Colletta BRABHAM-ORR
RESEARCH SCIENTIST
Reginald Kearney Editor
Lasheika C. Boyd
Associate Editor
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From The Desk of The Editor EDITORIAL
Well, we are back and we have a great magazine for the months of October/November as we are ready to give you the news that you have been looking for. We are hoping that with the new website we will be able to touch and reach people around the world. We are always looking for new writers and articles or suggestions on what you the reader may like to read. If you need additional information on the magazine and website, and if you would love to write for the magazine and you would like to pitch an article, you can reach us at contact@urbansentinelmagazine.com.
In this edition of the magazine we are addressing the issue of cancer in women. The cover in this edition features Colletta Brabham-Orr who is a cancer research scientist and she is the author of “Cancer Doesn’t Always Win”. She is doing great things in the field of cancer research.
We also have other great articles for you to read. Please like us on Instagram @theurbansentinel2.0 and join us live on Youtube, Roku and PODTV.TV at 8pm ET on Tuesday nights for the Urban Sentinel Live show. The Urban Sentinel staff is looking towards the future and what it has in store for us. As the Editor and Publisher, I would like to invite you to the new Urban Sentinel Magazine website (urbansentinelmagazine.com). Enjoy our new website and enjoy the magazine.
Thank you for the support,
Reginald Kearney- Editor/Publisher
TABLE OF CONTENTS
My Breast Cancer Journey
Rev. Janis Barnes
Working to Beat Cancer
Colletta Brabham-Orr
A Teacher's Power
A Tribute to Mamie B. Todd
Cancer and Women
Brittany Kimm Griffin and mother Marilyn Strother
Letters to Lasheika Lasheika Boyd
BREAST CANCER Journey My
by REV. JANIS BARNES
I always go to get my regular mammograms, since I lost one of my best friends to breast cancer about fifteen years ago. She told me to go get a mammogram and from that moment I always did.
The results were always the same, good results, my breasts were normal, and no abnormal findings. Not this time!
I received a call from my primary physician to go back and get a second mammogram because apparently, the hospital had been trying to reach me.
I went for the second mammogram and the doctor also did a sonogram. He came in to give me his findings. He asked me if there was someone there with me. I said no.
I had just moved my mother with me from Maryland, who had dementia, and I still had a fifteen-year-old son to raise! I am divorced at this time in my life. I have three other adult children, all my family is in Baltimore. That
is where I am from. All these things were racing through my mind, as the doctor told me you will have to go for a biopsy.
Talking to one of my cousins asking her to pray for me, she asked if I had spoken to one of her sisters who just had a biopsy of her breast, and it was breast cancer. Another one of their sisters had a bilateral mastectomy two years before this.
I began to realize that God had a plan and a purpose even in this! My biopsy was scheduled for 7 am. I was due in the hospital at 6:30 am. I got there at 6:15 am and the door of the Women's Center was not open yet. So many things were racing through my mind.
The Executive Minister, my Pastor, and my Mentor all came to pray with me! We formed a circle in the middle of that waiting room. I felt the peace of God spoken of in John 16:33.
I went in and had the biopsy. I was told it probably would take up to a week to get the results. It would have been Good Friday by then. My cousin who recently had been
diagnosed said you won't get the same diagnosis. I gave it to the Lord praying that I wouldn't.
The next day at work I saw the hospital phone number come up on my phone. I went to an area where I could take the call. The doctor introduced himself, he was the doctor who performed the biopsy. He said, “The result of your biopsy is cancer! I felt numb, I was standing in the lobby of my office. I went outside, I didn't know what to do. I was in public I had to stay composed. I asked what's next?
Oh God! What’s next? Went through my mind. I called my Pastor, the executive Pastor from the church went to see my Mentor and then my boss.
My mentor connected me with a friend who had just completed radiation. She too had breast cancer. I am not from here. I don't know the doctors, or hospitals here. I have a primary physician. At home in Baltimore, we have John Hopkins Hospital.
