting and setting changes. The last thing you want is to end up looking all disheveled! Make sure you wear a daytime natural look on the beach while deepening the look later so your features don’t get lost in the evening. Go for a formal up-look outside (so blowing wind doesn’t cover your face with your hair) and let it down once inside.

6

Keep it shoe-less: If the wedding party is going barefoot,

spend a day together a few days before the wedding to get pedicures. I would offer a shoe-check for guests and mention it creatively in the invitation (your caterer should be able to handle this). Ideally, room temperature water would be available as a foot rinse for when coming off of the beach.

7

Got a permit?

Make sure you get a permit far in advance.

Different beaches have different rules, so arrive prepared.

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g n i r a p . . e . r Y A P D G I B e h t I for t g n i y o j n E d n a By

AN HERM

REN S DR. KA

If you’re like most couples, you’ve spent a lot of time preparing for your wedding day. After all, the plan is that this is going to be your one and only wedding day. At least, that’s the hope. And if you’re the bride … chances are you’ve been dreaming about this day since you were a little girl.

S

o, it’s got to be special; really, really special. For some couples, it will take several months to plan and for others, it could be as much as a year in the making.

Regardless of the amount of time for preparations, the common thread is that you want it all to turn out right. There are lots and lots of details: where you’ll have the event, the music, the flowers, who will be chosen as the bridesmaids and groomsmen and, of course, the dress! The list seems to go on and on.

Have you started having fights with each other yet? If you haven’t, don’t be surprised if you do.

They’re pretty common while you’re planning your wedding. As wonderful an event as this is, it’s all very stressful. There’s so much to do. You’re also having to deal with the needs of two different families who each see the world a little differently. Emotions are running high, at this time, and that makes everyone more sensitive.

Feeling overwhelmed, upset or arguing? If you find yourself needing to speak to a relationship expert, you can reach out to Dr. Karen Sherman through her site (www.

YourEmpoweredRelationship. com). She’s happy to respond to you personally or through doing a workshop/teleseminar so that you can make better choices and have a more connected relationship.

Many fall into the trap of thinking that just because you love one another, everything will be fine.

Finally, the big day arrives. I’m a big believer in having the right expectations about everything in life. When you have the right expectations, you’re more prepared

to deal with situations appropriately.

That being said, I’d like to suggest some things to be aware of so that the wedding can go off in a way that will create wonderful memories:

1. It’s likely something will be wrong Whenever there’s so much detail involved, something is bound to not be perfect. You’re better off expecting this to be the case. The good news is that no one who’s attending knows all the details … only you do. So, whatever it is, let it go because it just doesn’t matter.

Something small should not take away from your enjoyment.

2. Your guests will follow your lead If you’re nervous and anxious, they’ll pick up your energy, without even realizing it, and respond similarly.

Allow yourself to have a good time.

Relax and enjoy all your efforts. It’s going to be a wonderful party.

3. Time passes quickly Though you’ve spent months planning for this wonderful day, the actual event is only going to last somewhere between four to five hours. Some of you will have hired a video person to recapture the

memories. But even video can’t get the total feeling. Several times during the event, stop and look around. Take it all in. This is a very special time in your life and you want to make sure to be aware of it.

Feel like you’re going crazy from all the wedding planning?

You don’t have to!

There’s one more expectation I want to share with you. Since you’ve been putting so much time and energy into all this planning, it’s quite possible that you might have a letdown when it’s all over. Know that this is normal. One way to help yourself is to watch the video or look at the photos. Alternately, start making plans for future projects.

Finally, remember to put time and effort into each other. All too often, couples get caught up in the plans of the wedding and forget about each other. Many fall into the trap of thinking that just because you love one another, everything will be fine. Certainly, the love has to be there. But the reality is that if you want your relationship to work, you have to work at your relationship.

And the results will last much longer than four to five hours! www.urbanette.com

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The memory of your wedding day should have only good feelings associated with it.

Unfortunately for some brides, they forgot one detail and wedding disaster ensued. Here’s why you need to be prepared, and our tips on how to avoid wedding day disasters:

S

andra wanted her wedding day to be absolutely perfect – it was to be a beach wedding with a marvelous feast, and a bar serving exotic cocktails. Everything had been planned to a T and it was perfect – until without warning and in spite of predictions of a sunny day, it suddenly started raining. The food and cocktails were ruined, and Sandra had to take her vows in a soaking wedding dress and running make-up. She hadn’t planned for this scenario so there was no canopy or tent – or even an umbrella.

Christie had picked the perfect wedding dress. It was figure hugging, showing her lovely curves, and had a long train – the dress she had always dreamed of wearing as a bride. She had tried it on and it fit perfectly. Everything seemed to be under control, until she tried to put it on, just hours before the ceremony – and it didn’t fit. She had apparently gained a few pounds and hadn’t thought to try the dress on again, closer to the wedding date.

Carla had put her best friend in charge of the flowers, making it clear that she wanted roses, which were her favorite. On her wedding day, she found lilies instead of roses in her bridal bouquet (her friend had decided that she liked lilies better). That in itself would not have been so bad, but the petals were wilting, the leaves were breaking off and the whole thing looked like it had been hastily assembled in five minutes. Fortunately, there was just enough time to go to the local florist who managed to put a decent bouquet together.

For Lynne, just about everything seemed to go wrong.

The DJ arrived late so there was no time to test the sound system. The air conditioning at the venue was not working, and everyone was hot and sweaty. And her elaborate hair do was apparently not fastened with enough pins, which caused it gradually slide down until it resembled a nest made by a rather clumsy bird. She was so stressed out that she didn’t even bother tryig to keep the peace when her aunt got into a loud argument with her MIL, and one of the groomsmen had one too many and proceeded to inform everyone about his success with the ladies.

Sounds awful, doesn’t it? After all, a wedding is supposed to be a romantic and perfect day, one that will be fondly remembered by the couple through the years.

And yet, overlooking even one small detail can easily turn this important day to a complete disaster.

So how can you make sure that you don’t remember your wedding day for all the wrong reasons? Well, here are a few tips:

Decide your budget: Are you paying for the wedding yourself? Or are your parents or in-laws pitching in? The first step to having the perfect wedding is to figure out how much you want to spend. Good financial planning can actually bring down your costs substantially and still allow you to have the wedding you’ve always dreamed of.

Make a checklist: Failing to plan is planning to fail. A fairytale wedding just doesn’t happen by itself. Behind each beautiful wedding, there is someone who has planned everything to the last detail. So make a checklist and start planning. If you are a good organizer, by all means do everything yourself. But if you are not confident of your organizing skills, then enlist the help of family and friends.

Reservations and booking: Once you have

decided on the date, make all bookings and reservations at early as possible. Do not wait till the last moment, as then the venue or band of your choice may not be available, and you may end up booking something that you don’t really like, at a much higher price.

Look after yourself: If you want to look

your best on your wedding day, the time to start grooming yourself is now. Eat healthy for that fresh glow and hit the gym to keep yourself fit. All beauty and exercise regimens take some time to show effect, so the sooner you start the better.

Leave it to a professional: Your aunt is an amateur decorator, and cousin Heather is a self styled hairstylist – and both have volunteered their services for the wedding. Although it may be difficult to turn them down, for something as important as your wedding, hire a professional.

The wedding dress and accessories: Try on your wedding dress a few days before the actual day to make sure it still fits properly. Break into your new shoes by wearing them at home – trust me, you will not be able to enjoy the special day if your feet are pinched and blistered, thanks to your new shoes. Decide on your hairstyle and accessories, and if possible, try out the complete look once before the big day, to see how it all goes together.

Wedding Day

Disasters

By CHLOE AMBROSIA

Keep checking: Remember to keep in touch with all the important people – the manager of the venue, the florist, the cake designer, the DJ, the caterers – and make sure things are happening on schedule. That way you will avoid any last minute surprises.

Have a backup plan: What if you have planned an outdoor wedding and it rains on your wedding day? What if a lot of extra guests show up? Remember that Murphy’s law applies to weddings too, so always have a backup plan.

Put trusted friends or relatives in charge: Remember

that you are the bride and it’s the most important day of your life. So relax and enjoy the day. Put trusted and capable friends or relatives in charge of the arrangements – of course, share all details with them beforehand. So if the DJ is not on time or Uncle Charlie is acting difficult, someone is there to handle the situation and you do not have to run around trying to fix things.

Have a ‘survival kit’ ready:

Keep a bag handy with all the things you may need during the wedding and the reception. Aside from the usual lipstick, compact and perfume, also keep some essential items like a comb, extra hair pins, white chalk (to cover any stains on your bridal dress), safety pins, tissues, any essential medication, and any other item you may like to keep handy.

Relax and enjoy the day: It’s

your special day so no matter what happens, keep your sense of humor at hand and don’t turn into a bridezilla every time a small glitch happens.

Remember the actual reason you are there – it is to celebrate your union with that special person, in the presence of those you love. So go ahead and have fun – and if something does go wrong, just laugh it off and focus on all the things that went right.

How To Clarify

A

s an upscale wedding designer, in nearly 20 years of designing and producing weddings I’ve seen them all: big, small, and everything in-between.

I’ve designed weddings in town and country and exotic destinations, with budgets that ranged from extravagant to relatively modest. For all their differences, though, all these celebrations started from the same point: the desire to make the wedding a true reflection of the couple’s personality.

To do that, I get to know each couple and, often, help them get to know themselves better.

Whether you’re handling the planning for your own wedding or enlisting the services of a wedding planner, a few simple steps can help you clarify a vision that’s in line with your own unique personality, and make it a reality.

Identify the date and venue It’s so important to not only make sure your favorite location is available to you on the day of your dreams – but also to confirm that your close friends and family are also available. Once you have these in place, the rest will begin to flow...

Create the mood from the beginning A Save the Date may be the first glimpse your guests have of what’s to come. You can use this to paint a picture of the kind of celebration that will come. Next, start to look at invitations as well. Eventually, these may coordinate with other printed collateral such as guest cards, menus, thank-you notes and stationery.

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www.urbanette.com

By MATTHEW DAVID HOPKINS

r u Yo

Wedding Vision Consider an “imperfect” wedding Creating the perfect wedding is, well, perfection. In my opinion, that perfection can also be cold. So plan a little imperfection into your wedding. Done in just the right way, imperfection can warm it up! Think about what you or your friends or family members may be good at, and include personalization: You could ask the children in your family to make a cool sign to put out on the street. Use a gorgeous frame to balance out the handmade quality of the kid’s art.

Maybe a friend makes the best homemade red velvet cupcakes you’ve ever had. Imagine, once your professional cake is cut, that a trio of dessert bites comes out of the kitchen plated for each guest.

They will just love having a plate including a small slice of cake, maybe a chocolate cup with berries AND a mini homemade red velvet cupcake!

Does a family member have gorgeous handwriting? Provide them with beautiful place cards and ask them to write out each name.

Notice a pattern? Each handmade element that is imperfect can be paired with a gorgeous element that shows guests that you meant it to be that way. That elevated handmade touch will go far in the end – towards making your guests feel comfortable.

Imagine the day How do you want to celebrate and share this occasion with your family and friends? Smile, breathe deeply and enjoy some time thinking. Now would be a great time to start saving those pictures you see (Pinterest, Lover.ly, magazines etc.) that feel right to you.

To start, keep it simple and start www.urbanette.com

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with the three big picture elements: Food, Entertainment and Décor -- for both the wedding and the reception.

Oh! And of course -- your gown.

style you’re trying to project.

The goal is to find the way you can personalize the day. Start by teasing out your favorite things and make a list: color, music, food, atmosphere, and memories all count. I often ask clients to tell me their favorite hotel. It gives me quick insight into their style.

No matter how simple (or luxurious) you want your wedding to be, think of it as a production. Someone needs to oversee; do you see yourself in that role? Is that unrealistic with your work life and schedule? Great if you can recognize this early on, because you can delegate much of the Project Manager role to someone else. Additionally, as you identify all of the other team members (caterer, venue manager, florist, designer, band, photographer etc.), the person who will oversee all can coordinate, answer questions, schedule and handle the details.

Try to think of as many things that you both like as possible. Combine those favorite things in all different ways at the wedding and your guests will either recognize you (close friends) or get to know you better (your partner’s family).

Determine your budget The goal is to reach your dream.

Identifying your budget will help you determine how to get there. At every step of the way, knowing your budget will allow you to find your path without additional anxiety.

There are very few rules when it comes to wedding planning, but one that I urge couples to stick to is this: if you don’t have the budget to do something important to you, then find another way to do it. Luckily, with creativity, there’s almost always another way -- especially if you have a firm grasp on the personal

Assemble your dream team

Imagine your day as if you weren’t there Yup, work with your wedding planner to run through the day – as if you weren’t there. This will add a lot of comfort to you as you realize that you will get to enjoy your day because most of the decisions have already been made – before you even get there.

Taste and sample Make sure you schedule a tasting

with your caterer and a floral sample with your florist or designer. Try out as many elements as possible during the planning process. Taste the cake you will be serving, review the playlist for the band and go to hear them if possible. Make it known across the board that your goal is to have no surprises on your wedding day.

Let go!

Your responsibility on your own wedding day is to enjoy yourself and be present in the moment. Go slow while being on time. Your time to be in control has passed – you don’t even want to be in control.

Drink lots of water and remember to be elegant about alcohol. Pause and take three deep breaths before you enter the room for each major event. Enjoy the mistakes as much as the perfection – they add character.

Kiss a lot. Actually taste the food.

Visit with your friends and family.

Set yourself up for success on your wedding day by planning to let go.

Plan to be generous of spirit at the celebrations – you will have a much better time and have better memories if you are prepared and can then let go. All of the planning pays out in the end (so does the investment) when you can “almost” be a guest at your own wedding. Just remember that you are also the star of the show. www.urbanette.com

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Tips for a Stress-Free Wedding

By CHLOE AMBROSIA Miller

Finally! The day has arrived and you’re ready to walk down the aisle in your dream wedding dress with the choir singing and the man of your dreams waiting to take you hand. You’re going to be married in front of all your friends and family. Sounds perfect, right? But things don’t always go exactly as planned…

L

et’s face it – weddings are stressful and there is no way around it. We’re here to help you minimize that stress, so when it comes time to finally decompress, you can do so with ease.

Carla and her fiance agreed to 150 guests including friends and family since they were on a budget. She specifically instructed their guests to RSVP so they could make a head count. On her wedding day, she was surprise to see her cousin with a date and four friends whom her cousin did not inform were coming. What’s worse is that some of the uninvited guests were not properly dress for the occasion.

Be firm and inform your guests to say if they are coming or not

So how do we avoid these kinds of catastrophes?

True planning is the key so here are Urbanette’s tips for a non-stressful wedding:

Get your husband involved

Research the venue Check as many websites as you can for information especially on wedding destinations. One website may recommend a specific month to marry while other websites may say otherwise. Also consult your travel agent and always monitor the weather since it tends to be unpredictable these days.

Check details up to the last minute Don’t be to the point of being Bridezilla but double check everything such as if the flowers you want to carry are in stock or if tables and chairs lack. Be calm in talking with your suppliers and make a checklist so you know what you need to work on.

Seek help but compromise There is nothing wrong with your future in-laws wanting to help out especially your mother-inlaw. Hire a wedding coordinator to lessen the stress. But be don’t let anyone dictate what has to be done. After all, it’s your special day.

Gently tell them what they can help with and if you don’t like the ideas, tell them politely thank you but it’s not what you have in mind.

One thing that married couples hate are wedding crashers and uninvited guests. Tell them you need it for the church seating arrangement and reception. If a relative plans to bring a guest or date, inform them the capacity of the venue.

Why not ask him for his advice? It’s his wedding too. You may never know that his ideas can help especially since his family may chip in for the wedding expenses.

Be guided by your budget With the economic crisis still happening, couples have scratched the idea of a lavish weddings.

Shop around for affordable suppliers and sit down with them. Inform them your budget so they can let you know what your options are.

Accept the fact anything can happen on your day You’ve seen many videos of weddings go wrong.

Take a deep breath and smile. Funny moments tend to be the most memorable ones.

Be specific on your invitations and wedding website Specify a dress code down to the colors not to wear (no black, white or red, please!) If it’s a garden or beach wedding, tell guests not to wear heels and to bring a cover-up or pashmina. Make it clear in the invites that you *must* RSVP and can only bring one guest.

Be prepared for dress emergencies

Have FUN

Do last minute fittings with your dressmaker or designer to make sure you won’t trip down the aisle or some of the details falling from the gown. Ask your maid of honor to carry a small sewing kit in her bag for minor repairs.

Remember that your wedding day is your special day. Have fun with family and friends because there is nothing more special than sharing your special day with your loved ones.

Fact: There is a 62% rate of divorce in the US. Most of these divorces are filed in January.

By SARAH WOODSTOCK

Marriage, Divorce ...

and

Prenups

A few days after Christmas and one month before Valentine’s Day, the hotlines at family-law offices are ringing off the hook with unhappy couples screaming “I want out!”

C

elebrity power couples who used to be the epitome of wedding bliss and fairytale romance are an upsetting attestation to the truth that when it comes to marriage, almost no couple is guaranteed to live happily ever after — from Heidi Klum and Seal who shared 6 years of marriage but annually made vow renewals, to Juanita Vanoy and Michael Jordan who enjoyed 17 years of marriage and reconciled during their first divorce filing, to Phyllis Raphael and Sumner Redstone who made it through 52 years of marriage before announcing split.

What’s worse, divorce is not just painful but is also a costly 30

www.urbanette.com

process, especially for the one with the most money earned. While in most cases the woman gets away with the pricey divorce settlement (Juanita received $168 million from Michael Jordan), there were also cases when the woman (apparently more financially successful than her partner) has to shoulder the cost.

Britney Spears was ordered to shed $40,000 a month to her ex-husband Kevin Federline (whose occupation was listed as pizza delivery boy and dancer at the time of their marriage), Elizabeth Taylor paid $1 million to her 8th husband Larry Fortensky (a construction worker), Jennifer Lopez paid $14 million to Chris Judd (her former backup dancer and

choreographer), Rosanne Barr (who fired her attorney for suggesting a pre-nup) paid her comic husband Tom Arnold $50 million, and Madonna handed over a $76 to $92 million lump sum to Guy Ritchie.

Nowadays, career women can easily get both emotionally and financially hurt in divorce proceedings. Thus, the time has come for us to legally prepare for divorce before we get married.

Ivana Trump coldly advises that when it comes to this process, “Don’t get mad, get everything.”

divorce and pre-nups in California different from other U.S. states?

Atty. Kelly: The Barry Bonds case was in California where Mr. Bonds’ wife signed a prenup getting into a private jet on the way to Las Vegas.

The Bonds case was determined by the California Supreme Court to be an acceptable prenuptial agreement.

Thereafter, in response to that ruling, the California legislature set out certain statutory rules causing a seven day cooling off period before a pre-nup is good plus statutory ordering the disclosure of assets and the approved signature by experienced lawyers regarding what rights a pre-nup gives away.

Everyone should be sure to know that 99% of the time, the pre-nup favors the individual drawing it up.

It primarily protects the person who already owns the business, the property, the apartment building, etc. This could include pensions, spousal support, etc.

New York State is an Equitable Distribution state in which neither spouse is entitled to challenge the other spouse’s allegation that the marriage has broken down.

Urbanette Magazine sat down with Atty. Michael Kelly, one of the most respected family-law attorneys in the country, to talk about marriage, divorce, and pre-nuptial agreements.

Atty. Michael Kelly is a frequent contributor to Sirius XM Radio, CBS Radio, The Huffington Post, as well as numerous NBC, ABC, CBS, FOX, and CW network affiliates.

The Law Offices of Michael Kelly are located in Santa Monica, Beverly Hills, and Century City, CA. For more information, visit www.jmichaelkelly.com.

Urbanette Magazine: Forty-two years of divorce and family law experience – wow! In your opinion,

what states are the best and the worst for getting married?

Atty. Michael Kelly: California is the best state for getting married because it has done its best to level the playing field to ensure that spouses have equal opportunity to get divorce lawyers. In California, however, the judge has complete power and no jury. Texas may also be among the best because they allow jury trials for divorces which take all of the power away from the judge. Arkansas, Georgia, and Oregon are among the worst.

Their legislative record is far behind those in other states.

Urbanette: How are the laws on

Urbanette: How about New York?

Is it good to get married in The Empire State? What are the laws that couples should be particularly aware of (like no-fault cheating, prenup rules to follow, etc)?

Atty. Kelly: New York State is an Equitable Distribution state. The marital assets and debts of the parties (marital property) will be divided in an equitable fashion. This does not necessarily mean equal, however. What it does mean is that, based on the particular facts of the case, the assets and debts will be divided in a manner that fairly represents the party contributions to the marriage. For example, if assets were brought into the marriage, but www.urbanette.com

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have appreciated in value, the marital portion (the appreciation) would be subject to equitable distribution based on what contributions were made.

In no fault divorce a spouse can simply claim a marriage has broken down for at least six months before filing for divorce. Prior to New York’s adoption of no-fault divorce, a spouse was required to allege and prove, at trial, if necessary, grounds such as abandonment, adultery or cruel and inhuman treatment.

Advocates for victims of domestic violence have been won over by the no-fault law. They originally opposed it because they felt the history of abuse might not be factored into divorce settlements. But as it turned out, judges are much more likely to quickly award support and attorney fees that make it possible for women to leave an abusive home and get appropriate legal representation.

“Though ‘no fault’ streamlined the divorce process, the temporary support guidelines are messy.”

Some New York courts have ruled that New York’s no-fault divorce statute does not provide a defendant with a right to trial. The court ruled that a party is not entitled to challenge the other spouse’s allegation that the marriage has broken down.

I suspect that more courts will adopt the position that New York’s no fault divorce law does not require a showing of marital wrongdoing. I think all that is necessary in order to make a case for no fault divorce is a party’s sworn statement alleging that the marriage has indeed broken down.

Urbanette: You’ve been in the profession long enough to conclude that a great number of people are filing for divorce in January.

When did this trend start?

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Atty. Kelly: For at least thirty years of my practice I have seen a reoccurring trend that January has always been one of the busiest months. December has also been a busy month because you get many modifications of child access orders due to people wanting custody of children during the holidays.

There are of course exceptions, but often times divorce brings out the worst in people. My job is to help facilitate the process, and lessen the pain for everyone involved.

Generally speaking, the advent of the New Year typically brings along New Year resolutions and a desire to start over and clean the slate. Too often than not, that includes ditching your spouse and starting anew either alone or in a new relationship.

Atty. Kelly: The best thing a woman can do for herself during a divorce is to get the right attorney. Check the attorney’s resume and make sure they practice what they preach. Do they write and or teach about the practice of family law? Are they on any legal and or divorce committees?

The lawyer should be very well versed in the divorce process and the stator process. The practice of family law should be a deeply engrained aspect of their life.

There are also tax benefits to filing in January. By waiting the whole year, you can claim your spouse’s end of the year bonuses.

Urbanette: So would you recommend January as the best time of the year to file for divorce?

Atty. Kelly: Again, there are specific tax advantages to filing in January. It gives you a new lease on life being the fact that it’s a New Year. If you file for divorce in January, you should file your tax return in December while still married because it allows you to claim all of your spouse’s assets.

Urbanette: How can a divorce process be considered “painless” and “beneficial” to all parties involved?

Atty. Kelly: The only divorces that are considered painless and beneficial are those where the people in general are in agreement on support, property division, child support, child sharing and child custody. Other than that it is unfortunately too often than not, a rather painful process for both parties.

Divorce is too-often used as either revenge, to inflict pain, attempt to financially destroy the other person, attempt to take away children, attempt to move to another state to cut the person out of their life.

Urbanette: How can women protect themselves and their children during the divorce process?

I also recommend going with a firm vs. a single attorney. A firm is usually better equipped to handle all challenges destined to arise given the volatile nature of divorce and litigation as well as the actual physiology and physical stress separating causes.

A firm can instantly respond to a myriad of problems including violence, threatened violence, child abduction, confrontations, bank account draining etc. There is no way in this lifetime that a single practitioner can rapidly respond to all of these apprises.

Urbanette: Pre-nuptial agreement. What makes it a necessity these days?

Atty. Kelly: The reason prenuptial agreements are necessary these days is that there is still a 62% divorce rate.

“The main thing that prenups do is make sure that the person marrying is doing so for love and not the gain of money or love of money.”

Urbanette: Pre-nups versus perfect timing. Pre-nups force the couple to talk about issues that may arise later in their married life (money management, estate planning, etc). The relationship may still be untested and talking about pre-nups may make the couple stressed.

Is there such a thing as “perfect timing” when it comes to pre-nups?

Atty. Kelly: There is an increase of certain hormones between six and eighteen months during a couple’s courtship and preparation into getting married.

When that hormonal release stops the couple had better have developed a decent companionship relationship to make it work out.

I suggest having the conversation sooner rather than later.

“If the relationship is for real, and both parties care about each other they will be able to move forward in love and understand it’s for both parties protection.”

Urbanette: Are there cases when pre-nups can be fought (like signed while the woman is pregnant, etc.)?

Atty. Kelly: Some people cleverly get married and cause a child to be born in hopes it is going to be a long-term relationship. On the other side, the impregnating partner can think of it as a perfect way to get more control of their spouse.

When there is an expectation of a great deal of money being left, it should certainly be kept separate.

Their parents are attempting to leave assets to their children and are not usually contemplating the fact that their children will have to share assets with the spouse that they haven’t know for a very long period of time.

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Avoiding the Top

Wedding C Tips for great wedding:

Mishaps

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1. Plan ahead and use a timeline, whether it is with a wedding planner or with your fiancé.

2. Make sure your budget fits your plans for the big day. You definitely want to be realistic when you plan your wedding.

3. Your invitations should go out to your guests about two months prior to the big day.

4. Your save the dates should go out to your guests up to one year prior to the big day.

5. Invitations set the stage for your event, so put some thought into them.

6. Using a wedding planner helps a lot, so consider it.

We can teach you so much, from invitation design to the trusted vendors you use.

7. Make sure you read all of the contracts and fine lines before signing.

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By CHLOE AMBROSIA MILLER

omic relief is important during times of heightened intensity and emotion. The truth that lies in the answers to the riddle is that nothing is more important than a planner’s plan!

Fortunately, there are those who possess the uncommon gift of planning and all it implies, and whose “mission is to exceed your expectations & inspire your guests” (on your wedding day!)

This mission statement belongs to Gina Milano, a wedding planner who handles clients in both New York City and the Hamptons.

It’s important to understand what it means to have a wedding day that reflects everything you are individually and as a couple.

Wedding planners are commissioned to hold a bride’s hand and take care of all details (great and small) from start to finish. They make your dreams come true, all while you enjoy stress-free days leading up to the wedding. The benefits allow the

Riddle me this: Q: How many Wedding Planners does it take to change a light bulb?

1. None. They are all too busy trying to plan the perfect light bulb.

2. Only the one with the approved plan.

3. None. “According to the plan, the problem doesn’t exist.”

4. Two. One to change the light bulb and one to crack under the pressure.

5. None, but it takes 15 to prepare the plan for coping in the dark.

bride and groom to relish their time as an engaged couple, while tailoring every aspect of the wedding day to personal preferences.

The ideal wedding planner will offer firm advice and encouragement while gently guiding the bride through collaboration, and at the same time, exercising openness and being agreeable to all ceremonies, traditions, and cultures.

Urbanette Magazine: What are the most common wedding mishaps you see in wedding planning?

Gina Milano: One of the most common wedding mishaps we deal with in wedding planning has to do with scheduling and how much time it takes to plan the wedding. It takes a lot of time to plan a wedding and even more concentration

and focus to find the right vendors, negotiate and review contracts, make payment schedules and ensure you understand the details between the fine lines in all the contracts.

Once you find the right vendors you need to review one by one all the details and all the information needed to create your special day.

You have to pick all your special songs for the ceremony & reception so it all comes together the right way.

