August/September 2012
Design for love and passion
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Contents MAGAZINE TEMPLATE LAYOUT 02
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PUBLISHERS NOTE: (S)HE WON’T GO...
SIGNS OF ABUSE
04 HALLOWEEN PARTY
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PUBLISHER’S NOTES What to do when (S)he won’t go
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STOP ABUSE Learn the Signs of an Abusive Relationship
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HALLOWEEN PARTY: Spice it up and make an unforgettable celebration this year
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COOL CRAFTS: New, fun ideas for your kids costumes or home decor.
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06 COOL CRAFTS
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DREAM INVASION: Break through your limitations and gain direction on reachable goals
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LOVE FACES: Into the world of Dr. Jekyll vs. Mr. Hyde
COUNSELING TODAY: Building
the Ties that Bind
12 DR. JYKELL/MR. HYDE
pages
Full of dynamic
parenting support!
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www.yourdomain.com “October is Domestic Violence awareness month, join UP Magazine as we shed light on solutions”
Issue 02 - Spring 2012
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Urban Parenting Magazine
DREAM INVASION
Published 11 times a year by Urban Parenting Magazine LLC., in West Palm Beach, FL. Editorial submissions and reader correspondence are welcome. We reserve the right to edit, reject or comment on any material submitted. We are not responsible for the return of unsolicited material. Urban Parenting Magazine is available online and at numerous locations within diverse communities free of charge. Publication and distribution of the magazine does not constitute an endorsement of information, products or services. The publisher reserves the right to reject any advertisement or listing which is not in keeping with the magazine’s standards. Copyright 2013. All rights reserved. Any reproduction in whole or in part is prohibited without written permission.
Publisher Wilson Manigat
20 COUNSELING TODAY
Editor-in-Chief Debbie Manigat Founded by Wilson and Debbie Manigat in 2013
How to Contact Us Website: UrbanParentingMagazine.com Email: info@urbanparentingmagazine. com Office: (954) 560-8326
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Correspondence: Urban Parenting Magazine P.O. Box 222911 West Palm Beach FL 33422
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URBAN PARENTING MAGAZINE OCT
Publisher
The
in his own humble words
Often times in life we hear the words “Domestic Violence” and it always seems to be a touchy subject; taboo even. We all tend have our ways of stereotyping this term and the impacted victims as grizzly headlines, or self-destructive individuals that were “damaged goods” to begin with. We look at their situation and think confidently to ourselves that, “if it were me, I’d just leave”. Or maybe we subconsciously think that if a victim of domestic violence doesn’t leave that somehow it’s their fault for staying. But in all honesty, who chooses to intentionally get into a relationship constructed for the sole purpose of being destroyed by someone? The sad reality is that domestic violence is way more common than we would care to fathom. 1 out of 3 women in their lifetime will suffer through some sort of abuse or stalking; but it doesn’t stop there. The big misunderstanding about this dynamic is that Domestic Violence is no respecter of creed, color, age, religion or gender- it affects EVERYBODY. Every year, at least 15 million children suffer through domestic violence! So why can’t they just leave? As an individual who has worked extremely close with this population, I find this question very sad and troubling because as easy as it sounds, there are severe dangers of leaving an abuser. Normally the final step in most domestic violence patterns is to be killed. Over 70 percent of domestic violence murders happen after the victim ends the relationship and has “gotten out”.
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(S)he Won’t Go... As I sit here writing this manifesto of sorts, I can only pray that your eyes will be opened to the daily realities that a greater majority of people face. I write this open letter hoping that we can break the silence that hovers over our society and possibly save the life of a loved one from enduring such pain and terror. Maybe you’re thinking, “that’ll never happen to me” but I promise you that in the time it takes you to read this letter, abuse could be affecting your daughter, your mother, your brother, your sister or your best friend right now. So I implore you today to break the silence! Abuse only strives in silence. I am here to tell you that you have the power to end domestic violence by simply shining a spotlight on it. Help show abuse the light of day by talking about it with your children, co-workers, friends and family. Recast survivors as wonderful, loveable people with full futures. Recognize the early signs of violence. Together we can make our beds, our dinner tables and our families the safe and peaceful oasis they should be. Choosing to Breaking the Silence,
Wilson Manigat Publisher
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Signs of an
Abusive
Relationship ...it’s common for the one who’s being abused to avoid contact with others and hardly ever go out in public for fun...