God had a plan! The friend that my Mentor told me about called me after my mentor’s text in about 15 minutes. She told me about her breast surgeon and her journey.
Her breast surgeon became my surgeon. God had a plan! I
found a devotional book that I received years before but did not use. The name of the devotional was Be Still and Know that I am God!
I never went to a visit alone except the day I had to go to a specialist. My breast surgeon said she needed to be clear on how far the cancer had spread. The Specialist confirmed that the cancer had spread through my breast, and I would have to get a mastectomy. Did I hear her right?
God was still speaking to me. The Specialist gave me a stuffed lamb named Faith! I went into my car and cried. While I was still in my car sitting in the parking lot of the specialist, one of my sons called me and told me I had a package delivered. He asked did I want him to open it. My children never do that. They also put my deliveries away and when I get home they say you have a package. But not this time, this time, he asked did I want him to open the package. It was a T-shirt that said “Be Still and know that I am God! “ Psalms 46:10 became my theme through my breast cancer journey. God also gave me the word Joy! I saw joy everywhere! The joy of the Lord became my strength! Nehemiah 8:10
Through my breast cancer journey, I was healed! Healed of the cancer, healed of how I looked with the scars, healed! Through this journey, I became grateful for life. God gave me another theme or word, love! I learned to love me! I learned how to love God even more!
COLLETTA ORR
Colletta Brabham-Orr is passionate about bringing awareness to women about breast and ovarian cancer. She is a cancer research scientist. She is a breast and ovarian cancer advocate. She is a scientific writer. She is a wife and mother. She is also the author of “Cancer Doesn’t Always Win: A Comprehensive Guide to Beating Breast & Ovarian Cancer”. Her interest is in educating and reaching out to women to inform them about early diagnosis and treatment and about how they can minimize the potential impact of breast cancer on their lives and promote early diagnosis and treatment. She is interested in raising awareness about breast and ovarian cancers and maintaining a high public perception of the impact of these diseases.
She is a native of South Carolina. She lost her maternal grandmother and greatgrandmother to ovarian and breast cancers respectively. The death of these women forever changed the wholeness of her family. Colletta completed her
undergraduate studies in biology at Voorhees College. Because of her family history of breast and ovarian cancers, she decided to gain a deeper knowledge of the biology of cancer. She found a program at Georgetown University School of Medicine (GUSM), in Washington DC, which focused on breast cancer research.
Colletta is the CEO of Colletta Orr & Associates. The mission of her company is to educate women about breast and ovarian cancer, how they are related and life after cancer. To learn more about her visit www.CollettaOrr.com.
Cancer Doesn't Always Win: A Comprehensive Guide to Beating Breast & Ovarian Cancer instructs readers on the causes and symptoms of both breast and ovarian cancers while providing valuable information on:
• The link between both cancers
• Risk factors for both cancers
• Advice for dealing with a diagnosis and the subsequent treatment
• Tips for living a healthy lifestyle that lowers your cancer risk
• Stories of survival from
and ovarian
COLLETTA ORR WORKS TO BEAT CANCER
Black women in the United States are more likely to die from breast cancer than White women, even though White women are more likely to be diagnosed with it. Black women are just as likely to be diagnosed with breast cancer as White women, but the disease is often diagnosed at later stages in Black women. Black women are twice as likely to be diagnosed with triple-negative breast cancer, which is aggressive and difficult to treat. They are also 30% more likely to die from triple-negative breast cancer due to lower rates of surgery and chemotherapy.
The basics: What is breast cancer?
Breast cancer is a disease in which abnormal breast cells grow out of control and form tumors. If left unchecked, the tumors can spread throughout the body and become fatal. Breast cancer cells begin inside the milk ducts and/or the milk-producing lobules of the breast.
Risk Factor
Studies have shown that your risk for breast cancer is due to a combination of factors. The main factors that influence your risk include being a woman and getting older. Most breast cancers are found in women who are 50 years old or older.