It’s important to stick to a schedule to ensure all details are met with no added stress. It is better to have things done in advance so that you can have time to relax and enjoy the special day. Using timelines and schedules is the secret to making sure we accomplish all aspects of a couples’ desired wedding.

Things that come up are not usually stressful if you have enough time to get it done. Don’t push things off and think that if you have 8 months left you have enough time. It takes a lot of time to get these things done and you don’t want to have any pressure during your engagement.

Urbanette: What are the biggest mistakes brides make in wedding planning?

Gina: One mistake brides make in wedding planning is not allowing a big enough budget for what they would like to have on their big day. Making plans and then not having the budget to put them through is disheartening and can be stressful. We always advise our brides to stick to their budgets and be realistic with what they have to work with. www.urbanette.com

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Wine Tips for Your

Wedding

By SOMMELIER CHRISTOPHER SAWYER

When planning your wedding or event, there are a lot of places you can cut costs. As a sommelier, I might be biased, but I recommend against skimping on wine. Wine is the magic ingredient that’s going to get your divorced in-laws to interact civilly beyond the family photos. It gets your shy best friend in the record books for Best Maid of Honor Toast Ever. It puts grandparents out on the dance floor.

It helps spark conversation (and maybe more) among your single friends you’re seating at Table 8. Oh, and it helps elevate your meal choices to a new level too.

In short, your wines are pretty darn important.

Wine is the magic ingredient that’s going to get your divorced in-laws to interact civilly beyond the family photos. It gets your shy best friend in the record books for Best Maid of Honor Toast Ever. It puts grandparents out on the dance floor. It helps spark conversation (and maybe more) among your single friends you’re seating at Table 8. Oh, and it helps elevate your meal choices to a new level too.

We’ve put together a guide to help make your decisions flawless from start to finish—and leave money in your budget for a splurge on your honeymoon.

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SPARKLING WINES

PINOT NOIR

Contrary to popular belief, sparkling wines are not just for toasting a new couple’s entrance or before cutting the wedding cake. Instead, the complex flavor of an elegant sparkling wine with a dry finish can compliment a wide range of salty, spicy and savory hors d’oeurves, soups, salads, and keep the palates of guests refreshed throughout the entire of the evening.

For red wine lovers, Pinot Noir offers a lot of advantages. In comparison to Cabernet Sauvignon, Syrah and Zinfandel, the grape variety tends to be much more delicate but loaded with deep flavors of red and black fruits, bright acidity, soft tannins, and a long silky finish. As a rule, a classy Pinot Noir is ideal to pair with appetizers, cheese plates, and main courses featuring seafood, chicken and pork.

In the old days, choosing sparkling wines meant securing bottles of pricey Champagne. But today the choices are not limited to wines exclusively made in that legendary region of France. In America, the new and vivacious styles of domestic sparkling wines have blossomed in Northern California and other areas on the West Coast. Better yet, the reasonable pricing of these exquisite wines will not drain the pocketbook—and your picky Aunt Hildred who still thinks you should have married your ex-high-school sweetheart will never know the difference.

PINOT GRIS

Wine is the magic ingredient that’s going to get your divorced in-laws to interact civilly beyond the family photos.

PROPRIETARY RED BLENDS To entertain guests who like more powerful wines, a safe bet is to work with “Proprietary Red Blends,” unique red wine medleys made with the best grapes winemakers can get their hands on. In many cases, this means not only using Bordeaux varietals like Cabernet Sauvignon, Merlot and Cabernet Franc, but also portions of Zinfandel, Syrah and Sangiovese to further enhance the flavor profile of the finished blend. The idea is to create flavorful signature styles of red wines with fun and imaginative names for consumers to enjoy with many different styles of cuisine.

With so many buttery Chardonnays and oak-treated Sauvignon Blancs on store shelves, finding a clean, crisp and refreshing style of white wine can sometimes be rather difficult.

Ten years ago, there were plenty of people suggesting that Santa Margherita and other hip brands of light and tangy Pinot Grigio were an easy solution to this dilemma. But as palates began to mature, consumers discovered the beauty and grace of the more French-style Pinot Gris.

Truth is that Pinot Grigio and Pinot Gris is the same grape—a white mutation of Pinot Noir. Pinot Gris is modeled after the wines of the Alsace region of France. In general, the finished wines tend to be richer, more viscous, with hints of minerality and subtle spices, and more complex flavors than a typical Pinot Grigio.

For specific wine selections and more tips, and go to: http://www.urbanette.com/ wine-tips-for-weddings/ or www.likelii.com

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Wedding planning doesn’t have to be tough. Take the edge off with tips from Leila Khalil, the woman who started the first fullservice public relations agency dedicated to the wedding and special event industry, called Be Inspired.

A PR Maven’s Wedding Tips 7. Find a way to give back with your wedding

1. Borrow your dress before buying Yes, I said borrow! Kirstie Kelly allows brides to borrow her gowns and try them on in the privacy of their own home or invite friends and family over for a viewing party!

Whichever you choose, you’re not limited to only the selection of the gowns in your nearby bridal salons.

2. Hire a professional planner Whether it’s someone that’s with you from beginning to end, or someone that is just with you on the day it’s important to have a point person for your family, friends and bridal party.

Trust me, not only will you sleep easier the night before, you’ll also be free to fully enjoy your wedding day knowing someone is handling all the logistics.

3. For the tech-loving brides, use apps My favorite is the Soolip Wedding App. They have a library of thousands of images to inspire brides. Make your wedding vision/ inspiration board while on the go.

4. Create a shot list for your photographer Yes, they’ll know to take pictures of your cake cutting or of your first dance... but they may not know you want a picture with your Great Aunt Sally and you will likely not remember on the day. It’s helpful to your planner/ photographer to have the list, and it ensures you get all the shots you want!

5. Get ideas from the right sources

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While Pinterest is a useful tool, it can sometimes be frustrating sifting through images only to not find what you’re looking for. It can also be frustrating to track down the original source of the image to find out who designed that dress or where those invitations came from. I prefer Lover. ly - the wedding site that allows brides to search, save, share and shop all things wedding. Each image links back to the original source (guaranteed) so no more mindless internet searches.

6. Incorporate trends carefully When it comes to popular trends you like and want to incorporate into your wedding, the best piece of advice I can give is to do so sparingly.

For example, if you love ombre, not everything in your wedding needs to have ombre. Pick a few elements (like your escort cards, or table runners) to bring in the trend. It’ll make a statement without being too much!

Weddings can sometimes become all about “me/we” when planning them, but it’s important pay it forward during this special time. I’ve heard of brides volunteering as part of the bachelorette party or making a donation to charity in lieu of favors.

However, one of my favorite ways to give back is with OneHope Weddings wine.

Half the proceeds from each bottle sold goes to charity, and each variety supports a specific cause (ie: their Chardonnay supports breast cancer research, their Zinfindel supports the troops, etc). Since you already have to purchase wedding wine, it makes the experience a little sweeter knowing you made a difference.

8. Save money and time with smart scheduling Schedule your hair and makeup trial the same day as your engagement pictures shoot. That way you kill two birds with one stone and look great doing it!

9. Set your budget before hiring anyone You may already know the photographer you want to use, but it’s important to layout your financial plan before spending any money.

10. Soak it all in Take a few minutes after the ceremony ends to spend time with your new spouse before greeting your guests. You’ve just become husband and wife and you’ll always remember that special alone time.

FASHION THAT SAVES LIVES 速

S h o p no w at www. P r o j e c t M i g r atio n .o r g

How to Avoid

Wedding Scams

By ROSELLA ELEANOR LaFEVRE

The day you wed your beloved is the most important day of your life and planning for it can be hell even when everything goes right.

But for some poor souls, things go very, very wrong when they’re scammed by a money-stealing wedding planner or no-show photographer.

Wedding vendor scams are scary, and there are many scams you could fall victim to, but you do have the power to protect yourself.

O

n the day of her wedding, Courtney got a call from her soon-to-be-hubby James saying that the limo was more than an hour late. After he and his groomsmen found another way to the ceremony, the couple found out that no photographer or videographer had shown up, despite the checks they cut to their wedding planner, who was also missing in action. While Courtney’s motherin-law was able to find someone at the last minute to shoot their wedding, she later learned that her wedding planner had run off with the money for the vendors and had similarly scammed other couples.

Now image you hire a photographer and pay a hefty deposit. Then, on the day of, he isn’t there. And you call and call and can’t get a hold of him. The tears stream down your face as you realize you’ve got nobody to provide evidence that this glorious, expensive day actually happened. Or maybe the photographer shows up and takes pictures and never sends you negatives, prints or digital photos. What’s your big day without a photographic record?

In the interest of saving a few bucks, you decide to order your wedding gown on a legit-looking online boutique. The dress looks great and they say they’ll include the shipping for free. How could this not be a win-win? Well, your

dress might not show up on time. Or that beautiful strapless gown shows up and the lace isn’t ivory but more of a cat pee yellow and the seams are glued together instead of sewed.

Or you call and try to get a refund because the dress that never arrived, but it takes longer to arrive than it took for Mr. Wonderful to come around to the idea of commitment.

In order to protect yourself from any of these misfortunes, or other wedding vendor scams such as price hikes in the last few days before the wedding, you would do well to follow these words of advice: Work with vendors that trustworthy friends and family recommend. You’ll likely avoid hiring vendors set on ripping you off if you know someone who hired them and liked the final results. If you decide to work with someone who hasn’t been hired by anyone you know personally, ask the vendor to connect you with former clients so that you can independently verify their credibility.

Try to hire vendors that have physical offices because then you’ll know where to complain if you need to.

Pay using credit card (AMEX preferably, because they have better consumer protection), never cash or check, so you can do a charge-back if needed.

Check their ratings on websites like Yelp and Epinions, Google the business owner’s name and the business name with the words “complaint” and “scam”, look them up with the Better Business Bureau and check the vendor’s business license with state entities.

If you hire a wedding planner, demand copies of receipts for every check you cut – even for the bulk candy you want for that candy bar.

For a chunk of change, you can purchase wedding insurance from companies like The Travelers Indemnity Company. Travelers wedding insurance starts at $160, while there are a few online companies offering such coverage for about $95, but we suggest you stick with a reputable insurance agency like Travelers.

Wedding insurance covers such things as cancellation or postponement of the ceremony, additional expenses, wedding photographs and video, wedding gifts, special jewelry and lost deposits. For additional coverage, you can add liability and liquor liability to your policy.

Make sure you ask all your vendors if there are any other costs that could possibly be added to the final bill at a later time.

And finally, make sure you always read every single word of every contract you sign. Ask for contract changes if you’re not 100% comfortable.

Don’t let them talk you into signing something that’s not in your favor.

Remember: you can always walk away and hire someone else.

Above all, remember: if something doesn’t feel right, leave and find a different vendor. Oh yes, and try to have fun with it! www.urbanette.com

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TIPS FOR A GREAT

GAY WEDDING As anyone who’s been to one can attest to, gay weddings are simply more fun. Here’s how to make sure yours is too.

1 | Personalize your ceremony

Think about it – everyone is here for you, to celebrate your marriage and your commitment. The party will be great but I can promise that if you have a thoughtful, meaningful ceremony, the party will be even greater. Consider hiring a Celebrant to create a personalized ceremony for you.

2 | Go gay-friendly

In NYC you may not encounter discrimination, but you may encounter some accidental slip ups and references to the bride and groom. To minimize this, check out your local Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce for amazingly talented gay-owned wedding resources including wedding planners, photography and flowers.

3 | Don’t be boring!

Many gay weddings skip the typical traditions such as dancing with parents, cake cuttings, garter and bouquet tosses and more. But your guests actually look forward to those things and it helps make the evening flow. If you take a pass on some traditions, add in a substitute.

Consider drag kings, cabaret, dancers, photo booth or other forms of entertainment that reflect your own interests and personality and present conversation starters for your guests.

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By BERNADETTE COVENEY SMITH, the founder and president of 14 Stories and the Gay Wedding Institute, and author of the book and the app, Gay Wedding Confidential.

4 | Brand your wedding

Hire a graphic designer to create your own custom wedding logo which then carries throughout your wedding materials. That logo can be on your invitations, ceremony program, seating cards, menu and much more to “brand” your wedding in style. This makes for instant, cohesive, thematic décor!

5 | Flow

No matter how good the food or the entertainment is, if your guests are waiting too long for a cocktail or you run out of hors d’oeuvres, that’s what they’ll remember. Pay attention to the details around flow – make sure you have adequate greeters and signage so your guests know where to go. Ensure plenty of bartenders so your guests never have to wait. Anticipate heavy traffic areas and plan accordingly.

6 | Be yourself

This is your wedding, not your sister’s, your mom’s or anyone else’s! Express yourself, be nontraditional if you want to be, and don’t let anyone tell you what to do!

7 | Relax

If wedding planning is stressing you out or you’re just too overwhelmed, don’t be afraid to call in the help of a wedding planner. Services can vary and

many planners can accommodate any budget or type of wedding.

8 | Have two aisles

Why limit yourself to one aisle when there are two brides? If you only have one, you have to decide who is the last one down the aisle, thereby playing more of a traditional “bridal” role. Have two and walk simultaneously if the layout works well in your venue.

9 | Only invite those who are happy for you

If you have any friends, family members or co-workers who aren’t excited for your wedding or don’t believe in same-sex marriage, screw ‘em! Don’t invite them! The last thing you need on your wedding day is to be self-conscious and worry about what someone else is thinking or saying. Invite only those who are thrilled to support you.

10 | Don’t forget to protect your family

Not to be a downer, but your marriage won’t be recognized by the Federal government or in many other states. Hire an attorney and a financial adviser who understands LGBT family law to draw up the documents to help protect your new family so you can have peace of mind when you travel the world together as newlyweds!

Legal Tips for Living

Happily Ever After

Things to do before you say, “I do!”

You’ve met the love of your life and you’ve decided to spend the rest of your lives together. This is a thrilling time and there is a lot to be excited about when preparing for your wedding day. The dress, the venue, and the guest list are probably some of the first things you consider when fantasizing about your perfect wedding. But make sure you don’t overlook the legal steps you have to take before your wedding day.

portfolio and to speak with some of his or her other customers about their level of satisfaction with the photographer. Once you are satisfied you have selected a photographer who meets your wants and needs, you should sign a contract with the photographer. This will also help you prevent misunderstandings because it ensures that everyone is on the same page about quality, quantity, and cost of the photos.

Getting the Contracts Signed: Preparing for Better or for Worse

Most vendors who regularly work at weddings will probably have a standard contract prepared, so it’s just up to you to read and understand it before you sign. However, if you are looking to take a more nontraditional route by say, hiring your friend as a wedding planner or using your neighbor’s backyard for your wedding venue, then it will serve you well to create a contract. This process is not as overwhelming as it sounds. There are a number of vendor contracts that can be created online. Make sure each contract covers all the little details, such as: What time do you expect the caterer to show up? What specific tasks do you expect your wedding planner to complete? Who will be responsible for cleaning up the wedding venue?

Having these details squared away from the get-go will ensure that you have the wedding of your dreams.

After you tell everybody your engagement story and stock up on wedding magazines, it’s time to get down to business and start planning. Since this is likely your first time planning a wedding, there are going to be a lot of unknowns.

Should you hire a wedding planner?

How much is too much to pay a photographer? What happens if the caterer doesn’t show up? The best way to be smart with your money and to make sure that your special day goes as smoothly as possible is to get everything down in writing.

Having contracts with your wedding vendors will help you be prepared for whatever comes your way.

Imagine you hire a photographer to capture all of the special moments from your big day and three weeks after your wedding when you finally see them, they’re not at all what you were expecting. To try to avoid any misunderstandings, you should ask to review the photographer’s

Once you’ve hired all the right people and figured out the logistics for your big day, there are still a few more things to consider before you walk down the aisle.

By LISA HONEY, an attorney at Rocket Lawyer, a service that provides free legal documents and affordable legal help.

The Prenuptials Many couples believe that filling out a prenuptial agreement is just a precursor for divorce. You’re in love and are committing to spending the rest of your lives together, so why bother signing a prenuptial agreement, right? Sure, a prenup is pretty handy if you get divorced down the road and many couples do get divorced, despite good intentions at the beginning. However, signing a prenuptial agreement is also an important part of planning for your married life together and will remain important even when the wedding dress is boxed up in the attic. Creating a prenuptial agreement gives you the opportunity to start out on equal footing. You both reveal your finances to each other and start to plan your financial future together.

It’s especially important if either you or your soon-to-be-spouse has been married before, has children, or has a significant amount of property.

After all, a marriage isn’t just about romance--it’s a legal arrangement, too. So before you get too swept up in the wedding preparations, don’t forget to set a solid foundation of communication and financial stability.

Marriage Licenses and More You have the dress, you booked the venue, and you’ve signed your prenuptial agreement, but there are still a few more things you will need to mark off your todo list before the ceremony. www.urbanette.com

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don’t leave it to the last minute to get it figured out. You spent so much time preparing for your wedding that you don’t want to forget to take the last step and make it legal.

Passports and travel tickets are another consideration. Whether you are having a destination wedding in Fiji or honeymooning in Tahiti, make sure your passport is up to date. Also, if you’re changing your name, make sure you book your travel tickets under the name that matches your identification.

If you end up with plane tickets under your new married name, but you haven’t had time to update your ID yet, you may be spending your first night together as newlyweds sleeping on the floor of an international airport. So no matter how excited you are to be Mr. and Mrs., please use your pre-wedding names until you get back home, when you can get your identification updated.

Things to do after the wedding Your wedding day went smoothly, everyone had a great time, the honeymoon was all you hoped for, and now you’re both settling into life as a married couple. There are a few important things you should do once you return home: Tying Up Loose Ends

Before you fill out your marriage license, you will need to decide on your new married name. Will you hyphenate your names? Will you keep your current last name or share a last name? Making this decision before you fill out your marriage license may be a sufficient way to legally change your name in your state.

It’s important to make sure you know the procedure and restrictions for 48

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getting a marriage license in your state, too. Some states require a blood test, some states have a waiting period for getting your marriage licence, and some states require that both people be present when applying for the license. For example, let’s say you’re having a destination wedding-you might need to arrive early to get the marriage license or make a trip in advance of the wedding day.

It’s not a complicated process, but

First and foremost, you will want to settle all your debts with vendors.

Make sure each vendor has fulfilled all obligations laid out in your agreement.

Did your pictures turn out the way you hoped? Did you pay the D.J. overtime for staying late? Tie up all the loose ends and let your wedding day become just a happy memory.

Second, make sure that your marriage license has been filed with your local clerk of court’s office. Again, this process varies by state and in most cases the wedding officiant will file it for you, but to be safe, you should contact the clerk’s office to make sure that it has been received. Then the clerk’s office will process the

paperwork and send you the marriage certificate, which is the official, legal proof that you’re married.

If you have decided to change your name, your marriage certificate is a critical document you will need to change your name. Contact your local clerk’s office to inquire about the necessary steps to change your name legally. Once the court requirements have been satisfied, the next step is to update your social security card, passport and driver’s license. Once you have those primary forms of identification taken care of, you need to notify everyone you do business with, like your employer, credit card companies, loans, utilities, etc. Usually a phone call is all it takes, but if any of these companies require a written request, then you can send them a name change notification letter along with a copy of your marriage license. If you have a professional license or certification, you also need to contact the agency or board that regulates your profession to notify them of your name change so they can update your license or certification with your new name and provide you with new certificates reflecting the name change.

If you and your spouse are now eligible for benefits through each others’ place of employment, take

any steps necessary to apply and get coverage under those benefits.

Ask your employer about the steps you need to take to ensure coverage for your spouse. For example, they may need you to provide a copy of the marriage certificate and to fill out certain forms.

Planning for Your Future Together Lastly, and maybe most importantly, you will need to create or redo your estate plan to include your spouse.

This is probably pretty low on your to-do list when you have all of those thank you notes to write, but it could save you and your loved ones a lot of trouble and legal costs if something were to happen to you.

The critical first step to your estate plan is to create a legal will. It is very likely that you have not created a will prior to your wedding and that’s okay.

However, once you are legally married, it’s a good time to sit down with your spouse and go over your wishes. You want to make sure your spouse is taken care of and if you have children, then it is important to have a plan for who will take care of them if you can’t.

There are a number of other decisions to document with your estate plan. A living will, a power of attorney, and a living trust can all be an integral part

of planning for your future together.

If you have questions about these various types of documents, consider consulting with an attorney who can answer your questions and assist you in developing your estate plan.

On a related note, you should also review your financial accounts, such as checking and savings accounts, and consider if you want to make any of your accounts into joint accounts.

For example, you may want at least one joint account from which to pay household bills. If you do not want to make your accounts joint accounts, then consider contacting your bank to designate your spouse as either your beneficiary or your “POD,” which stands for “payable on death.” The same is true of any other investments you might have, as well as insurance policies you may hold.

You should contact any investment groups and insurance companies with whom you hold accounts, as well as your employer if you have insurance through your work, to add your spouse as beneficiary if that is what you wish to do.

Once you’ve had your dream wedding and you’ve taken care of all of the legal details, you’ll be ready to start your married life together on solid legal and financial footing.

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Jewelry that

s e n i h S

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7

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5 3

4

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13 15 1: Bergio, Black And White Diamond Necklace ($79,000) 2: Oleana Jewelry, Silver Orchid Ring ($570) 3: Levinson Jewelers, Gemstone Cocktail Ring ($4,500) 14 4: Levinson Jewelers, Fancy Diamond Ring ($11,200) 5: Levinson Jewelers, Pink Sapphire Ring ($7,250) 6: Sandy Leong, Gold Band ($3,200) 7: Levinson Jewelers, Pink Diamond Heart Necklace ($48,000) 8: Mattoli Tibet, Rose Gold Multicolor Rhodium Ring ($6,800) 9: Levinson Jewelers, Amethyst, Pink Sapphire & Diamond Earrings ($12,200) 10: Bvlgari, Mediterranean Eden Collection Sassi Earrings (Price upon request) 11: Levinson Jewelers, Sapphire and Diamond Earrings ($9,500) 12: Mattioli, Rugiada Collection Earrings ($4,350) 13: Ivanka Trump, Black Onyx Ring ($4,950) 14: Sandy Leong, Luminous Gemstone Ring ($1,000) 15: Levinson Jewelers, Diamond, Aquamarine and Sapphire Ring ($6,400) 16: Gucci, Horsebit Collection, Pink Gold Earrings ($9,090) 17: Wixon Jewelers, Blue Sapphire and Diamond Pendant ($39,995) 18: Mattioli, Siriana Collection Earrings ($3,550) 19: Wixon Jewelers, Blue Sapphire and Diamond Ring ($24,900)

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Enzoani : Couture

Bridal

Sophisticated, feminine and sharp. These best describe each piece of Enzoani’s bridal gown collection. The brainchild of Kang Chun Lin, Enzoani has evolved from eyecatching couture pieces to a partnership with Yuchiang Hu and a line of stunning bridal gowns.

Urbanette Magazine: What makes Enzoani bridal gowns unique? What is the design that best manifests the brand’s philosophy?

Kang Chun Lin: Enzoani gowns are unique in the fact that I place a great emphasis on hand crafting and attention to detail. All appliqués and beading is done by hand. I’ve always been a fan of designers that stress the importance of hand detailing and all gowns in the Enzoani collections stress this as well.

Urbanette: What are the Do’s and Dont’s of bridal gowns?

Kang Chun: Brides absolutely must remember that flattering is the ultimate must. I tend to focus on the accentuating the waist. Belts and ruching draw the eye to a small waist. I don’t believe in over design, simple and comfortable yet stylish is my aesthetic.

Urbanette: How do you deal with the various bride personalities and still make sure that the Enzoani brand comes through?

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By SARAH WOODSTOCK

Kang Chun: My gowns are designed with comfort in mind and although personalities may differ a bride ultimately wants to be comfortable on their special day. Each collection is different and a bride will gravitate to their favorite based on their personality but what they have in common is a sense of style and comfort. That is what I keep in mind when designing.

“It’s important for a designer to stay true to his aesthetic and have passion. Without passion it’s hard to do anything.”

Urbanette: What is your typical design process?

Kang Chun: Each gown starts as just an idea in my head until it is sketched out. I typically sketch out a few as they come to me on one piece of paper and pick out a favorite. From there I’ll design a collection after this one favorite that serves as the main inspiration for the collection. I then alter the design after draping it on a form. On the form I can best decide what will look more flattering.

Finally the revised sketch goes out to production based on my approval.

Urbanette: According to your website, Enzoani is available in over 700 outlets worldwide. Where is your largest client base? Does country and culture affect how brides respond to couture bridal gowns?

Do you adjust according to the market?

Kang Chun: The largest client base is in North America. I began selling my gowns in North America and then expanded into Europe, UK, and beyond. Different cultures have different tastes and each collection is distinctly a little different than the other. Enzoani is the flagship line and incorporates more couture, Blue by Enzoani is more for the North American market and is a bit more commercial. Modeca came from Europe and has a European aesthetic that is very popular in that market.

I created the Black Label Collection to offer more custom, red carpet gowns that are very exclusive and limited. These gowns are more elaborate and detailed but are stay true to the Enzoani aesthetic. www.urbanette.com

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The White Bridal Dress Married in White, you have chosen right, Married in Blue, your love will always be true, Married in Pearl, you will live in a whirl, Married in Brown, you will live in town, Married in Red, you will wish yourself dead, Married in Yellow, ashamed of your fellow, Married in Green, ashamed to be seen, Married in Pink, your spirit will sink, Married in Grey, you will go far away, Married in Black, you will wish yourself back.

Symbolizing purity and virginity, the while bridal gown is a tradition that almost all brides follow today. This tradition started in the 16th century. Before that, the bride was free to wear the color of her choice, although certain colors were frowned upon. For instance, green was supposed to imply a girl of loose morals while red and black were symbolic of witchcraft. The tradition of wearing white to a wedding was further boosted when Queen Victoria chose white as the color of her bridal dress over the traditional silver. Even in these modern times, where many traditions and customs have fallen by the wayside, this is one tradition that refuses to go away.

Wedding Traditions

and their Origins

By CHLOE AMBROSIA MILLER

The Bridal Veil In ancient times, besides symbolizing ‘maidenly modesty’, the bridal veil was also supposed to ward off evil spirits.

Quite possibly, it was also meant to ensure that the groom did not see the bride before the ceremony, just in case he didn’t like what he saw. Remember that in old times, most marriages were arranged (sometimes for social and political considerations) and in many cases the bride and groom didn’t get to see each other before the wedding.

Hence the bridal veil was quite possibly also intended to avoid disappointing the groom just before the ceremony, in case it resulted in an embarrassing reaction. The veil would be lifted once the ceremony was over, and of course by then it would be too late. Today the veil is merely ornamental and only serves to make the bridal dress more special.

The Bridal Bouquet Originally, the bridal bouquet was not made of flowers but of herbs and spices. The aroma from the bouquet was supposed to ward off evil spirits.

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In all probability, these herbs were also possibly supposed to guard the bride from disease. As times changed, the herbs and spices were replaced with better looking (and better smelling) flowers.

The tossing of the bridal bouquet originates from the old belief that a piece of the bride’s dress and flowers would bring good luck. And since it never hurts to have a little bit of luck on your side, women present at the wedding would almost physically assault the bride and rip pieces of her gown away. So rather than risk being manhandled and have her wedding gown torn to shreds, the bride would throw the bouquet at crowd and run for her life. The custom persists to this day, although fortunately the bride is no longer assaulted. She merely throws her bouquet at her single friends and it is believed that whoever catches it will be the next to marry.

Something old, something new All of us have heard this rhyme and nearly every bride (however much she may scoff at superstition) will try and find something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue to wear on her wedding day. The ‘something old’ was usually any highly valued item belonging to the bride’s family and symbolized her ties with her family and her past. ‘Something new’ represented the new gown or jewelry that was symbolic of her new future. ‘Something borrowed’ was usually an item belonging to a happily married woman which was given to the bride in the hope that some of the marital happiness would pass on to the new bride.