T
he sad truth is that numerous women around the globe are in abusive relationships with men who need psychological assistance. So, what you need to know is how to spot common signs of an abusive relationship. In reality your close friend, co-worker, sibling or even child could be afflicted by an abusive relationship at some point or another in their lives. Now, you may be wondering what this has to do with you. Well, it’s essentially up to you to spot these typical signs of an abusive relationship so that you can help them get out of it and away from the abuser. Sadly many women end up staying in these awful situations for years.
Different kinds of Abuse There’s physical abuse, which commonly concerns striking and injuring the victim; there’s verbal/ emotional abuse, which generally means that the abuser is bashing the one they’re with by using derogatory or negative terms; and there’s also sexual abuse, which involves any type of sexual force on a spouse, girlfriend or child. Any of these types of abuse can prove fatal, depending upon the circumstances and severity. As a good friend, sibling, parent or acquaintance, it’s crucial for you to be able to spot the signs of an abusive relationship. Some common signs of an abusive relationship to look out for are; the abused individual is meek or timid, the abused individual lacks friends;
it’s common for the one who’s being abused to avoid contact with others and hardly ever go out in public for fun; the abused party will often bare bruises of some sort, but probably try to hide them with clothing or make up; lack of appetite is common for someone being abused; the abused party may look tired, depressed or warn out; the one being abused may additionally spend a great deal of time at home, kept in solitude from the world. These are all signs of an abusive relationship and can be spotted if you keep your eyes open. It’s important to remember that an abused woman can not always help herself, due to her situation; therefore it’s up to you to do something if you feel there’s abuse occurring. Their life could literally depend on it!
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How to Throw an Unfortgettable Halloween Party Halloween probably has more parties than almost any other day, second perhaps to New Years. People of all ages love to dress up and pretend they’re someone else for a night. Most people end up with more than one invitation to Halloween parties and have to choose one of them to attend. If you’re thinking of throwing a Halloween party, how do you convince people to choose yours over the others? A creative, unique theme is the first step.
Some other theme ideas include: - crazy hat party - decade party (60’s, 70’s, 80’s, etc) - murder mystery - favorite cartoon character - pirate party - “future” party (everyone comes as themselves in 25 years, for example)
Most people don’t plan a theme beyond “wear a costume” at When you’re planning your party, one of the most Halloween. Just giving your party a more specific theme will important things is the menu. Food is always an important help it stand out from the crowd. part of any party. You can choose the traditional “spooky” type of Hallowen party and have everyone come as their favorite ghost, horror movie character or monster.
It could be a full meal or just finger foods, but be creative with what you serve. Try to work the food into the theme of the party.
A spooky party will probably be one of the easiest to find party favors and decorations for, since that tends to be the most common theme for Halloween.
For example, you could make some ladyfingers that actually look like severed fingers.
There are lots of other themes you can try, however. What about a famous couples party, where everyone comes as a famous couple? Or maybe a movie theme night, where everyone comes as their favorite Star Wars character for example. PAGE
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If you start to plan your party early, you’ll leave yourself lots of time to get everything organized. Get some help from friends or family if you need it, and remember - planning the party is half the fun!
URBAN PARENTING MAGAZINE OCT
For the Adults
The first thing to consider when choosing a sexy costume is where you are planning to wear it. If you are not going to leave the house, then a harem bikini costume might be perfect. If you are, you may want to opt for a she devil or mermaid costume, but then again, you may not. This leads us to the next factor to consider when choosing a sexy costume, your individual personality. Are you confident, daring, and possess a little bit of a wild streak? If so, why not try a sexy nurse, French maid, harem or slave girl costume? Are you a little more inhibited? A mermaid costume, or a costume that covers a little more of your body might be more appropriate for you.