Some women will get breast cancer even without any other risk factors that they know of. Having a risk factor does not mean you will get the disease, and not all risk factors have the same effect. Most women have some risk factors, but most women do not get breast cancer.
Risk factors you cannot change •Getting older. The risk for breast cancer increases with age. Most breast cancers are diagnosed after age 50.
•Genetic mutations. Women who have inherited changes (mutations) to certain genes, such as BRCA1 and BRCA2, are at higher risk of breast and ovarian cancer.
•Reproductive history. Starting menstrual periods before age 12 and starting menopause after age 55 expose women to hormones longer, raising their risk of getting breast cancer.
•Having dense breasts. Dense breasts have more connective tissue than fatty tissue, which can sometimes make it hard to see tumors on a mammogram. Women with dense breasts are more likely to get breast cancer.
•Personal history of breast cancer or certain noncancerous breast diseases. Women who have had breast cancer are more likely to get breast cancer a second time. Some noncancerous breast diseases such as atypical ductal hyperplasia or lobular carcinoma in situ are associated with a higher risk of getting breast cancer.
•Family history of breast or ovarian cancer. A woman's risk for breast cancer is higher if she has a mother, sister, or daughter (first-degree relative) or multiple family members on either her mother's or father's side of the family who have had breast or ovarian cancer. Having a first-degree male relative with breast cancer also raises a woman's risk.
Breast Cancer Survival Rate
The overall 5-year relative survival rate for breast cancer is 91.2%. This means that about 91 out of 100 people are alive 5 years after they’ve been diagnosed with breast cancer.
The 10-year breast cancer relative survival rate is 84% (84 out of 100 people are alive after 10 years). The invasive 15-year breast cancer relative survival rate is 80% (80 out of 100 people are alive after 15 years).
The basics: What is ovarian cancer
Ovarian cancer is a growth of cells that forms in the ovaries. Doctors know that ovarian cancer begins when cells in or near the ovaries develop changes (mutations) in their DNA. A cell's DNA contains the instructions that tell the cell what to do. The changes tell the cells to grow and multiply quickly, creating a mass (tumor) of cancer cells.
Signs and Symptoms
Ovarian cancer often has no symptoms in its early stages, and symptoms in later stages can be nonspecific. Some common symptoms include:
• Bloating: A swollen tummy or feeling bloated, sometimes so severe that it distorts your appearance
• Pain: Pain or tenderness in your tummy or pelvis, or abdominal discomfort or back pain
• Appetite: Loss of appetite or feeling full quickly after eating
• Urination: An urgent need to pee or needing to pee more often than normal
• Other symptoms: Irregular bleeding, change in bowel or bladder habits, unexplained weight gain or weight loss, ongoing unusual fatigue, or breathing troubles.
However, these symptoms can also be due to other conditions, and they often respond to basic treatment or go away on their own. For example, some women experience these symptoms every once in a while, especially associated with their menstrual cycle. If
you have these types of symptoms daily for two to three weeks, it could be a sign of ovarian cancer.
Screening
There is no reliable screening test to detect ovarian cancer. This is because the ovaries are not visible or easy to examine, and researchers have not found a screening tool that can detect early-stage cancer and distinguish it from other conditions. By the time ovarian cancer is found about 80% of cases have already spread beyond the ovaries.
A medical professional can diagnose ovarian cancer, and surgery and chemotherapy are generally used to treat it. Cancer screening exams can also detect cancer early, when the chances for successfully treating the disease are greatest.
Breast and ovarian cancer are linked in a few ways:
• Having a history of breast cancer
Women who have had breast cancer, especially at a younger age or with estrogen receptor negative (ER negative) breast cancer, have a higher chance of developing ovarian cancer within a few years.
• Having a history of ovarian cancer
Women who have had ovarian cancer may be recommended for genetic testing and counseling to help manage their risk of breast cancer.
• Hereditary breast and ovarian cancer syndrome (HBOC)
This rare syndrome is caused by harmful mutations in the BRCA1 or BRCA2 genes, which are passed down through families. People with HBOC have a higher risk of developing both breast and ovarian cancer, as well as other types of cancer.