Blue was the symbol of fidelity and true love, hence ‘something blue’. In addition, it is also the custom to place a coin inside the bride’s shoe – this was supposed to bring wealth and prosperity to the married couple.

Bridesmaids’ Dresses In old times, the tradition was to dress the bridesmaids exactly in the same manner as the bride, in the hope that any evil spirit trying to target the bride would be confused on seeing so many lookalikes. It is also possible that this was done to ensure that the bride didn’t become a target of a jealous or spurned suitor (who would be as confused as the evil spirit seeing so many women dressed identically

with veils covering their faces).

Today of course, the bridesmaid’s dresses are quite different from the bride and come in a variety of colors – although some unkind people do say that they’re deliberately designed to be ugly, so as to avoid giving any competition to the bride.

It’s customary to throw rice at the newlyweds as a symbol of happiness and prosperity. Rice is also symbolic of a life giving seed and it is thrown at the couple in thehope that will have many children.

Giving Away The Bride In old times, the daughter was quite literally the property of the father.

Marriages were very often based not on love but on financial and other considerations. The groom would have to pay a ‘bride price’ to the father of the bride. This ancient tradition of giving the bride away indicated that all fatherly obligations had been fulfilled and that the ownership of the bride was being passed from the father to the husband. Of course, the tradition has evolved over the years and today the father is usually the person who walks his daughter down the aisle. The modern version of this ritual celebrates the loving bond between the father and the daughter, and represents a father’s blessings and good wishes to his daughter.

The Best Man In ancient times, it was not unheard of for men to forcibly capture women in order to marry them. Quite naturally, the bride’s family was likely

to retaliate equally violently to any such attempt, so the man would usually be accompanied by a trusted friend who would defend and protect him. The ‘best man’ was therefore someone who was literally the ‘best’ choice for the job – in other words, someone who would be handy in a fight. The tradition persists to this day and it is customary for the groom to be accompanied during the ceremony by a close friend – although it is doubtful if this friend would go so far as to make himself an accessory to kidnapping and abduction.

The Honeymoon The term ‘honeymoon’ is believed to have originated form the ancient custom of the couple drinking honey wine every day for one month after the wedding ceremony. It may have also come from the ancient practice of men abducting women to be their brides. The bride would be kept in hiding for about a month or so until the bride’s family called off the search or consented to the wedding. It was customary for the couple to drink honey wine during this period, which could have been the origin of the tradition.

Whatever the tradition and the logic behind these customs, today they have become an integral part of the wedding ceremony and lend an old fashioned charm to the proceedings. So even if they’re not relevant today, there’s no harm in celebrating these ancient customs and enjoying them. After all, a little bit of tradition doesn’t harm anyone, if taken in the right spirit. www.urbanette.com

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Princess

Bride Rehab

By VANESSA ADAMS BADOLATO

Okay, all my newly married friends, let’s talk about that age-old myth known as “newlywed bliss.” We all want it and expect it, and sure, married life can be pretty wonderful, but all this bliss stuff is a little too Cinderella for my taste.

D

on’t get me wrong: the honeymoon is blissful.

The first few times you’re called “Mr. and Mrs.,” your stomach does a few flips – the novelty of a new name makes you feel giddy, like a little girl playing house in her mommy’s old pumps.

But the bubble usually bursts one or two glorious weeks later, when your plane touches down back home without any fanfare and your boss greets you at work on Monday morning with neither lei nor champagne. You look down at your left ring finger to make sure there are still two rings there.

You inspect your reflection in the mirror to ensure that certain glow is still about you, but, rather than a twinkle in your eye or a spring in your step, it turns out to be nothing more than strawberry-daiquiri and chocolate-truffle induced love handles. Life’s moving on, and suddenly you’re no longer the belle of the ball, sister. You are a Married Woman.

The reality of this sent me reeling for a good three weeks.

After every last gift had trickled in and the few straggling thank-you cards had been mailed out, I was left feeling a vast emptiness inside where all things big, sparkly and white had once been. Gone was the excitement of an upcoming dress fitting. No longer did I have an excuse for twice-weekly manicures and biweekly massages?

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All I was left with was a joint bank account, which automatically squelched my fantasies of spending absurd sums of money drowning my sorrows in mocha-mud wraps and sloughing off my sadness in a Vichy shower. (No self-respecting wife is willing to reveal the abhorrent amounts of money she spends on nurturing her grandiose Princess Delusions, is she? Not within the first few weeks of marriage, she isn’t!)

dose of the lesson I call: Being a Newlywed Is Not Being a Bride.

of Hawaii, and pored over our 120 exquisite photographs together.

It’s a hard lesson, but one almost every woman eventually learns. I’m no expert on marriage, but being one of the more dramatic people you’ll ever meet, I figure I’m just as good as the next girl when it comes to heeding advice on overcoming your own personal Post Wedding Slump. If I can do it, you can, too, Princess Bride!

Despite my intense desire to call my best friends (the girls who had silently endured being collectively referred to as “Bridesmaids” for an entire year), panic-stricken over the absence of me-based events, I realized I no longer had the right to call them, hysterical, without being told to shut the hell up. Once the wedding is over, you’re expected to become normal again. Crazed, egocentric phone calls are not normal. At least, not post-wedding.

I can’t stress how important it is to talk to your husband if and when this strange disorder sets in. Chances are, he wasn’t as immersed in linen colors and cocktail-napkin sizes as you were, so he’s better able to take this whole marriage thing in stride.

(After all, he’s the one who asked you, so it can’t be that big a shocker to him that he’s gone and got hitched.)

It worked. Immersing ourselves in our own private piece of Hawaii helped soothe the burn.

We sprinkled our apartment with souvenirs – a coffee-table book, the leis we’d preserved, a cookbook – things that magically whisked us away to the Napali Coast and Mauna Loa, even on the briskest Monday evening.

I found myself pacing the house aimlessly after work, flopping numbly onto the couch, only to sit straight up thirty minutes later, sure I’d forgotten something.

Didn’t I have a phone call to make?

An appointment to confirm?

Something to be sized or ordered or monogrammed or tasted?

When I realized I’d been tragically wrong – none of those things needed doing, and I’d resume my previous position on couch, dejected by this realization.

In all fairness, I had read about this. “Be ready for my post-wedding depression,” I’d warned my new hubby playfully, as we basked in the goodness of Hawaii. And we laughed. Real life felt so far away.

We were both saturated in the bliss that was our honeymoon that coming down from our private pink newlywed cloud seemed impossible.

I should have known – nothing’s impossible. When I finally crashed, I crashed hard, and the worst part was I didn’t have any married friends to guide me through it. This was my first painful

If you don’t confide in him about your feelings of loneliness now that your girlfriends aren’t obligated to take an hour off work to accompany you to the stationery store, you’ll end up bottling up your feelings and becoming resentful your husband has transitioned so easily while you’re left in his dust, grappling alone. So, talk to him!

Initially (as in, the first two hours spent at home post-honeymoon, until I sat him down and explained using diagrams and citing sources), my husband had a difficult time grasping why I felt so empty after saying “I do.”

I think he, too, expected the elusiveyet-much-touted “blissful” feelings to emit from his new bride like radioactive waves. Alas, it was not to be (not yet, anyway), and together we decided the transition from Fantastical Honeymoon World to Reality had been a bit too “crash and burn” and not “gently descending from a pink puffy cloud” enough for our taste.

We decided, less talk, more action!

We hit Target and bought Gardeniaand Plumeria-scented candles. We played the CD of traditional Hawaiian music we’d bought in Maui. We cuddled together on the couch, surrounded by the smells and sounds

I wouldn’t allow myself to wallow.

Wallowing is not part of the therapy.

If I caught either of us wallowing, it was taken as a sign we weren’t ready yet, and all things honeymoon were hidden until we refused to let ourselves dwell sadly on the fact that we just weren’t there anymore.

Ditto our wedding day itself. We dove into our professional photos online, played our wedding song and danced in the living room, read our vows to each other again. It’s pretty damn beautiful to read your vows in no makeup and sweats and realize the words ring just as true as they did the day you looked like a perfume ad in Vogue – maybe even more true since it’s just the two of you saying them. We practiced saying “my wife” and “my husband” to each other while keeping straight faces. (The novelty of saying “my husband” hasn’t worn off for me yet, six months later, but he’s adjusted to the W word without so much as a snicker. Big showoff.)

I think the most wonderful postwedding realization for me was that now, all of a sudden, I’d been unburdened of a million little stressors. Gone were the days of being pulled 50 different directions (cake one way, dress the other, favors over there). All the days spent planning for our union as husband and wife were over, and what was I left with? Exactly that – our union! I had all these long, empty afternoons and weekends to spend just with him. No pesky wedding planner, no demanding in-laws, no tearful bridesmaids

enzoani.com

– just he and I. We really began to enjoy and indulge in having that time to do whatever we pleased.

We’re both foodies, so we’ve taken to finding difficult exotic recipes and cooking them together: Indian, Japanese, Thai, etc. We take great pleasure in traveling to different supermarkets just to find the right ingredients, then spending hours together laboring in the kitchen.

After the sparkles, limo, horsedrawn carriage, pin-spot lighting, imported orchids and bubbles have worn off, you’re left sitting with your best friend, an entire lifetime stretched out in front of you to

do whatever you please, together.

(Having cabinets full of gorgeous new appliances, dishes and stemware to do it with doesn’t hurt, either.) Now isn’t that the real point of a wedding?

When things start feeling stagnant, we pick something new to look forward to. A date night on an upcoming weekend, inviting our newly married friends over (this one is always quite fun – a couple bottles of wine, some mini quiches, and you nearly feel like a grown up!), a weekend trip (OK, we still haven’t quite scraped up the funds to do this one, but we have a lot of fun sitting around planning it), a house guest, a concert, and so on.

I’ve found without the constant presence of looming appointments and expectations, I’m left with an abundance of free time to do whatever I want. With my husband.

And both of us have found what we want isn’t that much, only to talk about us, our marriage. Sometimes, we spend Saturday morning entangled in each other’s limbs on the sofa talking about our dream life – our corner penthouse with a giant garden (it’s in Manhattan, and it never rains), our kids and/or expensive spatreatment habit, our highly respected but extremely flexible careers, our jet-setting lifestyle and chronic tans.

Life won’t be bad, we agree.

And you know, when I look at my husband, and I’m decked out in a terrycloth bathrobe on our handme-down couch, surrounded by photos of all our friends and family gathered together on our wedding day, smiling just for us, with cheap wine in the fridge and a list of things to do together tacked outside (Home Depot is almost always near the top), and loved by our three furry, fourlegged, quite-demanding “children,” I think, life isn’t bad right now, after all. www.urbanette.com

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EDITOR’S PICKS:

HONEYMOON ESSENTIALS We all have products we never go on vacation without. Urbanette’s Editor in Chief, Hilary Rowland, has tried a lot of products over the years. A lot.

And these are the ones that make it into her travel bag each time.

A Great Bag “I throw everything in my carry-on travel bag by Massimo Dutti. I love all the hidden pockets. Gone are the days of fumbling around in the bottom of my bag for my phone or passport.”

“I usually just take a carry-on, but for trips longer than two weeks, I have a great suitcase that’s luxurious, but doesn’t stand out so much that it’s a target for theft.

I stick a bright luggage tag on it so I know it’s mine when it comes down the carousel.”

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Natural Makeup “I absolutely love Dr. Hauschka’s makeup line. Not only does it blend much better and look more natural than my previous favorites (MAC, Nars, etc.), but the line is completely free of toxins. My essentials are their eye shadows, bronzer and blush.”

Sun Hat “The sun is the leading cause of premature aging.

I burn easily so I stuff this hat by Mad Bomber in my day bag. It’s great because it can get squished in your suitcase and pop back into shape.”

Sexy Sunglasses “These shades

by Velvet are so glamorous. I wear them all the time.”

Argan Oil

Pashmina “I love just about anything ombre, and Dessy pashminas are no exception. They look gorgeous around your neck and are perfect for breezy nights.”

“I never go far without my Acure Argan Oil. It works as a Ten-in-One. I use it to nourish and moisturize my face and body, fight wrinkles, remove eye makeup, condition my hair… it’s also great for adding a subtle sheen to arms and legs.”

Comfy Flats “I never forget my Toms flats. I love their bemini and ballet styles. They take up almost no space, are super comfy, and give back to the world.”

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Tablet & Phablet “I had an iPad, but I gave it away in favor of my Samsung Android tablet, which is way more customizable and fun. I used to lug my laptop with me on vacation and mostly end up working off my Samsung Galaxy Note phone. This tablet is so much more convenient than a laptop – and much easier to carry.”

“I keep a GPS tracker in my suitcase in case the airline loses it – which has happened a couple of times! It helped me figure out when it was arriving at the Dominican Republic airport so I could pick it up before it got ‘lost’ - permanently.”

Nail Polish for Touchups “I always bring along a bottle of Butter London or Crabtree & Evelin nail polish for touch-ups. Both brands are free of the main toxic ingredients that most polishes have.

Nobody wants chipped polish while traveling.”

Glamorous Jewelry “I love Marlyn Schiff jewelry because the items give you a great high-end look without being expensive, so if you forget them at the pool, you can just buy another pair.”

Sexy Bikini “My favorite bikini is a Brazilian cut suit by Vix. Well made and oh so sexy! Shan is another favorite.”

At right: Hilary Rowland in a monokini

by Shan, necklace and scarf by Hermes and sunglasses by Dita 62

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and butler service. So if you’re in the mood for an unforgettably luxurious honeymoon, you’re in the mood for Sandals. ▲ Scuba included for certified divers. PADI resort dive courses and night dives additional. Waterskiing available at select resorts.

Greens fees additional at Sandals Emerald Bay, Great Exuma, Bahamas. In Jamaica and Saint Lucia, caddies mandatory, but not included. Sandals® is a registered trademark. Unique Vacations, Inc., is the worldwide representative for Sandals Resorts.

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1-800-SANDALS • sandals.com

Updating

MARRIED

ANNOUNCEMENT:

I would like my husband to take my last name when I get married.

LAST NAME Y

RULES

By SARAH WOODSTOCK

Some men say they don’t welcome the idea of changing their last name. They say that it’s part of the compromise that couples make in marriage: men agree to be monogamous in exchange for their wives taking their last names.

What an old-fashioned, out-dated idea! In this modern day and age, what name rights do women expect to get for being monogamous?

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ou see, I am not a movie star or a CEO. I do not have a famous name to give me the “right” to keep it after getting married. I’m simply a woman with a nice-sounding and easy to spell last name.

People may ask “Why would you keep your surname after getting married? Don’t you love your husband enough?” Of course I would love him enough. I wouldn’t choose to spend the rest of my life with him if I didn’t. But sharing a life with him doesn’t make me a lesser person.

I had an identity even before meeting my husband. I have a family who shaped me as a person. I’ve had a life of my own long before I have agreed to get married and establish a new family with him.

This practice of women always taking the man’s last name is simply sexist.

It comes from the idea that the man owns the woman and that he’s the only one with a long-term career.

If we are said to have equal rights with men, why can’t married couples compromise on what last name should they take in marriage: the husbands’ or the wives’? Why do some see it as “reasonable” to take the last name of the husband, while it is often barely debatable to take

The man can actually take the woman’s last name, starting out hyphenated and then moving to her last name.

the woman’s last name?

This patriarchal world has conditioned us to abandon our last names when we leave our fathers’ home to be with our husbands. Amidst all the many problems that women have had to deal with in married life since time immemorial, we have chosen not to question that “normality”.

But as we embrace modernity, and lots of us have become successful in our professional careers, we find it necessary to keep our last names in order to be recognized by the professional contacts we have made and the good reputations we have worked hard to establish.

An author named Katrina Majkut has written in her article “Goodbye Hymen, Hello Hyphen” that the hyphenation of a married woman’s last name has replaced the previously heated debate on keeping a woman’s hymen intact before marriage. She has observed, “The hyphen has become the issue of the hour because it exemplifies the gradual eradication of all things sexist and obsolete in marriage. It

stands precariously in the middle of old conservative ways, new liberal practices and polarized feminist debate.”

The practice of women always taking the man’s last name is simply sexist.

It comes from the idea that the man owns the woman and that he’s the only one with a long-term career.

Some say that even the contemporary style of hyphenation of married couple’s last names is sexist because the husband’s last name always comes last, implying that the man still has the final say in the relationship.

So how about updating things a little bit? The man can actually take the woman’s last name, starting out hyphenated and then moving to her last name. Whoever has the better-sounding last name or whoever uses their name more for business (like an entrepreneur

for example), should be the one that’s used.

It’s really pretty simple and there is no law that prohibits married couples from doing that.

As for hyphenation? More than a call for gender equality or for occupational reason, I do see hyphenation as a way for women to remain committed to our heritage and origin, while still opting to take the last names of husbands. Joining both surnames through a hyphen is a unification of two lineages. Isn’t that what real compromise means?

I would love to keep my last name when I get married because I treasure my heritage. When it comes down to it, I’d also be open to taking my husband’s last name because I want to be identified with him. That is, assuming it’s easy to spell. However, if my would-be husband chooses to deny me the ‘privilege’ of name hyphenation, then I would choose to deny him the ‘privilege’ of my company. www.urbanette.com

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What’s the real threat to marriage?

Why focus energy on trying to prevent two same-sex people who are in love from getting married, and none to prevent faux formoney marriages?

M

The Marriage Threat

arrying for the sake of money has found its way onto reality television. TV stars can, and do, make millions out of televised weddings. Then when things become difficult or unpleasant for them later, they file for divorce and simply move on with their glamorous lives.

Just 72 days after saying “I do” to basketball star Kris Humphries in a fairytale-like wedding, reality TV superstar Kim Kardashian filed for divorce. The Kim Kardashian wedding was no ordinary affair.

Sponsors and other associated commercial deals aside, Kim Kardashian reportedly made around $18 million for selling the rights to her wedding. Kim has apologized to her fans for the supposed failed marriage, and her Kardashian family is standing behind her all the way. After all, Kim is human too. She can actually choose to end her marriage when she’s not happy or growing in the relationship anymore.

But critics won’t let her get off easily. They figure - and I agree - that 72 days is just too early to call it quits.

Considering all the laborious preparations made to give the perfect princess-themed wedding, including the Vera Wang gowns, $500,000 bachelorette party, and $2 million ring – it really does seem to be far too early to throw in the towel in less than three months.

Dr. Drew is just one of the many television personalities who just had to comment on Kim Kardashian’s actions: “I really think this is disheartening and maybe infuriating to gay people that are fighting desperately

By HILARY ROWLAND

for this right, and here, somebody is profiteering…

Was this a casting call? That to me is disgusting.”

I don’t have faith in reality TV. The situations and people portrayed are never “real”. They are but a surreal form of entertainment where the so-called reality is fabricated to attract more viewers and eventually increase advertising revenue profits. So when someone on reality TV decides to marry, it is more likely just part of the show.

While gay people are fighting for their right to have legal love-based same-sex marriage, some heterosexuals treat their social union like a fleeting rendezvous on television.

Despite all the young women marrying older tycoons and the faux marriages we see on TV, I still have some respect for the ‘institution of marriage’. Society has put so much value on it that no matter what, it inevitably becomes a serious affair. Most people don’t just enter marriage to have divorce later. Divorce is usually only an option for those who, after trying to make marriage work, still find the union disparaging to both parties.

My question is: why do some people focus so much energy on trying to prevent two same-sex people who are in love from getting married, and no time trying to prevent all the faux for-money marriages that happen?

Someone who’s making a sham out of something that should be taken seriously – like marriage – I consider to be worse than reality TV itself (and that’s a hard feat!) www.urbanette.com

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Behind Strip Club Bachelor Parties

By SHELLY CARTER

Bachelor parties are a right of passage for a groom-to-be, and strip clubs seem to be the status quo for location. Real women know just how ridiculous (and potentially harmful) it is that strip teases are the go-to bachelor party event. We don’t want our fiancées being reminded that they will be with only one woman for the rest of their days! It doesn’t make sense for our future hubby to be tortured with this type of self-sabotage; it’s an open door of opportunity for your man’s happiness to be discounted when it comes to you and your monogamous relationship.

But what can we do about it? How about giving him some thoughtprovoking tips “for his friends”...

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Here are 7 helpful guidelines to use as replies when your guy tells you he’s attending a strip club bachelor party.

1. The V.I.P. Room Scam Tell your guy not to waste his money when his friends suggest they get a private room. All V.I.P. means at a strip club is ‘Very Ignorant Patron’! Men pay for a private room to be entertained and end up getting the same entertainment they would in the public area of the strip club. The outrageous cost of closed doors is a payment for… closed doors; not extra action from the stripper. Let your fiancee know you’ll give him his own strip show when he gets home – starring…you!

2. Overpriced Booze Strip clubs are going to poach patrons for every dime with overpriced beer and liquor. Stroke your guy’s ego and remind your guy how much you appreciate how hard he works and you don’t want to see that money go to waste. Offer to contribute to your guy’s special night and show support of his guy-time by setting up a tab at his favorite watering hole for the first part of the night. He will love you forever when he realizes you are in support of something that is all about him!

3. The Stripper Sob Story Most strippers tend to lie about their background and current economic situation. Playing on sympathies and using sexual enticement to do it is what strippers do best. After all, they’re there to empty your pockets (or credit card), and they’ve been trained on a slew of manipulations to get there. Tell your sweetie you don’t want him getting swindled and looking like a fool in front of his friends; boost his ego and let him know you know he’s too smart to fall for something like that!

4. Her Name is Jennifer, not Cookie!

Strippers use aliases because real names would humanize strippers, immediately striking any preconceived fantasy a patron has upon visiting the strip club. Patrons come with expectations that their fantasies will be fulfilled… but fulfilled by a sexy dolllike fantasy object, not a ‘real’ person.

Strippers are real people with real dreams and real needs; but what strip club patron wants to think of their sex doll as somebody’s sister or mother?!

Ask your man how he would feel if it were you dancing on a pole trying to make your way in the world? Watch him gear up into protective mode, and see his perspective change!

5. Don’t Fall in Love!

Mr. Bachelor can tell his friends that they better wake up if they think a stripper will reciprocate any feelings – because she won’t. She is just there to entertain. Remind your honey that the stripper isn’t there to fall in love with him, or anybody for that matter.

Remember Jennifer? Reality is that she either came from the forced sex slavery trade (which is a whole other discussion), or has a boyfriend (and probably a child) at home that she’s planning on marrying… as soon as she makes enough money at the strip club to pay for the wedding.

Your fiancee will quickly see that “Jennifer” is not so appealing after all.

6. Buy a Condom, Just in Case…?

Reality check, please. Condom machines in the restroom are screaming the lie that the stripper may or may not decide she wants to sleep with strip club patrons! They’re yet another strip-club manipulation tactic to empty patrons’ pockets! Tell your fiancée that you are pretty sure neither of you are up for exploring STDs and that if it’s sex he is wanting, well, you will be happy to fulfill his fantasies! Have some fun and role play with one another – you just might get

to show off your pole dancing skills!

7. Bouncers Bounce Bouncers are in clubs to prevent trouble and ‘bounce’ you out at the first sign of trouble. Men think strip clubs are venues to excuse themselves of decent and respectful behavior. Thus, men act like idiots while being overly intoxicated and sexually charged.

Not a good combination, but a great way to get kicked out of the club. Tell your man you don’t want that handsome face rearranged; you have to many kisses waiting for his cute self when he gets home!

Finally: Other, Better Options!

Help your fiancée see that there are other, more manly, options.

Suggest helping coordinate a manly adventure for him and his friends like white water rafting or a golf trip. Memories made and time spent with guy friends are priceless; and he’s not going to be making the kind of memories he’ll want to remember inside a strip club. Be sure to brag about how manly he is and how much you love it that he wants to be adventurous. It will be a huge turn-on for both of you!

Maintain a loving attitude during this exchange with your love. Make him feel like you are confiding in him with each nugget of knowledge you tell him. Let your fiancée know that you and your girls are in the know about the latest and coolest social activities for guys and gals – and strip club bachelor parties is not one of them! Add a punch to your statement by letting him know that guys who are wanting to spend their last nights of so-called freedom at the strip club, are part of the ‘bachelor-party-minority’.

This will leave him thinking.

Your man won’t want to look like he isn’t in the know about coolest social activities for such a special night! Before you know it, your fiancée will be telling YOU just how lame strip club bachelor parties are! www.urbanette.com

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Why Women

Marry Late In the famous HBO series “Sex and the City”, the main characters were in their mid-30s to early 40s, all single and making the life of the solo-flighter the most fashionable thing next to the color black.

As the series closed, however, the ideals of marriage and partnership resurfaced, with Carrie Bradshaw finally getting the fairytale wedding she had been wanting deep inside all along. Which leads us to the question: after all the “You go girl!” attitude thrown about, where and how does marriage fit in with our end goals?

W

omen are entering a new age, and the definition of what it means to be a women is constantly evolving. Education and career are top priorities for many a modern women, and many feel that they are too “busy”, or preoccupied with their life goals, to start a family. So much so, in fact, that the average age to get married has been pushed back from the average age of 23 years old in 1981 to 30 years old in 2009. And this number is about to get higher.

“Life Begins At 30″ According to the UK National Statistics office, the average age by which females marry has made a progression from 23 years old in 1981 to 30 years old in 2012. Case in point, recently wed Kate Middleton got married to Prince William when she was 29 years old, in great contrast to her would-have-been motherin-law Lady Diana Spencer, who got marriage at age 20.

The trend holds true across the globe, transcending cultures. In the US, the average marrying age is 25 years old for women, while the average age of first marriage in China is 27. Emphasis is placed on “first marriage” as we all know how marriages have become nowadays, that is, simply defined by a piece of paper that can easily be retracted in most territories. But that’s another story.

By CHLOE AMBROSIA MILLER

After all the You Go Girl! attitude thrown about, where and how does marriage fit in with our end goals?

Why Marry Late, If At All? Psychologists say that the want for independent success is the main reason why women are marrying at a later time.

Pressures at work, more interesting lifestyle choices and industrialization play huge roles in convincing women that there is certainly more to life than getting into a marriage.

The timing of one’s first marriage is often linked to the attractiveness of the alternatives to marrying at the time the proposal is offered.

Of course, as women, we are physically designed to bear children and provide nurturing as the offspring grow. However, many women have come to the very rational decision that it’s a worthwhile life choice to delay marriage in order to further explore the world and their careers.

Aside from marrying late, more women are also resigned to going it alone when it comes to rearing children, skipping the rites of marriage altogether and raising

kids sans a partner. According to Legal Momentum, at any one time, around 25 per cent of mothers are single mothers, with some 50 per cent of today’s moms spending some time as the sole custodial parent.

What Do You Want With Time?

Studies have shown that the timing of one’s first marriage is often linked to the attractiveness of the alternatives to marrying at the time the proposal is offered. Thus, when the woman sees that she still has many options, and the alternatives are still viable and stable, marriage is delayed.

For example, a woman who is about to get promoted to senior partner at a law firm after 10 years of waiting may opt for the promotion first and then marriage some two to three years after — if the offer is still on the table, that is. Of course, there is no question to the level of happiness and satisfaction afforded by both a career promotion and being with your one true love; unfortunately, though, these two compete for one very scarce resource: time. Professional women, particularly those holding top positions, are bound to have very little time and higher expectations from their relationships.

Hollywood celebrities are not immune to the professional success = late

marriage trend. Elizabeth Hurley was 42 when she married Arun Nayar, an Indian businessman (but divorced him three years after); Sandra Bullock married Jesse James at 41 (and then divorced after a year); Salma Hayek tied the knot also at 41 with French billionaire Francois Henri-Pinault (they’re still together!); Renee Zellwegger didn’t say “I do” until she was 36 to country singer Kenny Chesney (but, sigh, divorced after just four months); TV personality Rachael Ray married lawyer and The Cringe band frontman John Cusimano at 37.