Choosing the Perfect Sexy Halloween Costume
Whether you decide to bare a little or a lot of your body really depends on you, because only you know which parts of your body you feel most comfortable showing off or downplaying.
The first thing to consider when choosing a sexy costume is where you are planning to wear it. If you are not going to leave the house, then a harem bikini costume might be perfect. If you are, you may want to opt for a she devil or mermaid costume, but then again, you Halloween is the one day when children get to go to strangers homes and beg for candy. In most place, the weather on may not. This leads us to the next factor to consider when choosing Halloween is a little on the cold side, but this does not mean a sexy costume, your individual personality. that Halloween fun is only for kids, or that you cant stay in Are you confident, daring, and possess a little bit of a wild streak? your nice warm house on All Hallows Eve and indulge in a If so, why not try a sexy nurse, French maid, harem or slave girl little grown up fun. costume? Are you a little more inhibited? A mermaid costume, or If you have never bought a sexy costume for Halloween be- a costume that covers a little more of your body might be more apfore, you may be a little confused as to how to choose one. propriate for you. Some costumes online probably look more like lingerie, while some look like costumes you could wear to an adult Whether you decide to bare a little or a lot of your body really deonly sexy costume party, and probably nowhere else, withpends on you, because only you know which parts of your body you out halting traffic dead in its tracks that is. feel most comfortable showing off or downplaying. PAGE
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Halloween Crafts The only bad Halloween craft project is the Halloween craft project that takes too long. You know the ones. The craft projects that have so many steps that you’ve lost the attention of your kids before step 2. Give these easy Halloween craft ideas a try. They’re short; they’re sweet; they’re fun and the end results are spooktacular. Antenna Characters These adorable characters look great at the top of your automobile antenna.
Hey, if your house is dressed up for Halloween, why shouldn’t your car? With various Halloween-themed colors of flat fun foam (orange, black, white, green), draw a light outline of a pumpkin, ghost, spider or Frankenstein head, approximately 4-inches tall and 3-inches wide. Cut out the shapes and with a single hole punch, punch two holes in each shape, one approximately one inch from the top of the shape and another hole approximately one inch from the bottom of the shape.
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With glitter glue or permanent markers, decorate the shape with facial features, an outline or anything youíd like. Allow to dry thoroughly. Once dried, you can attach to your automobile antenna by placing the antenna through the bottom hole from the back of the shape to the front.
URBAN PARENTING MAGAZINE OCT
Then place the antenna through the top hole, front to back. The Antenna Character should be secure and should withstand normal driving conditions. On a piece of heavy stock, white paper, draw the outline of a pumpkin, Frankenstein or other Halloween character. With a small dab of all-purpose glue on the back of each square, kids can mosaic their way to a uniquely creative masterpiece that can be framed and hung on the wall for many Halloween seasons to come.
Halloween Mosaics Mosaic art using tiles is very popular nowadays. Kids can duplicate this popular craft using construction paper instead of tiles or glass.
Pumpkin Painting In less than one hour, you and your child can create the most adorable pumpkin craft ready to proudly display in your home. Pumpkin Painting is the perfect activity for
Prior to gathering the children around the table, cut small squares of various colors of paper, orange, red, blue, yellow, white, black, green, etc.
little goblins who aren’t old enough to handle the jack-o-lantern carving duties. With simple supplies like acrylic paints, markers, newspaper and sealer, kids can paint whimsical, silly faces on their pumpkins. Or they can paint their favorite cartoon character, Halloween motif or harvest design.
Painted pumpkins do not rot near as quickly as carved pumpkins so it is much more economical to paint pumpkins rather than carving them and it’s also much safer and more hands-on for toddlers since there is no knife involved.
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Dream YOUR Life... Breaking Through your Limitations!