Other risk factors for ovarian cancer include:
• Having a strong family history of breast or ovarian cancer
• Age at first period
• Age at menopause
• Pregnancies and fertility treatments
Cancer & Women
by KARRIE JACKSON
Everyone dreads hearing that dreadful word—cancer. For most of us, the next word that comes to mind is death. According to the American Cancer Society, overall, the average risk of a woman in the United States developing breast cancer sometime in her life is about 13%. This means there is a 1 in 8 chance she will develop breast cancer. This also means there is a 7 in 8 chance she will never have the disease.
Cells become cancer cells because of damage to DNA. DNA is in every cell and directs all its actions. People can inherit damaged DNA. In this article we will visit how a family dealt with the devastation of cancer running through multiple generations of women.
We interviewed two of the generations impacted, Brittany Kimm Griffin and her mother Marilyn Strother.
QUESTION: Brittany, can you tell us a little
about yourself and what was going on in your life before being diagnosed with breast cancer?
I’m a Colorado native and a Post partum (mother/baby) nurse at the University of Colorado Hospital. From a very young age, I’ve always had a passion for caring for and serving people. When I’m not working, I enjoy shopping, spending time with family, going to the movies, and sporting events.
Prior to my cancer diagnosis, I had been working for nine years as a full-time medical assistant. I’d finally come to the point in my life where I stopped procrastinating about going back to school to finish my nursing degree, so
I applied to the Denver College of Nursing with the hopes of starting the fall of 2019.
QUESTION: Marilyn, you are a single mom and Brittany is your only child. Can you tell our readers a little bit about your relationship?
Being a single parent was very hard for me. I had a lot of doubts, fear, and thoughts of inadequacy as a mom. I had an emotional disorder and mental struggles. But Proverbs 3:5 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart.” I did and I knew he would heal me. I come from a strong Christian family. They were a vital part of me and Brittany’s life. My daughter learned to trust me and our relationship today is powerful, loving, strong and transparent.
QUESTION: Brittany, how did you find out that you had cancer?
I initially discovered a small lump in my left breast in January 2018. I scheduled an appointment with my primary care physician (PCP), and she referred me to get a mammogram. At the time, I was told that I had dense fibrous breast tissue and that it was common for women with a small breast size. I was displeased with her explanation and coming from medical background, I kept a watchful eye and continued to do monthly breast exams to assess for any changes. Several months later, I began to experience burning and increased tenderness in the left breast. I didn’t think anything of it and just attributed to hormonal changes and my time of the month. April of 2019, I was getting out of the shower and noticed my left nipple was completely inverted. I scheduled another appointment with my PCP. She referred me again to have another mammogram, reassured me and told me not to worry, but at that time I knew it was breast cancer. I received a confirming diagnosis on May 15, 2019.
QUESTION: What were some of the first thoughts that ran through your mind after receiving the diagnosis?
During the mammogram, I asked the nurse if she could visualize anything, she didn’t say much and told me she couldn’t discuss anything and that I would have to speak with the doctor interpreting the results. After the specialist reviewed the imaging, she relayed the news to my mom and I that it was indeed breast cancer. The first thought that came to mind was, am I going to die? How could this be happening? I was supposed to be starting nursing school in the fall and I’d just turned 36 years old.
QUESTION: Marilyn, one of the hardest things for mothers to cope with is not being able to help their children. How were you able to support your adult daughter through this horrific ordeal?
God gave me the strength to be with Brittany every step of the way. I prayed with her and encouraged her and let her know that God loves her. I consistently told her that it was going to be ok. She would question her future; how she would be able to start nursing school in September, which was a lifelong dream. She was concerned about her body image: breast and hair. I felt that I had to have every answer to her questions. During the testing I could see the fear and anxiousness in Brittany. I reminded her that I would be with her through it all. There were times I questioned God, “This can’t be the “Big C,” is it?” The radiologist came in and said, “I’m sorry Brittany, you have breast cancer.” This hit me like a ton of bricks as my daughter sobbed in my arms. My heart was so heavy as I thought Oh God, this can’t be happening. Sometimes, I would have to leave out of her room and cry out to the Lord to give me strength on how to get through this ordeal.