Running Against The Clock While marriage is mainly borne out of a decision to finally settle down with just one person, regardless of age, there is one thing that women cannot force-delay: the biological clock. Naturally, women are best fit to conceive and give birth to healthy babies until the age of 35, after which the risks related with pregnancy rapidly increase. But, hey, with modernity prevailing the minds of females nowadays, the quick answer to the body’s inability to get pregnant is adoption, which is widely accepted. Or, better yet, why wait for marriage to have a baby?

Ah, times have, indeed, changed! www.urbanette.com

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Anastasia Solovieva was hoping for a better life in America. She moved to Washington State at the age of 18. She was a mail order bride. The attractive Kyrgyzstan teenager was matched with Idle King Jr., a man more than twice her age and far from the picture of attraction.

More Danny Devito than Brad Pitt, he was more deadly than their cruelest characters.

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nastasia was Idle’s second mail order bride. His first wife had gotten a restraining order against him, testifying in court that he had beaten her regularly. Anastasia was in the dark. She had never been told about Idle’s past. Nor was she aware that King was already allegedly shopping for his third bride. And she definitely didn’t know what was in store for her.

Just two years after their September 2000 marriage, at the age of 20, Anastasia was dead and her husband stood accused of her murder. She had been strangled and buried in a junkyard. Idle King Jr. was convicted in the murder of his wife and jailed for 29 years in 2002.

The murder of an attractive young woman, in her prime, often works as a catalyst to an improvement in society. This case was no different. Responding to the murder, two Washington state politicians introduced a bill into the House and Senate seeking greater protection for the women who come to the United States in

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Just two years after their September 2000 marriage, at the age of 20, Anastasia was dead and her husband stood accused of her murder. search of love and a better life.

The business of international marriage is booming. There are around 300 introduction agencies that operate in the U.S. alone, and 4000 to 6000 “fiancées” arrive annually in American airports. Worldwide, clients can peruse the information of some 150,000 would-be brides on the Internet or in the pages of monthly catalogs. Although many women are enticed with image of wealthy American men and a better life in the U.S., some women use the services to gain citizenship in the U.S. and then seek to get out of their marriages.

By TRESSANA HASSANALLY

The grooms are generally from North America (USA) and Western Europe, while most brides are Eastern European, Asian or South American.

The process is fairly straight-forward.

The men choose a number of women from photographs and brief bios that include a few superficial statistics like their age, height and weight.

The prospects addresses are then sold to the seekers and a series of letter exchanges then occurs; in the Philippines the process is known as “pen-palling.” The men will then visit the women and propose to the one he likes the best.

Some agencies are more hands-on.

Encounters International’s owner Natasha Spivack plays matchmaker to her clients, making her service more personal. For ten years Spivack has been matching American men with Russian women and her website boasts that she will find you a wife in a year or else her services will be free of charge–which may not be a bad thing, since EI’s services start at $1,850. EI boasts of a 95% success

rate. Spivack says “I guarantee the success to all my male clients provided that they are serious, motivated, positive and patient about the entire process. She describes her male clients as “35-50 years, educated, successful and open minded.” She says that the men who seek to get a mail order bride are generally white, politically conservative and successful, both professionally and economically.

A general perception seems to be that mail order brides are more submissive partners. A study by the U.S. Immigration and Naturalization Service concludes, “The foreign woman is happy to be the homemaker and asks for nothing more than husband, home and family.” A CBS news report after the announcement of the new legislation said the Chance for Love matchmaking service website stated this: “The Russian woman has not been exposed to the world of rampant feminism that asserts its rights in America. She is the weaker gender and knows it.”

No studies have been done to track abuse in these marriages, but women’s groups are convinced that the problem is growing. Issues like language barriers and ignorance of their rights may play a role in women not seeking help in the appropriate places. Immigration advocates and women’s groups are hoping the proposed bill can stop the problem before it begins. Legislation would have men go through security checks; right now only women are subject to checks before they can move to the U.S. Under the new bill, male clients would also have to answer questions about their marital history–and disclose any past abuse.

While all of this may be coming a little too late for Anastasia Solovieva, the hope remains that another life can be saved. Despite her misfortune, many successful marriages have been, and will continue to be, arranged through international marriage brokers. After all, marriage, whether arranged or based on true love, is always a gamble. www.urbanette.com

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A GLIMPSE INSIDE A

Jen & Kevin

Real

PHOTOGRAPHY BY PAPER ANTLER www.paperantler.com

Wedding

Fresh Soph

histicated Elegance

s s i l B

e c n a m o R E U R T

REAL Wedding

MARISA + ALEXIS

PHOTOS BY MILLER + MILLER

Central Park 88

Wedding www.urbanette.com

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Real Wedding Eric + Tiffany

PHOTOS BY MILLER + MILLER

enzoani.com

Twin Farms Resort in Vermont 100

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My husband and I are not first-timers to luxury resort accommodations, being the type of travelers who see to it that we do something special together at least once a month. We’d heard so many nice things about Twin Farms in Vermont (never a bad review, so far!), that we thought it would make a memorable trip. We booked three nights and immediately regretted our decision.

We should have booked at least a week!

I

f you’re lucky, you’ll run into one or more of the resort’s regulars (like just about every famous billionaire, rock star, movie star and other type of celebrity you can think of – we’d list them, but Twin Farms prefers to keep the names private), who relax, decompress and enjoy the cuisine at Twin Farms on a regular basis.

I understand why – we just left and already can’t wait to go back!

Customized and Effortless Twin Farms is the wealthy woman’s preferred vacation experience. I had to say that because most resorts that offer the feel of luxury that can sometimes make guests feel limited and very careful about how they act.

When the ultra-rich go on vacations, they command a very high level of privacy and demand experiences that go beyond the common fare in a way that is very customized and entirely theirs. Twin Farms offers these unique, customized and very private moments in a beautifully designed 300-acre natural environment for roughly $2000 per night.

Before we arrived, we were asked to fill out a form specifying our favorite foods, and what we’d like to avoid. Once there, we had no decisions to make (unless we wanted to), and every tiny detail was thought of, even before we had a chance to ask. No tipping allowed, and only fun decisions to make – my kind of place!

The Adults’ Summer Camp

Twin Farms is undoubtedly at the top of our Most Wanted list of luxurious and romantic resorts.

By HILARY ROWLAND

We stayed at the Willow Suite, one of the four huge rooms of the Farmhouse at Copper Hill. The four rooms are connected by a reading room and a lounge, making it perfect for families coming in to spend some quality time with each other or four couples taking a trip together.

But since it was just us, we had the entire house to ourselves. Willow has a private entrance that opens to a wide lawn that’s located very close to the tennis courts and a large pond with canoes. It also had a porch with a private hot tub, where we spent a good couple of hours from our early mornings eating breakfast and simply basking in the moment.

Complete Privacy Our Twin Farms stay happened at a time when only about five couples were staying, which enhanced the private feel of the entire resort. If privacy is your thing, Twin Farms has some 20 differently themed and sized cottages spread a good distance from each other so you always felt like you’re the www.urbanette.com

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only ones there. We didn’t see housekeeping staff once, despite always finding our accommodations crisp and pristine whenever we got back from enjoying the amenities.

The Ultimate Foodie Trip What we found most overwhelming about Twin Farms was that we never

day. It was one of the best culinary experiences we’ve had to date.

had the same type of food twice. The resort doesn’t have a menu. Everything you order is according to what you want to eat for the day — literally, anything! If you can’t decide, you can expect the chef to whip up something spectacular based on the freshest of ingredients delivered in the morning.

While we were there, we had the opportunity to go on a guided mushroom hunt (for fantastically delicious “morels”), headed by two of the foremost mushroom experts, Nova and Les, and accompanied by the resort’s chef. We now know what we can and can’t eat if we ever get lost in the woods (ferns with a U-groove down the stock are yummy!) We got to talking after the walk and learned that they also run a farm animal sanctuary in Vermont. You can check them out here: www.wildgourmetfood.com That evening at Twin Farms, we had the luxury of trying two dishes with fresh picked mushrooms from that

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To top it all, the foodie experience is not just limited to the restaurant, wine bar or your suite. You can have your meals or afternoon tea at ANY place within the resort. Do you want cold poached lobster for picnic lunch? You can have it at the groves, in town, or in a row boat. Fancy a romantic dinner under the stars? The staff can set up a nice table with all the trimmings anywhere you feel you have the best view of the sky. You can get all creative with your locations and requests and find yourself indulging in style.

Total Relaxation As if the accommodations, privacy and food weren’t enough to create that total dream package, Twin Farms also boasts of a spa that features an apothecary line made specifically for it. Out of the Woods was created by top perfumer and product formulator Richard Howard inspired by Vermont’s rural setting.

The 100 per cent vegetarian bath and body line features natural ingredients and essential oils prepared by hand in Somerset, England and then shipped to the resort for its exclusive use.

All suites and rooms are also stocked

with bath and body products by Out of the Woods so we got to give ourselves a treat even before we set foot at the spa. And because Twin Farms is known for being very accommodating with special requests, yes, you can have your massages and facials anywhere.

Overall I’ve said a lot about how blissful a Twin Farms experience is, but, frankly, words cannot do justice to what it has to offer.

The tranquil surroundings certainly supports why it is popularly dubbed the summer camp for adults, but I find that given the good distance between the accommodations and capacity of certain cottages, Twin Farms could also become a great vacation experience for families with kids. We’re already planning to bring the entire clan there for our next family outing -- in a separate cottage, of course. www.urbanette.com

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Joya Spa Paradise Valley,

By SUMMER BERG

Arizona

The flower’s pure energy, used to enhance state of mind, increases clarity, wisdom and insight.

The perfect spot for a pre-wedding girls’ trip is in the aptly named Paradise Valley.

Many spas seem more concerned with getting you in and out fairly efficiently. The Joya Spa takes loitering very seriously.

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he spa is nestled in the beautiful scenery of Paradise Valley, Arizona with Camelback Mountain casting shadows down from the bright blue sky. You enter the spa through water lined path and check in at the ground level, where the salon is located. For spa treatments you escalate up the stairway to the heavens to the Spanish and Moroccan inspired award winning spa.

The great thing about the spa is all the attention to details.

There are so many thoughtful, purposeful touches.

What is unique about the spa is the number of rituals that you are invited to perform to immerse yourself in the experience.

One is the “Joy of Intention” where you can select from 5 jewels symbolizing love, work, health, clarity and strength. You place your selected jewel in the blessing bowl to clarify your intentions.

Next is the “Joy of Illumination,” where you enter a circular room with 888 twinkling lights on the ceiling that represent a starry night in Grenada, Spain. The best ritual is the spa’s traditional Hammam (Turkish steam bath), a purification and detox ritual. You spend the first 30 minutes in a steam-room

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Some of their other special features include: 31,000 square foot spa and salon designed by Sylvia Sepielli, an award-winning spa designer 19 treatment rooms including 5 luxury treatment suites with soaking tubs and beds Over 60 different treatments to select from, see their spa menu here Arrival dome topped with a replica of a starry night in Spain – 888 twinkling lights Whisper room – a quiet room with beds for deep relaxation before or after your treatment Whirlpool, dry sauna, steam sauna and cold plunge chamber, set up with a relaxation area for time between hot and cold rituals Lunch served on the Joya Terrace poolside overlooking Camelback Mountain Full hair salon with celebrity stylist Ray Issa (wedding party services available) sweat, a whirlpool soak, and a sauna treatment alternated with rinses of cold and warm water from buckets, and then scrub away the toxins with a Moroccan black-olive charcoal soap.

The spa offers an extensive list of treatments, but their specialty lies with the one of kind aromas you experience. Their executive management team searched high and low for a scent that would perfectly represent Joya until they found the essence of Arizona queen of the night, a special cactus that blooms a flower at night. The flower’s pure energy, used to enhance state of mind, increases clarity, wisdom and insight. Joya Spa is the first ever to infuse its signature products and treatments with essences or energies of plants and gemstones.

Your experience is not over after spending several hours relaxing in the spa (or even taking a nap in the Whisper Room like me) — head outside to sunbathe by the private Joya pool terrace and enjoy a healthy lunch or specialty drink to finish off the day in the tranquil surroundings. If you are feeling ambitious, head to the exercise area for a yoga or spin class to complete your “me” day.

Manicure and pedicure services Indoor and outdoor technically advanced gym and fitness classes including yoga, spin, pilates, muscle conditioning, ab lab, and zumba Whether you are traveling with a group, just need a personal day, or are searching for a romantic couples' escape, Joya is the ultimate in luxury and privacy. Just make sure you plan on spending at least three hours there to enjoy all the different parts of the spa to the fullest extent possible.

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By HILARY ROWLAND

Saddle up To a hidden getaway Nestled within Arizona’s Apache national forest is a luxurious ranch resort called Hidden Meadow Ranch. The resort is surrounded by a national forest in the White Mountains of Arizona.

It is charming, majestic, and filled with nature’s wonder. And because of this scenic backdrop coupled with luxury services, cuisine and amenities, Hidden Meadow Ranch tops our list of romantic luxury getaways.

The only stress we had all week was the thought of leaving.

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o matter where you’re from or what lifestyle you’re used to, you’ll find that Hidden Meadow Ranch is set to impress.

If you’re used to gourmet meals, you’ll be delighted by the chef’s creations, which rival Michelin star restaurants. You will be served gourmet and customized meals for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Want all organic? You got it. Gluten free and vegan? No problem!

Traveling with your kids? Children can go to the kitchen and be taught by the chefs. Coming for a romantic vacation? Don’t worry – children have their own separate dinner seating.

The Ranch staff would also be delighted to serve you breakfast in your cabin, at the ranch or in the great outdoors. Guests can request their meals be packed for hikes, canoe trips, trail rides, picnics, and other outdoor activities.

We loved having breakfast in our cabin, lunch outdoors and dinner at the casually elegant (and very cozy) Ranch House.

Guests are welcome to have their campfire breakfasts and picnics in two areas: the Meadow Pond and the Trout Pond. Besides, what better way to enjoy the American outback than to have a picnic lunch or a bonfire out where you can experience all the wilderness has to offer?

Guests are housed in luxurious and private two-story luxury cabins close to nature. Outside your window is a wooden fence with beautiful and friendly horses, waiting to be ridden.

Warm weather activities start in spring, continue throughout summer, and end in the last few weeks of autumn. Guests can go horseback riding, hiking, mountain biking, fishing, or learn the art or archery, and craft of working with leather, wood, and silver. Tired? Feel free to

Want all organic?

You got it. Gluten free and vegan?

No problem!

hang out in the outdoor Jacuzzi, pet the horses, or read a book by the fireplace in your cabin. Additional activities during winter time include sledding, ice fishing, skiing and snowboarding at Sunrise Ski resort, snowshoeing, and snowman building.

Day tours are led by the Ranch’s staff where guests are brought to historical museums and archaeological sites. Stargazing and constellation classes are available at night while Apache dances and storytelling is also available during the day.

The Ranch Roundup is catered to the children where they will enjoy arts and crafts and elk scouting.

Team penning and overnight pack trips are also available for groups of friends and bigger families.

The activities, gourmet dining, and venue are exuding with Americana culture set in the outback of Arizona. With the many wonders the Ranch and nature provides, it is quite hard to not have a great time. The only stress we had all week was the thought of leaving.

Sweet & Sexy

Honeymoon

Style

Photography by DARREN KEITH

Hair by Kevin Murphy.

Make-up by Siu Ming.

Shot in Daintree Forest in Far North Queensland, Australia John Cavill linen/viscose dress, $490.

Emporio Armani silk tunic, $795.

Missoni cotton mix jacket, $1,199.

Bikini island lurex bikini, $98.

The Vintage Clothing Shop sarong, $150.

Morgan nylon/elastine bikini, $150.

Peter Lang earrings, $30.

Krizia dress, $320.

Peter Lang neckrings, $40 each.

NutriMetics Eye Defining Pencil in Forest, $19.

Wedding

Glory

Photography by Joanna Kustra Hat: John Lewis Earrings: Asos Necklace: Les Nereides Ring: Les Nereides Bracelet: Les Nereides Dress: Asos Salon

Hair Accessories: Freedom Earrings: Asos Necklace: Les Nereides Rings: Les Nereides Dress: Lanvin

Crystal Head Band: Louis Vuitton Earrings: Asos Limited Edition Necklace: H&M Bracelet: H&M Silk Flower: Johnny Loves Rosie Dress: Lipsy VIP

Crystal Head Bands: Louis Vuitton Swarovski Ear Cuff: Asos Neck AccessorIES: AnnSummer Bracelet: Claire’s Ring: Stylist’s personal belonging Dress: Valentino

Dragonfly Hair AccessoriES: Pasttimes Earrings: Asos Necklace: Les Nereides Rings: Freedom Dress: Karen Millen

Hat: John Lewis Necklace: Land by Land Pearl necklace: Freedom Pearl Bracelets: Freedom Rose Bracelets: Asos Limited Edition Rings: Freedom Dress: Miumiu

Bridal

Renaissance

Photos by: Joanna Kustra

MUA/hair/styling: Marcin Kulak Model: Ewa Kepys

If I Had Known Then, What I Know Now…

By SHELLY CARTER

They say hindsight is 20/20.

Life is a glorious series of events, some larger and more important than others, and it’s normal to look back on those events and wonder, “Would I do it all the same again; what would I do differently?”

With the passing of time, there comes experience, maturity, and, hopefully, clarity and perspective.

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arriage is considered a major life event for most; primarily because deciding to get hitched is meant to be for a lifetime, and secondly because it is characterized by intense planning and decision making. As much detailed planning goes into such a super-special day, it’s easy to assume that brides and grooms alike give as much thought (if not much more!) to preparing themselves personally for this lifetime commitment.

Instead of focusing mentally and emotionally on one another, there is perpetual apathy in individually and jointly preparing for this unique day. Mental meltdowns and emotional breakdowns erupt due to indecisions of wearing tuxedos or suits, displaying roses or lilies, and serving guests chicken or salmon!

Unfortunately, the current divorce rate is holding steady at fifty percent, thanks to this lack of personal preparation. Take time to consider the importance of the following – each is a treasure to be discovered and protected; meant to be used as a foundation for a successful marriage!

1. Eternal Bliss Make room for reality, sister, because here it comes and it’s looking for a place to take up residence. The rainbows and butterflies will diminish, and the euphoria of being-in-love will disappear!

It’s only natural that the fuzzy feelings fade; but knowing that this change will come, you can better prepare for this transition and not question whether getting married was a mistake.

2. “I’m Sorry – So Sorry!”

5. Monster-In-Laws

Forgiveness is a biggie. Don’t think it’s ever too late to apologize. This heartfelt act has is a sign of strength and maturity. Forgiveness is also for self, not just for the other person. You may have the memory of the hurt, but keep reminding yourself that it has been reconciled; it will get easier each time an apology or forgiveness is necessary and the pain of the memory will eventually dissipate.

Not monster-in-laws; I meant inlaws! My mistake… Don’t be fooled to thinking that you will never have to relate to another person after you get married! Your spouse has a family too! Take the time to get to your spouse’s family and how they function and relate to one another. It is guaranteed it will be different than what you are accustomed to. So figure it out early and start adapting appropriately.

I’m not talking about learning French, I’m talking about learning your spouse’s love language! Think about what your spouse would say you do that speaks love to him/her. Do they feel loved when you spend quality time or cook for them? Do they feel loved when you kiss them or hold their hand? Do they feel loved when you surprise them with a special gift of simply words of encouragement and appreciation? Find the ways your spouse feels loved and do them!

6. Waiting to Live Together

10. Out with the Old, in with the New!

At the risk of sounding like a prude, living together has a downside, statistically speaking. Food for thought: Couples who live together before marriage are less likely to actually get married, and if they do get married, they have a higher divorce rate compared to those who do not live together before marriage. Check it out for yourself – to each his own!

Avoid common conflict by evaluating daily rituals and eliminate bad habits.

Ensure there is not something you are doing that has become commonplace simply because your mom or dad before you did it. Just because dad came home after work and immediately poured himself a scotch and turned on the tube doesn’t mean you have to do it or should. Talk to your spouse about making your own routines and do the things that are the right fit for you and your spouse.

3. Money, money, money… muh-nee. Money!

Did you sing it? I love Donald Trump and The Apprentice, because I know there is always more to be learned when it comes to finances, and The Donald is The Man! Dave Ramsey and Howard Clark are well-known recommended financial mentors as well. Find one, because for married couples money is the number one source of contention and root cause of disagreements. A healthy approach to get on the same page with one another, financially speaking is to: 1. Decide how much, as a couple, you will give away; 2. Decide how much you will put in savings; 3. As accurately as possible, decide your total cost of living expenses; 4. Come clean about any debt either of you have; and 5. Decide on separate or joint accounts, and who will be the keeper of the books.

4. S-E-X Sex and intimacy can have lots of unseen strings attached, causing messes in your heart and in your head. Bottom line – it takes work and effort to get to know your spouse on an intimate level and to learn what each likes when it comes to sexual fulfillment. The greatest comfort of sex in marriage is that married men are more likely to say they are satisfied than their single friends. Commit to work at learning each other intimately.

7. Thinkers vs. Feelers Men versus women, blue versus pink.

Recognize that men and women are different and they process things differently. Men are typically thinkers and rely on logic while women are typically feelers and rely on feelings.

Learn to appreciate your spouse’s reasoning and try to understand it! You will end up laughing at one another rather than fighting.

8. I Heard You, but I’m Not Listening!

Laugh out loud now, but there is nothing more powerful than the art of listening (and it is an art!). Listening opens up a line of communication and understanding unlike any other action. Take the time to respond to your spouse by listening and see what kind of reaction you get. I can promise it will be positive.

9. Speak the Language of Love

11. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help Counseling has somehow gained a bad rap in only being helpful for the criminally insane or truly troubled; but there is wisdom in seeking counsel of an objective third party to help resolve differences and give insight to our misunderstandings. We all need someone who can empathize and give words of wisdom.

I would like to encourage you to take the time to consider and implement the suggestions above. As a divorcee, I can testify to the encouragement and positive outcome of practicing what is being preached here! The important thing is to do all you can to stop the crazy cycles before they start… BEFORE you get married; and these guidelines will help do just that. Your marriage and relationship with your spouse will be the envy of friends and family alike when they begin recognizing the wisdom of your unspoken actions! www.urbanette.com

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Men and women seem to be interested in different things, and this can manifest itself in conflict over the way we talk to one another.

Laws of

By MARRIANE LAGATO

COMMUNICATION 132

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The next time you’re in a heated discussion with your man, remember these tips to help get your point across with the least stress possible.

Tailor Your Content

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Men and women seem to be interested in different things, and this can manifest itself in conflict over the way we talk to one another.

One of the first things we can do to address this difference is to make sure that we’re tailoring our communication to fit our audience. You know exactly what I mean, because this is something we already do with our female friends.

Let me give you an example. I am perfectly capable of commenting on the cut of a new coat or the sophistication of a pattern on a silk scarf, but I don’t share these details with my friend Anne, because I know that she’s not at all interested in fashion. Many relationships between men and women might also benefit from a similar sensitivity. Why don’t we extend the same courtesy to our spouses as we do to our friends, by focusing our conversation on topics of interest to both of us?

Keep It Simple Of course, there’s a material difference between the way we talk to our female friends and the way we talk to our spouses; there has to be. I don’t have to go shopping with Anne, but couples are mutually involved and invested in domestic matters, including parenting, providing shelter for themselves and their offspring, and deciding how to spend money. We are, after all, in partnership with one another, so sometimes we have to bridge the gap by mastering a common language.

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In most cases, men and women do understand each other, but I have found that when I make an effort to speak in a language men can easily understand, my message gets

across more successfully. Make simple, declarative points, in order, and if you want something done, outline it clearly and simply. Don’t overdo it with anecdotes, or even use unnecessary adjectives.

Stick to the Matter at Hand

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So many of the arguments we have with our male lovers and husbands stray from the topic at hand.

Once you’re angry, it’s easy to get in touch with every single hurt feeling you’ve had in the relationship, and it takes a great deal of self-control to stop yourself from hurling old accusations, even when they have nothing to do with whatever sparked the original argument.

This can wreck real havoc on our relationships.

I realize that banishing the memory — and the impact — of a previous argument or betrayal is easier said than done, but I suggest that you make an attempt, when you are arguing, to restrict your discussion to the immediate incident at hand.

Your husband may have made plans to play golf on Mother’s Day last year, but that act of insensitivity has nothing to do with why he has once again forgotten to set aside time to pay the household bills. So the subject of that long-ago golf game should be considered off-limits for the purposes of your argument about the bills. If you can keep your request to asking him to plan ahead so that he can dispatch the domestic responsibilities he has assumed, your husband will really hear you on the subject, as opposed to tuning out, the way he does when you dredge up something he cannot change.

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Believe What You Hear I sat, mouth open in disbelief, as a friend of my daughter’s described her first “relationship discussion” with the new man in her life. He had told her, point-blank, that the priorities in his life were his children from an earlier marriage and getting his new business off the ground.

The combination of the two meant that he didn’t have a lot of time or energy for a serious relationship. In fact, the two most recent relationships he’d been in had collapsed because he hadn’t been able to give his partners the time and attention they deserved.

I was dismayed to hear the way this intelligent young woman told her story and parried this man’s every excuse with a reinterpretation of her own. She was intent on barreling headlong into a romance with him, despite the warning shot he’d fired across her bow at the very first opportunity. It wasn’t a surprise to anyone but her when their liaison ended five months later, after countless broken dates and promises. He had told her everything she needed to know, right up front, but she had heard something else because she wanted to. www.urbanette.com

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As pharmaceutical companies continue their quest for the perfect synthetic aphrodisiac, more and more people are experimenting with natural alternatives to enhance their sexual experiences.

Much of their interest has focused on herbs, though some cultures prize animal parts for their suspected aphrodisiac powers. (Tragically, this pursuit has contributed to the near extinction of several animal species — including the black rhinoceros, whose horn is believed to enhance sexual prowess.)

Proven LIBIDO BOOSTERS

By DR. MARIANNE BRANDON

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lants in general are a rich source of compounds that can after our physiological and psychological states.

In fact, an estimated 60 percent of conventional medications come from plants. And that’s after scientific study of just a relative fraction of the world’s plant population. Realistically, then, many more herbs than the ones presented here may possess potent aphrodisiac powers. They just haven’t been discovered yet.

A number of clients at the Sexual Wellness Center have tried herbs to improve their libidos, with excellent results. Herbs are medicines. Like conventional pharmaceuticals, they can cause serious side effects if they are not used according to directions or if they’re taken with preexisting medical conditions such as hypertension.

In addition, the herbal industry, much like the supplement industry, isn’t subject to FDA regulation.

This means the quality, safety, and effectiveness of herbal products is not guaranteed. What is on the label is not necessarily what is in the bottle.

And DHEA, which is synthesized, is much easier to control than herbal preparations, which are grown.

The potency and quality of an herbal preparation depends on the same variables that affect all crops, such as rain, sun, temperature, and soil conditions. As an analogy, consider wine. Some years, the weather cooperates and the grapes grow well, so the wine is full-bodied and robust. Other years, too much rain, or not enough, takes a toll on the grape crop, producing a thin and not especially tasty vintage.

Herbs are just as vulnerable to environmental factors, if not more so.

Keep in mind, too, that we do not intend for this section to be an authoritative text on herbal aphrodisiacs. Dozens, if not hundreds, of herbs can claim pro-sexual properties. The Sexual Wellness Center has chosen to recommend only a selected few, as they have been scientifically studied, their side effects are well-known, and they are widely available.

Africa, yohimbe has a centuriesold reputation for its libidoenhancing properties. The herb, which comes from the bark of the corynanthe yohimbe tree, plays a role in tribal fertility celebrations, marriage ceremonies, and mating rituals. Spurred by yohimbe’s effects, some of these ceremonies involve sexual activity that may go on for days, or even weeks.

Yohimbe: A Proven “Love Potion”

Since the late 1930s, researchers have been studying yohimbe to substantiate the prosexual claims for the herb. No less than 30 scientific articles have shown that the active ingredient in yohimbe, the alkaloid yohimbine, increases blood flow to the genitals and stimulates the central nervous system as well as the nerves of the genitals.