Everyone, at some point of his or her life, has dreamed of being somebody special, somebody big. Who hasn’t fantasized about being the one who throws the game-winning catch? Who hasn’t dreamed of being the homecoming queen? And how many times have we dreamed of being rich, or successful, or happy with our relationships? Often, we dream big dreams and have great aspirations. Unfortunately, our dreams remain just that- dreams. And our aspirations easily collect dust in our attic. This is a sad turn of events in our life. Instead of experiencing exciting adventures in self actualization, we get caught up in the humdrum of living from day-to-day just barely existing. But you know what? Life could be so much better, if only we learned to aim higher.
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If you limit yourself with self-doubt, and self-limiting assumptions, you will never be able to break past what you deem impossible.
As you think through this process, you will find out that the goals you thought were impossible become easier to accomplish. And the impossible begins to seem possible after all. You see, the technique here is not to limit your imagination. It is to aim high, and start working towards that goal
If you limit yourself with self-doubt, and self-limiting assumptions, you will never be able to break past what you deem impossible
If you reach too far out into the sky without working towards your goal, you will find yourself clinging on to the impossible dream.
The most common problem to setting goals is the word impossible. Most people get hung up thinking I can’t do this. It’s too hard. It’s too impossible. No one can do this. However, if everyone thought that, there would be no inventions, no innovations, and no breakthroughs in human accomplishment. Remember that scientists were baffled when they took a look at the humble bumblebee. Theoretically, they said, it was impossible for the bumblebee to fly. Unfortunately for the bumble, bee no one has told it so. So fly it does. On the other hand, some people suffer from dreaming totally outrageous dreams and not acting on them. The result? Broken dreams, and tattered aspirations.
Try this exercise: Take a piece of paper and write down some goals in your life. Under one header, list down things you know you can do. Under another header, write the things you might be able to do. And under one more, list the things that are impossible for you to do. Now look at all the headers and strive every day to accomplish the goals that are under things you know you can do. Check them when you are able to accomplish them. As you slowly check all of your goals under that heading, try accomplishing the goals under the other header (the one that reads you might be able to do). As of the items you wrote under the things I could do are accomplished, you can move the goals that are under things that are impossible for you to do to the list of things you might be able to do.
little by little. However, it also is unwise to set a goal that is truly unrealistic. Those who just dream towards a goal without working hard end up disappointed and disillusioned. On the other hand, if you told someone a hundred years ago that it was possible for man to be on the moon, they would laugh at you. If you had told them that you could send mail from here to the other side of the world in a few seconds, they would say you were out of your mind. But, through sheer desire and perseverance, these impossible dreams are now realities. Thomas Edison once said that genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration. Nothing could be truer. For one to accomplish his or her dreams, there has to be hard work and discipline. But also take note that that 1% has to be a think-big dream, and not some easily accomplished one. So dream on, UP Mag family! Don’t get caught up with your perceived limitations. Think big and work hard to attain those dreams. As you step up the ladder of progress, you will just about find out that the impossible has just become a little bit more possible. PAGE
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Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde Happy• Sad• Love• Hurt• Joy• Pain
The Multiple Personalities of an Abuser... “Love is a misunderstanding between two fools and in an abusive relationship one gets to be an idiot. You have the idiot who slays or the idiot who stays”. Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde a two in one package, that springs to mind every time I hear of another case of domestic violence. How many men/women can relate to this personality disorder in their partner? There are no excuses for the people who inflict pain on another human being. It was a deadly potion concocted by the famous Dr Jekyll that led to the actions of the notorious Mr Hyde where innocent victims perished. For those victims there were no choices whether they lived or died PAGE
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all because they were unaware of what was around the corner. You, the victim of domestic violence, have no corners to turn, at least you know when to expect the next punch or kick in the head. How much longer will you go on making excuses for the broken bones and bruises? How long before permanent damage is done, if not already. Believe me when I say the situation can only get worse unless you act now and get help. How can you ever be happy being on the receiving end of a clenched fist and god
forbid should there be any children in this abusive relationship, I urge you even more to get out. There will always be the nice side to that person you once thought you knew, but niceness is not enough to overpower evil. You still have life for the time being; do not let anyone speed up an early grave for you. Right now there is a fortunate patient being treated for cuts and bruises at the Emergency unit spinning yarns to cover up for their abuser. Doctors are not stupid especially when these visits become regular. Tragically
these add up and have the less fortunate lying on a cold mortuary slab. Family members and friends are the first to notice all the signs of domestic violence, and should they voice their opinion on the matter it is because they care and are concerned for your safety. Domestic violence can blind the victim into believing that they deserve this sort of punishment. Yet, no woman/man deserves to be beaten by the hands of another.