QUESTION: What type of support system did you have Brittany?
I had a community of people who rallied behind and supported me from day one. My mom went with me to every appointment and every chemo session. She saw me on my best days and my worst days. Having her by my side, her endless and untiring support gave me strength during this difficult time in my life. The doctors I’d work with came to my initial treatment plan appointment (which consisted of a two-day meeting with all the doctors, specialists who would be facilitating in my care) and wrote down notes so that I could go back and reference them. My co-workers started a meal train, collected gift cards, money and even started a go-fund me page to help with medical expenses. They even set up a smoothie station so that I could make smoothies on days I couldn’t eat. My Aunt and cousin in Ohio visited and went to my chemo sessions. They sat with me, prayed and encouraged me. My grandmother who is also a breast cancer survivor was a tremendous support system for me as well. I couldn’t have asked for anything better; the outpouring of love and support was just a blessing and something I’d never experienced before. I’m truly grateful for them all.
QUESTION: Brittany, did your medical background help you deal with the overwhelming anxiety and despair that comes with being diagnosed with cancer and the treatment options? What about the enormous amount of information and appointments, can you also share with our readers how that all impacted you?
Having a medical background didn’t really change the emotions I experienced with my diagnosis. I understood some of the medical jargon that was communicated and the treatment plans that needed
to take place in order to beat this thing, however there was still fear of the unknown. I knew I was in good hands when I met with my treatment team. Some of them had years, even decades of experience and knowledge about my breast cancer. It was all overwhelming to be honest. I listened to so much information about treatments, surgeries, this support group, that support group, and fertility options and after a while, it all just went in one ear and out the other. I was numb. I finally came to the realization that I have cancer. This was something bigger than me and I couldn’t control it. I’d never experienced fear of this magnitude ever until then.
QUESTION: People can unintentionally say hurtful words or do the wrong things. Brittany, did you experience any of that during your bout with cancer?
I think silence and a lack of support speaks just as loud as saying the wrong thing. Maybe silence was their way of coping with my diagnosis, and they didn’t want to say anything insensitive. I remember sending messages informing them about days I would have chemotherapy treatment in case they wanted to keep me company and the only response I would receive is ok or nothing at all. If I could go back to that moment in my life, I would say to myself Brittany, you can’t expect people to be a giver/helper like you.
QUESTION: Marilyn, what type of lifestyle changes did you and Brittany have to make?
The biggest change was our communication. We had to learn to be honest and open with each other. Brittany was not always an open person and so that was a huge change for us. But I also had to remember to give her some space. Also, our eating habits. We totally changed to predominately a plantbased diet. Much of Brittany’s independence was
curtailed a great deal. I became her driver. Although I was working from home, I still had to adjust my work schedule to accommodate appointments.
QUESTION: Brittany isn’t the only one that has had cancer in her family. Her father had cancer. Marilyn, your mother is a breast cancer survivor and three of your paternal aunts had cancer. Has this made you more cognizant of your own health?
It weighs on me to be consistently aware of the risks and signs in my own health and to take the necessary steps to stay healthy (regular self-exams and mammograms). With there being so many women in my family that have been diagnosed with cancer, I still must praise the Lord without fear because He has given me counsel; and instructs me and gives me peace in the night seasons (Psalm 16:7).
QUESTION: It has been said when a person is diagnosed with cancer, suddenly their world goes dark. When did the light of life begin to shine again for you, Brittany?
The light began to shine when my doctors told me the chemotherapy was having a positive effect on the tumor. The modalities of treatment were actually working. But more significantly the light began shining even brighter from all the people God placed in my life. I can’t express enough how grateful I was to have such an awesome support system. People I didn’t know were praying for me, encouraging me, speaking life into me. Walking in my first Susan G Koman breast cancer walk with family and doctor friends who’d supported is when I really started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Being surrounded by survivors who were going through or had gone through the same thing as me was uplifting. We are all there for one purpose to walk for a cure for Breast Cancer and for those who lost their life to breast
cancer.