Together, these physical changes set the stage for sexual arousal.

Manzambi and her husband, Remmy, moved from their native Zaire to the United States 7 years ago.

At first, they lived with Remmy’s brother and his family in a cramped, dark Brooklyn apartment. Remmy worked 12 hours a day, 6 days a week driving a cab. It certainly was not paradise, but it was a much safer place to raise their daughter than in their war-torn country.

Like generations of immigrants before them, Manzambi and Remmy stayed in New York for a few years to get acclimated to the wonders and fast-paced life of their new country.

Then they moved to Cleveland, where another relative had settled some years before. There Manzambi made many friends, who openly admired the relationship between Manzambi and her husband. While their husbands often went out to bars after work, Remmy headed straight home and showered affection on his wife.

Her new friends wanted the same type of relationship with their husbands that Manzambi had with Remmy. So they asked her advice.

“The secret,” she told them, “is to keep your man happy in bed.” She continued. “Every night we drink a tea that we have sent from back home in Africa. The tea causes a pleasant fire in my vagina, and Remmy can make love like a man 15 years younger.

Good sex keeps my husband home.”

A traditional herbal remedy in West

Researchers at Valparaiso University in Indiana confirmed that yohimbine increases the frequency of sexual activity and heightens sexual arousal. In fact, the FDA already has approved the compound as a treatment for erectile dysfunction in men.

Further studies have shown that yohimbine can counteract the negative sexual side effects of the widely prescribed SSRI antidepressants.

As yohimbine works to stimulate the nervous system, it can enhance blood flow, metabolism, and alertness. On the downside, it can raise blood pressure and heart rate and cause heart palpitations, restlessness, and insomnia. For these reasons, we do not recommend yohimbe or yohimbine for anyone with a history of coronary artery disease, www.urbanette.com

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stroke, heart arrhythmias, high blood pressure, migraines, panic attacks, schizophrenia, or bipolar disorder. Even if you don’t have one of these conditions, we advise trying yohimbe only after a thorough physical exam.

You have several options for using yohimbe. You can brew yohimbe bark to make a tea — we suggest adding honey to mellow the slightly bitter taste — or buy the powdered form in capsules. Yohimbine also is available as a concentrated tincture.

Damiana: Fights Low Libido On Many Fronts Damiana is a wild shrub that grows in parts of Mexico, Central and South America, and the West Indies. Recently, it has been cultivated in Texas and California.

Its botanical name, Turnera diffusa aphrodisiaca, hints at its reputation as a libido-enhancing plant. The ancient Mayans used damiana for its prosexual properties. And for centuries, Mexican women have been brewing tea from the plant’s leaves to improve their sexual satisfaction.

Though much less studied than yohimbe, damiana has been the subject of some research that’s worth discussing here. In one trial, researchers gave a damiana extract to impotent or sexually sluggish male rats, which showed marked improvement in their sexual activity.

In another, an herbal preparation called ArginMax for Women — which combines damiana with other reputed sex-enhancing herbs — boosted sexual desire, reduced vaginal dryness, increased the frequency of sexual intercourse and the frequency and intensity of orgasm, and improved clitoral sensation in women who took it.

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In fact, almost three-quarters of the women in the study showed positive changes in these sexual variables, compared with only slightly more than one-third of the women who took a placebo. The results are all the more significant because they come from a double-blind placebocontrolled study, considered the gold standard in clinical research.

Damiana leaves can be brewed as a tea or taken in powdered form in capsules. You also can buy Damiana Liqueur, a light herbal-based liqueur that is made from damiana grown in Baja California. It comes in a bottle with the shape of a pregnant woman, modeled after the Incan goddess of fertility. According to Mexican folklore, the very first Margarita was made with Damiana Liqueur. The Damiana Margarita remains popular in the Los Cabos area of Mexico.

Chinese culture is rich in the study and use of aphrodisiacs and sexenhancing herbs. For centuries, the Chinese have relied on the nuts and leaves of the ginkgo tree to help improve their sexual vigor, as well as their mental acuity.

Ginkgo: Slowly But Surely, It Works Though limited, recent scientific research suggests that ginkgo may benefit sexual function by increasing blood flow. Two separate studies involving men with erectile dysfunction found that the herb helps to restore erections without side effects. In a study involving women, a preparation of ginkgo mixed with other herbs improved orgasms and overall sexual satisfaction.

Most herbalists agree that the effects of ginkgo are gradual. A woman who’s taking ginkgo may notice increased genital sensation and more vivid orgasms, along with sharper

memory, over a period of several months. Ginkgo can be found in most health food stores in extract form or as a powder in capsules.

Ginseng: Good For Mind And Body Perhaps the best known of the Chinese herbs is ginseng. It has been used in Asia for more than 5,000 years to boost energy and alertness.

It also is known for improving sexual response, increasing sexual energy, and reviving libido.

There are three different types of ginseng: Asian, or “red,” ginseng (Panax ginseng); American, or “white,” ginseng (Panax quinquefolius); and Siberian ginseng (Eleutherococcus senticosus). The herb is considered an adaptogen. In other words, it helps restore normal function to the human body by increasing all-around resistance to stress.

Ginseng contains ginsenosides, compounds that stimulate the hypothalamus to invigorate sex drive. It also acts locally on the vagina and clitoris to increase genital blood flow, which enhances lubrication, sensation, and arousal.

In randomized placebo-controlled trials, Asian ginseng has improved sexual response in men with erectile dysfunction. And in combination with ginkgo and damiana, ginseng appears to boost sexual arousal and overall sexual satisfaction.

Look for ginseng in tincture, capsule, or tablet form. Some health food stores even carry soft drinks made with the herb.

Buyer Beware Before concluding our discussion of herbal aphrodisiacs, we must mention Avlimil, an herbal formula that is aggressively marketed on

radio and TV. The ads cleverly compare Avlimil with Viagra by saying that women now have their own “little blue pill,” just as men do.

They also urge potential customers to ask their doctors about Avlimil, which implies that the supplement is available only by prescription and, therefore, has been approved by the FDA. Unfortunately, neither is the case. As an herbal supplement,

Avlimil is not regulated by the FDA. And if it has been studied, the research has yet to appear in any peer-reviewed medical journal.

Avlimil contains a blend of sage, red raspberry leaf, kudzu root, red clover, capsicum pepper, licorice root, bayberry fruit, damiana, valerian root, ginger, and black cohosh. Though damiana may have

aphrodisiac properties, there is no evidence that the combination of herbs enhances desire, arousal, or orgasm, as the manufacturers claim. And it’s very expensive — $55 for a 30-day supply!

Marianne Brandon, Ph.D., is the author of Reclaiming Desire: 4 Keys to Finding Your Lost Libido.

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d i o v A o t w o H n e k a T g n i Be d e t n a r G r Fo

D WLAN RY RO A L I H By

Let’s face it, ladies. After the honeymoon phase and the initial butterflies, the dynamics in a relationship are bound to change with time. The longer you remain in a relationship with a significant other, the more likely you are to hit a point where he takes you for granted.

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o need to freak out just yet though, this isn’t reason enough to assume that he doesn’t love you anymore. Rather, his behavior may simply indicate that he views you as a staple in his life, someone he knows he can count on. Your job, however, is to remind him that even if you are, it doesn’t excuse him from putting forth any effort. To prevent the relationship from further cementing itself into a monotonous routine, give these first-hand tips a try.

1) Change it up His reasoning behind why he acts the way he does can most likely be attributed to the fact that your routine with him has already been set. For example, you may meet on the same evening or day, stay in and order from the same restaurant, and rent movies from the same Blockbuster around the corner.

It would be a surprise to find anyone who wouldn’t get bored with the regularity of your plans. Try suggesting new places to eat, spend an evening outdoors, or get a group of friends together; aim to do something new or different once every week or week and a half.

2) Communicate Though it is important to let him know how you feel, make it a point to remind him how relationships require effort from both parties, not just one. It is not acceptable for him to think or act like he can just show up and not take the time to invest, care, or plan.

Generally, as a rule of thumb, it is encouraged to give your man space, at least in the early dating stages, to do the planning and pursuing. Allow him take the initiative and go at his own pace. You always leading or planning things might set the pattern for the rest of the relationship/courtship.

Be careful of the way you approach this conversation—if he feels like he is being attacked, it is likely that he will remain defensive about how he has been acting rather than open-minded.

3) Make yourself unavailable Similar to changing your routine, constantly being available to your man can indirectly tell him that you will always be there at his beck-and-call. This doesn’t mean that you should never see him or that he needs to plummet on your list of priorities, but giving each other the space to do your own thing will also give you both the chance to miss each other and value the time you spend together.

Has it been a while since you met with your girlfriends? When was the last time you were able to pamper yourself with some TLC? The healthiest relationships I know are the ones that value how time is spent, both apart and together.

Being in a relationship or being married doesn’t mean that you both fuse into one person or that you lose yourself in the other. You are meant to share your lives together, not be dictated by it.

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But the president did it!

Society as a whole views cheating as bad, otherwise it would be accepted as a universal good, so debate about cheating being bad would be nonsensical. Whether cheating is accepted within a culture is a different issue. Accepting something does not constitute an issue as good or bad. There are lots of deceitful, selfish people out there; that doesn’t mean you should be one of them.

Webster’s dictionary even defines cheating as a deception for a profit to you. Webster’s gives a second definition as being unfaithful to a spouse or lover – synonymous with the words adulterous, dirty, and foul. Interesting!

Is it really that bad?

The basic belief that cheating is bad is a result of individuals that can testify to cheating or being cheated on, leaving a wake of negative consequences. This is where personal values come into play. I mean, even a thief would complain if you stole something from him.

Debating if cheating is bad or not is no longer the point; cheating without your sweetie knowing you cheated is a heavier subject matter. If you haven’t located your moral compass

Thinking About

Cheating?

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By ByChloe SHELLY Ambrosia CARTER

To cheat or not to cheat? Insert cliché: “That is the question!”

But is that really the question? Now there’s another $64 thousand dollar question on the table – Is it bad to cheat even if I think my boyfriend won’t find out?

yet, now may be the time to do it!

as having been played for the fool.

Do I have respect?

What about reputation?

Labeling your significant other as boyfriend or girlfriend universally communicates commitment.

The things shared in a two person, romantic relationship are revered as special, deep and private. Why bother with labels or talk of commitment if you are going to cheat? You may have a conscience that you can defy, but the end result is that you’ve disrespected and dishonored the other person – a person who wants a commitment and relationship where only the two of you share certain acts, words, and moments.

Beyond making the one cheated on look ignorant (even if just to you), or like a laughing stock, the opportunity for the cheater to be known as someone who can be trusted is diminished greatly. The grass will not always be greener on the other side. People are people, and sometimes they change their minds; thinking cheating is fun, exciting and adventurous will only last a little while. What happens when the excitement dies and you become branded as one who ‘gets around’? Where will that leave you? It will leave you alone and despised (maybe even by yourself).

At what point does self-gratification — even if you can manage to bypass the psychological waves of guilt — outweigh respect for the other person’s feelings, wants and needs of a committed relationship?

They may not know what you’ve done, but now two other people do, and a sorry opinion of the one cheated on will be formed by both.

The one cheated on will be seen

Why does it burn?

Should I even mention the health dangers of cheating and not maintaining a monogamous relationship? STDs are numerous and sexual promiscuity running rampant. Science continues to talk about the increased dangers of diminished sexual health as a

There is a trade-off; satisfying sex with your sweetie for an occasional fling.

result of promiscuity. How much do you care about your body?

About your boyfriend’s health?

Do you want to reproduce one day? Not thinking about future questions like these gives cause to impulsive acts like cheating.

But we’re just friends…

I understand cheating does not necessarily mean sexual relations are being had, and cheating can still be cheating without sexual relations; but who are we kidding?!

If you want to spend time with someone else, it is most likely not going to be because you want to play a game of baseball with them! I assume sex will eventually become involved. Safe assumption.

What about emotional connections and sexual bonds?

I know for a fact, as a woman, that the emotional connection that comes from satisfying sex with my boyfriend creates a bond; a bond that is strengthened

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each time we are intimate with each other. Adversely, if one of us were to cheat, eventually the intimate connection and instances of intimacy would decline.

Whether your sweetie finds out or not, cheating inevitably has an emotional impact on the relationship and the individuals. Women seek to feel emotion; they thrive on it. Women find that they connect through emotion, and sex strikes a very emotional chord. As a woman (or a man), just knowing that your relationship has been tarnished can disconnect you emotionally, even if slightly. There is always the trade-off; satisfying sex with your boyfriend/ girlfriend for an occasional fling. This is definitely an act of self-sabotage!

Am I going crazy?

Human nature allows a cheater with a guilty conscience to eventually become paranoid. Knowing that you can cheat and maintain a normal relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend will leave you wondering if the other person is equally capable of such actions.

Psychologically the impact of cheating can drive a person mad. Pun intended, people. Not just angrymad, but crazy-mad! It is actually more fulfilling, selfishly and selflessly, to simply avoid the paranoia by not cheating, thus avoiding speculation of someone doing it to you.

But I want to feel loved Understandably, we all just want to be loved! Some cheaters rationalize cheating with a need for love.

Unfortunately, the cheater lends their self to being incapable of giving love and respect in return because they are practicing lies and deceit.

True love and respect is selfless and self-sacrificing. A cheater’s justification of cheating to feel loved is simply hypocrisy. The truth of the matter is trust and self-esteem issues that the cheater is internally grappling with, rooted in fear of not meeting others’ expectations.

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It makes me feel good about myself – for a moment Cheaters are usually insecure.

Insecurity is a common theme in all our lives, and to seek relief from those insecurities is desirable, even if just for a moment.

Temporarily masking these insecurities requires egoboosting actions, and cheating is a temporary quick-fix to satiate feelings of inadequacy.

The cheater can gain satisfaction, like a temporary high, but risks feeling even worse after the act of cheating than they did before cheating.

They have bypassed dealing with the real issues and added a heap of guilt to the pile. A vicious cycle spins now because, without dealing with the underlying issues, the cheater may then feel the need to keep cheating in order to continue gratifying those feelings of inadequacy. Thus, cheating becomes a regularity, and the underlying personal insecurities have yet to be dealt with.

mental burden if confronted.

Avoidance leads to blame, and blame to self-sabotage and the constant undermining of both parties’ self-esteem.

It’s my dues “I was cheated on therefore I cheat.” This is what psychologists like to call passive-aggressive behavior. This school of thought is based on getting even, and settling the score – even if it wasn’t their current partner who hurt them.

A vengeful act to get satisfaction is never satisfying enough, if the truth be known. If underlying feelings of resentment and hurt are not addressed, the cycle will repeat itself, and the cheater will cheat again. The same feelings are experienced over and over again with no resolution.

In my opinion, the only person really getting cheated is the cheater themselves! The cheater ultimately denies themselves the joy of a mutually committed relationship and Personal inadequacies are legitimate, the opportunity to repair but must be resolved with selfconfrontation. What is the number one the mental and emotional answer? The survey says…get therapy! brokenness inside.

It’s their fault

So, why not?

The Blame Game is the cheater’s favorite game, because it allows justification for what he or she already knows is bad behavior. Rather than exploring the option of addressing mental and emotional issues that lead to thoughts of betrayal and eventually the act of betrayal, many cheaters would excuse themselves by placing blame. Excuses like, “I don’t get enough attention,” and “They’re never home,” are classic quotes.

So why is cheating bad, even if your sweetie doesn’t find out? Humiliation of the one cheated on, increased health risks, decreased emotional intimacy, emotional devastation and mental frustration are all convincing points why cheating is bad.

Blame is the easy out. It allows the cheater to acknowledge the bad behavior, and justify it at the same time, without having to take responsibility or address the root problem. Often, the cheater fears a too-heavy emotional and

Persuading yourself to ignore the obvious can only lead to pain and regret. If selfishness is the road chosen despite this persuasive narrative, my advice is to remember that there’s value in integrity, and people who matter have a funny way of sensing who’s got it and who doesn’t.

As you may have learned from TV and movies - the bad guys always get caught!

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By SHELLY CARTER

What’s the harm in 144

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“What’s the harm in flirting?” I’ve been asked this, as I am sure you have too. Remember what your opinion was at the time? Whatever opinion you held, I can bet it has waxed and waned over time, lending to you its appeal or disgust based on what your relationship status was at the time.

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lirting is challenging, adventurous and enjoyable… for some. For others, flirting is annoying and disrespectful.

Just like there are two sides to every coin, the same holds true for flirting.

Let’s take a look at the good and the bad (and sometimes the ugly!) of flirting. Harmful or not – you decide!

Couples…Therapy?

There’s no harm in flirting…unless you are in a relationship! Or, could it be that flirting is actually therapeutic for couples? Couples who are still experiencing the dating scene and early stages of their relationship might see flirting as an energizing and playful exercise. They know that flirting is not going to lead to anything more than just that – flirting.

They know who they are going home with at the end of the night – the person they came with.

Flirting releases an ego satisfaction, and who doesn’t want to feel desired?

“Just flirting” can be fine, but make sure that you and your honey have boundaries if you are willing to accept this type of behavior in your relationship. Jealousy has a way of rearing its’ ugly head when we get an up close and personal visual of our significant other exercising their skills. Relationships and the trust they require can easily take a turn for the worse if ground rules are not established from the beginning of the relationship. Consider talking

about flirting with your honey; you might end up flirting with each other!

For Better or For Worse Married couples probably have the hardest time reconciling flirtatious behavior because it can be so easily misinterpreted. These days, couples are ready to divorce over someone making too much eye contact with the opposite sex, and flirting is no exception to this extremity!

Married couples who flirt can inadvertently turn flirting into something more than just innocent flattery. Flirtatious behavior can easily lead to misinterpretation and can damage the marriage by resulting in progressive flirting and eventually infidelity. Flirting, to the extent that it leads to the demise of your marriage, should give you thought to pause. If you are married and

Jealousy has a way of rearing its ugly head when we get an up close and personal visual of our significant other exercising their skills.

want to participate in flirting, just be sure to do it with your spouse!

Getting What You Want My personal opinion is that flirting when you are married can only lead to disaster. However, there is one benefit I can think of that is favorable to the individual rather than the couple, if the situation is handled properly. As we go through our daily routines of going to work and running errands, we naturally interact with other people.

We recognize the need that we sometimes need to manipulate situations to increase favor or bias to achieve a desired result. Flattery is most often used as a means to an end. Flattery naturally leads to favoritism. Make somebody feel good about them self as a result of flirty-flattery, and get what you want at the same time; just make sure that’s where the flirtyflattery stops. Keep in mind that this type of flirty-flattery can be risky. Some people will recognize this as manipulation, and it just might end up having the exact opposite effect that you intended!

DANGER, DANGER! Though flirting is fun, danger looms on its’ horizon. Allowing ongoing flirting can hinder what was once an innocent friendship, or even damage relationships with co-workers.

Harmful rumors — or even charges of sexual harassment and job loss — can result if you flirt with the ‘wrong’ person, even without intent of sex.

Remember, being friendly and smiling at others is simply being kind and courteous. Batting eyelashes and winking are a step above and are seen as indicators of flirting. Don’t be afraid to exercise your flirting skills, especially if you are single; and if you are in a relationship, keep in mind that flirting should be reserved for your significant other or spouse. www.urbanette.com

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Top Nagging

By CHLOE AMBROSIA MILLER

Rebuttals

Don’t fret. We’re not here to probe into your romantic life with a dozen intrusive relationship questions like the ones below. We’re here to help you manage such queries without being offensive.

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he trouble with a relationship question is that, in most cases, it’s not simply a question.

It carries a pressure for you to take action on the subject.

Meddlesome as it may appear, these questions are often delivered by close friends and family members who are concerned for your wellbeing. However, their definition of happiness and contentment are often different from yours.

you’ll be the first person to know”.

If you and your partner plan on not having kids at all, better tell them directly. This way, they’ll stop asking and they won’t be given false hope (especially if the “they” is your parents.)

The common denominator for these responses is that they don’t give the askers the reply that they want to hear. Why? Because it only validates their choices, not yours. If you want to articulate your thoughts about the subject, fine. But remember, you’re not responding to confirm their choices. You’re responding to assert your choices.

This question usually comes from women who were previously confronted with this issue and were also forced to make a choice. Instead of an irritated retort like “So what? You have a problem with that?”, treat the asker as a concerned individual who cares for you in your vulnerable child-bearing time.

Here are some of the most common intrusive relationship questions, along with their “appropriate” responses:

Question: “When will you have children?”

Translation: You should have children already so you become a happy family.

Whether you and your husband can’t decide on having dogs instead of babies or you’re trying really hard to conceive, getting asked about the absence of a child in your married life is vexing. Society always looks at childless couples as incomplete.

And for this reason, most people are excited for you have a baby in order to become a “real” family.

If you’re trying to conceive, say “We’re trying”. If you are planning on having kids but not at the immediate future, just say “We need more time as a couple. We want to be ready when we have babies”. If you want to have a more stable life before having children, respond something like “Not until I get the degree” or “Not until John gets the promotion so we’ll be better financially”. If you don’t feel like discussing things, just smile and answer “If you stop asking,

Question: “Will you still be working when you’re pregnant?”

Translation: You better stop working now that you’re pregnant.

Do not give the asker an indecisive reply, like, “Do you think I should?” or a miserable one, like, “I wanted to but John and I needed the money”. If you do, you are only giving in to the asker’s pressure who wants you to do what she has also done.

Your answer should be based on what you and your partner have come up to, like, “John and I have decided that I should not stop working. Work is not that stressful for me anyway and it’s a good exercise than just staying at home, eating and watching TV. Besides, the doctor says I don’t have a sensitive pregnancy”. This response not only answers the question, but also closes the case. It shows that you have already pondered on the subject and have already come to a reasonable decision.

Question: “Don’t you have plans of adding more children to your family?”

Translation: You should have another child. One is just so unexciting.

Regardless if you’ve decided to raise just one child or you’re trying to conceive

another baby, don’t sound bitter on your reply. Instead of responding, “No, I don’t like too many children in the house” or “I wanted to but I find it hard conceiving”, make a response that (again) portrays you as a levelheaded person.

Say something like, “Whether I only raise one child or more, I want to give the best. I want our family to be emotionally and financially stable so the children will be provided with enough love and comfort”.

Question: “When will you buy your own house?”

Translation: You should buy your own house already.

This question often comes from your parents or in-laws. Whether your family is staying in the asker’s home or you’ve been staying in a low-priced apartment that doesn’t fit her taste, it may come to you as a pushy probing that could expose two very private matters – how much money you and your partner saves and where you wish to live.

If the question comes from a visiting person, just say “We’re working on it”. If it comes from the owner of the house, try to turn the question around so you know where the asker is coming from.

Respond something like, “It sounds like you are excited about us getting our own house so we have a nice life.

Actually we’re working on it and we’re also excited to build our own nest.”

This way, you’re reflecting back what you think you hear the person is saying.

You are also telling the asker that you’ve already made your preference and are really working on its realization.

Remember, it’s your and your husband’s life and choices.

Nobody else’s. Make sure to do what feels right to YOU. www.urbanette.com

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It was a very beautiful night. The moon was strikingly large. The sky was filled with stars. The ambience you created on your evening picnic was that of love and romance. That was the night you felt he was was going to propose. You engaged in small talk to ease into the big moment. Suddenly, he said something and it upset you. You got infuriated and you walked away.

Ever had this kind of experience where everything was going perfectly fine and then you blurted something out and everything crumbled to dust?

These kinds of things happen even to the best of us. You might have known your partner for the longest time and possibly memorized each others’ quirks, but there remain statements and questions that can break your romance just like that.

Words As Deal Breakers In a relationship, there are words, statements and questions that are taboo to say, ask or even refer to offhand. Most often than not, these questions are those that pertain to past relationships or issues about trust.

Past relationships can become a very big hindrance to the growth of a relationship. This is especially true if the previous was relationship was long term. There are times when you just can’t help but ask your partner about things in his past relationship. Unfortunately, not everyone is open to talking about things that have already happened and they’ve moved on from. Your partner could be one of these people.

Another type of question that goes high up in the list of no-nos are questions related to issues about trust. Asking questions that have hints of doubt and distrust can give off negative impressions to your partner. He may retaliate by riding the same boat and eventually cause a heated argument or even a failed relationship in the end.

Words As Deal Makers Of course, if there are deal breaking words, there are also comments and questions that will likely strengthen the bond between you even more.

These are words and questions that show love, care and respect.

Saying the words “I love you” can become passé and, unfortunately in this day and age, largely overused. However, this is still very effective in conveying feelings for another person. You might think your partner will find you cheesy for saying these three words — and he might at times — but deep inside, he certainly appreciates being reminded of how loved he is by you.

Questions like “How are you?” or “Are you okay?” or “Is everything alright?” show care and concern for a person. The questions like “Is it okay with you if I do this or that?” or “What do you think should be done here?” or “What is your opinion about this certain topic?” are questions that show respect. It implies that you place value on their opinion about things and turn to them to consult on important matters. This also gives your partner the impression that you see him as a true ally and not just a boyfriend.

Overall, we cannot discount the sheer power of words to keep a relationship alive. Remember, some of history’s greatest victories were not won by war, but by well-chosen words that moved nations.

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How you speak to your partner may just be the thing that could save your relationship -- or end it completely.

Words that make ...or break

By SARAH WOODSTOCK

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controlling?

A relationship isn’t healthy if partners aren’t on level footing. Couples in a romantic relationship have to be equal in order for the partnership to work. When you strive to seek control over your boyfriend’s actions, you can bet there will be unintended consequences.

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ou don’t see eye to eye, you have trust issues, or maybe you think your partner’s way of thinking and handling things are inferior to yours; whatever the source of the tension is, when one refuses to back down, it will almost always end in a disaster.

When Does Control Happen in a Relationship?

Paranoid behavior breeds anxiety, which never fails to put a strain in a relationship. When you don’t trust your partner, whether romantically or in terms of life decisions, you force him into a place that is beneath you, thereby shattering whatever semblance of equality you might have had in your relationship. The bottom line is, when you think your partner is beneath you, regardless of how much you think you love him, it will not work.

Control issues are commonly born out of lack of trust and confidence in your partner.

By CHLOE AMBROSIA MILLER

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And speaking of inequality, it’s not just your partner whom you think low of; the root could be from within you.

Control issues sometimes spring up when you are suffering from low selfesteem and seek to feed the ego by imposing dominance over your partner.

This way, you are feeding your need for dependence by not admitting it out

loud and doing it in a way that makes it appear as though you are the stronger half. This has never been healthy and will usually lead to your boyfriend feeling emasculated and unhappy.

When Things Get Out of Hand Control and dominance can easily get out of hand and often irreparably damage the relationship. A perfect example is when you start restricting your partner’s movements. When you start feeling upset when your partner goes out with friends without you and spend every minute texting him or calling to check if he really is where he says he is, that could turn out to be very problematic and potentially dangerous.

Your paranoia could turn into obsessive and destructive behavior.

If you’re at the bottom end of the stick and are being controlled by your partner, do you think you would like him knowing and directing your daily routine and even dictating your choices? Of course, not. Humans are born with free will and no excuse, not even love, can take this away from an individual.

Imagine yourself being prohibited from hanging out with friends and pursuing independent activities and you’ll certainly understand why control issues in a relationship are often referred to as “choking.” It’s not a feel-good situation to be in.

Controlling the Control Issue As partners, you should set boundaries and allow each other to enjoy some alone time to grow individually into better persons. Take note that setting guidelines is not a way for you to make sure things always go in your favor. These should be mutually decided on and beneficial.

Another way to possibly quell control issues is also controlling your emotions.

Distrust creates emotional stress, which further fans the paranoid thinking and launches either of you into a fight.

Keep your emotions in check and avoid jumping to conclusions when you see or hear something. Listen to what your partner has to say first before you make any judgments.