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The Truth...
Fear plays an important part to why many victims do not take action in getting out of the abusive relationship. If you are looking for a way out then do not hesitate to talk to a help group. Remember, the law is on your side so never forget that you are not alone.
No single factor explains why men and women assault and abuse their partners.
Approx 1 million women a year suffer in silence at the hands of their abuser but manage to escape with their lives.
The factors most closely related to spouse abuse are youth of both the offender and the victim (between 18 and 30 years old), low income, growing up in a violent family, alcohol or substance abuse, unemployment, sexual difficulties, and low job satisfaction.
The most common perpetrator in many domestics in the home is the man. For your own safety listen to the people who want to help. Why put up with the torture of not knowing which identity your partner is going take on for the night. Will it be Jekyll or Hyde?
While no single personality factor causes domestic violence, offenders committing the most serious abuse tend to have antisocial personality disorders. People with such disorders have an impaired ability to
It is known that approx four million American women a year experience an assault from their partners.
In the end, you have two options. You can continue to still live in fear and endure getting beaten or leave and be feared without the beatings. You get to choose. Many of the abused who leave their partners will always be apprehensive and in some unfortunate cases where the victim is mentally scarred may live in fear for the rest of their lives. But with the help of family, friends, and support groups, the fear can become a thing of the past. Claim back your life. Join a support group that specifically deals with domestic violence on a daily basis and are there to help you in your fight for liberation. Love, I’ve heard, is a misunderstanding between two fools, and in an abusive relationship one gets to be an idiot. You have the idiot who slays or the idiot who stays. Be neither. Get out now. Get help today. Call for free: National Domestic Violence Help Line 1-800-799-7233
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The Ties that Bind us Together The bestselling author and humorist Erma Bombeck perfectly defined the concept of a family when she wrote: We are a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another’s desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together. Perhaps the common answer to the question, what is a happy family- can be answered in six words: nice home, enough money, good relationships. Some would say that even if troubles come, the family always stays together to face life as a ìteam. The importance of the family simply cannot be overstated. The family is where we find historical roots, a sense of comfort and security, acceptance, love, and mutual support. But the reality is that not all families turn out to be happy and not everyone has a family waiting for them at home. Many families experience heartbreak and break-ups, leaving the married couple and their children in a state of depression. Aside from separation and divorce, many families also struggle with other problems like the death of a loved one, financial difficulties, and parent-child conflicts. Having a family problem is one of the most difficult experiences in life. When a person loses the intense love, trust, and all the things in between --- all hope crumbles and emotional darkness sets in. Dealing with such an ordeal can be especially hard for someone who is prone to lose emotionally control and PAGE stability.
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Individuals with depression is a mental condition that makes a person feels no energy at all. They are deprived of being in a state of happiness. When dealing with depression, one cannot concentrate on their everyday activities. Often, they are psychologically paralyzed by their family problems. Inside the family, depression becomes the pervading atmosphere as problems mount and resolution of these problems seem far from coming. Seeing one family member saddled by depression can make them feel depressed in some way too. Managing depression within a family can be a really tough undertaking. In many cases, people with depression may need outside help. When dealing with depression, the family’s first priority is to fully stop whatever depressive thoughts that one family member might have. Some families solve this kind of ordeal through open communication. It is important for each member to know each other’s responsibilities, activities, and issues that concern other family members. Being open to one another will open a window of familiarity, sense of understanding, and love. Still, others need help that can only be had through family counseling. Counseling is crucial for families that are experiencing relational, psychological, and financial difficulties. It is essential to be open and share all the issues that the family is having so that the counselor can provide meaningful ideas and suggestions on how the depressed or troubled family can cope with their problems and eventually regain their sense of happiness and fulfillment.
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