QUESTION: Brittany, you have now been cancer free for 5 years. Do you ever feel like you’re completely free of the disease or the impact of it?
Although I’ve celebrated a huge milestone of being in remission for five years, I don’t feel completely free of the disease or its impact. I’m currently taking oral and ovarian protection medications as preventative therapy and although my treatment will be complete by the end of the year, I’m still dealing with some of the symptoms that are associated with this I’m also a carrier of the BRCA 2 gene meaning I have an inherited risk for recurrence of breast cancer, ovarian and other cancers. At the age of 45, my doctors are strongly enforcing the need to get a TAHBSO which is a surgical procedure that involves removing the uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes and cervix because I’m at a greater risk for developing these types of cancer. I’m 41 now and I so much want the opportunity to conceive naturally. I feel that my time is limited to accomplish this which is another added stressor or impact from the disease. I was unfortunate in banking eggs prior to treatment due to financial obligations with trying to finance my nursing education.
QUESTION: What has been the most difficult and the most rewarding part of your journey as a breast cancer survivor?
Wow, that’s a loaded question. I’ll have to say going through various transitions and changes in my body; watching the impact it had on my physical appearance. At first, I noticed hair shedding after my third round of chemo. After the fourth round my hair was coming out by the handful and eventually, I decided to shave my head completely. I don’t want to sound vain, but I loved my hair. I’m sure we’ve all heard the saying; your hair is your crowning glory. I
truly believed that. It was my covering or anointing God had given me. I felt confident and beautiful. With the loss of my hair and continued treatments, I looked frail, weak, ugly and after my double mastectomy I hated looking at myself in the mirror. I hated cancer and all the effects it had on my body. I’ve always dealt with self-esteem issues in life and cancer intensified that.
While going through treatments, I still worked full time and was enrolled in school part-time to finish a few prerequisite courses in hopes of starting nursing school in the fall. With every chemo treatment, blood draw, surgery, trip to the emergency room, I’d say to God be the glory because I knew it was only by his grace, I was able to persevere. The most rewarding part of my journey was even on my worst days, God gave me strength to get up every day to serve and help my patients with their health issues while I was dealing with my own health challenges. When I look in the mirror and see my battle scars, I am reminded that cancer didn’t define me, it brought out the warrior in me. I’m forever thankful and honored to be alive today to share my story and empower women from all walks of life and be a testament of what God has done.
QUESTION: Brittany, do you have any final last words or advice that you would like to share with our readers, women, men, or both?
The last words of advice I’d like to share with the readers is that it’s ok to be vulnerable. You don’t have to be strong all the time. Be open and willing to receive from those who genuinely want to pour into you and help you. If you or a loved one is going through a cancer diagnosis, make sure you have a great support system. Know that God sees you, he’s with you and you’re not alone.
A TEACHER’S POWER: A Tribute to Mamie B. Todd
by BRANDEE JOHNSON
People underestimate how influential teachers are. They do more than just teach children how to read and count (which is very important).
Some of them become innovators and create
programs that affect children for future generations.
That’s definitely the case for Mrs. Mamie B. Todd, a prominent teacher and civil rights activist in Baltimore, Maryland.
With the start of the new school year, I wanted to pay homage to this teacher whose fight to protect vulnerable children led to the creation of Child Protective Services in Maryland.
Born Into an Activist Family
Mamie came into this world on November 12, 1916, in Dinwiddie, Virginia. Her activism roots can be traced back from six generations.
Despite being born into slavery, her grandparents were prominent members of the Commonwealth community. Her grandfather, Edward David Bland, was the first member of the family to join the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP).
He also served as a member of the Virginia State Legislature and played a pivotal role in the creation of Virginia State University.