Communication between couples is a great way to resolve budding control issues in a relationship.

Accepting the views and opinions of your partner can also be a way to avoid such problems. It’s normal for couples to argue; but preventing it from escalating into a full blown war always requires special care in accepting each other’s views and opinions, even if they differ.

Personal Freedom Freedom is very important to humans; their actions, routines and most of all their decisions are all rooted on their liberty to do as they see fit. If you want to avoid being labelled as a control-freak by your partner, you have to respect his independence. Let him do what he wants, but you have to set the ground rules at the start to make sure that none of either of your actions will bring pain and ruin to your relationship.

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PRODUCTIVE ARGUMENT

TRICKS FOR A

Spice, as you all know, is the secret recipe to any good dish.

A good amount of it brings out the flavor — the zing — that everybody wants to taste. Just like with food, a healthy and exciting relationship results from a good combination of variations. No matter how well a couple gets along, due to the differences in social and family backgrounds, conflicts will be present. Believe it or not, the differences, along with some amount of healthy fighting, can also bring couples closer to each other.

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ome of the personality differences may not come out during the early stages of the relationship.

More often than not, we filter out what we don’t want to see. But as we get comfortable and become more intimate, even the seemingly trivial things such as who should make the bed up to the deeper issues such as child discipline will become valid reasons for arguments that could lead to fights.

Fighting is normal encounter in any relationship, and surprisingly brings excitement that’s important in killing the monotony of a couple’s sugary routine. It also provides an opportunity for the couple to voice each other’s opposing points of view and hopefully arrive at a resolution. What’s important is how the conflict is managed. The way a couple manages the conflict determines if they are headed for divorce or not.

Dr. Stan Tatkin, in his book “Wired for Love: How Understanding Your Partner’s Brain and Attachment Style Can Help You Defuse Conflict and Build a Secure Relationship”, says that couples should not repress their desire to argue because the human brain is really wired for war. Instead of avoiding conflict and argument, couples must learn to engage in smart fights.

In school, we’re trained on how to apply certain skills, but not how to succeed in relationships nor how to manage conflicts. This is something we need to teach ourselves – and it’s more important than anything we ever learned in school.

When partners learn to “fight well’’ – that is, fighting without determining a loser – they become happier and more secure in each other’s company. But when conflict or disagreement sets in, we often find ourselves clueless as to how we should handle the situation without having to hurt each other’s feelings. Here are some ways we can make sure both parties leave unscathed when conflicts arise:

1. Love your opponent.

Apparently, your “opponent” here is your partner. You may want to argue with him but that doesn’t mean you can’t be friendly with him. While expressing your opinions (maybe with matching hand gestures and all), remain considerate of his feelings. Be wary of the tone and volume of your voice. Do not throw away the term of endearment and the genuine smile. This way, you’re more likely to achieve a friendly discussion instead of a heated argument.

2. Speak up, and then shut up.

Don’t make the mistake of holding the grudge as long as you can until stress builds up and explodes like a gigantic deadly bubble. Do speak up; but as much as possible, keep your arguments short and sweet. Don’t dig into old issues to support your claim because that could only lengthen the argument to unproductive ends and could

bring up old wounds. Rather, condense your bottom-line point to a short sentence. When you notice that both you and your partner are only blabbering over old issues, STOP. It’s time to wave that white flag of friendliness.

3. Maintain respect.

Name calling or blaming should not have any place in the argument. Asking your partner, “What’s wrong with you?”, or speaking in a condescending manner, won’t help resolve your argument. Attacking your mate even in an indirect verbal manner definitely won’t help your relationship, since this type of discourse is disrespectful and arrogant.

4. Play while you fight.

A good fight is actually within the couple’s play zone.

You may be wrestling hard with your partner’s idea but when there’s the spirit of play, the argument is also but a form of play that both engages you, allows you and your partner to have fun and fool around, and teaches you new ideas. A playful fight can even be a form of foreplay… remember Mr. and Mrs. Smith??

5. Argue with your partner in person.

It is very important for a couple to read each other’s mind while fighting; try to understand what they’re feeling and see things from their perspective. The couple can only do this in relatively close proximity, when they can see each other’s eyes and (hopefully) read a thousand unspoken words from there. This is the same reason why “personal talks” are often discussed face to face, not over the phone or via emails and online chats.

6. Bury the skeletons.

Keep arguments short, direct, and within the issue.

It’s not healthy to bring up the past, particularly the issues that have already been resolved. Only discuss the current issue that’s been bothering you. Digging up past hurts will not only emotionally overwhelm both of you but will also lead you away from what you are trying to resolve.

When you notice that both you and your partner are only blabbering over old issues, STOP. It’s time to wave that white flag of friendliness.

Couples who learn how to manage conflicts grow more connected to each other. There will be differences and clashing ideas – these will be encountered several times through the course of the relationship. When couples create an environment where differences are respectfully expressed, understood, and accepted, then the bonds of trust and intimacy are strengthened. Some of these points may seem difficult in the heat of the moment, but just remember: Would you rather be right or happy? www.urbanette.com

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All relationships go through their ups-and-downs; the important thing is that we don’t let our ‘downs’ become disastrous. Here are a few tips to smooth the ride.

7 Steps

for Preventing

INFIDELITY

By SHIRLEY P. GLASS

Avoid emotional intimacy with attractive alternatives to your committed relationship.

Resist the desire to rescue an unhappy soul who pours 154his www.urbanette.com or her heart out to you.

Keep old flames from reigniting.

If a former lover is coming to the class reunion, invite your partner to come along. ~ If you value your marriage, think twice about having lunch with an old flame.

Make sure your social network is supportive of your marriage.

Surround yourself with friends who are happily married and who don’t believe in fooling around.

Recognize that work can be a danger zone. ~ Don’t have lunch or take coffee breaks frequently with the same person. ~ Don’t get into discussions around the water cooler with co-workers that you find particularly attractive. ~ When you travel with a coworker, meet in public rooms, not in a room with a bed. ~ At the office party, pretend the coworker who’s flirting with you has gonorrhea, then talk about your happy relationship, or better yet – talk to someone else.

Minimize your alcohol and drug intake when you’re not with your significant other.

Skip that third beer when you’re out with the guys, or the second martini with work colleagues.

Mistakes happen more frequently when you’re not thinking clearly.

Don’t go over the line when you’re on-line with Internet friends.

Protect your marriage by discussing relationship issues at home.

Discuss your online friendships with your partner and show him/her your e-mail if he/ she is interested. Invite your partner to join in your correspondence so your Internet friend won’t get any wrong ideas. ~ Don’t exchange sexual fantasies online.

If you do need to talk to someone else about your marriage, be sure that person is a friend of the marriage, and not someone you find attractive.

If the friend disparages marriage, respond with something positive about your own relationship. www.urbanette.com

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WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS

Hand-picked Wedding

Vendor Guide : s u c l Fo

ia City & c e p S York s n o w t Ne Hamp The

Wedding Issue: Vendor Guide

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WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS

The Frosted Petticoat is literally a delectable delight, currently increasing in popularity amongst the party and event planning world. Uniquely designed, hand-painted candy and chocolate give this vibrant business an edge over its’ competitors. Their specialty treats are custom produced from the beginning of the creative process to the final delivery, allowing customers a one-of-a-kind experience in a completely satisfying and impressive way. www.urbanette.com

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hree remarkable women are the brains behind this operation: mother Roberta and daughters Patricia and Samia. Artistic gifting runs in their veins, and together they share their whimsical creative brilliance and talented artistry.

Exploration of The Frosted Petticoat’s website will prove enjoyable; if you happen to not be able to initially find exactly what you are looking for, custom orders are welcomed and accompanied by the ladies’ personable personalities and love of sugar!

To reinforce the personable nature

of The Frosted Petticoat, Urbanette Magazine was fortunate to obtain additional insight from a sugary-sweet question-and-answer session with Samia Temsah-Deniskin aka “Sugar Sam”. Here’s what she had to say…

Urbanette Magazine: The Frosted Petticoat is a very unusual and unique name – how did you all arrive at it?

Sugar Sam: The name “The Frosted Petticoat” came to me while getting chocolate design inspiration from a Marie Antoinette painting. In her ridiculously opulent outfit, she appeared to be made out of candy… as if she was wearing a petticoat made of frosting. At that moment I knew the company must be named “The Frosted Petticoat”. It perfectly represented the whimsy and illusion at the heart of our sweets – from a distance you see a lace petticoat, but up close you come to find it’s actually made from sugar!

Urbanette: Your business is also unique because of the bonds of family that it is based on – are you all living your dream, and was this something 160

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planned or did it just happen?

Sugar Sam: As children, my sister Trish and I would sit intently next to Mama Petticoat (Roberta) for hours, learning to create chocolates and paint them with edible glimmers. It’s some of our happiest memories. As the years passed, the three of us would give them out as gifts or bring them to parties as favors. We promised each other that someday we’d open a shop, but as often happens life got in the way - Trish became a teacher & had two gorgeous kids; Mama Petticoat became a full-time grandma, babysitting while Trish worked; and I went to

law school & became an attorney.

However, it wasn’t until about 2 years ago when I found myself in a Manhattan courtroom that the catalyst occurred. Miserable as a criminal defense attorney and working for free in the recession-hit city, I found myself daydreaming about our sugary plan. As I heard my client’s name being called by the bailiff, I looked down at my legal pad and found it covered with chocolate designs – vintage buttons, corset lollipops, steampunk gears, skeleton cameos. I needed to trade in a world of crime & heartache for a world of sugar & sweets. I called up my mom & sister and we knew what we had to do.

It was the change all three of us were looking for and there was no need to daydream any longer – we were going to open our chocolate company! And we haven’t looked back. The pieces of the puzzle fit: Mama Petticoat had perfected her technique over the years and could make chocolate in any shape or form; Trishy Cocoa had become a skilled artist and could gorgeously handpaint the sweets in edible glimmers;

and I, Sugar Sam, had acquired a knack for coming up with whimsical chocolate designs and branding. We took the plunge & our dreams came together to form The Frosted Petticoat.

Urbanette: What makes your business obtain higher demand than your competition? Why would someone want to use you over your competitors?

Sugar Sam: The Frosted Petticoat makes one of a kind sweets. Our favorite thing to hear from a customer is “That’s chocolate?!”. Like a “frosted petticoat”, from afar our candies look like real items (vintage buttons, autumn

leaves, rusty gears), but up-close they are actually made from chocolate.

We relish in creating edible works of art and we do this without sacrificing the yumminess factor! All of our candies are made from high-quality chocolate, come in surprising shapes, and are individually hand-painted with edible glimmers.

With sugar inspiration from the likes of Katy Perry, Marie Antoinette, and The Brother’s Grimm, the chocolates mesh reality with the whimsical. Our designs are sure to surprise and delight the imaginations of all those looking for a sugary adventure.

Urbanette: Who is the Frosted Petticoat’s most famous client to date?

Sugar Sam: A few months ago, we had the immense pleasure of sending a box of our chocolate buttons & mustache lollipops to the ever-so-dreamy Hugh Jackman. It tickled us to receive a lovely note from Mrs. Jackman saying the whole family enjoyed the sweets!

Find out more at www.thefrostedpetticoat.com

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“Gorgeous and chocolate, these are the perfect edible works of art for weddings or events.”

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The Perfect Bridesmaid Dresses Are you the type of bride who wants everything to match?

In that case, you’d be in majority. Finding bridesmaids dresses that perfectly match the African Violet color of your flowers and chairs, and yet don’t look like 8th grade prom dresses can be tough, but we have the solution.

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he Dessy group has an enormous selection of dresses, all of which come in just about every shade of color you can imagine. A larger collection of dresses in all the colors you’ve been looking for would really be tough – if not impossible – to find.

We talk with Vivian Dessy, who’s a designer at Dessy and creator of the Vivian Diamond collection for Dessy.

“I get the majority of my design inspiration from people watching. Just walking the streets of New York always gives me great ideas. I also find a lot of inspiration from traveling and experiencing different cultures.”

Urbanette Magazine: The Dessy Group been around since 1939 and is still a family-run business. Do you know what inspired your grandparents to start the business? How many of the Dessy family work in the business, and what inspires you?

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Vivian Dessy: My grandparents had their own business before they came to the US from Germany. When they arrived in New York in September 1939 they began their own millinery business. They were approached by Brides Magazine to make bridal headpieces and when my father became involved in the company he decided to branch out further and enter into bridesmaid dress manufacturing. That decision really took root quickly and bridesmaid dresses are still the heart of our business today. My mother Ronnie, brother Alan, and I are all involved in the dayto-day operations of Dessy. Alan’s wife Cindy is also a big part of the business.

Urbanette: Where do you get your inspiration?

Vivian: I get the majority of my design inspiration from people watching. Just walking the streets of New York always gives me great ideas. I also find a lot of inspiration from traveling and experiencing different cultures. I’ve traveled my whole life throughout the US, Europe and India and experiencing how other people live and dress is always fruitful when I’m designing. It’s also important to me to look back at the history of fashion and

WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS

understand the inception of different silhouettes and fabrications, it completes the circle of modern design.

Urbanette: Have you found that bridesmaid styles differ very much in different areas of the country?

Vivian: Not as much as you’d expect.

Bridesmaid dresses aren’t as trenddriven as everyday clothing, because brides want classic styles that will stand the test of time. In general, brides look for options that have longevity.

Urbanette: Do you have any tips for choosing bridesmaid dresses?

How about accessorizing them?

Vivian: If the bride is choosing for her bridesmaids it’s important to consider what will be flattering for the girls’ figures and coloring. If the bride is letting her party choose their own looks, it helps to narrow down the choices so everyone is happy. Give your bridesmaids an option of three or four styles that you approve of and let them choose their favorite. Also, brides should keep in mind that bridesmaid dresses should always be comfortable and appropriate for the venue, season and time of day.

For accessorizing I think it’s best to give your bridal party some choice,

but make sure that there is direction so everything looks fairly uniform.

For instance, if you don’t really care about the shoes that your bridal party wears give them a color and style, like silver high-heel sandals, and let them choose within those guidelines. If the bridesmaids are wearing different style dresses, matching accessories can serve as a common thread between the looks. It’s a nice option to help pull all the looks together.

Urbanette: Dessy bridesmaid dresses are very versatile. Do your customers tell you that they continue to wear the dresses even after the wedding?

Vivian: The ability to re-wear a dress after the wedding is really color dependent. At Dessy it is a goal to make all the styles classic so that bridesmaids have the option to wear the looks later.

All of our full-length silhouettes can easily be shortened to cocktail length, which makes for a style that’s more wearable. A lot of girls from the office wear the dresses to non-wedding events and we’ve heard from many customers that they’ve enjoyed wearing their Dessy dresses after the wedding.

Check out the styles at www.dessy.com www.urbanette.com

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s u o i c i l e D

g n i d d e W Flavors

Love marshmallows?

We thought so. You’ll be excited to know that 240Sweet is taking the world by storm offering over 150 gourmet flavors of marshmallow treats.

Yum!

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WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS 240Sweet was a long time cooking.

Since the 1980’s these girls have been hard at work! Chef Alexa Lemley and sales exec Samantha Aulick are the third generation of their family to operate the family catering business. They began working in the 1980′s, as teenagers, and took over officially in 2006.

How did 240 Sweets develop into the premier marshmallow maker?

As a thank you to their catering customers, they gifted marshmallow treats. The treats were unusual and unexpected, and requests for more marshmallow treats began to pour in. Thus, hundreds of marshmallow sweet-treat concoctions, also known as ‘puffs’, were born!

These artistic lovelies not only share their yummy puff creations with the world, but provide insider recipes and tips to their patrons and potential customers alike.

Based in Columbus, Indiana, Alexa and Samantha are reaching the far corners of the state and the nation by stamping their goodies with a product seal of all-natural and organic ingredients.

We got to ask 240Sweet a few questions to give us some of their best and most interesting secrets…

Urbanette Magazine: 240sweet is a great name! What does the 240 represent?

Samantha Aulick: 240sweet is the soft ball stage of beet sugar. We boil the marshmallow mix to 240 degrees when we make them.

“We had to do something that would really make us stand out from the crowd.”

Urbanette: Obviously, your marshmallow concoctions differentiate your business from your competitors – what are other characteristics make your business unique?

people that our style was a little different than his. We prefer a more French/Asian style of flavors. We also were hit hard with the recession.

Companies we had served for 40 years were laying off people and canceling their holiday parties. We had to do something that would really make us stand out from the crowd.

So we looked to Martha Stewart’s website for ideas and found her recipe for vanilla marshmallows.

We made the first batch and then began experimenting with flavors like Lemonade, Thai Chili, and such. We dropped off our menu with baggies of marshmallows attached at local businesses in our area, like spas.

We figured: Who had discretionary income and would benefit from conversation starters? It worked.

People ordered our “new” style of foods and then began asking to order marshmallows. We gave them away for about a year!

Samantha: We use local, all-natural and real foods in our marshmallows.

For example, we use real organic strawberries in the Hoosier Strawberry puffs–not flavoring.

For the Hoosier Strawberry, we also use dehydrated strawberries in the powder on the outside.

That makes a big difference in flavor. We often hear from people who say things like “I don’t like marshmallows” until they try ours.

Urbanette: Why is your “made in US” product stamp such an important factor for your business?

Samantha: We use as much Made in America packaging as possible.

We think it’s important to support American businesses. All of our ribbons, labels, and boxes are made domestically, which is better for both the environment and the economy. We even downcycle our “Made in America” office paper, along with other paper to use as packing material.

Urbanette: When you think of sweets or treats, one doesn’t typically think of marshmallows.

How did ‘marshmallows’ of all things become your choice of gift to your catering clients?

Samantha: We are the third generation to operate the family business. When Chef Alexa’s father retired, we needed a way to show

For more information, visit www.240sweet.com www.urbanette.com

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Worth a Thousand Words Emma Cleary

We don’t have to tell you that weddings are a once in a lifetime occasion and pictures are the best form of memorabilia. You also know that you don’t want a collection of unflattering photos from your wedding day. What will you send to all your friends? And, more importantly, what will you post on Facebook?

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or these, and may other reasons, it is absolutely crucial that you invest in a talented wedding photography team. Preferably, one with great retouching skills. They should specialize in wedding photography, and have worked many weddings. You want to hire the best of the best.

Many people make the mistake of getting cheap and inexperienced photographers. They discover (all too late) that they’ve compromised on the quality or range of photos taken. Their memories are dampened by unflattering shots. Unfortunately, photos cannot be retaken since the wedding ceremony only happens once (we hope, anyway!).

Talk about surprises. There’s nothing like looking through your wedding photos for the first time and you see your mom and dad getting jiggy on the dance floor, or the flower

WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS girl kissing the ring bearer‌ A great photographer understands perfect timing and will capture the candid moments you may have missed, so you can hold on to them forever.

You won’t have to worry about posing, because the right photographer will be able to capture flattering angles intuitively. You can simply enjoy the day and the professional will know exactly what angles and positions will translate into the best still moments.

Emma Cleary, a very talented New Yorkbased artist, photographer and professional photo retoucher speaks to us about the highlights of wedding photography.

Urbanette Magazine: When did you realize that you wanted to get into the photography industry, weddings in particular?

Emma Cleary: I got into wedding photography three years ago. I have always been artistically inclined, I am a painter and worked as a photo retoucher which was my gateway into photography.

Urbanette: Did you start out alone?

Emma: I started alone and found out very quickly that as a wedding photographer you need to work with a team. I bring an assistant to almost every wedding, big or small and most fashion shoots too. I also book second shooters for some weddings and book them on their own by request, so I somewhat act as an agent for them too.

Urbanette: What would you say is your brand of photography? What makes clients choose you over other wedding photographers?

Emma: People always ask me what my style is. Photojournalism is the nature of wedding photography, you are following the couple and documenting what happens on the day. I try not to interfere as much as possible so as to capture natural moments. Most couples want family portraits too which is completely understandable. I guess coming from a fashion background I am always looking for moments when the bride looks her best. www.urbanette.com

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WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS Urbanette: How do you brainstorm with your clients and how do you stay updated with the newest themes and photography styles suited for weddings? What was the most challenging theme that you had to work with?

Emma: I keep an open communication line with my couples from the time I am booked until the day of the wedding. They often send me images they like or shot requests and I keep a file for them. I attend tradeshows and browse online for inspiration often and keep an inspiration folder of images and text on my computer which I often look at before a wedding to get some new ideas.

Urbanette: What do you think are the top three elements of a good and memorable wedding photograph? What is that one shot that should always be taken?

Emma: There are many shots that should always be taken at a wedding but one that often gets left out due to trying to squeeze in family portraits between ceremony and cocktail hour is a post ceremony romantic shot of the couple together sharing an intimate moment, I love doing a first look before the ceremony so that the couple can take those great shots and feel at ease before the days events. Three elements that make a good wedding photo for me are honesty, spontaneity and love.

Cake by Elegantly Iced

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Urbanette Magazine Editor-in-Chief Hilary Rowland getting ready at her wedding in East Hampton

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WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS Did you know that more than half of brides (57%) would change something about their engagement ring if they could, with the biggest gripe being wanting a bigger stone (19%)? Despite this, only 36% actually would go through with upgrading. So, as they say, ”Choose your wedding ring wisely, I repeat choose your wedding ring wisely.” You have to live with it for rest of your life, so you better love it.

I

assume that your guy is the right guy because your headed down the isle. As we know every person has their own preferences. Bringing two individuals together to purchase wedding rings can be a bit challenging. The goal is to come up with the perfect wedding ring that is suitable to the taste and lifestyle of both partners.

Many factors come into play when choosing your rings. You have to consider the quality of metal, type of stone, and price range. You both have to remember what the other one likes and doesn’t like.

After all, wedding rings are a daily reminder of the partnership and commitment between two people.

For this feature, we interviewed Russell Kwiat, one of the owners of Urbanette’s favorite jewelry line, Kwiat, known for its unique and delicate fine jewelry.

Urbanette Magazine: Wedding rings are primary symbols of a marriage. How important is choosing the right wedding ring?

Russell Kwiat: Wedding rings reflect the emotion of eternal love. I am often asked if the wedding ring should exactly match the band of the engagement ring, which hand do I wear the band on, or should the engagement ring be worn on the right hand and band on the left. People often get caught up on the “rules”.

“I feel quite strongly when I tell couples there are no rules. You can and should do whatever you feel evokes your relationship and personal style.”

Urbanette: How did you get started in jewelry creation and design?

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Rings With

Personality

WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS Russell: My great grandfather, Sam Kwiat, founded Kwiat over a century ago. From a small shop in New York City’s original diamond district on the lower east side of Manhattan, he built a reputation for beautiful diamonds and jewelry.

“That’s where it all started.

My grandfather joined him, and my father and his brother followed. From the time I was very young, I have memories of watching my grandfather design while my father inspected diamonds. I grew up around a family that is truly dedicated to our craft.”

Joining the family tradition was a natural step—diamonds and jewelry are in my blood.

Urbanette: What are the elements of a truly symbolic wedding ring?

How should a wedding ring be different from an engagement ring?

Russell: Tradition is important but we have gone beyond the days that your only option was a thin gold band.

Our clients have a variety of choices when selecting their wedding bands.

From colored stones to intricate designs to a secret inscription, the elements customers seek are dependent on their personal style.

Nothing has to match in the traditional sense anymore. More and more women consider how wearable a ring is when selecting their band.

Depending on their profession and lifestyle, she may choose a pave diamond band, a platinum band, or a shared prong eternity ring. And guys, be prepared, she is probably going to want more than one at some point. Remember, they also make beautiful anniversary gifts!

Urbanette: Couples have varying ideas as to how their rings should look and feel. How do you brainstorm with your clients to create the design that

“Wedding rings reflect the emotion of eternal love.”

aligns perfectly with their vision?

before they walk through the door.

Russell: The most popular shapes today are the round brilliant and the cushion shape. People love the classic beauty of the round diamond and the vintage elegance of the cushion. We focus on customization and exceptional craftsmanship in our bridal creations. Our clients are discerning, and they want to be actively involved in the process of creating the ring from the selection of the center stone to the details of the setting.

Urbanette: What was the most challenging customization you’ve had to make?

“All Kwiat rings are then handmade in our workshop, so that our clients have a piece that is created just for them.”

Urbanette: Should all wedding rings have diamonds? What are the other usual gems used for them?

Russell: Many of our customers prefer a ring that has a timeless feel, which may mean a classic diamond style. We have the occasional request for sapphires as an engagement stone, but diamonds have been and will always be the primary choice. Colored diamonds continue to be a niche market for engagement rings. Customers that choose a yellow or pink diamond want something different and reflection of what they love. They know they want a colored diamond

Russell: Each customer is unique and has different requirements.

We work with together to create a ring that is special to them. We are also very discreet and dedicated to fulfilling our client’s desires. Kwiat has a superior team; there isn’t anything that we can’t handle.

Urbanette: Who was your most memorable client?

Russell: The best part of what we do is having the opportunity to share some of life’s most important moments. It is an honor and a pleasure to have this opportunity and each of our clients is part the family.

That said, some of the most memorable clients I’ve worked with are the couples who worked with my grandfather when they got engaged. Years later, their children are engaged with Kwiat, and years after that they are all visiting us at the Madison Avenue boutique. I love hearing their stories about my grandfather and these customers exemplify what Kwiat is about.

To check out Kwiat’s styles, go to www.kwiat.com, or stop by 555 Madison Avenue on the Upper East Side of New York City. www.urbanette.com

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WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS ever wondered how some One Have of theyou most women seem to do it all? essential elements of a great wedding is the music. The right song at the right time helps set the mood and a live band is a great way to achieve an intimate feel.

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Joanna: Exquisite Home Concierge Valet Services offers an extremely professional staff with our top three valets having a combined total of over 60 years experience. One of the owners of the company is present at every event. Our repeat customers rely on the friendly service that they know their guests will receive upon arrival and departure of their event.

he’s the superwoman who cooks dinner in 5 minutes, does a load of laundry from start to finish in 3, and cleans the entire house in 1, all while playing hostess to friends and neighbors as she passes out gourmet hors d’oeuvres and chilled cocktails.

Her friends treasure her, her husband admires her and her children adore her as she flawlessly rises to every occasion. With focused energy and a knack for detail, she even manages to do event planning for life’s most grandiose occasions that beg for perfection.

Or does she...? What’s her secret??

Superwoman smiles slyly as she pats herself on the back for employing the most capable and talented team of all to help her with all life’s major events, relieving herself of stress and worry, allowing her time to enjoy family, friends, and leisure activities. Ready to shout from the rooftops, superwoman makes an announcement, because she can contain her delight no longer, “Ladies and Gentleman, live from the Hamptons, (the crowd gasps) it’s Exquisite Home Concierge!” (applause and cheering!)

Here’s the rundown: Exquisite Home Concierge offers a number of professional services to those lucky enough to have (or rent) a home in the Hamptons. Beyond property management, house watching, cleaning, and personal shopping, Exquisite Home Concierge is also happy to plan your next party or event. With over 23 years of experience Exquisite Home Concierge not only offers to manage your event, they can dually provide professional valet services, ideal for weddings and receptions.

Urbanette is fortunate to have

engaged in an insider Question and Answer session with the President of Exquisite Home Concierge, Joanna Hernandez. We are impressed with what she had to say!

Urbanette Magazine: What is biggest and most challenging event you’ve handled?

Joanna Hernandez: Our most challenging events are always the two-hour cocktail parties during high season in the Hamptons where we have to maneuver hundreds of cars within that time span. This becomes a challenge because we know the guests usually have one or two other events to attend and we have to get them in and out in as smoothly as we can so they can get to their next event.

Urbanette: What types of special requests have you accommodated for clients?

Joanna: The most popular special request is usually golf carts. I often find that event hosts who procure our services usually want to make sure that their guests are taken care of from the moment their vehicles arrive on the property until the moment they depart. We have also been requested to wear special attire so that we can match the theme of the event.

Urbanette: What makes Exquisite Home Concierge special and why is it a top choice for weddings and special events?

Urbanette: How do you choose the members of your team and how do you make sure your staff is on the same page when it comes to delivering services and growing the company?

Joanna: We have a set team that have all grown up together and started valet parking under their high school athletic coach over 25 years ago. We brief the staff before every event, letting them know how many cars to expect, how and where they will be parked so that we can make sure the arrivals and departures go as smooth as possible for the evening.

“We’ve seen all types of parties throughout the Hamptons, Shelter Island, and Montauk; therefore, we feel we’re able to handle any situation.”

Urbanette: You obviously cater to some very high-end clients.

Describe your privacy policy and what you do to ensure your clients get the discretion they desire?

Joanna: It is our policy not to share our clientele information with anyone. As far as our valets are concerned, they are given the date, time and address of the party. All personal information for an event is kept within our office.

Want to be the woman who can ‘do it all’? Contact EHC at 631-603-7909 or www.exquisitehc.com www.urbanette.com

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WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS Anyone can arrange the totally typical and somewhat boring prerecorded songs played by a disk jockey, but as they say, there’s nothing like the real thing.

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e spoke to Jack Morelli of Jack Morelli Music to better understand how large a role music plays on this important day and what you may want to consider incorporating into your wedding.

Urbanette Magazine: What makes you stand out from the other live music agencies and what do you bring to the stage?

Jack Morelli: I love what I do — no one ever calls me and says “My grandma died, I need a jazz trio.” I get to supply music for people’s happy times/ celebrations. It’s wonderful.

Music is in my blood. I have been playing drums professionally since I was fourteen years old and I come from a family that takes music very seriously. My dad played drums till he was 85 and was a very successful band leader. My brother, Bob Morelli, is the president of Red Records, a subsidiary of Sony Records and is one of the most successful people is the record biz. My son Jakob is a professional musician based out of Philly, who has recently performed w/Roberta Flack, K’Nann, Aretha, and Queen Latifah.

All in the

Music a client tells us what they want, we hand pick the appropriate musicians/ DJ’s to create the perfect ensemble for each client’s tastes, needs and budgets. It’d never a cookie cutter solution — one size does not fit all!

We use the best musicians available.

Really. Our professionals are music Agencies usually have a number of professors, have appeared on “set bands.” If you don’t see one you Broadway and in top venues around really love, you have to settle or go the country/world, and have been on elsewhere. We have a few amazing tour with name acts. Our men have “set bands” but what’s really cool is toured with Aretha, Adele, Hall and we have an ever growing database of Oates, Billy Joel. McCoy Tyner, Harry the best musicians in the area. When Connick Jr., Foreigner, Jennifer Lopez, 174

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Tower of Power, Jay Z, Celine Dione, Jim Hall, Diana Ross, Maria Cary, Count Basie Orchestra, name it. We only use serious professionals who do music for a living. It is not a hobby or part time job — they show up early, dressed appropriately, ready to please the crowd, with a smile on their face.

Jack Morelli Music has all size groups available: a solo musician, a duo, trio, quartet all the way up to a 19 piece big band we offer all styles of musicjazz, blues, pop, rock, classical, reggae, country, swing, Calypso, ethnic, Dixie land, or whatever some one needs.

WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS “A live band is a great way to achieve an intimate feel.”

Urbanette: How do you prepare for weddings? Do you have a set that you normally play for such events and how much of your set list is client-driven?

Jack: We prepare for a wedding the same way we prepare for any party/event. A client gets an indepth questioning about their party/ event: number of guests, age range, ethnic background, do they want dancing, announcements, mild or wild. Then, we handpick the right musicians and the musicians are informed what a client is expecting.

There’s never a set list since it’s usually not a set band. As soon as the musicians arrive, they check out the audience, assess the situation, begin with a few appropriate tunes, watch the reaction and then pick the right tunes to create the correct mood for the moment. That mood or style of music might change each hour, and then the song selection will change accordingly.

“We have good instincts and keep people from making bad choices.”

Clients are always asked for the general feeling they want the night to have: a list of tunes that are requested and then a “do not play list.” Each client is treated as an individual. Many of our competitors play the same tunes for every client, whether they want them or not — Aretha, Barry White, Earth Wind and Fire, Black Eyed Peas etc. These are fine if the client wants that, but we do not assume that’s what they

want. Maybe they want Miles Davis, John Coltrane, the Beatles, the Stones, Antonio Carlos Jobim, Bruno Mars, the Who, Bob Marley- Mozart, etc.

“If the agency gets lazy, you will hear the same tunes for every client’s party — how boring, how repetitious, how sad…”

Urbanette: How do you manage unusual requests from clients?

Jack: We ask a million questions to find out what they want — if they know exactly what they want, they get it. But, often, they don’t really know what they want — so we help figure it out.

Sometimes, what they ask for may not be a great idea. One couple who was Russian asked us to play a lot of Russian music. When we asked how many guests were coming, they said 250 people. When asked how many guests will be Russian, they replied 6. We then tactfully asked if it might be a better idea to have

most of the repertoire consist of standards, jazz classics, Sinatra and then during the breaks, play some authentic Russian tunes through our sound system w/out iPod. They agreed and it worked out spectacularly! Some clients ask for 4 hours of bagpipes, harp, steel drums, and we gently try to persuade them to do something that will appeal to all of their guests for an entire night. We have good instincts and keep people from making bad choices.

One client asked us to have a classical duo play their ceremony.

When asked for the tune they wanted to be married to, they said the “Theme from Star Wars”. We explained that a duo might not be able to do “justice” to such a song that was written to be played by a large full orchestra. They insisted, our men played their best and the client’s loved it!

For more info on Jack Morelli Music, check out www.jackmorellimusic.com www.urbanette.com

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WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS Pe rhaps y our fi e ld o f dream s i s a mea d o w All the adventure of a mountain ranch.

All the luxury of a world-class resort.

Escape to Hidden Meadow Ranch.

Award-winning cuisine V Fly fishing V Horseback riding V Hiking Archery V Leatherworking V Relaxing V Reuniting

W h i t e M o u n ta i n s , a r i z o na

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www.hiddenmeadow.com For reservations, call 866.333.4080 toll free.

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S Studio is an elite hair care and styling salon in the heart of the Upper East Side of New York City. Celebrity clients and native New Yorkers alike flock to sit in the chairs of the artists at DS Studio.

DS Studio Bridal Hair

Urbanette Magazine: What are some of the recent trends and changes in bridal hair?

Demetrios: We’ve been doing hair for brides for over 15 years. We create unique styles according to the bride’s hair type while considering styles she pictures herself having and the time of the year it is.

Consultation with the bride and a trial run is everything. We love the classic looks with a bit of modern touch, and we love to combine our products to create great texture. Remember that style has to go with the personality of the bride and the dress. Last but not least, we always recommend a conditioning treatment and a gloss for shine before the wedding day.

Urbanette: How does the team handle a bridal party, and the process of styling each individual’s hair to their liking while coordinating the look of the party?

Demetrios: We love when brides and bridal parties take over our studio. We have the greatest makeup artist in the house and the greatest nail technician — and a lot of wine and champagne!

We also travel if need be for the bride’s convenience. Over the years we’ve done weddings worldwide from New York to California and from London to Italy.

We also have an amazing network of colleagues that we trust to work together – photographers, videographers, wedding planners, fitters, and florists, if you need suggestions.

Urbanette: Your wife, Savita, has an impressive background...

Demetrios: Yes, she does. Savita comes from a strong background of training with all the high end salons back in the glory days of the fashion statement era – she was the styling director at Coppola salon and she worked together with stylist icons like Kevin Mancus, John Barret, and Oscar Blandi, who later became salon owners themselves. Savita brings a great foundation to our studio and in her chair you’ll see celebrities like Rossana Scotto, Carine Roitfeld, Eva Dubin, Ofra Straus, Jaclyn Smith, and Robert Kantor and family.

Urbanette: What was the inspiration behind your product line and what makes it special compared to other hair care products?

Demetrios: Our vacations to Greek islands inspired us to create something that benefits the hair the

same way that Greek islands benefit the mind and body. We tested a lot of ingredients prior to our hair line development, but the number one inspiration was the flowers and the vegetation that grows on the islands of Crete, Santorini, and Aegina.

Urbanette: Give us your best kept secret about hair.

Demetrios: The most important thing when it comes to great hair is understanding that hair made from the food you eat — proper nutrition, good ingredients, and patient preparation are key factors to both the esthetics, but also the health and well-being of your hair.

DS Studio Haircare 74 East 79th Street New York, NY 10075 (212) 879-5555

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WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS Paper floral artistry may have had a humble beginning, but it is now in high demand and in full production mode thanks to our friend and artist Khrystyna BalushkaWhitehead, aka. Balushka.

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he need not a lengthy introduction or eloquent historical biography – she does that for us and our readers in this delightful interview that I had the pleasure of conducting. Without further ado, here is Balushka, the creator and inventor of Paper Floral Artistry…

Urbanette Magazine: Share with us some background about yourself and your business – What inspired your vision for paper artistry? How did you get started, and when and where did you establish your business?

Balushka: I’ve been around paper my whole life. My parents have a printing business in Ukraine. I grew up folding paper and helping my parents. I have also loved to create clothes ever since I was 12 years old. There was no opportunity to study fashion in Ukraine. Instead I attended and graduated from the Math Institute. It seemed like a logical degree that would give me plenty of opportunities. I decided I could

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f loral

Wedding Decor focus on my passions in my spare time. I think the creative and analytical aspects play into the paper flowers.

I traveled to Alaska and met my future husband who is American. That is another story in itself. After living together in Ukraine for a year we decided to move to America so I could finally study fashion. While in school one of my professors asked me to make paper flowers for a backdrop for an advertisement for a bridal line. I had no clue how to make them. The first flower took four hours. But I realized that making paper flowers makes me happy. I felt like I had traveled to “flowerland” and this is how I realized that this is what I wanted to do. This is how Paper Floral Artistry was born.

Having an eye for photography, I realized the paper captured light in a very unique way when it is folded and darted in flowers. It is a great backdrop and they should be everywhere. I

decided I will paper flower the world!

“While in school one of my professors asked me to make paper flowers for a backdrop for an advertisement for a bridal line. I had no clue how to make them. The first flower took four hours. But I realized that making paper flowers makes me happy.”

I made the first flowers a year ago and I decided to make it a business. I quit my full time job in July of this year to give all of my time to flowers. I am based out of Houston, TX, but I have customers worldwide.

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All of my flowers are handmade in my studio. I make paper flowers, but I can also embellish flowers with: vintage lace, pearls, veil netting and crystals; fabrics which I can hand-dye such as silk, vintage lace; I can emboss, do custom stenciling which is great for wedding dates, and hand paint paper. I will attempt to do pretty much anything requested. As I mentioned above, I work with plastic to make flowers. These are good for outdoor occasions and add a different palette of colors. My future plans are to work with clay and metal. I would like to get into exterior design for houses.

Urbanette: Is your business geared toward brides and their weddings or other and do you plan to expand your vision or stay focused on brides? Also, do you have a studio where clients come or do you send your creations to your clients?

Balushka: I work for brides and style weddings. My work also decorates office spaces, retail stores, galleries, nurseries, birthday parties, corporate parties, bat mitzvahs … any special occasion and home decor.

I work from my studio, but I rent and sell flowers worldwide. I just came back from New York where I decorated a VIP area at the Electric Zoo Festival using plastic flowers. I am getting ready for a trip to Miami to decorate a bat mitzvah. Local customers do come to my studio. I deliver and set-up installations and I am always ready to travel for an installation worldwide.

“I create all flower patterns from scratch.

I get inspiration from nature and have huge geometric influence from my mathematical education.”

Urbanette: Give us and our readers insight into your process.

Balushka: I started off using paper from my local art store. I now use high-quality, textured paper. I use industrial hot glue to create the flowers.

I create all flower patterns from scratch. I get inspiration from nature and have huge geometric influence from my mathematical education.

Depending on the design of the flower, it takes anywhere from eight to 48 petals. Flowers range in size from

one inch to 60 inches (this is not the limit! It is just what I have done so far). One flower can take up to six hours depending on the size and the customization requests. But I would say the average time is 2 hours.

Urbanette: Do you do custom orders, or do you have standard items you use and make?

Balushka: I have basic items and packages for purchase in my Etsy store. I primarily do custom orders.

Different personalities can be reflected in the flowers, and I cater to all budgets. Basic paper flowers are cheaper but are still exquisite. A customer can order 5 flowers or 500, I am always trying to grow and develop, and recently I started doing arches and backdrops. I have also done centerpieces, cake toppers and boutonnieres.

I am really trying to add an artistic element by incorporating flowers into different “scenes” in vases with other pieces of art.

I can work in any color. Sometimes I add color or embellishments in the centers to create something personal. I send samples for large orders so customers know the quality and size of flowers.

To view Balushka’s artwork and for more information, visit: www.balushka.com

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Magic

ADD SOME

TO YOUR

PARTY

Racking your brain for a way to add some extra and unexpected excitement to your wedding? We have the answer. as move from one table to the next to perform the magic tricks with a more personalized touch. We spoke with magician, mind-reader and comedian extraordinaire Josh Beckerman.

Urbanette Magazine: Tell us about your business. How did you get into it and what do you offer?

A

Josh Beckerman: I’m a professional entertainer who intertwines close-up magic, mind-reading, and comedy at events and parties around the world. I’ve been entertaining since I was born and got into magic at the age of four — 28 years ago.

talented professional magician can easily interact with and entertain your guests.

If you take things a step further, and hire a comedic magician, then you’re guests will be guaranteed a memorable time.

“I’m not just doing magic tricks, I really am engaging the audience, and adding humor to mind blowing feats of magic and mind-reading.”

They can perform in front of many people and take center stage, as well

Urbanette: Having a magician at a wedding party can be pretty unusual.

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Why do you think newlyweds should have a magician at their event?

Josh: I really label myself as an entertainer. I don’t think all couples should have magicians at weddings. If you do want some added entertainment besides a DJ and a band, it is a fabulous idea. I do recommend meeting with the magician or entertainer first, to make sure you guys are all on the same wavelength.

Urbanette: You perform at weddings.

Do you have a specific wedding repertoire, or if not, what do you usually bring to this kind of occasion?

Josh: All of the weddings I have entertained at, the couple has booked me for the cocktail hour, and then has asked me to stay for the entire night. I’m not just doing magic tricks, I really am engaging the audience, and adding humor to mind blowing feats of magic and mind-reading. The bride and groom always notice how much fun their guests are having and it’s a great added element to the party.

For more information on Josh Beckerman, the comedic, mind-reading magician, check out www.joshbeckerman.com

WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS

Stress-Free

Party Rentals

I can’t blame any woman on her way to the altar for wanting the most glamorous wedding of all time. However getting there in style and eye popping decor can cost a lot more than a pretty penny.

Fortunately, there is a such thing as a wedding rental service. They provide event necessities, such as chairs, tables, dinnerware, decor and accessories. You choose your theme, they will set it all up, and take it all down.

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t’s best to start your search early so that these experts can take care of all the preparations and setup days before the wedding. You can then focus on looking beautiful and enjoying the rest of the party.

Good companies will offer a wide array of items to choose from, regardless of whether you’re hosting the party indoors or outdoors.

You can rent a variety of items such as tables, tableware, flatware, china, chandeliers, backdrops, curtains and centerpieces.

We speak to Lisa Phillips of Classic Party Rentals, who were

rated the number one rental company in New York City by Zagat, about their services.

Urbanette Magazine: What was the most elaborate wedding party you’ve ever organized and how did you manage it?

Lisa Phillips: The most elaborate wedding involved elements from a Persian bride and a Swiss groom that started at twelve in the afternoon and went until four in the morning.

A very beautiful and elegant Persian ceremony was followed by a Christian ceremony. This was followed by an evening filled with Swiss Alpenhorns, pantomime, dinner and dancing.

At 1am we pulled out the hot dog cart and ice cream sandwich truck for a late night snack.

The most important ingredient in managing an event like this is to create a very specific timeline and do your best to stick to it. The same goes for the preparations.

Urbanette: Do you get unusual requests from clients? What are these and how do you prepare for such kinds of requests?

Lisa: Recently I had a request to do multi-colored chairs for a ceremony in order to create a rainbow theme. We painted over 500 chairs chairs to prepare and the customer was thrilled with the outcome along with their guests.

Urbanette: What do you think are the three most important elements a wedding party should have to be successful?

Lisa: Firstly, do not forget the reason behind this special day. Secondly, if on a budget, decide on the one thing that will make your tabletop special.

Lastly, as the hosts of this big event, please make sure you make your guests are comfortable & happy.

For more information, see www.urbanette.com www.classicpartyrentals.com

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WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS Choosing the right wedding cake and cake designer can be a very challenging task, especially with so many designs and types to choose amongst.

To make the choice even harder is the pressure that comes with the cake being one of the most memorable attractions of any wedding celebration.

But fear not, beautiful brides.

Finding a fantastic cake designer will take away much of the work.

The Perfectly Elegant Cake 182

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WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS

S

o much to think about! Firstly, the cake must match the overall theme and colors of the wedding, so those details should be discussed with the cake designer. Since you’re dealing with a professional who can offer choices presented in very simple and convenient ways, you’ll only need to give general guidelines.

Thankfully, choosing the right wedding cake will help guarantee that your wedding will be memorable. A beautiful cake will look great in photos and impress your guests throughout the celebration.

Aside from the delightful appeal of the creation during the cake-cutting part of the program, guests will also be thrilled about its wonderful taste.

Fortunately, Urbanette was able to obtain a one on one interview, with Brooklyn-based and Paris-educated wedding cake baker and designer Lindsey Gamble, for some insider info on wedding cake protocol!

The granddaughter of a professional recipe tester (and notorious sweet-tooth) and the daughter of an artist, cake is just in Lindsey’s DNA. She moved to Paris and enrolled in Le Cordon Bleu where she graduated in both the culinary and pastry programs, earning their most advanced degree, Le Grand Diplome. She found that her previous experience with drawing, painting and sculpting blended naturally into sculpting cakes and painting sugar flowers.

Lindsey Gamble of Elegantly Iced tells us how a wedding cake can help transform a simple wedding into a very elegant and memorable occasion.

Urbanette Magazine: How do you translate a couple’s vision for their wedding to your cake creations? How do you brainstorm with your clients?

Lindsey Gamble: I work in a lot of different ways with my clients to pull together all their ideas and

“The bride that wanted a cake that was at least 6 feet tall, and then covered in roses! I had to take the cake in pieces along with over 600 pink roses to the site and set everything up there.”

Urbanette: What’s the most challenging order you’ve had and how did you manage it?

translate it into a cake that’s tailored to their event. I always ask that if they have any pictures- of the dress, the venue, flowers, other cakes, etc.– they bring these into the consultation for me to view.

While a couple is in my shop, I also have them go through my portfolios and flag things that spark their interest. We then sit down and discuss all the pictures they may have brought to the meeting, anything they have flagged, as well as their thoughts on the wedding as a whole.

This lets me learn a lot about them and be better equipped to design something that is truly a reflection of the couple and their vision for their wedding.

Lindsey: There are always a lot of challenges that come up with orders, so several come to mind. One of the most challenging with was a bride that wanted a cake that was at least 6 feet tall, and then covered in roses!

The delivery was going outside of the city, so I had to take the cake in pieces along with over 600 pink roses to the site and set everything up there.

Getting everything finished and there in one piece, and then making sure we were set up and cleaned up in the time-window the site gave me was definitely a lot of pressure. In the long run though, it all went off without a hitch!

Urbanette: How are you as a boss? How do you make sure that the people in your team are in the same page as yours?

Lindsey: I try to give people as much information and advance notice of what’s coming up as possible. This lets everyone be on the same page and gives a clearer idea of the big picture for all the orders coming up.

I also have an inspiration board up at all times with the sketches of a cake, as well as other images (Sometimes the floral arrangements that will be at the wedding, the bride’s dress, or fabric swatches for color matching) so that it’s easy to start to form a visual for the finished product.

To view the cakes and for more information, visit: www.elegantlyiced.com

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Choosing The Right Staff For Your Wedding

H

aving responsible staff is key to making your day something close to perfection. They should be able to understand your vision and execute it with little-to-no supervision from you. Leave it to the planner or your trusty person in charge to assign individuals to take care of the details.

One group takes care of flowers and table arrangements, another ushers the guests, and another sets up lights and decor. Cleaning before, during, and after the wedding should be a part of the package deal. We don’t need a bride deprived of her “it’s your day” privileges now, do we?!

With so many eagerly helpful hands around, your wedding will undoubtedly be a smash hit. You and your guests can enjoy the easy flow of things and dive into the fun throughout the wedding. No 184

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Wedding bells sound so delightful — at least when the bride is not a bridezilla.

No bride-to-be wants to be pulling her hair out — or anyone else’s for that matter – she is supposed to be focused on preserving her sanity for the big “I Do.” Running around trying to find the cake knife instead of smiling while she shoves wedding cake into her now-husband’s mouth. The best preventative measure for any bride-to-be is to gather up helpers and put someone trustworthy in charge.

WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS double checking this or that; you can simply be a bride. After all, you deserve to stay relaxed and focus on your groom.

Remember: if it’s great for you, it’s great for your guests.

We don’t need a bride deprived of her “it’s your day” privileges now, do we?!

Aleksandra Kisielewicz tells us about Hamptons Employment Agency and why choosing the right waitstaff on your wedding day matters.

Urbanette Magazine: Tell us about a challenging or unexpected wedding staffing situation you had and how you managed it.

Aleksandra Kisielewicz: It’s not uncommon for unexpected or challenging things happen during a wedding, and that’s why it’s so important to have a well trained, professional staff.

For example, at one wedding that Hamptons Employment Agency staffed, the wedding planner (who was hired separately by our client and was great overall) forgot to order plates for the wedding cake.

One of my event staff members noticed this and advised the other staff members to thoroughly and quickly clean the dinner plates to have them read in time for the cake! My people are always tuned in to the details, which is critical to ensure client happiness.

Urbanette: What is the Hamptons Employment Agency’s general work philosophy and what sets you apart from other firms that also provide staff for weddings and other formal events?

Aleksandra: At Hamptons Employment Agency, we operate our business with an open, positive

perspective that’s grounded in our core values of professionalism, discretion, and integrity. We enjoy working with our clients, and we want them to enjoy working with us as well. One of the main things that sets us apart from other domestic staffing agencies is that we take the time to fully understand our clients’ individual needs and preferences. This enables us to pair each client with staff members who best meet their unique situation.

No bride-to-be wants to be pulling her hair out – or anyone else’s for that matter– running around trying to find the cake knife instead of smiling while she shoves wedding cake into her now-husband’s mouth.

It’s important to point out that most of the waitstaff we place have worked with our agency for a couple years, so we know firsthand that they are proven, reliable professionals.

Urbanette: How do you make sure that your staff are on the same page as yours when it comes to vision and making sure that client’s specifics are met?

Aleksandra: We always make our expectations of staff members totally clear before they work at a wedding or other event.

Our domestic professionals are punctual, polite, professional, and

Urbanette: How do you screen your waitstaff? What are the minimum requirements and what special skills would they need to have to get hired?

Aleksandra: We have a formal, multi-step screening process.

First, we review a candidate’s resume. In the case of a waiter or waitress, they must – at a minimum – have substantial waitstaff experience. If the candidate looks qualified on paper, then we conduct an initial phone interview with them. The candidate must come across as polite and professional for us to continue the screening process. Next, we conduct an in-person interview. If we are interested in placing a candidate with employers, we then check the candidate’s references. People whose references all check out are then placed in our employee database. www.urbanette.com

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WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS eager to do whatever is necessary to help make a client’s event a success.

In addition, we thoroughly and continuously communicate with the staff before and during an event. I take personal responsibility, as do our Placement Specialists, for ensuring that our event staff is on the same page with us. We make sure that each staff member knows the facts of a given event and understands our client’s core needs and preferences.

Lastly, our domestic professionals know that they must follow either 1) the instructions of the client for whom they’re working or 2) those of the client’s main organizer (e.g., the wedding planner).

Urbanette: Besides staffing weddings, what other areas do you focus on?

Aleksandra: Hamptons Employment Agency is a full service domestic staffing company. We place housekeepers, nannies, couples, private chefs, bartenders, senior companions, drivers, personal assistants, and other household staff for one-time, seasonal, and full-time positions.

In terms of our event staffing services, in addition to weddings, we provide personnel for a wide range of other private functions. We’ve staffed dinner parties and other celebrations for many of the Hamptons’ most wellknown residents, including Hollywood actors, mayors, and Fortune 500 CEOs. Whether we’re staffing an event for a famous person or a private, low-profile client, our goal is always the same – to help make our client’s experience as successful and as memorable as we can.

“The best preventative measure for any brideto-be is to gather up helpers and put someone trustworthy in charge.”

To find out more about Hamptons Staffing Agency, go to: www.HamptonsEmployment.com

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WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC && THE HAMPTONS WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC THE HAMPTONS

WEDDING PHOTOS:

Fun Style Looking for something fun to keep your guests entertained?

You’re not the only one. If you’re a modern-day bride looking for new ways to make memories on your special day, we’ve found the answer: a mobile open-air photo booth!

T

he open-air booth can take photos of 3 to 5 people at a time, with or without a backdrop. When the guests step away, their photos will already have been printed and cut with copies for each of them to keep.

The photo service provider will also upload the images on their website.

Having a photo booth only requires the host to direct the guests to step in and have their photos taken. This offers a more cost-effective approach than having several photographers capture different areas and people at the wedding, and can be made fun with props and costumes.

Wondering how to get one? We did the research for you. Omar Lopez has hands-down the best photo booth setup in the New York area. Look forward to getting a collection of formal, fun and wacky shots for everyone to enjoy.

Urbanette Magazine: Photo booths are very ‘in’ nowadays

for weddings (or any other event for that matter). Why should any wedding have a photobooth?

Omar Lopez: The open photo booth is something we started offering very recently after we saw many of our past clients hire a company for the clunky box closed photo booth. We thought to ourselves, we can do it better. Our open photo booth fits groups of people not just 2-3 people like the closed box type. We decided to bring our portable studio equipment to the venue, setup shop and last add props, many props.

It’s a lot of fun and the guests keep the photos which are better than most favors given at weddings. In fact, our clients use the photos as their favors.

We now personalize each photo with the bride & groom’s wedding information. At corporate events we add the company’s logo, etc.

Urbanette: Have you ever had to work with an unusual client request or wedding location?

How did you manage this?

Omar: Destination weddings are fun but hard at the same time.

Most of the time you cannot scout the location unless you fly to the country and know the exact location where the event will take place. We flew to Barranquilla, Colombia to photograph a wedding in this beautiful

old fort which sits on a cliff. It was very windy and the fort didn’t have a ceiling. Despite the conditions, we got some amazing pictures which are very much featured in our studio.

“…On top of all that, you could see dark clouds quickly approaching on the horizon, so I knew our time was limited…”

One of the most memorable weddings we covered was actually a destination wedding for a same sex couple. It was in the Dominican Republic on the beach. The couple had a security guard actually escort one of the brides from the hotel room all the way to the beach where the wedding took place. On top of all that, you could see dark clouds quickly approaching on the horizon, so I knew our time was limited. Luckily there were no incidents, just many locals looking and cheering for the same sex couple and it started raining just as the couple walked down the isle after they kissed.

It was memorable because for all that could have gone wrong, and by some stroke of luck nothing actually did. The reception was indoors and the weather passed very quickly.

You can reach Omar at www.omarlopez.net or 917-300-9461 www.urbanette.com

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Fairyfolk

What does Fairyfolk make you think of? Magical people with sparkly fairy dust shimmering on every surface of their clothing and skin? Well, these wedding favors and decorations are so charming that you could almost believe that they were made by real fairy folks.

Wedding Boutique

W

edding favors and decorations are amongst the array of handmade items that Donna “Donni” Webber creates.

As an artist, Donni feels deeply connected to the mediums she works with, that are warm and natural materials rich in texture.