Bland’s commitment to providing free public education for the children of the Commonwealth was passed down to Mamie. Following in her hero’s footsteps, she
pursued a bachelor’s degree at Virginia State University and fought passionately for all children to have a quality education.
Early Advocacy For Black Students
While at Virginia State University, Mamie became a member of the Delta Sigma Theta Sorority and fell in love with a fellow student named Edward Jerome Todd, who would become her husband.
It was shortly after her graduation that Mamie would begin to find her voice as an advocate for Black students.
While teaching Algebra at a local school, she was enraged to learn that the students were lacking the necessary supplies, from textbooks to a chalkboard.
After confronting the superintendent, she was able to convince him to deliver new supplies for the students.
In 1941, she and Jerome took advantage of the “Great Migration” and moved to Baltimore for better job opportunities. Jerome obtained a job working on the B & O Railroad before eventually leaving to start a career at the Maryland State Department of Juvenile Services.
Mamie worked as a caseworker with the Baltimore Department of Public Welfare. It was during this time that she discovered
that she and Jerome would assist children from the same families. Her experiences would motivate her to stop the abuse and exploitation of children.
Protecting Baltimore’s Children
After receiving her Master of Social Work degree from the University of Pennsylvania, Mamie worked to revolutionize social work programs for vulnerable children. Her efforts led to the creation of Maryland’s Child Protective Services agency.
Mamie’s contributions to the agency were mandatory investigations of alleged child abusers by qualified professionals and therapeutic treatment for abused children. These two key characteristics are still critical to social work today.
But Mamie didn’t stop there. She led the onboarding process for future social workers and
helped establish the University of Maryland School of Social Work. Because of her, Maryland became one of the first states to create undergraduate social work degree programs for its public universities.
Making Life Better for Future Generations
Very rarely do women get the credit they deserve for their innovations.
Mamie B. Todd was a true innovator. She transformed social work programs and protected millions of children for years to come.
She passed away in Pacific Grove, California on April 8th, 2022. But the work that she has done for Maryland’s children will last the test of time.
Mamie is a true testament to how powerful teachers are in the world.
Letters to Lasheika
A RELATIONSHIP ADVICE COLUMN
The Question:
I have been married for twelve years to a man that steps out of our marriage every now and then. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like I have allowed him to cheat because I never leave. We have three small children and I need him because he is the provider. I received a message from a woman saying that she is pregnant with my husband’s baby and she’s keeping it. I asked my husband about it. He confirmed that it was true, and he didn’t have the decency to come to me first. I can’t believe I am asking a stranger for advice, but I don’t know what to do. I feel betrayed. Please help.
My Response:
In my opinion sometimes it is better to seek advice from a stranger than your family and friends because they know your full story and I do not. I only know what you have told me, and I am going to focus on that and answer your question to the best of my ability. My mother would always say” a man will only do to you what you allow him to do.” When I was younger, I did not understand that as much as I do now. You mentioned in your question that you have allowed him to cheat on you and for that reason your husband is very comfortable doing so. You must set boundaries for yourself; you must ask yourself what your breaking point is. You must also ask yourself what your deal breakers are. It is never too late to ask yourself these questions. It sounds like he is taking advantage of you because he is the provider, and he knows that you depend on him.
You have three small children with this man who is running around on you. Your children should see their mother happy, healthy, and mentally stable. It sounds like you have been through a lot with this man. He has someone else pregnant now. You should really sit back and think about what that is going to look like for you and your children. Are you going to be able to handle staying with a man with an illegitimate child knowing that he will have to constantly deal with the child’s mother who he could still be sleeping with
There is a lot to unpack with this situation. Taking good care of yourself and being there for your children should come first. He has shown you who he is and that he is only concerned about himself. Take some time to yourself, without the children or him and do some soul-searching. Go to a spa overnight and really think about what YOU want out of this life, we only get one. Do what you think is best for you and your children. If you are a believer in God please pray even more. He will see you though. Whatever you decide remember to always be true to yourself. Please feel free to write again if you need to and I would love an update.