Her special attention to detail provides an aura of magical energy that surrounds her crafts. Felting and needlework are signatures of the Fairyfolk collection. Recognizing the magic in the details of a bride’s special day, Donni works to achieve a reflection of that magic in her art.

“I’m inspired by little glimpses of magic, the soft glittering of the morning light, the emerald green of a mossy place.”

Donni welcomes and thrives on custom orders online at Fairyfolk Wedding Boutique. Her desire is to provide creations that will not only satisfy, but exceed, a bride’s 188

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expectations for the décor that is to surround her on her wedding day.

To get a better understanding of this magical business, we got to ask Donni a few personal questions…

Urbanette Magazine: Fairyfolk Weddings handmade decor is unique and detailed; you even describe it as ‘magical’ - your inspiration seems to come from love of nature and the ‘magic’ of nature; how did that come to inspire a business geared toward weddings?

Donni Webber: I am inspired by little glimpses of magic, the soft glittering of the morning light, the emerald

green of a mossy place. A wedding is such a magical day and there are many special details that can add to the enchanting feeling of love and romance. Many small details can make such a huge difference.

Urbanette: You pride yourself on details; what has been the most thrilling and challenging request submitted to you to date?

Donni: I created the table decorations for a wedding that had 300 guests. The venue was in a wooded area and the bride and groom wanted an Enchanted Woodland theme. Oh… it was

WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS magical. Hundreds of tiny vine nest escort cards with little speckled robins eggs nestled inside them, showing each guest where to sit at the huge rustic tables. Red toadstools hanging from the mossy branches of the trees.

Mossy centerpieces with splashes of yellow felted Craspedia flowers.

There were fairy lights everywhere.

The natural hues of the moss and woods with the splashes of reds and yellows and blues from my felted goodies was truly enchanting.

“To me, everything in nature is inspiring and magical.”

Urbanette: You have a vast array of products for someone’s special wedding day – can you give us an overview?

Donni: I work with natural materials like wood and vine and felted wool. Everything has a soft and romantic feeling to it. I specialize in table settings and decorations, felted wool bridal bouquets, colorful and unique boutonnieres for the groom, enchanting and magical ring pillows and beautiful felted garlands and wedding cake toppers. To me, everything in nature is inspiring and magical.

Urbanette: What are your favorite items to craft and why?

Donni: I love making the crocheted lace and vine nest ring-pillows. Felting wool in to the little hearts that the rings will sit upon for the wedding ceremony is a deep honor for me.

As I work and shape the wool, I think of the lovers whose symbols of commitment will sit upon the heart I am creating and I wish them love and happiness and true beauty in their lives together. I feel the magic that their union has created in the world and humbled by it. I truly love what I do.

For more information and other items made by Fairyfolk, visit www.fairyfolkweddings.etsy.com

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I

f you want to hold on to your wedding memories in a way that no other medium can offer, you’ll need a talented videographer. Watching your happy faces, friends and family’s speeches, and the most touching moments of your wedding years later is a great way to reconnect with those emotions. You’ll want a videographer who is creative, experienced in creating cinematic videos, and passionate about ensuring that your big day is captured perfectly. To help you understand what what makes a wedding video great and what elements should be present for the film to be nothing less than perfect, we spoke to Michael Justin of Michael Justin Films.

YOUR

MEMORIES IN TECHNICOLOR

Urbanette Magazine: Pre-nuptial and post-nuptial videos are a big thing nowadays. How do you prepare for pre-nups and how do you brainstorm with your clients to get exactly what they want?

Michael Justin: We’ve definitely seen an increase in interest for pre-nuptial films over the last three years. The process and involvement for these types of films differs greatly – sometimes couples come in with a vision of what they want which we use as the starting point of collaboration; sometimes they look for creative direction that we 190

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provide. Regardless, it’s a joint effort to create a unique and entertaining film that represents the couple and delivers their message of love and commitment. Since there is no set structure to these types of films, it opens up opportunities to get creative – which is what we love!

to intimate videos like weddings?

Michael: We love storytelling and it’s the driving force behind everything we create. We pride ourselves in giving our couples more than just a recap of their day. We use artistic cinematography and editing, emotional voiceovers and harmonizing music to tell their stories.

Urbanette: How much of a video is inspired by the client’s vision and how I believe our success is due to much of it is your brand? What is the Michael Justin brand when it comes the relationships we create with

WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS our clients and our ability to tell their stories in a way others don’t.

Whether that’s through the extra time we take getting to know our clients before, during, and after the wedding, their personal stories we include in their films or our noncookie cutter approach to editing – we’re passionate about creative cinematic storytelling and our clients can see that in our films.

“If the film isn’t well received with smiles, laughs, or our ultimate aspiration – tears – we go back to the editing bay and work on the story.”

Urbanette: What was your most memorable shoot?

Michael: We’ve filmed in some pretty amazing places around the country ranging from high end estates in Texas, to the first ever wedding held at the House of Blues in Orlando, to a really intimate ceremony of ten people in Central Park (and everywhere in between).

To me, what makes a shoot truly memorable are the unexpected moments that happen out of pure love and elation that we just happen to be fortunate enough to capture.

Such a moment happened between one of our couples almost three years ago. After a very moving ceremony and being announced husband and wife, they exited down the aisle and out the back to another room. Not knowing they were being filmed and forgetting they were still mic’d, they pulled each other in close, started crying in each other’s arms, and whispered some of the sweetest things I’ve ever heard. It was such an intimate, powerful moment that I almost felt bad recording it. A few months later after the couple got their film, I received a phone call from the bride and as she fought through tears she told me how grateful she was to have that moment captured.

Urbanette: What do you think are the Urbanette: What should a top three elements a wedding video wedding video NOT have? should have for it to be a success?

Michael: A wedding film is very personal, so it is difficult to identify Michael: Our top priority in the specific elements that should not be films we create is to evoke emotion included. It really comes down to in our viewers. We want the person the preference of the couple and the watching to feel connected to the style they like. For a Michael Justin story and end their experience with Films wedding film, however, you’ll a positive reaction. We achieve that never see impromptu questions by sticking to a few general rules. asked to guests – like most wedding films from the 80’s and 90’s – cheesy “Our top priority in the special effects like star swipes or films we create is to evoke picture in picture, and you’ll never emotion in our viewers.” see a film with little to no story.

First, we keep our films short and powerful. By keeping them between five and twenty minutes, it ensures we use only the best moments from the day. This keeps the story moving and interesting. Second, we keep the balance of natural audio, music, and voice overs in harmony, not allowing one to dominate the film. And finally, we make it a priority to borrow a few minutes from the bride and groom on the wedding day to give them a chance to reflect on the day and their love for each other. It winds up being some of the most moving and emotional content we capture.

I know I’ve mentioned it a lot, but making sure our films accurately represent the story of our couples is paramount. Before a film ever reaches our client, it goes through a rigorous quality control period – mostly close women and men who understand our brand that watch and critique the art. If the film isn’t well received with smiles, laughs, or our ultimate aspiration – tears – we go back to the editing bay and work on the story.

To view samples, check out www.michaeljustinfilms.com www.urbanette.com

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ood is one of the most important things to consider when preparing for your rehearsal dinner and wedding reception, which is why you should only rely on a catering company that you’re sure is professional and established. For Hilary Rowland, this was Artaux.

“Choosing the right wedding caterer takes away the hassle of having to worry about what to serve your guests.” says Hilary, “We were lucky to have Artaux recommended to us by a friend. They not only made the menu selection process easy, but the quality of food was incredible.

We got a lot of compliments from our guests about the food.”

Finding a good caterer will mean reviewing their background and experience, as well as browsing through their menu. Excellent catering services will put a lot of attention into details and include all the necessary elements. They’ll work with your party rental company to make sure you have all the correct silverware and plates. They’ll provide a variety of tasty dishes that will suit different palates including those with particular preferences like vegetarians. They’ll let you choose between a buffet or traditionally formal setup. In short, they make it easy for you to get what you want.

“Artaux made the process of organizing the wedding so much easier than it could have been.

They gave us a huge menu, and we picked what we liked.

It turned out perfectly. They came, catered, and left without a trace - even though they had an elaborate gourmet barbecue setup. It was quite impressive!”

We talk to Chef James Muir of Artaux Catering to find out why a caterer’s role is very important to having a successful wedding event.

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Your Wedding Chef

WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS

Urbanette Magazine: When did you decide that you wanted to get into the catering business?

What was your inspiration?

Chef James Muir: I decided I wanted to go into catering two years ago. I had worked in restaurants and hotels for 15 years, and decided to open up my own business, not being sure whether that business was going to be a restaurant.

“Before starting up, I did a lot of research. The general consensus from the people I spoke to was that Caterers offer food that is mediocre.

Most caterers would end up serving the same things at parties, over and over again.”

We don’t overwhelm our clients with a long list of ingredients for each dish. Instead, we focus on sourcing the finest ingredients and using the best cooking techniques.

That’s our recipe for success.

Urbanette: How would you describe a perfect and successful catering job?

James: The perfect catering job, most importantly, is when all of the guests are blown away by the food and service, and you notice a sense of pride on the host.

A successful catering job is when the event that was planned weeks

or even months before, to the last detail, runs like clockwork. When everyone knows where they have to be and what they have to do, and they execute flawlessly in an environment that is not filled with stress. I don’t think events go well when the staff is stressed out and the chef is yelling at everyone.

“As caterers, we are entertainers, we put on the show, and even if we think we are behind the scenes, someone is always watching.”

Urbanette: What was your most challenging catering order and how did you manage it?

James: The most challenging catering orders are generally when there are additional requests as we get closer to the event itself.

Urbanette: Catering jobs largely rest on the client’s wants and expectations. How do you brainstorm with your clients to make sure that what they have in mind is translated perfectly into your setup?

James: I love to meet with clients in person. I think now-a-days, especially with how quickly email can be sent back and forth, it’s incredibly important to try and meet with the client in person andtalk about what their vision is for the event. The face to face interaction usually leads to a back and forth of different ideas. You get to know what people love and hate, and through different questions, you can start to build the event.

Of course, its normal for things to change and evolve as you plan an event. Often, it’s the questions out of left field (so to speak) that at first seem challenging that lead us to a fantastic place where we never would’ve gone.

“Even when an event is planned to the last detail, we always arrive expecting something to change, expecting something to go wrong; so if it ever does, we won’t be caught off guard.”

Check Artaux Catering out at

www.artaux.net, or call them at 646-510-4579 www.urbanette.com

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The True Meaning of

Wedding Bliss

Most brides are too busy thinking about the dress, decor and music, to think too hard about their guests. Don’t be one of those brides! Want to know what’ll really make your guests absolutely adore you, and have a more relaxing, fun time? I’ll tell you what; Having several massage chairs set up with talented women giving your guests relaxing massages.

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hair massages are a great and new idea brides are indulging in to give a fun and relaxed vibe at their wedding day event or reception. I corresponded with Vivian Salazar of Spreading Love Through Touch to get a little more insider info on her business how her business is thriving in the modern-day wedding world.

Urbanette Magazine: Massage therapy is a tricky business – so many people have preconceived notions of whether they like massages or not without ever having experienced a massage!

How do you reach out to people who are leery of massage therapy?

Vivian Salazar: I agree with you.

Massage can be a tricky business however that’s not the norm. Most people love getting massages. The disconnect I find is that too many people view it as a luxury and not a necessity. The way I combat that is by educating people that massage is simply maintenance on the body. You should treat your body the way you would a luxury car. The better you maintain it, the longer and better it will run.

To me massage is like a regular oil change and I recommend all my

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clients get a massage once a month if they can, but at the very least every three months-every season.

There are countless benefits to getting regular massages including: improving circulation, increasing your immune function, decreasing stress, rehabilitation from injury and the list goes on and on. But perhaps the greatest benefit to massage is the TLC! I have made many a “leery” person a total believer just because it feels so darn good!

Urbanette: How did you come to realize that you could incorporate your efforts into personal events, such as weddings?

Vivian: I’m of the belief that massage should be getting out there in any way possible. Seated massage is the best way because it allows people to be able to get shorter massage sessions without having to take anything off. In this way you are not limited the spa or medical environment.

You can incorporate massage pretty much into any setting. I’ve seen it done in trade shows and corporate atmospheres. I wanted to think outside of the box and I thought, why not incorporate seated massage to corporate parties and weddings. It brings something different, special, and memorable to these events.

Urbanette: What are the benefits of having massage services at an event such as a wedding?

Vivian: At some of the events my company has provided seated massage for, the guests had never experienced that at any other party or event they had been to and they loved it.

I feel our services bring that extra something that will make the event stand out from others. We bring something totally different and enjoyable on a whole other level than just good music and food!

Visit Vivian and her team at www.SpreadingLoveThroughTouch.com

WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS

Custom Bow Ties

by Gigi It’s your special day and you’ll have everything match if you want, thank-you-verymuch. And yes, you’re totally normal to want that. After all, purple is your favorite color, and this will be your favorite day!

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or those of us who need all the male staff or all the groomsmen to match our wedding colors on our special day, we should look no further than Gigi. Custom bow ties Handmade by Gigi is that special and unique touch that many brides desire for their special day.

Owner and artist, Jennifer Eubanks, offers a wide array of options for brides to dress her bridal party. As a South Carolina native, Jennifer’s southern charm is demonstrated through her ability to customize accessories for any occasion.

“Patterns, textures, and colors allow each individual to be involved in someone’s special day. They become a beautiful piece of the larger whole. Custom made items are exactly what ‘tie’ the event and people together!”

I had the special privilege of corresponding with Jennifer to learn a bit more about her recently started business and just how much fun she is having. There’s little doubt this southern charmer will continue to guide Gigi further down the road of success.

Urbanette Magazine: Handmade

by Gigi offers an array of handmade items. Tell us a little bit about those and the favorite ones you make and distribute.

Jennifer Eubanks: We began with a focus on pre-tied toddler bow ties and hair bows, mostly because of my love for dressing up my 2 year old son and 3 year old niece in matching accessories. We very quickly grew in order to meet the demand for adult bow ties, suspenders, pocket squares, bridesmaid sashes, and our newest item cummerbunds.

If I was forced to pick a favorite item it would have to be the adult self-tie bow tie in silk dupioni. I just love a well dressed man, and it’s hard to beat a silk bow tie.

Urbanette: Tell us how your handmade items have provided brides with a new and different theme for their weddings: Jennifer: Since our products are made to order, our company allows brides to have exactly what they want and how they want it. We work with them to find the perfect fabrics and patterns. Brides have a vision and overall ‘feeling’ they are trying to achieve with their colors and patterns. Knowing that someone specially made something for you, or your wedding party makes it that much more special.

Urbanette: One last thing; How did you come up with the name “Handmade by Gigi”??

Jennifer: Well, I wanted people to know that each item is made by myself with my complete attention,

and thus they are “handmade”.

As for Gigi… When my nephew was learning to talk he couldn’t pronounce “Jenny” and it came out Gigi! The monkier stuck and that’s what my family calls me now.

To get your own handmade ties, please visit www.handmadebygigi.com www.urbanette.com

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PERMANENT

Wedding Flowers

Putting together the wedding day décor is simply one of the most enjoyable aspects of any bridal event. Tradition may play a large part, but there is a point when necessity ends and fun begins!

another aspect to boast of.

Urbanette Magazine: Your business offers an array of designs to choose from. Flower arrangements and bouquets are a typical part of a bride’s special day. What types of arrangements and bouquets do you design?

Morgann Hill: I absolutely love creating custom wedding bouquets and arrangements for my brides.

When a couple gets engaged, I think one of the top five things they start thinking about is the flowers. Most brides are very specific about the flowers they like, the colors, and how they want their bouquet to look. I am overjoyed to be able to create a very special, one of a kind bouquet for each and every one of my brides – it is truly an honor!

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ilk flowers are a great way to keep a beautiful piece of your wedding forever. Moreover, if your centerpieces are made of silk flowers, you don’t have to worry about water spilling, or flowers wilting in the sun. You can order them well in advance of your wedding, so you’ll know exactly what they’ll look like, instead of potential surprises on your wedding day. And the best part

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is that you can give them away to your favorite guests as a permanent reminder of your and your wedding.

Morgann Hill Designs silk flower bouquets culminating from rustic to southern to vintage to shabby chic. Collaborating with her business partner and husband, Morgann puts together the arrangements by hand, while maintaining an ecofriendly status, giving her patrons

I always search high and low for the best quality, most ornate and simply breathtaking silk flowers I can find – even sometimes creating my own flowers when needed. Whether the bride only is in need of a bridal bouquet for herself or bouquets for the entire bridal party and centerpieces, I am happy to create enough bouquets for the entire celebration.

Urbanette: What trends for flowers and bouquets have you seen since you began?

Morgann: We are known for our signature rustic chic style. When we started creating wedding designs in 2011 the term rustic chic was

WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS

“Anything personal you can add to your bouquet or flower arrangements really makes a statement!”

still rather young. I love wrapping the stems of bouquets in natural elements like burlap or grapevines or adding vintage costume jewelry to my bouquets. Adding an engraved wood heart charm with the bride and grooms initials to the bride bouquet I think is just adorable.

Anything personal you can add to your bouquet or flower arrangements really makes a statement and truly makes a wedding unique and special – extra cozy and warm!

Urbanette: Custom orders are welcomed on your site – have you had a favorite that eventually became one of your featured designs?

Morgann: I do adore creating custom orders. Because our business is based on creating handmade wedding designs essentially all of our orders are custom. I can’t say that I have a true favorite design but the more unique and one-of-a-kind the better. When a bride or wedding

planner comes to me with a very creative design idea I love rolling with it and adding my own special touches to their creativity. I always know when a bride is madly in love when she brings me a design to create that she has been dreaming about for years and years. These custom designs are my favorite.

Urbanette: When did you get into this business?

Morgann: I have been dabbling in arts and crafts since I was a young child – from hand sewing clothes for my Barbie dolls to creating mixed media wall collages as a teen. I have always had a love for handmade goods. I find wonder in things that people could design and create from their imagination.

After my first child was born I had an overwhelming desire to nest and create and to be home with my new son as much as possible.

To fulfill this desire my husband Kyle and I started creating wedding decor in my small craft room. After a few months of selling our designs on Etsy, our small craft business took a fabulous spin and started growing leaps and bounds. Now nearly three years later we’ve built a brand we are amazingly proud of.

Urbanette: Where do you see florals going in the future?

Morgann: Flower arrangements that incorporate personal touches and recycled elements I believe will continue to gain popularity. Wedding centerpieces created in beautiful old tins or bridal bouquets wrapped in a cutting from the bride’s mother’s wedding dress. These details are so personal and touching. Any creative twist you can bring to a traditional floral design is great.

You can find Morgan Hill Designs online at http://www.etsy.com/people/braggingbags www.urbanette.com

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The New York Tent Company Every girl has seen the movie Father of the Bride, and dreamed of how her wedding would be a mirror image of the beautifully draped and specially lit tents that gave a soft and romantic glow while the guests mingled, allowing for a perfect social arena to cap the day’s events.

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he New York Tent Company makes those dreams come true, with endless possibilities for designs and styles. “Exceptional” is just the word to describe this established and wellknown company. Offering quality and personalized services, The New York Tent Company is the pick of the industry to allow you to create an atmosphere on your wedding day that you’d only dreamed of.

President of The New York Tent Company, Steve Trebing, understands what it means to give brides a unique experience on their wedding day, by creating scenes that are personal and innovative. Offering an array of tents, flooring, accessories, and custom work, they are a shining star in the world of event planning.

Urbanette Magazine: Tell us about the New York Tent Company and how you got started.

Steve Trebing: We’re a family owned and operated business servicing the Long Island and Tristate area for the past 16 years. The company began with one tent and a pick-up truck in the back of a flower shop and has grown into one of the premier tent rental companies in the industry. Today we offer over 1000 198

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tents and hundreds of accessories.

Urbanette: What types of tents do you provide, and what are the most popular tents requested for weddings?

Steve: The New York Tent company is a full service tent rental company providing high peak pole tents, frame tents, structures, lighting, tables, chairs and much more. The hi-peak pole tents are very popular for weddings however when the tent has a high wind exposure it’s a safer to use a wind rated frame tent. For the majority of events, we can choose from our vast inventory to supply a tent that fits your needs.

However, the most common issue is when the land is not level. That is when we bring in our level floor system to fix the problem. As one can imagine, this opens the door to event spaces one had only dreamed of.

Urbanette: How long does it to set up a tent?

Steve: Since every order is unique, the installation time varies greatly from one installation to another.

Some tents and events are basic and only take a few hours while other are incredibly complex and require a week or more to build.

The entire design of the event needs to be spelled out so the tent company is familiar with the time line and completes the install with enough time for the other teams to complete their task. Since our products can create any setting from a trendy rooftop lounge to an elegant formal wedding, it is crucial that the whole team be in contact.

Urbanette: Beyond providing tents, what else do you provide, specifically for wedding clients?

Steve: The New York Tent Company can help transform any space into something magical. If our clients do not have enough space, we can even cover their swimming pool, build a floor on a hill, or transform the tent into a glass building with heat for a New Year’s Party. If you can dream it, we can build it.

For more about The New York Tent Company, check out www.nytent.com

WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS

The Piece de Resistance Aaaaaahhh, Perfection….

The Piece de Resistance can only be described as it is officially defined: the Pièce de Ré·sis·tance noun \pē-es də rə-zē-’stän(t)s\ 1. the outstanding item (prize piece or main exhibit) in a collection: showpiece 2. the most important dish of a meal

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ourmet, custom sugar cookies are The PDR! Sugar cookies may not be anything new, but the creativity and detail in The PDR’s cookies sure are. Birmingham, Alabama-based baker Syrah Gilley has recently combined her knowledge from design education and her love of all things culinary to create these little drops of heaven.

Syrah’s appreciation for art and cooking shine through each batch of hand-made cookies. The artist in her allows her yummy creations to provide satisfaction to the plethora of attendees of holiday parties, celebrations, and weddings. Depending on the event, PDR will provide cookie creations to emphasize any theme.

Urbanette Magazine: The name, Piece de Resistance is so charming. Where did the French influence come from?

Syrah Gilley: Thank you! The name comes from a French phrase that means “the outstanding item, the most important dish of a meal.” I’ve always loved the phrase, and when I started baking cookies, I realized

it described exactly what I wanted my sweets to be. The French truly value every aspect of food and the experiences shared around it. They take pains to ensure each item is made from the best ingredients and with utmost care. I have always admired that and strive to achieve that same appreciation.

Urbanette: How did you get into baking?

Syrah: When I first started baking at home, I was cooking in my absolute favorite restaurant here in Birmingham. I started with gingerbread cookies around the holidays and posted them on Etsy.

They were a huge hit so I continued to create more designs and recipes to sell year round. It kept growing little by little until my hobby became a business. I love knowing I’m making a unique item made

with the freshest ingredients and attention to detail that surpasses any you’ve ever tried before it.

Urbanette: You are keen on “local” products, production, ingredients, etc. Why is this such an important facet of your business?

Syrah: The flavor you get from freshly harvested produce is worlds above anything you can buy at your big box grocer. I think the best example of this is tomatoes. If you taste a tomato grown in your backyard (or down the road) you’ll realize it has a juicy, bright, spectrum of flavors. You can taste this freshness that doesn’t come in mass-produced tomatoes shipped a week ago that were picked before ripening. Not only does local produce taste better, in most cases it has more nutrients, has been treated with less chemicals, and uses less fuel to get from farm to kitchen.

Buying local reaches far beyond produce as well. Buying anything produced in your community keeps your money local, the more you fuel your own community the more successful it will be. A successful community has plenty of businesses, big and small, that can nurture local skills sets and talent. Which in turn creates more fulfilling jobs.

This domino effect can turn the economy of a community around, and when achieved in multiple communities, it will boost our national economy. So buy local!

PDR can be reached through www.urbanette.com www.pdrsweets.com

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Adventurous

The Officiant to the Rescue

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s any bride knows, the officiant is an absolutely essential piece of the wedding puzzle. But finding that special officiant – you know, the one that makes you feel like instant best friends – is tougher than it sounds. If you want to get married in multiple languages or in unusual conditions (skydiving marriage, anyone?), it’s even harder to find.

Thankfully, you’ve got Urbanette to rely on, and we found the perfect wedding officiant for you. Kimberly Worley answers a few questions about the craziest weddings she’s officiated.

Urbanette Magazine: You have officiated some of the most interesting (and odd) wedding rites and in effect created a niche for yourself for unique New York weddings. How extraordinary have the rites been since you started?

Kimberly Worley: I have officiated weddings in six different languages (Thai, Italian, and French to name a few). I’ve officiated weddings in a jail, on the stairs in Times Square, at the Top of the Rock, on a boat in front of Statue of Liberty, all over Central Park, and in so many of our beautiful hotels and specialized venues all over the city.

The quirkiest one I have officiated, was a wedding where I performed the wedding scene from the Princess Bride. They all unique in their own right and been so much fun. We 200

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WEDDING VENDOR GUIDE: NYC & THE HAMPTONS to plan when you don’t live here.

love New York, and all the unique people that live and come here for their own one of a kind ceremony.

“I love the Serbian tradition where the groom has to shoot an apple out of tree with a rifle in order to win the right to marry the bride.”

I love hearing stories of people who found love later in life, over the internet, after loses, or over long distances. It gives me a sense of hope that everyone can find love at any time in their lives and despite any barriers that might seem too big to overcome.

Urbanette: How do you incorporate specific cultural or special preferences by the couple?

“I’ve officiated weddings in a jail, on the stairs in Times Square, at the Top of the Rock…”

Urbanette: You’ve done weddings in languages you don’t even speak. Can you tell us about this experience?

Kimberly: One of the best things about NYC is all the cultures here.

I have officiated ceremonies with just a few sentences in another language and others with the whole ceremony in another language. I just write it out phonetically and practice and practice. I have done an entire ceremony in Italian and I did not speak a word of it. I actually received compliments on my Italian accent, which was really nice to hear because you always want to provide the best memories for people. It no doubt raises my anxiety level and I get many strange glares from my husband and son at first but now they know it’s just part of my crazy fun job.

“It gives me a sense of hope that everyone can find love at any time in their lives and despite any barriers that might seem too big to overcome.”

Urbanette: How involved are you

with the entire wedding process?

How much assistance do you give to foreign couples eloping?

Kimberly: I am very involved in the wedding process, especially when the couple does not have a planner.

I’ve done this so many times that, coming from being a teacher, I have no problem directing traffic, calming the bride, and telling everyone where to stand and what to do. It always really puts my brides at ease when they have someone that help them out with all the decisions and last minute surprises that arise.

I give couples great suggestions of wonderful vendors I have worked with all over the city and all the venues I have encountered. I also love the idea of using Etsy.com.

They have so many wonderful and creative wedding items. It’s so hard to plan a wedding when you don’t live here. I work with couples who live out of the state and out of the country all the time. I sometimes feel like a wedding planner when I am dealing with couples who don’t live here. It’s really nice to know that I have helped make it a more relaxing experience, I know it can be stressful

Kimberly: Every culture has great wedding traditions. Many couples like to incorporate small aspects into their ceremony rather than the whole ceremony. I love the Serbian tradition where the groom has to shoot an apple out of tree with a rifle in order to win the right to marry the bride. We really can’t do that tradition here in NYC. There are so many interesting ones that I get to learn about. Couples also are coming up with great new and creative ideas all the time. I tell couples all the time that they should do exactly what they want, it is great to be original because it makes it into your own wedding.

Urbanette: Have you encountered “objections” by third parties to the couples during the ceremony?

Kimberly: Luckily, I’ve never had any objections. I wouldn’t have wording in any of my ceremonies that asks if anyone objects to the ceremony.

That would be so horrible for someone to do that, even as a joke.

Urbanette: What is your dream wedding?

Kimberly: I would love to marry a couple in a helicopter, or sky diving.

For more about Kimberly Worley and her wedding officiant services, visit www.officiantnyc.com www.urbanette.com

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